Latest / Wake Up with Marci / Feeling Emotionally Drained? How To Heal Burnout & Reconnect With Yourself | Tracy Doyle

Transcript

Feeling Emotionally Drained? How To Heal Burnout & Reconnect With Yourself | Tracy Doyle · Wake Up with Marci

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I grew up believing that I had to sacrifice myself
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: for everybody, for my family, for my job, and that moment,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: the only solution I had was just to end it
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: all because I didn't want anyone to think that I
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: couldn't handle it right. I wanted it to be an accident.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Later that night, I was dolted awake by someone like
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: knocking on my car window. Are you okay? Are you okay?
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: As what I heard, and you know, my car was
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: facing oncoming traffic. I was a hair away from a
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: head on collision. It was that far. To this day,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I still don't know how my foot went on the break.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I had followed through with that fantasy of getting drunk
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: and getting into a car accident, and being faced with
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: that was like, what have I done?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: This is Wake Up with Marcy, a space for honest
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: conversations about healing, recovery, and women's wellness. I'm Marcy Hopkins.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Take a breath, You're safe here.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Let's begin.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Have you ever been the strong one, the capable one,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: the one everyone one depends on. But inside you're exhausted,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: You're depleted. What at the very thing that makes you
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: strong is also what is keeping you stuck.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: Hello all, and.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to Wake Up with Marcy. I am so
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: grateful you're here. I'm your host, Marcy Hopkins, and I
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: am an author, motivational speaker, TV host, and also a
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: mental health advocate.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: And today I am so grateful for my guest.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Today, we are going to meet the incredible Tracy Doyle,
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: an award winning entrepreneur, author of Life Storms, and creator
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: of the Aurora Method. Tracy went from building a multi
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: million dollar company to hitting a breaking point that changed everything,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: and I bet a lot of us can relate to
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: hitting that breaking point when we are overgiving ourselves. So
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: now Tracy is helping women understand what's really driving emotional burnout.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: We're going to learn.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: What it is, how it's affecting us, and how we
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: can get over it. She's also going to help us
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: to reconnect, reconnect with ourselves, our lives, and the people
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: that we love. So let's welcome Tracy. Now, Hello, Tracy,
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: welcome to Wake Up with Marcy.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Hey, good morning, Marcy, and thank you for having me
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: this morning.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: It's great to have you and for you to share
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: your story because so many of us women can relate
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: to feeling like we have to do it all.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: I've been there myself, so I can truly relate.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: But I want to start with your powerful story. And
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: there's a moment that you describe where you looked in
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: the mirror and you thought I'm done.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Can you take us back to that moment and what
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: was really happening for you internally?
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah? That it's a hard it's very hard to share
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: that moment of my life, but it's one that's super
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: powerful because it was a turning point. You know, I was,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: you know, born to a mentally ill mom and she
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: was a teenager. I became a caretaker by the age
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: of ten because she had had me as a teen
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: married when I was seven, and sadly, she married an
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: alcoholic who you know, was hitting his bottom over the
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: course of the four years that they were married. And
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: so you know, what I was carrying with me was,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: you know, I had to assume responsibility at a young
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: age because my mom couldn't handle the two kids. I
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: had to step up because she wasn't available to step
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: up for them, and so I really was helping my
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: siblings and you know, essentially racing kids on the school
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: yard for food. So here I am now I'm grown.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I'm the first of my family to go to college,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: and you know, and the stress of the complexity of
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: my family, managing my mom. You know, my sister at
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: this point sadly had started using drugs. I had umed
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: custody over two kids. So I'm an instat mom, I'm
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: a caretaker. I'm trying to manage my own relationship, starting
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: my own life. And then I'm a senior director at work.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: So I felt like that morning was like, you know,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: leading up to it, it was just, you know, I can't
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: take it. I can't take it. I can't take it. It
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: was just the overwhelm, the overwhelm, and then it felt
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: like no matter what I said, no matter what I did,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: like people just seem to not understand me anymore. That's
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: how I felt on the inside. So that morning, it
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: was a it was a cold, gray winter's day. It
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: was December twenty first, It's around the holidays, and I'm
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: like getting ready for work and I just look at
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: myself and I'm like, just eyes hollow. My spirit was
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: just dim and I didn't recognize myself anymore. I just
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: looked so just like empty, and inside I'm like I'm done,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: you know, and then the Scalaesian starts. You know, I'm
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: done being responsible for my mentally, Oh mom, you know,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I'm done taking care of my sister's kids, you know.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: And then it's like, I'm done being stretched in every
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: single direction at work. I'm done being the fixer. I'm
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: done doing everything for everyone. I'm done. And you know,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: in that moment, I was like, you know, if I
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: just got good and drunk, maybe i'd crashed the car.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, if I crash the car, no
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: one's gonna know, you know. I You know, I grew
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: up believing that I had to sacrifice myself for everybody,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: for my family, for my job, and that moment, the
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: only solution I had was just to end it all
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: because I didn't want anyone to think that I couldn't
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: handle it right. I wanted it to be an accident.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Later that night, I was dolted awake by someone like
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: knocking on my car window. Are you okay? Are you okay?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Is what I heard. And you know, my car was
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: facing oncoming traffic. I was a hair away from a
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: head on collision. It was that far. To this day,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I still don't know how my foot went on the
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: break I had followed through with that fantasy of getting
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: drunk and getting into a car accident, and being faced
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: with that was like like, what.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Have I done?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: You know? And how did I feel? Lost? So that
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: moment it was powerful. And that next day, I mean
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: the guilt and the shame of having almost killed two people,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: almost killing myself. But yet my head and my heart
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: are fighting because I'm screaming at myself like how could
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: you do this right? And yet my heart sang, Tracy,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: You're still here, You're still here, and you know, And
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: then I just yelled out it's something I hadn't done
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: in a long time, which is I want to live.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I want to live again. And that moment was of
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: it all because help me understand my first real lesson,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: which is, you know, we sacrifice ourselves for everyone, right,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: but sacrificing yourself doesn't mean abandoning yourself, and I had
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: done that. It means putting yourself first while you're managing everything.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And I didn't know how to do that. So for me,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: that meant I needed to get help. And that's when
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: my journey started.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so of things that I can relate to in
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: your story. First off, I want to ask you, is
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: your mother still with us?
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: She's not. Yeah.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: So my mother was an alcoholic and I dealt with
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: a lot of feeling abandoned, being kept in homes that
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: weren't safe and such, and it really affected me. One
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: of the things I've had to do on my healing
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: journey is fine forgiveness for my mother right for her
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: disease of alcoholism, for her inability to be the mother
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: that I wanted that I thought I should have, and
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: then also be grandmother that I thought maybe she could
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: be for my children and she couldn't be, and what
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: she put me through. So that was a very big
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: freeing moment for me. I won't say moment. It was
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: a journey of learning to process on how to do it.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Have you yourself been able to forgive your mother?
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah. You know what I learned was in
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: that moment. So that started my journey and what felt
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: like ten years right because I needed to get you know, obviously,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I had suicidal ideation, so I had to get treated
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: for depression. I went to therapy and you know, and
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I'm working through I had had some trauma. My biggest
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: traumas were really when my mom was married, because she
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: couldn't handle with her own liabilities, if you will, or limitation.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: She couldn't handle the pressure of a man not providing food.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: We had no food, we had no running water. You know,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: she just didn't know how to handle it, so she
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: just shut down. She had In today's day it would
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: be called bipolar depression. So I forget which it's bipolar
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: one or two. I can't remember. So, you know, so
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: for me, like as a kid, right, you internalize that
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: as neglect. You internalize that she doesn't care and nobody cares.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: You internalize that as I have to do everything myself.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: And so over that course of ten years, when I realized,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: when I got to that breaking point, that it wasn't
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: my mom. It wasn't what happened to me, you know,
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: it wasn't it wasn't my job, It wasn't all of that, right,
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: It was really my own beliefs doing it. See, because
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I had grown up believing I had to sacrifice myself
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: as the real issue was. I grew up believing I
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: had this pervasive belief that I didn't belong and I
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: thought that if I when one hundred and ten percent,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: then maybe I would, you know, and.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: Same for validation outside of ourselves.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Right, performance became that I became an overachiever, and performance
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: became the most sophisticated hiding place from dealing with all
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: that pain. So what I learned was was that it
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: was I had a good friend of mine on this journey.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, there were so many influences. So I talked
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: to you for hours about that, but I had one
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: specific friend. I'm from the pharmaceutical industry originally, and she said,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: you know, your life experience to shape your thinking, recognize
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: how they've shaped your thinking. You're empowered to change. Right.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: So I'm you know, I'm like, I don't know what
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: she's talking about. I'm so lost what she what she
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: meant was was that. And this is where I go
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: back to my original upbringing. In college, I studied psychology
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: and counseling, and you know, I wanted to be a
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: clinical psychologist, but I put myself through school I couldn't
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: do it. So as I'm really unpacking what she's trying
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: to teach me, because she was a trainer in the
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: SECH in the pharmaceutical industry, you know, it brought me
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: back to a concept from Abraham Maslow, which basically says,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: whenever our basic needs are stunted, So our basic needs belonging, security,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: like you just said, our esteem, right, which is sort
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: of part of belonging and our ambitions for ourselves. What happens, right,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: we come from a place of just looking at life
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: through a straw where we just lack. I don't have this,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I don't have that. The way you felt with your mom,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I felt the same way. She's never going to this,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: she's never going to that. And I'd have people telling
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: me their opinion, you just need to get over your mother, right.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: So but anyway, so what she did was she took
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: me through this tool that she had learned, and what
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: it was was like, you know, who hurt you, who
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: were you angry with? What did they do? How did
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: it affect you? And I got to I saw Maslow there,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: But then I said, how did you respond? Right? And
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: when I saw how I was, I got to see patterns,
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: and then what I saw was specific self centered traits.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: So what I mean by that is she was trying
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: to help me understand that the word resentment. She was
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: in a twelve step program. The word resentment comes from
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: the French word race centier, which means to refeel deeply.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: So what was I refeeling? I was refeeling those whenever
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: my spidy senses were up, I would feel threatened that
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I wasn't belonging. I would feel threatened that my security
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: was threatened, either my emotional security or my safety. And
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: that was the wound, right, that was the refeel. But
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: she said, what's the initial belief that you created as
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: a result. I got to look at Wow, my needs
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: were really really stunted because I had some significant experiences.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: That's not to say that you have to have trauma
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: for this to happen. We all have it. I mean
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: I've worked with the menue. I haven't had anything near
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: what I've experienced, and we end up in the same
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: place when we create these initial belief So for me,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: the belief was nobody cares. So I thought my mom
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: didn't care and you know, and it took me to
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not good enough right, and then it took me
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: to I'm never going to belong and then it took
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: me to you know places. First it was seeking validation,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: like you said, and that relationship. In an addition, I
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: then developed this exterior of you know, I'll show you
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I'm self important. So what did I do with her?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: So what I got to see in this exercise was
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I would abandon her. I I'm a good abandoner. Like
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: if you upset me, that said, I'm done. So if
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: she would have a bipolar rage, I'd be like, that's it.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna punish you with silence for six months. And
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: then when I got to see how I treated her
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: and I realized that she's a woman with limitations, I
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: was like, wow, just as a rule, so that what
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: that look like is what I call an acknowledgment conversation.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I actually I had a prep for it because I
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: knew she would She's very reactive. Well she was, and
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I had to really prep with you know when I
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: started the conversation, which sounded like this, you know, mom,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I've really been thinking about our relationship. And what I've
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: reflected on is that anytime you yell at me, aye,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: and then she gets defensive, right, so she starts yelling
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: at me. But I waited and when she finished, I said,
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: already done. She said, yeah, go please hear me out said,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: anytime you yell at me. What I realized is is
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: that I abandon you and I punish you with silence.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I don't talk to you for six months, three weeks,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: however long. And I realized how hurtful that must be,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: because I'm your daughter and you don't know where I am,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and you must be really scared when I do that.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: And she started crying. We hugged, and I said, I
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: and what I can promise you is that I won't
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: ever do that again, and you know, no matter how
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: hard it gets. And what that did for our relationship
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: was it helped me realize that she did care right,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: but she was capable of a one way relationship. So
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I had to you know, what do they say, shift
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: your sales or whatever. I forget that I love that
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: little thing with the little sailboat, But I shifted my
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: perspective to what does the one way relationship look like?
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I call her and listen, does it mean that she's
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: giving to me? I had other people when I put
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: the straw down. I had so many people in my
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: life that Karen and were able to nourish me in
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: ways that she couldn't. It was all there, But so
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I had to break through that limitation. And I call
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: that the city of limitation, we say, stuck in self
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: centered thinking from these refeels that we have.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: So I love that.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: I love that because that's where I did learn all
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: of that was through the twelve Steps. And what it
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: took me too, is being able to look at myself.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: And the thing is that we only are capable of
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: changing ourselves exactly.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: We change exactly.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: So it is a beautiful thing. It's one of the
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: hardest things for people to do is to look at
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: themselves right, to see their part and and create that change.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: But I think a lot of that once we start
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: doing that and we start prioritizing ourselves while also being
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: there for other people, because that's fulfilling in its own
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: way when you when you do it in.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: The right way.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So so that's one of the things that I wanted.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: To talk to you about, talk to you about because
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I related so much about it. And so what we're
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: talking about that hyper independence and and how that can
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: actually be a trauma response.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: So can you talk a little bit.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I was going to say, since you know
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: the twelve steps, you know, so what you know when
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: you when you learn the tool my friends shared with
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: me was from the fourth step in the Big Book
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: of Alcoholics Anonymous and you know it it has like
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: four little columns. But what she taught me was to
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: look at it in another way, and this was the
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: most you know, again, I'm going to tell you psychologically
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: and from my training what I saw and it blew
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: my mind, which is why I want to teach this
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: as many so you know how it says like your
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: you're you know, you look at your you know what
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: did I do in response to that? And then you
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: have to go deeper? Like where was I afraid? You know?
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Was I inconsiderate? Was I dishonest? Was I self seeking?
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Was I selfish? Well? That for me as as a
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: person who was selfless, who sacrificed herself, you know, I
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: was like, are you fing kidding? I'm New Jersey, I'm like,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: are you me? I'm like, how dare you like call
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: me selfish? But as my friend is explaining it, what
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: I took that as what are self these self centered traits? Right?
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: So I'm you know, I had you know, straight a's
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: in college. I'm looking of self centered traits, right, And
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: what I learned was, you know, selfishness means being absorbed
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: in self. But if you really define the ish, you
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: can change. And that's what I learned. So I looked
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: up words like self pity. I felt sorry for myself,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: which I did. Self avoidance. I avoided people, I avoided
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: my feelings, and I avoided you. Self reliance. I became
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: very reliant at a young age. So what did I do. Now,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: let's fast forward. I'm a CEO of a multimillion dollar
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: business and I'm like, I'll do it myself right anytime
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: something happen. And what message was I giving to people?
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I don't trust you, I don't think you have skills. Meanwhile,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: that's not what it was at all. It was my
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: own fear. So what I got to see was in
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: the presence of fear right, and I like Tony Robbins's
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: work lost fear less fear, never fear. In the presence
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: of lost fear, what was my combo? Did I become
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: thoughtless or inconsiderate or did I become dishonest? And I
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: got to see different. I'm all about patterns. To see
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: these patterns, and I'm like, Wow, when I'm afraid I'm
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: going to lose something, I get really really thoughtless. I
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: don't care about people, and then I get very self reliant.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: And when I'm self reliant, man, I get like self righteous,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: like my way or the highway, and now there is
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: no connection. I created so much friction and and I
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: was pretty much trying to say it was all about
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: because I had all these pressures on the outside. So
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: what I've learned over the years is I, you know,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I started mentoring women that this was like a professional
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: in my professional seat, I had so many women who
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: were struggling, and I'd have you know, client like meeting
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: my clients and the pharmaceutical insure like what are you doing?
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Like how do you manage all this? And how do
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: you stay sane? So I started really walking people. I
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: had no name for it yet, and you know, and
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I'm walking people through this framework and I'm helping them
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: see how their life experiences shape their thinking, and how
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: they're thinking really keeps some stuck in conflict and drives
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: them to emotional burnout. And because so many people are
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: burned out, and so then I started to see, well,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: you know, this person improved a relationship with her husband,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: that one stop the fight with the boss, Because why
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: do people get fired because they're in conflict with people, right.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, it doesn't matter how talented you are.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: If you can't get a lot of people, no one
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: wants you on the team. I started doing this work
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: with people in my company and you know, and people
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: were like, wow, this is amazing. So then I started
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: looking at what do you do for you know, what
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: do you do for you know, burnout? While they say
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: change your attitude, change your perspective? Well great, how the
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: jersey again, how the f do you do that? So
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I went back to my friend and I'm like, what
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: do I do with all this information? So she helped
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: me see my like my initial beliefs and you know,
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: and I got deep with them. And she was into
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: all these other books too, Like one book that I
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: love is it's called Discover the Power Within You by
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Eric Butterworth, and it was just, you know, it was
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: just all about like how do you do develop your
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: own personal affirmations? And so I loved it. And I
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: got to see like, if I'm refeeling not belonging and
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I think I'm not good enough and I go to
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: fear and I'll never belong, well I needed to do that.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: I'm worthy as I am and I belong right here,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: and that became my mantra. Right. But then when the
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: traits would flare up, which they would, because you know,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: you feel threatened in a conversation, someone does something, the
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: fear gets stoked. What do you do? You know that's
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: me When I realized I had to breathe out fear
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: and breathe in centeredness and calm, you know, breathe out
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: self reliance, Breathe in the ability to ask for and
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: accept help, you know, breathe out fear that I will
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: lose people if I set boundaries, breathe in the ability
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: to set them. I mean, I was able to really
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: work in a way that was intentional. And I then
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: understood what all the behavioral experts talk about in terms
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: of mindfulness, all the mindfulness experts, I couldn't underst stand
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: any of that. And once I did, I was like, Wow,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: I can create my own personalized mindfulness practice. So really,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I named it Aurora because it's she's the goddess of
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Dawn in Roman mythology, and it means at any point
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: you can start over, no matter how deep the storm
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: is on the inside and you're struggling in conflict, you
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: can break free and find that personal fulfillment again. So
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I hope that answered your question. I know was a
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: long answer.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Well, I can relate to so much and that's why
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: I really wanted to have you on the show because
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I myself am over ten years sober and I actually
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: my book is coming out today called wake Up, You're
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: Not Broken, and it's a companions to your first thirty
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: days of sobriety, right, so walking you through that, the emotions,
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: the physical part of sobriety, what you're going to be feeling,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: what you're going to be going through. While that is
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: all very important. Once you are able to get through
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: those those let's just say first six months, really, then
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: you can start retraining how you're thinking. And that's what
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: you do, and that's and that's where the change really
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: begins to happen. Because I put up all the walls.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: I was an overachiever. I thought that I could do
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: it all on my own. I didn't rely on people,
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: and people were replaceable and if you did me wrong, I.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Was out right.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Maybe not initially, but once once I hit the final right.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: That was it. The plateau. You're done.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: You're done, right, absolutely, yep, burnout slowly erose relationships.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: Yep, yeah, and I had really I had a lot
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: of difficulties in relationships, but it was once I started
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: that work looking at myself that I was able to
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: start changing my relationships exactly. I mean I thought I
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: didn't want to be with my husband, and then once
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: I started the work, I mean, we have the best
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: marriage possible, right, So it really is incredible once you
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: start doing this work. And you said about not understanding
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: it and the mindset work. So if you're someone right
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: now listening and you're not there, you're not understanding what
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: do you mean, breath work? What do you mean afromage?
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Are you looking at myself and going deep? Like it
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: may not make sense right now, but it's once you
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: start reading, once you start listening to people that are
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: doing this work and sharing about it, it's these little
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: bitty shifts that start happening for you and it starts
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: making sense, and then you it's so important that you
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: must do the work, you must put the action in
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: because otherwise it doesn't work exactly.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: And I'm sorry, no, go ahead, Yeah, I was going
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: to say to add to that, you know, I want
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: to say for anyone who's out there who because I
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: tried everything, and so you know, I learned this work.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: But then, like everything right, like you exercise, you lose weight,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: then you stop exercising, you you know, go on a diet,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: you lose weight, then you go back and eat the
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: things you're not supposed to. What I found when my
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: friend showed me this and I started, you know, and
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I figured out how to practice my mindfulness. It's it's
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: easy to back off of stuff. But the one thing
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I was going to say is is that if you've
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: tried so many things and you feel like nothing works,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: I could tell you this does right, and you can
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: and Marcia you can say you can say the same thing.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: The thing is is it's daily practice. Mindset is daily
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: practice and rewiring. You know, if we're hardwired, yeah, we
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: can rewire, but we have to continue to maintain that wire.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: If we don't, it's like we just naturally go back
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: to those feelings of you.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: And we were wired that way from everything that happened
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: in our past.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Exactly. So because we take a lot.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: To rewire it when we had a decision to do it, yes, exactly.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that so once I got vulnerable,
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: once I surrendered, like wow, first of all, asking for help, yep,
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: so difficult. But I myself, I got a DUI. I
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: almost had, you know, an accident, but thank god I didn't.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: I lived with that shame. I lived with the guilts.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: So you know, parallels there also.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: But once I knew it was like once I dropped
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: being the victim and I woke up that next day
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: and I got vulnerable and I asked my husband for help.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: That was incredible. But I know people feel like it's
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: a weak thing to do. Why is vulnerability actually the
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: key the key to making the change?
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of us look at vulnerability
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: as weakness. The thing is is when we become vulnerable,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: we become open, and that, to me is the key.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: I when I first, you know, when this happened to me,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: you know, I it was horrific. I wanted to die
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: for like six months. I mean I fantasized about this
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: execution plan of how I'm going to die for six months,
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: driving every day to work. And when I went through
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: with it, it was around the holidays, and so you know,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: it was it was hard. It was like you said,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: you know, that's shame. And honestly, this is the first time.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: That was December twenty first of nineteen ninety nine. I
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: am now finally able to talk about that, okay, because
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: in my in my career, you know, you know, I
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: have to you have to wear the veneer, right, I
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: mean professionally when you're managing it all, you don't want
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: anyone to think that you know, you're cracking. But meanwhile,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: on the outside, I had it all. I had it all,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: the house, the luxury of vacations, the car and the
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: nice cars in the driveway, you know, the big job,
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: all the money, right, But meanwhile inside I'm falling apart.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: And what I learned was and this one book really
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: got me. So I'm you know, I'm going to therapy
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And this book it's an oldie but goody.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: It's called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Susan Jeffers. And what she tells you to do is
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: she tells you to be vulnerable and just pick one person,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: which is what I did. And picking that one person,
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: it was like, I put my hand out, like please,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: I just want to tell someone what happened because I
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: was so ashamed, and she extended her hand back, and
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: luckily for me, she was in a twelve step program.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: She had all these tools that I had never in
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: my life even seen understood. But it brought back everything
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I learned and it made it. It helped me internalize
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: it because I like the work of Carl Jung, and
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Carl Jung says, when you can make conscious what's been unconscious,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: you can change your life. And so when she showed
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: me how to look at how my life experienced to
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: shape my thinking, it was like, Wow, what was shaped
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: can be reshaped. I get everything that everyone's saying. Now,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: how do I reshape it? You know? What is it?
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: You know? And when I saw it, when I saw it,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: it was it was my willingness to be vulnerable, and
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: that willingness opened me up to a place where I
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: could receive the help I needed and the guidance. And
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: getting that guidance, I mean, it enhanced what I did
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: in therapy. It enhanced every book that I had ever
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: read in psychology. It was amazing. And so then it
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: wanted me to you know, it not wanted me, but
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: it propelled me to want to learn more about how
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: to build that relationship and restore it with myself. And
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: more importantly, how do I break through these fractures that
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: I created from my burnout? Because my you know, what
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: I found is when I'm burned out, you know, it's
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: almost like those hard wires come It's not that they
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: come back, but all of a sudden, you're only seeing
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: life through this straw, right, You're only seeing the thought distortion.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Nobody cares see, No one cares, you know, and you're
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: just fueled when you don't give yourself grace and space
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: to be with yourself and support yourself. That's what I learned,
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: and you know, and for me, when I recognize that
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: those those thought distortions take over, it's like, no wonder.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I need to do this daily because life is filled
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: with pressure. We have a twenty four hour on culture now, right,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: we don't. You don't get a break. You got to
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: meet it. I love you.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, you can slip, and that's why you just
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: got to keep yourself on track and you can do
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: it all day long.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: You can get yourself back on.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Well you want to do Yeah, you're right. I call
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: it the one minute reset because it said me sitting
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: in a meeting and I'm breathing in, breathing out no one.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: It's not like I'm sitting there like you know, I'm
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: just like calmly like I you know, I'm staring, but
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: it's as if my eyes were closed and I'm just
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: breathing in and breathing out, and I'm nodding and slowly
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: blinking my eyes, and I'm resetting myself.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: Right, resetting myself.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: And you could change the words that you say, change
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: the words that you say to yourself, and you know,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: walking into that fear doing it anyway, I've learned to
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: do that right, and we don't move forward. And one
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: of the one last thing I just it's amazing how
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: many things I relate to you with you about And
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I used to think, not necessarily that I wanted to
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: pass away, but I was so exhausted. I would be like,
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: if I could just get in a car accident, I
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: could just lay in the hospital and I wouldn't I
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: wouldn't have to live. I could just take care of myself.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: And how sad that we would have to think that
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: way just to take care of ourselves to get right.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's set emotional bankruptcy. And the thing that I've
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: learned is is that you know, I created that bankruptcy
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: because I was not willing to put myself first. We
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: didn't know how right they didn't. I will say, though,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I've worked with women who, like I said, hadn't had
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: our experiences. You experienced addiction in your life, I did.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: In mind, that was the most profound shakeup for me
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: in terms of trauma that period of my life. But
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I've worked with women, you know, executives, physicians because of
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: the industry I was in. And one of my favorite
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: stories is a woman. She's a physician. She didn't grow
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: up with any trauma, any addiction, anything like that, but
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: yet she struggled, and she had conflicts with others. And
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: when I did the Aurora method with her, you know,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: what she saw was her wound. Her refeel was she
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: felt rejected by some girls when I forget if she
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: was between ten to eleven somewhere around there and right,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: but she felt rejected. She went home. So it is
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: trauma because we're all wounded. The thing, though, was she
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: went home, she asked her her mom, her mom or dad,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: I can't remember, but one of her parents like, do
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: you think I'm fat? Because she thought it was her
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: weight is why they were rejecting her. So of course
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: busy parents they were like that's ridiculous, right, They just
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: you know, like that's ridiculous. No, you're fine, And she
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: internalized that as nobody supports me. Okay me. What I've
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: learned is that we're all wounded, right, we all have
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: experiences in our lives that we internalize that create these
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: initial beliefs. And so for her, was hers was basically
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: nobody supports me. It was a security emotional security thing.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: She didn't feel emotionally safe. They were great parents, right,
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: So what we got to see was how that no
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: one supports me it played out at work. It was
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: really wreaking havoc in her marriage. And once we got
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: her to the reset and shifted and she started practicing
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: mindfulness with it, I am like she still calls me
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: to this day and it's like, oh my god, oh
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: my god, like everything's gone upset, right.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it works is amazing.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So tell us about your book, Life Storms. When
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: did it come out?
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: So here's My Life Storms, Finding Your Clear Sky. And
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: so the whole idea is is for those of us
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: who have emotional burnout, what happens we're reactive all the time, right,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: we you know, and we got ashamed of how we
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: react and respond. So the life storm is really the
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: daily churn right that we have. We're under pressure all
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: the time, and if you've healed from burnout, the symptoms
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: do come back. With my own experience, that's why. But
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: finding your clear Sky is all about how to practice
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: mindfulness and how to overcome those negative thinking uh tho,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: that negative thinking that comes along with it that keep
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: us stuck in what I call the city of limitation.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: And also how do we I was put it here,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: how do we build connection and find personal fulfillment because
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: I for me found that personal fulfillment is an inside job.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I was seeking it outside of myself, the big job,
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: the salary, the car, the house. Today fulfillment means. What
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: it means is connection, you know, connection with the people
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: in my life and just having that joy, that inner joy,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: and getting there took time. But the book is really
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: it's a step by step framework. As I said, I
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: named it the Aurora Method to let you know that
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: no matter you know, you don't have to wait for
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: life to calm down, no matter the storm, you actually
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: can change right now if you give yourself permission to
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: do it. And I encourage every woman, every every person
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: who's struggling, who's ready for change, you know, who want
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: to uncover what's driving their relationship conflicts and burnout, who
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: wanted you know, you know, break the patterns, the negative patterns,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: and keep them stuck and go back to feeling connected
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: right and coming from a place of calm and centeredness
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: and confidence rather than reactivity. This is for you, and
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: that's what the book's about.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: Oh. I love that. I love that.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: I you know, it's a lot of us do react
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: to life and we don't even understand that we're doing
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: it or understand it.
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: I used to move all the time, and because my
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: life was in chaos, thinking that it would get better,
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: and ultimately I was always taking myself with me.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: So yeah, the chaos always followed, right, Well, that's.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: The mattern, right, So that was your pattern.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: But I had to change myself and breaking those patterns
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: and also generational cycles. That's one of the things that
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: I talk a lot about and I always say, and
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad that you incorporate the work because I
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: always say, I wish everyone had the twelve Steps in
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: their lives, because it is life changing. So I've had therapy,
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: but truly the changes came through the work I did
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: through the twelve Steps and also the mindset work connecting spirituality.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: You've got to have community moving from that place of lack, moving.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: Into gratitude and was content.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: It is so vital and just for everyone out there
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: to know that really they're not alone and there's so
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: many connections out there that can help you or or
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: they're already there. They're there, you just need to acknowledge
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: that they're there. And community is so important and going within.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: Everything you need is within you and right so we're
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: all always on the hamster wheel and we're always looking
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: for the accolades and the validation outside of ourselves, but
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: putting on our own oxygen mask first so we can
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: be the best for ourselves and then the best for others,
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: because we are nothing and if we're not taking care
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: of ourselves, we're no good for anyone. And there's so
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: many people that rely on us as the woman. True,
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: we truly do carry a lot, but it's so important
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: that we do prioritize ourselves. And it doesn't even have
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: to be a lot of time, it's just and if
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: you're someone like, I'm sure you, Tracy, schedule it, put
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: it in your calendar like you put everything else.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: Well, no, it's true. I mean I wait for me personally.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning, I take about five
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: minutes for myself of quiet, you know. And quiet's hard
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: because you have like I got this, I got that,
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: I got this, but it's finding it. And I go
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: back and I want to just again say, you know,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: my friend who was in that twelve step program, I mean,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: the level of wisdom she shared with me was amazing,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: and you know, and basically, you know, I remember, you know,
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: she would want me to try and quiet my mind,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know how to quiet my mind,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: like you know. And she's say, well, did you ever
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: learn anything quiet your mind? I'm like, well, yeah, back
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: in college, I learned this exercise where you stare at
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: a candle and you see the flame in your mind's eye.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: She goes, how long did that take? I'm like, I
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: don't know. A minute. She goes, sit down and do it.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: It's like really okay, but anyway, I found that minute.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: But then I found other things to do and I
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: like to stretch, right, so I sit and I stretch
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: in the morning, and I take that stretch and I
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: go through my intention of what I you know, who
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: I want to be today, right, Like, I don't want
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: to be that reactive Tracy. I want to be centered
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: in calm, you know. I want to be open and
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: receptive to challenges, you know, I you know, and not react, right.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I want to be kind and understanding, not coming from
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: self righteousness all the time. Like I had to learn
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: what the oppos it was of these traits. And so
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: those are my intentions now. And when I do that,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: I have a pretty good day. But yeah, do I
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: get derailed, absolutely right, And when I get robbed. It's
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: not about going back to the drama and the chaos
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: that does this on the inside. It's about, Okay, I
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: have one minute reset I could do right now. There's
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: so much we can do, and I, you know, and
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: for anyone out there who's struggling, I mean, the thing is,
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: the thing I had to do is give myself permission
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: to put myself first. And you know, and basically I
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: needed to ask myself, am I ready to rethink my approach?
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Because my approach wasn't working. It took me to wanting
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: to kill myself, right, Am I ready? Am I ready
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: to rethink that? Am I ready to reset myself? Am
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: I ready to restore relationships with you know, with myself
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: and with other people? And if you can unequivocally answer
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: those questions, yes, and you're ready for change?
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you are?
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: You are?
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: And I know that a lot of times we maybe
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: don't make the change because we don't think we can,
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: but you really can.
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: I did have to hit the rock bottom.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: I tried to create change for myself and then I
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: convinced myself that I didn't need the change.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: But you know what, that's okay.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: That's why they say if you have a setback or
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: you relapse in life, just be be gentle and be kind.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: You're human, And like Tracy and I, Tracy was just sharing.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Trying to be.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: Peaceful and not be reactive, but realizing that you're human
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: and if you do it, if you do this work,
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: you can literally realize that you're doing it and and
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: and just change it quickly and and reverse what you're doing, right,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: because a lot of times just remember like reacting to
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: life and then you've made a situation so much worse,
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: and now you've got to go and apologize or try
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: to make it better or run away. Right, So it's
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: just you just do come become so much more resilient
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: in life, and and just you can manage life in
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: a whole different way. So, Tracy, where can we find you?
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for this conversation.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so well, the books have available on Amazon and
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: in multiple formats. I know how busy people are, but
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: I'm at Tracy. You know, Tracy Doyle dot life. You
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: know www dot Tracy Doyle dot life. That's where I'm at.
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: But if anyone out there, you know, is really struggling,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: it's just meet with Tracy dot coach. I'm happy to
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: give a three thirty minute consultation if you're ready for change,
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: because this work is groundbreaking. It blows your mind when
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: you have clarity, because it gives you clarity on top
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: of giving you the to improve your communication. That's what
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: it teaches you.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: Communication is key. That's what I talk about.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: One of the first things I have the care method
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: communicating with others and is just so vital to create
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: the change of how we communicate. And you showed that
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: through your communication with your mother and how the outcome
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: was so different.
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: So for all those out there.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: If this conversation spoke to you, share it with someone
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: who needs to hear it. And Tracy, thank you again
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: for coming on Wake Up with Marcy.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Marcy, and congratulations on your book. It sounds
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: really great.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: And for all those out there, if you're in your
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: own healing journey.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: Please check out Tracy's.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Book when it comes to emotional burnout and rediscovering yourself.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: And if you are ready to surrender to a life
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: without alcohol, please check out my new book, wake Up
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: You're Not Broken, which is a compassionate guide guiding you
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: through the first thirty days of sobriety, helping you to
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: understand the emotions, the mental side, and the physical challenges.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: Of early recovery.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: This book reminds you that you are not broken, you
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: are healing, and a new life is possible. So remember
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: your becoming and it is time to wake up to
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: your worth. I'm Marcy Hopkins and this is Wake Up
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: with Marcy and I'll see you with a new episode
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: every Thursday.