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“I Miss Being Alive” — Two Years on the Other Side · Mediumship Sparks-The Next Chapter

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to Mediumship Sparks, a place for people who want
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Speaker 1: to create the spiritual life they actually want to live in. Together,
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Speaker 1: we're going to explore the many ways we're invited into
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Speaker 1: greater awareness, deeper healing, and self-trust. The insights, ideas, experiences
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Speaker 1: shared here are offered to spark curiosity and invite a
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Speaker 1: deeper exploration of what's unfolding within and around you. May
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Speaker 1: these conversations help you discover what feels deeply, quietly true
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Speaker 1: for you. I'm Noelle Dean, intuitive medium and licensed marriage
0:29
Speaker 1: and family therapist. Quick note before we begin, the podcast
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Speaker 1: is for educational purposes only and provides general information. It's
0:37
Speaker 1: not medical or psychological advice and not a substitute for
0:40
Speaker 1: care from a licensed health professional. Now let's dive in.
0:46
Speaker 2: Hello. I had a very.
0:48
Speaker 1: Interesting experience that I wanted to share. It's been on
0:50
Speaker 1: my heart to record an episode with my sister, Lisa,
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Speaker 1: who passed away almost two years ago last week. I
0:59
Speaker 1: was listening on Instagram and there's a musical called Rock
1:03
Speaker 1: of Ages that's coming around San Diego. I hear them
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Speaker 1: singing the song, Here.
1:09
Speaker 2: I Go Again.
1:10
Speaker 1: Here I go again on my own, going down the
1:13
Speaker 1: only road I've ever known. And I can feel the
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Speaker 1: emotion of that. I saw this message that she misses
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Speaker 1: being alive. And of all the people on the other
1:23
Speaker 1: side I've connected with, nobody's ever said that. Tears were
1:26
Speaker 1: coming down my face as I'm tuning into how she's feeling.
1:31
Speaker 1: And it felt like this was a moment to capture
1:33
Speaker 1: and to share. And she must have something important to share.
1:37
Speaker 1: So it may not sound different when my sister comes through.
1:41
Speaker 1: And if this is the first time you're listening, this
1:43
Speaker 1: is something I do. pretty regularly have a guest not
1:48
Speaker 1: in a body. I try to be good about saying,
1:51
Speaker 1: now she's saying this, or now he is saying this,
1:54
Speaker 1: and then I'm receiving the information from them like I
1:57
Speaker 1: would in any reading or communication. I'll see words or
2:00
Speaker 1: I'll get songs or feelings, physical sensations, whatever I get,
2:04
Speaker 1: I'll describe as best as I can so that you
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Speaker 1: get to feel everything I'm capable of capturing.
2:11
Speaker 2: Let me tell you a little bit about my sister.
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Speaker 1: She passed two years ago on August 24th. And we
2:17
Speaker 1: had been estranged for about 11 years. When she first passed,
2:23
Speaker 1: it was a little bit dicey to connect with her.
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Speaker 2: It felt weird.
2:27
Speaker 1: Now she's going to bring information through as I'm speaking.
2:30
Speaker 1: So what I'm going to say is going to be
2:34
Speaker 1: a collaboration of the two of us. And then there
2:38
Speaker 1: are times it's just going to be her. And I'll
2:40
Speaker 1: let you know when that's happening as best I can.
2:43
Speaker 1: At her one year passing anniversary. We hadn't interacted very
2:47
Speaker 1: much for a while. She and my grandmother would show
2:50
Speaker 1: up often when I was recording a podcast episode, which
2:53
Speaker 1: was really sweet and always felt very supportive, but she
2:56
Speaker 1: was very quiet.
2:58
Speaker 2: At her one year mark, August 24th.
3:01
Speaker 1: 2025, I relaunched this podcast and she was my first guest.
3:06
Speaker 2: We had a long conversation.
3:07
Speaker 1: I broke it up into three different episodes and she
3:10
Speaker 1: shared stuff about what she's learning or what she's noticing
3:14
Speaker 1: or perspective shift that she has now. Some of it
3:18
Speaker 1: was related to our relationship, but certainly not all. It
3:21
Speaker 1: was stuff that she wanted to share with you, too.
3:25
Speaker 1: We've had some really beautiful moments since. There have been
3:28
Speaker 1: many moments since that one-year mark. I almost always feel
3:32
Speaker 1: like she's sitting in the car with me, dancing and
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Speaker 1: singing with me. If a great song hits and I
3:38
Speaker 1: turn it up, she's brought many messages to my husband,
3:40
Speaker 1: who I is still struggling with forgiving some of the
3:44
Speaker 1: behavioral stuff that happened when she was still in her body.
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Speaker 2: She cooks with me at times.
3:50
Speaker 1: I don't cook very often, but she'll help me figure
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Speaker 1: out spices to add and that kind of thing. It's
3:56
Speaker 1: been nice to have these surprises and we're not in
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Speaker 1: contact every day or every week. It's consistent enough. And
4:03
Speaker 1: the tone has become consistent enough to be positive, which
4:07
Speaker 1: I appreciate. And my impression is, at the one year
4:11
Speaker 1: mark was that she had done some healing to come
4:14
Speaker 1: back and be supportive with the work that I do,
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Speaker 1: including this podcast.
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Speaker 2: She wants me to mention this.
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Speaker 1: So we have a cousin that my sister was always
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Speaker 1: very close with and me not. And on my sister's
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Speaker 1: passing anniversary, I debated about sending a text to my cousin,
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Speaker 1: which I do only for big things. And it's just
4:36
Speaker 1: maybe a sentence and I get a response, but that's
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Speaker 1: kind of it.
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Speaker 2: And I think my sister was pretty pleased. Would you
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Speaker 2: agree with that, Lisa? You're pretty pleased.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, she says yes, always. That she had the relationship
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Speaker 1: with our cousin and not me. And you wouldn't have
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Speaker 1: maybe known that by looking at my sister or listening
4:58
Speaker 1: to her. But I think she's agreeing with the word devious.
5:02
Speaker 1: There were ways that she was devious against me.
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Speaker 2: Anyway, I was asking on.
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Speaker 1: my sister's recent passing anniversary, should I send this text
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Speaker 1: to my cousin letting her know I'm thinking of her?
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Speaker 1: And I got a no. And it was the first
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Speaker 1: time I've questioned my sister's intention since a year ago.
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Speaker 2: Are you just saying.
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Speaker 1: That because you still want us to be separate or
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Speaker 1: is it really just not the right thing? And she's
5:28
Speaker 1: saying it was pretty clean to not reach out. I
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Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that came from a good place
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Speaker 1: because that might've been something that I want to say
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Speaker 1: the old or living Lisa would have said. Yeah, she's
5:39
Speaker 1: saying now that I was suspicious. And I think rightfully,
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Speaker 1: she's saying she agrees 100%.
5:44
Speaker 2: Okay.
5:46
Speaker 1: And she's saying that she still stands by her response.
5:49
Speaker 2: That brings us up to today.
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Speaker 1: Just before I decided to record, I hear this music
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Speaker 1: from the 80s, Whitesnake. And I feel this wave of
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Speaker 1: emotion and I see the words, I miss being alive.
6:03
Speaker 1: I wanted to give her a chance to share more
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Speaker 1: about that. Are you surprised that you feel that way, Lisa?
6:09
Speaker 1: She's saying 100% sure I should share. My sister tended
6:12
Speaker 1: to be a very dramatic communicator, and I don't think
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Speaker 1: that's changed. So she'll give overly emphatic answers sometimes. So
6:19
Speaker 1: you got to take it with a couple of grains
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Speaker 1: of salt. What did you mean by you miss being alive?
6:25
Speaker 1: She's showing a visual as if it were her in
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Speaker 1: my bathroom hearing that song come on and how she
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Speaker 1: would have started sort of 80s headbanging. This would have
6:35
Speaker 1: been music we grew up on and really loved. She's
6:38
Speaker 1: saying there are essences and sensations that she truly misses,
6:44
Speaker 1: thinking of her husband. And I believe she's saying one
6:48
Speaker 1: of them is being touched by him. She's giving me
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Speaker 1: this visual. She's sharing her thoughts with me in a
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Speaker 1: way I don't think she's done before. Imagine remembering how
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Speaker 1: it felt to have somebody touch us. that we really love,
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Speaker 1: somebody that touched us many times, but trying to remember
7:07
Speaker 1: what their caress feels like. And you're trying to have
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Speaker 1: this sensory memory. So that's what it feels like she
7:13
Speaker 1: is still capable of doing, but you're also aware it
7:16
Speaker 1: doesn't really compete with the real thing. Now she's saying
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Speaker 1: the percentage of realness that feels created is 80%.
7:25
Speaker 2: That 20% that is.
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Speaker 1: Missing is a big part of And she's showing me
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Speaker 1: big in capital letters. She's trying to resist saying huge,
7:39
Speaker 1: trying not to be so dramatic. It's just a huge
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Speaker 1: part of what makes a lifetime worthwhile. Now I feel
7:46
Speaker 1: with her the sadness of that and the empathy for
7:49
Speaker 1: her that she no longer has that thing that she
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Speaker 1: loved so much. She's saying that her life was, first
7:58
Speaker 1: she said a trial and now she's saying a quick trial.
8:01
Speaker 1: She did pass when she was 58. So she was
8:04
Speaker 1: still quite young. What did you mean by trial? And
8:08
Speaker 1: she's saying she had mental health issues. She had some
8:12
Speaker 1: self-inflicted physical stuff.
8:15
Speaker 2: She had IBS.
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Speaker 1: She just didn't eat in a healthy way. Is that
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Speaker 1: fair to say, Lisa? Yeah. And she's saying she was
8:21
Speaker 1: severely overweight. She was about 100 pounds overweight. And that
8:25
Speaker 1: would be taxing on a body. So she's calling those
8:28
Speaker 1: her trials, burdens that she had to carry. or that
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Speaker 1: she chose to carry while she was here. Now she's
8:35
Speaker 1: showing a visual of her in their old kitchen and
8:41
Speaker 1: cooking something for him. I can almost smell or recall
8:45
Speaker 1: the smell of onions and peppers sauteing and how you
8:50
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, this is going to be good.
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Speaker 2: Like that kind of enthusiasm.
8:55
Speaker 1: She's about to put ground beef in there or maybe
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Speaker 1: it's some kind of ground meat. And then that would
9:01
Speaker 1: have had its own sort of scent sensation. Oh, and
9:05
Speaker 1: now she's saying she would serve that over broccoli. I
9:08
Speaker 1: know this is very specific about a dish, but she's
9:10
Speaker 1: sharing the memory with us. She's saying it's these little memories,
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Speaker 1: like the recall of which reminds you that you're missing
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Speaker 1: these things. And not that where she is at isn't
9:21
Speaker 1: bliss because it is in its own right. But there's
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Speaker 1: no mistake that it's distinctly different, she's saying. It's distinctly
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Speaker 1: two separate worlds, she's saying. And now she's saying that
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Speaker 1: when she was here, when she's carnated, she doesn't miss
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Speaker 1: being on the other side because there is no memory
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Speaker 1: of it.
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Speaker 2: Now she's showing.
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Speaker 1: Two or three years old. You start to lose all
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Speaker 1: recollection of it being in the afterlife, she's calling it.
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Speaker 2: What else do you want to say about that?
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Speaker 1: It's the principle of there's a distinctive time of change.
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Speaker 1: that comes in one's life or lifetime. And it feels
10:04
Speaker 1: catastrophic right before it's happening. And then she's bringing me
10:09
Speaker 1: back to, we weren't in contact, but this is what
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Speaker 1: I did hear about. She had cancer and she'd gone
10:16
Speaker 1: through a lot of treatment for About a year and
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Speaker 1: a half, she's confirming that. She was told three, four
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Speaker 1: or five days before she left the earth, she was
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Speaker 1: given the news she wasn't recovering.
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Speaker 2: She's using the term give up. So you gave up then.
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Speaker 1: She stopped resisting and fighting, she's saying. And she's saying
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Speaker 1: you can blather away all the good reasons you don't
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Speaker 1: want to leave. Aside from the environment, like your home
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Speaker 1: and the lifestyle you're accustomed to, She's showing me her
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Speaker 1: husband and their cats and family members and friends. She's
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Speaker 1: showing their faces, people that I also know. She's using
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Speaker 1: the term self-defeating to try to resist. So I guess
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Speaker 1: at that very end point, you give up resisting and
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Speaker 1: fighting against it, she's saying. And then somehow you find
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Speaker 1: peace to let go. Oh, she hasn't shown me this before.
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Speaker 1: I guess I haven't asked about the moment of. And
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Speaker 1: now I'm seeing the same grandmother, Grandma Elsie, showing up.
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Speaker 2: And meeting her.
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Speaker 1: There are a variety of people behind Grandma Elsie in
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Speaker 1: this visual that Lisa's sharing. It's almost like she's showing
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Speaker 1: me this from the perspective of me sitting bedside to her.
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Speaker 1: And she's laying in the bed, getting ready to transition.
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Speaker 2: There's a variety of.
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Speaker 1: Souls, and our grandmother, Elsie, is the closest to Lisa,
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Speaker 1: reaching her hand out. And she can see those that
11:50
Speaker 1: are also behind grandma Elsie. But grandma Elsie's like right
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Speaker 1: in front there. Lisa's saying she just realized there's no
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Speaker 1: need to be scared. She's saying now you think you'll
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Speaker 1: be mooning and pining for all that you left behind,
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Speaker 1: but it's all just a thought away. Reminders are everywhere.
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Speaker 1: And as she's giving me those words, I'm also seeing
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Speaker 1: a visual at the same time of being able to
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Speaker 1: watch over like her husband and other people.
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Speaker 2: Like she can easily pop in.
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Speaker 1: She's saying that mostly that takes the sting out. Just
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Speaker 1: as she says that, there's also this wave that comes
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Speaker 1: right behind that of the knowing of she's got.
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Speaker 2: It made where she is too. She's in a very
12:37
Speaker 2: good place.
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Speaker 1: She's saying surrounded with love and with goodness right now
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Speaker 1: and always up there. She's reminding us when it's that
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Speaker 1: time for each one of us and that time will
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Speaker 1: come to just remember that however fearful you may be,
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Speaker 1: there's also this relaxation moment of when it happens. She's
13:06
Speaker 1: saying maybe everybody's a little bit like me. I thought
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Speaker 1: it was going to be so hard or painful or something.
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Speaker 1: And then it's like, I just take a step and
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Speaker 1: then I'm there on the other side. And all of
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Speaker 1: this suffering and difficult body sensations are over and gone.
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Speaker 2: And she's using a term that's, wow.
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Speaker 1: It's like you step outside of yourself and you step
13:30
Speaker 1: truly into the essence of yourself once again, and you're free.
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Speaker 1: She's saying, you feel beautiful, pretty.
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Speaker 2: You laugh.
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Speaker 1: Things are so much lighter. It's like bliss, except there's
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Speaker 1: work to do. She's saying it's a big, beautiful world
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Speaker 1: on the other side. You just can't remember it right now.
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Speaker 1: Maybe in ecstatic dance or transcendental meditation, you might find
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Speaker 1: a glimpse of how you've experienced it in the past
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Speaker 1: or future. But a reminder for right now is no
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Speaker 1: judgment about how you've lived. More compassion than you've ever expected.
14:23
Speaker 1: She's saying hers was an unexpected outcome. I was graciously
14:29
Speaker 1: welcomed by friends, family, most importantly, my cat, Peppy. That
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Speaker 1: was her soul cat. She's showing me other animals that
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Speaker 1: we had as children. She's saying it's so much more than.
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Speaker 2: Expected to be.
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Speaker 1: She's saying that she couldn't remember until she got back
14:51
Speaker 1: over there.
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Speaker 2: And then she became.
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Speaker 1: Reoriented to how she keeps using the word blissful, wonderful.
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Speaker 1: It feels to be on the other side. She's saying
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Speaker 1: the only suffering is being aware of the suffering of
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Speaker 1: those over here. And there can be an angst about
15:09
Speaker 1: that on that side. And she's saying, but you have
15:12
Speaker 1: the good faith in people that they work things out.
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Speaker 1: She's showing the different perspective of somebody who passes from
15:20
Speaker 1: the perspective of someone who's already on that other side.
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Speaker 1: She's saying it like to us over here, the worst
15:26
Speaker 1: case scenario is that somebody passes or we pass. And
15:32
Speaker 1: from her perspective, being on the other side, it's almost like,
15:38
Speaker 1: no tragedy in that scenario. She's giving an example. She's
15:42
Speaker 1: showing a visual of somebody in a really bad car
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Speaker 1: accident and they pass. Had they survived, they would have
15:50
Speaker 1: felt the sensation, path alert, they would have felt the
15:54
Speaker 1: physical sensations of their body feeling crushed and breaking the
15:59
Speaker 1: hearts of their loved ones as they're still right there.
16:02
Speaker 1: She's contrasting that with What would also feel like a
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Speaker 1: great tragedy, somebody surviving that and then spending the next
16:10
Speaker 1: umpteen number of years of their life. She's showing somebody
16:13
Speaker 1: unable to use their hands and it looks like they
16:16
Speaker 1: have very little body strength. So their ability to rehabilitate
16:21
Speaker 1: would be extremely limited. And that would have also been
16:23
Speaker 1: a great tragedy, but it seems less tragic to.
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Speaker 2: Us when we're here than them passing.
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Speaker 1: But on the other side, they look at it like
16:33
Speaker 1: we see somebody get into a terrible car accident. Somebody
16:36
Speaker 1: blows the whistle.
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Speaker 2: Okay, it's quitting time. Come on back.
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Speaker 1: And the person comes back unscathed versus the person who
16:44
Speaker 1: had the tragic chunk of time where they were feeling
16:48
Speaker 1: the crush. in their body or the suffering of many
16:52
Speaker 1: years of being unambulatory, not really being able to move
16:56
Speaker 1: on their own. Somebody who could never again tie their shoelaces.
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Speaker 1: So I feel like we should switch gears here, Lisa,
17:02
Speaker 1: for you to talk about some other things that you've
17:06
Speaker 1: learned on the other side. And thank you for sharing
17:08
Speaker 1: your honest perspective on the things that you miss. Is
17:12
Speaker 1: there anything else you want to share about what you
17:14
Speaker 1: missed before I move on? No. Okay. So Is there
17:17
Speaker 1: something that you feel like you've learned that's worth sharing
17:20
Speaker 1: other than what you've already said? No. Seeing the term
17:26
Speaker 1: words of peace. She's encouraging us to take these words
17:30
Speaker 1: of peace into our hearts. She's saying that she's making
17:34
Speaker 1: a quote grand statement for those on the other side
17:37
Speaker 1: and that this doesn't count for individuals, but as a whole,
17:42
Speaker 1: she's saying she has gathered this.
17:45
Speaker 2: Through other groups.
17:46
Speaker 1: So it's not just her perspective. She's showing somebody like
17:49
Speaker 1: a grieving widow. It feels like there's this dilemma of
17:54
Speaker 1: encouraging people not to suffer because those that they love
17:57
Speaker 1: have passed away. And that's unrealistic. But if we see
18:02
Speaker 1: life as more of an experiment and we understand it's finite,
18:08
Speaker 1: and she's saying, and this is the tragedy of not
18:10
Speaker 1: remembering what's on the other side.
18:12
Speaker 2: Try this on.
18:13
Speaker 1: If we remembered, that being on the other side is
18:17
Speaker 1: rather blissful. We get to hang out with whoever else
18:21
Speaker 1: is up there. If we choose to watch over those
18:23
Speaker 1: that we love and care about that are still here
18:26
Speaker 1: and enjoy certain things vicariously through them, then in some
18:30
Speaker 1: ways it's like there is no missing out. Like for her,
18:35
Speaker 1: she's talking about these experiences with her husband that she.
18:38
Speaker 2: Does truly miss.
18:40
Speaker 1: It's not to take away from the things that are
18:42
Speaker 1: truly meant to grieve. But if we all remembered that
18:47
Speaker 1: it's just like a game, like it's going to be
18:50
Speaker 1: over at some point and then we'll all have a
18:53
Speaker 1: restart or a reboot, it would feel way less tragic,
18:57
Speaker 1: but we wouldn't take it so seriously. And she's sharing
19:02
Speaker 1: that's both good and bad and there's no real balance
19:05
Speaker 1: in that. And the spiritual balance she's suggesting is to
19:10
Speaker 1: accept it's acting in a role and but I embraced
19:16
Speaker 1: that role. I came for reasons that only feel true,
19:20
Speaker 1: that might feel like secrets in my heart. But there
19:25
Speaker 1: are very good reasons that each of us individually have
19:31
Speaker 1: chose to live again and again each time. And it
19:36
Speaker 1: feels like she wants to say, but doesn't want to say, oh,
19:39
Speaker 1: don't worry about all the little details. It's not that important.
19:44
Speaker 1: But she understands that's dishonoring because we all get so
19:48
Speaker 1: invested in exploring and exchanging with others while we're here.
19:54
Speaker 2: And I can feel some real emotion behind that from her.
19:58
Speaker 1: It's like we care so much while we're here to
20:00
Speaker 1: make this scenario.
20:02
Speaker 2: Work, whatever we've set up with our life. She's showing
20:05
Speaker 2: her home.
20:07
Speaker 1: She had so meticulously decorated and The things that were
20:11
Speaker 1: important to her, the things that she had in her
20:15
Speaker 1: everyday life. And saying they just seem like they're the
20:18
Speaker 1: end all be all, like nothing else really seems to
20:20
Speaker 1: matter outside of those things.
20:23
Speaker 2: Those people in your everyday life.
20:26
Speaker 1: And then when you cross over, you get what she's
20:29
Speaker 1: calling some real perspective. You encounter the true perspective of
20:35
Speaker 1: why the whys of everything that was important to you.
20:40
Speaker 1: Not everything in the world or on the planet, but
20:42
Speaker 1: everything that was important to you in this life. And
20:46
Speaker 1: you genuinely review that life. What lessons did you truly,
20:54
Speaker 1: deeply learn and embrace for the change, the distinctive understanding
21:02
Speaker 1: it would provide to your individual soul and the collective?
21:09
Speaker 1: or collectives that you came to be a part of
21:13
Speaker 1: this journey with? And how did you treat each other?
21:17
Speaker 1: And what have you learned by that? Were you the
21:20
Speaker 1: perpetrator or the passive put upon person this time? And
21:26
Speaker 1: how was that? And can you not escape? Can you
21:31
Speaker 1: have escaped without learning more about compassion? I feel like
21:35
Speaker 1: what she's sharing is reviewing that life, seeing where you
21:38
Speaker 1: got off balance and then reviewing what really happened and
21:42
Speaker 1: how can I understand the wounds that I inflicted upon others?
21:49
Speaker 2: How can I get that so deeply?
21:51
Speaker 1: She's showing the visual of a dairy farm and having
21:55
Speaker 1: a life where you're the farmer and then having a
21:57
Speaker 1: life where you're the cow. She's saying that's the lesson.
22:02
Speaker 1: being the duck hunter and then being a duck, being
22:06
Speaker 1: a fisherman and being a worm. She says that simple
22:11
Speaker 1: contrast brings a world of lessons. She's encouraging us to
22:17
Speaker 1: think about those two swaying perspectives.
22:22
Speaker 2: Can you see both?
22:23
Speaker 1: She's encouraging me, can I see my perspective? And can
22:28
Speaker 1: I also see my husband's of how he experiences me
22:32
Speaker 1: and what I'm doing or other people in my life.
22:35
Speaker 1: She's saying that it's inescapable to create a balance either
22:39
Speaker 1: in your favor or your foe's favor. Is there a
22:44
Speaker 1: foe like enemy versus you perspective going on?
22:50
Speaker 2: And why is that?
22:51
Speaker 1: Where is that coming from?
22:52
Speaker 2: Oh, and she just flashed me back. I had a dream.
22:56
Speaker 1: I want to say it was last night and I
22:59
Speaker 1: saw There was a woman who very much bullied me
23:04
Speaker 1: in like grade. In this dream, I saw her. She
23:07
Speaker 1: looked amazing.
23:08
Speaker 2: In real life, if I saw this.
23:11
Speaker 1: Person at a high school reunion, I wouldn't really know
23:13
Speaker 1: how to act. Would I go over and say hello?
23:16
Speaker 1: Would I not?
23:18
Speaker 2: That would be uncomfortable.
23:19
Speaker 1: But in this dream she's reminding me of right now, man.
23:23
Speaker 2: She just looks so gorgeous. I felt compelled to go over.
23:27
Speaker 1: Maybe... She also exuded some good energy. And so I
23:32
Speaker 1: couldn't help but feel that towards her. And I was like,
23:35
Speaker 1: I didn't care about this old stuff. It all washed away.
23:38
Speaker 2: And you're bringing that up.
23:40
Speaker 1: Because I feel like the washed away part is the
23:43
Speaker 1: important part. I wouldn't have thought she was going there.
23:47
Speaker 1: But it's when we're on the other side, we look
23:49
Speaker 1: back on those sort of moments. Let's say maybe this
23:52
Speaker 1: wasn't a high school reunion dream. Maybe it was being
23:54
Speaker 1: on the other side kind of flashed. Where it's all
23:58
Speaker 1: the angst and crap that was between me and this
24:01
Speaker 1: person that I felt about this person and their impact
24:04
Speaker 1: on me.
24:05
Speaker 2: Maybe we're just laughing about it. Oh my God, look
24:07
Speaker 2: at you. You look great. Oh yeah, that part sucked.
24:10
Speaker 2: I didn't like that at all.
24:11
Speaker 1: Just so you know, you did a great job of
24:12
Speaker 1: being the bully I couldn't escape from.
24:15
Speaker 2: Anyway, but how have you been? What's going on? You
24:16
Speaker 2: look amazing.
24:17
Speaker 1: Something like that. The washes away part feels really important. Yeah.
24:25
Speaker 1: she's flashing a few other people to my mind that
24:27
Speaker 1: I've known in this life. We're all still here. That
24:31
Speaker 1: even if I let bygones be bygones with certain people,
24:35
Speaker 1: I wouldn't let them back into my life. So it's
24:39
Speaker 1: not like I'm not, learning the lesson. I'm learning a
24:41
Speaker 1: lesson from it, but I'm also seeing the possibility of
24:45
Speaker 1: not holding a grudge. Wow.
24:47
Speaker 2: Look at you.
24:48
Speaker 1: You look great.
24:48
Speaker 2: Let me give you a hug.
24:49
Speaker 1: Okay. I'm going to go over here though, because we're
24:50
Speaker 1: not reinventing this relationship. It just was very unhealthy before,
24:54
Speaker 1: but I'm glad you're doing well. And I'm going to
24:57
Speaker 1: go over here. And that could be the whole extent
25:00
Speaker 1: of it. And she's saying that's part of the self-trust.
25:04
Speaker 1: I know part of this is about me because she's
25:06
Speaker 1: showing me somebody that I felt at some point, very
25:09
Speaker 1: taken advantage of. I hope they're doing well, but I
25:12
Speaker 1: have no interest in being in a relationship with that
25:14
Speaker 1: person again. And I'm clear on that. I can act
25:18
Speaker 1: more oblivious. Oh yeah, but that was a long time ago.
25:21
Speaker 1: And when you see the truth of how people view
25:24
Speaker 1: or don't view you or treat you or don't treat you,
25:26
Speaker 1: I have to be like, don't be an idiot, Noel.
25:30
Speaker 1: Pay attention to these things. I don't have to hold
25:33
Speaker 1: a grudge against that person. And yet I can be
25:36
Speaker 1: wise in the choices I make in this life of
25:39
Speaker 1: who I interact with. And this is one of those
25:41
Speaker 1: moments it feels like this is my sister's message coming
25:44
Speaker 1: through as she's helping me see an example in my
25:47
Speaker 1: real life and explain it so that we can all
25:50
Speaker 1: get something from this. Yeah, that don't be an idiot
25:55
Speaker 1: isn't meant to be harmful toward ourselves, but it's to
25:58
Speaker 1: be wiser about life. She's saying as you feel proud
26:02
Speaker 1: of who you become as you age, you get wiser
26:06
Speaker 1: about these kinds of things. So you might be like,
26:09
Speaker 1: I make such better choices for myself. I feel great
26:11
Speaker 1: about that part. I love who I love. I get
26:14
Speaker 1: entangled with who I care to with and everything else
26:18
Speaker 1: I just leave at the door. She loved that part
26:23
Speaker 1: about when she was on the earth. I saw the
26:25
Speaker 1: word anniversary. Do you want to say something about the
26:28
Speaker 1: anniversary of your passing? No, it's about her wedding anniversary.
26:32
Speaker 1: She would do a lot of reconsidering of things she
26:35
Speaker 1: would want to change about each of her anniversaries. I
26:40
Speaker 1: wish I did more or less of this for her
26:42
Speaker 1: husband or things that she would incorporate in her life.
26:46
Speaker 1: As the years passed by, she would wish less each
26:50
Speaker 1: time that she would become different. She learned acceptance by
26:58
Speaker 1: reality checking and gratitude. She was extremely grateful for the
27:03
Speaker 1: life she shared with her loving husband. He offered acceptance
27:08
Speaker 1: and unconditional love in so many ways she'd never felt previously,
27:13
Speaker 1: not from friends nor family. And she cherished and adored
27:18
Speaker 1: him every day. And she says, make no mistake, I
27:21
Speaker 1: didn't waste a moment of that time.
27:25
Speaker 2: That was great.
27:26
Speaker 1: She's acknowledging that there was a whole other universe available
27:29
Speaker 1: to her that she could did not choose to nurture
27:33
Speaker 1: within herself. And she did not regret that while she
27:39
Speaker 1: was still living on earth. But now she sees how
27:43
Speaker 1: she could have invested herself and her time differently. She
27:47
Speaker 1: did get into doing some artwork the last several years,
27:51
Speaker 1: she's saying. And she did truly enjoy that. But she
27:56
Speaker 1: gave up on having a passion outside of her husband.
28:00
Speaker 1: And She's saying she was reasonably satisfied most of the time,
28:05
Speaker 1: but she also had to block that out because she
28:09
Speaker 1: knew she never reached any other kind of potential. Jealous.
28:13
Speaker 1: I've always had to have jobs where I have a
28:15
Speaker 1: real sense of purpose or I just would feel very lost.
28:19
Speaker 1: And I went to school for that and she didn't.
28:21
Speaker 1: We had very different lives in that way. So she
28:24
Speaker 1: said jealous and our mother often would bring up how
28:27
Speaker 1: she thought my sister was jealous of me because of
28:30
Speaker 1: those things. And I didn't really believe that. I still
28:34
Speaker 1: don't really believe that. But maybe you can tell me now,
28:38
Speaker 1: were you jealous of that?
28:40
Speaker 2: No.
28:41
Speaker 1: She's saying about me, though, that I had a disruptful marriage,
28:45
Speaker 1: but I had a meaningful sense of work. And she
28:49
Speaker 1: did wish that for herself. And I am remembering, she's
28:51
Speaker 1: reminding me now of some of the work she did
28:54
Speaker 1: years ago And she got outplaced.
28:57
Speaker 2: Is how she's saying it.
28:59
Speaker 1: She was never professionally trained in interior design, but she
29:03
Speaker 1: worked for a company that did that. And she had
29:05
Speaker 1: moments of helping with things. And she was always so
29:08
Speaker 1: inspired and lit up by all of that kind of work.
29:11
Speaker 1: But she didn't have the credibility to take that somewhere
29:14
Speaker 1: else as an actual acquired skill because she didn't actually
29:17
Speaker 1: do that kind of work. She was just surrounded by it.
29:21
Speaker 1: She's saying she was regretful because... She's making a joke
29:24
Speaker 1: at her own expense that you can watch a thousand
29:26
Speaker 1: decorating shows, but it does not make you a designer,
29:30
Speaker 1: although she wished it had. She's saying having a meaningful
29:33
Speaker 1: sense of purpose outside of just her marriage would have
29:37
Speaker 1: been great. So she did end the work that I
29:41
Speaker 1: did in one particular job that I had because I
29:44
Speaker 1: loved it so much. I had so much passion for it.
29:47
Speaker 1: But otherwise she didn't see I had anything that she
29:50
Speaker 1: didn't have. Oh, I'm glad to hear that. I wouldn't
29:55
Speaker 1: have wanted that for you.
29:57
Speaker 2: She's saying, yeah, I know.
29:58
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. Anything you want to share with any particular
30:03
Speaker 1: listeners you anticipate tuning in? She's saying, keep your chins up.
30:07
Speaker 1: There's better news coming through for you and to you.
30:11
Speaker 1: And it's very different to create today, to create your
30:18
Speaker 1: life today, starting more of that today, because recognizing that
30:24
Speaker 1: life is finite and And your existence here in this
30:28
Speaker 1: way is finite. So what marks would you like to leave?
30:32
Speaker 1: She's showing maybe books or other things, or she's saying
30:36
Speaker 1: family generational wealth. She's reminding you that you can sit
30:43
Speaker 1: and reflect on, okay, when I'm on the other side
30:46
Speaker 1: and I look down upon what impact I had, what
30:51
Speaker 1: would I love?
30:52
Speaker 2: Excuse me, not prideful, but proud.
30:54
Speaker 1: To see that I accomplished this version of myself that
31:00
Speaker 1: could be bigger than I expected. I just asked her
31:03
Speaker 1: if there's anything else she wants to say. And I
31:05
Speaker 1: just saw, congratulations, another episode done. So I'm going to
31:09
Speaker 1: take that as she's complete. I can feel her energy
31:12
Speaker 1: feels lighter and happier. I'm going to go back through
31:15
Speaker 1: and re-listen to what she shared and really try to
31:19
Speaker 1: take in the insight she's trying to share. I want
31:21
Speaker 1: to live mindfully of some of the things she talked about.
31:24
Speaker 1: I've been starting to do that with some things. I
31:29
Speaker 1: definitely feel more drawn to do that on.
31:32
Speaker 2: A deeper level.
31:35
Speaker 1: Anyway, I hope this was supportive for you too. Thank
31:38
Speaker 1: you for listening and you take care of yourself. Thank
31:41
Speaker 1: you so much for being with us today. If you'd
31:44
Speaker 1: like support as you continue your own exploring, You can
31:47
Speaker 1: find information about my classes, readings, and other offerings at connectingwithnoelle.com.
31:54
Speaker 1: If today's conversation made you think of someone, I'd love
31:56
Speaker 1: it if you would share this with them. Take good care,
31:59
Speaker 1: and I look forward to being with you again soon.