Latest / CALL ME MISTRESS / MIA AND BARBIE TALK - SMOKING, A FALLEN ELF BARBIE AND SLAPPING A DICK

Transcript

MIA AND BARBIE TALK - SMOKING, A FALLEN ELF BARBIE AND SLAPPING A DICK · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:08
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.
0:11
I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and I've got my favorite girl
0:15
next to me. It's the Barbie.
0:17
Hi. You always fucking wave your
0:21
hands, bitch. They cannot see you.
0:23
Heart of the. Pymes, I have to wave at
0:25
everybody. You know I.
0:28
Doesn't sound as genuine if I don't wave when I say hi.
0:32
Oh my God, I've been doing these video podcast episodes.
0:35
I saw, I saw. And for some reason people like
0:38
it, so it's whatever makes them more.
0:40
Intimate it feels like you're on like FaceTime, like you're there
0:44
it. Does.
0:44
They probably feel like they're there with you.
0:46
Maybe. They're sitting in your lap
0:47
listening to you talk. Oh, they're always with me.
0:52
Speaking of, you know, I get the nicest emails, and people have
0:55
gone back and they've listened to our old episodes of You and
1:00
Me, and they think that we're just fucking hilarious.
1:02
And Barbie's hilarious. And I'm like, yeah, no shit.
1:06
You need to like, see her. Like, this is you.
1:09
And you're always funny and you're always jovial.
1:12
Y'all should hear me when the mics are not on.
1:15
Yeah, then we could have real bloopers.
1:18
That's what we need. Yeah, that's classified
1:22
information. That is a OK.
1:26
So Barbie, you and I did this scene together.
1:29
We did a four hour smoking session.
1:32
We did. We did do.
1:33
A four hour smoking session. You know, I brought it up a
1:35
couple times, but this guy, Cupcake, he is fucking on point,
1:42
sweet, kind, very. Attentive.
1:44
Oh, my God, he had these gift bags ready for you and I, And
1:48
you know, he writes me almost every day.
1:50
He is working on himself. He said to me, he's like, you
1:54
don't know how much of a difference you've made between
1:57
you and Barbie in my life. How?
1:59
Sweet. I think he wrote me a few days
2:01
ago. I haven't opened it yet.
2:02
And he'll read it, yeah. He's working on his physical
2:05
fitness, his diet. Oh yeah.
2:08
Like he's losing weight. He's getting in shape.
2:10
So he goes from a cupcake to a nice like round pastry are.
2:15
You going to be a little cannoli?
2:17
A nice cannoli. Well, he looked like a.
2:27
Pig in the blanket during the session because for the majority
2:31
of the four hours we had him in a pig masked Saran wrapped.
2:34
Yeah, the pig mask came on and off but it was fun.
2:38
We haven't used it in a minute. It kind of gave a saw trap vibe
2:42
to the whole Rd. Well, you know, with the green
2:46
lights we had going that day, all the smoke, fog machines.
2:51
You weren't here, but about two years ago, three years ago, we
2:55
had Charles and the pic mask. We had another guy in the dog
3:00
mask and we were making them like fuck each other in a in a
3:05
way that it was like. And it sounds illegal.
3:11
We did have fucked up Friday. We we had them put like butt
3:13
plugs in their ass, each other's ass.
3:16
Out on Spotify now go watch it. That was not on Spotify.
3:21
No Spotify. Wouldn't let us do it.
3:23
You know, I also had an experience with Charles in the
3:26
pig mask. I think it was one of the first
3:29
times I met Charles. I hadn't really seen his face,
3:32
but he was tied to the Gurney in the pig mask outside, and I had
3:36
that fire baton and this guy was like, yeah, go ahead and hit
3:41
him. It was like, what?
3:43
Yeah, I just didn't ride in the nuts.
3:45
So I think the first time I met Charles I was whacking him in
3:48
the nuts with a giant fire baton while he was in a pig mask.
3:51
Right. Yeah, small world.
3:54
Yeah, right before you got up there, he had poured, you know,
3:58
the liquid stuff to light the fire.
4:01
And he was like, yeah, he's like, here, I'm going to do the
4:04
same thing. I'm like, because I got to hit
4:06
Charles''s test to Golson, all that good stuff in his Dick.
4:10
Yeah, I was. Like fuck.
4:12
God, do more fire in the dungeon.
4:14
Yeah, we don't do enough of that.
4:16
We do not. Just fire, breathe on people.
4:20
And that's what you do. You fire Brie.
4:22
I did at the party. That was very fun.
4:24
What else do you do when you go to different venues, you
4:27
different parties and stuff? Depending on like what's going
4:30
on, I do like some parties I'll do like Dom services.
4:34
Sometimes they want like atmosphere.
4:36
I feel like that's kind of I get booked for that.
4:38
It's like you can call it gogoing or whatever.
4:41
Basically, you get to go be pretty, but you get to go walk
4:48
around. Like I do like like burlesque.
4:50
I do like fire dancing. I have like fire fans and all
4:53
that kind of stuff. So I'll go dance.
4:55
I'll do a little spin, you know, make a couple ones.
4:59
You know, you're so modest about the fire though, because the
5:03
last party we had, you and your friend went out there and you're
5:06
like spinning fire. You're breathing fire.
5:10
I'm like, what the fuck can't you do?
5:13
Hey, I'm a bored girl, I like to learn new things.
5:15
Yeah, I mean, it was real impressive.
5:17
Jackal Trades. Yeah, it was impressive.
5:20
Thank you. And everybody loved it.
5:23
Well, you could sing real well. I heard you had a party once
5:25
singing opera. I did.
5:27
I did. So next party, I'm just kidding.
5:31
Joint fire? Opera performance.
5:34
Well, you know what? We If we get a pianist for our
5:37
next party a. Penis I'm.
5:39
Sorry. Yeah, we got plenty of penises.
5:41
No, If we get a pianist at the next party, I'll.
5:45
Sing. I'll do a little jig next to the
5:48
piano. Yeah, I'll do a little.
5:50
I'll bring my tap shoes. I can't tap pants.
5:53
Could you imagine? I learned for this.
5:55
Right, That'd be funny shit. But yeah, we can do that.
5:59
It'd be fun. Let's get back to the session
6:02
before they yell at us for getting off top.
6:03
Oh, I know. OK, so he comes in.
6:07
I went and I ran, wrapped them. You come in.
6:12
I was a little late. And well, yeah, so we're at this
6:16
situation and he brings us all these different types of
6:20
cigarettes. And cigars of a nice variety.
6:24
It was a great fucking. I've never had the little.
6:26
Slim minis it was, I have before.
6:29
Those are so cool, yeah. It was a very interesting
6:32
selection being the only two options being a variety of
6:36
Virginia Slims and then Black and Mild, just the two spectrums
6:40
of like cigarette consumption there.
6:44
You know what I want for the next session we do with him?
6:47
I want to get one of the long cigarette holders.
6:51
Oh. Like Carla de Ville.
6:53
Fuck yes, let's do it. That'd be badass.
6:58
Chopsticks. Yeah, whatever.
7:02
Because we got him. We got our guy Smokey.
7:05
I sent him a courtesy picture of you blowing.
7:09
Smokey, come see me, right? Yeah, he lives about an hour
7:14
away. I love smoking sessions, I
7:16
really do. I know, they're so much fun.
7:18
They really are. I mean, my thing of it is I'm a
7:22
little asthmatic. And you don't like the smell?
7:24
I don't and I, you know, I really don't like to smoke
7:27
because of my voice, but I love to help and do the fetish and I
7:33
love to do the fetish for people.
7:34
I love it too. It's always just so fun because
7:37
it's just, it's just a cool vibe to it.
7:39
You know what? I.
7:40
Mean And you and I are the only ones that I've ever known in all
7:44
these years to maintain the session without getting sick.
7:49
Really. Yes.
7:51
All these women that I've ever done sessions with, they've gone
7:54
outside, they've thrown up, they've gotten sick.
7:58
And this is just like, you know, 5050 to 120 minute sessions.
8:03
That's I. Guess my time and the punk rock
8:05
scene really did me well. Fuck yeah.
8:09
Barbie can smoke cigarettes like nobody.
8:14
So what else did we do to him? Oh gosh, we put him in the back
8:18
bed for a while. We poured a random candle we
8:21
found all over him. We did a bunch of sounding.
8:25
You did sounding on him for a while.
8:26
How is that? You know, sounding is fun.
8:31
It really is. I haven't really done it.
8:34
Well, we're going to do it together, you know.
8:37
Not on me. Not on you, but we have a cute
8:41
little lesbian who got it done at the last party.
8:47
Yeah. Yeah, someone did a nice little
8:50
demo and did it on her and she loved it and she was so cool and
8:56
open about that. You know, it's rare to see the
8:59
girls interested in it. I know Madame Liv was saying she
9:03
I believe saw a client not too long ago where a girl was doing
9:07
sounding and she said she was able to like fuck it almost.
9:11
Oh yeah, yeah. I was like, I didn't believe it.
9:14
I, you know, you just don't think about that kind of stuff
9:15
sometimes. No, I never thought about
9:17
training my urethra. What's really cool is when you
9:20
do it, you can put a massager or a vibrator on it and the
9:25
vibrations. But that feels really cool.
9:28
Oh my God, it's crazy. Yeah.
9:30
It's crazy intense. People love it, actually.
9:34
Now that I'm thinking about, I have done sounding very lightly
9:37
with the giant sewing utensil that you have done.
9:40
Oh. That's right, the big spike.
9:42
Yeah, well, hey, whatever works, right?
9:46
Yeah, so I didn't do it with anything I should have used.
9:48
I used a giant spike. But you know, to each their own.
9:52
Not on me. Well, you know, what's funny is
9:55
we always use the female urethral sounds, yeah, instead
9:59
of the male, because the male urethra sounds are, like
10:04
straight. They're thin.
10:05
That doesn't seem comfy, and it doesn't.
10:08
But the other ones, the females, they bend a little bit.
10:11
They're much thicker. So all the ones they sell are
10:14
female. Just about that, right?
10:16
No, they have different ones. You got to go on Amazon, put in
10:19
male urethral sounds and then do female and you'll see the.
10:22
Difference. Read a cart, buy them, come
10:26
back. But the proper way to clean them
10:29
is put them in a. Pressure on them a little bit.
10:33
You got to put them in a pressure on them.
10:35
Pressure cooker and boil them. Got boil them more like a
10:40
crawfish boil. Barry, my name is Duval Blanc
10:45
and I saw Nudist. I love those movies.
10:50
Fuck. I saw a a Reddit story and they
10:54
do these things that are like, am I the asshole?
10:57
And somebody will like send in like a story and then like
11:01
people will tell them if they were in the wrong or not.
11:03
And this, it was this story about this roommate.
11:05
She's like, am I an asshole for overreacting?
11:07
And apparently her roommate had been like washing her dildos and
11:12
the washing machine, like setting them in there like
11:15
dishes. And I guess she did it and the
11:18
roommate came home, opened it and found it and had a bad
11:21
reaction because she thought it was really fucking gross.
11:25
It's like, that's the communal dish, but.
11:32
You know, it's sanitized. Yeah.
11:33
I was like, it heats up, It heats up.
11:36
Exactly. I mean, it's, it's, I mean, I
11:38
wouldn't do it just because I don't think the soap is probably
11:40
good for it. I don't know.
11:43
I don't know if dish detergent what you really push it's.
11:47
Plastic. I bet the residue going inside
11:50
you, you know. Well, that's why, you know, it's
11:53
like when we use the dishwasher, like for my pots and pans, I
11:57
always run them through hot water.
11:58
Oh yeah. For a rerun song.
12:00
Yeah, I think, I think that's OK.
12:02
That makes sense. Yeah, Back to the session we
12:05
keep not talking about. Let me check.
12:06
I put cock rings before in the fucking dishwasher.
12:09
Really. Yes, so yeah.
12:12
And chastic cages. So I just fuck it.
12:15
Sometimes I just put them all in the sink and just dawn dish soap
12:18
it all and just. Little.
12:22
Just shake it all violently, hose it down.
12:25
I take it out back third in the yard.
12:27
Yes. Let your dog flip fence with it.
12:32
I get I keep that door locked when I have that stuff out.
12:35
That is like my worst nightmare. Oh my God, could you imagine?
12:39
And they would and they would. I was, I was gardening the other
12:42
day and I put a plant down or it fell off or whatever and before
12:48
I could pick it up, my, my Pitbull had picked it up and had
12:51
it across the yard and he was just playing with it.
12:54
I was like my potted plant back, you asshole.
12:58
Wow. And so I know if a dildo was
13:01
just out, he would it would just be gone.
13:04
It'd be done. It'd be they don't be like.
13:05
One of those Kong toys. And that already looks like a
13:09
butt plug. Yes, that does.
13:11
Yeah, You know, we had a guy who came in one day.
13:14
We've. Been stuck in his ass and he
13:15
asked you to take it out. No, no, he'd had it removed a
13:19
few months ago, but he had it jammed up in his ass with
13:23
fucking pool balls. In it.
13:26
Yes. Wait, pool balls were in the
13:28
Kong ball? Pool balls were in his ass with
13:32
the Kong. With the Kong the.
13:34
Kong thing's already like 6 inches wide, 3 inches diameter,
13:38
yes. He had all the he had like 3 or
13:40
4 pool balls. Is that better?
13:41
Than buying a dildo off Amazon. Let me tell you what's really
13:45
funny is he drove from Texas to Florida because he's a fucking
13:49
doctor. Yeah, he had to go to state.
13:54
As a professional dominatrix, just buy a dildo.
13:58
Yeah, it is so much less shameful than shoving random
14:01
objects inside of you. Yes, like there's not an excuse
14:06
if you're an adult with an income, just order a dildo.
14:09
Walk into a sex store by a dildo.
14:11
I just feel like you see so many stories specifically of guys
14:14
just getting the craziest shit stuck in their ass and I'm like,
14:17
is this better than just buying a dildo because you want
14:19
something in your you want Dick in your ass, go buy a Dick to
14:22
put in there. Like that's just how it works.
14:25
Yeah, exactly. Don't pussy out now.
14:28
I know. It's like those you ever hear
14:31
those girls that like shave down cucumbers and stuff?
14:35
Yeah, why not, right? I mean, I would do it.
14:38
I mean, I don't know if I'd do it because I just try it, but
14:41
like all the time. You do it all the time.
14:44
No, not at all. I know I don't get it.
14:49
And they even have those really big ones that are like a fist,
14:53
yeah, you know, like a pistol, though.
14:54
I'm. Sure, you could buy a rubber
14:57
ball, like an anal bead the size of a biller ball.
14:59
Oh yeah. Oh, girlfriend.
15:01
We had a guy who came in years ago.
15:04
Cute, cute guy. He, he had sexy ass, sexy body,
15:12
good looking motherfucker. And what does he do?
15:15
He comes in and he has these ginormous fucking beads that are
15:21
the size from a golf ball up to a fucking softball.
15:26
You know what? I had a guy send me a link to
15:28
something butt plugs like that, like some anal beads like that
15:32
and I was just like whose ass? There's guys out there who do
15:36
it, no. He said that to me and I was
15:38
like, out of which of us, Yeah, is taking the volleyball in the
15:42
ass? Yeah.
15:43
Not you, Not no. Not me.
15:45
Barbie's a virgin. Yeah, Yeah.
15:48
Yeah, no fucking anal beats. I have a.
15:50
Metal chastity belt on at all times guys.
15:53
Yeah, no, yeah. It's like the medieval ones.
15:56
And you know the way I look at it like this, right?
15:59
A man has 1 hole. OK, so you take and just stretch
16:03
that one hole, you're good. But if you see some women where
16:08
their vaginal opening is right next to their asshole, imagine
16:13
stretching those two things and it's right there.
16:16
We have that perineum I've seen that get ripped, you know?
16:20
Sometimes you got a short Gooch. That's it.
16:26
That's what fucking it's the Grundle.
16:30
The grundle. She calls it the fucking
16:31
Grundle. Grundle.
16:32
I love it. Yeah, it's hilarious.
16:35
So here we are. I'm just saying a man can
16:38
stretch his asshole all he fucking wants, but ultimately,
16:43
you know, it's pretty damn difficult sometimes for a woman
16:46
stretch a pussy and an asshole, you know?
16:49
I don't want anything in my ass. It's too many.
16:51
Huge. That's it.
16:53
You can give me a finger. That's about it.
16:56
Well, I'm a fan of a butt plug. A reasonable butt plug.
16:59
Reasonable if it's too. Small.
17:01
It pisses me off though. As you're saying that my dog is
17:04
farting on my lap? Make your leg nice and warm.
17:08
It's hurt. We're having a a cold front so
17:11
that'll make the room nice and tasty.
17:14
Thank you, Taco. Oh my God, that's awesome.
17:18
Should I just? Go ahead and cover my nose.
17:19
Yes, preemptively. Taco smells like a.
17:21
Bad Taco because of I'm so good at breathing out of my mouth.
17:30
This job makes you good at breathing out of your mouth.
17:32
Yes it does. Oh my God, you know lava ass
17:37
that you and I got that time. You sent me to a place when you
17:41
said that you see the life drain for my eye.
17:46
You know what I'm talking about. I've never been happier to hear
17:49
the words I fired a client than when you told me you fired him.
17:53
After that, I was like the heavens opened.
17:57
A ray of light shined upon me when I realized I'd never have
18:00
to see that man again. You know, he contacts me all the
18:04
time. He.
18:05
Will until the day he his heart stops.
18:07
Yeah, he comes up with a new text now number, but he puts his
18:11
name in there. So it comes up, I see the name
18:15
and automatically blocks it. But he'll write this whole
18:18
paragraph. He'll say, Mia, Mr. Smith, don't
18:21
you and Barbie want to see me again so you can stretch my my
18:25
whole I'm like, no goodbye block.
18:31
I'd put a shotgun in my mouth. Before I would see it, I'm
18:35
telling you. Like, I think it's been a while
18:38
since we told the story on here, probably over a year, Yeah.
18:41
And so I'll give you like a brief rundown.
18:44
So he's an older man, not a silver fox, not very hair
18:50
everywhere. You shouldn't have hair kind of
18:51
situation and. Head like a cue ball, though.
18:55
That's that's bald. That's done.
18:58
He he comes in and he wants to get like anal stretching.
19:03
So we have the speculum going and for you know, and as far as
19:10
we can tell, he starts intentionally shitting during
19:14
this process, which if anybody is like gone and played, you
19:18
know that if you're doing pegging anal play, you clean
19:22
out, you make sure you douche, you make sure you know, your
19:26
tummy's sorted. Because, you know, unless you're
19:28
into scat play, which he was not there for, because that's a
19:31
whole different thing we got to set up for.
19:35
You are just supposed to not shit yourself.
19:38
And it was like actually so much shit.
19:40
Like it was to the level where like we had to like stop what we
19:43
were doing and like garbage can. No, actually had to roll the
19:47
garbage can over. Yeah, because like we do cater
19:50
to like scat and piss fetishes outside.
19:53
Yeah, because that's where we do it.
19:55
And The thing is, if he would have been honest and said he was
19:58
interesting and and shitting, we could.
20:01
Have we could have done? It and I wouldn't have been
20:03
there. And we would have prepared that,
20:05
yes. And.
20:06
Barbie doesn't take toilet clients.
20:08
Yes, and I would have been prepared.
20:10
And he would have been prepared, But I also I think he did it on
20:14
purpose though, because he he's like real weird about people
20:17
watching him. Yes.
20:19
So I think he has like I think I think he was putting on a show.
20:24
He didn't know this, but halfway through I stuck a napkin to a
20:28
sweaty ass and it covered his asshole the whole time.
20:30
So he'd be shaking his ass, going like the view girls and
20:34
whole time his ass was just covered and he didn't even know.
20:37
Yeah. I was like, I'm not looking into
20:39
you for an hour. Like literally into him.
20:42
Yeah, it was a lot. We had to cut it.
20:44
I think we cut a session at least 20 minutes short.
20:47
Oh yeah, easy. And then he also kind of mind
20:50
you, Mia rips this speculum out of him.
20:54
She does not lower it. She was so mad at him.
20:57
And then he stands up, sees the mess he's made, and it's not a
21:02
easy mess to miss. Also fumigated the whole room.
21:05
It's we're all dying. He pulls up his pants without
21:11
even attempting to clean himself, and he was covered in
21:16
his own shit. Yeah.
21:17
And then he just left, yeah. And then I was like, that was,
21:23
that was one of the worst things I've ever experienced ever.
21:26
Ever. I literally rather deal with a
21:28
guy that I'm I'm like scared of than like shit ever.
21:34
Like I I'd rather be nervous about a guy than.
21:37
Them shit on me if. It would have gotten on me.
21:40
I would have lost my mind. Yes, I'm with you.
21:43
I'm with you. You know, I told you, you know,
21:47
we did this session before we did this with this really good
21:51
looking guy. You know, just cute, Southern,
21:55
sexy as fuck. My kind of guy, you know, 5-9
21:58
adorable, but he would like to be.
22:00
Shitty of height guys. I love small short guys that I
22:04
could imagine putting them in my pocket and making them, you
22:07
know, eat my pussy. See, I'm too mean.
22:12
I don't want to put them in my pocket and run real fast.
22:16
Make them seasick. But but he was so fucking cute
22:21
and I I just I really liked him but he went and like I said he
22:27
wanted to eat my shed and I did it and he was great.
22:31
With it, he just can't see him the same.
22:33
But you know, it was so funny. Is that afterwards, after it was
22:39
all said and done, it was kind of like he was like, it was that
22:46
that shred of like, yeah, I'm not going to do that again.
22:49
He's like. Got it out of a system.
22:51
Yeah, I'm not. I'm not.
22:52
Did he? Enjoy it.
22:54
You know he fucking enjoyed it. You know he fucking, I want to
22:57
say. There is a testament to
22:59
Sometimes you really think you're going to like something,
23:03
and then you. Don't.
23:04
That happened to me so tragically with anal.
23:08
I really was so convinced I was going to be an anal queen like I
23:14
thought I was going to love. It Yeah.
23:16
That first time I tried it, it was not for me.
23:19
I need to give it the good old college try.
23:21
So I got to try again sometime. But that I'll tell you that
23:24
first time I went, you're gonna put a pen in that for at least a
23:26
year or two. You, you gotta have the right
23:28
person to do it as well. Yeah.
23:31
Yeah, that's true. You've got to have a warm up.
23:33
I think it was because it, I think I like a butt plug because
23:36
it's stagnant. I think the movement might have
23:38
thrown me off, but that's why I want to try it again.
23:41
Because also the guy went kind of slow.
23:43
So like, I don't know, I felt like I could feel it all too
23:47
much. Like I felt like, yeah, like it
23:49
felt like I was a little too aware something was in my ass.
23:52
Yeah. I felt like if he, like, fucked
23:54
me normally, like at a normal speed, it would have kind of
23:56
blended in, you know? Yeah.
23:58
With pleasure and stuff like that.
24:00
I think, 'cause he was going too slow.
24:02
I was just like, it felt clinical.
24:05
I was like, OK, and that's the time.
24:08
Yeah. And I was like, and that's.
24:10
So that's the first time I did anal.
24:12
Guys. Just thought I would tell you
24:14
guys, don't tell anybody. A lot of women, when they get
24:16
pregnant, they have the desire to have anal.
24:20
I did have anal right after I got pregnant shut.
24:27
Up Barbie. Then there's some women.
24:34
There's some women who just get off to anal and not even vaginal
24:39
penetration. That, that is crazy.
24:41
You know, but it's not for everyone.
24:45
Like you said, a plug feels really nice, you know, but it.
24:50
Feels good for everybody involved.
24:51
I think so. Because the guy can feel it.
24:54
Yeah, feels. Great, especially when they
24:56
vibrate. Exactly.
24:57
I will say I'm not a fan of walking in a butt plug.
25:01
I don't like that my ass is too fat.
25:03
My booty, I don't like it. That flared bass hurts my booty
25:06
cheeks. Yeah, I get that.
25:09
I get that. Well, you know, we go back to
25:15
our one session, the smoking session.
25:17
Yeah, back to the topic. That's OK.
25:21
They're going to ask me not to come back for another.
25:23
Year. No, no, it's funny.
25:24
They love it. But there was at one point at
25:27
the very beginning when we got him to sit down, once we wrapped
25:31
him up and everything, we had him put this big ass dildo in
25:35
his ass and sit down on. It Oh yeah, he did.
25:37
I I forgot because I did forget about the dildo and he had it in
25:41
for a long. Time.
25:42
A long time. It's because he was sitting so
25:44
politely. He.
25:45
Was, you know, and the whole time he's like, I really hope
25:49
I'm a good sub for you. I really hope that I'm doing
25:53
everything I can do for you. He was the kindest, just honest,
25:59
decent, sweetest person. Yeah.
26:02
It's always nice when you, like, get a client that has a deep
26:05
appreciation for what's going on, who's humbled.
26:08
Yeah. Because like, I feel like a lot
26:10
of times, like, I mean, of course, it's a spectrum from
26:13
people who just, you know, like cope or hookers and then people
26:17
like him who respect like, you know what the art, the art of it
26:20
and like the passion and like knowledge that goes into this.
26:24
I'm so like, you know, I feel like we tend to get more of the
26:27
middle of the road clients where they have an idea of BDSM, but
26:30
they don't really care about it. But they're kind of just
26:32
interested in getting hard and like having a fun time with the
26:36
dominatrix. They don't really care about it,
26:38
which is still fun. You guys have a good time, but
26:40
there is something about getting a true lifestyle or Kingster
26:44
come to see you because that's when you really get to have more
26:47
fun because it's like you understand what's going on.
26:50
I understand what's going on. You don't have to do a lot of
26:53
that base level of OK, so this is the red light green light
26:57
system. Like this is how we do like you
26:59
can kind of just like almost play more freely too, because
27:02
it's just like a lot more trust in the dynamic because
27:05
everyone's more experienced and of course there's like more
27:08
respect. It's always so fun like that.
27:10
I just, I love seeing clients that like are kind of passionate
27:13
about their like kink and stuff like that.
27:15
It's, it's always great when somebody knows what they want,
27:18
you know, it's always my pet peeve when people come in and
27:20
they just like, I don't know. I don't know what I.
27:23
Want. Yeah, or they think they they
27:25
know what they want. In actuality, like you said,
27:28
it's not at all what they want. Yeah, that I would say it's they
27:31
either say they don't know what they want or the fantasy they
27:34
tell you about is the most outlandish thing you've ever
27:37
heard in your entire life and you're like, OK, what are you
27:40
talking? About, yeah.
27:43
I Remember Me and Mia were sitting in your, we were sitting
27:46
in your office once and you got a call from potential client and
27:51
he's like, I want 10 girls. It's like 10 girls for what?
27:58
And she was like, you want 1010 Doms?
28:01
And then he was like, well, like, yeah, I want, I want to
28:04
have 10 beautiful girls. And she was like, we're not
28:06
hookers. And then he just hung up and I
28:08
was like, First off, you can't afford 10 hookers either way.
28:11
No, I'm. Sorry, you're not getting 10
28:14
hookers or 10 doms. That's too much.
28:16
You can't order in bulk. This is.
28:19
Not Sam's Club and when this is not a sex slave trade either.
28:24
It's like order on layaway I. Don't even like 10 people.
28:27
What? The fuck he is like I am not
28:30
inviting 10 people here. Yes, like you want 10 girls.
28:34
I'm not having ten women. And one of my friends, they were
28:36
like, you really don't need to refer to your doms as girls.
28:40
And I said, well, I think of, you know, girls as we're all
28:42
girlfriends. What else would you say?
28:45
Women, you know, be very specific.
28:48
I don't split dars. Yeah, this is dumb.
28:51
Well, I mean. Women also for if we're being
28:53
technical there's a seniority difference so calling us girls
28:57
isn't disrespectful. No, I don't think it's
28:59
disrespectful. No, I mean I do think like I.
29:01
Just think there's an implication.
29:02
There's honorifics involved in that because like you, you know,
29:06
you are the mistress of the house.
29:08
You know, you're older than us. Not in a mean way.
29:10
It's just true. So, I mean, I don't think it's
29:12
wrong for you to refer to us as girls.
29:14
We are your girls. Yeah, I mean, that's about maybe
29:16
that's just, I'm Southern and that's just what my dad calls us
29:19
his girls. Yeah.
29:21
Like, I mean, you know, it's always like girls.
29:23
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
29:25
Because if me and Liv are just out in the backyard lost, you
29:28
wouldn't you wouldn't go. Women come inside.
29:32
Come hit her. Women, my doms in the kitchen.
29:38
Women come my flock, my flock come, my Fisher of men.
29:46
Wow. So I'm going to tell you I am
29:49
totally off topic everything. Is.
29:51
Everything is fuck it but I I did an interview on one of the
29:57
top rated sex podcasts, The Curious Girl Diaries with Layla
30:03
London. I interviewed her.
30:07
I posted her episode last week and then she interviewed me and
30:12
just posted it Saturday. And then I did a, it's like
30:18
basically a 20 minute intro where I talked a little bit
30:21
about a BDSM and myself. And so she posted that and it
30:26
was basically Confessions of a Dominatrix, but she did a cool
30:31
little title on there. But she's a cool, cool lady.
30:37
She went in the lifestyle and she's dabbled into BDSM over the
30:43
last 10 years. She started doing the podcast 10
30:46
years ago because she abstained from sex for 3 1/2 years and
30:53
decided she want to start a podcast and talk about it and
30:57
then talk about her sex life from there from that point on.
31:00
And she she made a bucket list for all the sex and different
31:06
types of sex she wanted to participate in.
31:08
Oh yeah, it was great. We all have to have goals.
31:10
So exactly. So we had a great conversation.
31:15
So I'm going to tell listeners that they need to, you know,
31:17
tune into the Curious Girl Diaries because she's she's an
31:21
awesome lady. It was a cool interview, cool
31:23
episode. So we're going to do it again
31:28
next month. That's going to be some.
31:31
Fun. Yeah.
31:31
TuneIn for it. Yeah, you have to tune in for
31:33
it. But you know, Barbie, you and I
31:35
have plans. We have plans coming.
31:38
Yeah, we're we're probably going to go to Walmart later, guys.
31:41
Big. Walmart going to be close too.
31:45
Bigger plans? But we have plans brewing, and
31:51
what we have evil. Plans in the works.
31:55
I can't see it, but I'm rubbing my hands together menacingly.
31:58
Mrs. Evil or Miss Evil? Oh, we had a little little dirty
32:09
Secret Santa not too long ago. Oh, we did.
32:11
Did y'all talk about that at all?
32:14
We have. Not.
32:15
I only want to talk about it because I got a cool whip.
32:20
But yeah, we did like this dirty Secret Santa and I brought
32:23
something I thought was pretty a normal size object and everyone
32:28
acted like I brought in like a mammoth sized dildo.
32:31
So. I got.
32:33
A little embarrassed it was 11 inches top to bottom.
32:37
Like whole thing that's not that big.
32:40
Fucking size queen there, Barbie.
32:43
It it was like an inch and a half diameter.
32:45
It's not even that bad. No, no, it was cool.
32:49
It was, it was like a double sided glass dildo, but you don't
32:51
put the whole thing in because it's like double sided.
32:54
So it's like only half. So it's not that big.
32:57
Yeah, I don't. Know people probably sticking
32:58
the whole thing. Probably.
33:00
Probably. You know what I got though?
33:03
You got. Like a cute little gag did it.
33:04
I got a cool gag and I got cool cuffs, but let me tell you, I
33:09
use those cuffs break. They broke on my tickle fetish
33:13
guy. So I was like, well, fuck it,
33:16
you know? Men breaking our shit.
33:17
You got to give a nice test run. It is what it is, solid.
33:23
Almost silicone rubber like whip like the base is rubber.
33:28
It's it was nasty. It what?
33:30
Fuck. That thing was nasty.
33:32
It was crazy. I couldn't believe.
33:34
That was someone's option. Like when you like if I was
33:37
picking out a whip to bring to like a Secret Santa, like that's
33:40
such a bold pic because it's like it's like one of those
33:45
whips that like, like it's like a cane.
33:47
Yeah, it'll damage you 100. Percent like.
33:50
Because you know how there's some whips you can, you can hit
33:52
someone pretty hard, like a flogger.
33:54
You can hit people pretty hard way.
33:56
It's these are one of these whips where you're like, don't
33:57
don't hit, don't swing it. It'll hit itself like, Oh yeah,
34:00
it's one of those where you don't put nothing behind it.
34:02
I think I whacked myself with it and it it lingered for a long.
34:07
Time, yeah. I accidentally wrapped it up
34:09
around my knee the other day about fell out, met Maker.
34:13
Yeah, when I felt that I was like, no, no, that one I would
34:17
be nervous to bring out that one's like that's for grown men
34:21
right there. I got to figure out how to swing
34:24
it. It's like a weird stiffness,
34:26
like it doesn't quite whip like a whip because it's all the same
34:29
rubber, but it also doesn't swing like a flop like a paddle
34:33
or anything, so I can't really flake it.
34:35
So I think it's like it's really works for the over the hand
34:39
thing, which is kind of hard to hit an ass with unless you're
34:41
bent over, but I usually hit guys standing up.
34:44
Sometimes let me tell you we have a silicone paddle and the
34:48
dungeon and it's specifically for auto body dents.
34:52
Like you put it to a vehicle with a dent and it will pop the
34:58
dent out. Have you seen the dent in the
35:01
front of my car from where I fell so hard hitting my car I
35:05
put a dent? Then no.
35:07
Yeah, but you could try using that.
35:09
I might. Cracked my head off the car.
35:12
Oh my God. Yeah, I was running in my and I
35:17
grew I well I was outside. I can run outside.
35:20
Yes, OK. But I was dressed as an elf and
35:27
it's funnier. So I had elf ears on and I'm in
35:29
like giant maidens dress and I'm wearing leather boots with like
35:33
eyelets on them and I'm running and one shoe wasn't tied and so
35:38
the eyelets hook at my ankles. So it essentially was last lasso
35:46
hog tied mid run. And so I'm free falling into the
35:50
hood of my car. So I put my hand up and block it
35:54
from hitting my face on the car. So my hand like pushes into the
35:59
car and I so there's a dent the shape of my hand in the car.
36:03
And then I like hit and then I hit the ground just so
36:07
incredibly hard. Like the entire fall was so
36:10
ridiculously dramatic. Worst thing, a car full of my
36:15
friends were in the driveway waiting for me to get my car.
36:18
So as I'm running to get something out of my car to get
36:21
in the car with them, they watch as I hog tie myself, crack my
36:25
head off my car and then the ground.
36:28
And then I just lay there for a second dressed as a fucking elf.
36:34
Ears didn't fall off so. Damn Barbie, what the fuck?
36:38
I was on my way to the Renaissance Fair.
36:40
Merry fucking Christmas. And nobody got to fucking video
36:49
this shit. Bro there, no, I don't think it
36:52
was funny looking, 'cause they all ran up the they thought I
36:54
had to go to the hospital. Oh my God, that was fine.
36:58
They were like, do you have a concussion?
36:59
I was like, I don't, I don't think I can do that.
37:02
You are like a tough fucking cookie.
37:04
I could not imagine you and you're such.
37:06
A like odd person, 'cause I, I look so a certain way, yeah, but
37:10
then I, I'm such a roughhouser. Like I always have Boo boos.
37:14
Like I can barely let Mia get mad at me because I can't take
37:17
feet clients because I for some reason always have Boo boos.
37:21
Yeah, like I'll be running through thorns and I'll get Boo
37:23
boos on the top and me, I'll be like, can you see?
37:25
She texted me and she was like, can you see a foot client?
37:29
And I said I don't. Have.
37:33
I had just skinned the entire top of one of my feet and I said
37:37
I can't. They like scabs.
37:39
I'm like, yes. And I'm like, why can't you take
37:43
care of your body? Why?
37:46
Why can't you take? Care of your body.
37:48
I'm just, I'm a rough lady. I'm a bull in a China shop for
37:51
sure. Yeehaw.
37:54
OK, Barbie. Yeah, we talked for about 3
37:57
hours. They're going to get a nice long
37:59
podcast. We didn't record all of it, but
38:03
we got 40 minutes and I think we're we're good together.
38:06
We cut out the Parsi all I need to hear you don't want.
38:08
Exactly. Fuck the best.
38:11
All right, so Barbie, this has been great.
38:14
It's always good to have you and people always looks forward to
38:18
to hearing our bullshit, so it's fun.
38:22
Follow us on Fetlife if you want to keep up with us.
38:25
Yeah, you're the. Under score. under score Barbie.
38:28
Yeah, crazy name pull. I changed my name for a month
38:34
and like I suddenly got no interaction at all.
38:37
I don't know how that worked. And then the second I changed my
38:40
name back it like went back to normal and I was like God forbid
38:42
a girl have a last name. I'm telling you and you have a
38:46
difficult last name. People don't get it.
38:49
Men are basic bitches. They're just so fucking basic.
38:54
You know, I, I just had a conversation with someone and
38:58
they said, you know, there's only a few things that I like in
39:01
my life and what I like to do. Fishing, spending time with you
39:05
and gaming. That's it.
39:07
Yeah, that's it. Men are fucking simple.
39:10
And when you come up with difficult names, they don't
39:12
fucking get. It's for the girls and the gays,
39:14
man. That's it.
39:17
That's actually lyric to a song. I do it for the girls in the
39:20
game. That's it.
39:21
That's it. It's ugly.
39:23
The Queens and the queers, because they're loving my shit.
39:25
That's it. Because they're smart and
39:28
complex people. That's it.
39:30
But dudes, they're like, I'm half monkey, you know, they
39:35
don't fucking. They're like.
39:36
Barbie blonde? Yeah, I'll follow you.
39:39
Yes, yes. God, if they have to sound it
39:43
out, they're not going to follow you.
39:44
Yeah, because they'll say, like, which one's Barbie?
39:46
I'm like, you know, curvy blonde.
39:48
Oh yeah, the blonde one called Barbie on the ones.
39:52
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, Men are simple creatures.
39:56
They're half monkey, half human, and they're easy.
40:01
They're very simple. People, men are easy.
40:03
They're sluts and whores. Yes, and they're 80% of our
40:07
listeners, so they're smart. Oh, until then, Barbie.
40:11
This has been the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.