Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 163. Iskra Lawrence, Model & Body Acceptance Advocate

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163. Iskra Lawrence, Model & Body Acceptance Advocate · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: With a driver in the front seat of our car,
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Speaker 1: which is our life, and we really have to keep
0:05
Speaker 1: being persistent at figuring out like, am I happy at
0:09
Speaker 1: the speed I'm going, at the destination I'm going, who
0:11
Speaker 1: is in the car with me? Or do I need
0:14
Speaker 1: to just reevaluate all of that situation?
0:31
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily Abadi here you are listening to episode
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Speaker 2: one sixty three of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where
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Speaker 2: I sit down with inspiring individuals to talk about big wins,
0:42
Speaker 2: tough moments, and everything in between. On the show, you
0:46
Speaker 2: can expect vulnerability, motivation, and candid discussions with everyone from
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Speaker 2: top athletes and CEOs to aspiring entrepreneurs on what it
0:54
Speaker 2: really takes to follow your passions. My mission is simple
0:58
Speaker 2: to inspire you to be your best self, move with intention,
1:02
Speaker 2: and have some fun along the way. Today, I am
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Speaker 2: so so excited to bring you a conversation that has
1:09
Speaker 2: been years in the making with my friend, model and
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Speaker 2: body positivity advocate Iskra Lawrence. Iscra Lawrence is a household
1:17
Speaker 2: name in the modeling industry. She got into it at
1:20
Speaker 2: thirteen in England, at where she grew up and for
1:23
Speaker 2: years struggled with being told that she wasn't quote.
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Speaker 3: Unquote small enough to land jobs.
1:29
Speaker 2: At twenty one, after years of crash dieting and exercising,
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Speaker 2: she finally heard about plus size modeling for the first time,
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Speaker 2: which seemed like it could be the perfect fit. That
1:39
Speaker 2: is until she was turned away at time and time
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Speaker 2: again because she was now quote unquote not big enough.
1:45
Speaker 2: Iskra decided to stop basing how she felt about herself
1:48
Speaker 2: and her body based on others'.
1:50
Speaker 3: Opinions, and it was then that she found Airy.
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Speaker 2: Now one of their Airy Real role models, she has
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Speaker 2: made herself a career championing self love and challenge the
2:00
Speaker 2: modeling industry to include women of diverse shapes, sizes, and abilities.
2:05
Speaker 2: In today's episode, we talk all about the journey, the hardships,
2:08
Speaker 2: and the hurdles that she's faced along the way, especially
2:11
Speaker 2: throughout the COVID pandemic and with the launch of her
2:14
Speaker 2: new brand.
2:15
Speaker 3: We also talk about.
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Speaker 2: Life as a new mom and she offers up her
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Speaker 2: best advice for anyone struggling with body acceptance. So excited
2:23
Speaker 2: for this conversation, we talked about it in today's episode,
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Speaker 2: but honestly, this was years and years in the making.
2:29
Speaker 2: I met Iscra when I was working at Self magazine
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Speaker 2: as a fitness editor. She was the last person we
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Speaker 2: have on the cover before the magazine folded, and the
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Speaker 2: shoot with her was super fun. Her attitude, her energy
2:40
Speaker 2: is just excellent, and I'm so grateful for her time
2:44
Speaker 2: and to be able to bring that liveliness and her
2:46
Speaker 2: awesomeness to the feed. Make sure you're following along with
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Speaker 2: the show over on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram at Hurdle Podcast.
2:53
Speaker 2: I'm over also at Emily a Body. I also want
2:56
Speaker 2: to give a shout out to Samantha Gash. She was
2:58
Speaker 2: a guest on the show last week and she also
3:00
Speaker 2: over the weekend led the Charge on or Leave run
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Speaker 2: a majorly successful fundraiser to help those affected by the
3:09
Speaker 2: coronavirus pandemic in India. Sam you are absolutely unbelievable. If
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Speaker 2: you haven't listened to that episode yet, I highly highly
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Speaker 2: recommend that you make some time for it. And that's
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Speaker 2: it for now. With that, let's get to Hurdling.
3:33
Speaker 3: Today.
3:33
Speaker 2: I'm sitting down with Iscra Lawrence. She is a model.
3:37
Speaker 2: She is a relatively new mother. How are you doing today?
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Speaker 1: I'm great, yes, relatively, it's been thirteen months now. It
3:46
Speaker 1: still feels new and life I think for most of
3:50
Speaker 1: us feels new after this crazy year. So yeah, navigating
3:54
Speaker 1: the newness has been challenging but definitely really fun. And
3:57
Speaker 1: who knew like the things that we would love and
4:00
Speaker 1: over this last year and where are you would it
4:02
Speaker 1: end up? And the relationships that we may have kind
4:05
Speaker 1: of become distant from or grown into, And yeah, there's
4:09
Speaker 1: some beautiful things that have grown out of the challenges.
4:12
Speaker 2: I love that growth mindset, that positive perspective because I
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Speaker 2: think that a lot of people at times during you know,
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Speaker 2: the chaos and the difficulties that arose over the last
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Speaker 2: thirteen fourteen, fifteen months, have struggled to find, you know,
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Speaker 2: that bright light in all of this.
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Speaker 1: Definitely, and me too. There's no guaranteed way to wake
4:34
Speaker 1: up every day and have a positive mindset. It's something
4:37
Speaker 1: that you have to figure out what works for you,
4:38
Speaker 1: and you have to try and choose it with intention,
4:42
Speaker 1: and you have to surround yourself if possible, because I
4:45
Speaker 1: know a lot of people have been isolated with a
4:47
Speaker 1: tribe or with a partner, with someone who can kind
4:52
Speaker 1: of pick you up when you need that help. And
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Speaker 1: that's one thing I've really worked really hard on it.
4:56
Speaker 1: Within my relationship with my partner Philip is allowing him
5:01
Speaker 1: to know that some things that I might be struggling
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Speaker 1: with and dealing with, maybe I don't communicate in the best,
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Speaker 1: most positive way, but sometimes that just means that I
5:11
Speaker 1: need him to either dig a little bit deeper or
5:14
Speaker 1: to kind of reach out his hand or just be supportive.
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Speaker 1: Because one thing that we've definitely learned is do you
5:21
Speaker 1: want solution or do you want comfort? In times of
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Speaker 1: need when maybe I'm complaining about something or moaning or
5:28
Speaker 1: feeling in a negative space, is it actually you want
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Speaker 1: or do you just want comfort? So kind of being
5:33
Speaker 1: able to always ask that when we are having those
5:36
Speaker 1: moments has been good because you're spending a lot of
5:38
Speaker 1: time with someone and we weren't used to that as
5:41
Speaker 1: a couple. We used to travel a lot, and we
5:43
Speaker 1: used to have these very romantic kind of lets meet
5:45
Speaker 1: up in Miami for the weekend and like all the
5:48
Speaker 1: and now it's like, no, you live in a house
5:51
Speaker 1: with a newborn baby and you are together twenty four seven,
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Speaker 1: so let's figure it out.
5:56
Speaker 3: So figure it out.
5:57
Speaker 2: I love that, I love that well, I have missed
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Speaker 2: you know, the same kind of stuff, the flying around,
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Speaker 2: the doing all the things. I feel like that's starting
6:05
Speaker 2: to seep a little bit back into my life really
6:08
Speaker 2: starting in June and Wicks work is picking back up.
6:11
Speaker 2: But for you, what do you fesee kind of the
6:14
Speaker 2: nearer future being like for you picking back up or
6:17
Speaker 2: still kind of keeping it home and laying low with
6:20
Speaker 2: your family.
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Speaker 1: Right, So, what was weird is and I've never told
6:24
Speaker 1: anyone this story is when I was sixteen, I met
6:28
Speaker 1: psychic and I don't know why I asked this question,
6:31
Speaker 1: but I remember asking this weird question. And at the time,
6:33
Speaker 1: I was obsessed with wanting to become a successful model,
6:36
Speaker 1: and I asked her what would prevent me from continuing
6:42
Speaker 1: in my modeling career. It was some kind of weird
6:44
Speaker 1: question like that. So I I essentially wanted to know
6:47
Speaker 1: what would be my like finished point, or like what
6:51
Speaker 1: would be my you can't go any further, or something
6:54
Speaker 1: just kind of like an obstacle or and it was
6:56
Speaker 1: And I picked out this car and it was children.
6:59
Speaker 1: It was like a car with said children. And she said, oh,
7:03
Speaker 1: that could mean multiple tu multitude of things. It could
7:05
Speaker 1: mean that, like when you have a child, you'll have
7:07
Speaker 1: a career shift. It could mean that you are maybe
7:11
Speaker 1: you have an immature mindset which might prevent you from
7:14
Speaker 1: going further in a career. And you explained all these
7:17
Speaker 1: different things, but I definitely know that you become a
7:20
Speaker 1: new person when you become a parent, and it's just shifted,
7:25
Speaker 1: and that realigned and reprioritized everything in my life. I
7:30
Speaker 1: definitely am really really grateful that I took the leap
7:34
Speaker 1: and left kind of the East Coast and moved to
7:37
Speaker 1: Austin because it slowed everything down and I just kind
7:41
Speaker 1: of realized I looked around and I was like, wow,
7:43
Speaker 1: I really haven't invested in family or really kind of
7:46
Speaker 1: long term friendships or just long term projects almost because
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Speaker 1: I was so just in it with the career stuff
7:53
Speaker 1: on the day to day, but I just hadn't invested
7:56
Speaker 1: in a lot of other areas of my life, even
7:58
Speaker 1: my well being. I think my mental health was okay,
8:01
Speaker 1: but it's definitely now like more of my priority. I
8:05
Speaker 1: feel like I'm more open and in tune with myself
8:08
Speaker 1: and understanding and knowing what I need and not feeling
8:11
Speaker 1: alone and just kind of like just put your head
8:14
Speaker 1: down and focus. You've got stuff to do, Like yes,
8:16
Speaker 1: I have stuff to do now, but how are you feeling, like, really,
8:20
Speaker 1: how are you feeling physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and knowing
8:25
Speaker 1: that there's an abundance of time, because I think that
8:28
Speaker 1: that's one thing I found pre pandemic living in a crazy,
8:32
Speaker 1: busy city. I'm sure, like you know, the energy is
8:34
Speaker 1: contagious in the most wonderful way, in the sense that
8:38
Speaker 1: you're part of a community that's hungry and fuel and
8:41
Speaker 1: wants to kind of drive forward. But it also sometimes
8:45
Speaker 1: means that you don't get to just push the breaks
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Speaker 1: and escape that and find that peace and calm. And
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Speaker 1: that was hard for me, and I needed to move
8:53
Speaker 1: out of that environment to kind of find that piece
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Speaker 1: and find that just like being able to sit with
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Speaker 1: myself and just be. I'm like finding that now. And
9:02
Speaker 1: the balance isn't perfect, that's for sure. There are times
9:06
Speaker 1: when I by myself getting for straight because I'm not
9:08
Speaker 1: but I haven't been productive. But I'm also like, isn't
9:10
Speaker 1: that nice that I just didn't really look at my
9:12
Speaker 1: phone today at all? You know? And I brought value
9:15
Speaker 1: into my partner's life, with my baby's life, or I
9:18
Speaker 1: really enjoyed going and picking strawberries with friends, and I
9:22
Speaker 1: was able to be completely present and not worry about
9:26
Speaker 1: anything else. And that's like beautiful new things in life
9:30
Speaker 1: that I'm able to enjoy now. So yeah, I can't
9:32
Speaker 1: even remember where we start with this question.
9:36
Speaker 3: I totally I hear you.
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Speaker 2: I hear you enjoying the little things, prioritizing, reprioritizing.
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Speaker 3: I know.
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Speaker 2: I mean, you've been in the modeling industry for over
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Speaker 2: seventeen years now, so you've been working very hard for
9:51
Speaker 2: a really long time. Now, before I bring you back
9:54
Speaker 2: to some of those beginnings and we talk about how
9:56
Speaker 2: you even got started, I have a confession for which
10:00
Speaker 2: is that? And you know this, we have been I
10:02
Speaker 2: feel like, trying to make this happen for the longest time.
10:06
Speaker 2: And it was one of those things that I think
10:08
Speaker 2: when I look at like the email chain, I don't know,
10:11
Speaker 2: maybe over two years, and it was a really good
10:13
Speaker 2: example for me of that idea that when you want
10:17
Speaker 2: something and in this case, like a conversation, that you
10:20
Speaker 2: have to revisit it and you have to make an
10:22
Speaker 2: ask and you have to be persistent. So before again
10:26
Speaker 2: we go back into your story, can you think about
10:28
Speaker 2: the last time that you really diligently worked at something
10:32
Speaker 2: that you were really excited about.
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Speaker 1: Yes, that's a really good point. And another reason why
10:37
Speaker 1: I was trying to push this conversation was because I
10:40
Speaker 1: had hoped that I would have launched my first brand
10:43
Speaker 1: and I had to come to the and I think
10:46
Speaker 1: I felt like, initially, I've let myself down in the
10:49
Speaker 1: sense that there are multiple people who I've told I've
10:52
Speaker 1: had this in the works for years. One of the
10:54
Speaker 1: brands I've been working on, it's coming on three years now.
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Speaker 1: And because I found out I was pregnant, because there
11:00
Speaker 1: was a global pandemic, because because there's stock lost in
11:06
Speaker 1: different factories, and just there's so many like becauses of
11:09
Speaker 1: why it's taken three years. And I was holding off
11:13
Speaker 1: on a lot of things, holding off on tons of interviews,
11:16
Speaker 1: tons of press stuff, because I was like, I need
11:17
Speaker 1: to wait until the brand's launched and then I can
11:19
Speaker 1: talk to everyone about how exciting is. But like, I
11:22
Speaker 1: just can't pin it down and I don't push against
11:25
Speaker 1: what spiritually isn't meant to happen right now, and I
11:29
Speaker 1: just have to kind of be at peace with that.
11:32
Speaker 1: So that's definitely one thing I've learned from this experience,
11:35
Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful that you work persistent, because I
11:37
Speaker 1: just got to the point where I was like, well,
11:39
Speaker 1: I do want to have a conversation with her, and
11:40
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter that that's not something that i'd hoped
11:44
Speaker 1: was going to happen. It can happen in the future
11:46
Speaker 1: and that's going to be fine. So yeah, I would
11:49
Speaker 1: say what I've been persistent with is not only working
11:52
Speaker 1: on these things behind the scenes, when to maybe the
11:55
Speaker 1: outside world it looks like I'm not busy or I
11:59
Speaker 1: really don't whatever people think, and especially with the modeling industry,
12:04
Speaker 1: if you're not on the latest cover or if you're
12:06
Speaker 1: not you know, walking this red car. But if you're not,
12:09
Speaker 1: I don't know, in the cool crowd or whatever it meant,
12:11
Speaker 1: or whether it might be. I think a lot of
12:13
Speaker 1: people get worried or they think, you know, you're not relevant,
12:16
Speaker 1: or they let that eat them up. And that's one
12:19
Speaker 1: thing that I've just always stay true to. It is like,
12:21
Speaker 1: I'm really happy that I stepped back, and I'm really
12:24
Speaker 1: happy that I was able to not listen to all
12:27
Speaker 1: the other people around me, because one thing that happens
12:30
Speaker 1: when you are. The quote talent is that a lot
12:33
Speaker 1: of people around you are supported by your income or
12:36
Speaker 1: your drive to do more, and so a lot of
12:38
Speaker 1: people will push you to the point where I've seen
12:42
Speaker 1: many very very talented people, singers, actresses go to a
12:46
Speaker 1: breaking point because their team was kind of pushing and
12:49
Speaker 1: pushing and pushing them, and they didn't realize that they
12:52
Speaker 1: actually just didn't They were quite happy where they were
12:55
Speaker 1: and they didn't need more, so being able to enjoy
12:58
Speaker 1: the success of where you got to and kind of
13:00
Speaker 1: being like, hey, guys, like, can I just sit here
13:03
Speaker 1: and enjoy it instead of trying to just continue to
13:07
Speaker 1: scrapple and climb and beat everyone else to the finish,
13:10
Speaker 1: Like I'm good on this journey that I'm at. So
13:13
Speaker 1: I think that persistence for me has just been where
13:17
Speaker 1: am I at? Where do I want to be? Oh?
13:18
Speaker 1: I'm good right here. Let me just coast and that's okay.
13:22
Speaker 1: It's a coast for a little while. And as women,
13:25
Speaker 1: you know, we're always taught that we have to work
13:28
Speaker 1: harder than men to get where they are, to get
13:30
Speaker 1: to their level. And I remember having a conversation with
13:32
Speaker 1: a fellow model when I said, and this is five
13:35
Speaker 1: years ago. Now, I've said to her, I can't wait
13:37
Speaker 1: to have children one day. I hope it's something I'm
13:39
Speaker 1: able to physically do. I would love to be able
13:42
Speaker 1: to take a bunch of time off. And she immediately
13:46
Speaker 1: attacked me and went into kind of like defensive feminism
13:50
Speaker 1: mode of like how how dare would you give up
13:52
Speaker 1: your career? Like you've worked so hard for this and
13:54
Speaker 1: like you're just getting to your peak. Why would you
13:56
Speaker 1: do in that? And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:59
Speaker 1: All of that is your opinion, you know, that's something
14:02
Speaker 1: society has maybe told you that we shouldn't do. And
14:05
Speaker 1: I just never follow the students. And I just really
14:08
Speaker 1: think that we're the driver in the front seat of
14:12
Speaker 1: our car, which is our life, and we really have
14:15
Speaker 1: to keep being persistent at figuring out like am I
14:18
Speaker 1: happy at the speed I'm going, at the destination I'm going?
14:21
Speaker 1: Who is in the car with me? Or do I
14:24
Speaker 1: need to just reevaluate all of that situation. That's something
14:27
Speaker 1: that I've been very I've listened to other people a
14:30
Speaker 1: lot around me, but I always try and listen to
14:33
Speaker 1: my own kind of gut instinct.
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Speaker 2: Super smart and on the note of you know, launching
14:39
Speaker 2: your own products, launching your own line. It's something that
14:45
Speaker 2: you articulated so well in these learnings, and this takeaway
14:48
Speaker 2: is like, sometimes you envision things to be a certain way,
14:51
Speaker 2: but if it's not going that way, then getting caught
14:54
Speaker 2: up in details or things that you literally have no
14:57
Speaker 2: control over anymore, it doesn't serve you. So you're really
15:00
Speaker 2: walking away from that experience with an understanding a really
15:04
Speaker 2: important lesson, and that helps you get to the next
15:07
Speaker 2: place that you want to go.
15:09
Speaker 1: Right, if you listen to any successful and again we're
15:12
Speaker 1: talking about society's idea of success. Maybe you know Whitney,
15:17
Speaker 1: you know, or maybe we're talking about someone who is
15:20
Speaker 1: a coover Fortune five hundred company. They will always tell
15:23
Speaker 1: you that they've had fifty failures before they got that
15:26
Speaker 1: one thing right. And you know, I've definitely come head
15:30
Speaker 1: to head with many failures and had a bunch of
15:33
Speaker 1: mistakes in my career, or maybe who I've partnered with
15:36
Speaker 1: or things that I've launched that just haven't turned out
15:38
Speaker 1: the way I'd envisioned, and to think that, oh, well,
15:42
Speaker 1: that's just you know, I shouldn't try again, or you know,
15:46
Speaker 1: it's not worth it, or I'm not reinvesting my energy,
15:48
Speaker 1: time or money because it hasn't worked out in the past.
15:50
Speaker 1: Like you just have to keep ongoing. And you know,
15:54
Speaker 1: I feel really good about where I'm going now because
15:57
Speaker 1: it's one hundred percent owned by myself, funded by myself
16:00
Speaker 1: for the things I'm working on. For the first time,
16:03
Speaker 1: I haven't relied on, you know, other people with the
16:06
Speaker 1: money or other people with kind of the backing or
16:09
Speaker 1: whatever it might be. I've really just kept it small
16:12
Speaker 1: and kept it in my control environment, within my kind
16:15
Speaker 1: of own people and family and friends. And that feels
16:19
Speaker 1: really really good.
16:20
Speaker 2: It feels really empowering. I'm sure, yeah, it does.
16:23
Speaker 1: It does. And I've had to just learn a lot
16:25
Speaker 1: more instead of you know, in my industry, there's like
16:29
Speaker 1: a lot of licensing deals that happen where and I've
16:32
Speaker 1: been offered a lot of licensing deals. Do you want
16:35
Speaker 1: to do I don't know, this nail polished with this
16:36
Speaker 1: bra or this other and you can just stick your
16:38
Speaker 1: name on it, essentially, and we do all the work
16:40
Speaker 1: and you take twenty percent. And those deals are always
16:43
Speaker 1: very intriguing and very exciting for agents and people in
16:48
Speaker 1: the industry who also want to just sit back and
16:50
Speaker 1: make easy money, but they've just never appealed to me
16:53
Speaker 1: because I have such a drive and purpose behind everything
16:57
Speaker 1: I do in the sense that I didn't come into
16:58
Speaker 1: this industry the by accident, and I didn't make it
17:02
Speaker 1: by accident. I had to force doors open, and I
17:06
Speaker 1: had to shift mindsets and change things to allow myself
17:09
Speaker 1: the space to even exist in the industry. So if
17:12
Speaker 1: I'm going to come out with a product or a brand,
17:14
Speaker 1: you better know that it's going to have to be
17:16
Speaker 1: different and unique and game changing and not just something
17:19
Speaker 1: that anyone else could stick their name on. So that's
17:22
Speaker 1: why it's taken three years, because I didn't know how
17:26
Speaker 1: to manufacture, or how to find factories that use sustainable
17:30
Speaker 1: practices and looked after their employees, or I didn't understand
17:33
Speaker 1: distribution channels or online marketing and all of these things,
17:38
Speaker 1: or even finding the right team members that complement my
17:41
Speaker 1: skill set but also have specialties that I don't have.
17:44
Speaker 1: So yeah, just a lot of learning, which is wonderful.
17:48
Speaker 1: I mean, I think if we're not learning, we're not
17:50
Speaker 1: moving forward.
17:52
Speaker 3: Yeah.
17:52
Speaker 2: No, I can totally relate to that, and it's exciting
17:55
Speaker 2: to hear that you're finally making some big progress as
17:58
Speaker 2: something that means so so much to you. You referenced
18:01
Speaker 2: in here that your journey certainly hasn't been easy, that
18:03
Speaker 2: you have had to work your butt off to get
18:06
Speaker 2: to where you are. When you were growing up, did
18:09
Speaker 2: you know that you wanted to go into modeling.
18:13
Speaker 1: So I was always obsessed with fashion and dressing up,
18:16
Speaker 1: and I dress up in my mom's heels even when
18:18
Speaker 1: I was still wearing diapers, put on a red lipstick,
18:23
Speaker 1: loved playing dress up. And then I just remember loving
18:26
Speaker 1: magazines and loving the art behind fashion and how you
18:31
Speaker 1: could just create this beautiful kind of lifestyle or ethereal feel.
18:36
Speaker 1: And I was really into gem Award as a model.
18:39
Speaker 1: Then I got very into America's NextUp Model and all
18:42
Speaker 1: those shows, and just like posing, and I love to dance,
18:46
Speaker 1: so I felt like moving my body was also very artistic.
18:49
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's just a combination of like my love
18:52
Speaker 1: of art and my love of a love of movement,
18:54
Speaker 1: and my love of creation, and even kind of my
18:56
Speaker 1: love of acting in a way and having those different
18:58
Speaker 1: emotions and plaining diff roles, and then also traveling and
19:02
Speaker 1: meeting different people. So for me, it really felt like
19:05
Speaker 1: my ideal industry, and I really enjoyed learning how to
19:13
Speaker 1: move my body and work with people. As an only child,
19:16
Speaker 1: I hadn't really gotten to work as a team environment.
19:20
Speaker 1: I guess I loved playing sports to get that kind
19:22
Speaker 1: of team feeling. So I think that that's what I
19:25
Speaker 1: really like being on set and it being a team
19:27
Speaker 1: and meeting new people and getting to know different personalities
19:31
Speaker 1: and then all working together to create like a final image.
19:35
Speaker 1: So yeah, I guess I did know at a young
19:37
Speaker 1: age that's what I wanted. But then when I got
19:39
Speaker 1: into the industry, obviously I saw the darker side to
19:42
Speaker 1: it and was exposed to things that I didn't know
19:46
Speaker 1: it because you've been watching America's An a Tough Model,
19:48
Speaker 1: and it all seemed fun and yeah, there was a
19:50
Speaker 1: few tears when the hair got cut, but you know,
19:53
Speaker 1: you really didn't know that people were being bullied and
19:55
Speaker 1: people were being harassed, and people were you know, just
19:58
Speaker 1: being broken by body image issues and eating disorders were rife,
20:03
Speaker 1: and so that definitely made it seem dangerous and scary,
20:08
Speaker 1: but almost more intriguing in a way. Weirdly, now, I
20:12
Speaker 1: think gotten more into the psychology behind humans, because I've
20:15
Speaker 1: just seen so many different types of characters or different
20:19
Speaker 1: ways people of personalities or traits or tendencies have been
20:23
Speaker 1: brought out by certain experiences, and certainly in my industry,
20:26
Speaker 1: I find it fascinating hearing different people's experiences because some
20:30
Speaker 1: are so different to others. Like I'll do a shoots.
20:34
Speaker 1: I remember doing the cover of Glamor magazine and it
20:36
Speaker 1: was really really exciting because we were all kind of
20:39
Speaker 1: curvier girls, and we talked about my journey, and I
20:43
Speaker 1: was kind of in tears because I was just like,
20:45
Speaker 1: I don't know how I went from shooting dress up
20:51
Speaker 1: like cartoon character shreks on literally Halloween costume bags, like
20:57
Speaker 1: essentially doing like the lowest of the low, like people
21:00
Speaker 1: just turn their nose up at it, doing jobs like
21:02
Speaker 1: that just because I didn't have any other opportunities, and
21:06
Speaker 1: you know, doing so many shoots for zero money or
21:10
Speaker 1: being with such small agencies that no one would take seriously,
21:14
Speaker 1: to being on the cover of Glamour magazine, you know,
21:17
Speaker 1: fifteen years later, and also being told that my career
21:20
Speaker 1: would If you haven't made it by like twenty, your
21:22
Speaker 1: career is over. So being kind of in my late
21:25
Speaker 1: twenties and then being on the cover of Glamour. It
21:28
Speaker 1: was just it was a lot. It was a lot
21:30
Speaker 1: to take in. I never imagined that I would be
21:32
Speaker 1: able to just be accepted and like acknowledge, like, yeah,
21:36
Speaker 1: you're good enough to be on the cover of Glamor magazine.
21:39
Speaker 1: Whereas another model on the shoot, you know, she'd been
21:42
Speaker 1: scouted in the underground in New York a year and
21:44
Speaker 1: a half ago and was signed by the biggest agency
21:46
Speaker 1: in the world, and you know, the next week she's
21:49
Speaker 1: shooting a top designer brand, And so that the two
21:53
Speaker 1: experience could not be more polar opposite. And so my
21:57
Speaker 1: kind of scars and issues and trauma from those fifteen
22:01
Speaker 1: years and it took me ten years before I honestly
22:04
Speaker 1: really made a penny. Took me ten years before I
22:07
Speaker 1: could get signed by a reputable agency. And so I
22:11
Speaker 1: think that's made me so grateful and really be appreciative
22:16
Speaker 1: of even the smallest opportunity that someone gives me.
22:19
Speaker 2: And I know along the way, you struggled a lot
22:21
Speaker 2: with as many women that I've spoken with on the
22:23
Speaker 2: show that are in this industry with size, with being
22:27
Speaker 2: made to feel like one size is good versus one
22:30
Speaker 2: size is bad and you questioning where you actually wanted
22:34
Speaker 2: to be in all of this. When you reflect on
22:37
Speaker 2: your journey, do you really remember the first time that
22:40
Speaker 2: someone made you feel like you weren't okay as you were?
22:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely remember it. I remember feeling an inkling when
22:48
Speaker 1: I walked into the agency that had idented our girl
22:52
Speaker 1: searched for supermodel and I got around to the finalists,
22:54
Speaker 1: and that's when I was kind of immersed. When I
22:57
Speaker 1: got scouted there when I was thirty, and I remember
23:01
Speaker 1: going to the agency and just kind of looking around
23:03
Speaker 1: and bearing in mind at thirteen, I was a typical,
23:05
Speaker 1: very slim teenage girl, honestly, probably like a size four
23:10
Speaker 1: max maybe two still, and just looking around and then thinking,
23:14
Speaker 1: am I still a little bit bigger than these girls?
23:17
Speaker 1: And then when I went when I about two years later,
23:21
Speaker 1: was doing a little fashion show for Fashion TV, That's
23:25
Speaker 1: when I was backstage and again you're literally stripped down.
23:28
Speaker 1: You're wearing maybe like a tiny nude thong. You're basically
23:30
Speaker 1: naked with tons of people around you, including other models,
23:35
Speaker 1: and I was trying to get the outfit on that
23:37
Speaker 1: had been given to me, and I could not get
23:39
Speaker 1: the trousers on, and then I was like, Okay, maybe
23:42
Speaker 1: I'll try the other options. So I tried to put
23:44
Speaker 1: the dress on and I couldn't get that over my
23:46
Speaker 1: hips either, and so part of me was like I
23:49
Speaker 1: don't want anyone to see what's going on. But then
23:51
Speaker 1: I'm also like people need to know that it's not fitting,
23:54
Speaker 1: because what are we going to do? And so the
23:56
Speaker 1: stylist just turned around, who was kind of dressing the
23:59
Speaker 1: girls for the show, was just like, nothing fits you, Like,
24:02
Speaker 1: what's wrong with your body? Why is this that model here?
24:05
Speaker 1: And at that moment, I was just like I hate myself?
24:10
Speaker 1: What can I do to change this? Like why am
24:12
Speaker 1: I the size? What's wrong with me? Why can't I
24:14
Speaker 1: just be skinnier like the other girls? And like I said,
24:17
Speaker 1: at this point, I'm still probably just the size for
24:21
Speaker 1: and that really hurt, and that hurt but simultaneously motivated
24:26
Speaker 1: me to find any way that I could lose weight,
24:30
Speaker 1: which was not healthy and at that age it shouldn't
24:34
Speaker 1: consume you the way it consumed my time and my
24:37
Speaker 1: energy and took over my life, and yet it's taken
24:42
Speaker 1: over a lot of young people's lives, which is really
24:44
Speaker 1: really sad, and which is why I now do what
24:47
Speaker 1: I do, because there's so much more to life than size,
24:51
Speaker 1: and that's still being perpetuated, not just within our industry,
24:56
Speaker 1: but because the retail industry does not reflect the size
25:00
Speaker 1: of women. I went shopping last Tuesday with my girlfriends
25:04
Speaker 1: and my one girlfriend, she's about an eighteen, and it
25:08
Speaker 1: was literally probably you know, Nordstrom, that maybe we went
25:11
Speaker 1: into one shop that she could have won or brought
25:13
Speaker 1: something in, but all the other beautiful shops that you know,
25:17
Speaker 1: we walked into, she couldn't shop there. And it was
25:20
Speaker 1: just this reminder of, like, I'm very privileged. I'm on
25:23
Speaker 1: the cusp. I'm like a twelve fourteen. I can usually
25:26
Speaker 1: fit into most doors, but there are still about seventy
25:29
Speaker 1: percent of women in the US who are fourteen or
25:31
Speaker 1: above that can't. And it actually just blows my mind
25:36
Speaker 1: when we just break it down like that, that it's
25:39
Speaker 1: still an afterthought. So I think that that's really there's
25:44
Speaker 1: a lot of experiences in my industry that I've been through,
25:47
Speaker 1: but I still have so much privilege. I still have
25:49
Speaker 1: an able body. I'm still white, I still am able
25:52
Speaker 1: to fit into most clothes, so all of those struggles
25:54
Speaker 1: that I've had, I just knew there was a bigger
25:57
Speaker 1: issue at hand, because if I was going through that industry,
26:01
Speaker 1: there was just so much that has to change. And
26:03
Speaker 1: so that's really what set everything in motion for me
26:07
Speaker 1: and still continues for me. Because now physically my body
26:12
Speaker 1: image is represented in the media, there are still so
26:15
Speaker 1: many people who aren't. So that's why I'm kind of
26:17
Speaker 1: happy to go more behind the scenes and hopefully create
26:20
Speaker 1: the brands that will be able to show that rather
26:23
Speaker 1: than just being a model in an image because I've
26:26
Speaker 1: kind of been there, done that, shown that now this
26:28
Speaker 1: is accepted, you know.
26:38
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28:52
Speaker 3: Do your best thinking.
29:01
Speaker 2: So for you, when did you go from saying to yourself,
29:06
Speaker 2: I need to lose weight. This is awful. I am
29:08
Speaker 2: so not okay with this. I want to get jobs.
29:11
Speaker 2: I want to feel quote unquote accepted to being at
29:13
Speaker 2: a place where you were like, this isn't sustainable, this
29:16
Speaker 2: isn't even what I want, and becoming more comfortable with
29:20
Speaker 2: perhaps the size that you felt like you were really
29:22
Speaker 2: supposed to be.
29:23
Speaker 1: So I do remember losing weight in an unhealthy manner
29:28
Speaker 1: and booking a few more jobs, but still not being
29:32
Speaker 1: the next Kate Moss, you know. And there were so
29:35
Speaker 1: many compromises that I made, and it was so hard
29:39
Speaker 1: for me to be in that battle every day with
29:42
Speaker 1: myself that I remember speaking to a friend and again
29:46
Speaker 1: I'm talking that these aren't you would never see these
29:50
Speaker 1: models in magazines or you know, there's one percent of
29:54
Speaker 1: models if that kind of make it to be known,
29:57
Speaker 1: to be household names or to just be recognized Stephen.
30:00
Speaker 1: But there's a bunch of models who do smaller jobs,
30:02
Speaker 1: or they do fittings work that's very behind the scenes,
30:05
Speaker 1: and there's lots of other areas. And I think that
30:07
Speaker 1: what happened was I saw that there was I made
30:10
Speaker 1: friends with models that were really happy kind of just
30:13
Speaker 1: doing fittings work or working for lingerie brands and trying
30:16
Speaker 1: on the different bras and maybe shooting a few catalogs,
30:20
Speaker 1: and so I kind of started to see that there
30:23
Speaker 1: was another way to be and you didn't necessarily have
30:27
Speaker 1: to try and attain what was unattainable for you, because
30:31
Speaker 1: you just can't do that so I remember speaking to
30:34
Speaker 1: one of them and I was asking her more questions.
30:36
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, how can you be your
30:39
Speaker 1: size and in this industry? And does a dirt and
30:40
Speaker 1: she goes, well, there is actually something called a plus
30:42
Speaker 1: size industry. It sounds ridiculous that I didn't know it
30:45
Speaker 1: back then, but it really wasn't a thing in the UK.
30:47
Speaker 1: And she said in the US that there's plus size
30:50
Speaker 1: models and you know, they're larger sizes and their curveer
30:54
Speaker 1: and they look amazing. And I started kind of checking
30:56
Speaker 1: them out and I was like, wow, I had no
30:58
Speaker 1: idea this existed. So I started to try and research
31:00
Speaker 1: and see if there was any opportunities in the UK.
31:04
Speaker 1: And I went to an agency and she said, oh,
31:06
Speaker 1: but you're too small to do plus size. I was
31:08
Speaker 1: like what. And I think at that point that really
31:12
Speaker 1: just broke the barrier of like, Okay, so I've tried
31:17
Speaker 1: to please this one side, and I've tried to change,
31:19
Speaker 1: and I've invested so much time and energy, and I
31:23
Speaker 1: was never good enough for that siding industry, and now
31:26
Speaker 1: you're telling me that I can't do the other. I
31:28
Speaker 1: was like, that's just it's just not going to work.
31:30
Speaker 1: I'm never going to please anyone. I'm not happy. This
31:34
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. I was like, I'm not broken. The
31:37
Speaker 1: system is broken, like I need to fix that and
31:39
Speaker 1: stop trying to fix myself. So I guess it was
31:42
Speaker 1: just that moment and it was like, this doesn't make sense,
31:45
Speaker 1: you know, it really doesn't make sense to me. And
31:49
Speaker 1: so I saw an opportunity. If I was the only
31:52
Speaker 1: model that was in between, and I could convince some
31:56
Speaker 1: brands that they needed to book just an in between model,
32:00
Speaker 1: maybe I'd have a NiFe. And that's literally what happened.
32:03
Speaker 1: I started off in the swimwear and launderie industry, and
32:08
Speaker 1: they would kind of they would have like a straight
32:09
Speaker 1: size model who was, you know, a size two, and
32:13
Speaker 1: she'd be like a B cup. Like I can literally
32:16
Speaker 1: reel the measurements off in my head. So they'd have
32:18
Speaker 1: like this model, and then they'd have their plus size
32:20
Speaker 1: model who is maybe like a G cut and like
32:22
Speaker 1: maybe a size sixteen. And then I'd go in the
32:24
Speaker 1: middle and I'd be, you know, like a size ten
32:27
Speaker 1: with a D cup. And I really just positioned myself
32:31
Speaker 1: as as the middle girl, and I was just booking.
32:34
Speaker 1: I booked basically every single brand in the UK because
32:37
Speaker 1: there just wasn't anyone of that size, and as consumers
32:40
Speaker 1: started to see the images, they were like, oh, we've
32:43
Speaker 1: never seen someone that size or that relates to me
32:47
Speaker 1: or whatever it might be. So as I started to
32:49
Speaker 1: post pictures on social media sharing my experience, sharing that
32:53
Speaker 1: I've been through body dysmorphia and an eating disorder and
32:57
Speaker 1: come out the other end, and I had figured out
32:59
Speaker 1: that that that was the best thing for me to do.
33:01
Speaker 1: That enabled me to break through in the modeling world
33:03
Speaker 1: and just sharing. When I think at that point in
33:06
Speaker 1: time in two thousand and twelve, no models were actually
33:11
Speaker 1: really speaking about person experiences. They were just posting their
33:14
Speaker 1: beautiful pictures. And I just started using the caption space
33:18
Speaker 1: and the comments section and the dms to share and
33:22
Speaker 1: to talk about what I've been through. That was really
33:25
Speaker 1: what then pivoted what I did into being a movement,
33:30
Speaker 1: being a movement for essentially consumers to say, Hey, so
33:34
Speaker 1: there's this model talking about this, like that's what we
33:36
Speaker 1: want to see, Like we're backing what she's about. That's
33:39
Speaker 1: what's really cool. I feel like I turned modeling images
33:43
Speaker 1: from being aspirational to inspirational in the sense of like,
33:49
Speaker 1: I was just sharing my vulnerabilities and sharing what happened
33:52
Speaker 1: to me and it related to people, and then people
33:55
Speaker 1: were like, we want to see relatable.
33:57
Speaker 2: What that must have been. I would imagine a little
34:00
Speaker 2: difficult for you at first, especially with the influx of
34:03
Speaker 2: platforms and communication with all of these individuals that you
34:07
Speaker 2: may not actually know. I can only imagine that sharing
34:12
Speaker 2: and opening up and getting vulnerable came with a fair
34:16
Speaker 2: share of maybe hurt as well.
34:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I think I think it was really really hard,
34:24
Speaker 1: and it's it's still hard for me to open up sometimes.
34:27
Speaker 1: And weirdly, it can be easier to open up on
34:30
Speaker 1: the Internet because you don't you don't have someone physically
34:35
Speaker 1: there that you have to start kind of talking to immediately.
34:38
Speaker 1: You could post something and then go away and then
34:41
Speaker 1: just kind of pick and choose, but they it lives
34:44
Speaker 1: on there for everyone else to see, you know, And
34:47
Speaker 1: I think even though initially it is weird to have
34:51
Speaker 1: complete strangers start commenting on you, most of them were
34:55
Speaker 1: about physical attributes. And I think what I knew was
35:00
Speaker 1: I've dealt with the negative self talk to myself and
35:03
Speaker 1: the bullying that I did to myself for so many years.
35:06
Speaker 1: There really is nothing that you can say that I
35:08
Speaker 1: haven't said to myself before or hurt myself with. So
35:12
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know how you're going to do it.
35:14
Speaker 1: I can create this bulletproof casing because after all the
35:17
Speaker 1: damage I did being mean to myself, there's really not
35:20
Speaker 1: much you can say. So I think that's why it
35:23
Speaker 1: didn't hurt me as much. And I I knew how
35:26
Speaker 1: to deal with it because I created the toolbox that
35:29
Speaker 1: I'd already had to use to heal myself from my
35:32
Speaker 1: own kind of qodydysmorphy and EATN disorder. So in that sense,
35:36
Speaker 1: it wasn't so hurtful. But there's definitely been times and
35:39
Speaker 1: I've experienced some severe trolling that you know, I don't
35:42
Speaker 1: even talk about online because a lot of the people
35:45
Speaker 1: who often do that want the attention and acknowledgment. So yeah,
35:50
Speaker 1: there's definitely times We've had police involved. There's been you know,
35:53
Speaker 1: stalking incidents. There's a lot of things that can happen online,
35:56
Speaker 1: and you do have to protect yourself, and that's why
35:58
Speaker 1: I don't go after being so controversial necessarily, and I
36:03
Speaker 1: try and just you know, do my thing and just
36:08
Speaker 1: be really happy posting and sharing and sharing my vulnerabilities,
36:13
Speaker 1: but just not giving all of myself away. Like I think,
36:16
Speaker 1: you do have to have a little bit of something
36:18
Speaker 1: for yourself, and it's okay to share, you don't have
36:22
Speaker 1: to overshare.
36:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I can't even imagine being in that
36:27
Speaker 2: situation where you actually feel that because you're trying to
36:31
Speaker 2: be vulnerable, because you're actually trying to help someone else,
36:35
Speaker 2: that you then in turn are putting yourself in danger.
36:39
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, you definitely have to protect yourself and have
36:42
Speaker 1: people around you, and you have to know when to stop.
36:46
Speaker 1: And I've definitely had times when maybe I just post
36:49
Speaker 1: up a picture without a caption or whenever it might be,
36:51
Speaker 1: which sounds so irrelevant to some people and maybe for
36:55
Speaker 1: people listening to this, but what you have to realize
36:57
Speaker 1: that really my whole career has become based online, and
37:01
Speaker 1: so there is a lot of pressure in a sense
37:05
Speaker 1: of especially since the pandemic, there are no physical shoots
37:09
Speaker 1: really happening as much. And I, like we talked about,
37:12
Speaker 1: I've enjoyed kind of taking a step back and being
37:14
Speaker 1: in a new environment and not needing to show up
37:17
Speaker 1: on set and do x y Z. So now all
37:21
Speaker 1: of our finances, mortgage, all of that kind of is
37:25
Speaker 1: relying on my social media presence, which is something that
37:28
Speaker 1: is scary when it can feel like it's controlled by
37:32
Speaker 1: put people's engagement with you, which you can't guarantee. So
37:36
Speaker 1: that's definitely been another chef mind chef shift, mind shift
37:42
Speaker 1: shift that everyone you can practice that mind shift five times.
37:51
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think there's definitely been some some struggles online,
37:58
Speaker 1: but I really just like I said, I get to
37:59
Speaker 1: the point of just seeing it as such a blessing.
38:02
Speaker 1: I will I really try it hard not to get
38:05
Speaker 1: emotional when I tell the story. But one of the
38:07
Speaker 1: best things that's ever happened is firstly the fact that
38:10
Speaker 1: my Philip, My Philip, My Philip found me on social
38:15
Speaker 1: media five years before he met me, and I guess
38:18
Speaker 1: kind of got to know me, and then weirdly we're
38:21
Speaker 1: met and out in and out together. That's a nice story.
38:23
Speaker 1: But also I was able to leverage my platform to
38:27
Speaker 1: give away and help support two women who are going
38:31
Speaker 1: through IVF, and one of them's had her baby and
38:34
Speaker 1: the other one is currently pregnant, and we're just keeping
38:38
Speaker 1: you know, in touch with both of them and just
38:40
Speaker 1: knowing that, you know, I helped support them in that journey.
38:44
Speaker 1: If there was I could have all the hate in
38:47
Speaker 1: the world on social media and it would still be
38:49
Speaker 1: worth it just for that. So there's just so many
38:51
Speaker 1: wonderful things that have come from social media that, yes
38:55
Speaker 1: that you might get trolls, and maybe there's people reading
38:58
Speaker 1: this who think that, oh, it's such a negative place.
39:02
Speaker 1: It can be. Try and protect yourself, try and block
39:05
Speaker 1: and delete accounts or people that you are just you know,
39:10
Speaker 1: doing you a disservice or not making you feel uplifted,
39:14
Speaker 1: inspired or educated, and try and surround yourself with communities
39:17
Speaker 1: that are positive and it can be a really wonderful place. Yeah.
39:22
Speaker 2: No, I totally agree. I think for sure there can
39:24
Speaker 2: be both sides of the coin here. Now you mentioned
39:27
Speaker 2: the beauty that is being able to give back to
39:29
Speaker 2: these other women. When you start to think about the
39:33
Speaker 2: let's say, the rise of your career, do you reflect
39:36
Speaker 2: on anyone that you felt like really gave you something
39:39
Speaker 2: that you really needed.
39:40
Speaker 1: That's a really great question. There's just there's always so
39:43
Speaker 1: many women, right. I think there's multiple moments where someone
39:47
Speaker 1: comes into your life and it can be one sentence right,
39:50
Speaker 1: one sentence of Mode, who is the Beauty confounder, was
39:54
Speaker 1: what got you here, won't get you there? And love
39:56
Speaker 1: that sentence that still sticks with me to this very day.
40:01
Speaker 1: I think a huge impact moment was seeing models doing
40:05
Speaker 1: TED talks. You know, I remember Cameron Russell doing her
40:08
Speaker 1: TED talk and I was like, whoa wait, what like
40:12
Speaker 1: people will take you seriously? And then just seeing her
40:15
Speaker 1: philanthropic work and just thinking like why not. I think
40:19
Speaker 1: I always felt limited and I've been told that in
40:22
Speaker 1: multiple scenarios to kind of be quiet or shoots where
40:26
Speaker 1: photographers didn't bother to even learn my name and would
40:29
Speaker 1: just point. And you know, you can feel very much
40:33
Speaker 1: like a pawn and very undervalued and just kind of
40:37
Speaker 1: underappreciated and not valued for your mind, just your physical appearance.
40:42
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of ways that I had to
40:44
Speaker 1: break out of that, and seeing Cameron up there doing
40:47
Speaker 1: a TED talk was a huge win for me. It
40:50
Speaker 1: was really just seeing someone being vocal and standing up
40:54
Speaker 1: for more than just their physical beauty and talking about
40:57
Speaker 1: their beauty in the way that she did really really
41:00
Speaker 1: was groundbreaking to me. And then there's also like getting
41:04
Speaker 1: the opportunity to be in the same room as Michelle
41:06
Speaker 1: Obama when she's on stage just talking and just absorbing
41:10
Speaker 1: her power and just thinking she is. She's such an
41:15
Speaker 1: incredible woman, and there are no limitations for any woman
41:19
Speaker 1: to go out there and do what she does in
41:22
Speaker 1: the sense of she's uplifting. She's using her energy, her being,
41:27
Speaker 1: her spirit to help others in such the most wonderful way.
41:31
Speaker 1: And I don't want anyone to ever think that they
41:34
Speaker 1: can't be powerful, because there's just so many examples of
41:37
Speaker 1: women being so powerful.
41:38
Speaker 2: Speaking of female empowerment, when I think about the work
41:41
Speaker 2: that you've done with Airy, I think a lot about this.
41:44
Speaker 2: I know that that was a huge jumping off point
41:47
Speaker 2: in your career, so talk to me a little bit
41:50
Speaker 2: about what being involved with that brand is really meant
41:53
Speaker 2: to you.
41:54
Speaker 1: I always wondered if I would have an opportunity to
41:58
Speaker 1: find an alignment within the endtry that truly spoke to
42:01
Speaker 1: me in my mission, and it was really hard. I
42:04
Speaker 1: definitely compromised I to be bigger would I'd wore padding
42:09
Speaker 1: to be more plus sized for certain brands, and that
42:11
Speaker 1: always felt horrible. So I stopped doing that, and I
42:15
Speaker 1: got to the place where I think even my agents
42:18
Speaker 1: were kind of thinking, well, I don't you know, what's
42:21
Speaker 1: that out there for you? And it was going to
42:23
Speaker 1: be quite tricky because, like I said, I found the
42:26
Speaker 1: kind of niche, but the niche was very small. There
42:29
Speaker 1: wasn't that many brands. And as I started to be
42:32
Speaker 1: more vocal, because that's one thing that that has changed
42:35
Speaker 1: so much in the industry, but at the time it
42:38
Speaker 1: was risky to be vocal as a model. People wanted
42:41
Speaker 1: you to be a clean slate of blank slate. They
42:44
Speaker 1: didn't really want you to kind of have or stand
42:47
Speaker 1: up for anything because it then, you know, posed risks
42:51
Speaker 1: because their brand then had to align with whatever you
42:53
Speaker 1: were talking about. And if you're a loose canon, who's
42:56
Speaker 1: firing off that you support this and that and da
42:58
Speaker 1: da da. So it was definitely I'm obviously, really really
43:03
Speaker 1: glad I did just stick to what I felt right
43:06
Speaker 1: in what I stood for and being vocal, but it
43:08
Speaker 1: was tricky because it alienated a heck of a lot
43:11
Speaker 1: of brands. And when I started to talk about retouching,
43:14
Speaker 1: I mean still to this day, we're discussing right now
43:17
Speaker 1: me and my agents like what's next, and like what
43:20
Speaker 1: brands don't retouch or what brands might be open to
43:22
Speaker 1: not retouching, and the list is very very limited, like
43:27
Speaker 1: limited one hand, and so that's really really tricky. And
43:32
Speaker 1: what Airy kind of simultaneously did as I was obviously
43:36
Speaker 1: kind of growing my movement is they were just on
43:39
Speaker 1: the lookout for people who were unique and different and
43:43
Speaker 1: finding models who were confident being unairbrushed, because that was
43:49
Speaker 1: another thing, you know. I remember working with a model
43:51
Speaker 1: and she was terrified to shoot with the brand because
43:54
Speaker 1: she thought it was going to ruin you know, her
43:56
Speaker 1: esthetic and the pictures in her book and the campaigns
43:58
Speaker 1: that would be out there. And so you had to
44:01
Speaker 1: also be ready because Area is such a real brand
44:05
Speaker 1: and that does change your vision of yourself within the industry.
44:10
Speaker 1: So I saw it and I was like, oh my goodness,
44:13
Speaker 1: Like this is everything that I'd hoped for that a
44:15
Speaker 1: brand was doing, Like I have to be part of it.
44:17
Speaker 1: And so I remember the casting. It was a video casting,
44:20
Speaker 1: which a lot of castings aren't, and they asked me
44:23
Speaker 1: what's your favorite part of your body? And my agents
44:24
Speaker 1: are like, oh, you're going to say you're bum and
44:27
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I've sort of got web toes
44:30
Speaker 1: and it's a bit weird. And it was my best
44:31
Speaker 1: friend who pointed it out, and I was just like,
44:33
Speaker 1: so I ripped off about web toes and it was
44:36
Speaker 1: just silly and lighthearted, but it was also about like
44:40
Speaker 1: most people would say that that was weird or freaky
44:42
Speaker 1: or wouldn't want to admit that, and it's like, why
44:44
Speaker 1: can't we embrace the slightly coogy things about us? So
44:48
Speaker 1: it went down well, and you know, I had a
44:50
Speaker 1: one day shoot with them and it went great, but
44:54
Speaker 1: I knew that that couldn't be it like one day
44:57
Speaker 1: that was it. Like this brand that is really really
44:59
Speaker 1: excited me, and I want to help them push what
45:02
Speaker 1: they're trying to do in their mission, and so I
45:04
Speaker 1: really just self advocated and I went out of my
45:07
Speaker 1: way to visit the stores and buy the brand and
45:09
Speaker 1: shop the brand and wear the brand and get to
45:11
Speaker 1: know it. And you know, it just kind of really
45:13
Speaker 1: spiraled because they saw how passionate I was, and together
45:18
Speaker 1: we just started kind of shooting more and posting more
45:22
Speaker 1: and talking and I was wearing the clothes and I still,
45:25
Speaker 1: you know, we I'm wearing airy top and leggings right now.
45:29
Speaker 1: And it was just the perfect kind of union at
45:32
Speaker 1: the perfect time on social media where people were just
45:35
Speaker 1: ready to be done with the over airbrush fantasy and
45:41
Speaker 1: illusion of like how a woman should look or act
45:44
Speaker 1: or be, and so it just came at the right time,
45:47
Speaker 1: empowering each other, uplifting each other and that. Yeah, it's
45:51
Speaker 1: been seven years and it's just been the most fantastic
45:55
Speaker 1: journey for myself to go on, and we've grown so much.
46:00
Speaker 1: Just seeing where the brands come through and what I've
46:03
Speaker 1: achieved with them and the place I've gotten to travel
46:06
Speaker 1: and shoot and the people I've got to meet. It's
46:08
Speaker 1: really really special and I never imagined I have that
46:12
Speaker 1: opportunity and be able to do that, and it just shows.
46:14
Speaker 1: And I just can't tell, you know, want to be
46:17
Speaker 1: models enough, Like you really have to stay true to
46:19
Speaker 1: you because then you will find the brand that aligns
46:23
Speaker 1: with you. Because if I had stayed, you know, in
46:26
Speaker 1: that negative space and not believing in myself and kind
46:29
Speaker 1: of trying to change myself to fit into something, I
46:32
Speaker 1: would never would have aligned with them and I never
46:35
Speaker 1: would have, you know, just been able to be me
46:37
Speaker 1: and find that success because of that.
46:39
Speaker 2: I love what you said about the web toes. I'm
46:42
Speaker 2: sure there are plenty of women listening to this right now,
46:46
Speaker 2: and maybe it's not the toes, but they're certainly struggling
46:49
Speaker 2: to embrace parts of their body, to feel really proud
46:52
Speaker 2: of the different parts of their body. For someone that
46:54
Speaker 2: can totally relate to that, you know, what advice do
46:57
Speaker 2: you have to them about coming into their own and
47:00
Speaker 2: being proud of what they have to offer.
47:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that it's definitely not a linear journey
47:05
Speaker 1: to self love or even just self acceptance. Right. Self
47:07
Speaker 1: love is like that proclamation that you really, you know,
47:11
Speaker 1: unabashedly love all parts of you, which is probably impossible
47:15
Speaker 1: to get to. I think that you'll always have something
47:19
Speaker 1: that comes in no matter what season you're in. Will
47:21
Speaker 1: it all challenge you, whether it's motherhood or whether it's
47:23
Speaker 1: loss or illness or whatever it might be. So it's
47:27
Speaker 1: kind of forming this toolbox that will be filled with
47:29
Speaker 1: things that help you feel better about yourself. So maybe
47:32
Speaker 1: that's affirmations, Maybe that's gratitudeless journaling, a mom tribe or
47:37
Speaker 1: a friend tribe that kind of you can do positive
47:40
Speaker 1: self talk with rather than negative where you pick up
47:43
Speaker 1: things that you don't like about yourself and then everyone
47:46
Speaker 1: joins in and oh yeah, instead like a group of
47:49
Speaker 1: people who empower you and make you feel good cooking,
47:53
Speaker 1: maybe it's going out on a walk, being around nature.
47:56
Speaker 1: Like find those things as we all have them. Maybe
47:59
Speaker 1: it's your favorite couple coffee or your dog or whatever
48:02
Speaker 1: it might be, and if you have to write them
48:04
Speaker 1: all down and just put them in a little jar
48:06
Speaker 1: and pick them out, because you deserve to do the
48:09
Speaker 1: things and spend that time and energy looking after yourself
48:13
Speaker 1: to uplift yourself, because it's not easy. The whole system
48:16
Speaker 1: has been set up to make it really hard to
48:18
Speaker 1: love yourself. You've been showing images from as young as
48:22
Speaker 1: you can probably remember of retouched women or a certain
48:25
Speaker 1: type or body type of women and told that that's
48:28
Speaker 1: what you know. Attraction, beauty, a success looks like and
48:32
Speaker 1: ear is and it's really really tricky to unlearn those things.
48:37
Speaker 1: Our relationship with food can be really really difficult and triggering.
48:41
Speaker 1: So relearning all those things. It could be like me
48:46
Speaker 1: in your late well late teens, early twenties, when I
48:49
Speaker 1: kind of had to rethink the way I viewed myself
48:52
Speaker 1: the way I viewed other women because I used to
48:54
Speaker 1: compare myself all the time, rethinking that it could happen
48:57
Speaker 1: in your seventies. You know, there's still certain things that
49:00
Speaker 1: I have to work on with my mom because just
49:03
Speaker 1: for so many years, you know, weight loss was such
49:07
Speaker 1: a celebrated thing in her world, in everything that she
49:11
Speaker 1: was surrounded by. So when she sees someone who loses weight,
49:14
Speaker 1: her initial thing is to celebrate that. And so her
49:17
Speaker 1: having to unlearn that because that could be due to illness,
49:19
Speaker 1: or that could be that might not be the person's choice.
49:22
Speaker 1: That's really really tricky. So it's definitely something you're going
49:26
Speaker 1: to have to dedicate some time on and be intentional about, knowing, Hey,
49:31
Speaker 1: I know that this journey I'm on with my body
49:34
Speaker 1: with self might take a while to heal, but I'm
49:37
Speaker 1: deserving of that. And if it's five minutes a day
49:39
Speaker 1: looking in the mirror giving myself affirmations, I deserve that
49:43
Speaker 1: and just giving yourself that time because that mindset shift
49:48
Speaker 1: of choosing if you can, because it's not as easy
49:51
Speaker 1: to just be, oh, I'm going to choose to love
49:52
Speaker 1: myself's day. It's definitely not that easy, but choosing to
49:55
Speaker 1: find ways to love yourself celebrate yourself appreciate yourself except
49:59
Speaker 1: your self at the minimum, finding those things every day
50:04
Speaker 1: when you look in that mirror and just be like,
50:06
Speaker 1: you know what, my skin breaks out a lot, especially
50:09
Speaker 1: postpum my skin is breaking out. Is that going to
50:12
Speaker 1: affect how I feel today? Absolutely not. I'm not going
50:15
Speaker 1: to let it hold me back. I'm still going to
50:17
Speaker 1: go outside with that makeupart, I'm still going to do this.
50:19
Speaker 1: I'm still gonna be proud when I'm with my partner.
50:22
Speaker 1: Because I used to associate breakouts with being unattractive and unappealing,
50:27
Speaker 1: especially to men. Where I got that from society, from
50:31
Speaker 1: the media, I don't know, but I had to unlearn that,
50:33
Speaker 1: and it took me a very long time to be
50:35
Speaker 1: okay wearing no makeup around my partner who clearly he's
50:40
Speaker 1: not going to leave me because I've got some spots.
50:42
Speaker 1: But in my head, you know, I thought I was
50:44
Speaker 1: then unattractive. Those things can spiral. But if you start
50:48
Speaker 1: that day off with that mindset of I'm choosing myself
50:51
Speaker 1: and I'm choosing to figure out how i can love
50:54
Speaker 1: myself in the smallest possible way. If it's just like,
50:58
Speaker 1: these arms are awesome. They let me Hud my favorite
51:00
Speaker 1: human beings, whatever it might be, find those little things
51:04
Speaker 1: and just do that for you.
51:05
Speaker 2: You have that choice. That's a beautiful, beautiful sentiment. Now,
51:09
Speaker 2: if I was to go to your Instagram page, like
51:11
Speaker 2: so many people that go to your Instagram page, millions
51:14
Speaker 2: of people, they see a woman who is a body
51:18
Speaker 2: positivity advocate. She's done a lot of this work. She
51:21
Speaker 2: makes this conscious choice to choose joy to find the
51:25
Speaker 2: silver linings. Often, when you look in the mirror, what
51:28
Speaker 2: is it that you see looking back at you.
51:31
Speaker 1: That's a great question. I definitely see someone who who
51:35
Speaker 1: cares a lot more than people probably even realize. Like
51:38
Speaker 1: I'm caring deep under the surface, Like I care really
51:41
Speaker 1: hard for people and for strangers that I've never met
51:44
Speaker 1: on the internet, or people across the other side of
51:47
Speaker 1: the world that might be doing something. It's something I've
51:49
Speaker 1: never been able to switch off. But I'm proud of
51:52
Speaker 1: that because it's motivated to me to make really great
51:55
Speaker 1: decisions that have helped me help other people. And I
52:00
Speaker 1: feel really good about my contribution, and I feel really
52:04
Speaker 1: excited for the potential of the power that I have
52:07
Speaker 1: to do good. I know that that's limitless. I know
52:11
Speaker 1: that the more energy and passion and purpose I can
52:13
Speaker 1: put behind the things I do, the more good I
52:15
Speaker 1: can do or the more people I can help. So
52:17
Speaker 1: I really see that limitless potential within me, and I
52:21
Speaker 1: try and encourage other people to see that too. So yeah,
52:24
Speaker 1: I'm doing my best to harness my power and to
52:28
Speaker 1: encourage other people to tap into their power. And I'm
52:31
Speaker 1: doing it in the way that I love, you know,
52:33
Speaker 1: spending more time at home, being able to have my
52:36
Speaker 1: wonderful baby that I'm very grateful for, and you know,
52:40
Speaker 1: really trying to take care of the people around me.
52:44
Speaker 2: Biggest lesson if you could articulate one, so far from
52:48
Speaker 2: your first introduction here to motherhood.
52:52
Speaker 1: Oh, biggest lesson to motherhood and you know nothing, you
52:57
Speaker 1: know nothing. You can read all the book, but it
53:01
Speaker 1: is an experienced babes learning. That's definitely. It's just like
53:05
Speaker 1: biggest lesson. There's so many. But I think just not
53:09
Speaker 1: letting the guilt take over the other wonderful, joyful feelings,
53:12
Speaker 1: because there's a lot of guilt for me. Even right now.
53:15
Speaker 1: I've spent kind of the whole afternoon working and I've
53:20
Speaker 1: enjoyed our conversations so much. I'm so glad we did it,
53:22
Speaker 1: But you know, I had that other zoom call, and
53:24
Speaker 1: you know, I'm only going to have you know, maybe
53:26
Speaker 1: an hour with my baby before he goes to sleep foot.
53:29
Speaker 1: So it's like, but I can't feel guilt for that
53:31
Speaker 1: because I also spent every single second yesterday with him,
53:35
Speaker 1: and you know, I do spend a lot of time,
53:37
Speaker 1: so finding that balance of like, I'm being a great mom,
53:42
Speaker 1: but also I do have to still work on things
53:44
Speaker 1: that fuel me and help me still have parts of
53:48
Speaker 1: me that are from before, because that's still important to
53:52
Speaker 1: you know, keep in touch with that. And I'm not
53:54
Speaker 1: only a mother. I can be a mother, and I
53:56
Speaker 1: can be a great mother, and I can also be
53:58
Speaker 1: all these other things. So I want to encourage moms
54:01
Speaker 1: to know that too, Like, don't feel guilty for also
54:04
Speaker 1: just having a passion to do xyz, Like you can
54:08
Speaker 1: still do that and you can still be in a fantastic.
54:10
Speaker 2: Mom right now as you are, you have an opportunity
54:14
Speaker 2: to offer the Iskra who is going through those intense
54:18
Speaker 2: periods of self doubt, disordered eating, or earlier in her
54:22
Speaker 2: career wondering if this was even the right thing for her.
54:27
Speaker 2: You have an opportunity to offer her a piece of advice.
54:29
Speaker 2: Looking back on that hurdle moment, what do you tell her.
54:34
Speaker 1: It's a big hurdle moment. Be kind and have grace
54:37
Speaker 1: and patience with yourself. I thought that everything had to
54:41
Speaker 1: happen immediately and I had to have acknowledgment and acceptance
54:48
Speaker 1: immediately from everyone else around me. You don't need that.
54:53
Speaker 1: You need to figure out how you can validate yourself
54:56
Speaker 1: without needing to be validated by others. And you'll be
54:59
Speaker 1: able to do that, and that will feel really great
55:01
Speaker 1: because then you're untouchable. You know. You build up your
55:05
Speaker 1: own value system of who you are and what you
55:08
Speaker 1: bring to the table and all the things that make
55:10
Speaker 1: you you, and that is going to be your support
55:14
Speaker 1: That's going to be your pillar of just knowing who
55:16
Speaker 1: you are and going through life because there's constantly going
55:20
Speaker 1: to be challenges or things thrown your way. And if
55:22
Speaker 1: you have that as your kind of support system, your
55:25
Speaker 1: value system, not much can can really impact you or
55:31
Speaker 1: affect you. So that's what I would like to say
55:33
Speaker 1: to my younger self. It seems a little bit onymous, ominous, ominous, ominous,
55:41
Speaker 1: and it's a bit of a tricky thing to decipher
55:43
Speaker 1: what that means, I guess, but it's really listening to
55:46
Speaker 1: that intuition and figuring out, Okay, who am I like,
55:52
Speaker 1: what do I how like? What is my superpower? Right,
55:55
Speaker 1: and just harnessing that and not looking for other people's
55:59
Speaker 1: validation the time, because that's really really it's really really
56:04
Speaker 1: hard to go through that every day and hope that
56:06
Speaker 1: someone's going to accept you or try and change this
56:09
Speaker 1: to fit in here or da da da. And I've
56:11
Speaker 1: been confident in myself always, but I definitely wanted to
56:17
Speaker 1: change aspects of myself to fit into someone else's ideal
56:21
Speaker 1: and that was just a complete waste of time and energy.
56:24
Speaker 1: And you have so much to give to the world
56:26
Speaker 1: that every time you do that, you kind of just
56:29
Speaker 1: tying yourself up and you need to just take up
56:31
Speaker 1: space as you are and be proud and be you know,
56:36
Speaker 1: a big, shining bright star that you.
56:38
Speaker 2: Are beautiful, so grateful for your time, so happy that
56:41
Speaker 2: we had the opportunity to do this. Iscra, How did
56:44
Speaker 2: the hurdlers keep up with you? How do they follow
56:46
Speaker 2: along with you? Give me all the details.
56:48
Speaker 1: Yes, you could obviously find me on Instagram. That's really
56:51
Speaker 1: my main hub, it's just at iscras kr. That is
56:58
Speaker 1: the same for YouTube, and me and Philip do some
57:01
Speaker 1: fun videos on there. And then you can also find
57:04
Speaker 1: me on this new cool investing app where I share
57:08
Speaker 1: about my invest in portfolio and kind of money and wealth,
57:11
Speaker 1: and that is public, so it's Hello public on Instagram
57:14
Speaker 1: or just ww dot public dot com, forward slash iskra. Yeah,
57:19
Speaker 1: and I feel like that's really the main places that
57:22
Speaker 1: you will finally hide out.
57:25
Speaker 2: I'm over at Abadi and at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle
57:29
Speaker 2: Conquered Cat to you guys next day.