Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.19 | Self Healing Through Exploring the Dark & Shadowy Parts of Ourselves With Psychic Medium & Intuitive Coach, Caili Danieu

Transcript

Ep.19 | Self Healing Through Exploring the Dark & Shadowy Parts of Ourselves With Psychic Medium & Intuitive Coach, Caili Danieu · Curiously Guided Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the Curiously Guided Podcast, where your host, Shay Mariah, two intuitive business strategists exploring the intersection of entrepreneurship, spirituality, and the subconscious mind.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: If you're interested in exploring and learning how to integrate strategy with energetics to help you grow a profitable business in a way that feels good, then you're in the right place.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so this episode, I'm pretty sure this is like one of the deepest ones that we've had so far.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: And so Kaylee, um, as you'll hear in the episode, I've known her for almost half of my life.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: But when we first met and like got together, it was like we were teenagers drinking in the woods.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: And now who she is as this human, and like after we've reconnected, she is like so fucking incredible.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: Just like her entire story of like even back before we were teenagers.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously, you know, when we're teenagers, we don't really get to know people to the depths of who they are.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: We really just end up meeting people as deep as we know ourselves, which as a teenager wasn't that deep for me.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: So learning more as an adult about like her struggles and everything, even from during that time, before that time, all of that.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: And then just like seeing how her journey in life paid off and how much she's transformed herself and the way that she goes about this life and serving people is like a level of no other.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_03: So Kaylee is not only an intuitive development coach and like one of the most psychic people I've ever met, she's also a death doula.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: So, like the constant theme in her story is really being able to explore the dark and shadowy parts of ourselves and kind of exploring death on all of these different layers and how when we do that and when we're able to sit with it, even if it's just like us dying on a daily level and becoming more authentically who we are, or as she does, like helps people cross over into death, like there's there's magic in that.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like so often in society, we really only focus on the light and the positive, but this story and her journey and just like how she helps people really uncovers the magic and exploring the pieces that might scare people at first.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that's great.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I love Kaylee.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: One of my favorite things in life are people that I can meet, and then we can just go deep right away.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she is one of those humans.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I do want to like insert a little trigger warning here.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: We do talk about some potentially sensitive topics.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about suicide and really exploring kind of those dark nights of the soul a little bit in this episode.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: So be aware that that's coming up.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um I do think this episode is very powerful.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the quote we mentioned Ram Das a little in the episode, but the quote that really keeps coming to me um throughout the whole thing is his whole idea of we're all just walking each other home.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: And Kaylee has built a very, you know, she's the same.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: She's really smart, well educated.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: She has this very grounded way of thinking about these things that are difficult to talk about it.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: And she's very talented and skillful at encouraging you to explore the dark sides of yourself in a way that feels safe, you know, like she definitely made me feel held and like it was safe to kind of go there in this episode.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so I can see why she is so good at what she's good at.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this is a very cool and unique episode, and she's a very cool and unique story, and we're really excited to share it with you guys.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I just really love how she kind of grounds it all back into like having the courage to reparent and to create safety inside of yourself.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: And she she does it with humor.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm interacting with her on like a if not a day today, then like a weekly basis.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_03: And like she's always the person where even if I'm going through the shit, she can not only hold me in that and like just be a safe space, but also like help me laugh about it, which I think makes the journey of exploring the darkness a little bit easier.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so Kaylee Daniel is a Buffalo, New York native working as a life coach, intuitive development coach, psychic medium, and death doula.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Having earned her master's in applied clinical psychology from Penn State University, she's worked several years as a therapist before pursuing her dreams of self-employment.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: Kaylee believes that joy is our birthright and is passionate about helping people connect with their inner guidance to live a life that feels free and authentic.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: All right, let's head into this episode.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: Kaylee, yeah.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my God, I am literally so excited to have you on the podcast.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um we we've been friends technically for 12, 15, like 15 years.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: Me and Kaylee met back in high school when we used to drink alcoholic beverages in the woods at parties.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: And um, we didn't really stay in contact during our beginning of our adult relationship until maybe like a year ago.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: I kind of just followed the nudge and the curiosity and reached out to her.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: And we've been really like developing a safe and conscious friendship that feels really good.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: And as it turns out, the shit that she's doing aligns exactly with the message and kind of what me and Shay are doing here on this podcast.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: So thanks for coming in.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: We're really excited.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, you want to just start with your story, just like who are you?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: How did you get here?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, start us off with that.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so we'll start at the end.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh today, I am a self-employed intuitive life coach, psychic development coach, psychic medium, and death doula.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I am a classic manifesting generator.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I have lots of interests and I nourish them all.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, how I got here, um we can start way back when my story really starts pre-career with a pretty significant, pretty is an unnecessary qualifier, a largely significant struggle with mental health.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Started as an eating disorder when I was about 11, manifested into full-blown major depressive disorder.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was chronically suicidal for a number of years.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I just always knew that if I wasn't gonna kill myself, I would change the world.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I I would I would be helping people in a really, really in a in a really large way.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so for the longest time, so I spent my senior year of high school in a long-term psychiatric facility.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I then went to community college because my mom was afraid to let me go too far from home, and rightfully so, because then I hanged myself when I was 18 years old.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I died.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: I spent uh four days in a medically induced coma.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it was after that that I just had this knowing that, like, because that was not my first suicide attempt.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had tried a number of other times, but it was certainly the most lethal.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I did die, and I just had this sense that, like, shit, like I guess I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like that's pretty crazy.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because not only was I alive, but I was like fully intact, right?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I my brain was without oxygen for some time, but I was still walking, talking, like having no real medical or cognitive impact from that, which was wild.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Borderline obnoxious at the time.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was pissed.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, are you kidding me?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it was then that I realized like I really gotta start trying because up until that point, I wasn't trying because I knew I didn't I wasn't sure when, but I like quote, knew that I was gonna kill myself.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: So like it didn't matter.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I was wrong.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So uh anyway, after that, like I got my act together, went to finished my undergrad at uh SUNY Binghamton, got my undergraduate degree in psychology, and my plan was to pursue a PhD in clinical psychology because that's kind of like what my family background supported was like academia.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought in order to be worth something, I had to be a doctor.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had to work with the most complicated populations.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: My research uh demographic was people with psychopathy.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So um in common culture, that's called anti-uh sociopaths.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's not like a real thing, actually.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how we call them in uh clinical psychology.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's either antisocial personality disorder or psychopathy.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that was my primary research research interest, and that's who I worked with.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I worked with like the most complicated populations.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I worked uh in a jail in undergrad.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then in my graduate level internship, I worked with sex offenders because I thought that I needed to do like the most arduous work with the most complicated people and be a doctor for me to be worth anything.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I just kind of like I was doing all the right things in grad school.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was taking medication, I was meditating, I was exercising, I was in therapy, and I was still kind of miserable.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I looked around and I saw my professors be pretty miserable.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: They weren't taking care of themselves, they didn't have time for their families, they were kind of like slaves to tenure and grant money, and I didn't want that for myself.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, getting curious, I was nourishing and diving back into my spirituality kind of as a last-itch effort to find some wellness, to find some grounding.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I did find that in central Pennsylvania of all places.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was, you know, but you know, like when it's for you, it's gonna find you, even in the mineral of rural Pennsylvania.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And as a result, I started meeting people and having lots of different conversations.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember in the span of one week, I had three conversations with three people that I really, really respected who said to me, you know, because at the time I was thinking either it was tenure track, like professor in academia, or practice as a therapist.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And both sounded gross.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so three different people that I really respected from like one was a therapist, one was a spiritual mentor.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I forget who the other one was, but they're like, you know, there's like probably other options, right?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, hmm.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I just like again, like had that knowing that they're probably on to something.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so I got really clear on what was important to me, and that's my relationships.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that I needed to create and manifest a career in which I could take care of myself enough so that I could show up for my relationships in the way that I wanted to.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I, you know, and other things around that, right?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like self-employment, unlimited income, freedom.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to work from anywhere, but I also really wanted to work with people on their healing in a way that felt fully expressed, right?
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like not just like talking about like the clinical empirically supported modalities for treatment because that just wasn't like it's important and I still use that in my coaching.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: It feels really grounding for me to have that science, but also there's this larger part of me that can't really explain things in a way where I can like point to a textbook or a study at Stanford and tell you, this is why we're doing this.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: So um, yeah, I started shifting towards self-employment.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't sure what that would look like.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, like a series of serendipitous events led me to an intuitive development course.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I jump on the first class and I'm just like channeling as if I've always done it, because like I've always done it.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: I just didn't know that I was doing it.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And uh shortly after that, like it was it was literally a matter of months before I started um taking life coaching clients in addition to reading people on the side after work.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was working nine to five as a therapist.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And before I knew it, I was making more money working like 10 hours a week than I was doing therapy.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I quit my job.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, the my last day as a therapist was four months after I started that intuitive development course.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I tend to move quick when I know it's for me.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that that was last year.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: That was last January was my last day as a therapist.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's your story.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me about um, I want to rewind a little bit.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: There was so many pieces in the story that I resonated with personally, but first I want to go all the way back.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, um, we talk a lot about mental health on the podcast, and um, a lot of us have really, you know, had those dark nights of the soul.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: And you had it, um, I liked how you shared that journey that you had.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to know, you know, you you kind of went from you had your death experience, and then you said, I got my act together, and then I got my degree.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about what is getting your act together look like.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because I do think a lot of us when we're in those like deep dark moments, it's it's really hard to like see the other side.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then I know it tell me about what that looked like for you.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you for that question.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, because yeah, it's really easy for me to like glaze over that like decade of my life because it was not easy.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually just really I'm, you know, it's my Saturn return.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like really diving in and re-revisiting all these like major life moments and in a deeper, more visceral way.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was at dinner with a good friend of mine in November who who's been my friend forever, and she's like seen me through all of this, and I like started tearing up uh in talking about that period of my life, and I said, like, it was it was really hard.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Kaylee, I love you and I have been with you for all of this.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I've never heard you acknowledge like that it was hard.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, yeah, I'm just like it's a new allowance I'm giving myself, is like because like there's such an interesting difference between like the cognitive knowing and like having some emotional awareness of it.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: But like as we continue to clear our channel and clear out, you have a deeper capacity to go deeper with yourself and hold yourself.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really beautiful because then it in turn, like obviously translates to how you're able to show up for the people and your your clients, but also you know, your loved ones.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: But um, so yeah, so what getting my act together kind of looked like for me was really understanding, and I and I want to be clear that I didn't understand it.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like it wasn't like reading a newspaper headline, but it was like just being able to make out the fine print that uh no, you're there's a different lesson, there's a different mission for here for you than you think, and you're gonna do it, so stop fucking around.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so for years I had this gift of being able to know what therapists and doctors were looking for for me to tell them so that they wouldn't hospitalize me.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I was just kind of like skating around, avoiding conversations because they seemed like a waste of time and a waste of pain, because I was just gonna leave later, you know?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not gonna take my coat off because I'm not staying.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: So what I understood kind of as I came back into my body was that's not gonna work anymore because I don't want to go to the hospital anymore.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: That was like that was like the like the the foundation was I just don't want to be hospitalized anymore.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I did, like I said, I always knew there was this like dichotomy within me that if I don't kill myself, there's something really great here.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so I wasn't like looking that far down the road, but um I knew I had to do something different.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so what the very first step in that was just being honest, was just talking to my therapist.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like I always showed up, but I was never there, you know.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so like I really just had to get honest with myself and be willing to look at myself, which sucks.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I really love hearing this from you because I have noticed this pattern in myself.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um I can go to therapy.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: I know that I should be going to therapy, but then it's like you have to commit to therapy.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: You can certainly go in there and shoot the shit and talk, deflect and talk about other people.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of us, like quote unquote smart, smart girls, if you will, we can.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, I'm not gonna say that I go in and play a game, but it's like it's easier to talk about other things than it is to like really do the hard work.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I've also this year had like a I need to be honest.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: I have to go in there and be radically honest if I'm going to start doing the work.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so I do, I love that like step one, shine the light, radical honesty, presence, like no doubt.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: I really love that.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, actually, so I mean, as a former therapist, and even in uh less so in coaching, because now I like pick my clients, you know.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I worked for a community mental health agency and I specialized in substance use, and most of my patients were court mandated.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I you know what I mean?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like the there are plenty of people out there who aren't shit, forget court mandated.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: There's plenty of people who play out of pocket and aren't honest with their therapists.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you said you're not playing a game, but like I am consciously, yeah.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't realize it, but I am and it's hard, and I have so many people who you know reach out to me and you know, they're they're maybe not ready for like the intuitive life coaching because you know, I go because I go hard.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: I I I show up to my clients as the therapist, as the coach that I needed.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because I and I knew this by the time I got to grad school, um, we had a pretty limited selection of therapists, uh, you know, for free at like the counseling center, because one of them was our professors.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was a choice between two.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the one I just like knew, I like again, just like an intuitive knowing.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: She was so fluffy, and I couldn't do it because I needed somebody who was gonna like push me and and like look, give me those like knowing looks, like, really you do you do that to me.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: Just like stop looking at me like that.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I get it.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's so important to um to do it from a place of love because I knew that when I did that for clients, uh, when I was burnt out seeing 13 patients a day.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, I know, right?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Mariah just gave me a wide eyed look.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like truly unethical practices.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but when you're like I I worked for a therapy factory.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you're burnt out, you really can't push in the way that's most beneficial because you're fried.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're resentful.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: To the system, and that shows up as resentment towards your clients when it's not about them at all.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so exactly like that's that's how I like to show up for clients, even in readings, Mariah knows.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: I uh I deliver what you need, and it's with love and it's grounded, and it's like with big arms around you, but it's like a kiss on the forehead and said, sorry, but yeah, that's certainly been my journey.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: I've done like the what was covered in.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: You have I have to do I had to find a good fit in someone that was willing to kind of push me and um, hey, I've heard you say this before, and that's not really aligning with that.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it is a certain type of coach or therapist or whatever that can do that.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, it was a big trial and error process of finding a good fit.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, as I mean, I do.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I am really grateful for having the ability to have a pretty large, removed perspective.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I am so grateful for my experience in working with sex offenders, because that is a great way to cut your teeth as a coach or a therapist, is working with people who are pretty strongly motivated to deny their reality, uh, from like a personal and cultural perspective.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, it was traumatizing for sure.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I needed that for my own like personal healing journey working with that demographic, but for, and they're not unrelated, right?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but for my ability to kind of like sink a hook in and like pull up people who really are are missing a blind spot.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: That was a really ideal like crash course and learning how to do that.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I feel like your your entire journey is like you diving in to the really deep, hard, tough things so that you like learn a new perspective, learn something about yourself and the world around you so that you can come back up and share it with people.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, yeah, like suffering is like it's your thing.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's like exploring the resistance.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_03: It totally is.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I had this, I think I told you actually, Mariah, when I was pulling cards for the year.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, I got a lot of messages about like suffering and like alchemy and whatnot.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And like that's totally my thing.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like my son, Mercury and Venus are in the 12th house, like the the house of undoing, of taboos, of um yeah, like really dark, dark matter.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I resisted it for a long time, but it be because of like this um kind of like bypassy rhetoric about manifestation that's really popular.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas I I just kind of like have been able to get rid of that in the last year because I'm able to see again, like from a wider perspective, like how critical how if I wasn't willing to sit in my shit and look at like the really dark and mysterious expanses of my psyche and past, there's no way I would have this beautiful apartment or have like clients who were just super stoked to work with me, or the relationships that I've like evolved and healed in my friendships, in my with my parents, with my brothers.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like the healing that I've done in my relationships with my family is is nothing short of miraculous.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no effing way that that would have been done if I didn't get my shit together.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that just doesn't like happen on accident through like talk therapy.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: Sitting in the shit.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's like my brand.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, I heard go ahead, Maria.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: I was I was gonna say, like following the resistance, but also like the guidance.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's not like you're choosing to sit in the shit because like I'm bored.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna go to the deep parts of my soul.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's like these nudges, this intuitive knowing of just like, here we go, here's another shadow.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's not going anywhere, so I might as well befriend it, get to know it, start dancing with it, and see what message it has for me.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: I love, love that.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: And what I heard from your story is almost twofold of like getting your act together.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: One is radical honesty and sitting with it, right?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then the other half is connecting with that bigger purpose.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: What am I here to do?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: What impact do I want to make?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: What role do I want to play in this world?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then taking baby steps in that direction and ultimately trusting.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you didn't know what was gonna happen, but you knew I gotta be honest, and I kind of know that I'm here to do something, and then just you know, intuitively take the next steps.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's really super powerful.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, thank you.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because baby steps is right, man.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, there's and they're like you said, like it's twofold, and they're directly complement each other because I don't think that I would have had the drive to take those steps if I didn't have this like really deep, I'm gonna cry, like this really deep knowing that like no, you're here to really serve and not not in a small way.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just all I want to do because I know what is possible because I had to do it.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: And a big part that kind of like came up that I'm realizing more and more, just as you guys are kind of like reflecting back to me what I'm saying, is the nourishing the masculine and the feminine, is what I'm hearing, right?
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like the taking the steps, but those steps are very much informed and guided and pushed along by my intuition.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: And like there's my God, I do a lot of things that I don't want to do.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I have the resolve to do them because I trust so deeply that they're coming from the higher part of me, the part that sees the whole picture.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And the more I take those steps and then receive the feedback or the healing or the catharsis or the release that I want, the more confident I feel the next time I get another nudge to do something crazy.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no way, dude.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: People don't do this kind of thing.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but then I'm like a week later, I'm like, wow, I'm I can't pull that went eon or like exponentially better than I could have imagined.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_03: The beauty of the hindsight.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Jesus.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_03: What I kind of wanted to explore a little bit is, and I don't think that we kind of talked about this yet, but like like you kind of said, like the the underworld and like the suffering and everything, and like what is the biggest the biggest lesson or experience of that is death, and so you've become so close to death in your own right, like in your own personal experience, but also how you help serve people.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_03: So, like I know now that you're a certified death doula.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_03: So, like, can you just walk us like what is that?
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: So a death doula, most people not most, but more people are familiar with the term doula.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so a doula is a woman, typically a woman, they can be man, of course, um, but typically they're women, uh, historically anyway.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Adula is a woman or person that women hire to advocate for their like emotional and spiritual support during the process of bringing a life in, in the process of giving birth.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: So there's like midwives and there's the nurses and doctors that are present, of course.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but because birth has become so medical, Adula is a somebody that is hired to kind of like keep a spiritual, emotional element alive and again advocate because obviously the way that I see birth and death is you are leaving this realm to grab something and bring it in, right?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: And on the reverse end, death is assisting um, or death is leaving something, take leaving this plane and and moving on to the next one, right?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Discarding a body and leaving.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so what a death dual does is they provide psycho-spiritual emotional support for a dying individual as well as their loved ones.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I uh it's a lot of meditating, honestly.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and a lot of just like talking about death.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a lot of things that people don't know about dying because similar to birth, dying has become this like medical clinical event in our uh like conscious collective or collective conscious, and that's just not it.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's medical changes, but it's not a medical event, it is a spiritual event, it is a transcendent event.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I do is assist people with that.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: My um what I knew again, I just like following the curiosity and the knowing.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: I came back from a really profound plant medicine experience in this past June.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I watched Going Home with Ram Das, which is a plug that I have no affiliation with.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's a 30-minute documentary on Netflix, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it follows uh Ram Das in his last days on earth, and it's just so beautiful.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I saw that, and that was like the nail in the coffin kind of for uh um for me and like a like a deep understanding that I need to work closer with death to better support the living, because we live so out of touch with like the nature of life, death, life, right?
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because and and you know, I know you two are like well familiar with this, like in the span of our like waking lives, that we die every day.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there are parts of us that fall away every day, and it's so that we can clear the space and nurture the soil so that that soil can then give new life to something more beautiful, more fulfilling, etc.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so that is part of why I started serving the dying.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then I've had some really interesting experiences in which I have literally served as a portal through which a dying person crosses over.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like I literally go into trance, take their soul over to the next plane, and then come back into my body, which is casual, very, very casual, super light work.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, I think you're I am just I love this.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_01: The theme that's emerging for me is that there's power in going dark, and you know, and we have all of this story wrapped up in our head around death and dark and like um, and really we have to like the birth, the it's a process, you know, it's birth, live, death, right?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it happens over and over.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that you're bringing it back to like a daily basis, and even in our businesses, in our seasons of life, there's this constant cycle, but our culture and society is really only interested in talking about one piece of that.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: And um I we've mentioned this on the podcast before.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Scorpio moon, I'm all water signs, but I do like to get deep and dark.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll I often ask clients, you know, on your deathbed, you're looking back at your life, what are you doing?
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not always welcome, which is cool, but I do think there's a lot of power in going real a the Stoics say we should meditate on death daily, which I think is super cool, right?
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because it keeps you zoomed out.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like this life is gonna end, the life of your loved ones is gonna end.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: How could you just really be so grateful today?
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like appreciate them today.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that kind of idea has been very transformational for me.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: But as I'm like, you know, life is getting harder, we're getting older.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm realizing that there is a lot of beauty in the darkness, and there's a lot of growth in the darkness.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: And like you mentioned earlier, we all uh want to bypass that.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I love that you brought up manifesting, Mariah and I have all been all about talking about that lately.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think, especially in this online business world, there's this like stay up, talk about the positives, you know, like how are you killing it?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that's all we're available for.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: But really, I think a lot of the magic is really going on on in those dark nights of the soul and in the really dark places.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think the greatest disservice that we do ourselves culturally, as particularly within the spiritual community, but like like on a in Western society, because in the East, they're all they're all about it.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: They know, they know that they're God and they know that like death is a rebirth, right?
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: And like who's to say that we're getting out there, who's to say that this is the life, right?
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: Who's to say that this isn't death?
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think we do ourselves such a great disservice by not, I mean, yes, not acknowledging our like day-to-day darkness, but not acknowledging that it is the end that allows life to matter.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: And and so much, so much of our lives are like tiptoeing through to arrive safely at this door that we're absolutely terrified of.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it and it like necessarily blunts and and shelters our experience here when really my my belief is that we come here to be fully expressed, and many of us aren't gonna do that if we're terrified.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, like I geez, I bury myself at least once a week, you know.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: And but and it's also too like that mystery, that fear that gives the darkness power.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: If we go there and we're familiar with it, like I think a great analogy is I when I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I don't turn the lights on because I know this place, I know my way around, so I don't need to like shine more light on it because I feel safe here.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: Could I trip?
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, but I I know my way around, and that the more I dive deeper and deeper and deeper, it's never without fear, but that fear just becomes a companion rather than an obstacle because I I know that when I come back up, I'm gonna I'm gonna see things, I'm gonna have a much clearer understanding, I'm gonna be so much more empowered, I'm gonna be just that much lighter that it's worth it.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like, yeah, you just you you with your eloquent way of explaining things always just hits the heart at like just the best angle.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but it's like embracing death or dying or the darkness as a power back to our authenticity, a power back to like us expanding into an even fuller version of who we are here to be instead of staying in the light and only being shown one small sliver of what there is.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely, because we are just so complex.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like we are just so complex, and honestly, that's what kept me sick for so long.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like for I was sick for uh a decade longer, but you know what I mean, like where it was really like loud was a decade, and it was because I was just absolutely petrified of looking at my insecurities, of looking at where I was being who I thought I was supposed to be in order to receive love.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's all we want is we all want to be safe and we just want to be loved.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's it, looks different for everybody, but that is a foundational truth.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care who you are or how you slice it.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: Psychopaths, nope, people with psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder included.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: We all just want to be safe and we all just want to be loved, and not looking at how we're like keeping things at arm's length, which is usually hidden in our subconscious in our uncomfortable darkness, we're not gonna get that.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm gonna kind of derail us a little bit, but I think yeah, I love it.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: This is a question, a question that I have and I've struggled with.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_01: I am a I love self-development, self-growth.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm always investing in coaches.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: I've like I mentioned, I'm investing in therapists, doing all the courses, probably to a fault, honestly.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: But I love it.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: And say, like if I have a personal interest, it's self-growth.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: I really am interested in that.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: What would you say?
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: I have struggled in the past.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: What's the difference between a coach and a therapist?
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_01: And when should you seek out either for what type of support?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this is a loaded question.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: So difference uh outright is a therapist, depending on where you are, has at least a master's degree in psychology, social work, mental health counseling.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's kind of like a handful of appropriate master's degrees.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they are either practicing under a licensed therapist or are licensed themselves and are billable through insurance.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's like main 3D difference.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually like the main difference, really.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was practicing under a license uh because in New York State there's a lot of hoops to jump through.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of hoops to jump through in general, but in New York State we're we're quite restrictive.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: So um I was working under somebody else's license before I left.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh whereas a coach doesn't need any formal education at all.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that's why a lot of people who are new or not immersed in the spiritual world at all, but know that they need some help, feel really safe uh pursuing therapy.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: However, unfortunately, therapy, when it's like just, in my opinion and in my experience, when it's just therapy, has blinders on.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's only like you hit walls really easily, especially if you're seeing somebody who's seeing 10 patients before you.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you go in and you're not, if you're not ready to excavate, that therapist is gonna shoot the shit with you because they don't want to do the work either because they're fucking exhausted.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's like really in my experience, the the primary difference um that a coach needs no uh qualifications, they can just call themselves that.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: There are like certifications, I think, for life coaching.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have one uh because my thing, and I see this happening a lot.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_00: There's like, as you guys know, there's a mass exodus in people leaving to pursue self-employment.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is definitely happening for people with master's degrees or even higher, perhaps in social work or mental health counseling or clinical psychology, who just don't want to jump through the hoops of insurance of New York State or whatever state they reside in to tell them what to do.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because what I do in my coaching is it is like the perfect synthesis of my background in clinical psychology and my spiritual work and my use of other modalities.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't bill insurance for oh, like tapped into a past life and saw past life trauma.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's it, you know what I'm like.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not I'm not doing that.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to do that because I um I'm an Enneagram seven, like I am a Gemini, like freedom is everything to me.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so I don't want to be bogged down by red tape that I don't see as really necessary.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: It seems quite arbitrary to me because and like I understand like why there needs to be licensing boards and whatnot in place 100%.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I know that I'm an ethical practitioner.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: I check myself all the fucking time.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: I I converse with other therapists, other coaches all the time.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that I when I when I'm having like a hard situation, I hire mentors uh so that I can come correct to all my situations.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: But in my experience, like that's kind of the the main difference is like uh the lack of or presence of socially sanctioned uh qualifications.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and like certification.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I really want to, I'm excited to have this conversation because my thinking around this has changed quite a bit and what's going on in the therapy industry right now is very interesting.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've had a few therapy clients, and actually, my current therapist, the reason I love her, she um they all have the master's degree, got the certification, did the boards, you know, got it, and then they're practicing and they're just like you, where they're kind of like, okay, I've got the science and the data, I've got the really good foundation, but I also have this creative, intuitive, spiritual side, and I'm noticing that there's other ways to work with clients, and I'm kind of confound to this box, and I'm starting to get really frustrated.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: I can't show, I feel like a factory employee.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: I've had therapist friends describe it as like working in a factory.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm seeing all these patients, I'm not showing up for them.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_01: I can't really expand and kind of explore the areas I'm interested in because I have to meet insurance boxes.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so honestly, I love my therapist now, and she's not, she's out of the official therapy capacity because of that reason.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she has this very well-researched, modern approach that she delivers with integrity, but it's just outside of the constraints of the typical therapy box.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's so cool because I want to share this.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: I originally came in with like, oh, coaches, you know, like there's no certification and you can't trust a coach and blah, blah, blah.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not that you can't trust a coach, but if you want to do the big, deep work, you need a therapist.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I've kind of evolved my thinking around that because I'm meeting all of these incredible therapists that are like, I'm stuck in this box and I want to get out, and I have this really innovative way to do things, and it's powerful.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so I guess I the reason I went down this tangent is I want to encourage people when you're looking for support, really think about, you know, tap into that like um bigger picture why, like we talked about, and really what it is that you're specifically looking for support around, and then find someone that kind of shares that same worldview as you.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, don't get too caught up.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_01: I I love that the therapists have that background because I feel safe in that container, but I also love people like you that are kind of fortifying their expertise with these quote unquote, maybe more woo or less traditional practices that we know work, right?
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I really think like my work now, of course, is a direct reflection of the path I took to healing, right?
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: I would not have been able to arrive at this point if it weren't for very medical, clinically grounded approaches, right?
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was in survival mode strictly.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so without medication, without modern medicine, without uh like solids CBT and DBT, I would still be suicidal or dead, right?
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_00: But then it wasn't enough anymore because I believe that a well person has that connection to a greater being, uh, greater, greater purpose, greater um something beyond themselves, uh, is that spiritual connection, whether that's religion, uh, whether that's spirituality, whatever, um that that is like a holistic model, right?
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just what your head's doing.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I um I hit a wall.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was doing all the right things.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was meditating, like I said, I explained earlier.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then it what it was my spirituality and my connection with a shaman, with studying the Kabbalah, with doing different kinds of meditations, um, with learning and trusting how to understand the guidance that I was receiving, I would not, I would be okay, but I would not be a joyful, expansive container that I am now.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_03: I love that reflection.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_03: Um so I guess if there's if there's people listening that kind of want to take like I want to call it a unique perspective to personal development, but it's like a really like holistic way to personal development, bringing in the light and the dark.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_03: But if people are kind of interested in exploring this side of things or feeling how I guess my question is, how do you feel safe to go into the darkness?
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what are the first steps?
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_03: If it's like, you know what, I've been really focused on positive affirmations and I've been really focused on all of these lighter things or like this easier form of manifestation.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_03: How do we allow ourselves to get deeper?
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what are the first few steps?
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh so funny.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: I hate affirmations.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: I hate, I don't hate them, but I just think they're like like sprinkles, like for what?
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know what I mean?
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_01: If you're not looking so good, they're just like sprinkles.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_00: They're not doing anything, honey.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not until you're understanding what's underneath that.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what are the first few steps?
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_00: How do we feel safe?
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think for me was really learning how to reparent myself.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um how because that's that's why I I I could not cry for a decade, yep, unless some unless it was a therapist or a deeply, deeply trusted friend.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to be at my absolute wit's end.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_00: I had to be like picking out my eyebrow hair to cry in front of somebody else.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I could never cry on my own.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a real process, and and learning how to just hold myself and trust myself that I could unzip that and be okay.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and you and that's like the that's the kind of son of a bitch about all this is like you won't get that feedback until you have the feedback.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: You have to just eat the frog.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to kind of be willing to to do that.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think, yeah, having the intention and and having, I mean, having somebody that you trust, like having a coach or a friend or a loved one that you can go there with.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's be honest, like as much as our parents or friends or even significant others love us, they might not be able to take us there.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: They might not be an a strong enough container or anchor for us to do that with.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: Other friends right now, there's the things that they're dealing with, like I I know that they can't hold me right now, and that's okay.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes you wish they could, but it's okay.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't resent them because you know that you couldn't hold them six months ago.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but so I I do I really think if if you have kind of like no history or no background, I think asking you to do that on your own is is kind of crazy, quite frankly.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure it can it can be done.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but because safety is foundational, it it's it's kind of a lot to ask somebody to just start going and and asking themselves those like really deep questions.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I mean that's why that's just so important.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, go ahead, Kaylee.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, I'm done.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just rambling.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're great.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think that's a really important note for us to make, is we're kind of all, yeah, dive into the deep stuff, go dark.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_01: But there's a lot of people with a lot of lived experience, a lot of trauma, where like the idea of going dark, we need to find a safe container, you know?
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe we could talk a little about what does a safe container look like?
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say that you're interested, maybe like a little worried to dip your toe in.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I wanna, that's kind of what I was go where I was going earlier, too.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_01: Is like, what does it look like to find a safe way to do all of this?
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I know safety looks different for everybody, but like, what could you be on the lookout for?
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_00: So this is gonna be like a non-answer because it's about what it feels like.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_00: I this is a huge one, and this is really tough too, because it like kind of um gets into that muddy water of like if you do have real trauma experiences, you literally have trained yourself to not trust your intuition, right?
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're always in that flight or flight mode.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not really in that like restful space where you feel like you get clear communication.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and so that's really tricky.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I guess like on a tangible three-dimensional level, I guess it you want to look for people who whose story at least resonates with you, whose messaging resonates with you, which again is like a feeling answer, right?
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_00: So it's about what it feels like.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you get like some icky like friction, maybe not it, but also maybe that is it.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: So um, I know Mariah shared, I don't know if it was on here, but at least we talked about recently how like for her, feeling disgust is like a pretty big indicator that she needs to follow something.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_00: I had a similar experience last year.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had a I have a history of an eating disorder, even though I haven't binge and purged since I was 13.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, those are pretty formative years.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: So my I still have the wiring that supports like some restrictive behavior from time to time.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I was gifted a session, a free session with an Ayurvedic health coach.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_00: And in that first session, the the I was only gifted the one session, and in that session, she asked me very benign questions that you would expect.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_00: So Ayurveda is like a thousands of years-old um nutritional philosophy that's like very holistic.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I believe it originated in India, but don't quote me on that.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but anyway, she's asked me very like routine questions about, you know, what are your bowel movements like?
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_00: What do you feel like after you eat gluten?
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: What are your eating patterns like?
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I, somebody who likes to think they're very self-aware, could not answer a fucking question.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so triggered, I was so anxious and so like humbled and embarrassed that I couldn't, that I didn't know.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, well, this is certainly a blind spot that I might need to explore.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so and and too, like she was just very patient, very like grounded.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_00: And even though like I typically don't tend to work with people who are really soft and feminine, I think because it was such a raw wound for me that I didn't know was still so raw, um, that was the spot that I needed.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_00: But like everybody has a different need, everybody has a different um like uh figure that they respond to.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, that's all from like childhood stuff, whether you want to acknowledge that or not, it is.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I think we go through seasons, like I'm sure even in business, like sometimes we need the coach that's a hard ass, sometimes we need the coach that's like really all energetic and fluffy, and you know, it just kind of depends.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but to put it succinctly, which I have a hard time with, is following what feels safe, but understanding that it's not always gonna feel safe.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_00: If it's something that you need to look at, it's especially if we're looking at the dark stuff, you might feel like anxiety, you might feel like fuck, I don't want to do this, you might feel disgust, you might feel horror.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's like ego, right?
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's all the stuff that dies.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_00: But what doesn't die is love, because that's all we are.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you can come back to some safety when looking at this person, whether it's like their psychology today profile or their Instagram profile or whoever they are, if you can get some resonance and grounded and say like groundedness and safety when like interacting with them directly or their material, then I think that's a pretty good indicator that that might be somebody that you should work with.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think that's a really great answer.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think that that, you know, you started that off with like, this isn't really an answer, but it's like that is the truth of it.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_03: And there's very little things in this world that are black and white, even though as humans moving forward, we like black and white.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_03: I love data.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_03: I love it, but that's not where we find all of the juicy middle that actually makes sense with who we are and how we're meant to show up.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I guess like I just look back at you know the trigger that happened to me before I saw a therapist.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_03: And I just I love this story.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so basically I was a young adult, probably this was probably only like four years ago, five years ago, it was not that long ago.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I remember going out on a date with this guy, and it was probably like our third date.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_03: So it wasn't our first one, but it was our third date, and we were having coffee, and he was talking to me.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm just like talking to him, and he calls me out and he says, Mariah, why are you looking at my nose when you talk?
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're not even looking at me in the eyes.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, bro, like, want you're a lawyer.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_03: So then I come home and I sit with it, and I'm just like, oh my God, I can't make eye contact with men.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_03: I can't.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_03: And then, oh, look, that all started from childhood.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_03: My dad being an alcoholic, being addicted to medications, and that he wasn't prescribed and all of that fun substance abuse stuff.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_03: I remember because I found a therapist that ironically, not ironically, did EMDR.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_03: And when I first found her, I didn't know what EMDR was.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_03: I had no idea.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_03: I thought I was just looking for a therapist.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_03: And so I called the office and I was like, yo, I've been meditating for like a year or two.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_03: I feel pretty comfortable in this space.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_03: I want a therapist that really understands the mindfulness part of it.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_03: I don't just want to talk things out, I want to get deeper.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_03: And so her initial thing was like, well, I'm booked up.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, but I meditate.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_03: And she was like, oh, wait, you meditate?
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_03: Like, can you come in during the day?
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_03: And like ended up making space for me.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_03: And that ended up being such a huge shift in my healing and proof that I can sit with the hard stuff, proof that I can be supported even when I feel like I'm out of my body.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_03: And it was like, I think that it was really that relationship that I started crying in front of people because like I didn't cry.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_03: That was like a huge thing about my personality.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_03: It was like, I'm not emotional.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_03: I don't cry.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_03: That's hilarious.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, half of my chart is literally water.
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_03: So, like the fact that I was trying to run away from that was just proof in the pudding of like how traumatized I was by so many things that happened.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we like wear that as a badge of honor, as but like, and I think you know, your family is like similar to mine, is that like we're pretty like listen to me over-identifying with it.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_00: We they are pretty like stoic, rough and tumble.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're both from like Buffalo Rust Belt people who wear it as a badge of honor to like be totally devoid of emotion.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like that's lunacy, because we are emotional people, our emotions are a map, they tell us what's up, and without that, we're over-reliant on our minds, which are beautiful servants, but lousy masters.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, that's not me, that's Ram Das.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I wish I could, uh, but it's it's just I'm gonna be maybe hyperbolic and say you cannot have a full joyful life if you're not willing to feel.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because blunting the depth necessarily blunts the height.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_01: Blunting the death.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's beautiful.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's I'm like blown away right now.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_01: Is that you or is that Ramdas?
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've made it up.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there you go.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think that all of us share this story, which I think is interesting of not being able to cry.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_01: I had the same thing.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_01: I remember telling friends, I told my husband, I was like, she says she cries every day.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that crazy?
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't cried in years.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and then now, as I've done more self-awareness stuff, I'm the same as Mariah.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like literally in the ocean, all water in my chart.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_01: I have so many feelings in here.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I was not raised in an environment that knew what to do with all those feelings.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I didn't really ever understand a healthy way to process emotion.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_01: And on top of that, the story that we get culturally is that all the juice is up here, stay in your head.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's all about the logic, you know?
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so I couldn't trust those.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_01: All I knew about my feelings was that I was too sensitive.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know that there was any wisdom to be gained there.
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it was like a massive defect.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I spent the first big part of my life just like shove it down.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_01: And that has been such an eye-opening thing for me, is like, oh no, wait, I don't have to live up here in my head all the time.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_01: There's wisdom in my body, and these emotions don't have to be so scary and overwhelming.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, they're probably pointing me in the direction that I need to be heading in, right?
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_01: That was a game changer for me.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_00: Being in my body, man, what a trip.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_00: What a trip living in the vessel that you were given.
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds so obvious.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, it sounds so obvious, but I would even say that most of society can't, won't, like doesn't for a majority of the existence.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_03: And all of us are at, you know, in this conversation, we're we're able to look in hindsight and to see how beautiful that realization is.
• 1:04:50
  SPEAKER_03: And like anybody listening, you're just like, yo, I still don't cry.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's it's okay to be there when you notice it, because noticing it is literally half of the battle.
• 1:05:02
  SPEAKER_03: And then starting to, as Kaylee said, start to build that safety in the body, start to notice how you feel about certain people, start to, as always, like get curious, not just about your thoughts, but also about your emotions, because like those that's the shit.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's the shit that like logic can't get your way out of.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that a huge thing for me that I just kind of want to drop in here was not attaching story or allowing the drama of the emotion to carry me deeper into the emotional state when it wasn't necessary.
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't know what that meant until I knew what that meant.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's like you kind of have to practice the observer of the emotion and then notice holy shit, I'm observing this emotion.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not until then that you want even really can into.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_03: Integrate those words of observing the emotion.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_00: I am so glad you said that because I think going back to that question that you asked about like how do we feel safe, how do we take those first steps is exactly that.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that I think you know, cultivating a mindfulness practice in tandem or before is a great idea because we tend to over-identify with our emotions.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: We become them and we are not.
• 1:06:31
  SPEAKER_00: They are passers through, they are visitors, and we deserve to treat them as such.
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_00: But we, you know, like if you're having a party, you you invite everybody, right?
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_00: They're all there.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you would be kind of an ass if you only like gave tea and cookies to the nice ones, right?
• 1:06:49
  SPEAKER_00: You might not be happy that the anxiety and the fear and the anger are there, but you still got to give them refreshments, right?
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but know that they're as long as you satiate them and give them their time, give them the tea and cookies, they'll leave just as the other ones do.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but they are not you.
• 1:07:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_01: Separating, like identifying it as like an outside thing that's not you is so we've talked about like labeling your inner critic, you know, and like even personifying it as a character because it helps create that separation and that distance that is so important.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then the next level is can you befriend?
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_01: I loved that.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, can we befriend fear?
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_01: Can we befriend the hard feelings, the dark?
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because we know that they are also working to get us to our highest and best.
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_01: It may not feel like it all the time, but these are really allies on our team.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_01: And if we spend our whole life, I hate all the messaging slay your inner critic, kill it, defeat it, conquer it.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, he's here with me.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna be here with me.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's a dance, right?
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like, I gotta figure out how to, I love that.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_01: Give him cookies, give him tea, let me hear you.
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's so powerful.
• 1:08:01
  SPEAKER_01: And a consistent theme I'm hearing from all three of us that I'd love to get your read on is I think we all had this moment of like, I'm doing all the work, I'm meditating, I'm breathworking, um journaling, I'm eating well, whatever it is, and that still feels like there's something more.
• 1:08:19
  SPEAKER_01: That might be an indication that it's time to take out the flashlight and explore the dark side of things in a way that feels safe.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or just yeah, like invite a new modality, I think, yeah, is what it was for me.
• 1:08:33
  SPEAKER_00: But again, um interesting.
• 1:08:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm having a thought down on right now.
• 1:08:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I think uh a like qualm I have with like mainstream therapy, mental health uh as a practice is that it is rooted in psychopathology, meaning it is rooted in illness.
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think it's very often in practice rooted in fixing.
• 1:09:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think spirituality kind of necessarily is more holistic, and so that requires looking more at the darkness and stillness and emptiness, and I don't think there's a whole lot of room for emptiness in mental health practices, really.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's why I was able to get to the next step, the next layer of hell.
• 1:09:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I was allowed to, I was shown that that's part of it.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, Buddha's first teaching was like, all of life is suffering.
• 1:09:47
  SPEAKER_00: And like, thank you, Buddha.
• 1:09:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 1:09:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because like I'm I'm on here, I'm hamstering a wheel trying to get better, trying to get well, but there I'm negating, not negating, but denying this, like there's this whole jungle gym that I want to climb on.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta get off the wheel.
• 1:10:08
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 1:10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I've got full body chills.
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_01: That was a really powerful download that I'm glad came through for you.
• 1:10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um I just asked to be shown what I needed to say.
• 1:10:19
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's big.
• 1:10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I feel like I could talk with you all afternoon.
• 1:10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, I've got a scoot.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think that's a really cool place to kind of wrap this one up for now.
• 1:10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, one thing we like to ask all of our guests, what has been striking your curiosity lately?
• 1:10:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think the bigness, uh, the absolute depth and breadth of the way that we really construct intentionally or unintentionally, accidentally or on purpose, consciously or subconsciously, construct our entire lives around safety.
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so what has been really curious, because that makes sense, right?
• 1:11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but what's curious is that what safety means can be very convoluted based on our early experiences.
• 1:11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I've been afforded recently in nearly infinite ways, um, just really looking at how I've cultivated a safety that isn't really what my highest self knows safety means in my life.
• 1:11:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm really curious.
• 1:11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
• 1:11:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like maybe your understanding of safety really evolves over time and gets deeper and changes and allowing that change to happen is really cool.
• 1:11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's kind of like discerning between what ego thinks is safe and what I know is safe.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_01: And is it ego wanting to stay comfortable and safe, or is this like worth it to kind of push the boundaries?
• 1:12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's like usually what it is.
• 1:12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 1:12:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that you are such a wonderful example of someone who I am sure that, especially coming from an academic background, you've had these nudges.
• 1:12:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to applaud you for following them because I'm sure saying them out loud in those settings felt wild, you know, especially at the beginning.
• 1:12:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I think you are just such a wonderful example of someone that is like so brave and unapologetically like created space and stillness to listen to their calling and then sought that and made decisions that aligned with that, even if it sounded weird and even if it, you know, felt weird because of in like an academic setting, you you knew.
• 1:12:49
  SPEAKER_01: We talked about before we hopped on the podcast of like that feeling of just knowing.
• 1:12:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, even if the facts aren't all lined up and it's not made maybe logical, but like trusting that feeling of just knowing.
• 1:13:00
  SPEAKER_01: I I love that.
• 1:13:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to reflect back to you.
• 1:13:03
  SPEAKER_01: You told us at the beginning that your goal through all of this was to prioritize your relationships.
• 1:13:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then through this work, you told us later that you're like, you wouldn't believe the transformation that's happened in my relationships.
• 1:13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it's all through this just dedication and devotion to trusting that feeling and trusting the nudge.
• 1:13:22
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much for sharing your story.
• 1:13:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's just so aligned.
• 1:13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's a really powerful, provocative story.
• 1:13:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope we can have you back to dive even deeper.
• 1:13:31
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like you brought up a million things I wanted to go real deep with.
• 1:13:34
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll have to have you come back on.
• 1:13:36
  SPEAKER_01: But I think for now we're going to close this phase one of the episode down.
• 1:13:40
  SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed this episode, feel free to share it with someone you love.
• 1:13:44
  SPEAKER_01: As we're getting started, you guys sharing it with your people is the most valuable thing for us.
• 1:13:50
  SPEAKER_01: So please tell a friend.
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_01: We would be so honored.
• 1:13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, tag us on social media, let us know what you love, let us know if you have any questions that you want us to explore next.
• 1:14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, DM us.
• 1:14:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're always around.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_01: We'd love to hear from you.
• 1:14:04
  SPEAKER_01: And um yeah, with that, I'll hand it over to Mariah.
• 1:14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so Kaylee, really quick, do you just want to let people know where they can find and connect with you?
• 1:14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so my primary traffic area is my Instagram.
• 1:14:19
  SPEAKER_00: My handle is at C A I L I underscore D-A-N-I-E-U.
• 1:14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I have a website forthcoming.
• 1:14:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is under construction.
• 1:14:30
  SPEAKER_02: It might even be launched by the time that this episode goes live.
• 1:14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for the nudge.
• 1:14:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're gonna link to all of that stuff in the show notes.
• 1:14:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and yeah, as always, guys, thanks so much for listening and for your support.
• 1:14:49
  SPEAKER_03: If you haven't already, consider subscribing to the podcast or leaving us a review so that we can all continue to grow together.
• 1:14:58
  SPEAKER_03: And until next time, remember that you have the power to create whatever the fuck you want.
• 1:15:03
  SPEAKER_03: Follow the nudge, ask the questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
• 1:15:09
  SPEAKER_03: We'll see you in the next episode.