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BUTT PLUGS, STRAP ONS AND DIRTY BUTT HOLES! · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:05
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.
0:09
Today I have with me as always, Madam, Live as always.
0:15
Well, you know, Barbie can come in when she can come in.
0:18
But that girl, she works three damn jobs.
0:20
Yeah. She does her drag show.
0:23
I don't have the third job or second job.
0:25
I just come here. I know I live at your house.
0:28
I know, right? Pretty much.
0:30
Don't tell them that because then they'll think, oh fuck
0:33
yeah, I'm just going to contact me at 2:00 AM because that's
0:37
what they like to do. Yeah, you.
0:39
Should by 4. My God, I got this message the
0:44
other day and I was like, God, this guy has got some time on
0:48
his fucking hands. Oh, he written a long.
0:51
Thing a lot of them do when they're stupid, but there's some
0:56
there's some that write stuff and it's like what?
0:59
Sounds like either way, that's stupid.
1:02
Either way, this one was it's time for you to choose a winner
1:06
and stop staying down for a beginner.
1:09
I'm in town. Let's make a power move.
1:11
Yeah, that was his. That was his.
1:12
That was his. Opening line.
1:14
That's his. Line.
1:15
All right, Yeah, I'm staying down for losers, apparently.
1:18
I don't know what that fuck means, but I got a really great
1:22
e-mail from your favorite and I sent that to you yesterday and I
1:27
was like Oh my God that's so sweet.
1:28
Fantastic podcast. I listen to most every week and
1:32
usually learn something. Maybe you've already covered it
1:35
in one of the past podcasts, but I'm wondering about what you
1:38
recommend in terms of prep to clients who want to be pegged.
1:43
I assume enemas are typical, but I have found that doesn't always
1:46
prevent a mess or a liquid expel, even if it's mostly
1:50
clear. I'm fortunate that my wife plays
1:52
in BDSM 2 and although she is usually the sub, we occasionally
1:56
switch it up so she's the Dom. But appreciate any advice you
2:00
have on the subject. So ironically enough, Liv was
2:04
just saying earlier that this lovely little submissive of hers
2:10
decided that he was going to shit on her not once, but twice.
2:13
And then he's like, Oh no, it's OK.
2:15
There's nothing wrong, Liv. Two different people.
2:18
Oh, it was two different people. One that said there was nothing
2:21
wrong, that he was clean, even though, yeah, he.
2:23
Had a dirty butt? OK.
2:24
He was like, no, no, I'm clean, just keep going and I'm like.
2:27
No. This isn't clean.
2:31
Do not smell that. I smell that.
2:33
This happens all the time. All the time.
2:35
Well, I don't like it. I know.
2:37
And This is why I don't like pegging men.
2:39
Get you to the point where you really fucking hate it.
2:42
And you know, Charles asked me the other day, he's like, do you
2:45
like to peg? I said, yeah, you know, I'll
2:48
pick a one. But to peg a man I really don't
2:51
want to wear my pants because then I end up getting shit on me
2:55
because here's the thing. So like this person wrote me,
2:59
what do you do besides just the enema?
3:01
Well we have a lovely Sissy and she comes and she gets gang
3:06
banged by huge fucking Dicks when she goes out and about and
3:11
she suggests fast fast and do not eat up to 8 hours.
3:17
And even before that, she said, you know, eat soups, eat very
3:21
light liquid stuff, you know, for that full 24 hours.
3:27
And it just kind of alleviates everything because you want that
3:30
asshole to be dry and clean. Yeah, you know.
3:35
Yeah, I have been. Somebody else had pooped on me
3:37
too. Yeah.
3:38
Or I know he actually. Oh, I don't want to say it.
3:43
Yeah, one knows what I'm talking about.
3:46
I don't want to say it. He knows.
3:48
I know. He knows.
3:49
We're not going to say it out loud, OK?
3:52
You know who you are. The point of it is, you know, if
3:56
you want pegging, you've got to really be dedicated to do it and
4:00
to actually, you know, take the time to fast, not eat, don't be
4:04
a fucking pig. Stop eating and clean it out.
4:10
You know, a lot of people even take a hot water bottle, fill it
4:15
up with distilled water, warm water, and they go lay in the
4:18
bathroom and you know, there's a good quart of water that pushes
4:23
through and it can go real slowly inside of you.
4:25
But it's a 2 hour process, you know, and so it'll clean you all
4:30
the way out. Some people do coffee enemas.
4:33
Why not put? Coffee in.
4:34
There they do. They put good quality coffee
4:36
going. To be get up and go then.
4:38
Well, yeah. Stream automatically.
4:40
Yeah, there was a show and I forget what it was on, but this
4:43
couple, every morning they did a coffee enema.
4:46
They said it gives you the energy because that caffeine
4:50
goes inside your tissue, you know, and you absorb it quicker
4:54
in your bloodstream, through your rectum.
4:57
And they said it gives them energy.
4:59
They clean everything out, they feel better.
5:02
They're never constipated. But a lot of gastrologists would
5:06
not recommend a coffee enema everyday.
5:09
They just wouldn't do it. It was funny because Brie went
5:12
to go play with one of our sub friends years ago and Bree was
5:17
expecting her to be completely submissive the whole time.
5:21
Well he's like here let me do a coffee enema on your brain.
5:24
She's like, oh this is exciting 'cause she gets all horned up
5:28
and then she says after her coffee enema and she's tasting
5:31
coffee which she hates. She then said that he said, OK,
5:35
my turn now I'm going to be submissive.
5:39
And he wanted the coffee enema. He wanted the coffee enema and
5:43
the sub treatment and she's like, yeah, no.
5:47
Yeah, you got to. You got to have communication
5:49
before you start. You do.
5:50
You got to know if you're going to be how we're going to do
5:52
this. All right, so then you got some
5:54
good feedback on the podcast from your dear favorite.
5:59
Let's see. Love the podcast.
6:02
I appreciate the understanding and the validation of emotional
6:05
roller coaster ride of the subject.
6:07
This is some little chat with you and I that we did the other
6:11
day. We talked about ABDL and a few
6:13
other things. I'm very lucky that I have you
6:16
all in my life. Madame Liv is awesome and anyone
6:19
who is lucky enough to get a session with her should consider
6:22
themselves very lucky. I know me and me and him has
6:25
grown a lot and I really enjoy, you know, just the steps we've
6:31
taken towards, you know, opening up to each other.
6:36
Yeah, you know, you you have two favorites.
6:39
It's him and Mandy Gandy. Yeah, you do.
6:42
You love. Them I talk about them on a.
6:44
Time you do because they're so sweet and you know Mandy is
6:49
always very kind and they're thoughtful and they're fun you
6:54
know and I got asked the other day so how do you determine
6:59
discounts and I'm like well if they're nice they're definitely
7:02
getting a discount if they're assholes they can go fuck
7:04
themselves and pay full price. So it is what it is.
7:08
All right. So today what we're going to
7:12
discuss, we talked about this. I don't remember.
7:15
I know it was interesting. Oh, things, we got stuck in our
7:19
butt holes. We're talking about enemas and
7:22
it leads to this. Yeah, I asked one of our Subs or
7:25
slaves or old slaves or whatever.
7:27
Hey, yeah, hey. Have you, have you got anything
7:29
stuck in your butt hole before? I was just wondered.
7:32
And he was like, yeah, a long time ago.
7:35
And then I was like, yeah, I've got a grape stuck in my vagina
7:38
and had to call my mom and then I had a birth of grape out.
7:41
That was hard. I was scared I was going to
7:44
stand there and rot. That's not pretty fast.
7:48
You know what, It probably was a good 30 to 45 minutes, but to me
7:52
it fell forever. I was like, it's never going to
7:54
come out. It was warm when it came out of.
7:57
Course it was warm. Your body temperature probably
8:00
got real hot thinking Oh my God I'm going to get stuck in there.
8:03
Yeah, yeah, that was a mistake. I've gotten the marble stuck in
8:06
there too, but I had gotten it stuck in there.
8:09
But I had pulled out just in time, so I figured I'm going to
8:12
tie a Jelly bracelet around it and get it to stay on my fingers
8:17
and I can hold on to it. And it fell off the Jelly
8:19
bracelet and got stuck in there. I don't remember how I got that
8:23
one out, but obviously I did. Wouldn't it be funny years
8:29
later? Well, I mean I've I've pushed
8:31
out youngins so. I was going to say when you
8:34
pushed out it like one of your babies, they are holding in
8:37
their hand. Oh yeah, look.
8:41
What I found it's like a. Pearl and the Clam.
8:46
Oh, that's funny. Yeah.
8:48
Did you get everything that did anything ever?
8:50
Get something? No, no, I never did anything
8:53
like that to push anything in there.
8:55
It was gonna get stuck. Alright, just me.
8:57
Cool. Well see, I always made sure
9:00
that my dildos had handles on them.
9:02
I was young. You, you know, young people
9:06
usually stick things because I know you're referring to a very
9:08
young age. They usually stick thing in your
9:10
in their nose, which is common for kids but.
9:13
It's stuck in. Your twat.
9:16
It was a hole, too. Once I figured out that was a
9:19
hole, I was packing it full, you know?
9:21
I was like, Oh my God, it can carry my money.
9:26
There's a tower pay the ice cream man.
9:29
Well, one of my old friends had gotten a little thing with her
9:33
husband at the time. They used to make a fruit salad
9:36
out of her pussy and she would put fruit in there and he would
9:40
fucking eat it out. That was his kink.
9:44
Yeah. How did she get it out?
9:46
Well, I guess she came enough and.
9:49
Just put it on the outside and just ate it off.
9:52
Of it, no, she put it inside OK, and I guess he just went in
9:57
there and found it. Get that fruit salad that's.
10:04
What she would call it, she was like, here's your fruit salad,
10:06
baby. Here's the whipped cream.
10:09
I'm like. You know what, I I'm actually
10:11
would would do that with yogurt cause yogurt's very good for
10:14
your pH of your vagina it is and it'd probably be really hot
10:17
squishing that shit out into their mouth.
10:21
I don't know why I need the sound effect.
10:22
Sorry guys. Shooting in.
10:27
Like squeeze it look like the cream pie but it's not be
10:32
tasting better. I think the better version of
10:38
the yogurt would be like, what would it be?
10:42
Oh, just the plain yucky yogurt. Thank you.
10:44
Oh. That's what you have to use,
10:46
just a. Plain.
10:47
Yeah. You couldn't get the sugar
10:48
stuff? Yeah.
10:51
Oh goodness, both sides at the same time.
10:56
OK, so you. Can make somebody eat some
10:59
yogurt out of you, then like it's either this or you're
11:01
coming, you're going to do it. So I told you, Missus Griswold.
11:05
She OK? I'm.
11:06
Trying to remember? We'll go through.
11:07
It yes. So the Griswolds is that cute
11:09
little couple and you've played with Missus Griswold.
11:13
OK, OK, so Missus Griswold, she was playing with her husband and
11:19
another couple in the dungeon one day and they were in there
11:22
and they were having fun. And I think one guy was fucking
11:27
her while her butt plug was in. And the male friend said, hey,
11:34
Clark, we got a problem. And so they looked at Ellen and
11:40
they were like, Ellen, do you feel that?
11:43
And she's like an orgasmic mode. Like she was like, no, I don't.
11:48
I don't. I don't feel anything.
11:50
Like that noodle feeling? Yes.
11:52
So everything was numb down there.
11:54
So Needless to say, Clark went and stuck his fingers in her
11:59
vagina And the other guy, No, Clark stuck his fingers in her
12:03
asshole to fish it out and she told the other guy to push his
12:09
fingers in the vagina in the downward motion behind the butt
12:14
plug. That feeling, I don't like you
12:16
going down. Yeah, but that's interesting.
12:18
She got a butt plug stuck in there, supposed to have like a a
12:21
thing to keep it from going in all the way.
12:23
It must have been a small one. It must have been.
12:25
Well, she's got a gaper, which I've seen it, so it's not a.
12:28
Gaper. It's not a gaper, no.
12:30
Anything. It's a gripper.
12:33
You do like to call it a gripper.
12:36
That's interesting. So back to having things stuck
12:39
in your butt hole and enemas. We saw a guy take the big Doug.
12:44
We were shocked. Very much.
12:46
So we've had a lot of people take a lot of big things in
12:50
their ass. But I can say I think one of the
12:54
grossest moments is I saw Bree and she was fucking a guy with a
13:00
strap on. And then ultimately it kind of
13:03
like popped off as a little vacu lock where, you know, it's like
13:06
a plunger, you know, and it kind of just popped off because this
13:09
guy was like sucking it in deeper and deeper and it was a
13:13
big ass dildo. And so it.
13:17
It sucked it off the. Strap it, sucked it off the Vacu
13:19
lock like it would pop it off anyway.
13:22
So Bree continued to use it on him and as things progressed it
13:29
got really bad because then he decided he was going to have an
13:32
orgasm just by getting fucked in the ass and he shit at the same
13:38
time and it was like the floodgates had opened.
13:42
It was the poor Bree. Poor Bree is right.
13:48
And let me tell you, the dungeon did not.
13:50
It just did not smell fresh for about 3 days.
13:54
We could not get the smell of shit out of there.
13:59
We use vinegar, bleach, just anything imaginable.
14:03
Our job can be very difficult. I'm just kidding.
14:06
It's so easy. It could be very difficult
14:09
though at times when you're dealing with stinky asses and
14:11
dirty bubbles. Yeah, you're right.
14:13
Yeah, You know they can't reach back there and clean themselves
14:16
when they literally can. Well, I told my little bitch,
14:21
and I will still say this to him, if you can touch your
14:25
balls, you can touch your asshole.
14:27
Cause your asshole's only an inch behind him.
14:30
And he was like, oh, I guess I can.
14:33
And then he didn't want to say that he could.
14:34
I'm like, shut the fuck up, wipe your ass, do an enema, you
14:40
little toad. Anyway, gross.
14:45
Yeah. So it's fun.
14:47
It is fun. It's fun.
14:48
We do love it though. The the gross part aspect is you
14:51
know, fairly I would say about 30% and the rest is fun.
14:55
You know what I think needs to happen?
14:57
So if they come in and they're not clean and they want to do an
15:01
enema or you know, they can do enema on their own because you
15:05
know, Charles was saying it's a thing in Thailand that they go
15:07
up there and do an enema with you and everything else.
15:10
I don't want to smell some of this shit before a session.
15:12
I want an enema for you. Yeah, you and I don't want to do
15:16
that. So back to something else.
15:20
You had a nice little session the other day.
15:21
Talking about guitar man. Guitar man, that's a good one
15:25
for him. He brings his guitar in.
15:27
He was a little early and I was like, hey, you can go around
15:31
back and then we see him around back and he's standing there
15:35
just playing his guitar by the pool.
15:37
Like, almost like a guy, he's holding up the boom box to get
15:40
his girl to come out. That's what it felt like when I
15:41
walked out. I'm like OK.
15:43
Hi. And then he comes, he comes in
15:46
and he's giving me all this stuff.
15:47
He got me a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.
15:49
I've only seen this man once before and the session didn't
15:52
even end. Like it was cut off.
15:55
So it was really odd. But he got me that he got me a
15:58
book. He he wrote me a song, he wrote
16:00
me a poem, made me a Valentine's Day card.
16:03
Freaking adorable was a lot. But he also invited me to New
16:07
York. Like he was just, he really,
16:10
really likes me. He said he's going to come back.
16:12
That was the second time he's been here and he says I'm coming
16:15
back next week, so we'll see. That is so cool.
16:18
I was actually going to pull up the e-mail that he sent and he
16:22
talked. Yeah, he said he sent a song to
16:23
you. He.
16:24
Did he really did. And he said to me, he's like,
16:29
Liv is so cool and laid back. I love her spirit.
16:32
Oh. That's really sweet.
16:34
And that's sweet. Yeah.
16:36
So he used to see Dalia on occasion and then he kind of
16:42
became obsessed with Dalia. I can see that.
16:45
You can see me once you know. I don't know Dalia, but.
16:48
Yeah, I can. See him really falling really
16:51
fast for people. He reminds Dalia, reminds me of
16:54
you, you know, brunette, same kind of eyes.
16:58
You know, you have certain aspects about your your face and
17:01
your features and and how you act that are very similar.
17:05
And yeah, it's pretty interesting with him because he
17:09
was just so tight. He does.
17:12
He does have a type. So anywho, I thought it was
17:15
sweet. Yeah, then I got that ABDL
17:18
diaper leopard. Oh, you did?
17:20
Yeah. You saw that the other day.
17:21
You saw him the other day. Yeah, and he didn't bring very
17:24
much of anything. He didn't have his powder, he
17:26
didn't have his baby food, but he said he had a whole nursery
17:29
at home. I was like, we should have been
17:30
more prepared. Right.
17:32
You know, but he brought like 8 different diapers, which thank
17:35
God because there was oil involved so my hands were all
17:38
oily. So I kept messing up the sticky
17:40
parts of the diaper, which was kind of annoying.
17:42
But I was like thank God you brought your own diaper because
17:44
I messed up this one. And it was his favorite one too.
17:46
He was like, this one's my favorite and I was.
17:48
Like next time just break out the duct tape, the duct tape in
17:52
the cap. I know it feels a little bit,
17:55
yeah, industrial, but wouldn't you put duct tape on your baby's
17:57
diaper? Be like, no, I'll just switch it
18:00
off because have you ever got like?
18:03
You know. Duct tape stuck to your skin and
18:04
it stayed there for too long and get a little rash.
18:07
True, true. Yeah, I just, I wanted to make
18:12
sure that he felt comfortable that not feeling like somebody
18:14
just. Duct tape.
18:17
To his body. There's Mia's explanation of
18:19
things. Oh yeah, She said to put duct
18:21
tape on it. I got a rash later but it's OK.
18:25
Yeah, I don't need to keep powder in the room for moments
18:28
like when they forget their stuff.
18:32
So you read him a book. You know I wrote the author to
18:37
those, the one who wrote it. I can't even pronounce the name
18:41
of the person who wrote it, but it's Brenda's Barber.
18:44
No, Brenda's Beaver and it's a Barber.
18:47
Was that not fucking hilarious? Yeah, she's like, this isn't a
18:49
kids book. I said no, it's an ABDL book.
18:52
And he started laughing. Look, it is.
18:54
It was like, Oh my Lord, I'm just, it's just a, a cute little
18:57
book and it makes it fun for an adult as well.
19:00
It really is adorable. So anyone who hasn't seen it,
19:02
they should go look at it in YouTube, yeah?
19:04
YouTube, they got it voiced over.
19:07
It's really cute. Yeah, I thought about just
19:10
reading it on the podcast as well.
19:12
Don't you have to get permission?
19:13
For that, well, if I got paid and because I don't get paid on
19:17
the podcast, OK. Cool.
19:19
Thank you. Yes.
19:19
See, you're not benefiting from it, you're just reading.
19:21
A story, exactly. That's all it.
19:23
Is people read Green Eggs and Ham?
19:24
There you go, Sam. I am all right.
19:28
So again, it's been fun. Always.
19:33
Always. I like that.
19:34
You know, we should do an episode where we talk totally
19:36
talk British the entire time. We need to have little tea cups
19:40
with our pinkies. Out we do.
19:42
We do. Yeah.
19:44
Soon. I'll probably get a little
19:46
Australian in there. That is Australian.
19:50
I know I keep always. I would venture off that way.
19:53
That's funny. Go to Sydney.
19:56
We're not going to call it British, we're just going to say
19:58
we're going to have an accent. I'll have to guess what it is.
20:01
You you haven't been to Australia yet?
20:04
Maybe one day. Yeah, I would like to go.
20:06
Yeah, Charles says he could live there.
20:08
He loves it, absolutely loves it.
20:12
It's very cool. There's a show on Netflix and
20:16
it's called Instant Hotel and it's where people actually turn
20:20
their houses into 8 Airbnb's and then they're judged on how well
20:27
they do it and it's a really cool show, I love it.
20:30
Is it in Australia? Yeah, it's based in Australia.
20:33
I didn't. Say that for you, you're just
20:35
like, yeah, yeah, Australia. Well then I watch this TV show.
20:38
Yeah. I love your transition there,
20:41
fuck. You Liv fuck you only later,
20:46
guys. Yeah, so they so there's
20:50
Australia Outback and then there's very tropical Australia
20:56
that they have and then they have the beach Australia by
20:59
Sydney. So they have several kind of
21:02
aspects of, you know, their tropical and their desert and
21:06
that kind of thing. But it's really it's very cool
21:09
it's a neat place I I'd love to go one day.
21:11
Well, let's. Plan a trip.
21:13
We can plan a trip, but you know, you haven't been to Europe
21:16
yet, so I think we can do double S Yeah, you need to go to
21:22
Europe. You need to go and experience
21:24
that. I would.
21:25
Love to I. Don't care where I go, I just
21:27
want to go, yes, you know. Well, I don't care if we go
21:31
above the Mason Dixon line. I got to finish paying off my
21:34
roof once my roof is paid off. Yeah.
21:39
Be you, me. She was.
21:40
On the road, well, I got, I got things I got to do too, but.
21:43
And the boys, too. Long because we're not young
21:46
forever. It's very true.
21:48
But we can make a three-year plan.
21:50
Yeah, Yeah, we can do that. Most definitely.
21:52
Yeah, you, me and the boys the. Men.
21:56
The men, Well, you call yours a man.
21:58
I call mine the boy. He's a little boy.
22:02
Well, Matt knows that's OK. They say goodbye.
22:05
They were like they were saying cheers to the Patriots.
22:10
Alright, so until then, this concludes an episode of.
22:14
Call me Mistress.