Latest / Lightbearer's Library / The quiet lostness of the highly sensitive man (INFJ / INFP)

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The quiet lostness of the highly sensitive man (INFJ / INFP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, dear soul.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps this journal entry finds you feeling lost.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling like you don't know what your value is here in this world, why you're here, what your purpose is.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: And this feeling of uncertainty and of not knowing and of feeling lost is hard.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think as sensitive souls, as maybe intuitive souls, we feel this desire and this need to have a vision for our lives or a purpose that drives us.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And we are longing for that.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that how we find that, because I do believe it's possible, even with everything that's going on, and maybe especially with maybe in dark times, there's actually more, more ground and richness for purpose, that our gifts and our skills and talents, innate, innate gifts of our beautiful souls, are needed now more than ever.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: So how do we find these hidden treasures?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if we've if we've kind of spent so long kind of ignoring our treasures or or avoiding them or maybe trashing them, saying, oh, that's not, I'm not good at that, or whatever it is.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: How do we kind of uncover what it is that we have to offer and what our purpose could be and how we get unlost?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: I think for me, always it comes back to self-reflection.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And self-reflection is how we get to know ourselves again, maybe, um, or for the first time.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if you're a bit younger, journaling has always helped me.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: It helps us to find that meaning and purpose because we ask ourselves questions.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's all about asking ourselves questions about why, why we are, you know, why we are the way we are, and digging into our past and our history of our parents and our siblings, and you know, why we, you know, and then we start to see that we were constructed in a certain way, like our our ways of being, our ways of seeing the world, our ways of, yeah, of, you know, our we're can kind of constructed.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: And when we start to look at our thoughts and beliefs and ask if they're true.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now, it's not always easy to see if if they're true or not, um, but it's a good a good question to ask anyway.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then but we can ask, are these things that I believe about myself that maybe I'm useless, or you know, fill in the blanks of all the things that you you have a running tally of all the things that you say to yourself, you know, are these things true of yourself?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that it's like the other question to ask is are they useful to the kind of human that you want to become, that you foresee yourself, you know, like if you if you kind of have an ideal sense of self, like just kind of stepping out of out of our out of our depression, out of whatever it is that we're in.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: What do we know inside of us we are capable of?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because there is that that small light, you know, this is the light bears library.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I believe that there's however small it is in there, each one of us has a tiny little flame.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like when we connect with that, that sense of ourself, that soul self, there is a a sense of our our bigger selves in there.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so we need to, it's like, what is it that we, you know, we don't want to be these, we don't want to be depressed anymore, we don't want to be angry anymore, we don't want to be all these these I don't want to be in the pit of despair anymore.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's like let me out of here.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: Let me, I don't want to be this person that is anxious and feels like I don't know how to do anything, feels like I'm stupid, feels like whatever.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I don't want to live the rest of my life like that.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't sound fun, right?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like I think asking the questions of why I why am I depressed?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I so angry?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I so anxious?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like just keep drilling down into all of those those thoughts of why.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, at first I think the answers are directed at the outside world, right?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm angry because of the way the world treats men, for instance.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, as I talk a lot about this with my husband, you know, um, angry at you know how the economy is, angry at this and that and and the other thing.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now, those are those are totally valid.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I I there's there's so many things that are angry making, I just say, right, in this world, you know, so but it's like okay, okay, now, now I still don't want to be an angry person though anymore.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I need to kind of like move past that.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, you dig dick down and it's like, okay, well, you know, the next layer.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's like then we kind of see that we're maybe we're angry at certain people in our lives.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, you know, my husband, whatever, or my wife, whatever, or you know, my boss or mother or father.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like all those things may be very true and and really present for us in our lives and create create anger or whatever, right?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: So it's important to say, okay, okay, I see, I see that, and um, it's it's like totally true.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, I feel that a lot of our trauma and initial trauma and anger, like the very deep anger, does come initially from our like our time before we had speech, before we had thought, before we were kind of really conscious in the first like say seven years of our life.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think that does come a lot from our moms and the way we were treated, mistreated, like all the stuff.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's a lot to be a lot to be looked at in that.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, because we're all human and we, you know, there's this things that get screwed up, but a lot of that is legitimate anger for how we were treated as small children.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, watching how small children are treated by their parents in this world, it's pretty horrifying.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, wow, I can see how I have some issues.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think that that does need to be acknowledged and worked through, however gently over time, because the that, you know, and that's not what this video is about, but we need to ask ourselves an and that question and kind of get in there because it helps us to yeah, I guess the the point being we need to keep asking ourselves what is the what kind of person do we actually want to become?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: So so the turning from from all of that, and because we are responsible for changing.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because no one else is gonna change, change it for us for shifting.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's not others, you know, and we don't do it for others' sake.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: We do it because we want, we're damaging ourselves by continuing to be depressed or anxious, or like it's it's it's it's painful.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're we're we're causing ourselves a lot of harm, I think, in in a lot of cases.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And this has been true in my life because it's yeah, I've made, you know, it's like the thoughts that I keep holding on to and thinking about are like harmful, harmful thoughts, you know.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: And um so it uh I I wrote the word love behooves, it behooves us, you know, to use our sensitivity and our intuition to guide us, to be our compass through these questions and through this self-reflection.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it takes a lot of bravery.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so this is a a brave and courageous thing to do is to self-reflect, because there are dark and painful things inside of there.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: There are, you know, that we're hiding from and that we don't want to look at and we don't want to see.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I think that a lot of us, you know, speaking for myself, it's like don't want to look at though that that anger that's in there or that that darkness and despair and depression and feeling of you know being lost, because it's like it feels like it's going to overwhelm us and take us, drag us deeper into the into the dark pit of despair.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, have I like, what are you kidding me?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Why would I want to look that?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: But I found that it's actually the opposite.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's we it's it's actually freeing, it frees us from that despair and darkness.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: And um, because we are truly when we we when we do this so self-reflection, we are actually witnessing ourselves.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: We're witnessing the wounds, we're having compassion on ourselves and the the the trauma we went through or the the pain and suffering that we're currently in, to just sit with that and say, wow, I'm I'm really suffering.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really, you know, and and just to like, you know, hug yourself or just like just say, wow, it's a lot.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just starting there.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what being on our own team is.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And we've talked about this being on our own team before, and that helps to release the psychic energy that is holding us down, that is that is, you know, tied up with those, all those wounds.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: And when we can look at them, they start to heal.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I think when I first started, the moment or the time that I first started being on my own team has been just since I've started this channel.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because before that, I was so mean to myself.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so because I I'm I started being on my own team because I started to feel this stuff, to feel the fear of abandonment, the fear of loss, the fear of death, the fear of, you know, all of those things and grieving the loss of family relationships, you know, the grieving the loss of my relationship with my mother, the relationship with my brother, the relationship with my sister.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And finally looking at the truth of those relationships and saying, this, this, I have to let go of this because it's it's just not it's not a healthy thing to continue.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, and I think the other thing was is that I finally came to grips with the truth that no one else was coming to save me.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: No one can save me, and when I when I accepted that and held that thought, and this is something that is just kind of that I've made the connection with in journaling today, is that no one is coming to save us.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so we need to be the ones that save us, we need to be on our own team, we need to be the ones that turn our lives around, that that make the shifts and the changes.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, there are people that can help us do that.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, all all you know, we can get help.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: And but it's like ultimately, as we all know, if you've tried to, if you've ever tried to help someone else, right?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you if you're an INFJ, then you probably uh like this is your life.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: But um, like my husband, like the amount, the number of stories he told me about how he's and since I've been with him for 11 years, I know all the times he's tried to help people.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: But if if if someone doesn't want to change inside on a deep level, like they might say they want to change, but they don't actually want to change, then anything we do for them won't help them change.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: So even if I, you know, I go to therapy, we get help from others.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Unless we're willing to actually change and do the work, then it won't change.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why it's like ultimately we're the only ones that can make that make that change in our lives.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I have to save myself.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: You have to save yourself.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that starts with, you know, being on our team, believing in myself, believing in yourself, proving to ourselves that, you know, or proving to myself, I wrote, that I, that I am smart.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, this is so stupid.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's what my, you know, my whole life, right?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was like the youngest in my class.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so was always just like behind in what felt like everything.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it was in French immersion as well.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that also didn't help.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, sucked at that, sucked at English, sucked at everything.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, like, but you know, I didn't, I didn't suck.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: It was just, I was just the youngest in the class.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: But that's what I'm saying.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Looking back into your patterns, where did those thoughts form of I'm stupid?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: Where did you know the like the thoughts form of I'm incapable?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I I have to keep proving to myself that I'm capable and creative and loving and kind.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: And each day I try to keep my focus, and this is the important part, keeping my focus on the good things in my life that I that are good, that are happening, that are good.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: And this channel and you are part of those good things in my life.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I focus every day on this because it provides me on my life with meaning and purpose.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you're here, thank you.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so and I and I and I keep focused on the good parts of me that I want to nourish.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, what are those good parts in you, those that those like those treasures inside, those gifts that you do have?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: You have to put your focus on those things.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because focusing on what's wrong with our lives and you know, the world and why we suck, and you know, like it's like it just leads to fear and misery and depression, right?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but here's the thing.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think sometimes, and this is what I've noticed for myself in the past, and perhaps this has been true for you, and if you um is that sometimes it's easiest to start this practice of self-reflection by hearing other by hearing other people talk about their experiences of life or what they're going through, and hearing parts of your story in their story.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so that that reflection happens, and then you don't feel so alone in it.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: There's like a sense of of relief, a sense of going, okay, I'm not alone, I'm not the only one that feels like they're in a pit of despair, or I'm not the only one that's dealing with this thing in my relationship, or whatever.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, or it might be that you hear someone share something that is what seems to you to be infinitely harder to deal with than what you're currently dealing with.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like kind of like, okay, okay, well, at least I'm not dealing with that.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not, that's not saying like we each have our own stuff and the our own levels of I don't know what I'm trying to say, like our own level levels of being able to deal with stuff.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: But it is one of those things where it's like, okay, I can deal with this, I can get, I have the courage, I can deal with what I'm going through.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: If they're going through that, like I can certainly go through what is happening now.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: So and so then it gives us the courage to face those things and in our own lives.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then sometimes it's nice to have others who we can share with, share our parts of our stories with others.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then we receive from others compassion for what we're going through.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like, whoa, that is that's heavy, that's hard, you know, and an understanding of like as a sensitive soul, I can see how that's really, really heavy.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and some of these things, as we know, we've talked about before, is like being highly sensitive in a world with most people not being highly sensitive.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's like this, the smallest things sometimes are the biggest things for us, and sharing those with non-sensitive people, they look at you again, like I said before, like you have three heads.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, okay, but so I would like to invite you to um what I'm calling the open library.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's a by-donation drop-in gathering for 12 highly sensitive men.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: And this is just a place to come to just share a little bit of yourself, hear what other men are going through, to feel like you're not alone.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: And to be in a be in a space with other compassionate, sensitive, feeling men.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that this has been really, really helpful for the men who have come to previous gatherings.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: They've said to me, it's just it's incredible to know that there are real men out there, other men who feel the same way I do, or going through something similar, or just I feel not so alone anymore.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: So, and then there are other men who I think are wanting to have uh a smaller circle with more opportunity to share and to build relationships over time.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, that's some of the feedback I've received from the one-off groups.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'd like to create a men's sanctuary where for eight men, where we'll gather over four consecutive weeks.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: So then the conversation can deepen and and we can sort of find see each other's treasure, see each other's light, and have other people see ours.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so then we can just get this sense of of belonging, of connection, and of of that, that deeper journey over four weeks.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: So both of those things will be over on um on the links below.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: So in the pinned comment or the description, you can check those things out.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: The open library um will be next Wednesday.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: So all the dates will be below.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: And if you'd like to donate to the Light Bears Library, if you would like to keep the lights on in the Light Bears Library and help me to help all of you, then um you can donate at lightbearslibrary.org.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, I'm I look forward to hearing what you if this has if you've gone through some of this in your own life, this self-reflection, or if you know that maybe you're needing to do that.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um you're in a space where you're needing to to find a way through this feeling of lostness or depression or whatever, then you know, put a comment down below and I'll cheer you on, or other other men here will cheer you on.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, I'm wishing you so many blessings.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here in the library.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Signing off for today, XOXO Kate.