Latest / More Than Before / Why Success Feels Empty (And What to Do About It) | Rebecca Faust

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Why Success Feels Empty (And What to Do About It) | Rebecca Faust · More Than Before

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We all think we need confidence and we don't.
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We need courage and all we need to do is just take that first
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step. Hey everyone, welcome back.
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Success can look perfect on paper, the career achievements,
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the discipline. But underneath, there's a
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pressure and anxiety, a quiet question that is always bubbling
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up to the surface. Is this worth it?
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Is this actually working? Is it what I want?
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My guest today knows that tension first hand, driven by
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work ethic, shaped by love and loss until life really forced
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her to rethink what success really means to her.
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And now she's helping others do the exact same.
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I'm really excited to have her on today.
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Rebecca Faust, welcome to More Than BEFORE.
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How are you? I'm good, I'm great.
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After the introduction that is by far are the best I've ever
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heard, so thank you. You can run through a wall now,
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yes. So take us back to where you
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grew up. You grew up in New Jersey,
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right? Yes, Sir, the Garden State.
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Now that I'm out in California, it's the the home of great
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tomatoes and great apples and great produce.
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I never understood that until I really moved outside of it.
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But yeah, I grew up in a little town kind of close to the beach,
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right? It could walk to a beach that we
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weren't really allowed to swim in, but we could drive to one
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that we were allowed to swim in. That was like 35 or 40 minutes.
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This is like a private beach or something.
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It just wasn't, I don't know, the cleanest beach there was.
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That's making more sense now, yeah.
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Yeah, 45 minutes from the city, 40 minutes from, you know, the
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New Jersey mountains. So really, in hindsight, was a
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great place to grow up. I think when I was doing it, I
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was like, what are we all doing here?
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We're doing nothing right, But in hindsight.
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And you were the oldest of two, right?
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You were you were the the experimental child.
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Oh, I like to say I was like, you know the model A, right?
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I mean. That's why they had your sister.
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My brother. Yeah, brother.
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That's why they had your brother.
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They had it so good with me. They said why not have a second,
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right? Yeah.
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So were you? Were you the outgoing sibling?
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Were you the troublemaker? Where?
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What? What kind of sibling were you?
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Are the eldest ever the most outgoing?
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I don't. My my sister is pretty darn
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outgoing. She'll talk to anyone.
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All right, all right. I mean, I will talk to people,
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but I am an introvert. But yeah, I mean, I was the
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straight laced, follow the rules, right?
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This house has now become chaos. You got to be good.
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You do what you what you're told to.
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You obey the rules. You get, you know, as good of
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grades as you can straight A's typically and don't step out of
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line. So and my brother was the more
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like it's fine. I can go on adventures.
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I will push these boundaries. I will test your limits.
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I mean, good for him. He had a lot more fun than I
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did. But you know.
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And if I'm not mistaken, you were also first generation
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American, right? Because you guys were
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immigrants. Yeah, my parents were off the
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boat. They came, they got married,
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came the next year and had me the year after and came for
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Dad's job because he was in computer science and the jobs
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were better here than in the UK. Wow, that's really cool.
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So did he continue in computer science when he got here, or did
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he switch careers? No, he continued in computer
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science when he was here. That's what they brought him
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over for. I forget.
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The bank was like nice or some old bank that probably doesn't
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even exist anymore, I don't think.
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And they have brought him over to do that.
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And so, yeah, he stayed in banking and stayed in
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programming and security, that kind of thing.
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So who are some of your early on mentors in life?
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Like who are who are the people? When you look back on life, you
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go man, those people had so much influence.
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Like I can truly see them inside of me and and how I relate with
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the world. I mean, I think our parents have
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to have that influence. Maybe they don't.
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If you grow up with your parents, right, I would assume
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that they have that influence. I mean, my dad commuted to the
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city, so he have really long hours and he would work on
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weekends because it was security, right?
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So they were always doing things in off hours.
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And so he really instilled this idea that to be successful, to
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create security, it required a lot.
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It required, you know, putting your work first and a lot of
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hours. The whole, right, I mean,
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English, Protestant, it's a cookie cutter, right?
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Yeah. It's a total textbook in
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hindsight. And then mom was kind of like
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the exact opposite, right? I mean, she was a community
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person. She loved people.
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She would have made an amazing teacher.
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She did do like preschool teaching because that was what
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she could get without a degree here.
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But she would have made an amazing teacher because she just
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connected. I mean, all I didn't get picked
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on in school because everybody loved my mom.
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It didn't. I mean, it helped that she had
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an English accent, right? Which was very novel and very
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cool at the time. But everybody just loved her.
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And so, you know, I got away kind of Scott free because they
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liked Rosie, so why not? I mean, it's pretty amazing.
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You have these two dichotomies. I think a lot of families have
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the dichotomy of one of one of the parents working really hard,
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you know, pull yourself up by your bootstraps like you got you
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got to work hard in order to achieve much.
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And then I do find that quite a few people have like a mom that
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really was nurturing, maybe not as I think as much of A
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connector as you're describing, but I think it is quite
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interesting. How was how was that shift?
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I mean, maybe you didn't quite understand it at the time, but
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as you look back now at your mom, like when she kind of gave
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up teaching because she actually had a degree in teaching, she
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was teaching a higher level of education back home.
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And then when they immigrated, she couldn't get a job like
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that. So what was that like kind of
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seeing that in your mom of saying, oh, did she give that up
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or, you know, was she just kind of refocusing what her passions
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were and what her drive was? She gave it up, right?
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I mean, she she gave it up for us.
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She unfortunately like really struggled with being in America.
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Like my dad was like all in right.
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Like he's not AUS citizen. He still has a green card, but
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like, I'm here, I'm embracing it.
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It's fine. Like, I love it here.
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It's all good. And my mom was like, I am here
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for my right, my family and my children and I miss my friends
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and I miss my family and I miss, you know, the teaching and
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everything. She created a lot of community
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here with tennis and with like, moms of mine or my brothers or
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whatever. But she did struggle with that a
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lot, yeah. I'm curious, where does
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creativity play in your childhood?
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Because you're, you're pretty creative.
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You kind of have this growth mindset.
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I, I find most people who are in the coaching space or personal
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development space that they love books, they love devouring
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things like that. But you kind of go an extra
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step, you know, when it comes to buying a cricket and and
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starting to make things and and playing around with creativity,
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like even to the point of journals, like, you know, the
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fact that you not just buy journals, but you kind of make
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your journals though my. Planners and make my own.
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Yes, yes you do. You do your own, which is really
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fascinating to me because I find that a lot of people can't find
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the right planner. They can't find the right thing
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that works for them. And so I'm curious, what is that
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creativity in you that just kind of bursts and blossoms?
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Where do you feel like that came from?
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It definitely came from mom, right?
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I mean, I was trying to follow in my father's footsteps of head
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to the ground and were a workaholic at school, right?
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And my mother was like, no, no, no, get the sewing machine out.
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I'll show you how to thread a needle and you'll create a
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bookmark. And here's the coloring pit,
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right? Like sit down and do this
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creative stuff, which was super helpful, right?
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I mean, I didn't find it that helpful at the time.
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I thought, what are you doing? You're trying to sabotage,
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right? But that's where it came from.
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Absolutely. I mean, she was the biggest
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supporter of play and was always telling me as far until she, you
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know, passed, right? Like, what are you doing for
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fun? What are you doing to play?
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What where are you releasing the stress?
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What hobby have you taken up? And I was like, it's fine.
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There's no time for hobbies, mom.
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So what what did capture your attention when you were in
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school then? You know, you were, you were
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creative, but you're also super driven.
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So what were some of the things that you were?
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I mean, you're also athletic too, a runner.
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Were you a runner back then? In high school it probably
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started. I wouldn't call me athletic at
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all, especially if you've seen me play tennis.
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I like it, but you know, the hand eye coordination doesn't
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look like I've been playing for a couple of years.
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I did gymnastics, I loved it, but I wasn't going to the
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Olympics at all, ever, right? But there's, I mean, that's
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interesting too, because even even back during those days with
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some of the most prominent people in gymnastics, like right
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now, Simone Biles is huge. And you know, but I don't, I
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don't really think there was anyone else really prior within
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that age or within those years there there weren't that many
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gymnasts that we were going Yep, that's the person right.
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I I get, I don't know, right? It was my world.
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So Mary Lou Retton was gigantic, right?
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And then of course there was Carrie struck when she did the
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vault and messed up her leg and still went back and did it
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right, the opposite of Simone and everybody thought she was a
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goddess, right? So I I mean, I think they were
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very well known, but who am I? Yeah.
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Well, no, I they're very well known, but like between them and
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Simone Biles, I don't think there were a lot of hard hitting
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gymnasts. I could be wrong.
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Probably for all of you guys listening, if you know, put in
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the comments So right, so I can educate myself.
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Watch, I'm going to get off this.
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My wife is going to say you don't know any of these gymnasts
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because my wife was a gymnast too.
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Oh. Yeah.
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That was all she did. So, so were you like a, a, a die
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hard gymnast or were you kind of like, Hey, I go to the gym, I do
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some things and then I go and have a life outside of the gym?
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I mean, I was a die hard gymnast in my heart, right?
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I only did it three times a week.
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That's all I was allowed to do because everybody knew I wasn't
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going to the Olympics and this was not going to be a thing.
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I competed at high school like I did do it competitively, but no,
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I was not selling my soul in eight hours in the gym and
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whatever. What did you feel like you were
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selling your soul to at that time?
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Did it feel? Did I?
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Did it feel like I was selling myself?
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I don't maybe. Not maybe not selling your soul,
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but what like what were you pouring like all of your energy
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thought time. Like for me, education,
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education, just learning and absorbing.
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Yeah, Trying to get the best grades, right, to get into
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school and do the best you could get out, kind of, yeah.
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And you actually, you actually, you actually went to college,
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you got your MBA, right. Yeah.
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And you actually have two degrees, you have your MBA and
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then you are also ACPA too, correct?
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Yeah, Yep, Certified. Yes.
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I hate accounting, but that's OK.
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I mean, you have a bubbly personality that really lends
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yourself to accounting and numbers.
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Doesn't it? That's why I quit.
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So what was what was the transition like going from
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scholastic achievement and doing well in school to focusing more
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in the world of like business and career?
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What was that shift like for you?
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I mean, I would say like for better or worse, I had like an
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intermediary time period because I actually did retail for like 5
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years, which was a lot of hours and a lot of work, but it was
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still like, oh, I can hang out with my friends on Friday night
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or right. Like it was a great transition
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period, but then getting into retail, I mean by that not
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retail into like corporate and finance.
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By the time I got in, I was like, ready, right?
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I was like, I am ready for 9:00 to 5:00.
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I'm ready to solve real problems and put my degree to use, you
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know? Finding someone a good act,
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finding someone a good phone is solving problems, isn't it?
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To a lot of people, it seemed like it at the time.
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I mean, this was a long time ago.
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There's. A lot of happy customers walking
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out saying hey, look at my new iPhone I just got or the new
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Samsung, whatever it was, are the razors.
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I fight. I fight for the razor.
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Wow, taking it back. Time ago.
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Now was I remember when the razors first hit the market and
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I thought, man, those are those are cool.
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I went Samsung, but you know, hey, what do I know?
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I I always choose the wrong thing?
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In the long run, you were right. I guess so actually, but it was
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the flip phone. So I am curious though, like
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early on jobs always fascinated me.
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Like I find that some of those early on jobs kind of form us
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and help us to get to where we're going without really
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telling us that that's where they're kind of leading us.
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What were some of those early odd jobs that you had in life
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that maybe you look back now and you go, wow, that that actually
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kind of helped me with where I am now and being able to relate
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with people and connect with people.
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I never thought of it like that, but it probably did help me.
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In high school, I was a party Hostess at Fun Time America.
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It was like an indoor theme park.
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You know, we have the trampoline and the go karts and the
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Himalaya, the little roller coaster and all the arcade games
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and the big ball pit. And it was like, I love to go to
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work, like my mom had to like keep me from working hours
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because it like it flew by and we were making money for the
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first time. We were making good money for
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the for our age as well. So it was super fun and I guess
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in hindsight, it did help me connect with people, right?
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Like talking to parents, taking care of kids, keeping them
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entertained, thinking on your feet with what you're going to
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say and how you're going to, you know, keep people in line or
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tell them that the Himalaya is really exciting the second time
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around because we can't go into our room yet.
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Well, I. Think it's interesting because
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like looking at your story, there's a lot of threads that
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kind of come back to having a childlike curiosity.
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There's there's kind of this piece of you're curious about
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people and even the people that you work with today, where a lot
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of people are trying to have this professional facade, you
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know, the suit and have it all together.
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And but there's, there's kind of that inner child inside of you
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that's just dying to get out. There's the, there's the child
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that wants to create, that wants to connect, that wants to
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communicate. And it's interesting because
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looking at kind of the pattern of your life, it seems like
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that's been a pretty big theme of having that childlike
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interaction with the world. Where have you been?
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I've needed a marketing person for the last like 3 years of my
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business. Help me with this.
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I love people. I think people are there so
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interesting because we are all so different and how we see the
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world and what we and how we interpret it, how we act in it,
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right? And I do like to your point, I
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mean that I love doing that with my clients, right?
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They come in and they're thinking one thing and they
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swear by it and I'm like, OK, that's fine.
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If that's the truth, like that's fine.
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And then, you know, 30 minutes later, it's like, Oh no, that
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was not the truth. That actually wasn't helping me.
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It was actually hurting me. Well, it's interesting though,
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because you have this really interesting past with your
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father being very driven, very, very goal set, and then your mom
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who's very relational and very much the creative.
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I'm curious, how did that balance out?
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Because you probably weren't always balanced at this.
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You're probably more workaholic if anything, to start.
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But how did how did you start to balance those two things
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together? I think probably burnout, right?
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You have to like like work night.
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You don't have to. I did.
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And I find a lot of people work themselves to the bone and then
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it's like, OK, I've done the human thing.
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I've done this all the way on this side of the pendulum.
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I have to swing it right, like back somewhere, typically to the
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other side and I become too creative and not focused enough
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on the numbers or the, you know, logistics or whatever.
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And then you kind of even it out and say, you know, this is
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actually the healthy balance. Yeah, yeah.
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And I think that there's there's also a lot of people that don't
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ever find the pendulum swing back.
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It's it's almost as if it goes up until it breaks and then it's
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at the resting point that they have to realize like, oh,
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there's another side, right? You know, we, we experience,
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whether that's a like people will experience like a heart
18:31
attack or some kind of physical ailment that makes them actually
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re question everything. There was a moment for you in
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your life that you know, you we talk about kind of the Crucible
18:45
moments in life. Those moments that are, they're
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hard to deal with, but they're things that make you stronger in
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the long run. Maybe not in that moment, but
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you were 24 when probably one of the biggest Crucible moments of
18:59
your life really hit. What was that Crucible moment
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and how did that really start to shape the way that you showed up
19:05
in life? So mom passed of ovarian cancer.
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She had been sick for a while, but she did finally pass.
19:16
And it really, it was tough, right, because we were the only
19:22
ones that was like the only family I had right, was the four
19:25
of us. Everybody else was back in
19:27
England. And so the loss of one person,
19:31
right, especially a parent was huge, especially my mom, you
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know, for a young woman at the time, I was like, oh, thank God,
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I had her for 24 years. I'm so lucky.
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I shouldn't be able to complain. And and now that I'm, you know,
19:47
40, whatever, I'm like, God, she missed out on so much.
19:50
I was such a little kid anyway. But she, her passing, right,
19:55
really lit a fire of like life is short.
20:00
We have no idea how much time we really have because anything can
20:05
happen, right? I mean, you don't get ovarian
20:07
cancer from smoking cigarettes. It isn't anything you you do to
20:12
yourself to get you just kind of get it.
20:15
And so it was a a wake up call for sure.
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And if I'm not mistaken too, there's, there's kind of this
20:22
philosophy that you have of just go and do it.
20:26
It's just try it, you know, it, it allow yourself to look silly
20:31
and, and try something first for the first time.
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There's kind of this importance, this important aspect of life of
20:39
just going for it. What what does that play in life
20:42
and, and how you live life of just going for it.
20:45
How is? How is that open up doors for
20:47
you? I think in a lot of ways, I
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mean, there's two sides to it. The first one is like, we all
20:53
think we need confidence and we don't, right?
20:56
We need courage and all we need to do is just take that first
20:59
step. Whether that's sending the
21:02
message to the person who works at the company that we want to
21:05
work for, right? Whether that's emailing the
21:09
friend or texting the friend we haven't been in contact with
21:12
forever. Whether it's getting on Tinder
21:16
so that you're right back in the day for people don't do that
21:19
anymore, but that's How I Met my husband.
21:21
So going back on Tinder to be like, oh I am kind of
21:24
interested. In this app for all of you young
21:27
people listening. And.
21:33
For all of you old people listening, Tinder was after
21:37
eHarmony that that's so that's actually you bring up a really
21:44
interesting piece there because there's also this other huge
21:47
area of life, this glaring area of relationships, relationship
21:52
with finding a spouse, kids, all those kinds of things.
21:56
Walk us through a little bit of that.
21:59
Like my experience. Yeah.
22:01
Like what was, what was your experience?
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Because I, I feel like that is a pretty big Crucible moment for
22:06
you to, of maybe there was a definition of what you really
22:09
wanted and there was a definition that you were going
22:11
after. And then maybe there was a point
22:13
where you said, you know, maybe I need to redefine what exactly
22:17
it is that I want in life. Yeah, I don't know if it's
22:20
exactly that, but I had visited my aunt in England and she had
22:25
said to me right before she met my uncle because she was his
22:28
second wife, because my first aunt passed from brain cancer.
22:32
But she had said like right before I met your uncle, I was
22:35
at the point where I was like, I'm I'm good, right?
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I'm independent. Like who needs anything else,
22:41
right? Like I not giving up, but like
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sort of like resigned to the fact that like, this is fine,
22:48
right? I'm so happy I've created a life
22:50
I love. Like it's fine.
22:52
And I was like, God, I feel like I am Aunt Sheila and not that
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that's a bad thing, but I'm like 30 years like junior and is that
23:02
who am I going to like give up that quickly?
23:07
And a friend of mine at work, you know, was like, oh, so where
23:10
are you meeting people? And I was like, oh, you know, in
23:13
my house, picking up pizza from the pizza, please, because I
23:18
don't even get delivery. So nobody strange is really even
23:21
coming to my house. Not great candidates.
23:25
No, no, Well, they would have been candidates at least, right?
23:30
But she kind of gave me a hard time and was like, you should
23:32
really like get out, like give it another go or whatever.
23:36
And so I always credit her to meeting my husband actually,
23:39
because I went on Tinder, right? Went back on Tinder and had
23:46
matched with him and of course tried to get out of the date
23:48
because it was raining and who wants to go on a date when it's
23:51
raining? I'm an introvert.
23:53
I had a long day. With someone from Tinder.
23:57
You never know how it's going to go.
23:59
The odds were stacked against him, let's just say that, but.
24:02
He wasn't having it. He said, OK, I have a dog too.
24:05
I'll be wet too. It's fine.
24:07
I'll see you at 7:30. And I was like, oh.
24:10
That's funny. So what what was the shift for
24:14
you in in terms of opening up and really deciding that that
24:20
was something that you wanted? You know, because you said that
24:23
maybe put it off not really going out there.
24:27
I mean, I know a lot of gals today that are like, I'm trying
24:30
to find someone. The pool is not very good.
24:33
The the pool looks pretty bad and they're they're, let's just
24:38
say they're the candidates are not prime.
24:41
They they are definitely not there.
24:42
They are the leftovers. And what do you what do you say
24:46
to someone that maybe feels like they missed their prime that
24:50
they're man, I I don't know what to do here.
24:53
I think you said it partially, a little bit of just having peace
24:56
with where you are, but how did you get to that place?
25:01
I mean, it's, I would say a like your right person is still out
25:07
there. Like my husband and I couldn't
25:08
have met until we met, right? I was in a different country.
25:12
He was in a different country, a different state, right?
25:15
Like we literally couldn't have met until we met, right?
25:19
I couldn't have been in that relationship until we met.
25:24
So it it I really do serendipity, whatever it is, I
25:27
do believe in that. But the thing I will say is
25:30
right, I mean, before my my friend like sort of bullied me
25:33
into getting into Tinder one more time, so that I recommend
25:37
as well, right, A friend that'll bully you.
25:39
That's OK. In a good way.
25:41
Right, exactly, but was I actually like had been so I'm a
25:48
runner, right. I do Ragnars, which if you don't
25:51
know, if you're not in the running world, they create, they
25:54
turn running into a team sport. So you sign up to sleep in a van
25:59
and stay in a van and not shower for two days and run 200 miles
26:03
and it's actually super fun. I know not selling it.
26:06
They would hate my description of it, but it's super great.
26:11
And I had done a couple of them. But every time I did it, not
26:14
that I met someone that I like clicked with, but I met people
26:18
who like really accepted me for me.
26:23
And we're super. I mean, I was like smelling
26:26
terrible and obsessed with running and listening to country
26:29
music. And these people were like, we
26:31
would hang out if we were closer, you know, like lived
26:34
closer or whatever it was. And that was a really big moment
26:39
because it was like, oh, I can just be myself and the right
26:43
people are going to be OK with it.
26:46
And I think like for, right, with everything at work, you're
26:49
trying to impress people and be on and whatever.
26:52
It just kind of carried over almost unconsciously to my
26:56
dating life, right? I wanted to maybe not impress
27:00
them, but I was the same. Again, Facade probably isn't the
27:05
right word, but like on. And I feel like as soon as I let
27:09
that go, that's when it was able to actually happen.
27:14
I mean, my husband says of the date, he's like, we had two very
27:17
different experiences, right? I mean, I was like, oh, I've met
27:20
like the greatest guy on the planet.
27:22
And he was like, this woman doesn't talk.
27:25
I had to pull out like every sentence she spoke.
27:34
But that's who I was, right? I didn't.
27:38
I had been on like many people. I had been on a million dates
27:42
where people just sat and talked about themselves.
27:44
And I was like, F this, I'm not doing that.
27:47
You want to get to know me. You're going to have to show
27:49
some effort and get to know. So I was myself.
27:52
And he came back for a second date.
27:53
So it worked. Well, I, I love what you're
27:57
saying and the fact because I think a lot of people carry the
28:00
facade of trying to look perfect, trying to have
28:03
everything together. They want to smell nice.
28:04
They want to look nice. And let's be honest, everyone
28:07
listening right now, let's be honest, we're not that great.
28:11
We all smell. We all have bad hair in the
28:14
morning. We all have bad breath.
28:16
Like there's a lot of things that are not to be had with us.
28:19
But I love with what with what you're just saying.
28:22
What you just said though, is that people who have this
28:25
facade, they attract the wrong people.
28:30
They, they keep the wrong circles in life because they're
28:33
unwilling to be who they were created to be.
28:35
They're unwilling to be themselves.
28:38
What, what has that allowed you to do in your life to really
28:42
just settle into who you are and just be you?
28:46
How has that opened doors into where you are today in life and
28:50
what you do? I mean, it's the reason I was
28:54
able and had the confidence and the courage, right to start my
28:58
own business because I could finally recognize it.
29:00
Like, yeah, I was a square peg trying to get in a round hole.
29:04
And I was not talking about data and finance for three hours at a
29:07
time. Like everybody else in the room
29:09
was right. I was over it.
29:11
I was talking about people and whatever.
29:13
And so I think it played. If I hadn't let that go, I would
29:18
probably, you know, still be marching to the tune and
29:22
whatever executive level at finance, singing the song of the
29:26
numbers and shareholder, you know, well then whatever else.
29:31
Yeah, so. Well, I think there's also a
29:35
transparency piece that a lot of people are unwilling to put
29:39
their guard down. They're afraid of what people
29:42
might think people might say about them, and yet there are so
29:47
many people that are going through the exact same thing.
29:50
Something that I was kind of curious about was you kind of
29:54
alluded to it, but like when you were in high school, there was a
29:57
lot of anxiety from life, early adulthood, a lot of anxiety.
30:04
Where did that anxiety come from and how did you start to release
30:09
that? How did you start to let the
30:10
anxiety go and just kind of normalize of who you are?
30:15
I mean, the anxiety came from I think the right, the always like
30:25
I have an underlying belief, right, that I'm not enough,
30:29
right? We all have something right.
30:30
We're unworthy, We're unlovable, right?
30:32
Mine is I'm not enough. And so I'm, I was always
30:35
striving to succeed, to accomplish, to do right grand
30:40
marathons, passed the CPA exam on the first try, right?
30:46
Got promoted every two or three-year, right?
30:49
Like go, go, go to prove that I am enough, which caused the
30:55
anxiety because I mean, that's like no way to live, right?
31:00
Everyday questioning whether or not you're enough if you haven't
31:04
delivered something of value and like sorting through it.
31:12
I mean, I picked up books, right?
31:14
I mean, I picked up Eckhart Tollies, right?
31:17
New Earth and presence and was like whoa.
31:21
Pay. Attention to my hands.
31:23
Paul Kalejo Like, yeah, you know, the whole cyclical thing
31:28
of everything you were searching for was back from back at where
31:31
it started. Yes.
31:33
Just really, really interesting, really interesting concepts as
31:37
you kind of dive into those. I am curious what what were some
31:40
of like the big maybe the top two books that had the greatest
31:46
influence on you as a bookie. I know that that's really hard
31:50
to. Ask you that question.
31:52
It is really hard. I mean, definitely The
31:55
Alchemist. I've read it like, I don't know,
31:58
a lot of times. I love it.
32:00
And if you haven't listened to the audio plug, I highly
32:03
recommend the audio. It's very fabulous.
32:07
I mean, 7 Habits right from Stephen Covey was a, I've read
32:11
that multiple times when I was younger.
32:13
And then again, like anything that had to do with like
32:16
meditation and being in the moment.
32:19
I mean, I devoured all of Eckhart Tolle's stuff like very
32:25
quickly. When did you shift from it's in?
32:30
I'm really fascinated by this because I know a lot of people
32:33
in the personal growth world and all they do is they just, they
32:36
devour personal growth. They, they devour like
32:41
biographies of people who have lived.
32:44
And then there's a small slivered percentage of people
32:48
like yourself who just love to get into, how would we say
32:57
nonfiction? You love nonfiction also.
33:03
You weren't always like that, though.
33:04
How? How did you get to a point where
33:06
you were able to read something nonfiction and not go, I got to
33:10
have a personal like if I'm not growing from this, like it's,
33:13
it's dirt to me, it's trash, right?
33:15
Because you kind of get that feeling when you're when you
33:17
kind of get into personal growth of like, OK, if this guy hasn't,
33:21
you know, made $1,000,000 or if this person hasn't found success
33:24
or the 12 steps of this or the 10 steps of how to do this.
33:28
If I'm not reading that, it's not a good book.
33:30
You actually love non fiction books.
33:33
Why is that important to incorporate into someone's
33:36
world? Not just the growth book, but
33:38
actually some things that help your mind.
33:41
So like fiction books, right? Like a romanticy that I'm kind
33:44
of a, you know, secret lover of. Although I'm not really sure if
33:48
we can say that because you don't read enough French novels,
33:51
we found out earlier. I'm going to Google how many
33:54
French romanticy books there are and find out how many I haven't
33:58
read. Oh my goodness.
34:03
But yeah, I mean, for the longest time I did, I devoured,
34:06
right, all the habit books, all of the presence books, right?
34:11
Executive presents, right, How to manage your boss, how to
34:14
manage your people, how to have difficult conversations.
34:17
Just could not get enough. And then I forget when it was, I
34:21
think it was before I went to Ireland.
34:23
So it must have been a very many years ago.
34:28
I said, you know what, this year I'm going to read 24 books and
34:32
12 of them have to be fiction because I have now, right?
34:37
I need to expand what I'm reading.
34:40
I've lost my intention with what I'm reading and it was kind of a
34:46
game changer because I write, I got recommendations from other
34:50
people and I started to love it again and see the benefit,
34:54
right? I probably do read, I mean, I do
34:56
read romanticy, but I would argue that they are stories of,
35:01
you know, bravery and courage and overcoming obstacles, which
35:05
is still in the, you know, the growth.
35:08
Yeah, it is. I agree with you.
35:13
So it with within that you know the love of reading.
35:16
Has that always been a thing for you?
35:18
Have you always loved to read? Have you ever like me as a kid,
35:22
even in high school, I was not a reader.
35:25
I did not devour books. I sluggishly went through books
35:29
and maybe fit, maybe finished a book or two.
35:33
When did when did you just fall in love with reading?
35:37
I have no idea. I can remember being sent to bed
35:40
and pulling out my Fisher play flashlight that was red, green
35:45
and yellow right, and reading underneath the sheets very
35:51
quietly because I was supposed to be in bed but didn't want to
35:55
be or wasn't tired enough or or whatever it was.
35:57
I have no idea. But from as far back as I can
36:00
remember, I have. Were your parents big readers?
36:05
Yes, absolutely. My father especially.
36:08
Really what what do you recall about your dad in terms of
36:11
reading? Because that's that's
36:13
fascinating to me because back then reading like some people
36:16
read, but most fathers that I know of, they weren't big
36:19
readers. So he actually studied
36:22
literature at college, right? Couldn't get a job.
36:25
What do you do with a degree in literature?
36:28
It's like getting a job in history.
36:30
Right, right. So he, you know, like always had
36:35
that love of read it enough that he would study it at college,
36:39
which I would never have done. But I mean, I can remember that,
36:43
like, the most exciting thing for me that we did on the
36:46
weekends was like, we'd go to the library, right.
36:48
And you'd come back with 20 books or however many you were
36:50
allowed to carry. Yeah.
36:55
What are the stories that capture you?
36:59
Is it like, I don't know, there's, there's something about
37:01
the story that really just strikes a chord when I listen to
37:05
you talk like you're you're in it for the story, you're in it
37:08
for the context behind it. You're in it for the big
37:11
picture, but you're also in it for the twists and turns.
37:14
What, what kind of story really grabs your attention when
37:18
you're, whether that's working with a client or you know, for
37:22
you. And I think we're you and I
37:23
think we're kind of the same. You go out to a coffee shop and
37:26
you end up sitting next to someone and all of a sudden two
37:29
hours pass and you, you know this person's life history.
37:31
They know nothing about you, but you're just fascinating with the
37:35
story. What is?
37:36
What's the story that fascinates you, that captures your
37:39
attention most? People doing different things or
37:42
growth, right? I mean, when it comes to like
37:44
books and TV shows or whatever that the characters have to keep
37:47
growing. If they're not growing, I am not
37:49
turn it off, who cares, right? I'm not in it for the drama.
37:52
I'm in it for like, how are we going to overcome, right?
37:55
How are we going to grow? Whether it's physically or
37:58
emotionally, right, or mentally? And I think the same with the
38:02
person in the coffee shop, right?
38:03
I'm like, where have they come and how did they get here?
38:07
What have they gone through? Because everybody's gone through
38:10
something and they typically don't talk about it very often.
38:15
Why do you think they don't talk about it very often?
38:21
I think people, I mean, there's probably several reasons, right?
38:26
Some people don't want, what would I say?
38:32
Don't want you to think they don't want your opinion of it,
38:36
right? They don't want you to think
38:37
like, oh, you're so brave for going through that or you should
38:41
be ashamed. Like they don't want your
38:42
opinion of it. And then, you know, it's just
38:48
it. It's hard to open ourselves up
38:51
and talk about the difficult things.
38:54
I mean, when my mom died, I didn't want to tell anybody.
38:56
I was like, I don't want your like nonsense.
38:58
You're, you don't understand and that's fine.
39:01
But like, I don't want your fake or you're trying or whatever it
39:04
is. So I think that's probably a bit
39:08
of it. And it's just, and it's not
39:10
something we've done for a long time.
39:12
I think the world is changing and we're opening up to that.
39:15
But for years it was right. I mean, nobody talked about
39:17
anything. Yeah, it's true.
39:20
Well, I, I find it interesting because you bring that up that
39:23
there's kind of these taboo topics that kind of they're,
39:26
they're all around, but yet no one wants to speak about them.
39:30
No one wants to put a face to it, which is really fascinating
39:33
to, to me. You know, I've, my wife and I,
39:35
we've had, I think it was 3, we've had three miscarriages
39:41
when we were working to have our kids and our four kids that we
39:45
have currently. And miscarriage is one of those
39:49
taboo topics that no one talks about.
39:51
And something I, I always like to, to bring up kind of with my
39:55
wife around certain people because I find that there are
39:59
way more women that go through that, that just don't talk about
40:04
it. And so they feel like they're on
40:05
an island that they're the only ones who ever go through this.
40:09
And so it almost kind of puts on the burden of shame into this
40:12
kind of taboo thing, right? 1000% I mean, I couldn't believe
40:17
once I was able to start talking about mine, I couldn't.
40:21
I mean, everybody was like, oh, I've had to.
40:23
I've had like, right. But like to your point, nobody
40:28
talks about it, nobody wants to. I mean, it's what would you do?
40:32
Post on Facebook that, oh, today was a really bad day.
40:35
Like probably not. Yeah, right.
40:40
But yeah, I mean, it is, and it is very isolating.
40:46
Very, very isolating because of that, because you don't know who
40:50
you can talk to about it as well as when it first happens.
40:54
I think there's a natural tendency for it to feel like
40:56
it's our fault, right? And so I don't want to share if
40:59
it's my fault, right? People are going to think, you
41:02
know, less of me or I'm not, you know, in good enough condition
41:06
to be the wife or the future mother or whatever it is.
41:11
So I mean it like we do it to ourselves, but we've been
41:16
conditioned to do it. Yeah, I love what you said
41:19
earlier about courage. It's it's about it's not about
41:24
confidence, about it's about courage.
41:27
And a lot of women, I feel like they feel like they have to have
41:31
the confidence in things, but they just, they're just lacking
41:33
the courage to step out with that, with whatever that is.
41:37
Kind of like we were talking about earlier about, you know,
41:39
if you want the job promotion, go for it, ask for it.
41:42
You know, if you're interested in the guy, go and ask the guy.
41:46
There are so many aspects of life that people don't live with
41:51
courage. And I might even go as far as
41:54
saying maybe that was something that you saw with your mom, that
41:57
she maybe didn't display the courage to step out and really
42:01
grab the things that she wanted. Why?
42:04
Why is it so important for you today in the work that you do?
42:08
Why is it important to get women to move forward in courage in
42:12
every aspect of their life? God.
42:17
I mean, because it is because it has to be, right?
42:20
I mean, we're conditioned for so long, especially as women, that
42:25
everything has to be perfect, right?
42:26
Our hair, our makeup, our outfits, our shoes, our purses.
42:32
Like whatever it is and. That one tooth, you gotta brush
42:35
it. Right, exactly.
42:37
And I mean, growing up in school, right?
42:40
We're rewarded for our perfection, right?
42:43
The better you do, the better the grade, the better school you
42:47
get into. So it's all conditioning.
42:50
But what happens is we lose ourselves, right?
42:52
We don't know who we are. All we're trying to do is make
42:55
sure that we're perfect. And so the courage to write like
43:01
one of the first things they learn with me or right, you get
43:05
it with your therapist as well. It's not just me, right?
43:07
It's all coaches. But the first thing that really
43:09
benefits people is not holding back in the session, right?
43:12
Saying the because I can see it, right?
43:14
You can see it in your eye. You can see it with your podcast
43:16
guest probably right? You're just waving like, come
43:19
on. Just.
43:20
What? Is it, what is it?
43:22
Just spit it out. I know you're a good person,
43:25
right? I know you love your kids and
43:26
your husband and your boss. Like just get it out.
43:31
Yeah. What is that?
43:33
What do you think that does for someone when they're able to
43:36
vocalize it? Because we do keep everything in
43:39
and and it's not just women, it's men too.
43:41
Yeah, we all keep everything in. There's a lot of thoughts in
43:45
here that never get out. And obviously you got to make
43:47
sure you curate the right people that are around you.
43:50
Having a good coach in your corner is it is an awesome thing
43:53
to be able to have. That way.
43:54
There's no judgement. You can you can really go
43:57
through your thoughts. But what is it about getting it
44:01
out of you that helps people to really unlock that portion of
44:05
life? So first, it stops the
44:07
overthinking, right? Because when it's in here, it
44:10
just keeps going round and round and round and round and round,
44:12
right? And as soon as it's out, it's
44:14
like, oh, that doesn't sound as bad, right?
44:19
That doesn't sound as Terry. And it stops spinning.
44:21
But the second thing is every time we say what we're what we
44:25
want to say and we don't get kicked out of the tribe, we
44:30
learn that it's OK. We learn that our intuition,
44:33
that our gut, that the thoughts that we have are OK to share.
44:38
And so that's what unlocks, right?
44:40
Like people come in and they're like, I have no idea what I want
44:42
to do. And I'm like, it's fine, right?
44:44
And then you have three sessions where they start to say all the
44:49
things that they want to say. And slowly they're like, oh,
44:52
maybe I do know what I want to do because now I can hear myself
44:56
and I can trust that my ideas are actually OK.
45:00
I'm not going to get kicked out of the tribe.
45:01
I'm not going to get fired. I'm not unlovable.
45:05
It's all going to be OK. What do you say to the person
45:08
that says they don't know what they want?
45:10
Because I find that a lot there's, there's a lot of people
45:13
that just even people that say they know what they want, they
45:15
really don't know what they want.
45:17
What do you, what do you say to the person where you keep
45:19
asking, well, what do you want? What do you want for that?
45:21
No, no, no. You can't ask the same question.
45:26
I mean, you have to know that with podcast, yes, right.
45:28
If you're asking me the same question, I'd probably be giving
45:30
you the same blank stare, the same light.
45:32
Oh my God, that's. True deer in a headlight, right?
45:37
You kind of have to go at it from different angles, right?
45:39
So like, especially if that's the goal to discover what is it
45:42
that you actually want? It's like, OK, well, what are
45:44
you jealous of, right? Whose life do you want?
45:48
Or what aspects of their life do you want?
45:50
What aspects of your life do you not want?
45:53
Do you wish were very different? Because even if people don't
45:57
know what they want, they typically know what they don't
46:00
want. Why do people fight for what
46:06
they don't want? I would because it's safe,
46:13
right? Our survival mechanism is
46:15
created to keep us safe, and even if we don't want it, if
46:19
it's what we know we're going to fight to, to stay there unless
46:23
we have the courage and the clarity to say no.
46:27
This is my fear that's keeping me on this track or in this
46:31
space or whatever it is, because it's what I know.
46:35
How do you work with someone through that fear?
46:40
So you have to recognize it, right?
46:42
So you have to kind of like identify it and name it.
46:47
We like to name our fear. So you know, one of my fears is
46:53
lazy locomotive, you know, and that comes up I I go into hyper
46:58
planning, right, I put down the thing, I automate everything.
47:02
I color code it right, get obsessed or whatever.
47:05
So the first thing is doing that with clients, right?
47:08
Or whoever, right? Friends, even, right?
47:10
Husbands, family. Well, what are our patterns,
47:14
right? What are we doing instead of the
47:15
thing that we actually want to be doing?
47:17
And can we like appreciate that it's trying to keep us safe,
47:22
right? It's not trying to sabotage us.
47:25
It was created to keep us safe. And then we can say lazy
47:30
locomotive, like thanks for coming.
47:32
But like that's OK, over plan later, right now I'm going to do
47:37
the next thing that I know to do and later, yeah, I probably will
47:41
get carried away and automating. Well, I love that because you
47:46
actually remind me of a of a late friend of mine who passed
47:49
away a couple years ago. Actually, he was a friend in the
47:51
mentor of mine, and he would always talk about the gremlin on
47:54
your shoulder and he would name that gremlin and he'd be on
47:59
stage. I feel like he probably got in
48:01
trouble for this, but he was swearing up the wazoo at this
48:04
gremlin. You have a picture of of the
48:07
gremlin up on the stage and we're all just looking at like,
48:10
what is to have he? Has he lost his marbles?
48:13
But what's interesting is so many people don't communicate to
48:18
that thought, to that voice in their head of like, yeah, like
48:23
another good mentor of mine, he always says, isn't that
48:25
interesting? Isn't it interesting that right
48:28
now, when I'm supposed to be productive doing these other
48:30
things, isn't it interesting that this voice decides that
48:33
this is the prime opportunity, that it thinks that I should go
48:37
stop everything I'm doing and go put the laundry in?
48:40
Why? Why is that the most opportune
48:43
voice? And you identify it and you say,
48:46
no, not right now. If it's really that important,
48:50
come back later. And there there really is an
48:53
importance of being able to identify the things that
48:57
sabotage you. And I love what you say.
49:00
It's not sabotaging you purposefully.
49:03
It's not like it's out there. This voice like, oh, yeah, I'm
49:06
I'm really going to get Rebecca on this one.
49:08
It's, it's, it's this protective piece, which I'm actually
49:12
curious, where did you learn that from?
49:14
Because I've, I know where I learned that, that piece of
49:18
identity of the protectors in your life.
49:20
But I'm curious, where did you pull that from and and how has
49:23
that helped you and guide you in your life?
49:26
I mean, I really learned it when I started working with my first
49:29
coach and she took me through like the exercises of I had
49:33
always sort of known, right, That there's a part of us that's
49:37
fear. But she really put it into this
49:41
like clear, OK, there is a comfort zone and your fear,
49:45
Shawna, keep you in it. And then the naming of it,
49:48
right? Because the other thing that's
49:49
really important, you know, to your point of naming it, right
49:53
and recognizing it and being aware and not letting it drive
49:56
the other part is like it's just a part of us.
50:00
It is not all of us. It's just one little medium
50:07
depending on, right, the, the task that we're trying to take
50:10
on part of us. And if we can separate that we
50:13
can see the other parts of us, right?
50:15
The brave parts, the courageous parts, the intelligent, the
50:18
capable parts. And they can work with the fear
50:21
to persuade it right to let you keep going and whatever it is
50:26
that you're you're going to want to do.
50:29
We've kind of danced around this topic quite a few times.
50:32
The overachiever, the, the person that doesn't like to
50:35
stop, the person that will stop when they drop.
50:38
You know, I, I have a lot of good friends that say I'll rest
50:42
when I'm dead, which you know, that will come sooner than
50:47
sooner than later. If that's the way you operate.
50:50
Why do you think it's so hard for high achievers to stop?
50:55
Why do you think that's a struggle for high achiever?
50:58
Because that's not what we're rewarded for or haven't been
51:01
rewarded for, right? And I think a lot of us have.
51:05
I know I was definitely afraid. As soon as you stop, you get
51:09
kicked out the try, right? You get rejected, you get fired,
51:12
your friends don't love you, right?
51:14
Your family doesn't want you. You have no value, no worth.
51:18
And again, like, you know, it's not purposely done that way, but
51:23
the way that the education system, right, rewards grades
51:29
versus effort, right fixed versus growth mindset, it
51:32
inherently becomes, you know, a part of us and some of us just
51:39
right like grip on for dear life and say, this is the bull I'm
51:42
going to ride. How do you break that?
51:46
How do you, how do you break that?
51:48
You know, for the person that's listening right now and they
51:50
say, you know, I, I feel like I'm an overachiever.
51:52
I feel like, you know, I'm, I'm go, go, go, go.
51:55
And I want to be able to step back, but I just don't know how.
51:58
I don't know what I need to do. I don't need, I don't know what
52:01
I need to do in order to step back.
52:04
What do you normally tell that person, or how do you work with
52:07
that person so that they're able to take a step back from
52:11
constant activity in their life? So the biggest thing is to
52:15
exactly to your point, right, like have a conversation about
52:17
doing versus being right, that we don't have to do anything.
52:21
We are enough as we be. But the other thing, right, just
52:24
like flat out advice I give those people is like, find a
52:27
hobby that doesn't come with a medal, right or a trophy right.
52:33
So like. Or money.
52:35
Right, right. So like the even if you're the
52:37
running races, right, we have to make sure that they're running
52:40
races because they're loving the process and not for the I ran
52:45
the Boston Marathon. How cool am I, right?
52:50
So I recommend something like, you know, coloring or knit,
52:54
write something with like no reward, right?
52:58
There's no, there's there's no achievement here.
53:04
Just do it for fun. What do you think about growth
53:06
in areas of life that are unexpected?
53:10
Like we, we're always trying to grow in an area where we feel
53:14
like it's going to help us in our business.
53:16
I'm going to read this book because it's going to help me in
53:17
my business. I'm going to, I'm going to read
53:19
this because, or I'm going to do this because it's going to help
53:23
me within sales. Or I'm going to go to this
53:25
seminar because it's going to help me have a better marriage
53:28
versus the, you know, I would really like to learn how to put
53:32
a fence up in my yard. I would really like to figure
53:35
out what happens with electricity in my house.
53:38
Like why? Why is it that I, when I push
53:41
that thing right there, that light goes on?
53:44
Like what? What do you find the value and
53:47
benefit of growth and learning outside of maybe necessity?
53:53
Oh, 10 times, 10 times the like whatever you're pursuing.
53:58
I mean, there are certain benefits, right?
54:00
We all needed a cut. I am grateful I have a degree in
54:02
finance, right, because I was doing P&L's and needed to know
54:05
what I was doing. So OK, some of that is valuable.
54:08
What's your point? Like we can get carried away,
54:11
right? I need the next leadership
54:13
course, I need the next presence course, I need the next
54:16
certification or whatever it is. And from my, for my money, for
54:22
my clients that I've seen over and over again, Like the growth
54:26
comes from those side projects, from those outside of the place
54:30
where we kind of have tunnel vision, right?
54:32
Is it because we let go of tunnel vision?
54:34
Is it because our brain is now focused on something different?
54:38
Is it because we're doing something we actually enjoy and
54:41
we kind of lose, right? Ideas of time?
54:44
I you know, I don't know exactly why it works but 10 times the
54:49
value. What has been one of those
54:51
nuanced growth pieces that has actually helped you in business
54:55
without actually knowing that it was going to help you?
54:58
Like we talked about, like the cricket, which is I, I don't
55:00
know, I go back to that because it's funny, because I fell into
55:03
the not, OK. So I did fall into the cricket
55:05
for a brief moment. OK, I will admit to that.
55:09
But then I went hard. I, I went and got a full on
55:12
laser so that I can start lasering things.
55:16
And, and so like, I'm always looking at it like, Oh, I could
55:18
laser that. Oh, I wonder what that would
55:20
look like. And so there's all these
55:22
different materials. The world is my oyster.
55:25
And, and it's interesting to me because as I've learned more
55:29
about lasering, I've learned about other aspects of life that
55:32
I never would have thought about.
55:33
I've learned more about different kinds of marketing and
55:36
and to establish value and cost and, you know, all the things
55:41
that most people going like. Oh yeah, no done, Nathan.
55:44
But for me, that was a big thing.
55:46
That was a growth point for me. What were one of those nuanced
55:50
hobbies or growth moments for you that really opened up
55:54
another aspect of your life? Maybe my running blog that I
55:57
started right when I first started running working with my
56:01
coach and I was taking up like hobbies, right and what was
56:04
going to stick or whatever. And I think the, the running
56:07
blog was actually like, right, the creativity.
56:11
That's where I really like reconnected with my creativity
56:15
because I could describe, I, you know, reviewed shoes and trails
56:21
in New Jersey to advise if they were better for runners or
56:25
hikers, right? Because you would often go out
56:27
and try and run a trail that was not really runnable.
56:31
So very cool. But I would get to describe the
56:34
trail and describe the experience.
56:36
And it really like brought me back to creativity and probably
56:41
authenticity as well, right? Because I was really being my, I
56:46
mean, my husband boyfriend at the time, right?
56:49
I think it was like the only person that was reading it.
56:51
So I could say whatever I wanted and be whoever I wanted.
56:55
And I think that that was like one of the things as well as,
56:58
you know, later when I created my website, I was like, Oh, I
57:00
played with just when I did my blog.
57:02
I know some of these things. It's so funny, when you said
57:06
Runner's blog, I was like, what did?
57:08
What do you talk about in a runner today?
57:10
I went 15 miles. That would be about as much as I
57:14
would write. It hurt.
57:15
I'm never doing. That again non rudder.
57:19
There I mean. It is interesting though, when
57:22
you get into running, you first kind of get into it
57:25
begrudgingly, at least for for most people.
57:28
I feel like you kind of get into it and you're like, yeah, like
57:31
I'd rather go chase a ball or something like that.
57:33
But there is a point where there's it's kind of like a
57:35
switch where it's not so much monotonous and it's more it's
57:41
not even mind numbing. It's just mind opening.
57:44
You start running and your brain just kind of opens up to
57:48
different things. Because I, I could remember, you
57:50
know, back, back in my quote UN quote prime of running when I
57:53
was running about 9 miles, 9 miles a day, I remember
57:58
thinking, wow, I have the most clarity in all of my thoughts
58:02
right now that I've ever had it. It really is fascinating.
58:06
So when you talk about the runner's blog, I'm like, that's
58:10
really fascinating it and it kind of reminds me of something
58:13
I've been saying a lot recently, which is boredom Stokes
58:15
creativity is that we are constantly trying to fill versus
58:21
allowing to just sit with what's around you and just be present.
58:27
What what is being present look like today for you versus you
58:31
know, when you are truly focused on high achievement, high
58:34
performance, Be the best, get the medals, get the reward.
58:39
What does being look like now versus being back then?
58:43
There's a lot more romanticity than there ever was, right?
58:46
There's a lot more fiction books, there's a lot more
58:49
hanging out with the dog. There's a lot more connection,
58:54
right? Cuz when you're go, go, go.
58:56
I mean, the person in front of you is great, but what are they
58:59
serving you? And you're already thinking
59:01
about like the next person or the next meeting or the next,
59:05
whatever it is, right? And what is that?
59:07
How do you have to show up for that?
59:08
So I think there's a lot more connection now.
59:11
I think my friendships are probably deeper.
59:13
My relationships are deeper. And there's a lot more fun, a
59:17
lot more fun than there there was back then.
59:20
I mean, I had a lot of fun in my 20s.
59:22
But like it was a, you know, at certain times of the night and
59:25
the day and the rest of it was kind of like fun.
59:27
What? Whereas now there's a lot more
59:29
fun throughout the day. Why is fun important?
59:32
Because I feel like a lot of people just they don't have fun
59:35
with life. Every single day should be a day
59:39
to experience and have fun. Why is fun important?
59:42
I think it's good for your blood pressure, right?
59:44
Your heart or something like that.
59:46
I think it actually like helps you live longer.
59:48
But I mean, who would want to not have fun, right?
59:55
If you can't remember the the last time you laughed and
59:58
believe me, I have been there. You know, that would be a key
1:00:03
sign that like, I don't know, call your best friend or put on
1:00:06
a comedy special, whoever makes you laugh, right?
1:00:09
And get that, get that going. It's the same as endorphins,
1:00:12
right? They're just good for the brain,
1:00:14
good for the soul. Yeah, that's very scientific.
1:00:19
I have absolutely loved our time.
1:00:22
There have been so many great things that you've said.
1:00:24
You know, the the podcast is more than before and I'm curious
1:00:27
what what does it look like to be more than before right now in
1:00:31
this season of life that you're in?
1:00:33
I mean, it is right, more love, more joy than before, but it's
1:00:43
not been without its hardships, right?
1:00:45
I mean, we talked about the miscarriages.
1:00:47
There's Ivy at like it's not without struggle.
1:00:51
I would argue that the struggles that I faced in the last two
1:00:54
years have been harder than other than my mom dying, right?
1:00:58
I mean, and yet I've had more fun, more presence, more peace,
1:01:03
the ability to come and regulate more often and like the
1:01:11
dreaming, right? I mean, my companies go more as
1:01:14
possible because like, there's so much to do out there.
1:01:18
There's so much to try. There's so much to see and that,
1:01:23
you know, wonder is pretty and it's pretty fun.
1:01:30
And I would, I mean, I would have been like, wonder what?
1:01:32
Wonder who? What a waste of time.
1:01:39
I, I mean, it's, it's so powerful what you say, because
1:01:43
there are so many people that just aren't living in the
1:01:46
present. And as soon as you start reading
1:01:48
some of the big names and philosophy and you start
1:01:51
thinking about, OK, suffering, what is suffering?
1:01:54
What does that do for us? But then also the polarity of
1:01:57
that of if you have suffered much, you can also have great
1:02:00
joy. And you know, there's, there's
1:02:03
something about that, that in your life, whatever you're going
1:02:06
through right now, there's a polar opposite that you can
1:02:08
experience. And it's just a matter of
1:02:11
mindset. It's a matter of having the
1:02:13
courage like what we've talked about today, of stepping forward
1:02:17
and experiencing all that life has for you more than before
1:02:20
today than it was yesterday. You know, this conversation
1:02:25
truly has been amazing for all of you guys listening.
1:02:28
If the conversation resonate with you, make sure it's not
1:02:31
just something that you listen to.
1:02:33
Go back, act on something that we spoke about today.
1:02:36
Apply it to your life, whether that's, you know, going back and
1:02:40
being creative, whether that's creating your own planner or
1:02:43
maybe a journal, or maybe you want to be crazy and, you know,
1:02:47
invest in some knitting. I don't know whether it's about
1:02:51
maybe bringing up the taboo topic with the person that you
1:02:54
haven't spoken with for a while to see, you know, how you can
1:02:58
create connections with people. There are so many great things
1:03:02
that we spoke about today that I want to encourage you.
1:03:04
Take a moment and ask yourself, what could I take away and apply
1:03:09
today? Because that's what this podcast
1:03:10
is about. It's about taking the stuff,
1:03:13
taking every single day conversations that we can have
1:03:16
and using them to transform your life where you're at.
1:03:20
That awareness, I hope, comes in to you today that you're able to
1:03:24
take that next step, that you're going to go out and do something
1:03:27
new. And if you got value from this
1:03:29
episode, make sure that you subscribe, share it with someone
1:03:32
who needs it, and make sure you also leave a review.
1:03:35
It actually does help to reach more people that are on the same
1:03:39
journey that we are. So as always, remember to be
1:03:42
more, see more, and experience more than before.