Latest / For Love We Heal Podcast / E50: Juan's ROCD Journey & Spiritual Awakening

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E50: Juan's ROCD Journey & Spiritual Awakening · For Love We Heal Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Juan, welcome to the For Love Wheel podcast.
0:03
SPEAKER_01: Um I appreciate you coming on and being willing to do this.
0:07
SPEAKER_08: I think that uh my pleasure.
0:09
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
0:10
SPEAKER_08: My pleasure to be here.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: It's it's been it's you know, it's been nice to meet you.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: We've only met a few times.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: You're in the community that that I run, right?
0:18
SPEAKER_01: And you've been to a couple of our support groups and stuff.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: Uh and I do want to read something because uh I think it's uh um I do want to let people know, you know, it seems like you've gotten a lot out of out of our, you know, I guess my content or whatever and and the course and community.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: Uh and if you're okay with it, I do want to read what you wrote me because I feel like it is really powerful, like what you said to me.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: You sent me a message and you said, good morning, Alex Juan here uh from the RSDD course.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: Brother, I want to say a huge thank you.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: I felt called by your work since I first saw you.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: Uh and just being in a couple of meetings has made a massive effect in my life.
0:59
SPEAKER_01: I feel the depth and power of IFS, and I'm applying it very often.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm watching the videos now and I feel a great awakening inside.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: I've been walking a spiritual path for years, but today I feel it very differently.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Listening to you talking about self has triggered something deep inside.
1:17
SPEAKER_01: It is as if I could touch nirvana enlightened state and can understand that every time that something disturbing comes up inside me, it's a call from a part of me to be seen, loved, and taken care of.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to make this an eternal, eternal message, but I would like you to know that you and your work helped change a man's life and relationship with himself and the world deep down in Argentina.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: Love you, man.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: I'll be forever grateful.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: Talk to me, talk to us.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: Talk to us about that, what you said to me.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: Like, what's happened for you?
1:53
SPEAKER_08: Wow.
1:54
SPEAKER_08: Uh like when I was listening to your videos talking about the self, you were explaining the parts, the managers, the firefighters, and you reach the self.
2:08
SPEAKER_08: And like I can I can I could feel like I could recognize a part of me that that's always been there.
2:15
SPEAKER_08: Like I've been to be Pasana meditation retreats, uh, I do like vision quests, and and and I'm very involved in periods of silence and and contemplation.
2:31
SPEAKER_08: But like this change of being able to actually see not just the most incredible visions, but the the daily life, the things that trigger me, the the anger, the sadness, and be able to watch that from this point of being, from this place of consciousness.
2:54
SPEAKER_08: And you know, it's it's easy for me to say I want to love the world and love the people and the animals, but fuck to love my parts, my my angry part, the shadow, it's that's the trick.
3:08
SPEAKER_08: That's the trick.
3:09
SPEAKER_08: And being able to listen to someone talk about the self in such a I don't know, a specific way, helped me to recognize the self as the I am that many traditions talk about.
3:26
SPEAKER_08: It's like putting that I am into action, into everyday action.
3:30
SPEAKER_08: Let's just stay in the etheric place.
3:33
SPEAKER_08: You know what I mean?
3:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
3:41
SPEAKER_01: It kind of like there's it kind of ties together everything in a way.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: Like it's IFS gives us that.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: You know, IFS gives us a way to, you know to not only embody it, but work with the constraints that that cover it.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Like I feel like there's a lot of traditions, and I love all of them, you know, I love, but a lot of like there's there's a lot of them that are are a little bit more bypassed, like spiritual bypassy.
4:19
SPEAKER_01: But IFS gives us a way to it, it's it's called a constraint release model because the self's there, it's all in there.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: It's just we have things that have we've taken on that cover that space within us, that love and compassion, everything.
4:33
SPEAKER_01: And by by being with our parts or the shadow or whatever, whatever we want to call it, and listening to it and loving it, it's sort of a lot, it extricates us from the barriers that we've built up to from that place within.
4:48
SPEAKER_01: So it's uh it's quite powerful.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: And um, so I'm so happy to hear that that's you know, it sounds like you've done all the stuff.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: It's just something clicked for you in a little bit of a different way through, as I say, hearing certain words come out of my mouth in a certain way.
5:06
SPEAKER_01: Whoever's words those those are, I don't know.
5:10
SPEAKER_01: I don't know whose words they are, but they're you know what I mean.
5:16
SPEAKER_01: I I maybe I channel it.
5:18
SPEAKER_01: I probably am channeling it too, you know what I mean.
5:20
SPEAKER_01: So I let I let what needs to come out of me come out, and it's I'm glad it's resonated with you.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: Tell us a bit about like your journey with relationship OCD.
5:33
SPEAKER_08: Um I think it started with my my previous relationship.
5:39
SPEAKER_08: I had like three main relationships in my life.
5:42
SPEAKER_08: One, the first one was when I was 20 something.
5:45
SPEAKER_08: It lasted six years, and it was a pretty good relationship.
5:50
SPEAKER_08: Uh, the second one lasted seven years, and we finished like this past summer.
5:56
SPEAKER_08: And it was a lot of coming and going.
6:00
SPEAKER_08: I would experiment a lot of uh romantic attraction and this intensity and sometimes a lot of bombing.
6:08
SPEAKER_08: Like I could see a lot of shit in myself, honestly.
6:11
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, and as soon as I got close and I got the the girl I wanted, something would just shut in me.
6:20
SPEAKER_08: I feel it in my chest, like something closes down and constricts, and it's like no one is going in.
6:28
SPEAKER_08: And I start to be like more grumpy and distant, and I just want to go away, and I start to have these thoughts of maybe it's not the person.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's their avoidant part jumping in, right?
6:40
SPEAKER_08: Exactly.
6:41
SPEAKER_08: And I always relate it to my avoidant part.
6:44
SPEAKER_08: I could see it when I learned about attachment like five years ago.
6:48
SPEAKER_08: It was like I'm avoidant as fuck.
6:50
SPEAKER_08: I get it.
6:52
SPEAKER_08: But this this past year, I started to see my anxious part that I wasn't aware of it.
6:58
SPEAKER_08: Like the part where I'm just excited and in love and all these hormones bubbling up, I start to promise things and I talk way too much, and it's like I just want to secure this.
7:46
SPEAKER_08: And rather like when I I listen thanks Instagram algorithm that for some reason I saw a post of you uh talking about relationship OCD that I never heard of it.
7:58
SPEAKER_08: I work with human design, I work with astrology, I have a lot of languages for what happens to me, but I didn't have the relationship OCD one.
8:07
SPEAKER_08: And it was like, fuck, this is it.
8:10
SPEAKER_08: This is it.
8:10
SPEAKER_08: I started to read it with all of them, including the smell.
8:14
SPEAKER_08: That was something for me that was really confusing because I'm I'm really a smell person and I love someone else's smell, but sometimes just out of nowhere, seemingly, I started to reject the smell.
8:29
SPEAKER_08: It's like disgusting, and when I read the disgust part, it's like fuck, this is it, all of this.
8:39
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah.
8:41
SPEAKER_08: And it's like maybe I have a a path to understand why with my previous partner, all the girls I met, and now with my current one, it's happening all the same again.
8:51
SPEAKER_08: And it's like I'm tired of the pattern, I'm tired of repeating, and I'm tired of tired of fighting myself.
8:58
SPEAKER_08: That was the main difference I found with IFS.
9:02
SPEAKER_08: It's not something that I need to heal or to transform, it's not something I need to change.
9:08
SPEAKER_08: These are patterns that need to be loved.
9:11
SPEAKER_08: And when I understood how to do it, they just come in and they relax.
9:17
SPEAKER_08: They only want to be seen and loved.
9:20
SPEAKER_08: And I love it.
9:21
SPEAKER_08: That's it.
9:22
SPEAKER_08: That's it.
9:23
SPEAKER_08: Once and again, and again, and again, every time it shows up.
9:26
SPEAKER_01: As soon as we can get the heart open, as soon as we can do enough work to get the heart open, everything else is easy.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: Because the the love, the the love, or as we would call self-energy in IFS, it melts away burdens.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: It melts the burdens away.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: So fun.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: It's so fun.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: It's so it's so beautiful, you know.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: As soon as that heart gets open enough, and as we would say in IFS, as soon as there's a critical mass of self within the system, the healing's really easy.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: Really easy.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: Might take some time, but it's not an effort, it's not a labor.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: It's not a labor.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: So tell me about like if we're gonna do some some uh uh uh a bit a piece of work today, what do you want to focus in on?
10:21
SPEAKER_01: What part of you do you want to focus in on?
10:24
SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
10:28
SPEAKER_08: I haven't reached the shame wound that much, and that's something I would like to to investigate because I can get to the rejection one, the uh the abandoned one, the engulfed one.
10:42
SPEAKER_08: I I I know those ones, but the shameful ones, not that much.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, those are big ones.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, those are big ones.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that'll be that that's that should be good.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: Do you have any concerns about that or any fears about going into that?
11:04
SPEAKER_08: Um, this is this is a tiny feeling of being embarrassed for whatever comes up, but I'm okay with it.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: I've done it and well, pay attention to it though.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: Like, so notice that.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: So, what's what's the fear of embarrassment of what could come up?
11:24
SPEAKER_01: Let's give that part a voice, the one who's you know, a bit afraid of being embarrassed.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: What's the fear?
11:38
SPEAKER_08: For some reason, there's some sexual shame that I can feel.
11:44
SPEAKER_08: And it's I'm embarrassed of whatever might come up in that area.
11:49
SPEAKER_08: Okay, okay.
11:50
SPEAKER_08: So it's like what if I I find something that I'm ashamed of and I share it, and what would people think?
12:00
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: So don't share it then.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: If if it's something that, you know, like like we can do we can do the same amount of work without you saying exactly what it is.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: So if if you run into anything that you're like, ooh, I don't know if I want that out there, then just just don't share any details.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: Just say, hey, I'm like, I'm in touch with that stuff.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna share exactly what it is.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
12:29
SPEAKER_01: Just see if that how does that do internally for you to know that you don't have to share everything.
12:38
SPEAKER_08: That sounds very sweet.
12:39
SPEAKER_08: Sounds very nicely.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Okay, sounds good.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: So focus inside, Juan.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: Focus inside.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: And take a breath or two if it feels right for you.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: I like to take a nice deep breath when I start my work and just stretch my lungs out.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: You'll that's it.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: Stretching the lungs and finding a comfortable position.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: And we're going to thank your system for getting you here today and getting you through your life so far.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: Thanking your body for carrying you through and digesting your food and keeping you mobile and doing everything that it does for you every day.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's uh that's it.
13:45
SPEAKER_01: And if the coast feels clear, we're going to find a way to invite an interaction between you and whatever maybe we start with the protectors that guard your shame.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, see if there's any if we say, who who protects the shame in here?
14:13
SPEAKER_01: Where are you?
14:25
SPEAKER_08: Okay.
14:26
SPEAKER_08: I can see like a giant gorilla.
14:32
SPEAKER_08: I was just calming walking and cool, cool.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: Notice how you feel towards this gorilla.
14:51
SPEAKER_08: I actually feel like protected by it.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
14:58
SPEAKER_08: It's the first time I can I can feel kind of nicely towards a part, right?
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh good.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
15:10
SPEAKER_01: See if it's aware of you in that way.
15:27
SPEAKER_07: It's kind of grumpy.
15:29
SPEAKER_07: It's grumpy, yeah.
15:32
SPEAKER_01: Ask it why.
15:35
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, Juan.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: What were you saying?
15:37
SPEAKER_08: No, no, no, it's okay.
15:38
SPEAKER_08: Like it's it's the part of me that that gets grumpy and you know, like oh and and correct and uh right.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh that's great.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Let it know.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: You we see that it gets grumpy, it's got this energy about um Yeah, what's that about?
15:55
SPEAKER_02: What what's that about?
16:11
SPEAKER_08: It's like uh It's like too BC because he says like you've never been taken care of, so I think it's you you just stay back and I'm curious.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: You've never been taken care of?
16:30
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, that's what he tells me.
16:32
SPEAKER_08: Like you've never been taken care of, so just push back and I'll take care of it.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: Push back and oh take care of it.
16:43
SPEAKER_01: Uh okay.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: That makes sense.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: I don't know you get that.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: He's he's stepped in as a sort of s fill-in parent in some sense.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: Like for your system.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: What does he do to keep you safe or take care of you?
17:33
SPEAKER_05: The exile, as you would say.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:36
SPEAKER_05: Straight away.
17:38
unknown: Yeah.
17:40
SPEAKER_05: I don't know if if we just keep describing the protector or just uh being with I I think I I would be with both of them maybe.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: See how open your heart is toward the the the protective gorilla part and the and the exile.
18:21
SPEAKER_08: Like I'm having a feedback loop and it's like I I had images of being in high school, early high school.
18:31
SPEAKER_08: And yeah.
18:33
SPEAKER_07: That was a very hard time for me.
18:35
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
18:40
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
18:40
SPEAKER_01: You okay with this?
18:41
SPEAKER_01: You okay with the feelings?
18:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, good.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Really good one.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: Stay with these emotions.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: That's really good.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
18:51
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
19:12
SPEAKER_08: I think I was twelve or thirteen.
19:14
SPEAKER_08: We would pass from from primary school to high school.
19:18
SPEAKER_08: It was a different building and different rules.
19:23
SPEAKER_08: And suddenly all the games and the things that we used to do and I used to love with my friends until the end of primary, just you know, two or three months later.
19:36
SPEAKER_08: It was it was completely wrong.
19:39
SPEAKER_08: And we would get punched and bullied because of that.
19:43
SPEAKER_08: And it was a moment where everyone like all my friends started to turn against each other just to survive.
19:50
SPEAKER_06: And it was very I don't know why I it was so rough and tough.
19:58
SPEAKER_06: I suffered it a lot and I couldn't understand it.
20:02
SPEAKER_08: Because I even though I I grew up in a normal way, like I I've always been very open-hearted and and sensitive, and I could not understand like this feeling of treason to friends.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: Prison?
20:20
SPEAKER_01: And tre treason.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: Treason treason, yeah.
20:24
SPEAKER_08: Treason.
20:27
SPEAKER_08: Like of of having someone actually punch me or hit me in the back.
20:32
SPEAKER_08: It's this feeling of come on.
20:35
SPEAKER_08: Yes.
20:36
SPEAKER_08: I feel like this this grumpy side of me, it's trying to protect me from not being too playful, too.
20:47
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that makes sense, doesn't it?
20:52
SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: He helped you harden up given the environment.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it wasn't safe to be sensitive or playful anymore.
21:07
SPEAKER_01: You entered a new dynamic with people who were also exiled in their sensitivity and their emotions and everything and their playfulness.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: Quite a jarring transition to go from you know having fun with your friends to being in like as like a prison yard, if you will, you know, or like whatever.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:33
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
21:34
SPEAKER_08: The same thing we would enjoy are things that are dangerous.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's right.
21:44
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: Really acknowledge that, like, just let's really maybe appreciate this card who's grumpy for how he helped you get through that, you know, that time of your life.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: That's uh what's it like for him to feel some understanding from you?
22:28
SPEAKER_04: He he softens.
22:31
SPEAKER_05: Like he can get quite sensitive too.
22:35
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, I bet.
22:37
SPEAKER_08: I bet.
22:42
SPEAKER_04: I can see he's hurting too.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: I bet he is, I bet he is.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: Let him know that.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're hurting too.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: That makes sense.
23:00
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: You can see if he he also shows up in your relationship in some way.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: You know, like he's kind of giving you the memory like the memories of why he's had to harden up and take care of you.
23:23
SPEAKER_01: See if that that grumpiness and stuff also shows up in your relationship where he avoids connection and it does.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: Uh it does, that's right.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:39
SPEAKER_08: My girlfriend's son.
23:41
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
23:41
SPEAKER_08: She has a son, uh, he's 10 years old.
23:44
SPEAKER_08: 10 years old.
23:46
SPEAKER_08: He reminds me a lot of myself.
23:50
SPEAKER_08: And when I I feel open-hearted, I'm with them and I'm I'm very happy.
23:57
SPEAKER_08: Like it's a really nice nest.
23:59
SPEAKER_08: Yes.
24:00
SPEAKER_08: But when I'm more avoidant and I can feel my heart closing, this grumpiness starts starts to grow.
24:10
SPEAKER_08: And I even see him playing or being silly, and I can see myself thinking like, come on, like.
24:18
SPEAKER_07: Yes, that's it.
24:21
SPEAKER_08: Like, why am I like this?
24:23
SPEAKER_08: He's beautiful as he's white.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: Now you get it.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: Good.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: Let him know you get that now.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: You get that now.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: He was forced into this to being this way.
24:40
SPEAKER_01: Right?
24:42
SPEAKER_01: Forced into it.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: And now it's continued, it's continuing to play out, even though times have changed.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: Times have changed.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: We're here to help him, right?
25:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:05
SPEAKER_01: You you can see if he wants you to help that little that that boy on the on the playground or wherever he is at school.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: If he would like you to do some work there.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: Yes, please.
25:18
SPEAKER_01: Yes, please.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: Oh, of course, of course.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: Of course.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: So Juan, notice how open your heart is toward that that child.
25:33
SPEAKER_05: It is very open.
25:34
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so go be with them.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: Go be with them in the way that he needed someone to be with them at that time.
25:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's it.
25:49
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
26:09
SPEAKER_08: He says, like, I can see him like a little kid, but in the high school, you know, it's this feeling.
26:19
SPEAKER_08: We are in the building of the high school, like he's just five or six, no more.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: Oh, is he?
26:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, he's like five or six, right?
26:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
26:29
SPEAKER_08: And he says, like, I don't understand anything.
26:33
SPEAKER_08: Oh.
26:34
SPEAKER_08: You feel so lost and confused.
26:38
SPEAKER_07: Yes, I bet.
26:44
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
26:45
SPEAKER_02: Let him know you get that.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: What's it like to for him to have you there with him now?
27:08
SPEAKER_04: It's it's new.
27:11
SPEAKER_08: He started to to let go of a lot of things he was holding on.
27:17
SPEAKER_08: Like he started to scream.
27:20
SPEAKER_08: He looked at in my eyes when he saw that I was actually looking at him.
27:25
SPEAKER_08: He started to scream.
27:27
SPEAKER_06: And I could feel so much pain in in his heart, my heart.
27:34
SPEAKER_06: Like I could recall and re feel how much pain I was feeling at that moment.
27:40
SPEAKER_06: And fuck that was so good.
27:42
SPEAKER_06: That was so good.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I bet.
27:47
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Let him know you really feel that.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: You you see how much pain he's been carrying.
28:01
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: Doing great.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: You're both doing great.
28:42
SPEAKER_04: He's now like lying on me.
28:45
SPEAKER_04: I'm just hugging him.
28:47
SPEAKER_04: He's older now.
28:48
SPEAKER_04: He's older, he's might be 13, 14.
28:52
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
28:53
SPEAKER_04: And he's just saying, I want it to stop.
28:58
SPEAKER_01: I want it to stop.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: I want it to stop.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
29:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:05
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
29:09
SPEAKER_01: So you you'll just see how you can help him with that.
29:16
SPEAKER_01: What he needs you to do for him.
29:20
unknown: Yeah.
29:28
SPEAKER_04: He needs a friend that can help him defend himself.
29:34
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
29:34
SPEAKER_04: Someone to defend him.
29:36
SPEAKER_01: Someone to stand up for him.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: To not be alone in this.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's it.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: Good.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: Can you be that for him?
30:04
SPEAKER_01: Good.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: Go be that for him then.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: Ah, there you go.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: What's that?
30:18
SPEAKER_01: What's that?
30:22
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, like he's looking at me and he's smiling now.
30:27
SPEAKER_08: Uh-huh.
30:28
SPEAKER_08: I could feel something like coming up from my belly up to my heart and something widening inside.
30:36
SPEAKER_08: Uh-huh.
30:36
SPEAKER_08: I see light coming up.
30:39
SPEAKER_08: And I I don't know if he said it or I said it.
30:44
SPEAKER_08: It was both.
30:45
SPEAKER_08: I always said like, let them come now.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
30:51
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: Good.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: Stay right with that.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: Let that keep keep moving through that.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: Keep going through that.
31:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what now?
31:04
SPEAKER_07: I feel brave.
31:08
SPEAKER_07: Brave.
31:09
SPEAKER_07: I feel grounded.
31:11
SPEAKER_07: There we go.
31:17
SPEAKER_02: Secure.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, that's it.
31:20
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
31:21
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: Good.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: Good.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: Really feel that in your body.
31:35
SPEAKER_01: Notice how this the thirteen or fourteen year old.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: Just look at him and notice notice the shift in him.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: I know you're feeling his shift, but notice him now.
31:54
SPEAKER_01: See what you notice about him.
32:17
SPEAKER_08: Crazy.
32:20
SPEAKER_08: I can see him in the same kind of grayed seat where he was when he was uh younger, and now he's a big teenager and he's surrounded by friends.
32:38
SPEAKER_08: There's a girl there and he's like smiling, confident.
32:41
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: Talking.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there you go.
32:46
SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's it.
32:47
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
32:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: And then the gorilla have him come in and notice what's changed here.
33:09
SPEAKER_06: It's like this is a sense of deserving this.
33:18
SPEAKER_01: Deserving it.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: Deserving it.
33:21
SPEAKER_01: The good the good.
33:26
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, deserving the good, deserving to be loved.
33:30
SPEAKER_07: Yes, yes, that's it.
33:32
SPEAKER_07: Feels being seen, he feels being part.
33:35
SPEAKER_07: That's it.
33:36
SPEAKER_07: And just for being himself.
33:38
SPEAKER_07: That's it.
33:39
SPEAKER_07: Boldly.
33:40
SPEAKER_07: Yes, that's right.
33:41
SPEAKER_07: Good.
33:42
SPEAKER_07: Okay.
33:42
SPEAKER_07: Good.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: Feel that.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: Stay with that for a moment.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: This feeling of being deserving of love.
33:54
SPEAKER_01: Being him.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: And noticing the effect that it ha that all of this has on your body.
34:22
SPEAKER_09: I feel relaxed overall.
34:28
SPEAKER_02: Good.
34:28
SPEAKER_02: That's good.
34:29
SPEAKER_02: That's great.
34:31
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
34:32
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
34:33
SPEAKER_09: Chest is lighten up.
34:37
SPEAKER_09: Could it make sense?
34:38
SPEAKER_00: What was that?
34:40
SPEAKER_09: The chest feels more feels lighter and brighter in a way.
34:47
SPEAKER_09: Lighter and brighter.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
34:53
SPEAKER_01: See if that gorilla, see if this this that protective part feels like he might like to shed a layer or two of that protection.
35:10
SPEAKER_09: He says like he can stand back for a bit.
35:17
SPEAKER_09: Like not be the first one to react.
35:20
SPEAKER_09: Like he he can agree to wait if something different comes up and stands up for himself.
35:27
SPEAKER_09: If that happens, then he's staying back.
35:30
SPEAKER_09: Otherwise, he comes in.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
35:34
SPEAKER_01: Okay, good.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: Alright.
35:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, let him know.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: You're good with that.
35:42
SPEAKER_01: Ask him ask him how this is going to change the way he he um steps in in your relationship.
36:00
SPEAKER_08: Grumpiness won't be a preventive part.
36:10
SPEAKER_08: Like what would change is that he's able to let me be more joyful, more open, not protect that part with grumpiness.
36:27
SPEAKER_08: As long as he can rely on if something happens to that joyful part, if it's if we have an aggression, there will be something inside that would be able to fight it, stand up against it, and repel it.
36:44
SPEAKER_08: So grumpiness won't be need to be there to prevent that to happen because now there's something that can stand up for it.
36:55
SPEAKER_01: Yes, exactly, which is you, which is me.
37:00
SPEAKER_08: Which is me.
37:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
37:04
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: Good.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
37:06
SPEAKER_01: Good.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: So there'll be there'll be a lot more room for intimacy and playfulness then and sensitivity and all the things that you learned were dangerous that moment that you transitioned into high school.
37:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's great.
37:29
SPEAKER_01: Great.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: Does that feel just see if there's anything else that feels like it needs to happen right now, or if that kind of feels complete for now?
37:39
SPEAKER_08: It does feel complete.
37:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: All right.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: So transition back to to me when you're ready.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: The outer the outer world, I guess.
37:57
SPEAKER_01: Wow, that was great.
38:00
SPEAKER_01: Very nice.
38:01
SPEAKER_01: Very nice.
38:03
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
38:05
SPEAKER_08: That was good.
38:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: How do you feel about coming back to this space here together?
38:18
SPEAKER_01: What's here for you right now?
38:32
SPEAKER_08: I feel a little bit bolder and like more dense in a way in my body.
38:40
SPEAKER_08: Like this this area feels more dense.
38:43
SPEAKER_01: Nice.
38:44
SPEAKER_01: Feels good.
38:45
SPEAKER_08: A little bit wider.
38:47
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, good.
38:49
SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
38:50
SPEAKER_08: And uh surprisingly how much pain still comes up from that time.
38:57
SPEAKER_08: Oh, yeah.
38:57
SPEAKER_08: I've been there many times already, and like just keeps pouring.
39:02
SPEAKER_01: You've been there before.
39:04
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:05
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, with IFS a couple of times, but before in therapy and stuff, like I talked about it a lot.
39:12
SPEAKER_08: But of course, it's not the same to talk about it than to actually visit it.
39:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know, right?
39:18
SPEAKER_01: I know.
39:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, most things are happening in layers too, right?
39:22
SPEAKER_01: Like you get a layer and then you get another layer and then you get another layer.
39:26
SPEAKER_01: But uh yeah, yeah.
39:28
SPEAKER_01: So that was great.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: I I appreciate you coming on and doing this.
39:31
SPEAKER_01: I think that, you know, I hope people will I'm sure that people will resonate with your story.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: And and I appreciate you being a man too, and and modeling the sensitivity, modeling the compassion, because there's a few of us, but there's there's not a lot of us.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of men doing this work, right?
40:03
SPEAKER_01: But on a whole I would say majority of men are very disconnected from themselves and their emotions.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: So it's nice to have someone that is, you know.
40:16
SPEAKER_01: And uh there's not a lot of words cut that that feel like coming out of this mouth right now, to be honest.
40:26
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I feel like we're uh I feel like there's just been it was nice being with you.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: I you see how I didn't do it hardly anything.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: You did all that.
40:36
SPEAKER_01: I was just quiet.
40:37
SPEAKER_01: I was pretty much quiet the whole time, and you just that's what I'm saying.
40:43
SPEAKER_01: When we get out of the way enough and we allow and we work enough to where the heart opens up, it just flows like your system just went with it.
40:54
SPEAKER_08: So just letting whatever comes to unfold and be with it.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
41:00
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
41:01
SPEAKER_08: Don't force anything.
41:02
SPEAKER_08: Why would I try to speak about something if there's something else that's exactly exactly?
41:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very nice.
41:11
SPEAKER_08: But it's a nice art, the one you have, rather, to just leave space.
41:14
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, because it's it's it's magic to be able to guide someone and not to be that much involved and to fill the spaces with work.
41:25
SPEAKER_01: It's taken me, it's it's it's taken practice, I think.
41:28
SPEAKER_01: It's taken trust to to let people unravel themselves and not have to do undo their knots for them.
41:37
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
41:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, so so yeah, thank you for noticing that.
41:43
SPEAKER_01: Um uh will you be joining us in the group soon, uh in the support group soon?
41:48
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
41:49
SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, good.
41:51
SPEAKER_01: So maybe we'll we'll see you uh we'll see you soon there.
41:54
SPEAKER_01: I just want to thank everyone for listening and um and uh again thank you, Juan, for coming on.
42:00
SPEAKER_01: And we'll uh I'll I'll see you on the other side, Juan, for just a few minutes before we close, but we'll close it out here and we'll see everyone in the next episode.
42:10
SPEAKER_01: Uh thanks for tuning in.
42:12
SPEAKER_05: Thanks, everyone.
42:13
SPEAKER_05: Thank you, Alex.
42:16
SPEAKER_01: No worries.