Latest / Great Detectives of Old Time Radio Volume 2|Mystery Audio Dramas / Old Gold Comedy Theater: Having Wonderful Crime (EP1114)

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Old Gold Comedy Theater: Having Wonderful Crime (EP1114) · Great Detectives of Old Time Radio Volume 2|Mystery Audio Dramas

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Welcome to the Great Detectors of Old Time Radio from Boise, Idaho. This
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is your host, Adam Graham. If you have a comment, email it
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to me Box thirteen at Great Detectors dot net, and I encourage you to
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follow us on Twitter at Radio Detectives. Well, before we get started,
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I want to let you know today's program's brought to you by the financial support
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of our listeners, and I specially want to thank Gary so much for his
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support. We'll send access to the premium site, which we will do with
1:02
all nations of seven dollars or more. Now it's time to talk a little
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bit about today's show, which is certainly unusual. This comes from the comedy
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Theater of the Air. It was hosted by Harold Lloyd. Lloyd was a
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comedian whose career began during the Silent Era, and he went on to produce
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many films through his own production company, and his name associated with the theater
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really did help it to be a success. Over it's forty weeks on the
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air from nineteen forty four to nineteen forty five, each episode adapted a Hollywood
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comedy, and that's the case with today's episode having wonderful crime Having Wonderful Crime
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was actually the title of a nineteen novel by Craig Rice starring John J.
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Malone that was then adapted to a screwball comedy slash mystery. To be honest,
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I'd listened to this program before we did the Malone episodes for this series,
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but I did not make the connection. Even though the main character was
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named Malone. The story had a very different flavor from the amazing Mister Malone
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episodes, and it actually correlates a little bit better to the books. When
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I read the Malone books, it was shockingly difference between the radio show.
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Lieutenant Brooks was not there the police represented by a guy named von Flanagan in
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the actual Craig Rice Malone books. In an addition, in the books,
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Malone had a couple of supporting characters comrades in arms more usually though drinking buddies
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named Jack and Helene, and they of course were completely absent from the radio
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program. And I only through reading the books and then checking through the filmography
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of Craig Rice, the author of the John and J. Malone books,
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did I notice this particular story having a Wonderful Crime. So we're gonna give
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you a little bit of a sample of what the books were like. So
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with that said, let's go ahead and take a listen to this episode from
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June third, nineteen forty five, Having a Wonderful Crime or Having Wonderful Crime
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from Hollywood, California. The makers of Old Gold Cigarettes present the Comedy Theater,
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the only radio program that brings you every week the greatest stars and the
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greatest comedies, The Night's Comedy, the radio version of mar Ko's picture Success
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Having Wonderful Crime, starring Padd O'Brien with June the Prey and Tom Conway.
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And here ends the director of the Old Gold Comedy Theater, mister Harold le
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Good. Evening, Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, we have chosen that mad
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comedy mystery of pre lovable zanies who are having a wonderful crime. And because
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our play involves three outstanding people, we are happy to present three of the
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nicest and most talented people in this town or any town. Had O'Brien,
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June to pray, and Tom Conway. Now let's get on with the show.
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When she called this famous criminal, attorney Michael J. Malone, together
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with Jake and Helene, had solved the Wellington murder case, Malone said,
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this is the last time those two screwball friends of mine get me to plight
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extecutive, and I mean the last time. And when got it down by
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Jake and myself, Malone is solved the notorious Ricardo case. And again not
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smarter the police, he said, Oh, I should have known better,
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allow myself to be sucked in by those two half wits again, but this
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is the last time, and I mean the last time. Then, when
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Malone learned that Helene had traced the murder in the Huntington case and needed his
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assistance, he shouted, no, no, no, no, no,
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no, no, Hello, yes, this is Michael, say Malone.
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Oh no, Helene, Helene for the last time. The ashers. No,
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I know you've got the murder, all right, pour m some tea.
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Will you what you got him? In my office? No? No,
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no, no, what? Yeah, all right, keeping there,
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of course, I'll pick up take We'll be right over to keep that perstol
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pointing in the right direction on your head. Now, I warn you,
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one move and I'll pull this trigger. You, you murderer the police one
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can my hand to over dead? Alllive? No lady thanking me your gray
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head murderess's gonna break a poor old heart. Well you you should have thought
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of that before you shot huntingdon Well, you see, I'm impulsive, you
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are. Oh that's too bad, poor old murder. I was just on
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my way cause sheher? Where is she in the state? Have got two
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more years to go, you see, I will don't move to that door.
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Shoot where is your lane? Don't mind me, but you just shot
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the wrong man. Honey, are you all right? We'll take the murder.
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He's behind the door. Look out. Oh no, you don't,
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buddy, I ought to hold off tender comrade for a while. Oh jake,
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Darling, did he hit too much? We'll just broke the skin on
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my fist. If rapers don't sit in, I'll be all right. Are
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you sure you're all right? Just kiss me? This one's for gallantry under
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fire. Hey, uh, look uh, I hate to disappoint you to
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lovebirds, but I am still breathing. Oh but heaven's maloney, you shot.
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No, no, just some large mosquitoes in here. Look alone.
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You've better let me see that shoulder. Oh that's nothing, that's justice cramp.
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Yeah, why don't you get a bigger gun? I'm sorry I shot
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him alone. Oh that's all right, take nothing out, but I'll do
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the same for you someday, real soon. Mon, I'm coming this way.
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All the pinchers on, let's dug into the stairs. I don't want
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to go. What's wrong. I've seen this picture before. I carry it.
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Personal appearance of great blue hair, World's great as solusions and three pickets.
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Pease, young man. I was in the line ahead of you,
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and so are all these other people. I'm sorry, lady, but if
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I missed the opening corners, I just can't follow the pot. Come on,
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kids, then you go, No ladies and a gentleman great, I'm
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all well, I'm most baffling vanishing act of all time. You will appeal
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lot in this escape proof cabinet and will reappear on the platform saving above your
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head. We would like a volunteer to pull the cord. I always wanted
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to go on the stage. I'll pull the cord. I'll be quiet.
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Well, let's sit down, or I'll slug malone. Slugging a wife is
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a privilege, reserved exclusive before her husband. Sit down, wife, dear,
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I'll slug your that's right. You should what you said, wife,
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for sure. Didn't you tell you we did a little disappearing ourselves today?
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Mister Malone, missus justice, how do you do? And uh? Congratulations?
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May I suggest a nice honeymoon trip. The South Pole is beautiful this
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time of the year. Thanks for going to learn hot Lodge. You volunteer
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to pull the cord, madam. I certainly did. Here you are just
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pull the cord for you. Oh this is fun. Here goes there's no
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one in there, and let's pull the wrong cord. No, the guy
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probably didn't like the show and went home, and I should have gone with
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him. Ladies and gentlemen, something has just happened. The Great Bobellas doing
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his disappearing act has disappeared completely. Don't want to leave? Appeal who's done?
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For the police? The police, police. Here we go again.
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Let's try the face exit. I'm sorry, sir, I have orders to
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allow no one to leave or a. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna know
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his blea. Oh I see what how about? These people never shown me
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before my life. I'm his nurse, I'm his donctor. But I've got
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orders. I'll get in, honey. We've got a long drive ahead of
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us, so on alone. We're off to Lake Leone. Hud oh kid,
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Happy honeymoon and good riddence. You deserve each other and don't forget alone.
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I want to cut that chick. Check. Who're the one you're going
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to get for defending the murder in the Huntington Cave. You're talking about?
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What makes you think I'm gonna defend that guy? Well, I know you're
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always looking for new business. So I left your color on his chairs.
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You left with me, Jake? Did you hear that? What can I
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do? She loves me so along? Malone, I know you don't Harnington
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case was your idea? If you think I'm gonna set up all on answering
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questions while the cops grilled me, you're daffy. I'm going with you,
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But Malone, don't you understand we're on a honeymoon or what I'm going with
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you? Anyway? Come on? Here comes from all He's a chapperon And
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now back to Harold Lloyd and tonight's old Gold Comedy Theater presentation having Wonderful Crime
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starring Pad O'Brien, June the Prey, and Tom Conway. All right,
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mister ly, this next act might very well be entitled Honeymoon for three.
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On the road to Lenhardt Lodge, we find Malone, Jake and Helene.
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Mahone is unhappy, Jake is in love and Helene is driving. And with
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that set up, anything can happen, and usually does. Mess is justice?
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Would you mind keeping both hands on the wheel? Miss them alone?
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The two bucks I spent for the marriage license also includes the privilege of kissing
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my wife. He's just jealous because no one would ever marry him. Yeah,
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I do all right, my own quiet way. Don't look now,
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but just ahead of us, the road divides. Now let's see who was
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it? The left road or the right road? Just avoid the middle because
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there's no road there. It's that the big tree. How about the left
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road? No, no, that wouldn't be the right road. How about
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the right road? No, oh no, that would be the wrong road.
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I guess I'm with the wrong people. By the way, Darling,
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there's something I've forgot to ask you before we were married. Oh that's all
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right, Jake, she's a big girl. Now we have more privacy in
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the Pentagon building. What were you saying, Darling? I forgot to ask
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you? Can you cook? Why? No? I thought you could.
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No, No, I figured on doing the knitting. Oh, anyway,
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Mama loves Papa, and Papa's burning up with love from Mama. I guess
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you too know about the birds and the beach. We had some Helene honey.
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He said it was the left road. Well, I was looking through
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the mirror. Oh that's just what I love about you. No, let
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me out of here. I'm walking the rest of the way into the nearest
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bar, mister bartender. Yes, ms, may I have a glass of
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sherry? Or certainly say? Aren't you Phillis Gray, the diving champion.
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That's right. I thought i'd seen you in a lot of dives. Oh
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that was a dandy. You're here for the aquatic meat at Lenhart. No,
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down't you all? From the looks of the posters all over your bar,
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I must be Oh, you know I love the water and no groom.
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He's a great diver. One time he stayed underwater for three weeks he
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hit a rock. My own man, Dan y all right, I hope
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the bourbon is better than that joke. I was talking to the lady.
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Oh how do you do? Wow? Haven't we met somewhere before? Said
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he with a great deal of magnanimous charm, and we certainly have. Well,
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I'll admit that I didn't expect that answer. But it's nice to remove
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all acquaintance, is it? Evidently you don't remember when we met before?
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H who don't say the people of the state of Illinois versus Frank Lombardo.
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Oh sure, sure, Now I remember you were the witness with the dimple
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knees. You try to make a perfect liar out of me. No,
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no, no, no, let me explain. You. See, when
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I'm representing a client at the bar, I'm one person. But when I'm
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parked at the bar with a beautiful girl and somebody else, I'm really two
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people. Well, three's a crowd. Maybe i'd better leave. No habeas
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corpus and members of the jury would agree. Not a bad corpus either.
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Don't look now, Helene, But doesn't that man remind you of someone we
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know? He looks like Michael J. Malone, but he can't be.
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We left him on the road walking back to Chicago, friends of yours,
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mister Malone. Oh, just barflies in the ointment now. As I was
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saying that Malone, it's open season with him all the year round. A
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wolf and the yard wise and him with a beautiful wife upstairs. Oh my
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lords, well fire must sign us. Oh he's Oh miss what is your
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name? Philis Gray? Oh? Yes, miss Gray, mid shaky and
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breathless. Now well you're too scram now, Michael J. Malone. That's
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no way to talk to newly weed newlyweds. Why didn't you say so,
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mister Malone. Well, as a matter of fact, I was just getting
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wrong to it. In fact, I was going to invite you to come
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along on their honeymoon. Now wait a minute, Malone. Oh, don't
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worry, Jake. I'll take care of everything. Who protects the poor working
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girl, who protects the rich working girl, Who protects any working girl?
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Michael J. Malone. She doesn't even have to be working. Look,
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Malone, I'm a married man, so I'm not interested any longer. But
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there's a fee for legal advice. You know. How do you manage to
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attract all these beautiful women? Oh? Oh, I just take a big
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mouse trap and I put it in a piece of cheese, and when they
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come out for the piece of cheese, they get you. Naturally, I
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dig your pardon. But these two newlywits, yes, bartender, ghastly aunt
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they I don't mind. Say how about getting the bride? Well, certainly
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that's a wonderful idea. I gotta get married more often. Didn't you call
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for a drink for the bride and groom? Say drink for the bride and
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groom. Wonderful idea. Well they have Jake's soda water soda fot tender to
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Mickey's with soda. No, no, hold it by tender. I got
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a better idea, folks. The happy groom would like to fire treat for
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the house, champagne for everybody. Well, what are you seeing? I
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said, champagne for everybody. Well, if it was a sweet gesture alone,
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we'll be seeing you. No, no, don't bother. Just just
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sign the tabs, honey boy, give him the check. Bartender, okay,
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hey, yeah sir, nothing like buying a drink for the boys.
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Come along, miss Justice, good night all oh, Miss Justice. By
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the way, just a word of advice. When you carry your husband across
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the threshold, don't trip. He's a collapsible model. He's a fine man.
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Mister Malone put a nice tip on the bill too. He's one of
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the finest fellows. I him. What Malone, Malone? That's me.
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Well, if it is, your name's on the tap for one hundred and
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forty seven dollars and sixty seas dollar tip. No, no, no,
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mister malone. What's the idea of dragging me out to the boat hauls at
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this hour? Well? I have a little fishing a bill, miss Gray.
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Certain fish bite better at night. I hope fish of them alone?
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Type. Oh, such lack of faith. All right, into the canoe,
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step down. Aren't you going to take any oars with you? What
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do I want with oars? I use my arms for paddles. I do
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it the hard way. Oh, I'll say I you know, I forgot
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to ask? Can you swim long distance? Yes? And if necessary?
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I have roller states that work on water. Well, aren't you going to
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get in? Hello? Hello? Uh uh? Pull the boat alongside the
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float for a minute, Malone, we need you. What is this?
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She'll stop to ask questions. Just come along. This is important. Balloon
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shows this. We'll come alone. Come along. Oh go await fellas alone?
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Come know me at all? Back as soon as I can, Honey,
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come on, Helene, what guess Well? We went up to the
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suite, found a trunk that didn't belong to idle. It was unlocked,
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so we opened it. Would you pull out this time? A rabbit?
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A body? Anybody? I know? I tell you, Malone, we
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found a dead man in the trunk. Oh housing shar Look Look, if
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we're gonna play games, I got a gall out there. I rather play
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post office, Malone. It's no game, believe me, it's really on
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the level. What are we going to do, Malone? I'll tell you
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what I'm gonna do. Yes, what Malone? I'm going to pack up
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and leave quietly. But Malone, you don't understand the trunk is in your
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room and truck that was taken. Dang. Oh, this is fun and
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now a free of having wonderful crime starring Pad O'Brien, June l. Prey,
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and Tom Conway. All right, mister Lloyd, Yes, Trouble seems
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to go looking for Michael j Malone. Trouble sometimes spelled out Jake and Helene,
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and other times just playing Trouble set. She's finding a trunk in his
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room at Lenhard Lodge with a dead body in it, and then later finding
22:26
that same trunk and same body. This hell, I tell you, there
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was a trunk in the room with the dead man in his bodies. Dead
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ones in particular, just don't walk out of hotel rooms. Well, there's
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no trunk and no body with nothing to worry about because there's no body and
22:38
there's no crime. Is never a counselor Look that turn's going to show up
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somewhere. There's a body in it. You can bet your last bucktail trace
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a little sffice package to us. It never fails. In that case,
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we'd better find it before someone else does. Hello, disk, this is
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mister justice. Do you know anything about a trunk being taken out of two
22:55
o five? No? Okay things? Oh wait a minute, what's this
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lying on the floor. Oh it's the kind of paper they put on shell
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it is? It just happens to be a theatrical poster that saw Why that's
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the picture the great Moveil, the guy who disappeared? But what was he
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doing here at Lenhard Lake? Then read can't says right here on the poster
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the great movel master I lousing his Lenhard autterium soon first, then he played
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here before we saw his ant in Chicago. Saw that robe over a poster
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and movel go on to hurry up. Okay, there that's all covered.
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Amen, I'm mister Wainslow, manager of the hotel here. The clerk told
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me about your trunk, and frightfully I saying that makes it unanimous. I
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don't understand how anyone could have taken it out without I was seeing it,
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and the gentleman I'd wanted to ask about it, the one in two oh
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three checked out at the lodgejarly deceive me, my gentlemen, Mister Fred King.
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He recognized him by a picture. Oh yes, I think so,
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Helen, take a robe off that poster algaxan abacadabra. There you are,
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that's him, got him, that's Fred King, That, my friend,
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is the great movel. What the porter said, he's sawing prowling around the
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room while you folks were downstairs, and he did when it was his last
24:04
prowl. He's been murdered. Murder, not here in my hotel, he
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was here inside that drunk. Well, we better call the police right away.
24:12
Police here we go again. Of course, we'll all be available in
24:17
case. So you want to ask questions. Just a minute, mister Winslow
24:19
est a minute. I wouldn't be in a hurry to call the police.
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You see, they're here hotel to think of and things like this in ruin.
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Besides, we've got a bit of dabbling and these things ourselves. Now
24:29
you take the Hunting Them case out? Did I step on your foot,
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sir darling, You certainly did anyway, don't worry your pretty little head,
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mister Winslow. We'll have the trunk and everything in it, including Missrs Justice.
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I hope before you can see Michael J. Malone. Well, shall
24:45
we say twenty four hours? Shall we say a day in less than that?
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Good night, good night, my dear girl. May I be the
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first two present you with a combination Detective Diplumber Junior g Man Badge. Good
24:59
night Malone? Where are you going? Justice? Just let us say I
25:03
am allergic to you. Now, look, Malone, they're all in the
25:06
same boat. Boat boo boo, yeah, pardon me. I've gotta see
25:11
a name about a canoe Ellos bels some on Malone. Oh hell, mister
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Winslow. It goes on. Earlier this evening, Missus Justice mentioned the Huntington
25:37
case. No, no, no, she said, my hunting case.
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And so I did a little slothing on my own. I found about it.
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No, I learned the police. I'm looking for you in the Huntington
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murder case. Well, mister Winslow, I also did a little slothing.
25:52
I learned that Fred King alias the Great Mobil, who supposedly checked out at
25:56
the lodge, never checked in the hot Explain that I think we understand each
26:02
other, mister Malone, I'm sure we do, mister Winslaw. I've got
26:04
a deal for you that pays off in real money. I'm interested. It
26:08
pays all to the tune of twelve thousand, five hundred dollars. Well that's
26:12
almighty pretty too. It's the deal. Look, I'm not cop. What's
26:18
the story? How you probably already know that Lenhart's Lodge and all the property
26:22
here is owned by the two old maid Lenhart sisters. Elizabeth, the older
26:26
sister, invited Mobil here for one night and gave him a check for fifty
26:30
thousand dollars for his performance, fifty thousand bucks. When I had to be
26:36
a lawyer, Well, Meyra, the other sister, asked me to get
26:40
the check back. I offered, and offered me twenty five thousand if I
26:44
could. I see I handled a great view of their business. Hell and
26:48
brother, how you handle and I have approached Mobil, said the old girl
26:52
was simple minded offered to make a settlement, but he wouldn't bargain with me,
26:59
So, oh you're not them all. Yeah, backstage, it's the
27:03
theater and yeah, and I had the trunk shipped up here to Lenhart Lodge.
27:07
I planned to drop it off in the lake, but you beat me
27:11
to it. Hintentionally, mister Winslow, believe me unintentionally. You see,
27:15
when I registered without luggers, the quarter figured the m on mobil's trunk must
27:19
have stood from alone, so he send it up to my room. You
27:22
mean you didn't tell the porters but it was your trunk. Oh no,
27:26
I didn't have the vegast idea. There was a clowns with what was in
27:29
until I brought up to my room. I thought you were enoundered from the
27:32
beginning the law, because I always prefer being inn deals. At the end,
27:37
payoff still goes, then, mister Winsdow twelve five hundred bucks for sure.
27:41
Sure, I'll give you the doll it's here in my insight, I'll
27:45
get it myself, Winslow, and learn me while I believe you that automatic
27:48
and your inside fucking yeah, thanks, don't you don't you blow don't what
27:55
are you towing up there? We had a grand stand seat in this canoe
27:57
rack. We heard winds I was looking for, so we slipped in without
28:02
paying admission of what's the canoon? Slipping off the rat jact Malone? How
28:07
sad morning, Malone. I'm a new nurse. How's the heads? Well,
28:21
I wouldn't know. Beautiful and soil. He held my hand, poses
28:26
normal mind, my puffs, honey, how about my heart? Did you
28:30
see the morning papers? How about my heart? It says prominent criminal attorney
28:34
salves murders the paper. Do you like that? I'm a celebrity. It's
28:40
thrilling, you know. Three weeks ago we had a tailor who pressed thanks
28:42
for Nottros's pans, say that's wonderful. No, he was in them.
28:55
I'll see who that is is the young lady outside to see you, young
29:02
lady center in mob. It's a mister and miss justice. Mister mister and
29:07
missus justice. No, no, no, no no no, I'm going
29:12
right to that window. It is now well so close. The story of
29:34
having wonderful crimes right now. Pat O'Brien, June du Pray and Tom Conway
29:41
are thanks to you for a most enjoyable half hour. Thank you Herolin joyed
29:45
everybody is a pleasure certainly was Who's on the old gold Russ, Well,
29:48
We're very happy to welcome next week June Allison with Reginald Gardner, Don DeFore
29:55
and Bill Williams in the r KO production Tom Dick and I'll listening, so
30:02
all I me too. Good night folks, until next Sunday, see you
30:04
then, Having a wonderful crime was presented for the courtesy of RKO producers of
30:15
Enchanted Cottage. Batt O'Brien's next victure is r ko's The Amorous Ghost. Tom
30:21
Conway will soon be seen in the RKO production The Falcon in San Francisco.
30:26
And now until next Sunday evening. Don't let little annoyances get you down.
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Why be irritated light an old go. It's tobaccos are conditioned with apple honey
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to help guard against cigarette dryness and to give you more smoking pleasures. This
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is populiam saying good night, Lo Go. This is an action broadcasting company.
30:57
Welcome back. Well, Pat O'Brien would not be my choice to play
31:03
John Malone and the No No, No Thing was a bit overdone in addition,
31:08
if the lack of mystery or the minimization of mystery in this story is
31:15
notable, but this is one of the big challenges you face when you take
31:19
a movie of about an hour and a half long and you have to condense
31:25
it into a thirty minute radio program. Well, we turn now to listener
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comment and feedback, and Deiana emails in thank you for all the work you
31:37
put in the show. Being able to listen to old shows while I'm working
31:42
makes the days go faster. I was thinking that the amazing Mister ol Malone
31:48
should be renamed the guest Work of mister Malone. Just about every show he
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accuses every one of the crime and through the process of elimination, arrives at
31:57
the guilty party. Not very amazing. Well, it's amazing that he hasn't
32:04
been sued for slander or some other offense. But she goes on to say
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thanks again, Adam, and keep up the good work. Well, I
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think that's definitely a point. Some of these programs, well they're all old
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time radio detectives. They're all very different, and I think people listen to
32:28
it and enjoy them for different reasons. I don't think with the amazing,
32:35
mister Malone. One of those reasons is the high quality of mysteries. All
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right, well, we do have a listener voicemail, so let's go ahead
32:45
and take a listen to that. Hey, I listened to the Great Detectives
32:52
radio show. Hey, I just wanted to say people the good work.
32:58
So yes, well thanks so much, Tom, appreciate you taking the time
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to call in. And you two can call in and leave your message two
33:07
A eight nine nine one four seven eight three and uh that will actually do
33:13
it for today. You can send your comments to Box thirteen at Great Detectors
33:16
dot net, follow us on Twitter, Radio Detectors, and become one of
33:21
our friends on Facebook, Facebook dot com. Slash Radio Detectives from Boiseadaho.
33:27
This is your host, Adam Graham signing off.