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New Dirty Little Secret:Loving Him Cost Me My "Dream” · Billy The Kidd In The Morning

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Comments, you'll feel better.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Dirty Little Secret.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I need a drink? Right? Is that my dirty Little Secret?
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I'm drinking right now. I'm just kidding. Let's not do that,
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  Speaker 1: all right, Dirty Little Secret? Eight three three seven eight
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  Speaker 1: seven one h two nine. Usually you can call us
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  Speaker 1: where they're working on the request lines right now or Instagram.
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  Speaker 1: Either way, tell us your secret. Go ahead and confess.
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  Speaker 2: I do. I've been going back and forth on calling
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  Speaker 2: you guys, but I really don't have anyone to talk
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  Speaker 2: to about this.
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  Speaker 1: So well, that's what we're here for, where it's a
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  Speaker 1: non judgment zone. What is going on in your world?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I've been married, and we've only been married a
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  Speaker 2: couple of years, so it's still pretty new. And from
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  Speaker 2: the beginning, we both wanted the same thing, like a
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  Speaker 2: family with kids, you know, a big house full of noise,
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  Speaker 2: and that was always a part of the plan for
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  Speaker 2: both of us. And because it hadn't worked out that way,
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  Speaker 2: we've been trying and trying and trying, and nothing has happened.
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  Speaker 2: And at first I thought it was me, so I
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  Speaker 2: I tested and I went through all the emotions, like
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  Speaker 2: something's wrong with my body. I'm like broken, I'm something's
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  Speaker 2: not happening right, and then we found out it's not me,
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  Speaker 2: it's him.
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  Speaker 1: Oh okay, And I.
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  Speaker 2: Don't even think he realizes how much that changed everything
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  Speaker 2: for me. And I tried to be supportive and I
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  Speaker 2: love him. I love him so much, and he's a
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  Speaker 2: good man, he's a good husband, and it's.
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  Speaker 3: Not his fault.
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  Speaker 2: But I feel like, ever since I found out, like
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  Speaker 2: there's this big weight on me and I can't shake it.
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  Speaker 2: And I've always pictured myself as a mom. I've always
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  Speaker 2: wanted kids. I wanted that life with my husband and
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  Speaker 2: to have my kids in my house, and so it's
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  Speaker 2: just like, this can't happen now.
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  Speaker 1: I know it's a lot of emotions, but and I'm
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  Speaker 1: not saying this is the same, but I know there's
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  Speaker 1: other you know, there's adoption, there's other things that you
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  Speaker 1: could do.
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  Speaker 2: My friends, Yes, I mean we've discussed adoption. I'm not
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  Speaker 2: against it. I'm not. But if I'm being completely honest,
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  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'll feel the same way. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: And I feel awful saying that, but that's how I feel,
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  Speaker 2: and I can't deny that I feel that way. And
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  Speaker 2: this is a part of like what makes me feel
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  Speaker 2: like I might be the worst wife in the world
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  Speaker 2: or worst person in the world. And I just know
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  Speaker 2: that I know myself and i'd be lying if if,
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  Speaker 2: like if I say this is okay, because like I said,
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  Speaker 2: this has always been my dream and I have thought
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  Speaker 2: about leaving him. Oh, and I haven't said it, and
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  Speaker 2: I haven't even come close because I love him and
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  Speaker 2: it's like, not his fault, but it's it's crossed my
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  Speaker 2: mind that maybe I should move on.
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  Speaker 1: But I'm like, hold on, So you're thinking about actually
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  Speaker 1: leap okay, and I'm not. It's a non judgment zone.
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  Speaker 1: You're thinking about leaving him over this.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I do want to have kids of my own,
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  Speaker 2: and I don't know what else to do because I
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  Speaker 2: do love him and I love the life that we're
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  Speaker 2: building together, but it's not working out, and I just
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  Speaker 2: feel like it's flipping away what I wanted.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, is it not working out? Or is this
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  Speaker 1: the plan? The bigger plan that you know? Sometimes you
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  Speaker 1: just can't control these things. And obviously it's not his fault.
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  Speaker 1: I can't tell you what's right or wrong. There's a
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  Speaker 1: difference between going, oh, you know what, I can't I
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  Speaker 1: can't say this has never crossed my mind and I'm
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  Speaker 1: actually going to do this. Yeah, there's two different things.
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  Speaker 1: So I mean, I guess it just depends on you
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  Speaker 1: if you love them. I just feel like there's no
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  Speaker 1: way you can leave them over this.
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  Speaker 2: I don't feel like I can leave them either. But
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  Speaker 2: I'm just like hurting myself and I'm like, how do
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  Speaker 2: I agree without hurting him? I'm keeping everything to myself.
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  Speaker 1: Have you two talked about it, maybe possibly doing counseling
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  Speaker 1: or something like that together, because this is a big deal.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't hold it inside, but also sharing that
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  Speaker 3: with him is going to just break his heart even worse.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess we will have to go to counseling
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  Speaker 2: because I don't know what to do from here, because
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  Speaker 2: I'm just questioning everything and feeling like a terrible person.
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  Speaker 1: Because think about it. Let's say you know you've thought
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  Speaker 1: about it, you leave him, you get with somebody else,
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  Speaker 1: you have kids, you think years down the road, you're
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  Speaker 1: not going to look back and go I mean, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I'm glad I'm a mom, but I can't believe I
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  Speaker 1: left a man that I love right and love because
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  Speaker 1: of something that he can't control. Yeah, if this were
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  Speaker 1: switched around and there was a man calling up and saying,
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  Speaker 1: I'm leaving my wife because she can't have kids, I
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  Speaker 1: think people would be in an uproar and everybody feels different.
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  Speaker 1: Now that you're saying it, right, And I don't think
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  Speaker 1: you're a bad person. I'm just saying I would really
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  Speaker 1: talk to somebody before you let that thought get out
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  Speaker 1: of control or take over the process.
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  Speaker 3: You're how you're feeling before you just jump and make
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  Speaker 3: some type of decision that you can't turn back.
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  Speaker 1: You know, because he's going through all this too, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: he probably feels so guilty and emasculated, like you know.
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  Speaker 2: It's just horrible. I wish that things were different, but
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  Speaker 2: they're not, So I have to just face what we
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  Speaker 2: have going on.
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  Speaker 3: Well, people would be, you know, take the route of
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  Speaker 3: this just wasn't meant to be. It wasn't meant for
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  Speaker 3: me to have kids. You know. It's a tough pill
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  Speaker 3: to swallow, it is when you've dreamed of that.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know so many people. So many people go,
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  Speaker 1: especially women, They feel like their main reason they're here
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  Speaker 1: is to be a mom. So if that can't happen,
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  Speaker 1: I get why you feel like there's a big part
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  Speaker 1: of you.
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  Speaker 3: Missing for sure, but you definitely can't. You guys can't
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  Speaker 3: work through this on your own. I would definitely seek
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  Speaker 3: professional help do that.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you so much.
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  Speaker 1: All right, good luck with everything and let us know
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  Speaker 1: what happens and hang in there.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, thank you so much.
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  Speaker 1: You're welcome, and I got to say thank you to everyone.
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  Speaker 1: This is why I love our listeners, because I'm getting
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  Speaker 1: DM after DM after DM, going here's how she can
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  Speaker 1: do something about this. Go to this doctor or people
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  Speaker 1: who've been in this situation. I'm going to send her
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  Speaker 1: all of this info so.
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  Speaker 3: Acts I don't know what option she's explored or has it.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: It's kind of sensitive to ask, and I don't
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  Speaker 1: Air exactly, so you know what, I'm gonna get all
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  Speaker 1: this info