Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 391. The Friendship Formula: Building Connections, Mantras & a Fulfilled Life with Jemma Sbeg

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391. The Friendship Formula: Building Connections, Mantras & a Fulfilled Life with Jemma Sbeg · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:11
Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to this episode of Today.
0:16
Speaker 1: I am so excited for the guest that is on today.
0:19
Speaker 1: Her name is Jemma. You guys have heard her, probably
0:23
Speaker 1: not just on my podcast. You've heard her on the
0:25
Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, but she has been on my
0:27
Speaker 1: podcast before. We had the best chat. This conversation that
0:33
Speaker 1: we had goes on so many tangents we are, so
0:36
Speaker 1: we're aligned in how we think. But what I love
0:38
Speaker 1: is that we really I feel like we compliment each
0:40
Speaker 1: other and she gives me things to look at it
0:42
Speaker 1: in a new way and vice versa, and it just
0:45
Speaker 1: makes for such so I'm so excited to bring her on.
0:48
Speaker 1: You guys have heard her on my podcast before. It
0:50
Speaker 1: was one of my favorite guests I've ever had, because
0:52
Speaker 1: I feel like we like read into each other's minds
0:55
Speaker 1: just in the best way. But welcome Gemma, and thank
0:57
Speaker 1: you for coming on the podcast.
0:58
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me.
1:00
Speaker 1: I have been joining us too. He's obsessed with Granma.
1:04
Speaker 2: Oh he's so cute.
1:05
Speaker 1: So firstly, I think I would like to ask you because, Okay,
1:08
Speaker 1: when it comes to podcasters, you're one off, not just
1:13
Speaker 1: because of your content because I love your content, but
1:15
Speaker 1: just with like the growth that you've had, the connection
1:18
Speaker 1: that you have with your audience, it's been leaps and bounds.
1:21
Speaker 1: So how is it going since you last came on
1:23
Speaker 1: the show? I think you came on like over a
1:24
Speaker 1: year ago.
1:25
Speaker 3: Yeah. I was thinking about this because I found a
1:26
Speaker 3: photo of the last time I was on I'm not
1:28
Speaker 3: gonna lie. It was right before I went to the US,
1:30
Speaker 3: last time I fear the US, like in like three days.
1:33
Speaker 2: Yes, that's right, And oh my god, can I just
1:35
Speaker 2: say I found the photo I hated my outfit? Oh
1:37
Speaker 2: my god, I was.
1:39
Speaker 3: I just was looking at my outfit being like this
1:41
Speaker 3: is so ugly, like never, and so I was really like,
1:44
Speaker 3: I need to wear something that I'm not gonna hate any.
1:46
Speaker 1: Yu, you look very chic.
1:49
Speaker 3: Thanks everyone, not to go wrong with Dennan look for
1:51
Speaker 3: a compliment.
1:52
Speaker 2: But no, the last outfit was terrible. That's anyway funny.
1:55
Speaker 3: I was wearing a nude bodysuit and so it looked
1:57
Speaker 3: but it didn't match my skin tone, so it just
1:58
Speaker 3: looked really weird. This is not relevant to your photo. Yeah,
2:03
Speaker 3: if I I'll send it to you and you can
2:04
Speaker 3: flash on the screen ladies. But it's going really, really well.
2:08
Speaker 3: It's going amazing. I just recently launched a new show
2:11
Speaker 3: called Mantra, which.
2:13
Speaker 2: Is what I'm going to discuss.
2:15
Speaker 1: How did that come about?
2:17
Speaker 2: Okay?
2:17
Speaker 3: So I was really at a point where I was like, okay,
2:20
Speaker 3: I love the Psychology of your twenties.
2:22
Speaker 2: It is my baby.
2:23
Speaker 3: I started it independently, but I wanted to express like
2:28
Speaker 3: a different side of myself. I was like, there is
2:30
Speaker 3: this more spiritual side of me, more of like just
2:34
Speaker 3: a loose philosophical side of me that yes, parts of
2:38
Speaker 3: it come through on the Psychology of your twenties, but
2:40
Speaker 3: I want to take this less scientific element of who
2:43
Speaker 3: I am and give it a platform. And then at
2:45
Speaker 3: the same time, this amazing team approached me and was like, hey,
2:51
Speaker 3: we have this podcast and we really want to do
2:53
Speaker 3: it with you. And it was like a friend in
2:55
Speaker 3: the industry who had recently left Spotify and was like,
2:58
Speaker 3: we really want to do this due and I was
3:00
Speaker 3: like you. We met for lunch and I was like,
3:03
Speaker 3: you have you read my mom I was like, get out.
3:04
Speaker 1: Of my head. Things are like that, Like shit are
3:08
Speaker 1: lines like that? When you have those moments in life
3:10
Speaker 1: where things you think of something you like, cook it
3:13
Speaker 1: up in your head, and it's almost like when you're
3:16
Speaker 1: not super attached to it, but you've got this idea
3:18
Speaker 1: of what you'd want.
3:19
Speaker 3: And then yes, and I'd committed to the idea as well.
3:22
Speaker 3: But I was like, this is a podcast I would
3:24
Speaker 3: have made even if they hadn't approached me. So it
3:27
Speaker 3: was just a very strange circumstance and it worked out
3:29
Speaker 3: so well. And it took like over a year to
3:32
Speaker 3: really think up the idea, cook up the scripts, think
3:36
Speaker 3: about when we were going to launch, record like heaps
3:39
Speaker 3: of episodes, content, artwork, all that stuff.
3:42
Speaker 2: And then we launched.
3:44
Speaker 3: It in January. That is so like a month ago
3:46
Speaker 3: at the time of recording this.
3:47
Speaker 1: That is so good.
3:48
Speaker 3: So that's what's wild is that it's been out for
3:50
Speaker 3: a month. Was January not the longest.
3:52
Speaker 1: One I know? It actually was such a long line.
3:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, this feels really strange. I hope
3:58
Speaker 3: the rest of the year goes like that.
3:59
Speaker 1: But yeah, because I'm normally like I can't believe it's fair,
4:02
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can definitely believe it's fairs point, like,
4:04
Speaker 1: I feel like, in a good way, I've packed a
4:07
Speaker 1: lot into Jen and it's yeah, I'm glad you feel
4:09
Speaker 1: the same way. But Okay, So with that, I've listened
4:13
Speaker 1: to t Mantra and I love it, and I think
4:15
Speaker 1: that I would imagine that a lot of my listeners
4:18
Speaker 1: would be very on brand with Mantra and love that
4:20
Speaker 1: because they love. What I like about it as well
4:23
Speaker 1: is it's kind of well Mantra's affirmations. But what I
4:26
Speaker 1: like about it is that I talk a lot about
4:29
Speaker 1: affirmations on the podcast and what makes a good affirmation
4:32
Speaker 1: and what makes it not so good affirmation in the
4:33
Speaker 1: sense of like it all has to come down to
4:36
Speaker 1: a feeling, and like, if you feel it, that's when
4:39
Speaker 1: it's significant. You know how some people will just rattle
4:42
Speaker 1: out a sentence and like repeat it, but they don't
4:45
Speaker 1: align with it and it doesn't feel right, and then
4:47
Speaker 1: they're like, well, this isn't working. And so what I
4:49
Speaker 1: love about Mantra is that, like you kind of delve
4:51
Speaker 1: deep into a different Mantra each episode, and I think
4:55
Speaker 1: it allows for people to really explore it to the
4:58
Speaker 1: point where they're like emotionally invested in it.
5:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I also feel like I really like your
5:04
Speaker 3: approach to like affirmations and even kind of manifesting but
5:07
Speaker 3: using like neuroscience. And I feel like this really complements
5:10
Speaker 3: like the strategy that you use, because it's like, Okay,
5:14
Speaker 3: if you want to have a great week, if you
5:15
Speaker 3: want to have a great month or great year, a
5:17
Speaker 3: great life, you really have to be focused on key
5:21
Speaker 3: philosophies that you actually hold deeply, that you can affirm
5:24
Speaker 3: to yourself and that you can bring into your life.
5:27
Speaker 3: And I see so many people who are like I
5:29
Speaker 3: feel really aimless, like I don't know what I stand for,
5:32
Speaker 3: and I'm like, so that's when you've got to do
5:33
Speaker 3: this work and be like, Okay, so what do I
5:36
Speaker 3: actually want? Do I want to cultivate peace within? Do
5:39
Speaker 3: I want to release the need for external validation? Do
5:42
Speaker 3: I need to forgive my past self? And I like
5:46
Speaker 3: that we make that like an option every week. So
5:49
Speaker 3: it's like, I think everyone can resonate with some of them,
5:52
Speaker 3: probably with most of them, but you can bring your
5:54
Speaker 3: own like attitude towards it and be like, Okay, I'm
5:56
Speaker 3: grounded in this knowledge. And I just feel like as
6:00
Speaker 3: much as I'm like it's philosophical, it's more wise, it's
6:03
Speaker 3: more spiritual, there's also like the deep science yeah to
6:08
Speaker 3: it as well, which I feel like you could probably
6:09
Speaker 3: talk to like D.
6:11
Speaker 1: And there's so much science backing you know, repeated statements, mantras, affirmations,
6:17
Speaker 1: there's a lot of science to back that you. When
6:20
Speaker 1: you prime yourself through a mantra, through an affirmation, like,
6:23
Speaker 1: it actually does change how you experience the world. And
6:26
Speaker 1: it sounds very simplistic, but I always say this to people.
6:29
Speaker 1: It's like you, your outlook determines what you experience in
6:34
Speaker 1: life every every single day.
6:36
Speaker 3: Yes, I always say this to people as well, Like you,
6:39
Speaker 3: the relationship you have with your brain is a two
6:42
Speaker 3: way street. I think often we look at the world
6:44
Speaker 3: and we think, well, this is just how I've always
6:46
Speaker 3: looked at things, This is fate, this is destiny, Like
6:49
Speaker 3: this is who I am. I'm locked into this perspective.
6:53
Speaker 3: But you actually have the capacity to give your brain
6:56
Speaker 3: different information stimulus, repeating affirmations to yourself, a different philosophy,
7:03
Speaker 3: and suddenly life does seem different. It's like taking yourself
7:07
Speaker 3: from a fixed to a growth mindset r. Like people
7:11
Speaker 3: think that what's the words like external versus internal locals
7:14
Speaker 3: of control?
7:15
Speaker 2: I really wanted to get that right. I'm like, I'm
7:18
Speaker 2: here with the master.
7:19
Speaker 3: I can't be like yeah, And for those of you
7:22
Speaker 3: who don't know like the internal, if you have an
7:24
Speaker 3: external locals of control, we'll focus on that one first.
7:27
Speaker 3: You basically blame your circumstances for your life, and you
7:32
Speaker 3: blame things outside of your control quote unquote, so like, oh,
7:36
Speaker 3: I am the way I am because of how I
7:37
Speaker 3: was raised, because of I'm just unlucky, because this is
7:42
Speaker 3: who I am. My personality is shit. Those things are
7:45
Speaker 3: very relevant and do come into play. But someone with
7:48
Speaker 3: a really strong internal locals of control can be like, yes,
7:52
Speaker 3: the cards I have been dealt and maybe may not
7:54
Speaker 3: be preferable. Yes, bad things and hard things do happen
7:57
Speaker 3: to me, but I can change my destiny. I feel
8:00
Speaker 3: like I have control over my performance. I can like
8:04
Speaker 3: instigate practical life changes to bring about the life I want.
8:08
Speaker 3: And I feel like affirmations and mantras like or mantras
8:11
Speaker 3: however you choose to say it, like really come into
8:14
Speaker 3: that of switching your brain from being like this is fixed,
8:18
Speaker 3: this is how it's always going to be. I'm a loser.
8:21
Speaker 2: This sucks.
8:21
Speaker 3: I'm never gonna be happy, never going to find love
8:24
Speaker 3: to Okay, let's picture my life as this growth experience.
8:29
Speaker 3: How do I make like the circle around me bigger
8:31
Speaker 3: and bigger every single year? So I've just gone on
8:33
Speaker 3: this huge rant about it very deeply.
8:35
Speaker 1: No, Oh my god. I So I talk about fixed
8:38
Speaker 1: mindset and growth mindset a lot, and I talk about like,
8:40
Speaker 1: you know, when you look at you know, process driven
8:43
Speaker 1: versus outcome driven things as well, and like when people
8:46
Speaker 1: fixate just on the outcome, they're actually more likely to
8:49
Speaker 1: make excuses like that as to why things haven't happened
8:51
Speaker 1: for them. And I quote my sister all the time
8:53
Speaker 1: because I just love it so much. But she has
8:55
Speaker 1: been an athlete in all these different sports, and she
8:57
Speaker 1: used to be like, I have to win to win,
8:59
Speaker 1: I have to win, I win, And when she wouldn't win,
9:02
Speaker 1: it'd be like, oh, well, it's because the bike wasn't
9:04
Speaker 1: ride or these conditions weren't right, or this happened or
9:06
Speaker 1: this happened. And she noticed herself blaming a lot of
9:10
Speaker 1: external things as to why things weren't going her way.
9:13
Speaker 1: And then she quit competitive sport, like quite elite sport.
9:16
Speaker 1: After you know, she kind of saw her career out
9:19
Speaker 1: and then she had an opportunity to be on the
9:21
Speaker 1: Australian Bob's law team, and she was like, I'm changing
9:23
Speaker 1: my attitude. If I'm going to do this, I can't
9:25
Speaker 1: go in with the attitude that I used to have
9:26
Speaker 1: because even when I would win, I'd just be relieved
9:28
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't even be happy, Like what's the point?
9:31
Speaker 1: So yeah, like all this pressure and then if it
9:34
Speaker 1: does go well, you'd think you'd be elated. A lot
9:36
Speaker 1: of Olympic athoutely say that, and then you win it,
9:38
Speaker 1: Kathy Freeman said it, and you're like, I'm just relieved.
9:41
Speaker 1: I'm just relieved. I'm not even that happy. And so
9:44
Speaker 1: then she said, I'm going to focus on what I
9:46
Speaker 1: can focus on. How well can I train? How well
9:48
Speaker 1: can I show up? How well can I do this?
9:49
Speaker 1: How well? How well? And it became so process driven
9:54
Speaker 1: that she ended up having the best, like the best
9:56
Speaker 1: time doing it. She was cheering on her like right
10:01
Speaker 1: as hard as she cheer on her teammates, because.
10:02
Speaker 2: She's like, we're oly for the experience is of the best.
10:05
Speaker 1: And then it's Australia against Germany and like, yeah, of
10:07
Speaker 1: course they're not winning. It's Bob's. But she was like,
10:11
Speaker 1: that was the best time of my life as far
10:13
Speaker 1: as experience wise. Being able to compete in that mindset
10:17
Speaker 1: gave me way more experiences than competing with the I
10:20
Speaker 1: have to win. It's all like this external end game
10:23
Speaker 1: of gold, you know. So I feel like if we
10:26
Speaker 1: approach other things in life in that way, how we
10:29
Speaker 1: prime ourselves, what's our focus coming into it? Because if
10:32
Speaker 1: it's going to be I have to win, and this
10:34
Speaker 1: is kind of the fixed mindset thing, I have to win.
10:36
Speaker 1: And if I don't win, well, it wasn't my fault
10:38
Speaker 1: because if it was my fault, what does that mean
10:40
Speaker 1: about my abilities? You know?
10:42
Speaker 3: But if you win, and it's also like not to
10:44
Speaker 3: do with you, you start believing that everything good that
10:48
Speaker 3: happens to you is luck.
10:49
Speaker 1: And that's where imposter syndrome comes in exactly.
10:51
Speaker 2: So it's like you literally cannot win.
10:53
Speaker 1: You can't win.
10:54
Speaker 3: And it's so funny because I think it's come from
10:56
Speaker 3: this very like ego centric way of viewing success where
11:00
Speaker 3: it's like every single win that you have is only yours.
11:03
Speaker 3: So either you are fully like you are fully to
11:06
Speaker 3: blame for your wins, or you're fully to blame.
11:08
Speaker 2: For your losses. Yeah, And a way to protect.
11:10
Speaker 3: Ourselves against that has been to be like no, no, no,
11:13
Speaker 3: like it's this and this and this, and it's actually
11:15
Speaker 3: a mixture of both. When you heavily rely too much
11:18
Speaker 3: on like the ego centric approach to success or too
11:22
Speaker 3: much on the luck approach to success, like, you are.
11:24
Speaker 2: Going to be miserable.
11:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
11:26
Speaker 3: You ask me like, how's the podcast going? And it's
11:28
Speaker 3: so interesting because this is something that I faced when
11:31
Speaker 3: I first started to really find success with the podcast.
11:34
Speaker 3: It came out of nowhere, and I was miserable. I
11:39
Speaker 3: was so miserable because I so deeply believed that this
11:42
Speaker 3: whole situation was a luck thing. Like I just got
11:46
Speaker 3: really really lucky. Everyone's going to figure out that I'm
11:49
Speaker 3: a fraud. Everyone's going to figure out that this is
11:51
Speaker 3: a mistake. You genuinely remember being like, oh, someone's pranking me.
11:56
Speaker 3: Someone's pranking me, and like they're making thousands of different accounts,
12:00
Speaker 3: they're like getting fake listeners and I was.
12:02
Speaker 2: Like, how could you know?
12:04
Speaker 1: And why? And it's just gonna benefit me.
12:06
Speaker 2: So thanks for the presure.
12:08
Speaker 3: But there's a there's a hidden a journey, and I
12:11
Speaker 3: was like, this is I'm so miserable. What if I
12:14
Speaker 3: what if I just what if I acknowledge that, yes,
12:18
Speaker 3: some part of this is luck, but sometimes life is
12:20
Speaker 3: just lucky. And I also not butt and I also
12:24
Speaker 3: put myself in the right situation for that lack to.
12:27
Speaker 1: Fall on my shoulders exactly.
12:29
Speaker 3: And that sounds like what your sister did when she
12:31
Speaker 3: was like, I'm going to have such a good time
12:33
Speaker 3: that yes, if it's in my cards for the day,
12:36
Speaker 3: there's no way that I won't capture the moment and
12:38
Speaker 3: capture the wind. But if it's not, I'm not going
12:40
Speaker 3: to let that destroy how I approach like.
12:44
Speaker 1: My happiness exactly.
12:45
Speaker 3: And I need to constantly remind myself of this if like, okay,
12:48
Speaker 3: it's not just about having success, and it's like it's
12:52
Speaker 3: never going to be fully luck or fully hard work, okay.
12:57
Speaker 1: And for and this idea of like tying your happiness
13:00
Speaker 1: two things that you ultimately have no control over is
13:02
Speaker 1: a really like dangerous place to be. Same as like,
13:06
Speaker 1: you know, I get usked all the time by people.
13:08
Speaker 1: You know, I just want a partner. I just want
13:11
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship, and I feel like I
13:12
Speaker 1: can't be HAPPI or I can't go on and I can't,
13:14
Speaker 1: And it's this fine line of like, you actually can't
13:16
Speaker 1: control that. Unfortunately, there's things you can do that will
13:19
Speaker 1: enhance the likelihood, but you can't control that. And to
13:21
Speaker 1: say I can't be happy until and then the until
13:24
Speaker 1: is something that's actually not in your control is setting
13:27
Speaker 1: yourself up for what you know what I mean? And
13:29
Speaker 1: I always say like, you can have all your happiness,
13:32
Speaker 1: you can be fulfilled and still want a relationship. It
13:34
Speaker 1: doesn't make you less than to desire something that's not
13:36
Speaker 1: in your life yet, that doesn't make you incomplete. But
13:40
Speaker 1: if you can determine where am I saying that my
13:42
Speaker 1: happiness is coming from, because ultimately it is something that
13:46
Speaker 1: you can like foster. But if you say to yourself,
13:49
Speaker 1: it's when this person comes into my life, it's when
13:52
Speaker 1: I achieve this in my work. Then you'll get there
13:55
Speaker 1: and you realize it's not there. Yeah, you know, you'll be.
13:58
Speaker 2: Like oh, because you know what. Relationships are hard.
14:02
Speaker 3: And everyone used to say that to me when I
14:04
Speaker 3: was younger, and I'd be like, God, like, no, they're not.
14:07
Speaker 3: I was.
14:08
Speaker 2: I was like, that's so depressing.
14:09
Speaker 1: Oh no, you mean and it's like they're fulfilling and
14:12
Speaker 1: you get a lot out of them and if it's
14:13
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship. But I think a lot of people
14:16
Speaker 1: think that it's like this romantic thing day in day out,
14:18
Speaker 1: and it's.
14:19
Speaker 2: Just not six months.
14:20
Speaker 1: Maybe yes, and you've got beautiful moments throughout your relationship
14:25
Speaker 1: and if you're compatible with your partner, it's all well
14:27
Speaker 1: and good blah blah blah. But it's like I think
14:29
Speaker 1: people think, oh, the moment it gets boring or the
14:32
Speaker 1: moment it gets this, it's not the right one for me,
14:34
Speaker 1: and I'm missing out and it's just not right, and
14:36
Speaker 1: then they have this existential crisis about their relationship. And
14:40
Speaker 1: I always said to it. I said to people, it's like,
14:42
Speaker 1: don't look at your partner. This is going on at tantent,
14:44
Speaker 1: but don't look at your partners like having to provide
14:46
Speaker 1: everything for you, because they will let you down and
14:48
Speaker 1: it's not their fault, you know, Like so many of
14:51
Speaker 1: my I look at my relationships, it's like very holistic.
14:53
Speaker 1: I don't need to get everything from tyrone. I get
14:55
Speaker 1: so much from live from like my family, my cousins,
14:58
Speaker 1: my sister. So I'm like so satisfied in that way,
15:02
Speaker 1: and then it allows him to be the person he is,
15:04
Speaker 1: and vice versa.
15:05
Speaker 3: So I absolutely love that piece of advice, and I
15:09
Speaker 3: wish that someone had told it to me earlier. So
15:11
Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you've said it there, and I'm
15:13
Speaker 3: sure you've said it before, but I wish that someone
15:15
Speaker 3: had told me earlier that if you have doubts about
15:17
Speaker 3: your relationship, that might actually be a good thing because
15:20
Speaker 3: it shows that you're actually consciously making a choice.
15:24
Speaker 2: To be with them.
15:25
Speaker 3: They will never be a perfect relationship, right, even the
15:28
Speaker 3: people that you see who you're like, Wow, look at them.
15:31
Speaker 3: Seventy years married, fifty years married, they must be soul mates.
15:35
Speaker 3: How many times have they had to forgive each other
15:37
Speaker 3: to get to that point?
15:38
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
15:38
Speaker 3: How many arguments have they had? How many days where
15:42
Speaker 3: they were like, I can't even bear to see you.
15:45
Speaker 1: What hurdles have they overcome exactly in that marriage? How
15:48
Speaker 1: many times are it their brink of divorce?
15:50
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
15:51
Speaker 3: And you know what I bet they were. They might
15:53
Speaker 3: not admit it, they might not remember it as clearly,
15:55
Speaker 3: but there were hard times. And so this is what
15:58
Speaker 3: I always say to people. If you're looking at your
16:01
Speaker 3: relationship and you're like, oh, are you doubting whether they
16:05
Speaker 3: make you happy?
16:06
Speaker 2: That's a pretty big red flag.
16:07
Speaker 3: That is like there are certain things where it's like,
16:09
Speaker 3: if you're doubting whether.
16:10
Speaker 2: They treat you well, are you totally?
16:13
Speaker 3: Like, but if you are doubting, like is this the
16:16
Speaker 3: perfect person for me? Like, there is no perfect there's
16:21
Speaker 3: no perfect person, so like, but the doubts are helpful
16:23
Speaker 3: because at least you can say, you know what for
16:26
Speaker 3: right now they are and so I'm going to stay here,
16:28
Speaker 3: and like, this is important.
16:30
Speaker 1: And I like what you said as well, because it
16:31
Speaker 1: should be a choice. It's like I'm choosing every day. Technically,
16:36
Speaker 1: every single day you're in a relationship. It is consciously
16:40
Speaker 1: or unconsciously a choice to stay in that relationship. And
16:42
Speaker 1: I think, like you said, if you're aware of that,
16:45
Speaker 1: then I think the likelihood of you being able to
16:47
Speaker 1: work through things in your relationship same with friendships as well.
16:50
Speaker 1: But you're able to work through things in that relationship
16:54
Speaker 1: because you are choosing to be there. I think a
16:56
Speaker 1: lot of people will like cruise or be like I
16:59
Speaker 1: would something else, but it's not available for me, and
17:02
Speaker 1: I can't bear to be single, So this is where
17:04
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be, you know.
17:06
Speaker 3: And it's interesting from what you were saying before, where
17:08
Speaker 3: it's like if you are someone and I have fallen
17:10
Speaker 3: into this trap before of being like a relationship is
17:13
Speaker 3: what will finally make me happy. The other thing that's
17:17
Speaker 3: likely going to happen is you will start to.
17:19
Speaker 1: Settle, yeah, massively.
17:21
Speaker 3: Easily, Like it's like when you think it's like when
17:24
Speaker 3: you are really really broke and you're like, OK, I'm
17:26
Speaker 3: gonna take any job I can get.
17:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, right, Like that's not gonna be your
17:29
Speaker 2: dream job.
17:30
Speaker 1: No.
17:30
Speaker 2: But if you're broken.
17:31
Speaker 3: Like a sense of self and you're like, oh my god,
17:34
Speaker 3: all I need right now is like to be validated,
17:36
Speaker 3: to be paid with love, like to get the cash
17:39
Speaker 3: of a relationship, you're gonna choose like the shitty relations.
17:42
Speaker 1: You will take what you can get if your bar
17:45
Speaker 1: is low, like you said, financially, if I'm not making money,
17:48
Speaker 1: the job that I'll accept is whatever comes my way
17:51
Speaker 1: at this point, same with a relationship. If I'm not
17:53
Speaker 1: feeling validated by myself, the validation I will take ships.
17:57
Speaker 1: All my friendships will be whatever I.
18:00
Speaker 3: Always like to compare it to that to people because
18:02
Speaker 3: I'm like would I'm always like, you know, if you
18:06
Speaker 3: think about like the love you give to yourself, your passions,
18:08
Speaker 3: your hobbies as like money you're putting into like your
18:11
Speaker 3: little emergency funds, mean that you can hold off longer
18:15
Speaker 3: for finding the dream job or the really great person,
18:18
Speaker 3: like it's so much better for you.
18:20
Speaker 1: And also when you're in a relationship, because if you're
18:22
Speaker 1: in a relationship and then you think, oh, well, now
18:25
Speaker 1: you can't put all your eggs in one basket, because
18:27
Speaker 1: then again you're not fulfilled. Like the more fulfilled I
18:30
Speaker 1: am as an individual, the happier I am in my
18:33
Speaker 1: relationship with Tyrone, because I get so much fulfillment through
18:38
Speaker 1: my friends, through my work, through my personal hobbiestream. I
18:41
Speaker 1: love alone time, through my lone time love it. So
18:45
Speaker 1: then when I'm with Tyrone, I'm like, oh love love,
18:49
Speaker 1: It's great. But if I'm abandoning myself, or if I've
18:52
Speaker 1: had a really hard time at work that I'm not
18:54
Speaker 1: you know, investing in my friendships or in my physical
18:57
Speaker 1: health or in other things, then the relationship will suffer
19:00
Speaker 1: as well. I'll be more on edge, I'll be more stress,
19:01
Speaker 1: I'll be expecting more, even though it's not up to
19:04
Speaker 1: him to give it to me.
19:05
Speaker 3: You know, yes, oh my goodness, Like I'm just listening
19:08
Speaker 3: to you saying that, being like yes, yes, yes, but
19:11
Speaker 3: I had to stop myself being like to the microphone.
19:14
Speaker 3: But I totally agree with you. And I've had this
19:17
Speaker 3: experience with Tom as well where we were like, we're
19:20
Speaker 3: going to move in together this year, and I was like, yes,
19:23
Speaker 3: we're gonna move in together. I'm so excited by that.
19:26
Speaker 3: And then he he moved to Sydney like last year,
19:29
Speaker 3: Like we did long distance between Woollongong and Sydney for
19:31
Speaker 3: a long time, and then he moved to Sydney last year,
19:34
Speaker 3: and his first year of having roommates was like, really crap,
19:37
Speaker 3: Like they just they were lovely people, but it just
19:40
Speaker 3: wasn't the same page and all of them were really busy.
19:42
Speaker 2: He was really busy.
19:44
Speaker 3: And this year he's got these amazing roommates and like
19:48
Speaker 3: they are lovely. I love that, Like they're great people.
19:50
Speaker 3: They're people who were just like on his page. And
19:54
Speaker 3: I I met them for the first time and obviously
19:57
Speaker 3: he'd lived with them for maybe like a month at
19:59
Speaker 3: that point, and I remember we drove away and I
20:01
Speaker 3: was like, do you want to stay in that house
20:03
Speaker 3: a little bit longer? I was like, you know what,
20:05
Speaker 3: we can put off this milestone for us as a
20:09
Speaker 3: couple because I want you to have that experience.
20:11
Speaker 1: That's so that's so good that you are aware of
20:14
Speaker 1: that as well.
20:15
Speaker 3: And it was hard, but I was also just like
20:16
Speaker 3: exactly what you were saying, right, you know, I think
20:20
Speaker 3: that I saw how happy this made him, how he
20:23
Speaker 3: kind of missed out on really making those kinds of
20:25
Speaker 3: friends when he first moved to Sydney, like he really
20:28
Speaker 3: had to rely on my friends in a way. Also,
20:30
Speaker 3: like you know, I'm sure people are listening to this
20:32
Speaker 3: being like don't maybe your man, but like he's also
20:35
Speaker 3: a lawyer. He works long hours, Like it was hard
20:37
Speaker 3: for him to really, like, you know, go and play
20:40
Speaker 3: social sport at six pm because he would sometimes be.
20:43
Speaker 2: Working till nine.
20:43
Speaker 3: So it's right, yeah, he made a lot of friends
20:45
Speaker 3: through my friends, and this was like the first time
20:48
Speaker 3: I'd been like, wow, these are just your people. And
20:52
Speaker 3: there was just like this genuine moment when we were
20:54
Speaker 3: in the car together when I said that, where I
20:56
Speaker 3: could just see him like look at me, being like
20:59
Speaker 3: I didn't want to bring that up, but you like
21:01
Speaker 3: brought it up for me, and like it was a
21:03
Speaker 3: real lovely moment.
21:04
Speaker 1: It's such a nice moment because he also and again
21:07
Speaker 1: you're like we are at our best when we are happy,
21:11
Speaker 1: you know. If he's like, wow, this is something I've
21:13
Speaker 1: never had, and I finally my first attempt at the
21:16
Speaker 1: housemates wasn't it, But now it's it. You're like, if
21:20
Speaker 1: we're meant to be forever, then when we move in,
21:23
Speaker 1: that's likely it for us.
21:25
Speaker 2: It's going to move.
21:26
Speaker 1: We have to rush exactly, so then like that's it.
21:30
Speaker 1: So it's like, if this is your chance to live
21:31
Speaker 1: with housemates, this is the time. Yeah, you know, just
21:34
Speaker 1: milk it while you're here.
21:36
Speaker 3: And if this is a chance to like make friends
21:38
Speaker 3: in Sydney, like he lived with housemates for so long,
21:41
Speaker 3: but like this was the first time he'd been like
21:44
Speaker 3: they want people he previously knew. I was like, we
21:47
Speaker 3: plan on beings in Sydney for a long time, right,
21:49
Speaker 3: Like this is our home. We both really like love
21:51
Speaker 3: it here. Now you moving in with me, Like our
21:57
Speaker 3: relationship is cool, it's down paw, like we are we
22:01
Speaker 3: are tight, solid, but like having more of a support
22:07
Speaker 3: network that is something that every adult needs, like four
22:10
Speaker 3: of I honestly think the times in my life as
22:13
Speaker 3: well where I've been like the most miserable have been
22:15
Speaker 3: the times when I've been like almost forgetting that I
22:18
Speaker 3: have friends.
22:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we are just going on tangents.
22:22
Speaker 1: I love it. I love our conversations.
22:25
Speaker 2: I know.
22:25
Speaker 3: It's just like a self help like one O one.
22:28
Speaker 3: It's like, get your pen out right now and write
22:30
Speaker 3: down everything.
22:31
Speaker 1: Write down all that one liners.
22:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, that's so true.
22:35
Speaker 1: The one liners are coming out, I know. Since I
22:58
Speaker 1: think it is good that we're coming this topic because
23:00
Speaker 1: friendships is one of the most requested topics that I
23:03
Speaker 1: get from my audience and when I do listener questions,
23:06
Speaker 1: it is so heavily around adult relationships, primarily friendships. If
23:10
Speaker 1: it's not like a relationship crisis a romantic crisis, it
23:13
Speaker 1: is I'm here, I can't make friends or I've you know,
23:16
Speaker 1: I've never had someone I can trust, right? How do
23:18
Speaker 1: I like that? Is? I think like an epidemic for
23:22
Speaker 1: adults is the friendship epidemic. It's like people are lonely,
23:26
Speaker 1: I know.
23:27
Speaker 2: And you know what that makes me?
23:28
Speaker 3: So it makes me quite sad in a way because
23:33
Speaker 3: it also makes me sad that as lonely as we are,
23:35
Speaker 3: we are then also presented with images and tiktoks of
23:39
Speaker 3: people having hips of friends, and it's like, how does
23:41
Speaker 3: anyone feel secure when it's never enough? And also when
23:47
Speaker 3: it's never enough? But when you see all these examples
23:50
Speaker 3: of like people showing their highlight reel when it comes
23:53
Speaker 3: to relationships, and you look around and you're like, god,
23:56
Speaker 3: I can really do with that.
23:57
Speaker 2: How do I get that?
23:58
Speaker 1: Yeah?
23:59
Speaker 3: I will say one of the biggest misconceptions that I
24:02
Speaker 3: am so tooth and nail trying to break down within
24:05
Speaker 3: my audience and be like, I best believe not catch
24:08
Speaker 3: any of you thinking this is this is the truth,
24:11
Speaker 3: is that you need like a really big friendship group
24:13
Speaker 3: and a no. Because I get that all the time
24:16
Speaker 3: as people being like, oh my gosh, I've never had
24:18
Speaker 3: a friendship group like you seem like you have so
24:20
Speaker 3: many friends not in a group, bab Like I just
24:25
Speaker 3: forced my friends to hang out with each other. It's like,
24:27
Speaker 3: you will all be here, they don't hang out about
24:30
Speaker 3: me be friends together?
24:32
Speaker 1: Yeah and no, I agree, I agree. I think that
24:37
Speaker 1: definitely put importance on friends, but two, because I do
24:42
Speaker 1: have a friendship, a big like the Red Bull goals,
24:44
Speaker 1: and there's like eleven of us, and that's what I
24:46
Speaker 1: get a lot if it's like how do I get
24:48
Speaker 1: what you have? And I'm like, I'm very aware that
24:50
Speaker 1: this is also very rare, and this was just it
24:54
Speaker 1: was by absolute luck that we have the group we have.
24:57
Speaker 1: It's through effort now, but this pure It was in
25:00
Speaker 1: a job that we worked in and the job required
25:02
Speaker 1: you to be like six hours in the mini driving
25:05
Speaker 1: around with each one and you rotate, so of course
25:07
Speaker 1: you're all going to become close familiar a lot. So
25:11
Speaker 1: it's like we were in a like a pressure cooker
25:14
Speaker 1: in a good way situation where it's like this, and
25:16
Speaker 1: we hired based on our personality type, so it's like
25:19
Speaker 1: we were literally hand picked based on your kind of personality.
25:22
Speaker 1: So it's like we were in a very lucky situation
25:25
Speaker 1: and most people don't have that. So it's I don't
25:27
Speaker 1: think it is something that you should be like, that's
25:28
Speaker 1: what I want eleven girls that it's like I wouldn't
25:31
Speaker 1: even aim for that because it's quite rare and very cool.
25:35
Speaker 1: But I also don't spend every time with the group.
25:39
Speaker 1: We're all in different cities, so like I spend most
25:42
Speaker 1: of my time one on one with live you know
25:44
Speaker 1: what I mean, or with like two girlfriends. It's so
25:48
Speaker 1: much of my social hangouts is one on one. Like
25:51
Speaker 1: the importance should be on where can I foster these
25:54
Speaker 1: strong relationships? And if those friends aren't necessarily friends, I
25:57
Speaker 1: can try. But even if they're not friends, that doesn't matter.
26:00
Speaker 1: It's where am I getting a deep connection? That's what
26:03
Speaker 1: I think is the key.
26:06
Speaker 3: Where am I getting a deep connection? That should be
26:09
Speaker 3: the question you ask yourself at any point where you're wondering,
26:14
Speaker 3: like am I lonely? Do I not have enough friends?
26:18
Speaker 3: I need more social connection? Ask yourself, like where do
26:22
Speaker 3: I find that connection? Where do I feel like deeply fulfilled?
26:25
Speaker 3: I also will tell you like having a big social group,
26:29
Speaker 3: I've had it before.
26:30
Speaker 2: It's messy.
26:31
Speaker 3: It's really messy, and like you best believe someone is
26:35
Speaker 3: always having something going on with someone else, Like it's messy.
26:38
Speaker 3: You Also it's really hard to like you will all
26:40
Speaker 3: want to go out together like at once, it's really
26:42
Speaker 3: hard to like get it's hard, yeah, And then even
26:46
Speaker 3: when you do like to get like one on one
26:49
Speaker 3: time with each other.
26:50
Speaker 2: Like that's very, very difficult.
26:51
Speaker 1: It is.
26:52
Speaker 3: And I will also say, like, if you want the
26:54
Speaker 3: big social friendship group, you have to start with a
26:57
Speaker 3: single friend, Like you have to start with a couple
26:59
Speaker 3: of friends. And I think naturally, like people who relate
27:03
Speaker 3: to each other will form into.
27:05
Speaker 2: A larger cluster.
27:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, but if you're just doing it for the sake
27:08
Speaker 3: of like I want to be able to, you know,
27:12
Speaker 3: appear more social, appear more connected, I don't want to
27:15
Speaker 3: be lonely, but like I don't actually want to be connected.
27:19
Speaker 2: Yeah.
27:19
Speaker 3: Sometimes I hang around with a big group of friends
27:22
Speaker 3: that like I used to have at UNI, and I'm
27:24
Speaker 3: genuinely like, I actually feel quite lonely here because you know,
27:29
Speaker 3: the group is nice, but I haven't talked to that
27:31
Speaker 3: person over there for six months, and oh that person
27:35
Speaker 3: over there, like we don't have anything to talk about anymore,
27:39
Speaker 3: you know, and where's my favorite person? She's not here,
27:41
Speaker 3: Like I find it much more fulfilling now, like getting
27:45
Speaker 3: into my later twenties to just sit down with a
27:47
Speaker 3: friend one on one or like a couple of friends.
27:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I love that you said that because I
27:51
Speaker 1: think a lot of people will you romanticize the big
27:55
Speaker 1: group of friends. While there's great examples of that, but
27:59
Speaker 1: ultimately lee where you're going, it doesn't then the size
28:02
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, the number doesn't matter. That it ultimately comes
28:04
Speaker 1: down to what do I get out of this relationship
28:07
Speaker 1: and also equally as important, if not more, what I'm
28:10
Speaker 1: able to give in this relationship. So I was listening
28:13
Speaker 1: to I always say I was listening to, and then
28:15
Speaker 1: I struggled to quote who it was. But it's a man.
28:19
Speaker 1: I want to say Lewis Howes, but it probably wasn't
28:21
Speaker 1: Lewis House but anyway, someone on the podcast it was
28:24
Speaker 1: a man, and he was saying that he wanted to
28:27
Speaker 1: help his friend. His friend she was going through a
28:29
Speaker 1: really hard time. So he's like, well, why don't we
28:30
Speaker 1: meet up for one hour every week and I try
28:33
Speaker 1: and help you with this thing that I'm trying to
28:35
Speaker 1: help you with. And they would do that, but he
28:37
Speaker 1: found that he's trying to help it's all about her.
28:40
Speaker 1: It's all about her. And then he was like, I'm
28:41
Speaker 1: going to change my strategy because she was really good
28:43
Speaker 1: business coach. So he said, you know what, after we
28:46
Speaker 1: talk about that, can I get you to help me
28:48
Speaker 1: with this. So he started to get her to help him,
28:52
Speaker 1: and she started to turn around. Things started to flourish.
28:55
Speaker 1: She started feeling needed, She started feeling like she was useful,
28:59
Speaker 1: that she had thing to give, that she was really
29:01
Speaker 1: valued in that friendship because he was like, thank you,
29:03
Speaker 1: so I needed that. I'm learning from you, and it
29:05
Speaker 1: was genuine. It's not like he was genuine. He was like,
29:08
Speaker 1: I was able to really learn from her. And she
29:11
Speaker 1: started just getting better and better and better and really
29:14
Speaker 1: opening up and they were getting closer and closer, and
29:16
Speaker 1: she started feeling so much better that her problems were.
29:19
Speaker 1: She was fixing her problems along the way because she
29:22
Speaker 1: started really flourishing in the friendship. So it's I think
29:26
Speaker 1: so good that if how can you for yourself as well?
29:29
Speaker 1: How can you be useful and giving in the relationship,
29:33
Speaker 1: and it gives back tenfold massively.
29:36
Speaker 3: You know the other thing that that really raises as well,
29:39
Speaker 3: if you the problem I used to have a lot
29:42
Speaker 3: that the example reminded me of was I was almost
29:45
Speaker 3: greedy with friendship. I don't know if I told this
29:47
Speaker 3: story last time I was on, but when I was
29:49
Speaker 3: a kid, I was like a very lonely kid, in
29:51
Speaker 3: a way. I just was a bit weird and I
29:53
Speaker 3: love it. You know what, weird children make the most
29:58
Speaker 3: interesting adults.
29:58
Speaker 1: They do thank you, and they're the ones.
30:01
Speaker 3: It's oh, it's one hundred per century. Every time I
30:03
Speaker 3: meet someone I really like, I was like, show me
30:05
Speaker 3: your yearbook photo.
30:06
Speaker 2: Yeah.
30:06
Speaker 1: Like I was like Lona until like, yes, the sixth
30:09
Speaker 1: grade pretty much. Yeah.
30:10
Speaker 3: And even for me, I was like even going through
30:12
Speaker 3: high school, I was like, I would wear leg warmers.
30:14
Speaker 2: I just did the dumbest setuf.
30:16
Speaker 3: And when I got to UNI, I suddenly had this
30:21
Speaker 3: whole new group of people I hadn't grown up with,
30:24
Speaker 3: and I was like, and I'm going to reinvent myself
30:27
Speaker 3: and I'm going to be a social butterfly, and I
30:30
Speaker 3: like completely changed. And every single person that I met
30:33
Speaker 3: who showed even the slightest bit of interested in me,
30:34
Speaker 3: I was like, let's be best friends. Let's be best friends. Okay,
30:38
Speaker 3: how about you? You want to be my friend friend
30:39
Speaker 3: friend friend friend friend. And then I would turn around
30:41
Speaker 3: and I'd be like, I have seven days in a week.
30:44
Speaker 3: I can't see all these people in a week. I
30:47
Speaker 3: cannot be a good friend. And then you have those
30:50
Speaker 3: examples like Lewis was it?
30:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think Lewis.
30:54
Speaker 2: Let's say it was Lewis.
30:55
Speaker 1: If not give some credit, Yeah, we.
30:57
Speaker 3: Can just face the lawsuit when it comes exactly Like
31:00
Speaker 3: in that situation, it's like, Wow, that's a bond. That
31:03
Speaker 3: is like someone who I know prioritizes their friendships well
31:06
Speaker 3: because the fact that they're able to scoop out two
31:09
Speaker 3: hours of their day and they're like this is important
31:11
Speaker 3: to me shows that like they're of course they're gonna
31:14
Speaker 3: have the opportunity to get something out of the friendship
31:17
Speaker 3: as well, because they're building on it week by week
31:20
Speaker 3: by week. When you have and you think that a
31:23
Speaker 3: lot of friends is going to make you happier, you'll
31:25
Speaker 3: find that with each additional friendship, the friendships before become
31:28
Speaker 3: a little bit more afraid. So if you can intentionally
31:32
Speaker 3: see two to three people, maybe even all people a week,
31:35
Speaker 3: that is so much better in my mind than having
31:37
Speaker 3: fifty people like who you can maybe text and say, hey,
31:41
Speaker 3: how are you haven't talked for a while?
31:42
Speaker 1: Yeah? Exactly better exactly like who are? And then you know,
31:45
Speaker 1: like these are fair weather friends, which are fine to have,
31:47
Speaker 1: like I call it, like good times friends. I've got
31:50
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of good times friends that every time
31:52
Speaker 1: I see them, I know I'm going to have a
31:53
Speaker 1: great time, But they're not my inner circle people that
31:56
Speaker 1: I can call on whenever. You know, there's you know,
31:59
Speaker 1: there's the kind of pit that as far as the
32:01
Speaker 1: people that are there for you in your really hard times,
32:04
Speaker 1: but also the person you want to call when something
32:06
Speaker 1: really good happens straight away. That's the person you want
32:08
Speaker 1: to tell. That's a tight circle, you know, and that's
32:11
Speaker 1: where you want to be putting, I think your energy into.
32:14
Speaker 1: I actually have my question for you that I would
32:18
Speaker 1: like to ask is what currently is your mantra for yourself?
32:23
Speaker 1: Oh there's probably many, but what's like your top one
32:25
Speaker 1: or two?
32:27
Speaker 3: So my biggest one right now is I'm only scared
32:32
Speaker 3: because because it's the unknown. Yeah, I love that, and
32:35
Speaker 3: I know it's like a bit of a complex one,
32:37
Speaker 3: but it's something I have to keep reminding myself of.
32:39
Speaker 3: Like that's why I'm scared. It's not because the thing
32:42
Speaker 3: that I'm thinking about is actually that scary. It's because
32:45
Speaker 3: I'm applying all of these you know, just catastrophes to
32:50
Speaker 3: this unknown space, and like my anxiety of course, Like
32:53
Speaker 3: the thing that I really realize and that really I
32:55
Speaker 3: preach is that your anxiety thrives on empty space, on
33:00
Speaker 3: your own answers, and so all these fears that you
33:03
Speaker 3: techniquely you already have, like are projected into this space. Yeah,
33:07
Speaker 3: and just and you have so many what ifs, like
33:09
Speaker 3: what if that they can't all possibly come true.
33:12
Speaker 2: So that's been my biggest mantra.
33:13
Speaker 1: I love that. And you fearing something is never as
33:17
Speaker 1: bad as the reality of it happening, because, like you said,
33:19
Speaker 1: you've come up with so many worst case scenarios. If
33:23
Speaker 1: it doesn't go right, one of those scenarios is playing
33:26
Speaker 1: out not everything that you like conjured up in your head.
33:29
Speaker 3: Yes, but then you have to deal with the emotional
33:30
Speaker 3: impact of thinking about all of them. So obviously, like
33:33
Speaker 3: your anticipation of the anxiety and the stress and the
33:35
Speaker 3: panic and the whatever you're going to feel is like compounded.
33:38
Speaker 1: Yeah.
33:39
Speaker 2: I really have to remind myself of that, mancho about my.
33:43
Speaker 3: Life in general as well, Like I've been really trying
33:46
Speaker 3: to prioritize like regular exercise, but I just keep saying, like,
33:49
Speaker 3: if it feels good, do more of it. Yeah, it's
33:52
Speaker 3: a really good way of being like, don't you know,
33:54
Speaker 3: if it doesn't feel good, don't do more of it.
33:56
Speaker 3: Don't eat foods that make you feel bad. Pretty simple.
33:58
Speaker 3: Only do exercise that you want to do. Pretty simple.
34:01
Speaker 3: Like instead of forcing myself into like I used to,
34:04
Speaker 3: I was doing all these hit workouts and I was like,
34:07
Speaker 3: I feel disgusting.
34:08
Speaker 1: And you're like, I'm so fucked after like drained.
34:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I have a job, like I need to
34:13
Speaker 3: go and I work for I have time function and I'm.
34:16
Speaker 2: The sole employee.
34:17
Speaker 3: Like if nothing gets done, nothing gets done, I can't
34:19
Speaker 3: do this and they want to sleep for the rest
34:20
Speaker 3: of the day. So yeah, that's what I've been really,
34:23
Speaker 3: what's been yours?
34:23
Speaker 2: Actually, now I want to know.
34:24
Speaker 1: So I have one and it's actually really helped me
34:28
Speaker 1: a lot, and it is if I can't control it,
34:31
Speaker 1: I won't let it control me deep bras.
34:34
Speaker 2: That's such a good one because.
34:36
Speaker 1: It's like sometimes you put so much time trying to
34:39
Speaker 1: control something that you can't but then which is fine,
34:42
Speaker 1: we try, it's fine, but then I think, okay, that's
34:45
Speaker 1: all well and good. I can do everything I can do,
34:47
Speaker 1: knowing that ultimately there's other factors that play that will
34:51
Speaker 1: influence the outcome. But what I'm not going to do
34:53
Speaker 1: is let that then take over my mind and take
34:57
Speaker 1: over my consciousness and be in my head when I'm
34:59
Speaker 1: trying to like talk to my friends or be in
35:01
Speaker 1: my head when I'm trying to just read a book.
35:03
Speaker 1: And it's like, fine that I can't control it, but
35:05
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get to the point where that
35:07
Speaker 1: thing's going to take over me.
35:09
Speaker 2: I'm going to steal yours.
35:10
Speaker 1: I love that.
35:11
Speaker 3: Oh my god, No, genuinely, I'm listening to that and
35:13
Speaker 3: my eyes are just getting wider on my room. Ah.
35:16
Speaker 2: I like it. I'm going to use that.
35:17
Speaker 1: I love the idea of the Mantra podcast as well,
35:20
Speaker 1: because it is so I just love that you're like
35:22
Speaker 1: you'll have a statement that you can flesh out and.
35:26
Speaker 3: Journal prompts and like, yeah, we also do like a
35:29
Speaker 3: weekly reflection and like my favorite thing about the podcast
35:32
Speaker 3: actually is that we do like forty seconds.
35:35
Speaker 2: Of just like music.
35:37
Speaker 3: Great for you to just think about it, because you
35:39
Speaker 3: know when you're like listening to a podcast and you're
35:41
Speaker 3: like wait, wait, wait, I want to pause this because
35:43
Speaker 3: I want to think about it. I want to talk
35:44
Speaker 3: about it to a friend, like We've made space.
35:45
Speaker 1: For that as well. And I always say, I'm like,
35:46
Speaker 1: pause this episode and write this down. But I love
35:48
Speaker 1: that you actually are making it. It's almost like a
35:51
Speaker 1: forced pause.
35:52
Speaker 2: It's like you you can skip ahead if you want, but.
35:55
Speaker 1: Here it is, but here's your actual opportuity for to
35:57
Speaker 1: do it now. I love that. I love that. So guys,
36:00
Speaker 1: so that the podcast is called Mantra or Mantra.
36:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, it depends on how you say mantra mant yes
36:05
Speaker 3: by Gemaspeg and you can find it wherever you get
36:07
Speaker 3: your podcasts.
36:08
Speaker 1: I'm so yeah. My audience will love it. They love you.
36:11
Speaker 1: They loved the episode that we did together before. It's
36:14
Speaker 1: so good as who wouldn't. I'm sorry it makes sense,
36:17
Speaker 1: but yeah, it makes sense. We're like a match made
36:18
Speaker 1: in heaven obviously, but thank you so much. I mean,
36:22
Speaker 1: we could talk for hours and hours and hours, you
36:24
Speaker 1: know what.
36:24
Speaker 3: I'm sitting here being like, hey, what about we talking
36:26
Speaker 3: about this? You guys would have seen it before we started.
36:29
Speaker 1: If it's just like, I feel like this needs to
36:31
Speaker 1: be like a three part series. But I need to
36:33
Speaker 1: get you on in like two months time or something, and.
36:36
Speaker 3: I feel like we need to do another episode, So,
36:37
Speaker 3: but you come on and we can do liket one
36:39
Speaker 3: on my podcast past. Yeah, yeah, I love that so
36:42
Speaker 3: that we can just be like we can't put like
36:44
Speaker 3: a four hour conversation, but.
36:46
Speaker 1: I just love when we because we both are in
36:49
Speaker 1: the similar like we're in a similar realm. I love
36:51
Speaker 1: hearing like how your mind works with things and like
36:54
Speaker 1: sharing how I look at things and then you like
36:56
Speaker 1: give me new perspectives and I just love it.
36:59
Speaker 3: It's yeah, And you know the other thing, Sorry, guys,
37:01
Speaker 3: you can listen to our little behind the scenes conversation.
37:03
Speaker 2: Maybe this will be cut out.
37:03
Speaker 3: But the other thing I really like as well is
37:06
Speaker 3: having people in the same industry who do something very
37:08
Speaker 3: similar where there is no competition, no competition, And I
37:11
Speaker 3: never thought that I would have that in a career.
37:13
Speaker 3: And it's genuinely like the most pure thing where it's like,
37:16
Speaker 3: what are you doing that's best for you? Oh yes,
37:18
Speaker 3: I'm so excited for you. But if you want this opportunity,
37:21
Speaker 3: here's this person's email, here's this person's there.
37:23
Speaker 2: So it's great.
37:24
Speaker 1: It's so refreshing, so refreshing, and it's like just yeah,
37:29
Speaker 1: I could talk about it forever, but it's genuine love you.
37:32
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming on. I'm so sad
37:34
Speaker 1: we're cutting it short, but well I'm not even short.
37:36
Speaker 1: It's like an episode, but I'm so sad that we
37:39
Speaker 1: could do this hours anyway. So I'll be on yours
37:42
Speaker 1: and then you'll be back on mine. But yeah, everyone
37:45
Speaker 1: go check out Mantra wherever you get your podcasts. Great,
37:50
Speaker 1: you fucking love it. Thank you so much for coming