Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / I Choose...Releasing Shame with Johnathon Schaech

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I Choose...Releasing Shame with Johnathon Schaech · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. You know,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: on this podcast, I like to explore and I like
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: to get to know different people that have maybe walked
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: a different path than myself, because that's the way to
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: learn from listening to others. Other people's journeys can really
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: be enlightening and inspirational as we're all just navigating this
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: life the best that we know how. We're all just
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: doing our best. My guest today is an actor. You
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: know him from his role in the hit movie That
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Thing You Do, and he stars in the TV show
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Blue Ridge On I insp he has had such a
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: layered and fascinating life and you know what, I want
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: to die right into it. Please welcome Jonathan Check to
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: the I Choose Me Podcast. I'm really so glad that
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: you're here.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm really grateful to be here.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: You have done something that I have always wanted to do.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: You got the hell out of Dodge. You moved out
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: of the thunderdome and went to peaceful grounds. What has
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: that been like for you? When did you do that
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: and what has that experience been like for you.
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  Speaker 2: Well, when my son started looking at schools, we you know,
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: we had to start looking at schools in Los Angeles
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  Speaker 2: and and that kind of opened up the whole idea
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: of possibly moving out of Los Angeles. He's dyslexic, just
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: like I am, and I didn't want him to struggle
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  Speaker 2: like I did. So schools in LA there were some
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: great schools, but it was it wasn't gonna be easy
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  Speaker 2: to get into those schools. And it was kind of
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  Speaker 2: like this whole thing that I didn't want to have to
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  Speaker 2: live my life like. And so when we came out
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: to Nashville, Tennessee, we visited a couple of schools. My
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: wife is from Nashville, and by the time we left
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  Speaker 2: one of the schools there were like with Kim and
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: like to come. I was like, yeah, that's yeah, he
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  Speaker 2: would love to come. So we moved out here Abound
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  Speaker 2: twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen. My wife's from here, so we
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  Speaker 2: got family here for the children. It's been it's been peaceful.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: It's a good word, very peaceful. I'm surrounded by horse
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  Speaker 2: farms where I live.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so jealous, right, Now I don't care about
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  Speaker 1: fancy bags or shoes. That that is what I care about.
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  Speaker 1: Peaceful nature, serenity. I love that. That is good. So
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  Speaker 1: you're saying I should do that, Just move get out
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  Speaker 1: of the.
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  Speaker 2: Really fit right in here. Here, Jason's here, he's down
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  Speaker 2: the street.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're yes right, your name papers with Jason,
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  Speaker 1: Jason Prisley. For everybody that doesn't know, that is amazing.
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  Speaker 1: I would love to be neighbors with Jason.
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  Speaker 2: And a plate studio.
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  Speaker 1: That she's building her own plate studio. It's amazing. Good
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  Speaker 1: for them, well, good for all of you.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, I know exactly.
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  Speaker 1: That was the very smart. Something that's very important to
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  Speaker 1: me and very important to our listeners is health and
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: fitness and just living, trying to live our best life, right,
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  Speaker 1: And just one glance at your social media and I
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  Speaker 1: was caught by the fact that you're actually a bona
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  Speaker 1: fide bodybuilder, like a competitive bodybuilder. Now you can call
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: yourself a competitive bodybuilder after the age of fifty. That
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: is saying a lot.
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  Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, well, I don't know about a bodybuilder, but
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  Speaker 2: come on, I trained really hard and last year before
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  Speaker 2: the strike, and I knew the strike was coming and
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  Speaker 2: I knew I was going to be just my brain
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: was needed some help and some focus. So I asked
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  Speaker 2: a good friend of mine, Michael O'Hearn, and I know
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  Speaker 2: Michael for thirty years, but it was on my show
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  Speaker 2: Blue Ridge, and he said he would train me to
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  Speaker 2: be this further bodybuilding contest up the street here in Franklin.
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  Speaker 2: And for about six weeks, I trained and dieted just
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  Speaker 2: like a professional bodybuilder, and I went out there and
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  Speaker 2: I won the contest.
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  Speaker 1: It was extream come true.
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  Speaker 2: You know. It was like small town bodybuilding contest, were.
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  Speaker 1: You like all spray tnd and body oiled up exactly.
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  Speaker 2: I've never done anything like that before. It was so unique.
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  Speaker 2: The best part was having my two little ones out
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  Speaker 2: there screaming for me. That was hotly quite magnificent.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my god, that sounds like so much fun. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: you know our bodies. I mean as a woman, my
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  Speaker 1: body has changed so much after I turned fifty, and
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  Speaker 1: it continues to change. What it feels like daily as
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  Speaker 1: a man. What has your experience been with aging and
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  Speaker 1: your body?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was harder to you know, lose that weight
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  Speaker 2: that I you don't want to have that I couldn't
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  Speaker 2: actually have, you know, for what I do for a
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  Speaker 2: living is you know, we have to look at it.
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  Speaker 2: So and I'm not going They're not going to hire
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  Speaker 2: me for any other reason. So I have to train
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  Speaker 2: and keep my body fit. And I'm going to my
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  Speaker 2: television show. I have to do a lot of stunts
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  Speaker 2: and a lot of action. So I trained myself like
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  Speaker 2: a professional athlete. At you know, I turned fifty five
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  Speaker 2: years old, so yeah, I know how important. We just
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  Speaker 2: got to keep going. There's no reason why we can't
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  Speaker 2: be better off now than we were then, since we're
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: more motivated now.
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  Speaker 1: That's so true. It's the motivation now because you know,
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  Speaker 1: this is our second act as they call it, and
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  Speaker 1: we want it to be just as good as the
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  Speaker 1: first One's right, maybe better?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely want to be better.
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  Speaker 1: What is your healthy like your diet? How do you
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  Speaker 1: keep that in control? Because that's hard for me.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's difficult. I So what I what I learned
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  Speaker 2: through from the bodybuilding contest is that my body works
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  Speaker 2: really well with just proteins. So I eat five meals
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  Speaker 2: a day with enough protein to maintain and grow my
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  Speaker 2: muscle size. So I take supplements for everything else, and
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  Speaker 2: I try not to put anything else to my body.
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  Speaker 2: I'll go for it's amazing. I can go out for
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  Speaker 2: a dinner like anybody else, but I'll eat before we leave,
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  Speaker 2: and then I'll get a piece of salmon or chicken.
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  Speaker 2: I just eat pretty, leaning clean, leaning clean.
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  Speaker 1: How many grams of protein? I'm really curious about this
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: protein topic. How many grams of protein are you shooting
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  Speaker 1: for a day?
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  Speaker 2: So five meals six ounces or more, six to six
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  Speaker 2: to seven ounces if I'm dieting hard, eight ounces if
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  Speaker 2: I'm not so. Forty eight ounces of protein.
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  Speaker 1: That's a lot of protein.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. I do thing. I wake up in the morning
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  Speaker 2: and I do this pancake and it's awesome. I have
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  Speaker 2: protein powder, right, I put egg whites with protein powder
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  Speaker 2: and shake it up and I pour it on a
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  Speaker 2: plate and then I zap it in the microwave for
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  Speaker 2: like no, Yeah, I zap it rises up like a cake,
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  Speaker 2: comes back down, and then I'll eat that for my
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  Speaker 2: morning breakfast.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, that's that's a good tip, people.
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  Speaker 2: And I put zero sugar syrup on it, and I'm
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  Speaker 2: feel like I'm eating pancakes.
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  Speaker 1: You're so happy, everybody. I love that.
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  Speaker 2: I can't wait to wake up.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Ten years ago, you made probably one of the biggest
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: I Choose me decisions of a lifetime. You chose to
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: get sober. What made you realize you were ready for that?
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  Speaker 2: You know, I had, I had tried numerous times to
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  Speaker 2: get sober. I go to meetings and wouldn't click. I
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  Speaker 2: couldn't I couldn't really respond. I wasn't responding to the
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  Speaker 2: what everyone was talking about in those meetings. I kept
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  Speaker 2: going back, and then I met my wife, Julie, and
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  Speaker 2: she was pregnant, and I kept looking in the mirror
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  Speaker 2: at myself, saying, who's this guy? You know? Like this?
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  Speaker 2: Am I going to continue doing the things that I've
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  Speaker 2: done in the past? And am I going to ruin
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  Speaker 2: this like I've ruined everything else in my life? And
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  Speaker 2: I just decided that I wasn't use any substance and
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  Speaker 2: I was gonna stop drinking alcohol completely out of my system.
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  Speaker 2: And then I started realizing how much poison it was
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  Speaker 2: and what I was doing. It was poisoned my body,
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  Speaker 2: and I just I was I just stopped. I quit
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  Speaker 2: and stopped meetings. I kept going to meetings, got a
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  Speaker 2: great sponsor, and I started to find what they call
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: the miracle in the program.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's very admirable. I saw that you recently
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  Speaker 1: posted that your you have your ten year chip.
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  Speaker 2: You got my a ten year chip.
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  Speaker 1: That's a big deal, that's a decade.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yes, I went to a meeting here in Nashville.
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  Speaker 2: I hadn't gone to I had gone as an AA
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  Speaker 2: a couple of AA meetings, but I do. I do
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  Speaker 2: different programs, and I found other programs to be more
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  Speaker 2: beneficial for me. But I went to an AA one here.
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  Speaker 2: It's pretty popular here, and I wanted to collect my
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  Speaker 2: ten year chip. I thought it was powerful, you know,
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  Speaker 2: for me to go there and uh and I got
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  Speaker 2: there and they made the announcement, you know, and I
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  Speaker 2: would raise my hand. And I went out there to
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  Speaker 2: collected and everyone's plotting and everything. Didn't have a chip.
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  Speaker 2: They didn't have a ten year chip.
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  Speaker 1: What I know, I didn't have to have the chip.
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  Speaker 2: No physical ten year chip. And they were like, oh
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: my god, I'm so sorry, you don't have to take
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: a chip. I was like, okay, well, let's find that
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  Speaker 2: was that's how it's supposed to be. So my wife
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  Speaker 2: got me a ten year chip online.
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  Speaker 1: Oh I love that story. Yeah, speaking of your wife,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: she's been beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you would love my wife, I can tell.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I delved into her Instagram also. She seems like
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: a really neat lady. Yeah, a really special person. You
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  Speaker 1: guys are so glad you found each other.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you guys are very similar.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: How did you meet? I'm curious.
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  Speaker 2: We met here at Nashville, Tennessee, at a Make a
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Wish charity foundation. So I used to always come back,
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  Speaker 2: I think only the Nashville over twenty years, and I
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: became really good friends with Jada Marcus and he's in
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: the band Rascal Flats and he has this him and
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Kevin Carter had this Make a Wish charity foundation. I
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: don't always show up every it was like every April
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  Speaker 2: and I was with the boys from Rascal Flats and
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  Speaker 2: Julie was there and said hi and kind of clicked.
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  Speaker 1: And right away, right away it was just.
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  Speaker 2: Like she's she's a I kept thinking to myself, like
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  Speaker 2: she's out of my like she's.
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  Speaker 1: Better than me, she's out of your league.
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  Speaker 2: Out of my league, Yeah, out of my league. And
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: then no fact, she kept wanting to be around me.
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  Speaker 2: So we made it official.
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  Speaker 1: And that's amazing. And was that around you said that
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  Speaker 1: was kind of around the same time that you was
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: a few years later that you got sober. Was she
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  Speaker 1: an integral part of that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. In the first year that we were together, I
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: was definitely abusing drugs and alcohol still like I was
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: a young kid in Hollywood, thinking that that was the
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: way to entice and this girl. But yeah, I started
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  Speaker 2: to be able to see that that wasn't the truth
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: and it was wasn't becoming of me to be that
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: individual anymore. And I wanted to be more than I
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: wanted to be more for me me, first for her,
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: and then turned out to be for our for our
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: son and then our daughter, and I'm very grateful to
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: be so we're still to this day.
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  Speaker 1: Oh it's like fate brought her to you just the
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  Speaker 1: right time when you are open and ready to make
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: some big changes in your life.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, she definitely. She made me think that I
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  Speaker 2: was in the same league as her, and that it
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: was worth fighting for the things that I always dreamed
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: of and that God was still by my side, still
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  Speaker 2: with me. She proved it over time, not that God
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: needs to be proven, but what good things happened to
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: you and things. You know, you feel that you feel
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  Speaker 2: love in your life again, you know, you know, it's
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: just not you in this world.
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  Speaker 1: It breaks down the walls that we've put up probably
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: you know, and it sort of breaks down also the
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: shame that we put on ourselves and we live life
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: through that shame. Lens, like you said, like I'm not
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: good enough for her, She's out of my league. Yeah,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: these things were never true.
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  Speaker 2: It's interesting. The shame was is what I've given up
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  Speaker 2: for the last seven years of my life. And I
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: know I had a lot to do with like being
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: married and thinking that by previous marriage is that it
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: had to be a certain thing, and then when it
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: didn't turn out to be the thing, I had so
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: much shame around it. You know. In my first wedding,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I had a Catholic priest marry us as well as
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Breva and Michael beck With from Agape, so they both
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: were there, you know, but I was getting married in
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: the Catholic faith, and you know, that's so much shame
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: of associated to divorce and everything around it. So I yeah,
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: that was that was a big part of that shame
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  Speaker 2: that I was carrying around for such a long time.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can definitely relate. I had a long marriage
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: and three beautiful children with a man, and then when
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: we got divorced, I felt so shameful. I felt I
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: carried around this shame, which manifested into you know, anger
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: at myself, anger at other people. It manifested into insecurities,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: It manifested in so many unbeneficial characteristics. But I think
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: that's that's at the root of so much of our unrest.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely, Well, she sounds like an angel.
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  Speaker 2: I think she is.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I think she is too. Do you think that your
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: addiction affected your career throughout the years.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. And I have to remind myself when things are
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: going well, I only have myself to blame, you know,
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  Speaker 2: And I can point to things that caused my addiction,
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: which I've been able to do since I've been sober
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: figured out the whys. But I still take responsibility for
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: being that individual that wasn't showing up when I needed
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: to really show up. You know, these opportunities came up
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: and I didn't. You know, So you can't say, like,
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I mean I didn't win the audition or something like that,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: like I wasn't present fully in my my genius to
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: be able to get what I was supposed to get,
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: you know, what was supposed to come to me. I
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: wasn't open to being the most authentically true self that
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: I could be.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Right, it was like covering up your gifts, like the
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: gifts that you were given of being able to emote
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: and you know, touch people in the way that you
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: have to be able to do as an actor.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't connected to the source.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and do you think I'm sorry, I'm getting real personal.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Do you think your addiction played a role or a
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: part in your relationships not working?
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I think the shame had a bigger part of it.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: But the addictions, yeah, they're prevalent. They were prevalent. I
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: was using in both relationships prior to previous relationships. They
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: had a big part of it.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. There are so many people out there that you
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: know are struggling or know someone that they love who
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: is struggling with addiction. I'm wondering, as a person who
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: has been through it on the level that you have
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and changed your life in such a significant way, what
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: would you say to a person who's struggling right now,
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: like one of our listeners, even just one person who's
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: listening like what would you want them to hear?
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: So I didn't think I had a problem drinking, right,
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: I thought I could stop drinking, Like I could stop
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: for months, wasn't a big deal. What was going on
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: was I would start to drink, not like a crazy
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: person where I wake up every morning with a flask
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: in my hand. What it was, it was numbing myself
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: every time that I started getting closer to these whys.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Why it wasn't my most authentic self, like the best
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: version of me. And I was okay not being that
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: version that you know, I was okay not being okay.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: So it really wasn't about the alcohol. But when I
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: was able to get past it and give it time,
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I was able to understand why I was doing that.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: I was able to change to be more of who
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: I really am.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: The person you want to be.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that I always wanted to be and always known
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: that I was. And I identify my whys and when
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: when we when I work with anyone in the program,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: I always want to get to these whys because unconsciously,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: these things are coming back up and taking us off
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: of our path. You know, it's the alcohol is is
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: like the cover up to us not being able to
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: really look at ourselves and loving that part of ourselves
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: that's shame h And that's you know, every tough guy
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: out there is like, you know, oh, problem drinking. It's
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: not really about the alcohol. If you're if you're continually
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: ruining your.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Life, you need to there's a why why? Yeah, And
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: it's not just alcohol, it's drugs, it's sex, like whatever
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: your addiction, food, whatever you default to to make yourself
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: feel better or to hide that shame, or to mask
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: what's really going on so that you don't have to
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: be in it, because that's so uncomfortable to really look
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: inside and ask yourself why. I think that's super powerful.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: You have kids. I have kids. You have young kids.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: That's got to keep you very active. Yeah, are a
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: ten and four? I think is what you said.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get a ten year old boy and a
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: four year old little girl.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can tell you love being a dad.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: I'm very grateful to be a father.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: It just puts everything in perspective. It does, it is
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: the why, like it becomes your why. Yeah.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful that I'm present with my children and
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: all that work that I did and get rid of
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: all that chaos and all that poison I was putting
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: in my body so that I could be present with
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: my children. And I'm grateful to still be alive. If
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: I want to continue down the path, I wouldn't be
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: able to be here with them.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day. That's what
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: it always comes back to is gratitude. Yeah, that acknowledging
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: the things in your life that you are so grateful for.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: It just opens you up to a whole new world
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: of your experience here. Oh my gosh, I love it
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: that you got to be a dad. That's really great.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I get this question all the time. Would you let
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: your kids become actors or be in our industry if.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: They wanted to, well they really wanted to learn the
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: craw aft, if they wanted to be artists m hmm yeah,
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: and if they were willing to also learn the business
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: our business. I would really encourage both of those mm hmm.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: You know this quick world that we live in social
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: media and that's a different form of fame or you know,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: like we didn't we were actors. You know, we were
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: striving to like tell the truth, you know, in our work,
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: and that that I would encourage and I you know,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I don't know if the business is safer than when
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: we first started.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: But I like to hope, So I like to hope.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I think. I like to think that I
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I made it better than what I found it, So
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: I would, I would encourage them. It's a great life,
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: the start of living. So you're a great example. Look
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: at you, how you live your life. It's awesome. You
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: just NonStop. You just a fighter, man. I love it.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: You know, actor is an act that they just learn
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: how to fight for themselves, some of them, not all
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: of them.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's that moment when you're on camera and you're
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: in a scene and you're in that character shoes and
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: that connection with your co star. That's the moment that
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: keeps me coming back.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: I know, you got to come out and do Blue
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Ridge with me.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: It sounds like a dream. Shoot.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: It's so much fun. We have a blast.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I bet you do. Yeah, I want to skip ahead
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: to that, but I'm going to come back to something else.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I want to skip ahead to Blue Ridge for a second,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: because this is a role that you've played before in
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: a movie, and you're now doing a series based on
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: the movie. You're playing the same character. What is it
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: about that character? What's the character's name, Sheriff Justin, Justin
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Justin Wise, that's a good character name. What is it
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: about him that made you want want to come back?
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah? So I'd never really explored a character like this before.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: I've never been a leading man of my own show, right,
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: So when they brought it back to me and I
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: was like, you know it, it is the first role
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: that I had ever played where I did not walk
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: away every day feeling a sense of shame.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: It was the first what do you mean shame?
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: So I always from my previous experience in the film industry,
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I had a great deal of shame associated to performance,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: and I had done a lot of work on that.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: I did a lot of brain spotting, like it did
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: a lot of therapy, did a lot of work on
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: not not carrying that into my life, using my life
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: for my art, but not like beating myself up afterwards.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: I would beat myself to tears. It was ridiculous. I
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: thought it was part of the process.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: And just like those thoughts of like I'm not good enough,
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't be doing this, it just.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: The weight of carrying that forward. It was just like,
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: you know, I think at one point maybe it was
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: a survival trait that I had gotten where I was
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: trying to always make sure the next time I got
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: out there, I performed really well. But I realized I
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: didn't need to be that way anymore, and I left.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: I left Hollywood and literally moved to Nashville, and it
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: was the first role that came to me, and I
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: performed it and I had a great experience. I was
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: very connected to the crew, my cast, and the experience
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: and the character of Justin Wise, he's his old school.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: It's very much like my father, like I've become my
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: father where I was born in the city police officer.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: Justin is that character that runs to the problem and
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: there for others. I embraced it and I loved it.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: And when they came back and said they wanted to
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: make it into a television series, I was first off
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: was we make sure they wanted me, and they did,
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: and then just checking checking, just shoot me want me
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: to come back? And they were like everyone they said
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: the network and everyone really loved what I did with
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: Justin and it was the big success for their network
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: and they wanted to continue to make it into a series,
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: and so we did six episodes in season one and
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: they're out right now every Sunday on itsp at nine pm.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: And I play the character Justimize that I've played before.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I get to play my dad.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: That's got to be so rewarding, especially now that you
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: have this core of gratitude, like you appreciate it so
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: much more now.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I bet, yeah, I do. I appreciate I really appreciate
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: it so much. But all the other chaos, all this
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: stuff I can't control out. I don't bother with it
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: it anymore. And if it starts to come up with me,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: I just I let it go. Okay with with with
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: not knowing? Does it make sense? I'm okay with going
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: into the unknown.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: That's true. What do you do to yourself in those
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: moments when you need to squash those voices that you're
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: so familiar with, those negative voices, Well.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: If I can't get rid of them, like through a
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: workout mm hmm or we're talking to my wife, I'll
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: call my sponsor m hm and talk talk. Yeah. My
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: sponsor is great. He's a brain surgeon. Oh nice, I know,
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: and he just kind of sets things very clear and quick.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: And I just realized, like that's where I am. That's
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: what that's what I've done with my life. I've gotten
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: to the place where I can actually reach out and
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: not be alone, because that's probably the biggest problem with
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: most addicts is there they fight these things alone. I
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: work with a program. You get a bunch of people
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: that are similar to you. You know, they may be
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: completely different, but they're on the same path as you,
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: and so you reach out to them and they're there
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: for you, and they put you right in line, right
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: back in place where you need to be. And he
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: under understands shame so well he can set me. Like
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: one time I had a I had an audition and
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: I had to do it the next day, and I'm dyslexic.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: I cannot, from the life of me, like two things quick.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: It's probably been and I've learned that's never gonna happen.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: I'm never going to be good at it.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: And I'm like quick memorizing things.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: That quick thing like if it's tomorrow, you know, two
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: page monologue, it's it's you know, it's gonna be really hard.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: I mean I could get through it. They have to
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: be willing. And so I had this audition the next
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: day and I just went absolutely mad. I don't know
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: what it was, but there was something about this force
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: to put having to put me in this audition spot, like,
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: you know, without any time, and it felt like the
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: whole world was against me again and how could they
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: do this? And who I was just going nuts.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: It sounds like you were really regressing into that victim mentality.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, yeah, yeah. And I made a couple of
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: phone calls and they they just they heard me. They
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: said the right things. They you know, one of my
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I haven't more than one sponsor, but my main sponsor
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: out here, I called my LA sponsor and he was great.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: He just said, well, that's not fair, you know, like
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: why do they have to do that. They can give
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: you more time. Just him saying that made me feel
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: better enough to actually do the performance. And I did
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: great job the next day, so I didn't carry any
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: of that shame into that after I was saved by
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: my fellows. As they say that.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: It was, Yeah, it was fighting to get in there,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: though I was really trying to mess you up and
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: derail you.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: That's so good when you have that personspective of the
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: power of being able to talk back to those negative
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: voices when you develop that power and that ability and
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: just able to acknowledge those are just thoughts that aren't
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: helpful to me anymore.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I wish I would have done that earlier. Right
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: now and then with our children, I want to be
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: able to be that boys. You realize it's so hard
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: to get them to hear that at these young ages,
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: and you know, they got to have their own experience
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: to get there.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: I know, but they are at such a great advantage
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: to have your wisdom that you've gained, because some people
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: go through life and they don't ever get to the
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: point where you are and your kids are. So I
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: think this all the time too, like there are light
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: years ahead of what I was able to do at
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: that age, just because they have the support system and
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: they have me wanting to share my knowledge and my
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: experiences and my wisdoms with them. Whether they listen or not,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: whether I have to say it four hundred times or not,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: that's a different story. But yeah, they have to go
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: and live their life. But I think that that the
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: cornerstone of that support of a very present parent is
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: they're just they're so much better off than we were.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, there's a The word in therapy is
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: generational trauma. Might continue that the generational stuff that I
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: was put that was placed upon me. I stopped that,
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: and maybe I'm giving him new trauma. I don't know.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Probably, Oh my god, it'll end up there'll be in
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: therapy talking about us any minute as mine. Speaking of therapy,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: what you you mentioned that you did EMDR and brain spotting.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I know what EMDR is, and I think it's such
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: a valuable modality of that kind of therapy, really effective.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: If you guys don't know what EMDR is, definitely looking up.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: But you also said something about brain spotting and I'm
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: not familiar with that. Can you you tell us what
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: that is?
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: You know, it's very similar like they they follow you
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: fall like a stick and there's a guided meditation basically
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: to bring you back to a certain point in your
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: life that you need to address. And for me, I
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: don't know if you listeners can handle this or not,
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: but I was actually molested when I was twenty two
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: years old on a screen test in Rome by director
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Franco Zefarelli. It just just screwed me up, like for
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: a long time. So I was able to address it
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: and the one way I was able to get to
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: that experience and stand up to it again was brain spotting.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: So I had an incredible therapist that like guided me
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: to the point of when you know I was violated
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: and why I froze, and why I didn't stop him
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: right like, I didn't.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: Kill him in that moment.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: In that moment, And that's that's what I did with
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: brain spodies. So we found that where that was in
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: my body and my soul basically, but really probably in
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: my spotting. It in my brain, so the right brain
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: and the left side it was. I can't remember exactly
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: what that was, but that's what brain spotting is. So
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: I was able to get to that place and heal
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: that part of me and talk about it.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Really, Oh my god, that work is not easy. So
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I really applaud you for seeking the help to go there.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: You know, that's that's it's not an easy decision. It's
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: not an easy choice to make. It sucks, it's hard,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: it feels awful to go so deep into those traumas
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: that have truly affected our whole lives.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've spoke out about it, and I'm I'm a
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: survivor and I speak out openly about it. So it's
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: not like everyone needs to like, oh my god, poor Jonathan.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: I've worked really hard and I share that because I
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: know there's probably one individual who's struggling with that and
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: being male, being in a very masculine role on a
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: television shore series where you don't want to mess with
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: my character. You still don't want to mess with my character.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: But you know, being a man in this in that
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: world is survival world. It's a difficult world, but you
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: know you're stronger when you get to the other side
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: of it, for sure.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, man, woman, I don't think it matters
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: when you've been violated that way. It does really mess
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: you up. Yeah, it does in so many like layered ways.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: I read that article. By the way, when you first
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: decided to talk about it, how did you feel after
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: you shared that story with the world.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: Well, I was frightened. It was really scared. I thought
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: I would never work again, work for a long time.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: That's why I started making some phone calls to people
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: and telling him like, you know, I think I just
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: I don't think like everyone was like, oh god, you
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: know what the age just share. I think it was
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: more like it's just a competitive business, and everyone else
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: was able to move their their bodies in front of it,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: like you're competing non stop. So I just wasn't getting
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: the same opportunity as I was before, and I was
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: frightened that no one was able to see me anymore.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: And I knew what I needed to do is to
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: work harder on myself so that I could get more
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: in the light, that I could be more open to
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: what what I shared. And I did. I worked really
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: hard on myself, stayed sober and worked really hard and
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: got more and more in the light so that I
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: could be seen. And that's how my show came about.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: You know, it was my parents was exactly what I did.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: He embraced it. He was like, this is my hero,
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: this is this is what I want from my character
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: and my show's hero, someone who's that strong, and I
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: the same thing with the net work. They really supported
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: me and brought me on bropping back for the series.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: You know exactly what I had shared, So it was empowering.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's got to feel so good. I mean,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: not only did you speak openly about it in order
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: to help other people who it's maybe happened to to
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: sort of connect and share and take the shame element
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: out of it, but then to have your personal life
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: and your work life flourish after you did that work. Yeah, yep,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: that is so inspirational.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I did the work.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: So the work.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: I did the work and got through the dark, through
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: the its a bit abyss, and I got out to
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: the light, made that journey and carried the torch. Now
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I'm holding it strong for everyone else to see.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: And it's so nice to hear that your employers, if
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: you will, like your producer, your boss, is your network
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: that everybody has embraced it and they've expressed how proud
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: of you they are and how much they support you.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: That kind of talking about stuff that we don't want
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: to talk about or you know, I know what happened,
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: but let's not discuss it. Like the act of actually
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: just talking about that with people that you work with
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: or that you care about or that you depend on,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Like that's such a freeing feeling. And you're so lucky
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: to have found those people to support you.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: I know it was. It was amazing. Like you ever
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: study you ever read Brene Brown? Oh? Yeah, so she
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: talks about going in the wilderness and I felt like
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: I went into the wilderness and how it's in the
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: you know, the thick of the trees and like the
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: darkest places. After I shared my story and then I
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: was able to find the path and get out. And
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't do it alone. People helped me.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: It's so true. It's that connective tissue right that everybody's
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: having the same human experience. We try to think where
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: we tend to think that it's just me, I'm the
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: only one that's going through this. Nobody has any understanding
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: of what I'm going through dealing with, but in reality,
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: we're all dealing with the same things, just in a
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: different situation circumstances.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: I've shared human experience and the amount of people that
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: reached out to me since then, it's been amazing. I've
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: helped people like I could literally say that I helped
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: people find the life.
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's the best feeling. We were talking about like
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: talking about stuff and being open and sharing like our
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: darkest moments or our biggest challenges with people. I recently
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: had my ex husband Peter on this podcast, and I
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: went into it not knowing what was going to come
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: out of it, and it was actually through us sitting
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: down and talking with one another about the meat of
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: it that it brought. It brought us so much closer.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: And then when our listeners and people in the world
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: heard that story, I feel like, you know, because we
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: really struggled as co parents all these years, and we
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: really covered all of that up in the public's eye.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: But once we talked about it, and once we shared
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: it with the community of listeners that we have here,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: it was it lifted something off of me, like that
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: burden off my shoulders or that whatever I was carrying
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: around that was making us be have that tension with
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: one another.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So you're leading by example also by just talking
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: about things like this openly and if yeah, if you
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: reach one person by sharing your story or your stories,
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: that's the best feeling. Yeah, relationships are tricky. You've been
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: married a few times. I've been married a few times.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: They're not easy. They're not easy. In the industry that
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: we work in, there's so much time away from one another,
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: and there's a lot of different things that you have
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: to add in there. But I did hear that you.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: I know that you are remarried now to Julie, but
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Julie is best friends with your ex wife Jana also
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: very confusing with the two j's. I gotta say, Janna,
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: you could have picked a different letter. But okay, but
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: they're best friends, Like, how does that? How did that
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: happen for you? And how did that feel?
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: You know? They met at the Maker with Charity Foundation,
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: the same place Julie, So the two of them met.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: And my wife is just very open and loving and she,
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: you know, she became friends with Jenna for a long
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: period of time. We kinda moved out to Nashville, Tennessee.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: I think she remarried recently. But so we've lived these
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: you know, lives, and it's all good.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: It does not feel good, Yeah.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: It's all good. I love it.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: It's all good. It's so much better than this is
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: so hard, you know, Yeah, just the mindset change alone
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: can change everything.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: My wife is just very open and loving, and you know,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: she's tough too. She's not a pushover. So she she
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: sees the best in people and she's great at it.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: She brings the best out of people too.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I love that. One of the things my husband told
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: me once was that I make him want to be
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: a better man. Yeah, and that as a wife and
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: just as a friend, it made me feel so valuable
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: to him that that carries me through and keeps me
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: wanting to him to feel that way. You know.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my wife makes me want to be a better
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: man as well.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: Hm, that's really good.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: And she she's the first person to say, like, you know,
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: all this working down yourself is the most attractive thing
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: about you.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah, it really is. As you get older, that
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: whole like moody, mysterious, dangerous, you know, problematic guy is
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: less and less appealing. So now you're just like to her,
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that is so admirable. I mean to me,
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: it's so admirable to everyone that's heard your story is
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: what you've done, the way you've turned your life around,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: is truly admirable and inspiring. And I know that our
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: listeners are going to well really hear that. And just
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: the genuineness that you speak about it with. You're not
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: talking about this so that you can be more famous
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: or get more likes or whatever people talk about things for.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: You're talking about this because you have to talk about it,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: because it's who you are.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: That's what I told my, That's what I told Amy My.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: I hired a pblicist for Blue Ridge, and I was
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: just like, I have to. Look, I want to help
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: promote the show whatever I can, but I really need
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: to tell my story. I have to. It's part of
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: my DNA right now, like it's part of me. I
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: have to share this because I know that it will
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: open people up.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's what we want to do. We want
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: to connect. And when when your fans or your viewers
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: feel like they can connect to you and relate to
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: you on that deeper level, it's so much more valuable.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: I know the relationship that I have with a lot
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: of my long term fans and supporters like they feel
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: like my family. And as much as I share what
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: I do in hopes to inspire them, them acknowledging it
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: and giving me their stories sharing their stories with me,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: it inspires me. So it's this beautiful, like cyclical exchange
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: of just like good energy.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's beautiful. So you've you've had a relationship with
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: fans for such a long time. Yeah, did a lot
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: of people stick around all these years?
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: I mean it's bananas. The super fans of the OG
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: nine on two to zero from the nineties, I see
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: them at all the time, and I correspond with them
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: and I love connecting with them, like they feel like
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: a part of me, and I'm so grateful to them.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: And like, I know, I would not have had the
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: career that I've had. I wouldn't have this outlook that
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: I have at this point in my life without that
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: kind of love and support. So tap into that. You
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: know you are doing You're you're doing great, and yeah,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: you have to promote your show because you want people
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: to see it and enjoy it. You work really hard
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: on it, but at the same time, that's not your
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: only motive and that comes through, right, So you're doing great.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: The fan things so neat. I never really had that
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: people like my movie, I've been in that thing you
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: do fans, but we don't have like I think I
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: wasn't on television for a period of time. Like I
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: think people will find justin why is my character and
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: really start to find him and me and see the
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: connection and be able to share with me. I would
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: love that that happened with my fans. I'll put that
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: out there. I would love to do it that.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Just keep connecting with them because they want to connect
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: with you.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: I'm so used to I was. I've always been so
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: scared of fans. I think why, you know, I had
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: a stalker, so there was always about the looking at
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: the mail and there were always horrible things that the
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: stalker was doing. So yeah, I think I just always
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: like didn't want to connect with these people because they
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: was afraid that there was danger there.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Well, you know, there are scary people out there, that
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: is true.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: There's a loving people too, and I did. We don't
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: have social back then. You know, socials are I do
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: connect with people now. I do love the people that
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: connect with me. And They've been there since socials at
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: least when I started doing socials and I could see
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: them and I'm like, hey, I got a series I'm doing. Now,
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: Oh what's the series?
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, it's the best. It's like your support
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: group and you inspire them, and then by them loving
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: you and sharing with you, they inspire you. It's the best.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Just you're so on the right path. I'm so excited
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: for you in your life. And you know, once again,
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: it really really inspired by your story and your bravery
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: to not only share those dark places, but to do
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: the work that it takes to get out of them,
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: because nothing changes if nothing changes. So kudos to you,
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: my friend, I'm curious what this is a question I
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: like to answer myself. But what is it when you
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: lay your head down on the pillow at the end
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: of your day. What is it that goes through your
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: mind before you fall asleep.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: Well, if I start thinking about any of the things,
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: I usually go through the Baltimore Orioles lineup.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: So that's your guy.
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: I've just tried to do things that I have no
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: control over and don't really matter. I will rest because
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: if I think about sometimes, I'll go over the lines
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: for the next day. Have you done that.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: I've slept with my my sides under my pillow every
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: so many times. But it's like it's gonna it's gonna
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: come magically into my brain if I just sleep on it.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I've done that so many times. And I
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: do that a lot more sane than I used to
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: do trying to memorize lines. I could, you know. I
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: used to think that I couldn't memorize them. When I
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: realize it was not. I'm not that being anymore. I
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: have to let them in me. Yeah. So yeah, I
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: do definitely run my lines over in my head. And
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: if I can't remember them, oh, sometimes I might get
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: wake up and go, you know, look at them, turn
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: the light on, try to see in the middle of
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: the night, what was that line I was trying to memorize.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, the life of an actor.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the one thing people always like that. One
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: of the first things they always ask me is do
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: you memorize your lines?
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, that's a good question. It just becomes
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: part of like just you have to do it, so
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: you just start really start to get into that dialogue.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's with like with most things, the
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: more you use it, the better it gets that muscle
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: whatever it is inside our brains for the memory of
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: our lines. Like if you keep using it, it just
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: it's like more automatic somehow.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're good at it, aren't you. I am a
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: quick You have a lot of You've always had a
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: lot of lines.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But every time i'm it's like showtime, whatever it is,
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: an interview, an appearance, a scene, whatever it is. I
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: always panic inside and think, oh my god, I don't know,
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: I can't do this, and just like you, I have
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: to say, hey, shut it not helpful.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: And when your co star says their line, you know
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: your line, it.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Just comes if you're in the moment, if it's yeah.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: So I love that part. Okay. I always ask everybody
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: this that comes on our podcast, Jonathan, what was your
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: last I Choose Me moment?
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: You know, I chose me when I hired my publicist.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: Mm hmmm.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: I know that it would be tough to get press
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: during the summer and they were putting a show out
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: and I really wanted people beyond just lurage to hear
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: my story, and I choose I choose me moment was
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: when I hired a publicist.
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: That's a good one because at first it doesn't sound
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: like that, like I choose me, but it's a big expense. Yeah,
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: and you do have to be willing to put yourself
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: out there like never before.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: And she's she's always been very special to me. She
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: worked with my with Christina in the beginning of her career,
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: and I would hear how she strategically would plan these
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: things out and I never had anyone like do that
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: with me. And I was like, well, I never had
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: my own show like this. It was always short. It
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: was always a movie, never like a long lead. Well,
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: you know, you have to do it for the next season.
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: All that stuff. So she and she moved out here
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: in Nashville, Tennessee, and I thought, we are so in line.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: This is the right thing to do. And when it
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: came down to doing it, I had to really choose
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: me over everything else. So that's and also I get
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: up every morning, go work out. That's to choose me
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: moment as well.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: Every morning.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: What time, well I dumped my son off at school usually,
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: and then I go train.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: Both very very admirable. I choose me moments. Thank you
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: so much for taking the time to talk today to us,
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: and wow, I really look forward to watching Blue Ridge.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: I had never heard about it until I started researching
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: you and the clips that I've seen on your social
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: It looks like my kind of show, and it looks good,
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: you know, like it's good stuff.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: It is. It's you know. I can watch it with
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: my ten year old and my eighty five year old
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: father and everyone gets the hea a little bit of
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: something in it. It's got romance, action, It's a good show.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: People really like it.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: It's God well, I like you.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: You have a lot of heart too. I can tell
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: all my best to you and your beautiful family.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Say to you, thanks for having me.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: You're welcome. That conversation with Jonathan was very inspiring and interesting.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: It was really incredible to hear about his journey to sobriety.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: And I hope that anyone listening who might be struggling
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: with that or knows someone who is struggling, takes away
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: from this conversation that there is help out there and
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: you do not have to do this alone. And the
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: releasing of shame. Yeah, that was really key for me.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: As we continue to choose ourselves each week, I want
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: you to think about gratitude. We talked a lot about
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: that today in my conversation with Jonathan, about how important
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: it is and how fulfilling life is for him now
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: that he has that sense of profound gratitude due to
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: him choosing to get sober. So I want to ask you,
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: when was the last time you practice gratitude? For me?
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: I practice gratitude every single night before I go to bed.
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: It's like a ritual. I lay down, I close my eyes,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: and I ask myself, what are three things that you're
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: grateful for? And I either say them in my mind,
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: or I write them down, or I say them out
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: loud to myself or to someone that I love, and
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: then I go to sleep, and that sense, that awareness,
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: that acknowledgment of gratitude really does sort of seep in
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: to who you are and how you live your life.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: So I want you to try it. I want you
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: to say it out loud, say it to yourself, say
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: it to a friend, tell them how grateful you are
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: that they are in your life, and watch how beautifully
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: things unfold for you. Thanks for listening to I Choose Me.
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: You can check out our social links and make sure
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: to follow, rate, and review the podcast, and use the
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: hashtag I Choose Me. I will be right here next week,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: and I hope you will choose to be here too,