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Ultimate Business Strategy utilizing Pragmatics and Intuition · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
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  And now here's your host, Roxanne Durgesh.
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  Hi, everyone.
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  It's, Roxanne.
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  Nice to have you, tuning in again this week.
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  So today, I have, their, I would say, friend now, but I met met Melissa almost.
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  I think about a year ago now, at an it was a book launch.
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  Right?
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  Melissa, that we It
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  was with Kim Speed, a fan of Manning and expert downtown.
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  Yes.
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  Absolutely.
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  Downtown Toronto is this really funky space that I don't even know that I remember the the
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  it was like a shared space down to Toronto.
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  Yes.
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  It was.
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  Can't remember the name of it, but it was a really swanky event.
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  Yes.
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  Yeah.
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  Lovely.
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  Lovely.
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  And, So, Melissa and I stated contact and, Melissa is a business coach, that, was
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  fascinated by her background and her story.
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  So I asked her to you know, come on and, you know, talk to us about her stuff.
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  So I have a bit of a bio that I'm gonna read on her.
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  And, bios, I think sometimes it can be flat, but there's so much more, to Melissa, but, I'll
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  just kinda tell you a little bit about her background so you know what to expect.
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  She's the founder of Stand Out loud, a transformational leadership and empowerment
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  company.
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  She's a serial entrepreneur.
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  She works passionately with business owners, owners to infuse intuition into strategic
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  thinking and to inspire actions so that they can build a successful business that creates
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  meaningful impact while supporting their desired lifestyle.
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  That sounds lovely.
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  As a board certified trainer of neuroling neurolinguistic programming or NLP like it's
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  called.
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  Hypnosis timeline therapy and creating your future processes.
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  Liza teaches a lead in power tools and techniques based on neuroscience, that are
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  proven to get get results tapping into the power of the unconscious mind.
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  She helps her clients break through the self imposed limitations of their beliefs, align
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  their passion, strengths, and purpose, and take focused action to a building, a thriving
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  business, that fulfills their soul.
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  Nice.
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  Sounds like you want that.
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  Right?
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  Absolutely.
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  So thanks, thanks for joining us.
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  This is in, Mississauga, which is not too far for me here in Niagara.
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  Thank you very much for having me on here.
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  I'm really looking forward to our chat.
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  Awesome.
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  So, I often when I have people on, I talk to them about, you know, different aspects about
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  connection.
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  As you know, with my brand, it's I I talk a lot about authenticity.
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  And, obviously, when I met you, I felt that.
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  And and also your other friend that I've met that, not particularly evening.
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  So tell me you're a business coach.
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  You're, you know, your buyer talks a lot about the, neuroscience, which is something that I'm
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  also big on.
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  So Tell us why you kinda is this what you went to go school for?
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  To become a business coach?
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  You know, what did you do in school?
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  Or kind of the path that got you to do what you do today?
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  I tell you my path was anything but straight.
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  So I grew up, always wanting to be a dancer.
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  And I had this passion for dance, And although I really wanted it, I denied myself that
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  because of all the limitations that were in my of bringing what my parents thought I should
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  do, what my school thought I should do.
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  And so I found myself on a journey to self discovery, and it led me into some interesting
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  places.
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  I went and studied language and linguistics first at, University of Toronto.
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  Then I ended up doing some hospitality and tourism courses at Ryerson, In fact, graduated
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  with Bcom And Hospitality, and then realized that I still it still wasn't what I wanted to
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  do.
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  So I decided to get into accounting because that is what my parents wanted for me, and I
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  did that for about 2 decades.
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  I was a tax accountant and a management consultant.
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  And although very lucrative, And while respected, it still didn't fit who I was.
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  And, I found myself putting a lot of time and effort into keeping that type of business going
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  to the point where I felt like I was losing myself.
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  I wasn't feeling joy.
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  Or enthusiasm for what I was doing.
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  And as such, I decided to go and find a coach help me through these issues to actually find
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  my path.
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  And in the process of discovering who I am, I actually realized that the one thing I really
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  enjoyed about my work as a tax accountant was coming into contact with my clients and finding
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  out how they checked, what was working for them, what wasn't working for them, both in
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  their businesses, and also in their lives.
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  Whether it be relationships or how parenting, etcetera.
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  So, really, I was being a coach without being a coach.
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  I found myself in that position all the time.
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  And, I was introduced to NLP.
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  I was introduced to timeline therapy and hypnosis.
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  And these were tools that were helpful in, discovering who you are and getting at your
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  core essence and also changing the behaviors that we're all wrapped into the illusions that
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  we all have as as ourselves.
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  And I got really intrigued on what type of changes I could help people make in their lives
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  by employing these tools.
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  So that's when I decide to become a business coach.
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  Wow.
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  What what a swing from a dancer to a tax consultant?
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  Yeah.
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  I know.
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  I know.
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  And you know what?
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  Each and every part of my path actually showed the purpose.
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  And so I bring that awareness to all my conversations with my clients that even if
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  they're not ultimately doing what they were meant to do.
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  How is it that they can use what they've learned so far in informing their next steps?
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  And in helping them to create their their ideal life and their ideal presence.
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  So tell me you said you each each role kinda prepped you for where you needed to land
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  ultimately.
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  So wanting to be a dancer Yes.
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  And being a tax consultant, I try to get past a tax consultant, but because I I still So don't
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  see you as a tax consultant.
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  And and to this, you know, sole inspired, I'm gonna say, leadership coach.
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  So how how what skills did you kinda gain along the way that kind of allowed you to to land
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  there.
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  So in so far as dance, dance allows me to actually feel and expressed myself, which is
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  something that most tax accountant still get a chance to do.
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  It also made me very aware of the role my body plays and how I use energy.
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  So it also, you know, it really taps into the passionate side of myself.
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  Well in all the emotions.
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  Those are the things that I learned in dance, and on top of which there's a lot of discipline
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  and practice that comes into dance.
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  That, that is something that I learned from that area of my life.
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  When I got into tax accounting, which is the the odd one, and that happened to be the one
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  that I spent the most time in.
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  I realized that becoming a tax accountant and a business consultant It really gave me an
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  awareness on how we use resources, how we use money, how we use time, and how we use energy.
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  In creating what we want.
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  I've had to learn, you know, that we have specific resources out there.
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  And we have to get good at looking how to employ them and also plug up the leaks.
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  Things that prevent us from using our resources in the way we want to.
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  So one of my life lessons was to actually see how people can have a lack of boundaries around
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  their time and their money.
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  And so instead of feeding it towards your passion and purpose, they're being the good guy
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  and saying, yes, I will give my money here, like, when the whether it be to family or to
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  friends and loans, rather than actually using it create more such that everybody can can
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  benefit from it.
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  So in creating businesses, for me, I see a business as being a manifestation of a person's
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  latest purpose.
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  In creating business and making sure it's well resources and well, well funded, and putting
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  our focus in there, we actually can create better lives for ourselves, for our families,
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  and our partnerships.
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  Our relationships.
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  And so when we are using our resources and places that aren't as productive or as focused
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  were actually causing energetic leaks out of our businesses.
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  And therefore, we're not creating the more that we could possibly do.
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  Wow.
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  Interesting.
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  So using really the very practical skills of building a a firm foundation for a business,
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  but then you went on to kind of, tapping into your purpose, which I I I'm I'm interested in
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  that story because you said mom and dad, which some of us can a lot of us can relate.
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  Yeah.
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  I take could you take take this path to go into business or, you know, to get your BCom.
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  So somewhere in there, I'm gonna say you did some of it because of your parents, you gained
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  certain things, but then your path found you, to being, this intuitive, you know, leadership
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  consultant.
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  How did you make that shift?
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  So, really, I did it the way without grace.
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  I ended up in a position where I suffered from burnout for about 4 years.
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  Wow.
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  And it's, you know, it's It was really indicative that I was on the wrong path or that
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  at least I was, I stopped in a place longer than I should have stayed, and it was It was
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  based on my belief that I was doing what my parents wanted, especially my father who
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  happened to have an account as well.
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  Okay.
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  Early served as purpose for me to be there.
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  And, where it finally gave way was, unfortunately, I lost my father to cancer.
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  And, he was my motivation for staying.
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  And so once he was gone, it really made me take a look at What is it that I get joy out of?
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  What is it that I really want to do?
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  What parts of my life make me happy and feel productive?
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  And I realized that I'm way more of a people person than a person who could sit down and
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  fill out forms and try to make a really, you know, kick ass balance sheet and income
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  statement.
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  Yeah.
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  The sexiness of there, that is not there, I guess.
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  Well, you know what?
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  For some people, that's exactly how they serve.
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  And, you know, it's a totally valid way of serving.
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  I have
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  a lot of really good plans.
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  They're very good at tax accounts.
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  That's what puts a little pep into their stuff, and it wasn't for me.
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  I knew very well that I wanted to make a difference in people live.
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  So I wanted to know that what I did was having some type of impact.
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  And so, really, it had to do with dealing with people.
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  Actually, getting inside them, knowing how they ticked.
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  And also revealing what is inherently them so that they can go out and do it is what they
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  they wanted to do.
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  Because a lot of people say, you know, I'm passionate about I don't know, underwater
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  basket even.
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  Who knows?
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  But they they might have all these different ideas as to I can't make money doing it.
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  Or, how am I going to, raise a family doing this?
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  And really, we have to get back the idea that we can make an impact and can make a living,
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  doing things that we are passionate about, life's way too short to be spending it, doing
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  things that don't fit.
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  For sure.
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  And I I guess what I what I hear clearly is that, You have those sometimes entrepreneurs
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  who are have fantastic ideas, but they don't have the, the grounding or the business basis
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  to create that foundation, which I I hear that as being a great marriage for you, Oh, and you
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  can guide them and and teach them lots of things that potentially, oh, that's a great
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  idea.
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  You know, what are the blocks?
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  And all those things to help them play it, but then you can say, okay.
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  Well, now let's go to a a strategic plan that would be grounded somewhere in actual hard
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  pragmatic quantifiable things.
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  And there is there is a certain, sequence in order into the way we get to the whole things.
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  So we have different types of people who get into it gets stuck because of different places.
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  They're starting not necessarily in the place that would give effective answers to the
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  questions.
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  So I like to follow the idea that we always start with why.
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  Why do we want to do this?
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  What is it that we are going to get out of there personally?
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  What are we gonna be able to get out of it when it comes to our relationships, when it comes to
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  our businesses and society as a as a whole?
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  What is it that's been?
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  Why are we doing this such that we could feel a fullness in our lives?
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  Once we're able to say why we're doing that connected to wide, then we start working down
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  into the more practical.
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  How can we get this done?
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  Right?
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  We look at the processes that need to be put into place.
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  We look at all our options, and then we can narrow down which ones fit best for our
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  particular assessment.
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  Capabilities.
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  Once we can get through the how, then it's all a question of picking what to do in order to
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  get to get everything in place.
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  So for people who start at the what, a lot of times they can get so overwhelmed with how many
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  different things they can choose do, that they end up being, being caught up in inaction
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  because they're overwhelmed.
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  And those who don't start with why actually don't have the fuel or the juice to get those
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  whats done.
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  So we like to make sure that they start at the light and can work down right into the actual
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  tasks so that it lets and get things accomplished.
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  Well, I should have
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  met you, 4 years ago then.
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  It's never too late.
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  I
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  think I did it kinda I had my own zigzag in my head that I think made sense.
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  And I, you know, I, of course, I've had coaching, but I'd never per se had actual kind
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  of business coaching like you're talking.
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  So I, you know, was probably into tactics before I kind of got clearly succinct on the
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  why, but now I, you know, by default, guess what ends up happening.
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  Right?
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  You you kind of meander around blind as a battle first, and then you you start to kinda
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  get exposed to where you need to be.
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  I would like to think that I was immune to that, but I have to tell you that was one of
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  the lessons I had me because I got so caught up in all the details and the tactics that I never
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  really got a cohesive idea of what my life should be.
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  Hand schedule.
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  Where I was feeling unfulfilled.
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  Yeah.
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  Makes sense.
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  I could have met myself 4 years ago.
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  Everybody would have been happier.
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  Absolutely.
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  And, you know, it all happens the way it needs to.
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  Right?
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  So, you know, I'm curious.
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  Right?
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  Let's say do you, when people what kind of people come to you?
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  Like, give me an example of, you know, kinda your, you know, your ideal client or the the
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  average person that comes to you, where are they coming to you with a business already
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  intact?
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  Are they coming wanting to figure out, you know, what is my passion, or do they come at
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  different stages?
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  So some will actually come because they have been looking for something different.
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  So part of what I do is I teach teaching NLP and hypnosis and timeline therapy and creating
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  a future, to people who wanna use those
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  tools, to building a business.
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  So they may be intrigued at the whole idea of taking their personal life experiences and
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  putting into a coaching program.
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  So they're actually looking to make a change in their wallet, in which case we're actually
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  helping them to bring out their passion.
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  Now we have some people who really like what they're doing, yet they wanna bring it to
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  another level.
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  And so they're really trying to deepen their passion for what they do.
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  So that they can actually push up to the next level.
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  So it all depends on their particular situation.
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  We can get a person who is working in a particular field and really connecting that to
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  their why.
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  That's what they want.
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  And then we could also find a totally completely different one.
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  I've had, I've had some clients who've come in, and they're they're not even clear of what they
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  want to do.
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  And it's a really question of going through a process of discovering what is missing in their
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  lives.
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  So, really, it comes from all different places.
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  The one thing they do have in common is that they do want it to be in a business format, and
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  they're not necessarily looking for just like coaching.
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  Although, they get it in in the process.
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  So for some of the people that are listening or watching, explain to them what NLP is, like,
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  briefly, time line therapy and hypnosis because I know, I mean, I know kind of what they are
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  because of what I do, but I'm I'm gonna assume that some people may not know.
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  Kind of
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  neurolinguistic programming is a body of study that started in the seventies with John
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  Greender and Richard Bandler.
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  And what they were looking at was how to model excellence.
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  So it started off with them studying the works of Milton Roxanne, Virginia to peer.
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  They were looking to see, and, see, what is it that they did produce results in areas such as
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  hypnosis psychoanalysts analysis.
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  They were looking at, while Virginia's chair herself was, a social worker.
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  In family therapy, and they noticed certain patterns that were creating the results of
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  people wanted.
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  And the field has evolved so much over the last 40 odd years that, it's become entity of its
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  own itself.
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  So neurolinguistic programming in a nutshell, we look at the ways we program ourselves from
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  children.
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  And we can look at how those programs affect us, whether it be through neural the neural
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  processes for the language we use.
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  And then we use techniques that mimic the same way that we programmed ourselves and what we
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  didn't want, and then use that to pro to to program ourselves for what we do.
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  Okay.
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  So it really is a change of behavior.
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  It's a change of focus.
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  I always like to think of the mind as a supercomputer.
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  We get a trigger.
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  Something happens inside that that is an operation, and then we get an outcome.
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  And so by getting an understanding of what is running, what programs are running, we can
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  actually reprogram ourselves such that we get a different outcome.
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  The one that we're looking for.
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  Yes.
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  I like that explanation.
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  I had, I've heard it explained, but it really helps me understand it, a lot more.
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  So you work.
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  You use that timeline therapy.
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  Is a lot is it that along the same line?
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  Or is that
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  Online therapy is a way that we use to get rid of limiting decisions.
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  Police that don't serve us.
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  Some negative emotions.
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  We do a lot of cleanup using timeline therapy.
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  That in itself is a technique that was introduced to us by a man we had James, who is
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  a mentor of a mentor of mine.
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  And, we seeing people get fantastic results very quickly without necessarily going into the
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  content of the problem.
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  As in we don't spend a lot of time talking about the problem.
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  Our focus is really on what can we learn from it.
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  Such that we can apply it to our lives, and therefore, release it.
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  And so timeline is nothing new.
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  There's a lot of different techniques that are based on the idea that we have a timeline.
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  This is just a very, a very effective way of using the timeline really great results really
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  fast.
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  Nice.
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  Nice.
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  So it's like a compliment of ready kind of helping them clear.
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  Yes.
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  Not not really getting caught caught in the why it occurred or how it developed, really.
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  Which I think, you know, we kind of think of psychotherapy and people will say that, but
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  it's really at the end of the day coming back to the president, understanding how it may be
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  limiting you or impacting your world in the present and what can you do to clear it.
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  So that's that's yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  Exactly.
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  You see, I was I was a person on on the side of the couch for, you know, I was doing the
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  talking, and I found that The more and more I talked about the problem, yes, it'll make me
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  feel better for a while, but then it always came back.
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  And the one thing that I never really did was to actually see how it is that I can change it
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  in the now so that I can get them with more compelling future.
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  Rather than constant reliving and reliving what was going on in the past.
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  So getting the learnings, learnings are always the most important part.
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  And you as a psychotherapist.
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  I'm sure you get that.
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  Yeah.
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  For sure.
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  And I think psychotherapy, if you think of traditional psychotherapy, I think when I when
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  I, trained years ago, it people would stay in the past, but really, I I think the field has
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  evolved a lot.
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  What, you know, okay.
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  We understand the pattern, but what are you gonna do about it now?
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  Right?
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  And then
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  Well, that's the only question that that that's left to ask, what do we do about it now?
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  The past is the past.
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  We don't have control over that.
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  It's the future hasn't happened yet.
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  The only thing that happens now.
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  Right.
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  For sure.
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  So you work with them.
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  They become clear.
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  They they remove blockages.
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  Then I I'm gonna assume at that point they they have a vision of the why.
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  Mhmm.
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  Why am I doing what I'm doing?
• 24:53
  Why am I, you know, And, obviously, we're not, you know, would all like to say it's because
• 24:59
  some people may not know.
• 25:00
  They may say I just wanna make a good living or you know, or I wanna spend more time with my
• 25:05
  children or, but when you kind of sift it through, then you're ready to kinda get a sense
• 25:10
  of why they're doing what they're doing.
• 25:12
  And then then what do you do with them?
• 25:14
  Then you start is that where you start the metrics part of of how how they're gonna get a
• 25:20
  full idea of birth?
• 25:22
  Absolutely.
• 25:23
  So we would work together to get a pen in place.
• 25:28
  The whole point is to design the life that they want.
• 25:31
  So until they can get clear on what they launch, we have nothing to drive towards.
• 25:37
  So, definitely, it's about goal setting.
• 25:40
  It's about setting up the benchmarks.
• 25:43
  It's about really using also the context of everything, being able to see what is it you
• 25:51
  want, or what is it you wanna be able to experience hear what how do you wanna feel?
• 25:56
  Putting all of that into the goal setting process.
• 26:00
  And then, of course, the practical side of the always has down numbers to it.
• 26:03
  So we talk about sending goals that are really compelling such that, we can actually program
• 26:09
  them to go get it.
• 26:11
  One of the things we talk about is, the difference between the conscious mind and the
• 26:17
  unconscious mind.
• 26:19
  We can consciously wish for something.
• 26:21
  We can consciously set our goals where we fall apart is when our unconscious line is in DAC
• 26:28
  actually trained to go get it.
• 26:31
  So that's one of the things that I work with my clients to do is how do we program the
• 26:36
  unconscious mind to act go and get the goals done.
• 26:43
  And that includes cleaning up the path.
• 26:45
  That includes focusing on on the noun, what it is they want to create, and taking inspired
• 26:53
  such that you've got all the energy in you going towards that goal.
• 26:58
  So yes, those are the things that we do at that point, and it's constant course corrections
• 27:05
  because as you know, life happens.
• 27:07
  And that's one of the greatest things that I to do is as life's happening, what is it that we
• 27:12
  can do to get you back on track?
• 27:15
  So give me an example of an unconscious blog.
• 27:18
  That you seem to see that pops up for people?
• 27:21
  Well, if we're talking business, let's talk about money.
• 27:25
  Okay.
• 27:25
  You know, though the entire purpose of a business in the traditional sense is to make a
• 27:32
  profit.
• 27:32
  Yes.
• 27:33
  Mhmm.
• 27:33
  Yet, we all grow up with different ideas of what money you need.
• 27:39
  Mhmm.
• 27:39
  So some people may look at money as being just a thing.
• 27:43
  It's something that you can put in a wheelbarrow, and they have absolutely no
• 27:46
  emotions to it towards money.
• 27:48
  They're very rare.
• 27:50
  Money is usually something that's extremely emotionally charged.
• 27:54
  So you might get a person who has a belief in the background that money is the root of all
• 27:59
  evil.
• 27:59
  And it could very well be that money was a huge factor in all the negative things that happened
• 28:05
  in the past.
• 28:07
  How is a person going to fair in the world of business if their background belief is that
• 28:15
  money is the root of all evil?
• 28:17
  And we see this pop up in a lot of businesses where people are really of a huge service
• 28:23
  mentality and all they wanna do is help people.
• 28:26
  I wanna help people, then they they start giving things away for free.
• 28:32
  Because they oh, it's almost like there's this feeling of dirtiness around money.
• 28:37
  Then you might have someone who thinks that money is, money causes problems in
• 28:49
  relationships.
• 28:50
  So say a child is growing up and all they've ever heard when comes to me is that mom and dad
• 28:56
  are constantly fighting over money.
• 29:00
  How would that affect the way they treat money within their business?
• 29:04
  I've come across people who when it comes to money, they look at money as being something
• 29:13
  that is scarce, mhmm, that it's either you have the money or I have the money or someone else
• 29:20
  has the money.
• 29:22
  Scarcity is one of the biggest things that, caused people to think that they're always in
• 29:27
  competition with other people.
• 29:30
  And although healthy competition is great, if it becomes a fight over, who gets what, Instead
• 29:38
  of really looking at how can we create more, that can have a negative impact on the person's
• 29:44
  business.
• 29:44
  So think of all the ways that money has played a role in people's relationships, their ability
• 29:52
  to parent even when it comes to health and imagine how those same beliefs can can manifest
• 29:59
  itself in a person's business.
• 30:02
  So you you get you you see the leaking holes then truly.
• 30:06
  Yeah.
• 30:07
  So the plan there's the business plan.
• 30:09
  Mhmm.
• 30:10
  There's the why but then you're looking at how, you know, how is it by not picking up the
• 30:18
  phone?
• 30:19
  You know, you're not you're you're gonna make, say, $5000 if you pick up that phone.
• 30:24
  Mhmm.
• 30:24
  But you'd find every other reason not to pick up the phone, for instance, and then you try to
• 30:29
  find the belief behind what stops them from the action.
• 30:32
  Is that what
• 30:33
  you kind of Absolutely.
• 30:34
  So I remember even I'll use an experience such late in my own where I could have picked up the
• 30:42
  phone and made a really great sale somebody who really, really wanted me to work with them, and
• 30:47
  this is early on in my coaching career.
• 30:49
  And as wonderful as it would have been to have picked up the phone and made that sale, I had
• 30:56
  in the back of my head that the minute that I made that sale now I am an indentured servant
• 31:03
  to that person, and I was based on certain family patterns that I had in my life at the
• 31:08
  time.
• 31:09
  So the whole idea of almost selling my soul was a problem.
• 31:15
  Fortunately, we had tools for that,
• 31:17
  so I was able to through.
• 31:22
  Yeah.
• 31:22
  Get those blocks out
• 31:23
  of yourself first, and then you
• 31:25
  Oh, thank goodness.
• 31:26
  If you imagine if those were still around, and I would never be able to put the phone for any
• 31:30
  button.
• 31:31
  Well, I think I think that's so that's such a gift, right, because I even think of myself,
• 31:37
  and I would think that one of my major blocks is I do too many things.
• 31:41
  And I think back, though, really, and I think Well, when did that start?
• 31:45
  Right?
• 31:45
  Well, I think I was always in a rush because it it's, it helped me distract from certain things
• 31:52
  that were going on in my life when I was younger.
• 31:55
  And I've always I always have many too many bulls on the go and you know, when I when when
• 32:04
  they Roxanne I'm mad, and but really when I slow, or have slowed, then I look at it, but
• 32:13
  there's a discomfort.
• 32:14
  Mhmm.
• 32:16
  Right?
• 32:16
  To to to slowing down, which is really and we know with with those pragmatic tactical steps
• 32:22
  that you have, you have to slow.
• 32:24
  You have to focus on one thing.
• 32:26
  Right?
• 32:26
  But for me, it was a discomfort within, I don't know if I like this, you know, because of that
• 32:32
  old stuff, And then, of course, what I what I get, I would do things, but what I feel good
• 32:39
  about the stuff I've done after, not so much.
• 32:42
  And maybe, you know, I'd be like kind of that rabbit that runs off.
• 32:45
  And with every time there's a new thing, that distraction, I think, was helping me, but in
• 32:50
  fact, it was hurting me.
• 32:52
  I I grew up as a product of the eighties, and I still remember in the eighties, all the
• 32:58
  magazines that would talk about how a woman can have it all.
• 33:02
  Gonna be a fantastic wife of an unbelievably nurturing mom and work full time and still have
• 33:10
  her house looks spotless and do all the things in life.
• 33:14
  And and it's good to want all that.
• 33:19
  The thing is is that we never really learned how.
• 33:21
  Mhmm.
• 33:22
  Mhmm.
• 33:23
  It was it was the idea that we needed to do it all ourselves.
• 33:28
  Mhmm.
• 33:30
  And if anything was less than ideal, then it was somehow a message of who we were as women.
• 33:38
  That we were we were lacking something.
• 33:41
  So you could have been a high functioning executive, but if your home wasn't clean, That
• 33:48
  was the issue.
• 33:49
  Yes.
• 33:49
  So we we learned to do it ourselves, and that isn't a healthy way of going about it.
• 33:56
  When we can start, you know, stepping by by stepping back and looking at, okay, what is it
• 34:02
  that we want?
• 34:05
  And how can we do it and not necessarily do it independently, but actually look for areas
• 34:11
  where we can all work together.
• 34:14
  Interdependently such that everything gets done and everyone gets what they want.
• 34:20
  So It was a major deal.
• 34:22
  The first time I got someone to clean my house for me.
• 34:25
  Mhmm.
• 34:26
  Right?
• 34:27
  It was a big deal to have have someone clean my house.
• 34:29
  And there was a little bit inside me and then going, well, why am I not cleaning my own
• 34:33
  house?
• 34:34
  I got over that quick.
• 34:37
  I think I would have gotten over that really quick too, Melissa.
• 34:40
  At the same time, there was a little piece of me going, why isn't I'm not cleaning my own
• 34:44
  house?
• 34:44
  And It's that idea that we needed to do it all and we needed to do it all ourselves.
• 34:50
  Once we get rid of that idea that it must be done independently we can actually start being
• 34:57
  more creative and use our, use our gifts, our talents, our energy, our passions the best use
• 35:04
  rather than being stuck in the things
• 35:05
  we don't wanna do.
• 35:06
  And there are women there out there who love, love cleaning, they can clean my house.
• 35:14
  But I think it I think to your point, right, it's about, you know, even myself when I was my
• 35:19
  son was young and I was traveling and you know, craziness.
• 35:23
  Right?
• 35:23
  And, you
• 35:24
  know, and then I'd have friends that, you know, you know, they did all that home stuff and and
• 35:29
  then I would look and and and then in the back of my head, I'm thinking, oh god.
• 35:33
  Don't judge me because if I had to get to if I had to get together, I would have it all
• 35:38
  catered and, you know, those types of things.
• 35:40
  And then I got to the point.
• 35:41
  I said, you know, hold on.
• 35:42
  I'm gonna, you know, play in a trainer or a car, at any given point with a one year old's,
• 35:48
  you know, at home, you know, what's realistic to be able to juggle it all I could there's no
• 35:54
  way I could be, you know, doing the things that my friends that have more flexibility could do
• 35:59
  and just accepting it.
• 36:00
  I think and and that's a hard thing.
• 36:02
  But I think you're right.
• 36:03
  Again, sometimes it's it's I may not realize that I'm doing all those things, and it it
• 36:09
  takes the objective person to step in and then have me or some, one of your clients, clear
• 36:15
  that by, you know, by if it's a technique or, you know, something different that I can
• 36:20
  inspire action you called it, which I'd like I like that work.
• 36:23
  Thank you.
• 36:25
  To be able to clear it up so that you can add that new seminar or, you know, something new
• 36:31
  because it'd be then you you're there and you're like, how did I get it there?
• 36:34
  But if you're left up to your own devices, you know, what do we do?
• 36:38
  We're rattling around in her own brain without any perspective from outside.
• 36:41
  So, clearly what you do makes sense because it allows a person to Look as objectively as they
• 36:49
  can at what they're doing versus our subject subjective reality, which becomes quite
• 36:54
  familiar for us.
• 36:55
  We can kinda you know, stay there and dance around and not get around, you know, to what we
• 37:00
  need to do.
• 37:01
  Yeah.
• 37:02
  And that's not a type of dance I like.
• 37:05
  It's a little tiring.
• 37:08
  So on in general, How long are your coaching sessions?
• 37:14
  Do you do it for a particular time?
• 37:18
  Is it do you have group coaching?
• 37:20
  Do you just do individual coaching?
• 37:22
  Training, you know.
• 37:23
  All the things I do, are really based on on what the client needs at the time.
• 37:30
  Okay.
• 37:31
  So I have a program where I do what we call breakthrough coaching, and breakthrough
• 37:38
  coaching is a very intense process for a very short period of time.
• 37:43
  Usually, it would last about, a month and a half to 2 months.
• 37:48
  And what we really do is we spend time really getting down to the root cause.
• 37:54
  What is the one thing that this person needs to break through such that they get exponential,
• 38:01
  returns on investment at their time.
• 38:03
  And Usually, it's something that's really deep seated, deep rooted that is actually operating
• 38:09
  out of consciousness.
• 38:11
  So we spend quite a bit of time just getting down to the root.
• 38:16
  And once we can identify the root, it's very easy to get rid of using the techniques that we
• 38:21
  have.
• 38:22
  So that's one way that I work with clients.
• 38:26
  Once they're through something like that, we might do some accountability coaching.
• 38:30
  And that really goes to the business side of things where we set up the metrics, and we we
• 38:36
  we look to see if we look to see what the plan is.
• 38:39
  And work towards that plan.
• 38:41
  And then course, Brexit meet me.
• 38:43
  Do a little cleanups here or there in case something else pops up.
• 38:48
  And that really is about building, and that could last anywhere between 6 12 months if they
• 38:53
  choose to do that on top of the breakthrough.
• 38:55
  The way I really love to work with people is I love to train.
• 39:00
  I really like to put the tools in people's hands such that they can they can use the tools
• 39:06
  on a daily basis to actually get the best out of their time.
• 39:10
  So I run a practitioner training four times a year where the people who are working with me
• 39:17
  get the skills that they can use for themselves, and then you can also use those
• 39:22
  skills with others.
• 39:23
  And that dare is what you always heard about.
• 39:26
  You can either give a person a fish, or you can teach them a fish.
• 39:29
  Well, I like teaching the fish.
• 39:31
  Because, it's really great when you see people actually start taking, taking their power and
• 39:39
  using it.
• 39:40
  Rather than necessarily using me as a coach, as almost like a Over a longer period of time than
• 39:51
  needed.
• 39:52
  So I really, really love doing the training as well we tend to have a lot of fun and a lot of
• 39:57
  transformation all in a short period of time.
• 39:59
  Usually, that would be.
• 40:01
  So they so the trainings that you do, Melissa, it's NLP, NLP,
• 40:09
  timeline therapy, and hypnosis.
• 40:11
  And we also teach the coaching and coaching processes that tie it up into a wonderful,
• 40:17
  wonderful bow where we, you know, exactly when to use what particular technique and for what
• 40:24
  in a coaching paradigm.
• 40:26
  Okay.
• 40:26
  Okay.
• 40:27
  Yeah.
• 40:27
  So once they walk away with that training, they would be certified in, something.
• 40:33
  I don't know what the certification.
• 40:35
  What happens is I'm a board designated trainer of the American Board of Maryland Vista
• 40:41
  Programming of the American Board of Human Therapy And Over the Timeline Therapy
• 40:45
  Association.
• 40:46
  So what happens at the end of the train?
• 40:49
  Should the people choose, they can go and apply or afford more designations in those bodies?
• 40:57
  Okay.
• 40:57
  So
• 40:58
  as an accountant, I I knew how important designations were for me.
• 41:02
  And so some of my clients actually come in and If the destinations are important, then they
• 41:08
  know they have access to it.
• 41:10
  Okay.
• 41:10
  Nice.
• 41:11
  Nice.
• 41:12
  So I I really I really like what I hear in reference to, you know, the the intuitive side,
• 41:21
  but the business side, right, because I think someone like myself, I'm more on the intuitive
• 41:26
  side.
• 41:26
  I'd I'd probably not be as good on the business side, and I'm sure you have people really good,
• 41:31
  pretty good with business side, but they come in their kind of clueless on the other side.
• 41:35
  So that kind of interweaving.
• 41:37
  I I I like that, right, because sometimes you have to you have to say to somebody has to say
• 41:41
  get out
• 41:41
  of your head.
• 41:43
  Yeah.
• 41:43
  And and
• 41:44
  then somebody, you know, exactly.
• 41:45
  Okay.
• 41:46
  Start doing something and people that are doing something you need to have them dream.
• 41:49
  So I think I think it's it's it's it's a really nice space.
• 41:53
  And then with these actual techniques, like not only are you having the capacity declared
• 41:59
  within yourself, but then if you're coaching or whatever that you can go on then and and do it
• 42:04
  with your your coaching practice or whatever.
• 42:06
  That's,
• 42:08
  and, you know, it's, we use the word coach, and I I remember people saying, but Melissa, I
• 42:12
  don't wanna be a coach.
• 42:15
  And what I like to tell them is we're all coaches.
• 42:20
  Remember, I was an accountant Yeah.
• 42:22
  And I
• 42:22
  didn't realize what I was doing.
• 42:24
  I was coaching the clients without knowing it, as parents were coaches, as teachers were
• 42:30
  coaches, as as anything where we are in a leadership position, we are coping.
• 42:38
  So coaches just the word that we use in in my business only because we need a word or else it
• 42:45
  would be, you know, forever making lists.
• 42:48
  These are really tools that are used, as human beings to get the best out of ourselves and the
• 42:55
  best out of the people around us.
• 42:58
  In whatever capacity that happens to be.
• 43:00
  Makes a lot of sense.
• 43:02
  Now I know you have something pretty, unique coming up that we we were chatting about before
• 43:07
  we got online, that I think would probably be helpful for a lot of people.
• 43:12
  So why don't you share.
• 43:13
  I know you have, something coming up around goal setting.
• 43:17
  Yes.
• 43:18
  More than just goal setting.
• 43:19
  It's about goal getting.
• 43:20
  So it's call, didn't you have more B more?
• 43:24
  And really what we're looking at doing is using wonderful quantum tools in order to design the
• 43:32
  life you want.
• 43:33
  And since it's the start of 2019 in a in less than a month, I this would be a good, good way
• 43:39
  to, to get started.
• 43:42
  Normally people, you know, they set their New Year's resolutions.
• 43:47
  In the beginning of January, and you know what happens to them before February 10th.
• 43:51
  They're done.
• 43:52
  Right?
• 43:53
  So I would love to put the tools in people's hands such that can design the Lifeco 1 in 2019
• 43:59
  and actually go and get them.
• 44:01
  We give them, all the secrets they need to get started on that.
• 44:06
  We'll be doing that, on January 12th 13th, 2019.
• 44:11
  My office is just in just in the inside of Opeville.
• 44:16
  Okay.
• 44:17
  So we're excited about doing that.
• 44:19
  Really, it's about how do you use the unconscious line, which is the most powerful
• 44:26
  engine you have in your mind to actually go get what you want.
• 44:31
  Sounds nice.
• 44:31
  And is it is it a full day training or
• 44:34
  2 days?
• 44:34
  It's 2 days.
• 44:36
  2 full days.
• 44:37
  2 full days.
• 44:38
  Okay.
• 44:39
  Just right after you start the new year, which is probably a great place to be.
• 44:43
  Well, it's a good time because everyone feels really enthusiastic and energetic in January.
• 44:49
  Before the February blues hit.
• 44:52
  It's really great to use that energy and it's new beginning promotion.
• 44:57
  So let's use that energy and that enthusiasm and put that towards our goals and actually
• 45:04
  knowing how to sustain it over the entire year.
• 45:07
  And I think that's that's the that's the gift is the sustainability, right, and not getting
• 45:12
  distracted like I said, right, like, I mean, oh, there's this new platform and you're off
• 45:16
  running and looking at that or kinda like being hairy because you come back to that space, and
• 45:21
  it's not just a business plan.
• 45:23
  But it's something that you have connected with,
• 45:26
  yes, actual steps.
• 45:28
  Right?
• 45:29
  And And that will be tied into actions.
• 45:31
  Because all the wonderful planning in the world is not gonna help you at all unless there's an
• 45:37
  action plan to back it
• 45:38
  up.
• 45:40
  I I hear you.
• 45:43
  So, Melissa, this has been there.
• 45:45
  We changed it from Wishes and goals to actually things that are accurate.
• 45:49
  Actionable.
• 45:50
  Excellent.
• 45:51
  Well, this has been a complete pleasure.
• 45:53
  It helps me kind of think about what I'm gonna do in in in 2019.
• 45:59
  And that I have to, you know, make sure it's specific and clear and, in alignment with what
• 46:04
  I want.
• 46:06
  And I think the intuitive with, the pragmatic, which is what I I'm taking away here today.
• 46:11
  Like, you know, once those collide, like, you've done so nicely with what, in your
• 46:17
  business, it's how can you go wrong, right?
• 46:21
  Other than if you get tripped up, then you know you need somebody, like Melissa to work with
• 46:26
  you.
• 46:27
  And please, do reach out.
• 46:30
  Like I said, she's in Mississauga.
• 46:31
  I'm just gonna assume that you probably do do coaching online too.
• 46:35
  Do you, or do you do it at
• 46:36
  a time?
• 46:36
  I use I use tools such as Zoom.
• 46:38
  So if, if it's not possible to come into the office, absolutely.
• 46:43
  I can work with people online.
• 46:44
  Well.
• 46:45
  Excellent.
• 46:46
  Excellent.
• 46:46
  So that's good to know.
• 46:47
  So what am I taking away?
• 46:49
  I'm taking away that, you know, Don't forget your why.
• 46:55
  Stay connected.
• 46:56
  Make sure that you have, actual pragmatic things written down, and then make sure if
• 47:06
  you're vacillating around certain tactics consistently that you start to try to ask the
• 47:13
  question what's blocking me from attaining my goals.
• 47:17
  So, again, thanks a lot, Melissa, for being here anybody that wants more information on me,
• 47:22
  you can go to roxanderhodge.com, forward slash blueprint.
• 47:28
  Where you can download a free course and how to be a bit more authentically connected to just
• 47:33
  you in whatever realm And for any companies that are looking for speakers on mental health
• 47:38
  and wellness, I'm an expert in that area.
• 47:41
  I can be reached at that site.
• 47:43
  So take care, and we'll talk to you soon.
• 47:45
  Bye, Melissa.
• 47:47
  Bye, Jonathan.
• 47:49
  Thanks for tuning in.
• 47:51
  To authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive healthy change.
• 47:56
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
• 48:02
  roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
• 48:06
  We'll see you next time.
• 48:08
  On authentic living with Roxanne.