Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / Interview with Carolyn Cooper: Stop Performing and Embrace Your Authentic Self

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Interview with Carolyn Cooper: Stop Performing and Embrace Your Authentic Self · The Inspired Speaker Network

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  If you're tired of hiding your brilliance behind stage fright, scripts, or playing it safe,
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  then you are in the perfect place. This is the Inspired Speaker Podcast, and I am your host,
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  Danielle Benzon, professional rebel, voice coach, and your guide to speaking with confidence,
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  charisma, and zero BS. Around here, we don't chase perfection. We choose connection.
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  So grab a hot beverage, warm up those vocal cords, and get ready to fall wildly in love
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  with the sound of your voice. Let's get inspired. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the very
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  first episode of this series. It's an interview series, and I'm so absolutely honored. I have my
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  wonderful friend, Carolyn, with me today, and it's just so perfect that she is my first guest
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  because I've been on her podcast, the Love Inspired Leadership Podcast,
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  and we have been friends for many, many, many years, and we are so in alignment. This is the
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  best conversation. It's going to be the best conversation. So I'm going to read you Carolyn's
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  bio. Carolyn Cooper is a guide for accomplished women whose outer success no longer matches their
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  inner truth. Through her aim high method, the truth alignment and radiance, she helps them
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  release self-abandonment, regulate their leadership energy, and build lives and businesses
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  aligned with their authentic identity. So their impact expands without costing them their soul.
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  So you can see why she is the perfect person to be here today. Thank you so much for being here,
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  Carolyn. I'm so stoked you're here. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. And you know,
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  I just set the intention right now that every single human being that is listening to this
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  or watching this podcast interview, that you receive precisely at this moment exactly what
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  it is that you need in your life and your business to soar, to aim higher in this year, in this
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  decade of your business, and to receive all the abundance and whatever that looks like,
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  whether it means financial, strategically abundant, and those alliances or friendships
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  like Danielle and I have. Like ours. Beautiful. And you know, we're not meant to do this alone.
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  And that's the piece that I want to just plant in the very, very beginning. It's through these
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  type of podcasts that we get to learn new ideas, new concepts, new insights, new integrative
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  strategies that we can implement into our life and business. So we can be in our lane of joy.
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  So we can be that love inspired leader that we yearn to be. I love, I love that lane of joy.
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  I mean, your business is even it's the, well, you have inspired in your business name as well. I
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  mean, you're doing the aim high right now, but inspired. So my business is called the
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  Inspired Connection. Yeah. So you're the Inspired Connection. I'm the Inspired Speaker.
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  Speakers connect. It's just this beautiful, this beautiful, joyful, yummy thing. We've been
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  friends forever. And I just love it's conversations like the conversations that you and I have had over
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  the years. It's conversations like that, that made me want to do a podcast because I'm like,
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  we're having these great conversations. Other people should hear some of this stuff because
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  it's just so cool. And Carolyn is so full of wisdom. So I'm just so stoked that you're here.
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  And we're both so focused on authenticity and kind of peeling back the layers. And I know even,
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  even through our friendship, I know we've both done a lot of work. We're very different people
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  than we were when we met, you know? So what is your, what is your journey? Obviously it's not
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  But what is your journey towards authenticity? Like so far, thus far?
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  The best journey there is ever in this lifetime has been that journey of circling back to who I am.
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  And a lot of life, I performed a lot of life, I wore a mask, a lot of life, I expected
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  such high standards of myself, and it was absolutely exhausting. Energetically,
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  it was taxing my life, spirit, my life force, I made pretty well everybody else more important
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  than myself in my life. And that would include, you know, my family, my, my kids, of course,
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  and my business. And I was always, it's kind of like the car, you know, how you clean your house,
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  and you clean everything, and it looks good and organized, always leave your car.
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  But other people might, but I don't know.
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  And then, you know, I would get sick about, you know, once every three months or four months,
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  because my, my energy bank was so drained. I mean, I remember times where I just make my bed
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  first thing in the morning, and it would feel exhausting. Yeah. So, you know, my, my mission,
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  my calling, my purpose, my living legacy, is to, you know, support women to not suffer like I did.
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  And to not make those decisions that really are not in alignment with what matters most in life
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  and business, because the cost is too great. So, I feel right now where I am in my life
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  is that every hardship, everything that was traumatic, difficult, and hard, was there to
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  teach me, to guide me, and to show me what mattered most. And it's a journey. This doesn't
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  happen overnight. And once you know that you have circled back to that center ground in who you are,
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  and given yourself permission to be that woman, I mean, I'm incredibly enthusiastic. I have been
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  criticized my whole life. Would you just calm it down?
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  So, would you just settle down? Why just, just quiet down? So, you know, there's certain chapters
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  in my life where I withdrew. I segmented myself in a way that I felt like I was so alone.
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  And I got lost at times. And I think that the bravery and the boldness as women, you know,
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  our responsibility is to bring this love back to the world. And I was looking for love my whole
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  life. And now I realize it's not an outside job, that I just need to go within to win here. So,
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  and it's a matter of making that commitment and daily discipline to honor oneself as a woman.
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  And since I've done that, in the last six years, my entire life has given me more freedom,
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  given me permission to have this calm confidence, not this high energy, you know,
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  spiraling energy. It's more grounded. And I trust myself more. I know myself more.
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  And I think that's our responsibility as a woman, is to know who we are,
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  sincerely, genuinely, and authentically. And we are magnificent human beings,
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  every single woman on the planet. It's a bold journey. It's a brave journey.
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  You know, looking in the mirror, telling yourself the truth, to find that clarity.
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  Yeah. And it's funny, you know, and I mean, I think all humans struggle with this, this kind of
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  performative, this need to kind of fit in and be different for other people. And
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  what I find so funny, and I think you'll agree with this, is that for those of us who are too
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  much, I've always, I've always been too much. I'm too much everything. But for those of us who are,
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  being less is exhausting. Because you're constantly, it's funny, because you would
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  think that being less would would cost less energy. But since I have given myself permission
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  to be just to let myself free, and take those kind of the reins off a little bit,
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  and just let myself, if I'm feeling very enthusiastic, to let myself be enthusiastic,
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  to let myself be fully expressive, and not try and hold myself back, because I'm worried about
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  protecting other people from my energy or from my, my feelings, or, or, or just, you know,
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  it's often joy, you know, it's not even like, oh, you're too much. You're so angry. It's often
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  it's like, your enthusiasm, like, please back off. Come on, it's joy. How is how is joy wrong?
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  You know, but since I've stopped doing that, I have so much more energy. I have more energy now
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  that I'm not suppressing myself all the time. Do you feel the same?
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  Well, hello. You're talking to the converted here. Here's here's the piece for me. I mean,
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  I'm 67 years young. That's, that's where I'm at in this chapter of lifetime. And I
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  resource now, a vitality and life force that is coming from a place of joy and happiness.
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  Because I've made the decision. And that decided piece that I call thinking above the line,
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  which is being decided. And when we decide to honor oneself, it means change. But also, above
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  the line means allowing those motions to move through us, allowing that permission to be sad
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  to cry. Yeah, you release and have compassion for oneself. I mean, yes, I look at my younger self,
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  I was a machine. No wonder I got sick. The poor here, God bless her. You know, and now
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  my boundaries are clean. People know who I am, I get to show up just as me and it's so easy.
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  I don't have to do anything. I don't have to perform. I can be quirky, which I am.
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  I can get incredibly passionate, like I am right now. Totally.
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  It's absolutely okay. You know, it's funny. Just, we're not really talking about performance right
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  now. But it's my background. So we're going to talk about it for a second. I had an acting coach,
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  an acting teacher, Larry Silverberg. And he would always say, because people always say, you know,
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  when is it too much? You know, and especially speakers ask me this all the time, you know,
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  when is it too much? When is it too big? And his answer was always, when it's full,
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  it's never too big. It's only too big when it's empty. And so when you have enough to, when it's
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  coming from a real place, when it's grounded, and it's supported, and it's real, it's never too much.
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  It's when it's ungrounded, it's when it's fake, it's when it's pushed, it's when it's empty,
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  when you're performing energy or emotion or whatever it is, that's when it's too much.
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  But when it's real, you expand and contract, you know, with your energy. And so it's never,
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  you know, people always like, well, how much is too much on stage? It's not about that. It's
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  is it real? That's what it's about. I agree 1000%. And here's the other piece that I find
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  absolutely fascinating, that I discovered in the last five or six years, is that when I give myself
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  permission to just show up, as you and trust the presence of the moment. And listen to my
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  internal voice of wisdom, which, yeah, always comes from a place of love, and grace within
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  myself. It's that voice I listen to. And sometimes I pause. Sometimes I wait. And sometimes I just
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  allow that information to be shared in an organic, natural way. And releasing that performance
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  is so freeing, because you develop this self trust within yourself, that you got this,
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  Carolyn, you got this. So, you know, one of the things that you do, I'm going to hook back to
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  you here for a second. All right, I'm okay with that. You, you supported me in this, in the fact
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  that I can release my script. I can have my, my, my main points that I want to share. And I do a lot
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  of talks that in person, and as well as online, I just did. Yeah, you talk a lot today. And I love
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  talking, because when I was in junior high school, in my annual, I was really mad about this at the
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  time, but they said that I was a verbal asset of the school in junior high. I was like, you can't say that.
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  But it's the truth. I mean, I love it. You are a verbal asset. Yeah. Some people might not say,
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  I mean, as my mother would say, no. Some people might take the set away. No, I'm kidding. I'm
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  kidding. Exactly. But here's the piece that I want to put across right now. It is that, you know,
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  wherever you are on this trajectory to understanding your own energy, honoring yourself,
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  how you're showing up is, you taught me this too, that you can just trust yourself so much.
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  You know, you know what you're going to say. You can let go of that script completely. And I, I do that.
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  I mean, I'll have it there on Zoom, kind of as an, as a reminder and anchor. And I'll see if you
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  might share that, but it's, it's this internal confidence and self-trust that we can speak our
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  truth. And that's what lands. That's what, that's what actually imprints people is that intentional
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  energy of showing up and contributing from the highest good that you got to bring. So, you know,
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  that's, that's what people remember. They, they, you know, after you're gone, they won't remember
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  what you said, but I love that phrase. I think it was Maya Angelou who said it. They'll always
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  remember how you support them to feel. And to me, that's my intention to bring love to every,
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  every present moment to, because when love's there, freeze, fear is dissolved. It's vanished.
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  So to, to just release that fear, I mean, can we talk about what you made me do?
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  Yeah, absolutely. For sure. I'm a little bit of a, yeah, I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit sadistic
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  sometimes when I get homework. I'm so glad you changed my life forever, forever, and changed
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  many millions of lives around the world too, with, with me sharing this. So, so I was in one of
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  Danielle's incredible workshops about speaking and, you know, I'm taking notes. I'm learning a
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  lot. Oh, that's good. That's good. Okay, great. So Danielle suggested to me that I do just
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  recordings on my phone, do selfie recordings of me speaking. And I said, no, I'm not doing that.
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  I don't even take selfies of myself. I don't like it. I don't want to do it. No, I'm not doing it.
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  And then she kept inviting me with love and intention. And she said, Carolyn, just do it.
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  Do it for two weeks. That's it. I said, okay, I'm not adding anything else to my day.
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  I'm going to do it in the morning at five 30, when I do my dearest God, one page journal,
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  and I'm just going to pick up my phone and I'm going to record myself. And then you said, okay,
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  Carolyn, all you need to do is just don't look at yourself as you're being recorded. Just
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  look at the little red dot. So that's quite good for 18 days. And I thought, I'm sure it sucks.
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  I'm sure that's so then I watch it. I watch myself. I watch what I see. I cried and cried
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  and cried and cried. And I, and I, so I knew in that moment, this was an injustice that I did
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  not share this with the world. This, this would be wrong on all counts. This is way too good.
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  And it's really authentic because I haven't brushed my hair. I'm in my pajamas. I'm in my
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  I love it. I still probably have, you know, or chewing seeds sometimes
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  and it's raw. So what happened over time? I don't know if I've shared this with you. I don't think
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  I have what's happened over time. Cause I've been doing it for probably almost a year now,
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  every single day. Okay. So what's happened over time is I would, after that, I watch it
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  and I know when I'm speaking from my head, I could feel the impact if it wasn't happening.
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  And I could feel when I was speaking from my heart. So in spirit of contribution,
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  so that love inspired leadership that I stand for. So sometimes I'd have to record it three times
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  in order to get it because I was so caught up in my own head and trying to be perfect
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  because I'm a recovering perfectionist. Actually, I've actually recovered.
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  You've recovered by now. You've recovered. You're an ex, an ex perfectionist.
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  Yes, yes, yes, yes. But the truth is that this is my favorite thing to do every day.
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  So I get up at, you know, quarter to five, five early and I do journal. I know you're not an
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  early morning woman. So I do my one page and then I record it. And now every time it's just one,
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  it's real, it's true. It's powerful. It's, and it just means so much to me. And I just want to
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  weave in one little thing. So I have a friend who has cancer. He has prostate cancer and he's been
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  battling for the last, you know, year and a half, two years. So I sent him my recording every day.
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  I send him my journal every day and it's changed his life. It's changed the trajectory of his
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  mindset on his belief in life. He calls me his psychologist. I am not. So this audience,
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  let me tell you, this is just my soul speaking here. And it just, it just touches my heart,
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  soul, and spirit that I've been able to support him into project because going through cancer is
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  just how physically, emotionally, mentally, the whole gamut and that I can contribute this little
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  gift of a recording. He doesn't read the journal, but he listens to the recording every day. And
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  it's usually three minutes or less. I love, I love this so much. And it's so funny that you
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  fought it so much and now it's your favorite thing. But what I also love is exactly what you said.
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  You can tell now when you listen back to yourself, or even when you're speaking, you can tell when
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  it's coming from somewhere real or when it's coming from somewhere a little bit more performative.
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  And that's what I do with speakers is I help them on that very physical level. But you,
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  you kind of do exactly the same thing, but with women in their lives. So tell me a bit about that.
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  Tell us, tell us a bit about that. And you've got, you're creating the sanctuary now, and it's just
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  your energy. For those of you who are just listening and aren't watching, I don't know if you
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  can, I'm sure you can pick it up. Carolyn just has the most beautiful, just kind of calming, creating
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  this space kind of energy. You are just such a joy to be around because you are so present. So creating
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  a space for other people to be present. And then we get to, get to maybe spread a little bit of
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  this presence out into the world. So tell us about this, because this is so exciting that
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  you're taking your gift and you're, you're amplifying it into life, into all of life.
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  Well, I am. And so as women, I, I've been in business for 40 years, that's four zero, like
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  that's a heck of a long time. And I have done keynote speaking, I've done corporate training,
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  I've done many, many, many retreats. I've done every form you can think of. I've MC'd big events,
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  thousand people. I've done a lot of things. This one is so meaningful to me. It's called the AIM
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  High Sanctuary. And, you know, I see the support that women in business have in, in the world
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  currently. So they can hire business coaches. They can be a part of masterminds. They can
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  participate in webinars. Well, this is different. This is a space and a container and a place where
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  you can come and show up with whatever's going on in your life or your business. It is there
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  as a safe haven for you to come and look at the truth about what matters most in your life and
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  your business. You get to decide, you get to work through those, those issues and those challenges
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  and obstacles with other women in the same position of yearning to be a love inspired leader
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  in your business. And the women that I have attracted to be in this sanctuary are absolutely
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  extraordinary human beings. And they're ready to aim higher because we, we need the safe haven.
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  So it's not just about strategy and pushing harder and making things happen. No, it's not.
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  This is important. And I'll tell you why, because we can be machines. We're human beings,
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  not human beings. Okay. And it's that place and space for grace that you get to come together
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  the first Thursday of the month for one hour with this incredible group of women.
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  Okay. You can enter at any point. This is not a mastermind where you start and stop. No, this is
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  an entry point that women can come and come inside the sanctuary and trek with us. And the way I've
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  set it up is that you stay as long as it serves you. You stay as long as you receive value. And
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  it's, it is, we may never leave. That's the truth. And that's my, that's, that's, that's my
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  intention. This, this, this is the place that you get to actually show up as you are authentically.
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  So this authenticity piece to be where I am, to who I organically am as, as my highest self
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  takes time. It takes support. It takes action and it takes accountability. Those are the three
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  important landmarks within this community. So we, we set up daily disciplines in some different
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  frameworks. You work together in accountability, buddy pods with two other people. You meet on
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  zoom during the second week of the month, the three of you, the third week, you meet with me.
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  On the fourth week, we come back together again as a circle for 30 minutes. And each month has a
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  theme. So we build on the themes from month to month to month, and they all progress together
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  to build this foundation of magnetism. Because what happens over time is we become aligned with
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  who we are. We make decisions in alignment with what matters most in how we're serving the world
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  within our business from our highest self. And then we allow our loving light to shine on the
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  world with radiance. And it creates that love led leadership. And it's absolutely what I've
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  dreamed of receiving that I never, ever, ever got. That's beautiful. That's so gorgeous. Because
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  I think creating a space for people to show up where they don't feel like they need to perform,
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  they don't feel like they need to like perform as in be someone else, but they also don't feel
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  like they need to perform as in be productive and like hit certain markers or whatever. But we can
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  just be and as we are allowing ourselves to kind of presence takes vigilance, I find, you know,
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  it takes a lot of patience and a lot of, you know, kind of making sure that you're not getting
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  complacent along the way. So as we do that, the layers drop off and life becomes easier and more
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  authentic, excuse me, life becomes easier and more authentic and more, more kind of distilled,
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  not that it's not that it's always serious. It can be very fun and very silly. Authenticity can be.
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  But what I wanted to say was, I think you said something really cool as well. We're evolving
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  into our higher selves, but that doesn't mean that we are forcing ourselves into that. Because
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  for me, and I'm curious what you think about this. For me, authenticity is about radical
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  self-acceptance about where you are. It's not about like, oh, I want to be, yes, of course,
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  I want to be. We wouldn't be humans if we didn't have a longing, if we didn't have ambitions,
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  but accepting where we are right now, I think is so important as well. And allowing yourself to
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  evolve, yes, and pushing yourself, but also not being in denial about where we actually are
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  as well. You with me on that? About the highest percentage of number that I can,
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  a bazillion. That's a pretty high number.
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  So here's the piece that I know, and that I want to invite women to realize, is that
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  our lives are here to surrender, to accept what is in every form that it is. And this is part of my
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  above the line thinking. So what is, is. And there's a position of acceptance. That doesn't
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  mean that you have to agree with it. That doesn't mean that it's a position of acceptance. Because
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  when we accept what is, is, that's when we can make another decision to change it.
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  Yes. Yes, you can't change from denial.
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  Yes. So we deny that that's the truth, I'll tell you. We hide. We tell ourselves that it doesn't
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  matter when it does. I mean, I was in a marriage for 34 years. And I kept telling myself, well,
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  I'm comfortable. And there, you know, there's so many parts of it that worked wonderfully.
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  And there's parts of it that didn't. But I hid those parts from myself for a very,
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  very long time. So I could stay within that comfort zone when actually I was suffering.
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  Because it's, it was a position that I needed to make another decision. And I did. And,
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  you know, two and a half years ago, I live in this incredible space of harmony and grace and
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  peace, everything right now. Oh, great. But I needed to learn how to honour myself. And it's,
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  it's accepting what is, but it's also realising that we all have the same amount of courage
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  to make change. So we think, well, I can't, I can't change that. Well, you know what,
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  it takes intention. It takes a willingness to be brave and bold in the moment and hold that
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  vision of exactly what it is that you desire. So it's not about jumping into the future. It's
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  about staying present where we are right now, having a sense, and then just taking that first
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  step, just one, one single step, and giving yourself permission to live this life that
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  matters to you. Yeah, that has meaning, that you're hooked into this purpose. Like I want to
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  free women from suffering. I mean, that's my bigger purpose in life. Because I've seen too
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  many women suffer. I saw my mother suffer excruciating emotional pain from schizophrenia.
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  I mean, I've seen too much of it. No, not on my watch. Not this life. Not within the reach of my
• 30:42
  arm. Absolutely not. And living a meaningful, purposeful life doesn't need to be big and flashy.
• 30:49
  You know, it doesn't need to, it can be just in the moment. Learning the importance and the
• 30:55
  value of small things has changed my life completely. You know, it's not about the flashy
• 31:02
  cars or the holidays and whatever. It's just about being where you are and finding
• 31:10
  the presence in the moment, finding the peace and the space in the moment,
• 31:16
  finding the joy in the moment. No one can take that away from you, no matter how difficult
• 31:20
  your circumstances are. Because I'm very aware, I'm speaking from a place of extreme privilege,
• 31:25
  and I'm very aware of that. I'm not saying life isn't hard. It is. We are also able to, there's
• 31:36
  part of ourselves that we are always in control of. We're not always in control of the outside.
• 31:41
  We're not always in control of the circumstances, but there are bits of ourselves that we are always
• 31:45
  in control of. And also, not to say that we shouldn't have compassion for when we're suffering
• 31:50
  as well. Because that is part, I think if we beat ourselves up for being like, oh,
• 31:54
  I'm not as strong as I could be. You accept that you are where you are, and being compassionate
• 32:02
  with yourself about it. Yeah. Oh, I love this so much. Oh, I do too. And here's the piece that I
• 32:08
  want to weave into that. It's the biggest game changer in my life. The biggest, biggest rock
• 32:16
  that changes everything. When that boulder moved aside, self-forgiveness. And self-compassion.
• 32:34
  Because it's like, stuff happens in life. Things are hard. There's things that are completely out
• 32:42
  of your control. Yeah. And what's the most important thing is to realize that we have the
• 32:51
  ability to control only a few things. Not what I think, not what I say, not what I do. So it's what
• 33:04
  I take action on. And I had a family situation where it just pulled the rug out from underneath
• 33:12
  me. I mean, immediately, I cried and cried. And I knew I had to release that sorrow first.
• 33:21
  Passionately, purposely allowed that to happen for about 10 minutes. But here's the thing that
• 33:25
  I learned. 10 minutes. You amateur. Here's the thing that I want to bring the audience,
• 33:31
  because this is the truth. When I learned this, I thought, well, all right. So here it is.
• 33:36
  Our emotions, so many of us resist the urge to cry. Because it's in there. It's got to come out.
• 33:46
  So what I learned, and this is the truth through my hypnotherapy training and everything, is that
• 33:52
  it's a 90 second loop. So allow myself to purposefully, passionately grieve and have
• 34:01
  sadness and let it roll through. So if it decides to roll through again, that's my permission.
• 34:08
  So what I've discovered is when I really embrace the sadness, when I really let myself rip in the
• 34:16
  crying, we have this illusion that we think it's going to last forever. No, just embrace it,
• 34:23
  allow it to move through your body. And then pause. That's what I do. And I think, well,
• 34:29
  is there another level in there? Oh, yeah. So I'll let it do another 90 second loop.
• 34:34
  What I discovered is that all I need to do is ask myself this. What would love do right here,
• 34:42
  right now? Well, it's beautiful. What would love decide in this moment? What was the truth
• 34:50
  of what's happening here? Not the surface truth where I'm a victim, and it's hard,
• 34:54
  and I want to resent them and blame them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 34:59
  no, no, stop. No. Yeah. No, absolutely. I agree with you. I also would like to add the caveat
• 35:07
  that that is true most of the time. There are times when we have deep depression or grief,
• 35:14
  or there are times when it does roll through more than that. And that's okay. Sometimes we do.
• 35:21
  Sometimes we have to cry for days. I've had those days. And that's okay. Anyone who's listening,
• 35:30
  I don't want you to put the expectation on yourself that you can only cry for 10 minutes.
• 35:33
  Please don't put that on yourself. What you're saying is that sometimes we wallow and we get
• 35:38
  stuck. And you're 100% right about that. We do sometimes get stuck. And it's important to bring
• 35:44
  yourself back to the present and ask yourself, what's going on right now? Not what story am
• 35:49
  I stuck in? But what's going on right in this moment? And that's, again, the power of presence,
• 35:55
  and the power of making the choice in the moment. And sometimes the choice is I need to honor this.
• 36:00
  And that's wonderful. That's a beautiful gift that you can give yourself. Well, it is. But here's the
• 36:04
  other piece. I mean, sometimes it's heavy. Yeah. And I've spent, you know, numbers of times in my
• 36:13
  life, days to cry. Yeah. That's a lot of release. It is. And it's good for you. And I've just
• 36:21
  canceled meetings, honestly. I have. I've cleaned the slate, because I know that this is a large,
• 36:28
  large boulder to maneuver through. So I give myself permission to grieve. Good. I feel it.
• 36:35
  I mean, that's the other thing. And the last piece is this. The other game changer for me
• 36:41
  is I've set up people in my life who I love and who love me. I have two people specifically. And
• 36:50
  they know me so well. They know the cellular form and who I am. They know where I get in my own way.
• 36:56
  They know where I cop out on myself. They know where I'm stuck. And they know the truth. So I
• 37:02
  call them lifelines. So what I do when I'm in that sad place, which I did recently,
• 37:10
  I was there for 15 minutes. And I thought, well, I think I need to call in a lifeline right now.
• 37:16
  Yep. So I just text that person, 911. They call me back immediately. I speak what I think is the
• 37:25
  truth. And then they speak back to me the real truth. And this is the power of speaking it out
• 37:36
  loud. Because when we stay in our heads and we don't say anything, we can reinforce that stuff.
• 37:42
  But when we say things out loud, we give ourselves the opportunity to measure it and go,
• 37:48
  okay, I said that. How does it sound? How does it feel? Is it true? Whereas if it stays stuck in
• 37:53
  our head, it's very easy to lie to yourself and to get stuck in things in your head. I love that
• 37:59
  you do that. I do that too. And sometimes I do it with other people. Sometimes I just do it with
• 38:04
  myself and it works. You say something out loud and you're like, huh, I don't believe that.
• 38:09
  Crazy. Or now that I hear it out loud, that's not true at all. And giving ourselves permission,
• 38:15
  I think this is a big part of, oh, I'm going to bring this back to speaking for a moment. And
• 38:18
  then we're going to talk about your gift, because you've got a beautiful gift for us today.
• 38:23
  Bringing this back to speaking for just a moment, because it's my passion.
• 38:26
  I work with a lot of speakers who self-edit so much that they can't get into flow in their speech
• 38:34
  because there's so much going, oh, I can't say that, or I can't say that, or I can't say that.
• 38:38
  And they stop words before they come out. And there is a gift that you can give yourself,
• 38:43
  of giving yourself permission to be wrong. What if I say something and I don't believe it?
• 38:50
  I can just say something else straight afterwards. It's okay. It's not set in stone now that I've
• 38:58
  said it. I can say something and go, wow, I just said that and I realized it's not what I believe,
• 39:03
  because I can change. I'm a human being. I'm evolving. I'm changing all the time.
• 39:06
  The person that I was a year ago isn't the person that I am now. So the person I was two seconds
• 39:11
  ago may not be the person I am now. But it's part of how a lot of us process things. Not everybody,
• 39:18
  but a lot of people process things as we speak. And so giving yourself the gift of being able to
• 39:24
  say something and being able to correct it or clarify it afterwards. You don't need to do
• 39:30
  all the editing in your head before you speak. It's not better. People think, oh, but it's
• 39:35
  unprofessional to say something. It's not. It is so much better and it allows you to get into flow
• 39:42
  and it allows creative state. You're unlikely to say something you don't believe or something
• 39:48
  incorrect most of the time, but you're human. You'll do it occasionally. And that's okay.
• 39:55
  And learning to recover from that, I think is one of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves.
• 39:59
  But speaking of gifts, oh, what a wonderful segue.
• 40:02
  I just had one little piece to that. It is profound wisdom to be shared. And here's the truth.
• 40:10
  People remember people who are human. It's the human, it's the humanness that lands. And this
• 40:19
  is some of the biggest learnings I've had in the last year of my life is that everybody's suffering.
• 40:27
  Let's just be real. And what's your most important intention with your talk,
• 40:32
  with your speech, with what you're going to say? That's to support people and guide them and make
• 40:40
  a difference and impact their lives and influence them in a positive, meaningful way. When you show
• 40:48
  up human, guess what? They're like, wow, look at that person. They're just being real. And that's
• 40:58
  what I love about you, Danielle. You can show up anywhere and I know it's you. So we can be actors,
• 41:06
  we can be actresses, we can perform, but that is not the information that lands in people's minds,
• 41:14
  in their hearts, and in their spirit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Being perfect,
• 41:21
  no. Definitely not being perfect. Even if you pause. This is what I do. I pause sometimes and think,
• 41:29
  Carolyn, where are you going with this? So I'll pause. I'll say that inside my head.
• 41:37
  Then the idea and the concept or the story will come and just takes it to the next piece. So
• 41:42
  it's just giving yourself permission to have this space for grace. Release all judgment,
• 41:48
  release all criticism, release every single solitary thought around that. Erase it,
• 41:57
  dissolve it, let it vanish, and just show up and let yourself shine.
• 42:03
  You could do some of my talks for me. We're so in alignment.
• 42:06
  I love this so much. Abso-frickin-lutely. Absolutely. 100%. Give yourself space. Let
• 42:16
  yourself walk into that mist of unknowing and you will always find yourself. Always, always, always.
• 42:23
  And people will find you too. I mean, that's the other piece. We think that
• 42:27
  people expect us to be perfect. They're actually happy when we mess up.
• 42:31
  Oh, no one wants perfection.
• 42:33
  No.
• 42:34
  It's boring.
• 42:35
  But they want to be able to relate to you. The humanness of life, the foibles, the mishaps,
• 42:45
  sharing your vulnerability with people, and me sharing stories about my mom's schizophrenia,
• 42:51
  with me sharing stories about my marriage that I released after 34 years. Those are vulnerable
• 42:57
  things. But that's what the audience relates to because they can hear it themselves.
• 43:04
  Absolutely. My therapist always says to me, she says, show up in all of your glorious mess.
• 43:10
  Yes, that's so fun.
• 43:12
  Yes, glorious mess. It's glorious.
• 43:15
  So tell us about your gift. We could talk forever, but we can't.
• 43:19
  Let me tell the audience about my gift. So this is a gift for you. It's called the
• 43:25
  Aim High Vision Audit. And it's looking at the powerful framework of expectations versus results.
• 43:36
  So it's a 15-minute gift to you. It is a reset that sets your vision on fire.
• 43:48
  And I really truly believe that we have to fuel every moment of our lives. And if you're working
• 43:57
  too hard, really, honestly, that means that you're unclear on your vision. It's the truth.
• 44:07
  So this is a recording for you. It's a meditation as well. I set you up, understanding a few things
• 44:15
  about truth, alignment, and radiance, my Aim High Method for you. And basically, it's
• 44:26
  giving you permission that you can show up and you can dream bigger. You can have this incredible
• 44:35
  opportunity to see something, to imagine something, to feel it inside your body and hold that space of
• 44:42
  that vision to carry you forward. You can make those decisions that are meaningful and matter,
• 44:49
  and then take action intentionally towards what your big dreams are.
• 44:57
  That sounds amazing. So check out the show notes because that's where it's going to be.
• 45:02
  And check out also Carolyn's fabulous podcast, Love Inspired Leadership. It's so cool. And I'm
• 45:11
  on there. So visit me and visit her. Carolyn, we're going to have to be back
• 45:19
  again and again and again, because I could talk to you for hours. And we do sometimes.
• 45:25
  But this has been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for joining me today. I love where our
• 45:30
  conversations go. And this is very typical of our conversations. We always go deep,
• 45:38
  we always call each other on stuff, we always get into the nitty gritty and into the nuances
• 45:43
  of things. Nothing is surface level, nothing is plat. And nothing is kind of ego held either.
• 45:51
  I love conversing with you because there's a curiosity and an openness that we get to share,
• 45:59
  which is just so gorgeous. So thank you so much for being here today.
• 46:04
  Well, thank you. I call it delicious, right? So it's kind of like eating chocolate ganache
• 46:10
  dessert. You have that first bite, you think, oh, good. Okay, I can hardly wait. I want another
• 46:17
  bite. And then another one. So that's what this is like when we talk together. But yeah, well,
• 46:22
  honestly, you know, I wish you extraordinary success with this podcast. And for all the
• 46:28
  people out there that are thinking of being a speaker, and have that fear running through your
• 46:35
  veins that you couldn't do it, I guarantee you, talk to Danielle, talk to Danielle about what's
• 46:41
  possible. Because everybody has a voice. And everybody has a message. And when you have a
• 46:49
  message that is meaningful, and matters, that's when you have to release the fear and release
• 46:55
  the perfectionism and the performance to just show up and shine to share that message. Because
• 47:00
  the world needs us now more than ever, ever, ever before. And so true. It is. And so make sure you
• 47:08
  connect with Danielle to do that. Because I did and look where I am with my everything. So it is
• 47:15
  about speaking, but it's about coming from that place of calm, confidence, and self trust, and
• 47:23
  belief in oneself. At the end of the day, all of this being human stuff is connected.
• 47:31
  Speaking, being moving through the world, being your authentic self. It's kind of all the same
• 47:37
  thing, just in different areas from different angles. But it's all it's, it's all connected.
• 47:42
  And how you show up somewhere is how you show up everywhere. And, and the more we can,
• 47:46
  the more we can embrace that, and lean into it, relax into it, even, I think the better our and
• 47:55
  more beautiful and free our lives will be. So join Carolyn in her amazing AIM High Sanctuary to
• 48:02
  release all of those extra garbage, extra energy sucking things that you're doing, and come home
• 48:11
  to yourself with her. She creates such a beautiful space. Thank you, Carolyn.
• 48:16
  And I'll see you next time. Thank you. Take good care.
• 48:22
  Thanks for listening to the Inspired Speaker podcast. If today's episode sparked something
• 48:27
  in you, I invite you to take one small courageous step, practice, speak, share.
• 48:33
  If you'd like support turning that spark into a full on speaking mastery blaze,
• 48:39
  then come join me at theinspiredspeakeracademy.com. Remember, your voice matters. The world needs to
• 48:47
  hear it. Because competent speakers change the world one story, one stage, one moment at a time.
• 48:55
  Until next time, keep shining your light and keep speaking your truth.