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How Often Should We Forgive · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

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  Speaker 1: We're opening God's Word today to Matthew chapter 18. We'll
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  Speaker 1: complete the chapter, but the message of the chapter will
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  Speaker 1: go with you, I believe, for the rest of your life.
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  Speaker 1: Not because of what I say, but because of the
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  Speaker 1: truth that is uncovered as it is applied from these verses.
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  Speaker 1: We're looking at Matthew 18, 21 through 35. I'll be
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  Speaker 1: reading from the New Living Translation. And when you find
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  Speaker 1: your place, Matthew 18, 21, please stand with one another
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  Speaker 1: for the reading of God's Word. Then Peter came to
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  Speaker 1: him and asked, Lord, how often should I forgive someone
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  Speaker 1: who sins against me seven times? No, not seven times,
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  Speaker 1: Jesus replied, but 70 times seven. Therefore, the kingdom of
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  Speaker 1: heaven can be compared to a king who decided to
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  Speaker 1: bring his accounts up to date with servants who had
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  Speaker 1: borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his
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  Speaker 1: debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.
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  Speaker 1: He couldn't pay. So his master ordered that he be
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  Speaker 1: sold along with his wife, his children, and everything he
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  Speaker 1: owned to pay the debt. But the man fell down
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  Speaker 1: before his master and begged him. Please be patient with
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  Speaker 1: me and I will repay it all. Then his master
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  Speaker 1: was filled with pity for him and he released him
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  Speaker 1: and forgave his debt. But when the man left the king,
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  Speaker 1: he went to a fellow servant who owed him a
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  Speaker 1: few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and
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  Speaker 1: demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him
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  Speaker 1: and begged for a little more time. Be patient with
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  Speaker 1: me and I will pay it, he pleaded. But his
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  Speaker 1: creditor wouldn't wait. He had the man arrested and put
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  Speaker 1: in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
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  Speaker 1: When some of the other servants saw this, they were
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  Speaker 1: very upset. They went to the king and told him
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  Speaker 1: everything that had happened. Then the king called in the
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  Speaker 1: man he had forgiven and said, You evil servant, I
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  Speaker 1: forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me.
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  Speaker 1: Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant just as
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  Speaker 1: I had mercy on you? Then the angry king said,
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  Speaker 1: sent the man to prison to be tortured until he
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  Speaker 1: had paid his entire debt. That's what my Heavenly Father
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  Speaker 1: will do to you if you refuse to forgive your
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  Speaker 1: brothers and sisters from your heart. You may be seated.
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  Speaker 1: Not only is the application penetrating, the question that the
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  Speaker 1: whole story revolves around is a question of quantity. How
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  Speaker 1: often should we forgive another? And behind that question is
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  Speaker 1: a deeper one. Why forgive at all? The answer may
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  Speaker 1: surprise you. It also may explain something that's been going
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  Speaker 1: on in your life for a long time, but not
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  Speaker 1: until today have you been able to identify the reason.
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  Speaker 1: If I may, for the next few moments, would you
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  Speaker 1: think about someone you've not yet forgiven? Though the question
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  Speaker 1: is a general one, it means something very personal to
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  Speaker 1: each one of us. My individual that I think of,
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  Speaker 1: should there be someone in my life, is different from
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  Speaker 1: the one you're thinking of, should there be someone you've
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  Speaker 1: not yet forgiven. Or there may be several. As we pray,
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  Speaker 1: let's all ask the Lord to open our hearts so
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  Speaker 1: that we're not defensive. We're willing to hear what Jesus
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  Speaker 1: teaches and what it means to us personally. Bow with me,
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  Speaker 1: will you please? It's hard to imagine how far east
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  Speaker 1: is from west, but there it is. And it's that
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  Speaker 1: far you have removed our transgressions from us, thanks to
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  Speaker 1: the cross, thanks to your grace. This infinite space represents
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  Speaker 1: that magnificent breadth of your forgiveness, Father, and Were we
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  Speaker 1: to live to be 200, we would never, ever be
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  Speaker 1: able to thank you enough. How grateful, how truly grateful
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  Speaker 1: we are that you have forgiven us all our sins
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  Speaker 1: and you keep on doing that day after day, week
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  Speaker 1: after week, throughout our lifetimes. I pray that you would
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  Speaker 1: soften the soil of our souls today so that as
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  Speaker 1: the seed of your word is planted, it will take
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  Speaker 1: root and bear fruit. Speak to us as though we
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  Speaker 1: were all alone with you in this room and you
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  Speaker 1: were talking with us just above a whisper. May we
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  Speaker 1: hear what you're saying. And may we accept it. And
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  Speaker 1: where necessary, may we come to terms with it. Enable
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  Speaker 1: us to break the habit of just sitting and listening
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  Speaker 1: and leaving and forgetting. May it truly land deep within
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  Speaker 1: our souls so that we do not forget what we
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  Speaker 1: have heard. Help the words to take shape so that
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  Speaker 1: the need is met in an almost tailor-made manner. So
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  Speaker 1: that we realize you truly are speaking directly to us.
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  Speaker 1: Saying one thing to one person, something altogether different to
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  Speaker 1: someone else. We are here at all stages and ages
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  Speaker 1: of life. We all come broken. sinful, hopefully contrite and teachable.
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  Speaker 1: So as you speak, I pray that you will find
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  Speaker 1: no resistance. And as the children sang, may we not
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  Speaker 1: be afraid of where this truth will lead us. Thank
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  Speaker 1: you for providing for our needs so wonderfully well. Meet
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  Speaker 1: the needs of us as a church. Use these gifts
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  Speaker 1: as we give them here and abroad among those we
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  Speaker 1: know and with those we've never met. In places we've
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  Speaker 1: been and places we not only have never been but
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  Speaker 1: could hardly pronounce. Give your word free course as a
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  Speaker 1: result of the needs that are met through these gifts.
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  Speaker 1: Encourage those missionaries, those spokesmen and women, those who serve you,
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  Speaker 1: those who are students, learning, growing. Watch over them in
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  Speaker 1: these tender days of their growing up years and prepare
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  Speaker 1: them for a life of leadership in their own realm
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  Speaker 1: of influence. Thank you for the privilege of giving. We
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  Speaker 1: do it with generous hearts. And we ask this prayer
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  Speaker 1: filled with faith. In the name of Jesus. Everyone said. Amen.
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  Speaker 1: I have a question that you will not be able
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  Speaker 1: to answer. But it is such a haunting question, you
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  Speaker 1: will never forget it. The breadth of it is too wide,
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  Speaker 1: and the significance of it is too broad. But it
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  Speaker 1: must nevertheless be asked. But first a story. Back in 1997,
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  Speaker 1: when Philip Yancey first wrote, What's so amazing about grace?
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  Speaker 1: He was nice enough to send me a signed copy,
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  Speaker 1: and as soon as I received it, as I recall,
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  Speaker 1: in almost one sitting, I read it through. I was
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  Speaker 1: intrigued by the question because I love the subject. The
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  Speaker 1: deeper I got into it, the more I appreciated the
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  Speaker 1: journey he was taking us on. I found myself especially
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  Speaker 1: intrigued with the chapter titled, Why Forgive? And then the
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  Speaker 1: following ninth chapter, Getting Even. That one really stuck with
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  Speaker 1: me because it included the story of Simon Wiesenfall. And
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  Speaker 1: as you know much about the World War II Nazis
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  Speaker 1: and the years that followed where the Nazis were hunted,
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  Speaker 1: you'll remember that Simon Wiesenthal was the foremost hunter of
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  Speaker 1: Nazis and a relentless public voice against hate crimes. But
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  Speaker 1: things in Simon's life earlier were much different. And that
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  Speaker 1: takes us back to 1944, when Wiesenthal was a young
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  Speaker 1: Polish prisoner of the Nazis. He had looked on helpless
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  Speaker 1: as Nazi soldiers killed his grandmother on the stairway of
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  Speaker 1: her home, and as they forced his mother into a
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  Speaker 1: freight car crammed with elderly Jewish women. Altogether, 89 of
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  Speaker 1: his Jewish relatives would die at the hands of the Nazis.
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  Speaker 1: Wiesenthal himself tried without success to commit suicide when he
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  Speaker 1: was first captured. One bright sunny day, as Wiesenthal's prison
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  Speaker 1: detail was cleaning rubbish out of a hospital for German casualties,
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  Speaker 1: a nurse approached him. Are you a Jew? She asked hesitatingly,
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  Speaker 1: then signaled him to accompany her. Apprehensive, Wiesenthal followed her
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  Speaker 1: up a stairway and down a hallway until they reached
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  Speaker 1: a dark, musty room. where a lone soldier lay swabbed
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  Speaker 1: in bandages. White gauze covered the man's face with openings
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  Speaker 1: cut out for mouth, nose, and ears. The nurse disappeared,
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  Speaker 1: closing the door behind her to leave the young prisoner
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  Speaker 1: alone with this figure. The wounded man was an SS officer,
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  Speaker 1: and he had summoned Wiesenthal for a deathbed confession. His name,
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  Speaker 1: as he put it, my name is Carl, said a
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  Speaker 1: raspy voice that came from somewhere within the bandages. I
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  Speaker 1: must tell you of this horrible deed, tell you because
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  Speaker 1: you are a Jew. Karl began his story by reminiscing
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  Speaker 1: about his Catholic upbringing and his childhood faith, which he
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  Speaker 1: had lost while in the Hitler Youth Corps. He later
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  Speaker 1: volunteered for the SS and served with distinction and had
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  Speaker 1: only recently returned, badly wounded, from the Russian front. Three
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  Speaker 1: times as Carl tried to tell his story, Wiesenthal pulled
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  Speaker 1: away as if to leave. Each time the officer reached
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  Speaker 1: out to grab his arm with a white, nearly bloodless hand,
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  Speaker 1: he begged him to listen to what he had just
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  Speaker 1: experienced in the Ukraine. In a small town, Abandoned by
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  Speaker 1: the retreating Russians, Carl's unit stumbled onto booby traps that
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  Speaker 1: killed 30 of the SS soldiers. As an act of revenge,
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  Speaker 1: the SS rounded up 300 Jews, herded them into a
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  Speaker 1: three-story house, doused it with gasoline, and fired grenades at it.
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  Speaker 1: Carl and his men encircled the house, their guns drawn,
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  Speaker 1: to shoot anyone who tried to escape. The screams from
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  Speaker 1: the house were horrible, he said, reliving the moment. I
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  Speaker 1: saw a man with a small child in his arms.
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  Speaker 1: His clothing was aflame. By his side stood a woman,
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  Speaker 1: doubtless the mother of the child. With his free hand,
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  Speaker 1: the man covered the child's eyes, then jumped into the street.
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  Speaker 1: Seconds later, the mother followed. Then from the other windows
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  Speaker 1: fell burning bodies. We shot, oh God. All this time,
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  Speaker 1: Simon Wiesenthal sat in silence, letting the German soldiers speak.
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  Speaker 1: Karl went on to describe other atrocities, but he kept
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  Speaker 1: circling back to the scene of that young boy with
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  Speaker 1: black hair and dark eyes falling from a building, target
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  Speaker 1: practice for SS rifles. I'm left here with my guilt.
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  Speaker 1: he concluded at last. In the last hours of my life,
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  Speaker 1: you were here with me. I do not know who
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  Speaker 1: you are. I know only that you are a Jew,
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  Speaker 1: and that is enough. I know that what I have
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  Speaker 1: told you is terrible. In the long nights while I
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  Speaker 1: have been waiting for death, time and time again, I
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  Speaker 1: have longed to talk about it to a Jew and
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  Speaker 1: beg forgiveness from him. Only I didn't know whether there
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  Speaker 1: were any Jews left. I know what I'm asking is
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  Speaker 1: almost too much for you, but without your answer, I
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  Speaker 1: cannot die in peace. Simon Wiesenthal, an architect in his
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  Speaker 1: early 20s, now a prisoner dressed in a shabby uniform
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  Speaker 1: marked with a yellow Star of David, felt the immense
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  Speaker 1: crushing burden of his race bearing down on him. He
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  Speaker 1: stared out the window at the sunlit courtyard. He looked
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  Speaker 1: at the eyeless heap of bandages lying in the bed.
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  Speaker 1: He watched a blue bottle fly, buzzing the dying man's body,
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  Speaker 1: attracted by the smell. At last I made up my mind,
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  Speaker 1: Wiesenthal writes, and without a word, I left the room.
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  Speaker 1: The SS officer Carl soon died, unforgiven by the Jew.
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  Speaker 1: But Simon Wiesenthal lived on to be liberated from a
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  Speaker 1: death cap by American troops. The scene in the hospital
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  Speaker 1: room haunted him. like a ghost. Over the years, Wiesenthal
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  Speaker 1: asked many rabbis and priests what he should have done. Finally,
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  Speaker 1: more than 20 years after the war had ended, He
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  Speaker 1: wrote down the story and sent it to the brightest
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  Speaker 1: ethical minds he knew, Jew and Gentile, Catholic, Protestant, and irreligious.
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  Speaker 1: He asked them, what would you have done in my place?
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  Speaker 1: And that is what I ask you today. What would
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  Speaker 1: you have done? Had you been Simon Wiesenthal back in 1944?
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  Speaker 1: It's almost too much. It is too much. First, we're
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  Speaker 1: not there. This is now. Second, most of us are
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  Speaker 1: not Jewish. And because we're not Jewish, we cannot possibly
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  Speaker 1: enter fully, fully into the emotion of that. We've not
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  Speaker 1: lost our grandmother shot on a stairway or our mother
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  Speaker 1: crushed into a cattle car or 89 of our relatives.
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  Speaker 1: We're not Simon Wiesenthal. So how could we answer? So
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  Speaker 1: we leave the question for you to live with and
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  Speaker 1: talk about and think about. Because my real concern today
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  Speaker 1: is you who are living your life in a prison.
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  Speaker 1: Not a death camp like Wiesenthal, but your own self-made prison.
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  Speaker 1: where the walls are high and the bars are thick
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  Speaker 1: and foreboding and intimidating, and where the torturing that goes
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  Speaker 1: on inside the prison is known only to you, for
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  Speaker 1: it is done in the secret chambers of your own life.
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  Speaker 1: The prison is named Unforgiveness. You have your own quarrel.
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  Speaker 1: It may not be nearly as dramatic as what we
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  Speaker 1: have just heard and certainly would not be, but you
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  Speaker 1: find that you cannot escape the misery of where your
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  Speaker 1: lack of forgiveness has brought you. For deep within there,
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  Speaker 1: there is blame, resentment, bitterness, the bearing of a grudge,
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  Speaker 1: and just the thought of that person's face as you
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  Speaker 1: close your eyes and see that face on the back
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  Speaker 1: of your eyelids or the memory of what was done
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  Speaker 1: thrust you back into the prison of unforgiveness. Listen to
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  Speaker 1: the words of Louis Smeed's The first and often the
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  Speaker 1: only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person
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  Speaker 1: who does the forgiveness. When we genuinely forgive, we set
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  Speaker 1: a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we
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  Speaker 1: set free was us. So in light of that insightful statement,
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  Speaker 1: I want to speak to you today about who were
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  Speaker 1: living in that prison. I don't know who you are.
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  Speaker 1: It's best that way. You may have formed the habit
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  Speaker 1: as you've been growing up to do this with those
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  Speaker 1: who really harm you. You have long since forgotten about forgiving.
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  Speaker 1: You think more often about getting even. Unforgiveness doesn't get
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  Speaker 1: better It gets worse. And because that's true, when Peter
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  Speaker 1: asks a question in the middle of an otherwise rather
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  Speaker 1: simple chapter of Scripture, I think the answer Jesus gave
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  Speaker 1: him caught him completely off guard. I love it the
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  Speaker 1: way Scripture, where I would like to build my case here,
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  Speaker 1: addresses the issue and leaves it for us to apply
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  Speaker 1: it because the way Jesus handles things, there's always that
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  Speaker 1: penetrating application that doesn't let you squirm your way out.
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  Speaker 1: You find yourself cornered and you feel the long index
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  Speaker 1: finger punching at your sternum, asking what will you do
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  Speaker 1: about this? But first, the story. Peter comes to Jesus
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  Speaker 1: and asks him off the cuff. Chapter 18, verse 21
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  Speaker 1: of Matthew. Lord, how often should I forgive someone? It's
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  Speaker 1: a fair question. At what point do I start looking foolish?
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  Speaker 1: How many times does a person harm me before I
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  Speaker 1: begin to be a human doormat? How much is too much?
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  Speaker 1: At what point does additional hurt reach its limit? And
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  Speaker 1: then he brings a number to the surface. It may
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  Speaker 1: sound like he just tossed it out there, picked it
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  Speaker 1: out of thin air. No, not on your life. Seven times,
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  Speaker 1: he asks. I think Peter expected to be commended Here's
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  Speaker 1: why I say that. In those days, the rabbis taught
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  Speaker 1: three times. You forgive an individual three times. From then on,
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  Speaker 1: no forgiveness. But seven times. Peter's doubled the number and
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  Speaker 1: added one for good measure. I think he expected a smile.
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  Speaker 1: And in fact, what he got was... Surprising answer. Jesus says,
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  Speaker 1: in effect, would you believe 70 times 7. Now, when
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  Speaker 1: I teach this, I always have to remember there are
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  Speaker 1: engineers present who will multiply and say 490, huh? Like
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  Speaker 1: 491 and I can unload the truck on them, right?
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  Speaker 1: Wrong answer. Get the picture. An infinite number of times.
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  Speaker 1: 70 times 7 times 7 times 700 times 7,000. Every time,
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  Speaker 1: any time, always. That's the point. Jesus, the master teacher,
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  Speaker 1: never simply gave a quick answer and walked away. He
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  Speaker 1: often buttressed the answer with a story. Love stories. You
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  Speaker 1: do too. We love them because they pique our curiosity.
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  Speaker 1: Where's this going? Furthermore, they leave us in our imagination
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  Speaker 1: to push away the limits. And we can go beyond
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  Speaker 1: the realm of reality as we take the story wherever.
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  Speaker 1: So it fits every one of us. Your name is
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  Speaker 1: in here and mine is in here. We're all over
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  Speaker 1: the story. And the best part is when you get
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  Speaker 1: to the application, it penetrates like a hot poker going
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  Speaker 1: through butter right into the heart. So he begins with
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  Speaker 1: a comparison. The kingdom of heaven can be compared. Stop.
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  Speaker 1: You hear kingdom of heaven, you think of a place. Wrong.
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  Speaker 1: Think of a lifestyle. When you want to live the
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  Speaker 1: kingdom life, when you want to model the life of Jesus,
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  Speaker 1: our word is, when you want to be Christ-like, when
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  Speaker 1: would be kingdom of heaven being lived in an earthly setting.
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  Speaker 1: So it can be compared to this. So Peter, since
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  Speaker 1: you're a follower of mine, I suggest you learn from
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  Speaker 1: the story I tell you And I say in turn
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  Speaker 1: that we all learn as Peter learns. And please observe
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  Speaker 1: in this story, as is true in most stories, there
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  Speaker 1: are three main characters. There is a king who is
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  Speaker 1: calling into account those who owe him money. There is
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  Speaker 1: a servant who owes him an infinite amount of money.
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  Speaker 1: which represents vertical forgiveness. Don't miss that. As God who
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  Speaker 1: has forgiven us all our sins, past, present, future, east
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  Speaker 1: to west, all our sins forgiven, all of them, infinite forgiveness.
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  Speaker 1: That's the first servant. That's what he illustrates. And then
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  Speaker 1: there's a second servant who is a friend of the
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  Speaker 1: servant who has just been forgiven. He owes a few
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  Speaker 1: dollars to And the servant who has been forgiven won't
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  Speaker 1: forgive him. That's horizontal forgiveness. That's where we are. That's
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  Speaker 1: where it applies to us directly. So let's look. Kingdom
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  Speaker 1: of heaven can be compared to a king who decides
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  Speaker 1: to bring his accounts up to date with servants who
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  Speaker 1: owed money, who had borrowed money from him. In the process,
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  Speaker 1: one of his debtors was brought in who owed him
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  Speaker 1: millions of dollars. Stop. Here we are in a story
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  Speaker 1: where you're able to imagine, imagine that. No one could
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  Speaker 1: repay millions of dollars. And the king is calling it
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  Speaker 1: into account, I want the money now. Impossible. And realizing
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  Speaker 1: that he couldn't pay, Certainly did not want his wife
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  Speaker 1: and children offered as a part of the payment. And
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  Speaker 1: the misery that would follow, the man falls down and
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  Speaker 1: pleads his case. Verse 26, please be patient with me
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  Speaker 1: and I will pay it all. Now observe the master.
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  Speaker 1: Here's the king. Here is our God. When we come
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  Speaker 1: before him as broken people, sinful to the core, falling, failing,
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  Speaker 1: repeatedly in the wrong, and we come to him pleading
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  Speaker 1: that we be forgiven, and he notices that this man
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  Speaker 1: is contrite and broken, and he's filled with pity for him,
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  Speaker 1: and he releases him and forgives him the debt. How
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  Speaker 1: good is that? The man is totally forgiven, free, released.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: On his way. It's wonderful. Magnificent moment. As he leaves
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: the king's presence. He runs into a friend of his.
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  Speaker 1: And we read of him. Beginning at verse 28. A
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  Speaker 1: fellow servant. Who owed him a few dollars. And he
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: grabbed him by the throat. Pay me what you owe me. God.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Sounds like the IRS, doesn't it? Pay me what you
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: owe me. There's no Bible room here. Just a few dollars.
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  Speaker 1: So the man falls down and begs him for a
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: little more time, asking for patience. And if you will
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  Speaker 1: be patient with me, I will pay it. But his
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: creditor wouldn't wait. He had the man arrested and put
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
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  Speaker 1: It's an imaginary story. Go with it. The problem with
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: this scene is that it's observed by friends who know
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: the story of the forgiven servant. And when they watch this,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: it troubles them. Verse 31, they're very upset, so they
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: return to the king. And they told him everything that
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: had happened. Then the king called the man that he
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: had forgiven and he said to him, you evil servant.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: It's our way of saying, what were you thinking? What's
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: the matter with you? I forgave you that tremendous debt
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: because you pleaded with me. And shouldn't you have mercy
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: on your fellow servant just as I had mercy on
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: On you? It's a good place to pause for a
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: couple of very helpful principles that I don't want you
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: to forget. First, to refuse to forgive another is hypocritical.
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  Speaker 1: Before you rationalize around and start dealing with all the
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  Speaker 1: wrong that was done, and as deep as the wrong was,
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm sure some of it was very injurious, hurt
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: you deeply, broke you, broke others you loved. The ramifications
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: of the wrongdoing, you could go on for a long time.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, I know. But to refuse to
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: forgive another is hypocritical. Why? Because you have been forgiven
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  Speaker 1: an infinite amount. There is not one sin that would
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: be marked against you. He is able to bring us
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: faultless before his presence with exceeding great joy. As we
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: pass from earth to heaven. Not once will he say
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: stand in the corner. Until you have. Done that probation.
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  Speaker 1: I've almost taken care of the things that you did.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: None of that. None of that. It's so foolish it's
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: not worth going there. It's hypocritical. To refuse to forgive another.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: There's another principle. And it's far more practical. Practical. To
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: refuse to forgive inflicts inner torment. Stay there. To refuse
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: to forgive another puts you in your prison. Look for it.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: The angry king sent the man to prison. Look. Look.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
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  Speaker 1: How vivid is the word? I checked the same word
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  Speaker 1: elsewhere in Matthew 8, verse 6. It's a reference to
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: someone who is in, quote, terrible pain. So it represents
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: terrible pain. It's used in 2 Peter 2, Verse 8,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: referring to Lot, who was surrounded and oppressed by the
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: conduct of unprincipled men, where we read that Lot's soul was,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: and I quote, tormented day after day. This is a
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: torture that torments day after day. Torturers refers to tormentors.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: One who refuses to forgive another harbors grudges, sustains bitter feelings,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: which leads to agonizing unrest and sleeplessness, and one builds
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: the walls of his own self-made prison. Please observe something
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  Speaker 1: that is easily overlooked. The story ends at verse 34.
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  Speaker 1: Look at your Bibles. There is a 35th verse that's
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: not a part of that story, that imaginative story. It
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: begins with, so shall my heavenly Father do to you. Wait.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: That's reality. Verse 35, Jesus adds, that's what my heavenly Father,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: what's what he will do? Turn you over to torturers.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: That's why I said earlier, you may have something explained
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: to you today that you've not realized before this day.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: That explains why you can't sleep well. That explains why
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: you can't seem to get past whatever this unforgiveness journey
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: is that you're on. If you refuse to forgive another
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  Speaker 1: from your heart, it's because of the torturing. One of
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: my mentors named Ray Steadman, now dead, Fine Expositor describes
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: this in these words, and I quote, This is a
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: marvelously expressive phrase to describe what happens to us. when
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: we do not forgive another. It is an accurate description
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: of gnawing resentment and bitterness, the awful gall of hate
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: or envy. It is a terrible feeling. We cannot get
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: away from it, We feel strongly this separation from another.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: And every time we think of them, we feel within
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: the acid of resentment. I love those words. We feel
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: within the acid of resentment and hate, eating away at
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: our peace and calmness. This is the torturing that our
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Lord says will take place. To which I respond when
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: I read that, wow. Wow. Wow. You may remember Louis
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: Smedes' words, not to forgive imprisons me in the past
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: control to another, my enemy, and I do myself to
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: suffer the consequences of the wrong. I once heard an
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: immigrant rabbi make an astonishing statement, adds Smedes. Before coming
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: to America, I had to forgive Adolf Hitler. I did
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: not want to bring Hitler inside me to my new country.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: So how much longer will you choose to remain in prison?
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: That's a question. And that's a question you can answer.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: You're the only one that has the key to the cell.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: No one else has the key. Who could it be
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: May I help? It could be your mother or your father.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: It could be a mother-in-law, father-in-law, a family member who
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: took an unfair advantage of you. It could be your
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: ex-husband or ex-wife, a mother-in-law, a mother-in-law, father-in-law, a former boss,
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: former pastor, former coach, an authority figure, an unfair teacher,
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: a roommate, a once trusted friend. The enemy may have
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: died and be far removed, but here you still live
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: within that prison. Let it go. Let it go. I
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: want to tell you something that you wouldn't remember. It
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: was 15 years ago, 15 years ago, almost to this
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: date that I preached on the subject, calling it Finding
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: Healing Through Forgiveness. But I preached that sermon differently. We
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: were in the other building, the multipurpose room here in
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: our new facilities at the time. I asked Cynthia the
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: week before if she would help me with that message.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: And I said, I would like for you to speak.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: When I finish explaining the passage, I'd like you to
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: give your story. She was reluctant. She didn't feel she
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: was the one to do that. She didn't want to
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: do it. And I let it alone. I said, you
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: think about it. You feel comfortable. Your story would be
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: a magnificent story. What you don't know is the horror
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: she lived with in her home when she was growing
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: up with a father that was always angry, always on
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: one occasion tried to kill her mother. beat the children.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: And then on top of all that, she marries me.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: And coming with me is a mother-in-law and a father-in-law
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: who never really believed I should marry her. How many
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: stories outside of school can I tell right now, huh?
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: And as a result, there was a gap in our relationship.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: When we began to have children, all kinds of complications
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: arose and Cynthia built up resentment for my mother. And
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: I would say, I fully understood. Loved my mother, but
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: she was not an easy person to like on occasion.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: On a number of occasions, matter of fact. And Cynthia
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: lived with that, plus with the memory of her dad.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: Through a wonderful course she took that was destined to
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: change her life, she discovered that relief comes and the
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: prison bars are open when she forgives. Even without anyone
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: asking to be forgiven. You don't wait for that. You
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: don't wait for that. I mean, it's nice, but You
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: wait for that, you'll die waiting for most. So without
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: anyone saying anything, she said to me one day, almost
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: out of the blue, when your mother comes over today,
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: I'm going to make things right. I'm going to sit
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: down with her and tell her how much I love
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: her for giving me the husband I have and for...
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: providing the home that she did for you, and that
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: I've not handled things well as a young mother, and
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: would she please forgive me? My mother was hardly in
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: the door before I left them alone. They were talking,
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: and the details of that were between them, and she
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: was here to tell her story. And my mother quickly said,
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: of course, I will forgive you. And she was happy
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: to tell a number of her friends that her daughter-in-law
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: had asked forgiveness. That's okay. You know, when you do this,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: you don't have any pride. You know, you're not trying
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: to look good. You're trying to find peace. And by
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: the way, peace had come. And Cynthia came to terms
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: with this. Three days later, my mother died. My mother died.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: I'll never forget the phone call from my dad. And
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: I said I'd be right there, and I hung up,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: and I looked at Cynthia. It's just like it was yesterday.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: I said, Mother's dead. Cynthia's eyes filled with tears, and
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: she said, I'm so glad that I made things right.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: So glad. Cynthia had suffered a deep depression for the
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: longest time, part of the torturers. Struggled in relationships, part
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: of the torturers. All of that was released. You know what?
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: Finding healing through forgiveness became the single most requested message
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: ever delivered at this church and ever offered through Insight
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: for a Living. And something? A message my wife preached.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you. But that's our story. What's yours? I know,
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: I know. You'll never come to a pulpit to announce it.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't. It's not necessarily something that's used for any
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: public reason. This just seemed to fit, and it did.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: God blessed it. But in your case, as a shepherd
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: of this flock, I long for all of us to
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: have release and relief and to know what life is
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: like outside the bars of our self-made prison. I'd like
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: you to be free of your ex-husband, your former wife,
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: the hatefulness of a person who has made life miserable
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: for you, I'd like you to be able to live
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: without once any further thinking of that individual. But you're
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: the secret. You'll not be able to forgive Carl. Carl
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: deserved to die as he died and to face eternity
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: as he faced it. That's where I am in that.
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: So we're not dealing with an S.S. troop, SS soldier.
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: We're dealing with you and with me. Let's go there.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Please bow your heads. Please don't get up to leave.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: Please stay right there. Isn't it time for you to
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: pull out that key and turn it in that cell
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: door and release yourself from the awful gall, the acid
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: of resentment, the hate that's eating away at your peace
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: and calmness? It's time. What a beautiful person you could become.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: How much easier it would be to be with you
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: and for you to live with yourself. How great it
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: would be for you to be relieved of that depression
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: that has haunted you and haunted you day and night
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: long enough. If you've never trusted in Jesus, Trust in
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: him now. And when you do, ask him to give
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: you the courage and the wisdom to release the enemy.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: Amy Carmichael once wrote, If I say, yes, I forgive,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: but I cannot forget, as though the God who twice
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: a day washes all the sands on all the shores
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: of all the world could not wash such memories from
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: my mind. then I know nothing of Calvary love. Oh,
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: such great words. In light of Calvary, release your enemy.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: No matter what, forgive. Forgive. You may need help from
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: a professional. Get help. For goodness sake, get help. You
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: may need a pastor to talk to. Talk to one
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: of us. You may need someone to sit down and
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: help you think through and work through the struggle. This
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: may have been going on for years. Scars like that
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: are deep. Take time to heal over. But this is
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: the time to begin. today. I offer you healing through forgiveness.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Father, for helping us find relief from the grudges,
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: the ability to erase bitter feelings, to be forever, forever
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: away from the agonizing unrest of torment and hate. Take
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: away the torturings as we go through the process of
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: reaching the person who has held control of our lives
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: long enough. And may we know the joy of freedom
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: at last. In the name of Jesus. We all pray.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: Everyone said. Amen. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.