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35. Cultivating Routine and Efficiency in a Busy Household · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back, happy September.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: We have officially made it through our summer series.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: What a fun 12 weeks that was just talking with so many different mamas.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Also, we had one man that appeared in that summer series with the Aro phone company that we were able to just talk about balance with electronics, but just so many great conversations.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I had such a blast over the summer in just being able to sit down with so many different people and just hear different philosophies, highs and lows, struggles, things that they have overcome in this dance of parenting and marriage, and so just a super fun 12 weeks to spend with so many amazing people over the summer.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: So now we are back into the groove.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I did that series over the summer for a handful of reasons.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Number one I knew it would bring a lot of content, but I also wanted a little bit more relaxed schedule over the summer.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I knew that, with having college kids home and being up at the lake for the summer, that I just wanted to have a schedule that had a little bit more freedom in it, that wasn't so routine.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: And by being able to pre-record and just have those easy, great conversations gave me a lot of extra time in the week that I didn't have to spend on podcast content.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Right, writing and researching and really digging into 12 weeks of solo podcasts is a lot of work, and so it was just such a fun break for me just to be able to pull up to a computer and have those light conversations.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Just to be able to pull up to a computer and have those light conversations, and I will tell you I learned so much.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I hope that for those of you that were able to you know come along with us on that 12-week journey that you also had so many good takeaways.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: If you haven't listened to all of them, I encourage you to keep going through them.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I think every single week there was an aha moment that I took away, and it's just such a good reminder that it is so important who we surround ourselves with.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I believe that every single person that was a guest on the podcast this summer is someone that I really admire that, although none of us are perfect, I think these are men and women who are doing a really amazing job.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I think the one thing that they all have in common is that they are intentional in the way they show up in their marriage and their parenting, and so those are people that I love to sit at the feet of, that I love to gain wisdom from, and I just again, I have listened to them.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Obviously, I listen to every podcast several times, because there's the recording, and then there's the editing, the final proofing and then the putting it up to go live, and so I have the privilege of hearing most of these podcasts two, three, four times and really being able to take in so many nuggets, and I am just so grateful to every one of the individuals that came and were on the podcast this summer.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: So a huge thank you to every one of you that listened, that participated, that was a guest and I just hope that that was a real blessing for you this summer.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: And now, as we come into September, I think it's so interesting to take notice that you know, in like April and May, we are dying for our schedules to kind of loosen up, for there to be some freedom, maybe a little bit of extra sleep in the mornings, not so much running, running, running and just that kind of relaxed feel that summer can bring.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: And I know that's not the case for everyone, but for a lot of us who are home with kids in the summer, it is just a much more relaxed schedule and I think our minds and our bodies start really craving that coming into those final weeks and months of school.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: And then it's interesting how, in just three short months of being relaxed, maybe not being as disciplined in some different areas, all of a sudden our bodies start to really crave structure.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but for me it was probably about three weeks ago where I was like, okay, I'm ready, I am absolutely ready to have a schedule that looks a little bit more set, to have some routines and to be in a little bit more of a groove of familiarity.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: As you know, up at the lake or any of us, wherever we're at at the summertime, there just tends to be a lot of day-to-day living, and there is a need for that, there is a season for that.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: But I just think it's interesting how our bodies start to then again crave structure and what that means.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: And so just going to talk today just a little bit from my own personal perspective and what I'm doing to kind of get back in the groove of structure and kind of craving that.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Actually at this point, talk about some things that I am doing this year, things that I'm not doing this year.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: This will be year number gosh probably 17 of sending kids back to school with the oldest of 22.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I think we've had kids in school now for about 17 or 18 years.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Our son, the baby of the family, started high school yesterday, which is so crazy.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I still don't know how that happened, how we arrived here already at this stage, but here we are in the final four years, and so just really taking inventory and trying to be really intentional about what this year is going to look like, and I think one thing that I tend to do and again maybe some of you can relate is that, as kind of a type A order, I'm either all in or I'm all out.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I'm either like there's no schedule, we can do whatever we want.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: We'll wake up tomorrow and see how we all feel kind of in the summer to the school year, like I want to make the charts and I want to organize the space and I want to clean the whole house and get everything ready, and I'm either one way or the other and what I'm learning is that there can be a lot of frustration on either sides of that.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: And trying to really wrestle with what is the middle ground for me look like, what does the medium between those two, where is that place that I can land to A have success and B to have some peace?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Because I find that if I'm on either extremes, that I lose a lot of joy and I lose a lot of having success because either it's too routine, or it's too much pressure, too many new things, and so that doesn't work, or it's too lax.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: And then I look back and I go oh my gosh, nikki, you need to find the middle ground.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: You need to find the things that are really important to you this year.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: You need to know what they are.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: You need to have a plan, you need to recognize those priorities so that then you can put into place things that are going to help you focus on just those priorities and, instead of taking it over the top and being so extreme in some of those things, really just backing it down to say what are the things, where are the areas that I really need to put my focus in to feel like we are going to have good forward motion in the things that are important to us this year.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And so a couple of things that I have just really been focusing on I wanted to share with you.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Number one is establishing morning and nighttime routines.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: When I look at our days and our schedules and where I tend to either have success in a day or less success in a day I'm not gonna call it failure, because every day has some successes but what is the common denominator that tends to derail me the fastest and for me I can 100% say when my morning routine or my nighttime routine gets really messed with, or I just don't give it the attention that it needs.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: And so this you're really working on.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: What do those two routines need to look like?
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: It can be difficult, because not every day of the week looks the same, because not every day of the week looks the same, not every week of the month looks the same and not every month of the year looks the same.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: And so having to look at those morning and nighttime routines and saying, in this current season, what are the things that I need to make a priority, it's super simple, like right now in this season and maybe this season is going to be two months, maybe it's just from now until when basketball for both college and high school take off, because then I know that some of my stuff has to ebb and flow and adjust and then I need to relook at it.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: But for these next couple months, for September and October, as we start into the school year, what are the things that I need to establish in both my morning and nighttime routine?
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: The next thing is what are the things that I'm feeling pressure to do only because I'm seeing other people do them?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I think this more than ever with social media and with so many things coming at us and Pinterest and all the different mom forums and healthy eating forums, all the different things.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: It can be so easy to fall into the trap of.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I need to do that, I need to implement that, I need to buy that thing.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Fall into the trap of I need to do that, I need to implement that, I need to buy that thing.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I need that trick, I need that program, I need that plan, I need that schedule, I need that chart, because I'm seeing it out there and other people are doing it and we can easily fall into the trap of if they're doing it, I should be doing it too.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: And I'm really being intentional this year and asking myself, when I say this is important and I want to do this, is it because I've really sat through and I really believe that it's what's best for me and my family?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Or is it because it's new, it's fun, it's flashy, it maybe is going to help me feel like I'm making progress, when maybe all it's going to do is mask, not making progress, because I can just fill in some circles or check some boxes, and so really asking myself when I look at my priorities am I doing this because it's best for my family and for myself, or am I doing it because I'm seeing others do it?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I can be one that has a little bit of a fear of missing out.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: You know some FOMO and I just I have done it for so many years that I'm at this place that I'm like really ask yourself the hard questions, nikki, before you implement something.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Is this the best for me and my family?
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: The next thing I'm doing is bringing light to the obstacles that are going to stand in my way for the things that I have identified as my top priorities and I'll share all of the things that I've made my top priorities with you guys here in a minute.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: But bringing to light the obstacles that are gonna be there.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I know there are gonna be obstacles with some of these things.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: I know that come basketball season in a couple months, when two days a week we're driving several hours away to go to our daughter's senior year of college basketball games.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I know that that's going to be an obstacle to some of my nighttime and morning routines because it's going to take us out of our normal schedule of I can be in bed at 10 o'clock during the week.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: For the next two months.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: That is not a possibility in a couple months down the road, with what our schedule is going to look like when I have a goal of eating healthy and having a lot of protein in my diet.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: What are the obstacles that are going to come around that and how am I going to put things into place that are going to support me as I come in to these next few months so that I can tackle those goals and meet them without a lot of obstacles in the way?
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: The next thing I'm looking at is how can I use the nooks and crannies in my day to be more efficient, and I'm going to give you guys some real practical things that I have been doing.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I feel like this summer for me more than ever, I was given the gift of time just to be up at the lake and to have those.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: It was 12, 13 weeks that I was up there, with quite a bit of leeway in my schedule, and in May I had started working with a functional medicine doctor to get some of my health stuff hormones, perimenopause, all of the things figured out and had to start on some new things that were going to take a lot of discipline and being able to have that time at the lake for 12 or 13 weeks up there without a lot of distraction, to really just get good at.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: That, I think, was such an advantage.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Moving in now to this next stage, where time is going to be a little bit different and schedules are going to be a little tighter, because I learned a lot of things up there about how I use the nooks and crannies to be efficient, and so I'm going to share some of those things too with you.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: When you look at your schedule.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: And then another one is what things do I need to off board or say no to for this season?
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: And this can be really hard for me, because there are a lot of good things that we can be involved in that we, for seasons of life, have to say no to Really good things.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: They're not bad things, they're not things that maybe a part of our heartstrings are pull tour, but there are just seasons where we have to say is this thing, whatever it might be, maybe it's serving on a board?
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: For me this season it was saying no to a Friday morning Bible study that I have been a part of for several years and is a huge highlight for me.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: But in looking at how high school format of homeschooling schedule is going to look different.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I was starting to sense that I had a lot of anxiety when I was looking at the calendars and seeing Friday mornings.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: There was going to be a constant conflict of my son and his physics labs and his geometry class that he actually goes to class for In just the timing of getting him there and letting that be a good, calm environment for him on the way there and then coming home.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: It was always going to be either having to have somebody else pick him up or me flying into the parking lot probably 10 minutes late every week and just the stress around that.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: And ultimately I had to come to the place for this season not indefinitely, but for these next three or four months where I had to say that is something that I need to offload and say no to just for this season, so that I can do this season well in the areas that I have identified that are most important.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Now, that doesn't mean that a Bible study isn't important, but that means that I'm not going to be going to the group, right?
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: You'll see when I talk about my daily non-negotiables that I'm working on that.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: 30 minutes of Bible reading, bible study, prayer is still a part of my day.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: It's just not going to be in the format of going to that study on Fridays.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: So what are things that you need to for a season, say no to or offload completely from your schedule?
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: And then, lastly, is and this kind of goes right into what I was just saying is what on your schedule is bringing you anxiety?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Now, this doesn't mean that we can look at our schedules and we can say there is absolutely nothing on my schedule that causes me any anxiety.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: This is perfect.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: There are just going to be things that are there.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: For example, if you have multiple kids, like for me right now, anxiety is looking at a schedule in November, december, january, february and March and having a daughter that plays basketball several hours away and a son that plays basketball locally, and the overlap and the days that there's multiple games.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Someone's not going to have a parent there, someone is when can we conquer and divide For you?
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: It might be that you have a bunch of little kids that all have practices and you're thinking how in the world am I going to get this done?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: How does this even happen?
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Or you're a homeschool parent and you also have kids in regular school and there's all these conflicts.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: When you look at your schedule and you see the things that start to kind of make your heartbeat a little faster, that make your muscles tense up, that cause you a little bit of anxiety, Ask yourself the questions.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Number one can any of these things be eliminated?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Obviously, the things that I just gave examples to can't be eliminated.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: So for me it's getting really organized.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: It's putting those two calendars down side by side.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: It's having a meeting with my husband and saying these are the days where there's conflict.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: How are we going to tackle, how are we going to divide?
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe there's some days where neither one of us can be at either of the things.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe a grandparent can go that day to support the kid, or maybe that's a fun time when they could go with another teammate.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: What are the things in this that we can look at where we need support?
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: If it's that you're a mom and you're trying to run four kids, four different places and every single Wednesday looks like a train wreck on your calendar because everybody's going a different direction that day, maybe you need to have a conversation about is there a college student or is there another mom friend that I could hire or that I could carpool with and figure out a way that these things in my calendar that are causing a ton of anxiety, what are the things that I can eliminate, or what are the things that I can get support on from other people in my life, whether that be because you're a friend with them and they're going to do it to help you out, or maybe there is a season where you need to pay for it.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Now, my 19-year-old daughter is like the babysitting queen and sometimes she is hired literally.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: There's one family in particular where she is hired to take a child to a practice.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Like I need you to take him to this practice, I need you to sit there for the two hours that he's at the practice and I need to just have you bring him back home because it is the only way that this family can make it work with all that they have going, with work with other children, with conflicting schedules, and so maybe for you it's a season where, yeah, you say I'd rather not spend that money, but also you have to look at if there's something that I can outsource for for $40 a week.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: That's going to completely bring my anxiety level down.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: That's not going to have me running wild all over town.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: That's not going to have me getting a speeding ticket and being late and having that anxiety every time this day of my of my schedule comes up.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I think that is absolutely worth it.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: And so just look at that calendar and say where are the things that are causing anxiety?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: What do I need to eliminate?
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Where do I need to get support?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: And then, lastly, I think it is so important that we give ourselves grace, kind of like what I talked about at the beginning is it's very easy to be all or nothing and we feel like we have to have all of these new goals.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: We do this at both the new year and when a new school year or a new season happens, and we put all of these expectations on ourself, and I think it's partially because our brain is just craving that structure, and so naturally it's like well, if I'm going to have all this structure with the kids in school, then this is also when I'm going to start the new exercise program, I'm going to start the new eating program, I'm going to start the new cleaning program and I'm going to go to these classes at the gym.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I'm going to sign up for this Bible study.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: We tend to just do all of this in mass groupings and then find ourselves completely overwhelmed, completely burnt out and making very little progress in any of those areas because of just putting too much on our plates at the same time, and so I think it's important that, as mamas, we give ourselves grace.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I just got an email this morning from the teacher from Landon's class.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: He's the one that's in high school and he's in a co-op, so he goes to school two and a half days and then he's home with me two and a half days.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: And the teacher sent an email this morning with kind of just some updates and here's a couple of things on the homework.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: And she started the email by saying that day didn't go super awesome, like there was a lot of things that didn't get done.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: We had a lot of bumps in the road, there was some miscommunication, some books didn't get sent home that were supposed to get sent home.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: We didn't even get to this part of the assignment.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Here's this thing that I didn't send and I so appreciate her just saying you know what?
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: That was a tough day.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: It didn't go like planned.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Here's how we're going to pivot.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Here's how we're going to keep going and ultimately, we get to try it again on Thursday and it's going to get better and better every single time that we show up together.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: And I think we don't do that for ourselves sometimes as moms, we get to the end of the day and we look at the things that didn't happen.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're coming home from a day that's just been crazy and your house is a mess and the laundry room is piled high with stuff that's clean and dirty.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Or maybe, if it's like my house, sometimes clean and dirty have gotten remixed together and you open the laundry room and you feel like you're having an anxiety attack.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: And then you walk down in the kitchen and there's another anxiety attack.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: And then you hear kids bickering at each other upstairs or not doing what they're supposed to be doing, and you can get to the point that it feels like what did I even do today?
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Did I even do anything of value or of worth?
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: And I think it's super important that we take time to say, okay, maybe today didn't go exactly like I had planned, all the things on the to-do list didn't get done, but here's the things that we did do and, guys, sometimes it's as simple as I kept my kids alive, I kept them safe, they got fed and they showed up where they were supposed to be.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, sometimes it's that simple, and sometimes even the showing up where they were supposed to be.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: Maybe they were late and maybe the meal was fast food in the car in between, but you did it.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Everybody's alive, everybody's home, everybody's going to go to bed safe and fed and without any major, major upset, and sometimes that alone needs to be celebrated as a good day.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: But we don't give ourselves that grace because all we see is all the things that didn't get done.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: And I just want us to make a.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I know I'm going to and I think it's beneficial for all of us to just, at the end of the day, go through like a handful of things.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: What are three things today that maybe not necessarily I did awesome, but what are three things today as a family that we nailed Like?
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: What are they?
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's that tiny thing that you saw your kid do when he was kind to the kid on the playground, or maybe it's that you were able to help run another kid to a practice to help their parents out, or you were able to actually cook a homemade meal or the laundry was done, whatever it is.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Just give yourself a little pat on the back for the things that you did do and stop focusing so much on the things that didn't get done.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: So those are just some things that I'm working on.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you guys in just sitting and, looking through what I want for this season, I came up with a daily to-dos that are my non-negotiables and, again, this won't happen 100% of the time, because there is just life that happens and schedules that have to pivot and we have to ebb and flow.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: But I know that most of these things I have complete control over and if I go up to that list of things we just went over and the bedtime routine and the morning routine, saying no to things that don't need to be on my schedule that these things, which are my current priorities, can absolutely get done every single day.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Here they are walk 13,000 steps, and this is gonna go to 14,000 steps in a month, and then 15,000 steps in November, because my functional medicine doctor is a beast and she ups it 1,000 every month, and so right now I'm at 13,000 steps every single day this month, without fail.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Eating healthy I want to be eating healthy.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I looked at my calendar.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I'm single parenting this week.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: It's our first week back to school.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: There's a lot going on.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Just got back from being gone for the summer, getting ready to leave on an anniversary trip for a couple of weeks, so I knew that this week that would not look like me homemade cooking all of the things.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Last night it meant a trip to Costco where I was able to get all of the good, healthy, no antibiotic foods that are fitting within what I want my goals to be.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: But they were pre-made.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: It's the pre-made Amy Lou meatballs.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: It's the pre-made things that I'll be able to take and grab and go, or with very little work put together, because it's important to me.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: One of my to-dos is to eat healthy this season and to be getting 120 grams of protein a day.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I also need to sleep seven hours Every night.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: I need to sleep seven hours Again.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Some of these things are going to get difficult as schedules change a little bit with night activities with the kids, but then I need to be paying attention to what does that look like for what I need to be doing in the morning and what I need to be doing at night.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I need to be getting seven hours of sleep.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I need to homeschool well, and so for me that means that when I am in charge of my son's schooling, I need to be attentive, I need to carve out things that allow me.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: If you listen to the interview with Kelly Urosik a couple of weeks ago when I was talking to her, she has five children and her youngest daughter is homeschool co-op as well, and she said, nikki, my goal is just to finish well.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: She's like I keep telling myself, kel, just stay in the game.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: You've got five more years, and I feel that way too.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: I am being intentional to finish well in these last four years of parenting my kids at home.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Right, it can be very easy to start to get lax or to say they're old enough, they've got it figured out, but I need to show up well and finish strong in these last four years of high school for my son.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Another thing on my to-do list is I have to be having a plan for the household chores Now.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean it's going to look perfect every day, we just talked about that but what are the things that I need to be doing at home to make our house run smoothly.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I need to spend time with my college daughter, who's still living at home.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: It's very, very easy for our schedules just to be kind of passing, like ships at sale, and she's leaving and coming and going, and I'm leaving and coming and going, and I'm leaving and coming and going, and so how are ways that I am going to take advantage of this time that I still have her here in my house?
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: So setting up dates with her.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Friday morning we have a coffee date scheduled.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: It seems a little impersonal sometimes to feel like I'm going to schedule that, but I know from practice that things that aren't scheduled at this stage in life they're not going to happen, and so, because it's important to me, I'm going to schedule it.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: So I know that from 8 to 10 on Friday morning I have a coffee date with my college daughter.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I need to find ways to connect with my daughter who's at college, who's not home, that is more through phone call and FaceTime, and so I'm finding ways to do that.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: I need to be intentional about dating my husband.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: This is a busy season of life, with him traveling for work and me running everywhere with kids, and it is becoming more and more evident to me that it is easy to fall into patterns again of just becoming kind of business partners and giving a recap of this is what's happening with the family and this is what's happening with the kids, and what's your next week look like.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: And there needs to be an intentional break in that, where I'm looking at him and I'm like you're still my favorite person, You're still my best friend, I'm still madly in love with you, and I want to go on a date with you.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: I want to go take a walk with you.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I want to go spend time with you, not getting lost in the executive function of running a house and having three kids together.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Every single day, I want to spend 30 minutes in devotional time, whether that be in reading, in prayer, in a combination of both, and so where in my day am I putting that?
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: And then the last two things I have to fit in every single day is time for podcasts and time for my business, and so where are the hour or two hours a day that I am going to slate in that?
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: That is gonna get done, and so that's my list.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: That's my entire exhaustive list of the things that are my priorities right now, and everything else above.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: That is above and beyond.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: It's extra and it can't be an automatic yes unless these things are getting done.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: And so the things that I'm doing that are making this easier is number one.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not watching TV.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: There is just no time for TV.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: I don't personally have any shows that I watch, with the exception of maybe a kid's like hey, mom, will you sit with me and watch a show?
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Sure, then we'll have that time together because it's also helping me build relationship with that child.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: But on my own, I have no shows that I watch.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I have no series that I'm addicted to.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: I have no movies that I'm following.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Literally, I have no TV in my life.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I need to be in bed by 10 o'clock at night for me to be able to get the seven hours of sleep that I need.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I need to be getting into bed at 10 o'clock, and sometimes that means I'm getting in and that's when I'm doing my 30 minutes of Bible study or reading.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it means I'm just falling into bed and falling asleep, and this has been an adjustment.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: This is probably the hardest part for me, because anybody with older kids knows that it's hard to go to bed early, because older kids come alive at night and they come, find you in your room and the phone starts ringing at 1030 and 11, because that's when they're kind of coming home and their day's slowing down, and so it's having to be intentional about trying to make connections with those kids earlier in the day or to know that, okay, tomorrow I don't have to get up quite so early, so I could encourage the kids to come in and snuggle for a few minutes before they head off to bed or to do their homework or whatever.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I need to be up by six o'clock.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Most days.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I have found that I need to be up by six o'clock to be able to have the things that need to get done in the morning get done in a time that doesn't start to infringe on the rest of the day.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I have also found that, in order to get steps every day, I have to walk at least two, preferably three, miles in the morning, immediately after I have breakfast.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: If I do not get that first walk of the day in early, it is almost impossible for me to get the steps in that I need to get for the day, and so that's just something I need to do right away.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I also purchased a walking pad so I have a walking pad that I can put under my desk so that when I'm editing podcasts, when I'm doing work, when I'm helping with school, I can hop on that walking pad and just be going at a real slow pace.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: It's like a whopping one and a half mile an hour, but it's because I'm multitasking.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: But just getting those handful of steps while I'm in the house, I know that that's one of the things I have to do to create that support system that I need to get that goal of the 13,000 steps.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: I need to have phone-free segment parts of my day.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: There has got to be times in the day and I'm going to give a huge plug right now.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: If you didn't listen to the RO app, I'm going to link it in the show notes as well as a link to their new app that actually just came out today.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: I'm going to link it in the show notes as well as a link to their new app that actually just came out today.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited about it.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: But the RO app is something that has been huge for me.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: It's gamifying, you being off of your phone and it's your whole household can be involved.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: It encourages your kids to do it when you're doing it.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: But I know for me to be really intentional about getting a lot of these things done that are on my non-negotiables.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have to put my phone in my ro box.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to turn my phone upside down and start an ro session.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to walk away from it and not let it be a distraction for segments of my day.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: We talk about sacred times and sacred spaces where phones don't need to.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be in my bedroom at night.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Still, this is the one that I struggle with the most is wanting to just lay in bed, real quick, check all the things, catch up.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: But ultimately I need to not bring it into my bedroom.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: It needs to never be at our dining room or kitchen table.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: It needs to be put away when my kids want to talk to me.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: It needs to be in another room when I'm trying to have intentional work time or homeschool time, because it is a distraction that just continues to pull our attention away.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: And the studies that show that every time you look at your phone, even though you think you're just checking a notification or you're just real quick going to send that text, the amount of time that it takes our brain to come back on task to what we were doing is alarming, and the amount of times that we do it throughout the day, it's like no wonder we feel like we're all over the place and our brains are short-circuiting on us, and so I know that part of the discipline has to be for me to have phone-free segments in my day.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: I talked real briefly about needing to schedule out the dates and the time with my kids.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: That's something I need to go look at my calendar.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: My husband just started doing this last year with our son.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: It was important to him to get time alone with our son, and so they schedule out a Thursday morning, 6.30 am, breakfast and they go to the same place.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: The waitress knows them, she knows what they want.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: It doesn't happen 100% of the time because of work, travel and things like that, but what we found is that by putting it on the calendar for every Thursday, even if it happens 50% of the time, 50% of Thursdays, if they get to go to breakfast and then my husband drives our son to school that that is about 15 to 20 additional one-on-one dates that my husband and son have.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: That absolutely would not happen if it wasn't scheduled.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: And so what are the things that are important to you that you need to put on the schedule For us?
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: Our kids are busy on Wednesday nights and so we tend to have a Wednesday night date night.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Again, if that happens 50% of the time, that is a lot of dates over the course of a year that we have that we wouldn't have had that life and schedule would have just eaten up.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: But because we see that Wednesday night date night, we know, okay, we're both in town, we're going out to dinner together or we're going out with another couple while our kids are at youth group, or we're going to go take a walk.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: We've also started doing walks in the morning together, my husband and I at 545, on the days that we're both here, realizing that if I have these goals of walking and he's got these goals of getting steps as well, and we both want to spend more time with each other, and this is an obvious time where I need to adjust my schedule to get up earlier, to be on his clock because he's a super early morning guy and to say I'm willing to go to bed earlier so I can get up earlier, so that I can go walk with you for 45 minutes in the morning and also be crossing off two of my main goals A spending time with my husband and.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: B getting two to three miles in before the day even gets started.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: So schedule in those things that you need.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: I also am eliminating a ton of stuff from my house.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: I have found over and over and it really hits me every year when we come back from being at the lake, because you come into a house that you haven't been in for 12, 13 weeks and there is so much stuff here that I didn't use for 13 weeks and I just I want it all gone, like I get to the point where I'm like I just don't want it, and so what I'm finding is that stuff creates clutter, not only in our house but in our mind, in our schedule.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: The more clothes that we allow to come into our house, the more laundry that gets done, the more stuff that lays around, the easier it is for rooms to get messy, because if I have so much stuff that I don't have to do my laundry because I have 20 days worth of clothes to wear, just stuff accumulates and it creates clutter in our brain and in our house, and so I'm on a mission this next season to just be constantly getting things out that are not serving our family anymore.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Another easy one that I'm finding, with steps, is, if I need to take a phone call, I know to grab that phone.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: You know the phone calls that are going to be a little bit longer, right?
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: You know the girlfriend that's calling to catch up.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: You know the kid that has something they want to talk to you about that might take 30 minutes or an hour because they're downloading their whole day.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: I am learning that when the phone rings and it's a phone call that I need to and want to take, I grab it, I put an earpod in and I immediately go out my front door, because even if I just pace up and down my street, I will probably get a couple thousand steps on that phone call.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: And again, I've done two things at once that are important to me.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I know that for me, I have to say no to all things.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: On Wednesdays.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe you have a day of the week as a mom where you're like this is a really busy day, this is an intense day for us, and yet we still try to cram in that dentist appointment and the thing that I need to do and I need to go to the post office, and these are the errands that I need to do.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: I have learned that in order to homeschool and show up well for my son, wednesdays need to be a no programmed day.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: We are here all day.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: We've got classes like physics and geometry and things that are getting harder and more intense, that need focused attention and it can't be interrupted with.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: We have a 10 o'clock dentist appointment and we have a 12 o'clock this and a one o'clock that.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: We need to just block off a section of hours on Wednesdays that are absolutely no interruption.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: That will help my anxiety and those days will then become peaceful instead of totally crazy and out of control.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I also need to say no to things that don't align with this season's goals, and so there are gonna be a lot of good things and good opportunities that come my way where people want me to serve in that committee or be on that board or participate in that fundraiser or help raise money for that thing, and those are all things that I can get really excited about and I can get really passionate about and my brain starts going to work on.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: I need to do it, but there is a season where, when you're trying to establish a lot of other things that are your primary focus, that you might have to say no to those things right now, or you might have to agree to take on a much smaller role than maybe your desire is.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe you want to be the president of the thing, or you want to take on a huge chunk of something, and it might be saying you know what my heart really wants to be involved in this, but I also know that my schedule and my commitments aren't going to allow me to be that involved.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Here's what I could do, or here's what I could give, or here's the block of time that I could commit to.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: However, you want me to use it and just being okay with that for a season, and then being okay to put my needs on the calendar, just like I do for my family.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: We would never think twice about scheduling the doctor's appointment or the dentist appointment or the tutoring appointment.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I mean, the list goes on and on of the things that we would be absolutely intentional about putting on the calendar for our children and our spouse, and sometimes, somehow, as women, I'm sure there's things where you just don't take care of you because in the grand scheme of scheduling, it seems like there is not enough room, and so I'm taking that off.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: And this year I am being intentional.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: I'm meeting with my functional doctor.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: I'm driving into Chicago to see a specialist that I probably should have seen five or six years ago for issues that I've been just kind of ignoring.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: I need to go do that.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I had a couple of random health things that came up this summer.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like I need to go do that.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I had a couple of random health things that came up this summer.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like I need to go take care of those.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: I need to have the appointments, I need to get the test done.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: I need to do the things that are going to help support my health, that are going to help me be strong, that are going to help me be able to show up for my family, not just right now, but in 10, 15, 20 years.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: And so I'm also gonna be really intentional about saying yes to the things that are gonna make me stronger and healthier and able to show up for my family, instead of burying them, and so just making it a priority that I am going to schedule these things for my health, both mentally, spiritually, physically all of them.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: I'm going to make those things a priority and get them on my calendar, and sometimes I have to say no to other things, other good things, to make time for that.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: So this is my plan moving into this next season just being able to sit down.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: If you have walked into this season and maybe you haven't even taken any time to just sit down and really process through new beginnings, a new school year, what are the things that are important?
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: What are the things that are on our schedule that we're just doing because we've always done them, but maybe there's not a place for them anymore?
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: Maybe there's things we need to eliminate, there's new things that we need to add.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: What are the relationships that I'm not prioritizing, that absolutely I should be prioritizing, and how can I do that?
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: And so I would love to hear from you guys what you are focusing in on this school year.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: Be sure to give yourself a ton of grace.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Remember that every day there is good, there is beauty, and that getting it all done is not a pass or fail.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: Anything that we get done today, that's moving us closer to these things, that are our priorities, that are important to us is a win, and so not perfection, but progress is the goal.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Super excited to spend the next couple of weeks talking about 25 things that I have learned being married for 25 years.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Some of them are things I've learned the hard way because I did them absolutely wrong.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: Some of them I've learned by watching others.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Some of them are just failing forward and just gonna have a fun conversation as we approach our 25th anniversary here on September 18th Going to just dig in a little bit this month and have some fun talking about what that has looked like, through the good, the bad, the ugly, and ultimately so grateful for the commitment that we have put into our marriage to get us to this place of 25 years still really loving each other and being each other's best friends, and just so grateful for so many people that have come alongside us on this journey to help us have a strong marriage, and so gonna just share some of that with you guys in the next couple of weeks.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: If you would take just a minute before you close out the app to go down to the very bottom of the podcast information and give the show a rating or review.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: This is how others are going to find us in the algorithm.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: It's so fun to watch this community grow.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: I appreciate every single one of the likes, the shares, the comments, the reviews.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: It means the world to me and it's so great to have you all here with us week after week.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, take care.