Latest / Simple Enough: Organizing, Productivity, and Mindset for Entrepreneurs / 5. Why You Can't Let Go of Stuff: How to Decide What to Keep

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5. Why You Can't Let Go of Stuff: How to Decide What to Keep · Simple Enough: Organizing, Productivity, and Mindset for Entrepreneurs

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know the things.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: You pick them up, you hold on, you hesitate, and you put it right back where it was.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Today, we're talking about why.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you're smart and capable,
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: but overwhelmed by too many decisions,
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: half-built systems,
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: and things you keep meaning to get to, you're in the right place.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Simple Enough.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you some examples.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: We're working in a kitchen,
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: open a drawer,
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: no trouble getting rid of the chopsticks,
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: the sauce packets, and then we come across a fortune.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: What to do with that?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Put it back.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're in the living room and we're looking at the shelves.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: No problem getting rid of this magazine, this old newspaper, these pens that don't work.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's this thing.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't seem to go with your taste and doesn't seem to go with your style
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: and seems out of place.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's not quite right in the room.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And when I ask you about it, you tell me it's a gift.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you love the person that gave it to you so you can't possibly get rid of it.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Then we go to the closet where there's no trouble getting rid of the ripped things,
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: the stained things, and we come across something that still has a tag on it.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you tell me, I paid good money for that.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Of course,
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: there's also the category of all the things that are just pieces,
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: bits, and parts, and you tell me I might need it someday.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see where I'm going with this?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: We've got four categories of It is what we keep to remind ourselves of a person,
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: a place, and a place.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And the only problem with that is you can't keep everything because
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: the sheer volume will overtake your life.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we actually process our memories different every time we remember.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: We are filtering that memory through today's perceptions of reality.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so the story changes over time.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the Keeping things just to remember isn't the same thing as curating the stories
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: of your life.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not going to ever tell you you have to get rid of something or you have
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: to keep something.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: But what I would suggest is it's time to start curating those stories in your life.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Who and what would you like the world to remember you as?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And what are the most important aspects of that story?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then make the decisions from there.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: The next category was that gift, right?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that comes down to what do other people think of you?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's none of your business what other people think of you.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And neither is it any of their business what you do with the gift once they've given it to you.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's now yours to do with what you want.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you love it, keep it.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: If it makes sense in the bathroom or the laundry room,
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: keep it there where it's not in high traffic area.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: But if it's something you're keeping just to remind you of the connection with
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: that person,
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like to remind you that they'll still love you if you get rid of
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: the thing they gave you.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Most people are pretty bad at gift-giving.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just let them off the hook.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let yourself off the hook.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Pick the things you would keep for yourself anyway.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, identity and possibility is probably the biggest thing that leaves a trail
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: of clutter in its wake.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: These are the things we have because we either used to be that person,
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: let's say the suits you used to wear to work after you've retired,
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: and potentially the possibility of who you might become.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Until you define who it is you want to become,
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: it's hard to know which possibilities you need to keep the things about.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: So just keep that in mind.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: What is the identity of And getting rid of it is not part of that identity.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: If it's something you don't need anymore that doesn't support who and how you want
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: to be,
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: the possibility is that you'll never get to it because things are in your way.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go ahead and decide who you want to be and then decide what to keep based on that.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, the one that ties them all together, of course, is money.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And this is tied to value and worth, and it is tied to expectations.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thinking about money.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I paid good money for that.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: There is never enough of these.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: I got it on sale.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: All of these thoughts are about the relationship with money,
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: not the actual relationship with the thing that you bought with that money.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And there are things like sunk costs that get in the way.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: There's lots of costs, but let's talk about that.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: There's time,
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: there's the space,
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: the energy to get the thing home and then take care of it for the rest of its life.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: There are the relationships it may hinder if you keep it.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we all have that thing that the other people in our house can't stand.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: What is that going to do to the relationships?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it something that you give more attention to than you do to your relationships
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: because it's time and space and energy intensive?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: There are the health costs, you know, once you have a certain volume of things.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And interactions of drugs and lotions and potions that we put on.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so think about it, holding on to some things can also affect our health.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the time and energy suck then leads to a Perfecting our goals, our productivity.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: When we are overwhelmed,
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: we don't have the energy to take care of the things
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: that actually help us live our best life,
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: and we don't make a lot of progress on things we'd really like to do.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that affects our dreams.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: When we don't achieve, our dreams get stuffed down, and we just go along to get along, and we...
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Put our heads down and we hustle without looking up to see
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: if it's actually satisfying and fulfilling us.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the literal money.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: We did spend money on it.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But that's back to that sunk cost I just mentioned.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: The feeling that you wasted money.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not going to keep it, it was wasted.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or you bought it and you didn't use it and you wasted it.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of times there's also things that just don't work out.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: We have great expectations and hopes for it solving a problem and
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: then you get it home and it's too cheap or it doesn't fit or
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: the color isn't quite right what you thought it was online.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, some things just don't work out as expected and that's okay.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can return them or just pass them on and keep looking for the thing that will work.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: You've been making do with something else in the meantime.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: This also ties to the just-in-case items.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Often, we buy things because we might need them,
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: or we buy the biggest package of something to get the value,
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: but don't realize then we have to store 18 of those things,
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: and we might not have the space.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just-in-case is, you know, that zombie apocalypse that's coming one day.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: We all just lived through COVID,
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: and we all overpurchased,
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: and now we're realizing that we overpurchased,
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: and we're starting to get rid of our things because...
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, the big contagion did come and we didn't need some of those things.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: We needed some other things that weren't available, but we didn't need the things we kept.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: So just in case, I love the concept of scenario planning.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: What would that look like?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Is that day a Tuesday?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Is it raining?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Are you wearing a sweater?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: What is the thing that is going to trigger the just in case?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: What is just in case?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Zombies?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Viruses?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Twisting your ankle?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then think through what you would do to solve it if you kept the thing
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: and what you would do without the thing.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped carrying a giant first aid kit around with me because things would expire.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And now I have very basic, some antiseptic, some antibacterial gel and some Band-Aids.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if I need more than that,
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I can wrap a wound in towels or T-shirts and then get someone to help me.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: There is a Walgreens down the street and there are ambulances on the other end of 911.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I probably wouldn't know what to do with some of those other things anyway.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So think it through.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: What would you do?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the trick of it is organized people actually understand that the thoughts
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: about scarcity,
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: about just in case,
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: about I already paid money,
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: about people will think ill of me, or I just need this to remember.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: They are the excuses that hold you back.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because honestly,
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: if you get rid of all your kids' artwork, you're not going to forget you have kids.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And once you acknowledge that you can more easily and confidently make decisions
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: to remove those items and move on without those feelings and self-talk of guilt
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: and shame get in the way.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: And really, we're trying to create a beautiful life.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that starts with mindset before mechanics.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you think better, you create better systems and make better decisions.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And all of that comes from this awareness that you are holding on to things
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: because you're telling stories that may or may not be true anymore.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And becoming aware of those stories is what really makes the difference.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I realized this too when I was working with a bunch of clients and I first learned
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: the sacred money archetypes.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I used the assessment tool for that with all of my one-on-one clients
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: because understanding their relationship with money is Helps them have more insight
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: into why some things are harder to let go of and its connection to money.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it gives me a shared language for talking to them about their things without judgment.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because we all have a different relationship with money,
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: and yet understanding that that relationship can help us make decisions
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: that support us is key to the decluttering part of being organized.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when they get that new insight, your relationship with money is going to improve.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the amount of clutter you have is going to improve.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And the amount of time and effort you waste on certain things is going to free up
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: and create real money.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: And before they knew these things, there was a lot of avoidance.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Avoidance is that,
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: when things are uncomfortable,
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: that first thing I mentioned about holding on to something and getting discomfort
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: and putting it right back because you couldn't decide,
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: that's the avoidance of dealing with things that creates the piles in your life.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: So with a little bit of insight about the voices in your head and the connection
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: to money, it becomes much easier to make decisions.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And with this new perspective, there is enlightenment, literal enlightenment.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can let go of things.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's fewer things in your way.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: It feels less heavy.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's more energy flowing around for creativity.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And as you practice this, the decisions get easier.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: You now have criteria in place for making decisions.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can create true freedom this way,
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: with better decisions and the confidence and relief will follow.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom is worth that temporary discomfort for the everlasting relief that
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: a well-curated space supports and nurtures you.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you a little bit about one of my clients.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: She hired me to help get her house back in order after a divorce.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: And when I walked in,
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I realized, well,
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot to do here because there had been a certain amount of avoidance,
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: a certain lack of identity.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, there was a bit of survival mode that had gone on.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the way of dealing with that for a lot of people is to purchase more things
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: that make them seem like they're more on top of things.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And really,
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: when those things don't align with who and how you want to be,
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: they end up in the way.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: So the relationship was finally over.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: She was reclaiming her identity and we started going through things.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And as she became aware of how many of these things she purchased
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: to please someone else,
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: how many of these things she purchased to create a little bit of safe haven
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: for herself,
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: how many things were designed to make her feel better about herself in spite
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: of what was going on,
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was a lot easier for her to let go of those things
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: because they didn't actually serve her.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: They just created piles that she could hide behind.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And as we worked together, she was able to discover who she really wanted to be.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And this improved her business,
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: her relationships,
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: and her confidence in day-to-day life and making good decisions again.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So with this awareness,
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: when you get stuck,
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: you can simply ask yourself, Hey,
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: here's this thing I've been holding on to and I feel really uncomfortable
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: about holding on to it,
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: but I also feel even more uncomfortable about not holding on to it.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And the question you can ask yourself to solve that is,
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: is this something I would repurchase today if I didn't have it?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: And is it something that makes my life easier?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: If the answer is yes, you get to keep it.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: If the answer is no, let it go.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I give you permission.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I know there might be a few of you thinking, but I didn't buy it in the first place.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And my answer to that is, would you have bought it for yourself if it wasn't given to you?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, it's never about the stuff.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's about deciding from a place of what's best for you.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing who and how you want to be makes all your decisions easier.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Things are not your identity.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Things are to nurture and support your beloved activities.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the excuses,
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: the excess,
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: the redundant, the used up, the worn out, the guilt-causing stuff, All in your way.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: You get to create the best version of your life.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So the first thing to let go of are the judgmental voices in your head.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to give you this bit of advice.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Decide as the person you want to become.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's the best way for creating a life you love.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And to discover and practice that, we're going to try one small thing.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's, what's your story?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: What's the story?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And to practice this,
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: all you have to do is become aware of the stories you're telling yourself
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: when you have a hard time letting go of something.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's becoming aware.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to pick yourself one item that you know you've had
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: a hard time letting go of and that's, you know, I know I should get rid of it.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like shoulds, but this is the voices in your head, right?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: I should get rid of this, but it's uncomfortable.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't even want you to decide if you're going to keep it or lose it yet.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to become aware of what story is going through your head
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: about why it feels hard.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sit in that discomfort for just a second and see what happens.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: What if you let go of the judgment that you're putting on yourself about this item?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Did you pay good money for it?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Does it remind you of something fabulous or something bad?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is there...
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: A reason that it feels hard?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Does it feel connected to a deeper emotion?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Just name the excuse, the story you're telling yourself about why it's so hard.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Say it out loud.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Write it on paper.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Just identifying.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's the practice.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I also give you permission to practice this same concept over and
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: over anytime something feels hard to let go of.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, not even to let go of, just to make a decision about.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing what the story is can help you keep things as well.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's interesting.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of my creative clients feel that they can't allow themselves that creativity
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: and they have a hard time.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: And once you know that that's the story, I want to be an artist, is it this kind of artist?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is it this kind of item?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: What is the story?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't you be that artist?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's the better story.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed today's show and don't want to worry about missing an episode,
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: you can follow the show wherever you listen to your podcasts.
• 17:19
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• 17:20
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• 17:23
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• 17:27
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• 17:28
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• 17:33
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• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: on how to follow, rate, and review.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me today.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Before you go,
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: choose one thing from this episode that could make life just
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: a little simpler this week.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not perfect, just simple enough.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Come join me on Substack at morethanorganized.substack.com and remember,
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: organizing doesn't have to be so hard.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you soon.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: In the meantime, have a delightful day.