Latest / Unstoppable Success Podcast / Stop Overthinking & Rebuild Self-Trust | Nikki Gangemi

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Stop Overthinking & Rebuild Self-Trust | Nikki Gangemi · Unstoppable Success Podcast

• 0:21
  Jaclyn Strominger: Hello, everybody, and welcome to another amazing episode of the Unstoppable Success Podcast.
• 0:28
  Jaclyn Strominger: I am your host, Jaclyn Strominger.
• 0:29
  Jaclyn Strominger: And as you know, on this podcast, we hear from amazing leaders.
• 0:32
  Jaclyn Strominger: They share their tips, their insights so that you can have unstoppable success.
• 0:37
  Jaclyn Strominger: And today I get to introduce you to Nikki Gangemi.
• 0:41
  Jaclyn Strominger: And let me tell you a little bit about Nikki.
• 0:43
  Jaclyn Strominger: She is the founder of Mindful Matters, and she is a board-certified NLP practitioner and a hypnotherapist.
• 0:51
  Jaclyn Strominger: No, she's not going to make you fall asleep right now.
• 0:53
  Jaclyn Strominger: And she helps high-achieving professionals get out of their own heads and back into their power.
• 0:58
  Jaclyn Strominger: She works with driven leaders who may who may look successful on the outside, but are internally battling overthinking, second-guessing, emotion, emotional exhaustion, and mental overload through deep practical mindset work, including the CALM Method, I try to say that calmly, and subconscious reprogramming, she helps people clear the emotional clutter, trust themselves again, and move forward with clarity, calm, and conviction.
• 1:29
  Jaclyn Strominger: If you have ever replayed conversations, questioned your decisions, or felt like your mind was slowing your momentum, this conversation is going to speak directly to you.
• 1:41
  Jaclyn Strominger: So welcome, Nikki.
• 1:43
  Nikki Gangemi: Thank you, Jaclyn.
• 1:45
  Nikki Gangemi: I'm excited to be here.
• 1:46
  Nikki Gangemi: And I love your humor.
• 1:48
  Nikki Gangemi: So good.
• 1:50
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm like, I'm so not calm.
• 1:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm like, I'm like so high energy.
• 1:55
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm like, oh, I gotta bring it down.
• 1:58
  Nikki Gangemi: I had to learn how to bring it down because it wasn't natural, that's for sure.
• 2:03
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, Nikki, you know, we don't wake up every day being, you know, NLP practitioners and getting into this realm of calm.
• 2:13
  Jaclyn Strominger: So talk to us about how you got to this space, because you know, that journey obviously helps create that unstoppable success.
• 2:22
  Nikki Gangemi: Yes, it does.
• 2:23
  Nikki Gangemi: And boy, has it been a journey.
• 2:25
  Nikki Gangemi: I'll give you the highlights.
• 2:27
  Nikki Gangemi: I'll give you the fast version, the clip notes.
• 2:30
  Nikki Gangemi: So, yeah, as I was saying, my calm was not a default for me.
• 2:36
  Nikki Gangemi: And I had since I was a kid struggled with these negative thoughts, the constant mental noise, and and it didn't feel good.
• 2:46
  Nikki Gangemi: It didn't feel good to be inside of my body.
• 2:49
  Nikki Gangemi: And I wanted so badly to be happy and and to feel good about myself.
• 2:55
  Nikki Gangemi: So at 16, my mom got me my very first personal development book.
• 3:01
  Nikki Gangemi: And I was like, oh wow, there's other people like me.
• 3:05
  Nikki Gangemi: Like people get it.
• 3:07
  Nikki Gangemi: Like I felt seen, heard, and understood.
• 3:09
  Nikki Gangemi: So 16 was my entry point into understanding what do you do with the noise in your head?
• 3:16
  Nikki Gangemi: What do you do with the emotions that you're feeling?
• 3:19
  Nikki Gangemi: And I just became obsessed with learning how to feel better.
• 3:23
  Nikki Gangemi: So fast forward, always wanted to act.
• 3:27
  Nikki Gangemi: Acting was an outlet for me because it got me to be somebody other than myself who I really despised at one time.
• 3:37
  Nikki Gangemi: And I got to pretend to be others, and it just felt so good.
• 3:41
  Nikki Gangemi: So I moved out to LA at 23.
• 3:44
  Nikki Gangemi: I was like, I'm gonna pursue this dream, and I gave myself an entire year to make it.
• 3:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: Wow, but 965 days.
• 3:56
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes.
• 3:58
  Nikki Gangemi: And while I was out there, it was the best year of my life, but my head got in the way, and I kept looking for every piece of evidence or reason for why I wouldn't make it, why I wasn't good enough, and why I didn't have what it took.
• 4:15
  Nikki Gangemi: And after my lease was up that year, I found my way back home to New Jersey, and I'm like, now what do what do I do?
• 4:24
  Nikki Gangemi: I've only ever wanted to act.
• 4:26
  Nikki Gangemi: So I ended up living other people's dream of me being an elementary school teacher, and that is what I settled into, and I did that for 15 years.
• 4:37
  Nikki Gangemi: But again, it was the noise and the thoughts, and I was so unhappy, and I was telling myself, my God, I did everything I was told to do.
• 4:46
  Nikki Gangemi: I got the college education, the master's degree, I bought the house.
• 4:49
  Nikki Gangemi: Uh where's my husband, kids, and white picket fence that I was told comes with this certainty and stability package.
• 4:59
  Nikki Gangemi: And so early midlife crisis, the big 4-0, I turned 40, and I decided, you know what?
• 5:07
  Nikki Gangemi: I think I'm gonna live the second act of my life on my terms, and I'm gonna do what I want to do.
• 5:14
  Nikki Gangemi: So I ended up resigning, and that led me to do what I do today, helping people to break through those glass ceilings really that they put on themselves and change those patterns that have been running the show since you were a kid.
• 5:30
  Jaclyn Strominger: Okay, so wait, so I just have to interrupt for a second.
• 5:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, first of all, I just have to say kudos to your mom, like right, like for recognizing that.
• 5:39
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, oh crap.
• 5:40
  Nikki Gangemi: I mean, that was like huge, huge, huge.
• 5:44
  Nikki Gangemi: She knew she herself couldn't help me, but she gave me the manual, so to speak.
• 5:49
  Nikki Gangemi: Like, she started with that book.
• 5:52
  Nikki Gangemi: She would record episodes of Oak Rope, or started the Super Soul series, and she'd interview all different kinds of authors in the personal growth field, and I'd watch that.
• 6:02
  Nikki Gangemi: So she was a big part of catalyst for me on some of this stuff.
• 6:06
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah, no, but that's absolutely, absolutely huge.
• 6:09
  Jaclyn Strominger: Because I I mean, I like think about I just think about how many people, as you said, like are in this, are in this, and don't, you know, giving you that book, it's like, ooh, being able to say there's other people like me, right?
• 6:22
  Jaclyn Strominger: Okay, so weird.
• 6:24
  Jaclyn Strominger: I'm just gonna interject this in here.
• 6:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: All of a sudden I just had this crazy thought, and this is generational, so I'm gonna, it's gonna show my age, but I had this thought of like Judy Bloom, Judy, Judy Bloom's book.
• 6:37
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, dear, like, whatever, where are you?
• 6:39
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, it's me, it's Margaret, whatever.
• 6:41
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, you know that book?
• 6:42
  Nikki Gangemi: Oh, I read those books in school.
• 6:44
  Nikki Gangemi: Yeah, right.
• 6:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: It was like, oh my god, right.
• 6:46
  Jaclyn Strominger: Anyway, sorry.
• 6:47
  Jaclyn Strominger: So if anybody is listening, you know, listeners, go look up Judy Bloom.
• 6:51
  Jaclyn Strominger: There's some interesting books.
• 6:53
  Jaclyn Strominger: When I was growing up, Forever was one of those that was like, oh, like, go look at it anyway.
• 7:01
  Nikki Gangemi: I love it.
• 7:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: Um, but but it's true, it's like finding that.
• 7:04
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, like, really big kudos to your mom.
• 7:07
  Jaclyn Strominger: But but I guess this is the thing that that's really interesting, is that you know, you were, you know, the big turning 4-0, that catalyst to say I need something better.
• 7:26
  Nikki Gangemi: I needed something more that fit, you know, I was feeling like that square peg round hole.
• 7:32
  Nikki Gangemi: Yeah, so you know, like I just didn't feel like I would sit on those auditorium seats during faculty meetings, and I was just like, I don't have the same passion that these other teachers have.
• 7:44
  Nikki Gangemi: It just didn't feel like a fit for me.
• 7:48
  Jaclyn Strominger: So you felt like it was more like do you feel like you were more going like on a hamster wheel?
• 7:53
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like are you just kind of or going through the motions?
• 7:55
  Nikki Gangemi: I felt like yeah, following what I was told to do.
• 7:59
  Nikki Gangemi: I was very much, you know, would not trust myself and trust that others knew better.
• 8:07
  Nikki Gangemi: And it was more like, yeah, this is what I'm supposed to do, and I'm just kind of following that.
• 8:12
  Nikki Gangemi: So it felt like going through the motions, but it was uncomfortable internally to feel that way and to keep watching everybody around me, you know, moving on, getting married, having kids, and and enjoying life.
• 8:27
  Nikki Gangemi: And it's like, you know what?
• 8:28
  Nikki Gangemi: Maybe if I step into my own agency and take back my life and do things my way, maybe that's the thing I need to do to feel good on the inside.
• 8:42
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah, I I feel, you know, and I I I totally get that.
• 8:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's really, you know, leadership.
• 8:47
  Jaclyn Strominger: You have to start with leading yourself and understanding who you are on the inside first before you can lead on the outside.
• 8:53
  Nikki Gangemi: Yes.
• 8:54
  Nikki Gangemi: Yes.
• 8:55
  Nikki Gangemi: Now I will say that it was maybe 12 years into my teaching career, I did start a mindfulness program for kids.
• 9:05
  Nikki Gangemi: It was this moment where, you know, you meet people for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, that kind of a thing.
• 9:13
  Nikki Gangemi: I I ran into a coworker in the coffee in the parking lot of a coffee shop, and I was complaining, you know, about my job and everything.
• 9:21
  Nikki Gangemi: And he's like, Nikki, why don't you just bloom where you're planted?
• 9:25
  Nikki Gangemi: And I had this like visceral reaction in my body.
• 9:29
  Nikki Gangemi: I knew it was important, but had no idea what it meant.
• 9:33
  Nikki Gangemi: But I put it on the back burner.
• 9:35
  Nikki Gangemi: And then months later, I, you know, I meet who I think is the guy of my dreams.
• 9:40
  Nikki Gangemi: He's like, Mr.
• 9:41
  Nikki Gangemi: Perfect.
• 9:42
  Nikki Gangemi: I met him on Plenty of Fish.
• 9:44
  Nikki Gangemi: And it turned out he was a reason in a very short season.
• 9:50
  Nikki Gangemi: He has a one day when we were talking, he's like, Nikki, if there's something that you want to do, you want to speak, speak in your living room.
• 9:58
  Nikki Gangemi: Like, you don't wait for opportunity to come to you, you pave the way.
• 10:03
  Nikki Gangemi: And with that, bloom where you're planted came back up to the surface.
• 10:08
  Nikki Gangemi: And I thought, oh, mindful matters.
• 10:10
  Nikki Gangemi: I am teaching in a district that I went through as a kid and I was picked on and bullied, and I allowed it to hold me back.
• 10:19
  Nikki Gangemi: And I was seeing the same things happening.
• 10:21
  Nikki Gangemi: So I'm like, what if I teach these kids how to manage their thoughts, how to process emotions?
• 10:27
  Nikki Gangemi: And I pitched the idea to the principal.
• 10:30
  Nikki Gangemi: I piloted the program for a year.
• 10:32
  Nikki Gangemi: I loved it.
• 10:32
  Nikki Gangemi: I felt alive as alive as I was back in LA, pursuing acting.
• 10:37
  Nikki Gangemi: And I and I thought this is what I'm meant to do.
• 10:41
  Nikki Gangemi: But when they the district decided to shut it down after a year, that's when I thought, okay, not gonna pack my bags and go back home, so to speak, like I did back when I was 24.
• 10:53
  Nikki Gangemi: What else would this look like?
• 10:55
  Nikki Gangemi: And that's where I was introduced to the coaching industry.
• 10:59
  Nikki Gangemi: And I was like, oh, okay, I didn't even know that existed.
• 11:03
  Nikki Gangemi: But I had a business coach say you can go from children to adults and from local to global.
• 11:10
  Nikki Gangemi: And that was the start of that pivot.
• 11:13
  Jaclyn Strominger: I I love that.
• 11:14
  Jaclyn Strominger: So when you made that, when you when you okay, so you make that shift.
• 11:19
  Jaclyn Strominger: What was like what were some of those like big hurdles for you?
• 11:28
  Jaclyn Strominger: Because I think other people could probably, you know, glean from that because you know, I think a lot of people probably have that.
• 11:37
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like, what are those hurdles that you go from from going from like one industry, you know, you see this, now you're you said, you know, go from local to global.
• 11:46
  Nikki Gangemi: Yeah, the the shift when I made the decision, because I stayed in my job for two years while I was getting trained and certified.
• 11:54
  Nikki Gangemi: Some of the things that came up is, is it too late?
• 11:59
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, I was approaching 40 at the time, and it's like, you know, am I too old to start again?
• 12:07
  Nikki Gangemi: That came up.
• 12:08
  Nikki Gangemi: Do I have what it takes?
• 12:10
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, I said, Oh, I don't have a background in business.
• 12:13
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, I went to school and was a communications major.
• 12:17
  Nikki Gangemi: And so some of those thoughts came up, you know, the do I have what it takes?
• 12:22
  Nikki Gangemi: Interestingly, same thought that came up in California when I made the decision that I didn't and I left.
• 12:28
  Nikki Gangemi: So it's funny how these voices they're around for decades.
• 12:32
  Nikki Gangemi: Right.
• 12:34
  Nikki Gangemi: Um, is this responsible?
• 12:36
  Nikki Gangemi: Is this responsible when I started like thinking, do I resign from this job and go all in on the business?
• 12:43
  Nikki Gangemi: Because I was doing it, you know, nights moonlighting as an entrepreneur, nights and weekends for two years.
• 12:49
  Nikki Gangemi: And you know, so that was another thought.
• 12:51
  Nikki Gangemi: Is this responsible?
• 12:52
  Nikki Gangemi: I have a mortgage to pay, I'm on my own.
• 12:55
  Nikki Gangemi: Maybe I should wait until I have a husband and there's a second income.
• 12:58
  Nikki Gangemi: Those were the thoughts that were coming in my mind.
• 13:01
  Nikki Gangemi: And then I thought, you know what?
• 13:03
  Nikki Gangemi: What would it look like if I just did this on my own?
• 13:08
  Nikki Gangemi: What if it, what would it look like if I made if I took a chance on me?
• 13:12
  Nikki Gangemi: And then my business coach at the time, she said, you know, you could leap and grow your wings on the way down.
• 13:20
  Nikki Gangemi: So I said, you know what?
• 13:21
  Nikki Gangemi: I I like the way that sounds.
• 13:22
  Nikki Gangemi: I'm just gonna, I'm gonna do that.
• 13:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yep.
• 13:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah.
• 13:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: That is a saying that somebody else has said, and I can't think of who it is, but I just I happened to, I happened to be listening to Jack Canfield's book and success principles.
• 13:38
  Jaclyn Strominger: And he literally, I in my listen yesterday, he said that.
• 13:43
  Nikki Gangemi: Wow, look at that.
• 13:44
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right?
• 13:45
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like he said, you know, leap and grow your wings on the way down, and it somebody else had said that.
• 13:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: And I I'm gonna have to page through the book to figure out who it is.
• 13:54
  Jaclyn Strominger: But anyway, great book.
• 13:56
  Jaclyn Strominger: If you have it, I'll put a link to that if anybody hasn't read it yet, but a really good book.
• 14:00
  Jaclyn Strominger: Anyway, but that's really great.
• 14:01
  Jaclyn Strominger: I mean, so that those are voices that so many people have.
• 14:05
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes.
• 14:06
  Jaclyn Strominger: So many people have.
• 14:08
  Jaclyn Strominger: So was it the was it working with your coach or the training that you were going through that was that was that enabled you to quiet those voices?
• 14:18
  Nikki Gangemi: It was it had been a combination of all the work that I did over the years.
• 14:22
  Nikki Gangemi: Like I said, I started at 16 reading those types of books.
• 14:26
  Nikki Gangemi: Gary Zukov's Seat of the Soul was one of my first books.
• 14:30
  Nikki Gangemi: And it's like, what 16-year-old is reading that?
• 14:32
  Nikki Gangemi: This one here at therapy.
• 14:36
  Nikki Gangemi: I was in and out of therapy for 15 years in my life.
• 14:40
  Nikki Gangemi: And and then the training that I went through, you know, you mentioned NLP and hypnotherapy.
• 14:46
  Nikki Gangemi: I got to experience all of that myself as I was learning it.
• 14:52
  Nikki Gangemi: And that was really helpful.
• 14:55
  Nikki Gangemi: And how do you start to change the patterns in your mind and the way you habitually think to quiet those, the the noise and really start seeing yourself in a different way and operating differently?
• 15:08
  Nikki Gangemi: So I would say it was a big combination of everything that helped me to do that, but it's the practice, it's making it a way of living.
• 15:17
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, it's just not like it's not a one and done kind of thing.
• 15:20
  Nikki Gangemi: I would say awareness is the first step, you know, having this awareness and then a willingness to lean into it and you know, and ask questions and be curious.
• 15:30
  Nikki Gangemi: Perhaps there's another way of doing this.
• 15:34
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, I I love that you just said that because, you know, I want to kind of take these each.
• 15:40
  Jaclyn Strominger: Practice.
• 15:41
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, listeners, that's like a really key, a really key success tip.
• 15:48
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, practice means that you are doing something.
• 15:55
  Jaclyn Strominger: If it doesn't go the right way on day one, you, as I always like to say, MMA, you measure, monitor, adjust, and you keep practicing until it gets into where you want to be.
• 16:07
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, we all know Nikki and I were talking a little bit before the show started, you know, it's the 10-year overnight success.
• 16:15
  Jaclyn Strominger: That 10-year overnight success comes with 10 years of practice.
• 16:21
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes, right?
• 16:23
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes.
• 16:24
  Jaclyn Strominger: Right.
• 16:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: And then the awareness is so key too, because you need to be aware of where you want to be going and what you're doing while you're practicing, too.
• 16:38
  Nikki Gangemi: Yes, you want to be aware.
• 16:39
  Nikki Gangemi: And and and then the willing, because I'll say it's uncomfortable.
• 16:44
  Nikki Gangemi: Even when you become aware of something, a lot of times it's like, oh, I don't want to feel that, I don't want to look at that.
• 16:50
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, it's like when they just go and, you know, I'll shove it down or I'll go distract myself and do something different.
• 16:56
  Nikki Gangemi: But being willing to be uncomfortable and sit with it to see what is on the other side of this.
• 17:03
  Nikki Gangemi: Right.
• 17:04
  Jaclyn Strominger: And and that willingness, and as you just said, sit with the uncomfortable.
• 17:09
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, everybody, you know, I feel like everybody says this, right?
• 17:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: But it's true, like change happens outside the comfort zone.
• 17:17
  Jaclyn Strominger: But in order to get to the comfort zone, you have to, as you just said, willing the willingness to sit with uncomfortableness.
• 17:24
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes, yeah.
• 17:26
  Nikki Gangemi: And you know what?
• 17:27
  Nikki Gangemi: You don't have to sit that long.
• 17:29
  Nikki Gangemi: It's a it's amazing.
• 17:31
  Nikki Gangemi: I remember listening to Dr.
• 17:33
  Nikki Gangemi: Jill Balti Taylor in an interview, neuroscientist, she had a stroke and then had to relearn how to talk, walk, everything.
• 17:41
  Nikki Gangemi: And she wrote a book, My Stroke of Insight.
• 17:44
  Nikki Gangemi: And she said that it takes 90 seconds to process an emotion.
• 17:50
  Nikki Gangemi: So if you're feeling anger or frustration or sadness or whatever emotion for longer than that minute and a half, it just means that you're in the story, you're repeating it, you know, you're marinating in it.
• 18:03
  Nikki Gangemi: And these are my words, not hers.
• 18:04
  Nikki Gangemi: But yeah, if you if you sit and like invite it in as a friend, come on in, anger, let's have a cup of tea together, and you breathe through it, it dissipates in a couple of minutes.
• 18:21
  Jaclyn Strominger: And it's a choice, it's a choice, right?
• 18:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's a choice.
• 18:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: You have it, you have a choice.
• 18:28
  Jaclyn Strominger: I can sit in anger, and how you respond to something is a choice.
• 18:34
  Nikki Gangemi: Yes, yeah, that's that's within our circle of control, is right what we choose, even where we choose to place our focus.
• 18:42
  Nikki Gangemi: Am I focusing?
• 18:43
  Nikki Gangemi: Um, am I looking in the rear view mirror, telling myself the old story?
• 18:46
  Nikki Gangemi: Oftentimes the answer is yes.
• 18:48
  Nikki Gangemi: And well, now that I have the awareness, now I can choose differently.
• 18:53
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yeah, I love that.
• 18:55
  Jaclyn Strominger: So you started Mindfill Matters, which I think is so great.
• 18:59
  Jaclyn Strominger: So talk a little bit about some of the impact that you're now having, because I think it's absolutely phenomenal on people and companies, because that's you know, impact is so important.
• 19:10
  Nikki Gangemi: It is, it's one of my top values.
• 19:13
  Nikki Gangemi: Impact.
• 19:14
  Nikki Gangemi: So I love that you said that.
• 19:15
  Nikki Gangemi: So I kept the name.
• 19:17
  Nikki Gangemi: I figured, you know what?
• 19:18
  Nikki Gangemi: It was a it was a mindfulness program for kids.
• 19:20
  Nikki Gangemi: I made it an LLC back in 2016 because I was like, you know what?
• 19:24
  Nikki Gangemi: I'm the kind of person that I'm not gonna have to have all my ducks in a row.
• 19:28
  Nikki Gangemi: I'm just gonna take action.
• 19:29
  Nikki Gangemi: I probably made it an LLC too soon, but I did.
• 19:33
  Nikki Gangemi: And I said, you know what, why not keep the name?
• 19:35
  Nikki Gangemi: Because a lot of this is becoming mindful of what you're thinking, where your focus is, how you feel.
• 19:43
  Nikki Gangemi: So the way I work with adults today, uh a lot of them tend to be high achievers.
• 19:48
  Nikki Gangemi: They carry a lot, they put a lot of pressure on themselves, and they present very well.
• 19:56
  Nikki Gangemi: They are successful and they look very successful, and then privately inside, they still struggle with overthinking and self-doubt because the same patterns are running from when they were a kid.
• 20:10
  Nikki Gangemi: So I help them to get clear on what are those patterns that are running underneath that are driving the behaviors.
• 20:17
  Nikki Gangemi: Maybe it's people pleasing, maybe it's perfectionism, maybe it's it's you know, I can't say no, and I'm feeling resentful on the inside because now I have all these things I said yes to, whatever the behavior is.
• 20:30
  Nikki Gangemi: I help them get to what is the pattern driving that, and let's clear that so that they naturally start changing how they act, how they show up.
• 20:40
  unknown: Right.
• 20:41
  Jaclyn Strominger: I I love that.
• 20:43
  Jaclyn Strominger: I you know, listeners, I would bet like this is something that is so important.
• 20:49
  Jaclyn Strominger: Like so many of us, so and so many people have those underlying voices that you know creep in.
• 21:02
  Jaclyn Strominger: You know, I've I've listened to some other people and they've you know, and and it's amazing how many people, how many CEOs at the top that have that still have an imposter syndrome.
• 21:14
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes.
• 21:17
  Nikki Gangemi: You can I share a story?
• 21:18
  Nikki Gangemi: You made me think of it.
• 21:19
  Nikki Gangemi: Yeah, I think this will this will help to make it really tangible.
• 21:23
  Nikki Gangemi: I became aware of a memory back in high school where it was we were in gym class, and I think it might have been basketball.
• 21:33
  Nikki Gangemi: I don't remember what sport we were focused on, and we had to choose teams, and I'm waiting and waiting to be chosen, and um, I was never chosen.
• 21:44
  Nikki Gangemi: We got down to it where there was nobody left but me, and then the teacher, he's like, All right, who's gonna take Mickey?
• 21:51
  Nikki Gangemi: Which one are you?
• 21:52
  Nikki Gangemi: And I was so embarrassed, and I made the decision I'm never chosen.
• 21:59
  Nikki Gangemi: Chosen and I also felt like I had to wait to be chosen.
• 22:08
  Nikki Gangemi: So fast forward how that starts playing out in my life, waiting for the guy to choose me in dating instead of going after what I want in business, waiting for the client to come to me and say, Can you help me?
• 22:27
  Nikki Gangemi: So the impact that and I've I've done that for at least five or six years in my business.
• 22:34
  Nikki Gangemi: So we're looking at decades of how I'm never chosen and I have to wait for someone to come to me, how that's spilled over into other areas of my life and has slowed me down.
• 22:50
  Jaclyn Strominger: Wow.
• 22:50
  Jaclyn Strominger: And and then you've been able to flip that switch.
• 22:54
  Jaclyn Strominger: Yes.
• 22:56
  Nikki Gangemi: Because you know, it you have to shine the light of awareness on.
• 22:59
  Nikki Gangemi: If you're not aware of something, it's hard to change it, right?
• 23:03
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, so I give the example of if I'm out, you know, having lunch and I'm talking and I'm smiling and I'm not aware there's a piece piece of lettuce in my teeth, I can't do anything about it till somebody points it out.
• 23:13
  Nikki Gangemi: Now I could choose, right?
• 23:15
  Nikki Gangemi: So yeah, becoming aware of it and then changing that pattern so so that you start acting differently, so that I can initiate.
• 23:23
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, it even showed up with friends.
• 23:25
  Nikki Gangemi: I would never make plans with friends.
• 23:27
  Nikki Gangemi: And some of my friends would say, you know, well, you're annoying.
• 23:30
  Nikki Gangemi: I always have to be the one to initiate a plan.
• 23:33
  Nikki Gangemi: And I would think if they if they wanted to hang out with me, they would ask, you know, they would choose to.
• 23:40
  Nikki Gangemi: So it was that pattern was really playing out for most of my life.
• 23:46
  Nikki Gangemi: Wow.
• 23:46
  Nikki Gangemi: And so once you have made that shift, what what has it done for you?
• 23:51
  Nikki Gangemi: Well, now I initiate conversations, I'll reach out and make plans.
• 23:56
  Nikki Gangemi: You know, I'm still not the one, I'm still a little old-fashioned when it comes to dating.
• 24:01
  Nikki Gangemi: I still let the guy, but in the online dating space, I do start lots of conversations.
• 24:06
  Nikki Gangemi: Initiate the like, you know.
• 24:09
  Nikki Gangemi: And then with client, you know, even being able to, you know, listen for a problem and to be able to say, I help with that.
• 24:17
  Nikki Gangemi: Would you like to have a conversation?
• 24:20
  Nikki Gangemi: That that was new.
• 24:21
  Nikki Gangemi: That's what changed.
• 24:22
  Nikki Gangemi: And that has led to more clients.
• 24:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: That's awesome.
• 24:26
  Jaclyn Strominger: I absolutely love that.
• 24:27
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, Nikki, you you what you're doing, I think is so great and having an amazing impact.
• 24:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: How can our listeners learn more about you, the things that you're doing, the impact that you're making, learn more about mindful matters?
• 24:41
  Nikki Gangemi: Thank you.
• 24:41
  Nikki Gangemi: Yeah, they can connect with me.
• 24:43
  Nikki Gangemi: They can go to my website, which is my name, nikkigangemi.com.
• 24:47
  Nikki Gangemi: I have some free resources to get started.
• 24:50
  Nikki Gangemi: Also on the website, you can access my book, The Calm Method, which teaches you a four-step framework for how to calm the chaos in your mind and get to a place where you have that clarity and confidence to take action on those aligned decisions.
• 25:06
  Nikki Gangemi: And then also connect with me on social media.
• 25:08
  Nikki Gangemi: I'm across LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook.
• 25:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: Awesome.
• 25:12
  Jaclyn Strominger: All right.
• 25:13
  Jaclyn Strominger: Well, I will put all of those in your in the show notes.
• 25:16
  Jaclyn Strominger: Listeners, please do me the favor and reach out to Nikki.
• 25:19
  Jaclyn Strominger: She is so amazing at what she's doing and what she does.
• 25:23
  Jaclyn Strominger: She's she's smart and she's great, and she can really help you, you know, get over, you know, get rid of those crazy voices in your head.
• 25:31
  Jaclyn Strominger: And trust me, I know we all have them.
• 25:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: Um so please do me the favor and reach out and connect with Nikki.
• 25:38
  Jaclyn Strominger: And then do me the next favor, if you don't mind, and please share this episode with friends, business colleagues, because I know it's really important for them to hear this.
• 25:49
  Jaclyn Strominger: And then lastly, two things.
• 25:52
  Jaclyn Strominger: We have a great new school community, unstoppable success.
• 25:55
  Jaclyn Strominger: The link to that, join into our school community.
• 25:58
  Jaclyn Strominger: And then if you're interested in growing your own relationship capital, we've got a seven-day challenge that is out.
• 26:05
  Jaclyn Strominger: It's free, and it's going to help you grow and make better connections and get some ROI on those people that you know.
• 26:14
  Jaclyn Strominger: So, Nikki, thank you for being an amazing guest.
• 26:17
  Jaclyn Strominger: Listeners, thank you for listening.
• 26:19
  Jaclyn Strominger: This is the Unstoppable Success podcast where we help you leap to your greatest success.
• 26:25
  Jaclyn Strominger: Here's to your unstoppable success.
• 26:33
  Jaclyn Strominger: You've been listening to the Unstoppable Success podcast with Jaclyn Strominger.
• 26:38
  Jaclyn Strominger: Subscribe, share, and keep building your unstoppable life.
• 26:43
  Jaclyn Strominger: We'll see you at the top.