Latest / Pod Therapy / #372: Growing in your 30s, Post Election Friendships, Self Deprecating Humor

Transcript

#372: Growing in your 30s, Post Election Friendships, Self Deprecating Humor · Pod Therapy

0:00
Speaker 1: Okay, and progress progress with Jim reach's completion.
0:03
Speaker 2: Whitney will use the permanent marker there.
0:05
Speaker 3: It is yes, out of it.
0:10
Speaker 4: Oh. I like that we're using the phrase Peter at I.
0:13
Speaker 1: Think I think everyone will like them some creative uses
0:17
Speaker 1: for that.
0:17
Speaker 3: This episode is made possible by our Theaty, the dark
0:20
Speaker 3: Lord himself, Jim Spasha, and our therap partner's Dirty VN Picket,
0:24
Speaker 3: Fabulous Las Vegas and that of this is pod therapy,
0:26
Speaker 3: real people, real problems, and real therapists. You can submit
0:29
Speaker 3: your questions anonymously at pod therapy dot net or email
0:33
Speaker 3: us at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com. And
0:35
Speaker 3: now broadcasting from the church. That's Jim, that's Whitney. I'm
0:39
Speaker 3: Nick Steifer's pot Therapy.
0:40
Speaker 4: Welcome everybody as we continue this little show and make
0:45
Speaker 4: our progress. And speaking of progress, if you'd like to
0:47
Speaker 4: hear how I'm doing on my forty by forty list
0:50
Speaker 4: and hear the hangover cures.
0:51
Speaker 3: That my I'll tell you right now he hasn't done anything.
0:54
Speaker 4: Atreon dot com slash therapy.
0:58
Speaker 3: Thanks you know they list. Yeah, thanks for your donation,
1:01
Speaker 3: but don't even bother.
1:02
Speaker 4: Listen if you're at the their producer or higher level.
1:07
Speaker 4: You get to nominate a replacement for one of my
1:10
Speaker 4: forty by forty and we're taking suggestions on the discord.
1:14
Speaker 4: But we didn't get a chance to talk about it
1:15
Speaker 4: in the Patreon. So I need to announce it here
1:19
Speaker 4: that I have legally changed my state citizenship. I am
1:25
Speaker 4: no longer I am now from the great State of Kentucky.
1:33
Speaker 3: You got to buy some state taxes, sun, Do they
1:36
Speaker 3: have taxes?
1:36
Speaker 5: Yeah?
1:38
Speaker 4: I have to look into this.
1:41
Speaker 3: Now that we got that on air, we're going to
1:43
Speaker 3: post it on the end.
1:43
Speaker 4: Of that arrest.
1:45
Speaker 3: Right.
1:46
Speaker 4: So I go to my mailbox the other day between
1:51
Speaker 4: tapings and I pull out this huge fucking folder from
1:55
Speaker 4: the Governor's Office of Kentucky. And inside and I've posted
2:00
Speaker 4: this on Instagram, is an actual declaration for me by
2:06
Speaker 4: the State of Kentucky naming me a Kentucky colonel. Correct,
2:11
Speaker 4: And so now I am a Kentucky colonel in Kentucky,
2:15
Speaker 4: an ambassador for the great State of Kentucky.
2:18
Speaker 5: The colonel from Kentucky fried chicken.
2:19
Speaker 3: Yes.
2:20
Speaker 4: So I looked into it and it turns out Colonel
2:22
Speaker 4: Sanders not a military veteran. He had just been named
2:26
Speaker 4: a Kentucky colonel by Kentucky, and yes we are, and
2:31
Speaker 4: he just wore that name with pride, and so I've
2:33
Speaker 4: I've changed my LinkedIn, I've changed everything, Colonel Jim Jobin.
2:38
Speaker 4: Is this like a star yep in Scotland? Picture by
2:44
Speaker 4: Andy Bashar, the governor of a fucking Kentucky nerd Doug.
2:51
Speaker 4: But yea quick, I'm apell colonel. Oh, oh, I have,
2:55
Speaker 4: and I can because I had to look it up.
2:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
2:58
Speaker 4: And also it's in Big fucking Life. Is on the certificate,
3:00
Speaker 4: which I've already gotten framed.
3:03
Speaker 3: Right now, O n E L. That feels right. That
3:09
Speaker 3: seems great, Colin. But you can't find an Indian restaurant?
3:12
Speaker 4: No, I will? I mean, once I start googling, you
3:17
Speaker 4: know I'll find it.
3:18
Speaker 3: So an Indian restaurant close to me? Yeah? A few? Yes?
3:22
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, got it? Yes, maybe one across the street.
3:26
Speaker 1: Looks like uh four within a one point four mile
3:30
Speaker 1: radius of my current location?
3:32
Speaker 3: Fair?
3:33
Speaker 4: Okay?
3:33
Speaker 3: All right?
3:34
Speaker 4: So uh yeah, I will only respond to Colonel Jim
3:37
Speaker 4: from now on.
3:37
Speaker 5: That is my legal names.
3:41
Speaker 4: And hey, so funny I posted online. And the very
3:44
Speaker 4: first thing that the discord says is Jim don't tell
3:47
Speaker 4: Jacob he's gonna take it from you. Don't wager this.
3:52
Speaker 2: I won't take it from him, he will give it
3:54
Speaker 2: to me.
3:56
Speaker 4: It was immediately people say like, hey man, you finally
3:58
Speaker 4: got another title. You have a certificate, just be the colonel.
4:05
Speaker 4: So yeah, I've been making all my students call me
4:07
Speaker 4: colonel now and I am living into my new identity
4:10
Speaker 4: as an ambassador for the great state of Kentucky. Yeah,
4:13
Speaker 4: very excited. But we've got some great questions here on
4:16
Speaker 4: the show, and we're starting off with struggling to grow
4:20
Speaker 4: in my thirties. Hello again, pod therapy people. I've asked
4:25
Speaker 4: a few questions in the past, and now I've returned
4:27
Speaker 4: to ramble and vent into an email that I'll eventually
4:30
Speaker 4: be embarrassed to hear. Jim read aloud as I'm writing this.
4:34
Speaker 4: Yesterday was my thirtieth birthday, and today it was my
4:37
Speaker 4: final day of work after getting laid off. I'm starting
4:40
Speaker 4: off my thirties with a clean slate, and I'm terrified
4:45
Speaker 4: to give context. I had submitted a question about two
4:48
Speaker 4: years ago about struggling with my job search and feeling
4:51
Speaker 4: like I was disappointing my father as what felt like
4:54
Speaker 4: a last resort. I ended up taking a two year,
4:57
Speaker 4: unpaid contract position that forced me to locate to Texas
5:01
Speaker 4: from California. Myself and about fifteen others were trained remotely
5:05
Speaker 4: and moved at the same time, and I'm living with
5:07
Speaker 4: two of them now. I didn't particularly enjoy the new job.
5:11
Speaker 4: The pay is very low for the field, and I
5:14
Speaker 4: constantly struggled with imposter syndrome, but finally moving back out
5:18
Speaker 4: of my parents' home made it all worth it. A
5:20
Speaker 4: few months ago, I got into a relationship that to
5:23
Speaker 4: me felt like it had long term potential. For a while.
5:26
Speaker 4: We spent most of our time together and I was
5:28
Speaker 4: the happiest I'd been in years. Looking back, we both
5:32
Speaker 4: got too attached too quickly, and there were red flags
5:35
Speaker 4: all over the place. A few weeks into the relationship,
5:38
Speaker 4: she began a ketamine treatment program for her severe depression,
5:43
Speaker 4: and it seems like it genuinely helped. Shortly after, I
5:46
Speaker 4: got blindsided by the statement we probably could make things work,
5:51
Speaker 4: but I don't see that happening. I was absolutely crushed.
5:55
Speaker 4: I gave, and I gave, and when she felt better,
5:59
Speaker 4: I was the first thing she got rid of. On
6:01
Speaker 4: the bright side, The breakup led to me to me
6:04
Speaker 4: to begin hiking as a hobby, and was the push
6:06
Speaker 4: I needed to find a therapist who I am still
6:09
Speaker 4: working with now. Fast forward to two weeks ago. It
6:12
Speaker 4: turns out that, due to some new year budget changes,
6:14
Speaker 4: me and three others were the lucky winners of a layoff.
6:18
Speaker 4: The silver lining is that I'm now free of the
6:20
Speaker 4: two year contract, which otherwise would have cost thirty thousand
6:24
Speaker 4: dollars to break. Wow, that's interesting, But of course now
6:27
Speaker 4: I'm without income and insurance, things I generally like to have.
6:31
Speaker 4: The smart thing to do would probably be to move
6:34
Speaker 4: back home during my job search, but I can't help
6:37
Speaker 4: but see that option as failure. I have enough savings
6:40
Speaker 4: to remain where I am for a few months, but
6:42
Speaker 4: it won't last forever. I know getting a new job
6:45
Speaker 4: is doable, but I'm constantly overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty.
6:49
Speaker 4: I've always been a passive person who struggles to put
6:51
Speaker 4: in efforts toward my goals, and the only coping method
6:54
Speaker 4: I've learned growing up is avoidance. I know I need
6:57
Speaker 4: to get to work, updating my resumes, applications and working
7:01
Speaker 4: on a new portfolio project, but I often find myself
7:04
Speaker 4: logging into my comfort video game instead. When I do
7:08
Speaker 4: get some work done, I can't help but feel like
7:10
Speaker 4: the effort wasn't enough, and again move towards video games
7:13
Speaker 4: to cope. I've also wanted to start learning to make games,
7:16
Speaker 4: but similarly, the fear of failure makes it almost impossible
7:19
Speaker 4: to begin. This clean slate is the perfect opportunity for
7:23
Speaker 4: me to grow as a person, but I'm struggling to
7:25
Speaker 4: get started and work, especially now that I need to
7:28
Speaker 4: hold myself accountable. Do you guys have any advice on
7:31
Speaker 4: how I can overcome this hesitation and move forward with
7:35
Speaker 4: my life. Thanks for reading and apologies for the length.
7:39
Speaker 4: Looking back, I probably could have condensed the relationship section
7:42
Speaker 4: too after a breakup. I guess I'm not completely over
7:45
Speaker 4: it yet and it's not like I can rewrite it now.
7:48
Speaker 4: Thanks for the advice and laughs. You've all made driving
7:52
Speaker 4: much more enjoyable since I found your podcast. Signed Alex
7:56
Speaker 4: the pbn J with Granola Guy. Pronouns are heat and him.
8:01
Speaker 3: Oh.
8:03
Speaker 6: The fear of failure that is so strong, and admittedly
8:07
Speaker 6: that is an area that I mean personally I struggle with,
8:12
Speaker 6: but also just I feel like a lot of my
8:14
Speaker 6: clients come in and it's like a long process of
8:18
Speaker 6: picking apart moments when they want to do things and
8:21
Speaker 6: what's going through their mind. And man, that is so tough,
8:26
Speaker 6: and really what I what I go to for that
8:28
Speaker 6: when working with clients is have we tried something small
8:33
Speaker 6: that feels uncomfortable, something you may.
8:36
Speaker 5: Not be good at. There's always a what is.
8:38
Speaker 6: It a uh exposure therapy? Right, Like I just saw
8:45
Speaker 6: this on a YouTube channel the other day, a guy
8:47
Speaker 6: going through like rejection.
8:50
Speaker 5: That was really interesting.
8:51
Speaker 6: But yeah, just putting yourself out there and getting rejected
8:55
Speaker 6: and feeling the uncomfortable necessary cannot and.
8:58
Speaker 2: So oh the strip clubs confused.
9:04
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, that's also why they don't take your insurance.
9:06
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, oh good.
9:09
Speaker 4: Yeah use your HSA car that's yeah, fantastic, and you
9:12
Speaker 4: can also get stamps. No, but it's a real thing.
9:18
Speaker 4: And I think one of the things too, that's really
9:19
Speaker 4: tough about this letter is whenever you feel like you
9:23
Speaker 4: have to kind of strategically retreat to a position that
9:28
Speaker 4: you were in, like it feels like it's returning to
9:31
Speaker 4: step one. And for a lot of humans, like if
9:33
Speaker 4: they go back and live with family, Like, Oh, I've
9:36
Speaker 4: fallen all the way back down the tree, and it's
9:39
Speaker 4: really unfortunate, right because, like a therapist sitting with you
9:42
Speaker 4: talking through that rationally, we're going to really lean hard
9:46
Speaker 4: on the perspective that that is not it right, Like
9:48
Speaker 4: you can occupy the same position in a location, you
9:52
Speaker 4: are not in the same position of time, right or
9:55
Speaker 4: life experience and so and now that's also you know,
9:58
Speaker 4: the theory is what family is. Like, it's okay that
10:01
Speaker 4: this is a temporary fallback position because it makes the
10:04
Speaker 4: most economical sense to like get rid of your bills
10:07
Speaker 4: for a while, to extend your search time and like
10:09
Speaker 4: find something that works for you. I want to confront that,
10:12
Speaker 4: right because a lot of us, I think, but I
10:14
Speaker 4: think we also on a human level, understand the pride
10:18
Speaker 4: that sense of like, oh no, you know.
10:19
Speaker 3: Do we know how far away parents are?
10:21
Speaker 4: I think California writer had said, I moved to Texas
10:25
Speaker 4: from California, Okay, and it sounds like this would be
10:27
Speaker 4: a return back to, you know, the parent.
10:29
Speaker 1: So I would say, just fiscally as well, you got
10:32
Speaker 1: to think about it's gonna cost you to move out
10:35
Speaker 1: of your current place and into your parents' place, and
10:37
Speaker 1: then it's gonna cost you again to move from your
10:39
Speaker 1: parents place back into whatever new place you get too, sure,
10:43
Speaker 1: so you got to take those expenses into account when
10:45
Speaker 1: you're kind of balancing this as well. Fair, I mean,
10:49
Speaker 1: like you, I live a long way from from where
10:51
Speaker 1: my parents live, so like, it's not it wouldn't be
10:54
Speaker 1: just a flippant easy decision.
10:56
Speaker 4: Now it's gonna be a country.
10:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gonna be a real or real chunk of
11:00
Speaker 1: cash to move everything down to the parents place.
11:04
Speaker 3: Yeah.
11:04
Speaker 4: I like the way the writer is saying, I have
11:07
Speaker 4: a blank slate. I'm starting off.
11:10
Speaker 6: My ac very overwhelming, like intimidating, like you can do anything.
11:13
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know what we would call a good problem passure. Here,
11:17
Speaker 4: you didn't love this job and there was a thirty
11:19
Speaker 4: thousand dollars gun against your head to finish this work,
11:22
Speaker 4: and like you didn't have the freedom to look around.
11:24
Speaker 4: Suddenly now you do. And like, but I do like
11:27
Speaker 4: the reframe of I have blank slate because I think
11:31
Speaker 4: that language it implies universal opportunity, and that's a great
11:36
Speaker 4: theory of this case, right, Like it's not a lack
11:38
Speaker 4: of opportunity. All ideas are on the table. But there
11:41
Speaker 4: is this analysis paralysis that can happen whenever it's all
11:44
Speaker 4: fucking ideas on the table.
11:46
Speaker 1: But it's like you just said, like, you're not even
11:48
Speaker 1: if you do move back in with your parents, you're
11:50
Speaker 1: not moving back to when you were eighteen years old, right,
11:53
Speaker 1: You're still not moving back to that blank slate, because
11:56
Speaker 1: you do have all of your experiences, have all of
12:00
Speaker 1: the intelligence you've gained, You have all of the wisdom
12:02
Speaker 1: you've gained.
12:03
Speaker 3: Yes, you have all of that.
12:04
Speaker 1: Yes, for the last you know, twelve years, however long
12:07
Speaker 1: it's been since you lived with your.
12:08
Speaker 4: Parents, the resume is much fuller. Yeah, and it tells
12:10
Speaker 4: the story of hey, job experience I've been in the field. Yeah,
12:14
Speaker 4: that's really useful.
12:15
Speaker 3: I also was going to say something about the cognitive
12:18
Speaker 3: reframing because I mean kind of the same way with
12:20
Speaker 3: the relationship too, because there's always things that are going
12:24
Speaker 3: to happen, and if you're if you get to a
12:26
Speaker 3: point where you can look at it as in like, okay,
12:29
Speaker 3: well here's an opportunity. I didn't want this to happen,
12:32
Speaker 3: but I also was not going to take any action,
12:36
Speaker 3: and life kind of has a way of forcing you
12:39
Speaker 3: to take action. Yeah, you know, and sometimes it comes
12:43
Speaker 3: in the form of a relationship that ends or getting
12:46
Speaker 3: laid off of work. You know. I've lost a couple jobs,
12:51
Speaker 3: you know, And in hindsight it was good because like
12:55
Speaker 3: it kind of led me to where I am now,
12:57
Speaker 3: and I wasn't going to leave those jobs.
12:59
Speaker 6: I've seen people go through that too, like oh, this
13:01
Speaker 6: is stressful. Then they're like, oh my gosh, this was amazing.
13:04
Speaker 6: Actually this other job I went to was even better.
13:06
Speaker 3: Yeah. Right, Yeah, you kind of have to. You have to.
13:09
Speaker 3: I mean, when you get comfortable, you kind of stop growing.
13:12
Speaker 3: So when these shakeups happen and they force you to
13:15
Speaker 3: take action, then that means that you have to grow stronger.
13:18
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's and that's a great reframe. And fundamentally, you know,
13:22
Speaker 4: because the writer's asking toward the and Alex says, so like,
13:25
Speaker 4: how do I overcome my hesitation?
13:27
Speaker 3: Right?
13:27
Speaker 4: Like, how do I get some momentum here? And this
13:30
Speaker 4: is a really good question, Alex, because I think there's
13:32
Speaker 4: a lot of us who have faced a big obstacle
13:35
Speaker 4: in our lives. Sometimes it's a mountain of debt, or
13:37
Speaker 4: sometimes it's a career navigation, or sometimes it's a health
13:40
Speaker 4: goal or whatever, and sometimes exactly what you're talking about.
13:43
Speaker 4: You get so overwhelmed staring at the mountain in front
13:46
Speaker 4: of you and the enormity of the unknown that you
13:49
Speaker 4: run to the familiar. You just go, you know what,
13:51
Speaker 4: I can't take this on right now. It's like jumping
13:54
Speaker 4: into the ocean. So I'm just gonna go over here
13:56
Speaker 4: and play my video game, or I'm going to go
13:58
Speaker 4: back over to my favorite show, or I'm just gonna
14:00
Speaker 4: go get my comfort food or do some other task.
14:04
Speaker 4: It is a really hard thing, but it comes back
14:07
Speaker 4: to that old metaphor of like the way you eat
14:09
Speaker 4: the whale, right is like one bite at a time.
14:11
Speaker 4: And so we want to look at this big project
14:13
Speaker 4: and the very first thing that I want to do.
14:15
Speaker 4: And I hope that you're still able to access your
14:17
Speaker 4: therapist during this time. You mentioned that was a really
14:19
Speaker 4: useful thing, and if you've discontinued that care a while ago,
14:23
Speaker 4: this is a great opportunity to get back into it,
14:25
Speaker 4: you know, because like counseling for jobs and career and
14:28
Speaker 4: direction life navigation, man, those are really important parts of
14:33
Speaker 4: mental health and it's one of my favorite things to do.
14:35
Speaker 6: I'm gonna say, as a therapist, I see the most
14:37
Speaker 6: progress when I'm like, all right, this is your assignment
14:39
Speaker 6: this week.
14:40
Speaker 5: Complete your resume, right, and.
14:42
Speaker 4: We're going over it together, you know, And like job coaching,
14:45
Speaker 4: I think is just a really big part of this
14:47
Speaker 4: and the things that I usually like to do, you know, Alex,
14:49
Speaker 4: And again you're saying, hey, man, I'm a blank slate
14:51
Speaker 4: right now. The very first thing I usually have people
14:54
Speaker 4: do is introspective. So before I want them actually dropping
14:58
Speaker 4: applications in every direction, I let them start a few
15:01
Speaker 4: steps before that because I know that would be overwhelming.
15:04
Speaker 4: And also if you don't know what you want to catch,
15:06
Speaker 4: I don't want you to fish yet because you might
15:08
Speaker 4: not be able to pull it into the boat, right,
15:10
Speaker 4: and so like that might not be what you're looking for.
15:12
Speaker 4: So the very first step that I usually have people
15:14
Speaker 4: start with on this kind of issue is self exploration
15:18
Speaker 4: with what kinds of careers and jobs and industries appeal
15:23
Speaker 4: to me right now, at this point in my life,
15:25
Speaker 4: with the experience I have and the knowledge I've gained
15:27
Speaker 4: and the person I've become, what do I feel connected to?
15:30
Speaker 4: And we usually do some personality testing to kind of
15:32
Speaker 4: get to the bottom of that.
15:33
Speaker 5: That's a point.
15:34
Speaker 4: OHNET is one of my favorite tools on this type
15:36
Speaker 4: inn et Personality inventory or Career assessment inventory. It's a
15:41
Speaker 4: free tests. It is not not yet anyway, but no,
15:46
Speaker 4: it's a free test that you take. It's personality driven
15:50
Speaker 4: and it's very scientifically validated, and when you finish the test,
15:52
Speaker 4: it says, hey, these are your personality traits. According to
15:55
Speaker 4: this test, people that have your personality tend to end
15:59
Speaker 4: up in these clusters of careers. And then it just
16:01
Speaker 4: gives you all these suggestions and it divides the list
16:04
Speaker 4: into five different sections according to amount of preparation it
16:08
Speaker 4: would take to get in that career. So like job
16:10
Speaker 4: section five is like probably some kind of degrees, probably
16:14
Speaker 4: some kind of experience or special licenses, whereas job sector
16:17
Speaker 4: one is like you could do the smack out of
16:18
Speaker 4: high school and every one of them. You click on
16:20
Speaker 4: them and I'll tell you about the future of the job.
16:22
Speaker 4: You can go to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, you
16:24
Speaker 4: can learn about how much they make, what regions of
16:26
Speaker 4: the country they're strong in. You can really do the
16:28
Speaker 4: research on it. So the very first step that I
16:30
Speaker 4: do with patients is I have them take the OWNEP,
16:32
Speaker 4: we go through their list of all the things that
16:35
Speaker 4: were recommended, We identify words they've never seen before, careers
16:38
Speaker 4: they've never heard of before, and we just start a
16:41
Speaker 4: learning campaign where we say we're going to start open
16:44
Speaker 4: minded and on every list, you have to find at
16:47
Speaker 4: least five suggestions that you found interesting enough to take
16:51
Speaker 4: to step two. And step two is we open up
16:53
Speaker 4: the Bureau of Labor Statistics Operational or Occupational Outlook Handbook,
16:57
Speaker 4: theh also online also free. We type in those exact
17:02
Speaker 4: job titles that came up in the OWNET, and then
17:04
Speaker 4: we research them and I make the patient teach me
17:06
Speaker 4: about ones from that list that they've learned about that
17:09
Speaker 4: they've found more interesting or more in sync with what
17:12
Speaker 4: they're looking for in their lifestyle. After we've done that
17:15
Speaker 4: a couple of moves, the next thing I usually do
17:17
Speaker 4: is a life values inventory, where we go through and
17:20
Speaker 4: talk about what are the things that matter to you.
17:22
Speaker 4: Because some people will say financial security, some people say
17:25
Speaker 4: I just want a family, like I don't necessarily need money.
17:28
Speaker 4: I just want to find the right people in the
17:30
Speaker 4: right place. Some people say a beautiful home. Some people
17:32
Speaker 4: will say time to travel or recreational time or time
17:34
Speaker 4: by myself. Like I want to get that list going
17:37
Speaker 4: because I want to use that to guide us in
17:39
Speaker 4: your searching, because we might find a job, like you
17:42
Speaker 4: could join the military if you need to, and like, yeah,
17:44
Speaker 4: we can get you employed, you know, but that might
17:46
Speaker 4: not sync up with a bunch of other things that
17:48
Speaker 4: are really important to you. So using those tools, Alex,
17:52
Speaker 4: that's usually where I start. And all of that is
17:55
Speaker 4: curiosity driven. All of that is you inside of your
17:58
Speaker 4: head talking it out with other people. That develops the appetite,
18:02
Speaker 4: that develops the motivation, that gets the momentum a little bit.
18:05
Speaker 4: So then we can start saying, Okay, now let's get
18:08
Speaker 4: down to this three to five list of industries or
18:11
Speaker 4: jobs that we want to target, and let's continue to
18:14
Speaker 4: just do research. Now we're searching for jobs, but now
18:17
Speaker 4: we're getting those ads.
18:19
Speaker 3: Is he wanting to switch careers? I mean, he wants
18:22
Speaker 3: to get a new.
18:22
Speaker 4: Job, but he said he's interested in video game development now,
18:25
Speaker 4: so like he seems to be saying like I'm open
18:27
Speaker 4: to change, and that seems like a big switch for him.
18:30
Speaker 4: And he talked about how he had to take an
18:32
Speaker 4: intern role like a contract role even to get his
18:34
Speaker 4: foot in the door in his industry. Yeah, so blank slate,
18:37
Speaker 4: I'm interpreting that to me in a pretty wide net,
18:39
Speaker 4: and that, Alex is where I want you to start.
18:41
Speaker 4: I want you to start with cognitive work, not action work,
18:45
Speaker 4: because we think about like the stages of change. Right now,
18:48
Speaker 4: you're kind of like building up motivation to get to
18:51
Speaker 4: an action stage. I'm very comfortable with you in a
18:54
Speaker 4: preparation stage where we're just gathering and thinking in an
18:57
Speaker 4: intentional way that ultimately reveals potential paths and then once
19:01
Speaker 4: we identify what those are. Now we're looking up job
19:04
Speaker 4: listings right now, now we're also figuring out where do
19:07
Speaker 4: where does this industry post their jobs because you might
19:10
Speaker 4: be looking on Indeed, but that's not where the industry
19:12
Speaker 4: posts their jobs. They post it on built in or
19:15
Speaker 4: LinkedIn or one of these other ones. So like, you've
19:17
Speaker 4: got to start doing that research before you're even ready
19:20
Speaker 4: to find anything and then apply. And then once you
19:22
Speaker 4: start finding those jobs, the next step in the process
19:25
Speaker 4: that I have my patients do is we then steal
19:28
Speaker 4: all the job descriptions and we start harvesting this data
19:32
Speaker 4: and we start asking what does the resume need to
19:34
Speaker 4: look like to match this If I'm trying to fine
19:37
Speaker 4: tune my presentation so that I match this job, what
19:40
Speaker 4: strengths am I going to emphasize? And that Again, it's
19:43
Speaker 4: very cognitive, it's very fun to do. I always tell
19:45
Speaker 4: people to log into Indeed and make an account, and
19:49
Speaker 4: then go on your desktop and on your web browser,
19:52
Speaker 4: go up to the top right and you can choose
19:53
Speaker 4: to reaccess Indeed as an employer, and any account can
19:57
Speaker 4: do this. And when you access it as an employer,
19:59
Speaker 4: you can type then a job in an area, and
20:02
Speaker 4: it will pull up resumes for that job in your area.
20:05
Speaker 4: They'll be anonymized, the names will be gone, but everything
20:08
Speaker 4: else on the resume will be accurate. And that gives
20:11
Speaker 4: you a great idea of what people that identify as
20:14
Speaker 4: the sales regional manager say about themselves. How are their
20:17
Speaker 4: resumes organized? What does their experience look like? So all
20:20
Speaker 4: those little pieces, Alex, are you doing real life things
20:24
Speaker 4: that will have a tangible guiding momentum to you. And
20:27
Speaker 4: as you start covering that ground, that's whenever you're going
20:30
Speaker 4: to start submitting those resumes, and you're going to feel
20:33
Speaker 4: excited for it, and that's when you're going to feel
20:35
Speaker 4: like you understand why you're doing this, what your purpose is,
20:36
Speaker 4: what your intentions are, what fish you want to catch,
20:39
Speaker 4: and what to do with them when you finally get
20:41
Speaker 4: one on the hook.
20:43
Speaker 3: That would all be also.
20:44
Speaker 1: Really good advice if you had something like a forty
20:47
Speaker 1: for forty list, like forty things to do before you
20:51
Speaker 1: turned forty.
20:52
Speaker 3: Okay, it'd be like that is exact same.
20:56
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, like that.
20:57
Speaker 5: Yeah, why do we think of that one bite at
21:01
Speaker 5: a time?
21:01
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah. Off, the snow is gonna melt and
21:09
Speaker 3: you can't.
21:11
Speaker 6: Ironically, that's where I was going to connect with this
21:13
Speaker 6: when when the writer put their avoidant again, very relatable
21:18
Speaker 6: for myself and really for me personally, is just breaking
21:23
Speaker 6: it down into those digestible bites and in time frames
21:28
Speaker 6: and you don't have to crime in because I think
21:30
Speaker 6: a lot of times we get really motivated and we're like,
21:32
Speaker 6: we're gonna do like five things today. This is something
21:34
Speaker 6: over the years, like Peter and I have discussed too
21:36
Speaker 6: just and then you feel like a failure at the
21:38
Speaker 6: end of the day when you only did three of
21:39
Speaker 6: the things instead of five things.
21:42
Speaker 3: That's accurate.
21:44
Speaker 6: That is like if I did three, I'm like, yeah,
21:48
Speaker 6: so you feel like a failure or yeah. Then by
21:50
Speaker 6: the end of the day you're playing your game again
21:52
Speaker 6: and the next day you're like, why does it matter
21:54
Speaker 6: because I didn't do anything yesterday.
21:56
Speaker 3: I think one of the biggest misconceptions a lot of
21:58
Speaker 3: people have is this idea that well, I will do
22:03
Speaker 3: it as soon as I capture some motivation or as
22:06
Speaker 3: soon as motivation hits me. Right, and motivation doesn't work
22:10
Speaker 3: that way. You have to or momentum, moment that's the
22:14
Speaker 3: word I'm looking for. You have to create momentum and
22:18
Speaker 3: you have to you know you and it's done through
22:21
Speaker 3: really small steps, yes, and you just start with one thing,
22:25
Speaker 3: really small that I can do right now, and then
22:27
Speaker 3: the next thing, then the next thing, the next thing,
22:30
Speaker 3: and you have to you know, momentum is something that
22:32
Speaker 3: you have to create. You can't wait for it to
22:34
Speaker 3: hit you.
22:35
Speaker 6: Like if you're talking about Jim's suggestions, I mean, day one,
22:39
Speaker 6: just make a list of things I enjoy doing or
22:41
Speaker 6: things what kind of video games would I want to create,
22:44
Speaker 6: like kind of brainstorming. Just spend ten minutes, thirty minutes
22:48
Speaker 6: the whole day, and then you did it?
22:49
Speaker 5: Check?
22:50
Speaker 6: Ye did that?
22:51
Speaker 3: I say this with a currently a twenty seven day
22:56
Speaker 3: streak on dual lingo.
22:57
Speaker 5: Oh wow, yes, that's amazing. The sad owl that looks
23:01
Speaker 5: like it's not all dead.
23:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, but no, it's the furthest I've ever gone.
23:07
Speaker 5: Wow, that's amazing.
23:08
Speaker 3: Away.
23:09
Speaker 4: I do like that note though he was doing English though,
23:12
Speaker 4: so yeah, yeah, impressive. I mean it's getting better at it.
23:15
Speaker 4: I really can tell.
23:16
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, mine is on its side.
23:19
Speaker 4: It's dead now. I like also the note of urgency
23:22
Speaker 4: to check.
23:22
Speaker 5: I was like, what does my l look like?
23:25
Speaker 4: No, but the urgency is important, Alex, because sometimes we
23:28
Speaker 4: can feel like, Okay, I'm going to find myself right now.
23:31
Speaker 4: And I've had patients try that route where they never
23:34
Speaker 4: get intentional or targeted in their objectives and they just
23:38
Speaker 4: languish in this land of like all ideas on the table. Man,
23:41
Speaker 4: I'm just like continuing to explore, and they live in
23:44
Speaker 4: a world where bills come doe and they need to
23:46
Speaker 4: make progress with their lives. So like, I really like
23:49
Speaker 4: the idea of urgency, and I like a funnel strategy.
23:51
Speaker 4: I want to start broad and I want to start
23:54
Speaker 4: at the emotional conceptual level. But I want to funnel
23:57
Speaker 4: this down till we start getting increased, singly practical with
24:02
Speaker 4: a handful of real potential objectives, and then we're gonna
24:05
Speaker 4: start mobilizing on those objectives. We're gonna do real tasks.
24:09
Speaker 4: It has to start getting legs. And Alex, I'm glad
24:11
Speaker 4: you're writing in because that senses urgency in you. That
24:14
Speaker 4: means you see the problem. So do not let time,
24:18
Speaker 4: you know, continue to pass you by on this. Man,
24:20
Speaker 4: get activated with these first steps that get your brain
24:23
Speaker 4: into the game, and then it's about, you know, using
24:26
Speaker 4: that momentum. A lot of people try to arbitrarily just
24:29
Speaker 4: set rules for themselves, like I'm gonna submit three implications
24:31
Speaker 4: a day, and it's like, there's there. I want to
24:34
Speaker 4: get to that point. Yeah, it's a great time. I
24:36
Speaker 4: don't want you starting there now because I think you'll
24:38
Speaker 4: lose momentum way too fast. Yeah, you know, and it's like,
24:41
Speaker 4: let's start with making this something you have buy in for,
24:44
Speaker 4: that your heart's in, and then start hitting that button
24:47
Speaker 4: and knowing what you're hitting that button for, you know,
24:50
Speaker 4: even having like a good idea of what they're looking for.
24:52
Speaker 4: So anyway, Alex it's very relatable. I think a good
24:55
Speaker 4: portion of the federal government right now is right in
24:57
Speaker 4: your shoes.
24:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, uh.
25:02
Speaker 4: Okay, So anyway, Alex, it's a great question, very timely
25:05
Speaker 4: in uh world history right now. But good luck on this.
25:09
Speaker 4: Get active, look up those websites. I told you that's
25:11
Speaker 4: a great place to start and then funnel down into
25:14
Speaker 4: the specifics. All right, we're going to take a quick
25:16
Speaker 4: break in when we come back, we're talking about post
25:19
Speaker 4: election friendships. You're listening to pod therapy.
25:24
Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Judie Schneider, Leon,
25:27
Speaker 3: Carolyn Albert, Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Hew, Darren Cuttingham,
25:33
Speaker 3: Cody the DeLorean Guy, and Brady Malaychick. If you would
25:37
Speaker 3: like to sponsor the show, become a therap producer a
25:39
Speaker 3: Patreon dot com slash therapy.
25:42
Speaker 4: All right, hey, good job, he said his name right,
25:44
Speaker 4: That was excellent Malaychick. Oh is it Brady's name?
25:48
Speaker 3: Perfectly as far as Jeb knows.
25:51
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's cool.
25:52
Speaker 5: Hungover, Nick, I'm.
25:55
Speaker 3: Not hungover, technically, I'm just extremely tired. Yeah.
25:59
Speaker 4: How'd you shoot?
26:00
Speaker 3: Uh?
26:00
Speaker 4: Pretty good?
26:01
Speaker 3: Actually, I Well, here's the thing, so we had drunk. Yeah,
26:06
Speaker 3: so it was. It was funny. So we were we
26:08
Speaker 3: were betting, of course, and so it was me and
26:12
Speaker 3: my buddy were playing it. I won't get into the details,
26:16
Speaker 3: but it was the two of us versus the two
26:17
Speaker 3: of them, and we were killing them, like just absolutely
26:22
Speaker 3: destroying them. And then on the fifteenth, fifteenth hole, I
26:28
Speaker 3: bought us all shots of Crown, which we took at
26:34
Speaker 3: the tea box on sixteen, and then from there just
26:38
Speaker 3: night and day, like everyone, all four of us just oh.
26:42
Speaker 4: No, absolutely, it's not a performance enhancing.
26:46
Speaker 3: Drunk, not for us, all right, you know, John Daily, Yes, okay, Whitney, Yes,
26:56
Speaker 3: Why are a manhole covers round.
27:00
Speaker 5: Because it's a hole?
27:01
Speaker 3: I'm just.
27:05
Speaker 5: Round around.
27:06
Speaker 4: Judges agree.
27:07
Speaker 3: They're easier to roll for transport, A round cover won't
27:12
Speaker 3: fall into the hole. They allow easier access for tools.
27:18
Speaker 3: Or it's a design tradition from ancient Rome.
27:22
Speaker 5: Oh gosh, from between A and D.
27:25
Speaker 3: I believe I know this one too.
27:28
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go with A.
27:30
Speaker 2: You are wrong.
27:31
Speaker 3: It's the won't fall into a whole thing, right.
27:37
Speaker 4: There is a way it could be positioned that it
27:39
Speaker 4: would fall. There is no way it can ever go
27:43
Speaker 4: in that hole. Yeah, correct, interesting, that's what she said.
27:47
Speaker 1: Like penises are square, right right, Yeah, that's why everyone
27:54
Speaker 1: has square penis.
27:57
Speaker 4: That's what the doctors told me.
28:01
Speaker 3: Jim, What is a jiffy? Scientifically defined as Oh, it's
28:05
Speaker 3: going to be a unit of time, But I don't
28:08
Speaker 3: know what that unit of time is, so I'm going
28:10
Speaker 3: to take options. Okay, is it peanut butter? The time
28:15
Speaker 3: it takes to travel one centimeter, one trillionth of a second,
28:21
Speaker 3: the time it takes an atom to vibrate once, or
28:26
Speaker 3: one nanosecond.
28:28
Speaker 4: Oh, I'll take a nanosecond.
28:31
Speaker 3: It is wrong.
28:33
Speaker 6: It is a.
28:36
Speaker 3: Light to travel one centimeter.
28:38
Speaker 4: Wow, that's a jiffy.
28:40
Speaker 3: And that is it for interesting trivia. So we got
28:43
Speaker 3: to go back to Disney. But I knew the other two.
28:48
Speaker 3: You'll know this one. What is the name of the
28:50
Speaker 3: chandelier dropping scene that became iconic in Disney's The Hunchback
28:56
Speaker 3: of Notre Dame stage adaptation? What is the name of
29:01
Speaker 3: the chandelier dropping scene drop the Phantom of the opera.
29:07
Speaker 3: Let's go with, let's go with, let's go with options.
29:11
Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever seen Hunchback of I don't
29:16
Speaker 3: think i've ever seen this movie A The Bells of
29:20
Speaker 3: Notre Dame, O B Sanctuary, C out There, D hell
29:26
Speaker 3: Fire And what was the question? What is the name
29:30
Speaker 3: of the chandelier dropping scene that became iconic in Disney's
29:35
Speaker 3: The Hunchbuck of I know then, I got I got it.
29:39
Speaker 1: I don't know the songs, yeah, but but I know
29:42
Speaker 1: the Hunchback yells sanctuary a lot, so I'm going with that.
29:46
Speaker 3: Probably it is a the Bells. I don't think I've
29:52
Speaker 3: ever seen that. Oh hell yeah, all right, I just
29:55
Speaker 3: happened to get the Star Wars one who is the
29:58
Speaker 3: supreme leader of the Force A week awakens? That would
30:03
Speaker 3: be that would be snoke that it is about they. Well,
30:12
Speaker 3: he's in the label with twenty points.
30:14
Speaker 4: Next question, he doesn't make the rules, folks, I don't know.
30:17
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
30:18
Speaker 4: Takes that come post election friendships. My friend of about
30:23
Speaker 4: six years voted for Donald Trump in the twenty twenty
30:27
Speaker 4: four election, and I am finding it difficult to not
30:30
Speaker 4: grow resentful toward them for doing this. We don't talk
30:33
Speaker 4: about politics, so I don't know where their head's at
30:36
Speaker 4: on the current state of things. So my brain tries
30:39
Speaker 4: to fill in the gaps, which never turns out to
30:41
Speaker 4: be positive. By the way, I listened to Jim's post
30:44
Speaker 4: election episode, which I appreciated, specifically thinking twice before losing
30:50
Speaker 4: relationships over the election. But these feelings of resentment are
30:54
Speaker 4: still bubbling over and I don't know how to address them.
30:59
Speaker 4: Please share, are your thoughts thinks anonymous?
31:04
Speaker 6: Like?
31:05
Speaker 1: Another way to say filled in those blanks is saying
31:07
Speaker 1: you're making assumptions about what the person's thinking.
31:11
Speaker 4: Problem.
31:12
Speaker 5: That's the direction I was going to go.
31:14
Speaker 6: I mean, you say you know that you've known this
31:16
Speaker 6: friend for about six years, so I don't that means
31:19
Speaker 6: different things to different people, Like you could be really
31:22
Speaker 6: close or like just kind of close. So depending on
31:25
Speaker 6: how close you felt toward this person before they voted
31:30
Speaker 6: for Donald Trump, I would suggest again trying your best
31:35
Speaker 6: to share a version of your perspective, because I think
31:41
Speaker 6: we get really caught up in what people want to
31:43
Speaker 6: throw around as quote facts based on like media you know,
31:47
Speaker 6: well he's this and you're that, you know, like all
31:50
Speaker 6: of that, but instead making it more human and kind
31:53
Speaker 6: of reaching out to them in a way that saying, hey,
31:57
Speaker 6: I know we see differently on this, and we don't
32:00
Speaker 6: have to get into a full on political discussion. But
32:03
Speaker 6: this is how I feel again the I feel statements,
32:06
Speaker 6: That's how I feel.
32:07
Speaker 5: About the situation.
32:08
Speaker 6: It feels scary because I have family and friends who
32:12
Speaker 6: are worried about getting deported. I'm worried about my job
32:15
Speaker 6: because I work at the VA, like whatever the case
32:18
Speaker 6: may be, or just the economy in general, or what
32:22
Speaker 6: our future looks like because Trump is threatening and making
32:27
Speaker 6: a lot of changes quickly, like very quick and extreme,
32:31
Speaker 6: and so that can insight fear, and I think trying
32:36
Speaker 6: to go at it from that perspective and then ask them,
32:39
Speaker 6: you know.
32:41
Speaker 5: What I mean, this is what I would do.
32:44
Speaker 6: I would ask, like, what made you want to vote
32:46
Speaker 6: for Trump? Like trying to have a very calm discussion
32:51
Speaker 6: about that. I do have family one she identifies like
32:55
Speaker 6: she I'm passionate about politics, but mainly just Trump. And
32:59
Speaker 6: this is someone who was like my my best friend
33:01
Speaker 6: since we were born, basically like and so it's been
33:05
Speaker 6: a challenge navigating that. But we can still sit and
33:09
Speaker 6: have it feels uncomfortable sometimes, but have a discussion about
33:12
Speaker 6: what are your.
33:13
Speaker 4: Thoughts, you're feelings pretty well, you can talk.
33:15
Speaker 6: It does it does, It's huge, and I think it's
33:19
Speaker 6: the way we talk about it. Her social media will
33:21
Speaker 6: send me up a fucking wall. No, I can't look
33:23
Speaker 6: at that because it's insane.
33:25
Speaker 3: Is not a good way to communicate with or like
33:28
Speaker 3: to get an idea of like like because I see
33:31
Speaker 3: stuff all the time, but like when I talk to
33:33
Speaker 3: people in person, it's a different conversation.
33:36
Speaker 5: Different, Yeah, of course, and and so yeah, I think
33:40
Speaker 5: just gaining.
33:40
Speaker 3: Of course, this is I just dropped some knowledge here,
33:43
Speaker 3: and I'm the first person who's ever said this.
33:49
Speaker 6: With him.
33:50
Speaker 5: How dare you?
33:51
Speaker 3: I agree with me? I supported and turned on me.
33:55
Speaker 4: It's not a three day drive fast.
33:59
Speaker 3: Question.
34:03
Speaker 4: Just gotten a drive by debate with somebody.
34:05
Speaker 3: Literally, as.
34:13
Speaker 5: I've interacted with that guy like three times before. It's
34:16
Speaker 5: not like we have interact were acted anyway.
34:19
Speaker 6: But yeah, I think trying to explain that if it's
34:21
Speaker 6: somebody you're close to, or just gather insight from where
34:24
Speaker 6: they're coming from, it won't change your view, but it
34:28
Speaker 6: might help soften it and gain a little understanding. It
34:34
Speaker 6: may not. Maybe it'll feel hurtful still afterwards. It is
34:37
Speaker 6: still frustrating at times again having friends in that realm,
34:40
Speaker 6: but it's just part of that ongoing process of you
34:43
Speaker 6: have to decide what kind of friendship you have with
34:45
Speaker 6: this person. Ongoing, maybe you do pull back a little,
34:48
Speaker 6: like maybe you don't talk about politics after that. Gaining
34:52
Speaker 6: some clarity does help reduce the political talk with that
34:55
Speaker 6: friend because I kind of know where she's coming from.
35:00
Speaker 1: You don't have to talk about people when it comes
35:03
Speaker 1: to politics either.
35:04
Speaker 3: You can talk sorry, you don't have to talk about politicians.
35:07
Speaker 3: That's the people that I mean specifically. You don't have
35:10
Speaker 3: to talk about politicians. You can talk about ideas.
35:12
Speaker 1: You can talk about ideals, you can talk about programs,
35:16
Speaker 1: you can talk about things that you would like the
35:17
Speaker 1: government to do. You can talk about things you would
35:19
Speaker 1: like the government to not do. You're going to have
35:21
Speaker 1: all of those conversations that can be a little politically charged,
35:25
Speaker 1: but there are real conversations with real facts that affect
35:29
Speaker 1: real people, and it's a lot easier to have just
35:31
Speaker 1: a normal, heartfelt conversation about a topic like uh A
35:38
Speaker 1: top pick up the fish and wildlife. People who manage
35:42
Speaker 1: a lot of the state and national parks we're fired
35:45
Speaker 1: this week. We can talk about how those state and
35:48
Speaker 1: national parks are going to be up kept going forward.
35:53
Speaker 1: But that you can just talk about that thing, and
35:56
Speaker 1: you can talk about the funding for that thing. You
35:57
Speaker 1: don't have to talk about these because you don't know
36:01
Speaker 1: what the real reason was that it got cut anyway,
36:04
Speaker 1: And all you're doing is arguing over the argument points
36:08
Speaker 1: that MSNBC and Fox News and all of these other
36:11
Speaker 1: news sources are giving you to argue over.
36:13
Speaker 4: Yeah, that makes it so much harder with this. And
36:16
Speaker 4: you know what the writer says here.
36:18
Speaker 1: It doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't fucking matter how crazy
36:21
Speaker 1: Robert Kennedy is. It doesn't matter that he has a
36:23
Speaker 1: worm in his head or had I don't know what's
36:25
Speaker 1: going on with him. It doesn't matter that people fuck couches.
36:28
Speaker 1: None of these things matter. We need to talk more
36:30
Speaker 1: about the couch fucking thing.
36:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, it does that matter.
36:32
Speaker 4: There was a past, Yeah, that one should be discussed.
36:35
Speaker 4: You know what kind of couch was it?
36:37
Speaker 1: But I mean, you can talk about these people that
36:39
Speaker 1: you don't like and don't agree with, but you don't
36:42
Speaker 1: really know much about these people because the same way
36:45
Speaker 1: that your friends social media is not your friend their
36:48
Speaker 1: social media and the government's you know, whatever, Trump's thing
36:53
Speaker 1: is truth truth, social you know, all of those things
36:58
Speaker 1: they don't represent. Even let's say, for the sake of argument,
37:01
Speaker 1: Donald Trump actually sits down and types every single tweet
37:05
Speaker 1: that comes out, and every single I'm calling them all tweets,
37:07
Speaker 1: but yeah, what called social media post comes out, and
37:12
Speaker 1: let's say that he's doing all of those. Yeah, even
37:15
Speaker 1: at that point, that doesn't paint the picture of who
37:16
Speaker 1: that person is. Sure, that doesn't paint the full picture
37:19
Speaker 1: of what he thinks and what he feels and all
37:20
Speaker 1: these other things. So you're you're you're starting with not
37:25
Speaker 1: a good amount of information anyway, and then trying to
37:27
Speaker 1: build an argument on that.
37:29
Speaker 4: It is such a different reality. I mean, I think
37:32
Speaker 4: back over all the other presidencies that we've seen, and
37:35
Speaker 4: you know, by everybody's standards, the Republicans, the very pro
37:39
Speaker 4: Trump MAGA type Republicans, every version of liberal, every neutral person,
37:44
Speaker 4: we can all agree that just fact based and objectively. Yeah. No,
37:49
Speaker 4: the Trump presidency came out of the gate, you know fast,
37:52
Speaker 4: they had a plan, they knew what they were doing.
37:54
Speaker 4: It is moving very very quickly, and so you know,
37:57
Speaker 4: there is this like neck break reaction of like whoa, whoa.
38:01
Speaker 4: A lot is happening, and I understand where the writer's
38:04
Speaker 4: coming from, because I think in a lot of past
38:06
Speaker 4: administrations presidents often came off as sort of benign. You know,
38:10
Speaker 4: in Dishwater, it was sort of like, yeah, they make
38:13
Speaker 4: all these empty promises and they're going to do these things,
38:15
Speaker 4: and I don't know, we're all just kind of waiting
38:17
Speaker 4: around to see, like what really happens. But you're not
38:20
Speaker 4: in the first hundred days, like watching a huge purge
38:24
Speaker 4: of the government or like you know, the military being
38:26
Speaker 4: mobilized to like go get people. And it's a lot.
38:30
Speaker 4: And so I can understand where the writer's coming from,
38:32
Speaker 4: where they say, look, this is so big that it's
38:36
Speaker 4: hard to just sweep it under the rug and say, hey,
38:39
Speaker 4: we can still be friends. Yeah, that the writer's saying. Look,
38:42
Speaker 4: if I'm being honest, even though we don't talk about this,
38:47
Speaker 4: I am developing a deep resentment knowing that you contributed
38:52
Speaker 4: to the reign of this person, who I think, in
38:56
Speaker 4: the writer's opinion, sees as immoral or wrong.
38:59
Speaker 2: But now this is an interest in conversation.
39:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, how much blame does a single voter of any
39:08
Speaker 1: administration deserve from people who didn't vote.
39:11
Speaker 3: For that administration?
39:12
Speaker 4: Yeah?
39:12
Speaker 1: Right, and in the past, the agreed upon him ount
39:16
Speaker 1: has kind of been zero. Sure, yeah, and now for
39:19
Speaker 1: some reason it is not. I think, you know, I
39:22
Speaker 1: don't want to and I think it's the extra communication.
39:24
Speaker 1: I think it's all the social media. I think it's
39:26
Speaker 1: all of that. We know so much about everybody now and.
39:29
Speaker 4: It's just that because Trump did not suddenly do things
39:33
Speaker 4: he didn't promise to do. No, he's doing all the
39:35
Speaker 4: things he said.
39:36
Speaker 2: There have been crazy fucking presidents before.
39:38
Speaker 1: Andrew Jackson was a was a lunatic, you know, Teddy Roosevelt,
39:43
Speaker 1: these people, these people were not saying people.
39:45
Speaker 3: I'll go on the record right now and say I
39:47
Speaker 3: didn't vote for either of them.
39:48
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, then we're just okay, you should do your
39:54
Speaker 4: civic duty.
39:54
Speaker 3: Nick. I do have a tough time giving advice on
40:01
Speaker 3: questions like this, because I was talking to one of
40:05
Speaker 3: my co workers when we were just stranded up in
40:08
Speaker 3: Reno about you know, the election and about Henrino, about uh,
40:16
Speaker 3: you know, just everything in the political climate and just
40:19
Speaker 3: how stressful it is, and I pretty much just explained,
40:23
Speaker 3: like you know what, I've kind of just tuned out,
40:25
Speaker 3: like yeah, because I can't I can't. I can't. I can't.
40:29
Speaker 3: I can't. Yeah, I can't do this every fucking day,
40:32
Speaker 3: you know. And so I I've just been tuning out
40:35
Speaker 3: as much as I possibly can. And then I realized,
40:38
Speaker 3: like I'm saying that from a very privileged position. I
40:43
Speaker 3: am a white, heterosexual CIS gender male, Like, yeah, I
40:50
Speaker 3: can check out. I can easily afford to check and
40:53
Speaker 3: so yeah, and so like me, giving my advice to
40:57
Speaker 3: other people is kind of ridiculous because it's it's not
41:01
Speaker 3: like that forever many Yeah, other people can't check out.
41:04
Speaker 4: It does matter, you know, and you know, to me,
41:07
Speaker 4: it's adjacent to like when somebody's in a big like
41:10
Speaker 4: a specific religion and sometimes you're like, look, I'm all
41:13
Speaker 4: about you having your freedom and I have my freedom,
41:16
Speaker 4: and like we all sort of have this policy of like, look,
41:18
Speaker 4: do whatever you want, just don't hurt anybody. But if
41:21
Speaker 4: you find out that that religion is taking social action,
41:24
Speaker 4: is influencing the world, is going to pick winners and losers.
41:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I mean, yeah, you worship whoever you want
41:32
Speaker 3: right up until you know, I share the road with you.
41:34
Speaker 3: So as soon as you let Jesus take the wheel him, now.
41:37
Speaker 4: We have a problem. Yeah, And there are people that
41:39
Speaker 4: have had to sit back and say, as much as
41:42
Speaker 4: I like you as an individual, you've aligned yourself with
41:46
Speaker 4: an organization and in a set of beliefs that enable
41:49
Speaker 4: that organization that I find impossible to coexist with in
41:54
Speaker 4: a peaceful way.
41:54
Speaker 3: I have to.
41:55
Speaker 4: Oppose that right. And that's whenever the world becomes very binary,
41:59
Speaker 4: and we've seen it happen in society sometimes where it's like, look,
42:02
Speaker 4: and you've seen the people on both sides saying no,
42:04
Speaker 4: you you do have to just go ahead and pick
42:07
Speaker 4: a side now, and like that needs to be your team,
42:09
Speaker 4: and that needs to be the people you associate with
42:11
Speaker 4: because and I think that's terrible to do that. I
42:12
Speaker 4: think I think that's I think that's a terrible way
42:14
Speaker 4: to view it. I think it's a terrible way to live.
42:16
Speaker 3: Is I mean you can't I would.
42:20
Speaker 1: I would challenge Nick a little bit on saying that
42:22
Speaker 1: he's checked out, because what degree have checked out?
42:26
Speaker 3: When you say checked out?
42:28
Speaker 1: I bet it's a similar degree to how I've checked out,
42:31
Speaker 1: And that is I see some headlines, I see a
42:34
Speaker 1: news article every now and then. I generally keep up
42:37
Speaker 1: with what's going on but I'm not taking in any
42:40
Speaker 1: kind of news source all the time, right because that
42:43
Speaker 1: is exhausting.
42:45
Speaker 2: But I generally know what's going on. I know big
42:48
Speaker 2: things that are happening.
42:49
Speaker 1: I know executive orders that happen because my phone buzzes
42:53
Speaker 1: and tells me that that that's in there. And if
42:55
Speaker 1: I need to read up on something, then I then
42:57
Speaker 1: I do a little googling, do a little look it up,
43:00
Speaker 1: and look up some information.
43:02
Speaker 3: On Yeah, I will. I will watch you know, PBS
43:05
Speaker 3: News Hour because it's a it's news that I trust, right,
43:10
Speaker 3: you know, because it's boring, because I think that's very important.
43:12
Speaker 3: It has to be boring. But I also know that
43:15
Speaker 3: it's just one hour. Yeah, And it's not like I
43:18
Speaker 3: watched that and then get stuck watching the next thing
43:21
Speaker 3: and then the next thing, the next thing.
43:22
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm only challenging you on that because I
43:24
Speaker 1: think a lot of us are saying and I and
43:26
Speaker 1: I'm guilty of this as well. We're all saying we
43:27
Speaker 1: have checked out and checked out to us means we
43:31
Speaker 1: know everything that's going on, we're just not watching people
43:35
Speaker 1: discuss it ad nauseum.
43:37
Speaker 3: Checked out means I'm back to where I was in
43:40
Speaker 3: twenty ten. Yeah.
43:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I know everything that's happened. I know every
43:43
Speaker 1: piece of big news out there that's going on. I'm
43:47
Speaker 1: just not watching four people sit behind a desk and
43:50
Speaker 1: discuss it.
43:51
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yes, with zoom call. That's a good point.
43:53
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would agree, And it's it's tough whenever you
43:55
Speaker 4: see friendships and family stuff get involved in that.
43:58
Speaker 2: But I mean, but you said bind there. I mean nothing,
44:00
Speaker 2: Nothing in our lives is binary.
44:02
Speaker 1: No opinion is binary unless until you get down to
44:05
Speaker 1: like do people deserve to live?
44:08
Speaker 3: Sure, you know, you get.
44:09
Speaker 1: Down to like basic questions like that, which I know
44:11
Speaker 1: there's some debate around some of that, and that's not
44:14
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about, so don't come at me about that.
44:18
Speaker 1: But I am talking about things like, uh, you know,
44:21
Speaker 1: government programs. I'm talking about things like federal workers, what
44:24
Speaker 1: federal workers are necess.
44:26
Speaker 2: All these types of things. Yeah, like I don't know.
44:29
Speaker 2: I mean I might have an opinion on it.
44:31
Speaker 3: I might not.
44:32
Speaker 1: I might, you know, if I really did some reading
44:35
Speaker 1: on some stuff, I might have some opinions on things.
44:38
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, if if I
44:41
Speaker 1: have an opinion on what federal workers should be and
44:44
Speaker 1: shouldn't be employed.
44:46
Speaker 3: Cool, you know that.
44:48
Speaker 2: And however much money it costs to buy a coffee, now, buy.
44:50
Speaker 3: Me a cup of coffee, fucking seven bucks. Yeah no,
44:53
Speaker 3: I don't need the eggs.
44:54
Speaker 4: Okay, you don't get the eggs. Yeah, yeah, writer, it's
44:59
Speaker 4: a really hard one. And you know what, it's a
45:00
Speaker 4: time in our country where this is a very divisive season.
45:04
Speaker 4: This is a very bold presidency. That might be the
45:08
Speaker 4: most polite way to say that. It's very neutral. And
45:11
Speaker 4: I get it this idea that like, hey, these things
45:14
Speaker 4: are not surprises. This is exactly what was on the menu.
45:17
Speaker 4: And this is, you know, from the writer's perspective, something
45:20
Speaker 4: that the writer says, I see this as wrong. And
45:24
Speaker 4: so if I am friends with somebody who supports something
45:28
Speaker 4: that I see as wrong at a big, capitol w
45:32
Speaker 4: kind of level, how do I continue to have that friendship?
45:36
Speaker 4: And I guess I don't have an answer for that
45:38
Speaker 4: because it's difficult because I don't want to talk that
45:40
Speaker 4: person out of it and say, no, your feelings are invalid,
45:43
Speaker 4: let's minimize this. And I also don't feel comfortable saying
45:47
Speaker 4: you're right anybody who supports Trump as a fascist, like
45:51
Speaker 4: come on, you know that's silly too, that's a caricature
45:53
Speaker 4: of the truth. And so that weird awkward tension that
45:57
Speaker 4: the writer's living in. I think there's a lot of
46:00
Speaker 4: Republicans living in that right now too, that are like, hey,
46:02
Speaker 4: democrats that you know see the world fundamentally differently. I'm
46:05
Speaker 4: scared of you. I think that you know, you have
46:08
Speaker 4: these myoptic visions and how can I be your friend
46:10
Speaker 4: if you believe that you know whatever, Fox News told
46:14
Speaker 4: me that you hate America or whatever, And.
46:16
Speaker 2: So it's like trimester babies getting a right, yeah, exactly.
46:19
Speaker 6: The teachers are giving kids behind their parents back like change.
46:24
Speaker 3: Yes.
46:25
Speaker 6: Literally, I was like, yeah, I had a friend say that.
46:28
Speaker 6: I was like, you literally think that's happening. I had
46:30
Speaker 6: to use my Vegas card there, I said, I live
46:32
Speaker 6: in Las Vegas, like the craziest town in America. We've
46:35
Speaker 6: done I've never heard I have tons of therapists who
46:37
Speaker 6: work in the school's never heard of that.
46:39
Speaker 5: But you would think this would.
46:40
Speaker 1: Be the part of a kid getting on the bus
46:42
Speaker 1: one morning, one gender and getting off the bus that afternoon,
46:44
Speaker 1: your teachers giving.
46:45
Speaker 5: Them injections like in lunchtime, like what the fuck right
46:50
Speaker 5: that we're Oh, I thought that was real.
46:53
Speaker 4: And it's tough, and it is so tough because it's
46:55
Speaker 4: also like I just I guess I just more so
46:58
Speaker 4: agree with the complexity of it, rightly. That's what hurts
47:01
Speaker 4: is like I don't have an answer. I just look
47:03
Speaker 4: at it and go, boy, it is really hard, you know,
47:05
Speaker 4: even if you're not getting fed a line of horseshit
47:07
Speaker 4: from all these like news companies that just want clicks
47:09
Speaker 4: and want your eyeballs on the thing and want us
47:11
Speaker 4: to be terrified and raged twenty four to seven, because
47:14
Speaker 4: that's what keeps you to stay through the commercial and
47:16
Speaker 4: get to the next fucking thing, even if you aren't
47:19
Speaker 4: drinking all that kool aid and you're just frustrated because
47:23
Speaker 4: you're like, no, at the end of the day, this
47:25
Speaker 4: is such a big, bold presidency that it's a watershed presidency.
47:30
Speaker 4: You need to take a side, and if you are
47:32
Speaker 4: passively supporting it or even not doing anything to oppose it,
47:35
Speaker 4: then you're on the side of the oppressor. And that
47:36
Speaker 4: bothers me too. Yeah, And like fuck, I just hear
47:39
Speaker 4: that and go, I don't I don't have an answer
47:41
Speaker 4: for you yet, I.
47:42
Speaker 3: Can't disagree with it.
47:43
Speaker 1: I do have a little bit of a challenge for you, writer, Yeah,
47:46
Speaker 1: and that is, don't stop being friends with someone based
47:49
Speaker 1: on who they voted for. Stop being friends with someone
47:52
Speaker 1: if you need to based on who they are. So
47:55
Speaker 1: if you think that they are a bad person or
47:59
Speaker 1: whatever you think of them, and because they are a
48:01
Speaker 1: bad person, they took these political actions, fine, if you
48:06
Speaker 1: want to spell out that way, I would encourage you
48:08
Speaker 1: to do that more than encouraging you to distance yourself
48:12
Speaker 1: from someone simply because of an action they took. I
48:16
Speaker 1: liked it, Like a voting booth action is still just
48:18
Speaker 1: an action, and you know they take it. They take
48:20
Speaker 1: that action as informed, however, as informed as they are.
48:25
Speaker 1: But I mean, if you think they're a good person, yeah,
48:29
Speaker 1: then you know.
48:30
Speaker 4: I like that advice.
48:31
Speaker 2: Hang out.
48:31
Speaker 4: There's a saying that life is but if you can't
48:34
Speaker 4: get past it, you can't get past that. That's a thing.
48:36
Speaker 2: That's another thing too.
48:37
Speaker 4: Life is local. And I like your point, Jacob, that,
48:39
Speaker 4: like the first way that we evaluate should be how
48:42
Speaker 4: do I see you treating me? How do you treat
48:45
Speaker 4: the people?
48:46
Speaker 3: I like? Yeah?
48:47
Speaker 4: And what is our life and our relationship like together?
48:49
Speaker 2: When we go get coffee, how do you treat the barista?
48:52
Speaker 4: Like all this stuff, because arguably you could take almost anything.
48:55
Speaker 4: You could say, Hey, the thing that's probably going to
48:56
Speaker 4: end planet Earth is going to be climate change. Okay,
48:58
Speaker 4: do you drive a vehicle that is electric or do
49:00
Speaker 4: you use gas? Like? Well, I use gas? Okay, well, Jim,
49:03
Speaker 4: from that choice, I think that you are making a
49:06
Speaker 4: choice that you think is innocent and passive. But here's
49:08
Speaker 4: all these really important implications that ultimately amount to violence
49:12
Speaker 4: and injustice, an exploitation. You're wearing a diamond on your
49:15
Speaker 4: finger that came from the wrong place, Like you can
49:17
Speaker 4: easily start connecting these dots and have this domino effect
49:20
Speaker 4: where you can say, based on this thing you did
49:23
Speaker 4: in this passive way, because you like your car and
49:25
Speaker 4: you think oil's you know, fine, and climate change is exaggerated,
49:28
Speaker 4: you're causing this great calamity. And from that basis, I
49:31
Speaker 4: can cut you out of my life because I could
49:33
Speaker 4: be really, really hurt and offended by that, and I
49:34
Speaker 4: think you're part of the problem. But I agree with
49:37
Speaker 4: Jacob and also fair we're overlooking the fact that you
49:40
Speaker 4: are still my friend, You like me, you use your gas,
49:44
Speaker 4: guzzler to pick me up when it's raining outside of
49:47
Speaker 4: my cars broken down in the A.
49:48
Speaker 5: Kind of like if you never knew who they voted for,
49:50
Speaker 5: would you still right?
49:51
Speaker 3: That's exactly that's a good way to put it. Yeah.
49:55
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a tough one, writer, but I mean and.
49:58
Speaker 2: Truly, if you can't get past that, you can't get
50:00
Speaker 2: past and get past it.
50:01
Speaker 5: I think that's where I like, like what I said, No,
50:04
Speaker 5: I'm just kidding, I do.
50:06
Speaker 2: That's kind of like to take this opportunity to point
50:08
Speaker 2: out that I.
50:09
Speaker 6: Agree with my No, I think that's kind of like
50:12
Speaker 6: the end point to what I am, the endpoint of
50:16
Speaker 6: like my intentions and asking them like, hey, you know,
50:19
Speaker 6: this is how it feels to me. What are your
50:22
Speaker 6: intentions kind of by voting for Trump? Like what was
50:25
Speaker 6: your perspective? I'm trying to get clarity maybe to find
50:27
Speaker 6: out who you are.
50:28
Speaker 4: But I'm scared to ask. I don't want to talk
50:30
Speaker 4: about it really, like to know once I start asking,
50:33
Speaker 4: they're not going to say anything that I.
50:35
Speaker 5: Go, oh, okay, well no, it's not to understand me
50:39
Speaker 5: like that makes sense.
50:40
Speaker 6: It's more like, in my opinion, it's almost like, oh,
50:43
Speaker 6: they're ignorant or crazy.
50:46
Speaker 5: Like I don't know, Like I just need to know,
50:48
Speaker 5: are you ignorant or are you bigot?
50:50
Speaker 3: Right?
50:50
Speaker 6: Like my neighbor who drove by me, I'm like, oh,
50:53
Speaker 6: I know why you voted for Trump, Like I'm not
50:55
Speaker 6: going to be friends with you, Like that's not.
50:57
Speaker 3: Going to happen.
50:58
Speaker 2: Seem like you have represented yourself as a make it
51:00
Speaker 2: to be, so I'm going.
51:01
Speaker 4: To Trump or no Trump. That dude just turned out
51:04
Speaker 4: to be kind of weird.
51:05
Speaker 1: He just said really weird. But I mean that's exactly
51:08
Speaker 1: what we're talking about. That is that has to do
51:11
Speaker 1: with who that person voted for. I need to know
51:13
Speaker 1: who that person voted for. He's just that interaction with Whitney.
51:18
Speaker 1: That's enough for Whitney to say, like, okay, that can
51:20
Speaker 1: be our last interaction.
51:22
Speaker 3: Sure there are probably I'll go out on a limb
51:24
Speaker 3: and say, there are probably some really shitty people who
51:27
Speaker 3: voted for Harris.
51:28
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah right right for Harris.
51:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, I.
51:36
Speaker 4: Am a terrible I mean exhibit A you know that's
51:39
Speaker 4: right there. Yeah for me, I'm not company you want
51:42
Speaker 4: to keep. I'm reluctant to say, let's sit down, like
51:46
Speaker 4: communication is going to solve it or make it better,
51:49
Speaker 4: only because like it seems like the more we go
51:51
Speaker 4: into those spaces and have those conversations, I don't know
51:54
Speaker 4: that if heals friendships, it seems to like only exacerbate
51:59
Speaker 4: or like cause each side to try to clarify to
52:02
Speaker 4: the other one and help persuade. And the more they're
52:04
Speaker 4: trying to persuade each other, the further they're pushing each other.
52:07
Speaker 6: H Yeah, it depends. That's where this depends on how
52:11
Speaker 6: close your friendship was to start with. Is it worth
52:13
Speaker 6: doing this?
52:14
Speaker 2: I'll tell you this story. I met a guy the
52:16
Speaker 2: other night this week. We met in a bar.
52:20
Speaker 1: We had mutual friends that were that were meeting up with,
52:22
Speaker 1: you know, a group of us were hanging out in
52:24
Speaker 1: this bar.
52:25
Speaker 3: And so I meet this guy for the first time.
52:27
Speaker 3: And this is a guy that.
52:30
Speaker 1: Affects my wife's some of my wife's employment. He's he's like,
52:36
Speaker 1: he has some venues, he books, he does all this stuff.
52:39
Speaker 1: So he is my wife has met him before. He's
52:42
Speaker 1: a little older.
52:42
Speaker 3: Than I am.
52:43
Speaker 1: H But we just we start chatting and we're chatting,
52:47
Speaker 1: and uh, I remembered in the back of my head
52:51
Speaker 1: that my wife had told me that he was a
52:54
Speaker 1: right wing guy. She didn't know how right wing. She
52:56
Speaker 1: didn't know much else about him, but she just told
52:59
Speaker 1: me offhandedly. She's like, guess that's kind of all I
53:02
Speaker 1: know about him. But I'm also like, he's friendly, Like
53:05
Speaker 1: he's a nice guy. Anyways, he he's perfectly friendly. We
53:07
Speaker 1: had a nice conversation. Our conversation eventually turned to politics,
53:12
Speaker 1: and we ended up having a perfectly pleasant conversation. We
53:17
Speaker 1: agreed with each other on some points, we disagreed with
53:18
Speaker 1: each other on some points, but writer.
53:22
Speaker 2: At the end of that conversation, we shook hands, we
53:25
Speaker 2: walked away.
53:26
Speaker 1: I forget what point we ended on, but I literally said,
53:28
Speaker 1: like that seems like a good point to end this
53:31
Speaker 1: conversation on, and like it was also just time to
53:33
Speaker 1: go home, and like it was great. Like nobody's mad, everybody, no,
53:38
Speaker 1: nobody has hurt feelings about anything. Neither of us changed
53:42
Speaker 1: our opinions on anything. We discussed some stuff, and we
53:47
Speaker 1: truly did discuss some things and not like lecturing each other,
53:50
Speaker 1: and we didn't do any of that kind of stuff.
53:52
Speaker 2: The conversation was not heeded at all.
53:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, we just had a conversation about it and we
53:58
Speaker 1: disagreed about things, and then we went home and that
54:02
Speaker 1: was something with I guess some steaks because I mean
54:05
Speaker 1: it could affect my wife's income and possibly booking things
54:08
Speaker 1: and everything, but really no stakes, no real stakes to
54:14
Speaker 1: be heady or certainly no like long term friendship or
54:16
Speaker 1: anything like that. And it did zero And it was
54:19
Speaker 1: kind of the best outcome of that conversation that we
54:22
Speaker 1: didn't leave angry. Yeah, And I mean, yeah, so, I
54:26
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know how many of these conversations
54:28
Speaker 1: you want to even try to have.
54:31
Speaker 4: What is what can he gain?
54:32
Speaker 3: Right?
54:33
Speaker 4: And it's like the best you could do is nothing happens.
54:36
Speaker 4: That would be really great, you know, and maybe nothing's
54:39
Speaker 4: gained in it, but right, or you're not alone. I mean,
54:42
Speaker 4: you know humans are going through this, I think, all
54:44
Speaker 4: over the place.
54:44
Speaker 1: And oh and you got to figure out what your
54:46
Speaker 1: goal is to You gotta figure out if your goal
54:47
Speaker 1: is to stay friends or to convert them over to
54:50
Speaker 1: your way of thinking.
54:52
Speaker 4: And the latter almost never happens.
54:54
Speaker 3: It's just not good. Yeah.
54:55
Speaker 4: So the first thing you got to ask yourself is
54:57
Speaker 4: what is the value of this friendship? What can we
54:59
Speaker 4: offer for each other? What can we bring to each
55:01
Speaker 4: other's life in a felt way, and there's value to that,
55:04
Speaker 4: you know, even if it's somebody that fundamentally disagree with
55:07
Speaker 4: and you think, man, your views enable something that frightens me,
55:11
Speaker 4: and I'm not okay with okay, But if my car
55:14
Speaker 4: was broken down, you and I are close enough that
55:16
Speaker 4: you had come over my kids were in danger, I
55:18
Speaker 4: could trust it, Like there's something about that bond that
55:20
Speaker 4: you don't share with somebody that voted the same way
55:22
Speaker 4: as you.
55:23
Speaker 1: And if they say something that you just simply disagree with,
55:26
Speaker 1: if they say something about you know, a certain group
55:29
Speaker 1: of people, and I mean, you're well within your rights
55:32
Speaker 1: to say, hey, that thing you just said, it's wrong,
55:35
Speaker 1: and I think you're a little out of line for
55:36
Speaker 1: saying it. You can call your friends out on stuff, yeah,
55:39
Speaker 1: and you can have conversations about that thing that's true. Yeah,
55:42
Speaker 1: you can have conversations about that that one topic. Yeah,
55:44
Speaker 1: that's fine. And you can say, you know, I identify
55:48
Speaker 1: with these people, and I think that you shouldn't generalize them.
55:51
Speaker 4: That last statement they're Jacob, I think is one of
55:53
Speaker 4: the most profound things I've seen for influencing other's opinions.
55:56
Speaker 4: On politics.
55:57
Speaker 3: It always is.
55:58
Speaker 4: It's such a profound thing because people say, you know
56:00
Speaker 4: how these liberals are, you know how these folks are,
56:02
Speaker 4: and they'll go off for a few minutes and then,
56:04
Speaker 4: you know, in a very polite, smiling kind of way,
56:06
Speaker 4: you'll you'll then reveal, hey, I am that thing, you know.
56:10
Speaker 4: And I've I've witnessed a conversation like that once where
56:13
Speaker 4: a guy was saying, you know these gay people blah
56:15
Speaker 4: blah blah, and the guy is talking to was gay.
56:18
Speaker 4: He just didn't know his coworker, and so he just
56:20
Speaker 4: figured like, we're just two you know sis dudes and Rose.
56:24
Speaker 4: You know, I will work with you all day, and
56:26
Speaker 4: so we kind of like going off. He's like, no, no, no,
56:28
Speaker 4: no the gays, no no, no's like and work was
56:31
Speaker 4: perfectly polite. He wasn't like, you know, waiting to get him.
56:33
Speaker 4: And then he just said, hey man, you know you
56:36
Speaker 4: kind of threw out there a lot pretty quick. I
56:37
Speaker 4: was going to jump in and warn you, but yeah,
56:39
Speaker 4: I'm gay, I'm married, and my husband's going to be here.
56:42
Speaker 4: It's gonna meet us up for dinner, like yeah, And
56:44
Speaker 4: it was like one of those like names that you
56:46
Speaker 4: you don't know is a male name is, like you know,
56:48
Speaker 4: just didn't know. And I was like, oh, alex alex
56:51
Speaker 4: Is is your husband, Like yeah, yeah, it's short for Alexander.
56:56
Speaker 3: Like oh yeah.
56:57
Speaker 4: And like those moments are so humanizing, I think, and
57:00
Speaker 4: you'll hear the same thing will happen like all the
57:02
Speaker 4: undocumented blah blah blah, and it's like, you know, the
57:04
Speaker 4: person says, hey, my my mother is actually an a
57:07
Speaker 4: legal immigrant. I am a dreamer. I was born here,
57:10
Speaker 4: I grew up here. You and I have everything in common.
57:12
Speaker 3: So yeah, now you know, Yeah, but you're one of
57:15
Speaker 3: the good ones.
57:19
Speaker 2: That is how I follow those things.
57:20
Speaker 4: I met one of the good ones today.
57:25
Speaker 1: I'll tell you something that happened to me one time
57:28
Speaker 1: that really it opened my eyes and made me look
57:31
Speaker 1: at something very differently.
57:33
Speaker 4: I was.
57:33
Speaker 3: I was speaking with an.
57:34
Speaker 1: Old friend of mine who is trans one day and
57:37
Speaker 1: we were talking and I had known this person, uh
57:40
Speaker 1: from before they transitioned. I knew ended them for years
57:43
Speaker 1: before they transitioned. I've known them for years since then.
57:45
Speaker 1: We're still very close friends. And we were having a
57:48
Speaker 1: conversation one day and it's a heavy conversation, so so
57:51
Speaker 1: get ready for a heavy conversation everybody. Uh, we have
57:54
Speaker 1: a conversation one day about suicide. And we were having
57:58
Speaker 1: a conversation and I said something stupid. I said something idiotic,
58:05
Speaker 1: and I don't remember exactly what it was, but it
58:08
Speaker 1: was basically something along the lines of, sure, but you
58:12
Speaker 1: never considered suicide because of your being trans Oh okay.
58:17
Speaker 3: And I just said that, because, like we.
58:20
Speaker 1: Are close friends, as far as I know, you never
58:22
Speaker 1: contemplated this, and so that's just what I'm saying this,
58:26
Speaker 1: and and they stopped me.
58:27
Speaker 3: They were like, oh, I certainly did. I certainly did.
58:31
Speaker 1: And it just gobsmacks you for a second and go like, oh, right,
58:38
Speaker 1: Like I didn't even realize that I made this assumption,
58:42
Speaker 1: right Like, I made that assumption so quickly. I didn't
58:45
Speaker 1: even realize that I had made an assumption about my
58:47
Speaker 1: dear friend. And they said in a very friendly and
58:52
Speaker 1: in as friendly a way as you can, and that
58:53
Speaker 1: in that instance, but in a in a very kind
58:56
Speaker 1: and loving way, obviously, I said, you know, you know,
58:58
Speaker 1: I absolutely had suicidal thoughts.
59:01
Speaker 2: I had plans in place, I had all these things.
59:03
Speaker 1: Right, you know, And it sippens your eyes, Yeah, And
59:07
Speaker 1: it really does I mean people, people can surprise you.
59:11
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess that's what surprising is. It's when
59:13
Speaker 1: when they when they do something when you're not expecting it.
59:16
Speaker 3: But people will do it.
59:17
Speaker 1: People will these people that you think you know a
59:20
Speaker 1: lot about, even your even your close friends and everything,
59:22
Speaker 1: people have a way of just kind of popping up
59:24
Speaker 1: and surprising you when you're really not ready for it.
59:26
Speaker 4: Sometimes we get to represent that other side, and that
59:29
Speaker 4: is persuasive, more persuisive than a conversation would ever have,
59:33
Speaker 4: you know, So sometimes just being in your truth writer
59:35
Speaker 4: is the most meaningful thing. But at the end of
59:37
Speaker 4: the day, your question was, Hey, I'm building up this resentment.
59:41
Speaker 4: We avoid this issue. It's fine, but like I'm hurting
59:43
Speaker 4: and I don't know if I can maintain my friendship.
59:45
Speaker 4: And I think all four of us are saying, you
59:47
Speaker 4: get to decide on any merit for whatever reason, that
59:51
Speaker 4: you can no longer do a relationship.
59:53
Speaker 3: Yeah.
59:53
Speaker 4: I've had people discover that their best friend has hit
59:56
Speaker 4: their wife and they're like, hey, I like you a lot,
1:00:01
Speaker 4: and I'm sure there's a ton of story that goes
1:00:02
Speaker 4: along with this, but just knowing that you did this
1:00:05
Speaker 4: action is tearing me up inside.
1:00:08
Speaker 3: This is a line for me.
1:00:09
Speaker 4: It's a line for me, and it's difficult, like that's
1:00:13
Speaker 4: not fair man, like I'm getting help, or that you
1:00:14
Speaker 4: don't understand, you don't know what you did, like you're
1:00:16
Speaker 4: just my friend, and it's like you're right, all that's true,
1:00:19
Speaker 4: and for whatever reason, internally, I can't and that, unfortunately
1:00:24
Speaker 4: is my choice and I'm not trying to judge you
1:00:25
Speaker 4: for it. I just know this is an issue for us.
1:00:28
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm glad you're getting help.
1:00:29
Speaker 1: I I want you to get help, and I want
1:00:31
Speaker 1: us to want us to work on our friendship. I
1:00:33
Speaker 1: want all these things.
1:00:34
Speaker 3: I would struggle with that with my friend O.
1:00:37
Speaker 4: J oh yeah, buddies, rest in peace. He's with the angels.
1:00:42
Speaker 5: Now that's your golfam buddy, right.
1:00:46
Speaker 4: The clubhouse writer, Good luck with this. We'd love to
1:00:50
Speaker 4: hear dialogue on the discord. And if you're not already
1:00:53
Speaker 4: with us a patron dot com slash therapy, you get
1:00:55
Speaker 4: access to our discord. It's it's a live chat room
1:00:58
Speaker 4: and it's broken into the little channels and there's all
1:01:00
Speaker 4: a new one for whatever episodes featured that week, and
1:01:02
Speaker 4: it's always really neat to just join the listeners and
1:01:06
Speaker 4: watch them share stories and chew on these ideas. It
1:01:09
Speaker 4: makes me just really in love with our community because
1:01:11
Speaker 4: we're a very nuanced group. You know. Some people get
1:01:14
Speaker 4: out there and say, hey, I'm really freshure with this,
1:01:15
Speaker 4: but it's like received well and people talk through it.
1:01:18
Speaker 4: It is really nice and so I'm sure that this
1:01:20
Speaker 4: will be one that they have a lot more insight
1:01:21
Speaker 4: than we do. But writer, good luck on this. It's
1:01:24
Speaker 4: going to be a long four years for you. Buckle up,
1:01:26
Speaker 4: but hopefully this is something that you find some clarity
1:01:28
Speaker 4: on and able to take a step in.
1:01:30
Speaker 2: We're down to three years and ten months already, Oh.
1:01:32
Speaker 4: Already, Oh come on, Yeah, this is a blanket.
1:01:35
Speaker 3: It's over.
1:01:35
Speaker 4: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
1:01:37
Speaker 4: we're talking about demeaning ourselves, which we always do on
1:01:41
Speaker 4: this show. You're listening to pot Therapy.
1:01:45
Speaker 3: Today's episodes fronts You by Judy Snyder at the On, Cassak,
1:01:48
Speaker 3: Carolyn Albert, Sammy Scoop, sarahs Man, Parent Cunningham, Cody, The
1:01:52
Speaker 3: Delory Guy, and Brady malaycheck if you'd like to sponsor
1:01:55
Speaker 3: the show and become a Therapy producer head on over
1:01:57
Speaker 3: to patreon dot COM's.
1:01:59
Speaker 7: Last therapy Alright, Disney Trip when last left, Darpid Heroes
1:02:06
Speaker 7: was winning three hundred and eighty seven to two Swetney.
1:02:10
Speaker 3: What is the name of the Marvel themed area in
1:02:14
Speaker 3: Disney California Adventure.
1:02:19
Speaker 5: Just a friend? Options?
1:02:24
Speaker 3: Obviously because Marvel Universe, Avengers Campus, Stark Expo, Heroes Haven.
1:02:33
Speaker 3: I think a Marvel Universe or Jim. What is the
1:02:54
Speaker 3: name of the private island owned by Disney Cruise Lines
1:02:57
Speaker 3: Epstein Island?
1:03:01
Speaker 4: Any options?
1:03:02
Speaker 3: Please?
1:03:04
Speaker 6: Is it.
1:03:06
Speaker 3: Treasure K, Serenity Bay, Castaway K, Paradise k?
1:03:12
Speaker 4: Oh boy, a lot of Keys. Let's go Paradise K?
1:03:16
Speaker 3: It is Castaway K? Jacob? What is the name of
1:03:21
Speaker 3: Rapunzel's loyal horse companion in Tangled? Yeah?
1:03:27
Speaker 1: You're asking be Disney movies from like me being old
1:03:31
Speaker 1: enough to not watch these Disney movies anymore.
1:03:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what options? Pascal or Pascal? Okay,
1:03:38
Speaker 3: Maximus Flynn or Samson?
1:03:42
Speaker 6: Uh?
1:03:43
Speaker 4: Talk to Sampson from It to the Moon and back Son?
1:03:48
Speaker 4: Remember from Half Baked?
1:03:50
Speaker 3: Oh that's that's from Yeah Flynn.
1:03:58
Speaker 4: Nope, that's the boyfriend Maximous Decimus Meridius.
1:04:03
Speaker 3: It is Maximus B B is when I my final
1:04:07
Speaker 3: answer wrecked? All right, Nick, what is the name of
1:04:11
Speaker 3: the ant Man themed dining experience this place?
1:04:16
Speaker 4: Cruise Ship, the ship they have one in the park.
1:04:22
Speaker 4: The prence is really big.
1:04:24
Speaker 3: That's it's either Quantum Encounter. We had dinner, there was
1:04:27
Speaker 3: Jim's Kitchen, Avengers Feast or Marvel Dining Lab. Well, if
1:04:32
Speaker 3: it's ant Man themed, it's got to be one of
1:04:34
Speaker 3: the first two. So I will say Jim's not shaking
1:04:38
Speaker 3: his head, so I don't care away the pitch. I'm
1:04:40
Speaker 3: gonna go Quantum Encounter.
1:04:42
Speaker 1: AIM's test Kitchen is the one in California Adventures.
1:04:46
Speaker 4: Probably gonna have a lab Quantum Encounter.
1:04:49
Speaker 3: So I wasn't saying you were wrong. I would just
1:04:54
Speaker 3: say there was a California.
1:04:56
Speaker 4: You just got Captain the Skull, Okay.
1:04:58
Speaker 3: Ma, you just he's on one tonight.
1:05:00
Speaker 6: He is.
1:05:01
Speaker 3: I'm trated, he's I need to go.
1:05:05
Speaker 4: Yeah, he showed aggressive. You bite this demeaning myself from Mike.
1:05:14
Speaker 4: When I was a kid growing up in the late
1:05:17
Speaker 4: eighties and nineties, I was often bullied and made fun of.
1:05:20
Speaker 4: Over the years.
1:05:21
Speaker 3: I love your.
1:05:22
Speaker 4: Commentaryt Yay, No, not often I was often bullied and
1:05:31
Speaker 4: made fun of. Over the years, I learned to use
1:05:33
Speaker 4: comedy and making fun of myself is a way to
1:05:36
Speaker 4: diffuse that. This practice has continued into adulthood, and a
1:05:39
Speaker 4: friend recently brought it to my attention that I really
1:05:42
Speaker 4: rip into myself a lot. This is what made me
1:05:45
Speaker 4: try to figure out where this came from. And now
1:05:48
Speaker 4: I kind of want to break the habit. I've noticed
1:05:51
Speaker 4: that sometimes I demean myself so much I start to
1:05:53
Speaker 4: believe it. I know it's not healthy long term and
1:05:56
Speaker 4: would like to get away from it. How could I
1:05:58
Speaker 4: start undoing this behavior? Sincerely, dipshit, just kidding.
1:06:03
Speaker 3: It's Mike.
1:06:07
Speaker 5: My eighties and nineties bullying.
1:06:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can kind of relate to this a little bit,
1:06:15
Speaker 3: but for me, it was more compliments made me uncomfortable.
1:06:19
Speaker 5: Oh, this is so interesting to me. People are like,
1:06:22
Speaker 5: I hate compliments.
1:06:23
Speaker 3: I'm awkward.
1:06:24
Speaker 5: I'm yeah, what's going on there?
1:06:26
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know, I really yeah, But
1:06:31
Speaker 3: I've always been that way. If somebody says something as
1:06:33
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, and I just kind of felt
1:06:36
Speaker 3: weird about it, and so I would do that too,
1:06:38
Speaker 3: just very demeaning. And then at some point, I kind
1:06:41
Speaker 3: of just like I'm tired of doing this. I'm tired
1:06:43
Speaker 3: of doing the demeaning bit, and I just need to
1:06:46
Speaker 3: learn how to say thank you. Yeah, Like when someone
1:06:49
Speaker 3: says something, just say thank you yeah. And so I've
1:06:51
Speaker 3: been practicing that over the last like ten years.
1:06:54
Speaker 5: And it has it really like your hot net. Yeah,
1:07:00
Speaker 5: you know, we are not helping with this.
1:07:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a skill.
1:07:15
Speaker 5: That's a good point. I I not so much.
1:07:18
Speaker 6: I didn't feel so uncomfortable with compliments, but I remember
1:07:21
Speaker 6: being younger, like maybe high school, where there was a
1:07:25
Speaker 6: lot of information out there about women not really accepting
1:07:29
Speaker 6: compliments well or just like oh no, this whole thing,
1:07:32
Speaker 6: you know what, I like blowing it off. After like
1:07:36
Speaker 6: learning about that, I kind of made a point. If
1:07:38
Speaker 6: somebody does compliment, it's almost like before I have a
1:07:41
Speaker 6: reaction emotionally, it's just thank you, yeah, just to say
1:07:44
Speaker 6: it's like okay, thank you. Yeah. It's kind of a
1:07:46
Speaker 6: choice more than what feels good. It's it's not going
1:07:50
Speaker 6: with your feeling as much more. Let me just practice that,
1:07:53
Speaker 6: and it does feel more comfortable. It's like, yeah, that
1:07:56
Speaker 6: person is commenting on something. I give other people compliments
1:08:00
Speaker 6: and they can just say thank you and the end,
1:08:02
Speaker 6: and that's great, But the kind of self deprecating or
1:08:06
Speaker 6: beating yourself up as a way to do it almost
1:08:08
Speaker 6: before other people can like beating them to it. Look,
1:08:12
Speaker 6: they're not going to hurt me as much now because
1:08:14
Speaker 6: I've already done the damage and I'm in control of
1:08:17
Speaker 6: that damage.
1:08:17
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, it's not a mystery. How much are they
1:08:20
Speaker 5: going to hurt me?
1:08:21
Speaker 4: But if I step on all the punchlines, you can't
1:08:24
Speaker 4: use them now, I.
1:08:26
Speaker 3: Know, Jim, it's not it's not fucking lost on MEO
1:08:34
Speaker 3: podcast that you step on punchlines.
1:08:37
Speaker 4: In my defense, Jacob does it more than me. He
1:08:39
Speaker 4: hits me all the time, takes my.
1:08:41
Speaker 3: Fucking I do. I do it on occasion.
1:08:45
Speaker 4: On occasion, that.
1:08:48
Speaker 3: Joke is the only punchline that you haven't stepped on.
1:08:52
Speaker 4: It's all yours, baby, and you hit it out of
1:08:54
Speaker 4: the park. You're doing so good today.
1:08:56
Speaker 3: Thank you. It doesn't feel right? Yeah, yeah no, But.
1:09:05
Speaker 4: That's the whole bit, right, is Like whenever you're feeling
1:09:08
Speaker 4: insecure and you grow up as a kid and like
1:09:10
Speaker 4: people are picking on you for how you look or
1:09:12
Speaker 4: something about you's off, you take away the ammunition, right,
1:09:16
Speaker 4: you fire all the rounds into the air, and now
1:09:18
Speaker 4: they can't use them at you if you're overweight, And
1:09:20
Speaker 4: many kids were because a fucking food pyramid told us
1:09:23
Speaker 4: that we should have twenty goddamn servings of carbs a day.
1:09:26
Speaker 4: God damn it. You know, don't bother with that steak
1:09:28
Speaker 4: or vegien shit. Just get in more cereal. General mills
1:09:31
Speaker 4: need you to do it, yeah, Jesus, but no, like
1:09:33
Speaker 4: you know that that is a lot of people, and
1:09:35
Speaker 4: like whenever that was your truth, you quickly make jokes
1:09:38
Speaker 4: at your own expense, you know, and you're constantly finding
1:09:41
Speaker 4: ways to disarm others that way they can like laugh,
1:09:44
Speaker 4: and it feels like there's the tension in the room
1:09:46
Speaker 4: has been removed because you've kind of acknowledged whatever you
1:09:49
Speaker 4: were insecure about in a way that signals that, like, Okay,
1:09:53
Speaker 4: well it would be weird if you continued to pick
1:09:55
Speaker 4: on me now, so like I've taken that away, I.
1:09:58
Speaker 3: Do think too, like with that being the defense mechanism,
1:10:02
Speaker 3: so I'm going to hurt myself before you have a chance,
1:10:06
Speaker 3: just ends up reinforcing the idea that everyone is out
1:10:10
Speaker 3: to hurt me. Sure, because then now you can't, Yeah,
1:10:12
Speaker 3: because now you can't distinguish between the people who aren't
1:10:16
Speaker 3: going to hurt me and the ones who are, because
1:10:18
Speaker 3: I've already you know, taken the act hit all of them. Yeah,
1:10:21
Speaker 3: everyone's all in the same boat. So I think it
1:10:24
Speaker 3: becomes very scary then to then get out of that
1:10:27
Speaker 3: habit and just you have to open up to some
1:10:31
Speaker 3: people are going to hurt me. But I'm going to
1:10:33
Speaker 3: give the people who aren't going to hurt me an
1:10:35
Speaker 3: opportunity to show that they're not going to hurt me.
1:10:38
Speaker 4: I love that it's ultimately an expression of vulnerability. By
1:10:41
Speaker 4: using the humor first, we are not trusting anybody. And
1:10:45
Speaker 4: I think this is what your friend is telling you, Mike,
1:10:47
Speaker 4: is they're telling you, like, look you do. And this
1:10:50
Speaker 4: is a good observation too, that you do this so
1:10:52
Speaker 4: excessively and so naturally and over decades have gotten so
1:10:55
Speaker 4: good at it that now it's becoming its own distracting thing.
1:11:00
Speaker 4: I've absolutely been in friendships like that where it's like Jesus, okay,
1:11:03
Speaker 4: you know, stop, like you're almost hitting yourself so hard,
1:11:07
Speaker 4: we need to stop you, Like you're punching yourself in
1:11:09
Speaker 4: the nose and it's like we have to grab your hands.
1:11:11
Speaker 4: And now this is weird, like you're hitting yourself this hard.
1:11:14
Speaker 3: And I mean, instead of making fun of yourself, Mike,
1:11:17
Speaker 3: I think you should try making fun of other people.
1:11:23
Speaker 6: The bully.
1:11:23
Speaker 5: Yeah, good time, You're pretty good at it.
1:11:28
Speaker 4: Tell It also has the same effect. Nobody picks on
1:11:31
Speaker 4: you because they fear you.
1:11:34
Speaker 2: Here's how I want you to swing the other direction.
1:11:36
Speaker 1: Okay, I want you to be so ridiculously compliments affirm,
1:11:42
Speaker 1: but I want you to do it in like an almost.
1:11:44
Speaker 3: Sarcastic way, so like whatever, somebody.
1:11:49
Speaker 1: A good looking person, you're like like me, yeah, extremely good,
1:11:54
Speaker 1: look right right.
1:11:55
Speaker 4: A little tongue in cheek. But also you're going the
1:11:58
Speaker 4: other way with it in the sense that it's still
1:11:59
Speaker 4: to disarming. You know, I'm still like, not necessarily, you know,
1:12:04
Speaker 4: I'm saying something that appeases that itch inside of me
1:12:06
Speaker 4: about myself, but I'm doing it in a way that
1:12:09
Speaker 4: everybody giggles with me instead of it.
1:12:10
Speaker 1: And you're also doing the same thing as far as
1:12:12
Speaker 1: like blocking bully, because if you say something like, you know,
1:12:16
Speaker 1: kind of chuckling and I'm super attractive.
1:12:19
Speaker 4: I am the Derek Zoolander.
1:12:21
Speaker 1: Then somebody across the room says, oh, you're really not. Yeah,
1:12:24
Speaker 1: now just go like, well, that person clearly didn't get
1:12:27
Speaker 1: the joke.
1:12:27
Speaker 4: Yeah, the bit was he's going the other way with it.
1:12:30
Speaker 3: Yeah. I like that.
1:12:31
Speaker 4: I think that there's a lot of other adjustments we
1:12:34
Speaker 4: can make. But it's a it's a stubborn habit, Mike,
1:12:37
Speaker 4: and it starts with awareness, right, and like having people
1:12:39
Speaker 4: in your life that notice it and bring it to
1:12:41
Speaker 4: your well, I.
1:12:42
Speaker 3: Brought it up.
1:12:43
Speaker 6: That's a good point because it kind of shows they
1:12:45
Speaker 6: care about He's like, hey, you're hurting yourself.
1:12:47
Speaker 3: You can also do like a swear jar. Oh there
1:12:49
Speaker 3: it is.
1:12:50
Speaker 4: Yeah, every time you got to put a jar self
1:12:55
Speaker 4: deprecating jokes. You gotta like Venmo your friend a couple
1:12:57
Speaker 4: of bucks and then he's just you know, saving it up.
1:13:00
Speaker 4: You can have this background, yeah, jar jar every time
1:13:10
Speaker 4: he says douchey things and there's just so much money.
1:13:15
Speaker 4: I like that, and you know that that individual personal accountability, Mike.
1:13:19
Speaker 4: It is a really hard habit to break. But it's
1:13:22
Speaker 4: tough because like it does start to bleed into your
1:13:25
Speaker 4: actual self image, right, And then people that have had
1:13:28
Speaker 4: that do this. They they end up with this myopic
1:13:30
Speaker 4: sense of understanding where they leave conversations where nobody in
1:13:34
Speaker 4: that room said anything bad about them, but they laughed
1:13:37
Speaker 4: when you did it to yourself, And then you walk
1:13:41
Speaker 4: away thinking, wow, I am a big, fat piece of ship.
1:13:43
Speaker 4: Everybody was laughing at that joke. It wasn't funny. It
1:13:46
Speaker 4: was funny because it's true. And like, at some like passive,
1:13:49
Speaker 4: subtle level, you're you're creating the enemies. You're creating this
1:13:54
Speaker 4: sense of disapproval for the others.
1:13:56
Speaker 3: Biggest bully.
1:13:57
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're the one call and they're not laughing
1:14:00
Speaker 4: because it's true. They're laughing because it's awkward as fuck,
1:14:04
Speaker 4: and because you're funny and like you just put zingers
1:14:06
Speaker 4: out there and they are just objectively good singers and
1:14:08
Speaker 4: so like then they're laughing. But then you end up
1:14:10
Speaker 4: having this weird, twisted inner dialogue where you convince yourself
1:14:15
Speaker 4: that you are not worthy or that you don't have anything.
1:14:17
Speaker 4: And so, Mike, I love that you're being challenged on this.
1:14:20
Speaker 4: I like the ideas that are presented out, you know,
1:14:22
Speaker 4: about accountabilities, the swear jar, you know, or even telling
1:14:27
Speaker 4: groups of friends I've realized about myself guys that I
1:14:31
Speaker 4: tend to punch myself in the nose a lot as
1:14:34
Speaker 4: a way to just ease up the tension in the room,
1:14:37
Speaker 4: get people laughing. And you know, I've been called out
1:14:40
Speaker 4: for it, so I'm trying not to do that anymore.
1:14:43
Speaker 4: And you might notice me struggling with that. And that's
1:14:46
Speaker 4: all I have to say about that, and like just yeah,
1:14:48
Speaker 4: sometimes telling your friends I'm trying not to do this
1:14:51
Speaker 4: and giving them that understanding of like, okay, good. Then
1:14:53
Speaker 4: I will make sure that I don't stimulate you in
1:14:55
Speaker 4: that direction because you used to like the setup. Yeah right,
1:14:58
Speaker 4: if I kicked one in the air, you' you know,
1:15:00
Speaker 4: knock it out of the park. I won't do that either.
1:15:02
Speaker 4: So that's a great way to instill accountability in yourself too,
1:15:05
Speaker 4: is telling people I catch myself doing this too much,
1:15:07
Speaker 4: I'm trying not to do it anymore. If you catch
1:15:09
Speaker 4: me teasing myself for others, call me out, I need
1:15:11
Speaker 4: to stop doing that.
1:15:12
Speaker 3: I do like that you've brought attention to it and
1:15:15
Speaker 3: that you are going to do something about it, because
1:15:17
Speaker 3: you know, it's like what we just said, you know,
1:15:19
Speaker 3: in a couple of letters ago is like you have
1:15:21
Speaker 3: to create that momentum. You're you're gonna have to create
1:15:23
Speaker 3: the patterns, and it's gonna be difficult, you know, because
1:15:26
Speaker 3: that's been your go to thing, you know, making fun
1:15:28
Speaker 3: of yourself. You're gonna have to, you know, practice this
1:15:31
Speaker 3: and it's gonna take some time.
1:15:33
Speaker 4: Anyway, Good luck, dipshit. All right, we're gonna take a
1:15:35
Speaker 4: quick break and when we come back, we're gonna end
1:15:37
Speaker 4: the show. You're listening to pod therapy.
1:15:40
Speaker 3: Nobody likes you. Today's episode is brought to you by
1:15:44
Speaker 3: Judy Schneier, Leon Cassab, Carolyn Albert, Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith,
1:15:48
Speaker 3: Mike Count, Darren Cunneyam Cody, The Delorian Guy, and Brady Malaychick.
1:15:52
Speaker 3: If you'd like the sponsored show, become a therapist, sure
1:15:54
Speaker 3: patreon dot com slash therapy.
1:15:57
Speaker 4: Well, as we wrap up the show, we do want
1:15:59
Speaker 4: to remind you get the extended show ad free a
1:16:02
Speaker 4: day earlier at Patreon dot com slash therap but you
1:16:05
Speaker 4: can listen to it on the same app that you're
1:16:07
Speaker 4: enjoying this on right now. Once you sign up, you
1:16:10
Speaker 4: just grab a little code, you drop it into your app.
1:16:12
Speaker 4: Everything's easy, pasy and it works even it could do
1:16:15
Speaker 4: it if he chose to. He chose to, actually, but
1:16:19
Speaker 4: he'll read a microwave manual cover to cover, and you.
1:16:23
Speaker 1: Also get access to our life. Put my microwave stuff
1:16:26
Speaker 1: on the side of the plate. Oh no, I think
1:16:31
Speaker 1: you wave that much stuff this week.
1:16:33
Speaker 4: No, your theory that the waves cancel each other out
1:16:36
Speaker 4: and that they're all shooting from every side and that
1:16:40
Speaker 4: they're all going to hit the same spot.
1:16:42
Speaker 2: But there is a single source.
1:16:43
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's fine. It's shooting from one direction.
1:16:47
Speaker 2: So there are I don't know if a band has
1:16:49
Speaker 2: anything to do with.
1:16:50
Speaker 4: This, they'll never play together. We got new people supporting
1:16:57
Speaker 4: us at patreon dot com slash therapy who's new.
1:17:01
Speaker 3: To the therapy. We got a new therap pal, Welcome Andrea.
1:17:05
Speaker 4: Welcome Andrea.
1:17:06
Speaker 3: And we have a brand new therap producer, Brady.
1:17:13
Speaker 2: And you know what Brady can do this week?
1:17:15
Speaker 1: He can go into the discord and he can make
1:17:17
Speaker 1: recommendations for Jim's.
1:17:19
Speaker 3: New forty phones.
1:17:20
Speaker 4: Yeah, there you go, there you go, And Brady, Brady
1:17:24
Speaker 4: has dirt on me.
1:17:25
Speaker 3: Brady.
1:17:26
Speaker 4: I've known Brady since he was like sixteen. He's in
1:17:29
Speaker 4: his thirties and so Yeah, I've I've known this guy
1:17:32
Speaker 4: for a long time and he's like sixteen and a
1:17:35
Speaker 4: half right now. Oh man, Yeah, welcome to the boardroom, Brady.
1:17:39
Speaker 3: You're officially in.
1:17:40
Speaker 4: The boss's side and so you can finally take some
1:17:43
Speaker 4: goddamn control over this show. And of course we want
1:17:46
Speaker 4: to praise and worship our theity, the dark Lord himself,
1:17:51
Speaker 4: Jim's Fasha, and our therap partners, the benevolent, revered, generous,
1:17:56
Speaker 4: and flagrantly pro therapy diehards who love you all so
1:17:59
Speaker 4: much they give to it hurts Sultan Picked. And we
1:18:05
Speaker 4: want to thank our bosses, the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati,
1:18:08
Speaker 4: members of the fan club, the their producers. Thank you,
1:18:10
Speaker 4: Jake Schneider, Meira, Robert Brownie, Junior, Mint Uh, Smitty Scoop,
1:18:14
Speaker 4: Ben Don, Judy Schneider, Kayla Lansberry, Malia Leon Cassab Mason Miller,
1:18:19
Speaker 4: Richard Fucking Macy, Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller, Sammy Scoop,
1:18:24
Speaker 4: Ben Stanley, slapping your face, Sarah Smith, Adam Hathaway, Builer,
1:18:28
Speaker 4: t Mike Helm, Paris, Darren Cunningham, Lib Team Monaco, Thunder
1:18:32
Speaker 4: Cougar Falcon, Scoop Hey O, Oscar Swan ros A, Sunny Boy, Slippe, Kai, Motherfucker,
1:18:37
Speaker 4: Sandra mcwaffle, Dan Martin, Hanna, Marie Andrew Langmead, Emma Kine,
1:18:42
Speaker 4: Alina Cody, The Lorian Guy, Sam Cone, and welcoming our
1:18:46
Speaker 4: newest therap producer, Brady Malaycheck.
1:18:49
Speaker 3: And if you'd like to hear this episode I cut
1:18:51
Speaker 3: and uneditedusde products, go to patrion dot com slash therapy
1:18:58
Speaker 3: and thank you for supporting.
1:19:00
Speaker 4: That's all the time that we got for this week's session.
1:19:02
Speaker 4: We want to thank our landlords Matt Mattingly's ice Cream
1:19:05
Speaker 4: Social Podcast and thanks to those of you who contributed
1:19:08
Speaker 4: to our show today. We really appreciate it. Remember pod
1:19:12
Speaker 4: therapy isn't something you should keep all to yourself. Share
1:19:14
Speaker 4: this episode with the world and tag us on the
1:19:17
Speaker 4: socials when you do. It's at pot therapy guys on Instagram,
1:19:20
Speaker 4: threads and Twitter at slash pot therapy on Facebook. We're
1:19:22
Speaker 4: also on Blue Sky and don't forget about all the
1:19:25
Speaker 4: extra goodies at patreon dot com slash therapy.
1:19:28
Speaker 3: Do you want to submit a question to the show,
1:19:29
Speaker 3: You can ask anonymously at podtherapy dot next, email us
1:19:32
Speaker 3: at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com, or click
1:19:35
Speaker 3: the link in the episode description to be taken to
1:19:37
Speaker 3: our anonymous Google form I'm in a tangment.
1:19:40
Speaker 4: I'm Jim.
1:19:40
Speaker 3: Thanks and we'll see if your appointments next week