Latest / The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast / Episode 9: Say Hi To Your X

Transcript

Episode 9: Say Hi To Your X · The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast

0:00
Tom and Jerry Show is sponsored by find avenue dot Ie. For over ten
0:03
years, find Avenue dot Ee has been working in the Dublin area helping thousands
0:07
of companies with all their venue needs from corporate parties to away days, training
0:12
seminars, conferences, some are barbecues to Christmas parties. That a lot.
0:15
As a pair of comedians who know what it's like when the wrong venue gets
0:18
booked for the wrong occasion, we can assure you that find avenue dot Ie
0:22
is the go to service when you're looking for a venue for your upcoming event.
0:26
Simply contact them at find avenue dot ie and they'll do the rest,
0:29
saving you precious time and hassle. Best of all, find avenue dot Ee
0:33
is absolutely free to use. Get here, I'm telling you now. With
0:36
find avenue dot e, free means free, no hidden costs or sneaky charges,
0:41
all backed up with an incredible team offering you great customer service throughout the
0:44
whole process. If you need a venue for anything from corporate day out to
0:48
quiz night, a gala dinner, or even a virtual event, find avenue
0:52
dot ee is your one stop shop for all. Head over to find avenue
0:55
dote to see how they can help you with your next event. Thanks again
0:59
to this week's sponsor for the Tom and Jerry Show. Behind the venue that
1:02
I spoiler alert everybody, but we managed to find time on a bank holiday
1:17
Monday to record another episode of The Tom and Jerry Show for the fine people
1:22
listening to this show right this second. I know, yeah, and I
1:25
feel unbelievably smoking good about myself right now because not only is the bank cut
1:29
a Monday and we're here providing this kind of quality for people. I just
1:34
saved a life. Chair, I just saved you saved a lifetime literally seconds
1:38
before are you doing? Welcome along everybody to the Toma Jerry Show. I'm
1:40
Jerry mcride. He's t money. What life did you just save? Sir?
1:42
It was a fly, But here's the irony of it. I only
1:46
said the best because of caught on the door in a web that was is
1:49
there this long time and it was buzzing so loud you'd hear it on the
1:53
mic. It was I do know what's at the exhaust or the something the
1:57
cataalated converter or the something was broken on that. He was the loudest fly.
2:01
Yeah yeah, But as soon as I throw him out the door,
2:04
as I was like, go on, fly now the cat was outside the
2:07
door. So I did. I did my best, well, I did
2:10
my best in that moment, did your absolute level best album. Someone was
2:14
praying for that fly, but he just didn't have the sensor in him self
2:16
preservation, you know what I'm saying. Fair, a cat would be the
2:20
not top of his list of things to avoid. Do you know what I
2:22
mean? He's literally called a fly like he they fly. Do you know
2:25
what I mean? He's top of the food. You know, he's way
2:30
above worrying about cats. But to be fair, the cat's an opportunistic bastard.
2:34
And I was like, hey, something might come out the door.
2:36
Sometimes it's it's the cat's bank holiday as well. Like you know, I
2:40
know, I need you to do something for me, and this is very
2:44
serious. When we wrap, can you remind me to take out the bins?
2:49
It's it's yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I know. This
2:53
is why I asked you. And also I need you to feel sorry for
2:57
me and I admire me because one of my favorite tools attacked me at the
3:02
weekend. I don't know if you can see that, all right, Yeah,
3:07
I know send me a picture for that time. I want to tweet
3:09
it. That's a monkey locking finger on right. Yeah, I bursted with
3:14
it. And I was only talking to somebody the other day. We're like,
3:15
what is your go to? Can never would come to a desert island
3:20
with your tool, And that's probably a clubhammer line because it's a long pummer
3:23
with a longer handle. And what beat me testing my love for that?
3:28
To be fair, it was my own stupidity. I looked away while they
3:30
also asked me a question, and crack. I hit it so hard,
3:34
Jerry, it didn't even bleed. It just split like a sofa. It
3:37
split across the top like a sofa, And I wish I videoed the homemade
3:42
remedy that the Omanis have for alleviating pressure on a bulgey finger. Oh,
3:47
I just like wrap it in fiberglass. I know. We took the mother
3:52
took a needle into the guests, hob redding that nice and yeah, and
3:58
went borrowing like something out of the movie Armageddon, only you know when rather
4:02
than into a meteor, they she drilled into my fingernail. And yeah,
4:09
we had a lovely It was a weird combination of being grossed up by my
4:13
own hand. But the relief of pressure being left off. This is grossing
4:16
out of our listeners. But to be fair, the most likely to sign
4:18
of people who are into this stuff, you know what I mean? Anyway,
4:21
look at Tom, we may as well get it all done while you
4:24
have a gross finger because you smacked it with and implement there, I have
4:29
a gross toe. Go on. So it went out for Yeah, I
4:31
went out for a big run. And you know the way, you know,
4:34
the way they say like we're we're comfortable shoes and all that kind of
4:38
crack. I don't know did they say that it's okay nonsense, yeah,
4:42
past no remarks, But how are you going to harden up your toes if
4:45
you if you do that? So I got like a big I got like
4:46
a big sort of blood blister kind of welt on one of my toes,
4:51
which one, And it's it's super gross. We my index toe if you
4:59
want to call that's what I was gonna call it, your index toe.
5:00
Yeah, yeah, you're indexed toe on the top of the bottom decides where
5:03
did it happen? On the knuckles? Oh? Tom, all over that
5:08
some bitch. Oh it's just taken off basically just get an it's netosis,
5:17
and I'm doing what anybody would do in a lovely, lovely Oh on a
5:26
dime every time someone says that I'm doing what anybody would say in a situation
5:30
like this, Tom, I'm chasing the children around the house with us.
5:32
Of course you are, oh listen, And I was trying to gross my
5:35
letter out with my burst finger, and unfortunately he thinks it's the guestest thing
5:41
he's ever seen. He oh, well, like, you know, there's
5:45
like it's it's one thing to have kids that lean into it, but my
5:46
kids get like super freaked out. So and I made up a song as
5:49
well. Would you like to hear it? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
5:51
yeah, this is the toe song. Yeah. It's to the tune of
5:55
like seeing My Vest from the Simpsons, Oh to see my vest for you
5:59
mean, from Beauty and the Beast. Well yeah, I mean, I'm
6:02
sorry to get podentic at the whole thing, but yeah, there you go.
6:05
I forgot you and skin in the game here. Yeah, so it
6:10
goes see my toe. It's so gross every day more it gross for love,
6:18
blood and fall love plus what a joy for all of us. And
6:23
then I chased them around the house and they're screaming and roaring at it.
6:29
That's what I'm bringing to the table parent otherwise, you know what I mean.
6:31
So my kids a gross monkey toe. I genuinely I was expecting some
6:38
sort of flinch or something when I when I showed it to me yesterday,
6:42
when it happened yesterday for the first time, and uh no, there's a
6:46
there's a darkness in that child, much like there isn't me. He looks.
6:49
He grabbed it and went and dragged it closely good to the end of
6:53
his nose like class. I tell you what, I'll tell you what we'll
6:57
do before we get the show started proper. And we better get it started
7:00
now, very shortly, or these people are going to be wondering what the
7:01
hell they just tuned into. You send me a picture of your gross finger,
7:05
and I'll take a picture of my gross toe, and then we'll have
7:09
a we'll have a fight in the comments on social media, and we'll see
7:14
which is grossest. We can do a pole, and obviously comments too well,
7:17
do a pole, that's right. And anybody who wants a thing or
7:19
Jerry's toe, anybody wants to throw up their gross body part, you know,
7:24
within reason, although at the same time I want to see if one
7:27
of you hit with a hammer lately. But at the same time I want
7:30
to see it. If it is, I don't care anybody part. I
7:32
want to see it. I'm sure X or whatever we're on nowadays will be
7:35
okay with it, do you know. I just want to see whatever you
7:39
want on X and none of this. Let me tell you for a man.
7:43
Let me tell you for a man that browses Twitter on the train and
7:46
opens his replies and sees some of the replies that are there on a train
7:50
beside an old lady and she peers over, and what I'm looking at,
7:54
I just feel like I'm turning around like I didn't google that. I didn't
7:57
google that. That just popped up on my phone by a young lady in
8:01
a state of undress. Okay, two people playing it for our breakfast.
8:05
Yeah. I wondered about that because I when Twitter all changed one day,
8:07
I was don't ever on the trending one day it's a Dublin airport. I
8:13
went, oh, what are they up to? They are thinking it was
8:15
some sort of protest top top one with some dude in the Battley somewhere in
8:20
the toilet, going hey, who wants a piece of this? In Dublin
8:22
Airport terminal whatever, in the middle of it. It's the middle of the
8:26
day. I'm like, okay, this isn't all out whatever? Okay,
8:30
fair enough. I'm gonna tell you Tom, it's a good day. They're
8:33
only naked, I'll tell you that very Welcome along to the Tom and Jerry
8:41
Show, where every week me and this fine young gentleman over here count up
8:48
if we have twenty fingers and twenty toes between us. Not this week,
8:52
apparently, no, not all down to nineteen apiece. Yeah, yeah,
8:56
yeah, well look at it. It is what it is. And we're
8:58
bear Grills would say, we don't want to go through life just coming through
9:01
on scavee. Do you want to end up with a bunch of scars and
9:03
scraps to show your story exactly. We're not spectators, but we did Spectator
9:09
on the Week this week, and we have a couple of stories to talk
9:13
to you about. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna jump into the
9:16
first segment of the show, which, as you all know, takes place
9:18
taking a look at the big news from the week Tom. This was the
9:22
brew Ah, the Shenanigans, this was the scuttle, but this was the
9:26
weekly what have you. This is a very complicated case, mad. You
9:31
know a lot of outs, a lot of what have you, and h
9:33
a lot of scrans to keep in my head. Man, we could have
9:37
done this last week because it's been we could have known, but we saved
9:41
it for this week. If you find folks are listening to this on Thursday
9:43
when it drops like and Tom, one can only assume people wait for this
9:48
thing to drop like they wait for Big Ben to ring in the new year,
9:52
like it's it's it's literally not in their their podcast feeds, and then
9:56
it is and then they listen to it straight away. That's what I tell
9:58
myself. If you're listening to this on Thursday, that means you have not
10:05
gone to the polls just yet. Because Ireland is Yes, it's tomorrow,
10:11
it's landing on Thursday. It is landed on a Thursday. It definitely is
10:16
landing on Thursday. We do we land on Thursdays. Double check mysself there,
10:20
yeh, do check myself to the Yeah, we're going to the polls
10:24
the next day. We're going to Friday we're on bank holiday. Brain unfortndy.
10:28
We said told you we're recording this on a Monday, and we're going,
10:30
what there's three days? How does time work? Jerry? Well,
10:33
I had to just double checking. You have if you have fallen asleep and
10:37
not listen to the Tom and Jerry Show, and let you save it for
10:39
a Saturday when you're doing your yard work, or you save it for Sunday
10:43
when you're in mass or whatever it is. Then you've already gone to the
10:45
polls and you probably know the results of the election. But we're going to
10:48
try and straddle that. Now, Tom, we're good. The election,
10:52
that's the weekly exactly the election. It's an election. I'm assuming there's elections
10:56
going on. They all tend to happen a lot of the time around the
11:00
same time in a lot of western countries or whatever. But we're having our
11:03
general election and local elections at the minute. Yeah. No, it's not
11:07
the general election the government. Hey, folks, watch us navigate this.
11:13
Oh, we need to preface by the way, we need to preface this.
11:18
Anybody who's been listening to us for a long time will not be in
11:20
any way surprised that we're in no way experts on anything. Especially to be
11:28
fair, the only way myself and Jerry can approach this is in the the
11:31
lower brow, lower percent notion of people. We're just we're the what they
11:35
call it, the every man. But in all fairness, it's the chrome
11:39
angan human is humanoids who we're you know, we're just talking on your behalf
11:43
because we're we are more than open to be corrected on everything that we're about
11:50
to say. Next in the way of correctly. Right now, it's it's
11:52
the local and European election, the general election. We'll take a swing at
11:56
them now in a little while, the UK is having the general elections.
12:01
Yeah, more than that in a later episode maybe or maybe not. But
12:03
the local elections are up, and we're not gonna We're not a learning podcast
12:09
and more certainly not a political podcast, so we're not gonna tell you who
12:13
we think you should vote for, who we are going to vote for,
12:16
what policies you think may affect you. We're just gonna take a look at
12:20
the spectacle of elections and more to the point, the spectacle of canvas and
12:26
tom it's unreal, unbelievable, Like when I've only now started to pay attention
12:31
because I'm back in a local place now and I'm kind of going, oh
12:33
yeah, wow. And you have people who will drive you around to help
12:39
you go door to door to people's houses. Solf canvassing. It's nothing to
12:43
do with like the stuff that you paint on and put in a frame.
12:46
Eventually, it's you're going around to people's houses. Although that would be amazing
12:50
if you every house you turned up to you were like one of those lads
12:52
on holidays who can paint the picture of you really quickly and just handed to
12:56
you. I think I don't know if somebody turned up to my door and
12:58
did like an a really quick caricature there, they'll be heading to my number
13:03
one. I'm just saying, it's amazing. Tom. We're gonna come at
13:05
this from two different ways, because you are very much How will I put
13:09
this without insulting anybody? That wouldn't be an insult to you. Very rural,
13:15
very rural Larry, right, I'm very rural Larry now, yeah,
13:18
and I'm I'm in suburban Dublin, So I reckon we can like cover off
13:24
a lot of basis the canvas and that comes in here, like the door
13:26
to door canvas and that comes in here. You can see them coming.
13:33
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. You can see
13:35
them coming a mile away. You know that you can as you as you
13:39
drive into the estate at the end of a hard day, working, hard
13:41
day at the coal mine, and you see a couple of guys coming down
13:46
the way, and you know, right, okay, I can count up
13:48
and know that they're going to be at my house in about an hour time.
13:52
Right, Either take the dog for a walk, or I need When
13:54
the doorbell goes, I know who that is. And it's not just you
13:58
know, war battle hardened with this. We've got the thousand yards there.
14:01
We've been in the bush because you see buys coming around advertising for broadband or
14:05
electricity or are you happy with your gas provider or all this kind of crack.
14:09
So you can kind of see them in the estate and you know,
14:13
all right, when the door goes, that's not a visitor, that's not
14:16
someone in the emergency. Yeah, So either answer it and tell them thank
14:22
you, but no thank you, or tell them that you're all right,
14:24
you have me vot quit wasting your time going up the road if a hard
14:26
battle up the road, or just don't answer be ignorant if you're feeling like
14:31
being ignorant. I don't like to be ignorant, but like, there's there's
14:35
a fine line between not answering the door and answer the door and talent someone
14:37
to go, ay, yeah, well we're not too bad here because it's
14:43
it's laid out much differently. It's much I'd say it's much more difficult here
14:46
because you just don't have the swathe of houses, you have a road,
14:52
you have any amount of people that may or may not be on it.
14:54
You've got to get all your timing right because let's be milking cows, they're
14:58
like some myself. You know, you can kind of see him coming down
15:03
the driveway. You've got a bit of distance, do you know what I
15:05
mean? So you can you can. You're like, you're like, you
15:11
know, you're You're like you're like a scene in a movie where there's like
15:13
a handoff being made in the desert with the car tell and you just see
15:16
a car driving up the road. It's like, Okay, this must be
15:20
him now, and it's kicking up a cloud of dust on the way to
15:22
you, and you have like six minutes to get all your guns in a
15:24
row. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well normally I can see him straight.
15:26
You can get a decent picture of who or what party is coming up
15:30
the road through your sniper rifle. It's pretty good, you know. But
15:35
what I'm saying is there's a there's a crunch of the stones coming through the
15:37
gate, and the dog will let you know, and then you know you've
15:41
got about our place. You've got about I would say about twelve seconds,
15:46
No, probably about eight to ten seconds, which could give you the ah
15:50
Christ and you can just go out the back and do something. Now,
15:54
a right cheeky who might drive around the side go you know, with a
15:58
panther, because that is allowed in the country. As you know, if
16:02
you know the place or whatever, you there is an unspoken rule where you
16:04
can walk around and walk in the back door. I don't know why,
16:08
yes, yeah, yeah, I don't know where that emerges. Like the
16:11
way you just described the town, there's like a lad lying in a gaily
16:15
suit in the backfield. That's how I spend most sundays. Yep. No,
16:19
politicians just creeping up when you're like they're creeping up on a German pill
16:22
box. But to be fair, it's like it's it's you got it given
16:26
their due around here. It's not an easy task. They've like you have
16:32
got you can blanket, blanket canvas an area like you you might have a
16:37
half mile a half mile between houses in certain parts of the road here,
16:42
you know, and you're going, I really needs got to be charman.
16:45
I got better be charming here. And you the thing is, you know
16:48
every one of them. You actually know them, do you know what I
16:49
mean? Right right right, right right, very the way we get it
16:53
using or there'll be very little confusion as to who's showing up, you know
16:56
what I mean, right right right? He have his votes counted before he
17:00
gets to the polls in here, Like if a politician lands in and we
17:07
would get not going to be smart here, Tom, But we get a
17:10
couple of famous faces around here. Like you know, I've been I've been
17:12
canvassed by an actual t shock you right, do they the one of our
17:22
former t shi canvassed me down at the at the train station a couple of
17:27
mornings. Yeah, wow that sounds yeah, yeah, it's to be.
17:33
I've never heard it described as he canvassed me. It sounds he canvass me.
17:37
Yeah, he canvass me. Obviously, I either light a cigarette afterwards.
17:41
It was amazing, but he blew my air backwards. It was unbelievable.
17:45
But but but most of them the landing here, the landing with like
17:48
a team. You can see like a team like toy will descend upon the
17:52
place. Yeah yeah, yeah, and they'll all sort of scatter on the
17:55
sparse And I'm like, if you're gonna knock on my door, I want
17:57
you to be the person, the man or woman who has run for election.
18:03
If a door opens and it's one of the lackeys and it's like,
18:06
oh, I'm just in here canvassing with so and so and we just wanted
18:08
it, And I'm like, and here's the thing. I know a lot
18:12
of people are like And I had them at the door and I told them
18:15
this, that and the other, and I'm like, no, you didn't,
18:18
Okay, stop talking shit. No you didn't. You absolutely did not.
18:21
That's and then I told them this did and I warned them that I
18:23
know you didn't. You are talking shit. If I get a politician to
18:26
the door and I have no intention of voting for them, Tom, I've
18:30
come up with a wonderful way of telling them that go on. We don't
18:33
vote for that. We don't vote for that party in this house. Oh
18:37
sor right, we don't vote. We don't vote for that party in this
18:40
house. And that's it. And then they nine times out of ten they'll
18:42
turn and go back. I'm waiting for the one that asks me why.
18:48
Yeah, yeah, you get into it then. But it's just nice and
18:51
polite. I'm not gonna stand here roaring and shouting at the door over.
18:55
But we don't vote that way in this house. Thank you very much,
18:56
bye bye. As you just we were talking off off air about and we
19:00
were you were describing it, it's nearly like being being on day because it's
19:04
a in one way, I do feel from because okay, you've chosen the
19:07
job or whatever. But Jesus Christ, it's a tough gig. Like to
19:10
go up and hack sh it, have to be charming. It's a tough
19:12
gig. But we know this, Tom, we know this a little bit,
19:17
a little bit. We know this is a lot between the two of
19:18
us. Yeah, as in our careers as stand up comedians, yours ongoing
19:23
mind lapsed, we have had to canvas people, for want of a better
19:29
word, to get them into a gig. Yeah, like you've had to
19:32
fly our people on the street and that's a tough job. It's it's where
19:37
it actually emerged really first and foremost, and it still continues to this day
19:42
on a weekly basis. Is in New York first and it's known as barking.
19:48
And you ain't getting your spot and it might be a two am spot
19:49
in the cellar or something like that, right, it might be a to
19:53
nothing but other open spot comedians, but you will have ba for about five
19:59
six hours i e. Flying on the corner, two people pass by and
20:03
all the rest of it. And that's like that is, that's with no
20:07
that's with no purpose of actually getting people in. Really you're just doing your
20:11
due time to get your stage time. But transfer that to the Edinburgh Fringe
20:17
Festival, where which I have fly or not. You've done a lot more
20:19
than me. Yeah, and it is it's you have to be there's so
20:25
many different ways to be in Like your flyer can say so much, you
20:29
can say so much. The Irish thing can sell quite well all right,
20:32
but then all of a sudden you can overegg the pudding this small but too
20:36
you don't want to go to deddlely die. So you do have to stay
20:37
between the fences and all you have is a few seconds with these people and
20:41
then you'll get the odd album. Nearly much like you're talking about at the
20:44
door going so tell me why I should you know, because there's people from
20:48
England will come up and visit and they go, tell me why I should
20:49
go in? And I'm like Christ Christ, I said it was comedy,
20:53
So it's comedy. Comedy, it's funny and funny. What more? And
20:57
you but you find yourself then having up with so wats what's your opinion?
21:02
Oh Jesus Christ, Oh yeah, if you have any jokes about the Falklands,
21:07
well no, but I'll make so there isn't There is an element of
21:14
I feel for these politicians, especially like especially if you're like you said,
21:18
there's one of their lucky's, their minions who goes to the door, that's
21:21
nearly worse because you've got no concrete in your pockets. There's nothing. You're
21:25
kind of going, can you come vote from my guy? Because you know,
21:30
yeah, I mean, ask me anything about him. It's it's another
21:33
aspect of a tom of the election. You're look, how wonderful we're having
21:37
this conversation without even mentioned in any actual politics. Again politics, I don't
21:44
care. Yeah, you know, like it's it's that. Look, if
21:47
you're turning to us for political advice, now you're in trouble. The actual
21:51
election posters that go up, it's wonderful. It's wonderful to see them because
21:55
they're up around here like a Formula one pit stop. Not the cool lift
21:59
the cockpit out formula pits up that I wanted, just the regular Formula one
22:03
pitts up because your one would have suggested they all take come, take the
22:07
polls home, flip on the posters and bring it back again. That's what
22:11
the poll that has posters on it already in this yeah, which I gotta
22:15
tell you some of them might actually do. There are only so many polls
22:21
and posts and lamp posts and pylons and whatnot in the Dublin fifteen area,
22:26
so there's only so much real estate to put this on. So there's like
22:30
a there's like a there's like a go date. I think it's like twenty
22:33
days before the election date, and boys trap out like at the stroke of
22:38
midnight to put up election posters on the day that they are allowed to go
22:44
up because if you don't get your election poster on a telegraph poll, it'll
22:49
be gone by morning. Someone else will have put their poster. It's the
22:52
very same as Edinburgh if you don't get there early enough, like I've had
22:55
to get there two days before my show to go right, because I'm at
22:59
nothing. If you put it up the day or show, you're wasted and
23:03
plus you won't get the spot. And now there's a rule not to cover
23:07
other people's spots, you know. But at the same time, if you
23:08
don't get like I remember, Paul Curry is a Belfast comedian, brilliant.
23:12
Yeah, yeah, he had like he was in design. I think he
23:17
studied design. He knows sidelines down the street like he knows that city of
23:21
Edinburgh. Werry. He got a great color one year, is like this
23:22
goldie mustard and you could literally see it in It was like, as they
23:27
say, a diamond shine in the goats ass. You could because there'd be
23:30
a thousand posters up on a wall down the end of the Royal Mile.
23:33
But his one, this color, you would hit you from and you walk
23:37
up then in that's perfect sense, and it was the one that would draw
23:40
you to. And that's if you're going to go for a show and you're
23:42
looking at one hundred posters and one even catches your eye slightly more than the
23:45
rest, you're off with advantage. But the guys here, the guys and
23:48
ladies here of the of the political sphere and Dublin and everywhere, like you
23:52
know, there's only so much information that they can put on a poster.
23:56
And I always was, I always marveled at how little they say on the
24:00
post. It really is, here's my face, here's my name, here's
24:03
the party I'm affiliated with, or the fact that I'm an independent, and
24:07
the word vote, and that's it. Do you vote number one? That's
24:12
it. Some of the lads get a little bit taver with it, and
24:18
they'll put like a list of their mandate or a list of their voting,
24:22
their political preferences and all this kind of crack. And I'm like, you're
24:26
not going to see that par that's that just looks like a mess. To
24:29
be fair, that looks like a mess. If you're if you're making a
24:32
post or you just want facial recognition, the place where you put your policies
24:37
is not on a post or where people are driving past it that forty kilometers.
24:41
Now, I once I saw one and I don't know if it's this
24:44
from this election or another one, and I don't know where it was,
24:48
but it popped up on this guy and he had his slogan. Some people
24:49
put the slogan, you know, did put one. It'd be like,
24:52
you know, vote the bride for great sausages or you know what I mean
24:56
whatever, And actually with bride sausages actually would be a rape. B It
25:00
sounds good, doesn't it. McBride sausages. I just like the idea of
25:03
it. But this chap had the most I mean, it was just incredible
25:11
at the phrase make crime illegal. Yeah yeah, yeah, I've seen those
25:15
Yeah yeah, yeah, you know, and like I know, look,
25:18
I'm not dissing the guy that I know what he was trying to say,
25:22
but Jesus led we get there's a lot of there's a lot of these things
25:25
that like, you know, you know what they're driving at when you hear
25:29
a second sentence explaining the first, but when you only put that first sentence
25:33
on a poster. I've seen a couple, how about I Okay, So
25:38
so it's it's it's not enough information, you know, what I mean.
25:44
So you'll be driving along and you see a poster and it just says no
25:47
homes exclamation mark, And I'm like, what do you fink? What are
25:52
you mad about? Here? You're no home? There are no homes for
25:56
people that want to buy them. You don't want to give homes to people
26:00
that want them. It's just no homes, all right. So it's all
26:03
what He was quite a He was a big block of a man. He
26:07
filled up the whole poster square. Like his slogan was big on you,
26:11
like, I bet yeah, I bet it, bet you bet yeah?
26:18
You're beyond me exactly what do you What do you doing? You're holding me
26:21
down for the pin here? Like what's going on? So so so,
26:26
you know, while it was part of me, he kind of says,
26:29
it's pointless to just blanket an area with your face and your party and hope
26:36
for the best. I appreciate your you got you got a battle of fight
26:38
and and and those that try to put a little bible of a little litany
26:44
of things that they want acted upon, you know, that just looks like
26:48
a mess. And was like, who's that guy again? What's I read?
26:52
Three things? And I kind of like the sound of them. But
26:53
yeah, I'm gone. Now I got a green Knight and I'm gone tell
26:56
me this. You you understand what it is for people to You are self
27:00
aware enough and you've been on posters, you are what would you want to
27:04
project? What would be your poster? Like? Would you do the stocks,
27:08
look straight down the lens? Would you have nice lighting? Would you
27:11
have a suit? Do you know what I mean? What would be your
27:15
thing? Like? You know, maybe the suit one? The suit one
27:17
is an interesting one time. There's a lot that stands out around here.
27:21
There's a lot of stands around here because he's one lad that's not wearing a
27:23
suit, and I appreciate that, Okay, but I wouldn't have just wore
27:27
a hoodie. Yeah, Like he's wearing like a zip up half like a
27:33
half fleece. Sorry fleece would have zip on it, you know the ones?
27:37
Yeah, yeah, but you might, like you might wear to a
27:40
Christener okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, So it's not it's
27:45
not for hiking, But at the same time, it's a jumper. If
27:47
there's a bit of a chill, you like a casual Sunday jumper, right,
27:51
you know, if you want for caravery dinner you'd wear, yeah,
27:52
but not one that you'd go running in. And you know, and I'm
27:56
like, Okay, I appreciate you want to look like you're just one of
27:57
the people and you're not just on dude in a suit, because fifty dudes
28:00
in a suit and fifty ladies wearing blazers and what not? What what's a
28:04
blazer for lady? By the way, Tom, that's just a what a
28:08
blazer? Yeah, the lady's wearing a blazer? Like what say, same
28:11
blazer? Blaze? I don't know, I don't know. Let us know
28:15
in the comments, what the hell those things are? So appreciate that this
28:19
is if you just want to be wearing like a polo shirt or some such,
28:22
all right, okay, as a risky game, but fair enough.
28:26
What are you gonna wear? I would? I would? What are you
28:27
gonna wear? What would I wear? Yeah, I'd wear a shirt.
28:30
I'd wear a short and the time with no jacket? Oh would you?
28:34
Okay? Would you have the sleeves rolled up like arms folded like this man's
28:38
no, like the editor out, no daily, I'd be giving you know
28:42
this sort of like this sort of quarter turn kind of thing. Would you
28:45
give the quarter turn? Yeah, yeah, how are you keeping there?
28:49
Okay, I'm not we're not going to get into We're not going to get
28:52
into fant or anything like that. But we're not gonna get into fan size.
28:56
But would be the be voke Jerry McBride Independent almost certainly, because no
29:00
party I would. I wouldn't join any political party that have me as a
29:07
member, Tom and it will be yeah, vote vote Jerry McBride. And
29:11
you know, I might try to do something different with it. I might
29:15
try and get in like a hey, I like the double wings like half
29:21
I'm half now. I'm not into, you know, the the idea of
29:25
communism, but I like but some of their propaganda was amazing, Like there's
29:30
some great artwork, like like yes, do you know it was always a
29:34
thing to look off too, you'd look off. I'm guessing you're looking east.
29:38
I don't know what they look at, although in all Eastern European passports,
29:42
the reason why they look off to the to the side is because their
29:45
ear. Your ear is like a fingerprint everybody's ears have and they have They've
29:51
had technology for years that will actually recognize your ear, and they've got ear
29:56
recognition technology. Oh god, yeah, for you ever, But now I
30:00
do think. I was a Polish fellow told me this and I said,
30:03
you're looking to what are you looking to? And he's like, oh,
30:07
no, it's the show here because here is individual. It is very much
30:11
It's like fingerprint. It's so you know, you could maybe look like down
30:15
the road, but your ear is absolutely different. So I went along with
30:19
it. It maybe lies, but I like the idea of the No I'm
30:23
not gonna I'm doing this tune so people people understand right how I'm looking for
30:30
the audio listeners. Do you know like Rocky four. I was gonna say
30:37
it's very Rocky for yeah, but it's like, yeah, I can you're
30:41
looking off and you're looking afterday mimiciles from the I like the like the the
30:45
artwork of that. Now, it'd probably scare and I would get no votes
30:49
whatsoever, but I think given big communism vibes, I'm going to tell you
30:53
it would it would. Unfortunately I wish you didn't, but I just really
30:57
like their the artwork. It was just style, and I think it would
31:00
stand out. Because I drove around I was coming back from Clarney. A
31:03
couple of weeks ago and they were just it was the night they were allowed
31:06
to do it, start doing it. Drove into clarity, no posters drove
31:11
around the round about chair and the love of jays, there was must have
31:15
been sixty different individuals and some had doubled up. They put a few so
31:18
they might catch you at say yeah, yeah, nine o'clock on the on
31:22
the roundabout or two o'clock on the roundabout. And you're going, I don't,
31:26
she can't. You're just a blur going back and all the way around
31:30
this roundabout on at the love of God, they had and just like you
31:33
said, I drive into clarity. No posters drive out of clarinity full of
31:37
posters. Cable tie, the cable tie people are talking about the posters.
31:42
You know, I was going, maybe I should my seven Jerry should get
31:45
into the ohster printing game. Nah, I know we need to get into
31:48
the cable tye game. Absolutely, because there's an old phrase. Don't be
31:52
the minor, be the guy selling the shovels at the door of it.
31:55
Yes, you know, And Tom, I one question for you, comarado,
32:00
MANI come rod alight, one question man, I see what you're gonna
32:07
be wearing around like that. But I need to know in this instance,
32:10
are you keeping the mustache? I think I gotta. I think I gotta.
32:15
I mean I live by the disorder, die by the sword, you
32:17
know that kind of way. I may trim it up, but I want
32:20
to show that I'm okay, maybe not a complete lunatic, which I am,
32:25
and maybe the comedic sense should go. Like Zelensky, like love him.
32:30
He's weird and he used to play the piano with his flute, but
32:34
he went on to become a politician. I e became the president of a
32:37
country, but he definitely stopped playing. Now. I'm not suggesting I've ever
32:40
played the piano with my flute on stage, but I think I would take
32:45
the bottom half off the mustache for appearance, for appearance's sake. But I
32:50
think a couple of a couple of weeks into office and it's coming back full
32:52
tilt, I think that would be the only thing I would slide back onto
32:54
my policies. That's the only thing. Now my policies would stand for next
32:58
to nothing more, probably more more stuff for dogs, I think will be
33:05
my thing. I think That's where i'd probably start and end my entire campaign
33:09
animal based policies. Well, I tell you now, I saw a Petro
33:13
station up the road from us here that has now installed a dog washing facility,
33:15
and I thought, well, I don't know the type. Yes,
33:20
I don't need them. I don't. I haven't tried our one out.
33:22
No doubt she will hate it. But at the same time, you know,
33:25
strapping her to the bonnet and taking her through the old fashioned way needed
33:30
to go. And look what I'm saying is Jarr, I'm not a very
33:35
deep person when it comes to thinking about it. Politics and my politics would
33:38
end start and end with most likely the dog. That would be it really
33:44
greater dog washing facilities and that's it. Nothing else. I that's it,
33:49
you know, I don't. I don't know what by a large communism I'd
33:52
say, Tom, if if if you were, if you were to shave
33:57
up the mustache and get rid of the of the droopier bits there, I
34:00
don't know what the technical term problem is. If you were just keep a
34:04
mustache motas, you would absolutely look like a comedian who had plenty of jokes
34:07
about the Falklands. Well you have that kind of squady looked like just yeah,
34:15
all of a sudden. Just absolutely take it off from here, you
34:19
got it? Yeah? Myself? Now, yeah, yeah, to be
34:22
fair, you're right here, you're right. But if I do, if
34:23
I I just put my hand here and just look off and look up a
34:29
little, doesn't it like? Does that? I don't know what it tells
34:31
you, Tom? Yeah, No, you absolutely look like you're trapped behind
34:36
the iron curtain, like, don't get me wrong and iron corton with some
34:37
clean tell you one thing, Tom, I'm gonna tell you one thing,
34:42
right, I'll tell you one thing that we rock and roll with this show
34:44
because we you know we will. We might keep some election stuff for next
34:46
week, because Scott knows it will be a week's worth accounting on this god
34:49
damn thing. Do you know what I think I would do? Go on,
34:52
if I was printing posters? Right, I'm surprised nobody's done this,
34:57
all right, Sparkles, So so you have to, oh no, well
35:00
that is a good idea too. So you print up a thousand posters,
35:04
okay, and like you say, you hang them on every lamp post roundabout,
35:07
and they're all the same, and everybody's driving along and it's the same
35:09
goddamn thing over and over and over again, like I'd have one in every
35:13
two hundred where I was like it's just just fucking gurning down the Yeah,
35:22
so like you're driving down the road is like dunt, dun't, don't,
35:23
dun't, don't don't, or even just like just like giving the fingers like
35:30
fuck you. It's kind of a good thing. Like wait a second,
35:32
I just saw that poster. That poster did he have his fingers up and
35:37
you have nook, there's the same post there and he hasn't got it.
35:40
You have opened up a whole Pandora's box off having crack with your posters.
35:45
You could print them all the same, but just put googly eyes on on
35:47
some of them, just just googly eyes or or or like just the eyebrows
35:52
actually just just fuzzy eyebrows on some of the other ones, just just to
35:57
spruce them up a bit. So people double look, go what what you
36:02
could do a tom where you like shave up your mustache a bit at a
36:06
time. Do you know, do you remember when you before the further of
36:09
temporary you drive the less most that you get more and more clean shaven.
36:14
Do you remember when years ago they were in everything you get them in Frosty's
36:17
the whole out, and they were they were like holograms. They're not They're
36:21
not so much anymore. You tilted me the different directions, you know,
36:24
and No. Nine to eleven did away with them. Now ruin the in
36:32
the ruin the hologram industry. Ruin the hologram industry. It h But I
36:38
why not bring them back, stake holograms on it? No, you'd be
36:43
the like, spend way less, put way less posters out and save your
36:46
money for a handful of full a zero holograms of you watching people drive down
36:52
the street. Do you know what I mean? So every director you look
36:54
at Tom or Jerry are looking after you, like looking at as just Tom,
37:01
like the Pit and Ghostbusters Studio exactly. You are the buzzing of flies
37:08
to him. I think I'm on to a winner. I think you're on
37:15
to a winner. I'd vote for that. I'd vote for that. All
37:17
right, come here, that's the election. We might be back with more
37:20
election stuff next weekcause, like we said, we have to count these votes
37:22
and all that kind of crack. But from now we're going to move on
37:24
with the show. What do you think Why not? Because we've talked about
37:28
politicians. There's one on every lamp post around. You throw a stone out
37:31
the window while we were recording here, Tom, you might have seen me
37:35
look up my phone because the doorbell went and I was a politician canvasen outside?
37:40
Uh right now, man could have been on the podcast. Oh Jesus,
37:45
what amazing opportunity. We just missed an amazing opportunity. But your studio
37:49
set up is upstairs. But it would have been great if you could have
37:51
opened the window and see his policies and put the microphone out. Why we
37:54
have you? Why we have you? You, sir? What day is
37:57
it today? So that's that was lads, right, that's those lads.
38:00
We get plenty of those lads. There's going to be plenty of those lads.
38:04
But every week, Tom, every week there's a ladd. And it's
38:06
not just he doesn't fall into the into the realm of those lads. He
38:09
becomes known this this lad. Now there's that guy, this lad. I
38:20
read this twice because I wasn't sure what I was reading because you sent to
38:24
me, Oh when you sent to me last night, and you sent it
38:28
to me through Twitter, which is a perfect place to send it. And
38:30
I had also, for the first time in maybe five or six weeks,
38:35
had a couple of beers at home, so I was kind of I was
38:38
Milily in a lovely place of just warmed up in debriation, where the pain
38:44
of my finger had gone, and you'd sent it to me, and I
38:49
was just reading that. I went, this is a great store, Like,
38:52
this is a real test. Do you remember, Like I don't know
38:54
if you ever seen stone called Steve Austin been challenged on can you make anything
38:59
sound a promo? And he can literally make a fly walking across the desk
39:04
a five minute promo And this is the same story you made this like it's
39:07
a brilliant story. But no, sorry, Tom, tell them what this
39:12
lad did? Who this lad isn't? What the hell he's up to?
39:14
This chap He's a he was a he's a doctor. He's in the UK.
39:17
I think he's he's from the north of England, I think. But
39:21
he went out into his backyard there was chasing off a couple of were the
39:23
pigeons of seagulls. I think he was chasing off he boards there, Yes,
39:30
Loan behold out in the middle of his lawn randomly all by itself was
39:35
a goldfish just lying in the loss, just lying there, flapping around in
39:38
his lawn, and it's still alive. So he ran and got a freezer
39:45
tray, a freezer tray and put it in and he started flapping around the
39:49
light with himself. Now, the whole thing about this story is like,
39:52
what this sounds like something the lads would talk about at the beginning. What
39:55
what has made this brilliant is the fact that it it's gotten over sixteen million
40:00
interactions on Twitter because he just went, I guess this is big news,
40:07
big news, this is big news. This chapter is called Ben ben Besk.
40:10
That's the name ben Beska, which is you and I have ever heard
40:15
of my life it is, isn't it. He's yes, you goastle,
40:17
which is always going to be hilarious when you have a doctor, your doctor
40:21
from the effort. I don't take the effort to divvy uptowns. He's a
40:24
he's a he's a he's a UK man. I don't it's all the UK
40:28
to meet. But yeah, he walks out and we went extremely republican there
40:32
for a minute. It was like I don't, I can't, I don't
40:36
know what to tell you, whatever they're over is the same as the other
40:38
to me. Yeah, But like what gets me is like he went number
40:45
one. He went out and he found this goldfish. But like the way
40:49
you tell it, the goldfish was flapping around, like hell up and flapping
40:52
around. The goldfish was stationary from al right, right, Yeah, it
40:55
looked like a dead fish as as well. It might be in the middle
40:59
of his garden. And he took it in, and it seemed to me
41:02
like just out of curiosity he put it in water. When the thing started
41:07
swimming around the place, like, oh, look at this, fellows,
41:09
this fella is not dead. Well, you got excited with first. I
41:13
was reading the story, and he's a pardeologist. I mean, he definitely
41:15
gave it. Mount him out and probably the CPR, the Guild, the
41:19
Gill Association. Yeah, mount the Gill if you will, Yeah too so.
41:28
But like here's the thing, and the man did his absolute best.
41:31
This this you know, do what you want in this life, but if
41:36
anything nice happens to you, don't put it on the internet, all right,
41:38
Because he'd done his best and he went in. He got he got
41:42
the drawer of the fridge, the drawer of the freezer like yeah, and
41:46
he filled out with water and put the goldfish in it, which I gotta
41:50
tell you Tom straight away, I was like, that's exactly what I would
41:52
have done. Do you know what that? If I was to look for
41:54
like a receptacle to put a fish into, that's what I would have done
41:59
a hundred And that's what that's what makes the story for me really real,
42:04
because yeah, it'd be that an pe can or something, because if that
42:08
turned up in a TV show or a movie, they would have a tank
42:12
or they would have a take. But the drawer out of the freezer perfect
42:16
exactly, that's exactly like you know, you could have put it in a
42:20
pint, you'd fill a pint glass quicker, you know, a bowl and
42:22
the all. But no, they're just like, yeah, that's exactly what
42:24
I would have done. And then as the fish became alive, he was
42:28
like, well, I can't leave it in the freezer drawer. So he
42:29
went out. He just like went down to the ninety nine p shop down
42:31
the road, went down to the Leader or wherever it was, and got
42:34
like, have you entered that? It even looks like a fish tank,
42:37
And they're like, well, we've got this one here for like nine pounds
42:39
or whatever will be grand do rightly got it back up and put the fish
42:44
in it, and told the story on the internet. And then straight away
42:46
if people going like you shouldn't keep a fish in a tank like that,
42:50
I know, of course straight away. This fish is bowled out of a
42:57
goddamn airplane and I'm doing a level best for it. And I'm sorry that
43:00
I went to my local deals my local missed up price and it didn't have
43:07
specific aquarium equipment of asunder. Yeah, well this is the problem, like
43:14
he put it on the internet, now within the budget that I had set
43:16
aside for saving fish this week. He there's still the mystery with the mystery
43:22
has not been solved, like people when all bird dropped it or which is
43:24
most likely, or somebody in the temper caught it and fired it over his
43:29
fence from their own house or something. I don't know, but there's he
43:32
reckons, there's no ponds nearby, and the size of this thing too,
43:35
because I don't know, if you've ever seen what happens to goldfish when they
43:37
get into anything bigger than a bout goldfish tank, They in matter of weeks
43:43
will quadruple it. Yes, they turned it the car. Do you know
43:45
what I mean? They go massive no time at all, and so it's
43:50
def I think I don't know what a bird like. How did the birdfeck
43:53
it? From anywhere? I genuinely think some somebody got I'm going to go
44:00
bird tom because to me, bird dropping it makes more sense to me than
44:05
someone coming down and being like I told you. If I told you once,
44:07
I've told you one hundred times, goldfish, this is our last warning.
44:09
Plucking it out of a bowl and firing it. I wouldn't imagine they
44:13
were take with the fish. I'd say somebody got ticke with whoever owned the
44:15
fish and fired it. Do you know a jilted lover exactly, just going,
44:22
I know how I'll get to better this fella. Now where like it
44:25
says he's in he's from newcast But where was it? I'm guessing it's a
44:30
built up areas. It is an urban area, it doesn't say from what
44:32
I could read in the article on BBC, he didn't well I put it
44:37
like this, he didn't look to have much acreage out the back, so
44:38
I want all right, So I'm easily could have been a next door neighbor
44:43
if he's in a terrorist or and they just shuck it over and not for
44:47
nothing. We want to stress here because in case people we assume if some
44:52
familiarity with these stories on occasion Tom, in case anybody has no idea what
44:55
we're talking about. This is a gold fish. This isn't like a this
45:00
is like, sorry for using such a stupid phrase, but a domesticated fish.
45:06
This is like a pet fish. Yeah, like it ships outdoors and
45:08
everything. It's class it's uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah no.
45:14
But this is like in a in a in a in an aquarium. Goldfish.
45:19
Yeah, two and a half inches long. It's a goldfish. What
45:21
do you want me to say? In the back of this man's yard,
45:24
I see my money is un dropped by a board. But then where would
45:28
the board like pluck a goldfish from? This is because they will be inside,
45:30
right. This is why I love this story because it's so much of
45:34
a non story. It's a brilliant story. There's but this would be a
45:37
great start to possibly a thriller or horror movie because they're like, this doesn't
45:43
make anything. Never the Twain should meet my back garden and then a live
45:47
goldfish this should This is a a ripping in the matrix. Fabric of time
45:54
is going sideways here because this should never happen, and there's nobody crazy things
45:59
stuff all right, Yeah, it's this fish appeared from the upside down exactly.
46:02
It won't change anybody's life. But when you start to peep back small
46:08
but you're like all that, this has really bothered me, Like where not
46:14
that? In fairness? God bless him. He did a great job.
46:15
He named the fish Alice and everything. Yes, but what like why?
46:22
How? Why? Where? So many questions And the problem is it's only
46:29
a goldfish. You'll never get anybody to investigate it properly. They just won't
46:31
be you know, Scotland Gyarden. The Sweeney aren't kicking in his door going
46:37
back. And you know what I mean. You know, of all animals
46:40
you could ask, it's pintless. Ask a goldfish. I live with Ben
46:49
Beskt my whole life. I can ask you again in five seconds, what's
46:54
your name? Yeah, I've been here. If I've been here for longer
46:57
than ten minutes, to me, it's I've been here my whole life.
46:59
And tell you one thing, though, Tom and I wish bend all the
47:01
best in his future endeavors with his fish. Right, it's wonderful as he
47:07
saved the animal. That's great. Uh he started an Instagram page for the
47:10
fish. This is Alice Pasca and it's the fish and it's you know,
47:15
posting as the fish and forced person like, oh, I'm loving my new
47:19
hed. Once he get into that, Tom, I'm like, take that
47:22
ship away from me. No, I'm sorry. I thought I thought it
47:27
was him? And did he set up an Instagram account? He did set
47:30
up and somebody set up that stuff. Yeah, get unbearable. I'm glad
47:37
you found the fish. I'm happy the fish is alive. We're done here,
47:42
then we're good to be fair for the adventures of Alice the Fish.
47:45
We're done. Somebody set up on on Twitter as well, Rex not him.
47:51
Did they set it up? And it's again, it's Alice Bisca.
47:54
But I do I know they set it up to be humorous. I guess
47:59
because this is people who have loads of time in their hand and one post
48:01
is like such a wild day book, one of those journey trips and wound
48:05
up some Northerners loan I would write like a refund please, okay, mild
48:09
humor. Ah, time on your hands. It's always got it's look,
48:15
it's tail as old as time. Anything happens, somebody's got to set up
48:17
a separate account detailing it, trying to be funny. Same as as soon
48:22
as you put you put a fish in the tank and go, hey,
48:24
everybody happy with me putting this fish in tank? People that I think that
48:30
fish should be And you're like, oh, I guess that. I guess
48:31
that's just the flavor of crank. I am Tom, like, I'm cranky
48:36
at people being cranky at him about doing a good thing. But then someone
48:39
doing like the continue and funny Adventures, and I'm like, okay, to
48:44
be fair, look there are things you can't I love that he did put
48:49
the story up on the internet. We know about it now and oh yeah,
48:51
but like I was talking about using that red hot needle to actually alleviate
48:54
the pressure on my finger the other day, I was thinking to myself,
48:58
God, I should have filmed that. I bet not. Not many people
49:00
have seen it. I've seen quite a few times in my own team.
49:05
But at the same time I put that online, I guarantee you people are
49:08
going to go I think you should find Oh God, right, Yeah,
49:12
I think you shou find you you take it down to a doctor. It's
49:14
not your finger, you know, So I'm glad for that I didn't.
49:20
Here's my question before we wrap up this one. Yea, who was the
49:24
lad in? That was it? The fish? I was a Ben?
49:29
Oh, yeah I was. That's a very good question because I thought we
49:30
were coming in and saying that Ben Besquet himself is this lad? But a
49:32
lest the fish could be this lad? All right? I mean, I
49:36
mean, what a stroke of luck, what a stroke a look to happen?
49:39
If you are if we're going with Alice, I mean, what a
49:43
week? What a week? It's mean in fairness. One day she's just
49:47
you know, flying around in the mouth of a goal. The next she's
49:50
on the internet and yeah huge, they're setting up separate. Probably has more
49:54
followers than you and me combined. Like this is the annoying thing about it.
49:58
But I don't bring it there, God damn it. Look we there
50:05
you go. Well that's Alice the fish. We wish about the best,
50:07
and I believe that brings this week's episode to a finn if you will,
50:13
ah, what you're gonna get on me? For fish ponds? Here and
50:17
now I think I've been reserved. No, I like that. I did
50:21
that. I actually like that. Thank you. I mean on a scale
50:24
on a scale of one to say, oh Jesus Christ, now I'm doing
50:28
that's not listen to me. We are going to wrap this show up,
50:31
Tom before we start a rite, because we're going to get starting to route
50:35
about fish jokes, and I think we really are going to fall out.
50:37
So thank you everybody for listening to the Tom and Jerry Show, a row
50:42
free show. Some might say there's no row free show wrong where I live,
50:45
not when I caught wind? What your plan on doing next? I
50:49
can put up with this run and crack, Jerry, But I am,
50:53
but this next bit maybe might start a rout with it. I'm starting a
50:57
row, I'm after catching I'm after catching wind, and there's running crack.
51:06
While I don't believe in it, I admire. No, I don't even
51:09
admire. I just appreciate and respect. It's much like you know, if
51:14
you decided to join scientology, I go, okay, Jerry, you you
51:17
let me know how it works out. Tell me when you're gonna get me
51:20
told from scientology. That's what I would be into. But I'm after catching
51:23
wind that you may possibly end up in a dry roup. I'm after catching
51:29
wind. You might find yourself down at the forty foot. Do not,
51:32
and before I know it, you will be up and stony batter eating from
51:37
every other Instagram famous Pizza Giant and Jesus Christ Almighty. I Jerry Ce swimming.
51:45
I thought I told you about this. I thought I told you about
51:47
this. You've no business insideing that thing. Well, here's the thing,
51:52
right, And it's not that I've seen Alice the fish swimming around and thought
51:57
to myself, I might have a bit of that. Hey, yeah,
51:59
but yes, Tom, I am toying with the idea of starting swimming in
52:04
the sea to what end getting eaten by something? Look what happened to is
52:12
Yeah, well look if if, if the end result is this of this,
52:15
is I end up with you know, quite a large online following,
52:19
then so be it. You know, workout well for horse, got more
52:22
followers knew me put together, I'm told Jesus Christ. No, Tom,
52:25
here's the idea, right, Okay, So I am at a minute now
52:28
I'm doing a bit of running fair enough, So there are there are two
52:34
pads stretching in front of me. Do I go down the route of cycling
52:36
or do I go down the route of swimming? Those are the only two
52:39
bats you could find. You could only find the one where you you basically
52:44
display your ball back to the world in a pair of skin tight trousers and
52:47
then clip clap your way up to have a latt out with all the other
52:51
lads on a Sunday. Or I'm after it by by the way, I've
52:54
just opened the seventh portal the hell there by distant cyclists ever so slightly.
53:00
You see what this is going to do to this episode. But anyway,
53:02
or you want to get down with the ice down to the forty foot is
53:06
it? And just just really there's nothing like seawater. Oh yeah, I
53:09
love I love sewage. I love raw sewach just flapping up the back of
53:14
your neck, just with a bunch of ones getting in there. It gets
53:17
your system. It really resets your system, That's what it does. You're
53:22
asking the only two pads open to me, Tom, Yeah, Well,
53:25
like you know, the day I sprout wings and I can fly, I'll
53:28
talk about that, but right for now, I know we are talking by
53:30
land by sea. I don't know what your problem is with swimming in the
53:36
sea. I swim a wee bit with the kids in a pool, and
53:39
that's all very well and good that yeah, good luck. I don't see
53:47
you've already cracked the nut. I don't know what else you want to do
53:51
with the nut. Why would you now you're going to try and make almond
53:54
butter out of that nut when the nut by itself was absolutely fine. You
53:58
crack the nut, you go swim with the key inside a brand sort of
54:01
clean pool with a car park. That's you can get a pack of the
54:05
crisp in the vending machine on the way out. What more do you need?
54:08
You got to go now gandering down to seat Jesus Christ. You're not
54:13
going alard all right? Okay, so look at this right. We only
54:16
talked last week about how after we bought mobile phones, that was the last
54:20
time we ever jumped into a body of water. You got me thinking,
54:23
you know, maybe I would like to jump into a body of water and
54:25
you can't jump beside me is the canal, And I'm advised not to swimming
54:30
that? Yeah that I would, Yeah, i'd second whatever unless unless you
54:36
you know, you you're some sort of and repulsion to to crease because that's
54:42
essentially all you're swimming it, you know, I would, you know,
54:45
unless you can get you can keep that off your system. I would.
54:46
I'd stay out of the canal. Well where where where you know where I
54:52
live, which is Dublin. Lot's onto the sea, which is fair enough.
54:54
And we've got peers Tom not peers Morgan, like peers that you can
54:59
walk down, so it's not like you're going swimming in the sea, like
55:01
you have to walk into the breakers with the kids paddling and then you know,
55:06
walk out into the water and dip parenthalus because that is I know what
55:08
you're saying about, like gig and sewerage and all that kind of thing.
55:14
But if you walk out the pier, you walk past where all the gig
55:16
is great, which is great. Where the where the deep, where the
55:21
water is deep, and and what's the You're just going to go swimming in
55:25
cold water too? Yeah, I mean, like I've heard a lot about
55:29
it, and it talks a good game. It's like, I will give
55:31
them their due. They do talk a good game and whatnot, and you
55:35
get people going out here and then look at the time, I want to
55:38
say one thing straight and foremost. Okay, Okay, I'm not going to
55:43
be no matter what I do, I'm not going to be a box about
55:45
it. You gotta trust me and gtraight away you're straight away going like,
55:50
oh, you're going to be on Instagram with the guys eating pizza in stony
55:53
batter, which is not which is not jutting onto the sea last I checked,
55:59
Or are going to be you know, in a dry robe or no,
56:02
Tom, I'm not going to be in the dry robe. I'm going
56:04
to be doing like the the ballf loss with the biggest towel in the house
56:08
on the pier. Right. Listen, Jerry, I talked about this very
56:14
very long ago, and when we sat in I believe that my car was
56:19
in black Rock and we sat there recording and we looked out over the sea
56:22
and you see people paying premium for any scot of a property to look out
56:27
of that fucking featureless des pit, that fucking I remember what you said,
56:34
straight line, one straight line, that's all you can look at. And
56:37
people, let's just draw a fucking line across your window. Just get a
56:42
fucking ruler and draw a straight line across your window. And that's literally the
56:45
right I will I will never forget Tom o' mann andy's take on the sea.
56:49
I've said it to many people since he looked out at the sea and
56:52
he said, you know what I'd do with that? This is what Tom
56:55
fill it into. Fuck and uh and I appreciate that time. I tell
57:02
you now, Jarre quite often with you know, with with agent stuff and
57:07
perspective. You know, people' say attitudes change and maybe you know, my
57:09
opinion can change, and sir, it's changed a lot of things as I've
57:14
gotten older, having that, becoming a father since then, and as I
57:17
look at the sea and you talk about the sea, I have to say
57:22
I feel exactly the fucking same way back in as many trucks as you fucking
57:25
can bring a Saudi prince with all the fucking money in the world and fill
57:29
that fucking thing up. I have no mass on the sea whatsoever. It's
57:34
not meant for us. There are certain things we're not meant to do.
57:37
You can't climb the sea. You can't drive in the sea. You can't
57:44
with no business swimming in the chair. We're not built for swimming. If
57:46
we had built for swimming, we'd have web feet. And those are people
57:50
from letrom. Do you know what I mean? That's not us. We're
57:52
not meant to be near it. We have to do everything to try and
57:58
sort ourselves for not dying in it. Do you know what I mean?
58:00
Rubbing down goose fat on your body? Or you go to a place that's
58:04
actually tip it where you can go and swimming it. No, and behold
58:07
there's literal dinosaurs waiting to eat you. Literal dinosaurs. You still have been
58:13
around for sixty five million years, going lovely, lovely? Yeah, okay,
58:15
well I'm not gonna get chumped by a great white off the pier and
58:19
rings. You're not. But you're gonna die of hypothermia from being in our
58:22
sea, or you'll get a sewage staph in fiction on your flute. Something
58:27
disgusting is gonna happen. And worst aside from all that, you have to
58:30
hang around with other scrotum faced people who want to talk about how class it
58:37
is. That's probably my biggest problem. Anorax of the sea. Anorex of
58:42
the sea, Well we do we. If it's one thing that Tom and
58:44
Jerry Show doesn't like, it's it's zealots in any way, shape maker form.
58:47
Once you like we had the people giving out about Alice the fish flopping
58:52
around that she wasn't putting the right fish tanks. So I suppose if I
58:53
was to rock up down the pier and say right, I'm going in this
58:57
water either people going like, oh, you couldn't possibly go in eight fifteen
59:00
am. You have to wait until a twenty I suppose. But like from
59:06
a pure fitness point of view, Tom, would you not consider it a
59:07
good good use your time? No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't avoid in
59:12
death. Yeah, just go look after nothing to motivate you, like not
59:16
dying Tom, But Jesus Christ, Jerry, Jesus Christ. There is no
59:22
rhyme of the reason as to there's no in, there's no out of that
59:24
scenario that I can appreciate. I'm just looking at it, going every bit
59:29
and end of that is stupid. It doesn't make any sense at all.
59:31
It's not there to be conquered because we have no hope against it. Like
59:37
literally, look out at the c JR. All it's saying back to is
59:39
no hope. That's it. Those two words that would be if the sea
59:44
was running for the general election or the local election, would just have vote
59:49
number one for CEO Flaherty and in inverted comments, it's it's it's one quote
59:57
to be no hope. There is no hope here. There is nothing for
1:00:00
you here. Go away, find the forest, Jair. I've probably become
1:00:04
very biased of laid since I've actually building out in the middle of a forest,
1:00:07
because everything around me makes sense. It's like, oh, one of
1:00:10
those falls over, guess what I do with it. If that was a
1:00:14
tree made out of sea, it would just quench my fire, Jerry,
1:00:17
it would make me cold. Do you see what I'm saying. You want
1:00:22
fitness, go down to the pool, do you know, take a bit
1:00:24
of I don't know, free workout. Absolutely, fly up and down the
1:00:29
lanes as much as you want. You get out. You know, the
1:00:30
chances of shit flying into your mouth are very low. Somewhere off the coast
1:00:37
of Dublin, there could be a brown fish tracking you down from the second
1:00:40
you get in there, because people do that. Do you know what I
1:00:43
mean? Raw sewage is definitely getting out. Every company in Dublin is not
1:00:49
getting rid of their sewage legally, I promise you. There is some Shelbyville
1:00:52
crowd up there dumping radioactive stuff and there's fish getting picked up and dropped in
1:00:58
people's gardens. It's it's it's a no for me. Jir No, you're
1:01:02
not getting that. That's a no from Tom. I gotta tell you,
1:01:07
brother, you make a compelling argument, but I'm gonna have to put this
1:01:10
open to the fine folks with the Tom and Jerry audience to see what they
1:01:13
are take on. It all is before I dip my Wii mashed up toes
1:01:16
into the sea. If you want to have your say on ce swimming or
1:01:22
in Tom's regards, staying the hell out of the sea, you can let
1:01:25
us know, as many of you are doing over on our social media channel,
1:01:30
which is at Tom and Jerry's show. We'll get us on Twitter or
1:01:32
and e'd Instagram, and from there you'll find him at Tom Underscore, o'
1:01:37
matny and my good self at Jerry McBride Jerry with a g follow us there
1:01:42
and then we will throw up monkey toes, communist propaganda. Everything you want
1:01:46
to hear Tom there is. If you are whatever platform you're listening, whether
1:01:52
Spotify or Apple, you can rate it. Give it the five stars please,
1:01:54
or what if there's seven stars? Is the top one? Then give
1:01:58
it that if you can comment, great screen grabbit tag us because it's great
1:02:02
when we see a tag, because at least then we know, you know,
1:02:05
we can post and maybe take a picture of what you're up to with
1:02:07
a let up a roof. The other day, listening the way to us,
1:02:09
he took a picture and sent it on. He was more than happy
1:02:13
to do it. And we've done a couple more as well. Leave in
1:02:15
the comments are brilliant. I love if people are comment and on stuff when
1:02:19
we put it up. So John Bonnett, we were actually Jerry's very good
1:02:22
at the socials. He's very good at socias. We will put a course,
1:02:25
remember to put up the poll of Jerry's toe versus my finger. We've
1:02:30
got two monkey appendages this week, and yeah, we didn't have to go
1:02:35
anywhere gross on our body to find them. They're in two fairly normal places
1:02:38
on one being toe, one big foot. Or we are one of the
1:02:42
few nations in the world who you are English speakers one of the few people
1:02:45
in the world who actually have a word for toes. Normally they're called well
1:02:51
fingers of your feet. And if you would like to join in on the
1:02:54
fun here, why don't you just take a hammer and smash your finger or
1:02:58
toe and send us me a picture. Other than that, thank you very
1:03:02
much for listening to the Tom and Jerry Show. We hope you either vote
1:03:06
wisely tomorrow or have voted wisely in the days gone by. Mind yourself connected
1:03:12
bits and thanks good luck. Tom and Jerry Show is sponsored by find avenue
1:03:15
dot Ie. For over ten years, find avenue dot Ee has been working
1:03:19
in the Dublin area helping thousands of companies with all their venue needs from corporate
1:03:23
parties to away days, training seminars, conferences, some are barbecues to Christmas
1:03:28
parties. That a lot. As a pair of comedians who know what it's
1:03:30
like when the wrong venue gets booked for the wrong occasion, we can assure
1:03:34
you that find eventue dot ie is the go to service when you're looking for
1:03:37
a venue for your upcoming event. Simply contact them at find avenue dot ie
1:03:42
and they'll do the rest, saving you precious time and hassle. Best of
1:03:45
all, find avenue dot ee is absolutely free to use. Get out here,
1:03:49
I'm telling you now. With find avenue dot e. Free means free,
1:03:52
no hidden costs or sneaky charges, All backed up with an incredible team
1:03:55
offering you great customer service throughout the whole process. If you need a venue
1:04:00
for anything from corporate day out to quiz night, a gala dinner, or
1:04:03
even a virtual event, find Avenue dot E is your one stop shop for
1:04:08
all Head over to find Avenue DOTE to see how they can help you with
1:04:11
your next event. Thanks again to this week's sponsor for the Tom and Jerry
1:04:14
Show, Find Avenue dot i e