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260. 20 Ways To Build Better Emotional Intimacy.. For Better Sexual Intimacy In Your Marriage · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: It's 20 ways to build emotional intimacy in your marriage for better sexual intimacy.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Did I just say that wrong?
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: No, that's true.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: When your emotional intimacy is better, your sexual intimacy is going to be better.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: So join us for the podcast today.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: It's true.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: It's true.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Today we're going to start out with the ultimate intimacy app conversation starters on the app.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: There are so many hundreds, hundreds, and they're super connecting and and we're going to keep it pg rated today we're going to talk about family.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Uh, this is the family topic in the regular conversation starters, and this just shows how fun it is to just bring up conversations, and some of the conversations amy and I have, we'll talk for like an hour just about things that we didn't even know about each other.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: So so what are the most challenging aspects of raising children in our family?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: We could probably talk a while on this this is a parenting question, the most challenging aspects of raising children in our family.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Aspects of raising children in our family.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Now, obviously, raising children is an amazing thing, but the most challenging what is challenging for you, babe challenging is just um I know what he's gonna say.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: There is no challenging things, it's's so easy.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, you're funny.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I think just number one, dealing with the different personalities.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Each of our kids have totally different personalities, so parenting one versus parenting the other is totally different.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: It's not like you can just parent them all the same.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: That's a challenge.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Our kids want to stay up late and talk.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: I think that's a challenge.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Um, our kids want to stay up late and talk and which is awesome.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: But uh, sometimes Amy just wants to get frisky, so that can be a challenge, uh, when Amy's in the mood and the kids just want to talk and um that could be a challenge I was going to say okay when you brought up this question.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: hold on hold your thought.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: When you brought up this question, I started giggling because I'm like Nick's literally going to say it's challenging when the kids are in our room at 11 pm and I just really want to make love to Amy and she's initiated that day, but I didn't say that.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: So I can't, I don't even want to wait another 10 minutes.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: But I didn't say that did I.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Oh, I said when you, you said me, but we all know it.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: But you when you want to get frisky.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I think it's challenging.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I think we all can relate to this Just the different things that they have going and the time spent on the different things with the kids, which is.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I love that part of it Now again challenging doesn't mean a bad thing.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Right Now again, challenging doesn't mean a bad thing, right.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Challenging when you're challenged to a game of sports or you're challenged to think about something, that doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Challenging just really.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: I think it can bring out the better in you a lot of times.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: So the challenging things with my kids make me a better man, a better husband, a better challenger.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: Okay, do I get an answer?
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, your turn yeah.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Sorry, oh yeah, we're already like three minutes into the podcast and I'm just yakking.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I'm going to say, because I'm a mom and I spend way more time with the kids, I think I, as a mother, I feel the hardest part of being a parent is that their emotional weight ends up on my shoulders also.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: I feel their pain, I feel their heartaches, I feel just I feel the things that they're going through literally on my shoulders, like I'm like you are a mini me and like when you're hurting, I'm hurting.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: And.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize Mini me.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize it was going to be like I'm trying to be serious right now.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: I was being dead serious too.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: You said I'm a mini me.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: Mini me.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I like I did not realize the effects that when my kids were sad like I, I don't know my heart breaks for them and we have four of them, so like when they're hurting in any way, like I feel that and I just I don't know, what about?
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: I'm willing to take that, though.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: I'm willing to take that.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: I love that and I.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: There's nothing more rewarding than parenting, so I want to leave that with a positive note that I'm like I would take the all day long because I love them so much.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: The question should have been edited and changed a little bit.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: Should have said your children and your dogs.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: So what about your?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: dogs.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about your dogs.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: How do your dogs?
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, anyways.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: We're moving on to today's podcast episode, okay, which kind of went hand in hand with that question, because your kids need that emotional love, and so does your wife.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Now this isn't all about the wife, but you can tell me some of these things, like if it's a wife need or if it's a both need, because we talk a lot about like emotional intimacy and how like a wife needs to feel emotionally connected before sexual connection and vice versa, kind of for the man right.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: But I think most husbands will probably admit that a lot of these things on the list they're super important to them too and he's always joking around that I'm I'm kind of like a woman in the relationship that's really bad.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Weird to say not like I'm dressed as a woman or I talk like a woman, but like I need the emotional intimacy too right.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: You need emotional connection and sexual connection when we're done making love.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: it's like a movie.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Amy could roll over, have a cigarette and be good, even though she doesn't smoke, oh my gosh.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: But what movies are you watching?
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm just joking.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: He's joking, I'm making a joke.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: But my point is is?
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: I'm usually the one that's like um, let's cuddle babe, can we?
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Talk.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Can we talk?
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Let's cuddle and talk.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: That's true, so anyways, the joke is.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: The joke is that, uh, I'm high maintenance in my marriage.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: Let me, before we jump into this, let me just fix that statement really quick.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: He thinks it's high maintenance and it's because he's better at the cuddling, he's better at the talking.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: He has the higher drive.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: He wants the emotional connection after sex.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: That doesn't.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: Those aren't like feminine things, those are just probably you crave it more because you're better at giving that to me than I'm better.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: I'm not as good giving those to you, and so you're lacking in them and you give so much of it that I feel like I don't need it as much.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: So it kind of comes down to those love language things that I'm always saying.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Like, your love language probably changes based off of what you're not receiving, and Nick is 100% better at wanting to talk and be physically connected than I am.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: I'm just not a physical touch person.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: I don't have a high sexual drive, so he feels like he's more needed in the relationship, but it's.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: I don't think it's that.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: I really just feel like you're really good because you need those.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: You give those, and so I don't always feel like I need them as much.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: So I don't know if that made any sense at all.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I'll bet that that was like that's perfect those anyway.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: Okay, we've been rambling, we're gonna jump in this episode.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Um, the point of this episode is that a lot of husbands, especially when we do social media posts, they're like I don't know what emotional connection and intimacy really looks like.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: That's new to me.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: I don't really understand it.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: Can you give tips on what that looks like to a woman, how I can be met, emotionally connected to my spouse?
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: And I love that husbands are willing to ask that, because when wives feel loved and they not just told that they're loved, but really feel like they're loved, they're way more going to.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: Like our last two episodes ago about submission, what submitting in marriage really looks like.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: It comes down to this like feeling loved and feeling valued and feeling respected is what creates deeper sexual intimacy and that desire to be sexually intimate with your spouse.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: So these go hand in hand.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm losing my voice.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Sorry, it was all the yelling last night.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: What I'm joking, I'm telling you they know I'm joking, I'm so full of it.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: They know I'm joking.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Okay, so we're just going to start out with number one and I know that we talk about this all the time and it's super basic, but it's like actively listening and we're gonna get into some really good ones that are like funner to talk about.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: But I don't think a lot of husbands understand and some wives to understand, how emotionally connecting emotional like, um, actually listening and hearing your spouse how important that is yeah, and you mentioned the podcast and a lot of the questions we get.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: A lot of the men are just like I.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Shouldn't have to be emotionally connected to have sex.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah you do.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: She should just have sex, no.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Like.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy go hand in hand, and that's why we named the podcast the way we named.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: It is the 20 ways to build emotional intimacy for better sexual intimacy in your marriage.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: If the emotional intimacy is good, the likelihood of better sexual intimacy is going to be a lot higher as well, too.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: And that's why we created the app Ultimate Intimacy Because to have that amazing sexual intimacy, spiritual, emotional, like to have all the intimacies, it all stems from emotional connection right.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: For sure, Totally believe that.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, these are really simple things.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: The list.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: The next one is asking your spouse about their day.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: I think that goes both ways.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: You have nothing to say no, I think that's perfect.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I was just.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I was just thinking of a seinfeld episode.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: We're talking about marriage, like how was your day?
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: How was your day?
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: we need to share that so we'll share that.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: That was a good clip how was your day?
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: How was your day?
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: My day was good.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: How was your day?
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: My day was good.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Also, when they're at the dinner table what do you?
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: do I think that that's really important.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: I think that it's over thought about Like how important it is to just be like literally, how was your day?
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: I really want to know what did you do today?
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: Like I was at work, what did you like?
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: How was your work?
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: If both of you work, how was your day at work?
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Like what happened, like what did I don't know.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: It's a great part People that say they have nothing to talk about.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: I just don't get it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I'm speechless, I have nothing to talk about.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: I literally work with my husband all day long and every day, and I could still be like what was the best part of your day-to-day?
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's because our conversations are so deep and riveting.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: And she just Right, no, I'm being serious.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I think that you have to make it that way?
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: No, I'm being serious.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I think that you have to make it that way.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: I'm being serious, Like we shower together sometimes and we have deep conversations.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: It's all about conversation, and sometimes we're talking about things we're like oh, but if I ask Nick what was the best part of his day?
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: he could be like hey, I ran across this blog article about this in marriage.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Best part of my day was seeing my girl.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: Well, okay, yeah, thanks.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: Part of my day was seeing my girl.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Well, I, okay, yeah, thanks.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: But I'm just saying, like you can create conversations from that one question, like, if you really care, that's what it comes down to right, caring about it.
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: Number three is validating his or her feelings, that is I know that sounds simple.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: That is huge for emotional connection, agree.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Agreed Men need that too.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely To feel validated.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: I think that creates respect too, and respect is one of those biggest things that men said they needed.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah Right, feeling validated creates respect.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: I think that's a good one.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: That's a good one Expression appreciation we just did a podcast.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: Well, go ahead, you have less to say on this one.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: No, I think that's one of the biggest things.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I think if you simply expressed appreciation like, babe, thank you so much for doing that, that meant so much to me, thank you for all you do, just something as simple as that Appreciation or gratitude to me is just absolutely huge, huge.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: I I think we did a podcast on the on the three things that if you say these three phrases daily, um, you'll transform your marriage, and I truly believe that like you, you can't have a bad marriage if you're saying I love you, saying I'm thankful for you or I appreciate you, and saying those things on a daily basis I totally agree with with that Totally underrated.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: The next one is just providing emotional support, like we're talking about, like validating and really listening and hearing your spouse, but especially during times where you can feel that your spouse is stressed, feel that your spouse is sad, they're frustrated over, over something.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: I think this one comes down to sensing.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: I think the when a spouse is like really clued in to how their spouses feel, like I can tell that you're stressed today.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: What, why are you stressed?
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: Is there anything I can do to take something off your plate?
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: or I can tell that you're frustrated or you're feeling a little depressed today, like when a spouse, when two spouses are really united, they can almost sense their spouse's emotion and I think that built the emotional connection to be able to sense something shows that you actually care right right sometimes we miss it.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: I mean for sure sometimes we could do a good job hiding it, but sure it means a lot when you actually show that you care.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Like you know, how is your back feeling today.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: How is your back feeling today?
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: It's feeling better.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: Good, it's feeling a lot better.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: Thanks for asking, you're welcome.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Or if you went up to your husband and you're like hey, you just seem kind of stressed, can I give you a shoulder massage?
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: Nick would love that.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah so simple things right, it's a simple thing I'm stressed, I need like.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: You need a full body.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: I know what you're going to say.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: I didn't say that I didn't.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: The next one is encouraging your spouse's dreams or pursuits, like things that they're interested in and, I think, even if they're really simple things or you're like okay, you're not going to be good at that, or whatever.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Not don't say that, but like, even if you doubt them, I think that you should be your spouse's biggest cheerleader, absolutely, even if you don't understand why they're so excited about summer, why they want to do something if it's important to them.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: I don't know why you want to run a marathon.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: It's crazy.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: However, that's important.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: You all support you if If you want to do that, I would support you.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I didn't say I wanted to do that.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Surprising your spouse is the next one.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: And I'm not talking about love language, of gifts.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about, like Nick's favorite thing in the world and most husbands is like surprising them with like initiation card, oh yeah, maybe.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: Or an initiating coupon.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, any type of those surprises.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: I'm surprised and I like those surprises.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: And for women.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: You probably know what she likes.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: You probably know what's meaningful to her.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's her favorite drink, maybe it is a bouquet of flowers, like doing those little things that surprises every once in a while.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: I'm not talking about all the time you don't need to give flowers every week to have great sex but just showing your spouse that, doing little simple things and surprising them with something.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's their favorite meal you show up from.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: Raspberries and strawberries are the way to Amy's heart, that's true, like whatever from raspberries and strawberries are the way to amy's heart.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: That's true, like whatever is the way to their.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Just surprise them once in a while.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: It's simple, it's sweet, it's kind and means the world both ways, right, husbands need this too.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, surprise your man, yes um.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: The next one is being respectful when your spouse shares their thoughts or feelings.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: You're speechless.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Instead of saying that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: That's, yeah, probably a don't do, don't do.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: Well, how would you say that?
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: You would say that is a wonderful idea.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: We're also taught not to lie.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just joking.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: No, yeah.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, getting back to looking at kind of the differences and just yeah, okay, this one comes down to being able to be honest and vulnerable with your spouse.
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: Can your wife go to you, share something and she feels like you respect what she's saying and that you're not just caring about it but that she can be open and vulnerable and that you're really going to care about it like that?
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: One's a really big one and that's hard for a lot of people, right for sure I think we need all work on that, um apologize and forgive we always talk about.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so important, so important, Just letting go of your pride Even.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: I mean just let it go and just apologize.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: I saw a quote the other day that said if you're in the middle of a fight, ask yourself this question Is this going to matter tomorrow?
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: If it's not going to even matter tomorrow, if it's literally that ridiculous of a thing you're fighting over, just let it go.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: If it's, literally that ridiculous of a thing you're fighting over.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Just let it go.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: If it's gonna matter, let it go.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: If it's gonna matter in a month or in a year, it's probably a big deal and it's something that you need to like keep discussing right for sure, yeah, yeah, so for sure ski for sure, ski.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: The next one is speaking your spouse's love language.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: I know we always talk about this so important so and yet so many of us don't do it.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Don't do it or we're weak in this area I admit like I constantly have to be thinking like okay, I gotta, I need to do this, I need to be better at this but at least you're thinking about it and trying like that's.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: All a woman wants is for you to like.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Think about it like I.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: I know what your love language is and I'm thinking about how to speak it well, like that's what means a lot.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: We've said this so many times, but a lot of times we just assume our spouse's love language is the same as ours, right, like if I want to make love, then right.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Why doesn't amy want to make love?
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: And and most of the time it's going to be different.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: So it's so important to find out your spouse's love language.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: If you don't know that, go take the quiz for a couple minutes on the Ultimate Intimacy app and find that out.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Those couple minutes and it's free will be a game changer for you.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: And then have the conversation after hey, your physical touch, I'm acts of service.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: How can I do better, how can you do better, how can we both do better to speak each other's language?
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: So we're just feeling all intimate.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: All the time I love it.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: The next one, nick, really, really loves, I'm sure, speak to me baby, speak to me.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: Showing physical affection.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's huge physical affection and touch, I'm gonna add yeah.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: So I'm a physical touch guy and I this may sound really silly, but I think a lot of other guys are like this as well too.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: So I'm a physical touch guy.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: So sometimes, rather than amy physically touching me, like if I give her a back rub or hold hands or make love, like that is fulfilling my physical touch.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: So so it's, it's funny Like oftentimes I'm like Amy, can I give you a back rub?
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: She's like, oh, you don't need to.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I really want to.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: I'm a physical touch guy, I want to touch your body and that's and and yeah, that sounds selfish I mean, yeah, I'm, you know I'm touching her body.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: It's just something else.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: But anyways, I don't want to get off subject here, but uh, yeah, I think a lot of other men are like that.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Like I agree, they, they, even even if I'm physical touch, it doesn't mean you have to be touching me, but allowing me to touch you fulfills that physical touch as well, too.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: And I just want to state on this one I don't care if you're a non-physical touch person, I'm not really a physical touch Like.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: I don't need him to be all over me or always holding my hand, like I just I don't really need a lot of physical touch.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: But, regardless, physical touch is so important in every marriage, no matter what, like that's not something that you can let go of physical touch is just kind of like the unspoken language right, everybody like, even just like holding hands or giving a hug or kissing or whatever.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: It's just.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: It just reinforces that you're committed to each other, you love each other.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: There's something about it.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Well, and I've never met a wife ever that didn't like her husband holding her hand Like never.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: Like if that's something that you lack in and you're just like I don't even know what.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: My wife's not really a physical touch person or vice versa.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: Just hold her hand on date night or hold it in the car once in a while, amy is not a physical touch person.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: You're not no, but I love it when you grab my hand, so that's what I was gonna say is like she, she doesn't need a kiss or a hug or anything like that, but I still do those things I do feel loved by that, even if it's I don't.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: I don't think I'm needing it.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if I don't think I'm needing it I still need it, and that's I don't care who you are, I don't think I'm needing it.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: I still need it, and that's.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: I don't care who you are, I don't care if you're a husband or a wife.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: Physical touch and I'm talking non-sexual physical touch too Like we still need to be hugged, kissed, embraced and holding hands, like those things still need to happen for a loving marriage.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: And like you've said before too.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Like, maybe your love language isn't physical touch, because I'm always giving you that right, and so think about that too.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Like, just because your wife's love language isn't a certain thing, that doesn't mean you just completely neglect it and stop it.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: It may not be her love language, maybe, because hopefully you're already fulfilling that.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: So right, right.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we touched on that one, okay.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: The next one is to celebrate your spouse.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: We're talking like little things, like I had to play a song in our church yesterday and I was stressed out and just celebrate hey, baby, you did such a great job, I'm so proud of you.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: That means the world to me and vice versa.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: Like little tiny things that your spouse does.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: Like I told Nick yesterday, I said the grass in our yard.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: I did I just say this.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: I hope you heard me.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Even the kids said this yesterday.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: Nick struggles with like making our grass look amazing.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: He's done an amazing job this year and all of us were like dad, we probably should have said it better.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: We probably should take pictures too, because it might not last long.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: I think the kids were like you actually made the grass look good this year.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Maybe we could have rephrased that a little bit better.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: Like you did an exceptional job on the grass this year.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: What did you do wrong?
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: The grass looks green.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: Wrong or right.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: It looks amazing.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: Hats off to you this year for that.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: So I think I think that in marriage we kind of get in this complacent where we're like he does this, she does this.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: And I think I think that in marriage we kind of get in this complacent where we're like he does this, she does this, and I think that we can do better at celebrating each other's little successes of course the big ones, like I think most marriages are good at that.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: Right, like you got a promotion, let's go celebrate talking about like the little things, like you did really good at that today, or we made it through the day without yelling at our kids.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Let's go out to eat by the two of us.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: If that's a problem, yes, I'm joking.
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: That works too.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: So do you have anything to add to?
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: that no, I was perfect.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: I think that Okay.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: So as human beings, we get bored in our life.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: We get bored in our can make marriage more fun.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: If we just had more celebrations, more parties, right?
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: party for everything.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: Let's, let's do it let's do it party for everything cake ice cream if we could be more positive and be like, hey, if we do this, this and this, hey, if we could go.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: If you struggle with like arguing, be like okay, let's go five days without any arguments and let us have a big celebration about it.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: Like I think people celebrated little things more and made a bigger deal.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: After day five, we'll just have a huge argument.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Let's celebrate.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: No, no, that's when you have like lots of sex or something.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: That's way better.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a way better one.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: Okay, the next one is respecting boundaries, and I know we talk about this all the time.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: But if you want to build emotional industry, industry, emotional intimacy and connection, trust is where it's at Building trust.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: And how do you build trust?
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: By building trust.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Wrong answer, that is a good answer Boundaries, boundaries.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: Remember that thing we just talked about like one podcast.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right, yeah, boundaries if you want to build trust, boundaries, boundaries follow.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Setting the boundaries together, then following that well, first, if you want to build trust, you got to do it, you got to do it yeah, you first have to do it, then you talk about boundaries yeah oh yeah, or boundaries first yeah, yeah either one, it'll get you there oh my gosh, the last one, nick, can guess it um bird watching together no I have no idea buying dogs buying dogs?
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: No, that's not on there.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: No way, that's not.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Let me look at the computer.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: That's for me, that's mine, if you want to plan?
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: Let me guess plan quality time together yep date night yeah, that's I'm sorry this has to be the last one on the list, because it's most important quality time I'm like the date night nazi, like there's nothing you're against it?
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: no, I'm saying there's nothing getting in our way of dating oh like I yeah, it's, it's happening, it's happening in here it's happening yeah it's about quality time and we get.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: A lot of people are like we have young kids, we don't have anyone to tend oh, those are excuses not always, not always.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you can have young kids and still prioritize a date night together.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Date night doesn't have to mean you have to do certain things that doesn't mean you have to go out, you could you could be at home and watching a movie together with popcorn you could that's not intentional you could have naked movie nights, you could have naked game nights, you could have you, you know whatever whatever it could be it could be a myriad.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: It's about intention.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly Date night is about intention and that's why we're ending on intention, because if you want to build emotional intimacy, if you'll notice intention, like summed up, that entire list, like every single thing on that list, is about being intentional with your spouse and that's what makes a wife and a husband feel loved Is effort, caring and intention.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: They kind of all go hand in hand.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally agree.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: All right, that's the end of the list.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: So we're done.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't want that to be like, oh my gosh, you have to be doing all those things Like that's a lot, like we listed a lot of ways to build emotional intimacy, but it always comes down to the basics, which is respect and appreciation and affection and just loving and caring, right Like there's just there's basic ones and then there's ones to make it even better.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: But for spouses that are doing those things, your sexual intimacy is going to be much better as well, and that's why we talk about if the emotional intimacy is there, the things that you can do to build the emotional intimacy is going to lead to the bedroom, because foreplay starts in the morning, and who doesn't want things to lead to the bedroom?
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: well, a lot of wives would raise their hands, but it's because they're not feeling emotionally connected, and that's why this list has come exactly, and I again, I think if a wife is feeling emotionally connected with her husband, she's going to have that desire to be, connected intimately, agreed, so follow these things and Watch your sex life improve, which is what we all want for you.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: Absolutely Right, absolutely.