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170 - New Game+ with Xem · The Dr. Joe Show

0:03
How can we make
0:03
the world better by making ourselves better?
0:07
The Dr.
0:07
Joe Show explores how you can make positive personal change
0:11
by using his groundbreaking and highly effective
0:13
I am approach to understand who we are and why we do what we do.
0:18
Your small changes can have big effects.
0:21
Join us now for the Dr..
0:23
Joe Show with Mark, Styles of Styles, Lore and your host, Dr.
0:27
Joe Sharonda.
0:30
I need to make a new cut of that.
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Yeah, he really did think it was pretty good for what it is.
0:34
It stopped abruptly at some point.
0:36
We'll play the whole song for people if you want to hear the whole song.
0:39
Van Gogh.
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Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear.
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Did he do it for love? Did he do it for fear?
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Who knows?
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Van Gogh wasn't a simple thing, and he'd do it for his girlfriends.
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He may very well.
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And then it goes on.
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Dear Romeo drank to the vile.
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Did he do it for love, or was he just being wild?
0:59
Who's in a really silly mood?
1:01
Van Gogh stretched the canvas brush with madness.
1:05
Is it sadness or just to show then.
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Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
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And those are so true.
1:12
Tom, could you introduce our guest for tonight, please?
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Yeah, I mean, we're very, very fortunate to have this guest because,
1:21
you know, he's pretty world class guy and he's giving us his time.
1:25
So let's get right to it, Tom.
1:28
Let's let's speed right to it.
1:30
So we have returning tonight, Dr.
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Joe, a fan favorite world class ratchet
1:35
clank, speed runner among other variety contents.
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Opera master, literally a master.
1:42
I guess that's Mr. Sam. Yeah.
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It's not his handle, his vandalism.
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Is. Scott also works.
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I don't mind. Oh, we're going. OK.
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What would you prefer?
1:54
Oh, whichever one works.
1:56
I you know, it's.
1:57
I actually feel like I hear them so often in my regular life.
2:01
Sometimes I forget I have an actual name,
2:04
but I really don't mind either way.
2:05
It's it's one of those things I'm quite accustomed to hearing, both
2:09
from even people that I've known before the moniker was ever made.
2:13
What is a real name?
2:15
Exactly.
2:16
You know, I didn't get to choose it.
2:18
So you. Chose them, didn't. You?
2:21
I did. Yeah. I chose it when I was, like, 12 or 13.
2:24
It was. A.
2:25
It was based off of a boss from the video game Kingdom Hearts and.
2:31
Oh, is this.
2:32
Yeah.
2:33
Zambonis and I made, like, a really fringy mash up
2:37
between his name and somebody else's name.
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And then after a while, I was like, oh, this is kind of a bad name.
2:41
I was going to go with them.
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Nice.
2:44
Very nice.
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And. And Scott was chosen then.
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Yeah, I don't mind that one either.
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I quite like that one. So.
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So that was. That was free.
2:54
Yeah, a freebie.
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With. Them is gold's premium.
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That's actually. Yeah.
3:01
My my Snapchat name is Scott Free.
3:03
I try to I try to use that joke whenever I possibly can.
3:07
It's pretty funny.
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If it is that.
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Oh, that's his real McCoy.
3:11
No one named Scott or something.
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McCoy gets off without hearing that for the first time every day.
3:17
It's true. It's good.
3:19
So welcome back.
3:21
And yeah, it has been nine months, so which has gone remarkably fast?
3:26
Mm. I got a chance to look at a video clip that Tom sent me.
3:31
Okay.
3:32
Perhaps we may talk about at some point.
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About vengeance and.
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Oh, no, anger.
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Animosity.
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But besides that, catch yourself.
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What's been happening, Scott, then?
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Sure. It's actually quite interesting.
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So the last time we spoke, I was knee deep into
3:52
a substance, so my stream was as long as, as people would give,
3:56
keep giving me money, you know, the longer people donate and subscribe.
4:00
The longer the stream went.
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And that was quite an interesting time.
4:04
But I also it also kind of changed me by the end of it
4:10
in a in a relatively remarkable way
4:14
because by the time I was finished, it was about 9 hours of streaming
4:18
continuously, which is which, weirdly enough, is not even close to how long
4:24
people will take this sabaton thing in this day and age.
4:29
Like it's a very meta thing right now to try to go for a whole month
4:32
streaming continuously for a whole month.
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So like while the streamer is sleeping,
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they'll have like their moderators or their friends play on their account
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and to keep the stream going and like it's just a whole thing.
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I don't know, it's but like, suffice it to say, for a one man operation,
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five days or not, five days, 90 hours, which is, I guess, like what?
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That's three. No, that's like four and change.
4:58
Oh, it's pretty close to five.
5:00
It's pretty close to five.
5:02
Yeah.
5:02
So going for almost five straight days, I hit a very severe burnout
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just physically.
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And that's
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I had a friend who's in computer science he was talking to me about this.
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He said, you know, you are experiencing real burnout
5:17
right now, like no one is meant to work 90 hours straight.
5:21
He's like, I know because I've had to do it for,
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for like coding purposes and for work and things like that.
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Like I know what this feels like.
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And so to kind of give myself a little bit of, of rest
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I decided just take a little bit of time off from things.
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So I actually I had to look really deep inside myself for this.
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And I didn't want to stop because the momentum was just so good,
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but I couldn't keep pushing myself like that. And
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I ended up actually taking two weeks off
5:49
from everything because I needed to recalibrate I needed to
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it kind of reminded me that like I was doing it because I,
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I felt like I had to and not because I actually wanted to do any of the stuff
6:02
that I was actually doing.
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And so I kind of looked
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I took those two weeks to really care for myself.
6:12
I saw a psychiatrist close by to me.
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Who helped.
6:17
Me realize the struggles I have been having with ADHD.
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That was a big realization for me, realizing that I needed
6:23
that help to kind of calibrate and adjust myself.
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And then career wise, I was realizing that all the stuff I was doing,
6:32
being the ratchet and clank guy, and that's pretty much it,
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it just felt so limiting.
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And that world started to feel so small and and so
6:42
when that happens, I always try to start with like,
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why did I start doing this in the first place?
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And I believe
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that that was one of the central conceits of what we talked about nine months ago.
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In fact, I remember it quite vividly.
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We landed on the topic of of bringing joy to people,
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and that's inherently what a streamer is designed to do.
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It's, you know, we, we help
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make other people's day just a little bit easier to get through.
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And if I'm not making my own life easy to get through,
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how can I expect to make other people's lives easy?
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And so by the end of this
7:15
two week process of of having soul
7:19
searching or finding yourself or however people choose to put it,
7:22
I kind of realized that my goal
7:24
was never to be this guy who competes
7:29
and wants to, like, tear other people down just to build myself up.
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I want
7:34
to make engaging content that I just enjoy doing.
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And I want to share that with a much bigger audience.
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And so not to get too tangential
7:44
with this before we start to really delve into it.
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If you're you're right, I'm doing.
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I realized that the only effective way to do
7:53
this as a content creator in this day and age is to turn to YouTube.
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And it's something that I was kind of afraid of doing because it's
8:00
just such a big world, but it's what all the big people are doing now.
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And so right now, I've it's kind of
8:10
crazy how it all turned out, but I ended up putting a lot of effort.
8:15
Into.
8:15
Creating a team of people who I love and trust who will all help me further
8:19
my ambitions of researching YouTube videos, studying
8:24
algorithmically based content, learning how to hit those metrics
8:28
and just putting together fun stories.
8:31
And so that's what I'm knee deep in right now.
8:33
I'm trying to make that transition from Speed Runner to more than just that.
8:39
But it's hard and it takes time. And
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I feel like this is actually coming
8:43
at a really great moment because fast forwarding to today.
8:47
I've had.
8:47
To have so many deep, somewhat painful conversations with people about like
8:52
what I'm doing right as a content creator and what I'm doing very wrong.
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So you know, basically the last nine months have just been a lot of learning.
9:01
That's the easiest way to sum up a very, very long story.
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Learning about myself learning about my craft and learning
9:07
what kind of legacy I want to create for myself as well.
9:12
So that is the very, very simplistic answer
9:15
we can dove as deep as you want to get into that.
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That's that's great.
9:20
And what was that revelation like for you?
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It's sobering.
9:24
I guess that's the easiest way of putting it.
9:27
I think a lot of times
9:30
there's just so many ways
9:32
to distract ourselves from our inner thoughts these days.
9:35
Our you know, I can literally just within one moment of my arm grab my phone
9:41
and just distract myself
9:42
with any number of things and not have to actually use my brain.
9:46
But I realized that in order
9:49
to really, truly get in touch with what I want to do,
9:53
I have to just sit with myself sometimes and and
9:58
really ask myself those tough questions of
10:00
am I happy with the direction that I'm going?
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And so in a way, it was extremely painful.
10:07
Like I felt my ego being bruised and my pride was all over the place,
10:12
and especially with learning a lot about my ADHD,
10:15
my focus sometimes just goes everywhere.
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And with those intense feelings, it kind of triggers
10:23
a lot of that ADHD sometimes.
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And like, I want to distract myself.
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I want. To, you know.
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Do anything else, but but remind myself of what it is I'm trying to focus on
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but yeah, I have to remind myself that the pain is good.
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It's, it's if it wasn't painful, it wouldn't be worth. It.
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To a degree, you know, like there's certainly limits to that sort of thing.
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But but,
10:49
you know, opening yourself up to that sort of stuff is good.
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And if you didn't care, it wouldn't be painful.
10:58
Mm hmm. I mean, that's really
11:00
the important reframe on this, is that you care a lot. Yes.
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And that's a great thing to model for people,
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you know, especially after 90 hours of streaming
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the whole time for others.
11:16
And, you know,
11:18
how are we meant to do things from other people if we burn ourselves out
11:21
while we're doing it?
11:22
Yeah, that's true.
11:25
It's great that the two rules that I teach
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all of my students and residents and everyone is first never worry alone.
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And it really sounds like you're doing that right.
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You're not worrying alone. You found a psychiatrist.
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You're creating a team of people so important.
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But the second
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for them is the word is therapist for you.
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It's whatever you want to choose, but the therapist must survive.
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The streamer must survive.
11:53
Sam Scott must survive.
11:56
So if you're worrying later on about things where you know it's time
12:02
to go home, it's time to put everything aside, you're still worrying.
12:06
You haven't followed the first rule.
12:07
Yeah. Never worry alone. It's true.
12:10
Very important modeling that you're doing.
12:12
Yeah.
12:13
And I think as well, it's one of the reasons why I'm so grateful
12:17
for the team of people that I have.
12:18
And to kind of dig into that just a little bit, to give some context,
12:22
it's it started when a friend of a friend,
12:27
he just kind of ended up at my house somehow.
12:29
And it was just the two of us together because he knew me.
12:32
He knew I screamed he just kind of wanted to share with me.
12:34
And I was like, OK. Let's, let's do that.
12:36
And then he started asking me just very thoughtful questions about all this stuff.
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And it was, you know, I hate to use coincidence or timing
12:47
or things like that, but sometimes I think when you open yourself up to.
12:51
Being.
12:52
Accepting of just like what random
12:55
stuff life has to throw at you, you can really learn a lot from it.
12:58
And so basically I just said, you know what?
13:02
Let me just lay all my cards out on the table for this guy. And his name is Matt.
13:06
And I told him basically
13:08
all of my frustrations, all of my my plans all the things I wanted to accomplish.
13:13
And he just said, let me help you.
13:15
Is. Used like I'm a I work for an engineering company 40 hours a week.
13:20
And outside of that, I don't really care much about like
13:23
dumping my time into something that I think is fun.
13:26
And this sounds fun.
13:27
And so
13:31
he's so smart when it comes to being business and organizationally minded.
13:35
And I didn't know this until talking to about it.
13:37
And so we structured what the team would look like
13:40
and basically I just started asking my friends,
13:43
I found some friends from college, I've done some friends from speed running.
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I found friends even from my high school or even just random people that I trusted.
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And I just said, Hey, do you want to just be a part of this cool project with me?
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And I expected all of them to say no, because
13:57
because it's a time sink, you know?
13:59
And sometimes and I think a lot of times we convince ourselves
14:02
that people are so busy or they don't want to spend their time.
14:04
Doing.
14:05
Things that are as small as us.
14:08
But they all said, yes,
14:11
and I was just like, Why?
14:13
Like, why do you want to be a part of this?
14:15
And they're just like, I don't know, you really care about this,
14:18
and I just want to help you make your dream come true.
14:21
And it's it's reminding myself that there are
14:24
these people who believe in me and attempt to keep me grounded.
14:28
And that's why I listen to it as much as I try to even know it.
14:34
It's like it goes
14:35
against that egotistical side of us that says, I know what's best for me.
14:39
Like sometimes
14:41
you have to just delegate to the people that that you trust.
14:45
And if they tell you you're not in a good headspace,
14:48
you have to take a step away from this and come back when your head is clear.
14:52
And then we can talk about this.
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I know they're telling me the truth.
14:55
They're not trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
14:57
And so
14:58
that's been a big that's been also kind of painful in a way,
15:02
because I used to be that person is like, I have to do everything myself.
15:05
It's my craft.
15:06
I'm my own person.
15:08
I'm in charge of my own destiny.
15:09
But nobody ever builds success by themselves.
15:13
It's just impossible.
15:15
And the sooner we accept that, the
15:18
the higher we can sort, you know?
15:21
Why do you think that's so difficult for people to accept.
15:27
I think it's because people don't want to feel stupid.
15:29
Or at least that's the way that I felt.
15:31
I was like, I can't admit to people that I don't know what I'm doing.
15:35
Then they'll think I'm an idiot, but no one knows what they're doing.
15:39
We're all just guessing.
15:41
And sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong.
15:44
And like, oh my God, I get so much crap from my viewers
15:47
about my opinions because they all think that I all my opinions are so dumb.
15:51
Like, like about like hot dogs being sandwiches or something like that.
15:54
Take up water was shit.
15:58
We'll.
15:58
Get into that.
16:00
But yeah.
16:01
I, I just think it's, I've had to, like,
16:04
start practicing, listening to people's opinions that I don't agree.
16:08
With.
16:09
Because, like, if people don't care, they wouldn't say it
16:15
and that's like, even if they don't agree with you,
16:17
they still cared enough to said it in the first place.
16:20
Yeah.
16:21
So I resonate with that so much
16:23
because that's exactly the messaging that we're trying to get out on the Dr.
16:27
Joshua is just because somebody has a different opinion than you
16:32
doesn't mean you should respect them.
16:35
You know?
16:35
I mean, if you don't respect them, how are you
16:38
ever going to know or learn why they have that opinion?
16:41
Yeah. Why would they tell you so?
16:43
It's it's so right on that message.
16:47
Absolutely.
16:48
Especially in today's world where we have so much conflict, so much division,
16:55
if we really want
16:56
to overcome that division, I have to know why someone is so angry.
16:59
Yeah.
17:02
So I would love to read some of the comments
17:06
that your audience writes about some of your thoughts.
17:09
Oh, I guess Tom, I.
17:12
Don't know if there's any that you can remember
17:13
off the top of your head or any examples that you're thinking.
17:16
I know you
17:16
mentioned word old previously, if you want to get into that a little bit.
17:19
Oh, yeah.
17:20
That was just something like it was a very it was a very my brother
17:23
in Christ moments where.
17:27
Dr. Joe, you're familiar with Wordle.
17:28
Oh, I play it every day, as a matter of fact.
17:30
So little context in our family about it.
17:33
Yeah.
17:33
So I tend to do in the mornings.
17:35
Wordle quartile. Mm hmm.
17:38
Just four words simultaneously and world all
17:41
where you guess the country and them.
17:45
I believe you shared wordle and quartile
17:48
and you're like, there, see?
17:52
You're.
17:52
This is stupid.
17:53
You shouldn't be doing this.
17:54
Sharing your thoughts. This is so masturbatory.
17:58
And I thought I was
18:01
my brother in Christ.
18:03
What do you do again?
18:07
I. I can dove into this a little bit because.
18:09
Because I, I want you to know that most of that was just trying to bait people.
18:15
Gotcha.
18:16
I I just thought it'd be kind of funny to get a real out of people
18:19
just because I saw some people doing it, and
18:21
and admittedly, a part of it also was that, like,
18:24
it seemed like people just cared way too much about trying to seem smarter
18:27
than other people when they shared it very, very publicly.
18:30
And I was just like, like, listen, we all have good and bad worlds.
18:34
Like, chill out, OK? It's.
18:37
But, you know, i, i, i wrote that to be a contrarian back
18:42
when the game first came out, but here I am still playing it every day as well.
18:45
It's fun, you know, and it's.
18:48
I think it's such an easy way to form likes.
18:52
Yeah, I suppose. Yeah.
18:53
Sometimes I don't
18:54
I have nothing to say, nothing to report, no new selfies, no nothing.
18:58
But I got a word screenshot.
18:59
I'll post that and it's like, oh, I like them.
19:02
They like that.
19:04
That's my ego.
19:04
I never thought of that.
19:06
What we my daughter Sophie introduced me to it when we were
19:10
down in New York watching her husband's show and
19:15
since then we've gotten into it and the whole family will.
19:19
We have a little family text where we will text.
19:22
We're two and three and four and then put it up there.
19:26
And it is remarkable
19:29
how people get very into this.
19:31
Like, I feel blessed to say that I have not lost a all.
19:37
Yeah, not, not, not that I've gotten it faster than anyone,
19:41
but I haven't gone past six, so, you know,
19:43
I have a few of those few moments.
19:47
There's no shame.
19:47
There are some, there are some bullshit worlds where it's.
19:51
Yeah, but it's remarkable how it has
19:55
it just gnawed at some of my family's egos
19:59
when they missed it and broke their streak and were like devastated.
20:04
So silly.
20:04
I mean, you know, it's a fascinating game, but
20:09
we're still yeah, we have fun.
20:12
I'm a big I'm also a big fan of Hurdle the what is.
20:15
Hurdle.
20:16
Where you you hear like one second of an audio of a song
20:20
and you have to try to get to the song is and then it gives you more and more as
20:22
you get it incorrect it reminds me how much how
20:25
sometimes how well I know music and how little I know music.
20:28
It's a very interesting dichotomy.
20:30
Like I like one of the ones very recently I was just like kicking myself like,
20:34
oh, like, you know, you remember the beat, but you can't remember the title.
20:38
You're just like, oh,
20:39
we also we also have ratchet hurdle in the, in the ratchet community.
20:42
Where. Songs from the various games will play.
20:45
And then you have to try to guess it's the same concept.
20:47
You try to guess the song and what game it was from and things like that.
20:51
So how do you do on that one?
20:53
Are surprisingly poorly.
20:55
I, I, I don't listen to the game audio.
20:59
When I play the games, I have everything muted. I just listen to,
21:01
I don't listen to anything I'm in total silence when I scream.
21:04
And so all of my viewers hear the music all the time and I don't.
21:08
And so every time I don't get it right, they just laugh at me.
21:11
That's great. It's great.
21:14
So it sounds like there was
21:16
this epiphany for you after the 90 hours and then the two weeks.
21:21
Yeah.
21:24
Is that surprising to you
21:27
as you look back on it?
21:29
I think it was a long time coming
21:32
and I think I'm still
21:35
basically
21:37
and it's another thing that I learned when I when I saw
21:40
the psychiatrist about my ADHD, he was saying that
21:44
oftentimes you're going to think in extremes
21:46
and you're going to believe that you have to either go 100% or 0%
21:49
and a lot of things and he encouraged me
21:52
while starting the medication to.
21:56
Start.
21:56
To challenge those ideas whenever I feel them coming on. And.
22:01
In challenging the extreme worldview that I tended to have,
22:06
it started to open up a lot of room for small changes,
22:13
which which is basically been the model of the past
22:15
nine months for me as well, which is that if you want to build something,
22:19
you have to do it small it cannot happen quickly.
22:23
It's we can also get into this.
22:26
It's something it's a big focal point of what I'm dealing with right now
22:29
because I just released a video and it wasn't doing as well as I wanted it to,
22:32
but all my viewers are just telling me, like, just release more, just keep going.
22:35
Just do it more and more.
22:36
Like get your ego out of this.
22:39
But yeah, it was
22:42
I wasn't taking care of myself
22:44
mentally and physically and emotionally
22:48
and I wasn't balanced my entire life
22:51
was simply streaming
22:55
you know?
22:56
And I kind of blamed the pandemic for that.
22:58
And I think it was justified for a while, you know, just like we can't go outside.
23:03
It's unsafe and it's still relatively unsafe.
23:06
I mean, I'm not trying to sit here and encourage people to be like going out
23:10
partying and being like, oh, I hope it's over.
23:12
It's not. But
23:15
it doesn't mean that we have to stop our lives.
23:18
And I was using it as an excuse.
23:21
I was running away from my problems by pumping my time
23:25
into video games constantly, even off stream.
23:29
And I became a really bad stoner as well.
23:32
That was a big problem that I had I was
23:34
I was using weed as a coping mechanism to deal with my issues,
23:38
and now I'm realizing that it's OK to tackle them head on.
23:41
You know, it's
23:43
it's OK to want to wake up
23:45
at 6:00 in the morning, not be used to it,
23:48
and then wake up at nine or ten, but understand that you're still trying,
23:52
you know, you can't give up the trying part.
23:56
So ideally, my routine
23:58
for a while, for the past several months has been getting up at 8 a.m.
24:02
working on my videos, streaming,
24:06
getting out,
24:06
going to the gym afterwards, cooking meals.
24:09
That's a big one for me.
24:10
I was really bad at cooking for a while and just enjoying
24:15
the fact that it's OK that my life is allowed to be structured.
24:20
Structure feels limiting when you don't have one, like
24:24
the idea of it, but once you're in it, you realize how much room it leads you.
24:27
It's like, No, the structure isn't holding me back.
24:31
It's affording me the time to do the things that I actually want to do
24:34
because I don't have to worry about the micro-management.
24:37
So that's it's been hard because I've also been alone
24:42
I don't have many friends who live in this area,
24:46
so I don't always have a lot of reasons to go out or do things.
24:48
But again, thinking about it in the terms of what am I using as excuses,
24:53
it's like, sure, maybe it's a little unsafe to go out partying,
24:57
but that doesn't mean I can't treat myself to like a day at the mall
25:01
or just a walk around the town or just a really intense workout
25:06
and like asking people for help at the gym.
25:09
And unfortunately, not to the
25:12
I don't know what this would
25:13
open up, but unfortunately I'm stuck in this thing right now.
25:17
So it turns out
25:21
so a part of, again, all the habitual stuff I was doing,
25:24
I was working out five days a week for the past two or three.
25:27
Months.
25:28
And everyone knows that,
25:31
you know, when you work out your muscle fibers tear and then they,
25:35
they or your muscle tissue or whatever the term would be, it rips
25:38
and then the protein helps it grow back to be stronger.
25:41
What I didn't know is that your bone tissue does the same thing
25:45
and our skeletal structures have to adapt to the load that we're putting on them.
25:50
We have to give them that time to do that.
25:52
And so going from being.
25:54
You know.
25:55
The lazy, skinny, fat gamer nerd who stays inside all the time
25:59
and doesn't do anything to working out five days a week consistently,
26:04
my body, I didn't give it the time to adapt.
26:06
And so I fractured my foot from the from the stress.
26:11
But it's OK.
26:12
You know, I've been in this boot now for about a week or a week and a half.
26:16
I've gotten used to it.
26:19
And yeah, I'm just kind of glad it's happening
26:21
before summer of like going to conventions and things like that.
26:26
So I can give this thing time to rest.
26:27
But again, it's a challenge.
26:30
I, it's, it's about doing the right things
26:33
all the time as opposed to big things every now and then.
26:36
So just making sure I'm staying off and taking care of it, et cetera.
26:40
You know, earlier you also said something that is actually
26:44
the first truth of the I am, you know, small changes can have big effects.
26:49
And you made that small change.
26:50
You don't need to change everything, you know, just like,
26:54
you know, you know, five days
26:57
a week exercising is a big change.
27:00
Yeah. Also had an effect. Yeah.
27:04
And then
27:05
the weird part just just to mention real quick, I work with a lot of people
27:09
who use drugs and alcohol to avoid a feeling,
27:14
you know, to avoid feeling angry, anxious or sad.
27:18
And what they're thinking and doing without realizing is convincing themselves
27:21
that they're not strong enough to deal with that feeling
27:24
that every time they have the feeling
27:27
their brain says, well, you know what to do, you know, get high,
27:30
and they actually begin creating the things that they were trying to avoid.
27:35
But everyone is strong enough to manage these feelings, not just cope with it.
27:40
Coping sounds like you're just hanging on with your fingertips.
27:43
You can do way more than cope.
27:45
You can manage feeling
27:49
but I'm curious,
27:50
what were you avoiding that whole time?
27:54
I mean, have you sort of dug deeper into childhood stuff teenage stuff, or
28:01
do we need to stop recording now?
28:03
No, no, no.
28:04
There's
28:07
even if it was something
28:08
terribly traumatic, I don't have issues sharing that sort of stuff.
28:12
So I try to really sometimes unfortunate.
28:16
I really do try to like cut myself open a little bit and just like
28:20
share a bit more than I feel I should.
28:23
But yeah, essentially
28:25
I was hiding from.
28:29
The. Person that I know I can be.
28:32
I saw the level of effort and the level of consistent C and the level.
28:36
Of love.
28:38
That is required in creating the ideal version of. Me.
28:43
And I didn't feel like I was strong enough to achieve it.
28:47
And it scared me.
28:48
It scared the crap out of me and
28:53
I think especially as a content creator, knowing that I am the product,
28:59
that was also very intimidating
29:02
because knowing that my my eventual goal is just to create
29:06
content that inspires joy
29:11
if I couldn't feel to myself, I didn't know if I was
29:15
I convinced myself that I wasn't worthy of trying to find it.
29:18
Mm and that, you know, the the excuse
29:23
that I used for a long time was that I was just born under an unlucky star.
29:28
I was I was good enough to get to where I am,
29:30
but I don't think I'm good enough to get to where I need to be.
29:33
And my friends try to convince me for a long time that that's just not true.
29:39
But I wasn't willing to listen.
29:41
And I think they've been trying to tell me for a long time,
29:44
like a really long time.
29:46
And I plugged my ears and I just pretended I didn't care
29:50
but especially today, I
29:53
something I was doing, I was just aggressively asking
29:56
for feedback from people on this video almost to an annoying degree
30:01
because it was a video, the one that I just put out.
30:03
It it took so much effort.
30:06
Like my editor and I, we were sitting together for 70 hours
30:09
putting this thing together, and I fell in love with it.
30:13
But what I forgot is that,
30:16
you know, it's only my second big project that I'm doing.
30:19
There's bound to be mistakes.
30:20
The script isn't going to be perfect.
30:22
The editing is going to be a little off.
30:23
It's not going to meet people's expectations in one way or another.
30:27
And storytelling is, is still something that's so conceptually hard to figure out.
30:34
But I needed to just do it.
30:36
I needed to just ask. People like.
30:38
What did I do wrong? Why isn't this working?
30:41
And I asked my one friend,
30:45
who I've known his name is Ricky, I've known him for so many years
30:48
now, and I asked him, I need your honest feedback.
30:52
And he laid into me,
30:56
but it was because he cares. So much.
30:59
And that's where I had to approach it from because it got really, really personal.
31:02
It was like, these are things that are that you are doing
31:06
that I think are fundamentally incorrect about you.
31:09
And, and when one of your friends tells you that there's,
31:14
there's only two ways you can react, it's going to be very polarized.
31:17
You're going to either say screw you
31:21
or you're going to actually pay attention to what they say,
31:23
even if it feels like it's challenging you or if you disagree with it,
31:27
and I think that's
31:29
kind of emblematic of what I've been trying to do with myself.
31:33
It's it's
31:35
not run from the ugly truths anymore.
31:38
And I may not understand them.
31:40
I may not like them, but I am only so perceptive of who I am right now.
31:46
And I have to consider the way that others view me as well.
31:50
It's it's
31:51
I think by and large, people
31:53
don't really have to care that much in their personal lives.
31:55
But when this is my profession, I do have to care.
31:57
I have to I have to see how I come off to people
32:02
and yeah, I think I still have trouble staying sober.
32:07
Sometimes I'll admit that I slip into the temptation of it.
32:10
But largely whenever I feel that urge to run,
32:15
I just try to ask myself, why am I running a gun?
32:19
And and is is the reason I'm running really that terrible?
32:24
Is it really so scary that I can't handle it?
32:26
And like you're saying, that strength is in us.
32:29
We just have to trust it.
32:31
Yeah.
32:31
You're you're so following the I am approach, whether you realize it
32:35
or not, it's much more important to be reflexive than reflective.
32:41
And it is much more rewarding to wonder than to worry.
32:44
Yeah.
32:44
So that's exactly what you're doing.
32:46
And you're going to get triggered.
32:48
You're going to have an urge to do this, to do that.
32:51
And then you can step back and look at the four domains.
32:55
What happened wasn't something at home, social domain, biological.
32:59
I see the way I see myself, but the part of it
33:02
that I wanted to come back to also was this idea that somehow
33:08
if we're not doing our most amazing work
33:13
we're not doing enough
33:17
and the I am also address is that that even that's an I am.
33:20
So you're always doing
33:21
the best you can do as soon as you sort of have that freedom.
33:25
Realize that wow, I can do this.
33:28
It really
33:29
does create a different neurochemistry as well.
33:32
And I think as well that
33:35
people have to understand that their reactions aren't them.
33:38
And that's a big one for me
33:41
because usually my my
33:44
I don't know if coping process is the right word but
33:46
but certainly the process on how I
33:50
manage those terrible feelings that well up in me when I when I feel like I'm
33:54
not enough or when I feel like a piece of criticism is really getting to me,
33:58
I think people just need to allow themselves to just feel it.
34:01
Just let it.
34:02
It's like a lightning bolt.
34:03
Just let it run its course.
34:05
Yeah.
34:06
And I want to just push back.
34:08
It is you you know, when you have these negative feelings,
34:12
that is part of you, OK?
34:14
You can then do something about it.
34:16
You don't have to then go on.
34:18
I mean, it's a very limbic primitive ancient response.
34:20
You know, we all worry that we're not good enough, but even that's who I am.
34:27
You know, it's fascinating
34:28
that human beings have evolved to worry that we're not good enough.
34:33
How does that really been helpful?
34:35
It must have been at some point.
34:36
Yeah, maybe not anymore.
34:38
Maybe not anymore, maybe not every day.
34:42
So what's the path for you now with with all of these changes?
34:46
You're making creative videos and
34:51
are you having fun?
34:53
I had a blast making this video.
34:56
I actually the the biggest reason why I know
35:00
I'm on the right path for myself is because I haven't felt this
35:07
I don't even know how to describe it.
35:08
Maybe love is the best word, but just like
35:11
you know what it is, I haven't felt lust for life in so long.
35:16
Like, I have with this with this video creation process. And
35:21
I think that's what
35:22
was missing is that I just didn't
35:26
feel that that spark
35:30
that like that reason
35:31
to get up and give 110%, you know, that that
35:35
driving motivator because.
35:39
I. Don't know, I, I kind of slipped
35:42
for a long time into just treating it like a job
35:46
and and not recognizing that
35:49
I am allowed to do with this job whatever I want.
35:55
And I have
35:57
the luxury as a streamer to try things.
36:00
And not a lot of people always have that in their professional lives.
36:03
And I try to remember that.
36:04
But with YouTube video creation.
36:07
It's.
36:08
Like it's I can, I can finally find competition.
36:12
With.
36:13
The one person I was scared of finding competition with myself.
36:17
And I found that inspiring for so long.
36:21
But once you achieve all the goals you set out
36:24
to find in a certain thing, sometimes it is best to move on
36:29
because if you if you
36:30
just keep running the same course over and over
36:33
in this case, very literally because it was the goal of speed
36:36
running is to play the same game faster than you did previously.
36:41
It's there's only so much
36:43
that we as humans can take away from doing any one thing for too long.
36:47
And it's that perspective.
36:49
That shift has really opened my eyes to a lot of things.
36:52
Like when I saw an all time great in a sport or an activity retire,
36:58
I always say to myself, why are they quitting?
37:01
They're the best.
37:02
Isn't that enough?
37:04
And then finally, when I felt
37:06
I had achieved that in my own community where I felt like I had become the best,
37:12
I just realized how lonely of a world that is and and that as humans,
37:16
we're meant to push ourselves in new ways
37:19
and and slip and fail and be messy.
37:23
And that's the.
37:24
Process of being alive, being, like you're saying,
37:27
being a little bit better today than you were yesterday.
37:30
And with something as massive as YouTube.
37:34
I could work on that my entire life and not perfect it.
37:39
I can
37:39
keep finding new ways to make even better videos
37:42
and inspire myself to continue
37:46
making stories that I want to make.
37:49
And I get it now.
37:50
I get why people go into, like, film direction.
37:53
It makes sense to me you have control over a story
37:56
that's being told to everybody
37:59
and the
38:02
I think as well
38:04
I realized that I'm living in
38:07
my own world is just so small
38:10
and proving to people that I'm worth their time.
38:14
Or that I'm worth being acknowledged as someone somebody who's great at
38:17
something is so much less important
38:20
than sharing the world with them.
38:23
And so basically,
38:26
I mean, I still want to speed around, I still have goals for myself that I
38:29
want to achieve. But
38:32
they seem the relationship has changed,
38:35
whereas that goal was the driving force in my life of being the best.
38:41
Now I can focus on doing that in my spare time and instead of worry
38:45
or focus on being better.
38:48
And so I think that's the real dynamic shift for me.
38:51
And it's I know I'm kind of getting a little word salad here, but no doctor.
38:56
Joey Scott himself.
38:58
Did you see that?
38:59
I did. I did, yeah. Did you?
39:02
I did.
39:02
I almost said worried, but instead I forget what I changed it to.
39:05
But focus. Focus. It's perspective.
39:09
It's right. Yeah. Cool.
39:11
And, you know, you you are still the best at what you've done.
39:16
You have records,
39:17
you have all of those accolades that will never be less than it is.
39:22
Are you right?
39:23
It doesn't mean you have to keep doing the same thing over and over again.
39:25
It's actually a really interesting metaphor for life.
39:29
You know, if you keep doing the same thing
39:31
over and over again, you just try to do it fast.
39:33
Or what do you miss?
39:36
Yeah, you know, what do you miss is really interesting.
39:41
And moreover, I just want to add one other thing real quickly.
39:44
Is the.
39:45
I feel like I actually saw somebody post about this recently.
39:49
I forget who it was, but it was a beautiful post
39:52
they were saying that they're 2829, which is, I forget their exact age,
39:57
but that's basically where I am in my stage of life age wise.
40:01
And they were saying they're thinking of just all out retiring from speed running.
40:05
And they went into it and they just said,
40:08
my, I have gotten out of speed
40:10
running what I needed to flourish into who I am today.
40:14
And to leave it behind
40:17
is not to give up on it, but more so
40:20
to place it somewhere where
40:23
somebody else who needs it can pick it back up.
40:26
And I just thought that was a totally beautiful perspective
40:28
and it really encapsulated what I'm feeling right now, where it's
40:31
just like my journey of proving to myself that I can be great at what I do.
40:36
That is the big takeaway from speed running.
40:38
It's not, Wow, look how amazing I am, but more so look what I was able to do.
40:44
Yeah.
40:45
And all it took was me pouring my heart and soul into it and not giving up
40:51
and if
40:52
anybody, if people beat my records or they, they
40:55
they want that legacy for themselves, I think they should go for. It.
40:59
Because you know, you're not going to find
41:02
what you're looking for, but you'll find what you need on the journey.
41:06
So that's the one thing I wanted to add to that.
41:09
And I saw I think I saw the same posts I think you shared.
41:12
Yeah.
41:14
What he said that stuck with me
41:17
is that what he's not leaving behind is the community.
41:20
Mm hmm.
41:21
That's still is not the most important you know, component of the whole thing.
41:25
Absolutely.
41:27
Yeah.
41:28
It's I hate how cliche the phrase like the real blank was.
41:33
The friends who made along the way.
41:35
But it's so true.
41:36
I mean, like,
41:37
I feel more connected to so many people than I ever would have
41:40
without speed running.
41:42
And while I still figure out what it is that I'm
41:45
the stories that I'm trying to tell next,
41:48
I know that it doesn't have to stop being a part of my life.
41:51
Those people will still be there for me as long as I'm alive.
41:54
And that's kind of beautiful.
41:56
And beyond this year, are you still going to be attending events?
41:59
Oh, of course. Yeah.
42:00
This at the end of this month, I'm attending games done quick in Minneapolis.
42:05
Next month I'm flying to Sweden for the very first time to go
42:08
to European Speed Runner Marathon or Speed.
42:11
I forget the exact speed or.
42:13
So it's the same initials as the European Space Agency.
42:16
So sometimes that.
42:19
Yeah, assembly. Thank you.
42:20
I can't believe I even forgot the acronym there for a second, but yeah.
42:24
So I still want to keep going.
42:26
You know, I, I don't know whether or not I'm going to be running at them.
42:30
I don't know.
42:31
Like even though I'm having these conflicted feelings,
42:34
I don't think I'm going to view these runs as like my final lap
42:39
or my retirement ceremony or victory lap or whatever term you want to use.
42:44
I don't want to really retire from it.
42:45
I just kind of want to,
42:47
you know, have it when I need it.
42:49
And again, not thinking in absolutes.
42:53
If I if I want it, it's there for me.
42:55
If I want to go to these events and see my friends, I always can
42:59
and that's not going anywhere.
43:01
So I yeah, that's kind of my stance on all of this right now.
43:05
I want to keep seeing what this world of running has to offer
43:08
even as I make my journey forward.
43:12
I mean, that sounds very inclusive, makes a lot of sense.
43:15
I try to be I don't know, I feel like I'm not always perfect at it,
43:19
but I think being an open minded person
43:22
is maybe more important now than ever.
43:25
This is already a hell of a month for that.
43:27
Yeah.
43:28
Now, did you did you want to talk about that? Too?
43:32
I saw your tweet for Pride Month, and I was very.
43:35
Oh, sure. Intrigued by it.
43:37
Yeah. So to give context,
43:40
it was essentially I had talked about this quite a bit on stream,
43:43
and my viewers even made a joke that it was my, my 12th coming out.
43:48
But I very I chose to make a very public post about how
43:54
I don't really know
43:56
where I land sexually or gender wise.
44:00
I don't.
44:00
And frankly, the labels aren't super important to me either.
44:05
In my life, I've always believed,
44:08
you know, be with whoever you want to be with and be whoever you want to be.
44:13
And so I don't know,
44:16
I don't really subscribe to heterosexual polity anymore.
44:20
I don't really know where I am.
44:21
But again, figuring that part out and as far as gender
44:26
norms go and societal gender pressure, I don't really care about
44:30
fitting into the stereotypes or the idea of the man.
44:33
You know, I, I don't know what that means for me.
44:36
I don't know where I am on the spectrum, but I'll figure that part. Out.
44:42
Yeah.
44:42
Sorry. Go ahead.
44:43
Well, it's,
44:45
it's neat to me
44:47
because I've been unlearning a lot these past few years yeah.
44:52
You know, one of my favorite game series is Assassin's Creed.
44:56
And the the motto of the assassins is Nothing is true.
45:00
Everything is permitted, basically meaning, hey, society,
45:06
we meant everything concerning it.
45:09
We made it up. Mm.
45:11
So I'm thinking, like, so we have the stereotypes
45:14
about blonds and brunets and stuff like that. So know.
45:17
I remember those, but you're naked. Yeah.
45:19
Yeah, but you're not defined by your hair.
45:22
You're not defined by eye color.
45:24
You're not supposed to be defined by your skin color.
45:29
So why is your identity
45:32
and your social role defined by what's between your legs?
45:36
Yeah.
45:37
And people will say, well, what about nature, dude?
45:42
Nature is gay as fuck.
45:45
Have you
45:46
have you looked at bonobos our closest genetic relative?
45:50
Anything goes with them.
45:51
I don't know if you could even find a documentary of it on Animal Planet.
45:55
I think it all be blurred out. Yeah.
45:57
And not to say that it's all sex stuff, but we match up.
46:01
I've had that realization many times and
46:05
in my walks that I would take on my own all throughout
46:07
the last nine months where I'd just be like,
46:10
like, why did like this
46:12
whole, like, like you're saying the whole society thing?
46:16
We really did kind of make it up.
46:18
And I don't want to live my life playing by other people's rules.
46:24
As, as strange as that may or as complicated
46:29
as that is, I think complicated is a better word because
46:33
I don't know, it's just like
46:36
what one of my best friends in the whole world, his name is Stephen,
46:39
and he encourages me like he
46:42
he is very much somebody who was born in a very different lifestyle than me.
46:46
His his we have similar upbringings in so much that we were kind of raised
46:51
in a households of divorced parents and things like that.
46:55
And while I went the route
46:58
of pushing myself to be as successful and
47:03
I don't know, wealthy is the simplest way of putting it, but it's more than that.
47:06
But like essentially I had a mine geared towards success.
47:09
He had a mind that was geared in the exact opposite direction
47:13
of just purely love and that's it.
47:17
And he always inspires me a lot when we have these sorts of conversations
47:22
about where we differ ideologically because it reminds me that so many of my
47:28
my core values were given to me and not discovered from within,
47:33
like the idea of success is not just money, it's not just,
47:37
you know, like who you're with or where you live.
47:41
It's it is success and love are interconnected
47:45
and you have to kind of embrace that.
47:47
And so like
47:48
especially with these like deep rooted philosophical ideologies of just like,
47:52
what is the world around us?
47:53
I think it's just important.
47:54
Like, no matter where you stand to always try to think one level deeper
47:58
and it's like you never know what you're going to
48:00
what's going to happen when you think of like something absurd
48:02
or like a stupid joke and you just run down that path just one,
48:06
one more time, you know, like one step further.
48:09
But it's got of cool, you know, and that's that's kind of where those
48:13
those realizations came from was just like, I don't know what happens
48:17
if I think about how I view my sexuality and gender.
48:20
Just one level deeper and then just see what happens, see what I discover.
48:25
So, yeah, I don't know, self-discovery is kind of bad ass.
48:27
That's, that's the the short answer for that.
48:32
There are a couple of things.
48:33
First you know, one of my definitions of success
48:35
is when you love going to work and love going home, you know,
48:39
if you love going to work to love going home, it is about love
48:43
and you know, we're so much more
48:46
than we ever will realize our identity, our connection.
48:51
But I want to just come back for a moment because there is a wonderful bad joke.
48:55
I hope you don't mind when somebody says,
48:58
you know, my mother told me you can be whoever you want to be.
49:02
You know, you can be who you want to be.
49:04
And then I learned that, you know, identity theft is a crime.
49:08
So it's like,
49:10
sorry.
49:11
Millions of families suffer every year.
49:13
Doctor Joe.
49:14
That's so true. And it's so true.
49:16
I love telling dad jokes.
49:18
You know, sometimes he even laughs. Oh, so
49:23
so let's get back to this for a moment
49:26
because there are so many layers to identity, right?
49:29
I mean,
49:31
Zahm Scott you know, runner up to creative.
49:37
So many.
49:39
It is it is interesting
49:41
how we have evolved a society, though, where there are certain things
49:46
and this goes deep, deep, deep into our social biological evolution.
49:52
You know how
49:55
just to rethink everything changed.
49:58
You know, when everything changed,
50:00
internal gestation.
50:03
I know that sounds really weird,
50:05
but as soon as we stopped laying eggs
50:08
and women began to carry babies,
50:12
the whole rubric of reproduction changed
50:17
because men never knew
50:20
for sure
50:22
whether that was their baby. Mhm.
50:24
Women always know it's their baby with an egg.
50:29
Now, OK, internal gestation
50:33
solved that question.
50:36
This is my baby that the guy has to trust
50:41
that it's his an interesting.
50:44
Yeah.
50:45
That it's very interesting to think about.
50:47
I never considered that before.
50:49
Yeah.
50:50
That, that has,
50:53
that has had such an enormous influence
50:57
on how we develop societies and cultures.
51:00
Yeah.
51:00
Like one simple change in the biological domain.
51:04
Yeah.
51:05
I don't know.
51:05
That's, that is very interesting to think about because there's implications there.
51:09
But it also means that there's like, oh, just a world to unpack in.
51:14
So in just that one small fact.
51:17
So yeah, that's cool.
51:19
We haven't talked about music much.
51:21
I was actually just thinking about music.
51:24
Yeah, we got, we got to unpack that a little bit too,
51:26
because that was, that was also a big part of my learning process.
51:31
So again, to give context,
51:34
I was kind of divided in, in my professional life
51:38
where half of me wanted to be a speed runner and a content creator
51:42
and half of me wanted to be an opera singer.
51:44
And I've been,
51:45
you know, I have about ten years of opera experience under my belt. Now.
51:49
And I had just finished grad school right around the start of the pandemic.
51:54
And that really
51:56
changed everything in the world of music because.
51:59
Not only did it.
52:00
Show how fragile it was.
52:02
It also exposed so many of its flaws.
52:06
There were so many organizations that were not being managed correctly.
52:11
There were so many organizations that
52:13
were kind of letting down their musicians, like the
52:17
the Metropolitan Opera House I'm going to put them on blast.
52:20
I hope you don't mind just because I feel they deserve it.
52:24
They did a terrible job during the pandemic.
52:26
It was they've already been they're supposed
52:29
to be the pinnacle of opera in America.
52:32
They are the one opera house.
52:34
The people tend to know if they know anything about opera in the first place.
52:37
It's like either that or the Chicago lyric or, I don't know,
52:41
maybe there's one other example I'm not thinking of,
52:42
but the Metropolitan Opera House is supposed to be the shining beacon
52:47
for what is for the world of opera.
52:50
And right before the pandemic, it was discovered
52:55
trigger warning for anybody who's who may be a little bit upset by.
52:58
This. That
53:00
the head conductor of the Metropolitan Opera,
53:05
his name is James Levine, he was the conductor for,
53:07
I think, 30 or 40 years, incredibly like he's one of those dudes
53:11
that you may recognize
53:12
if you saw him just because like he's the guy in all the YouTube videos
53:15
conducting who has like the wild hair and he's just like he kind of
53:19
looks like just like the stereotypical like, like
53:23
weird kind of conductor guy.
53:26
But anyway, the point is massive fame is massively influential.
53:29
It was discovered that he had been molesting little. Boys for.
53:32
Four decades, decades, underage, underage boys
53:37
and everybody at the Met knew about it and nobody did anything.
53:41
And so between that happening just before the pandemic
53:45
and during the pandemic, they were also not paying their orchestras.
53:49
Instead, they were hiring contracted musicians and paying them at lower rates.
53:55
And just that just completely screws over the entire ecosystem
53:59
because now you just have all these musicians who were promised pay
54:02
who are now not being paid and what are they supposed to do?
54:05
And and so this whole thing
54:10
kind of
54:10
shifted my whole worldview where I was saying to myself,
54:15
who do I make music for?
54:18
And that was maybe one of the most powerful questions I've ever asked myself,
54:22
because it made me realize that all the dreams that I had
54:25
of singing on these big stages I'm not doing that for me.
54:29
That's that's not music.
54:32
Well, I mean, literally, it's music, but that's not my definition of music.
54:36
My definition of music is, is
54:39
the art that brings us all together.
54:41
We all understand music,
54:43
every single one of us, even if we don't like it, even if I don't,
54:46
I always think anybody who doesn't like music is a bit of a psychopath.
54:49
But that's a discussion for another time.
54:53
We'll have another.
54:54
Yeah, yeah. Well.
54:55
I think that it's still, though, you know,
54:58
99.9999% of people are all connected through music.
55:02
And so if I'm not focusing on making music that expresses who I am
55:08
or if I'm not doing it because I love it, then why am I doing it?
55:12
And so I looked at myself and I just said,
55:16
I think it's time to put it away.
55:19
I think it's those dreams that I had that were at the time
55:23
now seeming that nowadays seems so naive.
55:26
I'm like playing with this nail file
55:28
or because I just I just need to hold something.
55:31
And that is, yeah.
55:34
I realized it was time to put that dream away
55:38
because it wasn't my dream anymore.
55:40
Are you sorry?
55:42
Are you writing are you writing music at all?
55:45
I'm not writing right now.
55:46
As a matter of fact,
55:47
I haven't really done much with my voice in the last two years,
55:52
and I'm slowly trying to re-acclimate myself to that process
55:54
of just sitting down and practicing, even if it's only half an hour a day.
55:59
But I have a piano over here.
56:01
Well, I'm not going to pan the camera over because that room is a disaster. But
56:06
yeah, I have a I have a piano over there
56:08
that I started taking lessons on.
56:11
You know, I submitted to games that are quick.
56:14
They allow you when you do runs to submit donation incentives
56:17
that people from all over can donate towards.
56:19
And for the first time in two or three years, I submitted a singing donation.
56:23
It'll be my first time performing in a crowd in two years if they accept it.
56:27
And. You know, a crowd of 100,000 people online is.
56:31
A little. Intimidating these days.
56:33
But I want to challenge myself because I know I can do it right.
56:38
And so, yeah, it's between that and piano.
56:42
And I even bought a guitar, but I have I've barely touched the thing, but
56:46
I just want to start relearning
56:49
music because I felt like that was always the missing ingredient for me anyway.
56:53
People, people would always tell me, you know, your voice sounds technically
56:56
good, but. There's just something missing.
57:00
At every audition.
57:01
I, you know, I get so far and then eventually I'd get cut
57:04
and I realized that it was because I wasn't staying true to my own voice.
57:09
I was always try to conform
57:11
to the idea of what I thought other people wanted to hear.
57:14
I don't care. About that anymore.
57:15
Like, you know.
57:16
Music is, is, is something that people take with them their entire lot.