Latest / The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast / THE REAL ONES DON'T FALL OFF. THEY FALL BACK.

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THE REAL ONES DON'T FALL OFF. THEY FALL BACK. · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

0:29
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed how people start acting funny when they don't have the same access to you anymore?
0:37
SPEAKER_00: You stop showing up everywhere, you don't answer the phone, you're not posting every accomplishment, announcing every plan.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: You're not supporting everything that they every link they send you, you're not supporting it.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: And suddenly folks start asking questions.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: Where you been at?
0:56
SPEAKER_00: You don't mess with nobody anymore?
0:59
SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, you low key over there handling your business.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: You paying attention to your priorities and you're trying to get your life in order.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: You've made the decision that it's time to get serious.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: But because you know you're no longer available for everybody else's entertainment, somehow they start talking about like you fell off.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: Listen, just because you don't see somebody making moves doesn't mean I'm not making progress.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: And you must understand the real ones, they don't fall off, they fall back.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: And today we're gonna talk about why it matters.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm your girl, Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the misfits, and the black sheep come to turn pain into power so that they can build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, family.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: We're glad you're here.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, welcome back, fam bam.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: It's good to see you again.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you so much for trusting me with your time.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't take that lightly.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: Now let's do this quick vibe check.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, and you still wait on somebody to come save you after all of this time, get your ass up out of here.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and tap out now and go find you something safe to do.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: Because this ain't it.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think bigger, move smarter, and you refuse to lose and live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: Because by the end of this episode, you're walking away with something that you can execute immediately.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: All right.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: Let's unpack today's episode because there's three things that I want you to consider when it comes to knowing when to fall back.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: All right.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: The first one is the difference between falling off and falling back.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Family, there's something I've noticed about how people try to measure your progress.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people they measure progress by visibility.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: And it's proven with social media because people always want to do it for the gram.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: They want you to see everything that's going on, they want you to know what they're doing, where they're going, who they're hanging with, what they've accomplished.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: And when they don't see anything, a lot of times people assume that you ain't doing nothing.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: But let me ask you something.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: Since when did your progress require an audience?
3:24
SPEAKER_00: See, as the black sheep, you must understand that the deepest, the deepest core level, groundbreaking work that you'll be doing will be in the dark.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: It will be in places that you don't see.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: So when did your progress require an audience?
3:44
SPEAKER_00: Since when did your personal development need a public announcement?
3:49
SPEAKER_00: And when did somebody else access to your life become the measuring stick for your success?
3:56
SPEAKER_00: Seriously, hear me, family.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: See, falling off and falling back are two completely different things.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: But you must understand, though, as a black sheep, you got people out here right now.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: They only want access to you to try to figure out where you're at in life.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: That's why you don't never tell people everything.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: This is another reason why, family, we talk about auditing your circle.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: Because some people they see the light in you, they know you're powerful, they'll never support you, but they want to try to continue to compete and compare.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you guys, I'm gonna tell you a real life story as we go into this episode and get deeper and deeper because this is listen.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: I want you to understand, family, you can apply this with our moving in silence, and I'm telling you, you're gonna have the full armor of God on you.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: Okay, see what you must understand, guys, is that falling off and falling back are two completely different things.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: When somebody falls off, they may have lost direction, they might stop following through or abandon something that mattered to them.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: But when somebody intentionally falls back, that's exactly the opposite.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: See, when you fall back, a lot of times when people fall back, they get an epiphany where they're like, you know what?
5:06
SPEAKER_00: This ain't working, something ain't right.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times it be something needs to change, and it's gonna start with me.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: So they fall back.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's an assessment that they have been involved in one-way associations year after year.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: Because one thing about it, family, people want you to be that convenience person that they can always trauma dump on.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: Everything they got going on, they want to come to you with it.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: And don't get me wrong, a true friend can be a listening ear, but what are you?
5:36
SPEAKER_00: Is there any reciprocity in there?
5:40
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and so a lot of times, black sheep, we get silent, we get tired of being sick and tired, we get fed up because because trust and believe, black sheep, we love helping people.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: I know you do, and but you observe people, you peep them out.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: You like, you know what?
5:55
SPEAKER_00: I done supported this girl, I done supported this dude so many times, and he haven't he haven't sent five bucks my way.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Every time I look up, he having something at his crib, but he's never came my way.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever been cool with somebody I'm talking about for years?
6:12
SPEAKER_00: And they haven't, they don't even know where you stay at.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: Never have came.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: I had someone like that in my life family, and quite frankly, um, the most disappointing part about it is I had already peeped the behavior out.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: But see, black sheep, we love to try to give people all of these chances because we got to cut so many people out of our lives.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: You know, a lot of times we don't have that support, so we try to hold on to what we think is important.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: We try to hold on to people because we've known them for a long time and all of these different things.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: But when we get tired of being sick and tired, we start assessing reassessing our priorities, we start reorganizing our time and examining what's working and what needs to change.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're recovering from a difficult season, too.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Because black sheep family, you know, people want to see you fail a lot of times.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm not a Debbie Downer and negative Nancy, but you must understand Black Sheep family.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: When you want to know why people don't never support you, specifically friends and family, because they don't want you to win.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: They know it's something about you.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: They don't give you the little itty bitty praise, little itty bitty.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay, girl, okay, my dog, that's what's up.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: But do you really think they want to see you at your full potential?
7:20
SPEAKER_00: Do you really think they want to see you at your full bloom?
7:23
SPEAKER_00: This is, and so what they do is they'll give you a little bit, but deep down inside, y'all, they be hoping you don't do nothing.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: They be hoping, they hope that you all talking no action.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: And so we all go through difficult seasons in our life.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: That's a part of life.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: But this is why it's always smart, family.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: Don't never broadcast your business.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: If you're recovering from a difficult season, fall back.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you could just simply be building something new, and sometimes you're simply tired of being available for everything except your own damn life.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: You decide, you know what, I'm about to recalibrate.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: And that's where the lesson begins.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Your availability is not proof of your value, and your visibility is not proof of your progress.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: See, I always tell people, I always give you the analogy of the bank.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: When you walk to a bank, the most priceless assets, they're not sitting out on display.
8:17
SPEAKER_00: They're in the they're in the safe, they're in the bank vault.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: They not up front with the teller.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: Think about the library, excuse me, the museums.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: You know, they may have a certain exhibit coming in, and they may have all that stuff, but trust and believe the really valuable stuff, they don't have that out there.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: That's gonna have to be a private look, a private showing for prestigious people.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: Now, don't misunderstand me.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: There are situations where visibility matters.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: If you're running a business, building an audience, or leading a team, communication and showing up are a part of that responsibility.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: But that's being visible where it matters.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: That's different from just being accessible to everybody all the time.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be everywhere to be effective.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: Here's another thing, family.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: When you are always available, you dilute your brand.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Everybody has a brand.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: You are the brand.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you say I'm just a janitor at McDonald's, you still a brand.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Are you the kind of janitor that shows up with your clothes dirty and show up late?
9:14
SPEAKER_00: Or are you the kind of manager that they know you're gonna be there and you're gonna be on time, you're gonna be looking crispy, gonna be smelling good.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: Have the people can't believe you're a janitor.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: Because that is your brand.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: That is your brand.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: And when you're always readily available, people just know you're gonna be there.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: They just know it.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: That's why they take you for granted.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: And this is why strategic falling back, strategic uh isolation and solitude.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: Strategic solitude is one of the best things you can do.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: Concept number two, strategic silence.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Every move don't need an announcement.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: Family, you already know what this about moving in silence.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: You know what, family, this is also about exercising mystery.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Have some type of mysteriousness about yourself.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: Make them keep guessing, don't become so predictable.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: And you know, some family, I even have to practice on a regular basis because I am a natural energy, positive, high, um, high energy person.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna just say that, right?
10:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm one of those people that I could be literally outside crying like hell, mad, upset, and sad, and will come in the job cheesing, smiling, right?
10:23
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm not gonna bring my stuff in to the work or I'm not going to take it out on other people.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: So I already know that everybody don't handle their emotions like that.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: But just the way I'm wired, that's just how I am.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm coming in on some positive.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: Hey, happy to see you, you know.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: Even if I just go into a room, I'm not trying to be like nobody, I'm just gonna be myself.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever gone to like a network group and the group, the network party was mixed full of all types of nationalities?
10:54
SPEAKER_00: But you notice how a lot of times, if they're not a black sheep, people tend to click up.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: People tend to click up, right?
11:02
SPEAKER_00: Because it's a part of our DNA.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: We want to feel like we belong somewhere, and that's that's understandable.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: I get it, but to the cost of being uncomfortable just to fit in, no, I don't think so.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: And so what I noticed is you'll be at some of the networking parties, and sometimes people will automatically get in a click.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: And me, family, I'm not getting no click at a networking party, I'm here to network.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: So I'm one of those people that will literally float around the room, you know, as some people might say work in the room.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: I may not talk to everybody in there, but I'm interested.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm truly interested in knowing what brought you here, right?
11:36
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times, family, when you're this type of person, you vibe and high, people will start to think that you're weak.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: They will take your kindness for weakness because they instantly think, oh, she needs to be around people, she needs to talk to everybody, she must be insecure.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: But let me talk to you today about strategic silence.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: Because I had to tell someone this the other day because I noticed that they thought because I was kind that I didn't know how to be a real bitch, and I don't even want to say it in that term, but sometimes when you are a truly kind person, you're not trying to buy friendships, you don't even care if it's not authentic anyway, right?
12:15
SPEAKER_00: You're just a kind person, and a lot of times, black sheep, you know, number one, a lot of us we just retire from people pleasing, but overall, we just want to see people win because we the black sheep and we done had so many people put trying to put their foot on our neck, right?
12:29
SPEAKER_00: We want to see people win, we want to bring the energy.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: But guess what, family?
12:34
SPEAKER_00: When people start playing with you, like you gotta talk to them, like your your presence is a privilege, like your energy isn't an asset.
12:41
SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
12:41
SPEAKER_00: That's what strategic silence comes into play.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: Because some of us, we have to develop a habit of not announcing things before we even started doing them.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: We some of us we announced the business, we announced the fitness journey, we announced a new relationship, the opportunity, new new plan.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: And listen, there's nothing wrong with sharing good news, but sometimes you can spend so much time talking about what you're going to do that you barely have time to actually do it.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes those people that you've been telling, they start talking.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh, they ain't gonna do nothing.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you hear them talking about this again, and they think you're telling them for validation.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: And granted, some people might do that.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're just so excited about it, you like, hey man, I'm just discussing it because I'm geeked up about it.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: But guess what, family?
13:24
SPEAKER_00: Always keep you a bag of strategic silence in your back pocket.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: You gotta let people know.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Because listen, family, as a black sheep, your energy is so potent.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: As much as you was talking and giggling and being cool, I know some people like I don't really be saying nothing anyway.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm kind of standoff.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's fine.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: But just please know if you say you're a business person or you want to climb up your career ladder or expand your brand or go back to school, you need to learn how to talk to people and interact with folks.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: And as a black sheep, everybody is not gonna always look like you.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: You have to be receptive to people that aligns with you.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: Which brings me to another statement that you guys gotta practice.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: If it does not align, you don't have time.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: If it don't align, you don't have time no more.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: You don't, you don't.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Okay, because a lot of times you've been doing all of these things where you're telling folks and all this stuff, before you know it, you're managing everybody's opinions about the plan and it isn't even finished yet.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: You're you're managing people's opinions about a seed that's not even deep in the soil, right?
14:26
SPEAKER_00: Now you got your cut and questioning the business model.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: Now you got your friend asking, where are you gonna get that money from?
14:31
SPEAKER_00: How you gonna do that?
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Somebody else telling you about the coworker's brother, girlfriend that tried the same thing and they failed.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: Lord have mercy.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: You asked for a little bit of encouragement and ended up with the whole unsolicited board of directors.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: That's why strategic silence can be valuable.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: It gives your ideas room to develop before you expose them to everybody else's expectations.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: It allows you to make mistakes privately.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: You can change direction when necessary and build the confidence through the actions instead of applause.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: Because trust and believe, family, they even if they clap for you, you can mess up for two seconds.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: And I promise you, they're not gonna let it go.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: They're not gonna let it down.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: They gonna they're gonna bring it up all the time.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the part I don't want you to miss.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Strategic silence is not secrecy for the sake of looking mysterious, it's knowing what needs to be communicated, who needs to know, and when sharing the information actually serves a purpose.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: If it's not a line, you don't have time.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: If you're responsible for delivering something at work, silence is a isn't a substitute for updating your team.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: If you've made a commitment to somebody, disappearing, it doesn't erase that commitment.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay, if you need help, staying silent out of pride can cost you valuable support.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: And I know that one right there, family, because black sheep, we do not like asking people for help because people, number one, a lot of times they don't be willing to help us out.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people are so intimidated by your success, it's crazy.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: And you know the other parties, family?
15:48
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times you don't even want to, you're not even doing anything that they're doing.
15:52
SPEAKER_00: You got something completely different, and they intimidated by your success.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: This is why sometimes the best announcement is when you already done doing it.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: See, the goal is to stop treating every thought, decision, and development like it's breaking news.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: No, it's not breaking news.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: The best announcement, break the news break, is when the work is finished.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's talk about concept number two: strategic seclusion, getting your priorities back in order.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: Now let's go a little deeper because strategic silence is about what you communicate.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: Strategic seclusion is about where you place yourself and what gets your attention.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I I I finished my statement because these are two different things about the silence.
16:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, well, the strategic seclusion about where you place yourself and what gets your your attention.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, and what I was gonna say is this, family.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times in the black sheep, we try to uplift people and things like that, and people think that you press to talk to them.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: They think that you press to talk and you chatty patty.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: And one thing I want you to understand, family, is this the day you get quiet, I don't care if you just log off online and you ain't been on in a while, the day you get quiet.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: Let's say, for instance, if you were always cheering people up at work and cheerleading them on and telling them to apply for the uh for the promotion and all of these different things, the whole time they really love it, they really like what you're doing, but they mad because it's you.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: And then when people can feel that you just being you, they really be pissed, right?
17:21
SPEAKER_00: But one thing you need to understand though, family, is out of all that talking and supporting and cheering people up, the day you go silent, they gonna feel it.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: They gonna feel it.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: The day you cut them off, they was treating you like crap the whole time.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: One support, none of you was doing the day you cut them off, the day you stop talking.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: Trust me, family, it is going to be a problem.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you can be sitting in a room full of people and still have and still practice strategic silence.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: I do that sometimes, friends.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: But seclusion means intentionally creating distance from certain activities, environments, or demands so that you can concentrate on something that needs you.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: Family, if it's not a line, you don't have time.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've been spending too much money trying to keep up with everybody else's social calendar.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: Maybe your weekend is booked and every evening is occupied, right?
18:07
SPEAKER_00: And you just finally you're tired now.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: You fed up, and then you wonder why the book isn't finished, the business isn't moving, the savings account isn't growing, or you haven't had a quiet moment to figure out what you actually want.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Well, at some point, family, you need to have strategic seclusion.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes what has to give, that's your constant availability.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: Think about an athlete preparing for a major competition.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: There are times when training takes priority over hanging out.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: The athlete may miss a few gatherings, change their routine, and spend more time preparing than socializing.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean they fell off, family.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: It means that they've identified what the current season requires.
18:44
SPEAKER_00: And here's what I want you to understand: you cannot keep giving first class access to everything and everybody while giving your own priorities, whatever energy is left over.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: Family, we are about to be, we're about to head into 2027.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of changes going on right now.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: We just had the midterm elections, all of these different things, family, that are changing.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: And what I want you to understand, family, is this as a black sheep, I want you to position yourself to win.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: It don't matter who in office.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: And that starts with understanding and re-calibrating for your priorities.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: What's first?
19:20
SPEAKER_00: No more giving first class access to people that don't even deserve it, they haven't even done anything to get access in general.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: That's backwards, family.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: To give people first class access that's not giving you anything at all, or you're or you're giving so much access to people that your priorities get whatever is left over.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Nah, family, we're not doing that no more, okay?
19:42
SPEAKER_00: Now, seclusion doesn't always mean working harder.
19:45
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the priority is to rest.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's recovering your energy after a demanding season.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's spending time with God, family, or just getting enough quiet time to think clearly.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to turn every peaceful moment into another productivity assignment.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Now, you know what, family, y'all know that's me all day, every day.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: I'm always trying to make something into productivity.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: You know, I always feel like I just wasted so much time earlier on and all these different things.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: But family, we just have to grow.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: We have to grow up in different times, okay?
20:11
SPEAKER_00: But I want you to understand that everything doesn't have to be about productivity.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just need to think and be at peace.
20:19
SPEAKER_00: And to be frank and honest with you, family, that is when a lot of your most creative ideas can blossom and bloom.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: When you can just sit quiet with yourself and just think.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: people don't need to know why you're pulling back.
20:33
SPEAKER_00: Specifically, if they didn't appreciate you while you was activated, if they did not appreciate you while you was activated and giving out your priceless energy for free, once you observe what you observe, don't go telling them and explaining to them, well, I'm gonna be pulling back for the next three weeks because I'm getting my priorities together.
20:49
SPEAKER_00: Fuck that.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: Let them figure it out.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: Let them because listen, family, people will treat you the way you allow them to.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: They know they ain't doing right, they know it's unbalanced.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Family, you know, I talk a lot about the Bible and different scriptures, but guess what?
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Even if you were an atheist, your conscience will tell you when something is unbalanced.
21:06
SPEAKER_00: Even if you're the taker, you know you can feel it, you know it.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: People just don't care.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: See, there's a difference between taking intentional space and withdrawing because you're afraid to face something.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: One helps you regain direction, the other can quietly become avoidance.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to something important, family.
21:22
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times we just want to show up for everybody and just keep going, going, going.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: We don't even think about our own recalibration.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: But I want you to think about um, there is a scripture in the Bible, and I always there's certain scriptures that I just kind of keep with me, like for an example, let's say, for instance, if you always want to go, go, go, go, you feel like I gotta work seven days a week, guys.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: I've done that, right?
21:42
SPEAKER_00: But then you know what I think, especially if you a believer, but even if you're not on a logical level, on a logical level, on the seventh day, the creator rested.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: So if the creator created this whole galaxy in every any and everything that we'll never know of, and he rested.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Why won't you rest?
22:01
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here is some ancient intelligence that I want you to consider.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: In Mark chapter 1, verse 35, the gospel describes Jesus getting up early while it was still dark and going to a solitary place to pray.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: Now think about the circumstances.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: Jesus had been healing people and responding to the tremendous needs.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: There were people looking for him.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
22:23
SPEAKER_00: Family, they was looking for him because he was trying to help people.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Y'all know Jesus was a black sheep family, even if you're not a believer.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: He was a black sheep.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: His own people rejected him.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: And he had a big mission.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: And yet, he still made time to step away and pray.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: Not because people didn't matter, not because the work wasn't important, but because solitude and prayer had a place in his life.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: And it was really all about recalibration, family.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: It's all about recalibration.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: Becoming one with the creator again.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: To get back on track, to get that soul food and that alignment again.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: Because you can't pour from an empty cup.
23:09
SPEAKER_00: And later, when the disciples found him and told him people were searching for him, Jesus continued toward other towns to carry out his mission.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: I love that lesson because sometimes people needing your attention and people determining your direction become two very different things.
23:21
SPEAKER_00: You can care about people without allowing every demand to dictate your move.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: You can have a purpose without becoming or being constantly accessible.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: And you can step away for prayer, reflection, and clarity without abandoning your responsibilities.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to get quiet enough to remember what you're actually supposed to be doing.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: That is the ancient entail.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: But the problem with letting go, the problem with letting people define your season is like this.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: When you fall back, not everybody is going to understand it.
23:45
SPEAKER_00: You need to understand that.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: Number one, everybody is not going to understand it.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
23:50
SPEAKER_00: But you know the cool part about it is, family, it's your calling, it's your mission.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: Everybody, it was for you.
23:56
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't a conference call.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: You understand what I'm saying?
24:01
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't a conference call.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: See, some people are simply accustomed to the way you used to be.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: They are accustomed to the version who always answered, who always show up, who always got time to listen to problems that you'll never change.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: And when that changes, they take it personal.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they may genuinely miss you, let's be clear.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: But a lot of times it's simply to personal benefit.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: That's all it is.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: Right?
24:24
SPEAKER_00: They are simply struggling with the loss of access.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
24:28
SPEAKER_00: See, you don't need to turn every concerned friend into an enemy.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: But you also don't need to apologize for having your own priorities, family.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: That's why I'm telling you, don't be explaining to people what you're doing when you decide to fall back.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: No.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: At some point they should fall back.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: And to be honest with you, if you're dealing with one-way friendships, they've been falling back on you.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Because trust and believe, family, they got other people in their life that they are showing priority to.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, you don't have to submit a 30-page strategic plan explaining why you won't be attending every gathering and you not answering the phone, right?
25:00
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to invent an argument just to justify taking some space.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: You ain't got to do none of that.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes maturity just looks like communicating the boundary without turning it into a battle.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: And really, it really looks like just not saying nothing.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: But here's where accountability comes in.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: If you've fallen back so far that you're neglecting the people who depend on you, family, that's a different thing.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: That's not strategy.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: That could be avoidance, right?
25:21
SPEAKER_00: And we're not doing that over here.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: We're not going to put a cute motivational quote on top of behavior that needs to be changed.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: Strategic withdrawal should help you manage your responsibilities and level up in them, not escape them.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: Now let's talk about the power of repositioning.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: Because here's where falling back gets interesting.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the real reason you need to fall back isn't that something is wrong with everybody around you.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes your priorities have changed, your goals have changed, your responsibilities have changed, and the routine that worked for where you are right now is not going to work for the person that you want to be.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: This is why you got to really just become super duper honest about what you're trying to do in this world.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: We only get it, we only get one time to do this thing.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: We can argue about religion all day, every day, but we all got a checkout date.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: And when you really take that to consideration, let's say, for instance, if you're 30 years old, 40 years old, 50 years old, it's a blessing to still be around.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: But that should also tell you I don't have time to play around.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: Why?
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Because if it's not aligned, I don't have time.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: And this is where a lot of people get stuck.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: They keep maintaining an old lifestyle while trying to build a new future.
26:21
SPEAKER_00: You can't do that.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: They want more financial freedom, but every paycheck is already committed.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: Right?
26:25
SPEAKER_00: If you know you got to level up what you're doing, your job, whatever, it's time now to start accumulating those skills that you need.
26:33
unknown: Right?
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Some people say they want to start a business, but they never protect the time to develop it.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: They want peace, but they keep volunteering for drama.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: Now, sometimes, family, I get it.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Circumstances, it limits your choices sometimes.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: Not everybody has a limited time, money, chill, child care, or flexibility.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: But even with those limits, you're going to make time for what's important to you.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: And that's the point.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: Falling back isn't about pretending life is simple, it's about examining where you still have influence and what's important to you, and you start rearranging your life to do those things.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
27:03
SPEAKER_00: You don't always need a dramatic exit.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just need a better arrangement.
27:06
SPEAKER_00: And remember this you can change your position without changing your character.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: See, that's another thing.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: People always talk about, oh, you changed, you changed, you didn't change family.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: You just became wiser.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: Why?
27:15
SPEAKER_00: Because you now understand if it's not a line, you don't have time.
27:18
SPEAKER_00: And people love to play with your time.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: People love to play with your time, family.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about these three black sheet moves, okay?
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Because you know we gotta do some execution.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: We're not doing a whole lot of talking these days, right?
27:29
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna talk the talk, but guess what?
27:30
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna walk the walk.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: So, action move number one.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: I want you to audit your availability.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: Look at the last seven days.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: Where did time go?
27:37
SPEAKER_00: Not where you intended for it to go.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: Where did it actually go?
27:40
SPEAKER_00: Identify one recurring activity, interruption, or commitment that's taking more than it's giving.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Then decide what adjustment that you need to make.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: This week, we're not stalling.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: This week, maybe reduce it, reschedule it, or eliminate it.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: But don't just complain about having no time while refusing to examine where your time is going.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: Seriously.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: Action move number two, practice purposeful silence.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, this is one of my favorites, y'all.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: When people start to think I'm a patty chatty, I get so quiet.
28:05
SPEAKER_00: I used to joke, me and my um one of my old friends, we used to joke around and say, Yep, it's silence of the lamb's mouth.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: Y'all remember when Dr.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: Hannibal had that mask on?
28:12
SPEAKER_00: I say, baby, I will silence of the lamb and put a muzzle on my mouth.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: I won't say nothing.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: It will be ours.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: Why, family?
28:19
SPEAKER_00: Because when you understand your potential as a black sheep, and even though we're grateful for where we're at, we know we deserve more.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: We know we should be happy, we know we should get could or could get more.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: We know we have more potential than where we're at.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: You stop talking so much and you start thinking, you start recalibrating, you start assessing what am I not doing?
28:39
SPEAKER_00: What can I do better?
28:40
SPEAKER_00: Family, that's what a silence comes into play.
28:43
SPEAKER_00: Look around you, family.
28:44
SPEAKER_00: There's people that's making a million dollars in one week, and we still not millionaires yet.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: Why am I talking so much then?
28:50
SPEAKER_00: Family, a lot of times when I go to different locations um and I'm around groups of people, family.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: The moment that I peep out the person that's talking the whole night, and they're not really the person that's in charge, or they're not showing massive love, like helping people along the way, I don't even be around them.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: I'll observe them for a while, but I promise you, family, nine times out of ten, if it's not uplifting conversations, they're a problem maker.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not judging, I just don't be around that person because when you get around people that's talking all the time and it's not nothing that's helping out, or they don't have accountability and they run in their mouth, you can't challenge them on nothing.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: Guess what, family?
29:29
SPEAKER_00: Those are how those that is how you identify people that will waste your time.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay, see, I what I want you to do for this practice for this purposeful silence, choose one goal that you're working on and give yourself permission to make progress without announcing it.
29:44
SPEAKER_00: And then on a daily basis, until you reach that goal, go into a session of reflection.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: Reflection of each day, family.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: It is so, it is so, so good for you.
29:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm serious, family.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: It really is.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean you're hiding from accountability.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: You can still have a mentor, trust a friend, or somebody who helps keep you on track, but everybody doesn't need to know.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: Everybody don't need a front row seat to your unfinished plans.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: That's a lot, that's why a lot of black sheet, that's why we be having so many copycats because we always want to try to talk about I'm about to go brainstorm with my friends over here.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: They've never supported nothing you're doing.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: Why are you brainstorming with them for?
30:18
SPEAKER_00: Nines out of ten, they're gonna take your information.
30:20
SPEAKER_00: If they don't copy it, they're gonna go run back to somebody else and have a whole conversation about it.
30:24
SPEAKER_00: Family, this is why I have this community.
30:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, I hope that you know at some point you will check out um our Facebook group and join the Facebook group because you need to be in an environment where people want to see you grow and they don't care if you grow larger than them.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: See, family, one thing with me is I always tell you guys this is a safe space for you to dream big.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you say you want to be richer than Elon Musk.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: Guess what, family?
30:44
SPEAKER_00: If we are in the same group and you achieve that goal, I'm not gonna be jealous.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Why?
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Because the fact that I'm connected to you, not on just connected as far as getting money and all of that, but the fact that I'm in I'm connected to your to your greatness, it's a different level of inspiration for me.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Number one, the proximity is power because I know I'm on my way, because I'm around the right people.
31:06
SPEAKER_00: Okay, action move number three: reposition with intention.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: See what I'm saying?
31:10
SPEAKER_00: You got to reintent, you got to reposition yourself.
31:13
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself one question: What does this season of my life need more of, and what does it need less of?
31:18
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need more preparation and less distraction, more rest, or maybe you need more meaningful connections and less fake stuff, less fake activities out here running out your gas in your car to go to somebody and they fake as hell, right?
31:31
SPEAKER_00: Whatever your answer is, choose one concrete change and put it on the counter because a priority that never makes it into your decisions is just a nice idea.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: What I want you guys to understand about how the real ones don't fall off.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: I want to leave you with this.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: Not everybody who gets quiet has given up.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: Not everyone who's less visible is struggling.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: It's just like people don't post their relationships.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people be in good relationships, and I'm talking about they got a fine ass spouse.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about they're doing them so good, they're so sweet, the husband's so sweet and fine, working hard and spoiling her, and she is as well.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: You don't see them posting jack squat online.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: You know why?
32:06
SPEAKER_00: Because privacy is the new luxury.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: Privacy, family, they'll strategic do something.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: If you in the inner circle, then you might meet them because your energy is priceless, and people want to poke holes and taint what you got going on, they want to poke holes and contaminate your confidence.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: Okay, you must understand that.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, I don't want you to confuse being less available with being less committed, right?
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Don't confuse silence with surrender.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: The real ones don't always fall off, sometimes they just fall back so they can get back in position.
32:39
SPEAKER_00: Now, this sets us up for our next briefing family.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: Because once you have reassessed your priorities and adjusted your availability, availability, there's another question you need to ask.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: Well, who exactly should I be around?
32:51
SPEAKER_00: Right?
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Who exactly, if I'm if I'm doing, if I'm falling back from the flip lamb in the riffraff, who should I be around?
32:59
SPEAKER_00: Because this is not about isolation, this is about strategic placement.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're going to talk about in our next episode.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: So until then, family, keep your priorities in order.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: Protect your attention and your time.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: And remember that progress doesn't always make noise.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: Now, don't just hear today's lesson.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Run the play because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next one.