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What does it mean When Narcissists start being vulnerable with you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about what happens when a
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  narcissist is vulnerable to you. What's going on going on inside
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  of their minds? How would they treat you after
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  they have been vulnerable and expose themselves somewhat to
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  you? What, what will, what will
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  happen? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. Yes, vulnerability from a
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  narcissist. Like what?
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  Lee, first of all, stop lying. There's no such thing as a
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  narcissist being vulnerable to you.
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  You're just doing this with clicks.
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  You just get. I'm blocking you right now DN
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  you will. Yeah, you are well within your
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  power and ability to go ahead and block me right now.
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  But before you do, make sure you check out my website
• 1:05
  mentalillness.net for all things Lee Hammock, coaching courses,
• 1:08
  support groups, everything. Y'all, TikTok is currently
• 1:10
  banned in United States, so if you only follow me on TikTok,
• 1:13
  make sure you hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out of
• 1:15
  my shorts and long form content as well.
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  Y'all vulnerability from a narcissist.
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  Yeah, I'm just telling you straight up, there isn't such
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  thing known as the vulnerable narcissist, right?
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  Vulnerable narcissist does exist.
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  I know that. I know that might blow your
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  mind, but it's a true thing, right?
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  When narcissistic people can be open and kind of allow you a
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  peek behind the curtains, so to speak, into how into what's
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  going on inside of their minds, into how our minds are working
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  and what we what we are actually thinking and what not.
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  So vulnerable narcissism does exist, right?
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  But what happens after their vulnerable to you, right?
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  What will happen after what? What goes on after they're
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  vulnerable to you? And what like, first of all, why
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  are they being vulnerable to you?
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  Ask yourself that question first, because that's an
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  important question that you have to answer.
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  Why on earth right now, I don't know, where are they being
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  vulnerable to you in this moment?
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  What's going on right here? Like, is it, you know, have they
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  been vulnerable to you before? What's the what's the goal here?
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  What's going on behind the scenes within the mind of a
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  narcissistic person? What are they thinking?
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  No, no, seriously, because this is important right here.
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  This is an extremely important thing.
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  Because if they're only being vulnerable to you after they've
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  done something horrible, then they're just going to keep being
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  horrible to you, right? Because then because then their
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  vulnerability becomes a weapon that they that they can use
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  against you. Their vulnerability, the very
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  essence of them being vulnerable becomes something that they can
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  use against you in the future. It absolutely can.
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  So they're only being vulnerable to you because they got caught
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  because you're trying to hold them accountable.
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  That's important because it like, because then it just leads
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  to further manipulation. Because if it works one time,
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  why wouldn't it work a second time?
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  Why wouldn't it work a third time?
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  Why wouldn't it work a fourth time or fifth time?
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  You see what I'm saying? Why wouldn't it keep working?
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  Why wouldn't it continue to work after he's worked one time
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  before? That's something that you
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  seriously have to ask yourself. If it worked one time before,
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  why wouldn't it continue to work again and again and again?
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  That's what goes on. I'm just telling you, I'm just
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  being realistic with you. This is what goes on in the mind
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  of a lot of narcissists, right? They find a way to do this type
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  of stuff to you. They use their vulnerability
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  against you. So if they're vulnerable to you
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  on the basis of trying to manipulate you, then they will
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  continue to be vulnerable to you.
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  They will continue to be vulnerable against you.
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  They will just use it against you, right?
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  This is what they will happen to this, this is type of stuff they
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  they will do like, because if it works, it works like I'm going
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  to be vulnerable to manipulate you.
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  Like very rarely will you find a narcissist that is just going to
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  come home one day and find a way to find a reason to talk to you
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  and be open and honest and vulnerable with you for no
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  reason out of nowhere, right? They just won't come home.
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  And just like, I just need to talk about my feelings.
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  I need to be open, you know, I need to be open to you.
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  You know, I didn't be open with you about this.
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  I need to be open to. I need to open lines of
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  communication between us because I just been feeling weird.
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  Very rarely would that happen without any, like without any
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  type of goal in mind. They really have to put a goal
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  in mind. It really has to be a goal in
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  mind for real for them to be vulnerable, for you to be
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  vulnerable to you. Just overall, just keep it real.
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  Yeah, let's just really keep it real, because narcissistic
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  people are very, very rarely going to be vulnerable to you.
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  So there's always an intent behind the action.
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  So if they're only vulnerable to you in the moments when they've
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  been held accountable, they're just going to keep doing it
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  right. They're just going to keep doing
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  it over and over and over again. Like seriously, like I, I would
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  say this right here about narcissism and manipulative
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  people right after they've been vulnerable to you, what goes on
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  in their minds, regardless of the reason, but regardless of
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  why they're being vulnerable to you, they're going to be shame
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  associated with them, right? They're going to be, they're
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  going to be, there's going to be this feeling that goes on the
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  side of our minds that we are ashamed of what we just did.
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  We are ashamed of what just happened.
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  We feel bad for what just happened.
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  We feel bad for what we just did for what we just encountered.
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  That's going to continue to happen over and over again right
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  there. Y'all not just being real with
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  you. This is what's going to continue
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  to happen because in the mind we feel embarrassed.
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  It's kind of like matter of fact, let me do this right here.
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  It's kind of like this right here.
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  Let's just say my shirt was button up all the way to the
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  top. This is how narcissists are like
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  typically we're butting we're butting all the way up.
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  You know we're we're point Dexes, we're Lloyd's matter of
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  fact, not narcissists are like this.
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  We're butting up. You can't see how we we this
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  buttoned up right? You can't even see nothing.
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  But if something happens and we feel like if we feel the need to
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  be vulnerable to you, they guess what, we let it down.
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  We expose ourselves a little bit.
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  Now you can see inside, right? So we don't want you to see
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  inside. We do not at all cost.
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  This is why you, This is why narcissists are rarely
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  vulnerable because we don't want you to see what's behind the
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  curtain. We don't want you to see.
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  We don't want you to see us for who we really think that we are,
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  right? We don't want you to see us for
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  who we really think that we are, you know, so we'll do this type
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  of stuff. We'll do this manipulative stuff
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  in order to, you know, cause a lot of disarray in order to
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  cause a lot of drama and stuff like that.
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  Like we don't want to be vulnerable because then we'll
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  feel ashamed. Then we feel like we have to
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  build it up. You, we were, we were here
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  originally right now because we've been exposed now, because
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  we expose ourselves now we got to go here.
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  So now it's like you're dealing with a worse person sometimes
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  after they've been vulnerable. Now they're more bottled up.
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  Right now they're more buttoned up to the top and like, Nope,
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  you're not getting in here. Now you now you will not get in
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  here. You won't see me for who I
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  really am. Hell, now I can't allow that.
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  So this is what they are. This is what narcissistic people
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  will constantly, consistently do to you, right?
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  This is what goes on. So be careful.
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  Let's say you have to be wary of this.
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  Be very weary of this happening because narcissists talk to
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  people, whoever you're dealing with, they're going to keep
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  doing and they're going to shut down after vulnerability.
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  They're going to shut down a lot of the time.
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  And guess what happens after they've been vulnerable, they're
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  going to want a damn treat because like after they've been
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  vulnerable, they're going to want a treat.
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  They're going to want something from you.
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  They're going to want something, they're going to want something
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  in return. So very rarely are they ever
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  just going to be like, you know what?
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  I don't want to be vulnerable anymore.
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  I won't do this. You know, very rarely are they
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  going to do that. They're they going to want
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  something from that vulnerability.
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  They're going to want to get something from them being them
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  being vulnerable. This is just the mentality.
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  This is just the mind, how a narcissist's mind works.
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  They're going to want something from being vulnerable to you.
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  So this is what you have to anticipate.
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  This is really what's going to happen, right?
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  So you have to get ready. I know it sucks when I'm, when
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  I'm telling people this and they're trying to find a way to
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  deal with it. They're trying to find a way to
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  reconcile with stuff and trying to find a way to, you know, for
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  things to go on and whatnot. But this is who you're dealing
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  with in the long run. Like you want this person to be
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  open, honest and vulnerable to you, but in the end, they are
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  going to make you pay for it, right?
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  They're going to make you pay for it.
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  You know what I mean? They're absolutely going to make
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  you pay for it. And it and it sucks because you
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  don't want to have to be in debt to a narcissist.
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  They feel like when they're being vulnerable to you now
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  you're in debt to them. Now you owe me.
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  You memorize you don't don't ever say we haven't had a
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  conversation. And yeah, This is why.
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  And this is right here. Why I'm going to give you a
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  prime example right here. If you're dealing with a
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  narcissist that's typically emotionally shut off like that,
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  doesn't cry a lot, you barely ever see them show emotions, but
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  then all of a sudden they get caught cheating or lying or
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  manipulating. You want to leave them, You want
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  to divorce them or whatever. Now they're crying narrow.
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  Now they're on their knees begging and pleading you not to
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  leave. They're embarrassing themselves
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  right now. They're on their hands and knees
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  begging you not to leave them. They're on their hands and knees
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  begging you to stay with them and be with them.
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  They're on their hands and knees, crawling, stinking,
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  whatever you want to say. They're doing all of this
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  because they want you to be with them and stay with them.
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  This is the mindset that you will face when you're dealing
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  with a lot of abusive people. They will keep doing this type
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  of stuff over and over and over again because it works.
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  Let's be real, it does work, right?
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  So they'll be boohoo, crying, snot coming from their nose,
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  farting everywhere, throwing up, faking like they're hurt, faking
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  the panic attack want. And and like I said, that's so
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  embarrassing and so, so shameful.
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  And so let's be real, yeah, rant bubble.
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  I knew what was coming. I didn't knew what was I knew
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  what was coming. That's so fucking pathetic.
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  Like realistically, realistically, after they've
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  done something horrible to you, now they want to beg and scream
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  and cry. Now they want to throw up.
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  Now they want to have a panic attack.
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  Were you having a panic attack when you were behind or on top
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  of that person you were cheating with?
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  Were you having a panic attack when you were stealing money?
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  Or were you aligned and manipulated and gaslighted me,
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  making me question my reality? Were you having a panic attack
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  then? No, now you're having a panic
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  attack from accountability. Get your ass out of here.
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  That's so damn pathetic. I don't see that as pathetic
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  like that. That to me, that's just like
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  this bottom of the barrel, weak weirdo type shit right there.
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  Seriously. You know, this bottom of the
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  barrel weak weirdo type behaviors and they're going to
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  keep doing it because they feel like there is a benefit in it
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  for them to keep doing this crazy ass stuff.
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  Like seriously. But like I said, as you are keep
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  dealing with narcissists and you keep dealing with narcissistic
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  people, this is what you want to encounter.
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  You know, I know and I know it sucks.
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  I know it's yeah, I really know it sucks.
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  I really know it sucks. But this is to who they who they
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  are. If you get that brief glimpse of
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  vulnerability, just know that you're now in debt.
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  Now you owe me for whatever's happened.
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  Now you owe me for what you are going through.
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  Now you owe me for how things are going to go.
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  Now you owe me. You seriously owe me.
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  So just because they're being vulnerable doesn't mean it's a
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  step in the right direction for your relationship.
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  Because I think a lot of people get that into their mind, get
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  that part in their mind right there, like, yeah, they're being
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  vulnerable to me. So this is a step in the right
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  direction. This is a great step in the
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  right direction for us. This is how things need to go.
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  This is how things need to be, blah, blah, blah, Boo, Boo, Boo,
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  BBB, right? So you have to like I said it,
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  just because they're being vulnerable doesn't mean it is
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  still going to be real. Like, like I said, again, This
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  is why a lot of times marriage counseling ends up making a
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  marriage counseling with a narcissist ends up making the
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  relationship works because they a lot, sometimes they'll be
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  vulnerable in front of the therapist and the therapist will
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  call them, called it out for being manipulative.
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  And now they're ashamed. Now they don't want to go back
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  to the therapist. Now the counselor is on your
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  side. Now they're, they feel like
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  they're being double teamed or tag team or whatever the case
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  may be. Now they feel like things are
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  going against them and they don't like this feeling, do
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  they? They don't like feeling like
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  people that are against them, regardless of what they've been
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  doing. They don't like feeling this
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  type of stuff, do they? So this is what you, this is
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  what so many people will encounter.
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  As you're dealing with manipulative people, you have to
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  understand if this is who they they are in the long run,
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  they're going to keep doing this toxic, crazy ass narcissistic
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  behaviors because they feel like it benefits them.
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  You know what I mean? They feel like there's a great
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  benefit in it for them to keep doing this crazy ass stuff.
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  Like regardless of how it makes them look, they're going to feel
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  embarrassed later on. Like they don't feel embarrassed
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  like Willie. Do they feel embarrassed in the
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  moment when they're doing it? No, because they're trying to
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  accomplish a goal. When things settle down and
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  their and their their minds and their hearts settle down yet
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  then they start feeling and weird.
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  Then they started feeling bad like damn, I really just
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  embarrassed myself. I can't believe I embarrassed
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  myself like this. I can't believe this happened.
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  I can't believe I I can't believe I look like this in
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  front of so many people. I can't believe I look how
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  stupid I look. I can't believe how ridiculously
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  dumb I look right here. This is asinine.
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  I can't believe how this is. I'm going to tell you this is
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  how a lot of narcissists think. They think that they look stupid
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  as hell when they're doing this. So they keep doing it.
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  They will keep doing it because they feel like in the in the
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  long run, at the end of things, there's a benefit in it for
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  them. So they're going to keep doing
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  it, y'all, Let's keep it real. They're going to keep doing it
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  like saying, because in their minds this is like an acting
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  job. It's like an acting gig.
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  I'm acting. I'm a performer here, right?
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  So they're putting on a performance for you and that's
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  what you have to understand. Yeah, it really, really is.
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  We talked about that in my support group.
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  I had a support group called the mental healers right here,
• 13:42
  Mental healers.net. You can check it out right
• 13:44
  there. But also like say actually
• 13:46
  tonight y'all, we have a, our weekly Zoom meeting in my, in my
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  support group. So you want to check out the
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  Zoom meetings, the support group and whatnot, make sure to join,
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  check out mental illness.net, my coaching, my courses, my support
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  group, everything is available there.
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  Peace.