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From the Archives: Three Months Later: What Actually Helps · We Didn't Plan for This Podcast

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you've ever gone through something you didn't plan for, or you've tried to support someone who has, this episode is for you.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: The other day marked three months since Brian's death.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I sat down with my daughter Campbell.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: We had a conversation we didn't plan.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about what helps, what doesn't, and what it's like to let people show up for you.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about having it all figured out.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a real conversation about where we are right now.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_05: 410 25.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_05: Nope.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_05: 410 26.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_05: Three months.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, a quarter of the year's gone already.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you were saying earlier that like when you went to work, you know, you kind of compartmentalize the feelings.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_05: 100%.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_05: It's it's seriously like a switch.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: How do you do that?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean when I get to work, it's like it's like a it's literally like a switch.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_05: It's flipped.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_05: You know what it feels like?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_05: It feels like severance.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_05: It really does.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_05: Like I oh, that's so weird.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_05: I never compared those two because that was the show I kept trying to get dad to watch, and he was like, No, I don't want to watch it.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_06: I don't want to watch it.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_05: And I end up like binge watching it for a week.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_05: It really does feel like it's like as soon as I walk in the door or like see the kids or like do anything.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_05: And even like pulling up to their property, I'm like, okay, off.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So like do you say to yourself, like you actually say, okay, off?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_05: No, it just happens.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like unconscious or subconscious.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I know I take yeah, like I know I take like a big breath before I go in, usually.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_05: Not like a dramatic one, but usually just like, you know, a sigh.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_05: Like a small sigh.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_05: And so maybe that's it, but I've never thought like, okay, stop.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_05: Unless it was like I was crying, and then I had to be like, okay, pull yourself together.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: When you go into work right beforehand, so you subconsciously like turn off the um what memories, thoughts, feelings of dad, or yeah.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_05: It's not it's almost like it's not like I'm not allowed to think about dad, because I definitely still do.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_05: Like there's there'll be little things that remind me of him, but it's like I physically feel like I cannot be sad.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_05: Like if even if I sit there and I'm like, I'm really sad, I really miss my dad.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_05: Like, oh my gosh, and the kids are around me, I can't cry.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_05: Physically, I can't cry.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_05: That's it's like it's like I'm a stone, it's very strange.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's I mean, and let's be honest, you're you're not one to hide your emotions.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Never.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_05: So it's very weird that I'm so good at it now.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know if it's a good thing.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, I mean, probably not.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I've gone the opposite way, where I'm doing my best to embrace my grief and still work.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And when I see people I haven't seen for a while, or people that know Brian or you know, know your dad, or you know, or clients, whatever, when they come up to me and they start talking to me, like sometimes I do start crying, but it's not like a wailing cry.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's usually like a couple of tears.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I well up.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's a better way of saying it.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I well up, right?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm learning to normalize that because it's like I shouldn't have to hide that.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And no one needs to feel badly for me, and I'm not asking them for anything besides just that moment.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_05: No, same thing with me, except I don't, I can't cry.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_05: Like people, you know, you know, talking to families I haven't seen in a while or friends or whatever.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_05: It's like if they don't know, if they're asking how I'm doing, like I can tell them I'm not doing well, but I can't show them that I'm not doing well.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_05: Or at least not like consciously.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Consciously do it.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_05: Like I can't, I can't, I like I physically feel like I can't cry.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_05: I can't, you know, express anything other than like, I'm fine, thank you.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's like because you're trying to hide your emotions from the uncomfortableness that they may feel.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_05: It's that, and it's like it just feels so unnatural for me to be crying in front.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I've never been the type of person that cries in front of people.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, me neither.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_05: Like never ever, because I don't like being vulnerable.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_05: Point blank, period.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_05: So like crying is the most vulnerable thing you could do besides like being naked.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: But what's wrong with crying?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, at the end of the day, like we're saying, okay, you can go around and cuss somebody out, right?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: You can be just walk up to a stranger and cuss them out.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can walk up to somebody and punch them in the face.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not allowed to cry a little bit.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I I mean, I don't know why.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_05: It feels like that.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_05: I I don't have a problem with anybody else crying.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So then what do you think?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like if somebody wants to start.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_05: If somebody, even if they just stubbed their toe and came up to me and were were crying, I would feel bad.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_05: You know, let alone somebody that just lost their dad or their husband.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: But for some reason, yeah.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_05: But for some, well, yeah, that's the other thing.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_05: But for some reason it feels like I physically cannot let myself do it.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_05: Now, I mean, I go to therapy twice a week.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_05: So it's not like I'm bottling this all up and then it never comes out or it comes out in other ways.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_05: Like I'm still expressing emotions and yeah, processing and like working through all of these feelings.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_05: It's just like I I think it's interesting that like for somebody that can't even hide their face when I'm feeling any sort of emotion to come to like you know, this weird severance, like two different people, two different sides thing is is strange.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_05: And like I mean, I know it's not permanent, right?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_05: Because you know, grief isn't linear, you know.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_05: So it's like I know that in a month or two, maybe I'll be different.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_05: Maybe I'll be crying in front of everybody, right?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's I think that's the one thing that I'm learning is that the worst thing about this, and we talked about this before, is the idea of that feeling that we got in our stomach that's like the bottom dropped out.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And having that feeling all the time, all the time.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_05: Except mine, I get that one all the time, but I also get like the elephant on your chest.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_05: Which I only get when I'm like feeling a very, very, very extreme emotion.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Me too.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_05: Very angry, very sad.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Mine's usually like really scared.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_05: Very scared, yeah.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like the insecurity of what's to come of my life.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, right.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's when I start to feel that heaviness in my chest.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's all it does feel like an elephant now that you said it.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It really does.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_05: You just feel like somebody sitting on your chest.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I never, I never really got that before, but now I do.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_05: No, I know.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_05: And there was times where I was telling my therapist, like, I wake up and it literally feels like I'm like sleep paralysis, have to like lift the human that's sitting on my chest.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_05: Like I wake up and I literally feel like an elephant's on something, like an anvil dropped on me while I was sleeping.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's interesting, Liz, it's like you waking up with that extreme emotion feeling.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that fear and that and that insecurity.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's where it lives in me, in my heart, right?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's what's so beautiful about you.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things I love is that because you have a connection with your body and your breath, that you're able to say a name where you feel it.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: You've been able to do that since you were a kid.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_05: I that is something I I'm grateful for.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_05: And I think that makes like going to therapy really a lot easier.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_05: Because it's like I I feel like I preach therapy to everybody and anybody I meet because it's helped me immensely with whatever I was going through.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_05: You know, it it always provided tools that, you know, were helpful.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_05: But like some people, it's just not for them.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_05: And I I have a hard time wrapping my head around that because I'm like, but it was so, but it's just talking.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_05: But then I forget that like not everybody can say, Well, I feel the anger in my fist.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_05: I feel the sadness in my chest.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_05: I feel the fear in my, you know, the back of my neck.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_05: Like I it's their emotions aren't tied with their body like mine is.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they they are.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_05: They are, but they're not doing with it.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's a different, right?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's a different, it's a disconnect with between people have a really hard time.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing in movement, right?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like people, I was just talking to one of my North's clients and my clients today, and we were talking about a woman who is afraid to come to the gym because she's embarrassed by her body and she doesn't know what to do in the gym and she doesn't want to be out on the floor.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_05: It makes me so sad.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, honey, there are so many people out there.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_05: No, I know.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's intimidating.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_05: Well, your gym, I feel like, is especially because it's just very open.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_05: And it there's a loud, and there's a lot of mirrors, and there's a lot of like really crazy big bodybuilders and really strong people that like.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then some crazy fucked up people that are doing things on equipment that you're like, why are you standing on that as supposed to sit on it?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing it backwards.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_05: And they do it confidently, so you just have to let them.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I just try not to look.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I try not to look.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_05: The people that are using the equipment wrong are probably some of the most confident people I've ever seen in my life.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: 100% true.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_05: They're let one leg is up in the air, one arm is on the floor, and they're like, This is what I'm supposed to be doing.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: We have this thing I call the jungle gym, and it has these wooden rings.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: They're wooden, they're not metal.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, they're not meant to bear the weight of your body like you're a freaking on the kids' monkey bars.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's one of those, um, what's that show?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: American Ninja Warri Warrior.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like these rings, and like he's like throwing them up on these hooks and trying to go across the jungle gym.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I want to be here when that ring just snaps and his ass is on the floor because you cannot do that.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: But people don't get it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: People don't get so going back to what you were talking about with your body and feeling things, yeah.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I will never forget when you were telling me early on, you must have been in first, second grade, swear to you, but you were super young.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and we were talking about your freakouts.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when you were a kid, you would just kind of boil up with anger and just kind of have a moment where you would just don't mess with that.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I have these on the corners of the table.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: I knew your freaking little hands were gonna try.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: These are to protect us.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: Here, I got the Buddha.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if it makes noise, I'm gonna make you stop.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you're such a pain in the ass.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I knew where you were going to.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I knew you were gonna try to peel that thing off.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: All right, anyway.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So widow brain.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_05: Talk about um how when I had those freakouts, yeah.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so what you said to me was you were like, Mom, it just feels like there's this fire in my belly.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it starts to grow.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way that I can get rid of it is to freak out.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it still feels like that.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_05: Nothing's changed.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_05: It's not anything different from that.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_05: I'm like, yeah, check's about sponsored by therapy.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, seriously.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_05: Like, there's no, it's still the same feeling, exact same feeling.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one of the things just looks different.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: I told you a little differently.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I told you about my first therapy appointment this week.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: That it went really surprisingly well.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm I'm because I was very against this guy.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, because he was a guy.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that is to me, okay.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we have very similar conversations like this a lot.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Campbell, I love you.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you wear your heart on your sleeve.
• 11:56
  unknown: What?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you are very compassionate and you are also very empathetic and intuitive.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: But because you have that fire in your belly, yes, the energy that you feel from the fire in your belly needs to be translated or channeled to compassion, empathy, and self-love.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_05: I just I'm just protective of you.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_05: It has nothing to do with any of that.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_05: It's not just me, though.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just me.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_05: Well, it's all my family and all my friends and all the people I care about.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_05: But a lot of people.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: But like you wanted to talk about my family.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know, right.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck with my family.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_05: Um, you wanted to talk about Oh, I wanted to talk about how people react.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: People don't know how to react.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know what to say, they don't know how to react.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_05: So it's it's no, I'm not blaming anybody.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, nobody came in there and was like, ha ha ha, you have a dead dad.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_05: Everybody was very supportive in their own way, what they thought would be the right thing to do.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_05: And I think three months looking back, it's it's easier to sit in this chair and be like, they were just clueless.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_05: They were just trying to help.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_05: Because in the moment it probably felt like, what are you doing?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_05: What do you think you're doing that's helpful?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_05: Because none of this is helpful.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_05: In fact, it's just hurtful.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm like, I appreciate that so I what you just said was so beautiful.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly the conversation that we were having.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And and we got heated earlier.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually why we came up here.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is because we were in a big fight.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, not fighting, we were arguing about our positioning on things.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I won just for the thing.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, you did not.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Bullshit.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you wanted, if you want the win, you can always have the win.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Always have the win, baby.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need a win.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can have the win.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I do want to say, going back to the what I told you when I was in first grade and relating that to how I feel now.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_05: Because it is the same feeling.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_05: The anger feels the same.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_05: The pit feels the same.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_05: The the fire feels the exact same.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_05: It's the coping skills and the situation and age that have helped it, you know, and changed it.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_05: But it is cool and kind of scary to work with kids that have that same reaction to things, whether it's, you know, feels the same in their body is I don't know, but it's the same kind of freak out over something similar or something that, you know, to us may seem menial.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_05: And it is, it is really, I feel like healing my inner child being able to walk a kid through a breathing exercise when like I was doing the same thing, you know, yeah 15 years ago.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_05: 14 to 17 years, whatever, however old I was.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_05: And so it it is really like, you know, a weird one of those like childhood fulfillment things.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_05: Where it's like, you think that it's like taking your kid to the ballgame would be one, but it really is like walking a kid through a deep emotion and explaining to them and calming them down and and showing them how, you know, our body really wants to feel this way.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_05: And our brain really wants to feel this way.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_05: And I understand you're frustrated.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_05: I understand you're sad.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_05: I understand you're mad.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_05: But there's a way that we can do this that's good for our bodies and good for our friends, and there's a way we could do this that's not good for our bodies and not good for our friends.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_05: And so I give them the option.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_05: I say, would you like to do the one that helps other people?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_05: Would you like to do the one that helps you?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_05: Would you like to do the one that is good for you?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_05: Or if you'd like, I can leave you be.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_05: And you can do what you need to do.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_05: But in you know, one minute, two minutes, three minutes, we're gonna regroup and we're gonna just talk.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_05: And I always the one thing I do, and I'm not a parent, I'm not fucking super nanny, I don't know anything, I really don't.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_05: But the one thing that I have found that helps so much is getting on their level.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_05: So it I mean immediately changes the demeanor.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you're even talking physically too.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_05: Only physically.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_05: Like physically, I will never stand up and talk to a kid.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_05: I'm always sitting down or or talking to it.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_05: Eye to eye.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_05: It's always eye to eye and I always hold their hands.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_05: Oh because it's a connection and you get to see my face and see my, you know, my breathing and feel my hands.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_05: And then it's it's you know, it just I feel like it just makes it easier for them to calm down.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_05: You know, if I'm all the way up here, if you're at a 10, it it also feels like it's like if you're if you're just standing up there, standing, like it there is a disconnect to a two-year-old.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're hovering a three-year-old to a four-year-old.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Energy is is like um overpowering.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_05: And I just feel like you can't help anybody if you if they feel like you're a threat.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're right.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Physically, and and especially for kids, because it's an energy thing, and kids specifically keep their energy open.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: They can feel a lot more.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I I don't I don't know everything.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know how to parent.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_05: I'm not a parent.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're not giving parental advice.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're not giving any.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're just sharing your experience.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're just sharing your experience.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_05: It is it is really cool to also work for parents that have the same ideologies and like talk to their kids the same way, where it's like they, you know, understand that they're feeling frustrated and try to like reason with them and talk to them and explain to them what's going on and why they can't do what they want to do or whatever.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so let's take this into account of when I was growing up, right?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was you don't coddle your kids.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's all this like coddling and like gentle parenting.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: To me, this doesn't feel gentle.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: This feels real.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, it it's not even like gentle or coddling or you know, distant helicopter.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_05: It's just like being a parent or being uh a grown-up to a child.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_05: Like it, it, it, it doesn't even to me feel like anything that people are doing differently because it's like, well, yeah, obviously you'd explain to the child.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_05: They don't understand, they don't know.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_05: I know, but if somebody was lost, you would give them it if and you know where they needed to go and you'd give them directions.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_05: That's just that's just a given.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: But that's the thing, is that I think that you know, nobody comes with an instruction manual.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: And we sure shit didn't get a license to get to have a baby.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you get what you get and you don't get upset.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_05: No, I know.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_05: And I always say, like, I would never judge somebody's parenting because you parent the kids that are yours.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, exactly.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_05: You parent your children how you should how you think parent they need to be parented, and no one else can decide that for you because you made them.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: So like why like overall in general, when we're in a position where grief hits us, right?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like we got smacked with an unexpected loss of you know, your dad.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: So dad dies, and then we have all of these friends who had a connection to dad, right?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: And no one has a stronger connection.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: What did you say?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: There was like that, the circle, circle thing.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, the core.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what was it called?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Venn diagram.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so explain that.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_05: Like uh Venn diagram would be the circles that overlap.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_05: So I feel like there's, you know, especially with dad, dad had so many different groups of people he knew, knew so many different circles he was a part of, so many different friend groups and family friends, and then there was actual direct family members, and then there was work friends, and then there was gym friends, and this and that.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_05: And like everybody came together because of my dad.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_05: You know, we had people from Coors Light, and I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but you can say Forrestburn Company, yeah.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, from Coors and from you know, the Beat the Streets or from Chicago or from Atlanta, from you know, Colorado, all over the place, Colorado.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_05: And then they all knew each other seemingly because of dad.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, and they were all connected, and so it's like it's hard to be, you know, when you're the closest person or the closest group to the loss, like when you are the direct family members, like this is your immediate family, it's hard to understand in the moment that other people are grieving.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, because you feel like it's only you and these other three people or four people.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you feel like it's like a hierarchy.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_05: Because your brain is doing that to protect you.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_05: Your brain is trying to tell you that you know, it's it sucks for you guys, but everybody else is here to help you.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_05: And that that is true.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that is true, but it's it's hard to separate the fact that that is true, and also people are still hurting.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, other people are still you know, grieving dad, yeah, grieving Brian.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so I, you know, it's so hard though, isn't it?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_05: It is because it I took on the role I noticed of like if we had somebody in town that was, you know, right after dad died, if somebody was in town or somebody was visiting or somebody was over and they weren't, you know, clearly upset, clearly a little mopey, clearly sad, or just under there under the the circumstance of this being a you know you felt it was your responsibility to take care of us.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: I knew you were going to say that 100%.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_05: And it was so weird because it was it's not at all.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, but you told me that that early on, everyone said to you, like, yeah, that's true.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be because you're the oldest daughter.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_05: I'm the oldest daughter, so it is it is you take care of your mom, you take care of your sister.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like all of a sudden, and no fault of them.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_05: No, and I'm glad people said that to me because it kind of fueled that little voice in me that was like, Yeah, I already knew that.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what's crazy though, is that I think for let's be honest, the past year, two years, whatever you want to say, we've got Gone through a lot.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, with dad's health, with school, with my new job, you know, with dad taking on more home responsibilities and not being the same as mom, you know.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And we've just had a lot of everything than you.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure he was.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: He did a shit ton more than that.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: He still did your laundry.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: He did your laundry.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_05: He wouldn't let me do it.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know why.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think he just really liked to, I think he liked the process of it.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Almost like a meditative thing for him.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, you in that moment, over these past few years, have been here with us, right?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you have not been able to launch.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: You've had to kind of, you know, money's kind of tight, things are kind of strange.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I kind of feel like dad has a lot going on and mom's working.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, you had this bubbling up inside of you.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I need to start my life.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until, you know, dad's passing when you and Nick talked about you moving to Birmingham and you going to school and you starting your life.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, whoa, like in this, I absolutely never in a million years wanted this to happen.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Never would say, like, because of this, this happened.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know what you mean.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, but it's not a good thing.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_05: But it is sublime.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know if I'm using that right.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_05: No, it's I've just been thinking about sublime a lot lately because they're releasing a new album.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_05: So that was the first word that popped into my head.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Is that the wait?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_05: Sublime is the practice santeria.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_05: Um, it was really I hope we don't get in trouble for that.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_05: A copyright?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, we'll cut it.
• 23:42
  unknown: Cut that out.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I kind of want to roll the dice just to see if anybody's listening to what they say.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_05: And if they are listening, um, sorry.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_05: I want to go on tour.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_05: So let's go on tour together.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: We like Sublime Tour.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_05: I want to go on Sublime's tour because they're I think they're releasing a new album.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_05: I think that's why.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or it's just your brain really liking dad like them too.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, that's true.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_05: But no, I mean, like, I forgot what we were talking about.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we were just talking about the fact of like you having this launch moment.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I mean fire moment was like, but everybody said that to you, and you went, yes.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then because you're compassionate, because you're empathetic, because you're intuitive, you took it to the extreme of I'm gonna manage everything, everything, everything, and I'm gonna make sure that nothing happens to my mom and nothing happens to my sister.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you quickly realized that was impossible.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: That was fucking impossible.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and what I appreciate about you the most in those moments is that you you shifted.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you didn't get angry you didn't a few times, but that's okay.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I mean, at the end of the day, uh, when we process grief, uh when people ask me, How are the girls doing?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: I say, Campbell's angry.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: She lost her best friend.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I say, Campbell's angry, she lost her best friend.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: This was the man that would had her back for everything.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: And she lost that.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: So she's mad and she's sad, and she's also driven.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: And she's going to college and she's moving to Birmingham, which is gonna be a fun experience for her.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: She gets to start her life.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: And when I talk about Mallory, I say Mallory is not comfortable in the house right now.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: She likes to be out with her friends, she likes to be at school with dance, not at school doing schoolwork for sure or not.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: She definitely doesn't like that.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, seriously, that kid needs to graduate and do well.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she's worried about it.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know she will.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not worried about her.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm not worried about either one of you because I really know that no matter where you go, you are going to be joyful.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: At some point.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: It may not be right now, but I know don't touch the corners of it.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_04: It's just this thing.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: You always have to find like little things and fuck with them.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's why the rudder from the paddle board is gone.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it took me that's 100% why.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-uh.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_05: It's too big for me to play with my hands.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, but you lost it.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_05: Probably.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_05: That I believe.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the only thing I'm worried about about you is when you leave, is you're gonna lose your shit.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna be there to help you find it.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: But Nick will be there, and we've got lots of friends in the Birmingham area.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_05: I'm not worried about that at all.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not worried about it at all.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I'm really excited for you to go.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_05: In fact, it feels way safer than moving to Milwaukee again.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_05: By myself without anybody close to me and 20 hours away.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: But your dad and I all we wanted to do was make you guys smile, make you guys feel love, make you guys feel better, and then, you know, to know that we had your back, that you know, no matter what you did, no matter what happened to you, we were always gonna be with you.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Always had your back, no matter what.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that I know that dad did that for you.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that I do that for you.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_05: You do.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_05: You that was a little like I kind of stopped listening, but yes, you do that.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: Was I getting too preachy?
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_05: A little bit.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh fuck.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, the viewers loved it.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_05: I heard them, they were like, What?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my question for you, though.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you're 20 years old and you are going to therapy twice a week and you set that up on your own.
• 27:33
  unknown: Yeah.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I talked to a lot of people that are in their 20s to their 70s that are still trying to find their way to therapy.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: They need it, they know they need it, but they haven't been able to pull the trigger.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: How were you able to do that?
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I just I feel like it was actually just kind of luck.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_05: Like I was talking to my therapist literally on like Wednesday.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_05: She was like, you know, when you move, we could still do virtual, which I was like, that's awesome.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, good, good.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_05: And I don't, I don't prefer it over in person, but it I prefer it over no therapy at all.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_05: And so I was like, that's great, awesome.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_05: She was like, yeah, for like probably six months.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_05: And so I was like, that's fantastic.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, And then you graduate.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_05: And then I went therapy.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_05: You went therapy, but no, and then I was like, I just really don't want to find a new therapist.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I really just it's such a it's such a pain in the ass.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_05: And she was like, why?
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, everybody's not good enough.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_05: Or I never clicked with anybody.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_05: And she was like, Well, then how'd you click with me?
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, I don't know.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_05: I think I love you.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_05: I don't really know.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_05: Like, this is a whole lot of stuff, but no, but seriously, I was like, you know, I I've had two or three therapists that I've really like vibed with, and the rest it's been like talking to your mom's friend, you know?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like it just was like, okay, like you're definitely a stranger.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_05: But like, you know, it it it is one of those things where you just have to find somebody that you connect with, and it and it it just blooms from there, I feel like.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean, and it doesn't even feel like you're you know, going to therapy anymore.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, it doesn't feel like you're going to hang out with your friend, that's for sure.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_05: Because you still feel like shit because you're talking about a bunch of shitty things, yeah, and you're working through a lot of stuff, but it feels like you're going to the doctor, getting medicine that you need.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_05: Although, but that medicine is maybe a realization, maybe a new coping skill, maybe just talking and explaining things and you know, hearing yourself speak.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_05: That's the other thing is I feel like therapy people don't realize that the therapist is basically just like a monitor sometimes.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_05: Like sometimes there's times where I think I've said like a billion words, and my therapist is just like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I totally agree with you on that.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_05: Like all I needed to do was just work my way out of whatever I was doing.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're just talking.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like she'll it's so funny because you know, a therapist is different than a friend when it comes to conversation because they obviously can't tell you what a friend can tell you, and vice versa.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_05: But a therapist, like, they can't really give definitive like, do this, do that, you know, don't do that, don't do this, unless it's like don't hurt yourself.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_05: So they kind of have to like get you to say it.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_05: And it's so weird how they do it so well.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_05: It's like a police interrogation.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_05: They're like, they like try to get you to, they're like, and what would that mean for you?
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_05: And I'm like, I don't know what that would mean for me.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_05: Maybe this.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_05: And they're like, Yeah, that's it.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_05: I'm like, oh.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remember in the past when I've been to therapist for the first time, it's just like verbal diarrhea.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_05: You just have to tell your whole for freaking life story first, and it's the worst.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_05: It's the worst waste of our session so much.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, and what I loved about my guy is that he turns around and he goes, We don't have a time limit.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I talked, I was there for like an hour and a half.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I like that.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: And he just let me talk.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he's, I don't think that's the way it's always gonna be.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_05: No, I mean, but they can they can do that.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_05: Like my therapist has talked about doing something like that too.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but it was like that was the first meeting.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I had to fill out like a shit ton of paperwork beforehand, and it was super annoying.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: Glad I did it.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I wish that a therapist could give you like a almost like a like a roadmap of like when you come to your first therapy appointment for loss of, you know, loss of a husband or you know, whatever the first time you go, how can you be efficient with your time to tell them everything that they need to know?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_04: I just commented.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, and then I was like, and then oh my god, I didn't even tell you about what happened to me 25 years ago.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I think it's relevant.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know, like I literally, this was the example I wanted to give you going back in time to what we were just talking about about people don't know what other people are thinking during grief, right?
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: So when I was 19, I was a year ago.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: So for you, not for me.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: I meant to say you were 19 a year ago.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, maybe we should get that two times a week there, but she doesn't even know what age she is.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_04: It's really bad.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: So when I was 19, my mother asked my father for a divorce.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it was the summer before my sophomore year in high school, uh, college, college, excuse me.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: So summer before my sophomore year in college, I was home.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: My mom asked my dad for a divorce while I was home.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad did you know that that's what she was doing?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, yeah.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: My mom and I were close.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: My mom told me way too much.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, seriously, way too much.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and I feel like that's my whole life.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: People tell me way too much.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we both had that face.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think and I don't mind it.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning how to channel it better.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: But there for a while it was hard.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: But when I look back, there was a specific memory that I remember.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: We were in the hospital.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: My mom was a mess.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was like I think they put him in like a little coma kind of thing or like a medical like he was sleeping.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he was not, you know, having a conversation with us or anything.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: And his mom came into the room.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and I was a mess.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'd never seen my dad sick before, like nothing had ever been wrong with him.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, to see him in this incredibly scary position where I thought he was dead.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_03: On his deathbed, pretty much.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I thought he was dead when we found him.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so then to go into the hospital, and his mom says, Well, now we didn't know at the time how he had tried to attempt suicide.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: We just knew that the doctor said, You should go out in the garage and make sure that there's still the anti-freeze.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because they thought he might have drank it.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so we were all kind of a mess.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so his mom walks in gosh.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: And she says, Okay, so I'll be able to come back tomorrow, but then I have to leave because I have a haircut appointment.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: I then I won't be able to come the next day either.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I turned to her.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I lost my ever-loving shit on her.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, You gotta be fucking kidding me.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: Your son is in the hospital right now, and you're fucking worried about your fucking hair.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_04: Valid.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_04: Sound like me.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll tell you right now.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_04: I did the same thing after dad died.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_00: To this day.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_04: To your dad.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: To this day, it's one thing that I feel the worst about.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you know now.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I know now.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is though, Campbell is.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't I but I also don't think that you you shouldn't hold it yourself accountable for it either.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_05: I also like badly.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_05: I also like apologize to him.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_05: And like we have a better relationship now.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_05: And I also live with him.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_05: So there's a lot more opportunity for that.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like it'd be very different if I didn't live with him.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, and I didn't.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_05: And I mean, no, I mean I that's crazy because I literally did the exact same shit.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: To my dad, and I did it to his mother.
• 35:08
  unknown: That's crazy.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: When I was 19 and you did it when you were 19.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's creepy.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't like that.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't either.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: So what are you gonna say to a kid that's 20 years old that's listening to this podcast?
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because God, I really hope one of my friends shares it with a 20-year-old or younger or older, not too young.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: We curse a lot.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what do you say to them when they're feeling helpless and they need therapy?
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: How do they go about finding the right therapist?
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: What did you do?
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: I sent you, I know I did the research.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: I sent you like three different right.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: But then what do you tell them to do?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: How do you tell them to get off their ass and do it?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: They're not gonna call.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: You never fucking call anybody.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, I call people all the time.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, now you do.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_05: No, I used to always, I used to never email.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_05: That's what I don't do.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: Never.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: Then it's sissy that doesn't like to call.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_05: No, now he doesn't like to call.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_05: I love to call.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's interesting.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: I like to actually voice.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're right.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: You do.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are more of the not emailer.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're the not emailer.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_05: I or a texter, I'm not a text driver.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're not.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_05: But you're if I if I can call somebody, I will.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, your sister won't call.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_05: But, anyways, I I would say if you're feeling helpless and you're feeling like therapy might be an option that you can do.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_05: Like it it feels like something that you can handle because it's a lot.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_05: But still, if you're going through something traumatic and you are processing it, therapy have for me has helped and hurt.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, because you have to feel the feels.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_05: Because you have to feel the feels, and also it's like if you're not finding if you don't find a therapist that you love, what they say, like it holds a lot of weight.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_05: And if you're not vibing with them and they say something off, it is very painful.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and you and it is very jarring because you're supposed to, you know, you're supposed to hear what they have to say and take it all.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're supposed to be the experts.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_05: And so it it it can be hard.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_05: And like thankfully, I didn't have that experience when dad died because I had already had this therapist for a month now.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, longer than that.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: You had her for longer than that.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_05: No, like a month, like a month and a half.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I guess two months.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_05: Because I I got her at the end of November.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I literally told her because I was like, You literally said, like, I got her at the end of November, like a present.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like somebody dropped her off.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: I got her.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: I got her.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_05: I scored her.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like I went out and bought the meotherapist.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_05: But I don't, I mean, I don't have any website recommendations.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_05: I don't have any phone numbers I can give you because it's a pain in the fucking ass to find a good therapist.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_05: But I will say that every week you show up and sit in that chair is a win in and of itself.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_05: And even if you had a shitty week, even if you had a shitty year, putting yourself first and going to therapy or going to a psychiatrist or going to anywhere that provides mental health resources is a win of it in and of itself.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_05: I can't say that.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_05: No, it's our win.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_05: And it's it's something you should be proud of, and something that I think if you are having trouble right now, if you make that step, it will feel and help a lot more than you think, is my advice.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know if that made sense.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: It did, but it totally did.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: No, and I think that the biggest thing is that it's hard to ask for help.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm realizing that.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_05: It is, it is.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm realizing that.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_05: It's also one of those things where like I'm not a doctor person.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, you won't even go to the doctor.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_05: Absolutely petrified of the doctor for a lot of reasons.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but I will trust a therapist, I will trust a psychiatrist because those things are, you know, your brain and your body work together.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_05: It all goes back.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I started reading the book uh Your Body Keeps the Score.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: You have it?
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: So how was it so far?
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_05: I love it.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_05: I knew I was gonna love it, but I just love it.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_05: Have you not read it?
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, I told you.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, I said I've had this book forever.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: I have it on Audible.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: You've never read it, have you?
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: No, and I said you you said you were gonna start it, and I said I will start it too.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: But it is you started it already.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's all started.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_05: It is incredible.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_05: I love it.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_05: I I've only listened to like the first chapter because then I was like getting burnt because I was laying outside.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_05: Oh gosh.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_05: Like I have fourth degree burns, now I need to go inside.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_05: But um, it brought up a really good point of something that I never really thought of, which was when you experience something traumatic, um, i.e., like the first part was talking about a veteran.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_05: So a veteran that was in Vietnam and you know fought, and that's like your stereotypical PTSD case would be a guy, 40s, 50s in from Vietnam, or I guess now they're like in their 80s, but whatever.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, whatever, but whatever.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: From a wartime.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_05: And they have, you know, nightmares and they get angry and they end up drunks and all of that stereotypical stuff.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_05: But what it thought of what or what like what it kind of brought up was like, you know, the veteran in the book was talking about how he physically feels still there.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_05: Physically, he is still there with his comrades or whatever.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_05: And what and like with his people, and physically, a part of him is still with the people he lost.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_05: And that like like hit really hard with me.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_05: Because you are a different person after something traumatic.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're right.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_05: You're a completely different person biologically, yeah.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_05: Physiologically, physiologically, your brain chemistry is off.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_05: Everything is different.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_05: Everything, whether you have a physical scar or a or an emotional scar that is still a scar.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: In yoga, they call them samskaras.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_05: And so it just like hearing, you know, that and like thinking about that really, and it's gonna make me cry right now because it's like it's not something that I ever associated with.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_05: Like part of me died with dad.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_05: And I don't like to say it like that, but it is true.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's the okay, so energy.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about energy, right?
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like the energy of dad is not here the way it was.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's completely different.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: And not to say that it can't be great energy in a different way, but physiologically, not having him here, you do.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was having a heart attack for three weeks.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: My heart hurt.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: My my chronic pain that I have from osteoarthritis and all that stuff, I didn't feel that for a while.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_05: That's crazy.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because my heart hurt.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_05: And so I feel like like Advil, you know, like it takes the pain.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_05: Like it moves it.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that what you're saying is like you can really really relate to somatic therapy.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_05: And that's what I've been doing in therapy.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_05: Exactly.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_05: There's a lot of somatic stuff.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: And what are some of the the tools from somatic therapy?
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: Give your example.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, well, we just started like two days ago.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_05: So I don't have like a whole lot.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: She actually talked about it when you and I went.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_05: But we not we haven't like done actual like activities and stuff.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_05: But the one thing that I really liked that we did that was really helpful, and it's thankfully something that I can do at home too.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_05: Because sometimes they'll give you tools, and I'm like, I just can't do that with by myself.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I need somebody there.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_05: But uh, she just all she did was play this four, seven, eight meditation where it's like countdown, you know, breathe in for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_05: But like she walked me through like what my body should feel like when I'm doing it.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_05: Like what what what should lift when I'm inhaling, what my lips should look like when I'm exhaling.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_05: And me trying to get all this right, trying to make it, you know, being the people pleaser, teacher's pet I am, was like, okay, if I do this, this, and this.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_05: And I, you know, five minutes later I realized that I wasn't thinking about anything that was stressing me out.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_05: I wasn't thinking about how shitty I feel.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: You were trying to win therapy.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_05: I was trying to win therapy.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, I was like, wow, I feel so much better.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_05: And she was like, okay, rate your anxiety on a scale of one to ten.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_05: You know, based on when you walked in here, I said it was probably a nine or an eight.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_05: I think I said an eight.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_05: And when I walked out, it was like a four.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_05: And she was like, What changed?
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_05: I was like, honestly, I was just trying to make you proud, actually.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_05: Just really wanted you to be proud of how good I was breathing there.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_05: I'm usually not very good at breathing.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_05: That was really good.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_05: So uh I'll take my gold star now.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: This was not a planned conversation, you and I.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: This was very much spur of the moment and spontaneous.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I have full body chills right now because I'm I'm really I'm really beyond proud of you for how much that you've stepped up into your own body.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: You haven't become somebody different.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_00: You are shining.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: And you are one of the most beautiful people on this planet.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_02: Stop it.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that you have so much to give.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I keep wanting you to lean into the compassion and the empathy and the intuition that you have.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: And remember when you were a kid when you got diagnosed with ADHD, right?
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: I got diagnosed around the same time you did.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so when that happened, Twin.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: But do you remember what I said to you about ADHD when you were when you said, Do I have a disease?
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_05: It is a it's a disorder.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: What did I say to you?
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_05: You said it's not a disease, it's a gift.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_05: I don't my mom was five.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_05: That was 15 years ago.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_05: I don't remember.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, I did.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: I told you it was a gift.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I truly do believe that because I feel like whatever mental label you want to put on someone, whatever their idiosyncrasy is, it's a gift.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to figure out how to use it.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to channel it in the right way.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, we we need to show up for each other and leave this place a little bit better than we found it.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_05: And I and I'll add this like tiny little last thing.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, go for it.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like that also relates to grief.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_05: Not that grief is a gift, but grief is evidence that we loved somebody so much that we miss them even when they're gone.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_05: And I I don't know.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, I don't want to give you too much credit because like I don't want to boost your ego, but you know, words of affirmation are the one thing that I live for, and you refuse to give them to me.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: So you can lay it on thick and heavy right now, bitch.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: I need it.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: I need it.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_05: No, I just I I I always tell you that even before Tad passed away, then I'd brag about this podcast because I was really proud of you.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_05: And I am really proud of you.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_05: But even more now, like seeing you, I mean, I literally could physically see your heartbreak.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_05: I could see your physiology, physiological change.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, we all did that day.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_05: We all changed that day dramatically.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_05: And to see you be like, no, actually, I'm gonna talk about it.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_05: I'm I'm gonna talk about it, and I'm going to, you know, I'm gonna cry and I'm gonna be upset and I'm going to publish that shit and I'm gonna help other people instead of wallowing and crying and mourning in your own space, you know, by by yourself laying in bed all day.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_05: You put you put your words to the paper, you know.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and I'm I don't know, I'm just really proud of you.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's very cool, and I think it's really inspiring.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_05: And even if you help one person or 10,000, that's 10,000 more people or one person more people than you would have helped if you did nothing.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, honey.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: That means a lot.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_05: You're welcome.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, we this is the only one this whole year that you're ever gonna get compliments.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_00: So all right, I'll hold on to that.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna hold on to that.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: So again, this is all about like unexpected season of changes, right?
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_00: So all right, well, how about at the end of every episode we do a pause before you get out of the car?
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: So before you walk into work, before you walk in the front door, before you start your day, take a moment, sit down.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: Gamble, would you walk us through the 478 breath?
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_05: So the 478 um is inhaling for four.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_05: You take a big deep breath with your mouth open, and then the seven refers to holding.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_05: So you hold that breath in for seven seconds, and then the eight is a slow but controlled exhale through your mouth.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_05: Um, more like purse lips, like you're like you're blowing a straw or you're blowing bubbles.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_05: Three, four, hold, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, exhale, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_00: That was great.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_00: I actually really like that one.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I like that one too.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't done it.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_05: I I haven't I like my favorite is like the the pursed lips because it's way easier to control the long exhale.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like you're and I think I talked about this on the last episode was when you're breathing to picture your breath a color or like smoke or something, you know, or something like liquid or whatever, you know, you couldn't be imaginative with it.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what's really cool about, you know, we didn't plan for this.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in a season of change and you didn't plan for it, you're not alone.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't plan for this, but we're still here.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if this episode resonated with you, or if you have a friend or family member or somebody that you even don't like and you want to share this episode, it resonated.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: Share this episode with your other.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you should share this episode with the person that when you were grieving, maybe didn't have responded in the way that you reacted to them, the way that we reacted.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: In that one, in our one situation, our sim situation.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_05: I still can't, we never connected that that we were the same age, same time, same reaction, same everything.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_05: That's crazy.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_05: It's crazy.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_05: It's weird, and I don't like it.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like it either.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: So let's not talk about it more.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, please send this to your friends, share this episode, share this podcast.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: It it's not, we don't make any money on this, by the way.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: It brings me so much joy to be able to.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't bring me joy.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_00: It working through my feelings and my emotions verbally through this podcast and through my friends and through this network is the biggest gift I have.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so grateful.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful for all the listeners out there.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: Please rate, review, subscribe.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_00: Follow us on the gram.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_00: Follow us on the gram at yoga changed.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you got a story, DM us, send us your story.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is not this is life, people.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't plan for this.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is exactly the way life goes.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_05: It would be cool to tell like follower stories.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_05: I that's what I want.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, send us an email.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_00: What what did you not plan for?
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we didn't plan for what?
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: Did you not plan for you know twins?
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_00: Did you not plan for a divorce?
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: Did you not plan for winning a lottery?
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: That would be a cool story.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: Did you did you not plan to get scammed?
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: Did you not plan to fall out of love?
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're just gonna make sound effects for each one of these.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_04: Can I be your soundboard now?
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're like watching the fireworks.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, ah.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, we're gonna wrap this up.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_00: I do feel a lot better than the way we started.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_04: I do too.
• 51:43
  unknown: Okay.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_04: I do too.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_04: Talk to you.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_04: I love you more.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: Love you guys.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_04: Bye.