Latest / Northern Quarter Talks / I Lost Myself for 10 Years | Scott Thomas on Identity, Purpose & Reinvention

Transcript

I Lost Myself for 10 Years | Scott Thomas on Identity, Purpose & Reinvention · Northern Quarter Talks

• 0:00
  Scott Thomas: I'm on a mission to help people reconnect to their true self and tap into their full potential because I know the pain of losing yourself.
• 0:06
  Scott Thomas: For like ten years I completely lost myself.
• 0:09
  Andy Coley: Do you think you still would have found that same potential?
• 0:11
  Andy Coley: Or do you think the other opportunities created the catalyst that that has actually made you who you're becoming?
• 0:18
  Scott Thomas: It only takes one decision to I want I'm one decision that you truly mean.
• 0:22
  Scott Thomas: Not one that you kind of mean, because there's so many times, for example, I would say I'm gonna stop drinking and that's it, I'm done.
• 0:27
  Scott Thomas: But I didn't really fucking mean it.
• 0:29
  Scott Thomas: Like the next week I was back on it again.
• 0:31
  Scott Thomas: But I was gonna ask you, what was it like getting that email from us?
• 0:34
  Scott Thomas: It's so interesting.
• 0:36
  Scott Thomas: This is one thing that I talk about a lot.
• 0:38
  Titles: This is the TEDx Northern Quarter podcast.
• 0:43
  Simran Whitham: Scott Thomas, CEO of the Social PR, podcaster, and motivational speaker.
• 0:50
  Simran Whitham: Welcome to the TED and Talks podcast by TEDx Northern Quarter.
• 0:53
  Scott Thomas: Wow, I love that.
• 0:54
  Scott Thomas: I always love the introductions on these podcasts.
• 0:57
  Scott Thomas: Yeah.
• 0:57
  Scott Thomas: That's the first time I ever see myself in that light a lot of the time.
• 1:00
  Scott Thomas: So thank you for having me.
• 1:01
  Scott Thomas: No, you're very welcome, mate.
• 1:03
  Simran Whitham: But how does it feel to be saying that in less than just two months, you're gonna stand on a red dot that some people dream their entire lives of standing on to do a TED talk?
• 1:14
  Scott Thomas: It feels surreal.
• 1:15
  Scott Thomas: Um, this is what was a vision board moment for me, as you guys know.
• 1:19
  Scott Thomas: And it's really opened up my eyes to what being a public speaker is and to what's involved in terms of being a motivational speaker, because I've been saying for a long time that that's my number one goal now.
• 1:30
  Scott Thomas: But through this process and through the resources you guys have provided me with, the coaches and everything else, I've realized what it takes, and I've really fallen in love with the craft, the craftsmanship of being a speaker, and I'm so grateful, but also so excited because I feel like this talk that I've been working on is actually gonna be my my arrival into the motivational speaking space.
• 1:53
  Scott Thomas: I've headlined Happy Plays Festival, I've done some other really like good talks, but I feel like this one is the one that's really gonna kind of be my flagship talk for everything that I do moving forward.
• 2:03
  Simran Whitham: Well, it's what most people find when you type it in on YouTube if someone types Scott Thomas into YouTube or Google, TEDs are really good with their algorithm and it will be one of the first things that comes up.
• 2:13
  Simran Whitham: No pressure then, no pressure at all, my friend.
• 2:16
  Simran Whitham: But I was gonna ask you, what was it like for you that day?
• 2:20
  Simran Whitham: Because obviously we're here today because you're gonna be a future TED speaker.
• 2:24
  Simran Whitham: We sent you an email with the opportunity.
• 2:27
  Simran Whitham: What was it like for you?
• 2:29
  Simran Whitham: I don't know if it was you who read that email or whether it was one of your team when you got that invitation.
• 2:34
  Simran Whitham: Can you describe what it was like to get that for you?
• 2:36
  Simran Whitham: Because this speaking's a relatively new thing for you, isn't it?
• 2:38
  Simran Whitham: It's a new chapter of your life.
• 2:40
  Simran Whitham: So to be offered this, what seemed almost like a perfect alignment for where you wanted to be in life, what was it like getting that email from us?
• 2:48
  Andy Coley: Yeah, we hadn't been stalking you, so we didn't actually see your vision board.
• 2:50
  Andy Coley: No, it was on there before that.
• 2:52
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, it was it was incredible.
• 2:53
  Scott Thomas: Um, literally, it was just another moment in time.
• 2:55
  Scott Thomas: Like my whole team, my family, everybody around me is kind of freaked out because my vision board is literally coming to life, like slowly but surely.
• 3:02
  Scott Thomas: And things are coming to me as well, like which is a craziest thing.
• 3:05
  Scott Thomas: So when I got the email, I was like, I've been, I think a few months before that, around six months before that, I actually tried to get in touch with someone from TED, literally got no responses, didn't hear anything back.
• 3:16
  Scott Thomas: And then sometimes I think when you let go and you allow things to come to you, they really do.
• 3:21
  Scott Thomas: And I'm massive on Dr.
• 3:22
  Scott Thomas: Joe Dispenza.
• 3:23
  Scott Thomas: I went to his retreat in Nashville, and he um he taught me a lot about that in terms of just relaxing, trusting the process, surrendering a lot more as long as you're moving in alignment with who you truly are, like these opportunities will start to come to you.
• 3:36
  Scott Thomas: So, yeah, it was just like another moment of like, wow, this shit works, and yeah, it did for me.
• 3:42
  Scott Thomas: It was just I am not like fully immersed into the motivational speaking space just yet.
• 3:46
  Scott Thomas: Like this, I'm I'm still like new to the to the craft, but I also understand exactly the weight and the credibility TED holds within the space.
• 3:56
  Scott Thomas: So it was just a massive moment for me, and I and I've taken this very seriously.
• 3:59
  Scott Thomas: Like, I understand the process in terms of the coaching and what it takes, and I've been so thorough, and I'm gonna make the most of every opportunity.
• 4:06
  Andy Coley: Yeah, and it's interesting that whole thing about being a 'motivational speaker', because there's a label that some people love and other people hate.
• 4:13
  Scott Thomas: Oh, I love it.
• 4:14
  Andy Coley: Yeah, what do you what do you what do you find you're gonna want to motivate people about?
• 4:17
  Andy Coley: Like, what is your passion?
• 4:19
  Andy Coley: What's the thing that you really want to help people connect to?
• 4:22
  Andy Coley: Um, because you obviously have gone to work with lots of other motivational people.
• 4:26
  Andy Coley: We spoke earlier about the fact that you're gonna go and see Tony Robbins, like one of the literally the biggest motivational speakers in the world.
• 4:34
  Andy Coley: Um what is it that you want to motivate people around?
• 4:37
  Andy Coley: What's your what's your thing at the moment?
• 4:39
  Andy Coley: Because it it often changes, but right now, what what is the you that you want to motivate people about?
• 4:44
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, so I'm on a mission to help people reconnect to their true self and tap into their full potential because I know the pain of losing yourself.
• 4:51
  Scott Thomas: But for like 10 years, I completely lost myself.
• 4:54
  Scott Thomas: And I didn't even know at the time I was a professional party boy, I was out three, four nights a week, I was taking lots of drugs, drinking myself into oblivion, and I didn't know how to break out of it, and I didn't know who to ask for help.
• 5:06
  Scott Thomas: And but what I did know is that I wasn't reaching my potential.
• 5:09
  Scott Thomas: I could see my potential, I could feel it, but I didn't know how to tap into it.
• 5:13
  Scott Thomas: And what I realized on my journey was it wasn't about becoming somebody else, it was about becoming more of who I truly was, and it wasn't about adding more into my life, it was actually about removing stuff from my life, removing my relationship to alcohol, removing toxic environments, removing friends who no longer are aligned.
• 5:29
  Scott Thomas: And through doing that, I reconnected back to myself.
• 5:31
  Scott Thomas: And now when I see people, even some of my friends who come around to my house now for like vision board sessions and everything else, I'm not trying to teach them something new, I'm just trying to remind them of who they are.
• 5:41
  Scott Thomas: And I'll give you an example.
• 5:42
  Scott Thomas: Like one of my friends is like a really credible actor and everything else, and he's been through a tough time.
• 5:48
  Scott Thomas: And um, and he used to be like at the height of his fame, and he's had a tough time.
• 5:52
  Scott Thomas: And anyway, he's he's trying to get himself back.
• 5:54
  Scott Thomas: And he was on the phone to me and he said, Uh, yeah, I'm thinking about being uh a paddle coach.
• 5:59
  Scott Thomas: Bear in mind, I love paddle, right?
• 6:00
  Scott Thomas: But straight away I said to him, I went, I said, Are you winding me up?
• 6:05
  Scott Thomas: I said, Do you not understand who you are?
• 6:07
  Scott Thomas: And he was like, What do you mean?
• 6:08
  Scott Thomas: I went, Do you know who you are?
• 6:10
  Scott Thomas: Like, and even me just saying that to him, you could just hear that the change in his voice because sometimes all it takes is one person to remind us of who we are.
• 6:18
  Scott Thomas: And I've had it in my life before where someone said to me, like, do you not see yourself?
• 6:22
  Scott Thomas: And I get goosebumps when I say it now because it's those moments in time that allow me to find my myself, my way back to myself.
• 6:29
  Scott Thomas: And that's all I want to do now is literally just ask the right questions to people.
• 6:33
  Scott Thomas: I'm not gonna try and recreate the wheel, I just want people to see who they are and remember what they're capable of.
• 6:38
  Simran Whitham: And touching on that journey, what you just said, with a lot of speakers, a lot of them specialise in a certain area because they've been through something in their life that makes them go down that.
• 6:48
  Simran Whitham: So, for example, motivational speaking.
• 6:50
  Simran Whitham: Uh you often find with a lot of motivational speakers, they want to go into motivation specifically because they themselves have been at a point where they needed that same motivation they want to give to others.
• 7:01
  Simran Whitham: Was there a particular point in that journey?
• 7:04
  Simran Whitham: I know you've said you've battled with drink and drugs, but was there ever one day where you went, no, this is the moment where that you feel comfortable sharing anyway, where you went, No, fuck me, I've had enough.
• 7:13
  Simran Whitham: This is like this is the moment where was it a family member, or was it a day you woke up, or was it a situation that made you go, I need to change my life?
• 7:21
  Andy Coley: Yeah, I heard that phrase once did you have a 'had enough' moment when we were like, That's it, I've got to I've gotta make a change.
• 7:30
  Scott Thomas: There were so many moments across my journey, but I'm not gonna go too much into the moment because that's one of the core stories of my TED.
• 7:37
  Scott Thomas: Okay, so I don't want to give it away too much, yeah, but yeah, there was definitely a moment in time, and it was in that moment in time where I literally it wasn't compared to some people's rock bottoms, it probably wasn't as bad, but for me it was like just like the final straw.
• 7:55
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, and I think it's more the fact that it was the first time I got in the way of my my true potential.
• 8:01
  Scott Thomas: I'd pissed people off before, I'd upset people, I'd had uh damaged relationships, but this was the first time something happened where it directly got in the way of my potential, my business, my success, and that meant so much to me.
• 8:14
  Scott Thomas: And that's when I knew I had to do something about it.
• 8:16
  Scott Thomas: And I always say it just takes one decision.
• 8:18
  Scott Thomas: Like what once you hit that point, it only takes one decision to I want and one decision that you truly mean, not one that you kind of mean, because there's so many times, for example, I would say I'm gonna stop drinking and that's it, I'm done.
• 8:29
  Scott Thomas: But I didn't really fucking mean it.
• 8:31
  Scott Thomas: Like the next week I was back on it again, but this time in that moment I knew something was different, and that's why I always say to people, like, how badly do you mean it?
• 8:39
  Scott Thomas: How badly do you want it?
• 8:40
  Scott Thomas: And do you really mean it?
• 8:42
  Scott Thomas: Um, because when you really mean it and you make that one decision, the whole world opens up for you.
• 8:48
  Scott Thomas: Like it's almost like the world just gets out of your way because it's all about intention.
• 8:53
  Scott Thomas: So yeah, I did have that moment uh and it led me to that one decision, and I'm so grateful.
• 8:57
  Scott Thomas: And from there it was such a domino effect.
• 9:00
  Andy Coley: Do you think if you hadn't have had those moments of fame beyond Love Island, the TV, and millions of followers, and uh maybe access to be able to go and invest in yourself, do you think you still would have found that same potential?
• 9:13
  Andy Coley: Or do you think the other opportunities created the catalyst that that has actually made you who you're becoming?
• 9:21
  Scott Thomas: I feel like ever since a young kid, I was like the golden child of the family, right?
• 9:25
  Scott Thomas: So I was the professor of the family, the one who was the smart one, and my brothers were both the actors of the family.
• 9:31
  Scott Thomas: And I've always been what you would class as a high achiever, even from an early age.
• 9:37
  Scott Thomas: I went to a really academic school, I got my four A stars, five A's, three A's at A level, and then somehow I went from that Scot to this party boy.
• 9:45
  Scott Thomas: I lost myself in the nightlife industry, became a professional party boy for 10 years as a nightlife promoter, and I was really good at throwing parties, being the ultimate lad in everything else, but I've totally forgot about that Scot, the Scott who loved learning, who loved um performing in school, plays as the artful dodger.
• 10:03
  Scott Thomas: Like I completely forgot about a whole part of me, and I call him Little Scott.
• 10:07
  Scott Thomas: And then I basically went on this journey trying to fit in, trying to be like everybody else, and in turn forgot about this guy.
• 10:13
  Scott Thomas: And it sounds so weird, but now it's almost like I've reconnected back to little Scott, who I was probably meant to always be, which sounds daft because I think we're always meant to go through what we're meant to go through.
• 10:22
  Scott Thomas: But I just feel like all of us know deep down that we're capable of something, and that's what this is what I said to my same friend the other day.
• 10:29
  Scott Thomas: I said, Do you wake up in the morning and think to yourself, I am destined for great things?
• 10:35
  Scott Thomas: Without even a second thought, he went, Yes.
• 10:38
  Scott Thomas: I went, Well, that's all you need to know.
• 10:40
  Scott Thomas: Because he said, I've had so many knocks, I've had everything else, and that's the same with me.
• 10:43
  Scott Thomas: I had so many knocks and everything else, but every the one thing I'm so proud of is that I never gave up because I always felt it in my intuition that I was capable of great things, and I think that's what what it means to be a human.
• 10:54
  Scott Thomas: It's just to reach your potential, and I'm not saying that we have to like work so hard and we have to achieve billion-pound businesses and everything else, but we all know what our potential is, and that's all it that's all it is for me.
• 11:05
  Scott Thomas: And right now I'm finally the Scott that I always wanted to be, and and and that's enough for me.
• 11:10
  Simran Whitham: One one common trait I've discovered alongside amongst so many of the entrepreneurs that I mean because I hang out with successful content creators, business leaders, is they have delusional confidence and that you can achieve anything no matter whether you've got the lowest amount of income or all income, it all comes down to the confidence of belief in yourself fundamentally.
• 11:28
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, for the first time in my life, and I don't say this to be arrogant, I feel like I could walk into any room and not feel intimidated and not feel like I can't do something.
• 11:37
  Scott Thomas: Like, for example, um, for the first time in my life, I want to create generational wealth.
• 11:42
  Scott Thomas: And it's never really been about that for me, if I'm honest.
• 11:44
  Scott Thomas: It's always been about just recognition, looking like I was the guy, looking like I had a great business, looking like um I had it all figured out, rather than actually going, wait a second, what's gonna uh lead to the tangible results?
• 11:54
  Scott Thomas: And for the third time in my life, I want to create wealth, and I say that with my chest because I want more so I can give more.
• 11:59
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, and when I go around now and I look at these when I'm abroad on holiday and I look at these mansions and these flash cars and stuff for the first time in my life, I don't think that's unachievable.
• 12:08
  Scott Thomas: Uh and I feel unstoppable.
• 12:10
  Scott Thomas: And this confidence that I've got right now, I want to bottle it up, and I'm gonna bottle bottle it up in my frameworks and my book and everything I do, and try and share this with people because when you feel like this, you really do feel like anything is possible.
• 12:23
  Scott Thomas: And it's not like, oh, I can um I've got all these skills and I can do anything.
• 12:29
  Scott Thomas: I'm not like delusional in that sense, but what I mean is if I'm moving in alignment, like doing what I was born to do, which I truly believe is speaking, because I just love learning stuff, I love sharing it, I love performing on stage, I'm combining everything I love.
• 12:42
  Scott Thomas: If I'm moving in alignment with who I truly am, I believe there's no ceiling to it.
• 12:47
  Scott Thomas: So I'm not gonna sit here and say to you, right, I'm gonna go off and be an NBA basketballer or anything like that.
• 12:52
  Scott Thomas: But when you are moving in alignment with who you truly are, that's when I feel like you are unstoppable.
• 12:56
  Scott Thomas: But that again means removing anything that's not you, and that's what I want to help people do.
• 13:01
  Simran Whitham: You'd said something there that I just want to pick at.
• 13:03
  Simran Whitham: You mentioned generational wealth.
• 13:05
  Simran Whitham: I know family is very important to you, you and your brothers in particular, trio of absolute it you can see the love between you and your brothers in particular.
• 13:15
  Simran Whitham: How has your family's like views and reaction been to your transformation into the speaking journey?
• 13:21
  Simran Whitham: I think it was one of your podcasts.
• 13:23
  Simran Whitham: I remember saying that was it believe me or correct me if I'm wrong, your brothers didn't believe it at first when you said you were going to change your life around and you wanted to go into the speaking world.
• 13:31
  Simran Whitham: What's been those around you, your family and your friends' reaction to this whole new Scott reconnecting with younger Scott again?
• 13:38
  Scott Thomas: It's so interesting.
• 13:39
  Scott Thomas: This is one thing that I talk about a lot, is that sometimes when we're trying to change, it can be the people that we love the most that try and keep us where we are.
• 13:45
  Scott Thomas: And it's not because they don't love us, it's because it's scary for them to see you change because people like an expected version of you.
• 13:53
  Scott Thomas: And for years, like I just wanted my brothers to see me as the new Scott, or even some of my closest friends, but it's especially with family, right?
• 14:01
  Scott Thomas: Because you always got the five family dynamics to take into consideration as well as everything else.
• 14:06
  Scott Thomas: But yeah, I was just like, why don't you believe me?
• 14:08
  Scott Thomas: I I've changed, I'm this guy.
• 14:11
  Scott Thomas: And I was just like waiting for this acceptance and waiting for people to clap for me along the journey.
• 14:16
  Scott Thomas: And it's only literally in the last year now where this shift has happened, where my own family and my brothers see me as this Scott because I've been consistently showing up like this now for a very long time, and also the results, the proof is in the pudding.
• 14:32
  Scott Thomas: Too many good things that I said were going to happen are starting to happen.
• 14:36
  Scott Thomas: And listen, what I've realized now is it's not even about waiting for them to accept you.
• 14:40
  Scott Thomas: You have to accept yourself along the journey.
• 14:41
  Scott Thomas: That's the bit that I wish someone told me like more clearly along the way that don't wait for anybody else to clap for you.
• 14:47
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, like you just have to believe it, and over time they will start to accept you as the new Scott.
• 14:52
  Scott Thomas: And listen, my brothers love me more than anyone, right?
• 14:55
  Scott Thomas: But we like an expected version of the people that we know because otherwise it makes us feel uncomfortable.
• 15:01
  Scott Thomas: And there's so many people that I've lost touch with now, not because I don't love them, I love them so much, but every time I'm with them, they they couldn't accept this Scott because a lot of people save me.
• 15:11
  Scott Thomas: A lot of people were there to help me for a tough time.
• 15:13
  Scott Thomas: So they were my saviour.
• 15:14
  Scott Thomas: So when I'm around them now and I'm in my power, and I'm like, I don't need them as much.
• 15:20
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, they don't know how to be with me.
• 15:22
  Scott Thomas: And the only way they know how to talk to me is like how they used to talk to the other Scott.
• 15:26
  Scott Thomas: So it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.
• 15:28
  Scott Thomas: So I there's so many people now that who I love with all my heart, and I'll be there for a split second, but I don't spend as much time with them because I want people around me now who accept me as the new Scott.
• 15:37
  Andy Coley: Yeah.
• 15:38
  Scott Thomas: But I get it takes time and it takes consistency, and it just takes not giving a fuck if I'm honest.
• 15:42
  Scott Thomas: And I wish someone told me that along the way because I was still, wait, why don't you why don't you see me now as the new person where it's only you who has to see you?
• 15:51
  Andy Coley: I talk about this a lot when I'm running personal development courses.
• 15:53
  Andy Coley: I do a lot of NLP training and so forth.
• 15:55
  Andy Coley: And particularly when you're running someone like a practitioner course, it's quite intensive, and your family are expecting to see the version of you that left the house, but the version of you that turns back up after you've been on a course or a long weekend or a like you've had so many new learnings and thoughts and processes, and you've resolved shit from your past, and you've done all this stuff, and they're expecting that version of you to show back up.
• 16:17
  Andy Coley: And it can take a long time for that adjustment, you know, for for seeing yourself and and for others to see you as well, because you've been doing the work and sometimes they haven't.
• 16:27
  Andy Coley: That's often why on those courses like relationships change or people split up or they fall out with their family because they suddenly recognise that the people around them all were also not doing the work, and that could be tricky as well.
• 16:37
  Andy Coley: It's almost like people try and keep us in victim mode because it they want to rescue and support us, and and they love they love the old version of us that you needed my help for, not the new version of you that maybe you don't need me for, and that people don't quite know how to handle that.
• 16:54
  Scott Thomas: And to add to that, Andy, as well, with a lot when it comes to people the closest to you, a lot of times holding up a mirror to them as well.
• 17:00
  Scott Thomas: That when you're a representation of your personal development, it reminds them of how much they've not grown.
• 17:05
  Scott Thomas: Because if they expect you to stay the same, it shows that they've not moved as well.
• 17:08
  Scott Thomas: My mum's the same, so I come from a council state and I run a six-figure business.
• 17:13
  Scott Thomas: But my mum can never she was at my house yesterday and she turned up and she does some, she doesn't need to do these things like my mum.
• 17:20
  Scott Thomas: She really doesn't too because I've got her out of that situation.
• 17:23
  Scott Thomas: But she'll still use old plastic bottles because when we were growing up, like when it was glass bottles, she would keep it to pop the stuff in.
• 17:30
  Scott Thomas: She turns and she still does it too.
• 17:31
  Scott Thomas: I was like, Mum, why have you brought this to the house?
• 17:33
  Scott Thomas: She's like, Oh, you're too good for it now.
• 17:35
  Scott Thomas: And it's like, no, it's it's because I've just moved on from that point.
• 17:38
  Scott Thomas: And the close those people closest to us, sometimes it's the most painful for them to see us grow a lot of the time.
• 17:44
  Scott Thomas: Which I'm not saying your brothers did this, but they probably expect they just weren't used to that change almost because when someone's changing, you can feel like you're being left behind almost a little bit.
• 17:53
  Scott Thomas: 100%.
• 17:54
  Scott Thomas: And I just had a beautiful moment.
• 17:55
  Scott Thomas: We just filmed a birthday special for my podcast with my brothers, and uh our Adam said I've got a couple of words to read out for you, and it was the most beautiful um thing I've ever heard.
• 18:06
  Scott Thomas: Like he just he wrote so many nice things about how I've inspired him and and how I've been pivotal on his journey.
• 18:12
  Scott Thomas: And that's been the biggest gift of everything that I've done.
• 18:16
  Scott Thomas: The fact that, like, for example, when I went sober, my mum went sober at the same time, she's now I think like six, seven years sober, which is a completely different person.
• 18:23
  Scott Thomas: She actually stayed not drinking, way beyond I did.
• 18:26
  Scott Thomas: Um, and then like my best friend went sober, became an Iron Man, like, and I never try to preach to these people or to my friends or my family.
• 18:37
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, I don't try to teach them, I try to show them.
• 18:40
  Scott Thomas: And that's one thing I learned early on in my journey because I used to learn things and go, I wanted to share it with everyone.
• 18:46
  Scott Thomas: I go, What why don't you get it?
• 18:47
  Scott Thomas: Why are you not listening?
• 18:48
  Scott Thomas: And then I kind of not I kind of gave up and just thought, you know what, like just focus on my journey and through my journey, hopefully I will inspire them.
• 18:54
  Scott Thomas: And that's what's um started to happen now.
• 18:57
  Scott Thomas: But there was a time, man, and and people call it the lonely chapter.
• 18:59
  Scott Thomas: I think it's Chris Williamson from Modern Wisdom.
• 19:01
  Scott Thomas: He talks about the lonely chapter where you've not quite found your new people yet, but you don't feel quite comfortable with your old people.
• 19:08
  Scott Thomas: Yeah.
• 19:09
  Scott Thomas: And I think that's something that we should talk about a lot more because when you're going through, you don't realise what's happening.
• 19:14
  Scott Thomas: And I think that's what I'm on a mission now to do with the true self-project and with my new conversation room is that actually create the environments for people, especially men.
• 19:22
  Scott Thomas: Because what happens is when men are told to go and work on themselves, it's almost like we're told to like pull away from everyone and everything, right?
• 19:28
  Scott Thomas: Which I get is is is a really useful tool because I think sometimes you have to have those alone times to practice self-awareness and to get to know yourself again.
• 19:37
  Scott Thomas: But at the same time, I think it would also be equally useful to have an environment you can step straight into with people on the same mindset as you, especially the guys who are coming out of the party scene and everything else.
• 19:47
  Scott Thomas: Like they want to change, but none of their friends are doing the right things right now, but they can't find the new people.
• 19:52
  Scott Thomas: Yeah.
• 19:52
  Scott Thomas: So I'm on a mission now to create these environments through my events and stuff that basically bring like-minded men together and women eventually, but I think right now, starting with men, where they don't feel alone and they feel like they can expand and not basically be judged and held back by the existing group of friends, if that makes sense.
• 20:12
  Andy Coley: Well, I mean, talking of 'tools', I mean, what about Andrew Tate's and the 'manosphere' and all of that side of things?
• 20:17
  Andy Coley: Because you know, I really feel that a lot of personal development is always being put back by people who are spreading that kind of toxic bullshit.
• 20:26
  Andy Coley: You know, what's your thoughts around you know supporting people who have maybe been influenced by that, especially younger generations where they think, oh, this alpha male is the you know the peak of what I'm looking to achieve, and this is how I'm gonna treat people around me or women or whomever.
• 20:41
  Andy Coley: You know, I think that also does a lot of harm to people out there putting out great content who really want to shift people's mindsets and support them.
• 20:48
  Andy Coley: Um, have you come across that a lot in terms of the work that you're doing?
• 20:51
  Andy Coley: Almost like having to undo other people's?
• 20:54
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, I feel like we just need to meet in the middle somewhere.
• 20:56
  Scott Thomas: I did a post on social media about the 10 things I've learned from being single.
• 21:00
  Scott Thomas: And it's because I know there's a lot of guys out there right now, and and women actually, who need that reassurance that they're not on their own.
• 21:08
  Scott Thomas: But I also know that a lot of men would go, Fucking hell, get a grit, mate, you wet wipe.
• 21:13
  Scott Thomas: And literally, there was one post, and and he said something like, Honestly, you you boys are just a bunch of wet wipes, the World War II generation would be a disgrace, uh, would be so disappointing in you guys.
• 21:24
  Scott Thomas: And I just laughed at it because, in a weird kind of way, I was like, Do you know what?
• 21:30
  Scott Thomas: There's an element of what he's saying, is like, I get where he's coming from because I feel like we don't want to be too soft, right?
• 21:39
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, but at the same time, is I think it's about pulling on different um resources when it comes to masculinity.
• 21:46
  Scott Thomas: And I'll use an example.
• 21:47
  Scott Thomas: So sometimes I listen to David Goggins in the morning, right?
• 21:51
  Scott Thomas: Get up and everything else.
• 21:53
  Scott Thomas: But sometimes I'm thinking, fucking chill out, mate.
• 21:55
  Scott Thomas: Like I just want to take it easy today.
• 21:57
  Scott Thomas: Now I might listen to Dr. Joe Dispenza, who's all about stuff.
• 21:59
  Scott Thomas: Stop chasing, start choosing.
• 22:01
  Scott Thomas: And I feel like it's up to us to pull on different fuels for different things.
• 22:05
  Scott Thomas: And we don't have to be so polarized.
• 22:07
  Scott Thomas: I think masculinity has been so polarized.
• 22:09
  Scott Thomas: Like, what about just being?
• 22:10
  Scott Thomas: I want to be an example of I'm a normal lad who's going to create a dream life for himself.
• 22:14
  Scott Thomas: He's going to work hard and everything else, but he's also really in touch with his emotions.
• 22:18
  Scott Thomas: And I don't think there's anything more masculine than somebody can talk about their emotions and say that they've been to therapy, they're willing to work on themselves, they're willing to own what they've been through.
• 22:26
  Scott Thomas: But instead, in the world right now, it just seems like you're either this guy or you're this guy.
• 22:30
  Scott Thomas: And for me, it's like, what about somewhere in the middle?
• 22:33
  Scott Thomas: And I think that's that my kind of approach to positive masculinity.
• 22:37
  Andy Coley: It's interesting that that it does take time to shift that as well, doesn't it?
• 22:41
  Andy Coley: And be the example.
• 22:42
  Andy Coley: I I stopped drinking about seven years ago myself.
• 22:45
  Andy Coley: You get people around you go, like, why have you done that?
• 22:48
  Andy Coley: Like, there's nothing wrong.
• 22:49
  Andy Coley: You know, we're come, let's come out to go to the pub.
• 22:51
  Andy Coley: I'll still go out to them, go to the pub, I just have a different drink.
• 22:54
  Andy Coley: Yeah, I've got a friend of mine, Janie Lee, Grace, great um coach around sobriety, and she talks about keep the ceremony, change the ingredient.
• 23:00
  Andy Coley: There's no reason to stop doing the things you already want to go out and do, just because you you're changing something doesn't mean you have to change everything.
• 23:07
  Andy Coley: You know, and we'll look at what you what you can do, what you can achieve, what you can put yourself out there for.
• 23:12
  Andy Coley: And I think it's that it's this ability for us to change our mind is a lot of why I got into doing what what I'm doing now.
• 23:20
  Andy Coley: Um, and I think that that's the fascinating thing about where talks like the TEDx and where the work that you're doing can enable people to you know change their mind.
• 23:29
  Andy Coley: So I suppose from as a result of your talk, what do you hope people might change in terms of their mindset?
• 23:36
  Scott Thomas: I think a lot of people think the answers that we're looking for are out there, but I actually think they're within.
• 23:43
  Scott Thomas: And also the answers we're looking for is often in the silence that we're avoiding.
• 23:47
  Scott Thomas: And I think in a world that we live in now that's so over-stimulated and we're being constantly distracted away from ourselves.
• 23:54
  Scott Thomas: I just want to be a reminder that the answers you're looking for are right here.
• 23:58
  Andy Coley: Yeah.
• 23:58
  Scott Thomas: And we don't have to become somebody else, so we don't have to try and keep up with social media or keep up with everybody and always like constantly chasing something.
• 24:06
  Scott Thomas: Uh, and this is a message that I'm constantly learning, and there's levels to it.
• 24:10
  Scott Thomas: Like, I'm not the finished article.
• 24:11
  Scott Thomas: Um, and when you mentioned earlier, like when I motivated, I'm motivating myself as well.
• 24:15
  Scott Thomas: Like, that's why I love this game.
• 24:16
  Scott Thomas: But because the more that I learn, the more um I put this message out to the world, the more it allows me to apply it to my life as well.
• 24:26
  Scott Thomas: Um, and I think that's the greatest gift when you're actually working on yourself, but you get to help other people, it it's a beautiful feeling.
• 24:33
  Scott Thomas: Um, so yeah, I think for me, it's just like reminding people that their authenticity, their individual individuality is their superpower.
• 24:44
  Andy Coley: Yeah.
• 24:44
  Scott Thomas: Especially in a world now of AI and everything else, like I just want to remind people that they are already it.
• 24:50
  Simran Whitham: Amazing.
• 24:52
  Andy Coley: And if you could have a conversation with that 27-year-old version of yourself before you went on the island, what would you now say to that him and would he have listened?
• 25:03
  Scott Thomas: Oh man.
• 25:04
  Scott Thomas: So funny you say this.
• 25:05
  Scott Thomas: I was literally just driving in.
• 25:06
  Scott Thomas: I rarely come into town these days, and I was literally just driving past the casino, um, 235 Casino, and I and I used to stumble out there at like five, six in the morning um after losing thousands of pounds like on drugs, drunk out of my head, and I could see myself there, I was walking down um the road, and I was just pulled up in my car, and I was this guy right now.
• 25:28
  Scott Thomas: And I just kind of wanted to get out of the car and just put my arm around her, come here, you do you know who you are?
• 25:37
  Scott Thomas: Do you know what you're capable of?
• 25:40
  Scott Thomas: You don't have to do this because all all like the whole time I was living that life, I knew that wasn't quite me.
• 25:48
  Scott Thomas: I knew I was different in in that sense.
• 25:50
  Scott Thomas: I knew I wasn't really the ultimate lad.
• 25:54
  Scott Thomas: It was just a mask that I was wearing to try to be accepted.
• 25:57
  Scott Thomas: And don't get me wrong, as a chapter of my life, as a young lad growing up, being out in town and everything else.
• 26:03
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, it was glamorous, it was fun for a while, but the the time it went on for that was the moment where I lost myself.
• 26:09
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, um, and again, I just think sometimes people just need an arm round them and just a reminder of who they are.
• 26:16
  Scott Thomas: That's all I think people need because a lot of us, through self-admitting beliefs, through trauma, through lifestyles, relationships, jobs that we hate, we just lose connection to ourselves.
• 26:27
  Scott Thomas: When deep down we all know that we're we're destined for great things, but it's just about tapping back into it.
• 26:33
  Simran Whitham: So September 11th is fast approaching, Scott.
• 26:37
  Simran Whitham: I want to ask you this is your first time going through any form of speaker coaching, speaker training.
• 26:43
  Simran Whitham: How have you found coming into the TED speaking coaching programme in particular, from the minute you were onboarded from that first call?
• 26:50
  Simran Whitham: What's it been like for you for those that are listening to this now who might dream, who might watch your TEDx talk and go, I want to do what Scott's just done.
• 26:57
  Simran Whitham: How do I do a TEDx talk?
• 26:59
  Simran Whitham: What's it been like?
• 27:00
  Simran Whitham: Because it's work and I call it a boot camp.
• 27:02
  Simran Whitham: I told you when we had that first call.
• 27:03
  Simran Whitham: Judges' houses.
• 27:05
  Simran Whitham: I told you.
• 27:06
  Simran Whitham: I weren't joking, mate.
• 27:06
  Simran Whitham: Hey, you remember the judge's houses line?
• 27:08
  Simran Whitham: Yeah, I told you, mate.
• 27:09
  Simran Whitham: Yeah, we don't we don't piss about, like we take it seriously because we invest our time into you and we expect the same back as well.
• 27:16
  Scott Thomas: 100%.
• 27:16
  Simran Whitham: And every TEDx event is different, but we hold ourselves to a certain standard, and it's not egotistical when I say this, but I know for a fact that we are one of the best TEDx events because of the quality of the coaching and the organization that we do.
• 27:29
  Simran Whitham: So, what's it been like for you to come into this?
• 27:31
  Simran Whitham: I would call it a well-oiled machine at this point and be one of the TEDx Northern Quarter Illuminati, effectively.
• 27:37
  Simran Whitham: Well, soon to be, anyway.
• 27:38
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, first of all, a massive credit to you guys.
• 27:40
  Scott Thomas: Like, this literally is a well-oiled machine, and the process has blown me away.
• 27:45
  Scott Thomas: Like the thoroughness, what it takes to deliver that talk on that day and everything that goes on behind the scenes, like the emails, the WhatsApp groups, the coaches, the masterclasses, like you guys cover every base to the point we're even discussing.
• 28:01
  Scott Thomas: I've been coaching on our outfits for the event and everything, every detail, no stone is left unturned.
• 28:05
  Scott Thomas: So I've been blown away by it, and also the coaches that you guys have provided.
• 28:09
  Scott Thomas: I'm working with a guy called Steve Payne, who's just world-class, and he's just blown me away in terms of what it takes to be a good speaker, and in terms of tonality, um like rhythm, like just everything about the human language.
• 28:24
  Scott Thomas: And yeah, I've just I've I've learned what it takes, and this is the like I said, I feel like I've done I've delivered a lot of talks, but this is actually gonna be my first official talk in so many ways because this is where I'm applying all the principles that I've learned.
• 28:38
  Scott Thomas: Um, and yeah, I just think you guys have done like TEDx such a justice, like because this is a real experience, but it's also not for the faint-hearted, and you have to keep up, you have to apply yourself.
• 28:53
  Scott Thomas: I've been doing weekly coaching now for for months on end, and I've loved every moment of it, and this is all just to prepare a 15-minute talk.
• 29:01
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, some people only see that that little that little glimpse when you go on stage, but in fact, what what it takes to to apply that is a whole new level.
• 29:10
  Andy Coley: I mean, how many iterations have you talked gone through?
• 29:12
  Scott Thomas: So many titles.
• 29:13
  Scott Thomas: Well, I've changed my title, I've changed my talk, it's still happening.
• 29:17
  Scott Thomas: Um and and I love it.
• 29:19
  Simran Whitham: Yeah, you have until the minute we submit it to YouTube to change a title.
• 29:23
  Simran Whitham: So we're not we're not saving after that one, Scott.
• 29:26
  Simran Whitham: All right, okay.
• 29:26
  Simran Whitham: Yeah, I love it.
• 29:27
  Andy Coley: Yeah, so we've got a little tradition here um at our um TEDx Northern Quarter podcast is to basically ask a question of it's getting the little red book out of the guest.
• 29:38
  Andy Coley: This is your life that the previous guest has asked.
• 29:41
  Andy Coley: Okay.
• 29:42
  Andy Coley: Um, so our previous guest, um, Miles uh from the Premium Fuel Club has written you a little question that uh serious gonna read out, and we're just curious to know what your answer to it would be.
• 29:52
  Simran Whitham: So Miles is Europe's youngest oil CEO, one of the sponsors of TEDx Northern Quarter.
• 29:59
  Simran Whitham: And the question that he wants you to answer honestly is the following What gets you out of bed in the morning, and do you think you found your purpose on this earth?
• 30:13
  Scott Thomas: I love it.
• 30:14
  Scott Thomas: Well, I feel like I can answer both questions in one.
• 30:17
  Scott Thomas: And I feel like I feel like what gets me out of bed in the morning is my purpose now.
• 30:23
  Scott Thomas: Um and it's to be one of the the best motivational speakers in the UK, um, and maybe beyond that.
• 30:33
  Scott Thomas: But when I first said I wanted to be a speaker, my business coach said to me, Why not the world?
• 30:37
  Scott Thomas: I went, well, because balance means a lot to me as well.
• 30:40
  Scott Thomas: Um, and I love this craft and I love it, and I want to inspire so many people, but I also don't want to lose myself in the process.
• 30:46
  Scott Thomas: But listen, that might be a limiting belief, let's see what happens.
• 30:48
  Scott Thomas: But I'm on a mission now to change millions of people's lives, and you probably say, Why?
• 30:52
  Scott Thomas: Well, because I know the pain of losing yourself, um, and I feel like this is something that comes so naturally to me, and something that's like it's almost like a hobby for me.
• 31:03
  Scott Thomas: Like, I've been listening to motivational speakers day in, day out for years.
• 31:08
  Scott Thomas: They got me to this point.
• 31:09
  Scott Thomas: The likes of Eric Thomas, the likes of uh Simon Sinek, Tony Robbins, um Les Brown, like this is my sport, this is my fun, and the fact that these guys have dragged me out of the shit.
• 31:21
  Scott Thomas: I want to be the same person now that helps someone else tap into their their full potential.
• 31:27
  Scott Thomas: So, yeah, it's every every single day now.
• 31:29
  Scott Thomas: I wake up and I'm thinking, how would the number one motivational speaker in the UK move?
• 31:34
  Scott Thomas: Not because I have to be him, but that's the standard that I want to hold myself to, that's the dedication now that I want to um give this craft.
• 31:41
  Scott Thomas: So, yeah, that's what gets me gassed in the morning.
• 31:43
  Scott Thomas: And um, I'm no longer being dragged towards my goals, I'm being pulled towards them.
• 31:49
  Scott Thomas: And I used to use pain as my fuel, pain of being a pisser, pain of not reaching my potential.
• 31:56
  Scott Thomas: Whereas now, for the first time in my life, I'm waking up going, just feeling like I'm being pulled towards my potential because I'm so aligned.
• 32:04
  Scott Thomas: Everything I do now in my life, whether it's the podcast with my brothers, which is me having so much fun with my brothers, I'm creating that business, I'm hiring, and I'm the operational guy, I'm building something for my family, but I get to have so much joy with my brothers.
• 32:16
  Scott Thomas: Then I've got my my um social PR agency, which is like an extension of me.
• 32:20
  Scott Thomas: We're working with amazing brands and we're managing talent, and social PR manages me as talent.
• 32:25
  Scott Thomas: And then I've got the motivational speaking space, doing my TED talk, writing my book, and everything I do now, I'm finally moving in alignment.
• 32:35
  Scott Thomas: There's nothing where I wake up and go, why am I doing this?
• 32:37
  Scott Thomas: Yeah, every day I ask myself, does this align with me?
• 32:39
  Scott Thomas: And if it doesn't align with me, I get myself out of it as soon as possible.
• 32:42
  Scott Thomas: Whereas before I was doing stuff because it looked good on paper, yeah, it made me good money and everything else.
• 32:47
  Scott Thomas: Whereas for the first time ever, I'm fully aligned with my purpose.
• 32:50
  Scott Thomas: So to answer your question, yes, I have found my purpose, and that's the thing that gets me out of bed every single day.
• 32:57
  Andy Coley: Thank you so much, Scott, for joining us on the podcast.
• 32:59
  Scott Thomas: Thank you so much for having me.
• 33:08
  Titles: This is the TEDx Northern Quarter Podcast.