Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / When the kids come back from DAD'S HOUSE (OR MOMS)

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When the kids come back from DAD'S HOUSE (OR MOMS) · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about my number one Co parenting tip for
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  trying to Co parent with a narcissist or toxic person.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, Welcome back.
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  Welcome back folks. So yes, tips on Co parenting.
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  Yeah, I have a ton of videos on Co parenting.
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  Just look, go on YouTube, type in Lee Hammock Co Parenting with
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  the narcissist, and you. You'll see.
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  You'll see a lot of videos pop up under that tab right there.
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  I promise you. I promise you.
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  You type in Lee Hammock Co Parenting Co parenting.
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  Just type in Leah Hammock Co Parenting and a ton of videos
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  come up 12345 like at least 1011 videos.
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  Check it out. But this is I haven't gone over
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  this tip right here before. This is my #1 tip about Co
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  parenting with a narcissist. And this is specifically for
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  your kids right here. This tip right here is
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  specifically to help your kids. Like seriously?
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  To help your kids out, to help your to help your kids in the
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  transitional phase and whatnot. Because y'all control what you
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  can control you. A lot of times you only can
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  control what goes on inside of your household when you're
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  trying to Co parent with a narcissist, right?
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  And typically it's not really Co parenting because they're not
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  listening to you, they're battling, they're pushing back
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  and forth with you or whatnot so that they're not really trying
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  to Co parent with you per SE. So what they're doing right now
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  is that they're counter parenting you.
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  They're trying to make your life harder.
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  So and by trying to make your life harder, a lot of times they
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  make the kids life harder, right?
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  So This is why I was saying to y'all right here, give me this
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  is my #1 tip right here. Control what you can control,
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  which is what inside your house. But depending upon what the Co
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  parenting schedule is, if it's 505060407030, whatever it is, if
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  they spend any any amount of time at the other parents house
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  or any type of any loan form of communication like you know,
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  FaceTime or whatever, give your kids when they come back to your
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  house. Give your kids time to
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  decompress. I'll say that right there.
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  Give your children time to decompress when they come back
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  or get done dealing with the other parent.
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  Because you you have to be the emotionally safe parent.
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  And I know it doesn't sound fair, but the the emotional
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  burden, the the the burden of the being emotional, emotionally
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  safe falls onto you. You got a toxic gas Co parent,
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  right? So the burden of being
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  emotionally safe and making your kids feel safe falls onto you.
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  It just does. It's going to.
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  You have, you have to do more work.
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  You have to put in more effort. You just have to.
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  You have a toxic Co parent. You have to counteract their
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  toxicity, right. And your kids deserve to grow up
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  better than you did. You did.
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  Your kids deserve a fighting chance.
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  Correct. So in these situations, right
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  here, you have to put in more work.
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  You just have to. I know, I know, I know.
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  It doesn't sound fair because it's not.
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  It's not fair that kids have you.
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  Like it's not fair to be raised inside of toxic households with
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  a toxic ass, abusive parent that you can't control.
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  Whether or not you go see the courts put you over there 50% of
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  the time. What can you do?
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  You're a kid trying to survive, right?
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  You're just trying to survive. Make it to the next day.
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  You're just trying to make it home to your your emotionally
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  safe mom or make it home to your emotionally safe dad or whoever
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  it is. You know, you're just trying to
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  make it home. You're trying to get away from
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  it. You're trying to you.
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  So you're trying to get away from your as a kid, as a kid
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  getting raised by at least one toxic parent, right.
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  When you go to the emotionally unsafe parents house, the
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  narcissistic parents house, the toxic parents house, it's
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  emotionally unsafe, it's emotionally emotional unstable
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  over there, right? There's it's the emotionally
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  unstable over there in that situation.
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  Correct. So when you deal, deal with this
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  so you don't feel emotionally safe.
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  So you bottle up a lot of things, You bottle up, you
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  repress while you're over there, you become a different version
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  of yourself while you're over there dealing with the other
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  parent, right? You just do it.
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  It's not the same. You don't feel safe, You don't
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  feel validated. You get neglected and you get
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  put in front of a tablet or a screen all day.
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  You don't get into very much interaction with them, you know,
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  I know that it's not the same for every single narcissistic
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  parent. Not all narcissistic parents are
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  the same. Some of them, some of them will
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  be super active. Some of them want to be Disney
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  dad or Disney mom or whatever. They want to be the Super parent
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  and just try to override you or whatnot.
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  But as a kid getting raised in a in a household, they need to
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  feel emotionally safe and open with you when they come home
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  from the toxic, narcissistic parent, right?
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  So when they come home, you have to provide them a safe place.
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  You have to give them time to decompress, you know, I don't
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  know what time, I don't know how much time that you need to give
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  them, but you need to give them a little while, couple hours,
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  few minutes, whatever it is. Don't just like pick them up and
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  throw them back into the throes of life because they haven't.
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  Like if they've been repressing things over here at the other
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  parents house they have they have nowhere to let it out at
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  where they feel safe because they so they need to feel safe
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  with you. So you need to have a
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  decompression stop. Like I I I had a call this
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  morning with a woman in my support group.
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  I talked I have a support group. We talked about this type of
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  stuff and this is where this video coming from.
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  I was talking to him. The support group link is in the
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  bio, In the description of every video I do is called the Mental
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  Healers. Y'all.
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  And I do morning calls, Morning zoom calls with a bunch of
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  people. So this morning she's like,
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  she's like, what can I do? Like, my kids come home, they're
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  angry, they're upset or whatever.
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  So he gets the kids like, Monday, and I forgot the
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  schedule. He gets the kids when I like.
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  He drops the kids off one day at school and she picks them up
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  from school that day, you know? And I told her like instead of
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  going straight home and just getting them back into the
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  throes of life, go get some ice cream, go to the park, give them
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  a little bit, little while to decompress so they can open up
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  and talk to you. Not to, not to try to pry
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  information from them, but to give them a space to decompress
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  the space, the space to heal, some space to grow, to get it
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  out and get it out of their system.
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  Right. Because like this is like it's
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  Co parenting with a narcissist. It's kind of like diving into
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  the ocean, diving into the deep, diving into the depths of the
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  ocean or lake or whatever. Because you know, the deeper you
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  go in water, the deeper you go into water, the deeper you go
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  towards the center of the earth take.
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  The more pressure there is right, the more the the more
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  pressure there is, like just how it is with being a kid.
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  With a narcissistic parent you are faced by a lot of pressure,
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  by the other, by the by the toxic parent.
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  You have a lot of different variables getting thrown at you,
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  you know. So just like if you are deep sea
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  diving, you know if you go straight to the, if you go to
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  the bottom of a lake that's 200 meters deep, right, 200 feet
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  deep, you can't come straight back up.
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  You can't come straight to the surface or you damn near you'll
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  lose your life a lot of times from what do you call it.
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  The it's called the bends, nitrogen, nitrogen narcosis or
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  whatever it's called. You die.
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  You know you have to have decompression stops on the way
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  up so even the further you go down the longer it takes for you
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  to decompress before you can go back to the surface.
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  So if your relationship with your kid right.
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  If you the non narcissistic parent, if you are the
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  emotionally safe parent right. Your relationship is this, your
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  house is the surface of the ocean, right?
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  Your house is the surface of the ocean.
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  When you have to drop your kids off and they go to the other
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  parents house, it's pretty much like putting them in a a wet
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  suit and dropping them to the bottom of the ocean.
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  They're going to face pressure, they're going to face a lot of
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  different variables. So when you're bringing them
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  back up, when they coming back to your house, they need a place
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  to decompress. They need a little while to
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  vent. You can talk to them, whatever
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  it is, get them a diary to write in.
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  Give them something that allows them to express themselves in a
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  healthy way so they're not bottling.
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  Bottling it up from the other parents house and coming home
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  and taking it out on you, taking it out on their their brothers
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  and sisters that might not be by the other parent, their step
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  siblings, you know they're half siblings.
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  Whatever you're called. We don't do half siblings in my
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  house, but I know some people do.
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  But that's how it goes right there.
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  Like, give them time to decompress, Give them time to
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  reacclimate to a healthy area. Because changing environments is
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  tough. Changing environments is tough.
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  Going from the dam, the, going from the the the from going from
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  Antarctica. If you go, it's like falling
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  asleep in Antarctica and waking up in the dead the middle of the
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  Sahara Desert, like with the same clothes on you had in
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  Antarctica, or vice versa. He's going to sleep in the
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  middle of the Sahara Desert in the heat, no water, no resources
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  to waking up in to waking up in Alaska or Antarctica where it's
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  freezing cold temperatures and you had like you had on a tank
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  top and stuff like that. You have to prepare.
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  You have to prepare for the change of environments.
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  So make sure that your kids or give give them a chance to
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  change environments successfully.
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  Like I said, that's why they're saying like give them a chance
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  to decompress. Give them a chance to heal.
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  Give them a chance to vent. Give them a chance to write
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  things down. Give them a chance to watch a
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  funny movie or something like that.
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  Give them a chance. Don't prod them with questions
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  because like, you can ask them just general questions.
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  Hope you guys have fun just opening yourself up to them.
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  Make them feel like they can talk to you.
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  You know, make them feel like they don't.
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  They don't need to keep a secret what happened at the other house
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  especially there was some abuse, emotional or physical abuse
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  going on. You see give them an emotional
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  safety. They have to be able to feel
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  emotionally safe. They have to have a
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  decompression stop. They have to be able to adjust
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  to this new environment. Like I said, just going from the
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  bottom of the ocean to the surface, did you need
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  decompression stops? Going from the Atlanta, going
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  from Antarctica to the desert or vice versa, you need
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  decompression. You have to change.
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  You have to change clothes. You have to prepare for a new
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  environment. You absolutely have to.
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  So this is my best piece of advice to help your kids.
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  Trust you to help your kids feel emotionally safe so you don't
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  have to worry about them turning into narcissists.
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  Because that's one of the things I get right there.
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  I don't want my kid to be a narcissist.
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  I don't want them to feel. I don't want them to feel like
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  they are emotionally stifled or not or not validated.
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  This is how you do it. You give them an emotionally
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  safe place. You give them a chance to
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  decompress because they need it, they need it.
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  The little kid, they need to vent, they need to ventilate.
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  They didn't, they didn't, they didn't built up all this
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  pressure. They just need to let it out
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  like it's like they've been. It's like they've been holding
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  their breath the entire weekend or entire few days that they've
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  been over there with the other parent.
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  So when they come to your house, they should be able to feel like
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  they can exhale hope that made sense.
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  Y'all, I hope that made sense because I'm trying to bring it.
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  Bring you the heat to help you parent, to help you, You know
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  what I'm saying? To help raise emotionally
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  healthy and kids to keep the relationship you have with them
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  strong. I hope this made sense though.
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  Y'all. Also, if your kids are about 10
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  and under, I also have my My kids book.
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  Remember, it's not your fault. That's available on Amazon.
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  Check it out right here. Remember, it's not your fault.
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  It's helping kids that are growing up in toxic household or
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  have a toxic parent. Understand.
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  You know about body positivity, telling the truth, not taking
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  blame for when you have a narcissistic parent that yells
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  and screams at you all the time. You know that's what this book
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  is meant to do, and I hope it reaches more people.
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  Hope it helps you out with your kids and whatnot as well.
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  I also subscribe, subscribe to the channel, join the support
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  group, But this is out. Please thank you so much for
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  making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
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  for being here. If you haven't already, make
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 11:26
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
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  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 11:32
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 11:34
  fault on Amazon so check that out.
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  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.