Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 133 | "I Raised You and You Turned Out Okay"

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Ep. 133 | "I Raised You and You Turned Out Okay" · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  What's up, 5-Minute Fatherhood listeners? Have you guys seen that Family Team's Weekend Live is officially open? You can register. You can claim your spot. A two-day event, Cincinnati, Ohio, October 18th and 19th this year. We're going to pack 250 couples in a Memorial Hall historic theater downtown where we're going to lean in, roll up our sleeves, and we're going to be able to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a
• 0:20
  and have a workshop about building a multi-generational family team on mission. You're gonna get practical tips, you're gonna get practical tools, you're gonna leave with a family blueprint and manual, and officially you're also going to be not alone and realize there's other people who want to do the same thing as you. We want you guys there, it's selling out fast, so make sure to go to familyteams.com slash weekend to register and claim your spot. And there's also a special little discount code if you're part of our Facebook group, which you can find a link to that,
• 0:48
  in the info section on audio or the info section on the YouTube channel. So again, familyteams.com slash weekend. It's selling out fast. Claim your spot. We'd love to see you there. And so it costs them a tremendous amount to agree that, oh, I guess family should be a multi-generational team.
• 1:11
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 1:32
  What's up, guys? Jeff and Jeremy here. Another episode of 5-Minute Fatherhood. We have an interesting topic, and that is this concept of whether it's your grandparents, which I think that's the context Jeremy's going to talk about from someone he heard from, or whether it's just culture, or whether it's any sphere of life. When you are trying to do something best or you're trying to do something better, you get the critique of...
• 1:51
  well, I raised you and you turned out okay. Or I did it this way and it was fine. Or I did X and it turned into how it was supposed to be. And that, let me just say, before I want to hear what Jeremy says, that is so unhelpful. It doesn't matter. I mean, literally, it doesn't even matter in parenting, because I've actually heard this exact frame of life with even Christian theology and walking with Jesus. And it's just like, well, but don't you see the fruit there is kind of the thing too? Or don't you see that that happened? Or, well, I always see this with salvation
• 2:21
  Like, you know, but they know the Lord now. Well, yes, and amen. And we can count that blessing. But is that the best, right? Is that does that set up someone the best to follow Jesus for 50 years? They're not mutually exclusive in the sense of like one or the other. It's like, man, God works through anything. And let's keep pursuing excellence. Right. And those can actually go together. But I don't know. I think specifically the parenting. This one's totally true, Jeremy. So what would you say of, yeah, sometimes it's that exact phrase of people say, well, I raised you and you turned out okay. What do you do with that?
• 2:48
  Yeah, we've heard this a lot. This happens a lot. And I want to kind of, this is a message that we actually got. It was, I think, described really well. And I'd love to tease out just a little bit of how to think about this. So the way that this was written to us, and this is a great question. Has anyone answered questions on dealing with older generations like grandparents, parents not really supporting and agreeing with the idea of a family team and a multi-generational family?
• 3:09
  We get told a lot, quote, I raised you and you turned out okay, in reference to how raising my three boys, when they come to visit and realize how we are changing the culture in our home. We get the weird looks, the awkward silences from parents and siblings about family teams and how we agree with it. My mother and my husband, my mother's mother, have told us...
• 3:27
  This exact phrase above when we talked about what we were learning from these podcasts and blogs we were agreeing with and love. We want them to get on board, but it's also tough when they're getting offended. So this is very common.
• 3:45
  First of all, have some empathy for the parents and grandparents in the situation. Yes. I've found that this is very intimidating. Anytime somebody in the family starts to change, somebody downstream, it really creates a crisis for children.
• 4:00
  siblings and parents that are kind of horizontal to you or upstream from you. And the crisis is really, if I agree with the new ideas you're sort of now espousing, then what does that mean about how I raised you? They're asking this question. They're struggling. They don't want to regret what they did.
• 4:22
  And so it costs them a tremendous amount to agree that, oh, I guess family should be a multigenerational team. Man, that's very difficult. There's a lot of grieving that oftentimes comes with and regret that comes with people that fully swallow that pill after their kids are already grown.
• 4:41
  And we've seen the grieving that goes on with some families when they have actually adopted this philosophy. And so just having that level of empathy, one of the ways that I like to approach this is I like to show, not tell. I like to have them ask questions as much as possible, and for me, not to try to espouse philosophies or ideas. And the way that we've done this in our home is we just try to live out a team culture.
• 5:11
  we try to especially honor upstream generations and use the tools that we're developing as a multi-generational team to really try to enfold and honor through storytelling, through a lot of the other tools we've given you guys for how to honor those upstream generations. And when they feel like a place of honor and they start to ask questions, even then I would really refrain from being,
• 5:32
  too aggressive with my answers. I mean, I think, I think you might want to just, Hey, yeah, we're, we're really trying to be a team, you know, and we just believe that there's a lot more, there's a lot of strength to multi-generational family in that. So we just want to honor you and include you in more things like, and as they're, as long as the positive experiences that they're having is really greatly eclipsing sort of the regret that they might feel, they'll begin to really want to adopt the idea.
• 5:56
  But if they don't want to adopt the idea because it would constitute too much regret, too much looking backwards for them, then they're really going to resist it. So this is the way I would encourage you guys. If you're getting that from parents or siblings, you know, what was wrong with the way mom and dad raised us, you know?
• 6:13
  that's really not the conversation. The conversation is every single generation, of course. We want our ceiling to be the next generation's floor. And so prepare your own heart for your own kids, hopefully upgrading your family in lots of new ways. And then also have a lot of grace for people that are encountering this. Make sure that they're encountering it primarily as a positive experience as much as possible. And then I think they'll be able to handle the
• 6:37
  Um, the conversations slowly taking place over a longer period of time. What doesn't tend to work is the first time you get these ideas, calling up your mom and dad and saying, Hey, I got this great new idea for family or your brother or sister or something, uh, that tends to backfire spectacularly. So, um, so I just encourage you guys, uh, really show, not tell in this area. And then when you do talk about it, sort of talk about it in stages so that as your parents or your siblings are getting used to the ideas, they begin to embrace them.