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When You Don't Recognize The Narcissist Any Longer · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  I don't know who this person is. I don't recognize them anymore.
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  Or two terms, 2 phrases that I hear so much when I'm talking to
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  victims of narcissistic abuse or someone that's left a narcissist
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  or someone that's been discarded by a narcissist.
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  Those are like those two terms resonate so much in this the
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  field or this niche of narcissism, this toxic
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  narcissistic people, right? This what I talked about today,
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  y'all, how you don't know who the narcissist really is, Why
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  you don't know who they really are.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself.
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  Give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist and we're
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  gonna hop right into it, y'all. I hear those phrases so much,
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  y'all. When I'm doing my one-on-one
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  calls over Zoom or when I'm I'm in what Or when I'm in my
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  support group, the mental healers.
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  Both of those can be found at mentalhealers.net.
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  When I'm talking to people, they say that at the end of the
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  relationship they no longer recognize the person that they
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  are with. Why is that?
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  Why don't you recognize this person anymore?
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  Why does not not just physically, yeah, could they
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  have physical changes? But it's typically it's going to
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  be psychologically, emotionally, mentally, right?
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  You don't recognize this person mentally because how they're
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  treating you emotionally because how they've disconnected from
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  you or how disconnected they make you feel from them.
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  Right. I heard this so much.
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  Why is this so true to why do so many people face this, this
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  conundrum at the end? Like, who the hell are you?
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  Because they, they promised to do one thing.
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  They swore, they swore up and down that they would never do a
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  certain thing. And I'd be damned if they're not
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  doing it right. I'd be damned if they're not
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  doing exactly what they swore they would never do.
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  I'd be damned if they're not. If they're, if they haven't
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  become the person, the exact person that they swore that they
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  would never become, I'd be damned.
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  But you know who you're dealing with.
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  You know that this is your damn near your opponent right here,
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  right? Narcissistic people tend to be
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  your opponents. They're not, they're not rooting
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  for you. They're not your friends.
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  They typically are not going like they they're not going to
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  be friendly, so friendly at the end of the relationship.
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  But at the beginning they are. At the beginning, they're damn
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  near everything you could ever pray for.
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  You've been praying for this person.
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  You've been wishing for this person and now you got them.
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  But that's what the love bombing is all about, right?
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  That's literally what love bombing is all about.
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  They pretend to be everything that you've ever been looking
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  for in a person. They pretend to be everything
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  that you've ever been searching for in a person.
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  They pretend to be all of this in a bag of chips, right?
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  They pretend they're pretending is real, y'all?
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  They pretend to be all of this like they're not really the
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  person that they showed you in the beginning.
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  They this is not really them. And This is why it's so
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  confusing for people at the end. Like they might have showered
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  you with love, care and affection in the beginning, but
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  now they don't even want to touch you no more.
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  They can't see you anymore. They can't fit.
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  They like out, they don't tell you they love you anymore.
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  There's no more compliments. There's nothing.
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  Why the hell like what happened? What happened is the mask of
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  that narcissistic person has come off.
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  Literally, they took the mask off.
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  They became exactly who they needed to be.
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  They became exactly who they wanted to be.
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  This is who they are. This is literally who they are.
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  Narcissistic people, toxic, abusive people are always going
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  to do this type of stuff. Y'all, Let's keep it real, let's
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  keep it hot and let's keep it ready.
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  They're always going to do the type of things that they're
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  doing right now. Now I'm just being real.
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  Like once the mask comes off and you see them for who they really
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  are, not who they were, not who they were, not who they
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  pretended to be. But when you start to see them
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  for who they really are, it can be a devastating thing to you.
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  It really can. It can be a devastating thing to
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  you to realize that this person that you've been dealing with,
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  this person that you've been loving and caring, this person
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  you've built a family with, this person is not who they've shown
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  you to be. This person is not who they
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  pretended to be. This person is not who they
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  think who you thought they were. It can be a devastating thing
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  for you to experience. Damn there is like, yeah, it can
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  be damn there. It can be traumatic.
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  Let's keep it real. If I'm keeping it real, it can
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  be a traumatic experience for you to realize that the person
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  that you loved and cared about for so long is not who they not
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  who they are, who not who they are anymore.
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  That can be absolutely devastating to mess your head
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  up. It really can like narcissist,
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  typically typically the person that you see in the beginning of
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  a relationship with a narcissist, and this is not
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  always going to be true, right? But typically it is the person
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  that you see in the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist
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  is sometimes going to be a version of you.
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  They're mirroring you. They're just giving you back.
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  They're look, they're giving you back what they think that you
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  want to see. This is exactly what most
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  narcissists are doing. They're giving you what they
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  think you want to see. They're give look, they're
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  listening to you. They're learning all of your
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  likes and dislikes. They're learning the things that
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  they're learning what makes you tick so they can control the
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  narrative, so they can control the situation.
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  They're learning what makes you move and how it how it makes you
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  move so that they can manipulate the situation even better.
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  This is what narcissists do. Y'all let me look.
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  I'm just keeping it real. Like this is what narcissists
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  do. They go out here and create
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  these situations where you fall head over heels in love with
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  them and then all of a sudden they, they blow the relationship
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  up. They stop loving you.
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  They they now that you now that you're head over heels.
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  Which means that like what? Head over heels does that mean
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  that heels overhead, head over heels.
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  I feel like if I'm standing straight up, my heads are over
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  my heels. Heels overhead makes sense.
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  Like if you're doing a cartwheel, it's like you heels
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  overhead in love with them. They pull the rug off from under
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  you, they flip you over, they drop you on your head.
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  Whenever y'all hear me say this before, when they are, when they
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  are turning, whenever, Lord of mercy, my mind is leading me
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  today, when they are sweeping you off your feet, it's
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  typically to drop you on top of your damn head.
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  That's mostly how narcissists work.
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  They flip. They sweep you off of your feet
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  and drop you on the top of your head because this is how they
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  really want to do. This is how they really operate.
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  I'll be rooting for y'all, y'all.
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  Look, I'll be rooting for y'all so much when it comes to dealing
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  with narcissistic people. I really, really be rooting for
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  you. I want y'all to win.
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  I want the best for y'all. But narcissistic people don't,
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  y'all? I feel like that's one of the
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  things that that is devastating for some people to realize that
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  narcissistic people don't want what's best for you.
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  They don't care about what's best for you.
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  They just want their needs met. They want to take what they can
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  get from you. And then once they feel like
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  they've drained you of whatever supply that they're getting from
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  you, they exit stage left. They really do.
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  I know it looked like I got my hair cut, y'all, but I didn't.
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  I know I'll see it leave you cut your hair now.
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  It's just in a style. My my dreads got brighter.
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  Shout out to Sarah at Bella Terra in Hillsboro.
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  Here's one O'Connor. But this is what goes on y'all.
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  This is what we do. This is what this is what
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  narcissists do. They operate on a different
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  wavelength. They I told some I thought,
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  look, I I told I was doing a one-on-one the other day.
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  I asked a woman, have she she has she ever seen the I would do
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  a longer be on this. Has she ever seen the stranger
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  things? And she's like, yeah, I love
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  stranger things. I like narcissists living upside
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  down. They living upside down, their
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  point of view and their perspectives are completely
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  flipped up. They're completely upside down.
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  They really, really are. You know, and I just tell people
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  so many times in this situation, they're like, this is how
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  they're going to keep being. They only want their needs met.
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  So at the end of the relationship, once they've
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  gotten their needs met and they, once they feel like you can no
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  longer reach you can, you can no longer meet their needs, they
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  discard you, they get rid of you and they take on the personality
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  of the next person that they're with.
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  They start to mirror the next person that they're with.
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  This is why they This is why you don't recognize the person
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  anymore. Sometimes it's physically,
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  sometimes it like when they, they used to be suited and
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  booted with you, right? They used to wear tailored suits
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  all the time and you can catch them anywhere without a tailored
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  suit on. They be look, they be, they be
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  at the gym with a tailored suit on.
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  Now they wear Dockies and and New Balance shoes and they, they
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  cook out on the grill with no tailor suit on you.
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  They, they don't own a tailor suit anymore because that person
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  that they're there with now wears New Balances.
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  The person that they're with now cooks out all the time.
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  They mirror the next person. So of course you don't recognize
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  them anymore. They don't have their own
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  authentic personalities, including me.
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  I took me a while. I took me a while to develop
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  this personality. I ain't gonna lie to you to be a
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  while, but we don't have our own authentic personalities.
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  So we take from other peoples, we pull personality traits and
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  characteristics from other people and we just mirror them.
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  We give it back to them. Like we just become who you are.
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  We become the best version of you a bit.
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  We, we become whoever we think we need to be to get you to fall
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  in love with us. And once you're in love with us,
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  we got you, right? Once you're in love with us,
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  there's nothing you can really do.
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  You know what I mean? But this is how we're going to
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  continue to operate. This is how narcissists operate.
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  This is what we're going to continue to do and this is how
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  we're going to continue to get it done.
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  So narcissistic people, you're not going to recognize them at
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  the end of the relationship or in the beginning of the new
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  relationship, which is why I tell so many people like, look,
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  if you're dealing with a manipulative, abusive
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  narcissist, please to protect your peace, block them on social
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  media. Because if you don't, you're
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  going to be doing a lot of paint shopping and looking at their
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  stuff online and trying to figure out who they are or what
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  they really want. They're going to be so many
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  different things that goes on in these situations that you have
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  to deal with is going to be absolutely crazy.
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  You know, is you, you're going to be asking yourself so many
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  questions about why was I not worth it?
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  Why, why, what is it about meat? It's not that they didn't make
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  them want to treat me well. What happened to me?
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  What did I do wrong? How did I how did I end up in
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  this situation? Like was was that not good
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  enough? You're going to start
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  questioning your own worth and your own value and that
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  absolutely out. I'm being real with you, is not
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  worth it. It's not.
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  It's not, it's not worth it. So I tell so many people to
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  block them. If you get to the point where
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  you don't recognize this person anymore, especially if you have
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  to Co parent with them, limit communication with them.
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  Like if you can't block them fully, limit communication with
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  this person because it helps you out in the long run.
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  It helps you heal and it helps you set yourself free because
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  the more you are talking to this person, the more you are dealing
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  with this person, the more you're going back and forth with
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  the person, the tougher it is going to be for you.
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  I promise you that. I promise you the tougher it's
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  going to be for you to move forward and get past this
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  person. If you for you to heal fully.
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  I want y'all to heal fully, y'all.
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  Y'all know I want y'all to heal fully.
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  Y'all think I was tuning into this video y'all honestly y'all,
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  I ain't got a little tired. I want to switch things up on
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  this channel so bad, but I don't know which direction to take it
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  in I'm about to start. I'm gonna keep doing these type
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  of videos right here, but I'm about to start a storytelling
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  series here pretty soon with different stories with different
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  types of stories. So you want to send your story
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  in to be told on this channel and I said I will keep you
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  anonymous. I'm just going to tell you a
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  story in my own way. I'll I'll use AAI version.
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  You just tell me what you look like.
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  You don't have to tell me what your real name or whatever.
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  I'll keep it anonymous. Just send your story in to info
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  INFO at mentalillness.net. Just give me a brief
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  description. You can just say short black
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  person, tall white guy, short white woman, Middle Ages man,
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  like just I can do that y'all. I can create a story.
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  Just send your story in. I will.
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  I'm going to start a storytelling series on here.
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  I'm working on my first story right now, which I'm going to be
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  releasing here soon, but just send it in.
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  I want to switch things up. I want to keep y'all more
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  interested to keep get y'all more engaged and whatnot.
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  I want to do. And I think sharing people's
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  stories can help help can definitely help other people as
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  well. Just keep doing these type of
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  videos right here as well. But on top of that, I'm start
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  doing storytelling. So send it in to
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  info@mentalillness.net. Everything else, mental
• 11:40
  illness.net and I'm out. Peace.