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Diogenes Club | E6 - Operation Epically FUBAR · Diogenes Club

0:34
SPEAKER_00: Hey, hey, what's going on, everyone?
0:36
SPEAKER_00: Evan doesn't realize he's on screen.
0:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I do.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm here.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like your hoodie.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: Can we see that again?
0:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, are you carrying Walter?
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're carrying Walter and I on your back.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: Nice.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: Hey, what's up, everyone?
0:57
SPEAKER_01: It's just water bottle time.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: Bro, I'm loving all the merch as I take a sip from my coffee.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: Everybody's got some of me.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: I got to get on that.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Well, you're on Evan's back right now.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: He's carrying it.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: You're on Evan's back right now.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: We just need Evan to accept his co-host invite.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: He's like, oh, there he is.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: I see his name now.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: I see all four of us.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: We're all there.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: Look at this.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: Hey, y'all.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: What's going on?
1:29
SPEAKER_01: And he changes his tagline to pure chaos.
1:32
yeah oh that's beautiful i like it hey guys it's diogenes club
1:38
epically foobar
1:40
today is operation epically foobar um and fun's about right
1:45
it's epically foobar
1:47
out there um and so we're gonna have some fun today i've had a
1:51
really good morning
1:52
i had a intelligent masculinity interview with pete dominic
1:56
that was so fun thank
1:59
SPEAKER_00: you i appreciate that um
2:02
SPEAKER_00: It was so fun.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: He's so funny.
2:05
And he might be able to be joining us in the chat and possibly
2:10
on the show if he's able to.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: But he's going to.
2:15
I can kind of guarantee that he's going to accept an invite to
2:19
join us on a show anyway.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: So, Walter, start dancing, brother.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: So, again, hey, y'all.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: It's Diogenes Club.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm Nick Parrow, not your dad.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: joined by Dr.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: Eric Lulove,
2:30
SPEAKER_00: the medical editor with Blue Amp Media,
2:33
SPEAKER_00: Walter Rine,
2:34
SPEAKER_00: friend of elves,
2:35
SPEAKER_00: ring bearer,
2:35
SPEAKER_00: barrel rider,
2:36
SPEAKER_00: he who walks unseen,
2:38
SPEAKER_00: and Evan Fields,
2:40
SPEAKER_00: pure chaos.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: Because Evan is always chaos.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: We are definitely a plethora of titling today.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's good.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: Everybody's getting spicy.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: We are spicy here.
2:53
SPEAKER_00: Evan, you're muted.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: You are pure chaos.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: Unmute him.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: It's on the back.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: It's pure chaos.
2:59
SPEAKER_01: Pure chaos.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: Pure chaos.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: So, Walter, you had an idea for today.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: I want to introduce it.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: I feel a migraine coming on.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: Oh, we've got a migraine already coming on?
3:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we do.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: Walter, we'll take it away, brother.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: Oh,
3:23
SPEAKER_01: well,
3:23
SPEAKER_01: did you guys,
3:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you saw,
3:25
but actually this was last week when Dana and we had the
3:28
celebration for Lawrence.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: And I wrote this like three page.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm just like, she's like, send some like nice words to Lawrence.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, you know, it'd be kind of funny.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: And then I just start laughing to myself.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like,
3:38
if I just wrote a series of poems that got more and more
3:41
ridiculous as she was
3:42
SPEAKER_01: reading through.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: So I put this whole thing in my head.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm sitting here playing with this joke.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: The first one will make him upset, and then she'll read more.
3:49
But eventually,
3:49
you get tired of having people like,
3:51
you're such a great guy.
3:52
SPEAKER_01: So I started writing these poems where Lawrence was Poseidon,
3:55
SPEAKER_01: and then Lawrence was having a barbecue at Mount Olympus.
3:59
And I was just like,
4:00
but then Dana read the first one and Lawrence cried.
4:03
SPEAKER_01: And then she was like, I got so many, I couldn't read the rest.
4:05
So I was like,
4:06
oh,
4:06
well,
4:07
I had to read them on my other show the other day.
4:09
But I just thought it'd be fun if we started writing goofy
4:11
poems for each other and read them.
4:13
Before you get started,
4:14
before you get started,
4:15
how amazing is that,
4:17
guys?
4:17
I've literally gone through my entire life with only knowing
4:20
maybe two other people
4:21
SPEAKER_01: that had the same birthday.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that was weird.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: And I got to write you a poem now.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: I was like, Monday was my birthday, but it was also...
4:29
SPEAKER_01: Lawrence winterman's from gen XC and blue media,
4:32
SPEAKER_01: as well as our friend,
4:33
SPEAKER_01: Shane,
4:34
SPEAKER_01: your ex birthday.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: So that was, and to have it all on sub stack.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: That's pretty awesome.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: And,
4:42
SPEAKER_01: and,
4:42
and to have the group of people all connected through Substack
4:46
was just crazy.
4:48
SPEAKER_01: So it, it looks like that one out there.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: Cause you talked about Lawrence.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: So that's why.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: So Pete,
4:57
SPEAKER_01: Welcome, everybody.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: We have Pete Dominic.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: He's not visible.
5:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm half naked, so I kept my camera off, but it's great to be here.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh, come on.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, man.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: Half naked is okay.
5:13
SPEAKER_01: Is it the bottom half?
5:14
SPEAKER_01: Is it the bottom half for the top or is it side to side?
5:17
SPEAKER_03: Bob, Bob, Bob.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: Hey guys, we've got comedian Pete Dominick with us.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: This is fucking awesome.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: That reminded me sort of like Spaceballs.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: More like Spaceballs than Star Wars.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
5:36
SPEAKER_02: Oh man, that was awesome.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: When is this happening now?
5:38
SPEAKER_01: What you're watching is happening now.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: When did that happen?
5:42
SPEAKER_01: Then.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: When?
5:44
SPEAKER_00: When did that happen then?
5:45
SPEAKER_00: Now.
5:46
SPEAKER_01: We should do a bathtub episode.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Now.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh, we should.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: Somebody would probably get electrocuted.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: Let's not do that.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: That would go from being funny to being tragic.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: We don't need that.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: Watch Walter try to electrocute himself without dying.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: All we need is death by toaster for the four of us.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: Next on the Substack files.
6:07
Next on the Substack files.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: So, Pete, we lose it here.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: Welcome.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: You're in a great place to join us.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't...
6:16
SPEAKER_01: I tend not to be as good a guest as I am a host,
6:19
SPEAKER_01: and it made me,
6:20
SPEAKER_01: and I don't know what you guys generally do here,
6:22
but that just made me want to have us all admit the dumbest
6:26
thing we did while
6:27
SPEAKER_01: showing off.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: I'll start.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: Jumped off a speedboat going 35 miles an hour just to impress the girls,
6:36
SPEAKER_01: but did not understand the laws of physics.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: I didn't skip across the water like when you wipe out.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: I went into the water and my head almost snapped off.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: Who's up?
6:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: Wait a minute.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: What did he start eating some chips to demonstrate what happened?
6:54
SPEAKER_01: No, that's mine.
6:55
SPEAKER_01: You guys have to do yours now.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh, but that story didn't end.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, did they fish you out?
6:59
SPEAKER_01: Were you dead?
7:00
SPEAKER_01: My head almost came off my body.
7:02
SPEAKER_01: Did you die?
7:02
SPEAKER_01: I did.
7:06
SPEAKER_01: Wait, are we talking to a real Pete or ghost Pete?
7:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: Bot Pete.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: That's why my camera's off, because I'm at the Beyond.
7:13
SPEAKER_01: He's just a head in a jar now.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: Eric, you.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to drop you here and there.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to wave my right being it's my birthday week.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: I can't think of anything.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: I'll have to think of one.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: That might be a moment.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: I can think of stupid shit I did when I was working,
7:31
SPEAKER_01: but never to really just show off because...
7:35
SPEAKER_01: I'll come up with something.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: I've never felt so alone in a group of men.
7:43
I once set the cruise control in my car and then just jumped
7:46
out of the driver's
7:47
SPEAKER_01: seat,
7:47
SPEAKER_01: trusting the person in the passenger seat would grab the wheel.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: That was when I was like 16.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: That was bad.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: I felt pretty bad about that.
7:54
because they grabbed the wheel fortunately and then climbed
7:57
into the seat i'm just
7:58
like here's some pure chaos everybody actually i do have one so
8:01
when i was working
8:02
as a firefighter in michigan before i went to med school um we
8:06
thought it'd be kind
8:07
of cool to ride on the back of the fire engine realizing that
8:13
we had no state like
8:14
we were just doing it to screw around a bunch of like whatever
8:16
i was in my early
8:17
SPEAKER_01: 20s and we were like
8:19
SPEAKER_01: Really bad idea because lo and behold,
8:21
SPEAKER_01: didn't know that the guy driving the engine,
8:24
SPEAKER_01: like gunned it around the corner and a twin turbo Detroit diesel engine.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: And me and my buddy went flying off the back of the rig.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: Now we weren't going super fast, but thank God I was wearing my helmet.
8:38
wait a minute your helmet like just did you always wear or well
8:42
we were wearing in
8:43
full gear but like it was kind of we were doing like a
8:45
throwback to the old days in
8:47
the 20s and 30s when the guys were on the back of the fire
8:49
engine right yeah
8:51
there's a reason why osha says you have to have a seat belt now
8:54
oh man weirdly
8:57
weirdly it wasn't a fireman's helmet for some reason he was
8:59
wearing a lacrosse
9:00
SPEAKER_01: helmet that day
9:02
that's what i was going with it's like what kind of there's a
9:06
lot of cool helmets
9:07
we should do a helmet episode we all gotta go get a helmet and
9:11
oh i mean i've got a
9:12
motorcycle helmet in my closet i don't know i don't currently
9:15
own oh i've got a
9:16
welding helmet i guess i got one for you there we go helmet
9:22
episode yeah i think
9:24
well well eric's doing that i gotta be excited about the helmet
9:27
episode okay good
9:28
SPEAKER_00: oh great yeah
9:33
SPEAKER_00: Safety first.
9:34
SPEAKER_01: We always say safety first.
9:37
How about actually having a prop ready for the show and not
9:40
even realizing you're
9:41
SPEAKER_01: going to need it?
9:41
SPEAKER_03: There you go!
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Man, now I have to go run to my closet and go get a helmet.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: This is what you get on the Diogenes Club.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I can't put up my headphones over my helmet.
9:57
Before I go run into mine,
10:00
mine is I think the dumbest thing I've ever done to...
10:06
Nice!
10:07
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: That's a plush helmet.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: You look like a mushroom.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: Is that your dog's bed?
10:12
SPEAKER_01: No, it's a cat bed.
10:13
SPEAKER_00: It's a cat bed.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: You look like Toad.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: Are you allowed to use illicit substances on live streams?
10:33
SPEAKER_01: I was thinking about.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to impress somebody, but I need weed to think of something.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying no, and it won't hurt my feelings.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think.
10:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, I think the dumbest thing I did.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I don't.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, we're not wearing helmets anymore.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, no.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm going to go get my helmet here in a minute.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: You can wear a helmet if you want.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: We're going back to the helmet or a Mandalorian helmet or something.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: I have a motorcycle helmet.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Like, I got a badass motorcycle helmet.
11:13
that I used to ride a motorcycle and I think the dumbest thing
11:17
I ever did probably
11:18
SPEAKER_00: was on that bike and were one of them and I
11:23
SPEAKER_00: I passed a group of folks,
11:24
we were in a bike rally and I passed a group of folks right
11:28
near a blind corner and
11:31
SPEAKER_00: I was right on the center line.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: So I was able to jump back in,
11:35
but a car came around and I scared the shit out of folks around
11:40
me and I scared the
11:42
SPEAKER_00: shit out of myself and I've never done something that dumb.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: You had to go and apologize to the whole group after that?
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I apologize to some.
11:52
SPEAKER_00: But yeah.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I
11:56
regret that one but it was also a great one to learn like this
12:00
is how you don't do
12:01
dumb shit yeah this is some dumb shit you don't do because then
12:04
you die yeah and
12:05
then like a couple months later i watched my brother-in-law get
12:11
into a really bad
12:12
motorcycle wreck two weeks before his wedding um and like break
12:17
his arm and his
12:18
SPEAKER_01: like
12:20
SPEAKER_01: real...
12:21
SPEAKER_01: He was lucky because his bike went through a barbed wire fence,
12:26
SPEAKER_01: but he had a full-size Indian,
12:28
SPEAKER_01: like,
12:29
SPEAKER_01: chieftain motorcycle,
12:30
SPEAKER_01: like,
12:30
SPEAKER_01: big,
12:31
SPEAKER_01: big bike.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: And he was lucky because it went before him.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: And so he...
12:38
he was able to attend his wedding but the pictures were not up
12:42
to what his wife
12:44
would have wanted and my sister-in-law still holds that over
12:46
him um and reminds him
12:48
of the fact that he fucked himself up two weeks before their
12:51
wedding um and ruined
12:53
SPEAKER_00: all the pictures uh so men don't do that don't don't do that
13:00
hold on i'll be right back i gotta go get my helmet walter evan
13:04
evan is turtling
13:05
over there i'm not quite sure what's going on what's your
13:09
embarrassing story evan
13:11
SPEAKER_01: oh yeah he's oh my gosh blooming what is that who are you
13:17
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, he finally got his shirt on.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: Takes him a while.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: It's actually nice to finally meet you, by the way.
13:23
I'm really glad you tried to jump on with us today so you could
13:26
see Evan getting high.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: Evan, great way to make a first impression today, by the way.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: I thought we were, I had smoked before.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: I just didn't know.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: I thought we were supposed to be stoned.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: There's no rules.
13:40
I'm still actually physically seeing patients today,
13:43
so I can't physically be stoned right now.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: Drunk, yes, stunned, no.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, what kind of physician are you?
13:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm a foot and ankle surgeon, surgical podiatrist.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, my God.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: Lord Helmet.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: It's Lord Helmet.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Just one dude getting high under his sweatshirt.
14:04
SPEAKER_01: We have a fucking physician.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: We have a guy in a motorcycle helmet.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: And I'm getting attacked by an eagle over here.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: Luke, I am your father.
14:21
No,
14:21
Nick,
14:22
you're supposed to pop that up and go,
14:23
how do you breathe in this thing?
14:26
SPEAKER_01: How do you breathe in that damn thing?
14:27
SPEAKER_01: You should get Nick to hotbox that.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: We've got to bring that back to Halloween.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: I thought about it.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: Lord Helmet Spaceballs Halloween.
14:38
You should have to break through some drywall every time for
14:41
this show with the helmet.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: That should be your entry.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but the helmet is like 600...
14:49
dollar motorcycle helmet yeah so it should be able to hold up
14:52
fine when they when
14:55
you fall once you have to get a new helmet when you fall on it
14:59
if it hits you have
15:00
to get a new one that makes it look like a power ranger so like
15:09
i got it because
15:09
it's sort of like a power ranger helmet and if you don't yeah
15:14
my power ranger shirt
15:15
SPEAKER_01: on you should shoot a power ranger video with that on
15:17
SPEAKER_01: so what's up just put in the chat that love our masculine men.
15:22
And I don't know if our topic right now is actually qualifying
15:24
that statement.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: We're palling around.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: Getting rid of all that, shaking off the dystopian reality.
15:33
What was the question,
15:34
the dumbest thing you've ever done to try and impress a girl?
15:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: Or someone.
15:39
I think that fits the theme perfectly because it felt weird
15:46
that I had 20 stories,
15:48
SPEAKER_01: I don't know you guys,
15:49
SPEAKER_01: and I came in,
15:50
SPEAKER_01: I was like,
15:50
SPEAKER_01: oh,
15:50
SPEAKER_01: this will be great because everybody probably done this,
15:52
SPEAKER_01: right?
15:53
SPEAKER_01: And then you guys all stared at me like I was Al-Qaeda.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: Well, it just took a second.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: It was like our lives were going by our eyes.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: And there was actually a lot.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: It's like ones that I've got to delete.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: It was like that scene in Terminator.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: It's like, nope, nope, nope.
16:06
SPEAKER_01: There, that one.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm the older one in the group.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: It takes me longer to go through those memories.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: I have a longer file block to go through.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: And Evan, we don't ask hard questions to all the time.
16:20
SPEAKER_01: I was like small town dumb shit,
16:23
like trying to impress friends and stuff more than like trying
16:26
to impress girls.
16:27
So it was like stupid ideas going around shooting houses with
16:32
paintballs and stuff like that.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: And I remember one time we were doing it.
16:37
It was like right after 8 Mile came out and remember they had
16:39
the scene with the
16:40
paintball gun and everything and we got that bright idea and we
16:44
went out doing it
16:44
SPEAKER_01: around our small town.
16:46
And I remember we like shot up the Starbucks or whatever and
16:50
then we went over
16:51
SPEAKER_01: towards like the east side of town.
16:54
and there was this like it was like this cholo dude on one of
16:58
those low rider bikes
16:59
and i had the paintball gun and like i shot him in the back of
17:03
the head he's like
17:06
hauling down the street on a low rider bike chasing after us
17:10
and everything it was
17:12
SPEAKER_01: like dumb like that wow that uh that took that was a whole different
17:19
spin yeah i mean it that went like i just did dumb stuff in
17:24
front of my guy friends
17:26
like you know we shot up a starbucks and then a guy what kind
17:32
of what kind of weird
17:35
SPEAKER_01: gang initiation
17:38
SPEAKER_01: It was just a bunch of 16-year-olds on the baseball team.
17:41
SPEAKER_01: It was just dumb shit.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: We got the 16-year-olds on the lacrosse team my senior year.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: We decided to kill time between practice and when school ended.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: We did way worse than that.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: We played mailbox baseball.
17:57
And we knocked off like 10 mailboxes,
18:01
broad daylight,
18:03
arrested immediately.
18:06
oh well that's good at least yeah yep and we had to go we got
18:13
we had to go do
18:14
community service and of course repair all of those mailboxes
18:17
but they only pinched
18:18
us for five of them somebody else must have got those other six
18:25
that's actually
18:25
just a twist because most of the time there's no accountability
18:28
for that kind of
18:29
thing so that's actually yeah i know good the question they ask
18:32
at that point is
18:33
SPEAKER_01: which one of you won the long drive contest
18:36
uh it was only two guys that were actually i literally tried to
18:40
say this in my own
18:41
defense i was like you know i was only an accessory i was in
18:44
the truck i wasn't
18:45
actually swinging the bat you know i was saying you lawyered up
18:48
yeah hey guys we
18:49
should we should stop doing this yeah it was my dad's lowest
18:53
moment because a state
18:54
trooper came into my house in syracuse new york and had to read
18:57
me my rights in my
18:58
SPEAKER_01: kitchen and my dad said don't you dare
19:00
say a word when she's done reading you your rights we knew she
19:02
was coming and i
19:04
couldn't resist because i was such a wise ass smart alec little
19:06
kid she goes do you
19:07
have anything to say and i go would you like a word there's
19:09
original we have a
19:10
candy drawer and i swear i was just watching and my father
19:17
darth vader looked
19:18
SPEAKER_01: through i felt his eyes go through my sternum
19:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're a smartass.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: No wonder you turned into a comedian.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: It's either a comedian or a lawyer.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: That's what you become as a smartass.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they overlap.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: A comedic attorney.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: Some of them are pretty comedic.
19:39
So,
19:40
Pete,
19:40
also,
19:40
you walked in right before we were getting ready to introduce
19:43
some poetry.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: You have no preparation for this.
19:47
But we were going to do some poetry today for each other that
19:50
we've all...
19:51
Yeah.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Some of us have written.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: I hope everyone has written a small piece of poetry, at least.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: And they're going to arrange...
19:59
on whatever the hell we wrote because we did not give ourselves
20:02
really a theme to go off of.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: Which was probably the dumb choice to do on our part.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: Live and learn.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: We accept accountability here.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: However, I'm going to start if that's okay with y'all.
20:20
My poem is entitled After Today's Episode and let me bring it
20:25
to a window where I
20:27
SPEAKER_01: don't look like I'm
20:30
SPEAKER_01: staring off into space.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: And for anyone,
20:36
SPEAKER_00: this poem will actually be out here after the show,
20:39
SPEAKER_00: about 15 minutes after the show.
20:41
So 1.45 Eastern time will be when this comes out on Sick of the
20:49
Shit Publications.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: It's called Operation Epically FUBAR.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: And before this poem,
20:57
SPEAKER_00: I will preface,
20:58
SPEAKER_00: this does include poetry about violence,
21:02
SPEAKER_00: and it does have strong language in it.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
21:06
SPEAKER_00: For anyone in the audience, just be aware.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: All right.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: An epically fubar operation.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: Tomahawking a school to free the kids.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: Liberating life in ways war forbids.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: It's fucked up beyond all recognition.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: An epic attempt to distract from crimes.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: Pedos, rapists, and destroyers of life.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: Hiding hate behind war causing world strife.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: It's fucked up in ways breaking all our minds.
21:30
SPEAKER_01: An epically fubar way for control.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: Red flags, red hats, red hearts are the true threat.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Trample freedoms, take rights, live in their debt.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: Chaos to power is the final goal.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: Fucked up way to hide, steal, cheat, and destroy.
21:46
SPEAKER_00: Fucked up way to try to take all our joy.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: That's all we need.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: I like the energy.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: We have a nice change of energy there, too, as we went.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: We kind of settled into that.
21:59
SPEAKER_01: But yes, that's good.
22:01
SPEAKER_01: We needed that.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm just sitting with that one for a minute.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: I need that one.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: That was awesome, man.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: I was not excited for poetry at all until...
22:24
SPEAKER_01: I like that.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: Until you read that.
22:27
And I realized since we learned that our American-made missiles
22:36
killed hundreds of
22:37
SPEAKER_01: girls,
22:38
SPEAKER_01: since we learned that,
22:39
SPEAKER_01: all of us,
22:40
SPEAKER_01: I know I'm not alone in any way.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: I have two daughters.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: If you have kids,
22:44
SPEAKER_01: if you're a parent,
22:45
SPEAKER_01: I haven't not thought about that every day since it happened.
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Your poem just kind of captured my rage
22:53
SPEAKER_01: And we're the generation who lived through Iraq.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: So just adding, and I needed that.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: I needed to hear somebody capture my idea.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: So well done.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: And what you said,
23:02
SPEAKER_01: Pete,
23:02
is so good because we're often blocked from speaking our
23:06
emotions like that.
23:07
Like just saying,
23:07
it's pretty fucked up that our government is just murdering
23:09
little girls.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: But if you do it, it's like, hey, let me share this poem with you.
23:13
SPEAKER_01: And then that's what you read.
23:14
It's like a way to get over that barrier and just actually like
23:17
bring it into the,
23:18
SPEAKER_01: you know,
23:19
SPEAKER_01: because we've also got that kind of built in.
23:20
SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, I'll listen to your poem.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: Like go to an open mic somewhere and read that.
23:24
And that's like,
23:24
that's a way to get it in the context of what's actually going
23:28
on.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a great point.
23:29
So much of our reactions to things happen in the world are done
23:32
in a traditional
23:33
SPEAKER_01: commentary,
23:33
SPEAKER_01: punditry thing,
23:34
SPEAKER_01: all of us doing that.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: But to hear it in that way or in a song.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, good point.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: How many rooms are in your house, Pete?
23:41
SPEAKER_01: Are there like 30 more?
23:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, guys.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, guys.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, guys.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: Right now, I'm in my guest unit.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: You lost?
23:56
SPEAKER_01: Are you lost?
23:57
SPEAKER_01: Do we need to send you a map?
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Send help.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Send help.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: First of all,
24:02
SPEAKER_01: first of all,
24:03
I live in a two-bedroom apartment because my wife dumped me and
24:07
I had to move out
24:08
SPEAKER_01: of the house that I co-owned and helped build.
24:12
SPEAKER_01: And so it's really very hurtful that you attacked me.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: I apologize, Pete.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: I didn't mean to step on the trauma.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: Second of all, I'm...
24:21
i'm serious i was apologized for stepping on trauma so yeah no
24:24
no no it's not i'm
24:25
joking about that i do but it is an issue that we could talk
24:29
about but more
24:29
importantly i'm just i didn't i wasn't planning on being here
24:31
until like 15 minutes
24:33
i'm packing for a trip to go see my parents but i am here and
24:36
present and sorry for
24:37
the distraction of moving through my two bedrooms that have
24:40
hilarious the two
24:41
SPEAKER_01: bedrooms which have hosted so many tears and whiskey
24:45
SPEAKER_01: I like the shelves.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: I do that in my house, too.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Shelves all around the top.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: My wife made me stop building shelves.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, hopefully I get my security deposit back for those.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: See, Pete didn't know he was coming on until today.
25:00
I asked him right before the interview this morning for
25:03
intelligent masculinity,
25:05
SPEAKER_01: and he was gracious enough to say yes.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's why this works, because it's organic.
25:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Pete can roll with the punches.
25:11
SPEAKER_01: That's pretty clear, so that's good.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: Pete can probably roll with them better than any of us can.
25:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: So I wrote one based on Maha.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: Since we are talking about Operation Epically Fucked Up.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: So here we go.
25:30
SPEAKER_01: It's called The Unmaking of the Shield.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: The lab coats fade like morning mist.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: The microscopes are blurred.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: A thousand years of how and why are silenced by a word.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: The vial that held the polio ghost,
25:45
SPEAKER_01: the screen that caught the cell,
25:47
SPEAKER_01: are traded for a sun-drenched field and secrets from a well.
25:51
SPEAKER_01: The iron lung is rusted shut,
25:53
SPEAKER_01: a relic of the past,
25:55
SPEAKER_01: but memory is a shallow bowl when shadows move so fast.
25:59
SPEAKER_01: We scrub the data from the page,
26:01
SPEAKER_01: the warnings from the wall,
26:02
SPEAKER_01: believing that the purest life can never let us fall.
26:07
SPEAKER_01: They say the soil will save us now, the tincture in the seed.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: Ignoring the Titan strength was built on science's creed.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: No needles prick,
26:16
SPEAKER_01: no regulated flow of water clear,
26:18
SPEAKER_01: just the ancient quiet hum of unregulated fear.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: The city gates are swinging wide, the watchman sent away.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: To seek health that's quote unquote natural in the twilight of the day.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: But when the fever starts to climb and old ghosts find the door,
26:36
SPEAKER_01: we find that quote unquote making healthy wasn't what we bartered for.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: Damn.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: Damn.
26:45
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: These I got to sit with.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: These are great.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: There's some good lines in there.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: I got to go back and pick them back out.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: I'll have to write them down as we go through the next time.
26:53
Hey,
26:53
would you guys like to publish these on Shikamisha
26:56
Publications,
26:57
too?
26:57
SPEAKER_01: I'll have them published out for we'll do one each day or something.
27:02
SPEAKER_01: Evan's like, nah, man.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of metaphors I put in that phone, by the way.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: All I could think about was serious and well done, Eric.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: I was just thinking about how stupid and unprepared I am.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: Well, I wanted to do a dirty limerick for St.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: Patty's Day, but I got vetoed.
27:22
SPEAKER_01: That was also a really great...
27:30
way to capture the anger and anguish and indignity that so many
27:37
physicians and
27:39
SPEAKER_01: scientists feel right now.
27:40
I mean,
27:41
talk to any doctor who knows the miracles that have been
27:44
performed for public health.
27:46
uh that you did such a great job the iron lung line caught me
27:52
it's it's so
27:53
frustrating so the fact that it came from you matters and the
27:56
fact that you're
27:56
capturing such an important issue that's getting almost
27:59
undercover because of the
28:00
SPEAKER_01: war yep yep
28:02
SPEAKER_01: There's so many things.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: It's like literally there's not one thing working.
28:06
I'm going to shamelessly plug my own shit because I can because
28:09
it's part.
28:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm one quarter of the show.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: Pete, I wrote on Blue Ant Media was published yesterday.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: Actually,
28:15
SPEAKER_01: the true casualty of war was published on Blue Ant Media,
28:18
SPEAKER_01: which was actually that public health takes the hit.
28:22
SPEAKER_01: that our healthcare is actually part of our national defense.
28:25
And it's the true casualty of war when you start shifting
28:29
resources and monies and
28:30
SPEAKER_01: supply chains and supply systems away from the homeland.
28:35
So Eric,
28:36
I used to have a catchy way of capturing that sentiment on my,
28:40
and I still do.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: I feel strongly about this.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: I was in Manhattan on 9-11.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: I knew people who died and it was horrifying.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: And it was, you know, I lived through a terrorist attack.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: And yet I always say,
28:54
SPEAKER_01: if you're more worried about a terrorist attack than a heart attack,
28:59
SPEAKER_01: you've been duped.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: You've been duped.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:06
SPEAKER_01: The whole nation has been.
29:07
SPEAKER_01: We were talking about that yesterday with Natasha Kay,
29:09
SPEAKER_01: and she keeps saying brainwashed,
29:12
SPEAKER_01: like the words she used.
29:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm like,
29:13
SPEAKER_00: you know,
29:14
and it's like there's more truth to that than I've been letting
29:16
myself believe
29:17
SPEAKER_01: before.
29:17
Like just the level of things we don't even allow ourselves to
29:19
think about or talk about.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: Brushing things.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: And even when we have evidence.
29:24
SPEAKER_01: I mean, these are even rational people.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: Overwhelming evidence.
29:26
And there's things that we just have indoctrinated ourselves
29:28
never to address.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: That's, I guess, what we're trying to open up to.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: If you had asked me...
29:34
SPEAKER_01: 10 years ago,
29:36
would I ever live in a country where the abandonment of the
29:39
scientific method in
29:44
lieu of irrational behavior and irrational cohorts and that the
29:50
fact that an
29:51
influencer could potentially become the Surgeon General of the
29:53
United States and
29:54
SPEAKER_01: never having completed a residency program and not be board certified,
29:58
SPEAKER_01: I would have been like,
30:00
SPEAKER_01: what country are you talking about?
30:02
go read oh yeah this one right here yeah our country yeah right
30:08
here i was gonna
30:09
joke about it being like a reality tv country like sort of when
30:13
the kardashians
30:14
started getting solidified and everything and trump with the
30:18
apprentice and all
30:19
that and now it's definitely true because we've got just
30:24
influencers becoming
30:25
SPEAKER_01: government officials yeah that's i i think
30:30
That was going to be what I was going to say is,
30:32
well,
30:32
we could all finish.
30:33
SPEAKER_01: If you told me 10 years ago, blank happened in a hundred ways.
30:38
SPEAKER_01: But Pete Hegseth is the secretary of defense.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: No, that's not.
30:45
SPEAKER_01: But I think that...
30:47
SPEAKER_01: reality shows are one great place to start.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: I think Rush Limbaugh and right-wing talk radio brainwashed,
30:53
SPEAKER_01: but reality shows made people seem even more as they aren't.
30:59
SPEAKER_01: And I was on The Apprentice.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: I was on Trump's
31:03
NBC The Apprentice,
31:04
I was on the season finale where I was doing a stand-up comedy
31:07
show.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: They needed to do a fundraiser and they hired me to host it.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: And I had the opportunity,
31:11
SPEAKER_01: this is 2004,
31:12
SPEAKER_01: they said during the taping to me and the other comedians,
31:15
SPEAKER_01: you know,
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Donald Trump is going to be here soon.
31:17
SPEAKER_01: Would you guys like us to arrange a meeting?
31:20
SPEAKER_01: And I looked at the other comedians and I looked back at them and I said,
31:22
SPEAKER_01: does he want to meet us?
31:23
SPEAKER_01: And they said, not necessarily, but we could make it happen.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: I said...
31:28
SPEAKER_01: In 2004, I said to myself, I said to them, I said, I'm good.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: I want to focus on what I got to do here.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: But to myself, I said, no, he's a rapist.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: We all knew he was a terrible man,
31:41
SPEAKER_01: but The Apprentice made him seem like a successful businessman,
31:45
SPEAKER_01: which is how he got put on the map and how he got elected,
31:47
SPEAKER_01: because people always wanted a businessman to run America.
31:50
SPEAKER_01: And he was fraudulent about the whole show was fake.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:54
SPEAKER_01: And I had the opportunity to meet him.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: I was like, no, he's a rapist.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: Then, then.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: 22 years ago.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: And the collapse of the Fairness Doctrine.
32:05
SPEAKER_01: I mean,
32:05
this has been this 40-year-old where they just allowed our
32:08
media to become a
32:09
SPEAKER_01: propaganda entity.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: It's just been that state buying up all the local newspapers.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: There's no longer independent reporters.
32:16
There's no pipeline of independent journalists who are willing
32:19
to work for $20,000
32:20
SPEAKER_01: a year just to track down evil people and wrongdoing.
32:23
SPEAKER_01: That just is gone.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:25
SPEAKER_01: So it's just, yeah, it's been a lot of things.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: It's not, but I will push back because you're absolutely right.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: And I share, but it's not gone.
32:32
And there are a lot of really good independent,
32:34
independent journalists who we should pay.
32:35
SPEAKER_01: You know,
32:36
SPEAKER_01: I can think of a few,
32:37
SPEAKER_01: but Emily Atkins,
32:39
SPEAKER_01: who covers climate at Heated is amazing person to give your money.
32:43
SPEAKER_01: Judd Legum.
32:45
jed legum is a really good popular dot info is a very good both
32:49
these guys are
32:49
doing investigative journalism and there's so many other people
32:52
that come from
32:52
traditional and they're trained uh by traditional journalists
32:56
and they're doing it
32:57
so send them your money but i agree i mean the breakdown of it
32:59
all locally there's
33:00
no nobody's at the no very few people making money covering the
33:04
town meeting or
33:04
city hall yep and we're again in another era of independent
33:07
journalism so that's a
33:08
wonderful thing to bring up and people have to know and people
33:10
like arturo
33:11
SPEAKER_01: dominguez who covers all of south america
33:14
yes all right i'm gonna segue though i got my ode to you guys
33:17
this is my love
33:18
letter to the diogenes club so this is not as serious as you
33:21
guys yeah i was just
33:23
having fun so it goes like this oh diogenes you make me weak in
33:27
the knees you
33:28
magnificent shining hunks of positive masculinity you allow my
33:32
spirit to be free
33:34
SPEAKER_01: i'll continue this journey wherever it leads
33:37
SPEAKER_01: I'd like to see you prancing about the land,
33:39
SPEAKER_01: paintbrushes clutched firmly in hand,
33:41
seeking out a fortification to make a final stand against the
33:45
boorish and the
33:46
SPEAKER_01: bland.
33:46
SPEAKER_01: First,
33:47
SPEAKER_01: there's Nick Parrow,
33:48
SPEAKER_01: with a heart so big he needs a wheelbarrow,
33:51
SPEAKER_01: and a voice so smooth it hits you in the marrow.
33:54
SPEAKER_01: His perspective...
33:56
it's the opposite of narrow next we have evan fields who is so
34:01
beloved he never has
34:03
to purchase a meal he's confident enough to wear teal and he's
34:07
not afraid to tell
34:08
us how he feels then there's the noble doctor lulove who
34:12
reaches down from up above
34:14
and sends healing advice on the wings of doves when he
34:17
encounters toxic men he
34:18
SPEAKER_01: vanquishes them with a shove
34:21
and then as always walters here dancing and laughing in his
34:24
chair he hasn't been
34:25
drinking any beer he sustains himself on mischief and cheer
34:29
these are the fellows
34:30
we like to see engaged in masculine harmony selling setting an
34:34
example peacefully
34:36
committed to displacing cruelty oh diogenes you make me weak in
34:40
the knees you
34:41
magnificent hunk shining hunks of positive masculinity you
34:46
allow my spirit to be
34:47
SPEAKER_01: free i'll continue this journey wherever it leads
34:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
34:54
SPEAKER_01: Just a little love.
34:55
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
34:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
35:00
SPEAKER_00: Gosh, Walter, you make me smile, bro.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: Good.
35:02
SPEAKER_01: We need to just have smiles.
35:04
SPEAKER_01: You got a mind for those smiles lately.
35:07
SPEAKER_01: There you go, Evan.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: Follow that one.
35:12
SPEAKER_00: You waited for last.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: This is your fault, man.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: I didn't wait for last.
35:15
SPEAKER_01: I just got pushed into last.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: I got bullied into this and all I've got is a fucking limerick.
35:25
SPEAKER_01: That's perfect at this point.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: We're pulling down.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: It's probably what we need right now.
35:30
SPEAKER_01: I think it is.
35:31
SPEAKER_01: It's perfect.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: All right.
35:33
SPEAKER_01: There once was a man in a hoodie.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: Life had been slightly unruly.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: A divorce in the mix and some emotional tricks.
35:43
SPEAKER_01: And now he's stoned and unusually happy.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: Is he related to the man from Nantucket by any chance?
35:54
SPEAKER_03: Oh, my God.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: Does he have a bucket?
36:00
SPEAKER_01: No, just a weed pen.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love this.
36:04
SPEAKER_01: It's a mini bucket.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: See what happens when dudes get together and have a poetry reading?
36:10
SPEAKER_01: I think that's perfect.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: Oh, my Lord.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: I do a lot with joy.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: We do a lot with joy here.
36:17
SPEAKER_01: This is a lot of material for your next stand-up show, by the way.
36:23
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just like glow up during this process.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, he went from...
36:28
just hanging out bouncing from room to room and now he's got a
36:32
whole fit on he's
36:33
got the he well he had the glasses on you're looking good man
36:36
yeah i appreciate
36:38
that and that was a great limerick and i and i loved it and i i
36:43
gotta say when when
36:45
SPEAKER_01: nick again when nick said it's it's poetry time
36:52
earlier i was like what did i get myself into and now i feel
37:00
like now i feel like
37:02
you guys are my friends and i want to i i admire and respect
37:09
all of what you all
37:10
did um yeah and welcome back every week let's not i think
37:15
that's a meeting you guys
37:16
SPEAKER_01: should have without me but i think
37:20
SPEAKER_01: I just,
37:21
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know how many things that rhyme with Pero and I...
37:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm blown away by all of it.
37:29
I really...
37:30
But I didn't think I was gonna like Poetry Time and I am
37:34
really...
37:36
SPEAKER_01: reinforcing my theory to not make assumptions.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's good.
37:40
Not be judgmental and not make assumptions because that was
37:42
really magical.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: It was special.
37:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to publish those poems.
37:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to publish those poems, but I'm going to perform them.
37:52
SPEAKER_01: Even better.
37:52
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: I hope the Pete experience ends in a car chase, though.
37:58
SPEAKER_01: He, like, started out in bed.
37:59
SPEAKER_01: He put on his clothes.
38:00
SPEAKER_01: Now it's like he's going through a movie.
38:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, he'll be drunk.
38:03
SPEAKER_01: It'll be like a Fast and the Furious movie.
38:06
SPEAKER_01: It really should be like an NCIS episode with Pete Domino.
38:10
SPEAKER_00: I was thinking, like, Young Superman.
38:13
SPEAKER_00: Like a Young Superman episode where he's just wandering around.
38:16
He's got his pocket protector in,
38:18
15 different fountain pens,
38:20
like,
38:21
pulling out.
38:22
SPEAKER_00: And he takes his glasses off, and he's like...
38:28
SPEAKER_01: It usually ends with me saying I've got a special set of skills.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, perfect.
38:32
And those skills are washing dishes because in my divorce
38:36
apartment,
38:36
I don't have a dishwasher.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: You've got a garden hose spraying them down.
38:44
SPEAKER_01: But you've got a stove, so you've got half the battle.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: You can make the food.
38:49
SPEAKER_01: Just not clean up after the food.
38:51
SPEAKER_01: Paper plates, my friend.
38:52
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's one thing if you don't have a dishwasher.
38:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, we lost him.
39:00
SPEAKER_01: He got grabbed.
39:01
SPEAKER_00: He got sucked into the... No, there's no garbage disposal.
39:03
SPEAKER_00: There's no dishwasher.
39:04
SPEAKER_01: There is...
39:13
SPEAKER_01: There is a young boy here who does quite a bit of work.
39:18
SPEAKER_01: Seth.
39:20
SPEAKER_01: Does he want to be on TV?
39:21
SPEAKER_01: How young is he?
39:22
SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
39:23
SPEAKER_01: He's imaginary, but stay with the bit.
39:24
SPEAKER_01: Imaginary Seth.
39:34
I've learned so much about humility moving out of the house I
39:38
own,
39:39
referencing that again.
39:40
But there's a whole trend or channel of men who had to leave
39:45
their houses sitting
39:46
SPEAKER_01: in an empty room on one chair or an exercise ball.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: I follow the shit out of those.
39:52
SPEAKER_01: Because it's a starting place.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: I have in my fridge, in my freezer I have
39:57
uh an empty plastic cup with just a little bit of orange high c
40:01
orange soda from
40:02
mcdonald's the night i moved in here and it was like i keep it
40:05
in there as a
40:05
reminder that i am moving that i'm moving back into my house so
40:10
i'm pretty excited
40:11
SPEAKER_00: yeah i think we've got two that can or we've got evan who can uh
40:21
i guess commemorate or yeah dude this is my first oh commissary
40:27
first episode in
40:28
the house no this is my first episode back in the house well
40:31
you're back in the
40:32
house now you're back in the house yeah dude look see my
40:35
stuff's back on the wall
40:36
SPEAKER_01: and everything the bookshelf's not wait
40:41
SPEAKER_01: So we still not filled in.
40:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you'll get there.
40:44
SPEAKER_01: You'll get there.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: You should walk through your house.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: We actually can sell you.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: I was too broke.
40:55
SPEAKER_01: I was in my parents fucking basement.
40:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh,
40:59
SPEAKER_00: Well,
40:59
we started this series because Evan was having a really rough
41:03
time back in December
41:09
SPEAKER_00: with an ongoing divorce.
41:10
SPEAKER_01: And we wanted to just be there for him and just be friends.
41:14
SPEAKER_01: And we're like, you know what?
41:15
SPEAKER_00: We all do this all day.
41:17
SPEAKER_00: Like, we all talk live anyways.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: We may as well just continue talking live and work each other through it.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: And it turned into this fun experience.
41:27
And so we've seen Evan go from house to basement to car to
41:32
inside his hoodie to
41:34
turtling and looking a lot like Stephen Miller when he's
41:37
walking out of his house,
41:38
SPEAKER_00: just emerging from his shell.
41:40
SPEAKER_00: Oh, man.
41:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm Stephen.
41:44
SPEAKER_01: You're welcome for the trauma.
41:49
SPEAKER_01: He can't be bothered to flex the muscles in his face, Stephen Miller.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: When you are smegma, it is hard to flex the muscles.
42:00
SPEAKER_01: He's so lazy.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, this is the question I have now.
42:10
To what extent do we continue to allow Smegma and Blondie to
42:15
continue to live on
42:16
SPEAKER_01: military bases?
42:18
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
42:20
She just moved because people found out where she was living
42:25
and it wasn't safe
42:26
SPEAKER_01: because when you're that hated,
42:27
SPEAKER_01: you make yourself that hated.
42:29
But they do have to live on those bases because they probably
42:32
have that many
42:33
threats because this entire country hates them and thinks
42:36
they're doing terrible
42:37
SPEAKER_01: things.
42:38
SPEAKER_01: As they're eating king crab on the taxpayer dollar.
42:41
SPEAKER_01: Just crack, crack.
42:44
SPEAKER_01: Throwing half of it away.
42:45
I think I'll just pillage the government funds for a new
42:50
Steinway piano for a rear admiral.
42:54
yeah yeah well they're like bankrupting the country for the
42:57
next 200 years to fund
42:58
themselves and you know it's fucked up it's such a waste of
43:01
money and all like
43:03
people were asking how could they spend 96 million dollars on
43:08
ribeyes or whatever
43:09
SPEAKER_01: i'm like that just means that every dfac
43:13
in the military like those soldiers were eating steak and
43:16
lobster for like two days
43:18
straight which is a giant fucking waste of money because they
43:21
were just wasting the
43:22
other food that they already had allocated and everything but
43:25
the point is is that
43:27
do the soldiers need to eat better yes but do they need to eat
43:30
steak and lobster
43:31
SPEAKER_01: just to waste fucking money because it's use or lose no you
43:35
You need to – that's the part of having competent people in
43:38
charge is having people
43:40
that have the foresight to allocate that budget into things
43:43
that are necessary to
43:44
SPEAKER_01: make soldiers' lives better.
43:46
SPEAKER_01: Not be like, here's steak and lobster for two fucking days.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
43:51
SPEAKER_01: It's $96 million in ribeyes.
43:54
I have a different – a little different point of view that
43:56
doesn't sound like you'll agree with.
43:57
SPEAKER_01: But I think that if you're –
44:00
SPEAKER_01: one of the architects who's going to bring about the rapture,
44:04
SPEAKER_01: I think you should get steak and lobster before you launch the Holy War.
44:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, like the last meal.
44:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:11
SPEAKER_01: Exactly what this is.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: It's shellfish and meat.
44:14
SPEAKER_01: It's not kosher.
44:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: They broke all the laws.
44:18
SPEAKER_01: They broke all the kosher laws.
44:19
They broke the laws of kosher too and had the top of the
44:22
constitutional laws.
44:23
SPEAKER_01: So there you go.
44:25
That's why they always give you the state of the lobster before
44:28
you blow up the
44:29
SPEAKER_01: little girl's school and everything.
44:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, don't forget, we tomahawked a school to free the kids.
44:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
44:36
so I was having this discussion with one of my patients who
44:38
came in who really
44:39
SPEAKER_01: believed that it was not our missile.
44:41
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, okay, there's only four countries that use the tomahawk.
44:44
SPEAKER_01: Okay, the other three aren't bombing anybody.
44:48
SPEAKER_01: So how does that how does that come up in your doctor's office?
44:52
SPEAKER_01: Seriously, like where does that come in?
44:54
SPEAKER_01: My patients hear about that girl school.
44:56
I have I have a few patients of mine that are fairly robust
45:01
mega maggots and they
45:05
SPEAKER_01: they they like trying to discuss facts and figures with a science guy.
45:12
you'd probably have to learn how to read first yes so as soon
45:17
as i said that to him
45:18
he goes what do you mean that nobody else says that i go well
45:21
britain japan and the
45:23
australians are the ones that have our tomahawks and they're
45:26
not bombing anybody
45:28
SPEAKER_01: I said, Google check me right now.
45:29
SPEAKER_01: Just go ahead and Google check it.
45:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:31
SPEAKER_01: The other thing, it's such a dumb thing to believe.
45:35
SPEAKER_01: A, they don't have any missiles.
45:37
But if they got themselves on a Tomahawk missile,
45:40
they don't have the launcher.
45:41
SPEAKER_01: It's not like a toy.
45:44
SPEAKER_01: It's not like a plug that you can just find an adapter.
45:46
SPEAKER_01: No, there aren't
45:46
you got to have the tomahawk launcher everybody knows that was
45:49
our missile you know
45:50
what else they found parts of the missile that said made in
45:53
america that always
45:54
happens and guess what else they don't forget because while
45:58
they have the watches
46:00
SPEAKER_01: we have they have the
46:02
SPEAKER_01: The time, we have the watches.
46:03
SPEAKER_01: We're constantly looking at what's going to happen today.
46:06
SPEAKER_01: Those people are going to remember that we did this for the rest of time.
46:10
SPEAKER_01: And they're going to have the missile fragments to remind them.
46:13
You think they're not going to take those made in USA missile
46:15
fragments and post
46:16
SPEAKER_01: them everywhere and those dead bodies?
46:19
SPEAKER_01: This is so, so bad that we did this.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: As if things weren't already bad enough, you didn't think?
46:25
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's crazy.
46:27
SPEAKER_01: And now let's go to a soft interlude.
46:30
yeah musical death to america becomes like a slogan to a way of
46:37
life you know what
46:38
i mean well you murder people's kids i mean that kind of turns
46:41
people against you
46:42
yeah we just literally not only that generation and a half of
46:45
this they didn't just
46:46
murder the girl school kids they murdered the fucking the
46:51
ayatollah his son they
46:52
murdered the new ayatollah's wife and his baby fucking daughter
46:57
like his baby
46:58
SPEAKER_01: daughter
46:59
yeah we're not gonna think this is the guy that's gonna be like
47:01
yeah let's do a
47:02
ceasefire no this dude's gonna come after us forever yeah and
47:07
and you know how
47:07
they're coming after us like this is one of those things where
47:10
we weren't sure what
47:11
was going to happen with the trade war and how that was going
47:13
to affect the economy
47:14
or how ai might affect our economy or our jobs or how climate
47:18
is going to affect
47:19
our lives our kids lives like that's those are longer term
47:21
things and people's best
47:23
guesses are probably somewhere right or not but like we're
47:25
gonna know in two to
47:26
SPEAKER_01: three to four weeks
47:28
how much this is going to change our life and i think it's
47:31
going to change our life
47:32
like in a pandemic way i'm never known for hyper hyperbole i'm
47:36
not this guy but
47:37
this the price of get they're going to enact pressure they have
47:42
already said this
47:43
uh to make to destroy the kind of world economy and there's
47:46
nothing we don't have
47:47
any choices this isn't like a taco like trump could be like
47:50
it's it's over we won
47:51
SPEAKER_01: it's fine we won this is
47:55
two three weeks this is gonna be crazy potentially yeah it's a
47:59
fucking straight of
48:00
whore moves it's where the majority of the oil they already
48:04
said this morning
48:04
they're shutting it down permanently yeah yeah and when our
48:08
government decides to
48:11
produce its own terror attack inside the u.s um and a false
48:16
flag event because i'm
48:17
SPEAKER_01: more worried about a false flag event
48:20
SPEAKER_01: than I actually am of an Iranian sleeper cell.
48:25
SPEAKER_01: Where's our DNI during all this?
48:27
Yeah,
48:28
and where's our DNI who's been called the little sister of
48:32
Russia or Russia's girlfriend?
48:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, we have a Russian asset.
48:38
Trump said that fucking,
48:39
he was like,
48:40
oh,
48:40
there's Iranian sleeper cells within America.
48:43
And it's like,
48:43
well,
48:43
then why the fuck aren't you doing anything about it if you
48:46
know about it?
48:47
And it's going to be interesting because the first place that
48:49
they said there was a
48:51
SPEAKER_00: threat of a sleeper cell was in California.
48:55
SPEAKER_00: It's going to be only blue states.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: It's only going to be blue states that they are going to be like,
49:02
SPEAKER_00: oh,
49:02
SPEAKER_01: even if even if even if that's not the case,
49:05
SPEAKER_01: even if they don't,
49:05
I think I don't necessarily agree or think that they'll
49:07
necessarily do that.
49:09
SPEAKER_01: But obviously very possible that they do.
49:12
But I think that it's also potentially an actual terrorist
49:16
attack from an Iranian
49:18
SPEAKER_01: sleeper cell or some sympathizer like last week,
49:21
SPEAKER_01: where they call him a lone wolf.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: Wasn't a lone wolf, was activated by our starting a war in Iran.
49:26
SPEAKER_01: And he shot up a bunch of people in Austin, Texas while wearing a
49:29
SPEAKER_01: you know, some Islam shirt.
49:30
SPEAKER_01: There's two guys at allegiance to ISIS that made some rudinary bomb.
49:35
Like there's going to be bigger quote lone wolves or even a
49:39
more organized attack,
49:40
SPEAKER_01: a shooting,
49:41
SPEAKER_01: whatever.
49:41
And that's the kind of thing that could unify Americans in
49:44
support of the president
49:45
SPEAKER_01: so that he can be like,
49:46
SPEAKER_01: we got attacked and now we got to shut down the elections.
49:49
SPEAKER_01: So it could be a real attack.
49:50
And then the reaction to it from stupid Americans are like,
49:53
thanks for saving us.
49:55
SPEAKER_01: Forgetting that he set the fire is what I'm worried about.
49:58
plus peter thiel building all the drone infrastructure within
50:02
the u.s so that they
50:03
can just surveil and monitor citizens and repress citizen
50:07
descent because they want
50:09
SPEAKER_00: to do what the iranians do
50:12
SPEAKER_01: Roe v. Wade was the protection of privacy.
50:14
SPEAKER_01: They stripped that so they could have the surveillance state.
50:17
SPEAKER_01: It was never even about reproductive health care.
50:19
SPEAKER_01: The other thing,
50:19
SPEAKER_01: though,
50:19
SPEAKER_01: too,
50:20
SPEAKER_01: I talked to Bob Dana,
50:21
SPEAKER_01: the nuclear scientist,
50:23
SPEAKER_01: and he's just like,
50:24
SPEAKER_01: Iran does not have nuclear weapons.
50:26
And this is the guy,
50:27
like top three guy in nuclear weapons in the United States.
50:30
SPEAKER_01: He's like, they don't have it.
50:32
SPEAKER_01: They've been saying that for 50 years.
50:33
SPEAKER_01: They don't have it.
50:34
SPEAKER_01: He's like...
50:35
They had the enrichment centers for their for their nuclear
50:37
energy,
50:38
but they did not have.
50:39
SPEAKER_01: He was going through the whole process of how they do have.
50:41
SPEAKER_01: But they do have.
50:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you mentioned this.
50:43
They do have like a few hundred pounds of enriched uranium that
50:47
you can use to make
50:49
SPEAKER_01: a dirty bomb.
50:50
SPEAKER_01: They do have that.
50:52
SPEAKER_01: His no his understanding.
50:53
SPEAKER_01: This was the nuclear scientist.
50:54
SPEAKER_01: He's like, there is no nuclear weapons threat from Iran.
50:57
zero there's not a nuclear weapons threat but there's my
51:00
understanding again this
51:01
is i could be wrong i hope you're he's right and i'm wrong they
51:04
have enriched
51:05
uranium a certain amount of it and the issue is that we didn't
51:09
secure that first
51:10
know where it is and go get it they're talking about sending
51:12
special forces into
51:14
some labyrinth of tunnels under a mountain to get whatever they
51:17
have because what
51:17
they can do is make a suitcase bomb and kill a lot of people
51:20
that's that's all
51:21
SPEAKER_01: I'll have to get Bob Dan on here.
51:23
SPEAKER_01: He's a nuclear expert.
51:25
SPEAKER_01: He worked for the government.
51:27
SPEAKER_01: He just retired.
51:28
SPEAKER_01: He just gets flaming mad about this.
51:31
SPEAKER_01: Because there's so much misinformation.
51:33
SPEAKER_01: You'll notice the mainstream media never talks to actual experts.
51:37
SPEAKER_01: I talk to experts.
51:38
SPEAKER_01: I'll put up whatever experts.
51:40
SPEAKER_01: He may be right.
51:41
SPEAKER_01: I'll look into him.
51:41
But I always vet all this stuff with several people because I
51:45
can't get it wrong on air.
51:47
SPEAKER_01: But I absolutely hope he's right.
51:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, you've got a different approach.
51:52
SPEAKER_01: I'll ask him your specific question and get back to you on a response.
51:55
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, he was just adamant because it's always just what they say.
51:58
SPEAKER_01: They're going to hit us with a nuclear attack.
52:01
And he's like,
52:01
they just don't have that capacity because he's been on the
52:05
ground.
52:06
I was asking him questions about the enrichment procedure and
52:08
everything that was classified.
52:10
SPEAKER_01: He was just like, I don't remember.
52:11
SPEAKER_01: He would say that, but he's like, you don't have to worry.
52:13
SPEAKER_01: They're not going to hit us with nuclear weapons.
52:15
SPEAKER_01: And don't forget there was a shooting at Old Dominion this morning.
52:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
52:21
SPEAKER_01: Was there?
52:24
SPEAKER_01: Guys, we're causing our own fucking problems.
52:27
SPEAKER_00: We are creating terrorists for every civilian that is killed.
52:31
SPEAKER_00: Evan, I can't hear you, dude.
52:35
SPEAKER_01: I think you're muted again.
52:36
SPEAKER_01: How does it get muted?
52:37
SPEAKER_01: I said, remember the Epstein files?
52:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's that.
52:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah,
52:40
remember how we have pedos and rapists and destroyers of life
52:44
in office who are
52:45
just creating chaos so that they don't go to prison for the
52:49
rest of their lives
52:49
SPEAKER_01: because they rape and kill and torture and hurt children?
52:54
SPEAKER_01: There's that.
52:58
SPEAKER_01: There's that.
52:59
SPEAKER_00: But we're at war, so yay.
53:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, yay everything.
53:03
SPEAKER_00: Prices go up.
53:05
SPEAKER_01: But what do you guys think about putting protein in everything?
53:08
SPEAKER_01: That's more important.
53:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
53:11
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
53:11
SPEAKER_01: The motion just continues.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: The story continues.
53:15
SPEAKER_01: This is like an NCIS episode.
53:17
SPEAKER_01: He's going to be a body laying on the ground in a yellow tarp cover.
53:22
Next thing you know,
53:23
he's going to be stuffing a body in the back of the sky.
53:27
SPEAKER_00: We'll have to cut him off air.
53:29
SPEAKER_01: He's hanging out the window, yelling out poetry, shooting at the cops.
53:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's what we want.
53:37
SPEAKER_00: He's getting ready.
53:40
SPEAKER_01: Those are like the Lowe's divorce boxes.
53:42
SPEAKER_01: Those are the exact same ones I used to transport all my seats yesterday.
53:47
Yeah.
53:49
SPEAKER_01: Is that the sections it's in, the divorce box?
53:51
SPEAKER_01: That is hilarious.
53:52
SPEAKER_01: I actually got these divorce boxes at the divorce store.
53:57
SPEAKER_01: It's filled with like exercise balls, things for one person to sit on.
54:06
oh man he's got them too yeah there they are oh the exact same
54:10
box too late and all
54:11
the divorce store the official we might get our first
54:19
sponsorship i'd rather i'd
54:22
rather be sponsored by lowe's than home depot because home
54:25
depot the guy's an um
54:29
SPEAKER_00: but like Ace Hardware, hey, you guys sell them too.
54:32
SPEAKER_00: Pete, you're muted on this.
54:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, you're muted.
54:36
SPEAKER_01: I love how you're like,
54:37
I'd rather go to Home Depot than Lowe's because the Home Depot
54:40
guy's an asshole.
54:41
SPEAKER_01: Have you met the Lowe's people?
54:43
SPEAKER_01: Go to Costco.
54:48
SPEAKER_01: I live near Walmart headquarters, so I don't have much choice.
54:53
SPEAKER_01: We live in a corporate town as is.
54:57
It's very hard to be true to your principles and not patronize
55:02
all kinds of stores
55:03
SPEAKER_01: with their low,
55:04
SPEAKER_01: low prices.
55:04
SPEAKER_01: By the way, I hope nobody hears this, but I go to Target for my Barry's
55:12
SPEAKER_03: Berries, huh?
55:13
SPEAKER_01: Berries.
55:14
We don't even have a good enough target to buy us for that to
55:16
be worth it.
55:17
SPEAKER_01: We travel two hours just to get to Costco,
55:21
SPEAKER_01: just so that I don't have to go to Sam's Club or Walmart.
55:25
SPEAKER_01: I was going to ask you that.
55:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
55:28
SPEAKER_01: Go ahead, Evan.
55:29
No,
55:29
I was just at that's crazy that you have to drive two hours to
55:33
go to Costco.
55:33
SPEAKER_01: It's fucking nuts.
55:34
SPEAKER_01: Is that by design?
55:35
SPEAKER_01: Is there like a city?
55:37
SPEAKER_01: Is there like a county ordinance with that?
55:39
Walmart forced the county to sign that they can't have a Costco
55:41
within two hours of Bentonville.
55:43
SPEAKER_01: Actually,
55:44
SPEAKER_01: no,
55:44
SPEAKER_01: we had a Costco planned for Lowell,
55:48
SPEAKER_01: Arkansas,
55:49
SPEAKER_01: which is just south,
55:50
SPEAKER_01: like literally attached to Bentonville in many ways.
55:54
SPEAKER_01: And Walmart pushed the
55:56
pushed it out like they made it so that it was so hard for
55:59
Costco to start the
56:01
process to get in that they just for now Costco still owns the
56:06
land they just
56:07
aren't doing anything with it because the problem with Costco
56:13
is they don't have a
56:14
divorce aisle when you go into Costco you're like is there
56:17
anything for just one
56:19
SPEAKER_01: lonely guy yeah
56:21
SPEAKER_01: I don't need a case of tomato sauce.
56:24
SPEAKER_00: Just suck less.
56:29
Well,
56:29
I mean,
56:29
Costco is pretty good if you like giant,
56:32
massive cases of ramen noodles.
56:35
SPEAKER_01: You never want to have to buy... You need 47 pounds of all-purpose flour.
56:39
If you're a single dude and you just want to buy half a cow or
56:43
half a pig for like
56:45
SPEAKER_01: $100,
56:46
SPEAKER_01: you're in luck.
56:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
56:47
SPEAKER_01: Get all the fucking bacon you want.
56:49
SPEAKER_01: Just have the cow roast all the time.
56:50
SPEAKER_01: Just have it constantly spinning.
56:53
It's the best store for single dudes because ain't nobody going
56:56
to tell you no on
56:57
SPEAKER_01: what you're going to buy.
56:58
SPEAKER_01: Because everybody needs $285.
57:05
pigs in a blanket yes you do you need 285 pigs in a blanket per
57:11
box people do shame
57:14
you though they know i'm telling you you go through they're
57:16
like why are you buying
57:17
so much look at you we know you live alone even even the even
57:22
the sample i felt
57:23
SPEAKER_01: judged by the sample lady
57:26
SPEAKER_01: They start getting mad.
57:28
SPEAKER_01: She's like, why are you back for the fifth time?
57:31
SPEAKER_01: She's like, did you get kicked out?
57:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, how did you know?
57:36
SPEAKER_01: She's like, cause you've been talking to me for two hours.
57:43
SPEAKER_01: Well, this is how you know you're living in it.
57:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
57:45
SPEAKER_01: This is how you like.
57:45
SPEAKER_01: So, Pete, I live in South Florida.
57:46
SPEAKER_01: So like this is like God's waiting room down here.
57:49
SPEAKER_01: So it's so when you go to Costco down here,
57:52
SPEAKER_01: it's,
57:53
SPEAKER_01: you know,
57:53
SPEAKER_01: the dollar fifty hot dog and soda for lunch.
57:55
SPEAKER_01: I mean, these are where the fixed incomes go.
57:57
SPEAKER_01: Like this is the like where is everybody at lunchtime over at Costco?
58:01
SPEAKER_01: Because they get their dollar fifty hot dog and they get their Sunday.
58:07
SPEAKER_01: They walk so slow.
58:08
It's like,
58:10
it's like retirement home every day,
58:12
every day at Costco down there,
58:14
huh?
58:15
SPEAKER_01: It's a bunch of geriatric old hot dog eaters.
58:18
I mean,
58:18
you understand like,
58:19
it's what,
58:20
how much is an individual membership now?
58:21
SPEAKER_01: Like 60?
58:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
58:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't pay for mine.
58:25
SPEAKER_01: Ours pays for itself because we get the one that gives us the bonus.
58:31
SPEAKER_01: You have to buy like 60 days of hot dogs to make it.
58:34
SPEAKER_01: He's in the car.
58:35
SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
58:36
SPEAKER_01: Here comes the car chase.
58:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's all right.
58:39
Well,
58:39
this is almost perfect timing because we're right at the top of
58:42
the hour of our show.
58:42
SPEAKER_01: Pete, put on the little blue light siren that you got in the car.
58:49
SPEAKER_01: You should set the camera down, Pete, and then just walk away from it.
58:52
SPEAKER_01: That's Pete leaving the show.
58:54
walking off into the horizon right by the way on yeah about to
58:59
drive out of here
58:59
but just one more costco thing is i i'm new i'm new there and i
59:04
do find it
59:05
intimidating and i i do need help but one of the things i just
59:09
learned because i i
59:11
it opens at 10 a.m so i said i'll get there right at the at the
59:14
beginning and it
59:14
won't be a madhouse so i got there and the entire parking lot
59:18
was filled and i
59:19
SPEAKER_01: walked inside and i was like
59:20
SPEAKER_01: How did all these people beat me?
59:23
SPEAKER_01: I got here at 9.55.
59:25
SPEAKER_01: And Lady goes, they're executive members.
59:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh, shit.
59:29
SPEAKER_03: It's an executive everything.
59:34
SPEAKER_03: Oh, shit.
59:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm always watching you, Mike Wazowski.
59:44
SPEAKER_01: Always watching.
59:47
SPEAKER_01: I know this is wrong.
59:48
SPEAKER_01: I felt personally attacked,
59:50
SPEAKER_01: and I felt like she was minimizing me,
59:53
SPEAKER_01: so I just screamed like an idiot.
59:56
SPEAKER_01: They're not better than me!
59:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's fair.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_01: I did that when I walked my first class in the airplane.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_01: I just said, dumping shit on those people.
1:00:05
SPEAKER_01: That's why we didn't have drinks anymore.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that was you last sweat I took.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that was me.
1:00:11
SPEAKER_01: I go to BJ's now.
1:00:16
SPEAKER_00: Okay, Pete, tell people where they can find you.
1:00:20
yeah thank you very much every day i host a podcast and it's
1:00:25
got a whole new
1:00:25
segment and i talk to a really smart expert every day but more
1:00:28
importantly now than
1:00:28
that i've like built this cool community and every thursday
1:00:31
night we get like 50 70
1:00:33
people from all over the country hanging out kind of like this
1:00:37
and so it's
1:00:38
patreon.com pete dominic come by and hang out one night and
1:00:42
support the show it's
1:00:43
it's uh that's it that's my those are my plugs guys thank you
1:00:46
very much for having
1:00:47
SPEAKER_01: me it's a lot of fun
1:00:48
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for joining us last minute, Pete.
1:00:51
SPEAKER_01: This has been freaking awesome.
1:00:52
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for hanging with the diet.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't like the podcast and drive, so I'm going to jump out.
1:00:58
But guys,
1:00:58
really,
1:00:59
this was special and unique and great to connect with you guys.
1:01:04
And if you don't live in Florida,
1:01:06
I definitely hope to see you at some point.
1:01:11
SPEAKER_00: Pete, thanks.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_00: See you again.
1:01:15
SPEAKER_01: While we have peep drop off there.
1:01:17
SPEAKER_01: This was so much fucking fun.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_01: What a great day.
1:01:20
SPEAKER_00: I needed this guys.
1:01:21
SPEAKER_00: I needed this.
1:01:21
SPEAKER_00: I needed this hours.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_00: Good.
1:01:29
SPEAKER_00: dude i'm so glad we got to do this today um i'm so glad we got to have an
1:01:33
accidental guest we will i will tag pete in the post show so
1:01:37
that he's um named on
1:01:40
everything i hope everybody bedroom to the car i just think
1:01:43
that's hilarious i
1:01:46
SPEAKER_00: loved it just the back and forth we had so oh man
1:01:51
guys if if this is your first time here with the diogenes club
1:01:54
welcome thanks for
1:01:56
hanging out with us um that was pete dominic he came in
1:02:00
unexpectedly i had in a
1:02:02
interview with him this morning and i invited him on and he
1:02:05
joined us for the
1:02:05
morning so please go support pete um and stick with us as we
1:02:10
roll out the final
1:02:11
piece here is let's start let's start with eric go from the
1:02:15
bottom to the top
1:02:18
SPEAKER_01: Hey, everybody.
1:02:19
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for joining us today.
1:02:20
Again,
1:02:21
it was great having Pete on as Walter's doing some friend of
1:02:24
Elf thing above my head.
1:02:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm a puppet man.
1:02:27
SPEAKER_00: He's marionetting you.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, you guys can find me on Substack, drlulove.substack.com.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_01: I have no paywall.
1:02:34
SPEAKER_01: My stuff is free.
1:02:35
SPEAKER_01: I will be posting.
1:02:36
SPEAKER_01: Apparently, Nick's going to post the poetry.
1:02:38
SPEAKER_01: I'll send you a – Nick, I'll send the copy over.
1:02:40
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_01: I will post it to my Substack.
1:02:44
You guys can find my work on my Substack as well as Blue Ant
1:02:47
Media.
1:02:49
SPEAKER_01: And thanks for hanging out today, everybody.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Eric.
1:02:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:02:54
SPEAKER_00: And go support Blue Ant Media too.
1:02:56
SPEAKER_00: They're friends.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_00: They do a lot of really good stuff.
1:02:58
SPEAKER_01: I have to do the PSA.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_01: So next week, everybody, sorry, shameless plug.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_01: You'll hear it from Cliff and everybody else on, but from 11 a.m.
1:03:04
SPEAKER_01: to 11 p.m.
1:03:05
next Wednesday is Blue Ant Media's first one year,
1:03:08
it's the only first year anniversary.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_01: So they will be doing a marathon,
1:03:13
SPEAKER_01: a marathon,
1:03:14
SPEAKER_01: kind of like a marathon show that they did last year.
1:03:16
SPEAKER_01: And we've already got scheduled guests, people such as Steve Schmidt,
1:03:21
SPEAKER_01: Malcolm Vance is going to be on the show.
1:03:24
SPEAKER_01: Julie Roginski.
1:03:25
I think Lev Parnes is going to be joining the show and just a
1:03:30
bunch of like a whole
1:03:31
SPEAKER_01: slate of half hour slots.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_01: I will be on at 9 p.m.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_01: after everybody's exhausted, drunk and tired.
1:03:37
And so while there's going to be 18,000 people watching Steve
1:03:41
Schmidt,
1:03:41
there'll be 20 for me.
1:03:43
SPEAKER_01: So I'm looking forward to it.
1:03:45
SPEAKER_00: We'll all be there.
1:03:47
SPEAKER_00: We'll be there.
1:03:48
SPEAKER_01: There'll be 23 up and everything.
1:03:49
SPEAKER_00: 23.
1:03:49
SPEAKER_00: I'll be there.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_01: We'll make sure there's at least three there for you.
1:03:54
SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Eric.
1:03:55
SPEAKER_00: Looking forward to it.
1:03:58
SPEAKER_00: Evan, how about you, brother?
1:04:01
SPEAKER_00: What's going on, everybody?
1:04:02
SPEAKER_01: You guys can subscribe to News from Underground and support my work.
1:04:12
SPEAKER_01: You can also find my newsletter,
1:04:14
SPEAKER_01: The Lincoln Log,
1:04:15
SPEAKER_01: and Fourth of Democracy over on Lincoln Square.
1:04:19
SPEAKER_01: You can catch the Midweek Burn every week.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_01: Me and Walter were supposed to do it yesterday,
1:04:23
SPEAKER_01: but we had to work on some scheduling things,
1:04:25
SPEAKER_01: so we're going to probably do that here in the next one or two weeks.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, just...
1:04:30
SPEAKER_01: Go support my work.
1:04:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm just a lowly, poor, disabled veteran.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_01: Support Evan.
1:04:36
SPEAKER_01: His writing's amazing.
1:04:38
SPEAKER_01: Evan's been writing some amazing shit lately, guys.
1:04:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, really support Evan a lot.
1:04:42
SPEAKER_01: His stuff's been on point.
1:04:44
SPEAKER_01: I love you guys.
1:04:45
SPEAKER_01: I love you all so much.
1:04:46
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
1:04:47
SPEAKER_00: We love you, too.
1:04:47
SPEAKER_01: And support these guys, too.
1:04:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh, man, he's going to do it, too.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_01: Let's see.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_01: Can we do it?
1:04:55
SPEAKER_01: Come on, stupid Apple.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
1:04:59
well i'm on a i'm on a pc so i i have to you can't do cool
1:05:02
things like that eric
1:05:03
huh you can't do cool things on pcs no because i i got medical
1:05:08
software and they
1:05:09
don't like max so boring lame awesome my turn the bells ring
1:05:15
bearer barrel rider he
1:05:17
SPEAKER_01: who walks unseen true artist
1:05:20
SPEAKER_01: being attacked by the eagles.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, those are my funny stories.
1:05:26
SPEAKER_01: Yep, join me on I'd Rather Be Writing.
1:05:27
SPEAKER_01: I do have one little last piece of good news to share.
1:05:29
SPEAKER_01: This was a good thing from yesterday.
1:05:33
SPEAKER_01: My daughter got the...
1:05:34
SPEAKER_01: He's got the helmet.
1:05:35
SPEAKER_01: My daughter got a letter in the mail.
1:05:37
SPEAKER_01: She's been admitted to the high school college program.
1:05:40
SPEAKER_01: So she's a sophomore.
1:05:42
SPEAKER_01: And for her next two years, we'll be taking college classes.
1:05:46
SPEAKER_01: The school pays for it.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_01: She says to me, he's like, Daddy, do you feel old?
1:05:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm already in college.
1:05:51
SPEAKER_01: And I said, darling, all I feel is proud right now.
1:05:53
SPEAKER_01: All I feel is proud.
1:05:55
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
1:05:56
I'm excited about that because,
1:05:57
you know,
1:05:57
it's just like it gets to be so much.
1:05:59
SPEAKER_01: It's just like, forget about GPA.
1:06:01
SPEAKER_01: I actually had to tell her, forget about your GPA.
1:06:03
SPEAKER_01: Just get as many college credits as you can.
1:06:05
SPEAKER_01: GPA doesn't matter because she works herself so hard.
1:06:08
SPEAKER_01: So I'm so proud of her.
1:06:09
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, jump on my everything's free.
1:06:11
SPEAKER_01: I paid some support.
1:06:13
SPEAKER_01: Supporters is wonderful, but just I love the comments.
1:06:15
SPEAKER_01: It's such a wonderful community.
1:06:17
All the brilliant people I get to talk to who hold me
1:06:19
accountable,
1:06:19
who give me new views.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_01: They educate me.
1:06:23
SPEAKER_01: Every day I'm educated.
1:06:23
SPEAKER_01: Over the last two years on Substack,
1:06:26
SPEAKER_01: my brain is so full I need to go take a four-hour nap every weekend.
1:06:31
SPEAKER_01: So I just really appreciate that.
1:06:32
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate all you guys.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_01: I still have my poem for Frederick Polk,
1:06:36
but I want to read it when he's here so that we can embarrass
1:06:39
him because it's
1:06:39
SPEAKER_01: perfect.
1:06:40
SPEAKER_01: But it requires you guys to chant his name.
1:06:42
So we have that to look forward to in two weeks if we can get
1:06:44
Frederick back.
1:06:45
SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
1:06:46
SPEAKER_00: Yes, we will work on getting Fred with us too.
1:06:48
SPEAKER_00: Because I want to hear that poetry.
1:06:50
SPEAKER_00: And this was so much fun.
1:06:51
SPEAKER_00: Thanks, Walter, for the idea to do poetry today.
1:06:54
SPEAKER_00: And guys, I'm so glad we all did a fun poem.
1:06:58
SPEAKER_00: I think we all did a great poem today.
1:07:00
SPEAKER_00: And I cannot wait to publish them.
1:07:03
SPEAKER_00: And it's going to be so cool to have Pete publish them and read them too.
1:07:08
SPEAKER_00: That'll be cool.
1:07:09
SPEAKER_00: That'll be fun.
1:07:10
SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to hear these.
1:07:11
SPEAKER_00: So come support me here at Sigalicia Publications.
1:07:16
Come help keep building this so that I can keep doing this and
1:07:18
growing it and support my family.
1:07:21
SPEAKER_00: But also keep getting cool guests like
1:07:23
SPEAKER_00: beat Dominic on and get him on on random shows like this and building the
1:07:27
SPEAKER_00: relationships that we are.
1:07:30
SPEAKER_00: And buy the merch.
1:07:31
SPEAKER_00: Evan's got his nice hoodie on.
1:07:33
SPEAKER_00: I've got my coffee mug.
1:07:36
SPEAKER_00: Eric's got the Just Suck Less water bottle.
1:07:40
SPEAKER_00: It is a 32-ounce stainless steel water bottle with sippy cup lid.
1:07:45
SPEAKER_00: It is airplane compliant, so you can go fly with it.
1:07:50
SPEAKER_00: And it's just not
1:07:54
really reminds those in your life who need it to just suck less
1:08:00
because that's
1:08:02
really what we're asking a lot of to do is just suck less just
1:08:07
suck less it's not
1:08:09
that hard be better suck less be amazing come join sick of this
1:08:13
shit publications
1:08:15
um come check us sorry it seems like it's like flipping live on
1:08:18
and off on the
1:08:19
SPEAKER_00: Substack side i don't know what's going on there i apologize y'all um
1:08:25
SPEAKER_00: But please come join us.
1:08:26
SPEAKER_00: Hang out.
1:08:27
SPEAKER_00: Sick of the shit publications.
1:08:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm running a 20% off special right now,
1:08:31
SPEAKER_00: which I will include in the show notes for paid subscribers.
1:08:35
SPEAKER_00: If you want to become a paid subscriber, those really, really help.
1:08:39
SPEAKER_00: But the free also helped you.
1:08:40
SPEAKER_00: I don't ever put anything behind paywalls.
1:08:43
SPEAKER_00: And so y'all we're now on week two of our weekly
1:08:47
SPEAKER_00: Diogeny.
1:08:48
SPEAKER_00: No, wait.
1:08:49
SPEAKER_00: Did we do it last week?
1:08:50
SPEAKER_00: No.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_00: No, you can't.
1:08:51
SPEAKER_00: Because I canceled last week because I was mid-flying.
1:08:55
SPEAKER_01: So we're now on week one of our weekly.
1:08:59
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and we didn't even talk about the Minneapolis.
1:09:02
SPEAKER_01: Damn.
1:09:03
SPEAKER_01: Pete sucked all the air out of the show today.
1:09:05
SPEAKER_00: Man, yeah, you know, such a drag.
1:09:09
SPEAKER_00: And so,
1:09:10
SPEAKER_00: yeah,
1:09:10
SPEAKER_00: so maybe we'll talk about that next week too,
1:09:12
SPEAKER_00: is some of the stuff that happened while in Minneapolis.
1:09:16
SPEAKER_00: So reminder, yeah,
1:09:17
SPEAKER_00: Check out the Broadbanner calendar for upcoming shows.
1:09:22
SPEAKER_00: We've got all of them listed.
1:09:24
SPEAKER_00: Come hang out at Sick of the Shit Publications,
1:09:26
and we'll be back next week for another weekly episode of the
1:09:30
Diogenes Club here on
1:09:32
SPEAKER_00: Sick of the Shit Publications with Nick Parrow,
1:09:35
SPEAKER_00: not your dad,
1:09:36
SPEAKER_00: Dr.
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SPEAKER_00: Evan,
1:09:37
SPEAKER_00: oh,
1:09:38
SPEAKER_00: Dr.
1:09:39
SPEAKER_00: Eric Lulove,
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SPEAKER_01: Medical editor at Blue Amp Media.
1:09:44
Walter Rine,
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friend of elves,
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ring bearer,
1:09:46
barrel rider,
1:09:47
he who walks unseen.
1:09:49
SPEAKER_00: And finally, Evan Fields, pure fucking chaos.
1:09:55
SPEAKER_00: Hurtling his way.
1:09:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, no.
1:09:59
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:10:00
SPEAKER_01: He's back.
1:10:01
SPEAKER_00: Reborn.
1:10:02
SPEAKER_01: Toad from Super Mario Brothers.
1:10:06
SPEAKER_01: With the Toad hat and everything.
1:10:08
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
1:10:09
SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
1:10:10
SPEAKER_00: That is good.
1:10:12
SPEAKER_01: And I will re-Put on... I will re-Power Ranger.
1:10:16
SPEAKER_01: And Nick is Lord Helmet's junior sister.
1:10:20
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you can't put these things on with glasses.
1:10:22
SPEAKER_01: Did you know that?
1:10:23
SPEAKER_01: Well, you can if you just force it.
1:10:26
SPEAKER_01: You can if you try hard.
1:10:27
SPEAKER_01: We didn't actually ask Nick this,
1:10:29
SPEAKER_01: but if Nick could be a Power Ranger,
1:10:30
or at least a mismatched color Power Ranger with the black
1:10:34
helmet and the red
1:10:34
SPEAKER_01: shirt.
1:10:35
SPEAKER_01: So...
1:10:40
SPEAKER_00: I lost my headphone.
1:10:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, my God.
1:10:42
SPEAKER_01: He's just coming to pieces over there.
1:10:45
SPEAKER_00: That thing fits perfectly tight,
1:10:50
SPEAKER_00: as it should,
1:10:51
SPEAKER_00: so that it doesn't jostle around when you're on your motorcycle.
1:10:55
SPEAKER_00: Well-fitting helmets.
1:10:56
SPEAKER_00: They're worth them.
1:10:57
SPEAKER_01: If you ride a motorcycle, don't wear an Evan helmet or a Nick helmet.
1:11:02
SPEAKER_03: If you're in need of a helmet, come down to Bob's helmets.
1:11:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:11:46
SPEAKER_02: Japanese club where we