Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Mike Weinberg - How to Raise Independent Kids with Courage and Compassion

Transcript

Mike Weinberg - How to Raise Independent Kids with Courage and Compassion · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad's show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Well, hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback, dad cast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: I want to say thank you to everyone who continues to listen.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: I also want to let you know that we will be having a few new sponsors as we get ready to head into 2025 and season six, which feels so cool, to say everybody, I sometimes it's still a pinch me moment that you know a project started nearly five years ago was just going to be for fun, and here we go we're still.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: We're still going hard and we're still going strong, and I don't see us stopping because it's so fun.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: It's fun for me as the host, learning about myself and trying to get better as a dad each and every week, and I hope you guys do feel the same.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: A huge favor I'd love to ask is if you've not taken time yet to leave us a review on Apple or Spotify, or even on YouTube, which we now have video.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Please go ahead and do that.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: It'd be a great.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Uh, I'd appreciate it.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: As the host, I know that our listeners would appreciate it, because that's how we're going to impact more dads who are striving to be that ultimate quarterback or leader of their home.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: So with that, I want to say thank you again for listening and let's get right to today's episode on the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Well, hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: We are coming to you live on video now at the end of Season 5, which has been so much fun.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Shout out to my boy, ishmeet, for just producing some content and some videos and making these awesome clips.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: But awesome clips.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: But this gentleman I've been in touch with for the last few months I've followed his work for months and I always love talking to dads who have similar interests as me, and I know that I'm going to learn something from this next guest and his name is Mike Weinberg.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: He's a four-time bestselling author of many sales books, specifically Sales Management Simplified.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: He also runs a Sales Management Simpl simplified podcast.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Uh, he might be damian the great dane university, uh, albany, I'm not sure we'll find out that's true or not.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: He runs sales and leadership events.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: He's a golf fanatic.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: He might drive a porsche I don't know if that's true or not.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: But, more importantly, we're having mike on today to talk about mike the dad and how he has or is continue working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household without further, further ado.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Mr Weinberg, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: What an intro.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: What a treat to be here.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was pretty good.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Casey, I'm thrilled to be here and it's funny when you said you know that we have some similarities.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: The difference is you're the real athlete and I'm the fan of the athletes, so we're going to have some differentiation.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I joke with my wife and my kids and they curse me for this, but my wife's a total jock, okay, and like like she grew up in california, she played high school football on a women's team.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: You know, like high school football, yeah, they had a girls.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, let's go.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Uh, flag football league.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: My wife can throw a 40-yard spiral, like when, when I'm hanging out with other dads and she's around and like to throw in the ball, I just sit down and let her throw because I'm not embarrassing my fake an injury, soaking injury.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: So I watered down my kid's gene pool just enough that, like they have my love of sports but I I screwed up her athletic ability, so none of them were like elite varsity athletes because of me.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So do you ever run routes for?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Uh, yeah, a little bit, but you know, now that we're getting older, we kind of cut that back.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: The kids would run the routes back.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: So I love it, love it.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: Well, mike, we always start out each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's a loaded question, particularly on Thanksgiving week.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Right, it's emotional.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Try not to get choked up here in our first two minutes.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: I'm thankful for three kids that I'm in great relationship with and kids that are walking out what they believe to be true in their adult life, which bring their mom and I a ton of joy.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I just am overjoyed.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I have three kids that live in three different cities.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: One lives in my town and that's the one that has my two grandkids, and then I have a kid in Chicago and another one in Indianapolis and I just have a ton of joy and thankfulness for watching them live their adult lives true to who they are and whether it's their faith or the contribution they're making to the community or what they're doing professionally.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: And I've got some kids that have changed direction.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: It's been fascinating watching.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Almost none of them are doing what I anticipated they would do, you know, or what maybe my vision for their life was.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: And that's been a whole learning experience as a you know, parent to adult children, and I couldn't be more proud of them.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot of gratefulness there, but mostly, honestly, it's for relationship, and I have some some dear friends who do not have great relationships with their adult children, and that, um, that's a heavy burden to carry.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: So yeah, that is you just really kind of um, are clearly articulated, kind of like my goal, or my wife and I go just like and so far we're on that path.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Hopefully we'll stay on that same path, Um, and I want to unpack that in a second.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: But what I'm, what I'm most grateful for is it's yeah, like we said, it's Thanksgiving week.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Everybody, this episode will come out next month.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: And, um, my son's a freshman in college.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: He plays golf in college.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Uh, he's, he's home for nine days.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Uh, his, his girlfriend, she's around here and she's a fantastic shout out to Charlie.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Um, so I'm grateful for them.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for my, my daughter, who's a junior in high school.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: She's a scrappy little hooper and she's worked my, she's worked her ass off behind the scenes and and.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: But she just got named a captain of basketball team as junior and I mean I could not be more proud and but she's, she's grounded, but she's, and she already is adopting, like, the power of mindset and visualization and habits, and she's seeing the when you consistently do this, not like once a day or like, but like on weeks, like wow, there's actually good things happen when you do that.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: And so she's a junior and she's a doctor now.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a big deal, that's really a big deal.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: So I'm very and just grateful for like this week.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: This week and my son had like a couple, another couple over and just like the noise in the house it almost brought me like to tears because I was like, ah, this is.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: I told my wife I'm like this is awesome, I said, and I came downstairs to the kids.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, I don't want to be that weird dad.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: This is like goofy and embarrassing, but I'm just grateful for the noise in the house.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: It's awesome.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, isn't that what we want?
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's even better when they're hanging out at our house, because you get to enjoy it you know, yeah, exactly, and then in about in a week, that'll be quiet again, you know.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: But, um, okay, so you, you mentioned three kids.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Um, I always like to go inside the winebird cuddle, so maybe your wife's playing quarterback, maybe you're the gm, but you're gonna be the quarterback in today's conversation, so tell me a little bit about each member of the team.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Um, and then, how did you and your wife meet?
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, uh, we'll start with my wife.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: She's a rock and you know I this was.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: This is what I put in the dedication to my first book which I dedicated to her.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: But I said to my, my beautiful bride and my best friend and the best proof that I can sell there you go.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Nobody meets Katie and thinks that she got a better deal in our marriage.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: You spend 30 seconds with her.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: You're like, okay, so he sold you.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: So that's kind of like our little wink to each other that I know.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: You know people like to say, yeah, I kicked your coverage Like I punch it above my weight class here, so she's a rock.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: She grew up in California, I'm from New York and we've lived our entire married life in St Louis which is not exactly, and I can say this because I'm not from here.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: This is not the garden spot of the United States, but it's home.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: And when you come here, the first thing people ask you when they meet you is where'd you go to school?
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: And they're asking where'd you go to high school?
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: And which is so funny, because neither she nor I can answer that question but our kids can't.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Because we've raised three St Louisans here, we have this interesting I almost call it a blended family East Coast, west Coast and then three Midwestern children who only know this life.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: It's always amusing when we take them back to where we're from to show them this is what formed us.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: My wife is a steady, eddy, independent, incredible woman who spends a lot of time right now investing in other people because she's been retired for about I don't know eight or nine years and she's using her freedom well for fun.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: And you know I always wanted to be a dad and I just it's been great, it's been a great joy.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I always say on Father's Day to the kids like you're my gift, you know and I said this to you even right before the show like my favorite title is dad and I get called some really cool things and I never expected to have this platform that I've got, or I get called into these gigantic companies to do what I do with sales management or sales, and that's all wonderful.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: It pales in comparison being called dad and you know you're right on the precipice of this pivot that I've just gone through over the last five years or so, where you are now fully parenting adult children and what's so interesting and we've noticed this with some friends from church and people like we've been in community group with it we're like why are you so busy when your kids are out of the house and why are you always doing all this parenting?
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I had this like fallacy that, oh, parenting ends when the kids get out of the house.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: It's amazing how many conversations about life and not that we're directing or parenting like you parent a child.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: It's just kind of sounding board stuff and life coaching or changing a diaper on a grandchild or, you know, offering some encouragement to a kid who's got something going on in his job.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: That just doesn't feel right.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: And you know it's not about advice, it's just about friendship or feedback or being honest or reminding them what's true.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: So I don't know.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I kind of went down a path there.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: So I gave you my wife and my three kids.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: My oldest is 28,.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Lives in St Louis.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: He married his high school sweetheart.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Like at his junior prom, like he and his girlfriend were voted most likely to live happily ever after I joke like at 28,.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: They're old souls, like they should be driving a Buick station wagon and he should be wearing long dark socks, like with his tennis shorts, like he's as cool and relational as you get.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: But I mean they're old souls with great friends and now we're watching them parent.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: And one of my joys like I love having the grandkids, particularly the one that's now two years old and it's just a riot and you know calls me Papa Mike.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: But I get more joy out of watching my son and his wife parent and and just what they're bringing to the table and their emotional investment in the kids and like that I can't tell you like the multiplier effect.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: That for my wife and I and our satisfaction as adults watching our son.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: So that's his life and he's in the financial industry and kind of in a back office type role and just real steady and real relational, one of the most likable people I've ever met.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: And yet inside there's a lot of drive, you know, and very competitive, but he's mellow on the outside.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: My second child is my daughter, who I used to joke all the time was my high potential child because she was the most driven.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: She was in every activity in school first chair, floutist in the high school and making state and doing marching band and national merit scholar crazy stuff and she's had the most interesting time as a nook.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: She's, of all my kids, probably the biggest hearted, most interested in social justice, lifting up people that are on the down and out.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: She was the one making sure the kids that weren't included had a place to sit at the prom when she went with a group of girls that's who she.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: That's just a joy stayed away from a lot of girl drama and she's had the most interesting career shift because she's my downwardly mobile child.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: This is a girl that was a national merit scholar that went to a very prestigious architecture school, got a master's degree in architecture and two years into architecture came to me and it's like I can't do this.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I know Like and we knew, we knew watching it, even though the end of her schooling and in the company it didn't the gifts required to do the job that she was doing weren't hers, like she just did it through grunt force.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: She wanted to work with people and not manage manage projects.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: And she has high aesthetic values and she left her architecture firm to work for, like a christian community health care clinic in west chicago.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: She's going into hospitals helping underserved people like make sure they get the type of health care they need, speak in speaking Spanish half the time, and I couldn't be happier for her, like my vision of what her life was going to look like if you would have watched her grow up.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot of joy in seeing her kind of find her way and then learning how to die to a few dreams, like my wife and I.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: You know there's when you paid for a kid to get a master's degree in a professional thing, which we did, and to be okay a few years later when the kid looks at you and goes I don't want to do this and to have the grace and understanding to go.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: You're right, this isn't a fit for you.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: I don't think you're ever going to even really like this because you're not naturally good at a lot of what this job requires.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: You just fought through it because you're really talented and really smart.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: You know that was like one of those parenting moments in our life that I could look to and then my little guy is just a source of joy right now.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: He's a couple of years out of Purdue and decided to move to Indianapolis.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: As an adult he still goes back to Purdue basketball games and lives with really neat guys who he met at Purdue and he's plugged into the Indianapolis community and going to a neat church there and just fun to watch him be a young adult and for everything from fitness to ministry he's involved in to just make sure he's got a full life as a single guy.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: So not a ton of stress there.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: You know like it's been.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: It's just been interesting watching them all kind of do their thing and being in the background.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: And what's he?
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: What's his jam?
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: What's he is, he does, he know what he's doing, job wise.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Yet yeah, he's working kind of in a revenue support function Like he's more like a project manager analytics kid.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I've tried to get him to go into sales because he has the humor and the drive and the competitive spirit and he really cares about about financial things.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: He's very wise with his money and but he just doesn't want to do the outbound thing part of sales.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: So I could see him ended up in account management, but right now he's trying to figure out what is it going to look like.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: You know, I think he's hungry to do a little more than he's doing.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, Very cool.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I just met.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I met a um.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: I met someone recently.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I actually had a, uh, had a it's like really awesome conversation.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: He's a big Purdue guy too.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: And one thing Mike can find about me that I I don't know if you're like this, but I I get so much joy out of connecting people, but I don't keep score.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: I call it a boomerang mindset.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: I'm always trying to throw boomerangs and connect people.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: So right when you said your son, I'm like, Ooh, I got to connect him to my boy Purdue.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Awesome.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting when you say that because it reminds me of a couple and I've had some conversations like this recently People who do something for your kid.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: You'll do anything for them.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean particularly with the age of where our children are right now, and there's probably adults in your daughter's life that you would do anything for because of the way they invest or love her or mentor her or care or maybe will tell her the truth when she needs to hear from someone who's not her parent.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: And I've got a handful of those people in my kids' lives who've either been a mentor or someone who reached out or did networking or career coaching, and it's huge.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: And that's why part of what I'm spending time right now doing is I'm trying to free myself up a little bit from the crazy travel I've been doing for the last I don't know six, seven years.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I've got a handful of young guys like in their twenties that I'm pseudo mentoring, whether they're pre-career or early career, and I see the reaction from their parents when they know oh you're, you're getting together with my son, you're having breakfast with my 20 year old and I love it, and part of the reason I'm doing it is when I care, but it's almost like I'm paying it forward because people did it for me and I realized the impact.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: When some mature, intelligent, grounded adult takes an interest in your kid, I mean, what more?
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: What a better way, right, I mean, and so many people are so lonely and you know I mean particularly the age of your kids.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you want to go down this path, but my 28 year old isn't a different generation than your youngest child, even though a generation used to be 20 or 25 years, whatever happened in the last decade and it started with smartphones and other trends my 28 year old did not grow up in the same world that your high school junior is growing up, and even though they're barely, you know, 11 years apart or something like that, right, and a lot has changed.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: So, anytime, mature, wise adults are helping younger people today who are not their children like I applaud and salute so yeah, no, it's so true man.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: It's like the people who, like, who helped my son eat, like on his golf journey, um, I'm like, if they called me today I'd do anything, thousand percent.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: People who've helped, like you know, open up you, do a training for my daughter, or or make a phone call to this coat.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, same thing, you, it's a no-brainer yeah, is your, is your son playing college?
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: uh, college golf yep that's a big deal.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's cool, yeah, and it's actually, it's what, what?
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: The coolest thing about this journey so far Mike for for I guess him and us is he had a really good high school career.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, four-year Letterman uh, never like he won.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: He won a district tournament once but he was always like, um, like at state middle, the middle of the pack or above average, but there's some really good golfers who go D1.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: He's on, he's go to a school called Southern Oregon but at his team now his team is stacked.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: They have like he's like the between number four to like number seven on a team of 12.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: And he's like a scratch.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Wow, these kids are like the top three or plus.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: It's amazing the level they're playing at right.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, and I love it because it's pushing him outside his comfort zone.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: And one of my favorite quotes that I've I found recently was actually by kurt cousins of all people and uh, I've been sharing it with him and everybody even share it now when I go speak.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: But it says tough times won't last but tough people do.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: And it just spoke to me because I was like.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: It made me think.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Well, think about times I've been through, like an injuring high school that dramatically changed where I played football in college to, you know, being a part of like biggest deals in my company history and then falling apart and I was the same dude and just staying true to like the values and how I was raised and how the mentors in my life got me.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: So I just like share my son.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Both kids like you're going to go through hard times.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: That's not if, but when.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: But if you rely back on the things that we've taught you, that you've learned, that people you're surrounded by, you'll get through those times.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: It's huge.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: You know, yeah, you know, we joke about helicopter parenting and you know bubble wrapping the kids, and it's true.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I mean I look at how I grew up and some of the hurdles I had to overcome that these kids didn't have.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: And we joke about raising rich kids and other different things, and there is definitely I don't know if the word is maybe deficiency.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: There are character development opportunities that are missed because of lack of struggle.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: And hearing you, I mean my heart grows when I hear you talk about the conversation with your kids and how to see them live out the way Kirk Cousins was describing, and that's a guy I have a lot of respect for.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, just on the pro level, he had so much shade thrown at him.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: He's never really been loved by the media or the NFL public, right, maybe because he's made all this money and maybe because he'd never taken a team deep into the, into the post season.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: But like there's a guy like I'd like to have dinner with that guy.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Like there's stories, right, and you can see how his teammates like him.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Like there's there's someone who shows up, who gets dirty, who does what has to be done and he lives it out too right, every day.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, he's sharing his faith and he's a man of integrity and he you never hear anything bad said about him.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: He connects to, with people.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: There's a there's a lot of, there's a lot in that.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: so well you said.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Before I go back to you, you said something that's really important that I think I want to make sure that moms and dads and grandpa whoever's listening today listens, because we've interviewed 280 something dads mike and one of the.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: We've interviewed 280 something dads Mike and one of the.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: We've done many episodes on, like high school, like growing up, being sports dads or and wanting it so bad for your kid and and doing everything because what you think they want to do, and like one of the things I always tell my kids, like I got dad's got no eligibility left.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: I am, I am done.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: My fitness goals are don't get fat, don't get hurt.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: That might be a book I want to write.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: My wife says you can't do it.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like I think it'd be funny.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I really think that's solid.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: You know, at my age I'm 57 it's it's get unfat and live longer and healthier.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: So I think you're onto something, so yeah, okay, you'll have to write the cover, okay, but like when your daughter said, like you invested, invested it, you're like, oh my God, she's gonna be this architect.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: She's crazy smart, she did it.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Dad, I want to like I think there's a lot of gold in how you and your wife approach that, and so maybe talk about how did you, how did you not resist the urge to like wait what Versus?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Just meet her where she's at.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: I think well, the the.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: The simple answer is this we weren't surprised because we were tracking with her through the struggles, through the end of the last couple of years of her master's degree and watching her challenges navigate the.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I mean when you're in architecture school, they treat you like you're in medical school.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: I mean the hours, the stupidity, the pressure, the projects, and we could see that it was a little overwhelming and, as we know our daughter it was apparent particularly when you get out of school.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: You're not in some high-level job.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Your first job is coordinator.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: You may have a master's degree but you're coordinating.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: And so we saw this girl that was motivated by helping.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Part of the reason she wanted to do urban landscape architecture was to increase the beauty and the quality of life of people who were often forgotten and that's kind of who she is.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: So she's good at art and she was good at people, but she was, and in the university setting she got to do projects where there was research about people and betterment and lifting up, whether it was international projects or people in, you know, in inner city situations where they would, they would just poor, poor aesthetics and poor quality of life and the different things that city planners and people that care about that stuff to understand.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: But you get in the job and you, you know she's basically clicking, clicking a mouse right Doing CAD.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: You know, read, redoing parking lots.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Like you know she's basically clicking, clicking a mouse right doing cad.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: You know, read, redoing parking lots.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Like you know what what landscape architecture is on paper at a firm is different than what it felt like in the university.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think because we knew she wasn't using her gifts and she felt like a glorified project manager managing a psycho amount of details and projects, working for a firm that kept on or we need it faster and we need it better, right, and we need it cheaper Limiting her number of hours on different projects.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: And I'm like honey, they don't understand, you can't have all three of those, they only get to pick two.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Right Like everyone in business kind of learns that, and so the bottom line was we saw it coming.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: We weren't surprised because we were in relationship.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: But I think the bigger lesson and I'm not patting myself on the back for this, but of all the parenting memories I have, this isn't the top three or four of moments where I stopped myself from saying something stupid or I was able to die to myself and my own vision or my own ego because it's fun.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: And I'll just be as transparent, casey, as possible.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: I could tell you're wired like this.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: It was fun telling people my daughter was a national merit scholar or was at the top of her class doing landscape architecture, or graduated with this degree or was working in Chicago at this firm Right.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: But that's not my life, that's her life.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: And what I had to get over was what do I care what people think about what my daughter's doing Like I'm proud for?
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Was what do I care what people think about what my daughter's doing Like I'm proud for what's in her heart and what she wanted to do?
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: So it was the ability to go.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: This isn't about me, and that's part of what I think I've learned the last few years as a parent of adult kids is it's not my life, I am not living vicariously through them, and I think there's a lot of issues with some of my friends and my peers who are still living through their kids, and I think her making this dramatic shift was like a wake up call for my wife and me and what we really want is her to be healthy and happy and productive and using her God given abilities and thriving as an adult, whatever that means.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Yep, not measuring it on prestige or income, you know.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: So I don't know if that helps explain it.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: It was really realizing it wasn't about me and my ego and I needed to let that go.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: And the truth was because I love her, I want to see her thrive.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: I knew she needed to get out of that.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: As a guy who was a consultant and in management all the time, what do I always teach sales leaders?
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Put the right people in the right role.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: Are they gifted?
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Do they have the DNA and the nurture and the characteristics to succeed in what you're asking them to do?
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: And if you looked objectively at the job description of what she was being asked to do and who this person was, it was a total misfit.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: So I would have been a hypocrite to say no, you keep doing that.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't quit, don't quit, Don't be yeah.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: So there was no reason, for you know, I didn't need to justify the roi on our investment in her education, like who cares?
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: At this point you're an adult and now that you're an adult you know what you're good at, and so I think it was all of that and I I think what's been interesting is the, the bonding that that um produced in our relationship and her trust of us, because we, I think I think I surprised her at my reaction a little bit, like I wasn't surprised, but she was surprised that I took it as well as I did until now.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: I'm in total grace, like, let's go, let's go do what you're good at.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: You're not.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: And I said it to her and I wasn't being mean or funny.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like I said Haley, you're never going to be great at this.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: This isn't who you're gifted Like, and I'm not insulting you Like the stuff they ask you to do is I know you.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: That's not you.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: You're going to be miserable every day.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: So for if I care about her, I had to, I had to be okay with her getting out of that.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: That's cool man, that's a.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: I was like getting goosebumps.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: You're telling a story and I think it's.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: It's so powerful for parents If you're a younger dad listening like, learn this journey, cause it's.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: It's so easy to you see your kid going down a path and you know that they could be really good at something.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: But they don't, might not want to do that, and I'm not.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: We're not saying don't push your kid or, you know, support them.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: But it's like if, if they're just not happy doing something or they're in the wrong.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Like for me, if you put me in a job where I'm going to be building stuff, that building's not going to be earthquake proof.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: It's probably going to come down in like a three mile an hour windstorm and I'm going to be sued and be in the big house for 48 years.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, I can relate to that I have.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I've lacked those gifts as well.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I wish I was handy.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: But like my buddies, I'm a I'm.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: I'm the butt of all the jokes.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: You know the fixing stuff.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Now I'm a hard worker, I'll be a great secondhand.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: I just don't have the mindset to see it.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like I was joking myself.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like dude.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Unfortunately, blame your dad.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I passed that skill down to you.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: Like you're not handy, I'm not handy.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: My wife she probably has 83 tool belts.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: You know, and could?
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: That's not my jam.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: No, and you know what this is.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: This is what adults learn, like I'm thinking of some really famous people that affect the business community, like Dan Sullivan from the strategic coach, and he teaches about know your unique ability.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: What are you so good at that you would do for free Because you love it, like that's what you want to operate in.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Michael Hyatt teaches about operating in your desire zone, like get rid of the drudgery.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Like you want to be really productive, spend a lot of time in a thing you're freaking awesome at.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: And there's a lot of joy when you're doing what you're good at using your natural gifting and the skills you've acquired.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: So it I would be extremely hypocritical if I wasn't living that out right as a parent, as well, one of my, my famous go-tos I love sarcasm, mike is always my buddies make fun of me.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like how many words can you type per minute?
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Or how many?
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: How many people can you speak to in front of an audience and not get nervous?
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: You know tongue in cheek a little bit, but it's like for some I don't get nervous in those environments.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's my gift, it's like the, but anyway, it's a weird question, just speaker to speaker.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Weird question Was that?
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Was that natural for you?
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: Like, were you always not nervous in front of an audience?
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Or were you naturally good at speaking in a on a big stage environment early on, or did that take a lot of crafting on a big stage environment?
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: early on, or did that take a lot of crafting?
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: I that's a really good question.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I don't, I don't remember.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: I mean I definitely get sometimes, you know, a little bit nervous butterflies.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Like my coach in college said, if you're not nervous, you're not ready.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: So like I get those sometimes, but once I it's like that first hit or that first completion I threw, it's gone.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like bent zone, like locked in.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: I thrive off it because it's like the joy of playing quarterback in college is.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: Now you're taking me down the Uncle Rico path and the plane dying my hair.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I love when people look in the eye and they believe in me.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: That's addicting and I love the feeling of like that I take that ownership, like I am responsible for these 10 dudes and we're going to go to.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: I can't wait and I feel like that's no-transcript.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I do not want to be on the stage because it's weird, even after 10 years of practice and getting paid stupid money to do it.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I've never enjoyed it, so I've gotten, I've.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I said you know what I'm in a place I don't have to do anymore, I'm done and I'll make a little less money.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to teach the way I want to teach in places.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I feel like I can make an impact.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: But it's still kind of it's the same conversation with my daughter like know thyself and do what you're good at.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: I'm just less hungry, probably income wise, than I was 10 years ago.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: So I was just yeah, you right.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: And you said that I was like you, you, you and your daughter share that in common now.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I now it's like that.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: I never you did say this would be like a therapy session.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Now I feel like I'm on the couch.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm living this out.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: So can I get you some water?
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I got my little, my little cheap Panera offensive to you.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: No, no, because my Sonics the.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Starbucks.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I had to like get over it.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: But when they sold the team to Oklahoma City, that was like a punch in the face.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: I was like what?
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: So I'm like I know more about the WNBA now because of my daughter.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: I couldn't tell you 10 NBA players, honestly, and I'm a big sports fan.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: When you lose a team it sucks, um.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: But now I'm like a hockey guy because my cracking yeah, I just woke up to learn that St Louis blues fired their coach like 20 games into the season last night.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: So there's a little chaos in the in the St Louis papers that I need to find out more about that.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: My first real quick, fun fact, my first NHL game ever blues Blackhawks Wow, that's a big rivalry.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: I went in September.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: I was traveling in St Louis for business and this is like shoot 10 years ago maybe, and it was like game five with the World Series is there, and we were in town like we're not gonna be able to go to that game.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: I said, let's go to I've never been to a hockey game.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: Let's go to a hockey game 10 rows back behind the wow, behind the ice, on the, behind the um, the blues net and it was a one-one game that they then went to overtime.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: It was an awesome game what an experience.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a heck of a rivalry.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: St louis and chicago is so interesting.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Everyone in st louis has an inferiority complex about chicago.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: I I can say that because I'm not from here.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: Like everyone wants to be chicago, and the one thing that kills st louis is when the Cubs are better than the Cardinals, because for all those years you could say they never won a championship, and 2016 was the year the Cubs won the World Series and the Rams left St Louis to go back to California.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Hi, I'm Betsy Robinson, ceo of Tier 4 Group, a women-owned and diversity-certified technology recruiting and executive search firm that connects exceptional talent with extraordinary companies in 43 states across the US.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: At Tier 4 Group, relationships are at the heart of everything we do, whether it's with our clients, our candidates, our vendor partners or with each other.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: Our mission is to go beyond transactions and create long-lasting partnerships.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: We don't just help companies find talent, we help them find the right talent, and that starts with truly understanding our clients and candidates.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: It's not just about filling roles, it's about fostering success for the long-term.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: This is the recipe for success that's landed us on the Inc 5000 six consecutive years and has us outpacing our competition across the country, and I'm thrilled to support Casey Jaycox's podcast.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Casey's philosophy aligns perfectly with ours, prioritizing relationships over transactions.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: His insights on building trust, empathy and connection resonate deeply with the way we do business at Tier 4 Group.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: We were honored to have Casey as our keynote at our 2024 kickoff, and all of our new hires read his book Win the Relationship, not the Deal, when they start here with us.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: So if you're looking for a partner who values relationships as much as results, visit us at tier4groupcom or connect with me, betsy Robinson, directly on LinkedIn.
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: And, while you're at it, keep tuning into Casey's podcast.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: You'll walk away inspired to strengthen your own relationships, both personally and professionally, and, as Casey always says, stay curious.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: I think people here are more depressed about the Cubs than in the World Series.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's very much this dynamic where there's this crazy complex about Chicago.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: Wow, okay, I want to go back in time, mike, and I want to learn what was life like growing up for you and talk about the impacts your parents had on you now that you're a grandpa.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Wow, all right, we'll go, we'll go somewhere down that space.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Um, my parents divorced when I was in like third grade, fourth grade, so that obviously had a huge, huge impact on my upbringing.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Um, and my parents didn't have a great relationship with each other.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: So, you know, it was always mom's side, dad's side.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I lived with my my mom for like 90% of my childhood, but near the end of high school I moved in with my dad because just relationship issues with my mom, which have since been patched up, but there was a definite I don't know what the word is an instability in the way I was raised.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: That definitely impacted the type of parent that I wanted to be.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: That definitely impacted the type of parent that I wanted to be, and I never really thought about that a lot as a kid, but as an adult it became apparent.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: And I'll give you one example my dad was in sales and sales management, so we moved around a bunch when I was young as he was getting promoted and then, after my parents got divorced, ended up moving a couple of times with my mom and then, after my parents got divorced, ended up moving a couple of times with my mom.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: And it's weird, I live in the house I've lived in with my wife for 25 years right now, and while we make a lot more money now than when we bought this house and we could probably live anywhere, we want to live.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: I don't want to go anywhere.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: In fact, we're talking about a remodel right now because we like our neighbors and we like where we are and there's a part of me and I think, because that's the way I grew up without stability that just likes that.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: I live here and I know this house and I know what's wrong with it and I know what needs to.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying and this is like home and I want my kids to have this like home that they could come back to if they wanted to.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: So I think some of that you know I don't know what the right word is to put uncertainty or instability as a youth, has played itself out as a parent.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: But I will tell you this I was loved well by my parents for all of their shortcomings and you know, issues that everyone brings to the table in their parenting.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: Never once thought I wasn't loved or approved of.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: I was never really critiqued or beaten down or I don't have those issues as an adult.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: My parents have both been incredible cheerleaders for what I'm doing in my life my marriage, my business.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: So it's not like I've never felt unapproved of or some of the other challenges I see with the people are still trying to fight those wounds from their childhood.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: I think it was just more the instability piece of it.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: But I have great memories too, like I mean, and my dad, I mean I quote him on a weekly basis in my books and I'm teaching like there's things I picked up from him, whether some of his little expressions, like when I was you know, like hey, buy cheap, get cheap, you know, or nowhere is it written that life is fair or there's no such thing as a certified check, I mean?
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: And then from a sales manager perspective like his, his coaching, particularly when I was young, it was indelible and I credit a lot of my success as a salesperson and now as a consultant writer to things I picked up from him.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: You know, for all the grief we may have on a regular interaction, like every father and son you know would have, it's there's a lot of joy and satisfaction that and my mom and there's, you know my mom had a very tough childhood.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: She grew up in basically in orphanages for the first six, seven years of her life, which you know, you understand now, looking back like it's hard, to hard to make up for the lack of love and things that were there, and it explains a lot of what her adult life has looked like.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: And yet, you know, there's a lot of still peace and oh, she's come a long way, let's just say that and a lot of love and it's, you know, maybe I'm also more I don't know as I get older and I see my parents, you know my dad's in his early 80s, my mom's almost 80, a little softening maybe on, you know, just towards them.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: So I don't know if that helps.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I don't have that question.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, grace, and it's funny, you know, I give less grace to my parents than anyone else on this planet, just like my kids, I think, probably give me less grace than they give to anybody else Like we.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of times parents bring out the worst in their kids.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, it's funny.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: You don't, you don't mean to, but like, and you don't want to become your parents and your parents don't become their parents.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: But you know it's coming and eventually there's things like um, but like I like my, my mom God love her.
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: My mom, they'll be here this week.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: They're already texting me about dinner plans and what we're going to have and I'm like they're, they're all like they're.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: They're the Geico commercial or that, that insurance commercial it's like Dope I that those commercials are the best.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God Hilarious, and my kids appreciate them because I am that.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: I am those people that are being corrected in that commercial that is, that is.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: I, I am that guy I know and I and I know it's like I had I find myself getting like a weirdly like, oh my god, they're doing it because they're excited to see us and they can't wait and I hope my like when my kids are here, like Mike, when my son came home, you know, last week Thursday night, he was home for an hour, an hour and a half before he's going to his buddy's house, and my first thought was like what would I do when they hang out with it?
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: But I'm like I didn't want to do that at his age.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, just like, go you, you want.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: I like I told my wife like we want our kids going to hang out with their buds, we want them to be in relationship.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: One Like that means we're doing something right.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: Totally.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: It's so funny you say that because this is Thanksgiving week that we're recording this.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: My, my son from India is coming home on Wednesday and he has already warned me and even though my mom's in town and he's going to come home on Wednesday afternoon and there's a Liverpool soccer match which is his thing, and he goes, I'll be around for a couple hours, but that evening my high school buddies and I are getting together so I won't be around and I just took I'm like I understand, you know, go enjoy your friends, I'll see you the next morning.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: It's good and it's getting over our need for that you know, yeah, so your mom and dad are still with us.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: They are both yeah, they're both still with us and my stepmom is a really important part of the equation.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: In fact, we just celebrated.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: My stepmom is a lot younger she's 70.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: My dad's like 11 years older than her and we just celebrated her 70th and it was really fun to bless her and both my parents know that I would say this.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: In fact, we made like this tribute video for her while we were around the table and I looked at her in front of my dad and I said to the rest of the family you all know my dad and you know my mom.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: This is normal and I thanked her.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: I said I thank you for bringing Jesus and normalcy into my family.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: You brought some really important things and we're very tight.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: My stepmom is a hugely important, influential person in my life and so are her parents, who brought this normal Midwestern, traditional, you know, grandparenting role into me.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: That was very different than what my my parents' parents were like.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: So, anyway, it was just it's fun that I she's an important piece of who I've become and and a valuable consultant and resource in my life too.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's, that's cool.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: I um that spoke me because my so my dad unfortunately passed away December 29th 2021.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: And in season three, I dedicated every episode to him and so, when he was, I was there for his last breath and he was the dad that you know, didn't miss a thing.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Um, uh, you know he had a lot of challenges and I'm I was the role, me and my wife for the role of the grandparent.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: Well, actually, we were parenting our parents at age 23 through 45.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: Brutal.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: But I just always told myself, cause I'm an optimist, naive optimist.
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: I'm like this didn't happen to me, this happened for me and I'm, luckily, I was in a spot mentally, physically, emotionally, financially to be able to help support him, um, and him, and I'm grateful for that, for that journey.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: But Mike, my mom remarried 20 something years ago.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: Great dude, call him Big Al.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: He's like loving guy, big Boston sports guy, loves golf, loves falling rider, loves falling with daughter Riley, like he's got great kids We've.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: But like that dynamic of when you cause I don't think anybody says when their kids, god, I hope my parents, when you, because I don't think anybody says when their kids, god, I hope my parents get divorced and I can't wait to meet my stepmom.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: Right, exactly, you know it is what it is, and so I was.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: I was lucky that he's a good dude, took, takes care of my mom, loves my mom.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: My dad never got remarried and so, um, but one thing I want to ask because, like my mom, sometimes she'll, she'll.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna poke fun on my mom here and I hope she listens to this.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: She's like you know, you always thank your dad a lot, but not not me on the podcast, and I'm like, well, I that's fair, and so, um, I was going to ask you if you can remember and I want to give love to my mom in a second but tell me what is the best, uh, if you have, like a memory of where you got like taught something whether it's ego or a life lesson that you still think about to this day, like, tell me what comes to mind, either from your mom or your dad, that you passed down.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: Wow, um, you know my mom some of it was by example Um, I don't have a lot of memorable phrases from her, but I can't remember watching her scramble as a single mom trying to figure out life, you know, and it's not easy, right, and it gives you incredible appreciation for anyone who's a single parent, whether it's a mom or a dad.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: But you know, going to work and trying to juggle, caring about the kid's school and providing, balancing whatever the income was coming in from, what she would get from alimony and child support on top of what she needed to earn.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: And I just remember, you know, while there was stress like it wasn't a stress-free life with us and she and I have had our moments relationally she carried the load, you know, she didn't always do it great, but she did it and that was a really good example for me.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Honestly, that stuck.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: My dad was more of the one-liners and the wisdom.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: He's kind of a teacher, he's a little professorial at times, he likes to lecture and share, and it's just little tidbits about life that I just find myself quoting him in different areas, and I could think of so many.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: I've even used a couple of them in this one already, but one I'll.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: I mean I I could think of so many I've.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: I've even used a couple of them in this one already, but one I'll.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: I'll use the sales one I haven't shared yet.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: He sat me down when I was moving out of New York and loading up a rider rental truck to come to St Louis, and he was a big time New York city executive.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: At this point he goes.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: I just want to make sure you understand this.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: Like you're going into sales and I know you've watched me and you listen to stuff but do you really understand that sales is about helping your customer be successful?
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: And he goes.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: The thing I want you to understand is as long as your motivation is to help the customer win, you're always winning sales.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: And my dad has preached a lot of stuff at me over the years.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: Nothing stuck quite like that one.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Honestly, and I will tell you that was the bedrock of my success.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: That showed me you go sell with integrity.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Sales is not something you do to somebody, it's something you do with them.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: Right, you sit on the same side of the table, you're trying to solve their problem, get them a result.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: It means you always operate with integrity, you're honest, you're not trying to manipulate.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: You're doing what's in their best interest.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: And it's funny now that you know that I have.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: I have a podcast and I interview brilliant people in sales.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: They they always bring back some version of that that they they became a rock star.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: I interviewed this guy last year so I became a rock star because I became thick as thieves with my best customers.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: I said what does that mean?
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: He goes.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: It means that I got to the place with them that they knew I put their best interest above my own.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: I mean that was his beautiful living out of what my dad taught me when I was a young man.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: Like it's not about you, so he had a lot of just ability to encapsulate some powerful wisdom and that one stuck with me.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Like that was more like business wisdom than maybe life wisdom, although it it certainly has crossover.
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: But I mean I built the 30-year successful career on top of what he told me when I moved out of new york 32 years ago.
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: Love it um that spoke to me on multiple levels.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: I want to, I want to give.
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: I got to give my love, love my mom.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: But I want to set, like you, what you spoke is what are you seeing?
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: Christmas vacation, seeing the cut?
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: You know, when Griswold sees his tree when he goes in the forest and it like glowing, he's like that's it, that's it.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: So when I wrote that, so my book title, my book, is called when the relationship, not the deal, and so when I, when that title came to me, I was like that's it Like, and I was just like it was so clear, that was it.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: And uh um, to me, winning people is the most people will sell themselves.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: That's not my job.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: My job is to help them get there.
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: They'll know when it's the right one.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: If it's me, great.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: If it's not, that's fine too.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: But I feel like when you, when you and I think the reason now full circle why I'm like this is because my mom, my mom and my dad, but my mom, my mom and my dad, but my mom I remember at age 12, no 11, first time playing like like fast pitch baseball and the dude like I, he I could have swore it was Randy Johnson when I got him out he was like nine foot four, throwing a thousand miles an hour and like the ball was coming out of a tornado, like it was going everywhere.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: I'm like I'm going to die as 11 year old, this is it, I'm done.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: And so I luckily walk and don't get hit, and I'm like there's not a chance in hell I'm going up there again.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, how do I get a stomach ache?
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, yeah.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: My stomach's, I'm out, tell the coach, and I'm like sweet, I'm alive, I'm going to see another day.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: And I get in the car and my mom's like hey, mike, I'm 48.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: By the way, I'm remembering this like it's yesterday.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: My mom's like hey, how's the stomach ache?
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: Well, you, oh, uh, yeah, it's, it's pretty good.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: Do you have a stomach ache?
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: Well, not really, because I just well, why?
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: Well, cause I've scared part of my friend shitless.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: I thought I was going to die, I didn't want to face this guy.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: He's like so, you, you lied.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, kind of, yeah, I didn't want to die, mom.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: So we get home, my mom calls the coach, tells them, and she says, hey, um, so here's your choices.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: You're going to call your coach and apologize, um, or you're off the team, um, or you're off the team.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: And I'm like what?
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: And I, literally, how old were you now?
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: 10, 11, 11?
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: And I had to call the coach and apologize and he was like well, I'm really disappointed in you, casey, um, but it took a lot of strength and to be able to own it and and so when we get to practice on Tuesday, you're going to tell the team the same thing you just told me.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, I had to face the music as an 11 year old and I had to apologize.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: And what a coach, what a mom and what a coach the both that make like a life, indelible memory out of that.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: I had to own it and, um, they literally, you know, and I was like I was so embarrassed and so mortified but, like the team's, like hey case, we got you, we'll let it go.
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: And I'm like I remember when we had to run like to the fence and back and I was like, okay, I got through, that, that was all right, but that that was like again back to tough times.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Don't last.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Tough people do like that is part of who I am like dealing with those moments, isn't that incredible?
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: you're on the podcast this is where you stop and go.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: Thankfully, someone cared enough about me to do that.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like that was love.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: That's part of telling the truth, and love right there.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, cause it could have been glossed over, but that was a formative moment.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: I got to ask you this, like you've done hundreds of episodes how many times have you told that story?
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: Have you never told that before?
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: And that's not going to any episode, or no?
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: Um, I've told another story of my mom when she uh, well, maybe I'll tell him that I'll tell this one again, all right, because that's I just can't believe.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: I mean that's so meaningful.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: It's funny how whatever brought it up today that you know that came out yeah, well, it's funny, curiosity is driving this conversation.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: So my other one was my.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: My mom, my buddy, was turning 16.
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: Shout out to chuck lundowski, he had his little.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: They had this like cabin that we go to 16th birthday party.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: We're all gonna water ski, hang out, we're so excited.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I had worked a little.
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: This thing called papa, papa murphy's or papa, I was like taking big pizza shop here in seattle and it was like 16 at four, was working on a sunday and I'm like, well, I gotta get this thing off because I want to go to the party.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: And my boss goes uh, yeah, I, you got to work sunday, we can't get the time off.
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like, with all due respect, boss said it's Papa Murphy's and A no one really comes in here.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: And B, specifically on a Sunday.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: You know, can I just trade with someone?
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, like damn it.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: So now I'm like, well, how am I going to get out of this?
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: And so I'm like, well, oh, I got an idea.
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: So I go.
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: The next day I go in.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: You're never going to guess, boss, I got a family reunion.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: Uh, I mean the fact that that creative lie is so embarrassing.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: So I fake a family reunion.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: And I tell him like, hey, my, my mom said, yeah, if I have to, um, I have to, I have to be able to go to family reunion, right, right, I'm going to have to quit the job.
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: He's like, no, oh, until I get it, so we'll, we'll let you have it off.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: Well, he calls my mom, he goes hey, I just want to apologize.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: And he sounds like casey has a family reunion this weekend.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: And my mom's like what?
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: oh, we don't he knew right, he knew you were lying, oh 100 and my mom.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: again, she's like I'm sorry he did that, but he's got to face it so he could have, you know, made excuses for me so I had had to go in.
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: And he's like hey, case, thanks for coming.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: You decided, for this was like on a Friday, so I'm thinking I'm in, I'm going to build up a party, life's great.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: And he's like how was the uh excited for the family reunion?
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: I'm like, uh, yeah, he goes.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Are you sure you have one Cause?
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: I talked to your mom and she didn't know about it.
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: Like, oh God, he's like today's your last day.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Case, thanks for firing me on the spot.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: Wow, but I'm so grateful for that because I would never do that stuff again.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: So it's like always, you know, you know full circle.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: Back to sales and coaching we're doing now is like you know, the mindset of it's okay not to know everything, not okay to do anything about it.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: It's so the power of vulnerability was taught for integrity, being honest, following through commitment, um, and just that feeling of letting someone down, not only my mom, my dad, the embarrassment, um, I don't know I'm again.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm sharing this one, but it's like it's fun to just therapeutic, know that sometimes people see people doing what they're doing and what shaped people is like.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: Moments like that.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: A hundred percent.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: There are so many places we could go with this.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: I'll just share this one business perspective because I'm always coaching.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: I'm spending a ton of time in the last couple of years working with sales management teams and one of the things I teach is how to do accountability, because it's a lost art.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: People think it's dirty.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Like you know, it's not dirty.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: You got to show people this is where you stand.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: You stick the results under their nose against their goal.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: Where do they rank on the team?
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: Like scoreboards matter.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: Like keeping score is not inappropriate.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: You know, sometimes I have to use a sports analogy and I joke like this isn't church league soccer.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: Like this is premier league.
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: Like this is this is we're playing big time.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: This is a monopoly money.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: This is not a nonprofit and it's interesting.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: What I've uncovered is how much discomfort there is in telling people the truth these days, and the reason we don't address underperformance with employees is there's this fear or that it's inappropriate or how someone's going to react, and some of it's the baggage that they didn't have the boss or the mom or the coach that you had or that I had, that was willing to tell you the truth.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: It's very freeing when someone's honest with you and I see it when people do good accountability not micromanagement, but good accountability.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: Even underperformers tend to be appreciative of the holding up the mirror because you're giving them a chance to self-correct, as opposed to just waiting until you explode and then fire somebody in anger, right, or just they peter it out Like there's not enough.
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: Telling the truth in love it doesn't mean you're angry, it doesn't mean you're condemning the person, but if someone's failing, you've got to say I need to show you this.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: This is where you are and how can we fix it.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: You are and how can we fix it Like you're not helping anybody by by, you know, trying to cover up their pain they might feel by not telling them they're failing, because they're failing, regardless of whether you show it to them or not, right?
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that resonates with you, but I'm living in that world on a daily basis and it's some version of parenting, if you're really honest about it.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: Well, the truth, um truth, will set you free.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: It's like I'm not trying to be the bad guy.
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you the truth because you told me you wanted me to coach you, or you wanted me the truth, and so I can rely on you and let you go down the path of failing.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: Or I can say hey, jumping off the cliff without a parachute is probably not a good idea.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: If you want to try it and see what happens, go for it and I'll see you in heaven.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: But, like, if not, don't do it.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: You know, Okay, If you think about back to back to dad, like if you think about your your hardest time as a dad, tell me what comes to mind and what did you learn from it.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: Wow, I haven't had.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: I would say that it's interesting that I don't have a hardest time that pops to mind.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: There are moments I'm thinking about from my daughter going through eye surgeries and feeling helpless and scared, to those moments.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: To my son not getting into the fraternity and having to deal with that rejection and it's shock like how in the world could that have happened to him?
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: Like the most relational, good looking, happy, perfect candidate gets told no.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: So I don't know that I have a moment that I could say was the worst moment.
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: There were moments where the kids faced something that seemed unjust, that really hurt, and I could think of a few of those for each of the kids.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: But I don't.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: I've had a relatively, and I say this, and you know, thank you God, that I don't, I haven't been tested by this because, lord knows, I have friends who are, I think, are, wonderful parents and they've had a lot more testing and a lot more challenges and pain as parents.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: Um, and I, honestly, I this is going to sound weird, but I, I just think it's grace, like I, I, I am, I'm humbled by the ease with which we've had parenting and do not take as much credit for it as some people may be tempted to Um because of what I just said.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: I have family and friends who are really good parents that have really heavy burdens with their children and struggles, yeah, and it's sobering so I don't know if that answers your question or I skirted it but mostly when my kids were dealt something that was really unfair.
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sons, was told by a uh, a basketball coach in high school, you're going to be a great teammate on this team, I'm excited to have you.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: And then, two days later, when the list of players making the team come out he wasn't on it.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: Like I'm, like what I that was, like what the hell was that?
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: Like, uh, there was some when, those kinds of moments where I would just be enraged, um, but you know, I have to look back and go some of those were also formative, where the the world, the kids, learned what my dad preaches that no words are written that life is fair.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: It's not, and it's how you and how you deal with it.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: Life is not fair.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: No, it's not, and that's that's.
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: I think that's the mistake we all make you know and just yeah, just because you're a good person, like bad stuff sometimes happens and you, whether it's I mean I've had, I've had friends lose wives, I've had, I've had friends lose kids.
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: I had one friend lose two kids.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: I can't even imagine that.
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: No it's not imaginable.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know it's like what?
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: Like they don't, they didn't deserve that, but all we can do is be the best version of ourselves every day, you know, whether it's through faith or whatever.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: Whatever people's, that's their journey.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: Um, I feel like what keeps me grounded is the data, is gratitude.
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: Every morning, I literally have a gratitude journal and it's like I'm such a habit guy by it that I, every morning, it's like the first line is God, thanks for waking me up, know, and just when I say that, it like almost brings a smile to my face.
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: Or thanks for my health.
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: I got a chance to.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: I was like I got a chance to meet Mike today.
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: I got a chance to do this.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: I got a chance to do this.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: I got, um, even something silly is like I was showing my son something last night and it's a little.
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: It was just like this weird little gate that was kind of broken.
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: I was trying to teach him and I could tell he was getting frustrated and I almost found myself getting frustrated with him.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: He's like god, you're so dumb.
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: I'm like whoa, no, you're not, you're not dumb and a never talked to yourself like that ever again in front of me, um.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: But then I thought about myself like, maybe I didn't well, maybe I wasn't the best coach.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: Trying to describe you have two non-handy people trying to help each other.
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: That's not a good recipe for disaster, it's not good.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: So this morning I'm like I can't wait till he wakes up, cause I'm going to say, hey, that was on me.
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: I don't think I was the right coach, I don't think I was describing it well enough because you didn't understand it.
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: And so, hey, dad, you're not making sense, ask me questions.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: And like, whenever you want to ask questions, that'll be the best answer, because I'm okay with questions, because I teach curiosity in life, and so, like I admit that goes back to, you know, staying grounded.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: Like, no, I'm the idiot, not you.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: I got.
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: I got to find ways to better teach you.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: That's really healthy, isn't it?
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: That's really good.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: You just feel better when you own it.
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's a word that comes to mind when I hear you talk, and that there's a just an honest humility that you know, you bring it to the table in that conversation, which I think is lacking in a lot of us.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: And I, you know that's my sin, right it's.
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: It's when you start thinking more highly of yourself than you ought and you, you, you don't, you know, you can't stop and go.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe I was the wrong coach here and that that's a big moment, and I've realized, with family in particular, there are times that I'm like you should just chill out a little here, weinberg, you, you, maybe you're over-asserting or you're not as right as you think you are, and that's a hard, that's a hard thing to say to yourself.
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you, I'm going to give love to my wife you made me think of the story and we'll.
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: We'll wrap up here.
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: Um, my, one of the best things my wife gave me Mike was, um, so, year one, when I was like I leave corporate, not sure what's happened, and I get into this entrepreneurial journey.
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: Didn't mean to do that and I'm just loving like the podcast journey is fun, I'm loving the coaching.
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: It's just like my energy is just, I'm getting filled.
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: It's so fun.
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: And I remember one day my wife's like um, I know that you're excited about all this stuff, but no one, no one else, is excited about it as you, and we don't want to get coached, we want you to be dad.
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: Wow, we want Casey back and you want to talk about a fricking.
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: I mean kick to the you know what without a cup on.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: I mean I was just like.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: I was like at first, like like defensive, like well, what?
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: But I'm like just be yourself, dude, like all my buddies aren't bragging about their job, all my buddies aren't.
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: Hey, I tell you, I pulled this guy over.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: He's going 34 and a 26, 25.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: God, I got him good.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like it's such I, that's right.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm most grateful for is.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: I'm around so many people that keep me grounded, so healthy, or yours.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: I've lived through what you're describing also.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: No one is less impressed with my business than my wife and my kids.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: I can't even begin like it's almost more of a burden to them than it is and like there's no joy in it.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: Uh, and I mean that and it's been a weirdest thing and it's the temptation as a man like I want respect, I want this, I can get it outside the house, like that's just bizarre bad tapes playing in your head, like I get it.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: They're so unimpressed with me.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: It's almost.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I have a conversation with a client or someone writes a testimonial and I'm like could you send that to my family?
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: You know, like, but because what you're saying is they don't really want it.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: They want, they want you as bad or dad or son.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: They don't.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: They don't want coach, and it's it's very important that you, even even going into this Thanksgiving, hearing you say that is a good reminder to me in terms of my own expectations and what lens I will look through this week, because there will be disappointments and my kids will make selfish choices and my mom will trigger me and like I all of those things.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: And it's just good to pause and breathe in a little bit and understand like there's appropriate ways and it's some of it comes back to I'm going to say it again like humility and just thinking a little less of yourself, or thinking of yourself a little less often, and that could solve a lot of problems.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: And I just want to say one more thing, as we're getting near the end too.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: I said this in the beginning and I can't tell you how important it is.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: And as we're sitting here, I'm getting a text from a friend who's really struggling in a relationship with his children and it's a mess.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: And what I'm so frustrated with my friend is helping him see that, while he may be right about the facts.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: His approach is not helping the relationship and I cannot tell you how many times my wife and I have had the conversation with ourselves regarding our own family or, as we're talking to some of our peers, wrestling with children who are causing great challenges to choose relationship over being right or making a point or being dogmatic, and whether it's children who have completely rebelled and gone a crazy direction or have chosen a lifestyle that is very different than what the parents would have imagined or hoped for, or it's just some little thing where there's tension.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: I think so many family disruption challenges could be averted or reduced or tension mitigated by us saying let's do this for the sake of relationship.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: I had this conversation with my dad.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: My dad was politically nuts the last 10 years and I understand everyone in America is politically nuts, but he couldn't stop sending stuff, even if I didn't agree with it, and finally I just said, like for the sake of relationship, could you stop?
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: And he really didn't.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: But I had to say to myself okay, for the sake of relationship, I'm not going to read it and I'm not going to respond, because he obviously can't help himself.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: And it's just do you get where I'm going?
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: Like Because he obviously can't help himself.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: And it's just.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: You get where I'm going.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: Totally, we all need to breathe a little bit and this environment of algorithm fed one piece of news one side coming your way, whether it's whatever your favorite social media platform is or whichever cable news you watch, right?
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: That's not helping any relationships.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: Nope, that's just telling you.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: You're right with a bunch of other angry people, whether you're on the left or the right or whatever other.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: Pick your your position, and I think sometimes we would all be in a better shape if we would place value on the relationship and the respect of the other people above other things.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: So I love that wall.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: I'll end, then, with this, before we go into what I call the lightning round is you?
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: What you just described was one of the best pieces of advice I got at age 23 from my first boss and my first sales job.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: He says, casey, do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want?
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: I go I want both.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: He's like you can't, you got to pick one.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: I'm like wow, say that again.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: Do you want to get what you want?
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: And you can't always have both, Can't always, you got to pick one.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: To me, I think it's the best.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: I always tell my clients that, like that's the bet, one of the best sales interview questions.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: Cause if they say I want to be right, then do not hire them.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: That means you got an egomaniac that's going to be doing the he or she's going to be selfish.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: But getting what you want is outcomes, like for your friend, like being right yeah, you're right.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: But if you tell them you're right, they're going to resist you.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: You just helped me more than you know, as I'm dealing with my friend honestly, like I'm, that I just reframing that for him would be so helpful right now.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: Oh, I love it man.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: Well, I owe you for that.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: That was worth.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: That was worth the whole conversation.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: Serendipity universe, god.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: Wherever we were meant to, I always believe we were met.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: I always people I meet.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: Um, it's for a reason.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: I always look for it and, um, okay, I want to.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: I want to make sure, before we go to the lightning round, tell us, I know there's a sales leader out there, there's a, there's someone that maybe they're looking for, but I want I know you don't want to do this, but I'll make you do it Like, give me, give me the minute.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: What's Mike Wein doing?
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: How can people learn more about you, whether it's your books, the workshops, because I think you do have a ton to offer many, many people and, as a sales coach doing similar stuff, the world.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: There's so much opportunity for all of us out there, so tell us how can we learn more about you and the work you're doing.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for the thanks for the opportunity to do that.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: The website is Mike Weinberg.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: W E I N B E Rweinbergcom.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: I've got a lot of free stuff.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: My passion in business is helping salespeople and sales teams win more new sales, and I do that in two ways.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: I work with sales teams and help them develop more new business, and my first book, new Sales Simplified, is what put me on the map and it sells more today, 12 years later, than it sold even when it came out as a new bestseller.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: But the second way I do it, which is probably where I spend 70% of my time right now, is I work with leaders, sales executives and sales managers and I help them radically ramp up sales management effectiveness.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: So my podcast is the Sales Management Simplified Podcast and my last couple of books have been about sales management and the events I do for sales leaders are called Supercharge your Sales Leadership, where I do these full day intensive all around the basics of sales management simplified.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: Everything can be found at mikeweinbergcom.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: I play on Instagram a little bit, really for fun.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: Linkedin, obviously, is a little more business serious, but I've got lots of free resources.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: The podcast has been a surprising grace for me.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: I didn't expect to have this type of following on the podcast or have so many people reach out to me and I just it's free and I put out a lot of content.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: I interview really a lot of people, whether they're similar influencers and authors or they're practitioners, sharing their struggles and their best practices.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: So that's where people can find me and I always say this and I mean it.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: I am blown away that I have the position I'm in.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: I didn't have a vision board that said you're going to be a well-known sales coach, speaker, author.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: I didn't have a plan for that.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: I kind of happened into it and I'm just trying to be a good steward of the platform that's been given to me and make as big a dent as I can with my clients and bring as much value as possible.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: So thanks for asking.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: No, I love it.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: We will make sure that's all linked in the show notes, everybody, and we'll make sure the books are linked, the website's linked, mike, though it's now time to go into the lightning round.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: I'm scared.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: Okay Now, I don't know what to expect.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: I know it's going to go quickly.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: This is going to show you the negative hits of me taking too many hits in college.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: Not bong hits, but football hits, all right, and your job is to answer them as quickly as you can.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: My job is to get a giggle out of you.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I will, that will not be hard.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: Here we go, okay, true or false.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: When you play golf with your wife, you play the Reds and she plays the blues False, okay, true or false.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: While you go to the Porsche racetrack, you race a Gremlin False Okay.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: If I was to go into your phone right now, what would be the one song that would surprise your kids that you listen to?
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: There would be no surprise, because no one makes fun of my eclectic music choices more than my kids.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: What is the song choice then?
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: What would you go to?
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to go with Million Little Miracles, since it's my favorite song right now.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, joe Barnes.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, what would be your one if you had to go?
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: You're going to speak at the biggest stage ever and you're going to do one last speaking.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: What's your walk-up song?
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: Beautiful Day.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's a good one.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: Um, if there was to be actually favorite eighties comedy movie is vacation, wasn't eighties, was it Eddie Murphy?
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: Uh, Beverly Hills cop one.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: That's easy, solid choice.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: Um, if you had your dream, uh, foursome, you're playing golf with three other people.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: Um, what course you're playing and who's in the group?
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: I've never thought about this.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: Let's not make it the Masters, let's make it a playable golf course.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: That's really pretty Okay.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: So I don't know, maybe I'll go Pebble Beach or somewhere that's just gorgeous, maybe Bandon Dunes or something like that.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: Scotty Shuffler's first on the list, because I've got a man crush on him like no one's business because of who he is and how he's conducted and how much money he's made and how he's still living the same life he lived before he made his $100 million.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: I love Jerry Seinfeld and I think it'd be a riot to hang out with him, just in a normal conversation.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: Can I get one more?
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: I need to think about that.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: I honestly I I don't.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: I'm not even sure who it would be.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: Uh, I'll go with Adam Wainwright for right now, cause I know he loves golf and he was a hero to me in St Louis for all the years.
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: He was a pitcher here and just uh, just an outstanding man in the community and someone I really looked up to.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: So Jerry Seinfeld, adam Wainwright and Scotty Scheffler that's not the foursome I would have like.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: If I had time to think about it probably wouldn't have been that answer.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: Well, when this episode comes out, when I post on LinkedIn in the comments, maybe, if you're up, if you're for some changes, let us know.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: I will.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: I will think about this, yes.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: That is a killer question New York kid makes good.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, Now New York kid makes good is crushed.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: Every all the other books you wrote, those are like JV books.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: This is the varsity book and it's every airport.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: Amazon can't print enough it's, it's just crushing it.
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 2: So Netflix has found out about it and they want to make a movie out of it.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: And now you're the casting director and I need to know who's going to star Mike Weinberg in New York Kid Done Good.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, this is easy.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: Let's just get the child actor, mike Weinberg, who sometimes and Google, messed this up for a few years.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: He starred in Home Alone 4.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: Let's just go get Mike Weinberg the actor to play Mike Weinberg.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: The New York kid makes good.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: That was the easiest question.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: I like it.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: I get about 10 pieces of mail a year from some crazy psycho Mike Weinberg actor fan that tells me that wants to convince me that I am that Mike Weinberg that was in the movie and now I'm hiding it because I have the sales consulting author business it's.
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: I've got some crazy mail.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: Crazy.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: That's hilarious, it is.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: It's bizarre.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 2: Wow, okay, wow, okay.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 2: Last question uh, tell me two words that would describe your wife beautiful deep loving three well, we'll call that hyphenated.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, so it's still two.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: We'll give you credit for that one.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: All right, lighting rounds over.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: Um, I think I laughed at my own jokes more than more than you um, those are freaking hard questions that's why it's fun.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: Uh, this has been an absolute blast.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: I apologize, we've gone over, but it's uh, it's, it's.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: It's funny when life happens like this, like my day is packed, uh, but I did have extra gap afterwards, which is called serendipity.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: It was meant to be.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: This has been so much fun.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: I feel like I went through therapy.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: I love learn about you.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: I hope our paths cross where we actually can meet.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: Meet in person, maybe on the golf course, never know.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: I would like that.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: Um, but it's been an honor spending time with you.
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: Um thanks for being an example for many of us doing similar work you're doing.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: Um thanks for showing us the way and staying humble, uh, and and just sharing your honest, open stories and others.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: It's going to impact a lot of dads and, hopefully, grandpas, maybe moms today.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: But, mike, thanks so much for your time.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: It's really really fun spending time with you and again, have a great Thanksgiving with your family.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: You are gracious and kind.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having me.