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The Age Divide/ Exploring Every Generation's Vibe 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's nice to see people actually laughing now.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a hard time in this country.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: People always saying, like, why do you think comics are having such a hard time?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it really, you want to know why I think we are?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Too many generations are alive at the same time.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's why.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not supposed to have to entertain all of you.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm supposed to pick a demographic and stay in my lane.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: But you guys want to come, there's so many.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: You got the greatest generations alive, baby boomer generations alive, Gen X, that's me, Gen Y, Millennial, Zinial.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Get the hell out of here.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's ridiculous.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not supposed to go do a show and you show up with your kids.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Look around.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you here with your children.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know my mother's first name.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fair.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, my sweet young millennials, I know you're a little sensitive, and I don't want to pick on you.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not picking on you.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: You have something that our generation will never have again.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hope.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: They told you you could be anything you wanted.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: That was completely different than our house.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: My brother told my father, I want to be an astronaut.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, You're too frigging stupid.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's not mean, that's career advice.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And now stupid is a bad word.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's what my son.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: My son's 11, he came home and he said, Mommy, the teacher told me stupid is a bad word.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I said, tell your teacher, mommy's gotta leave a lot of other words out.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Stupid is staying in.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Besides, I'd have nothing to call his father.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's my husband.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I love him.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: You would love him too.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll talk about him a little bit later.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I married the hot kid from the slow class.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so hey.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know who I am.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I take care of me.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need him to do anything for me.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Have sex with me and guard the perimeter.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Know your role.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: All right?
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need him for?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's you want to talk about equal opportunity?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's when we talk about it.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now I love the young generations.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: You do your marches, you do everything.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you go, oh, women, women, we support women.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I support women.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: How do you think that all these new young comics got here?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: All these broads that you've seen march out on stage, okay?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's how they got here.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just because I don't know how to knit a vagina hat doesn't mean I wasn't supporting women.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you say you support women and you're lying.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're lying.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you go, how do you know, Tammy?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you how, because I'm not just a comic, I'm a behavioral scientist.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I watch people and then I talk about them at night.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You lie and pretend you're supporting women, and I know you're lying, because you'll take a little picture, even tonight with your friends.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Little selfies of yourselves, post it up on social media, and you only fix you.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You leave your friend hanging.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, you look great.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Did Shrek enjoy the comedy show?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: People can't handle it when you tell them the truth.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like Jack Nicholson half the time.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can't handle the truth.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's a problem.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: The problem nowadays is that life is tough.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Stuff happens.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: My generation is getting old.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: I now go to the bathroom at the time I used to go out to nightclubs.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I can't find the piece of paper I wrote all my passwords down.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I did write them in cursive.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So there's that.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um there's that.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh might want to be nice to an old person if you want to read the Declaration of Independence.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Figure out what you're outraged about.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: You think I care?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know who I am.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: You have to know who you are.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: You understand?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know because in my house, I grew up, I'm 100% Sicilian.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't let you pretend.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, the four of you that I'm probably related to.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I love my people, but Italian people are the worst because there's always one old Italian lady who is miserable.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: You could tell her, I solved, I solved uh cancer, I cured cancer.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: That was my grandma.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: My grandfather, now he was my best friend.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: The day before I got married, my grandfather showed up.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I opened up the door, he goes, Hey Tam, today is the best day of your life.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I said, But Pop, I get married tomorrow.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, I know today is the best day.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, for me it worked out.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: My cousin, not so much.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: She's living with me, right?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because her husband was taking pictures of his penis and sending them to random broads.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Not random broads.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they were specific.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be funny if he was just like airdropping them.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: See, there's a difference in generations.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: When I say airdrop, the young people, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: The old people are picturing eight by ten glossies of a penis with a little parachute tied on it, being tossed out of a World War II bomber.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like sexual propaganda or something.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's everybody sexualized now.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about those penis pictures.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there's an Amish dude right now tracing it on a piece of parchment.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: He's got the candle behind him to get the proper glow.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: He's got his quill dipping it in the ink.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then he's gotta roll it up like a scroll and trot it to his girl's house.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: He knocks on the door, hearest thou go with Rebecca.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Rebecca unrolls it and she can't turn butter correctly for a week.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry, they're not here, and they're not gonna be watching either.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: So get over it.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Get over it.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Tired.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Just tired all the time.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's what the one thing the youth, you have you have energy to have sex and all your fun little things you do, like your threesomes, whatever.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not judging you.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just telling you, if there was another woman in bed with my husband and I, I'd be like, you got this covered?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I got stuff to do.
• 7:09
  unknown: All right?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm busy.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Make me a sandwich before you leave, too, all right?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because I am not gluten-free.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know when all that stuff happened.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Gluten, peanut allergies.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And stop yourself.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know peanut allergies are real.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's a real thing.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: My brother had a peanut allergy in the 80s, okay?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Back in the 80s, you know what my parents did?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not a damn thing.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, you want that Snickers or not?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: So what if you swell?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You don't go to school till Monday.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: You think they would have spent$800 on an EpiPen when it only cost$400 to have a new baby at the hospital?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do the math.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: The old math, not this new stupid math that they try to tell you.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: I can't take it anymore.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, like, and I sometimes I feel sorry for my husband because I'm always on edge.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: But the fact of the matter is, we don't argue over much anymore, okay?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Wanna know what we argue about?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people have talked about this.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: We argue over the GPS.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: He will listen to that GPS as if it was Moses coming down off the mountain.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: If it said turn left into the ocean, he would turn left into the ocean.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, maybe it's a shortcut.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're submerged right now.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, you're just jealous.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're jealous that I listened to her.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I am jealous.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm jealous she's somewhere else and I'm in the fucking car with him.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I am jealous of.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm jealous of.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I want that broad's life.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: We are telling you, here's the other thing we argue about.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: He snores and he doesn't believe me.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody who shares a pillow with you tells you that you snore, believe them.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why would I make that up?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's a game.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now I gotta prove to him.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm a documentarian.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta film him, right?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm looking for a Yeti in the Andes.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: This ridiculous.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Why would I make that up?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in the business of words.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'd make up something way more fantastical.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Be like, you know what you do while you sleep?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's the weirdest thing.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: You juggle.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I heard this noise.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Boom, boom, boom.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I opened my eyes, pillows hit the ceiling.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: In a rhythmic formation.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's ridiculous.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I love him.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going anywhere.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that fact was tested a couple years ago.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: He got sick.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Really sick, he's okay now.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: But at the time when he got sick, we Googled it on WebMD and we thought for sure he was dying.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And he said to me, he goes, if something happens to me, I want you to know you can get married again.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my I didn't even want to get married this time.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: What odds I get knocked up at this age.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I said, what do me?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, he's testing me.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: You realize that, right?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: When he tells me I can get married again.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: He's testing me to see if I'm loyal.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I'm loyal.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a 3 a.m.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: friend.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: I will show up at 3 o'clock in the morning with a shovel and bail money, no questions asked.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's who I am.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: But he's testing, well, I get so mad he's testing me.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because what am I supposed to say to you can get married again?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Huh?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, can I have Frank's number in case you're in a coma?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I gave him the answer that I knew he needed, alright?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's who I am.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I love this man.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is the light of my life.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I told him, I said, listen, no matter what happens to you, as long as I walk this earth, there will never be another man who gets to call me his wife.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you could tell he was relieved.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I said, but I will bang a lot of people.