Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Your comeback begins when you realize you're finally standing in the shallow end

Transcript

Your comeback begins when you realize you're finally standing in the shallow end · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 91.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Today is July 3rd.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Tomorrow we are celebrating our Independence Day.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: What are your plans for tomorrow?
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Are you grilling burgers?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Are you going to see fireworks jumping in the pool, or maybe you're just enjoying a quiet day off?
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I'll be with my family.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I'm sure we'll be laughing and enjoying one another's company and watching my grandson enjoy all the chaos and the fireworks and all the red, white and blue vibes.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: But more than that, tomorrow's an opportunity to pause and reflect on the freedoms we enjoy as Americans, and I want to just take a second to say thank you to every person who has served our country.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I have two uncles One was actually stationed in Vietnam and one was stationed in Alaska during the same war.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you because we live free because of the sacrifice you gave in fighting for our country.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: We celebrate because others like you have sacrificed for our freedom.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: We celebrate because others like you have sacrificed for our freedom.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Now, since we're celebrating our national freedom, I want to have a little heart-to-heart about another kind of freedom, maybe one that sneaks up on you and one that maybe you don't always see coming.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: It's interesting because I've been writing my book and, yes, it's with the editor as we speak and can I say there's a smidge of freedom involved in knowing that it's finished Well, sort of.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: There'll be more information about that coming in future episodes, but I want to talk about that newfound freedom, the freedom we didn't have a name for and certainly was the least expected.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: You know the kind that shows up on the other side of a hard transition like divorce or becoming an empty nester, even retirement, the job loss or a career change.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Now hear me when I say this You've been treading water for a very long time, and how do I know this?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Because I know I did.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: You've been surviving in the deep end and you didn't even realize.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: You drifted over to the shallow end, your feet hit the ground and now you're standing again, but you're so used to struggling that it doesn't even register.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: You're still bracing for waves that aren't coming.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: You see, this is the very beginning of your freedom.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Because it's unfamiliar, it's terrifying.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, so now you may fall into one of these two camps One you're frozen in fear.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: You feel the freedom, but it paralyzes you.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: You don't even know what's next or how to handle it.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Or the second one you pause, you breathe and then you start mapping out your next steps.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: The truth is this Freedom is a fight, always has been, it will always be.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: But the best fights leave us stronger on the other side.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: They strip away the fake stuff, they reveal what matters and they invite us into a future we didn't even think was possible.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: One of the greatest freedoms you now have is this you get to decide how you show up.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Let me be honest Sometimes we don't show up at all, and that's okay for a season.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Shock can cloud your judgment and prevent you from seeing clearly.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Limbo will confuse your steps.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: But there's a moment sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, sometimes loud when you realize this is mine to decide.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Your future doesn't belong to your ex.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Your peace doesn't belong to your old boss.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: No-transcript.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Your identity is not wrapped up in your kids and all their activities.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: It now belongs to you and when you start building your comeback game plan, that's when the freedom gets real.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: That's when you ask what do I want a year from now, five years from now, maybe even 15 years from now?
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: This is where your power lies.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: You see, every transition has two sides.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: There's the business side, the legal documents, the financials, the job hunts, the applications, maybe new living arrangements.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: And then there's the emotional side.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: You're dealing with the loss, the doubt, the grief, anxiety and the discovery of new things.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: But you can't ignore one side and expect to heal.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: This is where therapy and life coaching become game changers.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: You need someone who sees the full court, not just the scoreboard.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: You don't need a cookie cutter solution.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: You need a custom game plan built for your life, your goals and your personality.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: I've coached dozens through transitions and not one game plan has been the same.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: The divorce or the job change those technically, are the same, but they're different.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Each step is different.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: You have different circumstances.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Freedom isn't always fireworks and national anthems.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it looks like a quiet Friday night at home and being okay with that, maybe playing mahjong in the middle of the week with a group of friends.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's not having to fake joy at a job that made you miserable.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're retired and you woke up with a full day ahead of you and you can now dream again for what is next.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: But let me drop a caution here Don't abuse this freedom.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: It's called laziness.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Freedom without direction leads to disaster.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: When I first found myself in a new season, I remember saying out loud I can do whatever I want whenever I want.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And while that was true, I also realized because I'm a six on the Enneagram have I said that before I craved security and structure.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: So my freedom looked less like chaos and more like calm and safe.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: But that's okay, that's who I am.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: And freedom is knowing that, owning it and then living it without apology.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Even now, 11 years later, I remind myself hey, tony, you get to choose.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Later I remind myself hey, tony, you get to choose.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: This is your freedom.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: But I'm also practical.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I know there will be schedules and work demands and calendars full of adulting.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Freedom doesn't erase responsibility.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: It reframes it.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: You can still have boundaries and peace.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: You can still manage your time and protect your energy.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: You can still have boundaries and peace.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: You can still manage your time and protect your energy.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: You can still have accountability and autonomy.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: It's not either or it's both.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: And that's the sweet spot, just like a tennis player hitting the ball right in the middle of the racket the sweet spot is glorious.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: So let me ask you this today, on this eve of the 4th of July Do you recognize the freedom that you have, or are you still seeing the struggle?
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: There's an element of freedom tucked inside every single transition.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: You just need help uncovering it and living in it.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Enjoy your Independence Day tomorrow.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Maybe start early, like my grandmother used to do.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Her birthday was July 3rd and she would hang her American flag out on that day and celebrate all day, the July 3rd and then July 4th.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: So maybe you should hang your flag out today, celebrate the freedoms you've been given and the ones you're starting to create for yourself.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: You've got this.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you and your comeback.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: You've already started.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.