Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 057: Your Next Chapter: How to Begin When You're Unsure

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057: Your Next Chapter: How to Begin When You're Unsure · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Before we jump into today's conversation, if this is your first time here, welcome.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad you found the show.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: You might notice that this podcast is a little different.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Every Tuesday, we talk about practical ways to help you build sustainable success in your business, your work, and your life.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And Thursdays, those are the days we talk about wellness.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where we focus on realistic ways to care for your body, your mind, and your nervous system, all without adding more overwhelm.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Saturdays, Saturdays are where we talk about identity, purpose, reinvention, and creating a next chapter that actually feels like it fits the woman you are becoming.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, my hope is that these three conversations each week work together because life isn't just about having a successful career if you wind up exhausted all the time.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not just about being healthy if you've lost yourself along the way.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's really about bringing all of these pieces together so you can build a life that feels more aligned, more intentional, and more whole so that you can feel whole again.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: So let's jump into today's conversation.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So last Saturday, I shared something with all of you before my family and I were heading out for just a little quick short getaway.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: We wound up going to Saratoga Springs, New York.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was just two nights, three days, and you know, part of those days going up and coming back, we were driving.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it was a quick getaway, to say the least.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And last week we were talking about bringing back passions that maybe you have let fall by the wayside and how to make space for that and room for that.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, as I was telling you then, I was going to pack my hiking shoes because I'm walking them outside a lot, but I'm not getting out for the hikes I used to, and I really do love that.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought I'd bring some uh art supplies.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I brought my watercolor, my sketch supplies, and my Nikon camera.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh, that'll be good.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I can get back to some of that if the if the moment strikes me or I have the time.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: When I I felt like as I was packing the car, and I do love road trips.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do you love road trips?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love it because I can pack the just in case items without having to pay for an extra check bag or lug an extra piece of luggage with me in and out of a plane and so on.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I had these things, I thought, well, I'm gonna put them in the car, you know.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm looking at them in the car and I'm thinking, geez, I'm packing for multiple identities here.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: The artist, the photographer, the hiker, the mom, the family weekend away.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I had all this stuff.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And basically, it was me wanting to reconnect with some passions that I have set aside.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the truth is the purpose of the weekend was really not for that.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was to take a break, relax a little bit, but it was number one to connect with my family, spend time with my husband and my daughter.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm back now, and I thought I would share what actually happened for the weekend.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, I did take a few pictures.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And no, I did not pick up my art supplies and begin doing art.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: It just didn't feel right for the weekend.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I bought a wonderful book.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: We were in this bookstore that's in Saratoga Springs that I absolutely love.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I visit every time we we go up that way, picked up a great book, and I spent some time reading.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I slept late.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: My husband, my daughter, and I, we all wandered through the shops.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think we hit just about every little shop in Saratoga.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: We went out to eat.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: We we found this great Latin uh music night that was just a fun little adventure in a a uh little nightclub behind the main Broadway area of Saratoga.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And they had this Cuban buffet and Latin music was playing as you were walking down the street.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: You could hear the Latin music as you got closer.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And and my daughter was like, Oh, that sounds fun.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Sure, let's go in, let's see what it is.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: It does sound fun.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we went in.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think my husband's eyeballs bugged out of his head.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: We said, let's go into the Cuban Latin music night.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of cute and funny.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: We had already eaten dinner, so we skipped the buffet part, but we stayed for some of the music for just a little bit and and did a little bit of dancing, if you could call it that.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know how you cannot dance or move when you hear music like that.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I just love it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just so much fun.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: My daughter, who is 21, for the first time, she walked up to the bar and bought mom and dad a drink.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't drink a lot.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've got autoimmune disease, it's not so good for that.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, this was one of those moments, you know, she bought us a drink, and it was just a moment where you have to stop and pause and think to yourself, wow, life is changing.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: And isn't this a special little thing that we can share that she could do for us and that we could share with her?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just one of those kind of cool rites of passage, so to speak.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we had a night that we thought, okay, well, we went out to dinner tonight.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we'll just sit and we had this great little Airbnb, really well appointed, and had this nice outdoor area.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: We were going to cook out and just play some games.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I had packed some games.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: They had a bunch of games there, and we talked about doing that.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we talked even about heading over to the Saratoga Park, State Park, and maybe grabbing a hike or a walk or something in over there.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: But by the time the day unfolded, we wandered around and everything, we looked at each other and we basically thought, you know, do we really feel like doing that?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband said, you know, I think I don't feel like doing that.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I said, okay, let's not do that.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so instead we went out to dinner again and we wandered and we laughed and we stayed up talking.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: We just slept a little later.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, it was exactly what we needed.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: A little trip just to remind us to pause, to not always have an agenda for everything.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that trip reminded me of something that I think we all need to hear because sometimes we become so determined to make the most of every possible opportunity and every moment and every trip and every event that we accidentally wind up squeezing all the joy right out of it.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: We turn our vacations into itineraries.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever done that?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know I have, where you're all way and you're like, well, I want to do this, and I want to do this, and I want to do this.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, when are we going to get back here?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we better do that.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, you're just exhausted.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people are getting short with each other.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not a vacation.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's not as much fun.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: We start to take, even in our everyday lives, I mean, can you relate to this?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, are you turning your weekends into these long lists of projects where each weekend you're just running or you're occupied, or there's a to-do list, or whatever?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we tend to do that.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: We are this world, this society, especially here in the States, where we've just really learned as a society on the whole to basically see our personal value, our identities in relation to how busy we are, how productive we are, how much doing we are doing.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we take our hobbies and then we take them and turn them into side hustles instead of leaving them hobbies.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And sure, some of them can be great side hustles that you can learn to love and even wind up into something bigger.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: But what if we just kept a hobby, a hobby?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Every once in a while, we kept a hobby, something we just love to do instead of turning it into something else.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then even rest starts feeling like this thing that we have to do well.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I talk about it having a little sleep ritual before you go to bed and how to rest well.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And these are important things if you need help with sleep, I will admit.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: However, we don't need to turn everything into this long to do, check this off, get this done, kind of a productivity moment list or project.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So this weekend that we were away, it wasn't a great weekend because we checked everything off our list, or I checked everything off my list.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was great because I made room for what mattered most in that moment.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was time with my husband, time with my daughter.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: So this realization is what's bringing me to today's conversation with you.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do hear this all the time from clients.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's Freddie, I know I want something different.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know, and I can feel it in my bones.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't know what's what that is.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't know what's next.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's where you're at right now.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're thinking about retirement, and it's exciting and nerve-wracking and scary and uncertain all at the same time, and you just don't know what's next.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe your children have grown up.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: So now you're asking yourself, what's next?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or your business is changing, or maybe a marriage is changing, or you simply are feeling that quiet tug that says to you, hey, there must be something more.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Have you felt like that lately?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Have you felt like I know there's something more, I'm not quite sure what it is?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or seem I keep it it just seems like I keep missing the mark, but I I know I meant for more.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: We often think our next chapters begin the moment we finally know exactly what we want to do next or what we're supposed to do.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: In my experience, that is simply not true.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your next chapter begins a whole lot earlier than that.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: It begins that first time you are willing to acknowledge that there might be something more, right?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: That there might be another possibility.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then it continues with you becoming curious enough to explore that, and and it begins with a dissatisfaction, with that sense of restlessness and wondering if life could feel different.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Where it really starts becoming real, that's the moment you say yes to one small step.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you're saying yes to a conversation or a class that you're gonna try something new in.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's saying yes to the weekend away, saying yes to a book you see that winds up opening your eyes and letting you see things a little bit differently in the end, or sparking creativity or curiosity.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's one volunteer opportunity for you, or a tiny little experiment in something to see if you like it.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Something I've learned after coaching so many people through life transitions like this is that clarity, it does not come just from sitting still.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: It does not come from only staying busy either.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: It really comes from both.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we need enough quiet time and sitting still time to hear ourselves again, to really think, dig deep, and listen and acknowledge what's coming and what we're thinking, and and just to hear ourselves.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: But we also need enough movement to gather the information, to gather the proof, to gather the data.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because every single experience we have teaches us something.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it gives us information.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Meaning every conversation we have that has the potential to teach us something or give us information.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's information about what you don't want or what you do want.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And every success, the same way, every disappointment, every setback, every failure, they give us information.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Success and the hard stuff, the disappointments.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: They both have value because they're giving us information.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Careful you don't get caught up in the moments where something doesn't work out or you feel like you failed or it didn't go the way you planned, because all that means is that you know that that's no longer something you need to try.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's data that that is not the direction you want to go in.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or it's data that, okay, that might not be the way to do it, but I still want it.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: So now let me try a different way to get to it.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it is.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's information.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you think, oh, I love that.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that was so much fun.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: That really lit me up.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't felt that happy in years, whatever the feeling is.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or every time you feel like, oh my God, that was so uncomfortable.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: I hated that.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to ever do that again, never, ever, ever again.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Each of those emotions or thoughts, they are evidence about who you are becoming.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're simply collecting evidence.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let me give you some practical things today.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I call these the four C's that will help you for beginning your next chapter.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the first is going to be curiosity.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking yourself, what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, what am I curious enough to explore?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's a much easier question to answer.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the second C is going to be conversation.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to people, have lunch with somebody who does work that interests you, or uh ask questions, go sit somewhere and just watch somebody who has the job that you are curious about, research, shadow someone, volunteer, work with a coach, borrow someone else's experience instead of trying to figure everything out alone.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Have the conversation.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: The third C is commit.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: If something matters to you, don't leave it as a someday idea, but put a small experiment on your calendar.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, an actionable step where you can try it.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can do something that gets you closer to it.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you have to commit to it forever, you're committing only to learning.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's a big difference.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, the fourth C is collect.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of waiting until you are 100% certain, start collecting the evidence.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what it is that gives you energy.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what drains you.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what it is that keeps calling you back, the things that cross your mind over and over again, or you daydream about, or you keep finding yourself in situations where you're exposed to it or conversations about it come back up.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the things that keep calling you back.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, notice what you can't stop thinking about.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: The more experiences you have, the clearer the patterns become.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: So some of you are listening and you might be at the very beginning.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Are you at the beginning of all this where you really have absolutely no idea what's next?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: These four C's will help you begin.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some of you might also be a little bit further ahead.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have two or three possibilities that you've narrowed this down to.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: They're in front of you, and you're just not quite sure which one you should do, and you're afraid of choosing the wrong one.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: These same four C's still apply because they aren't really about making the perfect decision.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Be careful about getting caught up in perfection.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Perfection equals paralysis.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: You want to move forward and collect data.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're gathering enough experience that your next decision then becomes easier.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: We put so much pressure on ourselves to figure out the next 10 years, the next five years, three-year plan, whatever yours is.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: What if your only job right now is to discover your own next right step?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a hobby, a trip, a coach, a new career choice, a new relationship.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Your job is only to discover your next right step.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be the last step either.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't care how old you are, don't use that as an excuse.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't have to be someone else's step.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is yours and yours alone.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your next chapter isn't hiding.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's actually right there in front of you and waiting for you and not that far off in the future.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, in fact, it's already trying to get your attention.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you simply need to become curious enough to notice.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: So this week's reset, I want you to choose just one small experiment, not a five-year plan or a complete reinvention, just one small step, such as buy the book, sign up for a class, call the friend, have the conversation, or visit the place, or take the walk, schedule the coffee, do one thing that your future self will thank you for doing.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because your next chapter doesn't begin when you have all the answers.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: It begins when you're willing to become curious enough to take the first step.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for spending part of your day with me.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who's trying to figure out what's next in their own life.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you'd like more resources and information, just visit me at my website, fredericadavis.com.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time, be rooted, be resilient, and be limitless.