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Dr. Bryant: The Truth About Love, Sex & Emotional Intelligence Most People Ignore · Motion and Success

0:00
[SPEAKER_09]: Who are you when you're not performing, Black Man?
0:03
[SPEAKER_09]: Because Ociety tells you if you don't perform, you ain't shit.
0:06
[SPEAKER_09]: A man who cannot manage himself in his sexual appetite is a man who cannot govern himself.
0:13
[SPEAKER_03]: How long should it take before they actually get really intimate?
0:16
[SPEAKER_09]: Is it their inability to love or is it your inability to receive love?
0:20
[SPEAKER_09]: If I'm a gallon of love in your pint and I'm pouring my entire gallon into your pint, that's system overload.
0:26
[SPEAKER_02]: it too much, too much.
0:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Stop.
0:29
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the most powerful voices across popular media and academic circles.
0:33
[SPEAKER_00]: She has spent nearly two decades devoted to transforming lives, a celebrated life coach, spiritual mentor, psychology expert, she is Dr. Cheyenne Bryant.
0:43
[SPEAKER_09]: Y'all come in and go for our lover.
0:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
0:46
[SPEAKER_09]: I wanna grab it, put a ring on it, and then you get in it, you're like, oh, damn, damn, damn, I didn't know I was gonna take all this.
0:55
[SPEAKER_04]: I get that a lot from the women that, you know, I speak to, they're like, like, why are you so close off?
1:00
[SPEAKER_09]: Your experiences can become your environment and your environment will change you before you change it.
1:04
[SPEAKER_09]: You'll track who you are despite who you think you are.
1:07
[SPEAKER_09]: Tell me from a man's perspective, what is the part that you feel?
1:10
[SPEAKER_09]: This is the part that is most challenging for us to not bite and chew.
1:14
[SPEAKER_03]: How'd you meet 50 cent by the way?
1:17
[SPEAKER_03]: And how did our relationship get established?
1:20
[SPEAKER_08]: Oh, goodness.
1:22
[SPEAKER_08]: Yeah.
1:22
[SPEAKER_04]: What's going on, family?
1:24
[SPEAKER_04]: It's Iowa and Cody, and today's episode is sponsored by mailbox millionaire Academy, the number one credit and business buying mentorship in the country.
1:34
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1:58
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's be real.
1:58
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2:39
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2:42
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2:51
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3:22
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3:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Let's get back to this episode because this one is going to be a
3:41
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, y'all, so welcome back to another episode of Motionist Success.
3:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Listen, guys, my name is Cody Brown.
3:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I got my co-host from me today.
3:47
[SPEAKER_04]: It's Io and listen, bro.
3:48
[SPEAKER_04]: We back with another amazing episode.
3:51
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm actually really excited for this one, bro.
3:53
[SPEAKER_03]: I agree, bro.
3:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I definitely agree.
3:55
[SPEAKER_03]: So listen, this is going to be a podcast episode.
3:58
[SPEAKER_03]: We're interviewing a young lady that has been crushing it.
4:00
[SPEAKER_03]: in the industry of helping men with men to help relationship topics, getting through and actually solving different problems within people's marriages, and also just getting better as a person.
4:12
[SPEAKER_03]: So if you guys are looking to learn how to get better at your own relationship, how to be able to go out and start having healthy conversations, this is the podcast that you want to tune in from the start, until listen, we say listen.
4:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, like comment share and subscribe because this is going to be a banger.
4:28
[SPEAKER_03]: So without further ado, I would like to introduce our guest for today.
4:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Dr. Dr. Bryant, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant, go ahead and introduce yourself.
4:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Tell the people who you are.
4:40
[SPEAKER_09]: I ain't even said nothing.
4:41
[SPEAKER_09]: I got you choked up.
4:42
[SPEAKER_09]: No, thank you for having me when y'all reached out to me.
4:48
[SPEAKER_09]: I went to your social media page and I'm like, y'all, these are two young, amazing black men who are out here just doing their thing and really trying to get
4:59
[SPEAKER_09]: you know, some positive tools and messages out to our community.
5:01
[SPEAKER_09]: So I was honored and really excited to be able to come on your platform and be able to use your platform side by you to continue to, you know, guide our community, bless our community, love on our community, even if it's the tough type of love that I tend to give.
5:16
[SPEAKER_09]: But
5:17
[SPEAKER_09]: Thank you for doing what you do.
5:18
[SPEAKER_09]: I just, I think that what you do is awesome.
5:20
[SPEAKER_09]: And people do need to hear, you know, the motion and success, you know, somehow we just talk about the motion.
5:25
[SPEAKER_03]: There we go.
5:26
[SPEAKER_09]: We got to talk about the motion and the success.
5:28
[SPEAKER_03]: So I appreciate your proud of you.
5:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.
5:31
[SPEAKER_03]: So for the people that's here right now.
5:33
[SPEAKER_03]: If you guys have a business, you guys are unorganized.
5:35
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5:37
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5:39
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5:42
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5:53
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5:54
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5:58
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6:03
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6:13
[SPEAKER_03]: And check out your text messages, okay?
6:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, definitely so let's jump into it.
6:20
[SPEAKER_04]: So definitely want to thank you again, Dr. Bryant, you know, for coming through today.
6:24
[SPEAKER_04]: This is one that, you know, me and Cody, we anticipated for this, like, we've been, like, almost a whole month for it.
6:31
[SPEAKER_04]: I appreciate that.
6:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you.
6:32
[SPEAKER_04]: So definitely do want to jump into the backstory, you know, before the success, before, you know, Dr. Bryant today.
6:41
[SPEAKER_04]: How was life growing up, kind of like give us a glimpse of your childhood life growing up, and then also like how was the environment like?
6:51
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, I love that, um, you know, lots of love, very tight knit family.
6:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Um, we eat slept and shit together, literally.
7:00
[SPEAKER_09]: Uh, and, uh, of course, in the mix of that love, there was, you know, trauma.
7:04
[SPEAKER_09]: There was this function.
7:05
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm, you know, a product of teenage parents, a product of parents, who, you know, my mother was addicted to the drug that my father sold for, for a while, and they were high school sweetheart,
7:20
[SPEAKER_09]: planned the pregnancy.
7:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm a planned baby.
7:23
[SPEAKER_09]: I didn't happen on accident.
7:25
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, I wasn't planned through marriage, but I was playing walking home from high school, and they decided at 16 years old, let's don't make a baby where I love.
7:33
[SPEAKER_09]: And, you know, when, and got a motel, that would see where, you know, you know, just poor kids in the hood, you know, the wind, so couldn't get no rich Carlton and like that.
7:41
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, now your girl stays a rich Carlton because of that fact, no flame.
7:45
[SPEAKER_09]: But, you know, when a got a motel, and
7:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And then, you know, can conceive me and have this really beautiful, like high school, sweet, heart, love story.
7:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
7:55
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, my dad and I'm going to prison on jail.
7:58
[SPEAKER_09]: I just say when I was two years old and to find a case, a really big case that he ended up beating thank God and came home and my mom and him.
8:09
[SPEAKER_09]: attempted to be together and just two young kids and then a city who planned a baby and gave everything they had just couldn't make the relationship work.
8:20
[SPEAKER_09]: With all that diversity that's going on and being young and him being a street dude and my mom also being in the inner city and the streets as well.
8:29
[SPEAKER_09]: It just, it just didn't work, the beauty of it is though they end up being best of friends up until the very day that he passed away.
8:37
[SPEAKER_09]: And that really had a huge impact positively on how I viewed parents and my parents how I viewed relationships.
8:46
[SPEAKER_09]: And even how I viewed two people who can love their child so much that co-parenting became the bigger nucleus to their relationship.
8:59
[SPEAKER_09]: And it absolutely amazing job at raising me.
9:02
[SPEAKER_09]: A lot of tough love and that household, you know, and our grandma did a great job of letting me know that, hey, you know, your mom may not be present to raise you in this moment because she has her own stuff going on and there were teenage parents, but you ain't gonna lack one bit of love.
9:21
[SPEAKER_09]: And whatever.
9:22
[SPEAKER_09]: diversity or trauma that you may be experiencing, because of it, you're never too traumaed out.
9:29
[SPEAKER_09]: You don't have issues, are never big for us in this household.
9:32
[SPEAKER_09]: And we don't love the hell out of you unconditionally through whatever it is that you're going through.
9:35
[SPEAKER_09]: And because of,
9:37
[SPEAKER_09]: her ability to love me so unconditionally, it is given me the know how to love others unconditionally, right?
9:46
[SPEAKER_09]: It is given me the know how to have that tough love toward people, but still love them while I'm teaching or guiding or even unpacking or resolving an issue we may have.
9:56
[SPEAKER_09]: And so she really plan to really a good tool to me and, you know, my village, my grandparents and family and friends who have became family are really the nucleus and the reason why I'm able to be vertical and who I am, they're why I'm built, they're why I have muscle.
10:14
[SPEAKER_09]: We all, you know, go into a room when we become successful.
10:18
[SPEAKER_09]: people see us, they see the person, but they very rarely see the foundation, the square that they're standing on, and that square is not built by just that one person, that square is built by everybody who contributed to you, who invested in you, and who doesn't always get the equity of their investment in you, but I think as much as we can, we should be, you know,
10:39
[SPEAKER_09]: considering how we can get flowers to those people, you know, as much as we can and I try my best to do it.
10:44
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm sure I'd be missing people all the time.
10:45
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't mean to, but yeah, I was raised and I always say I was raised by a village of just, you know, straight gangsters.
10:52
[SPEAKER_09]: And when I say gangsters doesn't mean they had to be thrown up against on or they had to be affiliated.
10:56
[SPEAKER_09]: When I say gang, so they were just people who, you know, was a vertical who they were about each other about family and very tight knit, again, and folks that didn't play about, you know, us as a unit, and it makes a big deal, and I'll wrap on this, I always say that family is the real wealth and it is.
11:07
[SPEAKER_09]: So before I became successful, I was like, you know, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,
11:17
[SPEAKER_09]: and even rich monetarily, I was wealthy as hell because my family was straight solid and they were my foundation and I always had something to fall back on and that was my parents and my six siblings on the oldest of seven.
11:31
[SPEAKER_09]: So yeah.
11:32
[SPEAKER_04]: Wow, so that's an amazing backstory and I'm glad you really shared it cause a lot of time, especially in our culture, like unfortunately, that's what, you know,
11:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, it's a common thing like babies having babies.
11:46
[SPEAKER_04]: Come on.
11:47
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, and things that I aspect.
11:49
[SPEAKER_04]: So how did, you know, how did like the relationship with your family?
11:54
[SPEAKER_04]: How did it strengthen?
11:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Because I remember you just said, you know, your dad got locked up.
11:57
[SPEAKER_04]: Your mom, she was doing some drugs.
12:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, how did the relationship improve as you got older?
12:04
[SPEAKER_04]: And then things started to stabilize.
12:07
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, God, me leaning on God, me understanding that, you know, when I don't understand or if I don't trust this circumstance or this person, that I'm not supposed to trust this circumstance or you, my trust supposed to be in God.
12:26
[SPEAKER_09]: And when you trust God, He gives you a piece that surpasses all understanding as biblical
12:36
[SPEAKER_09]: I, at some point, had nothing else to trust, but God.
12:41
[SPEAKER_09]: And there was a time where I had so many questions for him, right?
12:45
[SPEAKER_09]: Just why and how and what?
12:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And you know, I was always been in a quesative little girl.
12:51
[SPEAKER_09]: And I've always been outspoken, I've always been spicy, even with my God, God built me.
12:55
[SPEAKER_09]: So he knows the spiciness, the inquisitive little girl at that time that he built.
13:00
[SPEAKER_09]: And I was never afraid to come to God with all my questions.
13:06
[SPEAKER_09]: my, you know, my anxiousness around things.
13:10
[SPEAKER_09]: And when he brought the Bible scripture to me, that says, be anxious for nothing and make you request be known to God.
13:16
[SPEAKER_09]: I thought, okay, I see how this is working now.
13:18
[SPEAKER_09]: Every time I come to you with an issue or a problem, you come back and me with a principle.
13:23
[SPEAKER_09]: That's biblical.
13:25
[SPEAKER_09]: And as I start to lean on these principles, I start to see how they really do work.
13:30
[SPEAKER_09]: and how God's principles are the foundation, and it is a nucleus to if we stand on that and we trust Him with all of our ways, He will bless us as a city leader, abundantly above all, we can ask our think of, you know, and it is true.
13:43
[SPEAKER_09]: It's just He says these are,
13:45
[SPEAKER_09]: the principles that you are supposed to be living in, not just knowing, but implementing when you do these principles, you are in alignment with my wheel.
13:54
[SPEAKER_09]: These principles is what aligns you with me.
13:57
[SPEAKER_09]: When you align with me, I can provide you Jeremiah 2911.
14:01
[SPEAKER_09]: This says, I know the plans I have for you plans to give you
14:04
[SPEAKER_09]: prosperity plans to give you a good life and not to harm you.
14:08
[SPEAKER_09]: So if you are being harmed, then what you're not in my alignment.
14:11
[SPEAKER_09]: Because my alignment says that my promise is never returned void.
14:14
[SPEAKER_09]: And so if my promise don't return void and I promise you prosperity in a good life, then what reports are you aligning with?
14:20
[SPEAKER_09]: Because if I will say what reports will you believe?
14:23
[SPEAKER_09]: So you gotta be in line and reports that are out of the promises I have for you, because I told you buddy, my promises will never return void.
14:30
[SPEAKER_09]: So check yourself, check your thoughts, check your three-part house, which is what I talk about in Liberia Promise, my new book.
14:35
[SPEAKER_09]: I talk about your three-part house being in alignment, which is how you think, how you feel and how you behave.
14:40
[SPEAKER_09]: When that isn't alignment with God's principles, you aren't alignment with God's will.
14:45
[SPEAKER_09]: And so when we talk about how I was able to...
14:48
[SPEAKER_09]: be so forgiving of my mother, you know, be, you know, my mom lives with me now and she runs the whole household and she is one of my biggest assets now.
14:59
[SPEAKER_09]: And I take care of her when we talk about how the family was able to stay glued, it's because of the God that was in that family.
15:07
[SPEAKER_09]: It was because we as a family kept God as a nucleus.
15:10
[SPEAKER_09]: And when you do that, God covers you and the storm
15:17
[SPEAKER_09]: and he teaches you how to sleep through the storm and not sleep through it with one eye open because you're trying to see, well, is the storm going to take me over a consuming?
15:26
[SPEAKER_09]: You have a piece that says, whatever the storm does, however the storm blows, it is how God wants it to blow.
15:32
[SPEAKER_09]: So I'm going to sleep through it because I trust him so much that whatever happens.
15:36
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm nesting it.
15:37
[SPEAKER_09]: Whatever happens, I know it's working for my good.
15:40
[SPEAKER_09]: And when you have that type of trust, you can walk in any room.
15:43
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm telling y'all, any room.
15:45
[SPEAKER_09]: And the room was shipped to you.
15:46
[SPEAKER_09]: You ain't got to ask for a chair.
15:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And you have to wonder if that's where you belong.
15:50
[SPEAKER_09]: You understand if God sent you there, then that address was meant for you.
15:54
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
16:11
[SPEAKER_04]: My family, like, I have my journey parents African parents, so they're not as affectionate.
16:16
[SPEAKER_04]: So now when I see my dating life and my dating life, you need to help baby.
16:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm taking this alone.
16:24
[SPEAKER_04]: I see my dating life, like, I get that a lot from the women that, you know, I speak to.
16:29
[SPEAKER_04]: They're like, you know, like, why are you so close off?
16:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, you know, like,
16:32
[SPEAKER_04]: Hold my hands, little things like that.
16:34
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm like, you know, like, I don't know, like, in my family, it's like something that, you know, not to say that I wanted that, but it's like, unknowingly like, you know, it translated like into my adulthood into my dating life and I think it's normal, you know?
16:49
[SPEAKER_04]: So how was like based on your environment, your family?
16:52
[SPEAKER_04]: How did that shape how you seeing love and like how you behaved as you got older?
16:57
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, that's a great question.
16:59
[SPEAKER_09]: Um, so it, it actually made me believe that, um, love has something that
17:09
[SPEAKER_09]: should be given.
17:10
[SPEAKER_09]: Love is something that should be experienced.
17:12
[SPEAKER_09]: It's almost like love is not even expectation.
17:17
[SPEAKER_09]: It is like a non-negotiable.
17:19
[SPEAKER_09]: It is like a kind of like the air that we breathe.
17:22
[SPEAKER_09]: Like how was it not here?
17:24
[SPEAKER_09]: Because it gives us life.
17:26
[SPEAKER_09]: So because of the way that my parents loved me very unconditionally, because there was a time where my trauma,
17:34
[SPEAKER_09]: did consume me as a young girl, you know, I was cutting up.
17:38
[SPEAKER_09]: And I never felt in that midst of me misbehaving, right, as a result of my trauma, or as a result of my abandonment that I didn't, I wasn't loved, or that my parents were disappointed in me to the point where they didn't see value in me.
17:52
[SPEAKER_09]: I always felt loved and valued and worthy.
17:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Even in the midst of my adversities, even in the midst of my tribulations, it was like, yo, like, we don't like it.
18:03
[SPEAKER_09]: This is not the way to do it, but we still love the hell out of you in it.
18:06
[SPEAKER_09]: So it taught me the unconditional love of that I can love you and so have an issue with you in this love.
18:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
18:15
[SPEAKER_09]: I can.
18:16
[SPEAKER_09]: not like you in this moment, but I doesn't mean that my love for you dissipates, right?
18:21
[SPEAKER_09]: Because if my love dissipates once I stop liking you, that's conditional love.
18:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Because that means that whatever condition I was attached to,
18:30
[SPEAKER_09]: has now shifted and when it did, it so did my love, depending on what I associated to the condition.
18:37
[SPEAKER_09]: And so a lot of folks are in attachment and not in love.
18:40
[SPEAKER_09]: And for me, which is attachment is another trauma response, right?
18:45
[SPEAKER_09]: All the different inches of attachments, avoiding attachments, the list goes on.
18:48
[SPEAKER_09]: Those are all trauma responses.
18:50
[SPEAKER_09]: And so for me, love has been something that's like
18:52
[SPEAKER_09]: if it's not present then we ain't present.
18:56
[SPEAKER_09]: What are we doing?
18:58
[SPEAKER_09]: And I don't want anything without love.
19:00
[SPEAKER_09]: And I would not be able to fuse with anything that isn't love because it is what I am, right?
19:08
[SPEAKER_09]: And equally yoke means that who I am will calibrate or fuse with like-minded, likeness people.
19:17
[SPEAKER_09]: And yeah, so for me, we were just raised on love and God being the nucleus of just who we are and how we're built and we're a very affectionate family.
19:26
[SPEAKER_09]: We are a very kissy, lovey fan.
19:27
[SPEAKER_09]: My brother is one of my brothers.
19:29
[SPEAKER_09]: He's 33 and I still jump on him, kiss all over him, sit on his lap and of course, you know, yeah, it's out 33 year old young age.
19:38
[SPEAKER_09]: He's like, I used to be able to love all on him.
19:39
[SPEAKER_09]: Now he's like,
19:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Stop, don't do that and I still love all over him and I tell you always be my baby and you trust me You always want to be somebody's baby and even at my, you know, mature age and now My mom so treats me like I'm for speaking about love She cooks and cleans and caters to me and loves on me kisses on me don't on me She still calls me, you know mommy's love.
20:04
[SPEAKER_09]: I say hey mom.
20:04
[SPEAKER_09]: Hey, I guess mommy's love mommy's baby my dad's jo
20:08
[SPEAKER_09]: took me to dinners, opened up my car doors, would never let me pay for Father's Day or his birthday at dinner.
20:13
[SPEAKER_09]: We didn't have an argument.
20:15
[SPEAKER_09]: He still doded on me.
20:17
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I just was very much just revolved in love.
20:21
[SPEAKER_09]: And I think that it's important for people to do that.
20:23
[SPEAKER_04]: I started to break this amazing episode.
20:25
[SPEAKER_04]: I just have to let you guys know.
20:27
[SPEAKER_04]: The best tool for marketing in 2025 is podcasting.
20:31
[SPEAKER_04]: Listen, it transformed our lives.
20:33
[SPEAKER_04]: Across all platforms, we was able to hate 15 million plus people.
20:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Imagine what it did for our business.
20:39
[SPEAKER_04]: To mention, we also have some notable likes just through podcasting.
20:43
[SPEAKER_04]: People like you, same boat, the way in Wade, Kevin Garnet, Steven A. Smiths, Edrick the entertainer.
20:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Queen Latifa.
20:50
[SPEAKER_03]: But more importantly, having engagement by your dream clients is probably the most important thing that will move the needle for you and your business.
20:58
[SPEAKER_03]: So what we want to teach you is exactly how to go out and start creating an amazing content that will find your dream audience to go ahead and start paying you for your products and your services.
21:08
[SPEAKER_03]: If you want to be able to learn exactly how to build up an audience and build up a brand online,
21:13
[SPEAKER_03]: where people start knowing you like you and buying from you for your products and services, what I want to do is invite you guys to our next free masterclass.
21:21
[SPEAKER_03]: We're here showing you exactly how you can start taking your content and being seen online by your dream clients and possibly be some celebrities as well.
21:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Go ahead and click the link down below and I'm going to see you guys in that next masterclass.
21:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it takes a level of maturity too.
21:35
[SPEAKER_03]: That's right.
21:35
[SPEAKER_03]: When it comes to, when you're dealing with somebody else, you know, when it comes to relationships, things like that.
21:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I was having a conversation, like, you know, like the old me out of my list and like, you know, if a girl may say, hey, listen, I love you.
21:49
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you in love?
21:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you in love?
21:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you in love?
21:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you in love?
21:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you in love?
21:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you in love?
21:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm in love with you.
21:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm in love with you.
21:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you.
22:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you.
22:00
[SPEAKER_09]: I love you.
22:00
[SPEAKER_09]: I love you.
22:01
[SPEAKER_09]: He's all getting no shine.
22:02
[SPEAKER_09]: He's born to be like, I love her.
22:04
[SPEAKER_09]: Are you lover?
22:04
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I do, I do, I do.
22:07
[SPEAKER_03]: But there is, for example, I'm like, listen, if I was much younger, I don't like this, you don't want too much, I miss you, I love you, all that, I'm like, oh man, but I'm like, the fact that I'm a shirt now, I'm like, I learned to respect it, and I appreciate it because a lot of people in relationships, like, they don't get affectionate, they don't get that type of love, like they don't really
22:31
[SPEAKER_03]: feel it, neither, you know what I mean, especially after a certain amount of time dating or even being in a relationship, so I'm like, oh man, like, then God, I actually see, like, I can actually open up, be vulnerable and actually accept the love that I get, you know?
22:46
[SPEAKER_09]: You said, mature love, what is, what is mature love to you?
22:50
[SPEAKER_03]: So, I said, like, your man's perspective.
22:53
[SPEAKER_03]: So, like, as far as mature love is, I think mature love is more of like, all right, cool.
22:58
[SPEAKER_03]: We respect each other, right?
23:02
[SPEAKER_03]: We're affectionate to each other.
23:03
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, like you're vulnerable and pretty much like.
23:10
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, you know, I have that same level of affectionate and, you know, what I stuff, I think.
23:15
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
23:15
[SPEAKER_03]: That's what my take is, yeah.
23:17
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, you just, you describe emotional intelligence to a certain extent.
23:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
23:21
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, you're able to be in that emotion and share that emotion with each other and be open to the vulnerability.
23:27
[SPEAKER_09]: But also, you know, you hit something good.
23:30
[SPEAKER_09]: There isn't a love if you're not receptive to love.
23:33
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah.
23:34
[SPEAKER_09]: So so many people can be in relationships and say,
23:41
[SPEAKER_09]: but this person's love and the hell out of you.
23:43
[SPEAKER_09]: So is it their inability to love or is it your inability to receive love?
23:47
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's something that we have to look at, because if I'm loving you at a 10, but you're lovable, receptivity is out of two, you can only receive love at the level that, you know it, the level that you're able to receive it.
24:01
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
24:02
[SPEAKER_09]: So that's where the pint and the gallon metaphor comes in it.
24:05
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
24:05
[SPEAKER_09]: If I'm a gallon of love and you're a pint, and I'm pouring my entire gallon into your pint, that's system overload.
24:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, too much, too much.
24:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Stop, please.
24:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
24:15
[SPEAKER_09]: But if that pint pours all of his love until the gallon, that gallon is like baby.
24:21
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm not fool.
24:21
[SPEAKER_09]: And it doesn't mean that the gallon isn't given everything it has.
24:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Right?
24:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Or that the pint isn't given the gallon everything that it has.
24:31
[SPEAKER_09]: It just means a band what's our different.
24:33
[SPEAKER_09]: They're not equally yoke.
24:35
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
24:35
[SPEAKER_09]: There's no union yang.
24:37
[SPEAKER_05]: True.
24:38
[SPEAKER_09]: And people are being together at different levels.
24:40
[SPEAKER_09]: They're not looking at all the nucleus as to what makes a relationship work.
24:43
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
24:44
[SPEAKER_03]: I do want to touch on how to build emotional intelligence.
24:47
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
24:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I feel like emotional intelligence is not really something that's taught.
24:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Nowadays, or when I was come, I've never really felt it, you know, not feel it, but I've never really learned what emotional intelligence is, what is it and how can a person build it?
25:04
[SPEAKER_09]: It's really simple.
25:06
[SPEAKER_09]: It's about being able to identify your own emotions and also respect the other person's emotions at the same time, even if they are not your exact emotions.
25:16
[SPEAKER_09]: So allowing my emotions and yours to coexist without me having to dissipate or devalue yours or vice versa and being able to have that exchange of what I don't agree, but I feel this way.
25:28
[SPEAKER_09]: Okay.
25:28
[SPEAKER_09]: Well, I don't agree either, doc, but I feel this way.
25:30
[SPEAKER_09]: Okay, cool.
25:31
[SPEAKER_09]: We can still have dinner, we can still be in love, and still be in life, and still have a healthy relationship.
25:37
[SPEAKER_09]: It's me not needing for you to buy into my emotions.
25:41
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm not selling you anything.
25:42
[SPEAKER_09]: What I feel is not up for self, because it's not up for validation.
25:45
[SPEAKER_09]: If I feel it, I feel it.
25:47
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
25:48
[SPEAKER_09]: If that's my emotion toward it, that's my emotion toward it.
25:51
[SPEAKER_09]: That doesn't mean that it has to be yours.
25:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm not selling emotions here.
25:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
25:55
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm not selling my opinion here.
25:58
[SPEAKER_09]: My opinion is here to be given.
26:01
[SPEAKER_04]: True.
26:02
[SPEAKER_04]: That's what I said.
26:03
[SPEAKER_04]: I wanted to jump into something that also that really shapes a lot of people and that's heartbreak.
26:09
[SPEAKER_04]: Like a lot of people, they go through it and they're never the same, like, yeah, full transparency.
26:15
[SPEAKER_04]: I dated some, I dated some women who they've went through heartbreak and like, you can, like, as a guy, you can kind of, yeah, love a boy, yeah, love a boy, yeah, I'm not
26:30
[SPEAKER_04]: But like someone in like they like you can kind of feel it like that she's hurt like and it's almost It's like you can't repair it like and they get back into the data market and it's like
26:43
[SPEAKER_04]: In a way, they kind of spread a little toxicity like in terms of like, well, not toxic, more like trauma, like, um, for example, it was this girl.
26:52
[SPEAKER_04]: She, I guess it was like her first heartbreak and like, I don't even know.
26:56
[SPEAKER_04]: She still covered from like, till today, like, she was broken.
27:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, you know, certain things I'll do, it was like,
27:03
[SPEAKER_04]: where mine to her for X like I might not pick up the phone little little things like that so it was triggered very very easily like and I'm like y'all busy I got certain things I got to do that's how you said it now I'm like no no but I'm just saying I'm just saying like I'm kind of busy but then I'll call back you know techs back or anything.
27:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm like, did you say it like that?
27:24
[SPEAKER_04]: No, but I'm like, let me color.
27:26
[SPEAKER_09]: I want to ask her, did you say yo, I'm busy, like, be honest?
27:31
[SPEAKER_04]: No, no, no, I didn't say that, but I'm like, I was doing some, I'll text back up and be like, give an explanation, like, I was a family, you know, I was told with to my brother or what, or things like that.
27:39
[SPEAKER_04]: And, you know, she'll block me, like, instantly.
27:42
[SPEAKER_04]: Ooh, like little stuff like that, real triggered, like, and it was just like repetitive, like, and then so, I just got tired of it.
27:49
[SPEAKER_04]: And then it kind of made me,
27:51
[SPEAKER_04]: start doing the same thing to other people how kind of was dating, I'm like, I just reply or like, you know, I kind of move a certain way, like, like, I'll be a little triggered.
28:01
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I feel like it passed on to me in a way.
28:04
[SPEAKER_04]: And I didn't like that, because I'm like, I could see where it's going.
28:07
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm like, she's hurt.
28:09
[SPEAKER_04]: And like, it could easily spread to other people.
28:12
[SPEAKER_04]: So how do you, like, what was your first heart break and how did that, like, how did you, how did you react to that?
28:18
[SPEAKER_04]: Did that affect, like, any future relationships you had?
28:21
[SPEAKER_09]: interesting enough, so my first heartbreak was in high school, my high school boyfriend, and it was very traumatic for me, yes.
28:37
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, of course, it did have an impact on further relationships, but I was very, very
28:44
[SPEAKER_09]: aware and very conscious to not bring in whatever it was that happened in our relationship into our next relationship.
28:51
[SPEAKER_09]: I always knew like this is a new relationship a new person and the beauty of the newness is it could be better and it can be different, right?
28:59
[SPEAKER_09]: And if something broke your heart, then even if it ain't better, you release one different.
29:03
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
29:03
[SPEAKER_09]: And so, but I can say,
29:06
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, from that time, knock on wood, I haven't, I've experienced hurt, right?
29:13
[SPEAKER_09]: But I can't say I've experienced heartbreak, where my heart is dismantling.
29:17
[SPEAKER_09]: That one incident in high school, my heart was completely dismantled.
29:20
[SPEAKER_09]: I left his house.
29:21
[SPEAKER_09]: I was in my, my Honda Civic, my Ford or Honda Civic, I think I was 16 years old.
29:26
[SPEAKER_09]: But I remember driving,
29:28
[SPEAKER_09]: leaving his house and getting to a red light.
29:31
[SPEAKER_09]: And when I got to the red light, I was just crying.
29:34
[SPEAKER_09]: And then just the tears just took over me.
29:37
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm just sitting at the crying.
29:38
[SPEAKER_09]: So now the light's going green, red, green, red.
29:42
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm going to put my car in park.
29:43
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm just crying through the light changing.
29:45
[SPEAKER_09]: And there's why I got walks up to my car.
29:47
[SPEAKER_09]: And he knocks on the window.
29:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And he's like, excuse me?
29:51
[SPEAKER_09]: He's like, are you okay?
29:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And I was like,
29:57
[SPEAKER_09]: And then he's like, well, you might want to pull over because you're in the best way to build a street in the light.
30:06
[SPEAKER_09]: Just keep turning cars or honking.
30:07
[SPEAKER_09]: But in that moment, my point is I was, my pain was always crucially emotionally that I didn't realize the light was turning.
30:15
[SPEAKER_09]: I didn't care.
30:15
[SPEAKER_09]: I didn't notice that people were honking.
30:17
[SPEAKER_09]: I had literally just emotionally like just shut down, but I eventually took my little car and pulled over into a rouse parking lot, and I sat there put my thing in park and just cries the more.
30:29
[SPEAKER_09]: And I remember just crying for hours to where I had headaches and everything the next day I was swollen and that was one of my biggest blessings because it taught me.
30:40
[SPEAKER_09]: what unhealthy love was.
30:42
[SPEAKER_09]: It taught me red flags that I need to make sure that I don't choose again.
30:46
[SPEAKER_09]: But there was also a lot of ways that that young man at that time did love me.
30:50
[SPEAKER_09]: That were healthy and that were good.
30:52
[SPEAKER_09]: And there were a lot of good things in him I was choosing.
30:55
[SPEAKER_09]: So a taught me the reality of love, right?
30:57
[SPEAKER_09]: That everything doesn't have to be excruciating, being a heartbreak.
31:01
[SPEAKER_09]: But there are going to be things.
31:02
[SPEAKER_09]: that a human is going to do that naturally hurts you even if it's not intentionally.
31:07
[SPEAKER_09]: And the bigger question is when it comes to let's say marriage, or I say marriage, but can we stick by the moments that hurt us?
31:17
[SPEAKER_09]: when we say we love somebody, without unplugging, detaching or throwing in the divorce word, or I don't want to be with you or I'm a block you, right?
31:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Or I'm done with this, really, I'm a sabotage of our relationship because I'm uncomfortable in this emotion.
31:32
[SPEAKER_09]: It taught me that there are going to be uncomfortable emotions.
31:35
[SPEAKER_09]: And emotional intelligence is, city my ass in those uncomfortable emotions and telling you, baby, I'm uncomfortable.
31:43
[SPEAKER_09]: And can you sit in this discomfort with me?
31:45
[SPEAKER_09]: and we may not be comfortable or like in each other right now, but can we still be in the love of each other?
31:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And that love of each other for me is God.
31:55
[SPEAKER_09]: I always say in marriage, I'm experiencing the God in you, because I'm really married to God, God's the covenant.
32:02
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm not married to this man.
32:04
[SPEAKER_09]: And if we look at marriage at a deeper level of what I'm married to, the God in this woman, I'm not married to this woman, married to God in her.
32:12
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm experiencing the God in her.
32:14
[SPEAKER_09]: And the God in us is what allows us to have this compassion in this grace for the human side of us that's going to fuck up.
32:19
[SPEAKER_05]: Right?
32:20
[SPEAKER_09]: Because we're going to experience a human's eye.
32:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Of course.
32:22
[SPEAKER_09]: But when we experience a human's eye, can we become Christ like, in let that person experience the God, which is the grace and the compassion in us for them.
32:30
[SPEAKER_09]: It just goes so much deeper than I like you, your cute, you got a fat ass, got a lot of money in the bank.
32:36
[SPEAKER_09]: We could probably have some good sex and a good load drink and go smoke some hookah.
32:42
[SPEAKER_09]: And then we can go home and laugh.
32:43
[SPEAKER_09]: No, like marriage is a deep, rooted sanctity that we need to start to teach our community.
32:49
[SPEAKER_09]: the deathness of it.
32:51
[SPEAKER_09]: It's not a superficial.
32:52
[SPEAKER_09]: I like you.
32:52
[SPEAKER_09]: I love you, sex was fire.
32:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And I would like to do this superficial thing which you forever will you marry me.
32:56
[SPEAKER_09]: That's not what it's about.
32:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
32:58
[SPEAKER_03]: And you know what's crazy too.
32:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm kind of glad you mentioned that because a lot of times is like people like...
33:06
[SPEAKER_03]: like I feel like they kind of get intimate a little too fast and then they get jaded by like all the ref likes, all the things that are like alarms, all the things that saying don't go, you know what I mean?
33:19
[SPEAKER_03]: So like for example, if a person is like all right cool, I'm intentional, I want to be able to get married, I want to be able to you know commit, I want to be able to find my you know my wife at some point.
33:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Like
33:30
[SPEAKER_03]: how soon or how long should it take before they actually get really intimate, like, you know, start making love, having sex, things like that.
33:39
[SPEAKER_09]: Well, if we go on our biblical principles, which I obviously didn't, as a young girl, right?
33:45
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm a product of teenage pregnancy, but if we're going to go biblically, then we know we're supposed to wait till what marriage, if we're going to go realistically of what's really going on now, not just on our culture, but also staying in the world.
33:57
[SPEAKER_09]: I mean, people are moving too fast because sex does eclipse you.
34:02
[SPEAKER_09]: It eclipse you.
34:03
[SPEAKER_09]: And it also,
34:05
[SPEAKER_09]: doesn't allow you to see the red flags.
34:08
[SPEAKER_09]: It eclipse you from the red flags.
34:11
[SPEAKER_09]: It actually deteriorates and detaches you both more than you think it connects you.
34:16
[SPEAKER_09]: It does not.
34:18
[SPEAKER_09]: Intimacy without sex is what connects and fuses two people.
34:22
[SPEAKER_09]: It's the vulnerability of us being able to do everything but sex.
34:26
[SPEAKER_09]: It's the ability for us to make love to each other in every way but penetrating my body or letting you penetrate my body.
34:35
[SPEAKER_09]: So if we can do all that, we are building a foundation.
34:38
[SPEAKER_09]: We are having intimacy, which is into me, you see, and vice-versa.
34:43
[SPEAKER_09]: We're actually gaining like the Bible says, love your partner by knowledge of each other.
34:47
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm actually gaining knowledge on you, so that I can love you properly.
34:52
[SPEAKER_09]: So I can love you the way that retards you, the way that you need me, to not the way that my ego wants to love you, not the way that my trauma wants to love you, not the way that my abandonment needs to love you, so my abandonment can survive.
35:04
[SPEAKER_09]: It's me knowing who am I in a relationship with.
35:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
35:08
[SPEAKER_09]: So I know how to love you, but I also know who I've chosen.
35:12
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
35:12
[SPEAKER_09]: And once we get to that place, I believe if folks don't want to wait to marriage, okay?
35:18
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm promote marriage.
35:19
[SPEAKER_09]: I didn't do it.
35:20
[SPEAKER_08]: I'm promote.
35:21
[SPEAKER_09]: But if folks don't want to wait for marriage, wait until you at least have this knowledge, this intimacy, this deep-rooted connection, because then,
35:30
[SPEAKER_09]: In my opinion, sex isn't just about how good the act can be.
35:36
[SPEAKER_09]: It's going to be you for work, and it's going to be climax, no matter what y'all do, because you already so fusing, connect, you've already experienced ecstasy outside of the bandroom.
35:46
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's the real four play.
35:48
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
35:48
[SPEAKER_09]: That's the real four play is how can you make love to every part of this woman before you even touch her body.
35:53
[SPEAKER_03]: even a small conversation like, oh my god, like, I just be saying here like in my lips, you know what I mean?
36:08
[SPEAKER_03]: seriously, but also to like another thing to like, you know, this time we kind of touched on before, you know, like outside of this setting was, you know, like before even saying you want to commit or even like officially data person, like, you know, they was like, you got to see all sides of them.
36:26
[SPEAKER_03]: you got to see them when they're broke.
36:27
[SPEAKER_03]: You got to see them when the stresses on them.
36:29
[SPEAKER_03]: You got to see them when the times are good.
36:31
[SPEAKER_03]: You got to see them when they're working.
36:33
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
36:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you got to see them in many different areas.
36:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Like what's some of the things that you probably like would say like, all right, cool, before you get into this committed relationship, before you get into this marriage, like you got to see these kind of things before you go out and do that.
36:48
[SPEAKER_09]: You got to see your fucking self before you talk about seeing somebody else or you was a man.
36:54
[SPEAKER_09]: How are you built?
36:56
[SPEAKER_09]: What is your bandwidth?
36:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you handle weight?
37:00
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you carry weight?
37:02
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you not just buy a house, but can you maintain a house?
37:06
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you not just put a woman inside four walls?
37:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you make sure the house ain't homeless?
37:11
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you not just pay a bill, but do you have substance?
37:15
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you facilitate her emotionally?
37:17
[SPEAKER_09]: What about when these kids get into this home?
37:19
[SPEAKER_09]: Are you going to be willing to change diapers?
37:21
[SPEAKER_09]: Are you going to be willing to feed this child?
37:24
[SPEAKER_09]: What about if this mother, your wife, got her bed, has a health condition?
37:28
[SPEAKER_09]: Can she trust you to full-on raise these kids?
37:31
[SPEAKER_09]: In the event that she doesn't survive that health condition?
37:34
[SPEAKER_09]: Can she depend on you to be at her bedside?
37:38
[SPEAKER_09]: and really be there to wipe and clean and love and facilitate her emotionally spiritually when she can't perform for you at all?
37:46
[SPEAKER_09]: What if you, all of a sudden, woke up and couldn't ever perform?
37:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Who are you, was a man?
37:51
[SPEAKER_09]: What if you couldn't pay the bills?
37:53
[SPEAKER_09]: What if you couldn't make love to her no more?
37:55
[SPEAKER_09]: What if all that went out the door?
37:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Who are you when you're not performing?
37:59
[SPEAKER_09]: Black man?
38:00
[SPEAKER_09]: Because society tells you if you don't perform, you ain't shit.
38:03
[SPEAKER_09]: So who are you?
38:05
[SPEAKER_09]: Who am I married to?
38:07
[SPEAKER_09]: Before you get to know anything about a woman, anything about who you want to marry, you need to figure out who the hell you are, you need self-awareness, be to know what is your weight class, what do you bench person?
38:19
[SPEAKER_09]: So you understand the weight that you can take on of a woman, a family.
38:24
[SPEAKER_09]: In addition to the weight that life puts on you being black man in this world.
38:29
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah.
38:29
[SPEAKER_09]: and ask the reality of it.
38:31
[SPEAKER_09]: People are moving too fast.
38:33
[SPEAKER_09]: They are doing time because they're not taken their time because they don't know their capacity.
38:38
[SPEAKER_09]: And I always say men, it's interesting how they talk about the women and having these, you know, dreams and ambitions of being married.
38:45
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, true.
38:46
[SPEAKER_09]: But men, y'all fall in love.
38:49
[SPEAKER_09]: And when y'all fall in love, y'all like, I'll figure it out on my way.
38:53
[SPEAKER_09]: I'll figure it out, you know?
38:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Women, we already have it in illusion.
38:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Fare it out before we familiar.
38:59
[SPEAKER_09]: That's why we come in and we drape you with our fairytale ideology because our ideology is what we believe you supposed to be.
39:06
[SPEAKER_09]: Y'all come in and go for our lover.
39:09
[SPEAKER_09]: I want to forever put a ring on it, and then you get in it, you're like, oh, damn.
39:16
[SPEAKER_09]: Damn, I didn't know it was going to take all this.
39:19
[SPEAKER_09]: Holy shit, this a lot.
39:22
[SPEAKER_09]: And then don't make it to where you are, are giving everything you have and you're unable to
39:28
[SPEAKER_09]: reach your expectations of what you want to give to that woman or that family, then you end up emasculating yourself, do your thoughts of saying I'm not worthy, I'm not valuable because I can't provide at the level that I want to as a man.
39:45
[SPEAKER_09]: And that becomes an issue in the relationship.
39:47
[SPEAKER_09]: So why do I say y'all need to get to know yourself first because a woman is only going to be able to love you at the level that you understand the type of love you need?
39:56
[SPEAKER_09]: She's only going to be able to have knowledge if you're at the level of the knowledge that you have of yourself.
40:00
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40:02
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40:06
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40:09
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40:11
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40:12
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40:18
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40:19
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40:20
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40:21
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40:24
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40:36
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40:41
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40:48
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40:53
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40:57
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41:10
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41:11
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41:26
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41:37
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41:40
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41:50
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41:57
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42:00
[SPEAKER_09]: That's it.
42:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Black men need, men in general, but Black men need to be able to know more about themselves than the anatomy of their body and how their penis works, and how they want to or like to, or need to be satisfied sexually in the bed, who need to know more than just how you like to get hit, those have real conversations right now.
42:19
[SPEAKER_09]: How do you like to be loved?
42:21
[SPEAKER_09]: What are your mommy issues?
42:22
[SPEAKER_09]: What are your daddy issues?
42:23
[SPEAKER_09]: What are your parental issues?
42:24
[SPEAKER_09]: What do you need for your abandonment to be regulated?
42:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Right?
42:28
[SPEAKER_09]: When you're triggered, how do I help facilitate that?
42:31
[SPEAKER_09]: How do I love you in your triggering?
42:33
[SPEAKER_09]: How do I not trigger you?
42:34
[SPEAKER_09]: But what I do is just what I do when I can't shift it, but it triggers you.
42:38
[SPEAKER_09]: How do we work through that?
42:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Before we talk about you liking your from the back.
42:43
[SPEAKER_09]: Before we talk about you on the women to have a fat ass.
42:46
[SPEAKER_09]: Before any of that surface conversation, like what do you need for me emotionally spiritually as a man?
42:52
[SPEAKER_09]: to get out there and have everything you need to bring back here, the peace, the love, the joy, the provision, and providing for this household.
43:00
[SPEAKER_09]: If you don't know that, you should keep your penis and your fucking pants straight up.
43:05
[SPEAKER_09]: Because your dick does nothing for you, but create a broken family.
43:09
[SPEAKER_09]: a broken house, a broken heart, not just for the woman before yourself, and in this is the part right here, our disease, it can't be fucking hurt.
43:17
[SPEAKER_05]: Yep.
43:18
[SPEAKER_09]: And we have to do better in our community.
43:20
[SPEAKER_09]: Period, I'm not coddling those bad decisions.
43:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I love my black men too much.
43:24
[SPEAKER_09]: I love us.
43:25
[SPEAKER_09]: to sit up here and be like, no, no, no.
43:28
[SPEAKER_09]: If you don't know who you are, you know that your penis can't do nothing, but provide somebody with maybe even a climate because half of these young women in order to want to ain't even doing that.
43:37
[SPEAKER_09]: If we're going to have this real conversation, if you know that's all that it brings, keep it in your pants until it can be attached to all of the substance that brings the real wealth which is family, love, foundation, provision, and all those other things that are needed for a black household to really thrive.
43:53
[SPEAKER_03]: So how about early commitment, you know what I mean?
43:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, say, for example, gentlemen, like guys, us fellas, most times people say, hey, listen, I haven't slept around enough, you know, I haven't had enough one nice dance, but like you know, like deep down, like you actually want to, you want love, you want to have a relationship, you want to, you know, commit, like, what's your take on that?
44:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, should a person still go out and like, get everything off their tank or should they,
44:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, really just go with the true values.
44:20
[SPEAKER_09]: My question to that person would be, maybe y'all can answer it as young men would be, why is it in your tank?
44:29
[SPEAKER_09]: Why is it something you that needs to be fed?
44:31
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel like it's a society thing.
44:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
44:34
[SPEAKER_09]: Talk about that.
44:34
[SPEAKER_09]: What do you mean?
44:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Rapper's, you know, like yo, I got all the, you know, I got all the ladies.
44:40
[SPEAKER_03]: That's the, you know, the big businessman, you know, I got multiple women, you know, I got one for this, I got one for that, I got one for this, I got one for that.
44:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And so it's like, all right, cool, like you see it.
44:52
[SPEAKER_03]: It's right.
44:53
[SPEAKER_04]: I at least want to try it, you know, like, and even, you know, and then even also, too, is like, some women, too, is like, you know, I feel like women grow faster than men.
45:03
[SPEAKER_04]: So it's like a lot of times it's like, you know, you kind of, you day or you kind of like, or intimate with some women and it's like,
45:12
[SPEAKER_04]: they'll expect your experience to be this high.
45:14
[SPEAKER_04]: So then you kind of date them and then it's like, and I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta get it out of my tank.
45:22
[SPEAKER_04]: You know what I'm saying?
45:22
[SPEAKER_04]: And then come back stronger.
45:23
[SPEAKER_04]: So a lot of times, some guys feel that pressure like, you know, to get that experience, and then it goes vice versa.
45:30
[SPEAKER_04]: And now it's like,
45:32
[SPEAKER_04]: You're that older guy and then, you know, you might, it might be easier for you to date maybe a girl like three, four years younger than you.
45:42
[SPEAKER_04]: And then now she's looking up to you as the experience guy.
45:45
[SPEAKER_04]: So I feel like it's that pressure to get that experience that a lot of guys have.
45:50
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, so I think that's the point.
45:52
[SPEAKER_03]: And to add on to that too, I feel like the temptation is always, like it's always going to be a pretty girl.
45:57
[SPEAKER_03]: It's always going to be a girl with a nice body.
46:00
[SPEAKER_03]: It's always going to be the girl that got to like, she smelled real good.
46:03
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
46:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Like the temptation is there.
46:05
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's like,
46:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Had you already been there, done that, all right, cool light, it's just another one.
46:10
[SPEAKER_09]: So if it's always readily available, right?
46:14
[SPEAKER_09]: And it's always going to be there.
46:16
[SPEAKER_09]: Why y'all so hard up in Thursday for it then?
46:19
[SPEAKER_09]: If it's always there.
46:20
[SPEAKER_09]: If I know I can go to the fridge with my refrigerator and get water any point in the time because there's an abundance of water.
46:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Why am I at the refrigerator all fucking night in all morning staring at water?
46:30
[SPEAKER_09]: Like, what is the infatuation with water that I know that is abundantly there?
46:35
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
46:35
[SPEAKER_09]: Why is it that we have such an over-sexualized?
46:39
[SPEAKER_09]: culture within the black cultures what I'm talking about.
46:43
[SPEAKER_09]: If it's, if it's there, if it's always available, it's always going to be a pretty one with a fat tail.
46:49
[SPEAKER_09]: If it's there, then why don't men act like it's available more?
46:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Because the fact that I know,
46:57
[SPEAKER_09]: that I have always had options as being a good looking successful woman, right?
47:02
[SPEAKER_09]: To get married, to good men and bad men.
47:06
[SPEAKER_09]: That allowed me to take my time.
47:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Because to your point, I know that it's readily available.
47:11
[SPEAKER_09]: It's not readily available for all women, but for me, that has been my experience.
47:15
[SPEAKER_09]: I've been engaged a couple of times.
47:16
[SPEAKER_09]: I've never had a problem with getting in a relationship or a man wanting to marry me.
47:21
[SPEAKER_09]: With that, did it was allowed me to take my time?
47:24
[SPEAKER_09]: It's that I'm gonna build my career first.
47:26
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm gonna do it on my terms.
47:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Now, if it was a limited availability for me, maybe I would have snag the first man who proposed to me.
47:35
[SPEAKER_09]: But if I know it's available, what am I rushing for?
47:37
[SPEAKER_02]: True.
47:38
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's something that I think Black men need to answer.
47:41
[SPEAKER_09]: If you all know it's sitting right there, Mr. You got it when you want it.
47:45
[SPEAKER_09]: It's just always available for you.
47:46
[SPEAKER_09]: The wire you so hard up for it.
47:48
[SPEAKER_09]: You're not letting us believe that it's readily available.
47:51
[SPEAKER_09]: Why are you not loving yourself more?
47:54
[SPEAKER_09]: That you're actually saying no to women who are throwing themselves out to you?
47:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Self-love is listening.
47:58
[SPEAKER_09]: I know my value.
48:00
[SPEAKER_09]: And my value ain't for everybody.
48:02
[SPEAKER_09]: And the fact that you throw on it, are you willing to sell it?
48:05
[SPEAKER_09]: Makes me not even want it, makes you not even want it.
48:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Yep.
48:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
48:09
[SPEAKER_09]: And to your point, you said that you, for a person with your mindset, being with a lot of women's actually is more about getting the experience.
48:18
[SPEAKER_09]: So that by time you do get your wife, right?
48:20
[SPEAKER_09]: You have the experience.
48:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I can see that perspective like you, I want to be ready.
48:25
[SPEAKER_09]: I want this experience in it.
48:27
[SPEAKER_09]: But I want to ask this, how much of having multiple women and sleeping with so many women has to do with the value that a man sees in himself?
48:39
[SPEAKER_09]: because society looks at a man who says, now, like I'm 30 and I'm a virgin, as like, you're laughing at me.
48:48
[SPEAKER_09]: I'll keep you around, I love that you're laughing, right?
48:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Look at this, right?
48:51
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm not gonna fight you, it's gonna be like, they hold on, they look at the Russell Wilson's as Russell Wilson has been called an L7 adorque, a foreign ball, so many times by so many other black men.
49:04
[SPEAKER_09]: who are actually Cornwalls, who are actually womanizers.
49:08
[SPEAKER_09]: A womanizer is a Cornwall, is low functioning.
49:12
[SPEAKER_09]: A man who cannot manage himself and his sexual appetite is a man who cannot govern himself.
49:20
[SPEAKER_09]: This is why those men are not governing their homes or their houses because they can't govern themselves.
49:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I do find it a little late.
49:31
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not laughing at the fact I respect it, but it's just like, wrote like, you know?
49:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I think it's for what?
49:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's for what?
49:38
[SPEAKER_09]: I think it's for what?
49:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's for what?
49:41
[SPEAKER_09]: At least once what?
49:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, you ain't, you know, you know, been around a lot.
49:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You haven't had sex at least one time.
49:47
[SPEAKER_03]: So let me ask you this kind of, no, I love you.
49:49
[SPEAKER_03]: No, you're not.
49:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Love what you're saying.
49:51
[SPEAKER_09]: So tell me what that one experience would do for him.
49:54
[SPEAKER_09]: What would be such the wealthy benefit that he at least needs to penetrate a woman one time before he gets married because that is going to bring what value to him.
50:05
[SPEAKER_09]: I sell this to me right now.
50:06
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not, I'm not going to sell it to you because I support it, but I think that's probably the youngest out of me, but then again it's like, you know, but is that the younger side of you or is that so cytoic fluid in the society?
50:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's right, that's that, but it's then again, too.
50:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Rolls reversed.
50:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I would want a woman that literally hasn't had anybody touch.
50:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
50:37
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean before I can actually commit.
50:39
[SPEAKER_09]: Why, what's the value in her?
50:41
[SPEAKER_09]: What's the value in her?
50:42
[SPEAKER_03]: She hasn't been touched.
50:43
[SPEAKER_09]: What's the value in not being touched?
50:46
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
50:47
[SPEAKER_09]: No, no, no, no, no, no.
50:48
[SPEAKER_09]: What is the value in a woman not being touched?
50:51
[SPEAKER_09]: Like she's like, does that make her more of yours?
50:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, like, yeah, like, all right, cool, like this is my lady, like she hasn't, you know, like she hasn't her, she's innocent.
51:02
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, right, but I, like Rose reverse, I think it's more of a society thing, because I do agree, like I would want to lady that hasn't been around and black, that hasn't been so much experience, you know?
51:16
[SPEAKER_04]: They actually went out, did everything possible, you know, to the point where it's like, all right, cool, I'm just another one, you know, I do see the value and it was just, you know, it's kind of wild too, because sometimes it's like, you could, you could be talking to, you could be talking to a young lady and it's like a lot of times, they're like really honest, and then they'll be like, hey, um,
51:39
[SPEAKER_04]: I did this before my pass.
51:41
[SPEAKER_04]: I slept with this guy.
51:42
[SPEAKER_04]: I, you know, I had sex in the car before.
51:45
[SPEAKER_04]: And I'm like, they don't know behind it.
51:47
[SPEAKER_04]: But how am I?
51:48
[SPEAKER_04]: You're like, disqualified immediately.
51:50
[SPEAKER_09]: So it goes from why she's is qualified because of her sexual past experiences.
51:55
[SPEAKER_04]: Depending on what type of experience it was, well, like, certain things.
51:58
[SPEAKER_09]: Tell in the car she's just like, yeah, yeah.
52:01
[SPEAKER_09]: But, but, but, but, but, but, but in the hotel room, she's not.
52:04
[SPEAKER_09]: Uh, I mean, it'll be the location on the balcony, she's not.
52:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh, I mean, it's like a floor ceiling window.
52:12
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
52:12
[SPEAKER_09]: I love this guy.
52:14
[SPEAKER_09]: He got the most interesting rubrics he's like, in the car, on to me, he's just qualified.
52:20
[SPEAKER_09]: On the hood of the car, which you on one knee, you good.
52:25
[SPEAKER_02]: head off the ceiling with the right.
52:28
[SPEAKER_09]: Did she go to she bad just qualified or not?
52:30
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, hey, I feel like it all depends like but certain, so like some of them are very, very like and I don't and I like the honesty but a lot of times it's like
52:42
[SPEAKER_04]: If it's like, you know, this is a girl you see yourself potentially taking seriously hearing something like that.
52:48
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, immediately is going to be like, yeah, I can't.
52:51
[SPEAKER_04]: And then it goes from, it might go from like, hey, I'll consider wife hair.
52:55
[SPEAKER_04]: But now this might just be like a, a lustful relationship.
53:00
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, so now it's like, hey,
53:02
[SPEAKER_04]: And then it's like, sometimes it's like, especially for me.
53:05
[SPEAKER_09]: But that was such mature awareness for you to say, this will probably be a lustful relationship.
53:11
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah.
53:11
[SPEAKER_09]: Not a long-term, healthy relationship.
53:14
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm going to be lusting, or this is what we're going to be in our lust.
53:17
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
53:17
[SPEAKER_09]: Not in our love, not in our foundation.
53:19
[SPEAKER_09]: That was good.
53:19
[SPEAKER_09]: I love that.
53:20
[SPEAKER_09]: That was good.
53:20
[SPEAKER_04]: And it kind of brings me to the fact, like, as it like, neo-biology is a little weird.
53:26
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I feel like a lot of times,
53:31
[SPEAKER_04]: You get to a point where it's like controlling a lust is really hard.
53:34
[SPEAKER_04]: Like any cost is meant a lot.
53:36
[SPEAKER_04]: It costs.
53:38
[SPEAKER_09]: How tell me what's so hard about that?
53:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Because a woman experience some of that hard to control as well, you know, their libido per se, their fair amount, their desire for sex.
53:49
[SPEAKER_09]: That's not just a man thing, right?
53:51
[SPEAKER_09]: But tell me from a man's perspective, what do you, what's so hard about it?
53:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Is it just like the orgasm part, like you want to be able to climax?
53:59
[SPEAKER_09]: Is it just like the connection with the woman?
54:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Is it all of it?
54:02
[SPEAKER_09]: Is it?
54:03
[SPEAKER_09]: recharging for you like what is the part that you feel?
54:05
[SPEAKER_09]: This is the part that is most challenging for us to not bite and chew.
54:11
[SPEAKER_04]: I feel like it's just the, I feel like it's especially like in today's day and age, it's like you got social media, you got dating apps, you got, you know, women, you know, you go, you go to certain places, you got women like almost everywhere and then it's like
54:27
[SPEAKER_04]: depending on depending on where you are in life.
54:30
[SPEAKER_09]: He said, we're almost everywhere.
54:33
[SPEAKER_04]: So depending on where you are.
54:35
[SPEAKER_09]: We don't stop, baby.
54:35
[SPEAKER_09]: We don't stop, baby.
54:36
[SPEAKER_04]: Exactly.
54:37
[SPEAKER_04]: We don't stop.
54:38
[SPEAKER_04]: Depending on where you are in life, I feel like, you know, it's going to be a point.
54:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, like, you win your prime.
54:44
[SPEAKER_04]: So then it's like, it's going.
54:46
[SPEAKER_04]: It could be coming out.
54:47
[SPEAKER_04]: You left it right.
54:47
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like, at some point it's like,
54:51
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know, it's just, it, it, it's just like, as a guy's like, sometimes you, you want the connection, like you said, you want the connection, sometimes you might just like, hey, I just need a... Get one off.
55:01
[SPEAKER_04]: That's when I hear it, but then it's like it gets to a point where it's like it requires a lot of self control and I feel like I see a lot of downfall like for men and that's why as a young man too, I'm like I'm like you have to control this like ASAP because it's like if you don't I see men they lose money and the you know
55:25
[SPEAKER_04]: getting pregnant with the wrong person.
55:28
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like, and it's like, saying that's in our community like a lot.
55:31
[SPEAKER_04]: And it causes men to make a lot of the wrong mistakes.
55:34
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, but it's from a male perspective, you could kind of see why some men like, even like in their 50s, 60s still haven't gotten over it.
55:43
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I see some older men still like,
55:47
[SPEAKER_04]: I even more horny than the younger man.
55:49
[SPEAKER_09]: What are your thoughts of the older man who still has no type of appetite control?
55:54
[SPEAKER_09]: No type of self-mastery, no man.
55:56
[SPEAKER_09]: And what do you think of that older man?
55:57
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm like, I don't want to be that.
56:00
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I have family members.
56:02
[SPEAKER_04]: What I'm like, yeah, this is like, you this old married, still out here.
56:06
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, try and get one of them.
56:08
[SPEAKER_09]: How do you view him, honestly?
56:12
[SPEAKER_04]: I did, I lost a little bit of respect because I'm like, at that age, like I'll be chilling, like, you know, my priorities might not be more so of that.
56:20
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, I'll probably be, y'all marry that kid's type, sit back to his wife that never did it in the park.
56:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Within you and begin.
56:29
[SPEAKER_04]: But I'm like, that show is like, if you don't conquer it, this thing could last with you like a lifetime.
56:36
[SPEAKER_04]: So that's one thing that I'm trying to overcome as a young man, because I don't want to, you know, be that 60 year old, still out here chasing, chasing out.
56:44
[SPEAKER_09]: You want to be chasing your wife?
56:46
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, exactly.
56:47
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
56:48
[SPEAKER_04]: So like, what do you, like, what should those about, especially in like our community like the lack of control with us?
56:54
[SPEAKER_09]: I think it's glamorized.
56:57
[SPEAKER_04]: It is.
56:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
57:01
[SPEAKER_09]: the virgin guy or the guy who's not a version, but maybe he's just not promissuous, sexually, right?
57:06
[SPEAKER_09]: I think that he's weaponized and I think he's demonized and I think it's backwards.
57:11
[SPEAKER_09]: I think the Russell Wilson's per se are looked at as the corn balls and the, you know, rappers or the womanizers or the folks who can't right manage their sexual appetite.
57:25
[SPEAKER_09]: looked at as men's men, alpha men, grandiose, so that's why it's actually earlier how much of sleep and multiple women plays into the value of you as a man.
57:36
[SPEAKER_09]: Because if we go off the the analogy I just gave, the man who has all the women around her, him and her buddies out and she's dancing and doing her thing and she's very over-sexualizing everything about her,
57:55
[SPEAKER_09]: You know what I mean?
57:56
[SPEAKER_09]: Like he is the epitome of the black man, not for all, but for a lot of our culture and our community.
58:04
[SPEAKER_09]: The Russell Wilson is looked at from the fewer of us.
58:07
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm one of them as that is the representation of a man, of a husband, of a family man, right?
58:14
[SPEAKER_09]: Wow, Sierra really, you know, she really looked up with that.
58:17
[SPEAKER_09]: What a blessing they have.
58:18
[SPEAKER_09]: He's created a family and he's fathering a son who's not his like that takes early on what I said about knowing yourself Bam and muscle that's not a easy road to come in there and father someone else's child and then create your own family Right and be a godly man and in be a vertical husband to your wife.
58:37
[SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
58:37
[SPEAKER_09]: That's a lie
58:38
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I think that we get as a coach our glamorizing the wrong things and I think that we're folks like myself come on here and I say, you know, no more broken families, no more broken homes, keep your penis in your pants and men, you don't love yourself if you're willing to penetrate anything in anybody, right?
58:53
[SPEAKER_09]: You have a group of men who are like, yo.
58:56
[SPEAKER_09]: Sis is on a something.
58:58
[SPEAKER_09]: That's real.
58:59
[SPEAKER_09]: Then you have the group of men, you know, course you that are like, well, and when she's talking about because their womenizers, their dogs who are hit, hit dogs, goons, we don't hear them, right?
59:10
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I think we collectively, y'all, too, are responsible for changing the narrative in our community.
59:17
[SPEAKER_09]: And really showing that let me show you what breeds results.
59:21
[SPEAKER_09]: Let me show you what brings longevity like you were saying.
59:24
[SPEAKER_09]: And let's
59:25
[SPEAKER_09]: people who respect their bodies in themselves, men who actually operate in the emotion of self-love, men who know how to say, baby, listen, I love everything about your body, your butt, your breasts, I mean, God, damn!
59:38
[SPEAKER_07]: But...
59:40
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm not trying to take that, take, go there with you this time.
59:44
[SPEAKER_09]: And it's not because you're not beautiful and I know you let me know you want me, but trust me and let me lead this relationship.
59:51
[SPEAKER_09]: I'll lead us to a promise land.
59:53
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you allow me to be the one who leads us in once I've created safety, once I've created substance, once I showed you that I can cover you, then I will be open to you and allowing me to have your body.
1:00:07
[SPEAKER_09]: See, we need to glamorize that.
1:00:08
[SPEAKER_09]: That needs to be the narrative.
1:00:10
[SPEAKER_09]: other than that.
1:00:12
[SPEAKER_09]: All I'm doing is having a loss for relationship.
1:00:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
1:00:14
[SPEAKER_09]: And lust has the the the the highest expiration date on it.
1:00:18
[SPEAKER_09]: The quickest expiration date on it.
1:00:20
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's lost.
1:00:21
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah.
1:00:21
[SPEAKER_09]: That's it.
1:00:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I mean, if you can lust over over her, you ain't plugged into her.
1:00:26
[SPEAKER_09]: That means you will not can you will lust over the next woman like that.
1:00:31
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah.
1:00:31
[SPEAKER_09]: There's no safety insecurity in that.
1:00:33
[SPEAKER_09]: That's why I don't believe or advocate for casual sex because I'm not secure in your casualty because you can casually go be casual with anybody else.
1:00:43
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm not okay with that.
1:00:45
[SPEAKER_09]: I got standards and if you're going to penetrate my body, you're going to be plugged into every fucking thing about me.
1:00:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Period in first and you're going to cover me and you're going to make sure I'm safe.
1:00:55
[SPEAKER_09]: So while you're inside of me, I am covered ecstatically.
1:00:59
[SPEAKER_09]: I am covered emotionally.
1:01:00
[SPEAKER_09]: I am covered.
1:01:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Spirit say, I don't have to be in bed with you.
1:01:03
[SPEAKER_09]: Trying to figure out where you're being, who are you looking at?
1:01:06
[SPEAKER_09]: Who's texting you?
1:01:07
[SPEAKER_09]: That's not covering.
1:01:08
[SPEAKER_09]: That's not safe.
1:01:10
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm dismantled while you're inside of me.
1:01:12
[SPEAKER_09]: We're kind of love making or even sex, and if y'all want to use an F word, I don't even want an F nobody, where I have to mentally be elsewhere.
1:01:19
[SPEAKER_09]: I can't fully give you everything because a woman's body is a cheapest part of her.
1:01:24
[SPEAKER_07]: Mm.
1:01:24
[SPEAKER_09]: If you're penetrating my body, and emotionally and mentally, I awaken and give you all of that in the essence of you being inside of me.
1:01:36
[SPEAKER_09]: Until y'all have that?
1:01:38
[SPEAKER_09]: Y'all ain't had no love making.
1:01:39
[SPEAKER_09]: And you definitely ain't had no sex.
1:01:42
[SPEAKER_09]: So hold off to that because that's the real essence of it.
1:01:45
[SPEAKER_03]: I do want to add on to what you said too because like I really do believe like for me personally I want to be able to make seven and eight figures in business you know what I mean and trying to chase each and every one that I see is just going throw me off it may you may have so many different intentions with the whole bunch of ladies they may come they may want to free you know free opportunity.
1:02:09
[SPEAKER_03]: they may want to tear everything down like so like you know what I mean like I believe like being a committed relationships is definitely key especially if you want to grow a huge business and be a household brand name like a lot of the guests that were interviewing high six figures, high seven figures.
1:02:26
[SPEAKER_03]: a figure earners, literally making millions and millions of dollars, sometimes they come to the studio, they have their wife, they have their lady with them, and they're doing what they're doing in my man.
1:02:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, that's the reason why you're making millions of dollars, and that's the reason why this person still chasing everything is still trying to figure out their financial problems.
1:02:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, me.
1:02:47
[SPEAKER_03]: So like I started.
1:02:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's because that's the main tool right there.
1:02:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's true.
1:02:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Men need to hear that from other men.
1:02:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
1:02:58
[SPEAKER_09]: They need to hear from other men.
1:03:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
1:03:00
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I didn't want to ask too.
1:03:02
[SPEAKER_03]: Like,
1:03:02
[SPEAKER_03]: Just for it, like, listen, guys, like, find y'all one, find it, and stay with it.
1:03:08
[SPEAKER_03]: But now my thing is, it's like, my question is like, all right, cool, so now we understand less as a huge problem.
1:03:14
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you think about the person that has 100 plus bodies, 200 plus bodies?
1:03:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, do you think, like, there's some kind of mental thing with them, like, or there's seeking something, is there, like, some kind of empty part of them that they're just missing?
1:03:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Cause it's like,
1:03:30
[SPEAKER_03]: like, it's just another opportunity.
1:03:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's just another one, you know what I mean?
1:03:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, you don't really, you're getting the same feeling again and again and again and again.
1:03:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And then on top of that too, not only that, sex is just another thing too, where it's like, all right, cool.
1:03:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, like, you're emotionally connected, you're like, nah, I'm not connected.
1:03:52
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just a one-night stand.
1:03:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, you're connected in a way that you don't even think.
1:03:57
[SPEAKER_03]: What should think?
1:03:57
[SPEAKER_03]: What should you think about that?
1:03:59
[SPEAKER_09]: I think over sexualization in itself is a trauma response.
1:04:03
[SPEAKER_09]: There's nobody who is
1:04:07
[SPEAKER_09]: truly enjoys being casually sexual and promiscuous with multiple men or multiple women, and it not be a trauma response.
1:04:18
[SPEAKER_09]: For a lot of people, sex is the way that sex is the way that they cope.
1:04:21
[SPEAKER_09]: For a lot of people, sex has been a defense mechanism to allow them to distract from their issues that they really need to focus on in here.
1:04:30
[SPEAKER_09]: Sex is a huge eclipsor.
1:04:32
[SPEAKER_09]: It eclips us from ourselves.
1:04:34
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I believe that even being over-sexualized can also tie into a lot of identity crisis.
1:04:41
[SPEAKER_09]: And we have a community where even studies have shown that black men experience the biggest identity crisis, as well as black men have this lonely epidemic that's going around, which means that you guys are connecting less.
1:04:56
[SPEAKER_09]: You guys are having less relationships and the being part of less social groups and you guys are having this It's really intense loneliness as well as called an epidemic in black men between the ages of 32 and 45 Which are your prime ages?
1:05:12
[SPEAKER_09]: Right?
1:05:12
[SPEAKER_09]: Well, you should be killing your career, finding your one, socializing, traveling, self-discovery, and you all are isolating.
1:05:20
[SPEAKER_09]: And isolation breeds depression, and it's very, very, very sad.
1:05:24
[SPEAKER_09]: And or you all are wanting relationships, like you both a young men are here sitting here saying, no, I want my own, my own woman.
1:05:30
[SPEAKER_09]: I want to be married.
1:05:31
[SPEAKER_09]: I love someone right now.
1:05:33
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't want a woman who's promiscuous, right?
1:05:34
[SPEAKER_09]: I want a woman who
1:05:35
[SPEAKER_09]: you know, is more of the, you know, I'm not saying that, but more of the wife qualities of having, and y'all are saying is challenging for you to find that.
1:05:45
[SPEAKER_09]: And, you know, when you have men who want that, I feel like, and y'all are not finding that, it does create a emptiness, it does create a deficit in you, it creates a loneliness.
1:05:58
[SPEAKER_09]: And, um, a lonely man is going to, at some point, become resentful as well.
1:06:05
[SPEAKER_09]: And that resent can turn into, well, you know what?
1:06:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Fuck it.
1:06:10
[SPEAKER_07]: Uh-huh.
1:06:10
[SPEAKER_09]: Am I just going to do what society is showing me or with the majority of woman I'm running to saying that they want.
1:06:17
[SPEAKER_09]: Maybe that's just sex or money or a good time.
1:06:20
[SPEAKER_09]: And if that man isn't anchored in who he is,
1:06:24
[SPEAKER_09]: He can easily become that at which he continues to experience, because your experiences can become your environment and your environment will change you before you change it.
1:06:32
[SPEAKER_09]: This is why I said knowledge of myself is the first knowledge you want to get.
1:06:36
[SPEAKER_09]: I know who I am.
1:06:37
[SPEAKER_09]: So it doesn't matter how much money a man has waved in front of me in the past or even now.
1:06:42
[SPEAKER_09]: I am not in too casual sex.
1:06:45
[SPEAKER_09]: So after you give me $20 million or more, and I sell my body in exchange for that $20 million, which is a lot of money.
1:06:53
[SPEAKER_09]: I, because my values won't be able to get that.
1:06:56
[SPEAKER_09]: So the shame that I would have to deal with that would consume me would actually be way more expensive than the $20 million you just paid me.
1:07:06
[SPEAKER_09]: But that's values, right?
1:07:08
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's knowing who I am and knowing that if the $20 million was brought to me,
1:07:13
[SPEAKER_09]: from a man who wants to change it from my body.
1:07:16
[SPEAKER_09]: That means God could bring me 40 million for a deal that I could walk into and just sign a paper and not have to sell my dignity for.
1:07:22
[SPEAKER_09]: That's somebody who said, I can't be sold.
1:07:26
[SPEAKER_09]: I cannot be bought.
1:07:28
[SPEAKER_09]: Those other things you can buy like my products, my book, my services, you're right, my show in session with Dr. Bryant, you can go to a scribe on Patreon, you can buy those things, but my body is just not up for sale.
1:07:40
[SPEAKER_09]: And so again, we have to look at these things
1:07:43
[SPEAKER_09]: If a woman or a man is willing to sell their body for a trip or for a nut, how much do you love yourself?
1:07:52
[SPEAKER_09]: How much value do you really see in yourself?
1:07:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Seriously, black man and black woman, how much love do you have for yourself?
1:08:01
[SPEAKER_09]: How much of what you're doing is a trauma response.
1:08:05
[SPEAKER_09]: It's a survival mechanism.
1:08:06
[SPEAKER_09]: How long do we survive in this thing and not begin to thrive?
1:08:11
[SPEAKER_09]: How long?
1:08:12
[SPEAKER_09]: Because you know, you can have a slut, who also has a title of wife.
1:08:17
[SPEAKER_09]: You can have a nasty dog in the bedroom that also has a title of a husband.
1:08:23
[SPEAKER_09]: And to me, there's nothing more sexier than me thinking of my husband's slut and me out.
1:08:28
[SPEAKER_09]: My husband.
1:08:29
[SPEAKER_09]: My husband, you know what I mean?
1:08:32
[SPEAKER_09]: My man, that I could have no boundaries with, that I can go all balls out with.
1:08:37
[SPEAKER_09]: Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, I can release all that.
1:08:43
[SPEAKER_09]: Same thing with the man.
1:08:44
[SPEAKER_09]: There's nothing more sexier than you have in a woman in your words, you said, who's, she minds.
1:08:48
[SPEAKER_09]: Ain't nobody touched her body.
1:08:51
[SPEAKER_09]: But you get to have your way with her in any way that you want, and then you get to wake up with her, and no one that she's about to cook and clean for you, or you're about to cater to her, you're about to serve each other after you serve each other.
1:09:04
[SPEAKER_09]: See, this is the narrative that we need to, at least, I know I'm standing on a mountain top about what their Black community in if it takes you a little longer to wed or to find your partner than maybe take your time, because many of these people who are married are doing time, don't let them fake the funk to you,
1:09:20
[SPEAKER_09]: If they sat on your couch and kept it real like they come in my sessions and keep it real, marriage is a beautiful thing.
1:09:27
[SPEAKER_09]: But people are doing it in a very, very weaponizing, unhealthy way that's making it seem like it is not the prize.
1:09:35
[SPEAKER_09]: That's making it seem like it's not the real wealth.
1:09:38
[SPEAKER_09]: The relationship with yourself and marriage is extremely wealthy.
1:09:43
[SPEAKER_09]: It's a wealth that you cannot count.
1:09:45
[SPEAKER_09]: Unlike money, you can count and you can put a dollar amount on it.
1:09:49
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.
1:09:50
[SPEAKER_04]: I was going to ask too.
1:09:52
[SPEAKER_04]: That was definitely well said too.
1:09:54
[SPEAKER_04]: You touched on, you mentioned trauma.
1:09:57
[SPEAKER_04]: So I didn't want to act like how does childhood trauma show up differently in different genders.
1:10:04
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, especially in relationships, like how does it show up in men versus women versus men, like how does it show up?
1:10:11
[SPEAKER_09]: So it shows up very similar, right?
1:10:13
[SPEAKER_09]: And so,
1:10:14
[SPEAKER_09]: Like a man or a woman who's been abandoned or neglected as a child, they both have sabotaging behaviors, right?
1:10:23
[SPEAKER_09]: sabotaging behaviors meaning we're having a conversation, we're in a relationship.
1:10:27
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't like what you said, I don't like how you doing it, fucking this over.
1:10:30
[SPEAKER_09]: Throw the whole thing away.
1:10:32
[SPEAKER_09]: You ain't cheated.
1:10:34
[SPEAKER_09]: You ain't abused me.
1:10:34
[SPEAKER_09]: You haven't disrespect me.
1:10:36
[SPEAKER_09]: You just not in alignment with what I need you to be in alignment with.
1:10:40
[SPEAKER_09]: And so because I'm uncomfortable and I feel like if I disagree with you, you may leave me, so I'm a sabotage and leave before you leave me.
1:10:47
[SPEAKER_09]: That's what self sabotage is I'm out of here.
1:10:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
1:10:50
[SPEAKER_09]: What that's really saying is I'm scared.
1:10:52
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
1:10:53
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm scared.
1:10:53
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm scared you can leave me like my parents left me.
1:10:56
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm scared and instead of me having the awareness that it's fear-based trauma-based and saying, baby, look, I'm feeling like in and this whole thing because I'm really afraid you don't need me.
1:11:09
[SPEAKER_09]: And then you go and like, like, that wasn't even a thought.
1:11:12
[SPEAKER_09]: Like, like, I have no intention on ever leaving you.
1:11:17
[SPEAKER_09]: And I just want to continue to talk about this and get through this part.
1:11:20
[SPEAKER_09]: Like, I'm here.
1:11:21
[SPEAKER_09]: I love you, right?
1:11:22
[SPEAKER_09]: Like, I'm solid.
1:11:24
[SPEAKER_09]: You know what I mean?
1:11:25
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm here that reassurance that giving her security so that she knows is safe for her also to expose how she feels and her emotions and her traumas with you.
1:11:35
[SPEAKER_09]: So we're not just marrying the person's good days.
1:11:38
[SPEAKER_09]: You are marrying every moving part of that person.
1:11:41
[SPEAKER_09]: You are marrying my traumas.
1:11:43
[SPEAKER_09]: That a band a little girl that's in me, you're marrying her too.
1:11:46
[SPEAKER_09]: So when she shows up, can you facilitate her?
1:11:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you handle her?
1:11:53
[SPEAKER_09]: So that is a big way that trauma looks identical.
1:11:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Another way is, you know, people who avoid being in love are being loved because they don't feel lovable.
1:12:04
[SPEAKER_09]: Men and women show up very similar.
1:12:07
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, a man saying I'm trying to love her and do the right thing and pour into her.
1:12:10
[SPEAKER_09]: And every time we get closer and love, she's emasculate me.
1:12:17
[SPEAKER_09]: She's talking down to me.
1:12:18
[SPEAKER_09]: She just, she's disempowering me and I don't disrespect her.
1:12:21
[SPEAKER_09]: That's a woman who every time you go to love her, because she doesn't believe she's that lovable.
1:12:29
[SPEAKER_09]: She's don't spit fire and talk acidity at you, because what she's saying is, how dare you love me more than I love myself?
1:12:38
[SPEAKER_09]: So as hard as it is to understand, she's almost resentful and mad at you for loving her at a capacity that she can't receive.
1:12:47
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's a hard relationship, a very challenging relationship.
1:12:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no because nothing I do is going to make you for love until you do the work to you get into contact with your traumas and the same thing with the man.
1:13:05
[SPEAKER_09]: If a woman is like I love you, you my king and you all this and you know I'm pouring into you and all he can bring home to her is heartbreak, cheating, infidelity.
1:13:14
[SPEAKER_09]: That's a man who's not lovable.
1:13:16
[SPEAKER_09]: He doesn't feel lovable.
1:13:18
[SPEAKER_09]: That's a man who's saying, I don't deserve a good woman like this.
1:13:22
[SPEAKER_09]: So because I don't deserve a good woman like this, let me go prove myself a fulfilling prophecy to be right by going to sleep with multiple women and prove that I'm a fucker.
1:13:33
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:13:34
[SPEAKER_09]: My daddy was a womanizer.
1:13:35
[SPEAKER_09]: My daddy wants shit.
1:13:37
[SPEAKER_09]: My mama told me at the time, just like your daddy.
1:13:38
[SPEAKER_09]: So now that I'm a grown man, the way that I prove that I am like my daddy, because it's so embedded in my mind, the way that I prove that I'm not shit, is to do what?
1:13:47
[SPEAKER_09]: Go be, not shit.
1:13:50
[SPEAKER_09]: And create heartbreak in this woman like I seen in my mother.
1:13:52
[SPEAKER_09]: And it fulfills myself a feeling prophecy that says, you are just like your daddy.
1:14:00
[SPEAKER_09]: You're just like him, but I also see as a little more my mother want my father so bad, so bad and him never want her back.
1:14:10
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:14:10
[SPEAKER_09]: So my mother glamorized a womanizer by showing how bad she wanted him.
1:14:17
[SPEAKER_09]: So now when I come in the house and I'm that dude, I'm that nigga, I'm a womanizer.
1:14:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I may know it's wrong for what it was glamorized.
1:14:25
[SPEAKER_09]: So as a little boy I learned that what, having women having holes, having, was something my mama wanted.
1:14:32
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
1:14:33
[SPEAKER_09]: and the first woman every boy wants to want him, is who?
1:14:36
[SPEAKER_09]: His mama.
1:14:38
[SPEAKER_09]: So if I see what my mama wants it, why would I not become that subconsciously?
1:14:43
[SPEAKER_09]: You see this psychological pathology of this function that we are not even talking about in relationships.
1:14:50
[SPEAKER_09]: How many people going on a date?
1:14:51
[SPEAKER_09]: What does not say date?
1:14:52
[SPEAKER_09]: Let's say we've already passed date.
1:14:53
[SPEAKER_09]: We're already locked in together, right?
1:14:55
[SPEAKER_09]: And saying, you know what?
1:14:56
[SPEAKER_09]: My mother glamorized my father being a womanizer.
1:14:59
[SPEAKER_09]: He had a couple babies on her, and she would cry in the room sometimes, and hope he come back and just be a family.
1:15:04
[SPEAKER_09]: And there was Christmas as I would cry with her.
1:15:07
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, and as much as I hated him for not showing up, I seen how much he loved him, so I learned to love him through the love she had for him.
1:15:12
[SPEAKER_07]: Right.
1:15:13
[SPEAKER_09]: Couldn't understand why she loved him.
1:15:15
[SPEAKER_09]: Well, he did was cheat on her and dog or an abuser.
1:15:18
[SPEAKER_09]: And sometimes he come and I know they would, you know, do their thing and he just leave her.
1:15:23
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I learned that that is a type of guy that, you know, woman want because the woman I love first and love the most my mother, that's what she wanted.
1:15:31
[SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
1:15:32
[SPEAKER_09]: So she taught me what, how to be a man.
1:15:35
[SPEAKER_09]: And this is why I tell women, I don't care how much you love them.
1:15:38
[SPEAKER_09]: I love your son, how much you provide for him, how much you can give him life.
1:15:44
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, just life tools, you can't teach that boy how to be a man.
1:15:51
[SPEAKER_09]: You can't, because that little boy I just talked about still learned how to be a man by watching the man who wasn't a man, show up in his inadequacies, in dismantling his mother's heart.
1:16:02
[SPEAKER_09]: That little boy may very much grow up to learn how to dismount all woman's heart.
1:16:07
[SPEAKER_09]: Not that he wants to be that, but that he learned how to lever correctly, that he learned how to protect her, but he learned how to cover her.
1:16:15
[SPEAKER_09]: So who taught him how to cover?
1:16:17
[SPEAKER_09]: his mother taught him what a covering looks like.
1:16:20
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
1:16:20
[SPEAKER_09]: His father taught him what not covering looks like.
1:16:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
1:16:23
[SPEAKER_09]: So what does he have to work with?
1:16:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
1:16:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I do want to say something too.
1:16:29
[SPEAKER_03]: So like, you know, a lot of people grow up in households where it's almost like art.
1:16:34
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, let me add that thought.
1:16:36
[SPEAKER_03]: So a lot of people grow up in households where it's like, you know, things are always chaotic.
1:16:41
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, parents are always dispute and they always fight in arguing.
1:16:46
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, everything, like, how does a person, this is a two-part question, how does a person go out and it's like, all right, cool, I see all that stuff.
1:16:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's almost like normalized to the point where it's like, are you know the whole journey of how things are going to go out?
1:17:01
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, cool, they're going to fight, they're going to fuss.
1:17:03
[SPEAKER_03]: It's going to be a two, three-day thing, and then you're going to come back with the gifts.
1:17:07
[SPEAKER_03]: You're going to be silent for a few days in a back-to-normal, right?
1:17:10
[SPEAKER_03]: That's almost like a norm for a lot of people, but beat down and say, you don't want to keep going with that kind of trauma.
1:17:18
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't want to keep going on with that cycle.
1:17:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Like how do people actually work around and be better than that?
1:17:25
[SPEAKER_09]: And what you do describe is a trauma loop, right?
1:17:28
[SPEAKER_09]: It's a emotional roller coaster, a trauma loop.
1:17:30
[SPEAKER_09]: So the trauma that I know loops, then I get with you.
1:17:35
[SPEAKER_09]: And I bring my loop with you, and you have your loop.
1:17:38
[SPEAKER_09]: And if our loops trauma bond, then what we doing, we looping together.
1:17:44
[SPEAKER_09]: We're not breaking any generational pathologies or dysfunctions.
1:17:47
[SPEAKER_09]: We are looping together because we don't have the awareness.
1:17:52
[SPEAKER_09]: Most of us black folks are not in therapy.
1:17:56
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:17:56
[SPEAKER_09]: We are not seeing a live coach.
1:17:58
[SPEAKER_09]: We're seeing maybe a mentor on how to create wealth.
1:18:00
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
1:18:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Which is still performance based.
1:18:03
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:18:03
[SPEAKER_09]: We're not seeing it therapists to help us get to the root of why does my harvest look like this.
1:18:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Because the Bible says you can tell, you know, a tree by the harvest it mayors.
1:18:15
[SPEAKER_09]: We're not going at therapy and saying, wait a minute, I don't know the word, but I keep doing this thing, which you just described.
1:18:22
[SPEAKER_09]: It's most of all the closer we argue, I buy gifts, we're back on, I don't wanna do that, see my parents do it, I don't like it, it's hurtful, it's unstable, I hate it.
1:18:29
[SPEAKER_09]: Why do I do it?
1:18:31
[SPEAKER_09]: We're not going in there to gain knowledge on why do, who I do it, knowledge on yourself.
1:18:38
[SPEAKER_09]: Why do you do what you do?
1:18:40
[SPEAKER_09]: See,
1:18:42
[SPEAKER_09]: There's a duality in creating a healthy relationship.
1:18:45
[SPEAKER_09]: One is in choosing.
1:18:46
[SPEAKER_09]: But no matter who we choose, if we don't change things within us, we will always calibrate what is equally young to who they are.
1:18:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Law of attraction is, you attract who you are despite who you think you are.
1:18:59
[SPEAKER_09]: So as I became more healed, not perfect, just more healed, I attracted more what healed people.
1:19:07
[SPEAKER_09]: And I repel those who are sabotaging and doing dysfunctional things.
1:19:11
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:19:11
[SPEAKER_09]: Now the challenging issue is this.
1:19:14
[SPEAKER_09]: As you become healed and you attract healed people, healed people also have a lower tolerance for abuse and disrespect.
1:19:21
[SPEAKER_09]: They're not as low functioning.
1:19:23
[SPEAKER_09]: So your dysfunctional self needs a low functioning person who will deal with your bullshit and your toxicity.
1:19:31
[SPEAKER_09]: Who gonna do that trauma loop just described.
1:19:33
[SPEAKER_09]: But when you become healed,
1:19:36
[SPEAKER_09]: You don't tolerate that because it's not in alignment with who you are.
1:19:41
[SPEAKER_09]: But in the moment that your dysfunction does, inflaming that relationship with that healed person, this is where it becomes problematic.
1:19:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Do they leave because they won't tolerate it?
1:19:52
[SPEAKER_09]: Or do they have the bound within them to say, wait a minute?
1:19:56
[SPEAKER_09]: There may be a moment where my dysfunction that I've heard from in flames too.
1:20:00
[SPEAKER_09]: Let me write it out with you.
1:20:02
[SPEAKER_09]: Facilitate you, remind you of who you are, remind you of who we are, go to therapy, pray on it, whatever we gotta do, and figure this thing out.
1:20:10
[SPEAKER_09]: Because the only recipe to a long-term error is not to leave, there is no recipe to make it last.
1:20:17
[SPEAKER_09]: It's you just decide not to leave.
1:20:19
[SPEAKER_09]: Are you decide to continue to come back?
1:20:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Right, yeah.
1:20:22
[SPEAKER_09]: But it's the trauma loop of understanding
1:20:26
[SPEAKER_09]: what is my loop and what do I do as a woman or as a man before I enter into this relationship with you.
1:20:32
[SPEAKER_09]: So I can tell you when my second fiance proposed to me are not proposed.
1:20:35
[SPEAKER_09]: He was red dinner and he wanted to.
1:20:38
[SPEAKER_09]: He was like, I want to be with you.
1:20:39
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't want to be a relationship.
1:20:40
[SPEAKER_09]: I said, okay, well, let me explain to you, right?
1:20:44
[SPEAKER_09]: You've been dating this woman.
1:20:45
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm fine.
1:20:45
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm love.
1:20:45
[SPEAKER_09]: We do not have these things.
1:20:48
[SPEAKER_09]: But when I fall in love, there's a part of me called the abandoned little girl.
1:20:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And we had dinner, and I wanted him to understand, but you have the muscle for her, because she can come in, and she's different than what she's been experiencing.
1:21:02
[SPEAKER_09]: She may want to say, have a touch.
1:21:03
[SPEAKER_09]: She'll have a lot of questions.
1:21:05
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, she may watch it, looking your phone, randomly.
1:21:09
[SPEAKER_09]: They're just that abandoned little girl.
1:21:12
[SPEAKER_09]: She is in her trauma.
1:21:15
[SPEAKER_09]: As much of I feel as a woman, she still exists.
1:21:17
[SPEAKER_09]: Amy, she's a part of me.
1:21:19
[SPEAKER_09]: So let me tell you what she does.
1:21:20
[SPEAKER_09]: And I said, are you sure you still want to be with me?
1:21:23
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:21:23
[SPEAKER_09]: And he said, absolutely.
1:21:25
[SPEAKER_09]: 100%.
1:21:27
[SPEAKER_09]: So let's roll it.
1:21:28
[SPEAKER_09]: And if that's this, we're going to go ahead.
1:21:29
[SPEAKER_09]: But I want to him to understand because I didn't want to get into a relationship where now we love and now things are going well.
1:21:37
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm surprising you by this woman you're going to roll that wasn't her.
1:21:41
[SPEAKER_09]: And I didn't want the little girl and me to be abandoned again by a man who couldn't facilitate her.
1:21:46
[SPEAKER_03]: You mentioned something before, like, and you mentioned, and I was like, it was a big question mark for me personally.
1:21:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Could you set your full access woman?
1:21:55
[SPEAKER_03]: That means passwords, sharing of location too.
1:22:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Sure, we can add that, we can do it.
1:22:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Guys, all right, I always say that's crazy, but all right, passwords, sharing location, text messages, like, you're searching through phones, like, oh, oh, not searching through phones.
1:22:13
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, is that a set searching phone?
1:22:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I'm sorry.
1:22:16
[SPEAKER_03]: That's what I'm saying.
1:22:17
[SPEAKER_03]: So what, like, why full access, why not just trust our cool bays, we're not doing anything.
1:22:24
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean, like, you don't need my password.
1:22:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, why the full access?
1:22:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I mean, and is it even necessary?
1:22:34
[SPEAKER_09]: Why do you want full access to my body?
1:22:37
[SPEAKER_09]: Why do you want to go wrong without a condom inside of me?
1:22:41
[SPEAKER_09]: Why do you want to be able to finish inside of me and have me get an IUD?
1:22:47
[SPEAKER_09]: Why is it that you want me to be able to commit to you and trust you off of questions I have to ask you, which is called honesty.
1:22:57
[SPEAKER_09]: How come you can't be forthcoming and provide transparency?
1:23:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Why do you feel it's okay for you to see me even naked?
1:23:05
[SPEAKER_09]: But you haven't let me see you naked.
1:23:07
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm not time off physically.
1:23:08
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm time out emotionally.
1:23:10
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm time out access.
1:23:11
[SPEAKER_09]: Why is I'm time out how you moving as a man?
1:23:12
[SPEAKER_09]: So you want me nude, but you ain't gonna get nude.
1:23:15
[SPEAKER_09]: You want to penetrate me, but I can't penetrate you.
1:23:18
[SPEAKER_09]: You want to access me.
1:23:19
[SPEAKER_09]: This is more expensive than anything you name whatever be.
1:23:23
[SPEAKER_09]: but you don't want me to access something as small as your phone or your laptop or whatever else that you may have a password to.
1:23:31
[SPEAKER_09]: What if I told you the password to my vagina?
1:23:34
[SPEAKER_09]: The password to my heart is transparency and a password to everything you have going on.
1:23:39
[SPEAKER_09]: Am I worthy of that?
1:23:41
[SPEAKER_09]: Is there a value in this?
1:23:43
[SPEAKER_09]: or does my value limit to you being able to have a password on your phone and privacy that doesn't create safety in this relationship.
1:23:51
[SPEAKER_09]: So that later on, five years from now when we have kids, we're in therapy knowing that this relationship is over and we're pretty much headed to divorce because as much as I.
1:24:03
[SPEAKER_09]: Trust it you because we had honesty and not transparency all along.
1:24:07
[SPEAKER_09]: I knew I wanted to be able to access you now I have resentment towards you as a woman because I've gave and you every access you wanted and needed and you put limitations on me That I never fucking happen ever in my life.
1:24:21
[SPEAKER_09]: I've never been in a relationship with the man who didn't volunteerly say You know the password is 5-5-27 Press play on the music
1:24:30
[SPEAKER_09]: or we're driving baby changes song and I'm going, we'll hear a put your password.
1:24:33
[SPEAKER_09]: And I don't know the password is six, six, two, seven.
1:24:36
[SPEAKER_09]: I've never had to ask and say, hey, you know, you want to be with me, put your password.
1:24:41
[SPEAKER_09]: Also, I'm not going to disrespect your privacy.
1:24:45
[SPEAKER_09]: So I'm never going to pick up your phone and look in a phone that I don't have access to.
1:24:50
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't care if you go on the show or you leave it right here.
1:24:51
[SPEAKER_09]: And I see you put the password in.
1:24:53
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm not going in your phone unless you allowed me
1:25:00
[SPEAKER_09]: is a love language for me, not getting prying into your phone and seeing what's in there, right?
1:25:08
[SPEAKER_09]: So it's you allow me access is what tells me, you know what?
1:25:12
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm being transparent with you.
1:25:14
[SPEAKER_09]: I love you.
1:25:15
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm allowing you to have this type of access to the vulnerability things that I do.
1:25:20
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't want to go on your phone and find something.
1:25:23
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't want my heart broke.
1:25:25
[SPEAKER_09]: I want to love you.
1:25:25
[SPEAKER_09]: I want to trust you.
1:25:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:25:27
[SPEAKER_09]: And through transparency comes me feeling loved and me trusting you.
1:25:33
[SPEAKER_09]: And now if I have nothing to hide, right?
1:25:37
[SPEAKER_09]: Then what is the problem?
1:25:39
[SPEAKER_09]: If you are a family man who is very inclusive of me, your wife, what does this you?
1:25:46
[SPEAKER_09]: If my mother can call your phone and they've met my phone dies because we are married, right?
1:25:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Our families have cleaved.
1:25:51
[SPEAKER_09]: What is a problem?
1:25:52
[SPEAKER_09]: If what my phone rings, I could say, baby, get it real quick and let X, Y, Z know we run and lay.
1:25:58
[SPEAKER_09]: What is a problem?
1:25:58
[SPEAKER_09]: If we really fuse and locked in and we cover by God, what is a problem?
1:26:02
[SPEAKER_09]: We have full access to God, he has who access to us and I'm married to you and he's covering us.
1:26:06
[SPEAKER_09]: So what are we doing?
1:26:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
1:26:09
[SPEAKER_03]: When should a person, all right, so should this, should this kind of conversation be voluntary, like volunteer, like, all right, cool.
1:26:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Is the password to this, here's this, here's that, or like, you got an axe for it, you know what I mean?
1:26:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, is that how does this usually work?
1:26:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Or when does this, when does the conversation even happen?
1:26:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Is this during the database where, all right, cool, we boyfriend girlfriend, we figuring things out, we've been together for about,
1:26:36
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, two, three months, two, three years.
1:26:39
[SPEAKER_03]: When is this happen?
1:26:40
[SPEAKER_09]: I think it happens organically, at least from my experience and from even other constituents, friends, or clients who usually when it has to be asked for is when something has taken place.
1:26:54
[SPEAKER_09]: And now somebody wants to see for the sake of gathering information to prove if their assumption is right
1:27:03
[SPEAKER_09]: And see, in a relationship where we're married, we should not be assuming.
1:27:07
[SPEAKER_09]: The Bible says, love each other by knowledge of each other.
1:27:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Why should I assume something I know?
1:27:12
[SPEAKER_09]: So I think it happens again.
1:27:13
[SPEAKER_09]: I know from my experience, again, it's been something to get simple as, you know, we're driving in a car.
1:27:19
[SPEAKER_09]: And my guy has said, here, put on whatever you want.
1:27:22
[SPEAKER_09]: And I give the phone back to him and say, baby, put your password in and he does an in front of me or he says it to me.
1:27:28
[SPEAKER_09]: And I have said, because remember, I like access, not,
1:27:32
[SPEAKER_09]: so much the password.
1:27:33
[SPEAKER_09]: So I want to know you're giving me access, not I have the password to different things.
1:27:38
[SPEAKER_09]: So I have said to him, look babe, you know, I send your password so that he knows and he has a free will to change it or know that I have it.
1:27:47
[SPEAKER_09]: And he has said, babe, come like, yeah, I know what I was doing.
1:27:51
[SPEAKER_07]: I'm like, yeah.
1:27:52
[SPEAKER_09]: Take the phone, there's been times where he said going, I'm like, I forgot it because I didn't write it down.
1:27:58
[SPEAKER_09]: I just for me, the fact that you gave it as access.
1:28:02
[SPEAKER_09]: So use these organic or you look and do some looking at pictures or something in the phone and the phone closes up and I'm like, oh, here baby, your phone closed up and he goes, oh, it's two, two, five, six, seven, whatever.
1:28:12
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm like, oh, I'm like, okay.
1:28:14
[SPEAKER_09]: when that happens, then you know that man or woman wants you to have access to their, you know, to to them.
1:28:21
[SPEAKER_09]: And again, I want to be clear, having access to a man's phone is not giving the woman permission to
1:28:29
[SPEAKER_09]: pick up the phone and go in the phone and use it as a way to cause an argument or create dysfunction.
1:28:38
[SPEAKER_09]: That's not what I am advocating for.
1:28:41
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm advocating for a transparent, respectful relationship that is really built on a foundation that says, I have nothing to hide from you.
1:28:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
1:28:50
[SPEAKER_09]: You have nothing to hide.
1:28:51
[SPEAKER_09]: I am married to you.
1:28:53
[SPEAKER_09]: We're exchanging bodily fluids, like I'm getting ready to have your child, I have already given birth to your child with your DNA.
1:29:02
[SPEAKER_09]: What am I trying to disclose from you?
1:29:05
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
1:29:06
[SPEAKER_09]: Nothing.
1:29:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Right.
1:29:07
[SPEAKER_09]: That's the, that's the angle.
1:29:08
[SPEAKER_09]: So I think it should happen again.
1:29:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Now if people really quick, if people say listen.
1:29:12
[SPEAKER_09]: We haven't done that.
1:29:13
[SPEAKER_09]: I want to have a conversation about past word, whether it's the man or the woman.
1:29:18
[SPEAKER_09]: I think it is okay to say, baby, I want to take a relationship up another notch of transparency.
1:29:21
[SPEAKER_09]: How do you feel about having each other's passwords or having each other's locations?
1:29:27
[SPEAKER_09]: And again, no one is obligated to say yes.
1:29:31
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
1:29:31
[SPEAKER_09]: People can easily be like, babe, that's not my thing.
1:29:34
[SPEAKER_09]: There's not my thing.
1:29:35
[SPEAKER_09]: But I will say this though.
1:29:36
[SPEAKER_09]: I have yet to meet a person.
1:29:39
[SPEAKER_09]: Mel or female, who isn't willing to share location or willing to share passwords, who isn't doing something outside that relationship that's inappropriate, period, period.
1:29:49
[SPEAKER_09]: That's a woman arm in.
1:29:51
[SPEAKER_09]: I share location with my brother, my best friend, my male cousin and my mother.
1:29:57
[SPEAKER_09]: That's just so they know why I'm at, make sure I'm safe.
1:30:00
[SPEAKER_09]: My father share location with everybody in damn hell, so he wasn't popping up to know where we were, but in case something happened, he knows we're safe.
1:30:07
[SPEAKER_09]: Now again,
1:30:10
[SPEAKER_09]: advocate for anyone to share locations with someone who's just going to pop up at the gym and you know do some crazy stuff knowing that that is something that is far fetched and just talks at no.
1:30:20
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm saying you share location so I know my husband is here he's good or if I'm you're meeting me at a certain place, but he made me at seven, I'll be there.
1:30:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Just look at my location on there.
1:30:29
[SPEAKER_09]: We're talking about sharing these things for healthy
1:30:31
[SPEAKER_09]: results.
1:30:33
[SPEAKER_09]: Not so I can come to your house at 2 AM and stand outside the house and say, I got your location and there's nothing going on.
1:30:39
[SPEAKER_09]: We understand what something's unhealthy.
1:30:40
[SPEAKER_09]: We understand what something is not from a healthy good intent.
1:30:44
[SPEAKER_09]: Have good intentions with it.
1:30:45
[SPEAKER_09]: Don't you just take advantage of the person?
1:30:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, absolutely.
1:30:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me just access you.
1:30:49
[SPEAKER_03]: So you mentioned like children, like, you know, for example, if you're going to have a person's child, if you guys are going to get married like that census
1:31:01
[SPEAKER_06]: Not yet.
1:31:02
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so like what's some qualities that you would probably see like while dating or in a relationship?
1:31:08
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, cool.
1:31:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Like this woman really could have my kids like now this man really could have my children some day.
1:31:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Like what's some of those things that you would probably be looking for?
1:31:17
[SPEAKER_09]: I always say if you wouldn't want your daughter to become her or your son to be a him, then it's a no.
1:31:25
[SPEAKER_09]: But if you look at him or her and you say, if I had a daughter or a son that came out exactly like this person, I won't be so freaking pat-prow.
1:31:32
[SPEAKER_09]: I would admire everything about my child.
1:31:35
[SPEAKER_09]: That's a green light, that's a green light.
1:31:38
[SPEAKER_09]: Totally, I mean, I don't want to, I don't want a husband who I wouldn't want my son to be just like, I don't want to, I look forward to admiring my husband, right?
1:31:47
[SPEAKER_09]: And in seeing my son do things like him and go, just like your daddy, in a good way.
1:31:52
[SPEAKER_09]: Now the bad way does some of our black men I used to hear, like you just like your dad, when my father would always tell me like,
1:31:58
[SPEAKER_09]: Girl, you just like your mama.
1:32:00
[SPEAKER_09]: Just like your mama, and I used to be like, I said love it, because I knew he was saying it from a good perspective of my mom's loving and she's nurturing and she's always kissing all over him.
1:32:09
[SPEAKER_09]: And she's just, you know, just affectionate.
1:32:12
[SPEAKER_09]: He was saying from that point, if I'm kissing all on him, he's like, you're just like your mama, like, yep.
1:32:16
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, our baby looks so pretty.
1:32:17
[SPEAKER_09]: He looks just like your mama right now, positive associations to our parents.
1:32:22
[SPEAKER_09]: So again, you know, I think those are the main qualities is can I admire, you know, this woman or this man?
1:32:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
1:32:30
[SPEAKER_03]: You might as well ask questions, bro.
1:32:33
[SPEAKER_03]: So my thing is I want to know, so like,
1:32:37
[SPEAKER_03]: What's the difference between a person, let's say, for example, all right, cool, you know, we serious, we get into no each other, we really like what we see, but, you know, like the whole aspect of going to legal route, like, going to the courthouse and signing off on these docs.
1:32:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I don't know, like, why can we just go to the... Those days grow you day.
1:32:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Let me talk to you about Greg girl.
1:32:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, dude.
1:33:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I just planned it.
1:33:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I just planned it.
1:33:02
[SPEAKER_03]: I just planned it.
1:33:03
[SPEAKER_03]: I just planned it.
1:33:04
[SPEAKER_03]: So, for example, you'd be like, alright, cool.
1:33:06
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I don't want to go to route with, like, we actually sounded paperwork, and all of that.
1:33:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Because like, nowadays people is almost glamorizing, like, I rather just get married in a church, but we're going on a finger and do that.
1:33:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, what should take on that?
1:33:20
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, this is my thing.
1:33:21
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't project my values on anyone.
1:33:23
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm a woman who looks forward to being married.
1:33:26
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, I'm on paper, none of the covenant of God.
1:33:29
[SPEAKER_09]: But if folks feel like, you know, their relationship is thriving and doing its thing and they are in commitment and everyone is in agreement to whatever that commitment is.
1:33:39
[SPEAKER_09]: and it's healthy.
1:33:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Run those plays.
1:33:41
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't think anyone has the authority or shouldn't have the authority or permission to come in and say this is how you need to structure your relationship.
1:33:49
[SPEAKER_09]: The dynamic of your relationship should look like this.
1:33:51
[SPEAKER_09]: You need to go to the courts.
1:33:52
[SPEAKER_09]: You shouldn't.
1:33:54
[SPEAKER_09]: Is it working for you?
1:33:55
[SPEAKER_09]: You know what I mean?
1:33:56
[SPEAKER_09]: There's so many different ways that a relationship can work in its objective and you have a lot of people who have the paperwork, who have the covenant of God and the miserable.
1:34:07
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, and I always say this and I stand by it.
1:34:09
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, I've been in my field for 18 plus years.
1:34:12
[SPEAKER_09]: There's more married people having sex and there are single people having sex.
1:34:16
[SPEAKER_09]: Merry people.
1:34:18
[SPEAKER_09]: And when I say having sex limit clear it up, there's more married folks having sex with people outside of their marriage, then there are single people who are just having sex casually.
1:34:31
[SPEAKER_09]: Yes, yes, there's a lot of side-chicks situations.
1:34:36
[SPEAKER_09]: There's a lot of women who have their side guys.
1:34:39
[SPEAKER_09]: There's a lot of men who don't have side-chicks, but they're sleeping outside the...
1:34:44
[SPEAKER_09]: There's a lot of infidelity and over-sexualization that's going on.
1:34:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And it's going on within marriages.
1:34:50
[SPEAKER_09]: And those folks are either just staying in those marriages for the sake of saving face or, you know, they have kids, right?
1:35:00
[SPEAKER_09]: No, that hey, we're staying for the kids, but we're both kind of doing our thing.
1:35:03
[SPEAKER_09]: Just don't put it in my face, you know, but, you know, on the flip side of the course, those marriages that are beautiful, that are not doing that.
1:35:09
[SPEAKER_09]: But we're talking about, you know, how people should structure the merit, structure it to where whatever your commitment is between you and your partner, you both can keep that commitment.
1:35:20
[SPEAKER_09]: not a commitment that you know you're not built for, you know you don't want.
1:35:25
[SPEAKER_09]: And so all you all are doing is breaking each other's hearts and deceiving each other by standing by a commitment you're really falling on.
1:35:35
[SPEAKER_09]: Now do what works for you but find out what you need so you can find out what's compatible and what's conducive for you.
1:35:40
[SPEAKER_09]: That's my thing and I and those are the people as they run those plays.
1:35:44
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't want to project I don't want to know if I go get married and then they like doc now that we're married Our relationship is worse and every hey do what really is compatible and conducive for the both of you for the collective
1:35:53
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, it kind of leads into my next two topics.
1:35:58
[SPEAKER_04]: I know we kind of want to show it on time, but I did want to ask because it kind of brings me back to, well, I'm going to bring up the cheating software, but I did want to ask this one.
1:36:09
[SPEAKER_04]: So a lot of times, like,
1:36:11
[SPEAKER_04]: For example, the Kiki Palmer situation where her husband got mad about how she dressed.
1:36:16
[SPEAKER_04]: A lot of times when you're outdating, you know, women, a lot of women, they dress.
1:36:22
[SPEAKER_04]: It might show a little skin and that's just how they dress.
1:36:27
[SPEAKER_04]: You know what I mean?
1:36:28
[SPEAKER_04]: Like, but sometimes as a guy, it's like, you're like, you already know what that attention brings.
1:36:41
[SPEAKER_04]: You could be going out with your girl or girl, let's, you know, your dating and, you know, she got like tight clothes and things like that.
1:36:49
[SPEAKER_04]: And then now it's like, she looks amazing, but as a guy, now you kind of got to be on edge when you go out with her, because now you know, other guys is looking at her.
1:36:57
[SPEAKER_04]: And it kind of brings that attention to her.
1:37:01
[SPEAKER_04]: For example, like, even recently in New York,
1:37:05
[SPEAKER_04]: a young man just got killed because a guy tried to hit on his girl in the club and he was drunk and I maybe handed up touching her and handed up dying, you know.
1:37:15
[SPEAKER_04]: So what is your thoughts about some guys kind of like it's not even filling insecure but like they don't want their girl skinning out or they don't want their girl wearing like clothes that are true at too much attention.
1:37:31
[SPEAKER_09]: I think it's a preference, and I think it's okay.
1:37:34
[SPEAKER_09]: My ex-fiance would tell me that's too much cleavage.
1:37:37
[SPEAKER_09]: And I would change.
1:37:39
[SPEAKER_09]: And this is coming from a woman who is very strong in my personality.
1:37:43
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm very dominant in my being of who I am.
1:37:47
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm very strong.
1:37:48
[SPEAKER_09]: But I'm also respectful and I submit to who I choose.
1:37:52
[SPEAKER_09]: If I'm choosing you, then I trust you.
1:37:54
[SPEAKER_09]: And if it's something that you feel is crossing your boundary or not making you feel safe.
1:38:01
[SPEAKER_09]: And I care about your well-being and what you're asking me is not nothing abusive.
1:38:06
[SPEAKER_09]: Then I had no price to say no problem and I would go change and say, is this better?
1:38:11
[SPEAKER_09]: And then he would say yes or no.
1:38:14
[SPEAKER_09]: And we would go and enjoy our day.
1:38:16
[SPEAKER_09]: The other question he would ask is, well, who are you dressing for?
1:38:20
[SPEAKER_09]: I like when you wear this classy dress or I like when you wear something that's a little more, you know, not so revealing.
1:38:31
[SPEAKER_09]: Friends and family were like
1:38:34
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't, why is he telling you what to wear?
1:38:36
[SPEAKER_09]: That doesn't, that's usually not you.
1:38:38
[SPEAKER_09]: You're a very dominant in do what you want and can't be told what to do.
1:38:43
[SPEAKER_09]: Well, I am that in the board room.
1:38:45
[SPEAKER_09]: I am that when I am a single woman, but when I am choosing to be in partnership with somebody, there is a collective.
1:38:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And I am respecting the other part of my collective.
1:38:56
[SPEAKER_09]: Again, as long as it's not abusive, or it's not outside of my capacity,
1:39:01
[SPEAKER_09]: I think there's not the wrong with that, and I also, and, hey, woman, this may be a very unapologetic opinion.
1:39:06
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm okay with that.
1:39:07
[SPEAKER_09]: I think that women should learn to nest and men more.
1:39:10
[SPEAKER_09]: I think that there is a issue on both ends, there are a lot of men who, you know, don't know how to lead, but I also think there's a lot of women that don't know how to fuck a nest.
1:39:20
[SPEAKER_09]: If you want a man to lead, what can you nest?
1:39:24
[SPEAKER_09]: Because even if I am leading you all,
1:39:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Even just just saying, I'm taking you to a restaurant, and you're following behind me.
1:39:31
[SPEAKER_09]: If every time I make a left, you make a right.
1:39:34
[SPEAKER_09]: Bruh, one, you pro-long and a detour where I'm taking you.
1:39:38
[SPEAKER_09]: Two, we are never gonna get there.
1:39:39
[SPEAKER_09]: And three, you're not allowing me to take you to where I promised I would bring you to.
1:39:46
[SPEAKER_09]: So, did you trust me to begin with, to take you to the restaurant?
1:39:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Or are you in this thing and your traumas are inflamed?
1:39:54
[SPEAKER_09]: And I can't even take you to our problems to take you to.
1:39:57
[SPEAKER_09]: So I think as a duality of, yes, you all need to learn effective leadership and how to do it.
1:40:03
[SPEAKER_09]: And learn like the Bible says, have a vision, have it clear.
1:40:06
[SPEAKER_09]: So that anyone that reads it can't actualize it.
1:40:08
[SPEAKER_09]: So we should know your vision is clear and is she be shared with us, woman?
1:40:12
[SPEAKER_09]: So we can help.
1:40:13
[SPEAKER_09]: us get there.
1:40:14
[SPEAKER_09]: But we also need to learn how to get in the past and just see kick our feet up and not tell y'all go left.
1:40:19
[SPEAKER_09]: Go right.
1:40:20
[SPEAKER_09]: Stop.
1:40:20
[SPEAKER_09]: Slow down, guys.
1:40:21
[SPEAKER_09]: But because even as a woman, I will say at the red light, baby, the door is unlocked.
1:40:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Can you open that door and get out and get out?
1:40:31
[SPEAKER_09]: Because you caused a more agony and headache.
1:40:33
[SPEAKER_09]: Then you are a piece.
1:40:35
[SPEAKER_09]: And all I did was pick you up and say, let me lead.
1:40:38
[SPEAKER_09]: And so it's a duality.
1:40:39
[SPEAKER_09]: Women need to learn to nest as well.
1:40:42
[SPEAKER_09]: And I have learned I didn't always have the ability to am I younger days in my first engagement.
1:40:48
[SPEAKER_09]: I didn't nest.
1:40:49
[SPEAKER_06]: Right.
1:40:49
[SPEAKER_09]: And I also chose a guy that wasn't nestable.
1:40:52
[SPEAKER_09]: But I chose that because an unnestable guy was conducive and compatible to what a woman who cannot nest, everything's equally young.
1:41:03
[SPEAKER_09]: Um, I worked really hard during that break-up to learn to nest, again, when I said early on in this, in this episode, us learning how to change things within our self is what will calibrate a different person, where I shift the inability to be able to nest.
1:41:20
[SPEAKER_09]: I shifted the inability to be able to be some, now I was a submissive woman who could
1:41:32
[SPEAKER_09]: I was a cat woman, and I nested in him.
1:41:35
[SPEAKER_09]: He created that environment, but I changed things within myself first, instead of blaming you all the time, knowing that I came nested, and you even if you did, read us.
1:41:43
[SPEAKER_09]: Even if you did take full care of me, I didn't have the capacity to be domesticated.
1:41:49
[SPEAKER_09]: right so it's about switching but learning how to nest in one of the best qualities that I learned was how to nest in in y'all men because when we nest and y'all know how to lead and is they really really beautiful partnership.
1:42:04
[SPEAKER_09]: you, you all feel so much respected, you feel so empowered, the more that you feel us trust you, you all actually go and do more, you actually go and stretch every capacity you have.
1:42:16
[SPEAKER_09]: And as a woman to see a man and watch a man witness him out there doing all these things for y'all and stretch his capacity.
1:42:26
[SPEAKER_09]: for y'all because of the love and nurturing that you are implementing in him by just being his rib.
1:42:32
[SPEAKER_09]: It is the biggest turn on.
1:42:34
[SPEAKER_09]: It actually brings out the softness of softness you can never think of in that woman.
1:42:41
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I fell more in love with myself becoming so soft with nesting in him.
1:42:46
[SPEAKER_09]: than he probably fell in love with me.
1:42:48
[SPEAKER_09]: I just really loved who I became in that.
1:42:51
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I want to just really advocate for women with the right man, of course, learn even prior to meeting him, learn your nesting skills, learn your tucking skills, learn how really to be a rib.
1:43:05
[SPEAKER_09]: The rib is covering all your organs.
1:43:07
[SPEAKER_09]: We protect everything that keeps you alive as the rib.
1:43:10
[SPEAKER_09]: Y'all are the head.
1:43:11
[SPEAKER_04]: I like that explanation because I had to act like because like even social media the way they kind of paint things and and you know It's like oh he's insecure, you know, but a lot of times they don't see things from the male perspective So the way you broke it down is like you know
1:43:30
[SPEAKER_04]: you just got to realize like you got to make it work kind of like nesting and things like that.
1:43:35
[SPEAKER_04]: So it definitely makes a lot of sense.
1:43:36
[SPEAKER_04]: I love that explanation.
1:43:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Another thing that I definitely did want to jump into is cheating, you know, what happens in relationships.
1:43:45
[SPEAKER_04]: And a lot of times is, you know, it could, you know, could be the woman's fault, could be the man's fault, either or do you think
1:44:00
[SPEAKER_09]: So remember, I stand on Biblical principles, not projecting my principles on anybody, but the Bible says there's two reasons permissible for divorce.
1:44:08
[SPEAKER_09]: That's infidelity and unfaithfulness to me to the same thing.
1:44:11
[SPEAKER_09]: But I think I believe what the Bible will say infidelity is the act of cheating, sexually.
1:44:16
[SPEAKER_09]: and unfaithfulness is breaking our commitment to each other, right?
1:44:20
[SPEAKER_09]: So for me, if you step out, stay at, say, the fuck out, because I'm standing on biblical principles.
1:44:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Period.
1:44:27
[SPEAKER_09]: The covenant is broken when you create an infidelity.
1:44:32
[SPEAKER_09]: Biblically it says it.
1:44:33
[SPEAKER_09]: The covenant is broken.
1:44:34
[SPEAKER_09]: You broke our covenant.
1:44:34
[SPEAKER_09]: We're not covered by God anymore.
1:44:38
[SPEAKER_09]: There's nothing else to talk about.
1:44:40
[SPEAKER_06]: Yeah.
1:44:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Easier said than done, of course.
1:44:42
[SPEAKER_09]: But I'm leaving at cheating.
1:44:43
[SPEAKER_09]: Now for other people, I have clients, obviously in session who they come, and there's been a fidelity on either side, the man of the woman they want to work through it.
1:44:51
[SPEAKER_09]: I totally give everything that I have to help them succeed.
1:44:56
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't project my principles onto them.
1:44:58
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, I put that to the side, and I say, okay, well, let's work this through.
1:45:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Let's try to build this trust.
1:45:02
[SPEAKER_09]: Let's figure out what's needed.
1:45:04
[SPEAKER_09]: Now, can you learn to love a cheater?
1:45:06
[SPEAKER_09]: because see when we were together and I was loving a faithful man, you were a different man that I was loving.
1:45:13
[SPEAKER_09]: Now that you've cheated on me, I see you differently.
1:45:17
[SPEAKER_09]: So can I learn to love the man who I now know has a capacity to dismantle my heart?
1:45:24
[SPEAKER_09]: to break me down, to destroy me, to deceive me, to lie, and to cheat.
1:45:30
[SPEAKER_09]: Can I love you?
1:45:31
[SPEAKER_09]: Like that, I do why I have to clothe you with the furniture ideology just to survive.
1:45:35
[SPEAKER_09]: There's no have to compartmentalize you.
1:45:37
[SPEAKER_09]: To be with you?
1:45:39
[SPEAKER_09]: Or can I really love the dog and you?
1:45:42
[SPEAKER_09]: Because we all know a dog can say silent, but at some point what's going to happen?
1:45:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I start barking.
1:45:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Hello.
1:45:47
[SPEAKER_09]: Hello.
1:45:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And at some point you're going to remind me of the dog I'm married to.
1:45:53
[SPEAKER_09]: That's why I will leave you.
1:45:54
[SPEAKER_09]: Because I didn't sign up to love a dog.
1:45:57
[SPEAKER_09]: I signed up to love a man who I thought was a family man and love the God in you.
1:46:02
[SPEAKER_09]: Doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but it does mean principality is important in this marriage.
1:46:06
[SPEAKER_09]: You do not have permission to cheat on me at all.
1:46:11
[SPEAKER_09]: Now if we have children, we're like still love you and co-parent and we spec you for the sake of our kids, absolutely.
1:46:17
[SPEAKER_09]: But if we don't, good fucking day.
1:46:19
[SPEAKER_09]: that's it.
1:46:21
[SPEAKER_09]: But so for other people, if that's, they want to work through it, I help them, whatever therapist, preacher, church, neighbor, parent can help.
1:46:32
[SPEAKER_09]: You got to get help when it comes to that infidelity stuff.
1:46:34
[SPEAKER_09]: It is extremely challenging to do on your own.
1:46:36
[SPEAKER_09]: I almost think you can't do it on your own because you can't heal in the same environment that broke you.
1:46:41
[SPEAKER_09]: You can't.
1:46:43
[SPEAKER_09]: And that's another reason why for me I'm going
1:46:46
[SPEAKER_09]: I just don't know if I have the ability to, I don't not know.
1:46:51
[SPEAKER_09]: I know I won't have the ability to love the dog and you.
1:46:54
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
1:46:55
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't come barking at my tree.
1:46:57
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, thanks.
1:46:59
[SPEAKER_04]: And before we even forget this question, also like, wanted to know like how are you able to, I know Cody Axel of camera, but how are you able to build your brand?
1:47:08
[SPEAKER_04]: to the level of this right now, like, you know, being a psychologist, you know, having millions of followers, like, how are you able to build that brand up and really get your voice in your message out there?
1:47:21
[SPEAKER_09]: I love that being extremely intentional from the beginning, even in my college years, you know, knowing that I, knowing that, you know, understanding and remember the conversations I have with God as a little girl, which was, I mean, had a lot, but pertaining to this question, which was, got to allow me to be exactly who I am.
1:47:41
[SPEAKER_09]: as I evolve and be able to be of service and blessed people by being who I am, not having to conform or change outside of who you built me to be.
1:47:52
[SPEAKER_09]: The other thing was got to allow me to have a platform to provide the tools that you have given me that has really taken the broken little girl.
1:48:01
[SPEAKER_09]: and a band-a-little girl and made a really beautiful woman and taking my broken pieces and made God's peace with it.
1:48:09
[SPEAKER_09]: I know that the Bible says there's a chosen few, but there's a chosen few, but there's a chosen, but there's a chosen, folks, but only a few answer.
1:48:18
[SPEAKER_09]: Well,
1:48:19
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't believe that I'm chosen differently than anybody else.
1:48:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I believe that I'm answering the call.
1:48:25
[SPEAKER_09]: And as soon as anybody watching this, or y'all or anyone in this studio decides to answer the call, that's when you're in your chosen era.
1:48:34
[SPEAKER_09]: And I just so God, you know, you have taken this broken little girl and done so much with me.
1:48:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Please allow me to, you know, and I commit to taking those tools and giving it to every person I come in contact with.
1:48:48
[SPEAKER_09]: whatever platform you give me, I commit to bringing your principles, bringing your tools and standing on it and I won't waver.
1:48:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Even if the folks don't like me, even if I have a wolf in sheep clothing, I sheep will know my voice and I must stand on it on the mountain top for you.
1:49:06
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm similar, you know.
1:49:08
[SPEAKER_09]: to Jesus, which means just to be Christ like, whatever cross God gave me, I'm going to carry it.
1:49:14
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm going to carry it to whatever resurrection he has for me.
1:49:17
[SPEAKER_09]: And no matter how much I am beaten or crucified, I'm going to carry out my assignment and when you make those kind of commitments to God and you follow through, he blesses you and puts you on stages.
1:49:33
[SPEAKER_09]: And he creates churches everywhere you go for you.
1:49:37
[SPEAKER_09]: And he teaches you how to love the church.
1:49:39
[SPEAKER_09]: I eat his people, my people, and be a service like Jesus, you know, love the church.
1:49:44
[SPEAKER_09]: And it's not me trying to sound religiously or churchy, but for me, those principles have anchoring me to have catapulted me and they are what keep me vertical when I'm in the storm.
1:49:55
[SPEAKER_09]: And they are what taught me how to sleep in the storm like Jesus did.
1:49:58
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, right, right, right.
1:50:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I must say I definitely enjoyed this episode for sure.
1:50:03
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?
1:50:04
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's more of a, like, and I really appreciate your thoughts, you know, mindset on a lot of things, you know, it's more of like a reassurance, for me personally, and the values that I have, you know, so I just want to say thank you for that.
1:50:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Also, I don't think this would be a full blown podcast I didn't ask this last question.
1:50:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Um, how'd you meet 50 cent by the way?
1:50:26
[SPEAKER_03]: And how did our relationship get get established like, because he's a big idol for me personally.
1:50:32
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I mean, like, that's one of the interviews.
1:50:34
[SPEAKER_03]: I definitely know for sure has to get checked off my list, but just want to hear your side of it.
1:50:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, how did how did things happen for you?
1:50:42
[SPEAKER_09]: Oh goodness, yeah, so one, 50 is, I would say there's intelligence and those genius when it comes to business, 50 is genius, okay, and so I had my book that I have here right now, and my other book mental detox, and I was attempting to get a book deal for just this book, and I have TV shows and other things that I have developed and co-produced at our
1:51:10
[SPEAKER_09]: you know, on MTV and different networks that have been nominated for different things.
1:51:15
[SPEAKER_09]: And so I noticed on my social media that 50 cent was following me.
1:51:22
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm like, oh, it's been following me for a long time.
1:51:23
[SPEAKER_09]: Cool, and I wasn't following back or anything.
1:51:26
[SPEAKER_09]: And true story, which I've never told, by the way, so y'all get some exclusive.
1:51:30
[SPEAKER_09]: And my kitchen is probably 12 a.m. at night.
1:51:33
[SPEAKER_09]: And everything in me was like, well, he's been following you.
1:51:37
[SPEAKER_09]: He's probably, you know, a fan of your work.
1:51:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Um, DM him.
1:51:41
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm like, the fuck, because, you know, I'm like, and now this is for me, spirit God talking to me.
1:51:47
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm like, like, I'm not DM me anybody.
1:51:51
[SPEAKER_09]: He's definitely not DM in no man.
1:51:53
[SPEAKER_09]: And I'm actually not DM in 50 set.
1:51:55
[SPEAKER_07]: Right.
1:51:55
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, if he wants me in any way, even in in a business capacity,
1:52:00
[SPEAKER_09]: You a man, you better come up with me, you better reach out, so I'm all in my limits of thinking and God's like, woman, just do it.
1:52:07
[SPEAKER_09]: You're not being a Peter on the boat right now.
1:52:09
[SPEAKER_09]: When Jesus came on the boat and told Peter though, you're not on the other side and Peter said, there's no fish and Jesus like, throw the net on the other side.
1:52:18
[SPEAKER_09]: He's like, you're not listening and I'm like, oh my God, so this is where the Bible says it's better to be obedient than sacrifice.
1:52:25
[SPEAKER_09]: I ain't gonna lie, would it add a tube?
1:52:27
[SPEAKER_09]: Would it add a tube with God at that moment?
1:52:29
[SPEAKER_09]: I was like, oh my God, so I go on social media, would it add a tube?
1:52:33
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm like, and I go on them, say, hey, how you doing?
1:52:37
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm Dr. Bryant.
1:52:39
[SPEAKER_09]: I have a book, and I have some shows that I'm producing.
1:52:44
[SPEAKER_09]: I'd love to talk to you about, and I was like, would add a tube of press send.
1:52:50
[SPEAKER_09]: I was being a man like, here we go.
1:52:52
[SPEAKER_09]: Oh my god, like, I've been telling me to do stuff.
1:52:54
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't want to do, right?
1:52:55
[SPEAKER_09]: But it starts on not our thoughts and his ways and out our ways.
1:52:59
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
1:52:59
[SPEAKER_09]: Man, my phone lit up.
1:53:00
[SPEAKER_09]: But it was like, the fuck.
1:53:03
[SPEAKER_09]: It's pretty sad.
1:53:03
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm definitely interested.
1:53:06
[SPEAKER_09]: What's your contact?
1:53:07
[SPEAKER_09]: So I sent the number.
1:53:08
[SPEAKER_09]: Remember, it's still 12 a.m. my time, he's on East Coast.
1:53:10
[SPEAKER_09]: So I was 3 a.m. his time.
1:53:14
[SPEAKER_09]: Look, my phone rings in me.
1:53:15
[SPEAKER_09]: Let me move.
1:53:15
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm like, oh, shit.
1:53:17
[SPEAKER_09]: Hello, you know, and in his very, you know, unique only 50 has his 50 cent voice, he's like, first thing he says like, and my hello he's like, so like, do you really have all those degrees?
1:53:33
[SPEAKER_09]: Yes, I really have the greed.
1:53:35
[SPEAKER_09]: I was like, damn.
1:53:37
[SPEAKER_09]: And then the conversation that we talk for hours, I mean, on a friendship level, about business, about everything.
1:53:43
[SPEAKER_09]: And I thought I was reaching out for business.
1:53:45
[SPEAKER_09]: It ended up being something that became a really good friendship as well where we talked about just everything.
1:53:50
[SPEAKER_09]: Even when his grandfather passed away.
1:53:54
[SPEAKER_09]: And just, I was just supportive.
1:53:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Hey, you know, you good, you need anything.
1:53:59
[SPEAKER_09]: you know, even with me shows, I have just supported them.
1:54:02
[SPEAKER_09]: I would come off set and be frustrated sometimes, feeling my talk show about some things with the producers, and I would call him one o'clock at night coming off set on FaceTime, taking off my eyelashes, taking my hair.
1:54:15
[SPEAKER_09]: taking, you know, a boy pens out my hair and I'm talking and he would lovingly check me and be like Doc, you looking at it wrong.
1:54:23
[SPEAKER_07]: Yeah.
1:54:23
[SPEAKER_09]: Like, what if the producer was saying this and the producer was looking at it like, you know, you are the star of the show.
1:54:28
[SPEAKER_09]: So this is why and I'm like, you know what, you're right.
1:54:30
[SPEAKER_09]: Never thought about it.
1:54:30
[SPEAKER_09]: So with all of that, um,
1:54:33
[SPEAKER_09]: Not only did he, you know, we become good friends, and he was able to give really good sound advice, but, you know, he made a promise and said, listen, let me contact, you know, my agent, which is the biggest agent, Mark George, shout out to you.
1:54:45
[SPEAKER_09]: He's the biggest little agent pretty much in the nation.
1:54:48
[SPEAKER_09]: And he's like, um, let me contact him.
1:54:50
[SPEAKER_09]: And it's funny, Mark, you know, I love you, but Mark was like, well, I'll talk to her, but
1:54:55
[SPEAKER_09]: I don't really know her word, I don't know who she is, and fit the even went further to Vouchy, was like, I love her work.
1:55:01
[SPEAKER_09]: Like, the doc is the real deal.
1:55:04
[SPEAKER_09]: And from there, Mark gone the call with me and things went on.
1:55:07
[SPEAKER_09]: And before you know it, my intention was to get one book deal.
1:55:12
[SPEAKER_09]: And Mark called back and was like, yo, they want to give you a double book deal.
1:55:17
[SPEAKER_09]: I'm like, what?
1:55:18
[SPEAKER_09]: So listen, I'm here to say to the ladies out there.
1:55:21
[SPEAKER_09]: Don't be sliding nobody's DMs.
1:55:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, it could be your next deal or your husband, but that was a moment where literally I was just obedient to spirit and and I have to just, you know, land and wrap on saying that that, you know, I'm very grateful that I did because the friendship that we've established.
1:55:44
[SPEAKER_09]: And you know, the business that 50 has been able to bring to me and the business advice that he's, you know, allowed me to be privy to is priceless, really really priceless.
1:55:55
[SPEAKER_09]: And so, you know, you know, he got a lot of moving parts that are confusing to people about, but I can't say the folks that, you know, he has, you know, done things for our has kept his commitments to
1:56:08
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, I mean, it has been very fruitful and I knock on wood.
1:56:13
[SPEAKER_09]: I haven't had a bad experience, you know, with him and so I don't know if it's like don't get on his bad side, you know what I'm just me, so I'm worried about the side I'm on.
1:56:24
[SPEAKER_09]: He's been he's done well by me.
1:56:26
[SPEAKER_09]: So shout out to him and thank you for you know, making sure that you took the lead and represented me well So that I'm able to get a double book deal that Exceeded most people's first book deals when it comes to the amount that they gave me and he got me a Good deal with the biggest publisher Publishing company in the world hey house, which is random house and so
1:56:48
[SPEAKER_09]: You know relationships will get you indoors at money can ever buy remember that and this relationship with the big dog got me big dog book deal big dog publishing company big doll literary agent and you know myself I am a big dog and so it makes sense I calibrated that yeah that's the fact well said well said
1:57:10
[SPEAKER_03]: This is really good.
1:57:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I do.
1:57:12
[SPEAKER_03]: I have one last question.
1:57:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I don't know.
1:57:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
1:57:15
[SPEAKER_03]: All right.
1:57:15
[SPEAKER_03]: So now you said you got the friendship and the relationship with 50, platonic and monogamous friendships.
1:57:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, if you're in a relationship, now you're in a relationship, now you're in a relationship.
1:57:28
[SPEAKER_03]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1:57:37
[SPEAKER_03]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
1:57:40
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you work around something like that you know like
1:57:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I know it was a calling from God, like, you know, that's how everything turned out, but how do you still do that, you know?
1:57:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Right.
1:57:55
[SPEAKER_09]: So I love that question.
1:57:57
[SPEAKER_09]: Um, so this is the thing, you know, if let's just say I have to be speaking, if 50 got into a relationship, and our end door, I got into a relationship in one of our partners said, hey, look, we're uncomfortable with the magnitude of this friendship.
1:58:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Then we respect our partners.
1:58:11
[SPEAKER_09]: If our partners are able to see that,
1:58:13
[SPEAKER_09]: We have done, you know, great business together at some point, but we're not, you know, folks who just sit around and hang on the phone all day every day.
1:58:21
[SPEAKER_09]: He's a very busy man.
1:58:22
[SPEAKER_09]: He's moving around and I'm extremely busy doing me and, you know, our friendship is something that is respectful.
1:58:29
[SPEAKER_09]: to a relationship outside of us, meaning like, you know, if he was to call and need something, you know what I mean?
1:58:34
[SPEAKER_09]: Like, I'm solid.
1:58:35
[SPEAKER_09]: I got him.
1:58:35
[SPEAKER_09]: And if I was to call and know he's solid, he got me.
1:58:38
[SPEAKER_09]: But again, if either one of our partners were to say, hey, we're we're uncomfortable, um, I would respect his woman.
1:58:44
[SPEAKER_09]: He wouldn't have to tell me anything.
1:58:46
[SPEAKER_09]: I was like, you know, I respect her.
1:58:47
[SPEAKER_09]: And I think she's right.
1:58:49
[SPEAKER_09]: Um, but, you know,
1:58:50
[SPEAKER_09]: If there's nothing going on in that relationship that deems it to be disrespectful and there's not a lot of time being spent I don't think anyone would have a problem with it for me when I was saying I know we got a rap man's man meaning If I met you and you were doing business with a woman, right?
1:59:06
[SPEAKER_09]: And this is a woman who got you some big deal similar to 50 cent.
1:59:10
[SPEAKER_09]: And I know that you and her talk periodically once a month or once every two months or something of that sort.
1:59:14
[SPEAKER_09]: That would not be a woman that I consider a friend I have an issue with.
1:59:18
[SPEAKER_09]: When I say a man having friends, you're telling me that Monday, Wednesday and Friday you want to go to lunch or brunch with your female friend.
1:59:26
[SPEAKER_09]: You're telling me that this woman's calling you multiple times a week.
1:59:29
[SPEAKER_09]: to have in-depth conversation with you about her relationships.
1:59:32
[SPEAKER_09]: That's a hard-fucking know.
1:59:33
[SPEAKER_09]: It's telling me that when I travel to go out of town, all of a sudden you and her want to go to dinner, that's a hard-fucking know.
1:59:40
[SPEAKER_09]: Now, if you're saying this woman you do business with, that you talk to periodically her and her husband, want to go to dinner with us because you're in town, absolutely, that's maturity.
1:59:49
[SPEAKER_09]: You know, that's, that's, I'm secure with you, but are you going to have a woman that you are as close to as you are with me?
1:59:55
[SPEAKER_09]: Hell no.
1:59:56
[SPEAKER_09]: For what?
1:59:56
[SPEAKER_09]: For once she's taken up the time that I want with you.
1:59:59
[SPEAKER_09]: I got some problems and some shit I want to talk to you about.
2:00:01
[SPEAKER_09]: So I ain't gonna go with her.
2:00:03
[SPEAKER_09]: But also I just don't think that that's appropriate for, you know, relationships that are committed or marriage.
2:00:09
[SPEAKER_03]: God, you got you.
2:00:10
[SPEAKER_03]: God, you got you.
2:00:11
[SPEAKER_09]: No, is he rosy?
2:00:14
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah.
2:00:15
[SPEAKER_09]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
2:00:35
[SPEAKER_04]: Now, this was a really good one.
2:00:37
[SPEAKER_04]: Appreciate you for coming through Dr. Cheyenne, but definitely wish we had more time to speak about your book, but definitely you could just tell people the title or really grab it.
2:00:49
[SPEAKER_09]: Yeah, so my book, Leave Your Promise, which is my second book that I am launching on May 12th.
2:00:54
[SPEAKER_09]: It's available now, y'all for pre-order.
2:00:56
[SPEAKER_09]: You can purchase
2:00:57
[SPEAKER_09]: our pre-order.
2:00:58
[SPEAKER_09]: I should say this book on Barnes and Noble, Amazon, any in every single platform that sells books.
2:01:04
[SPEAKER_09]: It's available in the print and an audio book with my voice.
2:01:08
[SPEAKER_09]: You're going to hear with the doc.
2:01:09
[SPEAKER_09]: Actually, storyteller reading this book to you.
2:01:11
[SPEAKER_09]: So again, pre-order live your promise, y'all.
2:01:15
[SPEAKER_09]: Let me pick it up.
2:01:16
[SPEAKER_09]: Go pre-order my second baby my first baby mental detox which I wrote in 2014.
2:01:21
[SPEAKER_09]: We republished it last year and you all within two days made it a best seller.
2:01:26
[SPEAKER_09]: Okay, so go buy up pre-order pre-order and yeah, and we also have a
2:01:32
[SPEAKER_09]: a cool invite only VIP private webinar.
2:01:36
[SPEAKER_09]: So anyone who pre-orders the book, you go to the website, you put in your order link, and we send you a Zoom link for that VIP private webinar with me.
2:01:45
[SPEAKER_09]: You get to talk to me, ask questions, buy with me, all that good stuff.
2:01:50
[SPEAKER_09]: So yeah, go get the book, go get the book.
2:01:52
[SPEAKER_03]: That's good.
2:01:53
[SPEAKER_03]: That's good.
2:01:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Sounds like we got to have a part two, you know, for the book.
2:01:56
[SPEAKER_03]: She's so more about that, too.
2:01:58
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, get one of it again.
2:02:02
[SPEAKER_03]: But listen, y'all, this was another episode of Motion In Success again.
2:02:06
[SPEAKER_03]: I told y'all, stay to the end where I say like, comment, share, subscribe, and that was that time.
2:02:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Drop down on your favorite part down below in the comment section, and I'll see you guys in the next podcast episode.
2:02:17
[SPEAKER_04]: Peace.
2:02:18
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.