Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Why Saving Your Marriage Isn't Enough | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep484

Transcript

Why Saving Your Marriage Isn't Enough | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep484 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Our world is affecting your world.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: How to love without losing your identity.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: How people test your emotional availability.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Letting go versus giving up.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: The marriage roommate trap.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Carrying the load.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: The emergency poop story.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Our world is affecting your world.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Moral Marriage Podcast.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I am not going down a train of ooh, look at Cass and Catherine and how we can save your marriage.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I want you guys We're not?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Is that mic on right?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let me see.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Test test.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Test test.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're back.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want you guys to think about something that's very, very important right now.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: When you are trying to save your marriage, you focus on your world.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not our world.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yours and ours together.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: You narrow in.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the easiest way to understand why this is a big problem is when you focused on building your career or you focused on your children, what happened to your marriage?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Baby?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh when you focused on other things, your marriage went to crap.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now I was like, oh my gosh, I'm beating quiz and I wasn't paying attention.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: But when you focus on your relationship, we've learned this with over 8,000 people in under five years.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: When you focus on your relationship only, you inherently still maintain that selfish side of you and you don't actually move your marriage forward.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, you continue to smother your partner, you continue to invade their space, you continue to cross boundaries because remember, you are trying to overcome a lot of years of pain, of wounds, of trauma, of all the shit in between.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to understand one of the most important lessons that we could teach is that you need to learn how to love consistently.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: No matter how much your partner loves you or shows up correctly, does it right, no scorecard, no contract.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I show up as the person I want to be and I love consistently.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there's a big problem when you don't think about the rest of the world, you are thinking about yourself only, which means you can't love consistently.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, unfortunately, the topic that this is, I'm just I'm sure we lost a lot of people when we started the episode.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was checking my mic.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: You guys have no patience for that?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, baby, not that.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: People that are there are not a lot of people.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not that the guys that you guys are here, I want you to just pay attention to this because this will be something that you need to understand as you understand this message, how you can share.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, not necessarily the podcast episode, but you should.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, please.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that you need to understand giving is what changes everything.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when you focus on only your relationship, you are still that selfish person because that person is this is what I need.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I need to save my marriage.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like a guy gets on the phone, oh, I just don't want to lose her, I don't want to lose.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, well, then call a divorce lawyer.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're not tired of your cycle, etc., okay, you know the spiels.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a message behind giving that matters, and where this is coming from is now you'll have to forgive me.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't watch social media, I don't watch news, I hear it from my wife or other people in my program, etc.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but it's something that I want to start addressing really fucking badly in right now.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, we transactionally saved your marriage for a long time.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: That became disrupting divorce, it's the title of my book, and that has now since become well, not now, like quite a while now, where we want to change the world.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: We have big problems going on that people are normalizing, that if you don't care about, it doesn't matter if you save your marriage.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your children will be dead in the world that you're living in, right?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's a crazy world.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's a crazy fucking world.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: What's this stupid fucking Lindsay chick?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: What's the what's her what's her name?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Lindsay Clancy.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Lindsay Clancy.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Lindsay Clancy is being normalized for having postpartum and whatever the fuck problems in her brain, and it's understandable.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: We should be there for her because she's killing her kid, and now other women are me too, hashtagging and doing the same thing.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Pause.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: This should matter to you because if you only care about your relationship, what world will we live in by the time your children have children and they think it's okay to kill a fucking baby?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to take another pause because if you don't know me, I am not judging Lindsay or any of the women following Lindsay and doing what she's doing.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think that Lindsay needs a whole lot of fucking love right now.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But we can't do that by supporting her with the cause, and we can't do that by judging her for who she is.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, you wouldn't even be watching this podcast if that's like I I'm a narcissist.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: We need to peel the she whatever she went through that fucked her up, and we can go with the postpartum.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure there was obviously more.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: People in postpartum depression normally don't kill their children.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Of course not.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just postpartum depression.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's other postpartum psychosis, there's obviously other things that went down that maybe her husband framed her.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's so many things, but regardless, she doesn't remember killing her children and she was told that she did.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing: the very first thing that we need to understand is if we want a better world, that means we can be the kind of person that gives and we can actually save our marriage.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like honestly, you just have to realize if you're just selfish and don't care, brush it off, judge her, uh fucking jump on the bandwagon, then you're never gonna change your fucking world.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're literally just choosing to stay where you are and only do what you've always done, which is care only about yourself.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's why your wife or your husband doesn't love you right now.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, shut up.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it is.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Shut up, you guys.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: You're talking too loud.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm saying is you've got to get this through your head.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when you start to look at a story like Lindsay, what's her name again?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Clancy.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Clancy, thanks, baby.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: You start to look at a story like that, you have to understand there is more to that story.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And too many of you are jumping on and having a judgment and fucking following down a path or following the advice, even worse.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that means that you you literally are just trying to just what follow a trend?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: How about the trend that we want to save marriages?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: How about that?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't you follow a trend that actually works and makes sense?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're literally starting, we're gonna talk about it soon, but we're gonna we're gonna do a film an episode on it today, but we're gonna start praying tonight with the world.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how many people pray for us.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: We want people to join us.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Pray the feed gets out because we need to we need to fight this shit in the world right now.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: The world is going to shit.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't care, you our world will affect your world in the most negative ways.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck is that uh island uh Epstein Epstein Island.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Good God, still coming out.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: The stories that are still coming out with this.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's getting worse and worse.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's disgusting.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: This is the world we live in, you guys.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: This is the world that we are living in right now.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you don't even understand how serious this shit is, right?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, that's the place where they're eating babies and kidnapping people, like not even like the porn industry.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe they did, probably they did, but they're literally stuff happened as well.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But literally the the highlight is they're eating babies, like to stay young looking.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Big names, big names in the world, and you blow it off like you can't do anything.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like you guys literally have to understand if you don't think that it matters, that your world is what matters, you will not have a world to even live with.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: We used to talk about like if you don't work out, you're not gonna live long enough.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: There'll be nothing there for you.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: There's no world if you don't have a cause.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you guys that she calls a cause, I call it purpose.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, that's how you find identity.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know who you are outside of your marriage, outside of your family, your children.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: And you'll know what it is because you'll have a check in your spirit.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: There'll be something that pains you.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: That is what you are called to do.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's not gonna be everything.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know what the Lindsay Clancy stuff?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, it hurts my heart.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: For I'm I I prayed for Lindsay Clancy.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what the situation is.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't support her.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't not support her either.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: She needs deliverance, she needs Jesus, she needs prayer.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: She's obviously super screwed up.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Pray for her.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: But there's everybody's gonna have their own thing that's gonna hit them in the heart, and that is a sign that that's something that you are gonna make an impact with.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: So for us, one of our big things, obviously, it's marriage because of what we went through.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: And and maybe for a lot of you, I've had people, maybe you probably have people like this too.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like we have people that are like, I want my story.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: You helped us so much.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: We want our story to go out there and help more people.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: There are people that are doing what we're doing, but what if yours is one of mine is animal animals, guys?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: You might not care about this the street dog or the dog that got its jaw broken by its owner.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's one of my callings, okay?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: So for you, your purpose, your calling, the cause, you will have a check in your spirit.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: You can't make yourself want to do it.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's called a job.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: It becomes a purpose and it becomes your calling when you feel it in your spirit.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: And you'll know because it's the things that bother you, and it makes it might make you lose sleep at night, it might make you might make you nauseous when you see it.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know that there's gonna be a purpose for you in that when you see it.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: You'll feel the check in your spirit, just listen for it, feel for it, you'll know.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is so important.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we're gonna do an episode, I think it's right after this one, and it's talking about how marriage problems aren't just a rich person's problem, okay?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason why is because even ourselves, like we have something very valuable.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: But even ourselves, we're like, yeah, but I talked to I didn't tell you this baby, I talked to, I think I didn't tell you, talked to Dennis last night for like two hours, and I was like, man.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Dennis is the president of our company.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and Dennis and I, the way that we've been structuring things is like like people who don't make money don't even know that they can disrupt their divorce.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, guys, I was fucking broke.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: We were broke.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: We lost our gym, we lost our our home, we lost our cars.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: When Catherine says she was in love, she was wasn't attracted and she was settling.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow the message became clear to people, it's getting back to us that like you have to make money to save your marriage.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, you have to want to be someone different.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's why we have so many different avenues.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's why we have a book, that's why we have free stuff, that's why we have an app, that's why we have all those things.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: If you have money, great, you can work with us directly.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: But if you don't, you can't afford a book.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: If you really can't afford a book, we will give you a book.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: See the problem really can't afford it.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: We've we give, we give, we give, we give all the time.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: What you have to think about is like, okay, you're going to start this journey, you're listening to this podcast, it's going to be about your marriage.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't start looking at the fact that really what you've always cared about is your own needs.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're worried about losing your partner, the disconnection between your partner, the affair that your partner's having, the way that they treat you, yell at you, whatever, all is still about you and your needs.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't understand, you are literally trying to save something where there's going to be nowhere to fucking live, nowhere to go.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like we talk about porn as a regular example and how people are sucked in.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Men don't even know that human trafficking supports that industry.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you don't want to start focusing on what you overcome and start changing or influencing change at the very bare minimum.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: You sub you survive drugs?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking talk to somebody about it.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have a guy, one of my clients, he loves helping young men.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: He finds them.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how the fuck he finds them.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but he he likes, oh, well, what if you thought about that and turned it into a business?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so he can start feeding the economy.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Problem in the world.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: People have job problems, money problems right now.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: He's really good at taking any idea and turning it into a business.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, what are you good at?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: What did you overcome?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't start doing something now, if you are inherently selfish, you're not going to succeed.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do succeed, there'll be nothing left for your grandchildren, which means when you say my legacy is not.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: My grandchildren, it's it's it's our own children.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: This is this generation we are experiencing right now.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, which is why we're starting these prayer sessions.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: But by the time you see this, we'll have already started.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: But listen, it is time to move.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: It is time to brace yourself for the fact that it's going to get harder before it gets easier.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: The more we push back, the more the devil will come for us.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't give a shit, and I don't even care if you're Christian right now.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: I guess if you're not Christian, you probably got off this podcast.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully not.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, this is a seed planted.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you believe, look around, open your eyes.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: You have a skill set, a particular skill set that nobody else has.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or you have an ability that you need to turn into a skill set and deliver it so that we can start delivering this world.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's going to shit, guys.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to shit.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And while you're busy trying to save yourself for your own needs, you're doing it for nothing.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it just proves why you've lost the entire time.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: The 10 years, the three years, the 20, the 30 years you've been with your spouse.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's why you've lost.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I figured this out accidentally.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Catherine thought it for a little while for herself, and now she's all over it.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Which part?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I care about my world.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care about the rest of the world.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's just an episode in the podcast where you talk about that.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, I was like, I don't need a legacy.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: I just want it, I just want my now to be good.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: But the reality is- I don't believe that anymore because the now is going, it's literally going downhill.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it makes the future, you guys.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Going downhill, she's you have to explain that because otherwise it sounds like the now is going downhill is bad.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: Then the now is going, not with us.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the now in the world.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's all the world, guys.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Get your head out of whatever you're thinking about.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Are we talking about our marriage?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: You have to talk to people, guys.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: No offense.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now we gotta do that.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: You have to talk to you like you're not gonna be.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: No, the now, the world that we've been talking about for this whole episode is going to hell in a handbasket.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I used to think, no, I just my own life, my own world, my kids, their, you know, their life.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, there is no world for our children.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: And it is that it's it's grown exponentially worse in the last few years because it's only been it's only been a couple of years since I said, no, I don't, I'm not really worried about having a legacy.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, but the world has spiraled in the last few years.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: So so much so.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: So if your eyes are not open now, I don't know if they'll ever be.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's time to take a stand, guys.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Even I'm doing it.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to join us with the prayers, uh go.moralmarriage.com.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's the website.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Go.moralmarriage.com.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Get on our app.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's lots of free trainings for you guys, anyways.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we coach you on there.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a community of support for you guys, and we're also gonna be doing these.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's all free.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh let's get into the word and let's pray together.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Where uh I I was raised atheist, so forgive me, but it's like the strength in two or three.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Where two and three are gathered.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: There we go.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: We've got to start fighting, guys.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: All right, see you next time.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.