Latest / The Growth Mindset Book Podcast: Ideas That Change the Way You Think / The Four Agreements: A Path to Personal Freedom

Transcript

The Four Agreements: A Path to Personal Freedom · The Growth Mindset Book Podcast: Ideas That Change the Way You Think

• 0:32
  Speaker 1: My mother was in the hospital this weekend.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Thank God she's okay, but was spending a lot of time there helping her.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: So today we're gonna do something special.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: There was a live class that I did on the four agreements and I edited it today and I'm gonna share it with you, and I think it's really good and there's a lot of value here.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: The most important thing that we can do is look at one of these four agreements and say how can I actually use this and apply this in my life?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: You'll get a lot of options for application, as you'll see as the class moves on.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: So enjoy the class.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: How many of you have ever heard or read this book before the Four Agreements?
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Oh good, so there's a number of people that have read it.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if you have or haven't, because we're going to discuss it and we're going to discuss the key principles.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: But essentially he wrote this book and said there were four things and if you just do these four things, you'll have a happier and better life.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: You think that's possible if we just do four things, that we'll have a better life.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, good, let's talk about number one.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: This one I love it's be impeccable with your word.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: Be impeccable with your word.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: So, before I tell you what it is, what does that mean to you?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Don't bullshit, I love that.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So you're saying actually speak from integrity and and be authentic.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Yes, don't bullshit, I love that we just have two different ways of expressing it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: That's all I like that that's.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: That's one.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I love how you're looking at that.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: What else?
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: for me it's being impeccable, meaning, if you're going to say you have to do it, so it's like a value yourself, you're promising not only to yourself, you're promising to God.
• 2:23
  Speaker 5: I'm going to get up tomorrow, work out, end up the next morning.
• 2:26
  Speaker 5: I'm not working out, I'm just tired.
• 2:28
  Speaker 5: It's like you're lying to yourself and then your body remembers that and it gets weaker from that and your soul gets further away from your body.
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: And the only way to cure that is to be truthful, to let our own self be true.
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: That's it, right there.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: You're 100% right.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: You're saying if we make a commitment, then let's keep that commitment, because we said with our word that we were going to do it, so that means we need to do it.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Or let me ask you a question Do you have to say to yourself that you have to wake up tomorrow and go to the gym if you're not going to do?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: It Do you have to make that commitment.
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: I think you do.
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: I mean I do.
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: I mean there have been times in the past where I would say I'm going to do it, and then I don't do it and things start to fall apart.
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: And maybe not in my life drastically, but things just don't work out the way I wanted them to work out.
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: The minute I get back on track with being truthful, you know, and following through with what I say, things start to happen.
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: You know, it's not just people around me start to really understand it, but I start to push that energy out.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: And that's really what I'm trying to.
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: I'm always trying to strive for.
• 3:50
  Speaker 5: I fail sometimes and then I fix it.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I would say that's not even failing.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: It didn't go the way you wanted to, but you learned from it and you made it better.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: That's not failing is giving up and just stopping altogether.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: That's really what failing is.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you this If you knew there was like a 50% chance you weren't going to go, would you say out loud to yourself and to others that you were going to go?
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Do that.
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: Honestly, I used to, and then I felt like crap afterwards and now it's like if there's less than 90% of a chance that I'm not going to do it, I won't say it.
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: But if I'm going to say it, that's 100% promise.
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: I'm doing it, at least for myself.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that is a really great point.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: When it comes to being impeccable with your word.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: The thing is, we don't have to say we're going to do anything, but if we do say it, why is it so important that we do it?
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: if not for anybody, for yourself.
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you've made a vow.
• 4:55
  Speaker 5: You're a vow, is like a sacred bond between you and god, and if you don't do it, you're breaking your word to yourself.
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: And you may not feel it at first, but you're going to start to feel it and you're going to feel like crap if you're not going to do it, don't say it, that's it, that's it.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: That also gives you an excuse to get out of it, though if you don't say it, you, mike.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: That's a great point.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: Go ahead.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: What?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: were you going to?
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: say that's exactly what I was going to say.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: If you don't say it out loud, or to yourself or somebody, it gives you a way to get out of doing it, even though you wanted to do it and you planned on doing it.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Right, that's another way of looking at it.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: It gives you a way out.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: No-transcript.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: I'd be very careful of what I was saying and make sure that I'm able to commit to that.
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: I was just thinking that it has more to do with me or the individual than anything, because it doesn't really matter if anybody else is watching.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: It matters what I'm doing and what I'm saying to me, my commitment to me and that's like to me.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: That shows a lot of self-esteem in someone.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: When they do what they say they're going to do, they care about themselves, do what they say they're going to do, they care about themselves.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: It's such a great thing that you're saying, jeffrey, we don't have to commit to certain things, but haven't we done that many times in the past?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Someone will say, hey, let's meet up.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, man, all right, I'll do it, but you don't really want to go.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: And then you come up with an excuse like I've got this other thing, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to meet, let's meet up another time.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: When we do that, what is that saying?
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Forget about what they're seeing, but what does that tell us about ourselves?
• 7:07
  Speaker 6: Mike, if you don't believe in your own words, who will ever believe in you?
• 7:13
  Speaker 6: Right, we don't realize how important words are.
• 7:16
  Speaker 6: So I could say to you Mike, I did that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 6: When I didn't do it, what am I really saying to you, Mike, I'm a liar.
• 7:23
  Speaker 6: I'm not using the word liar.
• 7:25
  Speaker 6: Or if I'm saying to you, mike, I'll be there for you, I'll be there, but I've never been there, the flip, there is what I am not a accountable person, I am not a comfortable person, I am not a dependable person.
• 7:36
  Speaker 6: I'm not using that word, but my word is telling you, that's who this person is.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: You have a choice, paul.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: What you're saying is you have a choice.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: You can make a commitment or you don't have to make a commitment.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: But if we make the commitment, we must stick to it, no matter what.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Even if we don't want to do it, we got to do it because it's telling us I believe in myself, I believe in my word.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: If I'm consistently giving my word and actually following through on those when I say to myself I'm going to start a business and I'm going to go out and do this, what do you think my belief level will be when I go to do that?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: You believe in and you did it.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: You started it, you've right through with it.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and what have I been doing?
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: All along with my word, up until the point that I actually made that commitment.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: If I consistently give my word and I do what I say, oh, and keep it.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: And then now I go and I give my word that I'm going to start a business and I'm going to do this, why will it be easier for me?
• 8:47
  Speaker 6: Because you always do what you say you're going to do in the first place, and it supports you.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: In other words, if we don't think we're going to do it, then just don't make the commitment.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: In other words, if we don't think we're going to do it, then just don't make the commitment.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Then you're not losing faith and belief in yourself because you haven't made any kind of commitment.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense to everyone?
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: How about this, Again being impeccable with your word?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: How about gossip?
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: How about you're sitting with a group of friends and they start talking about someone else?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: That's not good, not good.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: And imagine, jeffrey, you're in a group of friends and someone starts talking about someone else and then you jump in.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, that person, oh I don't know, they do this, they do that, everyone in that group, when you're not around, what are they going to be thinking?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: You might be doing about them, talking about them, exactly, that's exactly right.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: So what do we do if we're in that situation?
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Interrupt and change the subject.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's definitely one way to handle it.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Anyone else have any other ideas?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: You could just interrupt it and change the subject to something else.
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: I follow what Bob Proctor would say.
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: He would change the subject oh, that's interesting and either walk away, change the subject or whatever.
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: You're falling into that habit of somebody else gossiping.
• 10:09
  Speaker 5: What does?
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: that do.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I got a question Is that any different than say somebody starts talking about someone who hurt their feelings?
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: What do you guys think?
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: You're there and someone says this person really hurt my feelings, Is that gossip?
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: Just don't talk about it, because it's like you keep talking about it.
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: You're carrying on that thing.
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: That happened to you a hundred years ago.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: You're better off going to the person Think hurt yourself.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: No, Hurt you Exactly and talk to them about it to the person think hurt yourself, no, hurt you Exactly and talk to them about it.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's say that Frank says something.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: He says something to me and it hurts my feelings.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Why should I go to Yvette and talk to her about how Frank hurt my feelings?
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't it be better if I just picked up the phone and said Frank, I just wanted to tell you you may not even realize this, but when you said that thing to me it kind of hurt my feelings.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: And then Frank says oh, you know what, mike, I really didn't mean it that way at all.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: And now we've handled that situation.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: If I talk to Yvette about that situation without talking to Frank, does anything really get accomplished?
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: No, and Yvette could bring it to another person.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: Anything really get accomplished?
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: No, and Yvette could bring it to another person, to another person, to another person.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you something.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: If you are upset again, let's use Frank.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: He says something to me Now I'm with Jeffrey and Maddie and we're sitting there and I say you know that, frank, he said this thing to me.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Since I'm talking to Maddie and Jeff, maddie takes her phone and now dials Frank's number and gets him on speaker and says go ahead, mike, continue the conversation.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Would I say what I'm about to say to Maddie and Jeffrey Strong, no, strong, no, strong, no.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: So why not just pick up the phone and call Frank?
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: It's taking responsibility.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: It's saying I got hurt.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Do I really even need to have a conversation with Frank?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Maybe, but who do I really need to have a conversation with?
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah With myself.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: What is it that I have to find out about myself to really learn and get stronger?
• 12:20
  Speaker 6: Whatever Frank said to me, sugar that responds.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Frank says something to me, why would it affect me?
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: And then he says it to Mike Mike's like that's no big deal.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Why was I impacted by it?
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Because there's only one reason I've got something inside of me that got triggered when Frank said that.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: And instead of dealing with that thing like I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, instead of dealing with that, isn't it easier for me to go to Yvette and say Yvette, can you believe that Frank said this to me?
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: If I go and have a whole conversation with Yvette, what am I avoiding in myself?
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: My daughter.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: She complains about other girls on the cheerleading team.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: I think I need some more practice for that Guess what we all need practice.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: This is practice when we're having these conversations.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: They're practice.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: These are things that we can practice and get better at, and we can strive for perfection.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Will we ever meet perfection?
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Probably not, but we're going to keep moving towards it, and if we do that, then we're doing the right thing.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: It's not pointing the finger out there.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Instead, it's looking inside.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: What do I got going on in here that's causing me to feel this pain and upset Make sense.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: So let's stop there with one and move to two.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: So, again, we're speaking with integrity.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: We're avoiding gossip, and when we're going to gossip, ask yourself this question Would I take my phone right now, dial the person's number that I'm going to be talking about and put it on speakerphone so that they could hear?
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: And I know the answer is going to be no.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: I've asked this question to many people before and not one person so far has said yes, they would do that.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: So we want to do that.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Finally, if we're going to make a commitment to ourselves, we don't have to, but if we do, we keep it.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Make sense.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: That's being impeccable with your word.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: When we're finished today in one of these four areas that we look at.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Just say to yourself we talked about four different things.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I don't have to improve on all of them, but maybe this one for me would be a good one to start working on.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: All right, number two get ready, because this one is a little bit challenging.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Don't take anything personally.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Don't take anything personally.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: So Frank comes up to me and says Mike, you really screwed this thing up.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's wrong with you.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Is it possible for me to not take that personally?
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: What do you think?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I take a lot of things personally, jeffrey.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: We all do.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: That's why we're talking about it.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: But the thing is and this is open for everyone why do we take things personally?
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Because as soon as we get this piece, we'll start to really look at what's going on.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: So why do we take things personally when someone says something to us?
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: They're not being kind to me, they don't have any respect for me, or they wouldn't be doing that.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And the only way that you would get upset from a comment is if you've got something inside of yourself that gets triggered Right.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: If you have a trigger inside of you, if you have a paradigm, a belief about yourself that says I'm not good enough, and now suddenly someone says something to make you feel like you're not good enough, what's going to happen with your emotions?
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: If we feel an emotion that's negative from something that someone says, we know there's something inside we have to look at.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: That's a very high level.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: It's not easy to do, Isn't it much easier to point the finger outside and say, oh, they're such jerks.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: They always do this to everyone.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: Well, I've got a question.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Do you have to really look at what it is that got triggered, or can you have a response, a simple?
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I am good enough so it's a good question.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Anyone have an answer to that, I'll answer it afterwards.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: What do you respond to that person, or I mean?
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: within yourself, like if you're feeling not good enough, the dialogue that that I would be.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: I'd be feeling that I'd say I'm good enough, I don't need to feel this way.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: As soon as you feel a negative emotion, if you can identify it quickly and most of the time it's centered around the same thing.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: When you're triggered, it's usually I'm not good enough.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Tell yourself I love myself, I am good enough, whatever the affirmation that makes you feel a little bit better about yourselves, because that's the only reason you're getting upset.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Any other thoughts on that?
• 17:25
  Speaker 6: Yeah, mike, a lot of times we get upset because we have an image to protect.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: We are blindsided.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: What inside of me is causing me to feel upset right now?
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm angry, okay, because anger is usually what covers up the other emotion underneath it.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: It's never the anger, it's something underneath the anger.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I got hurt because they said this, and then how did that make you feel?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Well, it made me feel like I wasn't good enough, or it made me feel stupid, or it made me feel whatever was triggered for you, but always whittle it down, because it's never the top level.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: It's never.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I'm angry.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Why are you angry?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: And just keep digging until you get to it, and You'll know when you're there, believe me.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: So don't take anything personally.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Any other ways that you could implement that, so that you don't take things personally when someone says something to you?
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: Something that I try to do is when someone says something that is obviously hurtful so not when someone accidentally says something hurtful, but if someone says something that is obviously hurtful so not not when someone accidentally says something hurtful, but if someone says something that's very obviously hurtful or meant to make you angry or sad or whatever any of those negative emotions I try and I try and reframe it and see that it's just them projecting at me.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: It's them being insecure, it's them feeling this way and I try to empathize with with them that's a great idea.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: You start to look at what's going on inside of them and what's really causing them to be like this and to say these type of things.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: That's a great point.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: All right, you ready for number three?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Don't make any assumptions.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Don't make any assumptions.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: How have you made an assumption in the past that didn't work out for you?
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: So for sales, I would pull up to somebody's house and you would judge them based off like I pulled up to somebody's house and I've gone in and it'd been like a rancher and they're very modest, sliver, and then I would sit down and take their assets and they would have way more money than people that live in mansions.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: So you're assuming that they don't have money and just based off the outside appearance of their house or their cars.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: And he drives yeah, Just based on how they look and their appearances.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: It's isn't it easy to make an assumption about someone right away when you look at them?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Aren't we doing that a lot of the time?
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: When we see people, we're immediately making an assumption about them and it could be completely false, agreed.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Isn't that interesting that we do that?
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: So knowing that, what do we do instead of that?
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Keep an open mind.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: That's a great point.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Just keep an open mind.
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: I always think of that book, the Millionaire Next Door.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: The people that live below their means and they live modestly.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: Some of them are very wealthy.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: They're not all seditious.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: They don't have to keep up with the Joneses.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: Totally agree.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: It's funny you say that I remember showing up to a client's house this was in the financial industry, just like you said, and the outside just didn't look good.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: And then I got in and literally there was food all over the table from dinner and it was a mess and I'm thinking what a waste of time.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: And you know what happened.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: They turned out to be really big clients and it was exactly like you said.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I made an assumption about them based on what I was seeing in front of me.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Imagine if I said to myself I'm not even going to go, I'm just going to turn around right now because I know they have nothing and this is going to be a waste of time.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I know people that have done that.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: They'll just leave.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: How else do we make assumptions?
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: It's a habit, isn't it a habit, to assume these assumptions that we're making for ourselves again, if we did it 10 times, how many times are we actually right about the assumption?
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Not often.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: You would think we would learn automatically.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: We've done it so many times where we assume something, but yet we still do it.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: That's why this one's on the list.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: It's not only assuming what they're saying, it's assuming our own thoughts, our own feelings, when we make an assumption, like Art did earlier.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: He made that assumption, I can't get on the phone with him.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: What if he made the opposite assumption?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I'm amazing, I can absolutely get on the phone with him.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: What if he made the opposite assumption?
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: I'm amazing.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: I can absolutely get on the phone with them.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: And if they choose not to talk to me, that's their choice.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: That's their mistake.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: What if he came from it, from that place?
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: What if he used assumption to actually help himself by assuming the opposite of what his initial assumption was?
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: By assuming the opposite of what his initial assumption was?
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: You ever see Seinfeld where George Costanza does the opposite?
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: It's called the opposite day.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: He does the opposite of everything that he normally would do and his day and everything starts working out for him.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Because when we make these assumptions, if we do the opposite of it, what we'll find is we are assuming the wrong way most of the time.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: If I am worried that Paul is thinking something about me, wouldn't it be a good idea for me to just call him and ask him?
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Then there's no more assumption, the assumption's gone.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I just cleared it because I checked in with Paul.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Instead of, it could be two months, three months from now and I'm still thinking Paul's thinking this way about me.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't it be so much easier if I just said, paul, are you thinking this way?
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: And he was like Mike, you're out of your mind, I'm not thinking that.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Or if he said, yes, I am At least now I know.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: But being in assumption mode, how do you feel when you're assuming all the time?
• 23:28
  Speaker 7: horrible Right, I had that last night.
• 23:31
  Speaker 7: I couldn't sleep, I was tossing and turning and then I did tell you and then all you said to me was like why don't you pick up the phone and talk to that person, which I did this morning, which took a lot for me but I made the mistake and it bothered me all day and then I couldn't sleep.
• 23:47
  Speaker 7: It was 1230 at night and I was up.
• 23:48
  Speaker 7: It was a mistake I made, so I just wanted to acknowledge that and just make sure that there were no hard feelings, because I'm also owning up that I misinterpreted something.
• 24:00
  Speaker 7: It was uncomfortable for me, but she did thank me for putting it out there.
• 24:05
  Speaker 7: I got it off my chest because it was bothering me, but it wasn't bothering her.
• 24:09
  Speaker 7: I don't think she gave it a second thought, but it did bother me.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: That's the funny thing.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: But how did you feel after it was done and after you made the call?
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I felt good, Made an assumption.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Haven't you all gotten a text?
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: They must be pissed or something.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: And then you call them up and they're like what are you talking about?
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: She sounded worried and and then you call them up and they're like what are you talking about?
• 24:31
  Speaker 7: She sounded worried and why does she sound like that?
• 24:32
  Speaker 7: But then then she sent me another message just a little while ago, apologizing to because there was a little situation at her house.
• 24:38
  Speaker 7: She couldn't fully engage in the conversation, but it was just funny because she probably had things going through her head Like why does she want to chat?
• 24:47
  Speaker 7: Because in her head there's like nothing that she and I would have to chat about.
• 24:52
  Speaker 7: But little did she know that I've had a sleepless night over this silly thing.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but do you see how, in what Yvette's just saying?
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Do you see how the assumptions just continue going back and forth?
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Now that Yvette says I'd like to talk, then the woman's thinking oh my God, what is she going to say to me?
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Is it this?
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Is it that Right?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: This happens all the time.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: If you look at how many times you assume during the day, it's amazing to really look at it.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: And it's okay, it's not bad.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: but we do it, it happens a lot over text, because there's zero inflection on a text and you can be reading a text five different ways and if you don't hear the tone of the person's voice saying that same sentence, you don't have any idea how they're coming off.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Exactly right.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: That's exactly right.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I remember I got a text from it was one of my biggest clients, this was years ago and he says to me.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: He says I need to talk.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, I'm trying to think.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: What did it?
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: You know what it ended up being Like I was thinking all these things, I was preparing for all these different things in my head.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: He wanted to let me know that he was coming to town.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: He wanted to just get together and grab some lunch, but I spent 30 to 40 minutes really getting nervous about what's going on, instead of just picking up the phone and asking him Don't assume, just pick up and find out what's going on.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: That's it, just ask.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: It's like how many things would we avoid if we just had a conversation directly with the individual?
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: We would be impeccable with our word if we were talking directly to the person.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: We probably wouldn't take it personally if we actually talked to them and figured out what was really going on.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: And then, ultimately, if we don't make assumptions about what they're saying.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: So you see how these kind of all intertwine with each other.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: It's just practice.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Let's get to the last one and then we're going to do some takeaways.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: The last one.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Always do your best.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Always do your best.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: What do you think that means to you?
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: You want to always put in your full effort in everything you do.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Always give full effort.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, always give full effort, frank, what do you?
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: think no I was just going to say for me it's like you want to treat everybody how you would treat your family or your closest friends.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: That's a great point.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: They always have that example of the top level executive in the company that you work with and the janitor.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Would you treat one different than the other?
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't, because what does that say about you if you do that?
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: This is, I'm just trying to get something from that person and I can't get something from this person.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: No, I'm going to be a caring, kind, compassionate person with everyone that I meet.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: That's leaving everyone with the impression of increase.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Always do your best.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: How about avoiding self-judgment and regret?
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: Is that doing your best when you're avoiding that about yourself?
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to avoid judging myself.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: If you're doing your best, would you judge yourself in a negative way?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: No, if you didn't do it the best way that you wanted to, that time, what would you say to yourself?
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: When you got everything you could.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and what can I learn from it?
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I did the best that I could.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: What can I learn from it?
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: How could I get a little bit better the next time?
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: Keep doing it until you get it right.
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: It's not failure, it's feedback.
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: So you do your best and if and it doesn't go exactly how you planned, look at it how it happened and what can you execute next time to make it better.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: And what we think is failure is very short-term thinking, because one thing doesn't get us there.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: It may mean the other amazing thing is coming sooner, and we're really need to get to that, because it's going to take us down a completely different path.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Right, that's a great point, maddie, you had your hand up.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was just going to add on to that.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Like I'm a firm believer in the fact that your best is not necessarily going to be the same every day, like your 100 percent is going to be different depending on I don't know like your health, or or maybe that's something difficult that's going on around you, and if you're giving 100 percent every day, it doesn't necessarily mean you're 100 percent.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Yesterday is going to be the same as your 100 percent today.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: So as long as you're giving everything that you can, I feel like you're still doing your best.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Quote unquote.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're 100 percent right and it will be different every day.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Unless you're doing the exact same thing every day, it's going to be different.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Your best in one area is very different from your best in a different area.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: So you're 100% right.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: What were you going to say, jeffrey?
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: I'm going to rewrite number four Always feel good about yourself.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: I like it.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: I feel good about myself.
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: I'm going to treat people as good as I feel about me.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: That's great, always doing your best.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I think it even falls under that too, which is always feeling good about yourself.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because we should.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: If we're doing our best, what else can we ask for Anyone else?
• 30:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah, mike, I think the answer we get every day in life is the question that we are asking.
• 30:08
  Speaker 6: So we are asking these questions consciously and subconsciously.
• 30:12
  Speaker 6: So when something goes not what we expected, we should ask what is in this thing that I can get something good out of it?
• 30:21
  Speaker 6: Always look for something good, nothing wrong with looking for something good.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: If we're always doing our best, wouldn't we be looking for the good in everything, and there is always something good?
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't we be looking for the good and everything and there is always something good?
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: We wouldn't have a disappointment, we wouldn't have upset if there wasn't a reason for us to grow from it.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: So we just do our best in assessing that situation and saying what can I do?
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Like Paul said, what question can I ask to help me in this situation right now?
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: What can I learn from this?
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: What can I learn from this?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: How can I grow from this?
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: How does this make me better?
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: What will I do next time?
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: All questions we can ask when anything that seems negative happens to us.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: And aren't we making an assumption when we assume that this is a negative thing that's happened?
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: What if it's actually for our good?
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, final takeaways what do you get from this?
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: How do you use it during the week?
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: I think there's a lot of opportunity for growth here.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be mindful of the things each day.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: My goodness, that could lead me down a really good path, yeah.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: It's just one step at a time.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Just one step.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Today, I'm going to focus on assumptions.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to focus on it.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Where am I making assumptions?
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I'm going to catch myself making an assumption today.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I caught myself.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: I'm teaching it and I caught myself.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: I caught myself being impeccable with my word.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: I started to not be impeccable, but I caught myself.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: I caught myself being impeccable with my word.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: I started to not be impeccable, but I caught myself.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: That's what we want to do.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: It's the awareness that gives us the ability to get better and better by practicing.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: It's practice.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Every single athlete who is unbelievably successful.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: They practice harder than everyone else.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: That's all we have to do is we practice every single day.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: All right, guys, Practice, practice, practice.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: Have fun, have an amazing day everyone.
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: Take care.