Latest / KCBI Teaching Channel / Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Daily Podcast - How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others, Part 2

Transcript

Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram Daily Podcast - How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others, Part 2 · KCBI Teaching Channel

0:11
Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
0:14
Is there someone in your life that has tons of
0:17
potential, but they just aren't quite living
0:19
up to it? Would you like four keys to bring out
0:22
the very best in someone you love? Well, stick
0:25
around. I'm Dave Drewy, and this is Living on
0:29
the Edge with Chip Ingram. You know, nobody wakes
0:32
up and decides to be mediocre, but plenty of
0:35
good people get stuck there anyway, just waiting
0:37
for something to change or somebody to believe
0:40
in them. Today, Chip opens his Bible to 1 Thessalonians
0:44
chapter 4, where the Apostle Paul hands us a
0:47
short, practical approach for helping somebody
0:49
become who God made them to be. It's part of
0:52
our series, Building Authentic Community, How
0:55
to Lift Up Those You Love. Well, here's Chip
0:57
with today's message titled, How to Bring Out
1:00
the Very Best in Others. We're going to learn
1:03
that there's four keys to inspiring others, to
1:07
bringing out the best in their life. The first
1:10
one is you've got to motivate them. Motivation
1:13
is not enough, though. Motivation without education
1:14
is hype. You've got to raise the level, and then
1:18
you have to give instruction and teaching so
1:22
they can fulfill God's agenda. Apostle Paul is
1:26
going to do that. He's writing to a group of
1:28
people that are in an incredibly secular, I mean
1:32
really secular world. Now, it is a place where
1:36
sexual purity is unheard of. So notice what he
1:40
says, verse 3. For it is God's will that you
1:44
should be sanctified. The word means set apart,
1:46
be holy, pure, undefiled. And then he elaborates,
1:50
namely, that you should avoid or abstain sexual
1:56
immorality. Verse 4, he says. Each of you should
2:00
learn to control his own body or vessel in a
2:04
way that is holy and honorable. He states it
2:06
positively. Notice the negative side. He goes
2:10
on to say, not by contrast and passionate lust
2:13
like the heathen who do not know God. And so
2:16
he tells it like it is and he tells it with conviction.
2:19
Why? Because God's approved, because we're puritanical,
2:23
because we haven't come out of the ice age. No,
2:25
it's because God cares so much. In verses six
2:29
through eight, he's going to give us three specific
2:31
reasons why this is the smartest, most logical,
2:35
beneficial thing for you and all the people you're
2:37
trying to help. In verse six, he's going to teach
2:40
us that why is because it harms others. In verse
2:46
seven, he's going to say it's going to harm you.
2:49
End of 7, he's going to say, it's inconsistent
2:51
with your high calling. So let's look at it.
2:54
Reason number 1, verse 6. And in this matter,
2:57
what matter? In the matter of sexual purity,
3:00
no one should wrong, it means trespass, sin against
3:04
his brother or take advantage of him. That means
3:08
defraud. See, Paul had this holistic view about
3:11
life unlike us. He had this picture that, okay,
3:15
there's all these men, there's all these women.
3:17
If I get involved in immorality or you get involved
3:19
in immorality and you sleep with this person,
3:21
that person, this person, that person, and that
3:23
person, and they sleep with this person, that
3:25
person, and that person, the day is going to
3:26
come when they marry someone. And when they marry
3:29
that someone, God's plan, because sex is holy
3:32
and sacred and he's actually for it. Don't let
3:35
this out. He invented it. And he invented it
3:38
for pleasure, procreation, and the joy of his
3:41
children. It's not dirty. It's not evil. It's
3:43
not bad. God's really pro -sex. But when you
3:46
have it with other people, then the person who
3:48
shows up at wedding night with someone else that
3:52
you've had sex with is a used commodity. You've
3:56
defrauded your brother. You've defrauded your
3:58
sister. Second reason is not only does it harm
4:02
others, but notice the next line, it will harm
4:04
us. He goes on to say, the Lord will punish men
4:09
for all such sins as we've already told you and
4:12
we've warned you. He's saying it compassionately.
4:15
Don't have sex outside of monogamous heterosexual
4:18
relationship because there's a price tag. I'm
4:20
just telling you. God is holy. He's not going
4:23
to change his character. He loves you. He will
4:25
forgive you. He's merciful. But people that have
4:27
sex get AIDS. They get psychologically wounded.
4:32
They damage future relationships. They ruin families.
4:38
You know what? It's like gravity. You don't have
4:40
to believe this. But once you jump off that fifth
4:43
story building, the pain when you hit the pavement
4:46
is about the same whether you believe in it or
4:48
not. God is a wholly just God. And this command
4:51
is to protect you. Notice the third compassionate
4:55
reason. Verse 7, for God did not call us to be
4:58
impure, but to live holy lives. He says, it's
5:00
just inconsistent. God is holy. How can you live
5:04
an impure, unholy life? Because you're called.
5:07
You're one of his. He wants you to reflect his
5:09
love and his nature and his character. It would
5:11
just be, I mean, how could you do it? It's so
5:15
inconsistent with your calling. And then notice
5:19
verse 8, the summary. It says, therefore, he
5:22
who rejects this instruction, what instruction?
5:24
About sexual purity? It's a rejection of God
5:28
who, notice present tense, gives you his Holy
5:31
Spirit. At this point, there may be some of you
5:34
that are saying, oh boy, might have been a good
5:39
morning to sleep in. You know, like, losing.
5:50
I know in a group this size, there's some people
5:52
that are addicted to soap operas, romance novels,
5:55
and pornography. I know in a group this size,
5:58
some of you are involved in extramarital affairs.
6:01
I know in a group this size, some of you, single
6:03
people, are living with someone else. You need
6:06
to hear, compassionately, but with conviction,
6:10
what you're doing is wrong. What you're doing
6:14
is sin and God loves you too much. And he's saying
6:18
today, not tomorrow, not maybe. It's not like
6:21
quitting, you know, smoking. You know, I get
6:23
three packs and I get down to two and I get down
6:25
to one. You know, this isn't one of those where
6:27
you say, you know, I'm sleeping around three
6:30
or four times a week. I'll cut back to two. I'm
6:31
really making progress. This isn't one of those.
6:35
This is one where you say today, I'm going to
6:37
break off the relationship. I won't see her or
6:40
him again. I won't do it in person because if
6:42
you do it in person, you'll be right back into
6:44
it. One phone call, one letter. That's it. I'm
6:47
sorry. This means we're going to figure out how
6:49
do we live apart. And don't give me that. We
6:52
can't afford to live separately. You can afford
6:54
to live under the judgment of a holy God. But
6:58
you can't afford to live separately? Go to your
7:00
closest friends and say, hey, if you love one
7:02
another and it's the right person for you, can
7:04
I live with you for a while? We need to figure
7:05
out how to court and get our lives pure and right
7:08
so we can get married. I don't know what you
7:09
need to do. But you must take a drastic step.
7:15
This is the kind of sin that Jesus said when
7:17
he talked about sin. He said, if your hand causes
7:20
you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you
7:22
to sin, poke it out. Now, he didn't mean literally
7:24
because you can sin with the other eye. He means
7:27
be as drastic as you need to be to deal as radically
7:31
as you need to because it will eat you up. Let
7:36
me give you three very specific ways to respond
7:39
to this and grow and overcome it because there's
7:43
victory. First, get honest. Get honest. Of all
7:51
the areas, boy, the first couple, three years
7:54
of my Christian life, oh man. And not that I
7:57
don't still struggle, but not in the same way.
7:59
I'd go out with some girl and do some things
8:01
I knew that was wrong. I'd think some things
8:04
and be involved in some things and go some places.
8:07
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And
8:10
I felt dirty and cheap and guilty. Two days later,
8:13
oh, God, please forgive me. Take it away. Take
8:16
it away. I'm just so sorry. Four hours later,
8:18
oh, God, you know, and it's driving me nuts.
8:22
And I remember getting down, you know, thinking
8:24
maybe if I kneel, maybe if I kneel, he'll hear
8:26
me better, you know. Oh, God, you know, and I'm
8:30
kneeling, I'm praying, you know, the same whining
8:32
prayer about deliver me from my sexual sin and
8:35
my lust and going over boundaries with girls
8:37
that I know are wrong. And I didn't have a mystical
8:40
experience, and I don't think it was an audible
8:41
voice from God, but I heard the Spirit's prompting
8:44
as clear, hey, Chip, hey, Chip, you don't want
8:50
to quit. Hey, get real, Chip. It's not that you,
8:55
what you don't like is the guilt and the consequences,
8:58
but you not only don't want to quit, you like
9:01
this sin, Ingram. In fact, you really dig it.
9:04
In fact, you're getting addicted to it. Now,
9:06
let me tell you something, Chip. The moment you
9:09
get honest and you really want help, I'll help
9:12
you. But let's not play games. Let's not pray
9:16
prayers. Oh, God, God. Get honest. Ruthlessly
9:20
honest. The 12 -step people have much to teach
9:22
us here. Get to the point where you realize,
9:25
hey, I can't do this. And that's step two. Get
9:28
honest, then get desperate or broken. Get desperate.
9:32
I mean, willpower does not have the power to
9:36
deliver you from sexual sin. You can't overcome
9:38
pornography or lust or romance novels or cut
9:41
off an affair by, okay, I'm going to do it. You
9:44
can't do it. It's too strong. But when you get
9:49
desperate and say, oh, God, I remember I got
9:51
the point. I said, God, I can't lick this. And
9:53
I could almost sense heaven say, oh, great, we're
9:57
finally on the same page. I knew you couldn't
10:00
lick this. But when you get desperate and admit
10:04
you can't do it, then you say, willpower? No,
10:08
grace. God, give me grace. Give me power. Give
10:12
me strength. He'll give it to you. Get help is
10:16
number three. I don't believe you're designed
10:19
to do this on your own. Our friend in the men's
10:22
breakfast talked about first sharing his pornography
10:24
problem straight up with his wife. And they began
10:28
to pray about it as a couple. See, what happens
10:31
is he's humbling himself, isn't he? When you
10:33
humble yourself, what do you get? Grace. Grace
10:35
always flows towards humility. God is always
10:38
opposed to the proud. Biblical axiom. And then
10:42
after that, he got together with three, four.
10:44
I mean, key guys. And he said, I just put it
10:47
on the table and said, guys, this is where I'm
10:50
at. And he said, 50 % of the struggle was gone
10:54
when I got honest with a group of other men.
10:57
And he says, now they keep me accountable. He
11:00
actually went very, you talk about cutting off
11:01
your hand. He changed jobs. He said, I'm not
11:05
traveling anymore. I decide I won't turn it on.
11:08
I won't do this. It's an addiction. I'm not going
11:09
to travel anymore. He switched jobs. What do
11:14
you need to do? Now back to our message. Don't
11:44
leave here feeling like the big heavy hand of
11:47
God has come upon me. Hopefully that's happened
11:50
if you're in sexual sin because it's big and
11:52
it's heavy because you matter so much. He loves
11:54
you so much. He doesn't want those consequences
11:56
for you. And you know what? It's not like you're
11:59
enhancing his reputation. You know, when you've
12:03
got those issues and then you tell someone about
12:04
Christ or tell them where you go to church, guess
12:06
what their opinion is? Yeah, that's what I thought
12:08
Christians were like. There's a lot at stake.
12:13
I encourage you, before you walk out the doors
12:16
today, determine what you will do before the
12:19
creator of the universe about being sexually
12:22
pure and clean. And you can leave forgiven, restored,
12:25
and get tied in with others to help you gain
12:29
victory. We're all in this boat together. Moving
12:32
on, you motivate, you teach. Now notice he affirms
12:37
them. And by the way, you need to hear this.
12:40
He affirms them where? At the point of their
12:42
greatest progress. And what I love too is that,
12:45
you know, we don't often think about how could
12:47
you talk about people struggling with sexual
12:49
purity and then affirm them? Yeah. Yeah, because
12:52
you know what? Sexual purity isn't the worst
12:55
sin in the whole world. It's not a good one.
12:57
And there's great consequences. But you know,
13:00
I've got a good, good friend who's discipling
13:02
a gal right now. And boy, she comes from just
13:04
a pagan, pagan background. And she's really starting
13:07
to grow spiritually and she's in the Bible and
13:09
she's growing. And it just came out here after
13:11
quite a time. She says, you know, I'm starting
13:13
to get the feeling that God may not want my boyfriend
13:15
and I to live together. Praise God. You know,
13:20
we're in journey. We're in process. So look what
13:22
he says. He says now about brotherly love. We
13:25
don't need to write you for you yourselves have
13:27
been taught by God how to love each other. And
13:30
in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout
13:32
Macedonia yet. We urge you, brothers, do so more
13:36
and more. Do you get this? Right after. By the
13:39
way, affirmation is an excellent thing to give
13:42
right after you've had to do a hard teaching.
13:46
Notice also that affirmation needs to be specific.
13:49
He didn't say, yeah, you're a nice church and
13:51
I hear some good reports. He takes the most valued
13:53
behavior and their point of greatest progress
13:56
and he specifically says, you are loving well.
13:59
Man, am I proud of you. Your love is awesome.
14:01
Way to go, Thessalonians. Wouldn't it be good
14:03
to hear that after someone just busted you right
14:05
between the eyes spiritually and you realize,
14:07
wow. I mean, I'm not even on first base, actually,
14:11
in terms of purity in my life as a Thessalonian.
14:14
But you know, God's working in my whole life.
14:16
And I'm going to deal with that. But that doesn't
14:19
mean God doesn't care. And it doesn't mean Paul's
14:22
down on me. It means he wants me to be the man
14:25
or the woman for God's glory and my good that
14:28
I can be. Affirmation then is followed by correction.
14:33
And as we move to this last little section. This
14:37
grows out of a misinterpretation and miscommunication
14:40
possibly of some teaching the Apostle Paul did
14:43
on the end times, on the return of Christ. And
14:45
he taught, Jesus is coming back. Jesus is coming
14:48
back. Just as he ascended, so he'll return. Well,
14:52
what happened is at least part of the group heard
14:56
this and thought to themselves, you know, it
14:58
could be today. Well, that's right. It could
15:00
be tomorrow. And then they looked around and
15:02
thought, boy, this is a loving church. I mean,
15:04
whenever you have a need, people just step up
15:06
and take care of you. You need a meal, they give
15:08
you a meal. And so a certain group that was starting
15:10
to grow said, you know what? There's no use going
15:13
to work today because Jesus may be back and I
15:15
want to be kind of ready. And why go to work
15:19
when all these other loving Christians can take
15:21
care of me? But notice how correction comes after
15:26
affirmation. By the way, that's a good way to
15:29
do it. You need to affirm, encourage, and then...
15:33
Correction needs to be, do you remember? You
15:36
need to correct any attitude or action that is
15:39
thwarting their spiritual progress. That means
15:43
there's a lot of things you don't correct, parents,
15:45
Chip. That means there's a lot of things that,
15:49
you know, it's really not that big a deal. It
15:50
just bugs you. But if it's an attitude or an
15:53
action that is thwarting their progress, then
15:57
you correct. And when you correct, how do you
15:59
do it? Do it after you affirm them. How do you
16:02
do it? You do it practically, positively, and
16:06
specifically. Paul's correction is, be responsible,
16:10
make an impact. He could have said, hey, man,
16:13
what's the deal? Bunch of loafers, bunch of slackers.
16:16
You're not going to work. You've misinterpreted
16:18
what I've said. Man, I'm up to here with you
16:20
guys. Get a job. Now, that would have been true.
16:23
That would have been true. But that's not how
16:25
he did it. Notice how positively he does it.
16:28
He says, verse 11, make it your ambition to do
16:31
three things. lead a quiet life, two, to mind
16:34
your own business, and three, to work with your
16:37
hands, not highly esteemed in that day. Just
16:39
as we told you. So he's reminding them. Now the
16:42
first little thing here about their ambition,
16:44
leading a quiet life doesn't mean that they shouldn't
16:46
talk anymore. The opposite or antonym of this
16:50
word is the restlessness that grows out of selfish
16:53
ambition. So he says, it's not quiet, like don't
16:56
say anything. It's quiet in terms of get your
16:59
life focused on God's agenda instead of this
17:01
restlessness that comes in trying to fulfill
17:03
your own all the time. Secondly, he says, mind
17:06
your own business. And that doesn't mean that,
17:08
you know, you don't talk to other people and
17:09
help them out. It says, hey, basically, you know,
17:11
pay your own bills, take care of your own house,
17:14
get your own life under control. And third, he
17:16
gives them a practical way to do it. Get a job.
17:19
And, you know, not just the jobs that you think
17:21
are up here or there. He said, hey, he gives
17:23
great dignity to working with your hands. Now,
17:26
why? Why does he do that? He says there's two
17:29
reasons. In order that or so that our daily life
17:33
may win the respect of outsiders. Our testimony
17:36
is on the line. And so that you will not be dependent
17:40
on anyone. Hey, don't suck the life out of the
17:43
group of the church. Get a job, support yourself.
17:47
You know what? People who don't show up, people
17:49
who don't work, people that are idle, that's
17:50
not a good testimony. And so you see this inspirational
17:54
encourager, the Apostle Paul. And he sees this
17:57
group like a diamond in the rough. And he sees
18:00
them in this black pagan culture and he motivates
18:03
them and he helps them see beyond their horizons.
18:06
And then he teaches or instructs them in their
18:08
most strategic area of need. And then he affirms
18:11
them in their area of greatest progress. And
18:13
then finally he corrects them. Wouldn't it be
18:16
great to be the person that someday someone in
18:20
a small group or across a coffee table or in
18:23
a restaurant in casual conversation would say
18:26
your name and then behind it say, they're the
18:30
ones that made the big difference in my life.
18:33
I wouldn't be here today without them. I had
18:36
a big decision about such and such or such and
18:38
such and they told me the truth. I didn't like
18:41
it at first, but they cared enough to correct
18:43
me. They helped me see things I never dreamed
18:46
I could do. And now I'm not only doing them,
18:47
but I'm good at them. Wouldn't it be great? And
18:52
it's possible if we would become inspirational
18:56
encouragers. As you flip to the back page, I
19:00
think there's an order that's important. And
19:03
the order is that you need to motivate before
19:06
you instruct. People don't want to learn until
19:10
they see the vision. Next, we need to instruct
19:13
before we affirm. You want to affirm the teaching
19:17
and the behavior when they respond to the Lord
19:19
and to Scripture. Third, we must affirm before
19:23
we correct. People need to know they're loved.
19:27
Kind of the trust needs to go in before the truth
19:29
goes on. And then finally, we need to correct
19:33
with the motivation in view. Ultimately, where
19:36
did Paul? He started with, you live lives pleasing
19:39
to God. And he ended with, Live a life so that
19:43
your daily life would be a testimony to others,
19:45
what? That you're pleasing God. What a thought
19:49
today that every person in this room, by the
19:53
grace of the Lord Jesus, can please the eternal
19:56
God of the universe. Two questions before you
20:00
leave. Who's the person that you could be a mentor
20:05
to who needs your inspiration? And for some of
20:10
you, Who's the person you would like to be like
20:12
that you might ask this week to help you grow?
20:15
Even if they can only meet once a month with
20:16
you, to ask them. Would you help motivate and
20:20
teach and affirm and correct my life? And then
20:23
finally, you can't impart what you don't possess.
20:27
Where's God spoken to you today? And for many,
20:30
it's in that area of sexuality. Let's kind of
20:33
bring it back. You can't do for anyone else until
20:38
God does something. Radical in you. So if you
20:41
need to confess your sin, need to repent, need
20:45
to get broken, you tell God you're sorry, do
20:48
it right now. Because a half hour from now, it
20:52
will be foggy. And you'll have nine reasons why
20:55
it's sort of okay. Right now in this room, the
20:56
Spirit of God is working and you know what's
20:58
right. Do it. Just take the first step and God
21:02
will give you the grace to take the next three.
21:06
You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip
21:09
Ingram and a message titled, How to Bring Out
21:11
the Very Best in Others. Right now, we're in
21:14
a series called Building Authentic Community,
21:16
How to Lift Up Those You Love. And if you ever
21:19
want to revisit one of these encouraging lessons,
21:21
just go online to livingontheedge .org. You can
21:25
also get these daily lessons downloaded automatically
21:28
by subscribing to the Living on the Edge podcast
21:31
wherever you listen. And if you want to hear
21:34
the original full -length sermons, subscribe
21:36
to the Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast. Bringing out
21:39
the very best in someone only works if you genuinely
21:42
love them enough to do the work Chip talked about
21:45
today. Well, that's exactly the kind of love
21:48
Chip explores in his book, I Choose Love. As
21:51
Victor Hugo once wrote, the greatest happiness
21:54
of life is the conviction that we are loved,
21:57
loved in spite of ourselves. And Chip shows that
22:00
this kind of love, what the Bible calls agape
22:03
love, isn't about warm feelings or good intentions.
22:06
It's a decision to sacrifice for somebody else's
22:09
best interest. The same love Scripture promises
22:11
never fails. Get your copy of I Choose Love at
22:15
a special price today at livingontheedge .org
22:18
slash offers. If today's message brought out
22:22
something in you, consider doing the same for
22:24
somebody else by supporting this ministry. Become
22:27
a monthly partner or make a generous one -time
22:30
gift right now by going online to livingontheedge
22:33
.org or by calling us at 888 -333 -6003. You
22:39
can also send your gift by mail to Living on
22:41
the Edge, P .O. Box 3007, Sewanee, Georgia 30024.
22:47
Well, now here's Chip Ingram. Webster says inspiration
22:51
is to breathe life upon, to infuse, to stimulate,
22:55
to impel to some creative or effective effort.
22:58
He says it means to cause, to guide, to communicate
23:01
or motivate by a divine or supernatural influence.
23:04
Now what we've been examining together is a model
23:08
of inspiration that comes right out of God's
23:10
Word. Paul loved the Thessalonians. He's writing
23:13
this letter and he gave them some good doctrine.
23:15
But what we see here is four keys to inspiration.
23:19
And so as we close our time, let me give you
23:21
the cliff notes on this, all right? You want
23:23
to inspire someone. You want to help someone
23:25
really reach their full potential. Number one,
23:27
motivate them. Don't assume they're going to
23:30
be motivated. Motivate them. Give them a shot
23:32
in the arm. Appeal to the highest level of meaning
23:35
and purpose. Say, you can do it. And set the
23:38
bar high. Number two. Teach them. So often we
23:42
motivate, but we don't take the time to really
23:45
teach people the what, the specifics of what
23:48
they need to do, the skills they need to master
23:51
in order to be successful. That takes time. Don't
23:54
skip that. Number three, affirm them. Every time
23:58
you see people making progress, you need to literally
24:01
jump up and down, give them a pat on the back,
24:04
verbally affirm them. Your kids, your friends,
24:08
people can reach their full potential. but they've
24:10
got to believe that someone believes in them.
24:13
You can be that person. And number four, correct
24:16
them. This is a tough one, but you need and I
24:19
need to step in when they get off the mark, make
24:22
it brief, be to the point, be specific, and correct
24:26
them. And you follow these four keys of inspiration,
24:30
moms and dads, I'll tell you what, your kids
24:32
want to do what's good. So what do you do? Motivate,
24:36
teach, affirm, and correct. Paul teaches us this
24:41
little profile to inspire people. Join us next
24:45
time when Ship continues our series on building
24:48
authentic community right here on Living on the
24:51
Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored
24:57
by Living on the Edge.