Latest / The BEYOND Podcast / Rebecca Nwankwo: The Lies We Tell Ourselves and the MBA Mindset

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Rebecca Nwankwo: The Lies We Tell Ourselves and the MBA Mindset · The BEYOND Podcast

• 0:00
  Unknown: Rebecca, you've written this fantastic book, okay? The Lies We Tell Ourselves,
• 0:04
  which is all about mindset, right? Absolutely. How to get from A to B
• 0:11
  Yes. How to manipulate your mind in a good way.
• 0:14
  You've done. One of the world's most prestigious MBA programs that's out there,
• 0:19
  let's be honest, you had to work and learn in, what was it? How many, wait, how many?
• 0:25
  So I did nine modules and I visited seven countries.
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  Seven s in four continents countries. Yeah, on four continents working with
• 0:32
  leaders from 27 nations. What you're doing here and what we're doing in this podcast
• 0:37
  is we're taking the knowledge from these business leaders from 27 different countries
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  and we're condensing it into patterns and mindset and actions that these people do.
• 0:49
  That take them from A to B. Is that accurate? That is a exactly right.
• 0:53
  That's exactly right. Uh, and that's why you're on, because that's crazy. That's like crazy. I
• 1:00
  love the whole experience going to ESA business school. It completely changed my, my life it,
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  it changed me from a personal perspective, but also from a career perspective, you know?
• 1:12
  Okay. So career perspective in the sense that actually I realized when
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  I finished my global executive MBA, that I didn't necessarily want to pursue a career
• 1:21
  like I was imagining that I wanted to before. Um, and it literally was like
• 1:25
  a light bulb went off in my head and I was thinking, well, hang on a minute.
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  Why am I looking for somebody else to give me a job? Why don't I create my
• 1:33
  own role? Oh, I like it myself. So it's given you this. Okay. So, so, so we're
• 1:36
  gonna talk about like what you've learned there Yeah. And, and how it's changed you
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  because it. Going through this process, it has fundamentally changed the way that you operate.
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  But just so our audience know as well, what I like about you, uh, the way that you approached
• 1:51
  me for the podcast, and it shows bravery. You are a go-getter. You know, you will pick up the phone,
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  you will contact someone, you will talk to them, you will pitch yourself. You're not
• 2:02
  scared to do that. And you've got that sort of mindset, the GoGet mindset that
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  I would love the audience to, to pick up here and to be inspired by and, and copy.
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  We're gonna now go through what you've learned from this very exclusive world,
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  how we can adapt that information to our own lives.
• 2:19
  Okay? So. What is the most dangerous belief that we can say high achievers, but that most
• 2:24
  people don't even realize that they're carrying? What, what is that belief that they have about
• 2:28
  themselves? The one thing that I recognize in many, because I, I've come across and I've been
• 2:34
  in the company of many types of individuals and, you know, uh, high achievers, et cetera.
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  In my course, one thing I think that most of them have in common
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  is they doubt their vulnerabilities. Um, so it's a case of, you know, sometimes we,
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  we know what we want to get. Mm-hmm. We know exactly how, or we think we know
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  exactly how we want to, we need to get to that place. Um, but there's a niggling,
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  there's a niggling voice in our mind that then questions whether you are capable.
• 3:05
  Of getting to that place or whether you are worth it, you know? So I think it's,
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  there is always that, uh, most of the times when there is a disparity between
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  what we want and what we get in the end is because there is a doubt somewhere,
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  that keeps chipping away and keeps asking us, well, are you sure you can actually do this thing?
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  You smart enough for you, you're prepared enough And also, but you're not the kind of person
• 3:27
  that can make that sort of money. Other people make that sort of money. Exactly. This is it,
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  it's really damaging. Very, very damaging, very, very damaging. And
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  if we don't nip it in the bud, that voice will continue telling us exactly that story.
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  And eventually we start believing that story. And that's what my book is all about. Oh, help,
• 3:47
  help me, help us. Okay. So, so a lot of smart and ambitious people know that. I mean, we think,
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  okay, don't listen to you, this voice beating you down, but. Why do they then still, despite
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  knowing that, and probably some will listen to this and still go and, and beat themselves up.
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  Why do we continue this like destructive pattern? It's a bit like a vicious cycle,
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  isn't it? It's like you know that you shouldn't really be listening to that
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  voice. The path that we need to go down is often hard. Right. So if you think about it,
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  many people want to be millionaire, but why, why isn't everyone a millionaire?
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  It's because the path is quite difficult to get to. So sometimes when people think about
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  the, the work that they need to do mm-hmm. To get to where they need to get to, they look at
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  the road and there's all like, you know, there's potholes everywhere in the road and there's like
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  a rough patchy road and they look at the other road and it's very nice, smooth, and wide.
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  You know, they, they kind of like veer towards the nice, smooth and wide road
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  and they avoid patchy road. Um, but as we know, the best things in life most of the
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  times come from the patchy road. You kind of have to go through, you're right, you're
• 4:50
  so the right, the hard work to get to the goal that you, you know, to get to your achievement.
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  You know, we can't really skip that part yeah, to get them there. And they sometimes
• 4:59
  ask for the advice, like, I mean, I'm gonna give you this little example. So, uh, so I,
• 5:01
  I really like running and I've achieved some really good running times or whatever.
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  Um, and I mean, to the fitness thing, and a lady asked me the other day,
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  she was like, okay, but, um, what exactly do you do? Like, what,
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  what are the exact things that you do to get to this point? And like. Why, you know, why do
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  you weigh this much and why are you running at the speed? Like, what exactly do you do?
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  Go on. What exactly? And I sort of thought, uh oh, very detailed. It's really, it's,
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  it's horrible. You know what I do, you know, I have to do this and I, and I train like that and,
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  and I go do this, and then I've got to Chilton Harriers and I have to run, you know, eight and
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  a half kilometers on trails. And I have to do that every other day in between this.
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  And then I also go to gym and I do strength training. But you also don't wanna be like,
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  oh, look at me, what I do. But actually I'm, I'm sorry. Like, I literally do
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  that. And I've been doing it for years, right? Years. And then she's like, okay,
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  thanks for the information. And then she did it a couple of times and then never again.
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  So you gave her the information she wanted. I gave her the information. So what is that? It's,
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  it's not, it's, I don't wanna do the work. It's one thing,
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  but it's also, I can't see myself achieving that goal. There's also,
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  there's also an innate disbelief, like lurking in the background somewhere.
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  So it's like, okay, um, you want to become the CEO of a company, right? And you, you tell yourself,
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  right, I can do it. I've got what it takes. I, you know, I know exactly what I need to do. I,
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  I need to apply to this place, uh, to this particular company. I need to do, um, uh, acquire
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  the skillset. Um, so you know the things you need to do, but then that voice kicks in.
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  That's horrible. This is in your quiet moments, you know, you pump
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  yourself up and everything. When you quiet moments when you're about to go to bed,
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  when you are like, you know, in the evening, whatever, whenever that time is,
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  that voice kicks in and says. Well, actually you don't have what it takes to be a CEO.
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  Oh, that's painful. It literally kicks in and, and you know, you,
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  so you've, you've, you've hyped yourself up and you've got into that place where Yeah, yeah. Let's
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  go do this. Let's do it. We we're ready. We're ready. That voice kicks in.
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  Okay, let me rephrase, lemme go back. One step every time your inner critic
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  starts becoming loud is usually when you are trying to do something that is very different
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  from what you're used to doing. You are going down a path that is not used to.
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  Well, do you think you can actually achieve this?
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  I don't think you're capable of doing it. That's interesting. Way to think about
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  it. Yeah. So it's actually something new and different that's prompting it versus
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  a lack, a lack of genuine inability. Although maybe you're gonna be learning
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  anyway as you, as you do it, but that's an interesting perspective to view it from.
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  It's a different perspective. Yes. I've not thought about it like that. So just a follow up on
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  that one. Sometimes it's our own beliefs, right? But sometimes when we watch people failing around
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  us, that's really contagious and scary. 'cause you think, oh. Look what happened to them.
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  Ugh. Exactly. Especially, especially when it's something that we've seen
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  from a young age. So it is, it is even worse when we've seen like family,
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  whether it is our parents. Yeah. You know, people around us as we are growing up,
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  try things and fail. You know, because that then becomes your, your mental template, right?
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  And if you, if you don't apply the right mindset tools, you know, um, you eventually start
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  believing that that template that you've seen, that that's all life is about. Right? Because
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  your, your, your mind is now narrow towards whatever experience that you've gone through.
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  . Whatever you've seen growing up, what the templates, all the platforms,
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  everything that's been said to you is what life is all about.
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  Yeah. So there has to be something else. So you need to have that inno the,
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  you need to have that other thing that says, well, there's more to life than this. There's
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  got to be more. This is what I've seen. But the world is vast. Do you know what,
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  we almost like have an app from what's happened to in our childhood.
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  We're all scar, um, an app and you've gotta break, you've gotta update or change,
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  alter the app if it's like a very strict pair, you are as a people, please. Are you trying to,
• 9:01
  oh, I'm a little goodie too. Shoes, let me clean up and are you happy with me? Are you
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  happy with me? Are you happy with me? Yeah. Like that sort of mentality or whatever it is.
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  Or you've had a really hard parent or whatever it is, it's like that's the app that keeps replaying
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  and that's what you're talking about. Exactly. But really we are wired, we've wired ourselves
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  absolutely. Yes. Good to be aware of. Yes, we have. Okay, so how do you know if your comfort
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  zone that you're in this nice little place is, is good for you or if it's a jail cage?
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  Growth doesn't come from comfort. So unfortunate, isn't it? You have to. It's unfortunate, but it,
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  that's the, that's reality. You do not grow if you're in your comfort zone. You
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  think. Um, there is this, um, I dunno if you've heard of the elephant mentality.
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  No, go on. Um, so the elephant is huge, is a very majestic creature. Right. And
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  it's putting a, this sort of like cage, think of an elephant in a circus and they
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  put in sort of like that ring and there's a fence around them, right? So all is taught
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  from when it's a baby to when it go, grows into a giant elephant is to walk around in this cage.
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  Mm-hmm. Right? Just inside, within that per the pyramid of that cage. And so clever,
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  the elephants very, very clever, but that's what it's been taught. So it does that all
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  day long. That's what it does. But no one told the elephant that if he ever leans on that cage,
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  'cause it's so big now, the cage would literally just.
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  Fall, you know, fall down. Yeah. Right. And then the whole world is opened up to it.
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  Yes. That's what happens with our minds. Right. So if you think of like, you've
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  got this particular thought pattern that you've had from a child, from childhood,
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  that's all you know. So you just keep repeating. It kind of is like in a loop.
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  It goes round in a loop. So it keep repeating the same thought pattern,
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  right. And no one has taught you, or, or no one has said to you,
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  well actually it's a big wide world out there. Have you considered this? Have you
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  thought about this instead? Have you actually applied this instead? And all it takes is
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  you doing something slightly different to change that pattern? That's all it takes.
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  Yeah. What you don't change, you accept Exactly. Precisely that. And so from a
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  scientific perspective, there's neuroplasticity, which basically says that the mind is not fixed.
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  Right? Because I know that there, there's a huge ongoing sort of like debate about
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  whether we have a fixed mindset or That's a lot, there's a lot going on about that.
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  Yeah. A lot, a lot, lot of questions. Yeah, absolutely. Um, but neuroplasticity,
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  which is scientific, actually says to us that we're not, we can rewire our minds.
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  And all we need to do is exactly what I was saying, is do something slightly differently,
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  right? So the minute you, you break a pattern, which is by doing something slightly differently.
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  So for example, you keep thinking, I can't, like, you know, someone. Proposes something
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  to you? Um, let's go back to the leadership, um, scenario I spoke about earlier. And you
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  immediately think, no, I can't, I can't do that. I can't become a CEO.
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  I'm not capable of being a CEO. But what if you twist? What if you reframed that?
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  And what if you asked yourself, well, what if I can literally from,
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  I can't to the question. I like that. What if I can, what if I can, it changes,
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  it disrupts that, that pattern, and it makes you start thinking, it almost makes
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  your brain go a little bit fuzzy when you can. Yeah, exactly. What have you just Yeah.
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  You know, like just scratch the inside of your brain. What if I can, I mean that's,
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  yeah. That, that's what you need to do is actually question questions. Are,
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  you just need to question that thought that tells you that you can't do stuff.
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  We need to know to question. We need to know to question. Yes. Exactly.
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  Once you realize that those are negative thought patterns,
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  the key noun is to start challenging them.
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  Because just the same way that people say things to you that aren't true,
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  we say things to ourselves that aren't true. Right. But we never really stop to question
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  those things. Okay, let's talk about that. How do you know if it's not true? And this is
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  the whole imposter. There's, you know, there's some people that say the imposter syndrome is,
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  I think that started from a lady, famous lady that's done a tape talk.
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  Mel Robbins. Yes. And she said, you know, the imposter syndrome, fake it till you make it. And
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  some people are saying, you know, don't fake it till you make it. Just, just learn as you grow.
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  So there's a lot of information about that. But, but this is like, do you lie to yourself?
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  When is the imposter syndrome real? Do you learn along the way? Like. I believe that
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  there is imposter syndrome. I went through imposter syndrome when I was in the global
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  executive MBA, so it's like I'm surrounded by 39 brilliant minds from all over the world, right?
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  And I'm in this environment where, yeah, we, we do everything together. We go to different
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  countries together, we learn together. So at some point in my, especially in the beginning,
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  I kept questioning whether my views were valid, you know, so it's, it's kind of like I'm,
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  am I clever enough to be in the midst of this, like really, really brilliant people?
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  Um, am I smart enough? You know, am I good enough? Like, and also there is,
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  there is a lot to do with, um, class participation in, throughout the
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  program. Yeah. So we have to participate. In fact, we are marked on class participation,
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  but you get that niggling voice, honestly, I'll be in class and that voice and, you know, the, the.
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  They're asking us questions and then I have a thought in my head, I'm like,
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  nah, that's, nah, that doesn't make any sense, right? Mm-hmm. And then I hear
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  someone else say something similar to what I was thinking. I'm like,
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  but hang on a minute. I could have said that. 'cause I was thinking that.
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  You don't just go in, you know, and speak to everyone, like in an open classroom and say,
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  by the way, this is how I'm feeling. It's like you pick your moments,
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  you have people that you are kind of close to, and you start saying
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  to them, oh, you know, like when professor, you know, um, one professor Pedro said that I kind of,
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  I was thinking that in my head, but I felt a bit uncomfortable saying it, and.
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  What I started realizing by doing that, when I started sharing that is that other people started
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  saying, oh, I felt the same. Mm-hmm Me too. Oh, this is how I felt when this happened. This is
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  how I felt when this happened. Then I realized I wasn't alone. And when I started looking into this
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  phenomenon called imposter syndrome, whether people believe it or not, um, it actually
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  says that 70% of people in the world at some point in their life feel imposter syndrome.
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  That's a lot of people that, so basically the point here is you aren't alone, and the best way
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  to combat imposter syndrome is by talking about it. When you name it and shame it, you realize
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  that there's lots of other people that feel the same way. It's like identifying a bug in the app.
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  Exactly. And once you can name it, then it's like, ah, actually it's not, it's not so bad anymore.
• 15:05
  Right. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Okay, so let's talk about some of the little lies we
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  tell ourselves that quietly sabotage our success. So I'm not good enough. I'm not
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  clever enough. What else do we tell ourselves? I'm not good enough. I'm not clever enough.
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  Um, I'm not, um, trained. I don't have enough skill sets to get to that place. There's so
• 15:24
  many stories. I'm not one of those people that achieve that. Yes, I'm not, I'm not,
• 15:29
  I haven't earned my seats around the table, you know? Yeah. So you get into a room of,
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  yeah, like, like this scenario I gave you of people that are, you know, doing very well in
• 15:37
  life, and then suddenly you are like, oh my God.
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  You go into your shell and you think, no, no, no, this is not my room. It's, it's very
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  uncomfortable in here. You know? Um, so there there's so many stories that we,
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  and so many lines that we tell ourselves and we've told ourselves these things from
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  a young age. Um, most of us have from a young age. Um, but the thing is here for me is.
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  These, the times when you have doubt in most cases, is when you are about to,
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  when you are challenged to do something different from what you're used to doing.
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  So when you think about it, so if you are driving right, so you've learned
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  how to drive and you drive every day, you don't have doubts going in the car, do you?
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  Because it's, it's automatic. It's something you do just naturally comes to you naturally.
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  But if someone says to you, um, okay Alexandra, why don't you go drive that
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  pickup truck, you know, and drive it up that terrain, right? That's
• 16:26
  not what you're used to. You are used to driving a car, no truck in exactly right.
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  A normal car, right? And you're used to driving a normal car around town,
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  wherever you go to on holiday, but not a pickup truck or a terrain. That's
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  different, right? So the minute you, you are faced with something different,
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  the doubts start kicking in. Or you have a crash. Or you have a crash, right? There you go.
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  Then you're like, you, and you might have genuinely done something. Wrong. Yeah. And
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  then you can beat yourself up about then and think, I should have looked more,
• 16:55
  I should have paid more attention. Or it might be a combination of both sides have done,
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  it's an accident. Yes. And both sides could have been better, but doubt comes in.
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  Yes. But that's good. Yes. Hopefully you'll be a better driver. Right? As long as it doesn't
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  deliberate like cons, like break you so much that you don't get in the car again. And,
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  and that's, it is, it's about learning from our mistakes, isn't it? It's everything. It,
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  mistakes are fundamental to help us grow.
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  Okay. Not necessarily like crashing, but you know what I mean. It's like, yes, you, you,
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  if you don't go through adversity, if you don't go through things that challenge you,
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  how are you gonna learn if everything goes so
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  smoothly? And life is like, oh, it is just a breeze. There's absolutely nothing to learn.
• 17:36
  There's, you don't build resilience. Right. That's a whole different topic as well.
• 17:40
  Resilience. So it's the, the key is when you make a mistake is not literally like crushed
• 17:46
  and burning and saying, I'm out. It's what went wrong. What could I apply differently
• 17:52
  if I do this next time? Those are the things you need to be asking yourself.
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  You, you need confidence to do that because I know a lot of people get broken by Yes. Something
• 18:00
  happening that their whole self-esteem if you are already insecure Yeah. And something comes in and
• 18:05
  damages your, your confidence even more, it's very, very difficult. It is, it is. And one of
• 18:12
  the things that could help in this scenario is, but is being in the midst of people that have.
• 18:19
  Experience something similar and have overcome it. So I'll give you an example. When I wanted
• 18:24
  to write this book, I didn't have a clue. Like literally I'm like, I wanna write a
• 18:28
  book. Um, I've never done it before. Um, not quite sure. I know I can put pen to paper and
• 18:32
  start writing stuff and everything, but then like, there's so many processes that comes.
• 18:36
  It's a big comes with writing a, a book. I didn't even realize. I thought, oh, I'm just gonna write,
• 18:39
  I'm gonna write a book, and then I'm going to just start writing stuff every
• 18:42
  day. Um, there's the editing, there's like, you know, the formatting. There's
• 18:46
  all like, there's, there's lots that goes with it. So I didn't really have a clue, right?
• 18:50
  What I did was I joined a Facebook group for first time publishers, and I joined other
• 18:54
  Facebook groups and in these groups because I found people that were in a similar scenario,
• 19:01
  it gave me the confidence and it actually gave me the tools I needed and the help I
• 19:05
  needed. To basically pursue writing the book and to finish the book, and then to publish the book.
• 19:10
  But that was being around mind. Um, uh, like-minded people, awesome people that are facing
• 19:15
  and similar. So your environment is absolutely key. So when you get to that place where you are
• 19:20
  completely broken, and let's face it, motivation is just a feeling, right? Motivation is,
• 19:25
  is a feeling. So it's fickle. So you can't always rely on motivation to get you there.
• 19:30
  Yeah. You're not always gonna wanna be motivated. You need more than motivation. Mm-hmm. So I would
• 19:32
  always encourage, find your people. Find, find your, find your peers.
• 19:36
  Find the people that are in a similar situation to you or have accomplished what you want to
• 19:41
  accomplish. Whether it's a Facebook group, whether it's a physical networking event.
• 19:45
  Um, I just, um, recently joined Global Women. Um, club and it's amazing. I mean,
• 19:50
  all these women are fantastic. They come from different walks of life all around the world,
• 19:54
  and they've achieved so many different things. Or also, and also some of them
• 19:58
  are still on their journey. It's amazing being in that atmosphere.
• 20:02
  It literally gives me that feeling of I can, like, I feel like I'm invincible almost,
• 20:07
  but it can be intimidating as well. It, it could also be, but I feel you think honor is very true,
• 20:13
  but then you see people that are in a similar situation to you,
• 20:16
  so it makes it less intimidating. So you see people in different, at different stages in life.
• 20:20
  That's, and that's the key, and it's important to see this because if all you see is people that are
• 20:25
  doing exactly what you're doing, then there's no, what, what, what do you learn? Right? You,
• 20:30
  you learn from people that have been there. Done that. And that's also what happened with
• 20:35
  my, uh, global executive MBAI, I saw people that had been, you know, they were very successful.
• 20:39
  And I was actually asking, I was like, well, why do you need the course? Like you've already,
• 20:43
  you've got a company that has 1000 members of staff. You don't need an MBA,
• 20:47
  but they're like, they're like, well, I need it 'cause I love the network. I want
• 20:49
  to network. You know, I, I'd like to meet different types of people.
• 20:52
  Yeah. You know, who spoke about this a little bit. You know Emma Greed? I've heard
• 20:56
  of her. She's, she's, um, she's the lady that's actually, she calls herself, and I'm surprised
• 20:59
  the Kardashians allowed this, but she goes, I'm the brains behind skims. I'm the brains
• 21:04
  behind Good American. I mean, that's confidence who say that she, how Kim Kardash is going.
• 21:09
  What? But Kim's like, yeah, all right. You be the, you, you be the brain. So I'm the face. Fine. You
• 21:14
  can own it. Own it. Although she has a brain on her too. Let's not estimate her. But, but
• 21:16
  Emma Greed is the sort of the, um, the doer of the business side. There's a lot of processes
• 21:20
  that have to go into that. Um, things just need to be done, and someone has to do that hard,
• 21:24
  boring work, you know, late pricing and all those, you know, so she's that. Okay. And, um, she said
• 21:30
  that when she moved to LA and change, she, she felt she needed to change her, her environment.
• 21:39
  She was, she wasn't thinking. Big enough. It's, it's what you're talking about. Mm. And
• 21:44
  I really do recommend that you watch some of the podcast with,
• 21:46
  'cause she runs her own podcast and Okay. Yeah. She, she's a, she's a very good business woman,
• 21:51
  you know, you can tell, but she's admitted to herself like, I'm not thinking big.
• 21:55
  I'm not stretching to, to, I know I can do more and I need to just change of scenery
• 22:02
  completely and go and do this. And she moved to LA and sort of rubbing shoulders
• 22:06
  with, you know, right. And um, and then, and then did what, what you've done, you know, and
• 22:10
  did the sort of hard pitch, right? Like, I've met my, my contact here.
• 22:16
  I am gonna pitch the living daylights out of this person. Love to, I get what
• 22:20
  I want. Love that. I love that. And she did it. And then she got Good American. I
• 22:24
  love that. And then now she's got skims and the list continues. But she had to
• 22:28
  work for that. Yeah. She had to go and be embarrassed and go look. Can I pitch you?
• 22:33
  Is that, is that okay Christian? Is that okay? Kris? Jenna goes. Go for it. Let's see how you
• 22:40
  go. Try, try, try. We met, you know, you're in that pool, we've met. Yeah, you seem decent.
• 22:46
  Let's see what you got. And then she grafted it. Look where she is today. I love it. I love it. And
• 22:52
  the thing is, people are scared of failure, but failure is absolutely fundamental for success.
• 23:00
  Because without failure, again, it comes back to growth. Growth is so important without failure.
• 23:06
  How do you know what to tweak without failure? How do you know what to change to improve,
• 23:12
  to get to that next level? You know, my mom always said to me growing up,
• 23:15
  my mom said, um, well just ask. What's the words they can say?
• 23:18
  Yeah, no. Right? Yeah. No one ever died from a no. Yeah. Right. No one ever done world. Well,
• 23:26
  maybe, maybe. But you know, e even with this podcast, you know, which I
• 23:30
  do. I've got my business and then I've got the podcast and I had to
• 23:34
  learn about how to do podcasts and I had to start from zero and I had to grow it.
• 23:37
  And then we've been growing and from 400 to 40,000 subscribers. So people like something, but that's
• 23:42
  amazing, by the way. But to get guests, lemme tell you, I had to go through so much rejection.
• 23:46
  You see now the tables are slightly turning and I've got people coming to me and, and the, their
• 23:50
  PR agents are pitching and saying, look, we, our guests can offer this and this and that.
• 23:54
  It's changing a little bit. I still have to work for it. Mm-hmm. You know, I still have
• 23:57
  to like, go out there hunting with a team, you know, trying our best,
• 24:00
  making sure that we are adding value. There's a lot of stuff that goes into it, but my God,
• 24:04
  I've taken rejection and I've also taken rejection from, from, from people within my network.
• 24:09
  So within my own network. And you like friends that I've, that, you know, I've gone to school
• 24:12
  with and they, they're doing something great and it's like, come on. They're like,
• 24:14
  nah. And you've got, suck that up. Yeah. And move on quickly. Like, okay, you don't want it. Fine.
• 24:20
  That's okay. Literally, it genuinely is and move on. I really like this because it's like rejection
• 24:26
  is not the end. Rejection is just a redirection. Right? And that's what we've got to like, remember
• 24:32
  this. It's like no is not the end of the story. There's so many stories. I love your story, by the
• 24:37
  way. There's so many stories, entrepreneurs that we know that have had so many rejections, right?
• 24:42
  Right. Look at Elli, look at Ellison with a light bulb. How many times did he fail
• 24:45
  before he finally got there? You know? So it's like we've got to come outta our own head and
• 24:50
  stop being so scared of a no. Right? Yeah. A no means okay, well, maybe. I just, I'm
• 24:57
  not ready to work with this person right now, but there's somebody else that is my person, I think.
• 25:01
  Totally. And it makes you, there's always somebody else. Yeah. And it makes you, when
• 25:04
  you don't get the guests on that subject, even though they're in your network, you think,
• 25:07
  well, I've gotta hunt's. I've gotta go hunting's and find another guest. And, and then you find
• 25:10
  someone and they've got something different to bring to the table and you think, well,
• 25:13
  I'm really glad I've been on this journey because now I've got this person and it's different.
• 25:18
  And, and, and you can't take it personally either. It's just business and it's just
• 25:21
  people have got a lot of things going on. You've gotta move on quickly. You can't wallow in it,
• 25:26
  is what I've learned. And I, and I had to learn that because I'm, I'm proud,
• 25:30
  I'm like a proud person. How can you reject? How could you do that to me?
• 25:35
  And it's like, it's. I've got, I'm getting used to it. I'm getting so much better now.
• 25:39
  And it's like genuinely cool. Yeah. And to be fair, you are not alone. Most human
• 25:43
  beings are proud. That's our nature. Most of us like that. That's what,
• 25:46
  that's why we're scared of failure. Mm. Because of our pride. Yeah. When you think about it, right?
• 25:50
  So there's a mantra that I learned a a few years ago. Mm-hmm. Some will,
• 25:54
  some won't. So what next? Wow. I love that mantra. So I love that when you get rejection
• 26:00
  next time guys try that, some will, some won't. So what next? Someone else is waiting.
• 26:07
  That's totally something I'm taking in the back. I'm taking that right.
• 26:11
  Okay. So we're gonna talk now. So that's one thing. We, we need to break negative
• 26:16
  patterns. We need to rewire our brain. So let's now talk about some, some things we can actually
• 26:20
  do. So we've got a mantra that's helpful. Um, there's visualization, right? Yes. Talk to
• 26:24
  me. I absolutely love visualization. This is something that I apply in my
• 26:30
  life and I've done it for years and I can honestly say that it's helped me.
• 26:34
  So visualization is actually, is not just like, oh, who could is? It's not just, uh, daydream. It
• 26:39
  is not daydreaming. I mean, Hawaii isn't it? Exactly. Daydreaming is, yeah. Daydreaming is just
• 26:46
  us fantasizing. Visualization is strategy because visualization is literally programming your brain.
• 26:54
  Two, think of something you want to achieve, not just to think of it, but to see it, right?
• 26:59
  So when you start to program your brain to see something that you, you want to achieve in the
• 27:04
  next two years, five years, 10, whatever the case may be, your brain eventually starts believing,
• 27:10
  okay, let's use an example. It's help. Let's help. Or a lot of them will be in,
• 27:14
  let's just imagine for now, and we'll go through both.
• 27:17
  Yeah. Scenario. A lot of people be in a job they don't like. Yes, they they don't like
• 27:20
  it. What Visualize, okay, so visual. What job do you want? Like you have to really
• 27:24
  go through that process of identifying what, what is it I want? Right. Do I want to work in,
• 27:28
  I don't know, Google, uh, do I want, or do I want to work in, like, what, what is your passion?
• 27:32
  What, what drives you? What do you want? And, and they already know what they don't
• 27:35
  want because they know they hate their job. Right? Step one, right? Tick some. What I
• 27:39
  find is people tend to know what they don't want, but don't always know what
• 27:42
  they do want. So you've got to go through the exercise of identifying what you want.
• 27:46
  'cause what, once you identify what you want, then you can,
• 27:50
  whether you print pictures, you know, you get a mood board, put it out there. Let's,
• 27:55
  you want to be able to see that thing all the time. Because when you see it all the time,
• 28:00
  your brain starts identifying, right? That this is exactly where I need to be.
• 28:05
  And when your brain starts to identify with that image that you keep seeing all
• 28:10
  the time and saying, it's attracting you. This is exactly where I want to
• 28:12
  be. Yeah. Then eventually you're going to start asking the question. Okay. I know
• 28:16
  this is where I want to be. How can I get there? Because visualization is a start.
• 28:20
  Visualization is the, okay, my brain, I need to get my brain thinking of this thing all
• 28:25
  the time. Right? Yeah. And it starts to like, you know, and you do need that.
• 28:27
  It's, you need it. It's the direction. Absolutely need it. Absolutely need it.
• 28:32
  So once your brain starts identifying, this is exactly what I want, that's what I want,
• 28:35
  that's what I want, then you then go back to the, okay, how do I get to that thing that I want?
• 28:41
  Right? And this is where the incremental steps come in. Right? Okay. So I'll give you
• 28:44
  an example. Um, I'm a car person, I love Audis, right? Mm-hmm. So for, for a few years, I, I drove
• 28:49
  Audis. Yeah. But before I got there, right? I, I had like a old bang doka and stuff, and I, I would
• 28:55
  see people, I would see the Audis on the road, and I'd be like, I love that you're a car person.
• 28:57
  I love it. I love that. And, and I would see Audis on the road. I'm like, oh, that's Smiley. A five,
• 29:02
  right? Yeah. I want it. I like that. That's, that's my future car. Like, that's the car I want.
• 29:05
  Didn't have a clue how I was gonna get there, but I was like, that's the car I want. Right? Mm. And
• 29:09
  so what I did was I actually went to the showroom and I booked a test drive and I, I drove, I drove
• 29:17
  one of the, it was a, a four, I'll never forget, like a really nice red, like ick redick, right?
• 29:20
  A four. I, I took my, my kids along and I took my other half along. I was like, this,
• 29:25
  this could be our car, right? Everybody loved, I mean, obviously the, the, the test drive was
• 29:30
  absolutely amazing, but the minute, as soon as we finished that test drive, I couldn't stop thinking
• 29:34
  about that car because now I've actually felt it like, it's different when you see something,
• 29:38
  but when you actually start to feel it, experience and experience, it is, okay, that's it.
• 29:43
  That's what we're gonna do. Okay? That's what we're gonna do. Right? And somehow,
• 29:47
  I promise you, because my mind was in it, I worked towards getting it right,
• 29:53
  and I think it was maybe like a year and a half later, I bought myself a silver. RD four.
• 30:00
  So that's just an example,? Once you start visualizing is a first step, you've got to,
• 30:05
  you've got to feel, you've got actually start thinking how is it going to feel? You want is to
• 30:12
  experience it, start experiencing it somehow, when you start to feel it,
• 30:16
  it takes you to a different place. And then you will start thinking, okay, right.
• 30:20
  What do I need to do to get to that thing? Do I need to,
• 30:24
  do I need to acquire more skills? Do I need to go back to school? Do I need to, you know, so
• 30:28
  you start breaking down all the things, the, the steps that you need to take to get to that.
• 30:33
  Because right now that's utopia. But we need to climb the staircase to get to each other.
• 30:38
  Yeah. Utopia is right at the top. Right? So you've got to climb all the stair wrongs to get
• 30:43
  to Utopia and make sure it's your dream and not someone else's. Absolutely. Okay. You know, the
• 30:47
  way that I look at things, you know, what I wanna achieve in life, what I'm gonna do,
• 30:52
  what my goals are, whatever I, I have those in my mind, and then I break it down into.
• 30:59
  My day and I look at, you know, a day or a week, but I do look at the day,
• 31:03
  down to the hours. You know, there's only a certain amount of hours in the day that
• 31:06
  you can dedicate to, to friends and family, to progressing things. You know what? Let's,
• 31:11
  let's talk about career wise to, if you have a job, you're dedicating that time to the job.
• 31:17
  If you wanna run your own business, how much of your day have you dedicated to running your own
• 31:20
  business? Is it just thought and are you visualizing it? Or what did you do today
• 31:25
  in terms of time, right? And energy and action in your day today. Yeah. And okay,
• 31:31
  if today's not acceptable, because whatever, have you taken any day in the week?
• 31:34
  Is it a Saturday? Is that too late? How are you structuring? How much energy of your life,
• 31:40
  your precious one life are you giving to pleasing your boss versus pleasing yourself?
• 31:49
  Love this. That, do you know, uh, that is so, such a fundamental. Um, thing to think
• 31:54
  about. Um, and I will go as far as, because this is exactly where I am right now, right?
• 31:58
  This is exactly what I'm doing. 'cause I've started my business EAP and I'm still working
• 32:03
  nine to five, right. And I've written a book and just because the audience dunno this,
• 32:07
  she's a selling Sunset girl. She's a high flying London real estate, which is great,
• 32:13
  but it's not your, you know, I mean, it's good.
• 32:15
  Yeah. It's but you've also got your business. Exactly. I mean,
• 32:17
  it's not as sexy as selling sunset. I wish it was, but you know, but who said that?
• 32:23
  Right? Okay. We, we do our own thing, but it's, um, so my,
• 32:27
  my future for me is, um, the business I've started, which is coaching people to get
• 32:31
  into executive MBA, um, and, you know, top business schools, right? So I'm doing this
• 32:36
  alongside of my nine to five, and then I also wrote the book and I've got family, right?
• 32:42
  So the question that people ask me all the time is Rebecca, like. Time, where do you
• 32:45
  get the time? Like, you know, yeah. Time. And I say to them,
• 32:48
  you've got to be so intentional with your time. It's the same as when I did my global executive
• 32:52
  MBI keep going back to, because that was what, where everything kind of started.
• 32:57
  Like, you know, like, well, things changed. That's exactly that. Yeah,
• 33:00
  that's it. Bingo. That's where everything changed. Um, because it taught me so much
• 33:04
  about time management because it's such a vigorous and challenging course to go through.
• 33:08
  You're doing it with full-time work, traveling, kids, family.
• 33:12
  You have no choice but to learn how to manage your time effectively. I became very intentional with
• 33:17
  my time. I was like, okay. And it was militant. It was like, okay, this is the time I go to work when
• 33:23
  I get home. This is the time I dedicate like two, two and a half hours or three hours to school.
• 33:29
  And then you have to be militant. You have to protect the time that you've set. So if
• 33:33
  you're saying, this is my study time, protect it like your life depends on it. Yeah. Be be
• 33:37
  aware of time wasters in your life. They say, look, they wanna have long chats. Very true,
• 33:42
  very true. Let, let's talk about some of the habits that you developed you've got your
• 33:46
  visualization, you, you're very intentional with your time. What are some of the habits,
• 33:50
  and I know that you go through this in your, in your book, that that help with the mindset
• 33:55
  change and achieving goals. Journaling is so, is very, very key for this because with journaling,
• 34:01
  journaling highlights things to you that you may not even be aware that you are doing.
• 34:06
  Like you, you may not realize that you have a pattern, but when you start writing things down
• 34:10
  and then you kind of like go through like, hang on a minute. So I did this on the Monday, Tuesday,
• 34:14
  Wednesday, didn't do it on Thursday, but I did did it on Friday. You start recognizing that you
• 34:18
  have a pattern. What are you journaling, what are you, what are you writing now?
• 34:20
  Your thoughts, like your day, how has your day
• 34:21
  been? Like what, what? Oh, right. What negative thoughts your literally, yeah, like, and actually
• 34:23
  one of the things that is important here is journaling. Negative thoughts. Because when
• 34:28
  you, when you journal negative thoughts and brave, I know, but it helps you identify the pattern.
• 34:34
  Yeah. It helps you identify all the things you keep saying to yourself. I don't think
• 34:37
  I'd want to journal the things I say to myself. Try and the thing is, it's terrible. You don't
• 34:42
  have to do it. Like, for, you don't have to do it for life. In my book,
• 34:44
  I think there's an exercise where I said do this for, I think it was a week or so.
• 34:48
  Oh, okay. Just to identify what your pattern is. Because without being able to, and,
• 34:54
  and the thing is, our thoughts are one thing, but when you're able to put pen to paper,
• 34:58
  it brings it to life, doesn't it? That's what writing a book is like, you know, like you have,
• 35:01
  everything is in your mind, but the minute you put it down on paper, it becomes real.
• 35:05
  So it's like you, you want to, you want to call that thing out. You
• 35:09
  want to bring it to life and say, oh, I know that this is what happened. I
• 35:12
  see you. Exactly. There's nowhere to hide down. It's brave. It's brave.
• 35:19
  So on the, the program you, you spoke to a lot of really influential,
• 35:24
  very successful business leaders. What's something they have in common in terms of
• 35:29
  habit or be behavioral signal that you've noticed that it's like a, a shared thing?
• 35:35
  The innate belief that they just can't, it, it felt if, when I spoke to these guys, right,
• 35:42
  it felt like there were no boundaries. Like in terms of what they could achieve,
• 35:45
  right. It just seemed like to them, everything was possible. Yeah, everything was, you know, out for
• 35:49
  grabs. Everything was on the plate. The, the, there was nothing that was like, ah, no, that's
• 35:52
  too, that's too farfetched. One of them wants to, one of I, I, I, I smile because I really
• 35:58
  think of him fondly. Um, I'll never forget, he, he wants to own his own, um, spaceship.
• 36:02
  You know, he wants to send a rocket to space. I'm like, why not? He owns his own plane right
• 36:08
  now, you know? So I'm like, okay, so right. So let's do it. When are we going to like, get this
• 36:12
  project on the road? So nothing is off the table. It may seem like it's, oh my God, it's just so far
• 36:17
  away. But for this group, and that's why it was so empowering, being around them.
• 36:22
  Everything is up for grabs. There's no goal that is too big and too far fetched and too
• 36:26
  ridiculous that you, that you can't get there. Did you see any indication from them on how they
• 36:32
  deal with failure? Did any of them speak about that? So, some of the people I got close to,
• 36:38
  and this is where the whole um, uh, imposter syndrome thing became.
• 36:41
  When I was speaking about imposter syndrome, we also spoke about fear failure. Yeah. I started
• 36:47
  seeing was that these guys did not allow failure to be the full stop. It was a bit like, okay,
• 36:53
  I didn't get that right. I, I didn't quite achieve what I wanted to achieve,
• 36:58
  but how can I use what I learned from this?
• 37:01
  And this is also what you get taught in MBAs to be fair. How can I use what I've learned from
• 37:07
  this and apply that differently? It's about reframing failure. It's hard, isn't it? It's
• 37:12
  very hard. It's very hard. It's, it's difficult. It's so hard. It's about, it's that whole thing
• 37:18
  about being intentional and understanding that failure is, should not stop you.
• 37:24
  Failure is not the full stop. But, but you know why, why I say it's
• 37:27
  hard Because like you've watched X Factor, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then you have this,
• 37:30
  some of them go on and they really, really can't sing, you know, and they've got
• 37:33
  their parents saying, oh, but you're such a good singer. You're my little sweetie pie.
• 37:36
  And the parents sort of blindly. And it is blindly because it's really obvious to
• 37:40
  everyone that this kid can't sing and they keep pushing this kid. There's
• 37:45
  always that side of it. Yeah. Which can eat into what we're talking about here.
• 37:51
  Where's the That is such a good point. It's about learning how to fail fast.
• 37:58
  That was also the other element of failure that we, that we got taught. This kept coming
• 38:03
  up a lot in our, in, um, the program. It was, it was a case of, um, if you fail,
• 38:07
  continuously fail at something, at what point do you give up or
• 38:11
  do you continue going? Right. And that was always a conundrum. Do I give up?
• 38:16
  Because maybe it wasn't quite for me. Maybe I should be doing something different,
• 38:20
  or maybe I should just continue going like Edison with a light bulb. Right.
• 38:25
  So it's about identifying exactly what you want to achieve. Totally. You have
• 38:31
  to identify what it is, like what is it you want? Yeah. What's your goals?
• 38:34
  'cause then it's exactly, it's, it's a, it's a,
• 38:35
  it's a success to stop trying to sing. Well, this is, it. Expect when you, it's a success. Stop
• 38:43
  that, but refocus. It's about pivoting. Yeah. Yeah. Pivoting. That's it. That's the refocus. I,
• 38:48
  I call it pivoting. So sometimes you may need to pivot, maybe what you set
• 38:52
  out to achieve or what you wanted to do in the first place was not quite right.
• 38:57
  Maybe you needed a tweak. Right? Yeah. But you, you get that. You,
• 39:01
  you only get to that place when you failed at something. As several times
• 39:05
  and then some, and, and then when you start looking at that goal again, you, you realize,
• 39:09
  hang on a minute, there's another way to get this, there's another way to do this.
• 39:12
  Maybe I'm not doing it. Maybe I'm not in the right,
• 39:15
  like sort of like a, a pathway. Mm-hmm. I need to, I need to shift my pathway. I think it's
• 39:19
  super important. It's so important. It's, it's self-awareness. Like you've got to have so much,
• 39:24
  you've got to have self-awareness to be able to do these sort of things as well.
• 39:27
  What is one small little action? That, um, we can
• 39:30
  take to build our mental strength over time. So is it, is it the journaling,
• 39:34
  is it the mantra? Like what, what would you say the little action is that we can take?
• 39:38
  There's so many different things we can do, but there's one really nice
• 39:42
  short sweet one that I quite like. Um, it's called A Self Truth. So this is where you
• 39:47
  identify one lie you've been telling yourself Oh, for a while, gosh, just one. Oh, I mean,
• 39:53
  we tell ourselves many, quite frankly, but just identify one of them, right?
• 39:58
  It could be, I'm not smart enough. It could be, you know, um, I'm not,
• 40:01
  I don't have enough skills to do that, you know? Uh, whatever that one lie is, reframing it.
• 40:07
  So let's go from I can't do x to what if. I can do X and also, so let's use an example.
• 40:18
  So let's go back to the leadership example I used where you want to become a CEO of a
• 40:23
  world recognized company and that voice just says, nah, nah, you're not good enough. You
• 40:29
  can't do it. Right? Instead of just giving into that thought, hold it there. Think of
• 40:34
  all the scenarios where you've led. It could be, and it doesn't have to be in a work situation.
• 40:41
  It could be at home, think of different scenarios where you've brought people
• 40:43
  together to achieve a common goal. Whether it's a kids party, whether it is organizing
• 40:47
  something, um, you know, a church, what, whatever the case may be, right? And that
• 40:51
  is your example of leadership. Think of all those different scenarios.
• 40:55
  So all of those basically tells you that actually I do have some skillset, okay,
• 41:02
  to be able to do this. And all of those actually shut that voice up
• 41:06
  that says you can't, where you like you are like, well, hang on a minute,
• 41:08
  but I've done this and I've done that and I've done, so actually that's not so true, right?
• 41:13
  Think of scenarios where basically it disproves that lie. Just think of I love that. I love that
• 41:20
  one or two scenarios. You, you're opening up the bag of your life. Yeah. You are looking at what's
• 41:24
  inside and going. Well, pretty much I did actually do that and I was quite happy with myself.
• 41:28
  Exactly. And I did do that. And, and when everyone does it, and I know everyone watching
• 41:32
  when they open that little bag of their things that they've done,
• 41:34
  I bet there's a lot of golden coins in this. So much. And because we're so busy, we're so
• 41:39
  busy. Right. Let's face it, everybody's busy. Right. We don't often take time for thinking.
• 41:43
  We don't. So this is an intentional exercise. This exercise forces you to think,
• 41:50
  it forces you to pause and to just think of what's happened in your
• 41:57
  life. Exactly. And we take the time to do it. And it's an action that you've got.
• 42:01
  It's an action that you take. And I love that 'cause that,
• 42:03
  that builds earned confidence. I love that. I I absolutely love that. Okay. Um, so
• 42:09
  if someone's stuck, what should they do? Like remember we talked about environment.
• 42:12
  Now I just want to explain something about environment. Environment doesn't necessarily
• 42:16
  mean moving to a different country. So, 'cause I think people hear environment, they, they think,
• 42:19
  oh my god, I need to move to New York. Yeah. So we're not talking
• 42:22
  about that environment could be the people you hang around.
• 42:26
  It could be, you know, the people you don't hang around with. Oh, the people
• 42:28
  you don't hang exactly. The people you haven't yet met, right? So it's
• 42:32
  about being intentional and finding an environment that supports what you want,
• 42:38
  where you want to go in life, what you want to achieve, what your goals are, right?
• 42:41
  If you want to bake right, and you've never baked in your life before, you think, oh my God,
• 42:44
  I don't even know where to start with this thing. Find a baking club, right? Go on Facebook, find a,
• 42:50
  a baking Facebook club. Do something that helps you meet people that have similar intentions,
• 42:57
  similar goals, because I promise you, when you're in a room or in a, whether it's virtual or in a
• 43:03
  physical room with people that are aligned, it gives you a whole hip of confidence.
• 43:08
  It just reshapes the way you see things, right? And also it opens up the, the, the world a little
• 43:15
  bit better to you because you, when you are in your own head, you only think, think of it like a
• 43:20
  straight. You are only thinking one way, but the minute you meet, I dunno, Abigail, and you meet
• 43:25
  Steve and you meet this other person and they're thinking in different ways from the way you think.
• 43:29
  It's no longer just a straight road. Now I, I get that,
• 43:32
  but I know that there will be people watching that find that nerve wracking.
• 43:36
  Like, like, you know, I've mentioned that that might have social anxiety to step into this world
• 43:41
  of people. They might have that imposter syndrome, they might have that, but do it anyway. Right. Do
• 43:45
  it virtually. You don't have to go physically. Mm-hmm. Virtually is less intimidating because
• 43:50
  I'm also, you don't even have to have a, like your face, like when you're in a Facebook group, right.
• 43:54
  You don't put your face out there. If you're scared of it, they're lost baby steps. You can
• 43:58
  take baby steps. They very much baby steps. It's all about the incremental to dive. Yeah. Don't
• 44:02
  dive deep into the, don't go straight into the deep end. You're talking incremental steps just to
• 44:08
  get you there, to start building your confidence because you build confidence by momentum.
• 44:14
  And it's about progress of a perfection. 'cause I think sometimes we, we seek
• 44:18
  perfection. We're like, no, no, no, we're not. It's not ready yet.
• 44:21
  That's how confidence is yours is through that momentum. Okay,
• 44:23
  so what's the first brick we relay? Awareness. It always starts from you accepting that you
• 44:28
  have a problem. If you don't accept that you have a problem, how do you fix it?
• 44:33
  What is stopping you? Good advice. I love that because people always think about if it's only,
• 44:38
  if it's a drinking problem or if it's a drug problem. But what if it's a you problem,
• 44:43
  as in you're holding yourself back. Yeah. That's also a legitimate problem.
• 44:47
  And you're literally holding yourself back. The, and the difference with this
• 44:51
  is when it's a you problem, you've got so much more power. Because once you can
• 44:55
  identify, once you're aware of what it is that's holding you back, and you can call it. You can
• 44:59
  fix it now. It's no longer dependent on other people to, to fix it for you.
• 45:04
  It's a you, you can fix it yourself, so you'll bring the power back into your hands to do
• 45:10
  something about it. But it also has some awareness. I'm, I'm gonna end with this,
• 45:15
  which I, I've, you know, someone said to me once, um, actually from childhood
• 45:19
  and I thought it was beautifully framed and ever since then I've really lived this and,
• 45:24
  and I know you're living it through this, is that we are the authors of our own book.
• 45:29
  Ah, I love that. Yes. We're like the pilots of our own plane. Yes. I love it. Yeah. So Rebecca,
• 45:35
  thank you so much for joining us. We've learned an incredible amount and it's
• 45:39
  just been inspiring and yeah, just love to having on. Thank you so much.
• 45:45
  I've enjoyed myself so much. Yeah, thank you for having me. Thank you.