Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1256 - The Sweet Spot: Overscheduled or Underplayed

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#1256 - The Sweet Spot: Overscheduled or Underplayed · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels like parenting is an Olympic sport. And
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking about how exhausted we are at the
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: end of every day. That's kind of just part of
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: being a human. Instead, I'm talking about what happens certainly
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: in some postcodes and some parenting cohorts. There's just a
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: lot going on today. We have a look at the
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: competitive parenting culture and how we make sure that our
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: kids are getting enough enrichment without being overscheduled. How do
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: we get this balance right? Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Real parenting Solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie, parenting sometimes feels
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: like a gladiator sport, even if you're not competing with
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: everybody else, you just feel like you've run a marathon
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: at the end of every day, especially with multiple kids
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: and so many activities to be doing.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: And I think it's even more complicated now that we've
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: got social media and we're watching everybody else's lives in
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: real time happening before us, and feeling like where behind
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: the eight ball all the time?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Massive, massive, what's the word amplification magnification of it. I
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: have a controversial take, and I know that this is
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: going to be unfair in a lot of areas, but
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: in some places I think that I'm bang on. I'm
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: scared to say it, but I'm going to say it anyway.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes there's this I don't know if it's innate,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: maybe it's in a maybe it's a social construction. But
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: there are some pockets of our communities where mums are super,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: super competitive, and I think that it's hurting our children,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Like from the time that they're born, my child is
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: hitting these developmental miles stones. First, I've got a gifted child.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: They're winning everything, They're amazing, and I kind of feel
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: like we get caught up in this parenting rug rat
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: race where many people just want their kids to outshine
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: everyone else's.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: You're right, it is very controversial and provocative, and I
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: don't ingree it entirely with you. I have watched it,
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: and I've seen the competitive streak in women in general
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: and mums, but I do not believe it's a nate
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: If I think that culturally we have created an environment
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: where we feel like it's dog eat dog, it's just
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: in a totally different setting than do you.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Think it's the whole I've got to fulfill my child's potential.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I've got to help them to optimize every aspect of
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: their development. Like that's well intentioned rather than a competitive thing.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: It's not about beating everyone else. It's just about being
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: the best, because then you're being a model of the
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: optimization that I've pushed you towards.
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  Speaker 2: No, I think it's a scarcity mentality that there's not
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: enough good jobs out there, there's not enough good places
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: for my kid to be, and if they're not the best,
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: then they're not going to have the life that I
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: want them to have because I didn't get it when
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I was a kid, or I think it's more that
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: than it is anything else.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm fine with the not innate thing, but I
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: still think that in some areas there's just this competitiveness.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's well intentioned, other times I'm not convinced. And
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I'm going to point the finger squarely in the direction
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: of the eastern suburbs of Sydney, although there are pockets
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: around the country that do this. I jumped online in
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: prep for this podcast, and here's what I found. You
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: can get your eighteen month old child signed up for ballet. Wow,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I just want to let that sit for a secon
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: eighteen months old signing up for ballet.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I have seen your sister's feet.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, my sister's a professional dancer. She's been dancing since
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: she was a teenager or maybe a little bit younger
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: than that.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: She's in her mid thirties, right, And that they're not normal,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: that they're not in any way, shape or form.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: You can sign your kids up for soccer at three, which, again,
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: like kids don't need to be competing against other kids
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: at three. The ball is almost as big as the
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: three ords. So let's be honest. I found something and
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I don't This is legit, but it sounds so weird
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: even to be saying it. You can literally get your
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: six week old involved in fitness classes, which is not
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: really fitness for the kids. It's really just about I guess,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: being with them and moving their bodies around. A special
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: call out brain Thrive, which is music based educational classes
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: for nine month olds. Your kids aren't going to learn
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  Speaker 1: to be a brilliant guitarist, drama piano player at nine
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: months old. And we know that the baby mozart stuff
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: is not legit, like there's no research to support that.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: And I hear this stuff and I just think it's competition,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Like we're pushing our kids so hard because we want
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: we want to maximize their potential. The financial burden of
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: these programs on families or maybe not in some places,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: maybe that's why it's happening. But for me, there's this
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: bigger issue around the developmental readiness of children and what
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: it teaches children about the world. And again to stir
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: the pot and still no, it's actually a legitimate question.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Why are we signing kids up for stuff at six
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: weeks or three years old or nine month old brain
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: thrive music classes and that kind of thing. I feel
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: as though it's more for our validation than for their benefit.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to push back on you again. I
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: actually don't. I think that in some cases you're exactly right.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: But I actually think that there's two things happening. As parents,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: we're more distracted than we've ever been, and the idea
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: that somebody is going to dictate what happens in any
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: given space and allows us a mental break is an
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: important point. But secondly, I think that as mothers in general,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: there is so much competing information out there. We've actually
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: lost the ability to trust our own instincts and to
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: value our own input and what we bring to children's lives.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: So, speaking of losing the ability, is it possible? And
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I recognize like I'm being pretty open about this on
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: our pod today. I'm not usually quite this open. And
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: it does sound like I'm doing a bit of parent shaming.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I probably am, and that's pretty unusual for me. I
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: want to be supportive. I want to be in parents' corn.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Am I taking it for granted that not every parent
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: knows a whole lot of stuff about child development? Am
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I taking it for granted that what I know, what
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: we talk about in this podcast is not common knowledge.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: It just doesn't make sense to me that parents are
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: pushing their kids under the age of four, five, six,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: even seven or eight into so many schedule activities. It's
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: not in the child's best interest. Is it possible that
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: parents are so distracted by what they're seeing on social
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: media or by their own hopes for their children, that
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: they they don't understand child development? Like you said, they've
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: lost trust, They've lost trust in their ability to read
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: their child and what's good for their child.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: I don't think that they've lost trust in it. They've
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: never trusted it. They actually have never trusted that they
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: actually know what their child needs because you read one
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: book and it tells you to do X, Y and Z,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: and then the next book's are total.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Well, they haven't been reading my book. Contradiction everyone, Every
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: one of these words.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Would be a contradictions out there.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: It probably is. All right, after the break, here's what
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: we're going to do. I'm going to lay out the
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: developmental case against overscheduling our kids, why too many activities
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: has a negative impact on them, and especially starting too young.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: You're going to talk about what we can do instead,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: and how to find the sweet spot so that when
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: our children are the right developmental stage, we can get
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: them involved in the appropriate number of the appropriate activities
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: at the appropriate time, for the appropriate reasons. That's all
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: coming up in just a set, all right, the developmental
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: case against overscheduling our kids, starting them off too young
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: and so on. First off, when they're too young, they
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: just don't get the downtime to figure things out. And frankly,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: you're mostly wasting your time and money because it's not
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: sinking in. A nine month old is not going to
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: learn how to be a baby Mozart.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: But you also take the joy out of it because
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: there is an adult in the room who is dictating
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: what needs to happen in order for them to progress right,
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: instead of allowing them to just explore and actually enjoy
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: whatever the activity is, whether it be kicking a ball.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: We're now in a formalized soccer game as a three
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: year old, as opposed to just being in the backyard
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: having a kick with dad.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Cheaper and probably more fun.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Well not only more fun, it's the relationship that develops
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: and grows, the connection that that child experiences with one
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: trusted adult as opposed to being in a class with
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: a holy of three year olds that don't know what
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: they're doing.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, as children get older as well, we find that
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: there are going to be impacts on schoolwork, family time, sleep,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: stress levels, in fairness and indifference to some families that
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I've seen who really do schedule their children extremely heavily.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I was doing a pr campaign. There was a young
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: boy who was involved in that campaign some years ago.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: He was doing eleven. I spoke to his mum. He
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: was doing eleven extra curricular activities a week. Now I
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: do not know. Number one, how you pay for that
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: many extra curricular activities a week. Number two, how you
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: get your child too that many extra curricular activities a week.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: He was doing music, he was doing drama, he was
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: doing art, he was doing sport, and he was doing
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: multiples of each.
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  Speaker 2: I would suggest that she wasn't getting him to all
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: of them. Based on our experiences at different schools, I
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: would say that a lot of his extracurriculars would have
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: been a part of his school education.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Probably also worth adding they did have an any which
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: would definitely make that easier. But I just the impact
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: of doing that many activities on a child is significant. Now.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, he was well justed, he was a really
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: happy kid, seemed fantastic, but over time it's just a lot.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: There are known and well documented physical dangers of doing
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: too many sports, particularly sports early sports specialization from an
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: injury point of view, overuse of growing bones and muscles,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: and also burnout. And I think the other thing that
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I've seen happen is a lot of parents will be like, well,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: because I'm keeping my child that busy. When they are home,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: they just use the screen because they're doing so much.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about them being on the
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: screen because I've got them in so many structured activities,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: and I kind of feel like there's this irony here
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: that we schedule all of this enrichment, but we could
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: actually create stressed out, screen dependent kids because there's so
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: much going on. Provocative take, But I just think there's
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: an argument against, a really strong argument against overscheduling, And
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: like I said, in researching for this particular podcast episode,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I just I saw so much of it.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: So I guess on the flip side of that, if
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: we're not overscheduling our kids, then we run the risk
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: that they get bort or worse, they're under our feet
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: all the time.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: That that is often part of the challenge that parents
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: have if I don't put the kids into this activity,
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: that I'm going to spend the whole afternoon with them
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: at me because they're bored. I don't want them on
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: a screen.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I want them outside, or they'll be at me to
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: get on the screen all afternoon. Yeah. So there is
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: a dark side boredom, depression and anxiety. If you're bored
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: and you don't have resources and don't do anything about
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: the boredom don't get creative, don't get active, Then boredom
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: has a dark side. Mmy blogus love to write about
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: the benefits of boredom, but I think that boredom can
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: be quite dangerous.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: It's interesting that you say that to me, because before
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: screens were an option, where was anxiety and depression levels
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: at that point?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Well, we have good data that shows that anxiety and
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: depression levels still existed but were nowhere near the levels
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: they are today.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Yes, so I look at my childhood and I grew
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: up in I would consider an average family, but we
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: didn't have the means to do a lot of extra
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: curricular activities, and I didn't do any But I don't
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I don't remember ever sitting in my room staring at
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: the walls thinking I'm bored. And I feel like as
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: a result of overscheduling our kids and introducing handheld screens
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: into their world, we've actually created boredom because they don't
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: know how to do anything on their own because there's
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: always something.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: There, always so much stimulation.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: To stimulate them. Exactly.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I've spoken about this on the podcast a
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: couple of times, but it's so important. I just I
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: want to keep on emphasizing it. There's this part of
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: your brain called the default mode network. That is, when
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: your brain doesn't have anything to do, it slips into
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: default mode and a whole different network of the brain
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: kicks off. When the default mode network is active, well,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: it's active because you're not on a screen. There's no stimulation,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: there's nothing exciting your brain, and so you get to
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: you get to do what you just get to think
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: about stuff. So you might think about what you've got
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to do this afternoon, all this weekend. You might think
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: about the whole day that you're planning. You might think
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: about the person that you've got to crash on. If
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: you're a teenager, you might think about who you are,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: what your values are. You might think about that thing
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: that you said earlier, that was that a mistake? Should
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I apologize for that? You start to do the inner work,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: You work on your identity. That's the default mode network's job.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: And our kids, because they're so stimulated, because they're so scheduled,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: especially in some of these communities and post codes that
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: I'm refering to, they don't get the chance to do
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: the inner work. There's a values deficit. And we hear
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: all these stories of the time about kids that are
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: getting up to know good and now. Part of that
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: is because teenagers have always been a little bit challenging,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: but part of it is because they're not doing the
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: inner work. They don't have the downtime to quote unquote
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: be bored to sit in their room and go who
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: am I and what am I about? I might journal,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: like how many kids journal today versus ten twenty thirty
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: years ago. It's almost a lost art form. Or sit
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: down and write a letter and open up your heart.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: When you write, you process things differently, You're thinking in
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: different ways. These are the things that help people to
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: develop their character, help them to develop their values. And
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: because we overschedule our children, they have lost the art
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: of day dreaming and it's important for cognitive development and
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: for identity development. So we need to find a sweet spot.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: That's the whole purpose of this podcast. We've kind of
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: covered a whole lot of different areas and being quite
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: broad here, but if I was to bring it right
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: back when it comes to your children, they need downtime,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: but we also want them to have enrichment activities so
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: that they can succeed in life. Over the years, as
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: we have raised six children. We've come up with some
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: fairly clear guidelines around what we think works to find
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: the sweet spot so that children are activated and engaged
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: in life and doing things, but not overscheduled, burden stressed,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: and then looking for every opportunity to stare at a
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: screen when they're not doing anything.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: When you say that, the words that come to my
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: mind is the extracurricular activities that our children engage in
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: should actually feel like a joy point in their lives.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: It literally should feel like this is the highlight of
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: my week. I talk most it's a holiday right from
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: the norm.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I do my parenting presentation on resilience, and I share
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: the story about how our daughter Chanell wanted to ride
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: velodrome track cycling with me, and for the first three
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: weeks she loved it, and then when she got her
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: backside completely handed to her every single week, she decided
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: she didn't want to do it anymore. She wasn't enjoy it.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Number one, she didn't really have relationships with the other girls.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Number Two, she was not competent. She was being absolutely annihilated.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Well, there was no one else her age. She was
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: actually competing it, but against kids who were much older than.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And they were lapping her in every race. The situation
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: got so dire though. I mean I was saying, well,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I paid for the bike, we paid for the kid,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: you're going to come down, you're going to race that
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: I was. I literally grabbed it by the arm and
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I dragged her to the car. I'm like, you're going
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: to race tonight because I've spent all this money and
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: you're going to do this. This is the extra curricular
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: activity that you wanted to do. I remember thinking as
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I was dragging her to the car, why am I
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: doing this? Who is this for? Because it's clearly not
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: for her anymore, Like this is for me, not for
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: my ego, but maybe for me to feel better about
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: having spent all the money. That's right. And I really
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: did want her to fall in love with cycling so
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: we could have that activity that we could do together.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: That was important to me as well. But it ended
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: up that it was just a better decision. Once you're
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: dragging them to the car, it's not bringing them joy
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: and it's not a release for them from their regular activities.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: So I love that. I love that insight. We've essentially
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: decided in our family, and every family will be different
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: based on the number of kids you've got and what
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: your financial and time resources are. But we've decided that
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: one or two activities per week is probably enough, and
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: those activities have to be based on the child's genuine interests,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: not the parents. Not because this is what I did
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: when I was a kid, not because I'm ambitious for
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: my child to go on and do this or do
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: that in their lives. It's just got to be that.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: The other sweet spot, and we've talked about this many
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: times on the podcast, it's finding time for quality togetherness
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: as a family. It's non negotiable, whether it's Super Saturday,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: or you're having a family night one night in the week,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: or whatever that might be.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: I think my extension on that is, as I think
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: about our eleven year old specifically, the joy point in
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: her week is the time when she's able to connect
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: with her friends. So I actually, as we've got go
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: on through this process, feel like those connection points with
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: friends who are like minded and enjoy the same kinds
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: of activities has more health benefit to her mentally, emotionally,
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: and physically than any other extracurricular activity we put her in.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Let me get really concrete about this, her favorite time
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: of the week is Wednesday afternoon when you go down
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: to the local park and meet up with some homeschool
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: families and the kids run around in a completely unstructured
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: way with no expectations and no priorities and no competition.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: They just play for three to four hours, yeah, on
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: a Wednesday afternoon, and they are in heaven like it's
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: their favorite thing. So it's not a scheduled, structured activity.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: Rather it's an unstructured activity where they're figuring out relationships,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: they're solving the world's problems as eleven year olds do,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: and they're just having fun. And that really is the
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: uncomplicated truth about what our children need when it comes
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: to scheduled activities and being overscheduled or not getting enough play,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: sometimes the best thing for a child is simply the
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: freedom to be a child. The Happy Family's podcast is
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. For more information
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: and more resources to make your family happier, please visit
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: us at happyfamilies dot com dot au.