Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / October 17, 2018 | Men Of Success - Fall 2018: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Session 6

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October 17, 2018 | Men Of Success - Fall 2018: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Session 6 · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: You were cheering all the way, right?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: No, good idea.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: You should have next week.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Bring it.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I could have worn mine too, actually.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Could have worn my Welker jersey.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So his last points from everyone.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Best news this last weekend is the Kansas State, which was, I think, a 19 and a half point underdog.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Actually upset number 13, Oklahoma State.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: That was awesome.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: No defense.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: No defense.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: No defense, but hey, however you can pull out a win.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And did is KU still winning football games?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Still?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, because they won those two.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: They won two in a row at one point.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So they were good.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: No kidding.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we've got seven habits, as you guys know.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this week we're on habit four, but let's review real quickly habits one through three.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one, be proactive.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the idea that we do have a say in how our future can be.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: We do have a choice in that.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're not just stuck.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Habit number two is begin with the end in mind.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So whether it's at home or our job or our faith or wherever, having a clear picture of where we want to be, and then kind of working backwards from that ultimate goal to figure out what are going to be the right steps, the right processes to get us there.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then habit number three, put first things first.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this is, if you guys remember, all about prioritizing.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's about priority.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's those kind of different evolutions or different generations of thought from just make a list and get stuff done all the way through now, fourth generation, where we're talking about not just lists and not just different goals and things that we we'd like to accomplish, but then actually prioritizing those and then figuring out a plan to make those a reality.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: So as we look at one through three, we just finished those up.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And as as Kove calls those, those are the personal, those are the private victories, the ones where we don't really need necessarily a lot of other people to be involved in that, but these are things that we are controlling about how we react to situations.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And as we jump into habit four, these are now the public victories.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: These things have to do with the, if you guys remember the maturity continuum from dependence to independence to interdependence, these next three habits are all in those the interdependent category, where it's how I'm relating to you and how you're relating to me and how you're relating to the teams that you're working with or your wife or whoever it happens to be.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so habit four, think when.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we're starting off today.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And there's uh if you've if you're reading the book, you'll notice there's a chapter, sort of an intermediate chapter between uh uh one through three and four through six.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: And this chapter is called Paradigms.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: This chapter six is called Paradigms of Interdependence.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: He wants you to think in a certain way about this, so that you you've moved from being a dependent, helpless creature, you know, kid.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Now you're independent.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: You now have mastered yourself.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: 1 Corinthians chapter 9, I beat my body, you know, self-discipline, self-mastery.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now, but but now you need to sort of get outside yourself because you can accomplish so much more in life if you can work with other people.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it seems to me his main point in this chapter is this: if you apply habits one through three, it's written right there on the screen, you achieve private victory, victory over yourself, independence.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Private victory must precede public victory, which is interdependence.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Public victory is effectiveness with other people, it's the achievement that people see that they admire.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And this is why, because everybody sees people admire this, a lot of folks make the mistake of jumping to public victory without achieving private victory first, and they fail.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think about this uh sometimes, you know, when you get on the plane, isn't it interesting the books that people take on the plane?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: You look at the people around you, I love to look at the books that people are reading.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: One of the books that I've seen this year, maybe because I fly a lot, one of the books I've seen this year, more than I would have expected, is a book written 50 years ago by a guy named Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, it's circling back around.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I read that book a lot too.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: I was I was getting into sales, I was a kid, and and I desperately wanted to be effective at the door with Mrs.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Jones.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I was trying to learn how to win friends and influence people.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: But if you think about that, that's entirely public victory.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Has nothing to do with your inner being, with your guts, with your integrity, with your ego strength, with your uh, you know, with your character.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I think the reason that I was an abject failure for the first couple of years that I was a salesman is that I had jumped over, like many young people do today, to this sort of a personality paradigm where somehow I had to project this certain person, there was a magic bullet that I could use, and then if I just acted this certain way, people would, you know, go crazy.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: They'd want to buy from me, I'd be cool, I'd be popular.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think we see this a whole lot in high schoolers uh because they see the importance of being good looking in high school, being cool.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so they jump over the private stuff, habits one through three, jump into four through six.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I think he makes a great point.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: His key, uh one of his key lines in this chapter is this self-mastery and self-discipline, habits one through three, are the foundation of good relationships with others.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I find that Christian parents in our in our church here make that same mistake.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: They're so concerned that their daughter be popular at high school, so concerned that their son be liked by friends at high school, that they coach them on how to get along with people, but they they don't really build into their character and into their ego strength and into the fact that you know who they are in Jesus Christ and so forth.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: The the what he says, um uh uh the other element in this chapter is quite interesting.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's something everybody here has heard before, and it's called the emotional bank account.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: He said the way he thinks the best metaphor before we start talking about this, have it's four through six, hundred dependants, is the idea that you and I need to be building into each other's emotional bank accounts so that we can build trust with other people.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: So he says, the way you do that is he says there are two sides, like a financial bank account, excuse me, you make deposits, you make withdrawals.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: If, for instance, as a dad, you're always going uh when you're when your high schooler comes home, your son, and you're always the first thing you do when you see him is you say, take out the trash, you know you forgot to clean your room, so forth.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: What you're doing is, though everything you say is true, you're making withdrawals.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I confess, I don't know about you, but when I was first married, and I mean for the first couple of years, uh I I I was here, I would come to church and I would look at everyone else as needy, and I would be trying to build into them, to inspire them, to exhort them, to listen to them, to help them.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: But when it came to a little later on, when I started hiring other staff here, and then when I went home to Melody, I looked at them as sort of co-pastors.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't think for a moment that I needed to build into them.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: Moment Melody got home, the question was, have you made supper yet?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Are you gonna make supper?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: How long will it take to get supper on the table and so forth?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And and uh, you know what, uh it was all standard.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: It was just treating her like I treat myself, as driving.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, you those of you who are married to a woman like my wonderful wife know that every every wife needs to be built into.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: She would come home depleted, and she would need what I was giving everybody else.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: She would need me to understand her and listen to her and put emotional deposits into her.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: The kind of deposits you probably can't see this, but uh uh but deposits like kindness and courtesy and keeping promises and asking her how her day was, and uh said loyalty, making apologies and so forth.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Withdrawals are being crude, crude, blunt, breaking promises, etc.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I really liked as I was uh doing research on this, I like how sometimes uh people use this.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: There was a third grade teacher reading this book who decided to go up to the board and have her kids spend time uh understanding this idea of emotional bank accounts, deposit and withdraw.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And ask her kids and came up with sticky notes, ask her kids uh what would deplete or add to their bank accounts.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: And they came up with these things deposit, give compliments, ask others if they want to play, ask others if they need help, lead by example, follow class rules, work and follow through on your goal, focus, etc.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Respect others, and then withdraw, not listen to the teacher or speaker loud, being bossy, talking instead of working and so forth.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I decided to throw that in, Derek, because um, you know, I thought that maybe there'd be some teachers here or somebody else.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: You can use this, it seems to me, at work and maybe have a discussion about this that might improve, or even at home.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's that's terrific.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of one of those things where I think in our minds subconsciously, we know that we need to be doing that, but then when we kind of look back on our previous day, or we look back on our previous week, and it's our relationship with maybe we have students in our class, or we have a team that we work with, or our wife, or our kids, or whoever, and we analyze and realize wow, I didn't make that many deposits this week or or yesterday or in the last last hour.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can I be proactive about pumping that up?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then he jumps in to he describes these as six paradigms of human interaction.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you if you guys remember the negotiation book that we did from last year, I I saw a lot of similarities, a lot of threads between that book and then the principle that he's talking about here.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so he talks about win-win, win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose, win, and win or no deal.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so he he describes each of these.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so a win what a win-win situation looks like, it's where you're in an interaction with somebody, maybe it's buying a house, or maybe it's buying a car, or maybe it's trying to work out what's what's this next plan or project that you're gonna work on together at work.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so, as you as you're in discussions, as you're trying to figure this thing out, whatever the context may be, you're looking for a way that whatever you decide on, whatever the the action steps are going to be, it's something that works for you, that's going to be beneficial for you, but that's also going to be beneficial and also is going to work for the other person.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And he says, this is this is the pinnacle.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we want to be at most of the time in most situations.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then he goes on to say, win-lose.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: So this is, and he describes it in the book as this is what we learn in sports as we're growing up.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And typically in most of our academic worlds, as we're growing up through high school and even into college, this is what we're learning is win-lose, where I win, you lose.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if we're if it's the Patriots and the Kansas City Chiefs, there's only one winner in that game.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And though this past week happened to be the Patriots.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that means everyone who is a Patriot wins, everyone who's a chief loses.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Patriots are happy, the Chiefs are not so much.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: But imagine what it's like when we conduct our relationships this way all the time.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or if we conduct our our teams at work like this, where I'm going to win, you're going to lose, that's the only option.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And especially as I think about this one, it hit me as I was reading this book because I've always I'm such a competitive person, and just growing up playing sports and games and all those types of things, where I wanted to then carry over that competition and carry over those same activities in the same way with my wife.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And whether it's just going to play tennis or playing a domino game or playing a card game, and it hit me as I was reading this that every time that we engage in a competition like that, whether we're conscious of it or not, there's there's always a winner and there's always a loser.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: There's never a time where you're playing and involved in a competition like that where you can both win.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's just there's there's not because that's not how win-lose things are set up.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the lose-win.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is the idea where you're looking at the situation and you are basically the doormat.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's whatever you want, we'll do it.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'll I'll take the lower price, I'll take the worst deal, I'll take the worst seat on the bus, I'll take the worst anything because for some reason I don't I don't have the confidence, or I've had something in my past to where I don't really feel like like fighting this thing.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: And lose win, he says, and and with all of these, there's actually a time and place for each of these.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you might want to use the lose-win if it's something that where where you value that relationship more than getting your way in a specif in a specific instance.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: But if you do it all the time, then you're just a doormat.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: If it if you make it your consistent life habit to be a lose-win person, then that's constantly defeating.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's you're you're never winning, you're the doormat, everyone else is right.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's basically it can seem like you're being generous, or it can seem like you're being genuine because you want somebody else to do well, but realistically, it's a self-pity party the whole time.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I can't do it.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing for me, I'm worthless.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can have everything, I don't need anything, and it's not, it's not balanced, it's not helpful for us.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the lose-lose situation.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is probably the worst of all.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: The lose with losing.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I I I love but I don't love the example that he gave in the book.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's that there's this husband and wife, and they're going through a divorce, and so through the divorce process, it was determined that the husband was supposed to, you know, sell all these assets and then give half of those assets to the wife.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so he had this$10,000 car, car worth$10,000, and he realizes, oh, this thing's worth$10,000, but he's really disgruntled, really angry at his wife, doesn't want her to have anything.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: So he takes this$10,000 car and he sells it for$50 and then gives her$25.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lose-lose situation.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: He's angry at the situation, he wants revenge, he wants to get back.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: He could have come out with a much better deal had he had a different attitude, had he had a different perspective, but because he was in disgruntled mode, he wanted the lose-lose.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the just win situation.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And these situations are one where it's not that you want the other person to win, it's not that you want the other person to lose.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: You just don't care.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't care what happens to them, you don't care about the outcome.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: As long as you get what you want, that's it.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I think that we see this in maybe in business deals quite often.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Think about business deals, or you think about people who you're working with, and you want a certain thing, whether it's you want them to sign this certain contract, or you want them to grab a hold of this new idea, or you want your company to invest in this certain thing, and you don't care what happens to everyone else in the picture, all the other parties, as long as you win, you're happy.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: They could lose and crash and burn, and you you just don't care.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then like uh last car I bought, I went to Les, who I don't see here this morning, and I said, here's the kind of car I want, and here's how much, uh, here's how many miles I wanted, the maximum number of miles, and here's here's here's my limit for what I want to pay.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can work that out, we got us a deal.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: So he got it worked out.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't care whether he was making$1,000 or$5,000, but I won.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't care whether they won or not.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that didn't matter.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was fine with me.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: So that they were happy, maybe, you know, anyway.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the win or no deal.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this is one where he says that this the win or no-deal side is really good at the beginning of a relationship.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Really good at the beginning of maybe a dating relationship, maybe really good at the beginning of a working relationship, maybe you're trying to do a partnership with someone else, where you say, I want us both to win, but if we both can't win, then we're not gonna do any deal.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you think about in maybe a dating relationship, I want this to be good for me, I want this to be good for you, and if if it comes and we can both win and we can continue this and get married and keep going, then that's great.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: But if not, we don't have to go further, and there's not gonna be, you know, this anger, serious bitterness.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to lose in this situation.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think about this as right now, actually, Gabby and I just sold our house, and so we're looking for another place in Topeka.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: But in that process of negotiating with the person who's who ended up signing a contract on our house, this was the approach that we took.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: We said, you know, we want this to be a really good deal for you, and we want this to be a good deal for us.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: But if it doesn't work out, that's okay.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: We can still be friends, we'll we'll still still go on.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: And he says that in each of these situations, there's there's a time for them, but primarily we want to look for the win-win.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then he describes look for the win-win or no-deal, right?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that at the very top for him?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, those those two are primary.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: But he would also say that for the win-win or no-deal side of it, sometimes it's not as feasible to do if you've been in a long-term contract or a long-term relationship with somebody.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Think about if you've got, I don't know, if you're in the printer business and you've got all these printers that you're getting to all these different clients, and say you've got a client that you've worked with for 10 years and you're constantly, you know, in a good relationship, you're you're moving forward.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's probably more beneficial to look for a win-win deal if you're looking to re-up on that contract versus either we have this win-win or there's just no deal, we're done, we're severing all ties.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it kind of he says that that one's primarily, or at least works best at the beginning of a relationship, or is more feasible at the beginning.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I confess that in chapter seven, you know, this habit, the part that you just took was for me the most motivating and the most helpful.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna finish the chapter, but for me, and maybe I'm wrong about this, you can help me, Derek.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: We haven't talked about this.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: He's he's been out of town.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: For me, this is a this sort of more intellectual, this is more clarifying.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And what he does is he says there's five dimensions of the win-win, and they fall into first three are the first three main characteristics are character.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: The win-win starts with a kind of maturity.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: When I'm relating to you, I need to be mature, I need to have courage in myself and uh have good ego strength, and I yet I need to be considerate.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then he says it has to do with relationships, which there I feel like we're back to the emotional bank account thing where we really build into each other.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then he says, like especially at work, and sometimes at home, like with your kids, you need to actually make agreements.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're gonna mow the lawn, and here's what it's gonna look like, and if you do, then I'm gonna give you an allowance.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or uh I'm gonna supply the car.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: Here's here's what you have to do, here's what I'll do.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so you actually flesh these things out.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, you have to make agreements at work.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: You have to, if you have employees, you have to meet with them and you have to, you know, you know, it's not just character and relationships to succeed in these things at work, you have to make agreements.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then he says there are support systems and processes that make it four and five.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: Let me run through these quickly because for me it's mainly intellectual.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: So win-win mindset, this is the character part.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: He says, are you mature?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a and then he says by the way, maturity, he says there's a balance between courage, this line at the bottom, which mainly for him means the guts of believing in yourself, respecting yourself, having the guts to speak out, to stand at the door and say, Mrs.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: Jones, I'm somebody that you can, you know, buy from or whatever.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you've got low courage, then you're gonna wimp out, you're gonna lose, lose, you're gonna be weak.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: On the other side, the X, uh, the Y uh line is consideration.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Are you thinking of the other person?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: Do you care for them or do you just care for yourself?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: So maturity is the balance between courage and consideration.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then he throws in this abundance mentality.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: He says, so many people that you know at home, I'm dealing with a lawyer right now.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a meet, uh, you know, I'm leading a board meeting the next couple days in California.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a lawyer on that board who has a scarcity mentality.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: There's not enough chips to go around.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna win, everybody else needs to lose.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I've spent hours with this guy on the phone the last couple weeks.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: He makes demands.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I think there can be a win-win.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's enough abundance to go around where we can all win.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: He's never been that way.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: He's always fought, you know, he represented the Catholic Church in their in their LA diocese, uh, uh, you know, with a pedophilia case and so forth.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so he's used to winning, he's used to killing, he's used to, you know, millions of dollars.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: And but you have to have this, you have to go into your relationship with your wife, with the children, with people that work with this abundance mentality where you know we can all win.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: There's enough to go around here, like with your house or my car.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, uh, this is all this is character is the first dimension, integrity, maturity, abundance mentality.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Then come relationships where, you know, emotional bank accounts, then agreements.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you need to have these uh processes and these, you gotta reward win-win behavior.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: Feel free to chip in here anywhere.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's great.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think as we kind of like what you said, as we think through those the six dimensions, win-win, all the way through win-no-deal, that's that's kind of the the meat.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: That that's what we're looking to do, and and thinking about our relationships and how do we, with our wife and with our kids, and with the people who we're working with, and the people who we volunteer with on a weekly basis, how do we in each of those situations look for opportunities for win-wins instead of only win-lose or lose-win or any of the others?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that to me is the challenge.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's maybe it's a a vacation thing where with you and your wife and you're deciding where you want to go on vacation.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: How can you get a win-win situation and not just win-lose or lose-win all the time and make it beneficial for both of you?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's a terrible example.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: I hate that example.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: Same with restaurants, right?
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and then you go, when you say the restaurant, they go, No, I don't want to go there.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: So wait, you said you didn't care.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: We better not, yeah.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: We're starting to bring it up.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's about myself.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the drug.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's you.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so hey, there's a couple of good verses in the Bible we can think of.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when Jesus said, do to others as you would have them do to you, this is called the golden rule.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think he's talking here about this chapter, there's this fourth habit in a way, though he didn't know it.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: And also do nothing from, this is uh Philippians 2, do nothing from rivalry or conceit or competition, but in humility, that's character part, count others, that's the consideration part, as more significant than yourselves.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: Let each of you look not only at his own interests, but also the interests of others, and then he goes like Jesus did.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: So uh I come up with a couple of questions here that maybe could spark some discussion at your table.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, is there a place in your life, work, home, where you've gotten caught in a win-lose relationship and you want to try to apply the win-win paradigm.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: Second question.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: What could you do this week to build into the emotional bank accounts at work and home?
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let me pray for us.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: God, thank you that we get to come together this morning.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for the guys who whipped up breakfast for us, and for a lot of us, this is the one day of the week where we do get a breakfast like this, so we really appreciate that.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you for this chapter in the book.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: Help us to think when when.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: We know that you want us to love others.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh something that you've called us to, you say, you know, with the first and second greatest command, first is to love the Lord your God.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's you, and then to love other people and help us to look out for the interests of others and not just our own.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.