Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What does ROCK BOTTOM for a narcissist look like?

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What does ROCK BOTTOM for a narcissist look like? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about what rock bottom for a
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  narcissist could look like hitting rock bottom.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:12
  the Narcissist Code. Boom.
• 0:31
  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, rock bottom for a narcissist or toxic person.
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  What does it look like? So I've done y'all, y'all don't
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  know if y'all been following me for any period of time.
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  I've done videos about about my own personal rock bottom, right.
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  So this is going to be an updated version because as we
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  grow, my mind might change with certain thoughts.
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  You know what I mean? Things change, my mind might
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  change. So this is the the space that
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  we're in right now a lot it it rock bottom for a narcissist
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  means that there is no retreat. There is no escaping myself dare
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  self themselves. It's like being locked in a room
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  with no walls, no window, like no what?
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  No windows you can't see really see the door.
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  It's like complete darkness. You're in there by yourself.
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  That's what rock bottom looks and feels like to a narcissistic
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  person. There's nobody in this room to
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  blame for where I am other than myself.
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  I've been in that position before and now let let me say
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  this. Are there some narcissists that
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  don't possess a rock bottom? Absolutely.
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  There are some narcissists out there that do not have a rock
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  bottom to hit. There are some narcissists out
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  there that that refuse to hit rock bottom there.
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  They will always find a way to blame other people.
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  I'm in this dark room with no windows and no walls because of
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  something somebody else did to me.
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  I'm here because of something that somebody else put me
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  through. I'm here because of somebody
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  else. There's there's a lot of
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  narcissists that don't have a rock bottom.
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  They cannot have a rock bottom moment because it's not just one
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  moment. My own personal rock bottom went
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  like this. It was a financial rock bottom.
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  I didn't. I was not where I wanted to be
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  financially a relationship rock bottom.
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  I was not. My marriage was damn near on the
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  cusp, the cusp of ending and being over.
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  I had, I was just my kids, the way I was treating my kids.
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  I was in a rock bottom in that moment.
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  I was in a rock bottom emotionally, physically, I was
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  overweight. There were so many rock bottoms
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  at the same time. It's not.
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  It's just like a cumulative, like multiple bombs hit you.
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  You see what I'm saying? It's like a cumulative
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  explosion. Like one missile can hit you,
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  right? And it might do some damage, but
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  it's six or seven missiles. Missiles hit you at the same
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  time in the right combination, in the right place.
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  It can cause, it can cause way more damage.
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  You see, if these seven missiles hit at different times, I can
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  heal after each missile hits. I can prepare for the next
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  missile, right? I can adjust, but if all 767
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  missiles hit me at the same time, boom, boom, boom, boom,
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  boom, boom. I can't prepare for that, you
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  know? So my rock bottom was multiple
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  rock bottoms. The narcissistic person in your
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  life, rock bottoms, it might be multiple rock bottoms.
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  They have to hit, you know, it can't be just one rock bottom.
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  How do I get them to go to therapy?
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  They have to hit a rock bottom. How do I get to want to change
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  any of their behaviors? There has to be a Rock bottom,
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  and not just like Dwayne the Rock Johnson, not one of those.
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  There has to be a rock bottom, this moment in time where
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  things, all this stuff happens at once, right?
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  It can't just be one thing. I know people, just like a lot
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  of people in these situations. Well, well, Lee, I left him and
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  then he still didn't hit a rock bottom.
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  Lee, man, I left her at home. I moved out, packed my stuff up
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  and came home. She came home and I was gone and
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  she still didn't hit a rock bottom.
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  It's just one moment. Like one moment in time is not
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  going to cause a rock bottom. Y'all my rock bottom because I'm
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  right. I'm in the process of writing my
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  my book right now and my, and this is going to go in a book in
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  more detail. But my rock bottom happened
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  because at the moment in time, my, one of my best friends at
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  the time, right, had lost his infant son to SIDS right, to Sid
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  sudden infant death syndrome, right, He had lost his infant
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  son. I was overweight.
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  I had lost my job. I had my my infant son was like
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  the same age as him. And it's just like when I saw
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  his son passed away. It's like I could die at any
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  moment. I haven't left my mark on this
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  world. And at the time, this is like
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  2016. So at the time I was like, what,
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  30? I had just turned 31 years old,
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  31 years old. So I've been on this earth for
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  31 years and I haven't done anything.
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  Nobody's going to know who I am if I were to pass away today.
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  No one. People will forgive me easily
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  because there's nobody I can remember, right?
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  I haven't left my mark on the world.
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  I haven't left my mark in the world.
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  So I was at his like at the little boys funeral and things
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  like that. That hurt me to the core to see
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  my, my friend crying and hurting.
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  And this little baby had passed away before he got to live his
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  life, You know, at the funeral, I mean, at the, when we went to
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  the burial site, I realized that my aunt who had passed away when
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  I was 13 years old, she was buried in the same cemetery.
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  So I went over and dug up like we had, nobody had visited her
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  grave since 1999. So nobody had been out there in
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  17 years, right? Nobody had been out to my aunt's
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  grave in 17 years. So we had, we, we, we didn't, we
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  couldn't afford like a little, we couldn't afford like a
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  gravestone. So we had like the little
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  regular placard. The, the, the, the, the people
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  give you like the Funeral Home gives you like a little placket
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  with a name and a date on it, right?
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  They, they give it to her. So I'm out there digging on my
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  hands and knees because it's my aunt, like my second mom.
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  I got her name in my chest. I did it.
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  I dug up her placard and I let out.
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  I started crying, you know, because it's the first time I
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  had been out there in 17 years to see her.
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  The first time I had cried in 17 years.
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  My friend's son had passed away. He's buried right over here.
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  So I'm like, my life, This is it.
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  You mean this is my old aunt. She passed away in her 50s.
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  My little little boy, little baby over here was two months
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  old. He passed away like I'm right
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  here in the middle. I can die at any moment.
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  No mark in the world. So I'm I'm hitting these rock
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  bottom moments right here, right.
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  I'm not where I want to be physically.
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  I know I'm not where I want to be financially.
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  I'm not where I want to be anything because what I did have
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  still have my still have my marriage at home, right?
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  My marriage was faltering, but I get home from the funeral after
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  a few months. I'm just still working.
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  I'm like, I need to leave my mark in the world.
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  I'm trying anything. I'm trying to start new
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  businesses. I'm trying to, I'm just trying
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  to be famous really quickly, right?
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  Because I don't want to die without being famous, right?
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  So my marriage started struggling.
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  So I had those, I had those rock bottom moments in the
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  cemeteries. My marriage started struggling,
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  right? And I just didn't.
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  I was, I was disconnected from my wife, you know, at the time,
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  I still, I still had my little, my little son, I had my infant
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  son and I had my, at the time, my 8-9 year old son, right?
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  And I wasn't, I was disconnected from them because I'm so hyper
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  focused on me. So my relationship with my kids
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  are struggling. I'm blaming everybody in my life
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  for where I was at. Like I can't do what I want to
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  do because I have kids. I can't do what I can't go out
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  here and do what I want to do because I'm married.
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  I got to talk to her about making life decisions or
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  whatever. So my marriage is struggling.
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  My life is struggling. I'm overweight.
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  You see what I'm saying? I don't have the job that I
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  want. I'm working in a warehouse.
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  I worked at Harris Teeter Distribution Center in
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  Greensboro, NC. So I'm not where I want to be
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  financially. All this type of stuff is
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  happening at once. And then one night, right, I'll
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  come home and my wife, she's, she has to go somewhere like
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  immediately. And my son is there just
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  screaming and crying. She has to go to the gym or go
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  to work, something like that. So she leaves.
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  I'm like, I have some work to do.
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  My son, I cannot get him to stop crying.
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  So I'm in the house screaming. I'm angry at my little infant
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  son, like 5-6 month old son. I'm screaming at him right.
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  My wife come back in the house for some reason me and her get
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  into an argument and I'm blaming her for holding me back in life.
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  I'm not where I want to be because I married Joe ass.
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  I'm talking junk to her and then she said I got I got I'm
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  leaving. She said I'm leaving.
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  I was like get the hell out of here.
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  I was like you're easily replaceable.
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  You're holding me back anyway you think you're special.
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  I'm just saying hurt most me hurtful stuff.
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  She takes my infant son. My my other son is with his mom.
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  So I'm in the house by myself and on the way out the door,
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  right, She called me a narcissist.
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  She says it's so damn hard living with a narcissist and
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  shut the door and slammed off. I called her a narcissist.
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  I'm screaming at all, you're a damn narcissist, blah, blah
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  blah. I'm talking junk.
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  You know I'm talking trash. So she leaves.
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  So my marriage is pretty much over.
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  She leaves or the door slams the door.
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  Now all this type of stuff happens.
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  I'm in the house just hurting. I'm like, I'm angry as hell at
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  myself. Nothing has changed, right?
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  I'm down. I lost my marriage.
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  That's how I felt because she's gone, my kids are gone, my money
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  is zapped because I don't have the job I want.
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  I'm uneducated. I didn't have a college degree
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  at the time. So I'm just like, I don't have a
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  college degree. I'm no, I'm literally nobody in
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  the world. I could die tomorrow and nobody
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  would give a damn about me. I'll look up the word
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  narcissist. I was like, what the hell did
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  she call me that? So I'll look up the word
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  narcissist and boom, all the stuff made sense to me of why
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  I've been feeling in the same way that I've been feeling for
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  so long in my life. It's like at that moment all the
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  rock bottoms hit emotional, mental, financial, marriage,
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  kids, physical, physical, everything hit at the same time,
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  all this stuff, perfect storm. And then she dropped the word
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  narcissist. Boom, rock bottom.
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  I'm lost. I don't know what I can do.
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  I, I looked up narcissist and I'm like, yeah, damn, this is
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  me. I, I'm pretty sure I have a
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  personality. So I'm self diagnosing at this
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  point. Rock bottom for me, everything I
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  have nothing else. Why am I the way I am?
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  Oh, I'm a narcissist. I'm pretty sure I have
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  narcissistic personality disorder.
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  I feel good because the fact that I know because I've always
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  known that something was going on the side of my head, but I'm
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  lost because there's nothing you can do about it.
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  Only only Google narcissist personality disorder.
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  There's no drugs, there's no medication.
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  Go to therapy. That's what it says.
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  Go to therapy. I remember texting my wife.
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  I was like, you know what you're right.
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  I am a damn narcissist. I'm going to work, I'm going to
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  work on it. I like, I don't have anything.
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  I've tried everything to change my life.
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  Everything went back to school, lost weight, gained weight.
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  I tried to change jobs, I tried to change careers.
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  I tried to, you know, cut my hair, grow my hair.
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  Nothing else has worked. So let me try therapy.
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  I'm in the house by myself. There's my kids are gone, my
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  wife is gone, my aunt is gone, my mom.
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  I, I'm, I'm all my relationships are struggling.
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  I'm like, there's nothing else. There's nobody else in this
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  house I can blame but me. And she dropped the word
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  narcissist and BAM, it is me. It's always been me.
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  It's on me. So I can't blame anybody else.
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  I have a personality disorder. I can blame my parents for
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  having this, right? I can blame my parents for
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  having this personality disorder, right?
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  I could, I could do that, right? But what good would that do?
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  How would that serve? How does that serve me in this
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  moment in time, right? It doesn't.
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  So I'm hurting, I'm lost. I'm just like, man, this sucks.
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  My life is pretty much, you know, my life is over.
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  Like my life is damn near over. So I'm looking at this.
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  I'm rock bottom. So like, I'm going to go to
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  therapy, I'm going to defeat whatever this is in my head.
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  I had nobody else to blame. I'm in the house by myself in
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  this quiet dark house. Nobody's in there.
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  My dog is in there, but the long thing and they had to get a
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  nails clip. See walking around, Click,
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  click, click, click. Only sound is in the house.
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  And the sound of me being by myself.
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  That's all right there. Y'all, That's all like that.
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  Those are my rock bottom moments in time all at once, all these
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  different missiles hit me at the same time, right?
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  All love and hit me at the same time.
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  And that sucked. And I told and I tell this story
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  to people, my rock bottom moments.
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  They, they made me who I am, right?
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  These rock bottom moments help shape me into who I am and
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  that's why I went to therapy. That's the only way you, that's
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  what rock bottom looked like for me.
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  Rock bottom might not just be you leaving you you leaving and
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  them not going to therapy does not mean that they didn't hit
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  rock bottom is that they always, they always find a way to bail
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  themselves out. They always find a way to blame
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  somebody else. It's somebody else's fault.
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  It's my mom's fault, it's my dad's fault, it's my kids fault.
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  It's your fault, it's God's fault.
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  It's the devil's fault. It's always going to be on
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  somebody else. That's why I tell people not
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  every narcissist has a rock bottom because if they're on a
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  way to hitting rock bottom right, there's always somebody
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  or something to bail them out. If my wife leaves me, I can find
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  another woman. So guess what happens?
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  Because another woman wants me, It must be my wife's fault.
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  That's how some narcissists justify oh, because another man,
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  my husband left me and other men want me or other women want me,
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  other people want me. That must be my my ex's fault.
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  My ex spouse's fault, right? For leaving me because other
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  people want me, it means you must be the problem.
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  That's how a lot of narcissistic people's minds work, right
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  there. Because other people want me,
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  you left me, right? But because other people want
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  me, you must be the problem here.
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  That's where it goes right there.
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  That's how a lot of narcissists justify.
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  You leave me and other people want me.
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  So it must be on you. It must be somebody else's
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  fault. It can't be me, right?
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  It can't be me. That's the mindset.
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  That's that's the dynamic, that's the space that a lot of
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  narcissists fall into. And that's why I'm just here to
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  tell y'all that as you grow, as you heal, as you continue to
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  continue to move forward, this is the the type of journey that
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  you're going to be on. This is the type of space you're
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  going to be on right here. This is the type of this is the
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  type of, you know, life you're going to live.
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  I want y'all to win. And I tell y'all that a lot of
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  people look at me like, look, you really want, I want you to
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  win. But you cannot force them to hit
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  rock bottom. You can only, the only thing you
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  can do is work on you. The only thing you can do is to
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  give back to you. The only thing you can do is to
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  give back to you and heal you and grow you.
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  That narcissist or toxic person has to want to work in
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  themselves. And it's a lot of times it's
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  going to require this atomic bombs, these atomic bombs, these
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  nuclear missiles of rock bottom at the same time.
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  And sometimes y'all, that still won't be enough.
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  I know it's going to hurt a lot of people.
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  Like damn, there's there's nothing radical acceptance says
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  that you got to accept this person for who they are and
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  know, know that they're not going to change under any type
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  of circumstances. And some of them will tell you
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  that because even if they hit all these rock bottoms and they
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  know they need help, some of them will say some crazy ass
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  stuff like, Oh, I don't believe in therapy.
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  Therapy is not for me. You know, therapy doesn't work
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  for me. I don't.
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  The therapy is for the devil. I'm working on myself.
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  I'm gonna read the book. I'm gonna read books.
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  I'm gonna pray. Could they help a little bit?
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  Yeah, probably help a little bit.
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  But it's like they they just go revert back to their old
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  behaviors because it the old behaviors serve them in some
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  way, shape or form. So why would I stop doing
• 14:46
  something that works for me? Why would I stop doing something
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  that serves me right? Why would I stop doing this type
• 14:50
  of stuff again? I want y'all to heal.
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  I want y'all to grow. I want y'all to keep moving
• 14:56
  forward in this process. Right here, y'all, I really,
• 14:59
  really do. And this is the type of stuff
• 15:01
  that I tell y'all that rock bottom for narcissist is going
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  to look different for every single narcissist.
• 15:05
  And you can't force them to hit rock bottom.
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  You can't do that. Only thing you can do is work on
• 15:12
  you. And like I said, even you
• 15:13
  leaving them might not be enough.
• 15:15
  And even in that situation, that's not a determination of
• 15:18
  your worth. It's not the perfect storm of
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  rock bottoms had to happen for me because if all that type of
• 15:27
  stuff haven't happened at once in that in that order, I might
• 15:30
  not be where I am right now. You know, if my wife hadn't said
• 15:34
  the word narcissist on the way out the door out of anger, I
• 15:37
  probably wouldn't be where I am right now.
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  Why? Why would I?
• 15:40
  Why else would I look up the word narcissist?
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  You know, why else would I think I had a mental person?
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  I did this. I didn't know those existed.
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  I wouldn't be on TikTok if she hadn't called me a narcissist.
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  And this is not me telling y'all to call you a partner, a
• 15:52
  narcissist because they could very well backfire on you.
• 15:54
  You know, Lee told us to call, to call, call our partners
• 15:57
  narcissists or our kids narcissists or our parents
• 15:59
  narcissists. That might not be enough, you
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  know, And this what I'm just trying to tell y'all,
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  everybody's rock bottom moments are going to look different.
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  And a lot of times, even if a narcissist is about to hit rock
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  bottom and you can feel it and it looks like it, there might be
• 16:13
  always be someone to bail them out.
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  Their mom, their dad, you might come back into their life.
• 16:18
  Somebody else might pick them up and help them and they just go
• 16:21
  back to their old behaviors, you know?
• 16:24
  Anyways, y'all hope y'all enjoyed this video.
• 16:26
  I poured my soul. I revealed a little bit more to
• 16:28
  my story and gave y'all a little, a little pre, a little
• 16:31
  foreshadowing for the book. It's coming soon, y'all.
• 16:34
  Make sure y'all subscribe to this channel.
• 16:35
  We're itching up on that 500,000 mark and whatnot.
• 16:39
  Thank you so much y'all for supporting the channel.
• 16:41
  Check out my channel memberships, the support groups
• 16:43
  I have and all this other good stuff, y'all.
• 16:45
  And as always, as always, y'all, mental illness is out.
• 16:47
  Peace, Thank you so much for making it to the end of my
• 16:50
  video. I am extremely grateful for you
• 16:52
  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 16:54
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
• 16:56
  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
• 16:58
  browse to another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 17:01
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 17:04
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 17:06
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 17:08
  video. Peace.