Latest / Nightmare Success In and Out / From Prison to Reinvention Architect- Craig Stanland
Transcript
- 0:00What happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
- 0:03Hi, I'm Brent Cassidy. Welcome to the Nightmare Success
- 0:06In and Out podcast, where we explore how to overcome your
- 0:09fears and nightmares and set yourself free.
- 0:12We're going to be exploring this topic with guys that was in
- 0:15Leavenworth with and others who survived their own nightmare.
- 0:19These stories can be inspiring, sometimes.
- 0:22Sad. There's some humor.
- 0:24But hopefully you can come away with a nugget of something
- 0:27that'll help you knock down some of the prisons you built up in
- 0:30your own mind. All right, folks.
- 0:34Welcome back. Nightmare, success, in and out.
- 0:37Listeners, you know, this is where you come to hear about,
- 0:40you know, what happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
- 0:43How do you adapt, survive, overcome.
- 0:45Well, I've got that type of guest today.
- 0:48I've got him. His name's Craig Stanfield.
- 0:51He, he's known as the reinvention, architect, mindset,
- 0:55coach. He's he's done a TEDx talk that
- 0:58I just talked to him about. It's such a cool deal.
- 1:00If you, if you're into Ted Talks at all, go and check it out.
- 1:03I listened to it yesterday. I liked it so much I took it
- 1:06home to my wife and had her listen to it.
- 1:08It's just a powerful, powerful speech.
- 1:11He's a keynote speaker. He's a bestselling author.
- 1:16Just a quick thing on Craig. In 2012, Craig Stanlin made a
- 1:20choice. That would cost him everything.
- 1:23He exploited a warranty policy of one of the largest tech
- 1:26companies in the world for almost a year and then the FBI
- 1:30came knocking on the door. He did a two year sentence.
- 1:35He hit rock bottom and he found his passion.
- 1:38And I can't wait to get on all this because it's such a great
- 1:42story and he's he's a he's a motivational guy.
- 1:45If you sit and listen to it just for a little bit, you feel like
- 1:48you need to get up and do something.
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- 2:32Tell them the Brent from nightmare success since you
- 2:35Craig Stanlin Welcome in my man. How are you?
- 2:39How are you? I am doing really well, so
- 2:42excited for our conversation. You and I have spoken before.
- 2:45We spoke a few minutes, you know, before where we hit
- 2:48record. I know we're gonna have a really
- 2:51good conversation and thank you for that great intro.
- 2:54Well, I mean you and what did you get out?
- 2:57I mean, you haven't been out that long.
- 3:00So I got out. I was done with the halfway
- 3:02house May 9th, 2016 off of supervised release May 9th,
- 3:072019. You have hit the ground running
- 3:09since you've been out. You, I mean you've done a lot of
- 3:12things helping a lot of people and you know, I what I love
- 3:16about this podcast is is finding people who are who really take
- 3:23their journey and instead of you know.
- 3:27Crawling up in a fetal position and giving up you and you tell a
- 3:30really good story and we'll get into that about your rock bottom
- 3:33moment and how you really found yourself and and what you're
- 3:37doing now is just an outshoot of that and and how you continue to
- 3:42to grow that. Take us back a little bit,
- 3:45Craig. Have you always been this
- 3:46motivated? Were you just a motivated kid?
- 3:49I mean were you taking on the world at 5-6 years old?
- 3:51What was going on back then? I would say no.
- 3:56I would say no. I would say that I was an
- 3:58extremely creative child. I loved my creativity.
- 4:02I'd love to write. I'd love to draw.
- 4:04I loved creating these different worlds in my mind.
- 4:08You know, like The Chronicles of Narnia, The Goonies, Raiders of
- 4:11the Law, Dark. That was all in my wheelhouse.
- 4:13And I loved that sense of adventure.
- 4:16And I would say that I was always fairly entrepreneurial,
- 4:20but I wasn't. As motivated as I am now, it
- 4:25was, you know, what it was. It was really that 5-6 years
- 4:28old, you know, you have still that a little bit of freedom of
- 4:31the child's mind, where you know the shoulds and the expectations
- 4:35and the opinions and the fear of judgments from others haven't
- 4:39really kicked in. You can you can dive into those
- 4:43fun, you know, realms of the imagination and those you know,
- 4:46those worlds. As I started getting older then
- 4:50it became a little bit of. You know well you can't make
- 4:52money writing. You know who are you?
- 4:55Who are you gonna? You gotta get an office job.
- 4:58You've gotta do all of these things.
- 4:59You gotta follow the blueprint. Sure did your?
- 5:02Parents. Come from an entrepreneurial
- 5:04background, like what was going on in that household.
- 5:09I would say. My father is one of the
- 5:13brightest men I've ever known. I mean, it's just ridiculous.
- 5:17Man can like, calculate the distance between planets with a
- 5:19pencil on a piece of paper. I mean, it's just like you're
- 5:21smart, It's disgusting, it's annoying.
- 5:27But he was. Wouldn't say entrepreneurial,
- 5:29but he took because he's older. He's in his, you know, 80s now.
- 5:32So you kind of think about when he was growing up that was, you
- 5:36know, go to school, get good grades, get that solid job.
- 5:40He worked for the same company, believed for 48 years.
- 5:44Wow, yeah. That's.
- 5:45That's almost unheard of anymore.
- 5:47I mean that. So many dips around.
- 5:50Yeah, that doesn't even happen anymore.
- 5:52No. So he didn't.
- 5:54I would say he he also was very creative.
- 5:58Individual, but didn't have that entrepreneurial thing because
- 6:01when he was growing up, I think if you were to do that, you were
- 6:04considered somewhat nuts. Yeah, you know, I mean, that was
- 6:08like insanity, right? You know, go work for one of the
- 6:12top ten companies and you know you're going to be good.
- 6:14Get your pension. Yep.
- 6:16Get your 4O1K. So that was my dad and my mom.
- 6:21Definitely not entrepreneurial. You know, very creative in her
- 6:24own way, you know in the kitchen and you know helping out with
- 6:27the Boy Scouts and the Cub Scouts and things like that and
- 6:30you know would be putting together those meetings but not
- 6:33entrepreneurial. I did, you know, I don't know
- 6:36where that actually where some of that drive did come from, but
- 6:40I was mowing, I was mowing bonds at 11:00.
- 6:41Well that's an entreprene and that probably.
- 6:44Yeah, that actually came from in a sense.
- 6:46That did come from my dad. It was like, you gotta work,
- 6:48work, work, you know? There was definitely that
- 6:50mentality of were you an. Only child Craig, or did you
- 6:54have siblings? Older sister, older sister who
- 6:57is 6 years older than I am. OK, that's quite a bit older in
- 7:00those days. I mean, being a kid, right?
- 7:02Yeah. You're 6, she's 12.
- 7:04Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
- 7:07She was really cool. She introduced me to, you know,
- 7:09Pink Floyd and. KISS and clean and through
- 7:12loops. Yeah, all the cool stuff.
- 7:15So your high school years what? What was normal growing up high
- 7:21school? I would times.
- 7:22I would think, you know, I would think, I would say that it was
- 7:25normal, but it's also what is exactly normal.
- 7:28True. It's it's what I grew up with
- 7:30And you know, all of my friends were doing the same thing.
- 7:33So it was all normal for us. Sure, to somebody looking on the
- 7:37outside, maybe it was a little bit different, but we were.
- 7:40The group of friends that I hung out with, we were savages.
- 7:42I mean, we went out and partied like absolute rock stars.
- 7:45I mean, just massive keg parties.
- 7:47We would, you know, honestly, we we'd get off.
- 7:51Think about this for a teenager, we would get off at like, what
- 7:55time will we get out? 4:35 AM, just to meet at
- 7:58somebody's house so we could get drunk before school.
- 8:02Wow. Wow.
- 8:04That's that's the organization right there.
- 8:07Real discipline. Maybe that some of that little
- 8:10bit of that godether you were talking about, I had more of it
- 8:13than I realized. But you know, we were, we were
- 8:16risk takers, We were drinkers, we were partiers.
- 8:20You know, when I was young, I was very in tune with school and
- 8:25trying to get. The the best grades that I
- 8:29could, you know, studying really hard and you're going to go
- 8:32somewhere that's probably going to inform some of the later
- 8:35decisions and what we're going to dive into, you know, But I
- 8:38started realizing. So I bring home, let's say a 97
- 8:41on a test, 9899, you know, really good scores, right?
- 8:46My father would inevitably take that test and he would find the
- 8:50one question that I got wrong. And he would say, why did you
- 8:53get this wrong? That was a careless mistake.
- 8:56That was a stupid mistake. I know you know the answer to
- 8:59this. And my child brain, you know, I
- 9:02think that started around the age of sevenish or so.
- 9:05That childhood brain started hearing.
- 9:07And I know my father never said that, but it's like you're
- 9:11stupid and you know, you know better and your best is not
- 9:16good. I started really realizing if I
- 9:18was putting. My, my best into that test and I
- 9:22was falling short of my father's expectations, then my best is
- 9:26never going to be good enough. And therefore I'm not good
- 9:29enough. Never measure up, you know,
- 9:31Never, never going to measure up.
- 9:33Never going to be worthy, never going to be enough.
- 9:36And that is something, quite frankly, and I think it's why
- 9:41I'm able to help my clients now. It's something I still struggle
- 9:44with, you know, it really set a tone and I think it's so
- 9:48interesting. How these beliefs can be formed
- 9:52and how they become trues until we actually uncover them and dig
- 9:58into what they are. So that was a huge part of my
- 10:01childhood and I bring that up because you know, like I said up
- 10:04until about 7:00, you know, or what's starting at 7, you know,
- 10:08getting that negative feedback from my father will eventually
- 10:12when I kind of got to high school even a little bit before
- 10:14that, more like middle school. I said.
- 10:17I said I'm not working that hard anymore because of my best is
- 10:20never going to be good enough. Why am I going to put myself out
- 10:24there and fall short over and over and over again?
- 10:27I'm not going to do that. So I ended up cheating on a lot
- 10:30of tests because I'm not an idiot.
- 10:32I still want to bring home a decent score, but I'm not going
- 10:35to invest myself in that work. So cheating gave me an out.
- 10:41So let's let's progress past you because you had tremendous
- 10:45success. So, but you felt somewhat like
- 10:48an impostor syndrome. I'm thinking I'm hearing how did
- 10:53how did the things progress for you getting into the, you know,
- 10:56adult world, college and beyond? So college, I ended up failing
- 11:01out, actually, you know, because I was not willing to.
- 11:05I still wasn't willing to put in the work because I didn't want
- 11:07to fall short of my father's expectations.
- 11:09And the penalty for cheating in college is so severe that I
- 11:13wasn't willing to do that. So I just didn't do the work,
- 11:17and I failed out after my first year at the University of
- 11:20Delaware. And so I.
- 11:22Which isn't a common refreshment, by the way.
- 11:25I mean, some people get to college, it's the first time on
- 11:28their own. They've got all this social
- 11:30stuff going on, and the thing that falls in the background is
- 11:33actually going to classes. Yeah, it was.
- 11:37Well, The funny thing was I was used to being on my own when I
- 11:39was a kid. My parents were going through a
- 11:41divorce. So starting at about the age of
- 11:4413, my father would call home and say, is your mother coming
- 11:48home to cook you dinner? And I learned real quick as a
- 11:51clever little kid, I think, yes, she is.
- 11:53My mom would call home and say, is your dad coming home to cook
- 11:56you dinner? I'd say yes, he is.
- 11:58So I knew they would both stay out.
- 11:59So I had the house to myself. So I've got this, really, I've
- 12:02got this really big home on a private road, on a golf course,
- 12:06you know, to myself. So I could drink.
- 12:09I could have friends over and hang out.
- 12:11I knew what time they'd come home.
- 12:13It was easy peasy. So going to school, going to
- 12:15college, it was almost limiting to me, you know?
- 12:19But I I just wasn't willing to put in that work because I
- 12:22didn't want to fall short of his expectations.
- 12:25So I fail out of college and I was doing landscaping at the
- 12:28time. And you know, for the listeners,
- 12:31I'm not a I'm not a large individual.
- 12:33I'm 54. You know, at the time, I weighed
- 12:35probably 115 pounds. That I'm wickedly strong.
- 12:39I was a competitive power lifter.
- 12:41I was ranked third in the country.
- 12:42I had New York State records. Delaware State records, Jersey
- 12:45state records. And so all my friends would say
- 12:47you should be a trainer. And so I'd become a personal
- 12:52trainer. I've loved that job.
- 12:53It's got meaning. It's got fulfillment.
- 12:54It's got all the good, you know, all the good stuff to it that
- 12:58like now I I coach people to connect with.
- 13:01Right. And.
- 13:04One of my clients came really good friends with my clients.
- 13:07We would go out on the weekends and she would bring her husband
- 13:10along and the three of us became really good friends and one day
- 13:14over drinks, Her husband's name was Sandy.
- 13:17Sandy said. Craig, let me ask you a
- 13:18question, how much money you make?
- 13:19And I told him, and he was taken aback that a trainer in his
- 13:22early 20s could make as much as I was making because it's
- 13:25awesome. How would you like to make four
- 13:26times that? I said, well, I'm listening.
- 13:29That would catch your attention. Yeah, I would catch your
- 13:31attention. Because I'm listening.
- 13:33He goes, I want you to meet a friend of mine.
- 13:34His name is Rick. Rick owns a technology company.
- 13:37And so I end up going to this interview with this, you know,
- 13:41guy named Rick who I knew nothing about other than he owns
- 13:43this company. And during the interview, this
- 13:47is really funny, you know, I had nothing to lose.
- 13:50I've got a good career. I know nothing about this guy or
- 13:53his company. He says, Rick says, you know, I
- 13:55hear you're a friend of Sandy. Why don't you tell me about
- 13:57yourself? I said, well, I'm going to.
- 14:00You know, share a couple things with you, but I think are really
- 14:02important. Number one, I know you do
- 14:04something in technology, and I don't know anything about
- 14:08technology. I can barely turn on my own
- 14:10laptop. I'm completely enough.
- 14:11And he's kind of, like laughing. And I go to #2, I'm extremely
- 14:16intelligent and I'll work my ass off for you.
- 14:19And he just leans back in his chair, get the big smile on his
- 14:21face, and he goes, you're fired. And that's how I ended up in the
- 14:25corporate world. I started at the bottom of the
- 14:27company. And this is important.
- 14:31Which is funny though, because you know when they when you're
- 14:33talking to people about going in and being in an interview
- 14:37setting, one of the things, one of the big things, is to be
- 14:40memorable. And obviously you caught his
- 14:44attention. He probably never had anybody
- 14:46say that to him before. He probably didn't.
- 14:51I'm looking back when I walked out of there really quickly when
- 14:54I walked out of there. I was like, did I just say I'm
- 14:57going to work my ass off for him?
- 14:58Did I curse in an interview and. He liked.
- 15:02That I was like, what was I thinking?
- 15:04And I said, well it worked, but I started at the bottom and this
- 15:09actually informs my later crime starting at the bottom and
- 15:14getting assigned to the number one sales guy in the company was
- 15:18amazing, not because he was the number one guy in the company.
- 15:22But because he was really generous with his wisdom and how
- 15:25he got to be #1 and we made an incredible team.
- 15:29But starting at the bottom allowed me to learn all of the
- 15:33systems and processes of not only our company, but our
- 15:38partner company, Cisco Systems. I learned everything inside and
- 15:44out and I was able to do a lot of things.
- 15:49That the people that I was supporting, you know, the senior
- 15:52enterprise account manager that they didn't know how to do.
- 15:56And together because of that we made a really incredible team.
- 16:01You know, we made a really powerful team and I got very
- 16:04embedded in our client base. You know, I would, you know, I
- 16:09was one of the only, I was an inside sales account manager,
- 16:12which means you're supposed to be inside.
- 16:13I would go to the client's location.
- 16:17And they would set a cube up for me and I would work there during
- 16:19the day and hang out. I got to know them well.
- 16:22The guy that I was supporting, he decided that he wanted a new
- 16:25challenge. We wanted a different industry.
- 16:27So he left. So the number one guy is gone.
- 16:30Giant vacuum in the company. I've been there about four years
- 16:34at this point. There's only one person that
- 16:36could fill that role. So I immediately got.
- 16:39And I rocketed up my base salary triple by getting commissioned
- 16:42car allowance, you know, the expense account for a sales guy,
- 16:46all of those things overnight. Yeah, wow.
- 16:49All of those things overnight and that.
- 16:51What was going through your head at that time, being that
- 16:54happening as it happened? It was what I was striving for,
- 16:59so I was really proud. I was really happy and there was
- 17:04kind of this. You know, I was happy, but it
- 17:07was also this, this trap that so many of us fall into.
- 17:11When I get this promotion, then I'll be happy, you know, And I
- 17:16was, I was happy. When you get that car, then
- 17:18you'll be happy. When you get that house, then
- 17:20you'll be happy. Exactly.
- 17:21And and so the money starts coming in and I go and lease,
- 17:25you know, the BMW when I get that car, to your point, when I
- 17:28get that car then I'll be happy. When I buy that pan or I watch,
- 17:32then I'll be happy. You know, it was all of those.
- 17:36All of those things. And I kept falling into that
- 17:39over and over again. And that feeling of you nailed
- 17:45it, imposter it. Never.
- 17:47That never really left me the sense of not being worthy of
- 17:51that success, even though I earned it.
- 17:53You know, I knew I was there four years, but it didn't
- 17:55matter. I didn't see that.
- 17:57And the feeling of not being enough and realizing now I could
- 18:01buy all of these things that I believe we've really been
- 18:04conditioned. To believe that they're going to
- 18:08make us happy, that they're going to make us who we need to
- 18:10be to be someone in society, You know, all of a sudden I got this
- 18:15gaping inadequacy, but now I can start filling it with things.
- 18:19And so that became, I think you might know, I mean, it becomes a
- 18:24very addictive, you know, lifestyle.
- 18:29It's wickedly intoxicating to be able to, you know, pop into, I
- 18:33lived in Connecticut to pop into a jewelry store on Greenwich
- 18:37Ave. in Greenwich and you know, say I want that watch and not
- 18:42even bat and I at it. It's very intoxicating getting
- 18:46on the VIP list and some of those restaurants in Greenwich,
- 18:49again very intoxicating. And it became an identity.
- 18:53It became who I want. Who that This is who you were?
- 18:57Yeah. This is who I am.
- 18:59I am my job. I am my salary.
- 19:02I am my ability to purchase things and my things themselves.
- 19:06That was who I was and that's not a great place to be.
- 19:12Well, and I think, I think you might have said this and it
- 19:15might have been in your Ted talk that you're trying to fill a
- 19:18glass that had a crack in it. And so it was impossible to fill
- 19:22it all the way up. I was.
- 19:24That's exactly right. I was.
- 19:27Touring all of these things into a broken glass, they were just
- 19:30coming out the other end. And I was, I was too blind to
- 19:34see the futility of my actions. I just couldn't.
- 19:37I was too close to it. And you know, the interesting
- 19:41thing and why it's addictive is, you know, running that, you
- 19:45know, the platinum cards, running that for a watch comes a
- 19:48little dopamine rush. You know, it's got that little,
- 19:52little shot, that little rush and it.
- 19:54Feels so good. So now the brain starts
- 19:58associating when I buy this, when I get that reservation at
- 20:01this restaurant. When I do that, I'm going to
- 20:03feel good. But those dopamine shops are so
- 20:07short term, they are not long term.
- 20:10They fake quick hives, fade quickly and next thing you know
- 20:14like I I I something that I call the the Golden treadmill.
- 20:18And I was. On the golden treadmill,
- 20:21sprinting furiously trying to catch the horizon.
- 20:24And we all know how silly that actually is.
- 20:27Thank you. And that's and that's what I was
- 20:29doing and I I kept running and I kept on turning up the speed and
- 20:32turning up the incline because I was getting those rewards
- 20:37because it felt good, you know, But they fade and you got to
- 20:40keep running. Man, that finish line, it
- 20:43doesn't, it's not stationary. It's a moving target.
- 20:47Okay so this. Kind of leads us into, Craig,
- 20:51how you got into your nightmare because you were running that
- 20:55treadmill, the golden treadmill and you were still reaching and
- 21:01I'm assuming that you thought I could do this and maybe take a
- 21:07shortcut or? So a couple of things.
- 21:12You're you're like, you're you're right there.
- 21:14I'm going to fill in. I'm going to fill in a couple of
- 21:16the gaps. I had started dating somebody
- 21:20who I really like, pursued for quite a long time, started
- 21:24dating and I immediately showed her the lifestyle, immediately
- 21:29brought her in. Right.
- 21:31And I set the bar. Really, really high.
- 21:35And I put her so high on a pedestal that I had to maintain
- 21:39that lifestyle because heaven forbid she saw that I was less
- 21:43than, you know, I had presented this front, which quite honestly
- 21:48was a little bit of a facade because yes, I was that
- 21:51successful individual, but I had used.
- 21:54I never lied, but I used semantics when I used language
- 21:57to almost overinslate my success.
- 22:00And then between that and showing her this lifestyle of
- 22:03walking up and down Greenwich Ave. and buying her the Jimmy
- 22:05Choos and the Christian Louis Vuitton, you know, doing all
- 22:08those things, I had set that bar and was terrified of being seen
- 22:13as anything as less than. Well, a couple of interesting
- 22:16things started happening, #1. The products I was selling were
- 22:20becoming more commoditized, so the margins were getting razor
- 22:24thin on all of my deals. I get paid on the margin.
- 22:29My Commission checks start falling.
- 22:31Well, #2, here I am walking up and down Brentwood Ave. buying
- 22:36those Jimmy Choos and those Christian Louis Vuitton.
- 22:38Not on the weekend. I'm doing it during the week
- 22:42when I should have been working, when I should have been
- 22:44servicing. I dealt with some of the largest
- 22:46financial institutions in the world.
- 22:49These are demanding clients that expect you to be there.
- 22:53And I'm sitting here jerking around.
- 22:56Getting drunk on a Wednesday, You know, champagne lunches
- 22:59going to Saks 5th Ave. Having the time of my life.
- 23:03So take a guess. My paychecks start shrinking.
- 23:06Well, now, you know, like we had just spoken about this identity
- 23:10that I have created is being wickedly threatened.
- 23:13And I've got a massive problem and I've got to figure out how
- 23:16to solve it and I got to figure out how to solve it very
- 23:18quickly. Well, remember I said I started
- 23:21at the bottom of the company and the system's inside and out when
- 23:25I started thinking about. How can I fix this problem?
- 23:29I knew Cisco's warranty policy inside and out and I started
- 23:34thinking about, well, I know that almost better than anybody.
- 23:40How can I put that to my advantage, you know?
- 23:43And the the interesting thing is I could have very easily had the
- 23:47conversation she, the girl I was dating ended up I ended up
- 23:50marrying her. She became my wife.
- 23:53I could have had that conversation saying I can't do
- 23:55it anymore. I can't do it, and I actually am
- 23:59not enjoying it anymore. It's too much.
- 24:02This isn't what I want to do. This isn't an alignment with who
- 24:05I am. I want to write a screenplay.
- 24:07I want to invent something. I want to start my own business.
- 24:11I want to do these things. But I was too afraid to be seen
- 24:15as last time, and I saw only kind of, in a sense, very much
- 24:20tunnel vision. Where there was only one way out
- 24:22and I knew that I could exploit Cisco's warranty policy to solve
- 24:26my problem. And that's the road I started
- 24:29going down. How long did that happen?
- 24:33I think it was about a year or so, but until the gig was up.
- 24:40The fraud lasted for 10 1/2 months.
- 24:43It lasted for 10 1/2 months. And you know, I think something
- 24:47really interesting about the fraud.
- 24:49It took me months to put this thing together.
- 24:51You know, I look like, look like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful
- 24:54mind. You know, you have like posted
- 24:56notes all written all over the place.
- 24:58You know, I wasn't quite that bad, but I mean I my journals
- 25:01were filled with my scribbles, trying to put this together,
- 25:04posted notes everywhere. And the day after about four
- 25:07months of of putting this together.
- 25:10The day I was going to initiate the fraud, I was working from
- 25:14home before everybody was forced to work from home.
- 25:16So there was a sales guy. I could do that.
- 25:18And I'm sitting at the dining room table and I'm hovering my
- 25:21finger over the mouse to hit the send button to initiate the
- 25:26fraud. And I'll never forget this.
- 25:29My finger wouldn't go down. It just wouldn't depress.
- 25:33And my heart was sitting there going stop, don't do this.
- 25:36This is not the way for you. It was imploring me not to make
- 25:41this choice, and I lifted my finger away from the mouth a
- 25:46little bit. I had that pause.
- 25:47I had that second where I was like, okay, you know, this
- 25:51isn't, this isn't the way for me.
- 25:53I thought about having that honest and frank conversation a
- 25:57with myself that I can't keep up with what I'm doing and with my
- 26:02wife and even maybe with my family and that.
- 26:07Rigging, terror and fear of being seen as last then kicked
- 26:12in and I start thinking a little bit of excitement that I found a
- 26:16treasure map that nobody else knows about and this is going to
- 26:19work out great. And that finger went down, hit
- 26:21the other stand button and damned if that fraud didn't like
- 26:25it. Worked like a charm the first
- 26:28time. And then said, wow, this thing
- 26:31works so well, how can I scale it?
- 26:33How can I make it bigger? How can I make it better?
- 26:35How can I go deeper? And it just it took on life of
- 26:38its own. Wow.
- 26:42So walk us through the when the nightmare happened to you and
- 26:45they come knocking on the door and how's your world change and
- 26:48what are you thinking? So this is a little bit
- 26:51different than I think a lot of the that knocking on the door.
- 26:54So I had started a brand new job.
- 26:59Our biggest competitor had wooed me away with a nice pay package.
- 27:03My old employer was not treating the senior guys as well.
- 27:09They were kind of, you know, they they wanted us out, so they
- 27:13weren't treating us well. So our biggest competitor comes
- 27:15along with this great pay package and I knew people had
- 27:18already gone there and they're like they're treating us really
- 27:20well, a lot of respect. So this is great.
- 27:23So I'd stop my fraud. So it stops the fraud.
- 27:26I'm two weeks into this brand new job.
- 27:28I drove from Connecticut down to Manhattan.
- 27:31Our office was right next door to Madison Square Garden.
- 27:34I take the elevator off 37 floors.
- 27:36I'm setting up my desk for the day like we would all do.
- 27:40You know? I put my laptop down, I put my
- 27:41notebook down, put my pen down, and I grab my phone and I can
- 27:46look at it. And I noticed there's a missed
- 27:49call and a voicemail. And I thought, that's so weird.
- 27:51He's calling me on Tuesday at 8:45 in the morning.
- 27:55But then we would all do. I put the phone to my ear, and
- 27:57this is what I heard. Mr. Stanlin, this is Special
- 28:00Agent McKinnon with the FBI. We are at your residence and
- 28:03have a warrant for your arrest. You need to call us and come
- 28:06home immediately or we will issue a warrant with the federal
- 28:10marshals. Wow, that was my knock on the
- 28:13door. That takes your breath away.
- 28:16What? What are you thinking?
- 28:19In your mind at that moment. Well, you you nailed it.
- 28:23It was like all oxygen in the room was sucked out.
- 28:26I was having difficulty breathing.
- 28:28My heart and stomach fell with 37 floors that I had just come
- 28:33up my eye. It was, it was nausea, it was
- 28:36terror, it was panic. And amid all of that, my heart
- 28:42spoke again and it said, I told you so.
- 28:46Right. Exactly.
- 28:48You know, And now it was a question of, you know, 8:45 in
- 28:52the morning, the office is half full.
- 28:53I don't remember everybody's name.
- 28:56How do I explain to them that I'm leaving for the day when I
- 28:59only just got here and it's so ridiculous.
- 29:03I'm kind of curious if you had any of these experiences, like
- 29:05the crazy things that go through your mind when you're going
- 29:08through such a traumatic event. I started thinking I was like.
- 29:12Everybody knows I'm wanted by the FBI.
- 29:13That voicemail was broadcast over the PA system.
- 29:17I had no idea if the office even had a PA system, but it was like
- 29:20everybody heard that. Everybody knows they're going to
- 29:22want it. Yeah, you know, I thought there
- 29:25was a neon side, like pointing at me saying wanted.
- 29:29But I I walked out of there. I told them I'd gotten about a
- 29:32client meeting. Nobody cared anyway, and I made
- 29:34that long drive home into the unknown.
- 29:40How long did this last for you? Once the, once they had, you
- 29:43know, confronted you with that, they had you and and discovered
- 29:47this, how long did you live through this before you reached
- 29:51your plea agreement? Mine was, and I was really
- 29:57fortunate with this. Mine was one of the fastest that
- 30:00I've ever heard. So I'll even like shortcut the
- 30:02question. In a sense, I went from arrest
- 30:05to reporting in. About 10 1/2 months.
- 30:09Well, that's almost unheard of. That's, I mean, it was, it was
- 30:13insane. So I was arrested on October
- 30:151st. I was six years, Craig I.
- 30:21Think it's unbelievable. I went, I was away with somebody
- 30:24who I believe was just over 8 years.
- 30:27I think it's just so I feel so terribly for you guys because of
- 30:32the level of uncertainty and you know, I got to imagine that life
- 30:37almost feels. Kind of normal, you know, after
- 30:40like year three or whatever it may be.
- 30:42But you're doing, you're saying you're working, you're hanging
- 30:44out with family, you're doing your stuff.
- 30:46And then maybe there's those moments where you're like, damn,
- 30:49I've got this cloud over me, you know, I I can't even imagine
- 30:53that. So I was, I was really fortunate
- 30:57and I think in part because mine was a one man shot.
- 31:01It was really cut and dry. The FBI agent who arrested me
- 31:06actually thanked me for keeping the most meticulous spreadsheet
- 31:09he had ever seen in his twenty plus year career.
- 31:12That made his job, Really. Easy to follow, right?
- 31:16Okay. Easy to follow.
- 31:17Everything was there. You know, I also think it was,
- 31:20in a sense, a testament to Cisco, a giant technology
- 31:23company, having all of their ducks in a row as well.
- 31:28You know, it's very easy for them to pull all the data you
- 31:31know, and then I've got corroborating spreadsheets.
- 31:34So with your. I think that was.
- 31:35With these things that happened in that time period, you know,
- 31:39you've got your wife, you got your family.
- 31:43How does all that stay together or unravel?
- 31:49The marriage. The day of the arrest, the
- 31:53marriage was unraveling because. Really.
- 31:56Unfortunately, she received the knock on the door.
- 32:00They got there about 8:30 in the morning.
- 32:02Also very fortunate because I know a lot of people get the,
- 32:04you know, the 5:30 wake up call. They came at about 8:30 and you
- 32:09know, she opened the door. She said there was probably
- 32:11about 15 agents, you know, with the pistols, the shotguns, the
- 32:14assault rifles all pointed at her head and face, you know,
- 32:18executing the search warrant. She has no idea what's going on.
- 32:21So that was unto itself, let alone all the lies.
- 32:25That I had committed over that 10 1/2 month period of
- 32:28committing the fraud. You know, that was the beginning
- 32:31of the unraveling. My family, on the other hand,
- 32:36were obviously very shocked. You know, they were, they were
- 32:41shocked, saddened, disappointed, you know, all of those things
- 32:46that they rallied. She was my family's credit.
- 32:48They absolutely, absolutely rallied behind both of us at the
- 32:54time. But it was, you know, I have to
- 32:57say, I think that that 10 1/2 months between getting arrested
- 33:02and actually going away with some of the worst time that I
- 33:06had in this because of the level of uncertainty, you know,
- 33:11because one of your previous guests, good friend of mine,
- 33:14amazing podcast episode by the way, Jeff Frant.
- 33:17Runs the white collar support group I fortunately, one of my
- 33:22neighbors read about my story in the paper and introduced me to
- 33:25Jeff and that's how we got connected.
- 33:28But prior to being connected with him, my pretrial probation
- 33:33officer was trying to be nice and she told me do not Google
- 33:38prison. It's going to scare the hell out
- 33:40of you. Stay off the Internet.
- 33:42Don't look at it at all. So I did that.
- 33:45I didn't know that there was such thing as the federal prison
- 33:48camp. I didn't know there were
- 33:49different levels of security. I had no idea.
- 33:52So until I met Jeff, I actually thought I was going to the
- 33:56prison that we see in the Oz. And like I said earlier, I'm
- 33:595-4. At the time when I was arrested
- 34:01I was £140.00. So I'm not a big, I'm not a big
- 34:03guy. It's like I'm going to get raped
- 34:05and beaten every single day. If I go to prison, that's what's
- 34:08going to happen to me. There's it's like inevitable was
- 34:11my belief. So I spent that time up until
- 34:14meeting Jack when he explains the different levels.
- 34:16And I'm not going to Oz, you know, I just had that that cloud
- 34:21hanging over me and then Jeff helped with that.
- 34:24Then I knew that the marriage was unraveling.
- 34:26So I got that cloud over me, the cloud that we all experienced.
- 34:29What am I going to do for work? What am I going to do for a
- 34:31career? Where am I going to live?
- 34:33I can't afford the house anymore.
- 34:34I mean, all of the. All those things, and I'm sure
- 34:40I'm guessing you expand, I want to assume, but you can tell me
- 34:44yes or no. But I think this justice journey
- 34:47is one of a the bottom falls out when you get that knock on the
- 34:50door, whether it's figurative or literal, you know, the bottom
- 34:53falls out, you fall, and then you kind of feel like you might
- 34:56hit a little bit of Terra, Firma, Firma, you know, and
- 34:59you're like, okay, all right, kind of getting used to your new
- 35:03surrounding. And then something else happens.
- 35:06And the bottom falls out again. Yeah.
- 35:08And it's just like this constant falling, you know, And that's
- 35:15definitely a huge part of my experience.
- 35:18It's just that constant falling until eventually I hit bottom.
- 35:23Yeah. And I I I've explained it before
- 35:25to you, Craig, where it almost feels like somebody puts you in
- 35:28a room, the bottom falls out, it's dark and you keep grabbing
- 35:31the edges and the edges keep moving further away.
- 35:34You just can't grab anything because you're in a fall and you
- 35:38do hit a rock bottom. You do hit a rock bottom and you
- 35:43know we we talked about this before you know we got on
- 35:46because your your Ted talk is a lot about that whole rock bottom
- 35:49moment. But before we get into that I'm
- 35:52what do you are you when you go and get to where you're going to
- 35:58the prison do you have like. Anything going because you've
- 36:03talked to Jeff, Jeff Grant. Are you thinking strategies of
- 36:08how you're going in or are you just, I'm here, I want to get it
- 36:11over with. I'll figure it out.
- 36:16Jeff had given me a couple of things that he had done.
- 36:19You know, going in, he had a. Really cool thing that he did
- 36:24where he was going to in a sense, you know walk across the
- 36:26country and he was going to. It was very cool because I think
- 36:29I did walk across the country and back.
- 36:31I just didn't do it the map way that Jeff did it.
- 36:34How? I mean, how cool is that?
- 36:35I love that technology. I'm in Nashville.
- 36:37I'm. In wherever today I'm in
- 36:38Oklahoma. Wherever, yeah.
- 36:40So cool. And I love that.
- 36:43But I didn't do that. I was more.
- 36:44I was like, OK, there are going to be things I can do.
- 36:49And I was a personal trainer. Once people found that out, you
- 36:54know, I was immediately I had a full client roster, I had a full
- 36:58client roster, you know, felt really bad for the other guys
- 37:01that were trainers there because I actually, I could charge
- 37:03double what they were charging because I was actually a trainer
- 37:05it. Was a real deal.
- 37:08It was a real deal. And so, you know, I start
- 37:11training, I worked in the kitchen, which was really good
- 37:14because I had access to to food and it was one of the, you know,
- 37:18one of the few jobs where you actually have to work and a lot
- 37:20of people. You know, wanted those, you
- 37:23know, like just show up jobs where you don't do anything.
- 37:26I really didn't want that. I wanted something that would
- 37:28help pass the time. I think I felt like I was being
- 37:31a good. Point.
- 37:32I think that's a good point to Craig cuz I had a I had a, you
- 37:35know I worked in the food warehouse and and it really did.
- 37:38I mean I like I learned how to do.
- 37:40I got forklift certified. I did a lot of things that I
- 37:43would never thought I'd been able to do, but it did eat up
- 37:45time. And that was one of the bigger
- 37:47things that I was concerned about was like, how am I going
- 37:50to eat up all this time and not just sit around and think, Oh my
- 37:53God, I'm in prison? That was.
- 37:56I mean right. It's prison is you know the the
- 37:59days are the days are slow the weeks are fast right.
- 38:03And it's just a question of coming up with that routine.
- 38:06So you know I knew Jeff said get a routine so I was I'm I'm a
- 38:10routine guy anyway so it's just really finding that routine
- 38:14giving myself. A little bit of that room to do
- 38:17some of the things that I said I always wanted to do before I
- 38:19went to prison, like meditate, you know, I mean, they gave me
- 38:23the and we said I don't have enough time.
- 38:25Well, we all know in prison you got plenty of time.
- 38:27So it started meditating and diving into that world,
- 38:30journaling, practicing, gratitude, you know, doing those
- 38:34those different things to kind of make sense of why I made the
- 38:39choices I made and why I sacrificed so much for so
- 38:43little, you know, really. And a lot of it was a lot of
- 38:48berating myself. A lot of just, you know, beating
- 38:51myself over the head for being, you know, so foolish.
- 38:55Well, and your nickname was Smiley and that wasn't what was
- 39:00going on inside your your inside your mind at that time.
- 39:06Not even, not even a little bit so.
- 39:09You know, once I realized that I was in a safe place, I went to
- 39:12Otisville Federal prison. You know, I think in 2009 or
- 39:152011, some way back when Forbes came to like one of the 10 best
- 39:20prisons you could go to or something like that, you know,
- 39:23So it was, I knew I was safe. Really grateful for that.
- 39:27Your show intro nails it. It's the mental prison.
- 39:31And I was in the mental prison of shame because my heart spoke.
- 39:38When I was sitting at that dining room table and my finger
- 39:40hovered over that mouse button, it said stop, don't do this.
- 39:42This is not the way. Well, there's more to that than
- 39:45just that one instance. Because my fraud lasted for 10
- 39:481/2 months, and because it was very transactional, it required
- 39:52thousands of choices to maintain it over that duration.
- 39:56Each. It's not an exaggeration.
- 39:57Each and every one of those choices was made in the face of
- 40:00my heart saying stop, don't do this, this is not the way.
- 40:04And I ignored that voice. Over and over again, and the
- 40:10shame of doing that, of plowing forward and in the face of so
- 40:16many red flags and the damage I had done to my marriage and to
- 40:20my family and even, you know, felt it with society.
- 40:23That shame was so all consuming and it came to it came to a real
- 40:31head on December 22nd, 2014. My wife was coming for a visit
- 40:39the three days before Christmas, and I knew something was up.
- 40:42I knew something was in the air. I could feel it in her emails.
- 40:46I could feel it in her voice, you know, It's like the sort of
- 40:49Damocles was hanging over my head by that thread.
- 40:54And we sit down, we squeeze in because the visiting room is
- 40:57jammed, you know, like I said three days before Christmas and
- 41:00I kind of started digging. She doesn't want to.
- 41:02She just want to really talk about it.
- 41:04But I keep digging because I know it's there.
- 41:07And she just threw tear filled eyes that I'm leaving you.
- 41:10And that was when that sword was caught and it came crashing
- 41:15down. And that was really the that I
- 41:18wouldn't even say was rock bottom.
- 41:20But that was where the shame truly enveloped me and then
- 41:25brought me to a very terrifying place.
- 41:30Let's talk about it, because it's one of the most powerful
- 41:33things you talk about in your Ted talk.
- 41:37It was like I said, I started meditating in prison.
- 41:41And so one day, during one of my meditations, my brain shows me,
- 41:46shows me a short film of what my own suicide would look like.
- 41:51And it was wickedly graphic. It was as if the perspective was
- 41:55as if I was sitting in a movie theater and I was watching the
- 41:59stage. And this character comes in from
- 42:02stage blasting. He walks in, He's wearing a
- 42:04black hood over his head. And I knew it was me because I
- 42:07could feel the the resignation in that, in that individual's
- 42:11shoulders. And so I sit down in this chair
- 42:15in one of the basements of one of the homes that I owned, kind
- 42:19of dirty, based in an old house. And the chair's a little
- 42:22rickety. And I sit down and before I know
- 42:24it, I reach under the chair and I pull out a pistol and I.
- 42:29I put the pistol in my mouth through the mask and I pull the
- 42:35trigger and my brains go all up against the wall behind me.
- 42:39Almost very scary enough, similar to the background behind
- 42:42me. And I I see this when I'm
- 42:46meditating and it scares the absolute hell out of me.
- 42:49And I was so disturbed by it, how crystal clear it was and how
- 42:53real it was. And so I waved it off.
- 42:56Right. I just was like, what?
- 42:57No, no, I don't want to think about that.
- 42:59Totally strange. I go about my day.
- 43:00I go to the kitchen. I'm making lunch, I'm making
- 43:02dinner, I'm doing my thing. When I sit down the next day for
- 43:05meditation and that short film comes back.
- 43:09And so I wave it off again, but then it comes back, and then I
- 43:14finish that meditation. I go about my day, same thing,
- 43:16and it goes away. But eventually, that short film
- 43:20of my own suicide. Played for every second of every
- 43:23day for four months straight. It was on a perpetual Lube, and
- 43:27it was like it was digging neural pathways into my brain to
- 43:30the point where I could feel my feet actually hitting the
- 43:35concrete. I could feel the feet underneath
- 43:39me. I could feel the weight of the
- 43:41gun in my hands. I could actually sometimes
- 43:46challenge. It's all I would think about.
- 43:48It just kept playing it. And even now I I have a It's
- 43:52challenging for me to share the story.
- 43:55I can taste the linen. There's a linen hood that I was
- 43:59wearing, that black hood. I can taste it, and I can feel
- 44:02the weight and the temperature of the gun in my mouth, and I
- 44:06can actually feel the the bullet, believing my head.
- 44:10It became so raw, so visceral, so real, that I would go to bed
- 44:17at night begging. For the hand of death to kill me
- 44:21in my sleep and I wake up disappointed at the light of the
- 44:24new day. And that's when I began how I
- 44:28was going to kill myself, to plan how I've killed myself.
- 44:31And there's nobody you can talk to Craig in prison about that,
- 44:35because if you tell anyone that you're going to the hole they're
- 44:39going to. Evaluate.
- 44:40You and and you're not going to stay in general population until
- 44:43they decide if you aren't suicidal.
- 44:46And that scared the hell out of me, because here I am at rock
- 44:50bottom. But the man who was responsible
- 44:51for all of it, and I hated that man.
- 44:54I despised that man. The idea of being locked in
- 44:57solitary with that individual was was not going to happen.
- 45:02So I bottled it up and I smiled and pretended everything was
- 45:06okay. And I started thinking, can I
- 45:09can I hang myself in the woods? Can I hang myself in the gym?
- 45:13You know, what options do I have?
- 45:16To take my own life because I've got to make this stop.
- 45:20It was driving me insane and I'll never forget it.
- 45:24It was Wednesday afternoon and get an e-mail from my best
- 45:27friend of over 30 years. His name is Sean says only one
- 45:29thing. It's question said.
- 45:31Hey man, can I come for a visit this weekend?
- 45:34And I thought the visiting room is not monitored.
- 45:38Sean has been my best friend for over 30 years.
- 45:40I've shared everything with him. Yes, you can come for a visit.
- 45:46It seems to take forever for Saturday to come around and
- 45:50finally does. I watch him park his truck, make
- 45:53a long walk up the hill, comes into the visiting room and we
- 45:56hug and that's that. Hug alone had so much power to
- 46:00it because there's no touches. So rare in prison.
- 46:04You know, we'd fist bump each other and stuff like that, but
- 46:06there's no real meaningful touch.
- 46:08So even that hug was a really special moment.
- 46:12Sean buys some food from the vending machine because as you
- 46:15know, I can't actually touch money because that means I'd be
- 46:18planning, I'd be planning an escape.
- 46:20So I got to say like 812 E 27, right?
- 46:24So we get our food and we sit down.
- 46:25And I cannot tell you, Brent, how excited I am to to share
- 46:31with Sean that things are not good, that I need help that I am
- 46:36planning, I'm going to take my own life.
- 46:39It was like such. Build up of excitement.
- 46:44I was like I was a club soda bottle just walking around
- 46:46getting shaken and that was actually going to be able to
- 46:48twist the cap off. And I opened my mouth to speak
- 46:53and before I can say a word the guy cuts me off.
- 46:55He starts talking, he's getting a divorce.
- 46:58He's got work issues, he's got money issues.
- 47:01There's a sadness in Shawn's eyes and his voice and her 30
- 47:04plus years of friendship I've never seen or heard and.
- 47:09You know, if October 1st, 2013, the day the FBI called me and
- 47:13arrested me, was the day my life changed.
- 47:16This moment was the 2nd day my life changed because it was at
- 47:20that moment that I realized that I had worth.
- 47:25Outside of all the things that I had thought, I had always made
- 47:28me worthy, I was not my cars. I was not my watches.
- 47:31I was not my job title. I was a friend and nothing more.
- 47:36Sean could have literally walked like 100 feet to his brother's
- 47:39house because they live. They literally live like 100
- 47:41feet away and they're really tight to share this with them.
- 47:44Instead, he chose to drive 2 hours to come to federal prison.
- 47:49Not even a fun place to visit, because he needed me, he needed
- 47:55his friend. And that was the day my life
- 47:58completely turned around, because I realized I had value
- 48:00and worth outside of everything. Really powerful.
- 48:05It was. And you know, I think one of the
- 48:08most amazing parts about that story is I never told Sean all
- 48:15the the terrible process I was having, I never shared with him
- 48:18that I was planning how to tell myself that day.
- 48:21I didn't share with him at all. He had no idea because I didn't
- 48:23see nothing, just that alone. I was living in an absolute sea
- 48:28of darkness. And Sean's visit was just that
- 48:30pinpoint of light and that sometimes all that we need,
- 48:33that's. What you needed?
- 48:35Yeah, see your own value. Yeah, yeah.
- 48:40So it was funny that night, you know, I went, I went to sleep
- 48:42for the first time in like 4 plus months, not begging for the
- 48:45hand of death to kill me. And I woke up the next morning.
- 48:48It was not rainbows and unicorns because I was still in prison.
- 48:52But I wasn't. I wasn't disappointed at the
- 48:54light of a new day. And that's that's when I
- 48:57realized I have an opportunity to transform this situation.
- 49:05Into something meaningful and it it actually took on a weight of
- 49:08almost like an obligation. Where I am obligated, I'm duty
- 49:13bound, if you will, to transform this story into something
- 49:18meaningful or someone else. Craig, did you?
- 49:23I remember you told me you had someone that was like a mentor
- 49:27to you in there and he when you were.
- 49:33Talking back and forth, he put his arm around you and told you
- 49:35that. Well, I'll let you tell the
- 49:37story, but I thought it was and and and it is interesting how
- 49:42there for me that the one of the most surprising things about
- 49:46prison is I found that there was really.
- 49:50Nice, good people in prison. You know it was like I was like
- 49:55you great When I was standing at the gates of Leavenworth I
- 49:57thought okay I'm going to I'm going to get raped and then I'm
- 50:01going to get beaten up. Maybe I get beaten up first and
- 50:03then I get raped and then I get killed.
- 50:05You know the the the I don't know how what order that but it
- 50:08was it was bad and and what the most surprising thing was is the
- 50:12very first hour of being there people were trying to help me
- 50:17and and it was it really, you know.
- 50:20In my mind, you know for me it's it's almost life changing of I
- 50:24never judge a book by its cover. I always want to hear the story.
- 50:29I it's one of the greatest gifts that I was given from this
- 50:34experience is perspective. And one of the aspects of that
- 50:39perspective is I'm human. So I still judge that I try to
- 50:43catch myself when I do, you know, I try to catch myself when
- 50:47I do and say like. What's the story I'm making up
- 50:50about this individual because because without the facts, it's
- 50:55all stories and we got to live in the facts, not the story.
- 50:58And so my, my two year point when I I had to check in at the
- 51:03medium security facility adjacent to the camp, which is I
- 51:06think fairly common. And you know, when I walk out of
- 51:10the medium facility, it's hysterical to like see that rock
- 51:13over there, like, yeah. Walk up to that rock, take a
- 51:16right, You'll be at the camp. You'll be fine.
- 51:17I looked at them like, yeah, I'm not going anywhere.
- 51:20You go stay on the path, you won't get shot.
- 51:22It's like, great. So walk up, you know, And I come
- 51:25to the camp and what you said nailed it.
- 51:27Some of the nicest, most genuine people.
- 51:29Within a few minutes of my arrival, it's like, can we get
- 51:33you here? Your shower shoes here are, you
- 51:35know, your basic necessity. And one of the people that was
- 51:39responsible for that was one of my mentors.
- 51:42And his name was Ed. Well.
- 51:45Ed, When I actually was getting my when I got my halfway house
- 51:49date, and I was really excited for that because I wanted to go
- 51:52to the halfway house because I wanted that case to freedom.
- 51:54I wanted to, you know, get back into kind of the real world so I
- 51:59get my date, which we don't know, It's kind of like a
- 52:01crapshoot. And all of a sudden it's like,
- 52:03hey Stanley, you got your date and it's such and such and just
- 52:06like, OK, cool. And word spreads, I'm sure, you
- 52:09know, word spreads like Crazy Smiley's going to be leaving on,
- 52:12you know, the 14th or whatever day it was.
- 52:15And so I like, this is so great. This is so awesome.
- 52:18This is holy crap, I'm going back into the real world.
- 52:22I don't have a job fully lined up yet.
- 52:24I'm basically homeless. I have, I'm getting divorced.
- 52:28Who's going to date a felon? Who's going to hire a felon?
- 52:32You know, I didn't come out and say this, but I was kind of
- 52:34thinking about it like, I hate being here.
- 52:35Prison sucks. But it's a roof in three
- 52:38squares, you know. What am I going to do when I get
- 52:41on? Now think about all the
- 52:42obligations of being on the outside, right?
- 52:45It's it's you know, it's all of that stuff disappears for a
- 52:49little bit and you know, people do what they do with their time
- 52:51and they choose to. I did all that inner work, but
- 52:53now sudden I've got to go back in the real world, right?
- 52:56Am I going to be able to do all this dinner work on the outside
- 52:59when I've got a job that, you know, hopefully get that job
- 53:01that takes up X amount of hours? All these fears are coming
- 53:05through my head. The reality of the situation is
- 53:08making itself very clear to me. And Ed and I are walking down
- 53:12the hallway of the educational building at Otisville, and he
- 53:16says, so you got a date, How you feeling?
- 53:18And I expressed almost everything that I just shared
- 53:21with you. You know, don't have a house,
- 53:23don't have a career, Who's going to date a phone?
- 53:25I have no money. What the hell am I going to do?
- 53:27And he put his arm around me. You know, in a very fatherly
- 53:31manner and again that touches so special and just looks me in the
- 53:35eyes and, says Craig, You have a blank canvas, You can paint
- 53:40whatever picture you want. And The funny thing is, I have
- 53:46an opportunity to have lunch with an author who I greatly
- 53:51admire, Kamal Ravikan. Anybody listening?
- 53:53Check out his books. They were instrumental in
- 53:55rebuilding and reinventing my life after prison.
- 53:58Cannot recommend them enough. I emailed Kamal from the
- 54:02Brooklyn halfway house and I smuggled, smuggled in the iPhone
- 54:05because we weren't allowed to have, you know, fronts of
- 54:07cameras or Internet access. Right.
- 54:09So I emailed him from there explaining a little bit about my
- 54:13story. And he says, you know, you
- 54:15mentioned in the city, like New York City, I'd love to meet up
- 54:18with you. And I said I would, you know, Oh
- 54:20my God, this is amazing. So we end up having lunch.
- 54:23And I share that story with him about Ed saying you have a blank
- 54:26canvas. And I had already shared with
- 54:28Kamal that I was writing a book and he looks at me and he goes,
- 54:31Craig and that's the title of your book.
- 54:35I tilt my head like a confused dog and I'm like, oh, and he
- 54:38goes blank canvas how I His original subtitle was how I
- 54:43recreated my life after prison. He goes, that's your title.
- 54:47That's your subtitle. That's going to get you on CNN.
- 54:51And it was like such a cool moment.
- 54:53I I. I ran with that and I turned,
- 54:56recreated and reinvented because I thought that was a more
- 54:58appropriate name. But that's how the title of the
- 55:01book came and you know I want to.
- 55:03Such a cool story. I want to share some.
- 55:05Thank you so much. You know, I want to share
- 55:07something As you were, as you were talking earlier, something
- 55:11came to me where you talked about the bottom falling, right?
- 55:14And you talked about being in that room and trying to grasp
- 55:16the walls. My analogy, the way I felt it
- 55:19was I was in a in a hole in the earth and I was grasping at
- 55:22roots and the roots just kept coming out.
- 55:25I just couldn't find a firm one until I hit bottom.
- 55:29But I think and the platform that you provide for people to
- 55:33share these stories, I'm curious if we all kind of have the same
- 55:36thing we have that falling right but then there's it's not an
- 55:40overnight day there's those steps that go up and and saying
- 55:45you have a blank canvas. You can paint whatever picture
- 55:48you want. That just shifted my entire
- 55:51perspective and gave me opportunity.
- 55:53Where there was moments ago, like 0 Hope that was a step up.
- 55:58Kamal giving me the titles of the book because I couldn't the
- 56:00life of me come up with one another step up.
- 56:03So when we look at all of these things and kind of map them out,
- 56:08we can see there was, you know, the steps down and there are the
- 56:12steps up. And I think that's really cool.
- 56:14You have to open up your mind and see it.
- 56:17I know we've only got a few minutes left because you got a
- 56:19hard break to go away, Craig. What all these things that you
- 56:25have, you got, you got a brilliant mind and then you're
- 56:27using it to to help people. What do you think's your biggest
- 56:31take away through this whole experience of yours?
- 56:36Going to be really hard to narrow down to one, but I think
- 56:39for the purpose of. Your platform and the amazing
- 56:43message that you are conveying through this podcast is anybody
- 56:49listening. Your past cannot define you
- 56:54without your consent. I love that.
- 56:59That's strong and that's about choices, right?
- 57:03And that's a choice. It's all about choices and.
- 57:09You know, I would. Look, I mean you and I feel like
- 57:12we could have Part 2, cuz that was, you know, understanding,
- 57:15you know, all the choices that are available to us.
- 57:18And it's everything's a choice. Everything is a choice.
- 57:24Craig, if people want to get a hold of you, I know you've got
- 57:27Craig stanlin.com. What are the ways should people
- 57:32reach out and find you? You can find me on LinkedIn and
- 57:36Instagram. I'm posting content every day
- 57:39that I hope is of value to check on my Ted Talk, How I learned my
- 57:42greatest Worth in Federal Prison and Blank Canvas.
- 57:46How I Reinvented My Life After Prison is available on Amazon
- 57:49and Barnes and Noble. And if you can find it on Barnes
- 57:52and Noble and and Amazon, there's also nightmares, Sex,
- 57:56success. So we both got books.
- 57:57Just go there and get them both. Get them both.
- 58:01Get them both and and folks for people whether you listen on
- 58:06Spotify or or Apple or wherever you listen go there leave a
- 58:10review. It puts the IT puts the the show
- 58:13on steroids when you do that. I love that When people do that
- 58:16hit the follow button too and if you want to know and get it to
- 58:21know any more about what I've got going on is Sprint
- 58:23cassie.com Ty not DY and. Share the show.
- 58:29If you got anything out of this today, share it.
- 58:30Share it. Share it.
- 58:32As I used to say to my people when I was writing my emails
- 58:36back and forth from prison, stay strong.
- 58:38I'll do the same. Craig Stanfield, thanks so much
- 58:40for sharing your story today. It's just an awesome story.
- 58:44Thank you so much for having me on.
- 58:46I loved our conversation and again, acknowledging you for
- 58:49creating this podcast and having a platform for people to share
- 58:53these stories because that's where we connect as humans.
- 58:57And it's so important, so thank you.
- 58:59Thank you, Craig. Now I'm our success in and out.
- 59:03See you all later.