Latest / Jess Ask / Sex, Faith & Waiting: What the Church Never Taught Us | FT Tammy Bowe-LaCroix | EP147

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Sex, Faith & Waiting: What the Church Never Taught Us | FT Tammy Bowe-LaCroix | EP147 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl Jessica as Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God for another do you
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: already know what it is?
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: And then you know it's about to get real, so be.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Sure to show your girl the love and like, come
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: in scrabe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: For another day?
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Hey, hey, I know we could be another way.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Yo.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Yo, yo, it's your girl Jessica as Smith, and you
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: have entered the safe space where we decompress, have fun
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: and guess what just as and you know I do
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: nothing without my girl.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Doesn't rate, doesn't rate? Does a rate?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Does a rate?
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: Does a rate?
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Does a rate? Doesn't rate? All? Hi, everybody?
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: Hi?
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Hey, can y'all say hey, desiraate in the comments?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I just want you'all to go just flood the comments
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: with hey, does a ray so we can know that
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: you are present and activated a Bye bye, Welcome.
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: To another Thursday of Just Ask the podcast.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Listen this Thursday might shake him? Oh listen, buck it
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: up your.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Seat, put a little strap on your back.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: You scrap down, because we're gonna go somewhere.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: We're about to go somewhere. Do some things.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And y'all gonna get the uplifting in the sex area, Okay,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: because we're talking about sex baby in holy matrimony, Okay,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: holy man trimony? All right, Holy why you think we
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: the science don't we want to talk about six because
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: it's been I don't want to say demonized in the church,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: specifically in the church, like you know, you just they
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: just say, don't.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Do it, especially for the singer folk. Yeah, don't do it.
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: Okay, great, But what I'm supposed to do with all this.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because we hormonal. It's like, did I enter my
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: thirties and my hormones are like and I need to
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: know how to manage that because I've been touched, but
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: my next touching needs to be my husband, and I'm
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: trying to take me through that.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Lord. So today there's a ray.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: We not only do we have a special guest today,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: but this guest just so happens to be a part
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: of the Safe Space family. So she meets with us
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: every single Monday, y'all, and we just love her, her
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: impact in the group, her evolving like she's evolved. There's
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a right when you agree in this group. And so
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: we're super excited because listen. Her expertise is the Holy
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Matrimony making sex sexy for the Saints, Okay, making sure
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: that you know your options in the bedroom. And we're
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: unapologetic because we are all things God and God gave
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: the gift of sex to the Holy Matrimony people.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, so this is for you.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: But also she does teach singles how important it is
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: to wait and how to navigate through that that season
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: where they're waiting for that partner to you know, you know,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: involve themselves, you know, but how you prepare to that level.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Of understanding and worthiness of this.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: So I'm super excited to not only bring up our
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: sister in Christ, but the author of Hey God, can
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I a part of that marriage sex series? None other
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: than my girl coach teen me. Hey, come on, give you.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: How you doing? Sis?
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: I'm good, I'm good.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Are you excited to be? I'm overly excited that you're here.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you're here to talk about it like, you're
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: so smart and I'm just so honored that you gave
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: me a year.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: I really am. Like, we have some important people on
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: this platform, and baby.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: You are in what.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: We need you in this game.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna give you an opportunity to tell people
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: because they might not be familiar with Tammy. Can you
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: introduce yourself to the world and letting know who is Tammy?
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: Yes, yes, well I'm Tammy. I am an intimacy and
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: relationship coach. I have my own podcast called These Sex
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: advert Saints, and I also have a marriage la boutique
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: online where I sell products intimacy for you know, pretty
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: much everybody.
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because you don't let you got like toys and
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: lubricians and other stuff like so she she has that. Okay,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: what made you step into an era or a space
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: that is, like Desiree said, is not so approved by
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: the Saints?
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: How did we get here?
• 4:54
  Speaker 5: This area kind of found me so I didn't go
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: looking for it, you know, getting into the space that
• 5:02
  Speaker 5: came from a place of I want to say the
• 5:04
  Speaker 5: early beginnings was as a result of trauma, right, you know,
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: living out your life from the symptoms of the trauma
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: that you've experienced and having just forming an unhealthy relationship
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: with sex, right and your whole life, like my whole life,
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: I had like this unhealthy relationship, and so I did things.
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: I did a lot of things, and you know, there
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: was a time in my life where I was like,
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: I'm going to do all the things and even some more.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: And so what were those things like you just having
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: like a lot of sex and engaging with a lot
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: of people. I had a lot of relationships. You know,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: they used to call me the dude in the relationships
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: because it was so unhealthy, right, and so you know,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: just experiencing so much life. And there was a point
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: where I just love sex like I love to have it.
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: I loved a lot of it.
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: And so I started when I was in college, I
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: started doing demo parties.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Right in college, I was explained with.
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: So demo parties is where you would go to it.
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: They call them like passion parties back then, where you
• 5:56
  Speaker 5: would just go. I was in college and so like
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: we had like roommates and door to door and I
• 6:01
  Speaker 5: would sell like sex products to the college students.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Right, So I so you really liked sex.
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: I loved sex, Yeah, a lot of it. Right, And
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: so you know, fast forward, I get saved. So now
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: I'm dealing with the unhealthy mindset and the framework that
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: I had around sex. And you know, it was a
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: part of control right for me. It was I don't
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: want anybody to take control of me until I'm going to,
• 6:24
  Speaker 5: you know, be very aggressive in how I approach things.
• 6:27
  Speaker 5: And so when I got saved, it began, Okay, God,
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna give you everything. I'm gonna do everything. I'm
• 6:33
  Speaker 5: gonna do all the things that I know I'm supposed
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: to do. And so I kind of like just shut
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: it down. And so, you know, fast forward again and
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: I get married.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: How okay, so before before you get how old were
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: you when all of this was happening? When you would
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: you say, use the word promiscuous? Okay, so when you
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: were in your promiscuous season? How how old were you
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: when it started and to the point where you well
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: dedicated your life to Christ.
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: So when I started, it started very early for me
• 7:05
  Speaker 5: because I experienced you know, violation when I was I
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: was raped, I'm just calling it. I was raped when
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: I was like thirteen, but I started getting molested at eight.
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: So I was so sexually traumatized from so many different people. Right,
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: the conversations or the imaginaries or the mentality around sex
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: started beginning formed when I was just very young, and
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: so when I was fourteen, I just let go, right,
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: So a lot of this happened when I was like
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: in high school.
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: And let me give you an example.
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: In high school, I actually I used to like to write, okay,
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: And so I wrote my first erotica in high school
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: and I brought it to my friends and you know,
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: I brought.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: They were like, ooh, this is so good. It was
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: so so good.
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: It was like the whole scene was set up, everything
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: was set up, and they were like, man, you could
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: sell this, and so we took it and I made
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: copies and we sold like over one hundred copies.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: I used to that same day.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: So explain, but just in case people don't understand and
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: can't use context clues, because obviously we're talking about six
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: what is in erotica?
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: So it's a form of reading literature, and the point
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: is to you know, the point for reading the literature
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: is to increase arousal, right, So it's to it's to
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: make you aroused. And so I had like this whole
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: love story. I had the scene like you know, like
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: it was step by step by step on you know,
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: romancing somebody and you know, going into even you know,
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: the deep parts. And I'm just I was like maybe
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: seventeen at that at that point in time. And so
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: like I, like all of my friends knew I love sex.
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: That like there nobody would ever dispute that. And so
• 8:48
  Speaker 5: you know, when I got saved, I was twenty. I
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: was in my twenties because my daughter was one.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, so that was my next question.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, so out of that being that
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: promissed you with seasoned, didn't we birth a child?
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: We did?
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: And how old were you when you had your child?
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Do you remember that?
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: I was nineteen when I had her.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, So if your daughter was one, you you were
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: early twenties, like twenty twenty one when you dedicated your
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: life to curse. Yeah, okay, what was that moment for you?
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: So I had joined a ministry, Okay. So just to
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: give you a little context, I grew up between the
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: Bahamas and I grew up between the Bahamas and Atlanta,
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: and so when I had her, you know, I was
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: dealing with postpartum, but I didn't know it was postpartum,
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: and so I was going through like a whole lot.
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: And so I was like, I'm gonna go back to
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: the Bahamas cause that's where my family was. And so
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: I went to the Bahamas, and you know, I was
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: trying to figure out life then and I ended up
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: joining a church because my mom kind of like forced
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: me into it. She didn't like how I was living
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: my life and so she was like, you just need
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: to do something.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: And she saw an.
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: Article in a newspaper to say that this group was
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: having auditions. She's like, you just need to try out
• 10:07
  Speaker 5: for this or do something with your life, right, And
• 10:09
  Speaker 5: she would not stop nagging me about it, and so
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, fine, I'll just do it.
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: And so I went to the audition. I wasn't saved.
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: I didn't know anything about Jesus, God all of that,
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: even though I like, I've been to church, but I
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: was never like you know what I mean. And so
• 10:26
  Speaker 5: I went to the audition. They called me.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: They was like, okay, you can be a part of
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: the group.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: It was one of those and I had never experienced
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: people who were really serious about God before. And so
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: during that process, God started revealing some things to me
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: about my life, and that's when things began to change.
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: I was in a relationship I was battling with that,
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: and you know, I knew that that relationship wasn't where
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: God wanted me to land. And so you know, during
• 10:55
  Speaker 5: that time and the transition of that period, I was seeking.
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: God right, not knowing.
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: I was like, I went to a service that somebody
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: was having one day and I took my daughter.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: It's just me and her.
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: She was one, and I remember the first time I
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: was like, God, if you are real, I need some
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: type of sign or something. I just need to touch
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: from you. And during that service, I mean it was
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: like hundreds of people there. I sat in the back,
• 11:20
  Speaker 5: and you know, the pastor who was preaching, he was
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: pretty much on fire, right. It was a youth service,
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: and you know, he was preaching. And then as soon
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: as I said that, he got down from the pulpit
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: and he starts walking down the owls and preaching, and
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: just walking down the owls and preaching. I'm all the
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: way in the back and he comes to the back
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: and then he touches me on my shoulder right, and
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: so I'm like, okay, he touched me right out of
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: all these people, he touched me. And then he went
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: back to the pulpit to go preach. And then they
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: did like an altar call. They made everybody come up
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: to the front, and when they came to when we
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: all came to the front, I just I just stood
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: there because I didn't really understand, you know, altar calls
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: and things like that. But I'm in there with the
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: body of.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: People, and so you're a willing participant and I'm a
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: willing participant, and I'm still saying like I need more.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: And so then the past of that church, he's walking
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: around there praying for people. Somebody grabs my baby out
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: of my hand because he wants to pray for me,
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: and he said, I don't know what it is, but
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: can I pray for you? And so I said, okay,
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: just pray for me, and he prayed for me, and
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: then he left. But then he circled back and he said,
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: I don't know why, I just want to just touch you,
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: you know what I mean. And I think that was
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: the moment where I was like, Okay, God, I feel you.
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: I see that you are real. I understand. Now let
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: me go ahead and just submit and see what that
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: looks like.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: So it's almost like you bring in something this memory.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: It's almost like you probably felt like God is after you,
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: like he was intentionally You're gonna always be in my
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: in my like my visuals, my my desire is very
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: strong for you.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: I actually had a dream about Bishop Van Moody.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: He was my first pastor after I I got out
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: of college, and when I submitt him under myself under
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: the ministry, I started having dreams about him. And I
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: was like, it was crazy because at this point, I
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: really don't understand the prophetic. I don't understand, you know,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: all this stuff, like I don't understand that, I don'
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: understand speaking in tones for real, year like I don't
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: understand it. And so one of the particular dreams, he
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: kept running after me. He kept chasing me, and I
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: woke up. But I was like, I felt so bad
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: because I was dreaming about my pastor, Like it felt
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: it made me like the enemy, like really perverted my
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: mind on why I was dreaming about my pastor. He
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: was then pastor now he's bishop. But I was able
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: to go to him. He would stand outside of the
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: service after the fact and let us greet him, just
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: hug on them and stuff. And so I made sure
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: that when I knew he was preaching, I'm like, I
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: made sure I went out there and so luckily enough
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: nobody was behind around him, and I said, hey, I'm Jessica.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: I know we haven't formally introduced yet, but.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: I had this dream and I really feel crazy about
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: telling you this dream.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: And he was like okay, and I tell him, you know,
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: I was like, everywhere I went, you were behind me.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: You were chasing me.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: It's like I couldn't go anywhere without you being there.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: And he explains to me, he says, sometimes you know,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: you will see pastors in dream or your leadership in
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: dreams as a representation of what God is trying to
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: do with you.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: He says, God is after you, Jessica.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: And so that made like what you just said made
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: me because at that moment, I didn't think I was
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: important enough for God to chase goodness. I didn't think
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I was important enough or relevant enough for God's mercy
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: and grace and that he was interested in Jessica. And
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: so that's what I heard, bas when you said that,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: is that would you say that for sure?
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: God was definitely after me?
• 15:06
  Speaker 5: And I was obviously running, you know what I mean,
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: But everywhere I turned there he was, So yeah.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: What did that do to your confidence?
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Like? Because being molested and violated in that such a manner.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I can only imagine the level you were fighting not
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: only for control but for confidence.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Like how did that?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Lord, now I got a relinquish control to you, but.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Now I got to be confident in you, Like I
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: don't even know what that looks like. Tell me about
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: that parts.
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: It was easy.
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: The transition to not having sex to well having sex
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: to not having sex. It was like a fight in
• 15:54
  Speaker 5: the beginning, But in terms of like the control that
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: I had to relinquish to God, it was very, very
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: very easy. It was just me going through that process
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: of understanding, Okay, what does this even look like for me?
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: What is purpose? What is it that you want me
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: to do with my life? And all the things?
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: I think the part about all of that was just
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: trying to figure out what was my next steps. You know,
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: being in the group the ministry is really where it
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: shaped me because that's where my discipleship process began. Right,
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: So this is now me learning all these different things,
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: you know, speaking in tongues and you know, understanding prophetic
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: dreams and prayer and all of that. I got so
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: consumed in God and that, like it was there was
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: no turning back, right, It was one of those where
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: I'm so hard for God right now. I used to
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: live at church. I used to sleep there. You know,
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: we used to be involved in so many different things,
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: and going from church to church of church that became
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: my life. And so I didn't want anything but that
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: for a period of time.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: If that makes sense, No, that makes sense.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: And so I think it's so important for you that
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: you said that use the word discipleship. There's a difference
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: between going to church and then being disciple, and I
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: think that is That's even how I always tell y'all
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: know that because she in in the safe space.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: But I've said up.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Until this point, I'm eight months celibate, right or abstinent
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: because I want to be celibate. I want to I
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: want I want to be touched.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Can we tell the truth and shame the devil? Okay, abstinent.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I've been eight months abstinent at this point, and so
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I think what's different from me is that I'm not
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: only the discipleship, but like you said, another word community,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: and I've been able to be honest and vocal about Hey,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: this process. It's hard for me because I likes to
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: be touched too. You know what, I'm saying I like it,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: but I've been trying to figure out, Okay, what's my
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: mo behind that?
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: And it does.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: It's a sense of control because I can keep you
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: here if I give you that, I can keep you
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: here longer. I can make you I can make you
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: love me deeper. I can I can help you you know.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I can control how you feel too. I can make
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: you feel better. Right, And so sometimes we look at
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: control like manipulation. Well it's still manipulaus manipulation, but like
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: like a mean thing, like it always comes off as harsh,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: but no, it can come out real gentle. And so
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: my curiosity now is Okay, now you've dedicated your life
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: to Christ and now you're not having sex. But there's
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: a gap between the time of you not having says
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: you dedicated your life to Christ, but now God gives
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: you a like you have your husband. What was that gap?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: What's the what's that gap?
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Book?
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: How long did you have to.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Wait to rediscover that sexual part of you? And like
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: how did you manage through that and know your husband.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Was your husband?
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: So I was celibate. We're gonna because I did it
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: for ten years? Oh g Okay, it was ten years.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: I don't want they please it would have been eleven.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: It would have been eleven.
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: But you know the first year I was struggling with
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: like masturbation and pornography and all the things. And I
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: was like, now, in order to have you got to
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: get rid of that too, right, because you're still trying
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: to find other things to fill in the voids and
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: you're not replacing with me. And so I learned that
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: through doctor ty Adams. She you know, came to the
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: Bahamas and she spoke openly about her struggles and issues
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: with masturbation. I had no idea that this is something
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: that people talk about in the pulpit because I'm still
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: learning about this process. And so when I when I
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: heard that, I really started defining you know, sexuality, and
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: it started shaping me from there because I was like, Okay,
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: this is something that people struggle with, right, and so
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna let it go and I'm gonna give it
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: to God. And so that's what I did. But that
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: whole ten year gap, it was just me, you know,
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: not having language for what I was doing, but learning
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: how to like, how should I disciple this? I didn't
• 20:11
  Speaker 5: know what to do so I just shut everything down.
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: And so I kind of like blocked that entire part
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: of me off and I never really addressed any of
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: it at all. It was like, if sex came up,
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: I'm shut it down. If I think about it, I'm
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: shut it down. If somebody talk about it, I'm an
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: exit the conversation, you know what I mean? Because I
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: didn't want to rewake anything up. And so, you know,
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: fast forward and you get married, and now you're expected
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: that everything should be woken up again. And I didn't
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: realize that that's not how it works. You know, the
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: sex that me and my husband had, like it was good,
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: but there was a conviction behind it. I'm like, why
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: do I feel guilty about something that you know, God,
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: this is something.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: That you designed while you're married while I'm married.
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: Wow, And so I'm like, why do I feel guilty
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: about this? And so that started a journey on me
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: trying to really understand, well, what is sexuality in the
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: first place, and and and what is God's intention for it?
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: So that's how that started in terms of like the
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: you know, how did I know he is my husband?
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: I didn't. We dated very quick.
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: You know, everybody knew before I knew right, and they
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: were like, this is the one, this is the one, And.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: You waited until you were married to have sex with you.
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: No, I didn't. I had like a period of you know,
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: that ten year wait. I had a period where I
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: was like, I'm done with this.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well okay, so walk me through that, like, because
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: this is real.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: It is real.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: It is so real because you're not the only one
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: private conversations with the saints.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: They they talked to your.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: Girl, and I'm just gonna vote his voice and I'm like, okay, lord,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I want to wait until that day.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: You're gonna have the Holy inspire me, okay.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Because if I know at this point that this is
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: gonna be, it's gonna be hard. Like, so walk me through,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: like your thoughts in that space, because this this part
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: is still for the single people, like I hope my
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: single my single people are listening to him then, because
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: we walk around with a lot of guilt because of
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: our natural feelings and hormones.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: Abilities and all that stuff like that. So navigate through me.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Do that.
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: So I did ten years, and she said, I gotta
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: give credit to the ten years that I did. Right
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: before we go into the further you know what I'm saying. Lord,
• 22:41
  Speaker 5: So I did the ten years right, and then coming
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: out of that, I got real lonely because now you know,
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: my daughter's getting older. She was thirteen at the time, So.
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: Do the math on that.
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: I got real lonely, and and so I started trying
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: to figure out. I started trying to discover pieces of
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: me because I wanted to get out of the space.
• 23:07
  Speaker 5: You know what I didn't mention in between that was
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: I was in a relationship and the relationship didn't work out,
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: and so I'm from that, like I had like a
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: lot of you know, depression, Like I went into depression
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: after it for a little bit, and I started going
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: to let me try to figure out Tammy again, you
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: know what I mean. And so when I went through
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: that cycle, I started, you know, exploring and reconnecting and
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: then you reconnect to the wrong things. And then I
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: reconnected with an ax and I still had this faith
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: in me, right, like I'm like God, Oh God, and
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: now I'm trying to create things out of things, right,
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: Like God is you hear clearly that God is like
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: this ain't for you. But I'm trying to fight it
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: because I'm tired of being lonely, you know what I'm saying.
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: And so I end up in that relationship and it
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: just ends up not working. And so now I'm even
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: more heartbroken because I didn't heal from the the previous
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: one that I was in, and so I was like,
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: I'm done with this.
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: I am done.
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: I don't want to do a relationship no more. I
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: don't want to do it your way God because it's hurt.
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: And now I'm blaming God for the relationship not working,
• 24:13
  Speaker 5: you know. And so then I'm starting to date more.
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: And then I started creeping into the old tam me
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: like it was resurfacing, okay, And if I'm gonna be honest,
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: I met my husband in that process, yeah, you know,
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: and so you know, we connected. I was dating a lot.
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: I was dating a lot, but he began showing me
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: some things. And then in that process of me dating him,
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: he began revealing some things about me, and I really
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: started I don't want to do all of this that
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: I've been doing, you know. I didn't want to be
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: out there in the streets like how I was before,
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: and he was showing me something completely different because he
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: was the type of person that I had never dated before,
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: like if you were if you were to see me,
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: and in the history that I had, he looked nothing
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: of what it was that, you know what I'm saying.
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: And so you know, everybody kept saying, you know, give
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: that a chance. And when I started doing that, I
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: started seeing him differently. So we didn't have like a
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: long dating period because you know, he worked so hard. Yeah,
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: but it was a very short time because you know,
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: we two men saying he had already asked me to
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: marry him. And four months after that we were married,
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: and I.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: Was your age. I was like, thirty three, thirty four,
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: Oh okay.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Well send nothing God, because I don't know how I
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: can make it two years. I don't want know that.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: Noah, six six months we were married.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: Man, Yeah you are.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you realize it or not, tamnment,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: but you talking real good cause you are teaching us.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: So so I'm learning so much from you right now.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: And now I want to take us back to now
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: that you're married. And I'm walking us down here for
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: a reason. So when you start this is her credibility statement, y'all.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: So when she says he helped people, it's because she
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: helped herself, and a lot of us get stuck in
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: spaces and like, I don't know, I don't know what
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be doing. Whatever the Lord allowed you
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: to go through and process, that's your mandate to help
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: other folks.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: You can't.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Moses could never be a deliverer if he was never delivered.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: And so you're telling me now, that's why I had
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: a conversation with you. I said, Oh, I told Tim.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: I said, oh, you only help married folks, she said,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: and O I helped singles too, I said how.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: And now I'm getting to answer. Now I'm getting Nah,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: it's making sense.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: So now we're married, I'm bedroom booming, but I still
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: feel convicted.
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: I still feel convicted.
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: This is where I'm having these conversations with my husband,
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: and you know, he's not doing anything wrong but loving
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: me right, right?
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: Is your husband a believer at this time?
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, he believes, And so I'm going through this
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: journey and I'm just trying to understand where the convictions
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: are coming from, because you know, during that time that
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: I shut it down, I'm thinking about the messages that
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: I'm hearing in church, right, which is you know.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: You ain't supposed to have sex before marriage.
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: And I'm thinking from an unhealed place of this is
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: what I'm not supposed to do. But I'm not healed.
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: So what I didn't realize is that when I shut
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: it down, I stopped the behavior. But I never I
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: never saw it after the healing part. And so when
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: I got married, there's like a light bulb that comes on, right,
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: because now you are in relationship with God. Everything that
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: I did prior to that was not God. And so
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: now God has to highlight and purify our bedroom. And
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: so now he has to reveal to me all the
• 27:48
  Speaker 5: things that needs to be worked on so that I
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: can go work on them.
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: And so I went on this journey and trying to
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: understand what is God, what is sexuality, what does that
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: even mean in marriage? What does it mean in relationships?
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: And you know, when it comes to single people, you know,
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: I always say, like you know, the we always think
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: it's safe to just shut everything down. But sexuality is
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: a huge part of us.
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: It's pretty much everything.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: The way that we understand sexuality is we're human. As
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: long as we are human, we are sexual beings. God
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: created us sexual beings, and to just shut it down.
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: We are actually training our bodies how we're going to
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: respond in marriage. And so when it comes to you know,
• 28:32
  Speaker 5: the tools that I didn't use, like shutting it down,
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: was shutting down the biggest part of me and then
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: expecting somebody else to be able to discover that when
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: I got married. And I think that's a lot of
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: what was happening is you know, we're taught don't do this,
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: don't do that, don't do that, but we're not really
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: taught how to steward it well. And you know, your
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: body is just as smart. Your body is smart. It
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: remembers everything, and so when you are in engaging, it's
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: remembering everything. And so what I should have been doing
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: was stewarding my sexuality. Well, what does that look like?
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: What does that look like? Is your body? When you
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: have urges, it's your body's way of telling you how
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: you want to be loved, how you it's telling you
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: how it wants to be cared for. Yeah, and so
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: sometimes you have to sit with that and really understand
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: what that means. Right, because we have urges, we're going
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: to have them, we have desires, but it's the ability
• 29:31
  Speaker 5: to be able to steward them well. Meaning that I
• 29:33
  Speaker 5: have to sit and really figure out what is it
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: that my body needs right now and allowing your body
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: to have that in a healthy way. So I call
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: that like redirecting, right, you know, engaging with the five
• 29:47
  Speaker 5: senses that you have. You know, like, does my do
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: I feel lonely right now? Maybe that means I need
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: to go into worship, right because worshiping a lot of
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: people don't even understand. That is God, the way that
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: he designed this is so big, and you know, research
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: shows that when you are in worship, the same chemicals
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: that are released when you are being intimate with your
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: spouse are the same chemicals that release when you are
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: in worship. So now you can go and worship and
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: actually be fulfilled with one of those urges because I'm worshiping.
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: You know, it could mean you know, what do I
• 30:24
  Speaker 5: if I'm alone or or whatever whatever it is. It's
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: you discovering whatever it is, if I need to if
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: I might need to go out, I might need to
• 30:33
  Speaker 5: take care of myself. Every time you're having urges, it
• 30:36
  Speaker 5: doesn't always mean sex. It just means that you probably
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: want to experience pleasure in some form of way and
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: using your senses your abilities to be able to gauge
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: that and redirected towards that so that you could be
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: fulfilled that in that level of avenue. Right, So that's
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: basically what that means, and that's what it looks like.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: So my mind, that makes sense right now.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: No, it makes a lot of sense, so much sense
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: to where I'm currently writing a book right now. I
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: told y'all that I have that goal to be an
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: author by the end of this year. Well, I'm gonna
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: stop playing with it. And that's one of the things
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: the Lord has lean me into the five sentence and
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: how we're utilizing them.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: So I know that was.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Holy Spirit that just downloaded that into you and for
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: you to say worship connected to it's the same chemicals
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: that are released during intimacy. Because sex is a form
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: of worship, like just plain out, because it's a gift
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: from God and anything we utilize that God gives us
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: as a form of worship. Right, That's how we worship
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: God through our funds with tithing. It's not just about tithing,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: it's about worshiping God with your money. Like, so're you listen,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: we hear I think what I also thought about is
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: this is why prophetic people are really like especially pathetic
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: like the saints, go to church and then you can
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: have great sex wards because the spirit can be so
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: high and you're experiencing those type of chemicals but not
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: knowing how to navigate that could put you in danger
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: because the enemy could use that those chemicals and put
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: you in a dangerous or unwanted more say position. And
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: so now, how did you what was the journey for
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: you to feel like not feel convicted anymore in the
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: bedroom with you and your husband.
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: Knowledge, Right, That's where I began learning, and I really
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: started dissecting, you know, Bible and sexuality and what that
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: really looks like for my marriage, because you know, I
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: have been taught so many wrong things that you know,
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: the only thing that could make it right was the
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: word of God. And so just helping, you know, utilizing
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: the word to help me understand what sexuality meant, that
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: was the plug, right, unlearning everything that I had learned
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: that wasn't safe and replacing it with what is God's
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: actual design for sex and so learning that this is
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: something that he wants you to do. Right, There's so
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: many different things happening in the experience. He wants you
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: to engage in sex with your spouse. Yeah, this is
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: a part of His design and you know, just putting
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: helping me understand that there's a foundation that comes with that,
• 33:32
  Speaker 5: helping me understand that God wants you to embrace everything
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: within your relationship, and helping me understand that God wants you.
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: God wants us all to enjoy embody and explore, you know,
• 33:47
  Speaker 5: with your spouses. You know, all of this made me
• 33:51
  Speaker 5: want to now desire because now I know how important
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: it is to God for us to be connected. And
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: now I know that you know, God is also you know,
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: teaching me things through the intimacy that we have and
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: just really dissecting all of that.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: So wow, I'm learning so wet right now. I'm I'm
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: really this is what's going on in my mind right
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: now that I think I'm more confident that I can
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: make it through it now that you're giving me language
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: on how to navigate my current season, because I am
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: going to be married one day and I don't I
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: don't want to shut myself off like that. I want
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: that to be a beautiful experience for me and my husband.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: The scripture that comes up and I don't know this
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: scripture by heart. I just hear it, so I have
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: It's not just anything I studied. But I'm assuming that
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: you've studied it because this is the area of expertise
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: you're in.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: The marital bedroom is not defiled.
• 34:56
  Speaker 5: What the bedroom's underfiled, but it's been made capt pure.
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: He was thirteen and four. The marriage bed is undefiled.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: Right, Can you break that down? Like, keep talking, you're
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: talking real good. Yeah, break that down.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Because people always, you know, use that scripture or throw
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: it out, that scripture as a benefit to them. But
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: in your studies, what did you what was the revelation
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: for you then? And did that help you feel unconvicted
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: in your space?
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, the marriage bed is undefiled. It means that you
• 35:27
  Speaker 5: are allowed to do everything that you are allowed to
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: do within the parameters of what God says that you
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: don't have ool. So so that means you can do
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: it all unless God said you can't, right, or unless
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: there's a certain level of conviction around it. But it
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: also has to still be in alignment with God's principles
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: and things like that, meaning that you're allowed to explore
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: within your bedroom, you're allowed to do things, you're allowed
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: to try things. You're allowed to do all of the
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: things unless God says absolutely, you know, right, and you
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: know there's a scripture where it has that you know,
• 36:05
  Speaker 5: you know, if you're convicted about something, then don't do it,
• 36:08
  Speaker 5: because your conviction always stands do it unless you're convicted, right,
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: not do it. But you're allowed to engage in it
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: unless you have a conviction about it. And if there's
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: a conviction about it, figure out whether it's a conviction
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: that came from God or whether it's something that you
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: have been taught right or learnt behavior. And so basically
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: you could try anything in the bedroom like don't be
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: of God and the parameters of God. Right, So that's
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: the embodiment of God.
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: Now, we're allowed to explore, but we have to What
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: keeps us in alignment with the explorations that we try
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: is the ability to be able to embody God and
• 36:45
  Speaker 5: our experiences. So it means that we still have to
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: be in alignment. Like we should not be watching porn
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: in our marriage, right, we should not be doing all
• 36:56
  Speaker 5: of the extra things that.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: Bringing people into extra people.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't even though you're married. Right.
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: The marriage bed is defined between a husband and a
• 37:06
  Speaker 5: wife right and God, and so you can do anything
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: as long as it's not everything right. And even in that,
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: there are still levels of you know, I should not
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: be doing this because you know, the scripture also says
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: that you know, just because you can doesn't mean it'll
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: be beneficial. Not everything you should do means that you
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: should be doing it. But these are like individualistic experiences
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: because a lot of it is based on your spiritual maturity.
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: A lot of it is based on you know, your past,
• 37:39
  Speaker 5: your history. You know, like there are things that you
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: might a spouse might want to do and you just
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: might be uncomfortable with it. You don't have to do that, right,
• 37:48
  Speaker 5: It's it's really about how can you The goal is
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: how can you and your spouse be becoming one?
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: What is what are you doing that's allowing you to
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: maintain oneeness way than your bedroom and your relationship?
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: Man?
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: So yeah that man, I'm learning this. I'm up here
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: learning so much right now, like I've never I don't
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: you know a transparent moment, Tammy. I I felt like
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: if I talked about six that I was on go
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: just you know, be like good out you know what
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. But I'm really trying to get a new
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: way this time because I was afraid I never really
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: had that safe space to talk about my sexuality, to
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: talk about these urges to talk about me my navigation
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: through this process. And now I just feel like, Okay,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: this is like you're putting language to normalcy. You're putting
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: language to say like, yeah, you're a believer, but you're
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: still a believer walking in this in this space and
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: you just need to know how to navigate. So now
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: I want to switch it to Okay, I've gone through this,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: I've processed it through it. Now God has called me
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: to a place where I need to help people in
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: this space.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: I'm married.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: Now, I'm married, and I don't I'm not enjoying the
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: bedroom right as a bail believer, how do you help
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: me navigate my my sacred space with my spouse and
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: how do like what what are the tools that you
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: give people in marriage that help them like spice things
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: up in the bedroom?
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So.
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: I love this question because a lot of people they
• 39:34
  Speaker 5: struggle right when it comes to all of that, I
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: always go back to the foundation right of God. And
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: it's it's so interesting because you know, we be talking
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: about sex, but it's not really it's really about intimacy, right,
• 39:51
  Speaker 5: knowing that there are levels, there are foundations, right, there's
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: a scripture it it says that you know, if you
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: build on a solid foundation, that you know, over time,
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: you'll be able to withst withstand the test of times.
• 40:09
  Speaker 5: And so you have to also apply that to your
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: sexual life as well, right within your relationship. And so
• 40:16
  Speaker 5: like you and your spouse when you're building, just understanding
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: that you know you are gonna go through sexual trials
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: and tribulations and there are gonna be times when you're
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: gonna be exploring and understanding that there has to be
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: a foundation, right. And and when I think about the foundation,
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: I always go back to you know, Genesis one to
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: twenty six where he says, let us make man in
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: our own image, and so you know there's a lot
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: of things happening there. And then when you're thinking about
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: God and creation and how he's creating us. He's creating
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: us to be these very beings, to be able to
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: have the ability to do the things that he does right,
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: and he gave He gives us the ability to create,
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: He gives us the ability to create oneness, right because
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: when you think about the Father's Son, the Holy Spirit,
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: you and your spouse coming together, that's like the trenth
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: Like it's like, how crazy is that God is allowing
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: you to do something that He does in the natural form,
• 41:14
  Speaker 5: and you know, knowing that He has created the Holy
• 41:18
  Speaker 5: Spirit within you like your body, your body is a temple,
• 41:21
  Speaker 5: is a place where worship can exist because of that right,
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: he says that our bodies are temples. Your husband has
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: the ability to enter in a place of worship and
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: your body responds with praise. Like just thinking about all
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: of these different things and these different levels and thinking
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: about how God has nurtured us, right, nurtured the ability
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: for how he created us.
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: He took his.
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: Hands and he was He was gentle with us, He
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: was kind, he was loving. It exhibits like all of
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: the fruit of the spirit. And so when you want
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: to have amazing sex with your spouse, it begins with
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: the level of intimacy that you have with each other,
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: having that foundational space because how did God create us?
• 42:04
  Speaker 5: He created us to be gentle with each other. So
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: when you are in bed, are you being gentle? Are
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: you being kind? Are you being loving? Right, when you
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: have that level of intimacy. The sex is not a problem,
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: you know, the exploration is not a problem because the
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: focus is on we should be outdoing each other. That's
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: what scripture says. It says that outdo each each other. Right,
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: we should be outdoing each other with love. And so
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: the struggle that we have is that a lot of
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: people don't have the level of understanding to know what
• 42:41
  Speaker 5: they like because in their singleness they didn't do that.
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, well.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: How do you do that without masturbating, like without.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: With without exploring yourself Like there's a genuine question not
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: to say, yeah, I'm scared to do it, like it
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: don't do nothing for me, like you said it, like,
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: so I don't have that problem, but I know people
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: also have the opportunity in their single season where they're
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: masturbating and you're saying that you would convict it all
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: about how do I explore it and learn what I like?
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: Versus without doing it.
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: You don't have to masturbate to know what you like. Right.
• 43:19
  Speaker 5: There's a healthy form of touch, okay, Right, it's being
• 43:23
  Speaker 5: in tune with your body. That level of self awareness
• 43:26
  Speaker 5: doesn't come typically from masturbation. It comes from you just
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: having a level of awareness of I like being touched, right.
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: You know, I give out these candles and I like
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: to give them to single people, and single people will
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: be like.
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: No, I don't want the candle.
• 43:44
  Speaker 5: You know, they automatically associate sex with candles, right, But
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: it's massage candles, right. It's because you should be familiar
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: with touching yourself in a healthy way. Touching yourself in
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: a healthy way also teaches you something about your body,
• 44:02
  Speaker 5: and it's learning how to explore your body in a
• 44:04
  Speaker 5: healthy way without the point of masturbation. It's not even
• 44:08
  Speaker 5: just it's also having the knowledge of understanding like I
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: have a clitorist, right, I have a clitoriss I have
• 44:16
  Speaker 5: I have breasts, like I have body parts.
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 44:20
  Speaker 5: It's learning these things because even when we go back
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: to you know, I talk to a lot of married
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: people and they can't even identify the clarists. They can't
• 44:30
  Speaker 5: even label the parts of the vulva. And that's an
• 44:34
  Speaker 5: issue because if you don't even have the education on
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: you know, I don't even know what my vulva looks like,
• 44:42
  Speaker 5: then that's going to be a problem in marriage. You
• 44:44
  Speaker 5: should at least know what your body looks like. So
• 44:48
  Speaker 5: with that, when like you should be exploring. Is there
• 44:51
  Speaker 5: a mirror? And look at yourself? Because you are fearfully
• 44:55
  Speaker 5: and wonderful we made right, look at yourself, look at
• 44:58
  Speaker 5: your body. Right, become healthy with understanding.
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: Who you are?
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: What's the fear in exploring like that?
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: What what do you think?
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: That's?
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: As I would say, it's a fear, But what would
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: you call it?
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: Like why don't we do that? Why don't we explain it?
• 45:14
  Speaker 5: Because we've been taught that anything of revolving around pleasure
• 45:18
  Speaker 5: is wrong, right, we think we associate having pleasurable experiences
• 45:23
  Speaker 5: with sex when pleasure doesn't even mean sex. It means
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: that I am, you know, figuring out how to enjoy
• 45:32
  Speaker 5: the life that's happening around me and within me. Right,
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: So it's it's it's the fear of the unknown. And
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: then also the messages that you hear around it that's
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: also saying don't touch yourself. I remember I was at
• 45:51
  Speaker 5: an event for a church and there was a couple
• 45:54
  Speaker 5: there who was engaged, and you know, he had his
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: arm around his fiance and and like they we were
• 46:01
  Speaker 5: in public, and the pastor was like, get your arm
• 46:04
  Speaker 5: from around her, y'all ain't married yet, you know, Like
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: it's these are the messages that people are hearing and
• 46:11
  Speaker 5: they internalize it and it sounds wrong. So like, if
• 46:16
  Speaker 5: I'm hearing the message to say that touch is wrong,
• 46:19
  Speaker 5: then I'm gonna feel like touch is wrong. But it's
• 46:22
  Speaker 5: only wrong if you're in violation of it, right, Like
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: you can touch yourself to not masturbate, but touch yourself
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: to explore, because you should be comfortable with touching yourself.
• 46:32
  Speaker 5: Because now you want to get into a marriage and
• 46:33
  Speaker 5: you want your spouse to touch you, but you still
• 46:36
  Speaker 5: haven't learned how to be comfortable with the touch for yourself.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: Jesus, girl, I ain't know I was gonna learn all
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: these today. Jesus, this is good to me.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, like you're teaching me. Well, I'm now, okay, so
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: let me confessed. Don't got a confession? How a confession?
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: I hadn't opened it box yet?
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, the box. Okay, let's explain the box. Okay, we
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: might have to.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: Do a picture in open open the box, Jessica, I
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: have not opened a box because I'm.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: I am really trying. I'm not trying to like it is.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: This is the longest I have not had six in
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: my and I realized, I said, I'm thirty four. Now
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: I start having six when I was seventeen. I was seventeen,
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: So seventeen years of doing the dude, and then I say, no,
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: like we're shutting it down, We're abstinent.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Just imagine the heat. You know how dogs be he
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: in heat? Understand how hard I get.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm just I'm saying this language because I want
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: you to be real, like understanding that I am a
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: full believer, I am a woman of God. I've experienced
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: these things. I am experienced seeing these things. But I
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: am like, I don't know if I need to open
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: this box or not, because.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: You are absolutely right.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: All I've heard is, you know, I associate touching myself
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: with masturbation. I associate myself so associate touching like now
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: I'm in the shower.
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: I spend them all the time.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: And now I was like, Lord, do I get pleasure
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: off like touching myself outside of that? And I was
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: just like, oh yeah, I take longer showers now, Like
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: you know, I like the shower talk. Was it shower talk?
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Is it shower talk on TikTok or whatever? With a
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: different with fragrancies. I like smelling good now because I
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: like for somebody, for one to tell me I smell good.
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: Doesn't Rain told me that yet, But that's okay, she
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: hate them.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I like doing that. So since I love candles,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: I love all these things. And so now you're putting language.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: I think that's what it is. You're providing language for
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: my current journey and me discovering this. Basically, you're saying, hey,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: you don't have to figure this out by yourself. Remember
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: we talk about community and how poor in the community is.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: So now what Okay, if you don't have this already,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: I need you to get it. Having a community for
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: singles at least and America, because of course they have
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: to probably be separate, but especially singles that are after
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: believing in God, believing for their mate. But I need
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: to know how to how to be in a healthy
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: abstinate season because girl, your girl, your girl needed I
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: would join, Okay, I would, I would join. And so
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: now going back to the married the married couple, let's
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: go to hey, God, can I right?
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: So how does.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: This book give me language and assignments to the bedroom?
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: How you what are the testimonies that you've received on
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: the enhancement, how you've been basically gone.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: From a dry place to overflow.
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: But yeah, it's it's been wonderful because you know, there
• 49:59
  Speaker 5: are wise that I talk to that were uncomfortable with
• 50:01
  Speaker 5: even saying the word sex, and now you know, they
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: are realizing that, you know, sex is not really an obligation.
• 50:09
  Speaker 5: It's really something that God desires for us to do.
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: And so it helps them to even understand the language
• 50:16
  Speaker 5: of you know, why am I so tired? Why don't
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: I want to have sex? Why do I feel guilty
• 50:21
  Speaker 5: about this? What are some of the blockages that's preventing
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: me from, you know, wanting to be intimate with my spouse?
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 50:30
  Speaker 5: And even if I do explore, what does that even
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: look like? Help me to understand? What can I explore?
• 50:36
  Speaker 5: What can I say no to? What is intimacy? You know,
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: how does intimacy help me?
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: What form of intimacy?
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: So it's this book is pretty loaded. It took me
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: three years to write, so let's start with that. And
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: it's really a tool to pretty much find you in
• 50:59
  Speaker 5: your season and then you be able to pick it
• 51:01
  Speaker 5: up and navigate from there. And so it's really helping
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: you to understand God's design for intimacy and then taking
• 51:09
  Speaker 5: you on a journey to help you understand you know,
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: what would block you from having good sex and you
• 51:16
  Speaker 5: know what can you do to have great sex? How
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: to understand you know, how to understand you know what
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: even is greade sexy? You know what I mean, and
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: then helping you to understand terms and you know, sexual
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: acts that you might have heard about, and given you
• 51:35
  Speaker 5: the language for what this even means to see if
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: this is something that I even want to explore.
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: Girl, We're gonna talk offline because I'm just.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: I am, I am, I am, I don't know, I
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: didn't I knew this conversation was gonna be good, girl,
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: but godly I am.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: I am at ease right now.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: If I don't feel convicted, I feel at pease because
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: now I'm like, Okay, now I can look forward.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: Now I know it's gonna still work. Okay.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: I wasn't worried about that, but now I'm like confident, like, Okay,
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: we can still work this out. Girl. Okay, I'm I'm
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: kind of speechless, desil ray, so I need to throw
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: it to you cause you ain't said not a word,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: but you've been over that, amen. And because it was
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: so good, like it was flowing, and I think the
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: conversation that needed to be had was had. I think
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: for me, I love when we get language for a thing, right, yea.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: So my journey started in twenty twenty not because I
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, Lord, this is the right way.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: To do it. It was I had experienced hurt.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: I had experienced a miscarriage, and I remember feeling by
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: myself and I was like, Lord, I ain't doing it.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: This, this ain't happening again.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: Until I was this, i'ma be my husband blah blah
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah, not really understanding the like really what
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: I was saying. But I had made that vow and
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: that decision in my heart with the Lord. And so
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: it's funny because you know, as you as your journey
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: and you experience things, i'd be like, shut it down,
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: but I love how you gave us language on It's
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: almost like a a redirection, yeah, you know. And if
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: you don't know that, you would think it is bad.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: It's like they say, okay, marriage cool, but they're not
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: going these feelings not going away. And so I love
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: having conversations with married women, you know, and that's one
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: of the things several of them had mentioned was you know,
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: the it doesn't just turn on because you're married, right,
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: And so just having conversations with them navigating that space
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: and their marriage and things like that has been interesting.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: But I just love this conversation because knowledge is power,
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: and just as you were talking about being afraid to
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: kind of like explore these things, like that's the fear.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: But if He's given us power, the power is the
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: knowledge and how to do it in that hellal the way,
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, And so I love I
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: I absolutely have loved this conversation Coach Tammant, because you know,
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: we're still we're still journeying. We still we're still journeying,
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful to the Lord. I'm just thinking
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: even now, when you know, when you said something about
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: just paying attention and exploring and asking questions about like
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: when you're feeling certain kind of things certain ways, and like,
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: you know, just taking a deep dive into why. A
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: lot of times, uh, those feelings for me come at
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: night and I'm just glad the Holy Spirit just put
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: me to sleep.
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: And I wake up up and like, oh, well, thank
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: you Lord.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: So but now it's like, okay, it's okay to like
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: ask questions like if we're if we're doing a relationship
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: with the Lord, Like clearly he knows, he knows us,
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: he knows where we are. And so being having permission
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: to ask him questions and ask ourselves questions and look
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: in her, I think helps us to not only discover
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: more about ourselves, also who God is, and yeah, we
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: are in God. And so I just I just I'm
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: just grateful for this conversation and grateful for your life.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: You know, we don't know sometimes know why we go
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: through the things that we do. But on the other
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: side of it, it's like te saving marriage. And so
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: just thank you, thank you for continuing to be obedient
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: and just helping the people with the knowledge and doing
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: it in the way of the Lord.
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: So yeah, this was this was tea baby.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I I appreciate and I'm gonna tag onto that.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: I feel the Lord right now, I'm gonna tag onto that.
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: And I wanna I want to affirm you and your mission,
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: affirm you and your obedience to God, because it don't
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: have to look like what tradition tells us it to
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: look like. And I think it was a time such
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: as this, Thank you, this Spirit. I think it's a
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: time such as this that you shall you shall be
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: more vocal about what the Lord Lord has given you,
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: because there's no way people should not know about this.
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: You are on the right path and you are doing
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: what thus says the Lord, and you gotta know that.
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: And not only do you need to know that, Thank you,
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: Holy Spirit, but I pray and prophesy that the wind
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: of God shall blow you into obedience, blowing into active
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: movement on this thing, because not only are you setting
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: married cultures free, but you are saving singles from themselves.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: You are saving them from being living in fear of
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: something that is normal and like should be normalized in
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: the church, but it hasn't. You are delivering people into
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: a healthy space, Thank you, Holy Spirit. You are delivering
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: people into a sanctified space to where they can just
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: be free in God.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: There are so many people that are.
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: In shackles right now because of the word sex, and
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: now you are giving people an avenue to say, hey,
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: it is okay. I went through this, I've learned the
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: language for it, and now I'm here to help you.
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: It's a mandate to go thee therefore and display Hey, God,
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: can I what There is a mandate? And so from
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: this day forward, Tammy, Oh, as as your accountability, as
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: your as you call me coach, as your coach, you
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: gonna push this. I mean that I'm not letting off, Desiree.
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: I'm not letting off on this at all. You have to.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: I promise you. It's so many more yes is than nose. Oh,
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: we decree that for this season, from this day for,
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: there are so many more yeses than nose. Ministries will
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: be seeking you out, saying my singles need this, my
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: married couples need this. The nose that you've gotten from
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: this community no more you just had to navigate through
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: a baby. This is needed. I'm so excited for this
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: episode to come out.
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: I am shook it. This is this is shook it
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: But as traditions, let me calm down. Y'all know, when
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: I beget amp, I just go down.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: Take me Sammy.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: I'm so honored that you would be here and share
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: this conversation with me, and I'm so.
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: Grateful that you trust the safe space.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: To just be you and I'm so grateful, as does
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: a ray said that God took you through it so
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: that you can help us be better. And so as
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: a traditional, just as the podcast, we want to lead,
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: allow you to have the final say. If you want
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: to hone in on something or if you just say something,
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: if something's on your heart, this is time the time
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: to do it.
• 58:22
  Speaker 5: I just want to say, I want to talk to
• 58:25
  Speaker 5: my singles, and you know, just remind you that as
• 58:30
  Speaker 5: long as you're human, you are sexual and that's a
• 58:36
  Speaker 5: beautiful thing, right. Don't be afraid of embracing the sexuality
• 58:42
  Speaker 5: the way that God designed you to be. It's so
• 58:45
  Speaker 5: important that you understand what that looks like in your singleness,
• 58:49
  Speaker 5: because you know the habits that you create when you're single,
• 58:54
  Speaker 5: they follow you into marriage. And if you desire marriage,
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: you want to make sure that you are having the
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: healthiest marriage possible. And that means that you really need
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: to know yourself. You need to understand all of you,
• 59:08
  Speaker 5: and so spend time with you, spend time getting to
• 59:11
  Speaker 5: know who you are, identifying you know the things that
• 59:14
  Speaker 5: you like and don't like, so that when you are married,
• 59:18
  Speaker 5: you're not having to work hard to be able to
• 59:21
  Speaker 5: do that, and so that's all I want to say.
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: That's good, that's good. You know what I just thought of, desiray.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: I think that we shall allow Tammy to teach on
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: this during the safe space and just invite people for free,
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: just do a special zone and let her teach honest
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: and so people like, if y'all have questions.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: We will, we will discover that. We'll see what that
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: looks like.
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe we do it via Patreon and connect ECMC, we
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: try to do that, but I think it's needed, and
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna push you. I'm so serious, Like I feel
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: my chondo chondoing right now.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: Y'all, man, this has been so good.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: What was the moment that got you like just captured,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: like you gave you language for the moment. Like, I
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: need you'all to put that in a chat. I need
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: you to put in the comment sessions because.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: We've been a talk talk to us. We're about to
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: converse the Lord.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: So if this blessed you, not only do I want
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: you to come in, but I want you to share
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: this out to someone. Okay, shout this out to your
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: married people, single people, you can go to all people.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: All right, this this is this is this is good
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: to me. But until next time, until next week, I
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: want you to remember life could be much more simple
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: if you just asked pece y'all, thank you for tuning
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: in to this week's episode. Since you've made it this far,
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: you might as well connect with us on all social
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: media platforms at the Jessica S.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: Smith.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: I know I won't see you back until next week,
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: but until then, remember to love always yourself and always thank.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: Thank God for one another day. Hey, hey, I know
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: we could be another way. Hey, pray thank God for
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: another day. Hey hey, I'm just thankful another day. Hey
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: hey another day? Oh, another day wise, another day to
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: get it right, another day to rise up, another day living,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: Another day we loved ones. I always remember hold it
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: down for a ball one yeh