Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 169: Let Your Experience Be Your Power Move | Reinventing Your Life With Confidence

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169: Let Your Experience Be Your Power Move | Reinventing Your Life With Confidence · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Hello and welcome back.
• 0:21
  So today I wanted to share with you something that came up for me this past week, and it all started honestly with something really simple.
• 0:28
  Yoga Now.
• 0:30
  I hadn't done yoga in several weeks because let's be honest, life has just been lifeing.
• 0:34
  We've had house guests, we've been on road trips, traveled to a wedding, we've had home repairs going on, contractors coming in, and it's kind of been a lot.
• 0:43
  And so finally this last week, then I thought, oh, I have an opportunity to go and do yoga in a lavender field.
• 0:50
  You guys, it was so magical.
• 0:51
  They had a yoga instructor come out to the lavender field.
• 0:54
  We put our mats down between the rows.
• 0:56
  And did yoga at sunset.
• 0:58
  I'm not gonna lie.
• 0:59
  It was pretty magical.
• 1:01
  But what was also interesting was to notice that even when I was there and all of that beauty, it was interesting to notice how much I was getting in my own head.
• 1:09
  You guys, I'm gonna be honest with you, doing yoga again after that many weeks of not, it was a little bit rough.
• 1:15
  I noticed that my body was stiff, my right hamstring felt a lot tighter than usual.
• 1:19
  My balance was a little bit off, and as I moved through those familiar poses, then my brain started getting really loud.
• 1:26
  My brain started saying things like, well, what's the point?
• 1:28
  It was saying, oh, you've lost it.
• 1:30
  Now it's use it or lose it.
• 1:31
  And you've lost it It was saying, you're really outta shape.
• 1:34
  You're starting from scratch all over again.
• 1:36
  This is just who you are now.
• 1:38
  You're just somebody who's not flexible.
• 1:39
  And to top it off, I also found myself comparing.
• 1:43
  My husband, bless him, he has been getting up early, even in the desert heat of St.
• 1:47
  George, Utah while we were on vacation to run.
• 1:50
  He has been consistent.
• 1:52
  He has been committed, he has been disciplined, and he's currently planning to run the St.
• 1:56
  George Marathon next year.
• 1:58
  And I've been noticing how trim he's been looking, how strong he's been looking, and then that even was feeding my inner critic even more so then the inner critic was saying things like, well, he's fit and focused and you are not.
• 2:09
  He stuck with it.
• 2:10
  You didn't.
• 2:11
  He's fit.
• 2:12
  You are fluffy.
• 2:13
  My inner critic was really being unkind.
• 2:16
  But here's the thing is just because I thought those things, then it actually wasn't true that I was as far off from my fitness goals as my brain was trying to tell me that I was.
• 2:26
  The truth is I wasn't starting from scratch.
• 2:28
  I was starting from experience, and there may be places in your life where you are also not starting from scratch, but starting from experience.
• 2:36
  And maybe for you it's not yoga.
• 2:38
  Maybe for you it's getting back onto the dating scene after a divorce or a breakup and you're feeling really vulnerable, like you're back at square one, you have no idea how to date anymore.
• 2:48
  You think that maybe your picker is off and you're going to pick the wrong partner again.
• 2:52
  You think that you don't know what you're doing, but you're not starting over.
• 2:57
  You have learned so much about yourself.
• 2:59
  You've learned a lot about your boundaries.
• 3:01
  You've learned about what it is that you want in a relationship and what it is that you will no longer tolerate in a relationship.
• 3:07
  You have a better knowledge when it comes to what qualities you're actually compatible with in a relationship.
• 3:13
  Your eyes are actually more open to those things now than they ever have been before.
• 3:18
  Or maybe for you, it's going back on that wellness journey, trying again to nourish your body in the way that feels really good to you.
• 3:24
  And you might be thinking, well, why bother?
• 3:26
  I always fall off of the wagon.
• 3:28
  I'm in this situation because I can never stick with anything.
• 3:32
  But you are not starting over.
• 3:34
  You already know what has and hasn't worked for your body.
• 3:38
  You know better now how your body responds to certain foods, what workouts leave you feeling drained, and which ones leave you feeling energized.
• 3:44
  You already know all of that from experience.
• 3:47
  You also know about the mindset traps.
• 3:49
  For example, maybe now you know that it's usually on week three, that you start to lose motivation and that you could use some external support, maybe even a coach.
• 3:58
  You know that you need to have healthy snacks on hand so that you don't cave and find yourself just hanging out in the pantry, eating all of the candy and chips and calling it carb loading, when really it's just that you were too tired to make yourself a salad.
• 4:10
  You already know all of these things about yourself, and you have more tools now than you've ever have before.
• 4:17
  Or maybe for you, you're changing careers or going back to school and there's this fear inside of you around being a beginner Again.
• 4:25
  But the truth is that you're bringing so much experience from your life so far into this next chapter.
• 4:31
  You have so much more wisdom than you're actually giving yourself credit for.
• 4:36
  You are not the same person that you were when you first tried these things.
• 4:39
  You are not starting from zero.
• 4:41
  You are starting from experience.
• 4:44
  So now let's be real about that little voice of self-doubt.
• 4:48
  The one that tells you that you're behind, that it's too late, that you're not cut out for this, that voice, if we're being totally honest, that voice is just trying to protect you.
• 4:56
  It wants to keep you safe from any form of discomfort or any form of disappointment.
• 5:01
  It doesn't actually have a lot of wisdom, not that part of your brain, okay?
• 5:04
  That's not your higher mind, that's your fear mind, all that that part of your brain knows.
• 5:09
  Is that okay, well we need to avoid discomfort at all costs.
• 5:13
  And so your brain actually wants to encourage you to not even try.
• 5:16
  Don't go to the gym.
• 5:18
  It's a waste of time.
• 5:19
  It's a waste of money.
• 5:20
  You're gonna be uncomfortable working out.
• 5:22
  Everybody else is stronger than you, and they're more knowledgeable about those machines than you are.
• 5:26
  It's just not worth the discomfort.
• 5:28
  It's way better to just stay at home, stay at your current weight, and just don't show up.
• 5:33
  It's not worth it.
• 5:35
  It wants to tell you that the discomfort of changing careers or going back to school or even stepping out of your comfort zone to make new friends is going to be uncomfortable, and therefore it isn't worth the effort.
• 5:47
  And your brain isn't wrong about it being uncomfortable, but it is wrong about it not being worth it.
• 5:55
  Remember, Right now, you're already uncomfortable.
• 5:58
  Discomfort is not the villain in this story.
• 6:00
  It's your negative thoughts that are the villain in your story.
• 6:04
  You are proving to yourself right now that you can tolerate discomfort because you're doing exactly that right now.
• 6:10
  You're uncomfortable right now.
• 6:11
  That's probably why you're listening to self-help books.
• 6:13
  You're hoping to alleviate some discomfort.
• 6:15
  You are uncomfortable right now, but the current form of discomfort that you're experiencing, then that form of discomfort is keeping you stuck.
• 6:23
  You're going to be uncomfortable either way.
• 6:24
  One form of discomfort's going to keep you stuck.
• 6:27
  One form is going to help you to really thrive in life.
• 6:31
  The brain thinks that anything that's familiar is safe.
• 6:35
  Even if it's a familiar form of discomfort, the brain doesn't want to change.
• 6:39
  It's easier not to change.
• 6:42
  And I get it that leaning into discomfort is easier said than done.
• 6:45
  And I've experienced that firsthand.
• 6:47
  I think I've shared this on the podcast before, but there was a time when a bulge disc prevented me from walking.
• 6:54
  I was in excruciating pain.
• 6:55
  I couldn't get outta bed on my own.
• 6:57
  My husband had to carry me to the toilet, and it was absolutely humiliating.
• 7:02
  And when I went to physical therapy, it hurt.
• 7:05
  My body did not want to do the things that the physical therapist wanted my body to do.
• 7:10
  My body said, this is causing me pain.
• 7:13
  And my brain said, uhoh, it's causing pain, therefore this is bad.
• 7:18
  But that wasn't the truth.
• 7:20
  The truth is that when I leaned into the discomfort of physical therapy, that's when my discomfort was eased.
• 7:29
  And let me say that again.
• 7:31
  My discomfort was only eased after I leaned into the discomfort of creating change for myself, of going to physical therapy, of starting a yoga practice, of doing things that felt uncomfortable in the beginning, but they were also vital for my health and my wellness.
• 7:48
  Lean in.
• 7:50
  Your brain might try to tell you, but right now it hurts and therefore it's bad.
• 7:54
  But the truth is, it's just a different kind of discomfort.
• 7:57
  So choose your hard, choose your level of discomfort.
• 8:01
  Do you wanna choose into the discomfort that comes from not knowing how to use your body and being limited by a bulge disc?
• 8:07
  Or do you want to choose into the discomfort of physical therapy that will ultimately lead to relief?
• 8:13
  Do you want to choose into the discomfort of being alone?
• 8:16
  Or do you want to choose into the discomfort of putting yourself out there and meeting new people, which will ultimately bring an end to your loneliness?
• 8:25
  Do you want to choose into the discomfort of not progressing in your education or your career by avoiding being the oldest in your class or the oldest in that position?
• 8:34
  Or do you want to lean into the discomfort of going back, trying again, and ultimately finding financial security?
• 8:42
  Because all of those forms of discomfort are a choice.
• 8:48
  Today doesn't have to be forever, and you can start over again at any time, even if it's uncomfortable.
• 8:56
  Remember that you've already done hard things.
• 8:58
  You've grown, you've gained insight, and this time you're not fumbling in the dark.
• 9:02
  You're walking a path that you've walked before.
• 9:04
  Only now with a little bit more clarity, a little bit more experience, a bit more compassion, and a bit more resilience.
• 9:12
  So I really want you to hear this: you are not starting over.
• 9:16
  You are starting from experience.
• 9:19
  Choose into the form of discomfort that will ultimately lead to relief, to connection, to personal security.
• 9:27
  You might feel a little bit rusty, unsure, and even yeah, a little bit scared, and that's okay.
• 9:33
  But don't rob yourself of the progress you've already made, just because it looks different this time, you're stronger than before.
• 9:41
  You're wiser than before.
• 9:43
  You are more you than you've ever been before, and that matters.
• 9:48
  So here's what I want you to work on for this week.
• 9:50
  I would like you to pick one area of your life where you've been telling yourself, Ugh, I'm starting over.
• 9:56
  I'm starting from scratch.
• 9:58
  And then write down three ways that you're actually starting from experience.
• 10:03
  What is it that you've learned over time?
• 10:05
  What mistakes are you dedicated to not repeating?
• 10:09
  What strengths are you bringing with you into this current situation?
• 10:14
  What discomfort are you willing to embrace to get what you actually want out of life?
• 10:20
  Give yourself some credit for how far you've actually come.
• 10:24
  You are not behind, you are not broken, and you are definitely not starting from scratch.
• 10:30
  You are learning.
• 10:31
  You are growing even when you're facing a setback.
• 10:35
  You are starting again.
• 10:36
  Yes, but this time you're starting from experience and I cannot wait to see what it is that you're going to do next.
• 10:44
  Now if this episode has resonated with you and your craving support as you step into the next chapter, whether that's in relationships, work, self-worth, or boundaries, I would love to work with you.
• 10:54
  I'm currently offering one-on-one coaching.
• 10:55
  I have one more spot available for this month, so if you would like to snag that spot, come and apply to work with me.
• 11:01
  And I also have a small group program coming up for empaths and highly sensitive people that will be launching soon.
• 11:07
  You can learn more about that and join my wait list by clicking the link in the show notes, or send me a message on Instagram@maryannwalker.life Remember that even when it feels like you're starting over, you're really just stepping forward with all of the wisdom that you've already gained.
• 11:21
  Up to this point, I am cheering you on and I can't wait to see what you do next.
• 11:26
  All right, well, I hope you take care and I'll see you next time.
• 11:28
  Bye now.