Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / My Psychiatrist Explains My Personality (And Yours) - The Enneagram Episode

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My Psychiatrist Explains My Personality (And Yours) - The Enneagram Episode · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Death of Me a production of I Heart Radio. Hi. There,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: we're here today. It's Brandon Chelsea and my psychiatrist, Dan
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Segel is here. He's going to break down the angiogram
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: for us, because that is a part of my book
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: where I explained that I am a number eight on
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: the angiogram chart, which is something I had never heard
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: of before I met Dan. And um, we're gonna go
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: through all the numbers of the Instagram because a lot
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: of people have been asking me questions about it and
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: how to take a test. There's a bunch of online
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: tests you can take, and there's a bunch of different variations. Okay,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: so I want you to just take us through all
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: the numbers because, like a classic narcissist, I'm just familiar
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: with my own. Even though I know we decided I'm
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: not an artissist. It was a grand jury decision. By
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: the way, I would like to say, I'm unanimous. That's right,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: totally unanimous, non narcissistic, that's right. So the thing that
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: first of all to say about the Instagram that's so
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: cool is that it's actually an inside job. Unlike other
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: systems of trying to classify personality. This one isn't so
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: much about what you would see someone doing in their behavior.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: It's where their attention goes. And so that's an inner experience. Now,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: so so watching another person, you wouldn't be able to
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: deduce what number there are no really, you could make
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: guesses and be right. You can make guesses and be wrong.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: But it's an inside job. That's what I love about
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: it because it's really about where attention goes, which means
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: the inner systems of the brain, that's our view in
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: the group I'm working with are actually showing their proclivities,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: their tendencies. So as we go through these nine, keep
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: in mind that the Instagram system is an observation of
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: where attention goes that has been really interesting and of
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: value to lots of people. And then with these scientists,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: colleagues and I, we are really trying to say, Okay,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: that's really interesting observational data. Now what's happening in the brain.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: So as we go through this, I'll give you a
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: little bit of the antagram and a little bit of
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: our perspective, and they go together, I think, beautifully. But
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: all of them are about the inside job. Okay. So
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: the PDP model is your take on the angiogram. Correct,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: So our PDP model looks at the brain number one
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: and then gives a developmental pathway and white people like that.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: We're not getting into that here because it gets a
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: little So basically Danna saying he has a take on
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: the angiogram model, which is the PDPOT model, which is
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: patterns of developmental pathways pathways. So that's what that is, okay, right,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Meaning you have to decide or decipher where your attention
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: goes and what resonates with you when you read these
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: descriptions right exactly. So like one time I did this
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: from my whole family. We sat around in a family meeting.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: We went around these nine like we're just about to do,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: and then my father in law, of less his soul,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: he came up with one number and all of his
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: kids and his wife said, that's not you, And it
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: really was him. He was being so open and honest
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: about where he was at on this these nine pipes.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: He landed himself right in one and they said, that's
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: not you, but it was. He had shown an external
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: way of behaving just to get along with everybody. Um,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: but his inside world was quite different. So this is
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: what I think so great about the Instagram. When we
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: say it's an inside job, it means you can look
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: up these descriptions and as we go around the nine
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: for everyone listening, you can say, what is really my tendency?
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Not so much what I've learned to behave as to
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: get along with other people, but where do I tend
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: to go? You know? And that's why we're so excited
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: from a brain point of view to come up with
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: this model we call PDP. These patterns of developmental pathways
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: that likely start early in life with your temperament, are
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: shaped in part by your relationship experiences, for example with
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: your parents, and then combine temperament and attachment these relationship
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: experience to form personality. So that's our proposal that it's
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: a combination of experience and genetics basically that leads to
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: person reality. And it's an inside job because one of
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: the most important things the brain does is say to you, hey,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: this is important, So I'm going to pay attention. And
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: what you pay attention to, Chelsea may be different what
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I pay attention to, Brandon, what you pay attention to,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: And that's because our brains are wired differently because of
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: genes and because of experience. Well, that's the question. Because
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I'm an eight on the Instagram, I'm an eight, which
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: is like the fixer and you I asked you if
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: that had if that were was my personality type always,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: or if that was triggered by my brother dying, and
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: then I became an eight, right, And that's exactly the
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: question to ask. And it's a combination. So that you
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: know another sibling, even if they were the same age
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: as you, and even with the same relationship with chet,
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: if they had a different temperament, they may have had
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: a different way of dealing with his his death. And you,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: because of your temperament and your attachment experiences and deep, deep,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: really beautiful relationship with Chad, his death meant something to
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: you that would have been different than to a sibling.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: And so the way then we have the direct experience
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: his loss and then the adaptation to it that is
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: based on all these temperament issues, attachment issues, and and
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: then how we just try to survive. So that's why
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: we're all different from each other. Okay, Brandon, do you
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: know what number you are? I'm a number two, number two,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: which is the helper. Well, there you go. Okay, that
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: was very helpful, Brandon, thank you. And as we get
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: into this, I just want to say, because people are
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: going to freak out when they find themselves, is that
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: there isn't a good type and there isn't a bad type.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: So you say, so I say, yes, so I say.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: And when I asked you what the bad things are
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: about the eight, you told me that there are no
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: bad things about any of the numbers. And I had
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: to remind you that I needed to hear something like
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: you know what my weakness was, and what it was
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: was silacked empathy. That's right. So there are weaknesses or
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: or shortcomings or growth edges, we could call them, beautifully said,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: So it isn't that there aren't, you know, weak sides
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: to each of these. Yes, there are challenging sides to
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: every one of the nine we're about to go through.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: And so what you want to do is say where
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: am I generally anchoring myself? And then what's my growth edge?
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: As you point out? And if there are let's say
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: an eight or we're gonna do one. Now, let's say
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: there's a one who's not aware of their oneness, right,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: they're not aware where their temperament has brought them, where
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: their personality now is structuring how they live. So then
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: if you're not unaware any of the numbers, life is
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: going to be tough for very painful reasons that we're
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: gonna talk about. So each one of them has challenging,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: painful sides to it that if you don't become aware
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: of it, it will imprison you. And what you want
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: to do is move as we go through each of
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: these nine from imprisonment by your type actually being amused
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: by your type. You may never get rid of your type.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: There's no reason to get rid of it. It's just
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: kind of a home base. But it's just amusing. Oh yeah,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: that's right. I'm an eight, So I did that. Okay,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Now my growth edges becoming more empathic for you, and
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: now I'm more we call the actualized or more aware. Yeah,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: the empathy. By the way, it's a huge pain in
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: my ass. I want to let you know because now
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I'm in empathy and full gear, full swing. So anytime
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I meet anyone who annoys me, I have to constantly think.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Think about their house, think about what their life might
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: be like, think about their spouse, they might hate their spouse.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Just think that their life might not be as as
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: as nice as yours or not even that, just think
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: that that person might be going through something and it's exhausting. Dan, Yes,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I know what kind of have to think about people's
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: shoes and their homes and their cars and getting there
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: shoes for you aren't thinking you Well, no comment from you,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: but anyway, Yes, So here's what I want to give
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: you some feedback on. First of all, I went to
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: your amazing show last week in l a thank you,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: and I brought my family and they were laughing so hard.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: One of them said, I haven't left so hard in years.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: It was so therapeutic. Oh that's nice, everybody. You can
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: we added more cities. You can buy your tickets at
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: live nation dot com for the Life Will Be The
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Death of Me too, so so great. And my son
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: was there, and you know, he's a musician, so he's
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: in a totally different field. But he heard what you
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: said about the experience of therapy, so he said, I
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: never really knew what my dad did. Chelsea. Thank you
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: so much. Now I've heard because he's never heard a
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: patient say this is what happened. So thank you so
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: much for that. And what I want to say to
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: you is in the green room afterwards, your friends came
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: up to me and there one by one saying thank you,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. You don't know how different Chelsea is.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: She's so empathic, she's so patient, she listens. It's amazing
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: what happened, you know. And I said, well, you read
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: the book, you know, so she said. They were saying,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: she's now saying things that she didn't say before. She's
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: being in a way that and it was so beautiful.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: First of all, they were so loving you for the
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: courage you've had to do these changes. So I know
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: you're making a focus on empathy, but there's lots of
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: ways where you have this spaciousness and they feel really
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: hurt by you in a beautiful way. And it's really
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: it was a lot of them were in tears just
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: talking about how great it is to have this deep
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: connection with you. Now, that's nice, thank you, You're welcome.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: So so let's go through the numbers. Um So in
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: the system, the one the reform of the perfectionists, the
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: way to think about it. In the instagrams, as they say,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: it's the head type. This means there's a lot of thoughts.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: That's what the head type kind of means, lots lots
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: of thinking. Um. And the way to think about the
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: one is basically for me to get along in the world,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: I need to have an internal sense of how things
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: should be. So I have like a laundry list of
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: the shoods in life of how things ought to be.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: That structures the way I go around in the world,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: so that you know, if I'm going to a party,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: for example, I would know that you're supposed to have
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: certain drinks out, you're supposed to have certain snacks out,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: that the the pictures on the wall are supposed to
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: be ordered in a certain way, and not leaning a
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: little bit kind of it has a drive Type A
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: for sure. And this is the idea that you know
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: here what says the rational idealistic type principal, purposeful, self controlled,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: and perfectionistic. When this is an actualized person, it's a
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: person who's just super organized, and you might call them
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: type A just in the sense that they're motivated, but
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: they come to life really self possessed. When they're actualized,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: and I know kind of sentive ideals on how things
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: should be, so that's beautiful, it's great. And if you're
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: starting a company, you want an actualized one there with you,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: you know, you know, in your life and certainly for
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: romantic partners, you want an actualized one. Now watch what
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: happens if you don't have an actualized one then, and
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: here's what the anger part for us in the PDP
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: models so helpful. You get really angry if the world
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: isn't matching your internal expectation. And the first person you
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: get really angry at is yourself, and they beat up
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: on themselves. And you know, if I'm going to do
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: if I'm a one that's not actualized and I'm doing
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: let's say a project at work and it doesn't come
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: out the way I want, I'm going to work at
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: it and work at it and work at it every
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: time it's not the way I want, I'm just going
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: to beat up on myself. And the world around you
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: gets about one per cent of the fury you have
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: towards yourself. So an unactualized, unaware what do you mean,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: the world around you get one percent of the fury
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you have. You know, let's say let's say the person
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: is in a business and there's their employee who didn't
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: do it the way the one who's the the employer
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: thought it should be. They may said that wasn't right.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't do it like that. Do it the way
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I told you too. Well, the way that yelling is
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: it's a hundred times stronger when they themselves haven't met
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: their own expectations, right, So they're projecting. They're projecting their anger,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: but I just small percentage of it. And that's helpful
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: if you know a one, because you realize as as
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: hard as they are on the people around them, because
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: you don't know what their laundry list was, and they
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: get mad at you, they're getting much angrier towards themselves.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: So this is where you can see an actualized one
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: is really very effective in the world and someone that's
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: wonderful to be around, because now they're saying, I have
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: a sense of what's going to get things done, and
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I get them done. And that's an actualized one, and
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: they don't get mad at them they said they say, say, oh, well,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I didn't do it the way it should be done.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: That's okay. I know where I'm headed towards, but it
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: didn't get exactly there. I can be kind to myself right,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: So you can see where even with the same characteristics
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: of a one, if you're actualized, it's one way of living.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: If you're not, you're in a prison of this huge
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: amount of anger, lots of thinking, and you feel like
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: just fretting that things aren't gonna be the right way.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: You see, that would work. Okay, So they're rational, they're idealistic, principal, purposeful,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: self controlled. So they're not drug addicts. Well, anyone can
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: become a drug addict. But yes, exactly right and perfectionistic. Right,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: and this is the other name that's given it to it, right, perfectionists.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I knew I wasn't a reformer because I'm not a perfectionist. Yeah,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and neither of mine. You know, like when I write
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: books or whatever, like I'll do my best, I'll put
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: my heart into it. And then I turned it in
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: and I said, okay, next book. You know, where's a
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: one who wouldn't be like that, would be like this
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: has to be just right. And I really respect that,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: but it can drive you mad. But there are degrees
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: of being just right without being a perfectionist. I think
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: that's right. That's that's such a good point because every
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: single one of us have each of the nine characteristics.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: It's really more what's your propensity, what's your tendency? Where
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: do you kind of land? So yeah, hopefully we all
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: have a little bit of this, like I have an
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: idea how it should be, but we're not imprisoned by it,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: right because there's always something you have very close attachments to.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Like me writing this book, I would rewrite, rewrite chapters,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: and my friends Sophy would be like, oh my god,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: how many times can you rewrite one chapter? I'm like twenty.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Like I can redo to a chapter several times because
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: it's so personal it has to be. But I'm still
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: not a perfectionist. I still kind of half asked other things. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: And there's an interesting comparison of the one and the
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: three you'll see in a moment that helps you clarify that. Okay,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: so that's the one. Okay, so let's go to two.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So the two. Now we move to a different zone,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Brandon and the helper. The angiogram the two is a
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: part of what's called the heart center um and in
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: our PDP model, you know, this would be where it's
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: sadness or separation distress. So the heart, literally in our bodies,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: is actually an organ that has a set of neurons
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: around it that's kind of like a brain. And amazingly,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: your sense of relationship with others is processed by this
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: network around your heart. You also have a brain factor
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: around your gut, so you have three brains. What do
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: those brains look like, Dan, they're literally what's called the
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: intrinsic nervous system of the heart. So if you can
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: imagine a spider web like kind of mesh that's all
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: around the heart, that's what it is, and that connects
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: to your brain or connects to your brain in your
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: head to send signals to your brain from your heart.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Both directions you have sent from the heart to the
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: brain and from the brain to the heart. Did you
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: know that I didn't. The more you know, there you go,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: the more you grow. Exactly, the more you know, the
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: more you grow and branded for you if you're saying
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: you kind of found yourself in a two zone, you know,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: we now go to the heart center. So unlike the
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: head center with lots of thinking, thinking thinking, now it's
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: the heart center and it's for us. It's about this relationality.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: That's what the heart is really about our relationships with
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: other people, our relationship to the larger world. And you know,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: poets have known this a long time. And here the two,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: unlike the one who's kind of focused inwardly, what's my
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: internal list of how things should be? The two now
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: moves not only to the heart center, but it moves
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: to an external focus, which goes like this, how can
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I work on my relationships with other people and in
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: the different settings I've been in and be able to
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: study a bunch of ones, a bunch of twos, etcetera,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: each of these in pure form and hang out with them.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: The twos, I think, have a lot of what are
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: called mirror neurons, meaning they're really sensitive to the internal
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: state of other people. Brandon does that, Okay, Now other
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: people don't have that, So just as a two, you
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: may not realize everyone's not like that. So when I
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: had all these two's up on a stage and they
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: were like being interviewed, when one of the people would
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: cross their legs and fold their arms, every one on
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: the stage did the exact same thing. And the mirror
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: neurons system that we have basically allows you to do
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: two things. That allows you to observe another person to
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: imitate their behavior automatically, but also to feel their feelings.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: So it's like sponge neurons, and I think the twos
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: just are born with a lot of them, which means
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: you're very tuned into the internal needs of another person.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: And so with that external focus, I'm focusing on other needs.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: You know, here it's called the helper, which is the
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: common term port the caring interpersonal type. You know, demonstrative,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: generous people, pleasing and possessive, you know, an actualized too.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: It's just a person who's really kind, giving, but knows
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: enough about their own tendencies that they don't give up
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: their own needs because they're aware. Wow, I just have
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: a tendency to take care of everybody, but I got
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: to remember to take care of me, this internal person,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: whereas an unactualized two would get lost in other people's needs,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: constantly be trying to help them, get associated with people
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: who maybe have big problems, so I can be really
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: of help. Then really needs to be needed, and then
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: if they're not needed or or there's an acknowledgement that
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: they're being needed, they get really irritated. Yes, Brandon, that's you.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: He's possessive over me. He wants to get everybody else
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: out of my life so he can shift his thoughts
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: into my brain and take over. He likes to use
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: the word controlling. Yes, he's Yeah, Like last night he
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: disabled everything in my room so that I would have
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: to call him to turn the television onto my room.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Can you believe it, Dan, if you did it remotely
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: for me because he's disabled my iPad, my remote control.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: He wants me to rely on him for everything. He's
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: become too self sufficient. Get over it back a little bit.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: It's job security, Dan. Okay, this is exactly too behavior
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: right beautiful, So now you can understand, But now how
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: does it help you or change you or affect you
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: to know? There's this thing called it too that you
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: may be brandon. I think anytime you have a reference
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: point to certain characteristics or attributes, you can make sense
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: of them a little bit. And so knowing that there
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: is like you say, the growth edge, or there are
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: things that any of these numbers can work on, you
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: have kind of a touch point to go back to, like, Okay,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: well I've spent a lot of time working on someone else.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Like it's a reminder, these are the things I need
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: to work on for myself. Beautiful. Yeah, and that's great,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: and that's so well said, because this is the point
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: of doing all this is not to just shove people
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: in a category and say, oh my god, I'm a too,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: there's nothing I can do. It's quite the opposite. You say, Okay,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: now I understand this tendency. You know, whether you get
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: the brain stuff with our PDP thing or not, it's
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: just she said, Okay, that's my tendency. So my growth edge.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: And that's a beautiful um term that David Daniels loved
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: to use. It was a big any grand person who
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: passed recently. Um it says as a two, my main
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: growth edge is don't lose my own needs. I should
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: go to the gym, I should do this, I should
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: do that. And also if Chelsea's trying to be a
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: little more independent, then you start getting irritated with that
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: and feel like she's she's pulling away from you, and
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: and well he is probably subconscious or the record, I am.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I am supportive for self sufficiency. I have enabled that
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I would like. So it seems, well, we don't really
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: know what's going on behind the scenes, but I don't know.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: I only know. And apparently our houseman Willie is onto
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: something too, because he came up this morning as sod
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: if you can make me a coffee, which was very weird,
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: but I appreciated it. But I mean, I'm trying to
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: become less infantilized, not more. Yeah, and this is what
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: this is the thing about it. You know, when we
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: match with people in relationships, like you know, you and
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Brandon have a certain thing going, so you know you
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: actually may want to help Brandon by letting him be needed.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is complicated, right, Okay, Brandon, you know
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: who's controlling who exactly? It's very at this point, it's
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: very whom's whom is controlling whom? Yes, yes, yes, zoom.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: It's so confusing. Okay. So that's the helper, okay, and
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: the helper needs to work on what on self care?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: So all of these numbers that we're going to go through,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: you can be somebody who's unaware, or you can be
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: a self actualized number, which means you're aware of your shortcomings,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: your growth edge and areas of improvement exactly. That's exactly right.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: And then to not only think of shortcomings, think of
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: them as tendencies, so that you say, Okay, my tendencies
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: do not have empathy. Fine, so my growth edges build empathy. Fine,
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: and now that's going to be actually a strong suit
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: of mine. That's gonna be actually a real great characteristic.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So each of them when you work, when you become actualized,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: it's awesome, right, yes, okay. So three is the achiever
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: or what sometimes called the performer performer Okay, yeah, because
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I would have thought I was that one, right, So
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: this one, you know, here it says the success oriented,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: pragmatic type, adaptive, excelling driven an image conscious. So I'll
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: give you just an example. You know, I was trained
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: in something called antiagram in the narrative tradition. Helen Palmer
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: and David Daniels started this thing. It's a beautiful way
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: of basically, um, you get together for you know, a
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: few days or a workshop or a week or whatever,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: and all of let's say, in this case, the threes,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: but you're doing for every time get up on a stage,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: and then there's an interviewer who's training to be a
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: professionalist field who interviews let's say the threes. So in
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: this case, you know, it was now time for the
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: threes to get up right, the clock said two o'clock,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: it was time for the threes to get up there.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: None of them were up there, so the rest of us,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: all the other numbers were sitting in the audience. There
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: was no one on the stage. This had never happened before.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Everyone is always punctual, especially the ones. And then we left.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: We said, we bet they're all in the bathroom combing
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: their hair. So someone said, probably a seven, said let
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: me go check, and they ran to the bathroom and
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: sure enough, all the threes were in there making sure
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: their hair was just right. So that sounds like a perfectionist. Now, well,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: it's a person who really cares. And this is where
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: it's still in the heart zone, right, So it's about relationships.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Someone who really cares how other people are going to
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: think of them, right, So like you would never see
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: me doing it, Like my daughter had to say to me, Dad,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: you know you probably think it's selfless not to be
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: combing your hair. And I go, what do you mean?
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: She goes, do you never comb your hair? Do you?
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I go no, not really? She goes, do you ever
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: look in the mirror? I go, well, actually not? She
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: probably she says, do you realize how selfish that is?
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I said, what do you mean? She's a teenager then,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: and she goes, it's selfish because go look in the
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: mirror and you'll see what I mean. You look like
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: you put your fingers in an electric socket. And you
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: may not have to look at yourself, but the rest
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: of us do. So go look in the mirror and
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: comb your hair. Right now, A three would never be
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: like that, three would have a comb. I never do.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: I'm just not a three, right, so I don't. And
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: this is where she says selfish. I don't really care
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: what other people think about my appearance, as you probably
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: know because comments about my shoes. I try to match
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: my clothes as best I can, but I have color challenge.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: So in any of it, the issue is the threes.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: That's a different thing. There go to place. This is
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: the tendency, right is to say, are other people going
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: to accept me? And what are the ways they're gonna
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: accept you. They're gonna accept me by my appearance because
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: I'll be good looking. They'll accept me because if I
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: perform well, they'll say, wow, dan Is has done that
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: song really beautifully, or he's really great. So the difference
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: between the one that your point, I would care about
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: outcome and a three. And this is part of the
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: questionnaire we have in this book I wrote called the
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Mindful Therapist. You can see in the chapter on traits
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: this whole thing outline with an interview you can do
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: with the questions from a PDP point of view. You know,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: basically a one you say, if you're doing a project,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: are you more concerned about the essence of the project
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: or how the project appears? And one says the essence
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: of it? I want everything to be exactly right, and
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: the three says, of course, I care about how to years.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: So that's the difference. It's I want to impress others.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: So the main thing is not how complete and comprehensive
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: the project is. Is It's not that that's a one
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: here for three, it's did you like me? They want
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: to be accepted accepted, that's the main It's a relational thing.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: The three is not about relationships. It's about the thing itself.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: So you know, you want to have like if you're
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: starting a company or whatever, you want to know who's
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: going to be a one doing the work that get
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: the projects just right. But then in you know, the
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: front officer who's designing your your space. You want a
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: three who says I like things to appear really nicely
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: comb your area. Right. So yeah, so that's the three.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: And so the downside of three is if people don't
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: approve of me, I feel terrible. I feel really really bad.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: And the classic question we asked for all these, if
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: you're going through this, is to say, when you were
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: in a lay adolescent or in your early adulthood, before
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: you had maybe any therapy or reading any aniogram books
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: or anything like that, what would you do when you're
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: in a most people which is I mean not people
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: who are listening to this. People are listening to this
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: probably read my book and are listening to well they
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: know a little bit about it. But I mean you
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: just say, before you really study this or had therapy
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: to change, when you were just yourself without much effort
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: to change when you're in a stressful situation. The classic
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: one I'd like to use is you go to a
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: gathering of people like a party, and you don't know anyone.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Where does your attention go? The one goes to are
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: things the way they should be? The two goes to
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: who's in need? That I can be helping. The three
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: goes to, are people going to be impressed by me?
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: So I need to say things a certain way so
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: people say, wow, that person is really whatever, smart, funny, um,
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: you know, whatever it is. I've impressed them as a
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: three in the party, right, So an unactualized three as
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: a prisoner to that. So I'm constantly trying to impress people,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: whereas you know, an actualized three would say, yeah, it's
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: my tendency to go in a group situation and want
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: to be doing something that makes people happy. But I
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: want to do something that really actually also makes them
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: do well. So I could become an actor or a comedian,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: or a musician or a you know, a politician, but
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to actually make the government policies better. But
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I like being on stage because I like the applause
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that, and in fact,
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: all of us have a bit of that. Yeah, I mean,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: nobody hates applause for themselves. Well, some people get embarrassed exactly,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: but for the most part. You know, as as an adult,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you you know you can you can appreciate that if
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: people are cheering for you, it's usually a good thing.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: I know some people loathe attention, but but think about
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: the difference. Let's say, and someone who says, I want
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: to do something where people applaud because they really learned
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: something and their lives are going to be better, and
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: I really am grateful that the interaction we just had
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: improved their lives versus I got up on stage and
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: I showed him how smart I am. I showed him
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: what a great dancer I am. You know, what a
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: great you know? And and that's the unactualized three. So anyway,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: so there's a reason everyone is the way they are,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: which when you feel that about people go, oh, I
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: get it. So I mean, this is what this has
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: helped me so much understand other people too, which is
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: what you told me initially. That understanding that you know
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: everybody's coming from a different spot. It's helpful information. Yeah, exactly.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: So for the three, the feeling is I just want
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: to be at one with the Uterus. That's our view,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: and the Uterus I thought it was the universe. I
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: know that's the joke. But the ideas you start in
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: the womb and you're at one with things, every one
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: of us come out and depending on your tendencies. You
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: come at different ways. That's it in a nutshell. But
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: the bottom line is for a three, I just want
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: to be loved. That's it so simple. And the way
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be loved is to impress you. And
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: if I'm not actualized, then I'm a prisoner to that.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: If I'm actualized, I'm going to turn into my impressing
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: you is actually helping you, and I'm going to educate
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: you or make you deeply laugh about something that helps
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: you learn something about yourself, or you're gonna start helping others. Right,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: so we can turn any of these tendencies into a
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: really great contribution to the world. Yeah, Randan, that's a reminder.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Would you um write down that I'd like to get
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: my uterus removed? Okay, we're gonna take a quick break
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: and we'll be right back. Okay number four. Is that
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: we're on number four? Yeah, the individualist or you know
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: some the words that are used the other words are
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: sometimes insulting. So I think I've intentionally forgotten this one.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I think this one is called romantic romantic. I know
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: force a couple of my close friends are for really okay,
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: and what do they say that their horror. They're very opinionated,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: they're very um romantic, they're very sensitive, but they hold
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: on to this notion of romance in a way that
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: I can definitely see them separating themselves from others, like
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: way more than other people do. They're very romantic about
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: the notion of it all exactly exactly. So that's where
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: the room and they hold onto the past a lot.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: That's my my perception of before. Yeah, so so there's
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: you know, it says the sensitive withdrawing type express of dramatic,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: self absorbed, and temperamental. So you know, I was given
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: the the beautiful opportunity by David Daniels and Helen Palmer
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: to be a scientist at this meeting with fifty people
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: studying the instagram. So you know, it turned out that
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: we did an interview that let me do this research
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: interview that I'm trained to do. Um And then I said, okay,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: everyone's gonna do the interview. Find they did it. I
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: got the results that was beautiful, really interesting. But then
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: I said, just to make this a public educational experience,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: let's just pick one person randomly to talk about it.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: So randomly, I just everyone a bunch of people raised
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: your hand and I just picked someone I didn't know
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: what her type was, and she was a four. So
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: then everyone goes, oh no, And I said, what, I
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: didn't know what the integram thinking when this is going
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: to go on for five or six hours. And the
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: idea is for this for sure, equations right, exact poets
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: and all sorts of beautiful, beautiful things. Now here's the
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: thing about this for they here it's called the individualist
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: or the romantic um. The idea that that's really helpful
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: for me to anchor this one and this this makes
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: it really see why it's hard. It's we're still in
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: the heart zone. Okay. So the two was the heart
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: zone for us it's sadness, you know, But in the
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: antigram system it's the heart zone and it's about external focus.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: The three is kind of both inward and outward focus.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Now we're going to an inward focus of the heart. Okay,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: So two, three, and four a heart. They're all heart
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: rights and sadness would be our view. So so in
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: separation distress. And here's the statement I once learned from
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: David Daniels that was so helpful. It's that there's a
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: feeling inside that other people are not like me. I'm unique,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: not like I'm bragging about that, but just I actually
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: feel kind of lonely. There's actually no one like me.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of alone. That's number one. Number two, that
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: other people have better than me. You know this statement,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: the grass is always greener. On the other side, there's
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: always a feeling of something missing. Now our view is that, yeah,
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: you used to be in the womb, and now you're
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: out of the womb, something is missing. Before you didn't
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: have to breathe, you didn't have to eat, you don't
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: have to call out for anything. You were just at
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: one with the Uterus, know this oneness of being, and
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: now you've got to do all this stuff. So there
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: is something missing. That's our viue. But for A four,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god, there's something missing. I have
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: this longing that will never be quenched. Ah, and you
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: great poetry about to do songs, do paintings, journal writing,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: all this stuff, and when they're not actualized, they just
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: have this quality of self absorbed because there's something so
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: feel so wrong. So in therapy, if you're if you're
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: working with A four, what's so helpful about this system?
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: As you say that feeling you have that there's something
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: missing and something will always be missing, will likely always
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: be with you, and don't take it so seriously because
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: it isn't that there's something missing, it's just that your type.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: And that is so helpful because people are always looking
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: for what's the thing missing, and in our system we
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: just say what's missing is you're not in your mother's womb,
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: you know, and they go, oh, I got it. I'm
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: longing for oneness. That is actually what I did have
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: when I was in the womb. See, this is why
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: our system we find so helpful, because you say, that's
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: what it's there for. Now, what is an unactualized for doing?
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Then they're pining. They can be tendency to be depressed,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: you know, be by themselves, and a lot of people
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: do talk about how they can be prone to alcoholism
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: and you know, really just want to drink their way
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: away from this unbelievable pain they can feel if they're
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: eyes so at it, you know. And in contrast and
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: actualized for could just be this exquisite romantic view of
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: life where you say, okay, yeah, I am a four
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: So I realized there's always gonna be this longing. But
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: I can turn that energy of longing into actually creating
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: art in the world beauty. I can write songs. I
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: can do you know, these incredible poems, and I can
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: express what is a common human journey, which is, you know,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: we're all looking for something, and I don't have to
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: take my longing. And this emptiness that I feel as
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: absolute truth is just a feeling I have. And this
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: is why again, the Instagram is so cool because it's
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: an inside job. You might not know that that's what
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: this person is. So a lot of fours it's hard
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: to from the outside to figure it out because they're
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: having this internal experience. See. But I would think that
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: the most qualities that you're describing are easy to sense
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: in somebody else, especially number four. Somebody who self absorbed,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: somebody who's dramatic, very temperamental, may be depressed, you know,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: always not ever in a state of bliss. Well that's
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: probably because you're a lot more empathic than I am. Okay,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: thank you, I was hoping you would say that today. Okay,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: let's move on to number five. The investigator or the investigator, um,
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: the other word for it is the it's like the
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: expert but there's another way of saying expert. It's like
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: the I don't want to say dilettante because that's so insulting,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: but I think some people use that term, but it's
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: the expert. Now, this one's really really interesting. So now
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: we've gone I shouldn't say that because that shows my bias.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: They're all interesting. Are you a five? Dan? No? Well
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: not really? What number do you want to tell us?
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: What number? When we get to it, you'll you'll see
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: if you're gonna you know me pretty well. Right, So
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: so this is um, we're now moving from the heart
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: zone into the the the head zone. Actually, yeah, because
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I said before that was the head. I was wrong.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: It was the gut. It was anger and the gut.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: See that's how I don't find this gut heart stuff
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: so helpful. But anyway, we're now going to the head.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: So let me correct myself from before. The one is
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: actually the gut zone. But anger yet, right, you feel
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: that way, which actually that's why we don't use those
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: in our view. But anyway, so now you're moving to
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: the five, which is the head, and here it's actually
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: fear or anticipatory anxiety. So the five here it says
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: the investigator. The intense cerebral types. There's the head business, perceptive, innovative, secretive,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: and isolated. You know, I don't think it has to
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: be like that, but that's what these descriptions can say.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: So here's the idea of a five. Three things are
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: really important for what directs attention. This is what it's
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: all about. Where does your attention go when you go
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: to that party? So A five, The big three things
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: are I really care if I'm a five, I really
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: care about my time, my space, that's my space, my
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: personal space. And I really care about my knowledge. In
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: any way I can work these three things out. Two
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: really keep myself basically feeling like life is going to
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: be okay. I'm not on the woman anymore. I'm out
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: what do I do? So I'm going to be focused
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: very much on the inside world, like what's my knowledge?
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: So what I do is I learned everything about you know,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: how to play volleyball, and I study it, and I
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: studied the game, and now I'm going to go take
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: every lesson I can. I'm playing volleyball, or I learned
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: how to, you know, do golf that way, or how
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: to sail that way or you know, so I dive
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: really really really deeply into becoming an expert. But then
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: after I do that, I said, well I got that.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: Let me go into the next sport. Let me go
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: into the next sport, let me go to the next thing.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: And I gather people around me who are experts. Right,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: So if I were a journalist, I would be someone
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: is interviewing experts in something, right, and so now I
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: get my expertise, that's my knowledge. When I go to
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: that party, I actually feel very drained when I'm around
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: a lot of people. Right. So at this research opportunity,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I had interviewing all the five's. Amazingly, a lot of them,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: um were experts in what they did. They had been
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: promoted to actually heads of companies. This was in Silicon Valley,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: and they knew everything about their particular in this case,
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: they were tech companies that tech industry, and they had
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: people around them who were experts, so the company could
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: become like, you know, the established thing that we now
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: know in these big companies. You know, So these were
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: fives and you know, so their knowledge was protected. They
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: would have their office, so their space was protected. They
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: came in and out of that, you know, session. In fact,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: none of them were at the retreat. They just came
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: to do a favor to David Daniels, you know, and
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: they came in UM. And what was so fascinating about
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: it was they role played what it's like to be
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: a five and to have human beings intrude on your
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: space and they just go get away, get a great again,
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: and they really needed downtime. So that social interaction can
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: sometimes be very draining. So the party analogy, you know,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: what happens in you're at the party is they don't
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: stay very long at the party, or they just stay
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: in the corner of the party, or they find a
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: really smart expert in something at the party. So that's
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: the downside is you know, is that you can be
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: very isolated. UM. But in the the upside is when
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: they become actualized, they realize, wow, I can use my
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: focus in detail to develop an expertise in some area.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: So I know everything about this area of history or
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: this sport or this, this that or you know, and
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I use that in a very positive way. Right. So
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: that's the the upside of a five. And you know,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: you can have people have tendencies for the five or
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: full on fives and just to be realized, I think
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: that's where you are can drive you in a beautiful way.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: You can get a lot of knowledge. You can be
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: the person in a company that when you say, we
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: need to know about the future of this area of
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: our company's work, and a five will go, no problem,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: and they dive in and they learn everything on the
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: planet known about that. And that's how you want on
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: your team, you don't. You want a little bit of everybody,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: right and that and and so the five can do that, okay.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: And the sex is the loyalist, Yeah, the six is
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: sometimes the loyalist or the loyal skeptic is sometimes what
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: it's called UM. And this is says the committed security
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: or your type engageing, responsible, anxious and suspicious. UM. You
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: know this is right. I think you're a sex. Yeah,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: I'm suspicious of you saying that, and it makes me
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: a little anxious. So the idea of the six again
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: is you're in this head zone, right, and so fear
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: and anticipatory anxiety is what a six does. And the
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: funny thing about it, six and yes, that's where I landed.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: I had no idea. I only knew one type. I wasn't.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: And then when I went to Helen and David, I said,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: all I can tell you is when I'm not, and
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: they were both sixes, and so they landed me in
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: this six zone. I got up on stage with the
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: sixes who were from all over the world. Right, these
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: are heads of hospitals, head of companies, heads of all
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: sorts of you know, they came from all the world
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: to do this week together. So I'm really a skeptical
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Well obviously I'm six. I'm skeptic skeptical, so I'm skeptical.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: I'm up there. But the one question the interviewer asked,
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: I couldn't stop laughing my head off because it's a
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: head type, right. They said, when you go to the
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: market and you're supposed to buy like a roll of
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: whatever paper towels, what do you do? And every single
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: one I was you said you buy seven rolls. And
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: then they said why, and they go, because you never
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: know when there's gonna be an earthquake or a disaster
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: and that story will close. So if you're bothering to
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: be there, you have to prepare for the worst case scenario.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: And that's essentially what a six is is you come
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: out of the womb. Things aren't right, and you have
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: to think about what's the worst thing that can happen
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: and prepare yourself for it. So there's a lot of
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: focus on danger. That's the fear part, and there's a
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: lot of you know, when you go to that party,
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: you look at where the fire exits are. You look
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: at where the people are that could hurt you, people
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: that could protect you. If you go to like I
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: remember going to Dodger Stadium, I would see the police
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: in the stadium immediately, I know where all the exits
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: where I wasn't trying to do that. It's where your
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: attention goes. As a physician, being a six is really
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: really challenging, and it's also wonderful because when a patient
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: comes to see you, you know, when I was doing
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: you know, medical medicine, I would say, Okay, well, I
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: think it's probably you know, an intestinal flu, but what
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: if it's a life threatening problem in their intestines? And
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: I would always second guess things. And I got to
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: be known in the hospital when I worked in a
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: hospital as a person who would find things that were
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: so rare most human beings wouldn't even think about them.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: But I would, and I'd find them and they would
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: actually sometimes be there and I'd save someone's life a
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: couple of times when I'm in pediatrics because I thought
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: outside the box. Because now I know because I'm a six.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: So it's it's exhausting when you're not actualized because you
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: take everywhere you have seriously, So it can be really terrifying.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: When you become actualized, you go, Isn't that amusing? So
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: actualization is more just like awareness, right, It's just being
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: conscious of your behavior and what you're where your attention goes,
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: like in a default mode exactly, I couldn't say better,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: and the awareness of you're welcome, and then where you
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: go in the default mode you then can change. So
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: I don't have to buy seven rolls of paper towels anymore.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: I can go there. I did this just yesterday. Was
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: so proud of myself. I went there and I just
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: bought two things. In the past, i'd buy you know,
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: twenty five things, right, I try to avoid markets altogether. Well,
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: there you go, in my opinion, if you think it's
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: best to just not go in. So that's the six
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: and there's two different variations, just so you know. The
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: fear can be so great. There's the anti fear types
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: and that Frandi six. Listening to this, you have to
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: be very careful and I certainly had to be really
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: careful in my life where because the fear is so great,
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: you just completely shut it off. And fear can be
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: your friend, you know. And so when you completely shut
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: it off, you do stuff that's really dumb then endangers
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: yourself for others. Because that was that's your style, you become.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: I forgot what the word is, but it's anti fear.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: There's another word for it, um, And you know, so
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: I had to realize that was a tendency I have.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: So you know, if I was in Africa recently and
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: some colleagues who mine were going out near this waterfall,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: really big, big guys you know, and I'm not that big,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: but they were big and they were going on. They
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: were adventurers, so they said come and become to me,
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: and so I said, I could go. This would be
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: a fun adventure with the boys. Um, but you know,
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: look at that waterfall, it's like two ft they're like
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: ten ft from it. They're walking slippery rocks. Mm hmm.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: Is this my six stuff making me not do it, Well,
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I should do it. I should do it. That's the
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: anti fear stuff, you know something, I'm not gonna do it.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: They went, and they slipped, and one guy was going
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: right down the waterfall, and and the women were with us.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: I go, you know, I feel like a whim. Look
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: I didn't go with the guys, and and one moment goes,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: you know what you are? I said, what she goes,
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: You're a man. Those are just little boys. That guy
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: almost died. Yeah, I would do I would have gone
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: with them, for sure, Brandon, would you have gone with them?
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: I would have gone with them. Yeah, okay, yeah, but
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: see I have no regard for my personal safety. So
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: you're not a six that's or an anti six. But yeah, yeah,
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: but I don't know. I mean, the impetus to go
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: join them is more ego based, probably like to be
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: that girl, you know that wants to have fun, that's dangerous,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: that's adventurous. So that's a different situation Shin. Yeah, well exactly,
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: because it's like, do I really want to go to
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: the waterfall? Sort of, but I could go either way
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: too and be fine with not going. Okay, well, then
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: this is a good question based on her number being
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: an eight. If there weren't people there, would you still
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: go to the waterfall for yourself? Right? Good question for
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: maybe it depends. I probably wouldn't have pushed. I wouldn't
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: push the limit on my own. I would be I
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: pushed the limit when people are watching really interesting. I
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: mean that's been my pattern of behavior. Who knows, maybe
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: it'll be different now. But when you say they were watching,
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: it's because you'd want to impress them, like I want
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: to be the girl. That's well both like I like
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: to I like adventure, but I also like to see people.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: I like people to see me like having an adventure.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: I like that aspect too. Okay, So let's come to
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: that in just one second, because we're gonna do the
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: seven and then we're onto you eight. Right, So we're
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: going in sequence. So anything else about the six? Six? Loyalist? Okay?
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: So anxious, suspicious, responsible, engaging, security oriented, committed. Okay, So
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: that's a six little okay, And I'll say one thing
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: more about the six that's so interesting is um because
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: you're always looking for the worst case scenario. You don't
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: trust authority figures. You look at them and they say,
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: I believe I say this is true, and that's true,
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: and you just it's amazing. This is for all the
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: six is you just look at them, you go, I
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: don't believe that what you're saying is necessarily true, and
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: I will challenge it. And that can be an incredibly
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: when you're an actualized incredibly useful because then you look
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: for the actual truth, not what is presented to you. Yeah,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: so that is a good bonus. I'm proud to be
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: a six. Okay, what sounds like it? Okay, well, this
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: sounds like a good time to take a break. So
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: the seventh, the enthusiast, sounds pretty sweet. It the fun loving, spontaneous, versatile, distractable,
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: and scattered those I mean for that just sounds like
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: a good time. That's what I thought I was originally,
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: and then I list I was an eight because it
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: eight is a little bit more cynical. I think, yeah, Brandon,
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: that's what I would have said you were to when
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: I read this. I would have gone for scattered, distractable, Yes, exactly, spontaneous,
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: fun loving, and busy. Yeah, you know the seven Again,
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: we're still in the head business, right, So the five
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: is the head internal six is they head both focusing
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: inward and outward. The seven is an outward focused head type.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: So one of the characteristics of the seven is, you know,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: they come out of the womb. They got to always
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: be planning things. What's the fun thing I can do?
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: What's the fun thing? What can I do next? What
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: can I do next? So, like at this meeting of
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: seven came to me and said, look, I live in
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: this other country in Asia. I love your approach. I
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: really want to do this project and I want to
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: do that project, and then we can have a third
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: project we do. And I said, those sounds so exciting.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: And then he looks at me goes, they do, don't they?
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: I said, yeah, he goes, you realize we won't do
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: any of them. So what do you mean? He goes,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: I'm a seven. I just come up with ideas. I
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: don't follow through. Okay, So it's that it's that no
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: follow through. Well, then I definitely know a lot of
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: people that are like that, you know, just but lots
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: of ideas, lots of ideas. And interestingly, one of the
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: Seven's had a broken leg and he was in a
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: cast and he was going to lose his mind, and
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: so he was up on the stage, and so people said,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: what's going on? He goes as a seven. This is
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: what he said, as a seven. I always have to
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: be planning things, and I always have to have the
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: freedom to do whatever I want to do. Planning, planning, planning, planning, planning.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: This broken leg is driving me mad because all I
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: want to do is do stuff and I can't do it.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: I can't do it, and he literally was going to
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: explode out of his cast. A five, in contrast, who
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: had a broken leg, would say, cool, I can be
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: in my room, I can control my time, I can
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: read all the books. I want, no problem. So you
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: can see with the same broken leg for a seven
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: on on actualized seven would drive them mad. For five,
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: you say, what a golden opportunity to learn more interesting? Yeah? Yeah,
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: so know the seven. I know a couple of sevens,
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: and it's what I think. I know a lot of sevens.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: You know what's fun about it is when they're actualized,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: they realize, Okay, I have these twenty ideas. I know
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not good at following through, but I can actually
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: complete two of them, and I'm going to do that.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: Whereas an unactualized one would come up with twenty ideas,
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: start each of the twenty and none of them get done.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: The actualized seven would say, I'm an adventurer. I like
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: to do these things. This is great. I picked twenty ideas.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: I'm doing too. That's who I am. I'm a seven. Okay.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: Eight is the challenger or the fixer. Powerful, dominating type,
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: self confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational. How did you feel
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: when you heard that the first time? Sounds about right
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: for you? Powerful, dominating, self confident, decisive, I make yes, willful,
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: I can be indecisive, but I make decisions very quickly. Confrontational. Yes,
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: that's me. So let's talk about what you feel an
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: unactualized eight would have as their life versus an actualized eight.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: Uh and eight would be on the move all the time,
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: you know, constantly going going going fast. Uh, lack of
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: you know, lack of empathy and angry and out like
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: you know, and and everybody knows it kind of like
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: a bully. H yeah, keep great. So so now we're
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: in the gut types. It's a gut reaction and for
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: us it's it's anger, right, and so you're you're expressing that.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: So an unactualized one then would be dominated by anger,
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: not so much directed inwardly, because the the eight is
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: is this gut type that's outward focused and it's really
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: about um. That's our PDP system where we look in
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: word or outward and so for the eight, the anger
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: is all out there, which obviously can have be a
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: real problem for relationships. Yes, yeah, definitely a problematic. So
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: when I got a chance to interview a bunch of eights, uh,
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: they're not only on this stage, but then I hung
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: out with them afterwards in each of the types. But
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: when I'm having dinner with the eights, this is what
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: they beautifully said, and this is what you referred to earlier.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: I said, what's the bottom line. These are actualized dates
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: who had come to a week long conference to study
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: their own type. So that's a pretty actualized person in
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: general is going to do that or he's trying to
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: be Here's what they said. Two things we cannot stand.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: One is being vulnerable. Yeah, and related to that of
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: course is needing others. I can't stand that. And the
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: second thing is and this I couldn't believe they said this.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: This is a picture around the table about ten eights,
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: all eights, right, having dinner with each other and me,
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: and they said, we have no empathy. I said, what
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: do you mean? I said, it's just not our our
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: go to. We can try to do it, but before
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: we're actualized we have none, and now we we really try.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: We know. It's explains why you're so confrontational because you
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: don't understand other people they're doing things differently, or why
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: they're slower or they have a different approach because you
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: have no empathy. Exactly. So it makes you angry, right exactly. So,
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: So if you go with the PDP model, our view
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: of the anger, the source of it is used to
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: be in the womb. You're not there. You come out,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, what about piste you come out, piste off.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: I'm hungry. The world isn't doing what needs to do.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Parents suck, parents, everybody sucks, even if they're great. Everybody sucks, right,
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: so everyone's a disappointment and nobody gets there. There you go,
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: that's an eight, right, So that's the anger is. So
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: that's why for us in the PDP model, talking about
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: anger and then the gut type makes a lot more
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: sense because you can be a very cerebral eight, really smart.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: I mean it doesn't. So that's why we don't use
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: those head, gut heart things. It's really here and anger.
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: Now here's the amazing thing an eight before they're actualized.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: We'll do all sorts of things to protect the underdog,
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: but if that underdog doesn't stand up for herself for himself,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: they get really angry at them. All done in a
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: million times? Okay, they you go, gone to battle for
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: somebody who couldn't defend themselves, and when it came time
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: for them to defend themselves they couldn't. And then how
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: did you react? Angry? There you go? Isn't Yeah, totally.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: So that's classic for an eight. I don't know, or
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: to return the favor to me, like to you know,
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: to do the same to me in a situation like
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: if I go about for somebody and they weren't able
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: to go about for me in return, that would produce
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: anger as well. Right, So think about the unactualized eight.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Then we're anger's their go to feeling. The focus is
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: outward and there's there's not a cultivation of empathy, right,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: So you're you're incredibly empathic, now, Chelsea, I'm gonna say that, well,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: I mean it's forced empathy. Okay, but whatever, just trying
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: to overcorrect so that it lands somewhere in the middle.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: And about six months, well, your report of your friends
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: as you're doing a great job feedback. But what I
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: want to tell you is that an unactualized eight. Then
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: imagine that combination no empathy and anger and this is
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: feeling like you better stand up for yourself. They project
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: their own things about vulnerability, right and needing other people,
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: and when this person isn't holding their own, bam, you
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: go after them. So they're scary. Yeah, yeah, they are scary.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: For it's can be super scary whether they're your lover
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: or your parents, or your friend or your you know
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: whatever position of a boss what's it or your boss, Brandon,
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: can you say a little bit more elaborate, go beyond
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: your too concern about needing to be needed and you
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: can say it. No, she's pretty good with me. It's
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: other people. It's like people on the outside that I've
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: seen the confrontation with. Yeah, and what have you noticed?
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: But you also see the conversation with internal conflict. What
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: do you mean are you talking about me getting upset
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: with myself or okay, the law of times you can
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: see it on the outside. But then when you see it,
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: you know internally that they they're getting upset with themselves,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: are angry with themselves about something. Well with with Chelsea,
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: How did the work out? Understanding this eight business help
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: you put a frame on it and understand what the
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: whole system was about how Chelsea was behaving. Yes, because
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: I see a lot of myself in her. So in
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: her behaviors when she gets upset about something, That's what
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: I mean when he says he's trying to control me,
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: he thinks that he I came from him and from
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: his loins. Right goes back to the uterus. Um, do
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: you still have your uterus? I do, but we'll get
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: them taken out at the same time, and don't worry. Um.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: But so that was easy for me to see it
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: and rationalize those behaviors, but also know that she was
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: trying and that in those moments when she was already
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: frustrated and mad, knowing that it wasn't specific to maybe
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: that situation or to the person that it was her
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: reaction that was upsetting her, Like why couldn't I control
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: how mad I was getting her? Why couldn't I control
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: help set? That made me so think about what you
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: just said, and all the empathy that is feeling Chelsea's feelings,
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: trying to understand her perspective, um really making sense of
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: what's going on in her line. Those are all the
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: first three ingredients of empathy you know that you have
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: in a huge way. Right, So I'm a two through
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: and through. Yeah, there you go. So that's but that's beautiful, right,
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: So you can use these empathic things and when you
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: add the PDP model, you go, Okay, here's the deal
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: for all of us. We used to be just in
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: the state of being. We come out and now, oh
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: my god, it's a nightmare, right because now you have
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: to work for a living. You gotta breathe, you gotta
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: eat all the stuff. So for an eight, just to
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: go finish the eight up, you know, the idea of
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: being vulnerable and needing people. Just take those two things.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: You go back to this passage from being in the
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: womb at one with the uterus, and now you're out.
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: You are piste off that you need other people. You're
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: piste off that you're vulnerable. Now if you take that
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: eight propensity of anger right, that's focused outwardly without the
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: empathy being built and I'll think about having to chet
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: right and what happened to you and how close you were,
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: So you combine that propensity you likely had and now
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: that trauma and loss you had, and the way the
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: family didn't support each other and stay empathetically connected with
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: one another right when that happened, and you can see
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: where you did the best you could right to try
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: to deal with it. That was your your eight nous
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: became your protective shield to the vulnerability and needing people.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: So it's like an eight to the second power right
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: at sixty four? Good at math, very good, you're sixty
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: four exactly. So it was an extreme version of an eight. Yes,
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: it's amazing. I'm still alive. Okay, So it's actually amazing
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: Brandon is still alive. That's the amazing live and thriving,
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: alive and throbbing. Okay. Nine is the peacemaker. This sounds
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: like the best number because they sound easy going, self
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: effacing type, receptive, reassuring, agreeable and complace it. Yeah. So
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: now we're still in from the antiagram point of view,
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: the gut type. So the eight, not nine and one
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: are gut types. Right, So now that I don't know
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: how that helps us with these really, But anyway, that's
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: the Instagram term from our point of view, you know,
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: it is the still the anger type. It's an inward
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: and outward focus of attention. So it's kind of both.
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: And that's true of the nine and the six and
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: three whatever. There's a pattern here. But the point here
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: is anger for a nine is the key emotion that
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: should not be felt. That's the way to think about it.
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: Unlike the one who has anger driving the inward lea.
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: They've got to get things done in a certain way.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: Eight the anger is expressed outwardly. The nine, it's angered
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: that should not be experienced, so they do everything they
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: can to make sure that people around them are getting along,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: get along, you know. This is why it's called the
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: peacemaker and their vulnerability, just like with the two, and
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: that's these are called lookalikes. Just like the one and
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: the three can kind of look alike and be hard
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: to tease a part, the nine and the two can
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: can be lookalikes too. The difference is, you know, the
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: nine does give up self care just like the two. Um,
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: but but there go to things as anger. So like
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: when I've interviewed you know, thousands of people in in
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: large rooms. I'll say, you know, how many of you
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: have a go to place of anger versus sadness versus
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: fear over people say one of those is my go
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: to place. So for a nine, anger is the thing,
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: whereas it too, it's really the sadness. So that's part
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: of that helps you distinguish it. The other thing is
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: that a nine is really trying to constantly look at
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: the large picture and they're always taking care of a
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: whole group system, whereas the two is more like one
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: on one. I'm going to really meet your needs and
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: be a lot of people are one on one. That's
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: another personality traits. Some people function great in groups and
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: some people can only have one on one conversations exactly so,
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: and that's a whole Another way as we can look
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: at you can divide this again is who's a group
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: person called social, who's a one on one person like
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: a relationship like this, and who's it more you know
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: what's sometimes in the Instagram system called self preservation or
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: you know what's internally focused like a five can tend
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: to be that way. But you can have any of
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: these nine numbers then be a group. You can have
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: a group nine. You can have a one on one nine,
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: and you can have a self preservation nine. So that's
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: a whole other layout complexity. Yet in fact, that way
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: of dividing it, we could have a whole another conversation
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: about that. So the nine, what's the downside of a
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: nine is you give up your own needs, um, because
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: you're trying to make everybody get along um. The classic
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: phrase about that is, you know, when you're packing for
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: a trip, you pack for everyone else in the house,
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: and then you go to the airport, you forgot to
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: pack your own luggage. That's a nine, right, you know.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: And and the upside is you can be an incredible
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: mediator where you can walk in a room and you
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: can feel what's going on all around and has the
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: whole system need to come to some kind of clear
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: decision where everyone is getting a good way that they're
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: all happy. So that's why it's called a peacemaker, you know,
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: a mediator. And so each of these types, including the nine,
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: when you're actualized, you can be a part of a group,
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: part of your own life, your inner life. That's fantastic.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: So that's that's what we said. There's none of them
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: that are bad, but each of them have unique challenges
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: called downsides or pitfalls, and then therefore a specific kind
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: of growth edge for your type. And when you realize that,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: then the specificity of your internal growth can be so
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: helpful because you go, Okay, this is what I'm working on.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: So Brandon doesn't need to work on growing more empathy.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: He needs to work on growing more self care. You
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: need to work and growing more empathy, and you've been
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: doing that. It is absolutely beautiful to see. Okay, well
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: that those are the nine numbers, Brandon, do you have
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: any questions? I do? I have one final question. So now,
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: for anyone who's listened to this who wants to try
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: and self assess, say they come down to two numbers,
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: what what is the way that someone would conclude what
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: they actually are if they feel torn between two? Well,
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: this is a great question, Brandon, because as a scientist
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: and as a clinician, what I'm going to say is
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: that many people have different elements of different numbers. So
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: let's say you've come down to two and you're doing
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: the assessment. Just live with it. Don't feel like you
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: have to land in only one. And there's a reason
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: for that one is we don't have the research to
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: say everyone's just one. We don't have any research for that.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: So if you find yourself in two, that's you great,
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: look at the growth edges of both, that's a great question.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: What kind of research is there to back this up
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: for people who may be listening and saying, oh, because
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: you know when I when you told me about the instagram,
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, is this astrology adjacent? Or is this
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: like numerology or any of those things that I don't
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: find a lot of weight. And that's my own personal opinion,
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: But what is the research behind all of this? So,
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: in a nutshell, it was an idea that was inspired
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: by um o'chasa and Noronho who came up with this system.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: They then started teaching it and people said, oh, that
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: sounds about right with my personal experience. Oh sounds about
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: right with my clinical experience. And then um one of
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: those students, Helen Palmer, with David Daniels, said let's study
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: it by having people get up on stage who identified
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: their types, and then they would just do these narratives. Basically,
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: this is the research where they're incredibly similar patterns. If
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: you were an eight or nine or a one or
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: two or three, and you just saw this just by
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: literally collecting thousands and thousands and thousands of stories in
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: the narrative tradition UM. Then there have been a couple
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: of surveys done of people who have volunteered for it,
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: where they found they've fit into these patterns. But my
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: worry about that as a scientist is those are people
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: who are already interested in the instagram. So it could
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: be that people uninterested in the pogram are uninterested because
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: it doesn't match their experience and it's not relevant. So
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: we need we need what's called epidemiological research to see
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: if you could apply these questions. Now, I as a
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: therapist with my clients, patients you know, who don't come
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: to me because I'm in any grand person, because I'm
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: not known by that at all. You know, so far,
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: it's been universally helpful to say, here's our PDP model.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: Do you fit somewhere in one of these nine? Maybe
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: all of the nine? Oh I'm really these three? Okay, great?
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: Oh no, actually I'm probably more of these two. And
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: so it's always been helpful. So I think there's a
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: there there, you know. I just think the science needs
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: to be doing epidemiology, not just some people who think
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: it's cool and interesting and so we can ask these questions.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: We actually have, uh wish to take these six twin pairs,
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: some are identical twins, some are fraternal twins, and then
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: apply our model of the PDP, which is inspired by
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: the Instagram, but as you can see, it's different, and
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: then see are identical twins more likely of the same
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: type then fraternal twins, which would be more like just siblings.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: We have we're working like Denise Daniels and Laura Baker
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: are genetics of personality experts, and so we're going to
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: try to really do the science of it. It doesn't
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: exist right now because the professional world of mental health
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: has not embraced the Instagram. It's really just a popular
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: model um and you know, there are lots of ways
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: of talking about the Instagram that are very unscientific, that
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: are people's opinions. I think the Instagram and the narrative
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: tradition is so useful because there it's just literally what's
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: called naturalistic data. That is, you take thousands and thousands
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: of people, hear their stories and then you say, wow,
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: something's going on here. We don't know exactly what, but
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: something's going on. Great, Okay, Well that's all very helpful
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: to break down, a very easy breakdown, And you guys
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: can go online and find more about this, or you
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: can get that any gram book that I like, the
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: David Daniels one, which kind of broke it down for me.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: It's a great thing to take away for a weekend
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: with your family or you know, with friends, and everybody
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: can try and to assess which personality type they are,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: which is what we did in Mexico one weekend with
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: eight girls and we clung to this book like life rafts,
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: and then of course we went away. I've never seen
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: any of those girls since, so I have no idea
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: how anybody's doing. But yeah, so thank you Dan, thanks
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: for breaking down the angiogram for us and the PDP model,
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: your version, which is the PDP model A pleasure, right,
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: And yeah, and that's it. That's all we've got for
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: you today. Guys. There you go go, go get your
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: books and figure out what your fucking problem is. Well,
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: you can buy my book, Life Will Be the Death
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: of Me is available in stores now, the New York
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: Times number one bestseller. Thank you Brandon and Dan Siegel
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: has also written a lot of books, so if you
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: look him up, um you can find a lot of
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: books about mindfulness and adolescent brain development and blah blah
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And I have added stand up dates.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: I am doing stand up in Atlanta on June, Montclair June, Westbury,
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: Long Island June nine. Their tickets still available for Westbury, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Nashville,
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: New Orleans, Brisbane, Australia, Sydney, Australia, and Melbourne, Australia. We
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: will continue to add dates, but these are the latest dates.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: So if you want to see me do stand up,
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: you can go to Live Nation dot com or Chelsea
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: Handler dot com. And we'll be back next week with
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: my guest, who is Sean Hayes, who came on the
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: road with me for my shows in Chicago. Life will
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: Be the Death of Me as a production of i
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: the i Heeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.