Latest / The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast / Episode 75: Goat Stew

Transcript

Episode 75: Goat Stew · The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Golf.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Well, that's something I could never wrap my head around.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Four hours of walking around field, tipping little ball and
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: trying to get it in hall, no danger, no climbing,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: and no knocking a thing down. What's the bloody point
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: of that? Now, Goats, there's a thing I can get
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: ma head around. Destructive, lovable. I can pretty much eat
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: their way through anything they set their eyes on. All
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: listen more in today's episode Tom and Jerry Show, I'll
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: see the.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: It's the Tom and Jerry Show, not at the same
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: Tom and Jerry time, not on the same Tom and
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Jerry channel. We did not get to record last night. Tom,
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: we had to bump up by her night. And I
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: think you're a to tell the listener why.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I won't even get you to play the voice notes.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I was thinking about it, and then I'm like, they
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: don't sound, they don't convey the hell I mean, I
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: got time to bleed. I muttered more than once while
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: tracking down two fucking goats, and by the way, went
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: missing the night before.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Are these the Are these the same goats that you
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: were delighted to get less than a fortunate.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Them? Very same fucking goats?
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Now, Tom, are these the two goats that you were
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: so proud of the paddock you built for them.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And they picked.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: These these are they were going to be called what
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: was the thunderclaw and violent hoof.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Or yeah, something a wrong that venom venom horn or
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: something like venm Horn. No.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: I think Andy Duffrain would be a better name for
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: one of them.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not joking with you. If you saw what I
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: went through a kilometer, like fucking you we're talking, I
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: would attract the predator down easier, like it was ludicrous
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: something out there and it's no man, it's in the trees.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I tracked over him back. The little dog did a
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: great job, brought me most of the way. Just I
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: got a bet. I think I believe a local farmer
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: has his electric fence. I can damn near guarantee hooked
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: to the fucking mains. I got belted with this thing.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: It dropped me to my knees and I could smell
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: burninger my nose here And this was This was after
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: three hours of trudging through marshland, cowshite, uphill Downdale, through
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: fucking briars. I saw more. I didn't think nettles could
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: grow so densely like in where I went through to
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: two different forests and I caught him in the most
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: You love this for ultra modern way of catching them.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: So if you if you want to hunt something down there,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: what's the best way to do it nowadays these days? Drone? Drone?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: But if you if not just these but it really
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: class classy hunters. They mimic, don't they They can mimic
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: what they're hunting. So I actually had my phone and
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: it was amazing my very last stop that I was
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: gonna look because after that they hit they were at
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: the road. If that was the case, and then there's
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: no way they're in this field. They can't have made
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: it across the hills this far. I just over the gate,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: leaned over and I've searched newbian goat calling slash bleeding
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: on YouTube while Fuckney I played it and for a
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: split second heard, Hey, I'm on bastards, You're in here somewhere.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: That's amazing, Tom. I'm looking at you. I can see
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: your arms. Your arms look like Gollums arms. Everything is
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: cut to ship. This isn't cut everything, and it's only
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: today I'm seeing it. It looks like I've had a
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: row with an arc like And then here's I've got
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: a new exercise for everybody. You know, the way they've
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: got this skyrocks or these this load of ship that's
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: trying to mimic reality, I've a fucking I've an exercise
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: for everybody, and I'll charge you thirty quid an hour
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: to do it. Carry a thirty five kilo goat for
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: fucking two kilometers and see how you fare by the
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: end of that. See how much creating you'll fucking ingest
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: or how much fucking pre fucking workout you'll need to
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: carry a thirty five kilo fucking goat, Because the motherfucker
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: have you ever tried to drive a goatyr don't don't
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: don't don't drive a goat, or they don't want to
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: be driven in any shape, make of form. So that're
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: the pure and we have loads of this and the
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: only thing we have between us jar is loads of
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: brute fucking ignorance. And for a finish, did with the
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: light absolutely gone? This is half here at night when
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I messaged you, Yeah, I just scooped the bastard up,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: and the other one came along. I just scooped the lighter.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: What looked like the lighter two. But they've been eating
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: solid for a fucking day and oh full of berries
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: up to their fucking eyeballs. They were so this motherfucker
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I'm guessing it was thirty five kilos that's what it
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: felt like carry this bastard back. And of course every
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: neighbor that never comes out on the road at that
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: time comes out at that time. Every neighbor's dog decided
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: to come out of the road. That that Oh my god.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: By the time I got him down, we just stared
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: at each other and even to go through, like.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: We'll hit into bed there will be yeah, yeah, we've
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: put them through enough.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Did you know? They even looked said sorry, sorry, sorry
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: about that. There, We'll we'll head into the like the
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: look at that other field there for a wee second,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: and every other field nine fields there, nine fields they crossed,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: and two forests, a marshland and a river they crossed.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I mean that they would had the fucking ring with them,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: they would have succeeded the fucking mission. That's a fucking
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: sam wise and fucking proto.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: Not that your business, Tom, No, I'm no goat farm
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: or myself, but like it sounds to me for the
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: price of the thirty five year of getting air tag
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: and put it around.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: When exactly what's been ordered this morning? Yeah, that's yeah,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: but here your air tag. When the goats are gone,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: as eight proverb says, here in my naivety, I thought, fuck, sure,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: we've got everything you need here. Why would they wander off?
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: And yeah, well, you're very all, very welcome along to
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: the Tom and Jerry Show, where we're not every week
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: there our goats to the scape. But look at the
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: crack that happens when they do.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Have you went and stressful to tell me about it,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: because it's not as stressful as that, buddy, not as
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: stressful as that. And I've had teeth pain for six weeks.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: But here we are. Listen, We're gonna push ahead with the.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Show as long term listeners will know.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Tom's goats don't like them.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Not fans of the service, and they bugger off. But
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: that's not necessarily the big news of the week. It
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: could have been if it had gone the other way. Tom,
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you that much, but it's not the big
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: news right this very second. Oh No, we're going to
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: talk to you through the big news. In a segment
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: we called the weekly what have you.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: This is a very complicated case, mad you know, a
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: lot of a lot of outs, a lot of what
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: have you, and a lot of strands to keep in
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: my head. Man, anywhere we could have gone with this,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: We could have.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Gone where we could like, there was segments galore that
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: this could have filled. But Tom, we're not sporting people
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: as such.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: No, And I was, I guess like together we're not.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I was wondering where you like there was there was?
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: The window was open, but I was. I never pushed
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: you anything unless it's absolutely compelling, but the window was
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: open for to talk about the NFL and what that was.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: God go with them, Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's that doing
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: around the place in the hell of ground and whatnot?
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: But tip of the cap if nothing, I mean, the
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: two times I went to the American Football fell around
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: the place drunk in the first quarter because it was
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: that long. But tip of the cap to corks Own
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Lyra for one, I will say, one of the best
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: renditions of Ireland's national anthem heard. That was the highlight
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: of the thing.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: I was wearing what looked to my eyes to be
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: an American football dress.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: It was a great idea of address. I thought, I thought,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, great idea.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: But our sport that for the weekly what have you,
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: were not going to talk about that particular sport. But
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: there was some sport in America we would like to
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: talk about.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: It was the Ryder Cup.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: In America, which normally wouldn't crack the glass ceiling off
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: the Tom and Jerry Show, but this this was a
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: very particular right Cup. Like I said, me and Tom,
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: we're not sports people. We are comedians, be they functioning
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: or lapsed in my case. So it tickled me greatly
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: when everybody watching the golf was aghast and disgusted at
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: the fact that the crowd were heckling the players like
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: it was.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I was involved in the golf industry. I never really
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: played golf, but I built golf courses, do you know
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: that kind of way? So I was you'd have your
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: head in it and some of the lads that are
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: into it and like everything, you're a a rex ruin everything,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: and there's an a rex galore.
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, you don't get too into a thing. And
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: I'm not even fully invested in this podcast.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: It's it's when fully growl like kids. I totally get
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: them losing their bitanas. But when I see a fifty
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: year old man like like it's you know, a twelve
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: year old girl to Taylor Swift losing his mind over
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: another guy, they're just marginally better than you are at
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: this really difficult thing, which is or not. But the
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: heckling is kind of only crept in and I'm actually blaming,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: well' not blaming, I'm just I think I'm I think
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: it's probably started with Happy Gilmore.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: Honestly, this was this, this is this is this was
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: Happy Gilmore levels. From what I could see, the crowd
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: were like the crowd that Happy Gilmore drew to his games.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: You know, it's the crowds that shoot mcgavern was given
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: out about.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Well, they're not you see the writer cup. You typically
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have gotten them once you get to kind of
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: snooty once, because there's a one at Augusta, all right,
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: which I think is is that the Master's I don't know,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: you do get a lot of they're not quite NASCAR
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: level fucking belly's hanging, not quite, but there it's kind
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: of funny like it's seen as kind of hooting and hollering.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Lads pit their faces, painting and stuff. But this went.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: But now one thing I would say, I was like,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: oh right, sorry, but a bunch of millionaires can't take it.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Rory McElroy's wife got a beer thrown poured over the
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: top for heads, like a come on, well either wife alone,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Jesus rise.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Okay, right, Like, here's here's where I come into it, right,
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: I come into it from a couple of different directions.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Right number one, Golf is traditionally like a very polite sport.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: It's where we get the phrase golf club.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just a little tippy tappy tappy, what have you? Okay?
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: It battled me Tom when these things were divided up
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: what sports are ready and what sports aren't?
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: Because snooker isn't, but snooker isn't, but darts is. But
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: darts is right, And that's interesting Why cricket isn't but
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: baseball is. I guess maybe Americans are the common denominator here,
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: but it reminds me of It reminds me very of
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: how you tip in a restaurant, but you don't tip
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: in McDonald's.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: This is fun, believably interesting. Actually, you just stumbled onto
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: something really interesting. Why why would you divide it. The
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: darts and snooker thing postes me like, as you said,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: lawn boats and cricket wouldn't be vish, But then golf
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: has turned and golf usedn't be golf like yours. You
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: play like Saint Andrew's in where there's the whole birthplace
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: of golf above in Scotland, and there's you don't get
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: any of that, do you know? But and and and
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: and like.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Part of me is like, yeah, I suppose, but it's
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: it's it's one of these things that's only that way
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: because it's always been that way. Do you get me, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: it's kind of like an unspoken thing that no, no,
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: we don't heckle at golf.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: We we, but now they do. Why is that? I wonder?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Is it because.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, you know, happy Gil working about twenty
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: years ago. I think the fabricous society has been ripped
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: open a lot worries.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think you're right. I was
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: saying you beforehand. My biggest problem with it was, sorry,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: from scratching, I have got pinched. I I'm punctured all
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: over my head from blackthorns. By the way, it's oh yeah,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: ye yeah, you're like hell Raiser or black Horns the
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: opposite way around the hell Raisers, Like hell Raiser has
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: given me a big smooshy hug like which is a
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: nightmare and got to have tonight. There you go. That's
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: one for free listeners. It's this ship heckling. Yeah, I mean,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: here is the thing America, and we're going to get
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: to that in just one little second. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: let's get let's let's get into these bastards a bit,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: you know, let's get it.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: If you're going to fucking do it, to it right,
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: It's okay. So here's the thing. When I heard about
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: the heckling of Rory Racklroy and all this kind of thing,
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: and I didn't know that his wife got a beard
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: dump over our heads. Okay, yeah, don't do that, I
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: suppose right, yeah, I'll allow you that I did. You
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: remembered the joke and when it changed all the way
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: down through the years, like you know of an irishman
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: went to a golf and tournament and he was watching
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: tiger Woods.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: This was changed.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: It was fucking Jack Nicholas, I'm sure. Yeah, tiger Woods
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: and the crowd hushes and he stands and he hits
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: the ball four hundred yards and lands three feet away
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: from the from the the pain hole. Yeah, and the game,
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: he said. The airman turns around and goes like, some shot,
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: isn't it? On the arispike goes, huh could he.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Do it with someone marking them? Yeah? You know? Do
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: It's like I'm like, yeah, oh yeah, you know what.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: Use lads can sink these fifty yard pots and use
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: guys can chip out of a bunker and land on
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: a green. But it turns out if someone shouts fuck you, Rory.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: You can't do nothing.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: You freeze, You're gone. You're just like, oh Jesus, I
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: can't possibly function in this hostile environment.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: They're they're going there, they're like chatting at You're like,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Rory Row, whatever it is, it's not nice, but you're
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: being paid a lot of money. Suck it up for
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: a cup. Hit that ball into the fucking hole. I did.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I think. I think you're one hundred cent right, But
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I also think let's make this a fucking thunderdome. Like
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: there was off off of his own fucking Shane Lowry.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: It started offering fellers out on like the fifteen there
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: or something. He was like, all right in you come on,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: you and the State troopers a golf club. No, we
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: can't allow that. I think that's where everything tips into
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: perfect alignment. It's like, no, no, I want to see
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Shane Lowry swinging his golf club like the fucking grim Reaper,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: just fuck killing people. Be fucking of maze. That now
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: is my kind of golf. I could watch, then, I
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: could watch. But Tom, you and I are comedians. I'm lapsed.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: You're functioning now. So when people were saying.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: They were getting heckled at the golf, I think both
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: you and I had the same notion when we heard that.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: We kind of looked at them kind of like, that's
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: not that's not heckling.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Hey Tuble, don't miss Tuble, that's not Heckler's Joe Rory.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, you listen to the ship that's been
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: shouted up with me over fucking the last fourteen or
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: fifteen years. Tom, like, you know, and I'm there, say yourself,
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: we get a thick skin to it early on as comedians,
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: and we give it back and we go ahead and
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: and get with the rest of the show. So given
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: that you're a functioning comedian, Tom and I gotta tell
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: you way better at handling hecklers than I have. Was
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: what tip would you give Shane Larry and Rory Mchaelroy
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: and the lads for when this inevitably happens in the future.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: Because you can't put the two paste back in the tube. Baby,
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: Now that people know you are golf thing that's going
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: to be this has become a feature of the game people.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: The ship cannot be put back in the horse. As
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: the man said, it's simple. You need you need to
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: practice at the lads, need to get out on the
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: driving range and get some people heckling from there, because
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, you can't just jump straight into telecameras on
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: you and all the rest of it. You got to
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: start at the maybe start playing in your local golf
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: go back to that and just go. Lets and lads,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I need the full football team, line line, the first
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: every green, and I need you give me ship from
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: the get go.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: And so what you want right now is you want
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: to go back to basics, back to bring like the
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: Apollo creed of ship talking.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: This is exactly where I was talking. If you bad manners,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you want to hear sledgend get Gaelic footballers,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: get Gaelic Horlor's junior being motherfuckers, fagging mout can in hand,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: hurling helmet on, giving you the kind of shit way
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: worse like I'd be licking my lips in front of
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: an American audience if they tried to fuck I lick
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: my lips anyway. I want people to heckle me all
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: the time. Come on, I want people to be quiet
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: what I tell my wi story. I know you do,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I know, but I want because I take great pride
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: in using the warhammer of fucking justice down and they're
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: all near of badness, near of badness pure and I'll
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: take it way farther than they thought they could take it.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Trust me, I will take it to a place.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: So that's your other tip for Larry and the boys
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: now is give it back to them, like, give it
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: back to them.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Oh like without with I mean with changes. The Americans
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: would say, give it back, but give it I mean,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: stall the game, put down your golf club, put on
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: a smile, and just go. Here you go, baby, you
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: pick out the fat faced titleist wearing lacoste fucking jumper.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: You're about to get a part of three fucking off, pal,
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: she no.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Fucking wearing you. All he has to do is standard
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: go Literally one line will kill every one of these
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: fucking absolute wannabes. One line and one line only you
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: wish you were me, motherfucker. It's it. That's it, every
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: because every fucking one of them do. They all wish
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: they were there. And if I was Lowry, I gotta
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: finish this much because then me and the boys gotta
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: go four ball your mom, Okay, tickets, Jersey, Yes, try stuff.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I think Lowry should have an actual radio mic in
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: the back pocket, like ready to go, have the place
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: fucking sound, especially like on the eighteenes when things are
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: getting fairly serious and just got you know what. I'll
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: be back in a second. Hold on over, and you
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: even have a caddy to take your ship just handed
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: to him. He hands you the mic and goes right, well,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: have you right there? And he's got a perfect platform
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: because the green is typically large, you know, a little
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: higher than the surrounding bunkers and fairway and rough that
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: they're standing in. So you've already got an amphitheater. I mean,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: go to town, go to shut them up. They've written
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: their own script. They're all wearing the shit that you're
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: fucking pedaling and getting paid seven million a year and
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: they're giving you golf. Are you fucking joke me? You know,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I'm tell you the flip side of that.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: I heard that some people that there's a Writerer Cup
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: and paid seven hundred and fifty dollars to get into it.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: And I reckon, if I pay seven hundred and fifty
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: dollars to go to any event, I'll call any clown
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: a client.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I want so at seven, that's actually not bad. That's
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: not bad for what it is. I guarantee you come.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: They won't be even a ticket for that. Come when
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: it comes back to Ireland, that's especially what I want
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: to see. Fucking Lowry. You know where I'm at. Come
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: to me. I'll bring it to the comedy club. He
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: put you through your praises, Larry, I'll put you through
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: your paces you two years time when it gets to
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: the fucking a dear manner for the Rider Cup in Ireland.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: I don't even want you playing golf. Don't you're before
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: you even tea off, I want you to just fucking
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: own the vers tea and just stand there and just
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: start fucking rinsing everybody in front of you, walk up
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: to the tea, take a look around.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: You spotted no ordinary looking man with a good looking
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: girl from and be like, oh, you've done well for yourself,
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: just fucking crucifying. Yeah, fifteen minutes to warn everybody else
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: to shut the hell up.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: That's it. You got. You go for the big dog
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: first like that.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: You take that material and you cut it into you know,
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: fifteen second tiktoks with captions on it. From that just
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: kind of that.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm fortuture. That is all people want to
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: see him. That's unfortunately, that's all people. You could write
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: the greatest jokes in the world. I can tell you
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: this now, but people just want to see you ripping
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: people asunder. That's the my mate. Look at here we are, Yeah,
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: come here right, Well, that's the that's the that's that's
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: that's that's Can I tell you Can I tell you
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: the best? The best one that I just kind of
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: had to give. I'm sure I've told you before, Like
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I've had a handful of a handful of ones to
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: stay in my mind. One old woman called me. I
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: told me I smelt like Benji one time. I'm not
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: fully sure that as well as better knew what the
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: fuck that was. I don't know it was in It
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: was in in Chakor. It was at a guy and
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: she just she just pipes of the nast melodenji off
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: you us. I have no idea what that is, lady,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: but there's a bang of piss off you. So pipe
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: down ended her. That was it, no more the best
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: ever hicle I ever got. When I asked when he
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: used to do a bit about seeing my walk for
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: the first time, and I asked the rhetorical question, has
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: anybody ever seen their own walk? Nobody has until and
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: then one but one guy pipes up sitting in a wheelchair,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: but I've ever seen that time, never seen, and I
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: had to. I had to high five him all the
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: way down the room. I had.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: I had one instance in civilian life, and it's in
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: the last six months, Tom. I was out walking my
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: dog and you know the way, you know, the way
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: I someone will say something to you and later on
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: in the day or driving home or wherever you are,
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: you be like, you know what I should have said
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: to your man a ship God?
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: You know what it would have been?
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Everything that set home And this was one of the
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: only times in my life that I said it just
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: the right thing. Good means just the right split time, lovely,
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: sharp as attack, quick as you don't know. I was
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: out walking my dog. My dog stopped WII at the
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: a tree and I had walked on and I'd noticed
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: that he'd stopped, so I stopped to watch him. Now
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: where I had stopped was in front of someone's driveway.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: This is in Dublin, and the car was trying to
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: drive out, and he beat the horn, like immediately beat
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: the horn of me and goes, when your dog's going
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: to the tier there, do you mind getting out of
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: my way?
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: And he whipped out your cock and piste out over
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: the back of his car. What's the right thing to
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: say here? And I got it. I turned around and goes,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: you know, there's a nice way to say that. It
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: doesn't make you sound like a fucking rshole. I didn't
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: say it was clever, Tom, I just said it felt.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, you see, I would have been putting the
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: thought of a better thing to say. Yeah, of course
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: immediately I went for you taking out your flute and
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: pissing all over the back of his car. But you
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: know that would have gotten you arrested that time, but
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: it it would have made a cracking story on the podcast.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I like that though. That's a that's a nice way
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: to say, because you know what that digs in, That
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: will dig in.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: That's just I said exactly what I needed to say.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't have put on another syllable on a tom
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: yea the light of.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Perfect, no no notes, no fat on that lovely. I
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: didn't say these things were going to slay in Vegas,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: but I just felt amazing. Any rate you know who
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: doesn't feel amazing on occasion the lad who lands into
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: the second segment of our show, because that's when we
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: take somebody who's like, you know, I've done something during
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: the week that makes you turn around like, fuck me,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I got this lady this week. This lad is James
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Stephen Donaldson. That's right, otherwise known as which is which?
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Which is a loyreless name if ever I heard it
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: was the first thing well with the article I was
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: reading that you sent me on it was it was
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: titled as Jimmy Donaldson Jimmy Donalds had that is I
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: mean up to UVF like that.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like he's thrown paint at the peace balls is
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: what you're doing. But no, Jimmy Donalds and has.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: A subscription to Palette Weekly. By the way, I'm fucking
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: delighted with what I just said there.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: That's it's in the pillar of the community.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Well, given this article, we might be famillion miles off
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: at Actually, do you know what we'll get people up to?
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: Who Jimmy Donaldson is. Jimmy Donaldson is better known, much
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: better known by his online persona mister Beast and mister
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Beast this week for reasons that I can't fully grasp.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know who watches this ship. I don't know
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: why it gets done.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: I think the high train has caught this guy because
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: when I heard of him first, it was like mister Beast,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: the un filip was going on about him. He didn't
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: even fully know who he was, because mister Beast is
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: in every he has toys, he has burger joints, he's
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: he's got what is mister Peast? And I looked and
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: then he showed up and it was like, oh, there's
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: a guy who mister hitting like he's the most he's
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: a little he's a little beeby. It's the least mister
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: b I guess what he's.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: Never seen in his life and understand it. He started
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: life as a YouTuber playing you know, Minecraft and whatnot
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: with his three fucking dust bodies, and they just were
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: very good at that, very good at playing Minecraft and
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: playing computer games and streaming them. But like, for some reason,
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: you take a guy who streams Minecraft on his computer
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: and you give it a couple of years and now
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: he's setting fire to houses with people in them for
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: a five hundred thousand dollars challenge.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Walk me through a tom so he this is what
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: he does, right this, he does these challenges that they're innate,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: and I want to I'm trying to find a reletively
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: politically correct term to describe the ship he does. Don't
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: step out of this circle for ten grand yes, Like
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: it's the sort of ship that if the brain the
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: last year brain cell was pouring out your fucking ear,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: you go, you know, this is what I can tolerate. This,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: This is what I need. It's it's up there with
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: fucking real, fucking licking the screen stuff Like this is
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: the most in the dumb ship I've ever seen. I
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: don't really dumb around here. It's a grown like he
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: is a grown man with a beard. But he he's
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: aiming all this within the creepy way's aiming all this
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: stuff at children.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: And that's it's it's what it's what I believe they
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: call brain rot content for the youth, which I gotta
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: tell you, Tom, we've got to tap.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Into the mark that's money is. But essentially he'd set
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: up this one with so Last Saturday, literally as we
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: speak now, it was Last Saturday, a video that is
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: over forty five million years where he a fellow called Eric.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: He was the contestant for this particular one that he
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: went Eric had gone through. He took on like seven
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: challenges or they call him debt traps, including getting out
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: of a cannon into some some fire, surviving massive explosions,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: as well as escaping from what appears like a mock
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: up of a small house. So essentially that a lot
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: of this is almost been like dystopian and humiliating, you know,
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: it's squid gameing squid gaming, like we're like this, Like
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: I guarantee we will look back on history and when
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: we're all living in you know, a dystopian future, and
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: we'll go next week, why are we watching? Yeah? Why
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: you know I wonder where the running Man came from.
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: I was just about to say, it's got such a
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: bang of running man, doesn't it better? Like the the
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: the the masses of which we are in their number, Tom,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: are so breatht of entertainment that we will literally watch
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: this absolute slop. But I've watched some slop in my time, Tom,
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: I'll tell.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: You, Oh yeah, I'll give you. I'll give you a
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: couple of quick examples of YouTube of this kind of
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: YouTube ship that you couldn't pay me to watch.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Mister Peter, I'm sorry. I wish them all the in
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: his future endeavor. I think there was one video where
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: he let off like a million dollars worth of fireworks
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: in one go, you know.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: That kind of thing for it, like there was Jackass
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: in our time, I suppose.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: So that gave way to there's there's a group of
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: guys called Dude Perfect, which are three or four lads
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: in America, of course, of course, and what they try
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: to do is like do trick shots like I'll try
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: and dunk basketball off the top of it down, okay,
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: you know, And I can say there's at least some
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: degree of some degree of merit to that I suppose
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: there's a bit it's guys that tried to do trick shot.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. And then there was the slow motion guys,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: which is guys that bought a big, expensive slow motion
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: camera and all the content was just here's an egg
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: dropping in slow motion. Here's I'll be honest here, I've
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: watched a few pneumatic crusher videos. Right, okay, they'll crack,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: you know, like a bowling ball. Let's see who we
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: crack a ball paint hammer to see if it will. Actually,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I've watched a few of them.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: And then you turn around, mister beast, and it's just
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: this girl and fucking idiot turning around. I'm going like,
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: here's what happens when my buddy Jay tries to eat
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: a car.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I can't. I struggle with all of these, and of
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: these that are aimed at kids. And that's why I've
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: refused to let our watch more than fucking like five
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: to ten minutes at a time of YouTube, because they
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: do these smash cuts through telling you the same story,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: and it just gives me anxiety because my heart break
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: goes up and down because they're like, and then we
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: caught a fish, but this fish and then it tipes
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: on cotton, cutting cut cors. You don't see it because
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: it's so blend, blended so well. But rather than just pressing,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: recording the camera and walking away, they do this fucking
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: hard cuts cotton.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: They'll actually they do a thing that absolutely drives me
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: absolutely bananas.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Even if it's just a.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Single person against the wall, yeah, telling you a story.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: They'll and these fuck are only some of them only
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: have one cameras all they can afford, you know what
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: I mean. They're just in their mom's house or whatever
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: like that. They're recording themselves just like this.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: But they'll punch in by like three inches and then
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: ye punching and punch out just on a static shot. Yeah,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: and that drives me fucking crazy, Tom. But apparently it's
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: it's been looked, you know what I mean, it's scientific,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: there's some science to it. The kids absolutely they glue
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: because that's what's the renew the renewing and the hyping.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Like there's a fucker that goes around picking up fish
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: around Florida and he does this off for the love
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: of fuck, Like Fair played him for trying to make
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: a thing look interesting. But this mister beast prick is
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: along the same thing and essentially where this ended up
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: going was one of the challenges was putting now Lyric
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: inside the house that was on fire. There was a
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: half a million to be one in dollars and a
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: half a million dollars to be one overall. But he
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: put him on a house on fire, and there's there
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: was uproar over sure. Of course your man loves uproar,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: because yeah, it's fine, that's where the money is. You guarantee.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: There was more contracts and agreements and non suing forms
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: by Eric Fella, like you know what I'm going to
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: tell you. I saw the house that was on fire,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: and I've seen enough movie magic documentaries. I know a
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: fire bar when I see one that now they said that,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: they said, we haven't we had it ventilated. We had
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: you know, we had it. We had a kill switch
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: to cut the fire. So obviously they were firebars like
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean with guests run the room
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But this is where this is
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: where we're at.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Now, Well, this is where we're at, Tom, I want
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: to talk to you about where we're going because, like
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: I said, five years ago, mister beast, was you know,
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: seeing how far he could jump a car in grand
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: theft auto and that was that was a half hour
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: video while his pals just roared laughing at him. And
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: now he's set in lads, putting lads in the house
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: and setting them on a fire. Where is he going
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: to be in five years time? If not jail, Tom where?
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Well this is exactly well you see it's America. When
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: you have enough money, No, you don't go to jail. Look,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: that's just the same outcross there is.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: You know, looking into my crystal ball, I see a
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: non zero amount of manslaughter in this man's future, one
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: hundred percent.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: And if it isn't that already happened, if he killed something,
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: you just didn't put it out on a video, who knows.
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: But this is the thing, like the challenge you talked
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: about earlier. They're like, oh, stand in this circle, and
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: the last person standing this circle wins a car. All
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: it's going to take is like somebody to not give
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: up one of them and stand there for three days
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: and die pass out from sleep, sleep deprivation. Yeah, never
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: wake up, yeah yeah, yeah, But I mean I think
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: that's absolutely happening in the next eighteen months.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Now. I would wager here's the other side of it, though,
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I would wager if you put your hand up. But
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: then again, Americans love money. You will find any amount
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: of Americans you need to leave all self worked on
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: the table. If money is willing to be exchanged wort.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? You will find because
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: money is king over there. When it comes to any
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: level of self respect, they will. You will find that
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: you need only look at the biggest loser, and these
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: things like self respect goes clean out the fucking window.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: You'll find as many Americans as you want if you
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: will put money up, like.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: You know, I gotta tell you, if they run out, tom,
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: if they've run out of people and they're willing to
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: give me five hundred grand to make a tool of
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: myself on the Internet and pay my mortgage and live
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: happy ever after for the rest of my life.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I'll take that money. I'll be honest with you. Yeah, listen,
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I see I've done a lot worse for a lot
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: of fucking less money. I see the merits of it there,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: But the reality is that so many of them don't
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: end up getting that money and still end up looking
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: like a fucking prick in front of all your friends.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: But whatever it is about America, it seems to be
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: acceptable to just be a fucking making knobby yourself. It's like,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: oh well, it is what it is. Do you know
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: what I mean? Whereas your friends should go, Are you
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: fucking well in the head? Yeah? I mean you get
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: slagged off. When I was growing up, like the shame
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: if so? I know, it was one of the greatest
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: TV and still is one of the greatest TV shows
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: on earth. It is a winning streak. It's still because
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: for anybody going from another country going what's winning streak?
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: It's a lottery fund the TV show with people from
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: the public who have scratched the ticket and got their
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: way onto this TV show. Were the minimum, I think
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: you'll come away with this than like thirty thousand the
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: maximum you can earn this two hundred and fifty thousand.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: You do, you do well out of it. But I
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: remember even people going off for the love of fuck.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Did you see people that you knew that had gotten
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: on it? Not fair playting for the money they got,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: just going to you fuck see the court for the
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: shame of the life out of the fucking parish. Fucking
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Tom hanging out the side of his fucking head talking
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: about tractors. Jesus wept nothing to do with the money,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: It was just gone. Would you not have conducted yourself
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: and not being such a red rock fucking culture on
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: the telly like fucking has set us back thirty years?
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: Listen to him, We don't. I think we're work gone
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: well beyond shame with what goes out on the internet.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: He says, it's gone, gone, gone gone. But you're one
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: hundred percent.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Right twenty years ago, Tom, if you and I were
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: just doing what we're doing right here and now, we'd
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: be known as those two boys that love themselves one
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: hundred percent the fucking heck of the tim they'd fucking
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: eat themselves if they're parers of chocolate.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: They're on the radio, mister Beast. Mister beast, with a
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: name like that and looking like that tells me everything
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: I need to know. He seemed comes across as seems
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: to be quite a nice chap. But if you've named
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: yoursel mister beest, you look like that, you're carrying on
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: that that you either have or you most definitely will
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: kill somebody within the near future.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm going to tell you. I'm gonna
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: give him his jews, and some people are be like,
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: well a, I.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Will give him his jews.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: There was a period of time there, about three or
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: four years ago where his content really switched up from here,
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: you know, you know, I'll give ten thousand dollars to
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: whoever can play Minecraft for longs and all this sort
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: of right you shit like this. When he turned around,
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: he was like, I'm building wells in Africa.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Oh is it? Well? Okay, villages that don't have water.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm buying eyeglasses for every child in Africa,
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: like real, Dolly, you know what Dolly Parton does that.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: I'm sending the book to every child.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: And I mean the cynic in me would say it's
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: a tax break, and you know, but fair play, you know,
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: and I could have been by was like okay, well
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: fair enough, mister. And then like eighteen months later he's like,
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: we drove a car straight into an old folks home.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: You see, I would He's probably gotten to a point
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: now where there's he he's probably not the sole owner
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: of mister Beast now, you know the way, Oh, I'm
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: going to float around the track the stock market rather
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: than just not being a really content and.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: They're turnning around and going like, well, the content you
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: put out building Wells and Africa did all right. But
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: you know what people really seem to love when you
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: dangle that single mother or over a pit of snakes
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: for forty five hours just to see how much she'd
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: pss herself.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Can we get that? Can we get more piss? Can
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: we get more? We need to smell the piss, really.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: Coming down to we need that idea that was heckling you.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: That's what we need. Big smell of fucking piss. Offer
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: that's be his next show. Let's let's see, mister beast,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: how long you'd fucking last. It's the Beast. Yeah, mister
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: beast doing a gig in a GA club in fucking intercourse.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I tell you one thing you won't get five hundred
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: thousand two pints crisps. I'm telling you, well, listen, come here.
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to sit here Tom by the way
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: that with what the children are watching on YouTube these
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: days or the stupid shit that they're doing these days,
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: because God knows you and I did some stupid shit
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: when we were young. So in the closing segment of
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: the show, why don't we take a look back at
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: what it was that we done that was pretty fucking
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: stupid when we were gassons in a segment that we
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: called we Remember when when I was a.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Young lad twenty or thirty or forty years ago. I
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: actually I do remember, and it's just to jump back
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: into it. Mister Beasts. Is just the crystal maze, isn't he?
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: With less imagination it is? Now? Yeah, crystal, the crystal
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: ma is if it would kill you? So yeah, both
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: the crystal mash.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: But listen, mister Beast made it to this lad this
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: week because the other candidates for this lad this week
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: were two Arkansas men who were arrested. H They were
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: arrested because they got drunk and they started firing guns
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: at each other while wearing bulletproof vests.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: For the crack Tom, I love it. I love it.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: And do you know, number one, I'm not seeing a
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: crime here. I'm not seeing a bit of a crime.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: I'm not even seeing attempted murder because it's actually attempted
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: not murder. So like, show me, Copper, what you're fucking
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: charging these guys.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: But I don't know if anybody wants to go google this,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: but they kind of looked like us if things went
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: really bad for us back in the day, do you
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, if things went fucking pair shaped
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: and like a butterfly effect or you know, sliding doors,
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: they looked like what would happen to the two of
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: us if if she there, TM will tell you that
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: we look like what we look like if something went
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: wrong ten years ago. No, this is it. I haven't
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: fucking look at these legs. You go, oh, I say,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: is this is the bad list? The two lads are.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: The two lads are fucking absolutely models such as by comparison,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: but like I'm just kind of looking going, yeah, yeah,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I can see if things do you know what I mean?
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Probably if we ended up, you know, getting sucked out
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: of the house by our two wives, you know, and
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: we ended up having to you know, have a bed
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: sit together, this is probably what we'd end up looking like.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: I think this is what got us to our segment here.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: For we remember when we were chatting about these guys,
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: the very nearly made it into this lad territory because honestly, Tom,
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: if I had a gun and two bulletproof veests, we
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: would absolutely shoot each other.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: I wonder, we.
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: Would absolutely And if I had a taser, I would
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: ask you to taste me, because I was fucking I.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: Got taste yesterday by a fucking farmer's electric fence. Jesus Christ.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't get electric fence, but I'd be okay with
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: getting taste because I'd be like, maybe it's different.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Well, what's different about it? Both? So these guys decided.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: Upon themselves Tom to shoot each other with revolvers in
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: bulletproof fests. Pretty stupid thing to do, but in put
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: in mind some of the stupid things Tom, and I
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: can hold up my hands and say that there were
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: some stupid things that I've done in my life that absolutely,
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: without a shadow of doubt, should have killed me, graveyard
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: dead before me Betting forty five years old as I
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: am right now, my race could have been stopped a
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: long fucking time ago. And I dare say you're as well.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: There's the and I don't use the phrase very often,
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: but people do. And this almost sounds like it sounds lazy.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: There's nearly too many to mention her.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: You know, it's it's picking your favorite as one of
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: That's what I mean, something that people will laugh at
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: and not go I pity that man.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing. That is the thing where you
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: can laugh because there comes a tipping point. And I
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: remember Rob Steeers, designer of our logo. He Rob used
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: to do, used to stand up and he had a bit,
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: but he knew he was out. He knew he was
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: out when he fell over in public and nobody started
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: roaring laughing. Yeah, they just went out and somebody went
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: the poor man, do you know what I mean? It
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: was a great bit. I remember going, geez, that is
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: a point in time in your life, like, you know what,
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: But you're right there, So you got to pick and choose.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: And there's so many like man, country lads do a
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: lot of stupid shit. I mean city lads thinks. Oh
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: you know, I did fucking mad stuff. Yeah, we were,
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: you didn't dein.
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: We might put a bit of criteria on this time
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: because I was thinking through mine and there was a
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: couple of times where I was like I was acting
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: stupidly and it nearly killed me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: And we can fill your stack this height of me,
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Straight off the bat, I
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: can tell you one where I found myself and dune
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: dog not a great fucking start. And for reasons, for
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: reasons numerous to going to we didn't have keys to
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: lock the front door, but you could lock it from
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: the inside of the house and once or four, but
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: how do you get out then? And I was like,
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: we'll just jump over the back wall. And I jumped
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: up on the back wall and I was about to
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: jump over and someone said stop. Looked down and I
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: was like a forty foot drop into a river now night, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: that was That would have been stupid Comma.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Accidental. Yeah yeah. What we're looking for is stupid Comma
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: had full knowledge of the situation and did it anyway
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: I did.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: I go.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: I want to start with absolute youth. But I one
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: that came to mind only recently because I saw a
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: rally Chopper, right, oh yeah, and what a cool bike.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Like still, there's been no kids bike today and I
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: don't I will stand on a rock on this one.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: There's been no kids bike today that has hit cool
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: levels like that bike. But where we went to the
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: J one to America, and the J one is a
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: working visa for ninety days for Irish students given to you. No, yeah,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: no problem. And we went to Boston and we lived Boston,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: and we lived just off a Mess Mess Avenue near
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: Haved Haved and Mi T. You know, a lot of
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: these lads were nearby. It's a college town like, but
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: we had MIT students down the street and they were all,
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: i mean, straight out of the Big Bang theory, like
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: like hilariously cliche like pocket protectors, like I mean, it
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: was like they were faking it, that's right. We were
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: looking going, there's no way you've really yeah, there's no
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: way you really carry like it was like Revenge of
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: the Nerds, these lads up the road. But they were
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: fucking brilliant engineers and we're talking all of them were
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: going to be picked up. You're in MIT. And they
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: knocked down to us a few times that because we
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: got on with him, they were all right lads and
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: we didn't beat them up. That was the thing that
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: they would enjoyed because that had been their life up
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: until then. And I probably went on to be like
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: mister Beats, no doubt afterwards. But one of them, they
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: like they'd show us that these things. They just had
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: their own workshop in the fucking house that they were renting.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: The lads used to make every like shite that probably
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: went down to be actual tools and inventions now with
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: the prototypes, and they be shown us stuff like like,
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I saw a multitool the lads had developed,
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: and what you know, an oscillating fucking chisel. I'm like
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: that looks and it was lethal in his hand, but
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like that fucking I see that you worked it
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: off an English render on you. But this one day
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: they came into us, excuse me, could one of you
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: guys test our our chopper? What have you got a helicut? What?
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: And had they'd pulled the chopper out of a bin,
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: out of a skip somebody.
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: Now, when you know, I hate to say it, Tom,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: but you're gonna have to explain to some of our
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: younger members what the chopper is. So it's a rally chopper, right,
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: rally chopper push bike and a small wheel at the front,
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: big wheel at the back, l shaped seat. It was
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: to mimic, you know, like the chop the choppers that
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: you would have seen, you know, with the ahanger bars.
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: They had three gears on the on the handlebar as well.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: It was just the coolest fucking bike and some of
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: them actually had a little stick shift in the middle
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: for three years and the lads had had recouped one
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: of these things. I think it was. It was fucking madness. Anyway,
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: it shouldn't have been thrown away. It was I I
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: believe this was a shane. It wasn't a rally. It
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: was cool as hell, but I mean the lads had
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: made modifications so that should not have been made. They
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: didn't made. And I'm looking at it even from an
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: agricultural point of view, and I suppose we were civilis,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: and I'm going that is a whole pileful and danger
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: written all over because they had taken a snowblower slash
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: leaf blower engine. And this is long before you see
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: the Uber Uber lads flying around now with their motor pushbikes,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: and they went, we've hooked this to it, straight down
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: to it like no fucking like nothing to pull start
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: off you go, And I mean, jre, this fucking thing went.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Once it gathered traction on the you it fucking went
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: with next to no next to no controls and any
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: way to stop this thing fucking fall off at JR.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: That's what it was. I was. I'm thinking, like you know,
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: there's nothing, no clutch on this thing. There was nothing.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: There was nothing you could just about. They just about
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: whired to throttle up where you could throttle back a bit.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: But like I was throng, I was literally I must
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: been doing thirty five forty miles an hour through stop signs.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I'm gone. I had no hell of it. This is
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: nineteen this is two thousand and one. I mean fucking
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: ripping on this thing that was thrown away for good
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: reasoner because I could feel every fucking nut and boat
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: come loose in this fucking thing. Well I'm driving it.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: Well it was never meant to go to thirty five
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: miles in the hour or what was it? Fuck, that's
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: fifty kilometers now.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: And it was a squirrel. We were riddled with squirrels
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: in the area. There's no joke, like, we're riddled with
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: these aggressive squirrels. And one of them stood in the
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: middle of the road and they won't they puffed themselves out.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: You'd have to drive around the fuck no driving around.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: This fucker went straight over the top of him, lost
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: it fell in. Thank god. Americans don't have front fucking walls,
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: do you know the way they all have either changing
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: fences or no fucking nothing. At all and he maybe
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: a bush. I rolled up a hill, That's how fast
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: I was rolling. I rolled across the footpath and wrop
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: up a hill, up and nearly somebody's front door. And
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: how how I knew every And I pushed it back
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: for these two, these two fuckers, I wheeled it back,
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: fucking blood hanging off me everywhere going. There was like
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: nineteen times there I could see myself dying on that fuck.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: I think you know what, in fairness, Tom, if you
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: hadn't died in that, like you know that, the newspaper
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: would have read Irish man drives death contraption.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: Into Oh yeah, there's no. It wasn't like there was
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: a ven number on this thing to lead it back
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: to the lives that they pulled. That would have been
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: a Darwin Award.
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: It was all the times in our lives where we
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: would have won Darwin Awards for dying.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: In The worst would have been if I had been
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: built it. But I looked at him, No, it's much
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: worse than someone else built and knew not going And
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: you were like, yeah, I knew why they didn't want
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: to go on it, because they knew full well it
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: was a bucket of ship and didn't lose the rag
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: with him fucking just went after fox. Yeah, and they're
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: there with their calculations. Looks Acher continued to make some
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: modifications and there.
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, clutch slips in second lads, she's pulling a bit
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: to the fucking left.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately the squirrel has a fucking issue or too. You
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: might want to talk to him up there. But it
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: was it was looking at that I was going. That
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: was there was like there's been loads of times like
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: climbing up on the fucking trailer of Habring, coming back
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: from the field, getting built in the head by a
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: fucking branch. I shouldn't have been up there, but it
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: was just in my I was just one very like that.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: I've one very like that. As a as a youth,
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: I love to jump off things I could not jump off.
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: And my my, my lifelong ambition was to jump off
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: the roof of the after of the carriage with a
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: flat carriage, like you know, the sort of eighty style
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: flat carriages.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: And it was about, you know, if if.
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: I were to put the the measurement tape, it was
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: but thirteen feet high enough to break two angles anyway,
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: enough to break two ankles and I knew I wasn't
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to jump thirteen feet from the thing down.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: To the ground. That'd be stupid.
• 47:34
  Speaker 3: So I needed to just something to take the last
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: two feet off. And we had just recently thrown out
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: from the house a twin tub washing machine, which I
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: might need to explain to some of the youth of
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: this day. A twin tub washing machine wasn't a washing
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: machine like what you have right now, one drum that
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: you put your clothes into.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: It was a bigger thing. It looked like help me
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: out here, tell me it's like it was about four
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: foot by two foot deep to be nearly more like
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: a yok you'd see a fucking laundromat, and it's just
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: a beast of a thing. And you loaded it from
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: the top, not from in the side, Okay. And as
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: the name suggests, it was twin tub. One tub on
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: one side washed it, and then the other tubs spun it.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: So whereas your washing machine days, one tub you put
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: it in, it washes it, then it spins it, not
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: for the twin tub. It washed it on one side.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: I would me, ma'am, would that spin it on the
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: other And eventually that gave way to a regular washing machine,
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: and this one got sucked out. And for whatever reason,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: you just lived at the side of the house. We
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: weren't a very step to a house. Well, it wasn't
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: like you'd have washing machines lining around the place and
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: all this kind of shit, like fairly tidy, but reason.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: But I know there's no for whatever reason, Jerry, you
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: know full well you're all let look to that, and
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: said that there's a heap of barns and spinner definitely
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: get out of that. Don't throw that. Did that.
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: Before he did that, I used it as a cushion
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: to to soften the blow of jumping off a thirteen
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: foot roof, So I laid it on its side. So
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: I'm jumping down from the roof onto like a four
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: foot by four foot quite appliance right metal, And that
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: was enough to make a thirteen foot jump and eleven
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: foot jump. And I jumped down and I landed on her,
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: and there was like enough give in the side panel
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: of her to give you a bit of a cushion,
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: and it was fine, and I went up again. I
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: jumped down again.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: It was fine.
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: And I spent the whole summer jumping onto this thing.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: And it was only on like the last day I
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: realized that I was landing with one for either side
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: of the drum inside of it. Yeah, the drum inside
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: it and separating them was like a solid piece of
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: steel right down the middle. Yeah, do you get me?
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: So I was just landing with my feet on either
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: side of a solid steel strut that if my feet
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: had been six inches to the left or right one
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: or other of them six inches left or right, I
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: would feel it on cold mornings to this day.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you what, Ry, you probably wouldn't feel it
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: at all to spitch up the middle like fucking that
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: show saw, Like.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like that's that's like literally in writing death upon myself.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: And if anybody asked me, why did you do that? Son?
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: What happened? I was just like I just really like
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: jumping off things. I'm saying, Jerry in a y shaped coffin.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: That's yeah, like split boone tomahawk style.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: Oh Jesus, but do you know what do you think
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: it was? Dead? Stuff doesn't give you fucking chills. The
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: notion of it, like God.
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: Oh my fucking the notion the notion that my children
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: might go out and do what I did, literally, and
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: this is to do the things that I used to get.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: Up early to do. I used to get up early
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: in the morning to have breakfast. What he did, I'm
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: gonna jump on. Yeah, I know, I like, and it's
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: that's exactly it. And I wonder, like are they going
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: to and you know, will they end up better people
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: as a result? Maybe I don't know, but I'll end
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: up taller. People think, yeah, that's the thing. They might
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: live longer. But I'm just looking because he's eyeball and
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: trees now and there I would in mind, I kind
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: of get it. He's eyeball and there's a couple of
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: good fucking trees around there, like and I've gotta go on.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: I gess, do you know what? I want to tell you? No,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: but everything for you. But I don't want to fit,
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: but I kind of want to give it a go myself.
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: Like you know, I'm like Jesus Christ, there are some
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: good trees.
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: I've got one more for you, Tom, and we can
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: wrap up the showunless you have not done there.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: But idea, I fucking loads, have loads and not just
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: do you know what, I don't make people cry.
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: I'll give you I'll give you one, and it'll tie
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: this whole show up real nice.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, go on.
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: There was one thing that very nearly killed me many
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: times over. I gotta tie it up nicely, getting heckled
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: an inch of cor.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Golf.
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: I tell you, the thing that very nearly killed me
• 51:33
  Speaker 3: was out air back, not in ther not an ther
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: field at the back, but in the field across from us.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: It was an animal, an ornery animal and ornary animal
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: that want to do nothing but kill, and if it
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: couldn't kill anybody else, would kill children. It wasn't a ball.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a ball. It was a ram. It was
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: a ram.
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, now you have your problems with goats, Tom, I
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: got mine out of the way early. There was, by
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: any definition of the world, killer ram in the backfield
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: across from us.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: This ram had the big twisty horns like the actual devil.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: One of them, he whispered his name on the wind.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: This is it. One of them.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: Was one of them was like broken off. So he
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: was like and he was like real matted and ship like.
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: He wasn't like I don't know who owned this fucking animal.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: And he was black, Tom right, and.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: Like it sounds to me like he ran away from
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: someplace and found himself there.
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: Well, that's very well because there was no other animals
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: in this field. It wasn't like all the cows. And
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: then this one go It was just like one goat
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: six field, right, And I don't know if I don't
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: know if anybody fed him, didn't have to be fit.
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: He was like you were to.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: Turn around and tell me that he was a wild goat.
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: I believe it because nobody didn't get sheered, didn't get
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: and it was this big, shabby, unkempt thing. And the
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: one thing he wanted to do was fucking kill shrink.
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: He wanted to go for you. Man.
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: Anytime you set foot in that field, he would run
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: over as fast as he could with the head down
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: like seven or eight years of age. Like that would
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: have killed a seven or eight year old, right, I mean,
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna go off just picking the size of him. Yeah,
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: you know, and and like we don't make light because
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: you know, we're born and bred in the country. We
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: all know people that perhaps lost their lives to animal
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: attacks or animal crushings on on on fields and like
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: that is not in a laugh about it's no big deals.
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: When I tell you that this goat would have killed me,
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: not making a joke. It would absolutely have fucking.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: Killed me still, and you would It would have been
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: like a fabled story that other kids would have used
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: as a warning.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: Well, my parents use it as a warn as well,
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: because I I'd go back to them every day, like
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: in tears that I got chased by the gold and
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: he nearly got me this time, and he missed me
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: with this much. Nick.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: There's one thing you might be picking up from.
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: This story, go on, is that I could not stay
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: out that field.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: Oh sorry, she was like a dude and a goat outfit,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: and I could not stay out of that field.
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: There was a reason he chased me every day, Tom,
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: because I was in that field every fucking day, and
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: I had no reason in the wide earthly world I
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: have had we in the field.
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: There's fields over here and there everywhere. Anybody would have
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: half a half an ounce of blood in their veins
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: knows exactly why you were in that field. I don't
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: because it was class. Why do why why the bullfight?
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: Why did you run with the bullets and paploma?
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: Why do people men in Arkansas shoot each other in
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: bulletflo proof vests.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Why why did I agree
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: to sit on a fucking falling apart bike with a
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: fucking engine way too big and no safety? Because Tom,
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: it's funny as fuck to do it. It's like, what,
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: all day long, all you want to do since the
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: dawn of time, since the first fella, since crocodile? Don't
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: grabbed the fucking snake. I'm telling you now, it's there
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: is nothing cooler or funnier dangers, and if it's a
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: natural danger, like you actually found a fucking predator in Nonhuney.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, well.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: Like that's the other thing as well. I wasn't doing
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: this to get the laugh from the lads.
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: This was a solitary pursuit. Oh no, I completely get that.
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: There was probably something inside You're kind of gone to
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: you and me goat honestly.
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: Like I would go into the field and look around
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: and be like he's not here today, Wait there he is,
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: and like he'd running for me, and I'd be.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: Like, we used to do it with a today. We
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: used to do it for me to get going and
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: run and run. Yeah, we used to do it. It
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: was a Charlotte wall. You know or Charlie Boi. We
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: used to do it, and this guy was ready to
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: be made burgers off. Nobody could handle him. The farmer
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: couldn't handle him. He'd gone he'd gone bad. The Great
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: Mike Rice, as a comedian, told me, because it's a
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: dairy farmer. Once they tip the seven year mark, your
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: dice with death. Whatever it is about the seven year mark,
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: if you still have him, you're dice with death. They
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: can just fucking turn it. And he had. He'd crushed
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: his own man at the time, who was only just
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: still recovering. He's what swiftly made fucking burgers up. But
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: we used to jump in my friend, they had this
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: mull and it was a thing we used to do.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: We'd go, we would go and I remember going to
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: his house and he maybe not there, and I go,
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: I jump in the field with the ball for two minutes,
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: and this fucker would just look, he'd give and he's
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: going And would I wait till the last second, You're
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: fucking right. I would to just hop back over the gate.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: All that stuck between him and him and me, and
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: I would only think it back now was like a
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: tiny piece of wire holding this fucking gate. Yeah, if
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: he really wanted, that gate's going to be made dust
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: off and he can just fucking stop me to fucking
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: you better hope your ass has another gate to jump over.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: I mean it was yeah, really, there wasn't there There wasn't.
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: There wasn't there was a river right at that point.
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: Now he was fucking gonna kill me like that was
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: for sure. And the amount of times I would just
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: test faith and just go, he ain't gonna get me
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: to day mull this is it.
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: He never did.
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: But we didn't have We remember when we didn't have
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: guns to shoot each other with and injure ourselves with.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: But life finds away, Tom Livestock will fucking do it,
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: and then you just become another footnote of why to
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: stay away from animals. Maybe it is just a Tom
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: and Jerry thing to be have been so stupid in
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: our youth. But we have a funny feeling that some
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: of the listeners out there might have a story or
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: two to tell us, and we would love to hear.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: It regular.
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: And I can't wait to hear them. You can tell
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: us on our social media channels. Find us on Twitter
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: at Tom and Jerry Show, Jerry with a g excuse me.
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: Remember there you'll find me on Blue Sky at Jerry
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: dot McBride and Tom haunts Instagram over there at Tom
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: o'manany e in that o'manny? What else we want these
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: fine folks to do, Tom.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: Go ahead hit subscribe on whatever platform you're on. It's
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: typically going to be Spotify. We know we can see
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: we can see your your your comments and stuff which
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: you can comment immediately right now. If you're thinking over that,
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: I remember when I did that is right right now,
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: go ahead hit the bell icon as well as the
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: lands in your phone and actually tells you I didn't
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: do it for months and would have to search my
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: own podcast. So do hit the bell icon. It'll land
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: in Thurston more than five am. If you're subscribing on
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: Spotify whatever other ones, I think it's an hour or
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: two later. I'm sure that'll be all right too. Other
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: than that, why don't you give us the five stars,
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: five tons up, five bunny years, whatever it is on
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: your platform, give us the top marks. It makes it
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: more visible to more people. We're rocking the five stars
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: still and do you know what share tell people about
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: it still? Today? I met two people over the weekend
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: jar two more people over the weekend that in Lamford
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: who listened to who probably reckon six to seven times.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: They'll listen back while driving to sight building their house building.
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: That's the style of it.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: With that being said, Tom checking the comments from last
• 58:55
  Speaker 3: week and no, no, the cupboard is better.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: But don't worry about it.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: I have every fait that the wonderful listeners have Tomentary
• 59:00
  Speaker 3: show will bombard.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: Us with that. Well, the thing is one and I
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: do the same thing with people. Ask you, I go
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: askure somebody will write in something too. But feel like
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: you won't be the only one. You know what I mean?
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: You are d one. If you're writing money, you've got
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: I remember when I nearly Jesus Christ. How about that
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: mister beast? Do you know why and where do you
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: think he's gonna end up? Do you want to think
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: it's gonna end up in prison? He won't, He'll buy
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: an island, he'll never be touched. Also, what what bubblegum shye?
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: Do you end up letting your brain watch when you
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: just have five minutes to spare before somebody called you
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: to come do some job? Or do you know what?
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: Were you ever at a golf tournament. What's the best,
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: the best heckle you've ever heard, whether it's at the football,
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: the rugby, the cricket, the Hurland, some great stuff at
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: the Hurland. I will say they are fact wherever it was,
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: they are. They are violent at Gatts. I mean the
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: stuff they say it is just because everybody's local and
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: has a parochial feel to it, so it's like, yeah,
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: you didn't say that, missus. Ryan's mad cass. This could
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: be front of eighty thousand people. Yeah, you know what
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: I mean. How you get them, man, that's how.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: That's how the advantage you can get them. Listen, come here,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: I'm going to go on and you Thank you everybody
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 3: for listening.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: Good luck. Let