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The Hotel Experience Of Mr. Pink Fluker · Classic Humorous Short Stories from America

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Speaker 1: Story ten of the Best American Humorous Short Stories by
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Speaker 1: Alexander Jessa editor. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain.
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Speaker 1: Story ten The Hotel Experience of Mister Pink Flucker eighteen
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Speaker 1: eighty six by Richard Malcolm Johnston from The Century Magazine,
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Speaker 1: June eighteen eighty six, copyright eighteen eighty six by the
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Speaker 1: Century Company. Republished in the volume Mister Absalom Billingsley and
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Speaker 1: Other Georgia Folk eighteen eighty eight by Richard Malcolm Johnston,
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Speaker 1: Harper and Brothers. One. Mister Peterson Flucker, generally called Pink
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Speaker 1: for his fondness for as stylish dressing as he could afford,
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Speaker 1: was one of that sort of men who habitually seem
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Speaker 1: busy and efficient when they are not. He had the
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Speaker 1: bustling activity often noticeable in minute his size, and in
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Speaker 1: one way and another had made up, as he believed,
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Speaker 1: for beings so much smaller than most of his adult
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Speaker 1: acquaintance of the male sex. Prominent among his achievements on
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Speaker 1: that line was getting married to a woman who, among
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Speaker 1: other excellent gifts, had that of being twice as big
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Speaker 1: as her husband, Fool, who on the day after his
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Speaker 1: marriage he had asked with a look at those who
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Speaker 1: had often said that he was too little to have
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Speaker 1: a wife. They had a little property to begin with,
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Speaker 1: a couple of hundreds of acres and two or three
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Speaker 1: negroes apiece. Yet except in the natural increase of the latter,
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Speaker 1: the accretions of worldly estate had been inconsiderable till now,
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Speaker 1: when their oldest child, Moran, was some fifteen years old.
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Speaker 1: These accretions had been saved and taken care of by
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Speaker 1: Missus Fluker, who was as stayed and silent as he
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Speaker 1: was mobile and voluble. Mister Fluker often said that it
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Speaker 1: puzzled him how it was that he made smaller crops
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Speaker 1: than most of his neighbors, when, if not always convincing,
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Speaker 1: he could generally put every one of them to silence
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Speaker 1: in discussions upon agricultural topics. This puzzle had led him
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Speaker 1: to not unfrequent ruminations in his mind as to whether
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Speaker 1: or not his vocation might lie in something higher than
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Speaker 1: the mere tilling of the ground. These ruminations had lately
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Speaker 1: taken a definite direction, and it was after several conversations
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Speaker 1: which he had held with his friend Matt Pike. Mister
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Speaker 1: Matt Pike was a bachelor of some thirty summers, a
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Speaker 1: four time clerk consecutively in each of the two stores
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Speaker 1: of the village, but latterly a trader on a limited
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Speaker 1: scale in horses, wagons, cows and similar objects of commerce,
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Speaker 1: and at all times times a politician. His hopes of
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Speaker 1: holding office had been continually disappointed until mister John Sanks
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Speaker 1: became sheriff and rewarded with a deputyship some important special
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Speaker 1: service rendered by him in the late very close canvass.
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Speaker 1: Now was a chance to rise. Mister Pike thought all
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Speaker 1: he wanted, he often said, was a start politics. I
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Speaker 1: would remark, however, had been regarded by mister Pike as
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Speaker 1: a means rather than an end. It is doubtful if
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Speaker 1: he hoped to become governor of the state, at least
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Speaker 1: before an advanced period in his career. His main object
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Speaker 1: now was to get money, and he believed that official
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Speaker 1: position would promote him in the line of his ambition
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Speaker 1: faster than was possible to any private station, by leading
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Speaker 1: him into more extensive acquaintance with mankind, their needs, their desire, desires,
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Speaker 1: and their caprices. A deputy sheriff provided that lawyers were
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Speaker 1: not too indulgent in allowing acknowledgment of service of court process,
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Speaker 1: in postponing levees and sales, and in settlement of litigated cases,
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Speaker 1: might pick up three hundred dollars a good sum for
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Speaker 1: those times, a fact which mister Pike had known and
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Speaker 1: pondered long. It happened just about then that the arrears
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Speaker 1: of rent for the Village Hotel had so accumulated on
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Speaker 1: mister Spouter, the last occupant, that the owner, an indulgent man,
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Speaker 1: finally had said what he had been expected for years
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Speaker 1: and years to say, that he could not wait on
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Speaker 1: mister Spouter forever and eternally. It was at this very nick,
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Speaker 1: so to speak, that mister Pike made to mister Flucker
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Speaker 1: the suggestion to quit a business so far beneath his powers,
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Speaker 1: sell out, or rent out, or tenant out, or do
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Speaker 1: something else with his farm, march into town, plant himself
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Speaker 1: upon the ruins of Jacob's spouder, and begin his upward sore.
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Speaker 1: Now mister Fluker had many and many a time acknowledged
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Speaker 1: that he had ambition. So one night he said to
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Speaker 1: his wife, you see how it is here, nervy farman,
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Speaker 1: somehow don't suit my talons. I need to be flung
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Speaker 1: more among people to fetch out what's in me than
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Speaker 1: Thar's maran, which is gettin to be nigh on a
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Speaker 1: grown up woman and the child need. The society which
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Speaker 1: you bleed to acknowledge, is scarce round here, six miles
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Speaker 1: from town. Your breers, Sam can stay here and raise butter, chickens, eggs, pigs,
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Speaker 1: and and and so forth. Matt Pike say, he just
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Speaker 1: know there's money in it and special with a housekeeper
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Speaker 1: careful and economical like you. It is always curious the
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Speaker 1: extent of influence that some men have upon wives who
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Speaker 1: are their superiors. Missus Flucker, in spite of accidents, had
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Speaker 1: ever set upon her husband a value that was not
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Speaker 1: recognized outside of his family. In this respect, there seems
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Speaker 1: a surprising compensation in human life. But this remark I
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Speaker 1: make only in passing. Missus Flucker, admitting in her heart
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Speaker 1: that farming was not her husband's forte hoped, like a
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Speaker 1: true wife, that it might be found in a new
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Speaker 1: field to which he aspired. Besides, she did not forget
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Speaker 1: that her brother Sam had said to her several times
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Speaker 1: privately that if his prayer pink wouldn't have so many
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Speaker 1: notions and would let him alone in his management. They
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Speaker 1: would all do better. She reflected for a day or two,
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Speaker 1: and then said, maybe it's best, mister Flucker. I'm willing
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Speaker 1: to try it for a year. Anyhow, we can't lose
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Speaker 1: much by that. As for Matt Pike, I hate the
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Speaker 1: confidence in him you has. Still he beIN a boarder
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Speaker 1: and deputy sheriff, he might accidentally do us some good.
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Speaker 1: I'll try it for a year, providin you'll fetch me
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Speaker 1: the money as it's paid in for you know I
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Speaker 1: know how to manage that better than you do. And
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Speaker 1: you know I'll try to manage it and all the
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Speaker 1: rest of the business for the best. To this provision.
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Speaker 1: Mister Fluker gave consent, qualified by the claim that he
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Speaker 1: was to retain a small margin for indispensable personal exigencies.
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Speaker 1: For he contended, perhaps with justice, that no man in
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Speaker 1: the responsible position he was about to take ought to
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Speaker 1: be expected to go about, or sit about, or even
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Speaker 1: lounge about without even a continental red in his pocket.
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Speaker 1: The new house, I say, knew, because tongue could not
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Speaker 1: tell the amount of scouring, scalding, and whitewashing, that that
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Speaker 1: excellent housekeeper had done before a single stick of her
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Speaker 1: furniture went into it. The new house, I repeat, opened
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Speaker 1: with six eating boarders at ten dollars a month apiece,
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Speaker 1: and to eating and sleeping at eleven. Besides mister Pike,
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Speaker 1: who made a special contract, transient custom was hoped to
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Speaker 1: hold its own, and that of the county people under
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Speaker 1: the Deputy's patronage and influence to be considerably enlarged. In
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Speaker 1: words and other encouragement, mister Pike was pronounced he could
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Speaker 1: commend honestly he did so cordially. The thing to do, Pink,
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Speaker 1: is to have your prices regular and make people pay
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Speaker 1: up regular. Ten dollars for eatin just so, eleven for
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Speaker 1: eatin and sleepin, half a dollar for dinner just so,
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Speaker 1: quarter apiece for breakfast, supper bed is what I call
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Speaker 1: reasonable bog as. For me, I scarcely know how to regulate,
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Speaker 1: because you know, I'm an officer now, and in course
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Speaker 1: I natural has to be away sometimes and on expenses
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Speaker 1: at other places. And it seems like some allowance ought
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Speaker 1: by good rights to be made for that, don't you
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Speaker 1: think so? Why? Matter of course, Matt, what do you
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Speaker 1: think I ain't so powerful? Good at figures. Nervy is
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Speaker 1: supposin you speak to her about it? Oh, that's perfect, unuseless, Pink.
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Speaker 1: I'm an officer the law, Pink, and the law consider women, well,
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Speaker 1: I may say, the law she deal with men, not women,
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Speaker 1: and she expect her officers to understand figures. And if
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Speaker 1: I hadn't a understood figures, mister sanks Wittner or darn't
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Speaker 1: to pint me, his deputy, me an you can fix
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Speaker 1: them terms. Now see here, regular board eatin' board, I mean,
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Speaker 1: is ten dollars in sleepin and single meals accordin to
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Speaker 1: the figures you've sought firm? Ain't that so? Jet? So? Now, Pink,
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Speaker 1: you and me keep our runnin' account. You a chargin
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Speaker 1: for regular board, and I allowin to myself credits for
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Speaker 1: my absences accordin to transient customers and single mealers an sleepers.
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Speaker 1: Is that far? Is it not far? Mister Flucker turned
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Speaker 1: his head and, after making or thinking he had made
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Speaker 1: a calculation, answered, that's er that seems far, Matt, certainly
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Speaker 1: tis Pink. I knowed you'd say so, and you know
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Speaker 1: I'd never wish to be nothing but far wi people
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Speaker 1: I like, like I do you and your wife let
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Speaker 1: that be the understandin', then betwixt us, and pink let
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Speaker 1: the understandin' mees, betwixt us, For I've saw enough o
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Speaker 1: this world to find out that a man never makes
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Speaker 1: nothin by makin a blowin horn o his business. You
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Speaker 1: make the t'other's pay a punctual monthly. You and me
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Speaker 1: can settle whensoever it's convenient, say three months from to day.
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Speaker 1: In course, I shall talk up for the house whensoever
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Speaker 1: and whensoever I go or stay. You know that. And
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Speaker 1: as for my bed, said mister Pike, finally, whensomever I
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Speaker 1: ain't here by bedtime, you welcome to put any transient
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Speaker 1: person in it. And also, and likewise, when transient custom
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Speaker 1: is pressin and you cramp forbiddin, I'm willing to give
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Speaker 1: it up for the time beIN, and ratherin you should
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Speaker 1: be cramped too bad, I'll take my chances somewheres else,
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Speaker 1: even if I has to take a pallet at the
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Speaker 1: head of the star steps nervy, said mister Fluker to
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Speaker 1: his wife. Afterwards, Matt Pike's as sensibler and a friendlier
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Speaker 1: and a commandet in her fellow, I thought then, without
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Speaker 1: giving details of the contract, he mentioned merely the willingness
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Speaker 1: of their border to resign his bed on occasions of
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Speaker 1: pressing emergency. He's talked mighty fine to me, and mar
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Speaker 1: An answered, Missus Flucker, we'll see how he holds out.
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Speaker 1: One thing I do not like of his doin', and
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Speaker 1: that's the talkin' about sim Marchman to Maran and making
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Speaker 1: game of his country ways, as he called him. Such
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Speaker 1: as that ain't right. It may be as well to
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Speaker 1: explain just here that Simeon Marchman, the person just named
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Speaker 1: by Missus Fluker, a stout, industrious young farmer residing with
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Speaker 1: his parents in the country near by where the Flukers
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Speaker 1: had dwelt before removing to town, had been eyeing Maran
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Speaker 1: for a year or two, and waiting upon her fast
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Speaker 1: ripening womanhood, with intentions that he believed to be hidden
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Speaker 1: in his own breast, though he had taken less pains
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Speaker 1: to conceal them from Maran than from the rest of
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Speaker 1: his acquaintance, not that he had ever told her of
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Speaker 1: them in so many words. But oh, I need not
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Speaker 1: stop here in the midst of this narration to explain
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Speaker 1: how such intentions become known, or at least strongly suspected
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Speaker 1: by girls, even those less bright than Maran Flucker. Simeon
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Speaker 1: had not cordially endorsed the movement into town, though, of course,
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Speaker 1: knowing it was none of his business, he had never
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Speaker 1: so much as hinted opposition. I would not be surprised
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Speaker 1: also if he reflected that there might be some selfishness
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Speaker 1: in his hostility, or at least that it was heightened
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Speaker 1: by apprehensions personal to himself. Considering the want of experience
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Speaker 1: in the new tenants, matters went on remarkably well. Missus
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Speaker 1: Flucker accustomed to rise from her couch long before the
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Speaker 1: lark managed to the satisfaction of all regular boarders, single
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Speaker 1: meal takers, and transient people. Marn went to the village school,
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Speaker 1: her mother, dressing her, though with prudent economy, as neatly
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Speaker 1: and almost as tastefully as any of her schoolmates, while
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Speaker 1: as to study deportment and general progress, there was not
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Speaker 1: a girl in the whole school to beat her. I
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Speaker 1: don't care who she was. Two. During a not inconsiderable period,
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Speaker 1: mister Fluker indulged the honorable conviction that at last he
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Speaker 1: had found the vein in which his best talents lay,
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Speaker 1: and he was happy in foresight of the prosperity and
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Speaker 1: felicity which that discovery promised to himself and his family.
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Speaker 1: His native activity found many more objects for its exertion
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Speaker 1: than before. He rode out to the farm, not often,
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Speaker 1: but sometimes as a matter of duty, and was forced
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Speaker 1: to acknowledge that Sam was managing better than could have
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Speaker 1: been expected in the absence of his own continuous guidance.
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Speaker 1: In town, he walked about the hotel, entertained the guests,
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Speaker 1: carved at the meals, hovered about the stores, the doctor's offices,
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Speaker 1: the wagon and blacksmith's shops, discussed mercantile, medical machare, manical questions,
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Speaker 1: with specialists in all these departments, throwing into them all
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Speaker 1: more and more of politics. As the intimacy between him
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Speaker 1: and his patrons and chief Border increased. Now as to
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Speaker 1: that patron and chief Border, the need of extending his
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Speaker 1: acquaintance seemed to press upon mister Pike with ever increasing weight.
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Speaker 1: He was here and there all over the county, at
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Speaker 1: the county seat, at the county villages, at justices, courts,
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Speaker 1: at executors and administrators, sales at quarterly and protracted religious
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Speaker 1: meetings at barbecues of every dimension, on hunting excursions and
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Speaker 1: fishing frolics, at social parties in all neighborhoods. It got
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Speaker 1: to be said of mister Pike that a freer acceptor
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Speaker 1: of hospitable invitations, or a better appreciator of hospitable intentions,
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Speaker 1: was not and needed not to be found, possibly in
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Speaker 1: the whole state. Nor was this admirable deportment confined to
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Speaker 1: the county in which he held so high official position.
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Speaker 1: He attended, among other occasions less public, the spring sessions
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Speaker 1: of the Supreme and county courts in the four adjoining counties,
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Speaker 1: the guest of acquaintance old and new over there. When
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Speaker 1: starting upon such travels, he would sometimes breakfast with his
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Speaker 1: traveling companion in the village, and, if somewhat belated, in
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Speaker 1: the return sup with him also. Yet, when at Flucher's,
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Speaker 1: no man could have been a more cheerful and otherwise
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Speaker 1: satisfactory border than mister Matt Pike. He praised every dish
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Speaker 1: set before him, bragged to their very faces of his
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Speaker 1: host and hostess, and in spite of his absences, was
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Speaker 1: the oftenest to sit and chat with Moran when her
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Speaker 1: mother would let her go into the parlor here and
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Speaker 1: everywhere about the house, in the dining room, in the
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Speaker 1: passage at the foot of the stairs, he would joke
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Speaker 1: with Moron about her country beau, as he styled poor
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Speaker 1: sim Marchman, and he would talk as though he was
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Speaker 1: rather ashamed of Sim and wanted Marn to string her
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Speaker 1: bow for higher game. Breer Sam did manage well, not
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Speaker 1: only the fields, but the yard. Every Saturday of the
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Speaker 1: world he sent in something or other to his sister.
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Speaker 1: I don't know whether I ought to tell it or not,
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Speaker 1: but for the sake of what is due to pure veracity,
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Speaker 1: I will on as many as three different occasions sim
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Speaker 1: Marchman as if he had lost all self respect or
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Speaker 1: had not a particle of tact brought in himself, instead
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Speaker 1: of sending by a negro a bucket of butter and
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Speaker 1: a coop of spring chickens as a free gift to
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Speaker 1: missus Fluker. I do think on my soul that mister
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Speaker 1: Matpike was much amused by such degradation. However, he must
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Speaker 1: say that they were all first rate. As for Miran,
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Speaker 1: she was very sorry for Sim and wished he had
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Speaker 1: not brought these good things at all. Nobody knew how
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Speaker 1: it came about. But when the Fluchers had been in
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Speaker 1: town somewhere between two and three months, Sim Marchman, who
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Speaker 1: to use his own words, had never bothered her a
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Speaker 1: great deal with his visits, began to suspect that what
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Speaker 1: few he made were received by Miran lately with less
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Speaker 1: cordiality than before. And so, one day, knowing no better
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Speaker 1: in his awkward, straightforward country manners, he wanted to know
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Speaker 1: the reason why. Then Miran grew distant and asked Sim
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Speaker 1: the following question, you know where mister Pike's gone, mister Marchman.
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Speaker 1: Now the fact was, and she knew it that morn
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Speaker 1: Flucker had never before, not since she was born, addressed
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Speaker 1: that boy as mister the Visitor's face reddened and read
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Speaker 1: n no. He faltered and answered, un no, no, ma'am,
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Speaker 1: I should say I don't know where mister Pike's gone.
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Speaker 1: Then he looked around for his hat, discovered it in time,
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Speaker 1: took it into his hands, turned it around two or
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Speaker 1: three times, then, bidding good bye, without shaking hands, took
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Speaker 1: himself off. Missus Fluker liked all the Marchman's and she
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Speaker 1: was troubled somewhat when she heard of the quickness and
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Speaker 1: manner of Sims's departure, for he had been fully expected
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Speaker 1: by her to stay to dinner. Say he didn't even
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Speaker 1: shake hands? Morenn, what for what you'd do to him?
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Speaker 1: Not one blessed thing, Ma, Only he wanted to know
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Speaker 1: why I wasn't gladder to see him. Then Morn looked indignant,
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Speaker 1: say them words, Morn, No, but he hinted them. What
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Speaker 1: did you say? Then? I just ask? I meanin nothin
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Speaker 1: in the wide world. I asked him if he knew
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Speaker 1: where mister Pike had gone, And that was answer enough
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Speaker 1: to hurt his Feelin's what you want to know where
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Speaker 1: Matt Pike's gone? For Miran, I didn't care about knowing, Ma,
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Speaker 1: but I didn't like the way sim talked. Listen here, Miron,
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Speaker 1: look straight at me. You be mighty fur off your
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Speaker 1: feet if you let Matt Pike put things in your
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Speaker 1: head that hain't no business to be in there, and
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Speaker 1: special if you find yourself a want to know where
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Speaker 1: he's a perambulatin in his everlastin meanderans not a cent
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Speaker 1: has he paid for his board? And which your pa
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Speaker 1: say he have a understanding with him about allowin for
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Speaker 1: his absence ease, which is all right enough, but which
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Speaker 1: is now goin on to three months? And what is
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Speaker 1: comin to us? I need an I want he ought
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Speaker 1: your pa ought to let me boggain with mat Pike,
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Speaker 1: because he know he don't understand figures like Matt Pike.
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Speaker 1: He don't know exactly what the barggins were for. I've
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Speaker 1: asked him, and he always begins with a multiplier of
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Speaker 1: words and never answers me. On his next return from
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Speaker 1: his travels, mister Pike noticed a coldness in Missus Flucker's manner,
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Speaker 1: and this enhanced his praise of the house. The last
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Speaker 1: week of the third month came, Mister Pike was often
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Speaker 1: noticed before and after meals standing at the desk at
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Speaker 1: the hotel office called in those times the bar room,
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Speaker 1: engaged in making calculations. The day before the contract expired,
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Speaker 1: Missus Flucker, who had not indulged herself with a single
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Speaker 1: holiday since they had been in town, left morn in
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Speaker 1: charge of the house and rode forth, spending part of
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Speaker 1: the day with Missus Marchman Sim's mother. All were glad
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Speaker 1: to see her, of course, and she returned smartly freshened
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Speaker 1: by the visit. That night she had a talk with Miran,
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Speaker 1: and oh how Moran did cry. The very last day.
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Speaker 1: They came like insurance policies. The contract was to expire
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Speaker 1: at a certain hour. Sim Marchman came just before dinner,
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Speaker 1: to which he was sent for by Missus Flucker, who
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Speaker 1: had seen him as he rode into town. Hello, Sim,
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Speaker 1: said mister Pike, as he took his seat opposite him.
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Speaker 1: You hear what's the news in the country. How's your health?
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Speaker 1: How's crops? Jest? Moderate, mister Pike, got little business with
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Speaker 1: you after dinner, eff, and you can spare time, all right,
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Speaker 1: got a little matter with Pink here first. Twon't take
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Speaker 1: long see you after immediate, Sim. Never had the deputy
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Speaker 1: been more gracious and witty. He talked and talked out
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Speaker 1: talking even mister Flucker. He was the only man in
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Speaker 1: town who could do that. He winked at Morn as
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Speaker 1: he put questions to Sim, Some of the words employed
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Speaker 1: in which Sam had never heard before. Yet, Sim held
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Speaker 1: up as well as he could, and after followed Moran
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Speaker 1: with some dignity into the parlor. They had not been
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Speaker 1: there more'n ten minutes when missus Flucker was heard to
23:07
Speaker 1: walk rapidly along the passage leading from the dining room
23:11
Speaker 1: to enter her own chamber for only a moment, then
23:14
Speaker 1: to come out and rush to the parlor door with
23:17
Speaker 1: the gig whip in her hand. Such uncommon conduct in
23:21
Speaker 1: a woman like Missus Pink Flucker, of course, needs explanation.
23:26
Speaker 1: When all the other boarders had left the house, the
23:29
Speaker 1: deputy and mister Flucker having repaired to the bar room,
23:32
Speaker 1: the former said, now, Pink, for our settlement, as you say,
23:36
Speaker 1: your wife thinks we better have one. I'd been willing
23:40
Speaker 1: to let accounts keep on a runnin knowin what a
23:43
Speaker 1: straightforward sort of man you was. Your count, if I'd mistaken,
23:47
Speaker 1: is just thirty three dollars even money? Is that so?
23:51
Speaker 1: Or is it not? That's it to a dollar match?
23:54
Speaker 1: Three times eleven make thirty three, don't it it? Do? Pink?
23:58
Speaker 1: Or eleven times three? Read just which you please? Now
24:02
Speaker 1: here's my count on which you'll see, Pink that not
24:04
Speaker 1: n'ery sent. Have I charged for influence? I has influenced
24:09
Speaker 1: a considerable custom to this house, as you know, Borden
24:13
Speaker 1: and transient. But I've done that out of my respects
24:17
Speaker 1: of you and missus Fluker, and you're keepin of afar.
24:21
Speaker 1: I'll say, as I said Frequent, a very far house.
24:25
Speaker 1: I'll let them influences go to friendship if you'll take it.
24:29
Speaker 1: So will you, Pink Flucar certainly, Matt, and I'm a
24:32
Speaker 1: thousand times obleeged to you and say no more pink
24:36
Speaker 1: on that point of view. If I like a man,
24:39
Speaker 1: I know how to treat him. Now as to the
24:42
Speaker 1: ponce a absentees, my business as deputy sheriff has took
24:46
Speaker 1: me away from this inconsiderable town frequent. Ain't it it
24:51
Speaker 1: have mad or something else? More'n I were expectin' an
24:55
Speaker 1: just so, but a public officer Pink when Judy call
24:59
Speaker 1: on him to go, oh, he got to go. In fact,
25:02
Speaker 1: he got to goeth as the scripture say. Ain't that so?
25:07
Speaker 1: I s'pose so Matt by good rights Offici'll speakin'. Mister
25:12
Speaker 1: Fluker felt that he was becoming a little confused. Just so, Now, Pink,
25:18
Speaker 1: I were to have credits for my absentees according to
25:21
Speaker 1: Trancien and single meal boarders and sleepers, Ain't that so?
25:26
Speaker 1: Aye eyes something of that sort matt, he answered vaguely.
25:30
Speaker 1: Just so. Now look here, drawn from his pocket a
25:33
Speaker 1: paper I done one. Twenty eight dinners at half a
25:37
Speaker 1: dollar makes fourteen dollars, don't it just so? Twenty five
25:41
Speaker 1: breakfast at a quarter makes six and a quarter, which
25:44
Speaker 1: make dinners and breakfast twenty and a quarter. Follow me
25:48
Speaker 1: up as I go, pink. Twenty five suppers at a
25:51
Speaker 1: quarter makes six and a quarter, and which them added
25:55
Speaker 1: to the twenty and a quarter makes them twenty six
25:58
Speaker 1: and a half. And if you catch me in any
26:02
Speaker 1: mistakes in the carrion and add'en pint it out twenty
26:06
Speaker 1: two and a half beds, And I'll say half pink,
26:10
Speaker 1: because you remember one night when them augusty lawyers got
26:13
Speaker 1: here about midnight on their way to a court. Rather
26:17
Speaker 1: than have you two bad cramped, I arise to make
26:19
Speaker 1: way for two of them. Yet as I had one
26:22
Speaker 1: good nap, I didn't think I ought to put that down.
26:25
Speaker 1: But for half them makes five dollars half and sevenpence,
26:30
Speaker 1: and which carried on to the t'other twenty six and
26:33
Speaker 1: a half, fetches the whole kaboodle to just thirty two
26:36
Speaker 1: dollars and sevenpence. But I made up my mind I'd
26:39
Speaker 1: fling out that sevenpence and just call it a dollar,
26:43
Speaker 1: even money, and which here's the solid silver. In spite
26:47
Speaker 1: of the rapidity with which this enumeration of counter charges
26:51
Speaker 1: was made, mister Fluker commenced perspiring at the first item,
26:56
Speaker 1: and when the balance was announced, his face was covered
26:59
Speaker 1: with huge draps. It was at this juncture that Missus Flucker,
27:04
Speaker 1: who while knowing her husband's unfamiliarity with complicated accounts, had
27:09
Speaker 1: felt her duty to be listening near the bar room door,
27:12
Speaker 1: left and quickly afterwards appeared before Miran and sim as
27:16
Speaker 1: I have represented, you think Matt Pike ain't trying to
27:20
Speaker 1: settle with your pau with a dollar. I'm going to
27:23
Speaker 1: make him keep his dollar, and I'm goin to give
27:25
Speaker 1: him somethin to go along with it. The Good Lord
27:28
Speaker 1: have mercy upon us, exclaimed Maron, springing up and catching
27:32
Speaker 1: hold of her mother's skirt as she began her advances
27:35
Speaker 1: towards the bar room. Oh Ma, for the Lord's sake,
27:39
Speaker 1: sim sim sim, if you care anything for me in
27:42
Speaker 1: this wide world, don't let ma go into that room,
27:45
Speaker 1: Missus Flucker said, sim rising instantly. Wait just two minutes
27:50
Speaker 1: till I see mister Pike on some pressin business. I
27:53
Speaker 1: won't keep you over two minutes awaitin'. He took her,
27:57
Speaker 1: set her down on a chair, tremblin' loo, looking at
28:00
Speaker 1: her a moment as she began to weep, then going
28:03
Speaker 1: out and closing the door, strode rapidly to the bar room.
28:08
Speaker 1: Let me help you settle your board bill, mister Pike,
28:10
Speaker 1: by paying you a little one, I owe you. Doubling
28:14
Speaker 1: his fist, he struck out with a blow that felled
28:17
Speaker 1: the deputy to the floor. Then catching him by his heels,
28:21
Speaker 1: he dragged him out of the house into the street.
28:24
Speaker 1: Lifting his foot above his face, he said, you stir
28:28
Speaker 1: till I tell you, and I'll stomp your nose down
28:31
Speaker 1: even with the balance of your mean face. Tain't exactly
28:34
Speaker 1: my business how you cheated, mister Flucker, Though upon my soul,
28:38
Speaker 1: I never allowed a treffliner low down a trick. But
28:42
Speaker 1: I owed you myself for your talkin about and you're
28:45
Speaker 1: lyin about me. And now I've paid you. And if
28:48
Speaker 1: you only noted, I've saved you from a gig whippin.
28:52
Speaker 1: Now you may get up. Here's his dollar, sim said
28:56
Speaker 1: mister Flucker, throwing it out of the window. Nervy says,
28:59
Speaker 1: make him take it. The vanquished, not daring to refuse,
29:04
Speaker 1: pocketed the coin and slunk away amid the jeers of
29:08
Speaker 1: a score of villagers who had been drawn to the scene.
29:12
Speaker 1: In all human probability, the late omissions of the shaking
29:16
Speaker 1: of Sims and Moran's hands was compensated at their parting
29:20
Speaker 1: that afternoon. I am more confident on this point, because
29:24
Speaker 1: at the end of the year those hands were joined
29:27
Speaker 1: inseparably by the preacher. But this was when they had
29:30
Speaker 1: all gone back to their old home. For if mister
29:33
Speaker 1: Flucker did not become fully convinced that his mathematical education
29:38
Speaker 1: was not advanced quite enough for all the exigencies of
29:42
Speaker 1: hotel keeping, his wife declared that she had had enough
29:45
Speaker 1: of it, and that she and Miran were going home.
29:48
Speaker 1: Mister Flucker may be said therefore, to have followed rather
29:52
Speaker 1: than led his family on the return. As for the deputy,
29:56
Speaker 1: finding that if he did not leave it voluntarily, he
30:00
Speaker 1: would be drummed out of the village, he departed whither
30:03
Speaker 1: I do not remember if anybody ever knew. End of
30:08
Speaker 1: story ten