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Kindness is never wasted · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a global voice Radio.
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Join Roxanne Derhodge and her thought provoking conversations, the catalyst to live your life
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to the fullest.
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Hi, everyone.
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It's, Roxanne Derhodge.
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So nice of you to me again, with authentic living with Roxanne.
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So, as you know, I talk about authenticity in, relationships.
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And today, I have very, dear dear friend, and, her name is Laurie Flasco, and she's from
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Laurie Flascon Associates.
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So Laurie is, epitomizes what it is to be authentic in my opinion from everything that
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I've seen her do, in the church that we go to, which we've been involved with in a long time,
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but just out in the community.
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So I'm gonna tell you a little bit about Laurie, and Laurie's gonna fill in the blanks.
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So welcome Laurie.
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Well, thank you, Roxanne.
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Thanks for having me.
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Okay.
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So I'm gonna touch the high points of Lori, and then Lori's gonna tell you a little bit more.
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So, Lori is the owner of Lori Flaskin Associates.
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And she has, you know, has been, working as a professional coach trainer and, and in the
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expertise of services for well over 20 years, so along with leadership development and team
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building, she began her career as part of the preopening team at Casino Niagara, a couple of
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minutes down the street from me here.
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She is the a graduate of Royal Road's executive coaching program, your certified trainer, a
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design training designer and a facilitator, background in human resources, and your,
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faculty member of Leadership USA, which you've been involved with for a long time.
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So, Laurie, that's kinda what am I is there any other things that I think, you should be
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highlighted?
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I've kinda took certain things off your bio?
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No.
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I think that, you know, I work with a wide range of organizations from hospitality to
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manufacturing, utilities.
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So it's, it's been a great career, and I really like to help organizations create good results
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and them to the best place where they need to.
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So you know what?
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Tell me a little bit about you've been in the fields, of of coaching and training for you
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know, 20 years.
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That's a that's a long time.
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So tell me what's, what kind of got you, you know, wanting to get into this field and kinda
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I think I know a little bit of the back history, but, tell me more and, and the people
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are listening so that they understand, how you entered, the field.
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Well, you know what?
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Something's just happened right back then.
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I had to I worked in hospitality when I was a kid.
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I ended up being working for the federal government for about 13 years and, left,
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majority of downsizing time.
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And I went on to open up, the casino, the first casino in Ontario, which was really fun.
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And, it was, an amazing learning experience and I say I learned like 10 years of, of experience
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in a 2 year period.
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I went on and opened up the race route slots around the province doing customer services key
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leadership.
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And then I, one of my big contracts out was working with White Oaks conference resort and
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spa.
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Even number 2 employer.
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We've, had some training, customized training on their, like, their customer service is
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amazing.
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So the develop training program.
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So that was sort of a start.
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And then since then, it's just really, gone in so many wonderful directions.
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Wow.
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So really the, the bulk of it was really quality services.
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And I'm gonna see you with quality services, you're really kind of tapping into people's
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approach to dealing with the public and kind of, accentuating what kind of things they need
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to highlight to be able to connect and understand people's needs out in, whatever
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environment they're in.
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Oh, absolutely.
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And so whether and, you know, I I talk a lot about customer service, but it even backs up
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further.
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You need strong leadership.
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In order to, you know, make sure that you've got an engaged work environment.
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So it's it's all of those components together.
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Building strong teams, building, personal development and growth, all of that.
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So it's, yeah, it's been amazing.
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So when you say long, strong leadership translates out to, superior customer service,
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can you Can you tell me a little bit more about that?
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Because I'm curious, like, how, how that kind of works in an organization?
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Today about 70% of employees is what, research shows aren't engaged in the work environment.
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And 6 about 16%, 16 to 20% are really disengaged.
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And you've think if those are your employees, your frontline employees dealing with your
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customers, what kind of service are they gonna deliver?
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And so one of the the things that we know is employees wanna feel valued.
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They wanna feel appreciated.
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Wanna feel appreciated for doing, you know, doing a good job every day.
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And so it's their leadership that that's their responsibility.
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And and leaders have a lot of different responsibilities, certainly, to be ta to get
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the tasks done to bring in, the dollars and the resorts.
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Results, but the way they do it, do it also matters.
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So they a leader has to have people that wanna follow them and, that whole engagement piece,
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having strong leaders who've walked the clock, and, who really develop and ensure that they
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have an engaged work environment creates great customer experiences.
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I would think that it takes a heightened leader, to be able to be in tune, with what the
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needs of every level of the organization, every need's gonna be different from your frontline,
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to your middle managers, to executive team, to, you know, being at the top, but get you're
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getting an aerial view And sometimes I've heard about this complaint, and maybe you, you know,
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obviously, you wouldn't have had experience with this that people sometimes when they don't
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have effective leaders are afraid to filter up the information to the, the, you know, the,
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the, the CEO floor for fear of how it's gonna be received.
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Do you find that, people kinda are reserved with Waha or what they share with CEOs come
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maybe CEOs that are connected versus CEOs that aren't.
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It's it's funny.
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So whether you say CEO or whatever level of the organization, I was just doing, an emotional
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intelligence session the other day, and we were talking about the impact of someone's emotions.
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So no matter what level of the organization, if you are not being able to recognize and be
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aware of your emotions and then to be able to manage them, it can once the words come out,
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you can't take a bath.
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They're out there.
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And so how powerful it is, to manage those words to create dynamic work environments, to
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create trust with your employees, because trust can be lost really quickly if you aren't aware
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of of how things are.
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In that same session, I I spoke to a leader who was, very, very busy.
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She was, in the middle of her development week, and she was trying not to let her employees see
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how, how stressed she was.
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And her employees, and we were we were talking about kindness as well.
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I was doing, a session on kindness advantage.
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And and she was sharing how her employees noticed how she was acting at that point.
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And all three of them gathered their chairs around her and said, we need you to identify
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three things that you can delegate right away, and we're either gonna do it for you or find
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someone who can.
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And she said it was the biggest gift of kindness for her, the leader, and that made
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such a big, you know, again, made such a big difference for her.
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So this whole kindness thing or the way we treat each other, it's got this loop.
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So As employees, sometimes we think, oh, it has to be our our leaders that are appreciating us.
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How critically important it is to appreciate us.
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And and develop those relationships too, and, and throughout the organization.
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It's contagious.
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Well, I think that whole element, and I know you're gonna talk a little bit about the kind
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of advantage, which I think is a phenomenal thing.
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Because, you know, I think of when we raise our children or, you know, we tell them to go out
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to into community and say, please, and thank you or just smile.
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These are some basic things that I know I do with my son, and I'm sure you you did it with
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your daughter and continue to do it, even though she's an adult.
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But it's it's basic things.
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I think when we get into an organization, sometimes, we think that the leader is supposed
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to be a certain way, and we don't kind of think about our role, let's say, the employee.
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But I think it is a reciprocal thing, but culturally, if you have leadership that
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understands this, and filters it out in different touch points.
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So, you know, you know, the Gottman Institute, I don't know if you know much about them, but
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they talk a lot about couples, for instance, but it, it translates out into relationships of
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touch points, right?
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So that in fact, if you get 55 positives, you can have a one, critical or constructive,
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criticism.
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But if you kinda don't get that 5 to 1 ratio, what happens is if, if you are my, say, my
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supervisor and you're coming down the corridor heading towards my office and, you know, last
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time you came down, or I had a touch point with me was around, giving me feedback that was less
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than positive.
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I'm gonna have a visceral reaction to, oh, Here comes my supervisor versus if someone is
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continually, and, you know, trying to understand what's happening with you on an
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ongoing basis.
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So I can see how, how that makes a difference.
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Absolutely.
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You know, it just jumping on that research.
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So 5 acts of kindness in a marriage they say shows it's gonna be a positive, marriage 1 to 1
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cascade to divorce.
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But along with what you're saying, certainly 5 to 1.
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But when you look at the, you know, the top performers, they typically get 6 to 1.
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And so if you think of the bottom, whether and I don't even wanna say the bottom, but the
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average sometimes doesn't even get one to one.
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So if, the top performers are 6 to 1, what do you need to do in order to engage those other
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employees that that aren't getting what they need, which is kind of, again, that whole
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cycle.
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Right, Roxanne?
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Well, absolutely.
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And what we know, like, from my, consulting background, right, So like for instance, in
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employee assistance programs, which is where for psychological health and wellness, let's
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say the benchmark for hospitals, for instance, or 15%.
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People would come for services in any way that keeps them away from work.
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Right?
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So those are the people that know I need to talk to somebody.
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But what they found, research wise, is within those organizations, Laurie, It's 20% of the
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people that go on to short term disability.
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Those are the people that aren't engaged at all they're not even aware to say, having a
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difficulties say in, because I'm stressed because my mom's not well or whatever, to maybe
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go seek some assistance.
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So they're unaware that they're unaware, and they're kind of going on and kind of, you know,
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dealing with a lot of things, and those are the people that eventually impact, you know, the
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health of an organization because year after year, If they're not getting assistance and not
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getting support, then those are the ones that cost organizations the most money,
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unfortunately.
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You
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know?
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So those touch points are very, very very important because you never you never know what
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someone is going through.
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Right?
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Be and oftentimes, what we know It's generally, generally not work related.
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It's often related to something else outside of the workplace.
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So so tell me, tell me more about the kindness advantage because I think that plays in, you
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know, when you say customer service, which is where you started, this I think this kind of
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advantage really takes it up with another level and, and, and talks about, you know, gentleness
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and be and being good to others.
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So tell tell the listeners a little bit more about it.
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Well, you know, it's funny.
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I I have a originally, when I had this concept, I had a hard time in my head merging the 2.
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I had, written a book, co written a book, with my co author, Julie Christensen, a number of
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years ago called bullying is not a game of parent survival died when my daughter has been
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bullied and experienced bullying.
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And we went through, an incredible journey and wanted to make sure that parents knew how to
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deal with mental health and schools and all of that.
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Well, I spoke about bullying for a number of years to, you know, parent teacher students.
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And it's a really hard subject.
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And it wasn't until I had a moment where I met someone that I had a couple of years prior
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where I had met her during a presentation.
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And, and she said to me that day, she looked at me and she said, I wanna thank you.
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And I said and I'm thinking she wants to thank me because afterwards we've talked about, you
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know, her being bullied and how she team of bully, and she wanna make changes in the
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schools.
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So I was expecting that was the thanks.
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And she said to me, I wanna thank you because you told me I was beautiful.
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No one else had ever done that before.
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And I'll tell you Roxanne that blew me away because I first of all, I I didn't remember it
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And 2 years later, that's what this girl remembered was such a small, in my mind, small
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comment, an authentic comic as you talked about, but that made a huge difference for her.
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And I saw at that moment, it's not bullying I need to talk about.
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It's kindness and how just those amazing simple kindness you make, comments or smiles and
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sometimes act to make a difference in somebody's life because you never know what
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people are going through.
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And you know whether you're a leader, whether you're a coworker, tennis can certainly be
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difficult.
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It can be tough.
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But when you're deliberate about it, it not only changes the other person, which you might
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never know what the impact is.
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But there's also so much research that it changes you.
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And I can tell you that from my own personal practice, it has a big impact on Whether it's
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mood, whether it's, as you said, the feeling of love that we give to other people, the
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compassion, There's so many amazing happiness, results of intentional, deliberate, and
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certainly not to eliminate the spontaneous kindness too.
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It's just been a huge benefiting and gift to people.
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And I think, you know, Abri after being in the corporate sector for a lot of years, and I know
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you've been too, things can get, you know, busy and tiring and, you know, we have deadlines and
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projections and all that stuff.
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And everybody gets tense and stressed.
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And, you know, I'm sure you would agree.
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And I, you know, I think of a situation I was in and I, you know, I I'll give you an example
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of this.
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So I was in a, a corporate situation, and it was tough.
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There was, you know, mergers, acquisitions, you know, how it goes.
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It's you know, it's like the tumble that happens in corporate.
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And, I was part of a team, And clearly, you know, there was a lot of change, and most
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people didn't know what was happening.
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And most people were stressed.
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They were working more and all those things.
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And I was part of one team that was going through major change.
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And I'll never forget because these are the moments that you remember.
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Right?
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And everybody's, like, barely holding on by their fingernails.
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Right?
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They're, like, stressed and we have to get it done and have to do so much more with so much
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less and blah blah blah.
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And, my supervisor was the opposite of kind, not just to me, but, most of the people on the
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team.
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And I think the stress had gotten to her, so at such a profound level that it really became
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kind of unbearable for most of the team to deal with.
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And, long story short, you know, you know, that situation ended for me, it ended for her.
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And, let's say 2 months later, 6 months later, I run into her.
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And she comes over to me, and I I'm at a corporate situation, and She says to me, I just
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want to let you know that that was the toughest time in my life.
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And I said, So she says, forgive me, because I didn't know what to do and I just wanted to let
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you know that after you left, I had to take a leave of absence.
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Now, this is what you're talking about, I think.
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This is a good example because had she, somewhere along the line, Lori, set to myself
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or my other teammates, even though we knew the pressure was there, because we were feeling it,
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Obviously, her pressure was because she was above us, her pressure was worse than us.
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Had she, you know, said something like, This is tough on all of us.
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I know this is a hard time.
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That's band together.
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We'll try to figure out, you know, what we can't figure out together.
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That would have made such a difference in my life.
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And I remember after being so upset, and then when I ran into her, the fact that she could
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even say that.
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And she and, Jin, she said to me, can I have a hug?
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And, and that made the difference.
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You know, so going back again to what you're saying about those acts of little pieces of
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kindness, like even though, things can get rough, and we know that out there sometimes be
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depending on the environment that you're in, what a difference that could have made, you
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know?
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You know, it's funny.
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You you I I wrote a a note down here because I didn't wanna forget it because you kinda hit 2
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things.
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There's a saying, and I, and I hope I get this right.
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The people who need love and understanding the most sometimes deserve it the least.
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You hope that that I actually put that up on my computer screen as a reminder because You know,
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I remember going through really rough time with my when when my daughter wasn't well.
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Some I called myself momzilla.
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Sometimes I wasn't very, very nice.
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And sometimes I was short, and I didn't know how to ask for help, and I didn't know I was
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going through it.
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And there's some people in my world that, yeah, I mean, with the bat manager, that she had the
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opportunity to come back and to say that, because sometimes we either people move away or
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we don't get a chance to.
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So they're, you know, I think we make mistakes in life and we learned from them, but if we
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could, do 2 things.
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If we could recognize our emotions at the beginning, and as you said, ask for help, and
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because we can't, then we do have to what a wonderful gift to apologize or to ask for
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forgiveness.
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But as an employee going through that, how would it have been?
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And I know it's really hard, but free and the employee to recognize.
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What's going on in my manager's world that's making it so tough for my manager too?
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And I think if we can start seeing it from both perspectives, sometimes we might be able to
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help each other through the journey.
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It's not easy.
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But I think that awareness and that ability to be empathetic and compassionate, especially in
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the difficult times might bring some awareness and and some healing.
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And then you're right.
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Easier said than done.
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Right?
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So I know when I when I deal with people or I coach people, I often say to them, you know,
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let's say you're having a tough interaction, what's going through your mind right now?
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Bring up bring up the most difficult person in your workplace right now.
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Tell me what immediately comes to your mind.
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Tell me what you're telling yourself about that person.
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Then tell me based on that thought, how are you feeling, and what does it make you want to do
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when you see that person?
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Right?
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Because a lot of people you're right don't have the awareness because it becomes, you know,
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she's abrupt.
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She's rude or, you know, he has no patience or whatever.
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And once you start to label, as you know, then it becomes more difficult to, be able to kind
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of open the space for possibility because you become kind of closed down.
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So with the EQ, things that you did in the environment, what was that like when you, Did
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you do some assessments and then review it with the team members?
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What how how do you work with the EQ?
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Well, so at this point, I haven't been doing assessments.
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They've been, more of an awareness when an individual does some assessments themselves and
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see what area they wanna work in.
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Oh, okay.
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Through coaching, that's something that we, you know, we, we talk and work through together,
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through the workshops, It's looking at a number of the different areas and some strategies, so
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certainly some wealth self awareness
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and
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strategies to work through each one.
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Because as you know, EQ hits so much.
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It's whether it's teamwork, whether it's a customer experience, whether it's leadership,
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So there's so many different, applications with it.
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So whether, you know, you're just talking about EQ or you take that information, and you apply
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it into other areas, is something that I do as well.
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And a a powerful, information for all of us.
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Right?
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So the more that we understand when we get stressed or where EQ goes with certain
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scenarios that that much more powerful.
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So, I want you to talk about the kind of advantage and, you know, the local store that
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we both go to, and because I know you did a a Facebook live there, which I watched, but I
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think I would like, I would like for you to, share a little bit about what you do within
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environments and what's what your goal is with the kindness advantage, because I think I'm
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sure pea there's people listening that would love to help you with it also.
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Well, so there's a number of different ways that I do it.
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I certainly go into organizations, which is so much fun and challenge them to do a 1000 acts
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of kindness.
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So we come in, we talk about it, we play with it a bit, and then they go at it, and they
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gather stories and they add together, they they even assess impact on their organization.
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And that's been amazing because We've seen increase in happiness, increase in
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productivity, morale.
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So just being able to show that to them and then make that ongoing part of their culture,
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has been fun.
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The other part that I've done with it is, When I started to speak at conferences, I reached
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out to McDonald because I love their coffee.
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And, McDonald gave me a number of coupons to pay it forward.
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Because if you've ever been in, you know, in the the dry school and somebody buys your
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coffee for you, it's such a fun feeling.
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And so I got these coffee coupons now, and I had spoken a number of conference, and I had a
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whole bunch left.
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And I thought, what can I do with these?
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That people love them.
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So I decided that there's so many kinds of businesses out there.
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Why don't we instead of complaining why don't we highlight the ones that we love that are
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kind businesses and start this movement?
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And so it started by me posting something on Facebook asking for people to nominate their
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their kindest business.
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And it, it went to, I think it's called McCay's heating and plumbing and heating in, in
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catherine's, and it was a hostess, Niagara, and then it landed at La Coppos, which is so funny
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because that the store that you and I talked about.
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Yes.
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When I went into the cocos, I was, you know, just gonna go and do, an interview with him.
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And I caught a whole, it met the buggy guy.
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You and I talked about this.
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I know it's I know it's I've gotta introduce myself to him when I go next time for sure.
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And Danny, the manager at Lococos, I mean, what an amazing store.
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They're family oriented, but Danny said, this guy just makes everybody smile.
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And since I've done the interview, everybody's talking about him.
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He's just so friendly and so so helpful.
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So when you have a culture that's helpful and friendly, it just, you know, the customers love
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it because customers keep wanting to come back.
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So after I did that, I left it with Danny saying, Who's your?
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Who's the kind of business you know?
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And that went on now.
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I'm gonna be talking to Penn Financial very soon on bungee road.
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And Dan is already so here's a spoiler alert.
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That's dominating thorough auto like, thorough auto I have an easy story there, but also
27:08
there's a place of gulp, gulp, gulp meat restaurant in Cambridge.
27:14
They brought on, a young woman, who has special needs.
27:19
They took her under their wing.
27:21
They trained her.
27:22
They loved her.
27:24
The customers love her, and, I have a chance to interview them and to share this kindness way
27:30
through their community, and now it's going on and on.
27:34
Wow.
27:34
Fuck, man.
27:35
People love to get involved and jump.
27:37
I've called a wave of kindness.
27:39
We love to jump on these waves.
27:42
And how cool would that be if people started just to recognize rather than focus on things
27:47
that aren't right?
27:47
Cause there's a lot of them right now.
27:49
But why not focus on the there's so many more things that are positive and kind in our
27:56
environment, just so that we keep going and, they're already here, but it just inspires
28:02
other people and it feels good.
28:04
Absolutely.
28:05
And, you know, think about it, Laurie.
28:06
We all have to work.
28:07
We all have to live in communities.
28:10
And, you know, it's nice to feel good.
28:13
Like, I mean, when you walk into somewhere, you know, church, we expect it, but, you know, why
28:19
not other places?
28:20
Right?
28:20
It shouldn't be on a particular day between a certain time and Have you ever heard about the
28:26
water project where this Japanese, researcher, talks to water?
28:32
And you should look into
28:35
does it change the the format of the water?
28:38
Absolutely.
28:39
And when it's negative energy, And, you know, he would talk to the water and tell it, you're
28:45
stupid.
28:45
You're no good.
28:46
Blah blah blah.
28:47
And then he would, you know, he did a, you know, a another part where he just had nice
28:52
kind things.
28:53
It's amazing.
28:54
You need to if you haven't seen it, I want you to go look at it because this is perfect for
28:59
what you're talking about because what are we made of?
29:02
95% water.
29:04
Well, let me tell you, I don't think full.
29:07
You can't see this.
29:08
This is too bad.
29:09
Okay.
29:09
I can't see it.
29:10
Can you see it?
29:11
No.
29:12
Because you're awesome.
29:14
So I have to tell you this past, this past summer, I did, I did an experiment.
29:20
I did 56 days of kindness prior to my birthday, and I invited my friends to help me out to get
29:26
a 1000 acts.
29:28
And during that time, we were heading to to Europe.
29:31
So I knew I was gonna have to bring some things with me because I needed to do these apps every
29:37
single day.
29:38
So I made these cards up, and they we just say you're awesome, and thanks for all you do, and
29:43
some some blank spots to fill in the rest.
29:47
So I also brought chocolate with me.
29:50
I handed out more of these cars, and there was one man who was, in Rome, and I, and I watched
29:57
them.
29:57
And people can be when there's crowds of people, they can be rude.
30:02
And I watch some people be pretty rude to him.
30:04
And his whole job was people get to where they needed to be.
30:08
And, and at one point, I even kind of just ignored the man.
30:12
And my husband yelled me.
30:14
My husband said, No, you're not, you know, you're not being very kind.
30:17
So I stood back and I had watched him, and he was phenomenal.
30:20
So I wrote him a snow, and I gave him a chocolate.
30:23
And do you know the man cried?
30:26
Oh.
30:26
He cried
30:29
because No one had recognized them before.
30:33
And then I caught them, and I actually took a picture of them.
30:36
I caught them in the corner and he's reading word for word, everything that was said.
30:43
That's one example I've made so many people cry, like,
30:49
you're gonna be known as a crying lady soon.
30:53
People as, you know, just acknowledging somebody for the good work that they do.
30:59
And, you know, it's it's It's so simple, isn't it?
31:02
And it it and you'd always sometimes you don't need to know who did it.
31:06
Have you ever gotten something where, you know, somebody does something for you and you have no
31:11
idea and you're done.
31:12
I I just have to have that happen to me before.
31:14
And I'm like, Well, who said this?
31:16
I have to find out who said this.
31:17
Oh, yeah.
31:18
And, and I love it.
31:19
I love it.
31:20
It it you know, it's it's such it it fills your heart up, not that knowing isn't nice, but
31:26
there's something about someone that wants to do something for you, and they they just are
31:31
doing it Unconditionally because they feel like doing and they don't want to be known.
31:36
Oh, boy.
31:37
For sure.
31:38
Well, let me tell you, you know how you go through the the coffee drive thrus.
31:42
And Yes.
31:43
I do it all the time in Shifua.
31:46
I swear it started from a lady in Niagara Falls.
31:49
That that's That's awesome.
31:51
That's true.
31:52
Anyway, if, I mean, this is gone.
31:54
This now bodes viral everywhere.
31:56
One of the reports that I've read Starbucks had 10 consecutive hours of people driving through,
32:03
which I think is neat.
32:04
And one day, one day had happened to me, and, when I was talking to the the person that was
32:11
giving the coffee, she said, typically, on average, 13 cars buy to the other the other
32:18
car.
32:19
And if you think about the impact of that, right, this the first sister to drive through
32:24
was so happy to be able to say, here's the coffee on the other car.
32:28
Yes.
32:28
Got it.
32:29
Being happy.
32:31
You're driving away.
32:32
1 act of kindness they say creates 4 more.
32:35
Buying it for the car behind, they're happier.
32:37
I mean, it's just a win win.
32:39
So I was speaking at, the Niagara Health System.
32:43
They, they did a thousand acts of cronies, and I was wrapping up the event.
32:47
And one of the women there, her name is Nancy was telling a story how he was in the grocery
32:53
store, and this little man came up to her and kind of tapped her on the shoulder and said, is
32:59
that your black car your black truck in the driveway?
33:03
Well, Nancy's getting a little nervous thinking, oh my gosh.
33:05
You know, what happened to my truck?
33:07
And he proceeds to tell her that she he said to her, you bought me a coffee in the drive thru 2
33:16
weeks ago.
33:17
Oh my goodness.
33:18
And Nancy looked and said, oh my gosh.
33:21
How how did you know?
33:22
He said it it was your black your black truck, and I followed you in.
33:27
And then then it gets better.
33:28
Then the man said to her, you know, that morning, I had such a hard morning.
33:34
I had just buried my sister.
33:36
Ugh.
33:37
And you bought me a coffee, and it meant so much next time.
33:40
Oh my goodness.
33:42
It's about incredible.
33:43
I'm gonna cry.
33:45
Oh my gosh.
33:46
So, and, you know, you never know what someone's going through.
33:49
Really, you don't.
33:50
You know, like, just once I remember, just, you know, you know, in Chabua.
33:55
And, I was at the grocery store, and I was I just bought my groceries of something.
34:02
I'll put it on the way, and this lady came up to me, Laurie, out of nowhere.
34:08
And I think I had, like, $10 left, right, because I've just bought all my groceries.
34:13
And she said to me, Man, she says, can you lend me some money?
34:18
And she was telling me that she was going to the church, and the church was in there.
34:22
And she was just an older lady that just and she goes, I you know, and then they're closed,
34:27
and I I'm I don't have it.
34:29
And she opens her wallet right in front of me.
34:31
Like, she's close to me at my car.
34:33
And there's really no money in there.
34:35
And I all I had was I said, this is all I have.
34:38
You know, I'm so sorry, and I gave her $10.
34:41
And I'm like, This is it felt like I don't know.
34:46
It felt different, but I you know, I was like, you know, I was so glad that I had you know,
34:51
$10 to give.
34:52
But sometimes you never know, like, you know, it could be something so small.
34:58
And we impact we impact people all the time, and we may not be be aware of both good and
35:04
bad.
35:05
Well, and, you know, we we make judgements about people, right, why why their life is the
35:12
way they are, why this, And I just figured it's not my job to judge somebody's about free.
35:19
And Susan Vendetti is an amazing woman in our community, and she's at Start Me up Niagara,
35:24
and she taught me that lesson.
35:27
Our our role isn't to judge, and she said no.
35:31
And, good friend of mine, her daughter was living on the streets at one point, and she
35:37
would just pray that people would be kind enough to help her daughter win once she needed
35:41
it.
35:42
So we don't know.
35:43
We don't know what got people and physicians, and it doesn't matter Roxanne.
35:48
When somebody's hungry or they need something and they're asking for it,
35:53
You know?
35:53
And, you know, I've done, I used to have a satellite office at Project chair when I worked
35:58
with Trauma, And I can tell you that you never know.
36:02
You never know, right, because, there's so many things out there, which, unfortunately, we know
36:08
that life can bring so many people things, and you never know how it's gonna affect people.
36:14
And, you know, the fact that you are doing something so I mean, my heart is struck by this
36:20
because I know when I get little acts of kindness, like, I go through the the drive
36:25
through every day, and I see the same girls.
36:28
And do you know now?
36:30
I'll take your picture the next time they do it.
36:32
They'll put rocks with the hearts.
36:34
Yeah.
36:35
Or they'll put like a smiley face and have a good one.
36:39
They take the time.
36:41
They take the time.
36:42
I should probably film it for you next time and send it to you because I think How nice is
36:48
that?
36:48
That they think, you know, they just see me every day, of course.
36:52
And I always say hi or thank you, whatever But the fact that they take the time just to say,
36:57
have a great one with a big smiley face makes me, I'm like, oh, I'm, you know, I'm ready to
37:03
have my coffee as it is.
37:05
But how kind is that?
37:06
You know?
37:07
True.
37:08
And here's the thing.
37:09
There's a few things with research.
37:10
We know that when you're kind back and forth, oxytocin's creative.
37:16
An oxytocin is the happiness thing.
37:18
So whether you put me through a hug, my husband came home with research that says, Laurie, 5
37:23
hogs a day.
37:24
We do the power and, you know, or, the touch with somebody, a handshake that makes that
37:31
connection.
37:31
Oxitos is a wonderful chemical.
37:34
Serotonin, is increased.
37:36
All of that happens.
37:37
Absolutely.
37:38
Research actually shows that when you are kind, over the course of 6 weeks.
37:44
So if you're kind, not every you and and the good thing is you'll have to be gone every day,
37:48
just one day, five times, five times once a week, over the course of 6 weeks, and you're
37:56
doing kind things that you typically don't normally do.
37:59
So if you're drawing a happy basis, Do something different might be taking somebody's
38:04
grocery card in or whatever and you will see a boost in your happiness.
38:10
And my research, when I did, 56 days of kindness, people's, kindness not only or
38:16
happiness not only increase, but they also started to see the world differently, and they
38:21
started to notice kindness everywhere.
38:24
So there's so many health benefits.
38:28
We know that people who are suffering with loneliness right now are actually at a greater,
38:37
elevated risk or higher than smoking or down smoking and obesity.
38:43
So, you know, you look at, we're in a world where people are craving kindness.
38:50
And, and, as you said, right, that happy face made you feel so good, and it made your day the
38:57
guy at Lip Locos who just took time to be so kind, right to you, you remember him.
39:04
And and it's a warm, feeling that we need more of.
39:09
And I think, you know, really highlighting those people like you're doing because, you
39:14
know, I I have, you know, and what it makes you think about is you know, you you get so struck
39:20
when somebody does it to you that it makes you realize, wow.
39:24
Like, the world is a phenomenal place.
39:27
Right?
39:28
And, you know, and it's whatever you're like you're right.
39:31
You're cultivated in your mind, and then you start to see the world through a different
39:35
lens.
39:36
Yes.
39:36
There's lots in the world.
39:37
We all know that.
39:39
And there's lots of things that come up for us, but, you know, taking the breath to enjoy
39:45
something like that, you know, with us in our, on our bodies, I don't know if you know much
39:49
about neuroneurons, but The fact, you know, the fact that you're kind, and it may be you need
39:56
somebody not so kind, what you do is you actually after a while, they start to mimic
40:01
your mirror neurons that's maybe more positive.
40:04
And then think about if you're doing that, you know, we have those little invisible things
40:08
going on in the world.
40:09
Are we not are we not doing, a great thing in the world?
40:14
Truly, like, and, you know, one of the things along with that too is just even thinking kind
40:21
thoughts about someone, So there's a lot of research that shows right now.
40:25
We we know meditation's good, but the luck time this meditation is at actually the one where it
40:32
changes and and strengthens our vagus nerve.
40:34
And our vagus nerve is responsible for slowing our heart rate.
40:40
I think a lot in emotional intelligence and boosting our immune system.
40:44
There's so many important things that it does.
40:46
And you get that through whether it's praying about someone else.
40:50
So, you know, I've experienced this with myself is Somebody pops in my head and you just pray
40:57
about them at that point, or or you've got somebody that maybe there's been some tension
41:03
and you're just not feeling about good about it, whether you're meditating about that person
41:08
positively or craying or thinking, it changes me changes me in the way I think.
41:15
So I wanna believe, and maybe you have research about this, that those thoughts also changed
41:22
the other person.
41:22
I mean, I don't know the scientific basis behind it, but I really do believe that.
41:28
So
41:29
Yeah.
41:29
And I think I think there is a lot of neuroscience that is saying that that, when,
41:34
like, for instance, myself, as a psychotherapist, I can I can see people change
41:40
after a while, Laurie, from, let's say they come in and they're sad or they're, you know,
41:45
they're disconnected?
41:48
After about say 5 to 6 to 8 sessions, you can see a shift in them.
41:54
Of such, of such, I can feel it in my heart and in my tummy because I've been, all all I'm
42:00
doing is being kind, you know, and and say to them, you are okay just the way you are, not by
42:07
just even sitting in the same room with them and saying, yes, these things have happened,
42:11
whatever it is, but you're okay.
42:13
You know, you're one of a kind.
42:15
You're special.
42:16
And sometimes that's all, like, you know, that we need out there, like you said, in the world,
42:22
to be able to give back whether, you know, I often hear, and I don't know if you've heard
42:26
that a smile is like a big, warm hug.
42:30
Right?
42:31
When you walk in somebody, how much does it take just to smile at them?
42:34
Even if it doesn't have to be a full smile, even just an acknowledgement to say, Hey, how
42:38
are you doing?
42:39
Nice to meet you kind of thing.
42:41
So I love, I love this.
42:43
You know, Laurie, I, I think it's, it's going to make such a difference, out there in the
42:48
world.
42:49
Now I want you to if there's anything less, thoughts you have, I want you to tell everyone
42:56
where they can reach you, yeah, I know you have an event coming up.
43:00
Absolutely.
43:00
I would like you to share it with everyone.
43:02
I will provide the link when I, when I send this out so they can also go, to, to check out
43:08
the event that you're gonna tell them about.
43:11
So I'm still learning this whole social media.
43:16
Laurie Plasco And Associates is my Facebook.
43:19
I just learned I've got a starting to do some things on YouTube, and I need some followers.
43:26
So I got 25 now.
43:28
I meet up to a 100 Roxanne list.
43:30
Alright.
43:30
Well, I'm gonna gonna go join right as soon as I hang up with you.
43:34
And
43:35
That's great.
43:36
And I have a I have an event coming up on April 25th I have 2 partners, Sterling Van Albine and
43:43
Carolyn Davidson, and we are recognizing the great work that administrative professionals
43:49
do.
43:50
So it's administrative day in April 25th, and, you know, youth, there's a lot of admin
43:56
professionals.
43:56
It doesn't have to be your title, but anyone who works since and organization.
44:01
And we're looking at the kindness advantage and, recognizing your greatness.
44:07
Also looking at this, which is, a way of getting along using personality in the
44:12
workplace.
44:12
So that'll be a fun event in St.
44:15
Catherine's Italian Rockos.
44:17
Okay.
44:17
Awesome.
44:18
Awesome.
44:19
Well, thank you so much.
44:22
Always a pleasure spending time with you.
44:24
Generate it's in person, not over the, not over the computer, but, for the listeners, I think
44:32
what I've learned today is simple things.
44:35
You know, think of, you know, when someone crosses your mind, like Rory said, you know,
44:40
pick up the phone, send them an email, do something kind and think what what little act
44:48
can I do that could potentially change someone's life, even though I may not know it,
44:54
challenge yourself to try to do something, you know, that, something like that a couple times
44:59
a week?
45:00
So thank you again for listening.
45:03
You've been listening to authentically linked with Roxanne.
45:06
If you'd like anything further, on authentic authenticity, you can connect with me, on my
45:13
website.
45:14
I do speaking engagements and and training.
45:17
Take care, and we'll chat with you then soon.
45:20
Bye, Laurie.
45:24
Hi.